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bandaged-writer · 4 years

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Hi! Can I request some falling in love headcanons for Dazai and Mori (seperately) with a fem reader? What would take for them to love someone? How will they react when they realise that they do? Thank you!

I hope you’ll enjoy it! <3

Warnings: mentions of suicide, because it’s Dazai

Dazai Osamu

➤ Dazai said it himself that he likes all women, therefore he doesn’t exactly have a type when it comes to appearance. What’s more important to him are your intentions, the way you think, what makes you tick – everything that makes up the constellation of your mind.

➤ Someone who’s genuinely kind would probably draw his attention the most, similar to Oda and Atsushi who Dazai also feels drawn to. Kindness is easy to read and has no ulterior motive other than making people feel appreciated or to spread some positivity in such a negative world. It’s so interesting for him, because Dazai was probably raised by Mori for the majority of his life and was taught to always find some kind of profit or gain something from the person opposite of him. But you? You don‘t want anything but a simple thank you, although these words are of no use to anyone.

➤ Please, care about him and for him. Dazai has probably never received the care a normal child or teenager usually experiences and even as an adult, everyone is so used to Dazai being reckless that no one actually cares if he disappears, drowining in the river, etc. It’s easy to catch him off-guard when you scold him for another suicide attempt and tell him that he does mean something to you, ask if he’s recently changed his bandages or just bring him something from the Uzumaki coffee shop below the Agency. Dazai will definitely appreciate it, although he doesn’t understand why exactly you react so differently compared to everyone else.

➤ Talking of not understanding other people: You don’t have to understand his train of thought or his plans for missions, he doesn’t expect you to. But you have to put your entire trust in Dazai even if his strategy sounds like pure suicide.

➤ Realizes he’s falling for you when he stops asking you for a lovers‘ suicide. Yes, Dazai is still hung up on the idea of committing a pure, cheerful and energetic suicide that doesn’t bother anyone and preferably with a pretty lady by his side. But you’ve told him about your hopes, dreams, past and said all these factors with such pure trust that Dazai can’t find it in him to let you die. He’s responsible for a lot of crimes and tragedies, but he doesn’t think he could stand the responsibilty of having taken away everything you are. And so, his request stops. Towards any woman, for that matter. Why should he flirt with anyone when his heart was already drawn to someone else?

➤ Dazai doesn’t say anything about his feelings right away, though. He analyzes if you perhaps feel the same way about him by watching you a bit more intently, learning your body language and sees if your gaze towards him is any different, if your touch lingers longer than before, if you blush around him or whenever his name is dropped in a conversation.

➤ Possibility of falling into denial. He used to be a mafia executive, is a man with the blood of many on his hands and committed countless of crimes in the past. Not only that, but Odasaku did tell Dazai that there was nothing which could fill that lonely hole in his heart, so why should you be able to change that? Could you change it at all? Odasaku was an incredibly perceptive man who was the first person to understand Dazai, so why should Oda be wrong about his last words? Dazai denies himself of the possibilty of letting you into his life.

➤ Whines Kunikida’s ear off of wanting to date you, but giving ridiculous reasons why he can’t bring himself to do it. “If you complain about wanting to court [Name] one more time, I’ll sew that mouth of yours shut so you’ll never get to do it at all.“

➤ “Kunikida, I can still write it.“

➤ If he falls into denial, you need to confront him about it and do not let Dazai joke it off. You noticed that something about Dazai was off when he stopped his flirting attempts or quit shoving his reports to someone else and did them himself though slowly and with still some dramatic whining. When you don’t let him off the hook, Dazai will eventually spill the beans.

➤ “Spit it out, what’s wrong with you? I promise I won’t tell anyone.“

➤ “You, my belladonna, are giving me such an incredibly hard time by making me want to take you out on a lovely date, but what kind of mere man could dare to court a beauty of your caliber?!“

➤ Despite Dazai’s theatrical act, you know it’s his way of being somewhat vulnerable and confess your feelings as well. It’s at that moment when Dazai drops the dramatic facade and properly asks you out with a soft smile on his face, seeing the chance of the lonely hole in his heart slowly being filled.

Mori Ougai

➤ Is definitely attracted to someone who has her own head, knows what she wants and carry through with her words. Mori has no interest in someone who he can use like a doll whenever he wants, but wants someone who can think and dares to talk back to him, make suggestions on how to run the mafia and bring good arguments on why certain things should be changed, why supplier xy could harm the mafia, etc.

➤ Mori quickly takes a liking to someone with rational thinking, but also questions it, searches for several solutions to a problem and choose the one with the least casualties and the most profit. It takes some self-reflection and courage to disregard your usual way of thinking and admit that maybe the solution you don’t like is the most optimal one. It shows that you’re capable of putting your own ego or even desires aside for the sake of something bigger.

➤ You have to be loyal to the bone. No questions asked.

➤ Grows a soft spot for you when you play with Elise and she actually gets along with you. Mori is an absolute sucker for Elise laughing and being happy, so whenever the girl laughs because of you while drawing or playing some game while he’s busy with paperwork, Mori admits that you must be an interesting person. After all, Elise doesn’t pay everyone much mind or ignores their presence. However, Elise seems to really enjoy your presence.

➤ Falling for someone is something curious. Feelings develop before one can notice they grew, and so Mori sees you in his office more often and finds your presence to be surprisingly pleasant. Instead of talking about the mafia’s business, the conversation becomes more personal and you let him in on your private life, not thinking too much of it.

➤ Conversations vary between the two of you. It can be something as trivial as Mori complaining about his coffee tasting funny to more philosophical questions such as why people are born without their consent, why death is important, why people are so humane although the brain is built like a computer filled with data. It keeps Mori’s brain going and he likes the change of pace of not having to talk in a business way all the time.

➤ Mori’s out shopping with Elise and finds himself stopping at a sun dress for women, not girls. It catches Elise’s attention and she immediately knows what’s up. She personally witnesses how much time Mori spends with you and how he stopped using you as a mere pawn for his chess games. “Are you seriously thinking about another woman while I’m here?!“

➤ “Elise, it’s not like that, I swear!“ Mori tries to defend himself, but she caught him redhanded.

➤ He has never seen you wearing a dress, so Mori is curious to find out how the article of clothing would suit you and the more he dwells on the thought, the more he realizes he’s falling for you. Usually, only Elise was on his mind during their shopping trips, but now someone else interfers with that routine and he doesn’t mind it too much. Mori does feel sorry for Elise though. He had planned on buying her so much, yet here he was, thinking about getting you something as well.

➤ Unlike Dazai, Mori doesn’t himself of a relationship, although he knows it could tarnish your image at the mafia. He’s well aware of women being accused of sleeping their way up tot he top, although they have to work twice as hard as men to get the position they aim for. Naturally, he doesn’t want it to happen to you. How dare someone speak such vulgar assumptions about his [Name]?

➤ “By the way, I got you a dress when I was shopping with Elise.“

➤ “You WHAT?!“

➤ You still try the dress on and Mori finds himself wanting to buy you more, wanting to spoil you like Elise and wanting to see the rare blush on your cheeks. But that sight was only for his sight to see!

➤ “You should wear that dress for our date.“

➤ “This would sound more convincing if you didn’t say it with such a straight face, but I’m definitely not refusing.“

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #mori ougai #mori x reader #mori ougai x reader #bsd headcanons #bungou stray dogs headcanons

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pluto-writes · 4 years

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Kunikida Doppo x Reader | Fluff Alphabet

A/n: Kunikida makes an appearance! To that one Kunikida anon, I hope you see this and I did him well. This is the most I’ve written so far for the fluff alphabets... He was just a fun character to write about. I have 2 more to go and maybe, maybe, if these get a good amount of love I’ll do a third one... I heard that the character starts with a C...

Words: 2,764

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Kunikida loves to do typical romantic things with you. It’s all in his book of Ideals, of course. Whenever he is out on jobs or errands for the Agency, he keeps an eye out for date spots to take you to.

On his days off, he’ll take you out for a picnic date at the park. He thinks the park is the perfect place since its calming, and he believes the sun enhances your natural beauty.

He’ll pack your favorite snacks, and you’ll bring a blanket and things to do while you’re at the park. Whether it be reading or playing board games, he enjoys doing it all with you.

You guys also occasionally go fishing together. You had learned that it was a favorite hobby of his, and wanted to be able to do it together. So you had planned this fishing trip, and successfully managed to do so without him noticing.

When you took him to the beach, he became ecstatic when he found out it was to go fishing. And to his luck he managed to catch his favorite type of fish, bonito. You offered to cook it for him once you guys went home, and he thoroughly enjoyed his lightly roasted bonito.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He loves how much you understand him. You don’t make fun of him for his ideals or his need to stick to his schedule. You even help him keep track of what he has to do for the day, and offer a helping hand when needed.

He also admires your dedication towards your work. It was what initially drew him in, in the first place. He notices all the effort and time you put into your work, and seeing you encourages him to get through the day without letting Dazai distract him.

He thinks your hands are your most striking feature. They fit into his hands so comfortably and holding them soothes him instantly.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He would take you away from the situation, as far as he can so he can get you somewhere quiet. Once he gets you to a quiet place, his next plan of action will get you to start talking about what’s bothering you.

To do that he’ll start talking to you to help calm you down, since you had mentioned before how much you liked his voice. After a while, he’ll manage to calm you down, and once he does, you’ll feel confident enough to confide in him about what has been bothering you.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He has it all written in his book of Ideals. He pictures getting married to you after you’ve been dating for two years. He prefers quiet afternoons with you, if days are uneventful that means that things are going according to his ideals.

He has his ideals, but he also understands that you have your own too. If there’s anything you don’t want to go through with, he would completely accept your choice and wouldn’t force you.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

The relationship the two of you share is rather balanced. He doesn’t want to be overbearing, or controlling. Plus, he loves it when you know what you want.

He wants someone that can make decisions for themselves, of course with that being said he doesn’t mind if you come to him for help sometimes. However, if it was a common trend he wouldn’t be able to put up with it.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Kunikida is quick to forgive, mostly since he doesn’t like conflict. At times he is quick to anger if you push the right buttons, but why would you? Though he knows to only apologize when he is in the wrong.

He’ll need time to cool off first before talking with you again, but after that you guys are fine. Fighting with Kunikida isn’t fun since he tends to raise his voice when he’s agitated, and the volume he talks in is a bit scary. It’ll be mostly verbal, since he knows that communication is valuable in a relationship. And while he may not agree with you, that doesn’t mean he can’t listen to your reasoning.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Kunikida overall is a very grateful man, but above all he’s thankful about your entire existence. And he makes sure to tell you so every chance he gets. He may not notice the small things you do for him, but when everything is going smoothly he figures you had something to do with it and will thank you accordingly.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He believes in an open and honest relationship. And he’s aware that in order for it to work, there has to be a sense of trust between the two of you. Cause if he doesn’t open up to you how would you feel safe enough to confide in him?

There are moments he’d rather not mention, but he knows that talking about it will help him get through it, and he has complete faith in you. He’ll come to you when things start to get overwhelming for him. After talking to you, he’ll start to feel better about what’s been bothering him.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Since he began dating you, the others had noticed that he seemed calmer, even with Dazai around. There would be times where he would get annoyed, but not as much as he used to. Before, even Dazai’s mere presence would induce headaches, now however, he’s able to tolerate him more without blowing a fuse.

Ever since you met him, you had always admired his belief in his ideals and the lengths he’ll go to protect them. Seeing that gave you the idea to make a book similar to his. Yours might not have an entire list, but it helps you keep track of your day to day life and any important info. Having your stuff organized has helped you finish what you wanted and makes sure that you haven’t missed anything.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Jealousy doesn’t come easy to Kunikida since he’s an adult, and he’s able to spot the difference between a friendly conversation and one with flirty intentions -except when it’s towards him-. Plus, he isn’t territorial over you, he knows that you can stand up for yourself and when the situation calls for it you won’t hesitate to protect yourself.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

When he was about to have his first kiss with you, he was really nervous. He had just taken you on your first date and after a stroll under the moonlight he walked you home since it was the right thing to do. Once you reached your home he became fidgety, and his hands couldn’t stay still.

He could still remember how hard his heart was pounding, and how his palms got slightly warm despite the cold night. And you remember how cute it was seeing the usually composed Kunikida being so nervous around you, and the blush he had then.

He knew he had to go through with it, he wrote it in his book. To kiss you after your first date, but he couldn’t help overthinking about it. Seeing his nervousness, you took the initiative and pulled him into a kiss. Upon your lips meeting his he froze, and by the time you pulled away he was still in shock.

“What happened, Kunikida? Cat got your tongue?” You said teasingly, which only caused his cheeks to flare up more.

After his first kiss with you, he still got shy at times, especially in front of other people, but his kissing has gotten better. He doesn’t freeze up when you lean in for a kiss, and he has gained enough confidence to kiss you first.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

You have Dazai to thank for your relationship. He knew that the two of you liked each other, but neither of you did anything about it. So he took that problem into his own hands.

Kunikida was painfully aware he was in love with you, and at times being around you made him lose his composer. He even added to his list of an ‘Ideal Partner’ modeled after you. However, he managed to miss all your attempts at flirting with him, he took them as a friendly gesture.

After getting the same results over and over, you figured that Kunikida must not like you in the same way. Coming to terms with that was not easy, so instead of inviting Kunikida out with the intention of hopefully dating him, you would go out with him as friends, and somehow that was harder to do.

This is where Dazai came in, he was acutely aware of the situation at hand, and knew that it’ll take a big push from Kunikidas' side to confess to you. The day he executed his plan started as normal, that is until you walked into the office.

Cue the endless teasing from Dazai to Kunikida. His voice was somehow even more annoying than ever to Kunikida. But he held in strong, more focused in finishing his work. Which gave Dazai the chance to steal his book of Ideals.

“Oh (Y/n)-san ~! Would you like to see what Kunikida has written in his book?” He called out to you. “Especially this one section, ‘My Ideal Partner’. Sounds very interesting, don’t you think?” He smirked, holding the book out to you.

Kunikida never got up from his seat so fast. But before he could storm over there and give Dazai a piece of his mind, you spoke up.

“No thank you, Dazai-san. And you shouldn’t read it either. That’s not right of us.”

Kunikida couldn’t believe it! You respected his privacy and you scolded Dazai! That made him like you even more.

“You’re perfect,” Kunikida accidentally blurted out.

“What!?” You asked out of shock.

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to get out of it, he ended up confessing to you how he felt about you and his wish to further your relationship, which you happily accepted.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He would definitely want to marry you, he can’t imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone else. The way he’ll propose to you is well thought out.

First, he’ll take you to the place you guys had your first date. And while you guys are chatting he'll think about how much better his life has gotten with you around, and he can’t help but smile.

You caught him smiling and called him out on it, which only caused him to get slightly nervous, he wanted to surprise you and didn’t want to give anything away.

Once again, he’ll walk you home just like before, and with the moment finally about to happen he felt this sudden knot in his stomach. He tried to fight it, but he couldn’t.

You noticed his nervousness and offered him your hand. He seemed to calm down after that, but his heart felt like it was about to explode. When you reached your home, you could tell he was hesitating about something. It reminded you before of your first kiss.

“You know,” you started, gaining his attention, “I can’t help but feel like this scene happened before… What are you holding back?”

“O-oh! Uhm..” His hand flew into his pocket, feeling the box. Taking a deep breath he pulled out the box and got on one knee. “Will you marry me, (Y/n)?”

Being married to Kunikida wasn’t all that different than dating. The only thing that changed was that he seemed more confident when you were involved. And shortly after you guys moved in with each other, which gave you more time to spend with him.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

He’ll call you things like ‘my love’, ‘darling’, and you even got you to call you ‘Honey’! At first he got extremely embarrassed calling you by those names, but it soon came naturally to him.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He was painfully obvious to everyone that wasn’t you. Those around him noticed the long glances he gave you, how he seemed to favor you over the others. And how his face got red after talking to you. Once Dazai knew the truth it was over for Kunikida.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He doesn’t flaunt around his relationship with you, he doesn’t see why it’s necessary since he doesn't wish to involve outsiders in your relationship. Kunikida has no problem complimenting you in front of others, and the way he says it states it as fact rather than his opinion.

However, if you try to show him affection in front of others he gets a little hot under the collar. He’ll cover his face with his hand and avert his eyes from yours.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

His organization is impeccable. You can count on him to keep track on everything, so that you never end up forgetting something important. And living with him is even better, he makes sure that there are no messes around and if he manages to get home before you, you can expect a dinner of some sort waiting for you.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Kunikida is a very romantic lover, whether it be intentional or not. Everything he does for you makes your heart flutter. When he plans dates out for the two of you, most of the time they are rather cliche, like going to the movies together.

He heard about scary movies being the perfect way to bond with your partner, so he took you to one expecting you to get scared and cling on to him. But of course it wasn’t that easy. The movie ended up being about ghosts, and he ended up being the one who got scared. You think it went pretty well considering that later that night he asked to sleep with you, and you were more than happy to obliged.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He has complete faith in you, and your abilities. If you ever feel down about not being good enough, Kunikida is there to remind you of how wonderful you are and the accomplishments you’ve made.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Kunikida is perfectly content with the relationship. As long as he has you by his side he doesn’t feel the need to spice up your relationship. Keeping a certain rhythm within it helps calm him down and lets him know that nothing wrong will happen.

When things are quiet it brings a smile to his face cause that means that his ideals are coming into reality.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Kunikida understands you well, any new piece of information he learns about you he makes sure to jot it down in his notebook so that he won’t forget about it.

When you feel happy, he feels happy for you, when you feel sad or upset because of someone he also feels the same way. He does his best to keep you happy because seeing you sad hurts him in a way he hasn’t felt before.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship with him is something Kunikida holds very dear to his heart. He’s a man of his ideals and he can’t picture a life without you. Being with you is now a part of his ideals and he doesn’t want to let that go.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Kunikida has always taken care of his hair, and it's so nice and long you couldn’t help eyeing it, wishing you could run your fingers through it and try to do different hairstyles.

He noticed your eyes on him, and when he brought it up to you, you had to explain what you wanted to do to it. And to your delight, he allowed it!

After that it became a regular thing between you two. Whenever you felt stressed out or bored, he would let you brush his hair and play with it. He doesn’t say it directly but he loves the feeling of you playing with his hair.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Kunikida is an affectionate lover in his own way. He shows that he cares for you by showing what he knows about you, or helping you out whenever you feel lost or stressed.

He loves to kiss and have you in his arms, but he gets embarrassed doing that in front of others, especially his friends. He thinks tender moments like these should only be between you and him.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He usually works himself to the bone. If he’s too invested in his work then he’s too busy to think about you. It would work for a while, but then he would remember that you always tell him to take breaks and make sure he doesn’t overwork himself.

If he’s really missing you and can’t wait, during his break he’ll call you just to hear your voice.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Kunikida is a man of his ideals, and seeing as you’re now a part of them he’ll be willing to put his life on the line if it meant saving you or your relationship.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #kunikida doppo #kunikida x reader #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #kunikida doppo x reader #doppo kunikida #plutowrites #i hope that tumblr doesn't banish this into the shadow realm #i hope this was entertaining! it was fun to write

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yokelish · 4 years

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Rhetorical.

This is not easy-peasy-lemon-squizzy. This is difficult-fucking-difficult.

I hate myself for the person I am because my first reaction was “that’s a drag, I don’t remember much of the manga already”. But then I remembered complex human relationships is nyom-nyom-nyom. And so fell in love with working on it more and more as I went. So here you go, @gogolparadise

Unfortunately, I am one of those people who doesn’t blame Ango for Oda’s death. My blaming scale looks more like this: Gide, Oda, Mori, everyone else. I blame Oda for Oda’s death, mostly. And there’s no denial about who shot Odasaku in the first place. But Ango isn’t blameless. He done fuck up.

I won’t write how and when Dazai sabotaged the airbag, I am sure even he wouldn’t know it either. P L O T. The scene between Ango and Dazai unfolded differently in manga and anime. And I like manga’s version better. I rarely use Japanese respectful suffixes like “san” and “kun”, but here….it’s sorta important.

✏ Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs ✏ Characters: Dazai Osamu, Ango Sakaguchi ✏ Word count: 2,166 ✏ Warnings: none?

Rhetorical.

He couldn’t deny the fact that having a gun in his hand felt distantly pleasant. The power and control that came with the weight in his hand would add more pleasure to it. But the weapon was oddly light compared to his memories of handling one. It wasn’t loaded. A good decision: a smart and safe decision. If Dazai couldn’t trust himself, he could trust in the distrust people have for him. And no one would know that better than someone he once called a friend. The two loyal guard dogs wouldn’t be able to stop him if that’s what he wanted. The resting blade against his neck only sharpened that tiny thrill coursing through his veins. It was bringing up old memories of having his life on the line every other day. The sound of raining shots, the lightning bolt shine of it, the heat of the muzzle afterwards. And the lingering smell of gunpowder. Unloading the gun was the smartest decision his once-friend had ever made. Because Dazai also couldn’t deny the fact that when it was aimed at the back of Ango’s head, it felt invigorating.

“What on earth made you think…” Dazai asked calmly. “…that I had forgiven you?” He didn’t regret asking. The question didn’t need to be answered. There was no need to have a conversation about that part of history. After all, there was too much to forgive, and Dazai didn’t even start on it. But asking had to clearly state where they stand.

“I was the one who cleaned your record when you fled the Mafia. If anything, you are the one who owes me,” Ango replied, unfazed by the threat, and even sounding a little exasperated.

“Alright.” Dazai easily dropped the threat, the aim of the gun, the feeling coursing through his veins. “The gun isn’t loaded. You knew I’d do that.”

A hand was offered to collect the empty weapon. “I am glad you catch on so quickly.” The man in glasses offered a calm, collected smile, with a little amusement traced in the lines of his face. Dazai would roll his eyes at this if the man wasn’t so obviously looking. Credit given where its due, Ango wasn’t slow on the uptake — always deceitfully sharp. But Dazai didn’t appreciate proximity or eye-contact. Least of all he wanted to grow an appreciation for Ango’s quick thinking, stoic and neutral approach, and overall efficiency. He remembered the man from the past too vividly, and separating those images was harder than it should have been. Liar. Traitor.

“If we are not rekindling our old friendship,” Sakaguchi spoke again, more hesitantly this time. “…What do you want?”

How eloquent and bold it was to say that there was something to rekindle between them. When a torch goes out, you look for a fire to light it again. You don’t wet the cloth and chop up the wooden stick. And you sure do not let the torch burn to ashes. If so, there was nothing to rekindle.

With his back to Ango, Dazai allowed himself to smile. The half-masks he knew how to transform and switch seamlessly. His goals were for him to know. Ango would find out soon enough. The bandaged man shifted his smile into a childish grin. “Oooh…” He patted the roof of the car. “You government men drive fine cars, eh?”

The government man graced him with an unamused stare. A sharp look of a man who didn’t want his car touched in such manner. Pity, really, that should be the least of his worries. Government men drive fine cars, but there are many fine cars in this world.

Ex-Mafia rested his elbow on the car if only to gauge a reaction out of the man he once made a mistake to call friend. “Care to go for a drive?” Dazai didn’t regret asking. The question didn’t need to be answered.

Fine cars indeed… For what those government men got those fancy cars Dazai could only guess. “It’s your job to keep those skill-oriented crimes in check, isn’t it? You mustn’t shirk your duty like that.” He spoke leisurely, enjoying, savouring. There was something sickeningly amusing in the ease of the situation. The tension that was visibly lacking in the air. Ango’s safe driving befitting of a good citizen. The calm Dazai couldn’t help but feel. He almost felt guilty about it, too. The calm that comes with the knowledge of what’s to come. And yet, by all canons of the world, it should not be as easy as breathing.

“We have been keeping tabs on the Guild as well,” Ango finally gave a reply fitting for a government man. A limited, careful answer.

Dazai’s interest was piqued by the narrowness of such words. “You knew…and you simply let them be? Do I have that right?” He knew he did. The question didn’t need to be answered. But he didn’t regret asking, he savoured it without guilt.

“Unlike you, Dazai-kun, I believe in an honest day’s work,” Sakaguchi answered evenly, never taking his eyes off the road. “Do you even know what kind of kind of group the Guild is?”

Dazai could guess that this feeling inside him was glee. There was nothing compared to the feeling of knowing and seeing through the deceit of others even if that deceit was a delusion for one’s self. He cared little for the games the government played, he just despised them. He cared not for the power the Guild possessed, he just wanted to beat it.

“Oh my, wait a moment,” the bandaged man said. “This discussion is taking a strange turn.”

“This is politics, Dazai-kun.”

That’s an exceptionally fine carpet word for lies, deception, manipulation, power play and the like. Perhaps, it was a matter of perception, the things one believes in. If perception can stop you from seeing the world upside-down, if it can grant you the vividness of colours and appreciation for abstract, then it surely must be able to install a belief in the greater good.

“…to grant immunity to their members…”

Like Ango believing in an honest day’s work. Or Atsushi believing in his own worthlessness or that saving people will justify his existence. Like Kunikida upholding his ideals stronger than any other man alive.

“…truly, above the law…”

Perhaps, it was all about the installed moral compass within a person. The lines one draws to walk a straight path. Those constructed margins of morality that should never be crossed lest the world changes its meaning or loses it completely. Dazai’s compass had been broken for the longest time, he could admit that much. There were too many bold strokes beyond the margins: crosses, stains, incomprehensible lines made in indifference and irresponsibility.

“…they’re surveilling our little conference even now…”

But, truly, how morally superior is the government handling the bizarre world of skill-users compared to the Mafia? He couldn’t be the one to judge and tell. He couldn’t understand.

“Dazai-kun, start running away. Now.” The urgency in Ango’s voice brought him back to the oncoming reality. Whatever emotions were hidden behind the glasses, Dazai couldn’t press into his memory. The mind was too preoccupied. He pressed back into the seat — a response of his body to the upcoming and unavoidable danger. The thought of dying had never once scared him, but pain, broken bones, and the like — loathed.

“Run, and tell your agents that danger will find them soon —” It didn’t matter what the answer was. There was no need for it.

If there were indeed parallel worlds — an infinite number of possibilities of the current one — then it could be different. In another world, perhaps, it could be different. They could have never met and, thus, never had their past shared. Two perfect strangers to each other — two parallels never meeting. In a different world where the events unfolded differently, where they still met, became friends and met in a bar with, preferably, a similar menu. In a world where he didn’t die, they could remain forever as they were back then. Dazai would feed them his terrible tofu and talks about suicide. They could eat and drink together while sharing nonsensical stories. There would be no guilt or regret. But that would have to be a different world.

In this world, Sakaguchi Ango, a government agent, successfully infiltrated Port Mafia and then Mimic. In this world, Sakaguchi survived in the Mafia and climbed the ranks. In this world, he had successfully pretended to be a friend to Dazai Osamu, youngest Executive in history, and Sakunosuke Oda, the lowest of the ranks. He done so not out of necessity but because he could. In this world, Sakunosuke Oda was dead, killed in confrontation with Mimic. Ango’s betrayal of the Mafia didn’t matter in the least. After all, Dazai had done so too: even he wasn’t such a hypocrite. In this world what mattered was the death of a man who didn’t get to write his novel. In this world, Dazai Osamu wasn’t a better man to forgive. In this world, ex-Mafia held grudges despite knowing the regret of another.

If he were in a different world and was a different human being, he would understand the necessity for the flowers when visiting a hospital. But he wasn’t, and he didn’t really understand it. Nonetheless, he had done it. A man who believes in honest day’s work deserved that much, at least.

“Why, hello there, Ango!” Dazai’s chirpy voice carried through the ward. “How are you doing?” With a bouquet and a basket of consumable goods as visiting protocol dictates. And a bright friendly smile, of course. “Well, you look lovely,” Dazai lied effortlessly, seamlessly. He had done so not out of necessity but because he could. “I have a fine story for you!”

It was in the very same bar where the three of them met that he witnessed it: regret. Sakaguchi Ango, a government agent who infiltrated Port Mafia and climbed the ranks, expressed regret. Perhaps, that alone was the thing that steadied the Executive’s hand. That, and Odasaku’s presence. Unfortunately, there was no more Odasaku to steady the bandaged Executive’s hand. Only the words of a friend now gone to guide this ex-mafioso.

It was much later that Dazai truly saw the guilt behind the round glasses. It’s much easier to recognize guilt in others when experienced. He couldn’t tell if it was cleverly hidden from others or if Ango had hid from himself.

“Thirty-five count murderer?” the bedbound man asked, unsurprised. Dazai was a visitor but he sure wasn’t a good one after eating from the basket. According to him, that’s what he planned. According to everyone else who could be in the room to pass judgement: selfish, inconsiderate, and even mocking. He didn’t do it out of necessity but because he could.

“Murder is murder,” Sakaguchi stated simply. Dazai remained a patient listener despite how easy it would be to probe at wounds unhealed, to uncap the bottled regret, to stir their shared but erased past. He knew full well what murder was. So did Ango. But the thing about murder and death is that it often was accompanied with guilt. And guilt was a disobedient spirit: it didn’t follow you because you murdered, it followed because it could. For all that Ango did, for all the lies and treacherous moves, Dazai knew one thing for sure: in the moment it mattered most he had nothing to offer Odasaku to cling to. In that vital moment all he could offer were pitiful words that wouldn’t even convince a child. If he had to live with the guilt of it, he would.

“…if you seek other help…I’d be glad to do that.”

“Is that so?” Dazai asked, getting up from the chair. That was all he needed to hear. The task was accomplished. “Well, I’ll be back.”

“Dazai-kun.”

That stalled him at the doorway.

“I am accepting your offer of treatment in exchange for support. So just tell me one more thing.” Sakaguchi Ango was deceptively sharp as ever and just as calm. “When we were struck by that mystery vehicle, the airbag on my side alone failed to inflate. Would you happen to know the reason?”

Just as Ango doesn’t put his regret and guilt out on display, Dazai, too, had trick to hide his darkness. If guilt was a disobedient spirit, then darkness was a parasite set on self-destruction.

Oh, he hoped to make his once-friend regret the question. For it would be easy to hide the smile with his back to Ango. It would be equally as easy to switch one smile for another. But there was no need for that. Whatever it was he hid, the other would soon find out. Dazai allowed himself to smile with sincere darkness of his mind and offer it to the man who betrayed him. There was no need for an answer.

#yokelishtorturesenglish #bsd scenarios #bsd imagines #bsd fanfic #dazai osamu and ango sakaguchi #dazai osamu #ango sakaguchi #did i allude to BEAST? who knows~#i am not very happy with this work because it's not fucked up enough #i want more fucked up thank you #a very shitty character dynamic exploration

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aspoonofsugar · 4 years

Note

What do you think might hypothetically happen in the future to cause Chuuya to break with Mori?

Hello anon!

It is difficult to say for sure and the best I can do is to try and underline some themes which might be linked to Chuuya’s character and which might be used in a potential character arc.

As for now, Chuuya has received some focus, but said focus has yet to properly be finalized I think. That said, I think that the focus he received is coherent and fits with his character arc in Fifteen which is the work where he receives proper development (as he will in Storm Bringer oc). In short, I think that the two novels which tell his story are gonna be very important for the future of his character and so far what we know of him in the manga should be considered together with the info the novels gave and will give.

This is the premise I will use in this analysis. Because of this, I invite people to take everything I say with a grain of salt because in the end everything will have to be confirmed by the manga itself if and when Chuuya will be given focus.

THE GUILD ARC: SLEEPING BEAUTY AND THE DRAGON

If Q is Sleeping Beauty, then I would say that Lovecraft is the dragon keeping watch:

What is important is that both Q and Lovecraft can be linked to different parts of Chuuya he refuses to aknowledge.

Generally speaking, Yumeno and Lovecraft are two characters who are linked:

First of all, both Yumeno and Lovecraft are representative of the horror genre and they are both associated with the montrousity, but in different ways. Yumeno’s monstrousity is linked to the mind and to one’s interioriy, while Lovecraft is monstrous because he is not properly human and so he is far stronger than humans and somehow difficult to properly understand.

As stated above, they represent two kinds of monstrous and this is true also in regards to Chuuya.

On one hand Q is a victim of a system Chuuya is helping to perpetrate. His reaction in this scene:

is interesting for two reasons.

1) It is interesting because it seems to contrast his behaviour in Fifteen. As a matter of fact, Chuuya used to protect a bunch of children who decided to ally in order to fight a society which wanted to exploit them. However, as an adult Chuuya has become part of a group who does the exploiting.

2) It is interesting because it confirms a trait Chuuya has had since Fifteen and which has not changed since. This trait is Chuuya’s tendency to see others either as a part of his group or as outsiders. He is as ruthless against outsiders as caring to his people.

In short, it is interesting to see how Chuuya has both changed and not changed.

Chuuya’s change stems from this experience:

In Fifteen we are shown that Chuuya puts a lot of importance in trust, but ironically he doesn’t really understand it. As a matter of fact Sheep’s betrayal is born by the fact that both Chuuya and the members of Sheep are not able to trust each other in key moments:

The members of Sheep do not trust Chuuya’s allegiance and fall for Dazai’s trap, but at the same time Chuuya too is not trusting his comrades with his past. All in all he gives them zero explanation as to why he is so fixated in working together with the mafia to find Arahabaki. This is of course because in the end the relationship between Chuuya and his comrades was a superficial one despite how much grateful Chuuya was to them for having let him into the group and how much he cared for them.

In short, in Fifteen even if Chuuya talks about comraderie he ends up betrayed and he himself is not able to trust and to depend on his comrades. This is why he ends the novel by embracing a more utilitaristic point of view:

Sheep’s betrayal has shown him that a romantic vision of the world can’t always lead to a good result and that strength alone is not enough. This is why he chooses to swear loyalty to Mori who embodies a pragmatic vision of the world and strategic thinking.

At the same time, his choice to swear loyalty to Mori and so to put all his trust in him is interesting because the one between him and Mori is all in all a relationship ruled by a hierarchy. Chuuya is Mori’s subordinate and not really his equal exactly like Chuuya was the Sheep’s leader and not their equals. This is something Fifteen puts some focus on:

Even if Chuuya insists that he and the other members of Sheep all share the same amount of importance and influence within the organization, this is clearly false. All in all Chuuya is much stronger than them to the point that he becomes the one everyone depends on and that him possibly leaving the organization is enough to threathen the survival of the group.

In conclusion, it is interesting that Chuuya starts Fifteen by putting emphasis on the fact that he is not the leader of his group and so by refusing a hierarchical relationship with his comrades. However, in the end of Fifteen he fully embraces a hierarchical relationship with Mori and enters an organization which is all built on hierarchies and ranks:

This is an interesting change and we’ll go back to it in the last section of this analysis.

Let’s now focus on the parts of Chuuya which have not changed and on why they have stayed the same.

The reason Chuuya has not changed is this:

Just to be clear Storm Bringer might give us new information and change things (after all, it is supposed to end Chuuya’s arc in the past), but as for now, I think that it is safe to assume Chuuya has still to properly come to terms with his identity as Arahabaki, whatever that is. All in all he perceives himself as a mass of power closed inside a human body. This is why he needs to feel accepted by others in order to affirm his humanity. So he ends up joining large organizations and ties who he is to said groups. I think that a good way to illustrate this is to compare Chuuya’s way of dressing when he was in Sheep:

To the one he has now as a member of the mafia:

The two styles are so different that they are almost opposite. What is more, in both cases Chuuya ends up adopting a style which is almost stereotypical of respectively a street rat and a mafia member. Let’s also highlight that the story often makes fun of Chuuya’s sense of fashion:

And I like to interpret Chuuya being overly self-conscious when it comes to his appearance as a sign that he is actually trying to fit as well as he can.

In short, according to this reading, Chuuya’s sense of self is very frail because he struggles to reconcile the “monstrous” part of himself.

Lovecraft is symbolic of this part of Chuuya:

The manga doesn’t make it explicit, but once Chuuya’s background is known it becomes difficult not to compare Chuuya and Lovecraft. After all, both are linked to supernatural beings/forces since Lovecraft is clearly hinted to be one of the Old Ones and Chuuya is the safety device to keep Arahabaki in check. It is true that we don’t really know what Arahabaki truly is. It might be an old deity like Lovecraft is hinted to be or an artificial ability or a combination of the two. It doesn’t really matter because what matters if that Chuuya himself perceives this part of himself as something inhuman and monstrous. This is exactly what Lovecraft represents.

Even the fact that Dazai’s power doesn’t work on Lovecraft is interesting:

Despite how much it frustrates Chuuya, Dazai’s No Longer Human is what manages to keep Chuuya in check and what is able to bring him back when he is too far gone in his desire of destruction. However, Lovecraft is someone who can’t be brought back by Dazai no matter what. In short, he is really what Chuuya is mostly scared of becoming.

In conclusion, Chuuya’s battle against Lovecraft to save Q can be seen as a possible way his arc might turn out shown to us in a nutshell. Chuuya needs to save Q aka to act on his wish to protect those weaker than him that he has shown in Fifteen, but in order to do so he has to fight Lovecraft aka to face his own insecurity and vulnerability about Arahabaki.

THE CANNIBALISM ARC: OLD GRUDGES

In the section above it has been underlined how Chuuya has both changed and not changed since Fifteen. This section will instead try to figure out the entity of this change and how deep Chuuya’s transformation in Fifteen is.

I have talked of Chuuya’s role in Cannibalism in this meta:

In Cannibalism the leaders of the two organizations are out of commission. However, the two people who are supposed to temporally lead the two groups fail in almost opposite ways. Chuuya is too aggressive in his leadership and ends up in a trap because of his personal feelings, whereas Kunikida’s leadership is too weak. After all, by the end the majority of the agency prefers to fight the mafia head on together with Ranpo instead of continuing the investigation with Kunikida. And even when it comes to the investigation it is Atsushi the one who insists on it while Kunikida can’t choose between the two options given to him. We can say that Chuuya doesn’t consider other options and so doesn’t think enough, while Kunikida thinks too much to the point that he is stopped in his tracks.

What is more, the arc makes perfectly clear that both Chuuya and Ranpo are two people who still depend a lot from respectively Mori and Fukuzawa aka the adults who took them in as kids and that they see as role models. It is because of this that the two fight and this almost leads to the destruction of the city and of both organizations.

As my quote above makes clear, Chuuya ends up foiling both Kunikida and Ranpo in this arc. He foils Kunikida as far as their flaw at leading others is concerned and he foils Ranpo when it comes to their dependence on their respective leaders.

I have talked about the foiling with Kunikida above, so let’s now focus on Chuuya’s foiling with Ranpo.

All in all both Chuuya and Ranpo are motivated by the desire to save an authority/father figure. They might go at it differently, but when all is said and done, they are both ready to sacrifice everything else just to have Fukuzawa and Mori back. We know Ranpo’s motivations:

All in all the agency is Ranpo’s home and a place where he has been accepted despite his quirks. We can infer from this foiling and what I discussed in the previous section that the mafia is the same for Chuuya. In the end, Ranpo and Chuuya’s conflict during Cannibalism has nothing to do with Yokohama’s future and which organization has to survive. It is simply a conflict born from personal feelings and desires.

However, by that point Ranpo has started his development, as I have written here, and he manages to use what he has learnt in the previous arc to his advantage:

Ranpo uses the connection he has made with Poe to fight against Chuuya. As I have stated in the meta I linked, the fact that Chuuya is dragged in a fantasy world is not something which happens by chance:

It is also interesting that both times Ranpo’s opponents ended up in a setting which challenged them by playing with their flaws. As it was shown above, Mushitarou had to admit his feelings for Yokomizo, while Chuuya who relies on his power too much found himself in a world without abilities.

These two situations occurred because Ranpo needed to win against his opponents, but at the same time he has been using Poe’s power which is representative of fiction in general to challenge people in a way which could have helped them grow.

Chuuya relies on strength and on his ability too much, so it makes sense that Ranpo brings him in a fictional world where abilities do not exist and that he forces Chuuya in a fight of wits. However, this is not the first time Chuuya has been warned about his over-reliance on violence and on his ability:

Fifteen is basically about Chuuya’s failure to win with only his strength and by the end of it he accepts the limits of his approach and chooses to depend on Mori to integrate the parts he lacks. However, after seven years he finds himself struggling with the same problem as before.

What is more, this is not the only thing Chuuya has failed to solve since Fifteen:

At the end of that story, Chuuya asks Mori what it means to be a leader and realizes the limits of his own leadership. So Chuuya wants to improve his leadership, but once he is given the chance to lead again after years he has still trouble with it.

In short, Chuuya has still the same problems he used to have in Fifteen even if he were supposed to have partly overcome them at the end of the novel. This means that Chuuya has not changed as much as it seems. This is the case because Chuuya’s change in Fifteen is superficial and doesn’t involve his most deep parts (the ones symbolized by Lovecraft):

Rimbaud’s words are meaningful on an existential level and Chuuya should accept them completely in order to go on. However, the fact that he has undergone a superficial change, but has kept his chore attributes suggests that he has yet to completely go through a complete transformation.

Finally, another example of Chuuya’s failure to grow is given by the comparison between these two scenes:

Chuuya claims that he is not motivated by old grudges, but in the end he loses specifically because he can’t overcome his contradictive feelings for Dazai. In short, he loses because he can’t let go of an old grudge.

Let’s highlight that old grudges are mentioned also in the Guild Arc:

What is more, they are mentioned in relation to Chuuya and Dazai’s partnership since their alliance is said to have the potential to make up for old grudges/can happen only if old grudges are overcome. The whole thing is interesting because all in all Chuuya and Dazai’s relationship is built on a mix of old grudges, affinity and deep knowledge born from the long time they were forced to spend together.

In synthesis, in Fifteen Chuuya has apparently changed everything. He changed group and ideology, he even accepted the importance of strategy and hierarchy, but he has not overcome the idea that he is different from others. This idea goes in the way of his relationships with others and of his own self-realization. From this, it stems that Chuuya has to solve his past in order to gorw and one of the most important parts of his past is represented by his relationship with Dazai.

CHUUYA AND DAZAI: THE DIFFICULTIES OF A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PEERS

Let’s have a brief summary of what was said up until now. I have argued that the guild Arc offers us an idea of what Chuuya’s objective should be, while Cannibalism shows Chuuya’s major flaws. In both arcs it is clear the importance Dazai has for Chuuya’s character. On one hand it is thanks to Dazai’s help that Chuuya manages to win against Lovecraft. On the other hand it is his anger about Dazai which leads Chuuya in Ranpo’s trap.

Because of this, let’s talk a little about Dazai and Chuuya’s relationship.

First of all, it is interesting how their relationship turns out in Fifteen, especially in comparison to Chuuya’s relationship with Mori. I have mentioned above that Chuuya swearing loyalty to Mori is an attempt Chuuya does to change and to integrate the parts he lacks. What is interesting is that many of those qualities Mori has and Chuuya values about him are qualities Dazai shares as well. As a matter of fact Dazai is even smarter and more calculative than Mori and it is precisely this which makes his combination with Chuuya so powerful. In short, Dazai and Chuuya are clearly complementary because they have opposite weaknesses and strengths and it is Dazai himself the one who shows Chuuya how dangerous his weaknesses can be. However, in the end Chuuya chooses to depend on Mori rather than on Dazai. This is obviously because of many factors the novel explores, but I would just like to highlight that an interesting difference between these two relationships is that the one between Mori and Chuuya is hierarchical, while the one between Chuuya and Dazai is not.

All in all, Chuuya and Dazai are peers and this is why their relationship ends up being different from the other ones Chuuya has. As I have said in the first section, Chuuya’s relationship with the members of Sheep ended up being asymmetric because of Chuuya’s incredible strength. However, Dazai is not scared by Chuuya’s ability or by his prowess and manages to stand up to him using his wits and his own ability:

At the same time, Chuuya refuses any attempt Dazai makes to force him into a position of submission:

Basically, each one wants to dominate the other in some way, but since they are too good at such opposite things they fail to do so and their relationship maintains its equilibrium. In short, Chuuya is so strong that he survives Dazai’s schemes and Dazai is so intelligent that he can escape Chuuya’s attempts to hurt him.

It is precisely because of this equality that their relationship ends up being so conflictual and so potentially enriching at the same time:

In the end Dazai is the one who is there to listen to Chuuya’s past and not any member of Sheep. Similarly, Chuuya is there to hear Dazai express his will to live:

Even when it comes to “trust” which is such a key concept for Chuuya’s character, the novel emphasizes how Chuuya has to trust Dazai in order to win against Rimbaud. Of course this “trust” is complicated because both boys end up hurting each other respectively at the beginning and at the end of Fifteen:

In short, the relationship between Dazai and Chuuya is a double edge sword. On one hand they empower each other and this is why their combo is so effective, but at the same time they hurt each other. This ambivalence is something which happens both because they are so opposite and because they end up reminding each other of what they do not want to face about themselves:

This is Dazai and Chuuya’s first meeting in the manga. The ways they call each other is interesting and it represents what they can’t stand about the other.

On one hand Chuuya emphasizes how Dazai is obsessed by the idea of taking his own life. On the other hand Dazai mocks Chuuya’s looks and his clothes. They have both singled out each other’s major flaws and they are highlighting them. As a matter of fact Dazai’s major struggle is to find meaning in his own life, while Chuuya has the tendency to modify his looks to fit in. At the same time, though, their dislike for these traits of the other underlines something deeper they both try to hide from themselves.

On one hand Chuuya has a self-destructive tendency exactly like Dazai:

On the other hand Dazai’s wish is to connect with others and he is scared he can’t exactly like Chuuya:

Their similarities and differences are efficiently conveyed also through their designs.

As a matter of fact both Chuuya and Dazai wear things symbolic of the barriers and the limits they impose on themselves:

Chuuya wears gloves and Dazai wears bandages. Chuuya’s gloves represent Chuuya’s attempt to hide his inhuman parts. All in all they are nothing but something superficial which are meant to hide and suppress his destructive potential. Dazai’s bandages are representative of the barriers Dazai puts between himself and others because of his fear of being hurt. Both pieces of cloths show that Dazai and Chuuya hides parts of themselves from others.

At the same time, Chuuya and Dazai have also shown opposite behaviours towards another important piece of clothing they were given:

Chuuya keeps Rimbaud’s hat with a lot of care, while Dazai has left Mori’s coat behind. This opposite behaviour symbolizes their opposite reactions to the mafia and to their father figures as a whole. Chuuya clings to his (both to Mori and to Rimbaud’s memory), while Dazai is trying to cut all ties he has with his. It is probable that in the end Chuuya will have to finally make himself independent and to grow, while Dazai will have to finally face his past and resolve his unsolved issues.

How will the two of them do it?

I do not specifically know, but I think that it is clear Dazai’s arc revolves around Atsushi and Akutagawa who are the two most important characters linked to his arc. He will probably have to help the both of them and to solve his conflict with Akutagawa before the end. Through this conflict he may have to solve also his problems with the mafia in general.

As far as Chuuya is concerned (and we are finally arriving at your question), I think that whatever will happen to him it will have something to do with Dazai. After all, Dazai is the most important character in Chuuya’s arc, so it makes sense that in order to develop Chuuya will have to solve his contradictive feelings towards him. If he does so, Chuuya has the chance to finally grow, while if he doesn’t it won’t matter how much he changes superficially. As a matter of fact it will be just like him changing clothes and won’t lead to any substantial transformation.

Thank you for the ask!

#bsd #bsd meta #chūya nakahara #dazai osamu #chuya bsd #bsd chuuya #dazai bsd #bsd dazai #soukoku #bungou stray dogs #asksfullofsugar #anonymous #my meta

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ranposlittle · 4 years

Note

Hi, I was wondering if could have a matchup? I'm really shy around people but I open up when I get to know them! I love reading books and I'm pretty short I'm also an INFP-T and that's all!

I ship you with:

──────〔 KUNIKIDA DOPPO 〕──────

It's common and almost stereotypical for INFPs to be represented as this dreamy, peace-loving hippie. Some people might even think this perceived calmness or shyness is a sign of a weak mind as INFPs tend to look for a silver lining on everything when logic-focused people will see none. However, in reality, INFPs like you have an inner flame and passion. You let yourself be guided by your own principles rather than any practicality out there, and you would fight to defend these said principles.

It may not seem like it would work at first glance but Kunikida, being the man with ideals, will surely be of interest to you. The more that you put yourself inside his world and open your mind to understand where he's standing, you'll see the purity of his intentions. You'll see how, just like you, you'll look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue when faced with a decision to make. It may not always be the best course of action, but as long as you stay true to yourself and the beliefs that makes up who you are, you are willing to deal with the consequences.

In comparison, Kunikida will also be wary of you at first. After all, the risk of feeling misunderstood is high for an INFP. But you've piqued his interest once he saw that- despite being different to his own- you have your own set of ideals. You have the strength to stand by them and live your life according to them. Suddenly, you don't feel much like a stranger to him anymore. In fact, he thinks it's commendable how you manage to stay soft in this cold world, having a wonderous mindset that the dark reality seemed to fail to poison multiple times. He can see how strong you are now as a person and it was this eccentric yet authentic personality of yours that just made him want to chase a rainbow with you; whether there's a pot of gold at the end of it or not.

Since you love reading, finding Kunikida's collection of self-help books helped to ease your boredom. However, you didn't realize that he keeps his personal notebook on the same shelf until you took it out. You flipped through it nonchalantly, going over the ideals that he has already mentioned to you. Once you get to read the overly detailed list of Kunikida's ideal woman though, you can't help but feel a sudden anxiousness. You've only read the half of it but it almost seems like you're not meeting a lot of these expectations. Should you change? Are you doing too much? Are you doing too little? Is he even happy with you? Millions of questions raced into your mind and since INFPs tend to internalize a lot of their negative feelings, you started to overanalyze everything. There were about a hundred of worst case scenarios that has already plagued your mind by the end of the day, you couldn't even look Kunikida straight in the eye. He picked up on this easily and it took precisely three romantic dinner dates before your worries eased up. Although Kunikida knows that your doubts might never go away, he would try his bestest to keep it at bay. He made special adjustments on his daily schedule to make sure he makes you feel valid everyday. He truly believes that it's the everyday things that counts and he's got all the patience in the world to work through that.

Speaking of which, one other sentiment that you share with Kunikida is not rushing to commitment. You're both willing to spend a lot of time making sure you're compatible as one can be to their partner. Aside from that, both of you might take your time becoming physically intimate as familiarizing and adapting to one another is a much more important aspect in the dynamic. Quarrels would be more elusive because of this mutual understanding between the two of you.

Overall, I think Kunikida could be a good match for you because this man deserves a lot of love. And being an INFP, you're generous in your affection. Kunikida could also bring some growth in your life as he keeps you grounded from the reality. You might find it difficult to deal with it sometimes but you can make sure he's there to help. It was also mentioned that INFPs tend to look for the good in everything and everyone, that suggests that you approach new relationships with inherent value and trust. A truly worthy investment as Kunikida will return that same level of trust to you, giving you both a relationship with healthy personal independence. Lastly, as an INFP, you could be a hopeless romantic. Sometimes this leads you to disappointment, but Kunikida will appreciate the opportunity to express love in a sort of "old-fashion" way. It would be his total pleasure to know that if he brings you flowers, stick cheesy love notes on the fridge for you to find or take you on a boat ride by the lake, you won't gag from it all. Nor you won't feel like he's being too much. He just thinks that he can be free to express his adoration towards you without the feeling that you'll judge him. He loves that he gets to show that side of him with you. He loves calling you his "lady" because he thinks the height difference between the two of you makes you look so dainty and lovely, deserving to be protected and treasured.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Hello, virisaurus!! Here's your matchup~ 💗 I hope you like it. I'm an INFP-T myself so it's really nice to meet you. Also, you didn't mention any preference so I just assumed that you would like a male one (since most of my readers are females). Thank you for dropping by! I hope this was worth the wait~ take care~ (๑´`๑)♡

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd hcs #bsd imagines #bsd scenarios #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungou stray dogs scenarios #bsd headcanons #bsd kunikida #kunikida doppo #doppo kunikida #bungou stray dogs kunikida #kunikida x reader #bungou stray dogs matchup #matchups #bsd matchups #bsd matchup #matchup #kunikidamw

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errantinfinity · 3 years

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head canon corner ; gsod heads and important members

Since people displayed an interest in more important about the GSOD heads, I am here to make a post about it. I was going to make separate posts but then I didn’t want to make too many, so this is instead a master post for the GSOD heads and other important members that I have had ideas for.

This post actually got really long so if you don’t read it I will absolutely not be offended, once I started I just couldn’t stop.

The Six Heads and how they work together.

For the most part, Philip and Arthur are in charge, and any decisions in the end come down to them.

The other four heads were the first four people they invited to join them to help run GSOD. They are invited to any and all meetings about the future of GSOD and also other general operations meetings. All of their opinions are taken into account before any decisions are made, but in the end Philip and Arthur are in charge and the decisions come down to them.

The Six are all friendly with each other and have known each other for many years. Philip and Arthur are the closest, but they all generally get along well, minor disagreements aside.

They are all very well respected in their line of work, and they are well known in the government for being efficient and helpful whenever they are needed to help with anything.

Philip Pullman - ability ; The Amber Spyglass.

One of the men who spear headed the idea of GSOD and got it set up, along with Arthur Conan Doyle.

His ability, when activated, allows him to locate other ability users. It “pings” more the closer he gets to an ability user, allowing him to track them down effectively even in very crowded areas.

A straight forward man, with Philip you will always know where you stand. He is a thoughtful speaker, and a generous boss, and always tells every member of GSOD that they are welcome in his office should they ever need anything.

He and Arthur run the recruitment branch together, but also goes out to help find any ability users that may be eluding capture and are not using their ability to hide from authorities.

Has a large tropical fish tank in his office, and can regularly be seen watching or feeding the fish if he isn’t working.

Arthur Conan Doyle - ability ; A Study In Scarlet.

He and Philip are friends from university, and they came up with the idea for GSOD after leaving.

His ability, when activated, allows him to discern what a person’s ability will allow them to do. It doesn’t strictly let him understand an ability, just the basics of what the ability is capable of. For example, if he used his ability on Kunikida, he’d say that Kunikida is able to pull small objects from a notebook by writing the characters for them. It does not help him to understand the strengths, weaknesses, and limits of an ability.

A shrewd man, Arthur usually knows more than he lets on. Highly intelligent and observant, Arthur can usually be relied upon to decipher body language, facial expressions, and the way things are phrased after meetings with other organisations.

He goes out with Philip and uses his ability to discern what the ability users they find can do. They offer a place at GSOD to any and all ability users, it just helps them to get a better idea of which branch they would be best suited for.

He keeps a large python in his office. When asked the name of the python, Arthur will smile slightly and tell you it is Monty.

Roald Dahl - ability ; Fantastic Mr Fox.

Roald used to run the Policing Aid branch of GSOD, his ability allowing him to be an effective detective in cases where he could blend in. As he got older, however, and as more members had children and there was more call for childcare, Roald asked to step down and run the childcare at the GSOD members building. There is a daycare for younger children, baby sitting services for anyone that wants them, and after school, weekend, and holiday clubs for when parents are working or the kids just want to take part.

His ability, when activated, allows him to transform into a red fox. He does still sometimes use it in the field, where it helps make him inconspicuous, but largely it is used to entertain the children.

Roald adores kids. He can often be found surrounded by an enraptured group of children of all ages, weaving them wondrous stories, or transforming into a fox and allowing them to pet and play with him. He is much better suited to this role and he loves it.

A gentle, caring, and loving man, Roald cares deeply for any of the kids that come through his childcare branch. He invited Zadie Smith, when she arrived at age thirteen, to help teach the kids sign language. He is the person that helped to make her feel the most at home, and he became a father figure to her. They are still very close.

Roald has a pet parrot named Pelly. She can talk, and he often brings her with him to introduce to the kids.

Virginia Woolf - ability ; A Room Of One’s Own.

Virginia, who tells the people she likes to call her Ginny, owns and runs the large building where many GSOD members live.

Her ability, when activated, allows her to create rooms in a building providing that she owns it. (Don’t ask me exactly how this works it just does. Lucy can create a space out of nowhere and Gogol’s coat can manipulate space, it just works sdfsidk.)

Although many think of her as stern, she just runs a tight ship. She wants to ensure the safety and comfort of all the members that stay in the building, and her and her staff work hard to ensure that the building is clean, safe, and well stocked with everything they may need.

She is the only head that rarely sees any fieldwork, because she is most useful in her building, helping to run and maintain it along with her staff.

Despite her generally rather brusque exterior, Ginny is very motherly to those she is close to. She cares deeply, but when in work mode she is very serious and, some would say, a woman you shouldn’t cross.

Angela Carter - ability ; The Magic Toyshop.

Angela is a well respected lawyer, and runs the legal aid branch of GSOD. She does a lot of legal work herself, but also assigns lawyers to different cases. Her branch also offers legal advice, and does both paid and pro bono work. She is a prosecutor herself.

Her ability, when activated, allows her to manipulate toys as she sees fit. Think Toy Story, except she is in control of them rather than them having a mind of their own. She uses this a lot in court to show how crimes may have played out.

A serious and severe woman in the court room, outside of it she is known to be loud, proud, and, by her own words, common. She swears like a sailor, could drink most people under the table, and gets very invested in football.

Angela is very competent, known to be a scary prosecutor for any defendant to go up against. She works very hard, does endless research, and is highly intelligent. It is generally advised not to challenge her to a debate.

Her office is considered deeply creepy by a lot of people. She keeps a lot of toys in it, and has shelves of dolls and stuffed toys. The dolls all sit behind her desk and stare at anyone sat opposite her. Most believe she has done it on purpose to unsettle people (and they’d be right).

Sarah Waters - ability ; Tipping The Velvet.

Sarah runs the combat training for GSOD, and is a hard task master. Her training, she says, could be the difference between life and death, and she works her students hard.

Her ability, when activated, allows her to affect the equilibrium if people in a small area around her. She uses it to help train people to work in unusual and adverse circumstances.

She works very hard, but it is with good reason. Her mother died because she didn’t have the combat training that might have helped her, and so Sarah takes what she does very seriously as a result.

Despite being such a hard task master, Sarah is helpful and kind, and will take time out of help people when they are struggling, often in her own time after or between training.

Sarah is trained in several different martial arts, as well as being gun trained and a good archer. There are few weapons or combat types that Sarah isn’t able to do, and this allows her to help teach others.

She has a big soft spot for cats, and has three of them. They’re called Peaches, Pudding, and Pip, and she is always willing to share pictures of them.

Other important members.

A short list and brief overview of other important GSOD members.

Ursula K. Le Guin - ability ; Those Who Walk Away From Omelas.

Ursula runs the police aid branch of GSOD. She was recruited from America while visiting GSOD from an America organisation. She was very impressed with them, and when Arthur and Philip asked if she’d like to join, she didn’t have to consider her answer long. She took over from Roald when he stepped down, and was personally recommended by him to take his place.

Her ability, when activated, causes people to forget what they are doing and walk away. She uses it to stop people from loitering around crime scenes, car crashes, and other sites where people loiter because that is what they do.

Douglas Adams - ability ; The Babelfish.

Douglas runs the foreign aid branch of GSOD. A somewhat clumsy, very good natured man, he is very funny, quick witted, and eccentric. He is thought of very fondly by all who have met and worked with him.

His ability, when activated, allows him to create an area in which he can manipulate the ability of people to understand languages. It looks a look like Rimbaud’s ability in the anime, except his creates a dome rather than cubes. Douglas enjoys making people in the affected area speak absolute gibberish to each other entirely for his own amusement, although when using it for work he does take it seriously (mostly).

Oscar Wilde - ability ; Picture Of Dorian Gray.

Oscar runs the ability control branch of GSOD. A charming, fashionable Irish man, Oscar likes to look good and likes beautiful things. He is known to collect art and other beautiful items.

His ability, when activated, allows him to transfer injuries her obtains to a portrait of himself. Oscar uses this ability very sparingly, because whenever he uses it, a piece of his soul and humanity is also transferred to the portrait. Oscar is well aware that he will eventually become inhuman, in whatever way that means for him, if he continues using his ability. He uses it when he receives fatal or near fatal injuries in the field, or an injury that would cause him to take a fatal injury such as broken bones.

William Shakespeare - ability ; The Tempest.

William does not run a branch, but is the second in command of Sarah Waters. A flirtatious, romantic man, he is known a lot as Billy Shakes - a joke he started himself - and loves to write poetry and wax lyrical about beautiful people.

His ability, when activated, allows him to create and control violent storms. He uses it largely to help with combat training in a similar way to Sarah - by creating adverse conditions for the GSOD members to train in. He enjoys making heavy rain and snow storms and watching people try to fight their way through them. If you can make it through William’s tests, it is said that there is nothing in the field that could possibly be worse.

#✧ — head canons ➺ i’ve got a theory #✧ — bsd ➺ to the stray dogs #✧ — gsod ➺ gifted special operatives division #//genuinely got so carried away here dfsijd #//my bad #//i just #//love gsod

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mgmirani · 5 years

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A Second Chance

(Reuploading this post since Tumblr mobile somehow ate it)

So! This is my entry for Soukoku Week 2019! ( @soukokuweek19 ) I’m not entirely sure how this word vomit turned into something vaguely coherent but I love it and these two adorable morons (mainly Dazai - he’s definitely the bigger moron).

This was originally written for Day 3: Reaching out but, as it went on, I realised it had drifted away from that so now I’m tagging it under Day 7: Free Day!

Hope you all enjoy reading!

Title: a Second Chance

Prompt: Day 7 - Free Day

Pairing: Soukoku (Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya)

Words: 7787

Summary: It’s a few days after the fight with Lovecraft and Dazai realises that maybe, just maybe, leaving his ex-partner alone in a field after he passed out from exhaustion wasn’t the best decision he could have made. And...wait, when did he start thinking the Chibi was pretty?

(Note: this work contains no triggering or explicit materials)

Four years…

It had been four years since he’d last seen Chuuya and yet, in that Port Mafia holding cell, fiery red hair blending into the red light, blue eyes flashing as they looked up at him, it had felt like no time had passed at all.

More time had passed since then and yet the memory was as clear in his mind as if it happened only yesterday.

Chuuya…

Ignoring Kunikida’s increasingly frequent (and loud) attempts to get him to do his paperwork, Dazai continued to slouch on the couch, eyes closed as he pictured the scene in his mind.

Thoughts of that encounter, naturally, lead him to thoughts of their second. This time, Chuuya had been bathed in blue from the light of the full moon. Red and blue...the same colour as Chuuya’s hair and eyes. It seemed almost ironic.

That encounter had taken place less than a week ago. The Guild was officially defeated thanks to himself, Chuuya, Atsushi and Akutagawa (although how on earth Lovecraft had survived to apparently jump into the sea, Dazai had no idea and no wish to understand) and things had returned to a semblance of what could be considered ‘normal’ for the residents of Yokohama.

...With the exception that there was still an uneasy truce between the ADA and the Port Mafia. Dazai held no illusions that the truce would last overly long. It was only a matter of time before they were, once again, at odds. The question wasn’t if, but when and how the uneasy peace would come crashing down.

“I used Corruption because I trusted you.”

Chuuya’s remembered words drifted through his mind and he shut his eyes more tightly, deliberately trying to turn his mind away from the accusing tone. Chuuya had been tired (he always was after using Corruption) and, though his tone had been exhausted, Dazai had still heard the reproach clear as day.

He hadn’t been entirely truthful in his answer to Chuuya’s question regarding why he hadn’t stopped him as soon as the fight was over. Oh sure, it had been fun to watch Chuuya throw about singularities like it was nothing but that hadn’t been his entire reason.

Chuuya had looked...beautiful.

The blue light, the red markings...the contrast and the sheer power that Chuuya had exuded...he couldn’t bring himself to look away. Even when he wasn’t fully in control, Chuuya always captured his attention: be it to tease or admire.

Not that his Chibi was aware of the admiration. He was far more used to the teasing, the little comments that got him all riled, all the remarks that had those pretty blue eyes flashing with anger or frustration. Dazai couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t resist putting a spark in those eyes just because he wanted it directed at him.

Was this healthy? Absolutely not. But, then again, when had Dazai Osamu ever done anything that was in his own best interest?

...okay, scratch that. When had he ever done anything for his own personal health? He was well aware that he was, in truth, rather selfish despite his attempts to be better.

He cracked open an eye to watch as Atsushi bickered with Tachihara and sent pleading looks to Kyoka for help. The girl, predictably, ignored the unsubtle requests for aid and continued to do her own work. The girl was still on a bit of an emotional high after becoming a full member of the ADA and was determined to keep up with everyone else despite the fact that she was still only fourteen and so, technically, shouldn't be expected to do the same amount of work as everyone else. Then again, she’d been in the Port Mafia and no one remained a child for long there, especially not someone who had already killed 35 people. Dazai should know. He’d long since lost count. Even so, as he stared at Atsushi’s face, tiger-gold eyes shining brightly as he gesticulated wildly, Dazai felt a smile turn up the corners of his lips.

He’d made himself better and that was reflected in Atsushi, in Kyoka, in the relationships he’d managed to somehow scrape together with the other people in the ADA despite how much of a pain in the ass he made himself. He still had a long way to go but, he thought, he’d reached some sort of state in which Odasaku might approve.

And yet…

“I used Corruption because I trusted you…”

And yet, when it came to Chuuya, he had so easily fallen into old habits. It had felt so natural, so right to tease him, to encourage that temper he was still so well known for (even if it was far more difficult for others to bring it to the surface nowadays). Dazai hadn’t even really thought about what he was doing while he interacted with Chuuya, his words and actions flowing like a well-rehearsed script which he had no need to alter, as familiar as breathing and as easy as closing his eyes at the end of a long day.

And yet…

And yet, should he not have done better?

“Take me...to the extraction point…”

Chuuya had trusted him to step in when he used Corruption and Dazai had (at his own pace). Chuuya had asked him to take him somewhere safe after using Corruption and Dazai...Dazai had left him lying on the ground in a field at midnight with his hat and coat folded neatly beside him. He’d left without so much as a backwards glance.

Chuuya had been fine and he’d known that he’d be fine. There wasn’t anyone else around when they’d left and the location was isolated enough that no one was likely to come across him so Chuuya hadn’t been in any real danger.

Still…

Asking himself if he’d done the right thing was rather redundant. He knew that he hadn’t and it was niggling at him, like a toothache which he couldn’t do anything about or an itch that he just couldn’t scratch. The urge to do...something, wouldn’t leave him alone.

There was, of course, the choice of just ignoring the problem until it went away. That wasn’t an option though. They were in the same city and their organisations were likely to either ally or antagonise each their on a regular basis from this point onwards. He was going to run into Chuuya again sooner rather than later so that was completely out of the question.

What then, should he do? Should he do anything? Would Chuuya be surprised that he’d left him there? Probably not.

That thought had Dazai frowning to himself. He’d gotten used to living up to people’s expectations of him, especially when it came to Atsushi. He’d been able to help him, to help Kyoka and the Agency as a whole that living down to Chuuya’s expectations rather than up…

He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit.

He thought of the surprise that would’ve been on the Chibi’s face if he’d woken up at the extraction point and wished that he’d actually done it. He was sure the reaction would have been amusing. The anger would, of course, have also been amusing but the thought of eliciting a different reaction from the fiery redhead…

Dazai resolved that, the next time they crossed paths, he would do that. He’d make sure and take care of Chuuya if only for the surprise that would cross those expressive features, the confusion that would be hastily covered up in those pretty blue eyes…

...pretty?

Dazai blinked to himself. Since when had he thought of Chuuya’s eyes as pretty? He’d thought so earlier but he hadn’t noticed doing so at the time. Sure, he found him attractive in an “if I wasn’t attracted to women” sort of way but who didn’t? But actually considering him pretty? He’d always thought Chuuya interesting, fun to poke at and, yes, beautiful with Corruption tracing over his skin but…

...when had this happened?

Not important - alright maybe important but not the main thing he needs to focus on right now. He found Chuuya pretty but surely that didn't mean anything. He wanted to elicit more reactions from the Chibi, positive ones and not just negative ones. He wanted…

...he wanted Chuuya to look at him the way Poe was currently staring at Ranpo while the other was...looking at him.

Ranpo smirked, corners of his lips lifting up in a knowing expression, glasses reflecting the midday light coming in through the windows and Dazai felt his back stiffen.

Deciding to cut his losses, he stood, making it look as natural as possible and not like he was choosing to run away from those too-perceptive eyes, and strode purposefully from the office. Kunikida’s calls for him to return to his desk were, of course, ignored.

It was as he was closing the door taht he heard it.

“Finally.”

He paused, waiting to see what Ranpo would say next. There was nothing for a few seconds before the silence was finally broken.

“...um...what do you mean Ranpo-san?”

“Dazai finally got a clue,” was the only response Ranpo gave and Dazai felt a brief flicker of relief that the detective hadn’t said anything else. He was even more grateful that, at this point, Ranpo hadn’t actually met Chuuya.

Hmmm...now there was a thought. That could be amusing.

Mentally shaking himself, Dazai strode out of the building, debated a moment before heading back to his apartment. He wanted a quiet place to think so he could plan how best to reach out to Chuuya.

..and to process what he’d realised while lounging on the Agency’s couch this afternoon. He couldn’t exactly freak out in public now, could he? Well, he could, but he didn’t feel like drawing attention to himself for a change. Perhaps later when he was in the mood to draw interesting expressions from people other than his Chibi.

Wait...his Chibi?

Well, of course Chuuya was his. They had made that bet hadn’t they? Would Chuuya even remember it, he wondered, with everything else that had happened during those few days. Dazai did though. How could he forget the sound of Chuuya’s head hitting the console or the yell of frustration quickly cut off by surprise as he’d ducked down behind the machine, trying not to be noticed by his so-called ‘friends’ from that stupid gang. Really, Dazai had done him a favour. If they were that easy to turn against him, they didn’t deserve Chuuya anyway.

He stepped more quickly, determined to get home as soon as possible.

He had to think.

—————

Chuuya still lived at the same address.

Dazai wasn't surprised.

What did, however, surprise him, was the easy way the key turned in the lock.

Huh...Chibi hadn’t changed his locks in the four years Dazai had been gone. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Putting said thought to the back of his mind for later consideration, he opened the door on silent hinges and carefully stepped inside.

Chuuya liked his comforts; that included a thick, soft rug which made it incredibly easy to walk silently through the quiet flat. It was about half an hour from sunset and the light filtering through the windows was fiery, tinting everything in shades of gold, copper and red.

As he looked around, he noted that, alongside the locks, very little had changed. Perhaps there was a new piece of art and he was quite sure that the loveseat he remembered had been replaced by a large armchair but, other than that, it was like stepping back in time.

This seemed to happen a lot where Chuuya was concerned.

Dazai had to be careful. He couldn’t let himself slip into old habits. He was here to reach out, to prove that he had changed over the last four years.

…..by sneaking into his flat with the key he’d swiped when they were 16.

Baby steps.

Silently acknowledging that, perhaps, this hadn’t been the best plan but committed to following it through nonetheless, Dazai stepped further into the flat. It was as he was passing a small table that he noticed it; the hat.

Chuuya never went anywhere without that stupid hat so, therefore, the only conclusion Dazai could draw was taht Chuuya was somewhere in his flat.

...and he hadn’t noticed Dazai yet.

Pausing all movement, Dazai closed his eyes and focused all his attention on his surroundings, listening for the slightly rustle of cloth, the faintest screen from deeper into the fat.

Nothing.

Turning his head to better peer into the living room, Dazai confirmed that, yes, Chuuya wasn’t in there, waiting to ambush him. Nor, it appeared, was he in the kitchen.

Logically, that left only one place.

The bedroom door was shut and, aa he approached, Dazai felt a shiver of anticipation go through him. He hadn’t managed to sneak up on Chuuya in quite a while and this was definitely going to result in an interesting reaction.

He may be here to make amends with the Chibi but that didn’t mean he was above drawing out some fun reactions. Just because hw wanted Chuuya to look at him...more positively...didn’t mean he was going to give up antagonisinghim. Where would the fun be in that?

Moving slowly, Dazai reached out and opened the door. It was as quiet as the rest of the flat, swinging on silent hinges as Dazai slowly and carefully opened it enough to slip through and nothing more.

Chuuya was lying in bed, head turned away from the door and towards the massive window on the oppositee wall. Yokohama was lit by crimson light which spilled over Chuuya, blending perfectly with his hair which was fanned out behind him on his pillow.

Dazai felt his breath catch slightly but resolutely ignored it.

Still..

Dazai removed his phone from his pocket and took a picture, thankful he had the camera sound turned off. Chuuya was asleep and he doubted he’d get this chance again any time soon.

Putting his phone away as he stepped further into the room, Dazai was careful to keep his steps light. Chuuya’s bedroom had a wooden floor, a deep cherry wood which matched the furnishings. Said furnishings included the massive four-poster bed which was set against the wall between the walls containing the door and window respectively. The red curtains (and why was he not surprised?) were pulled back, tied neatly to the bed posts with thin braided chords.

The blankets, of course, matched the curtains perfectly and Dazai wondered when exactly Chuuya had time ti pick out such things and how his little ex-partner managed to reach the top of the four-poster bed. Did he have a footstool hiding somewhere or did he just use his gravity manipulation?

This rather random (and entirely amusing) train of thought was cut off when Dazai managed to get a good look at Chuuya’s face.

What he had initially taken for redness from the setting sun was, in fact, revealed to be a deep flush accross his normally pale skin. Now that he was closer, he could hear that, although Chuuya was indeed asleep, his breathing was shallower than would be expected and there was a light sheen of sweat accross his forehead.

He also noted a few dark purple bruises tracing their way accross Chuuya’s skin, disappearing below the blanket. It had been a few days since the incident with Lovecraft and his partner (honestly he couldn’t even remember his name; he was that unimportant) and yet the bruises looked like they had only appeared yesterday.

Dazai felt his stomach drop and a pang in his chest.

Chuuya, apparently, hadn’t been fine.

This...changed things.

—————

Chuuya cracked his eyes open, knowing that something was wrong but not having the energy to deal with it. He felt like his limbs were made of lead and, when he tried to sit up, his head started spinning badly enough that he immediately paused all movement.

Fuck he hated this.

It had been four years since he’d used Corruption and, somehow, in those four years, he’d managed to forget exactly how painful the aftermath was. It could, however, just be that it was worse this time. His body wasn’t used to it anymore.

And, he thought bitterly, it wasn’t as if spending the night in a fucking field out in the open had helped.

Damn Dazai…

“Don’t worry...I got you.”

Yeah fucking right. That was why, at dawn, he’d had to drag himself to Mori’s office, give a delayed report and then drag himself home only to collapse in bed without even being able to change. He’d woken up hours later with the beginnings of a fever and, despite how much it ached and how much he didn’t want to, he’d made himself change out of his filthy clothes, strip the bed and put on clean sheets since he’d slept in his bed without changing out of said filthy clothes, and preprared for about a week of hell.

He’d been conscious for perhaps four to five hours of the last few days, his body demanding that he sleep while it healed from the use of Corruption and fought the fever. Admittedly he wouldn’t have been able to do much even if he had been awake considering how difficult and painful it was to move at this point. His body felt like one giant bruise and, upon waking for the second time covered in sweat and dizzy as fuck, he vowed that he was going to hunt Dazai down when he was able and kick the shit out of the lying bastard. Killing him would be too easy (and likely what the bastard wanted) so Chuuya wouldn’t do that. No, he’d just make him wish he was dead.

A noise from just beyond the door had him turning his head. He almost immediately regretted it, his temples throbbing, but he forced himself to ignore it, fingers twitching under the blanket. What had caused that sound? Was someone in his flat? Who could it be?

As he was preparing to do...soemthing (his brain was far too foggy to come up with anything coherent) the door opened further (he was sure he’d closed it before crawling into bed) and, who should walk in, but the person he was currently planning the maiming of.

“Dazai...”

The name was hissed between clenched teeth, coming out as little more than a croak. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the bandaged bastard in his bedroom doorway.

Dazai had paused, like he was surprise Chuuya was awake, and Chuuya felt his temper flare.

How dare he. How fucking dare that asshole break into his flat after what he’d done. How fuckign dare he!

“Nice to see Chuuya’s awake,” Dazai commented, his tone far quieter than his normal boisterous delivery but Chuuya couldnt’ focus on taht right now, too overcome with the absolute rage he felt at seeing Dazai so soon after being abandoned in a fucking field at midnight after using Corruption.

“I’m gonna make you...wish...you were dead,” he got out through gritted teeth.

“I know,” Dazai replied, not seeming phased by the threat of physical violence and, right now, Chuuya wasn’t all taht surprised. He doubted he could threaten a kitten in his current state, let alone a slippery bastard like Dazai.

“The fuck do you want,?” He growled, deciding he didn’t have time to deal with Dazai’s bullshit.

“Chibi needs help,” was the immediate reply and Chuuya felt himself tense.

Help?

Dazai thought he needed help?

The bastard thought he needed help after what he did?

“Get. Out.”

“Not until Chibi’s feeling well enough to toss me out himself,” Dazai returned immediately. Chuuya snarled.

What an utter bastard. What was he getting out of this? Was he just here to make fun of the fact that, currently, Chuuya couldn’t throw a pillow, let alone Dazai’s lanky ass? Yeah, that must be it. He was here to be a bastard.

What else was new?

“Her to gloat then? Should’ve known.”

Dazai blinks, affecting a surprised expression which Chuuya wasn’t buying for a moment.

“Gloat?”

“Yes, gloat,” Chuuya repeats, feeling some part of him settle now that he’d figured out exactly why Dazai was here. The bastard would taunt him for a while, maybe make a half-hearted (and entirely unhelpful) effort to aid him and then fuck off back to his detective agency until the next time he needed Chuuya to hit something he couldn’t talk his way around.

Dazai, it seemed, wanted to draw this out though since, unlike what Chuuya was expecting, he didn’t immediately drop the act nd start taunting him. Instead, Dazai made a “wait here” gesture (which was rather ridiculous since he could barely make himself roll over, let alone get out of bed right now) and left the room.

What was he doing? Was he trying to put him on edge by making noise where Chuuya couldn't see or reach? Was he breaking his shit so Chuuya would have to clean up the mes when he could drag himself out of bed? No, that would be too simple and blunt for Dazai. He had to be up to soemthing else.

Sounds reached his ears but he couldn't figure out what they were. All he could do was lie there and wait for Dazai to return.

He must’ve dozed off again because the next thing he knew, he was opening his eyes and turning towards a weight he felt on the bed. Dazai had returned and sat himself on the edge of the bed, perching like a bird that knew it would have to take flight rather quickly at any moment.

“What do you want now?” He grumbled, too tired to put up too much of a fight. His anger had, apparently, given way to tiredness while he’d been dozing and Chuuya couldn’t find the strength to muster it again. What was even the point? Perhaps this was a good thing. If Dazai couldn't get any interesting reactions from him, he might go away faster. Dazai was, after all, like a spoilt kid with a shiny toy. That toy was, in this case, Chuuya (loathe as he was to compare himself to such a thing). If Chuuya didn’t react, didn’t give Dazai anything to work with, he’d move on to something else more shiny, more fun to poke at with a stick to watch its reaction.

Dazai didn’t reply to him, instead turning and picking something up from the bedside table he sat beside. He heard the sound of water slouching about before something cool and damp was pressed against his forehead.

Wha…?

Dazai, not noticing his confusion (or more likely pretending not to notice - that bastard noticed everything) turned away from him. Chuuya wanted to reach up and throw the cloth at Dazai’s stupid face, put enough weight behind it to cave in the bastard’s fucking skull ike he deserved but, again, he couldn’t make himself move.

When Dazai turned back to him, he was holding a bowl in one hand and...a spoon in the other.

“No,”

“Chibi needs to eat.”

“I said no!” The anger was back, blazing in his chest. So this was his plan then? Not just gloat but try and humiliate him too? Probably taunt him while he fed him like a fucking child. Fuck that. He wasn’t going to accept it. Whatever it was was likely poisoned anyway (be it deliberately or because of the shitty bastard’s inability to cook anything without somehow making it toxic).

“Chuuya needs to eat,” Dazai repeated, as if he thought using Chuuya’s actual name instead of that stupid fucking taunt would make a difference.

Chuuya closed his eyes and turned his face away. If Dazai wanted him to eat whatever it was, he’d have to force it down his throat. He heard a sigh and felt himself bristle more. What did that bastard have to sigh about? He wasn’t the one stuck in bed with a fever and covered in bruises because his fucking partner had abandoned him after a mission.

His train of thought was rudely interrupted when he felt...something, sliding through his hair.

What the…?

It was soothing, rhythmic and...very pleasant. Unbidden, he felt his body relax, muscles that had been tensed to do...soemthing...uncoiling like an unwound spring.

It was as he felt himself lean into it that he realised what it was and tensed all over again.

Dazai was petting him, running his fingers through Chuuya’s (undoubtedly sweaty) hair, fingers playing with the strands before returning to massage his scalp. He really was out of it if he hadn’t been able to recognize what Dazai was doing.

How pathetic.

“Chibi’s always been the most stubborn when he’s sick,” Dazai murmured and Chuuya held in a snort.

“Who was the one who acted like he was dying from a cold?”

“It could’ve turned into pneumonia,” Dazai defended, tone indignant.

“You are such a fucking drama queen,” Chuuya muttered, eyes slipping closed again as he let himself enjoy the physical contact. He knew this was a trick of some sort (it was Dazai - there was always a trick) but, with how little energy he had right now, he was willing to enjoy it before the bastard pulled something else.

Hadn’t he been angry not a minute ago? He tried to concentrate on the feeling but couldn’t. He was still angry, still furious with the other male but he just didn’t have the energy to express it properly. His mind was also vaguely foggy (probably from the fever) so that likely wasn’t helping.

Fuck this situation and fuck Dazai Osamu. When this was over, he was going to pay the bastard back for this, one way or another.

“Hmmm…” Dazai made a non-comical noise and Chuuya’s thoughts were forcibly dragged back to the present moment, to the feeling of Dazai’s fingers tangling themselves in his hair and rubbing gentle circles against his scalp.

“Chuuya never eats after Corruption. I suppose that hasn’t changed.”

The comment caught Chuuya off guard. Weren’t they just talking about how much of a pain Dazai was when he’s ill?

“...Your point?”

“Chuuya should eat more.”

Yes, Chuuya should drag himself, in his current state, to the kitchen and make himself something to eat. That would go absolutely wonderfully he was sure. His expression clearly must have conveyed his thoughts because Dazai once again held up the bowl.

“No.”

“What if I eat some?”

“Your a suicidal maniac. If you eat it, it’s definitely poison.”

“Chuuuya,” Dazai whined and Chuuya fought back a small smirk at the tone. It felt good to annoy Dazai, even just a little. For all he knew the bastard could just be putting it on but he’d take what he could get in this situation.

“And what if I didn’t make it?”

“Then where did you get it?” Had Dazai raided his cupboards to find something? He couldn’t remember what was in there. Did he have a few tins of soup stored somewhere? It was possible.

Dazai, for once, kept his mouth shut and, instead, tilted the bowl so that Chuuya could get a good look at the contents and, at the same time, ensuring that he had the opportunity to smell whatever it was.

As he breathed in, the familiarity of the bowl’s contents hit his senses and his eyes widened minutely.

How the…?

“This is still you favourite, right?” Dazai asked, tilting the bowl further towards him.

“...how the hell do you remember that after four years?”

“You ordered me to get it for you often enough. It’s hard to forget.”

Hesitantly, Chuuya leaned forward and took another, deeper sniff of the revealed bouillabaisse. He’d discovered a small cafe not long after moving into this flat, only a few streets away, and had fallen utterly in love with their food. It hadn’t taken him long to get into the habit of eating there once a week or, on the odd occasion where he didn’t feel like being out in public, having the staff prepare him a meal which he would then eat in the privacy of his own flat.

The bouillabaisse in the bowl had been one of the first things on the menu he’d tried. There was just something about it that Chuuya couldn’t quite put his finger on. All he knew was that it had become a routine rather early in their relationship that, after using Corruption and returning home (normally dragged there by Dazai or one of his minders), he’d have someone fetch him a bowl of bouillabaisse from that cafe, eat it and then pass out for a few days.

Apparently, Dazai had remembered…

It didn’t mean anything. Just because the bastard remembered this was his favourite thing to eat when he was ill or post-Corruption, didn’t mean Chuuya was going to eat it.

“Come on,” Dazai coaxed. “How will you feel better and throw me out if you don’t eat anything?”

“...Are you seriously trying to use logic? You, of all people?”

“Chuuya says that like I’m not logical.”

“Are you implying you are?”

“When am I ever not logical?”

“March 5th, five years ago.”

Was it his imagination or were Dazai’s cheeks turning a little red? Nah, it was probably the light coming in through his windows.

“Chuuya’s being mean when I came here to help him feel better,” Dazai pouted and Chuuya snorted slightly.

“Since when do you help anyone but yourself?”

The mirth fled Dazai’s face, leaving it blank. It was only in the absence of emotion that Chuuya realised just how much of it Dazai had been exuding. The gaze looking down at him felt...empty and, despite how warm he felt, he had to fight back a shiver.

This was the Dazai he remembered; the one that could go from playfully vicious to cold, ruthless and unnerving in less time than it took you to blink. And there Chuuya was, practically helpless lying in bed with those deadened, blank eyes staring down at him.

“Four years ago.”

Chuuya blinked, confused.

What?

“Well...that’s perhaps a bit generous. Maybe about a year and a half ago.”

“Had Dazai...answered his question?

“What the fuck?”

It was only when those dead eyes flickered that he realised that he must’ve asked the question aloud.

“You see,” Dazai continued. “I didn’t join the Agency right away. I had to lay low for a few years, keep my head down, show I could stay out of trouble before they would...deal...with my record.”

“So what changed?”

If Dazai was in the mood to answer questions (even if Chuuya was more than half convinced that his ex=partner was just spouting bullshit to mess with him), Chuuya was going to get as much out of him as possible.

“Something.”

“Feel like giving specifics?”

“You’ll be the first to know when I figure it out.”

“Yeah right.”

That gaze was still unnerving but he forced himself to ignore it. He’d worked with Dazai for three years and, even if it had been four since they’d last done so, he still remembered this. Act normal. Depending on his mood, he’ll pull himself out of soon enough. (Yet another reason Chuuya was sure that, had Dazai not been in the Port Mafia, he would have been ordered by someone to see a goddamn therapist a long time ago).

“I only really noticed after I met Atsushi.”

“The tiger brat?”

“The very same.” There was a smile creeping back into the corners of Dazai’s mouth, his eyes gaining warmth that had been absent and Chuuya felt a surge of...something...in his chest. So those Agency brats could get Dazai to show emotion (genuine from what he could tell) after about a year while Chuuya had known Dazai for three, nearly four, and hadn’t managed to elicit anything other than taunting, annoyance and the urge to set a bomb under his car?

Fan-fucking-tactic.

“Then why aren’t you bothering him?” He succeeded in keeping the bitterness from his voice, barely, and forced himself to relax again now that those dead eyes were no longer directed at him. Fuck; he hated that look.

“Atsushi’s not the one lying in a bed with a fever.”

“Funny thing, neither would I if you hadn’t left me in a fucking field.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

They were going in circles, their conversation going nowhere. Or, at least, that’s how it felt to Chuuya. It felt like he’d take a few steps forward but then Dazai would say something and there’d they’d be, right back to where they started; the fact that Dazai had broken into Chuuya’s flat while he was unconscious after leaving him, exhausted and alone.

“Give me one good reason why I should trust you.”

“...and if I can’t think of one?”

“Then congratulations; that’s the first honest thing you’ve said to me in the last seven years.”

“Will Chuuya eat now?”

“You’re not going to go away until I do, are you?”

“Like I said; I’m not leaving til Chibi’s well enough to throw me out himself.”

“Fucking...fine.”

Dazai blinked down at him, surprise flashing accross his features before it was once again masked behind that pleasant, charming smile he so often liked to wear.

“If it’ll make you leave sooner, fine. I’m too sick to deal with your bullshit. If it’s poisoned, I’ll haunt you for the rest of your shitty life.”

“Whatever Chibi says.”

“Shut up and help me sit up. I’m not lying here while you spoon feed me like an infant.”

“But Chibi’s as small as-“

“Finish that sentence and I will maim you”

Dazai once again set the bowl to the side and, far more carefully than Chuuya would expect from the bandaged bastard, helped me into a semi-sitting position, back pressed against the mountain of pillows Chuuya insisted on keeping on his bed. Chuuya was sure to keep his movements slow so as not to aggravate his injuries or spark another bout of dizziness.

“Why does Chuuya have so many pillows?”

“Why are you so interested?”

“No reason, just curious.”

“I’ll believe your ‘just curious’ line when you go a week without getting slapped.”

“It’s day six, I’m sure I can manage.”

“Sure you can.”

“Want to bet on it?”

“Right now, fuck no.”

“Chuuya’s no fun when he’s ill.”

Chuuya didn’t dignify that with a response, merely gesturing for Dazai to hand him the bowl. Dazai seemed hesitant but Chuuya’s glare intensified and he gave a put upon sigh, as if he was the one being inconvenienced in this situation, before handing the bowl over.

Chuuya propped it in his lap carefully, making sure there was no chance of him accidentally tipping it over, before taking his first spoonful of the bouillabaisse. He closed his eyes as the taste hit his tongue. It had been a while since he’d managed to visit the cafe and this was, admittedly, just what he needed.

Movement drew his attention and, as he turned his head, he noticed Dazai hopping off the bed and heading towards the door. Suspicious of what he was doing but not being able to follow, Chuuya returned his attention to the bowl in his lap and continued to eat.

It was as he was finishing (he stil had about a third of the bowl left but he couldn’t make himself eat any more) that Dazai returned, two slightly steaming mugs in his hands. Chuuya couldn’t stop himself raising an eyebrow when he realised exactly what was inside them.

“Really?”

“Chibi kept it in the same place.”

“The minute you go, I’m changing the locks.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t anyway.”

“I forgot you had a key. Trust me, I will.”

Dazai made no comment, simply taking the bowl away and replacing it with the steaming mug of chamomile and spiced apple tea he’d procured from Chuuya’s kitchen.

The scent, like that of the bouillabaisse, was familiar, calming and made Chuuya relax further into the pillows. Breathing in the fragrant steam, he could almost pretend that the aches and pains were non-existent, that he wasn’t still overly-warm and uncomfortable from fever and that Dazai, bandaged bastard that he was, actually gave a damn rather than this pretence he was putting up for some unknown reason.

“This doesn’t change anything,” he murmured, tone soft as he took his first sip. The warmth traveled down his throat and settled in his stomach, pleasant rather than the uncomfortable warmth he felt everywhere else.

“...I know.”

“Then why bother?”

“Because…” Dazai paused but Chuuya didn’t look at him, didn’t want to see what emotions were passing over his face. He couldn’t trust that anything he saw was real. “Because I’ve changed and, the other night, I acted like I would have four years ago and...I didn’t like it.”

There it was. This wasn't about Chuuya at all. It was about Dazai feeling guilty that he’d not stuck to whatever precious morals he’d managed to scrape together over the past few years.

“And,” Dazai continued, capturing Chuuya’s attention before his thoughts could primal any further downwards. “I realised I should’ve been a better partner and taken you to the extraction point.”

As if he was going to believe that horseshit.

“So you think taking care of me now makes up for it?”

“No,” Dazai admitted and Chuuya was tempted to turn, to see what affected emotion was on that face but he resisted, keeping his eyes closed and breathing in the sweet scent of his tea. “But I’m hoping Chuuya wil find it in him to give me a chance to do better next time.”

“And what if, next time, you just say fuck it and don’t stop me?”

Because, as much as he’d cursed Dazai after waking up and dragging himself to Mori’s office, as much as he’d ranted and raved about how he should have known better than to trust the bastard to do what he’d asked...he’d still held out some shred of hope that Dazai would do what he’d said. When they were partners, Dazai had occasionally taken off after Chuuya had used Corruption but, in those circumstances, there were almost always other members of the Port Mafia around (typically Hirotsu) who would make sure he got back safe. This time, it had just been them so his only option afterwards had been Dazai.

And Dazai had abandoned him there.

It wasn’t a big step from ‘not taking me somewhere safe after using Corruption’ to ‘not stopping me when I use Corruption’.

“That won’t happen.”

And Chuuya had to look at him, had to see his expression because what the hell?

Dazai’s tone nad been sharp, almost commanding. As he met that amber, steely gaze, Chuuya felt something in him react (though what it was, he couldn’t be sure). Dazai’s eyes were determined, focused on Chuuya like he was the only thing that mattered in that moment. He couldn’t remember a look like that ever being directed at him before.

“And why’s that?” The words left him almost involuntarily, tone not quite biting as he locked gazes with Dazai, willing himself to see through whatever act teh bastard might put up, ready to focus on any microexpression that might slip through the cracks.

“Chibi’s not allowed to die.”

“What’s it to you if I die or not? Newsflash; you’re the one that left, not me.”

“Chibi’s not allowed to die,” Dazai repeated, as if by saying it again he could make Chuuya accept it. Not happening - he was sick, not oblivious.

“Why do you suddenly care?”

“Chibi wouldn’t believe me if I told him.”

“Try me.”

“Chibi’s pretty when he’s angry.”

That statement caused Chuuya to nearly spill hot tea over himself as he stared, incredulous at Dazai who was now deliberately not looking at him.

What. The. Fuck.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“I told you.”

How the hell was he meant to react to that?

“I have no idea how to respond to that statement and, right now, part of me is sure you’re just a hallucination brought on by fever.”

Dazai let out a small chuckle at that statement, turning to look at Chuuya again. That warmth that had been in his eyes when he’d talked about Atsushi was...directed at him. When had this happened? How was he supposed to react to this? Was this really Dazai Osamu? It didn’t seem likely but…

...but an imposter wouldn’t have known about his favourite food when he was ill, wouldn’t have reacted when he brought up that particular event in March five years ago, wouldn’t have teased him quite so much if they were trying to get into his good graces. There was too much that was so purely Dazai that the only conclusion he could come to was that he was, in fact, speaking with the real him.

And that thought was mildly terrifying because…

Dazai Osamu told him, to his face, that he was pretty.

“You know, you don’t have to say anything,’ Dazai commented, that stupid, warm expression still in his eyes and the corners of his mout turned up in a small smile that looked far more genuine than anything Chuuya could remember seeing during their three years together. “”But you asked so…” He shrugged, as if he didn’t really care whether Chuuya responded or not.

“You expect me not to say something after that?”

Dazai shruged again, as if he couldn’t care less what Chuuya had to say.

“So, what does Chibi have to say?”

...that was a good question and, unfortunately, it wasn’t one he had an answer to. This...was never something he thought he’d ever have to deal with. Dazai had never, to Chuuya’s knowledge, admitted an attraction to another male. And for said male to be Chuuya of all people…

“When, exactly, did you…?” How did he even finish the question?

“Yesterday,” Dazai admitted.

“...and how did you come to this realisation?”

Keep talking, keep asking questions. Maybe it would start to make sense if he just kept asking questions.

This time, Dazai didn’t answer and Chuuya felt a surge of annoyance. Dazai had been surprisingly forthright so far but he’d known that, at some point, he’d clam up and stop answering.

“I...think I’d prefer to tell you that some other time.”

Wait, what? Dazai wasn’t refusing to answer the question, just refusing to answer it now?

“So…” Chuuya began, eyes narrowed as he put the pieces together. “You break into my flat, bring me food, say you’re going to look after me until I feel well enough to kick your bandaged ass out and now you’re saying you think I’m pretty (which you only realised yesterday!) but you’re not giving me a reason why you suddenly think this even though I know you’ve only ever been attracted to women?”

Dazai shrugged again, the motion easy and careless. Chuuya let himself flop back against his pillow mountain, lifting an arm to cover his face so he wouldn’t have to look at the bandaged bastard, not caring at the uncomfortable sensations from the bruises as he did so.

“You’re really something, you know that?”

“Is that a good thing?”

Chuuya didn’t dignify that with a response, just kept his arm over his eyes and tried to proces the last few minutes of their conversation.

“This still doesn’t change anything,.”

“I know.”

“Then what do you want?”

“For you to give me another chance.”

“And if I don’t?”

Dazai didn’t reply for a while and Chuuya was, once again, tempted to look at him but resolutely did not. He did lower his arm but kept his eyes closed. He lifted the mug of cooling tea to his lips again and finished it off in a few small sips. Wordlessly, Dazai took it from his hand and he heard it being set down on the nightstand.

“Then you don’t.”

“Just like that?‘

“Just like that.”

“You’re not going to try some stupid shit to win me over?”

“Would it work?”

That...was a fair point. Chuuya knew Dazai’s tricks, had seen them used often enough that he could practically recite them word for word, rehearsed gesture for rehearsed gestures. If Dazai tried any of his normal shit with Chuuya, he’d know and kick the bastard’s ass for it. The fact that Dazai had acknowledged that, had admitted that his normal methods wouldn’t work on him...

“And besides,’ Dazai continued. “Why would I trick you into something like this/‘

“Because it would amuse you. You’d find this sort of shit funny: don’t even bother denying it.”

“Maybe,” Dazai admitted. “But I’ve decided that if anything happens, I don’t want it to be because I tricked you into it.”

Chuuya was once again having doubts that this was, in fact, the real Dazai Osamu.

“Just ...think it over. I’m not expecting an answer any time soon.”

‘And if you never get one?”

“Then I’ll just have to live in hope that I’ll get one one day, won’t I?”

With that, Dazai once again left the room, taking the dirty cups and bowl with him. Chuuya was left alone with his thoughts which were currently roiling, unable to concentrate on any one thing for longer than a. Few seconds before soemthing else captured his attention.

He did’t know how to feel, didn’t know how to react. This was no t something he had ever considered a possibility under any circumstance and, now that he was fed and relatively comfortable, he didn’t really want to think about it. As quickly as his mind was flitting from subject to subject, he could feel it also beginning to slow as his body decided that, having been awake for a decent amount of time, it was now time to return to unconsciousness so that his body could focus on healing itself.

Gingerly, he shuffled back under the covers so only his head was supported by the pillows and curled up on his side facing the door. He opened his eyes, watching for Dazai. His eyes were drooping however and, as he closed them, he was vaguely aware of the sensation of a hand running through his hair again as he drifted off to sleep.

———-

A few weeks later, head in Dazai’s lap and fingers once again stroking through his hair, Chuuya couldn’t help but think that, maybe, just maybe, it was worth giving Dazai that second chance.

#soukokuweek19 #Soukoku #Day 7 #free day #Nakahara Chuuya #Dazai Osamu #Dazai is an idiot #sfw #Chuuya needs a hug #bsd #bungou stray dogs #skk #dazai x chuuya #bungou stray dogs bsd #fanfiction #soukoku week #idiots in love

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multi-mused-menagerie · 4 years

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*◞❀.❁⤻ Dazai Osamu - Backstory and Headcanons (Part 1/2)

Hey there ! Before I start this post, I want to get a few things out of the way ! First off, while I do headcanon/portray my Dazai as being a victim of abuse, that does not mean I will use that to try and justify or excuse his actions against other characters. Do I attempt to portray my Dazai as a sympathetic character ? In some ways, yes. However, I do want people to know that my Dazai has done some things that should not and will not be forgiven (the way he trained Akutagawa, manipulating people over and over again without showing any signs of sympathy, and whatever else comes to mind).

Second of all, if you are sensitive to anything related to suicide, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, use of improper pronouns, drug and alcohol addictions, and murder, I’d highly advise reading this while in the right mindset or not reading it at all so that you stay safe and happy. If something triggers you in this post, just shoot me a dm and I’ll add it to the trigger list and tags !

And lastly, if I mention a character in here that you have as a muse, please don’t feel obligated to restrict yourself to my headcanons and backstory here if we interact ! I’m always open to working something else out ! Alright, enough of me talking. Here’s the beginning of Dazai’s backstory.

BACKSTORY:

Age 14: On the night of Dazai Osamu’s 14th birthday, his parents, former Port Mafia members who defected once their son was born, catch wind that the Port Mafia has found them and is sending over a squad to kill the family. Terrified of what would happen if they were all captured, Dazai’s parents plan to have both of them and Dazai attempt to commit suicide together in an attempt to not be taken in. Although his parents succeed, Dazai is unsuccessful and is eventually found by Ogai Mori on the brink of death. Seeing the child clinging onto life and not wanting to die, Mori takes him in as his patient and helps him, only asking that Dazai help him in return. Dazai reluctantly agrees. That very same night, Mori takes Dazai with him and has the child act as a witness to the death of the former Port Mafia boss, successfully trapping Dazai in the Port Mafia and stating that this was the payment for saving Dazai’s life. This and future events eventually cause Dazai to develop the same mindset his parents had the night they took their own lives: either be free from the Port Mafia or die trying.

Age 15: Dazai continues to act as Mori’s ward and protege, learning the ins and outs of the mafia while not actually being a part of the Port Mafia himself. During this time, Mori begins administering certain drugs into Dazai to make the child build an immunity to them. While Dazai is under the influence, Mori treats Dazai as a doll, dressing the boy up and posing him. On some occasions, he even allows Elise to play with Dazai as if he were a life-sized doll, reminding her “ to be gentle with it ”. It is these events that eventually lead to the start of Dazai’s drug addiction, specifically synthetic analgesic drugs like oxycodone and morphine. Once Dazai turns 15, he’s officially accepted into the Port Mafia and is tasked with finding the King of the Sheep. The events of the Blue Era/Fifteen occur. After failing to have Chuuya be his potential friend dog due to the other boy placing himself under Kouyou, Dazai meets Odasaku, eventually growing fond of the older man and even considering him a friend.

Age 16: Life continues onward with both Dazai and Chuuya climbing up the ranks rather quickly for their age. Although they occasionally see each other and do missions together, their interactions usually end in sharp jabs, rude remarks, and the odd injury here and there. The events of the Dragon’s Head Conflict then occur. Around this time, Dazai and Oda eventually meet Ango, starting the beginning of a friendship between the three of them. On day 70 of the conflict, Chuuya goes to find Dazai so that they can go to a meeting between the higher-ups. Instead of following Chuuya and going to the meeting, Dazai instead informs Chuuya of a more pressing matter at hand: the death of an Executive known only as the ‘Colonel’ and how due to that, there is now a vacant seat in the Five Executives. After Chuuya storms away from the conversation, informing Dazai that he doesn’t care about the position and only wants to stop this war, Dazai begins formulating a plan to both end the war and secure his position as the new Executive, knowing that if he doesn’t act now, a majority of the Port Mafia would support Chuuya as the better candidate for the Executive position due to his actions, something Mori himself couldn’t ignore. Dazai then confronts Shibusawa himself, intending to kill him, but is instead caught off guard and captured, forcing him to wait to be declared missing so that his backup plan (Chuuya finding the microscope, rescuing him, and putting an end to the conflict) can commence. His backup plan then goes into action and in the aftermath, Double Black is born.

Age 17: After the Dragon Head Conflict, Dazai is finally given an Executive position and recruits the Akutagawa siblings into the Port Mafia. He is also put in joint training sessions with Chuuya by Mori, the older man planing to mold the two teens into an unbeatable weapon. While these training sessions did focus on the basics (martial arts, basic self-defense, weapons training, etc.), the majority of the time was spent using the skills they learned on each other at Mori’s request, him justifying his actions by stating that it would make them stronger and that the pain they shared together would make them better partners. Notable training sessions include Dazai torturing Chuuya for three days straight, Chuuya beating up Dazai to the point of him vomiting and falling unconscious, and Dazai waiting for a certain amount of time before using his ability on Chuuya while he was using Corruption. While the two of them have never really spoken about what went on behind closed doors, there is a certain understanding between them that those events will never be spoken about, the fear of being seen as weak or being pitied shared between them. Once Mori’s training sessions are over and done with, the man claiming that their partnership was practically perfect, Dazai and Chuuya continue to train with each other, pushing the limits of their abilities, namely Chuuya’s and how it reacted to Dazai’s. An important thing to note here is that around this time, Dazai truly begins to both fear and hate Mori with his entire being, having plans in the back of his mind the involved Mori’s death and Dazai taking his place as head of the Port Mafia. These feelings also cause Dazai to begin building up a reputation as the most deadly member of the Port Mafia so that no one would question him if he did take over, leading him to give Akutagawa Spartan-like training with his ability, becoming a specialist in torture, and drenching himself in bloodshed. This marks the beginning of Dazai becoming what one could call less than human.

Age 18: While becoming the demon prodigy, Dazai still continues to hang out and drink with Oda and Ango, considering the few interactions he has with the two of them the one bright spot in his life. Around this time, the dangers of Q’s ability are discovered and not wanting to cause another event with such a heavy death toll again, Dazai orders Q to be locked up until they have control over their ability. The events of the Dark Era then occur. One major thing to note here is that many of the actions Dazai does and the words Dazai says are lies or only partial truths. For example, while he did know that Ango was a triple spy, he is still upset at Ango’s actions and wishes things could have been different. He also doesn’t blame Ango for Oda’s death, at least, not anymore. Eventually, the knowledge that the death of Oda and the subtle manipulation of Ango from the sidelines were caused by Mori himself despite all of Dazai’s carefully laid traps and Oda’s last words push Dazai into leaving the Port Mafia for good. One day, Dazai is the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia. The next, he’s gone. From there, Dazai tracks down Santouka and requests his help in finding a job where he can help people. After being instructed to lie low for two years while his past is cleansed, Dazai then goes into hiding, waiting for the two years to pass by with nothing but alcohol and drugs to accompany him.

HEADCANONS:

The best way to describe the way Dazai acts is “ a human being acting like someone who is not human acting like a human being ”. It’s this phrase that best describes a lot of my Dazai’s actions. While he can show compassion and care towards his colleagues and close friends, he can also be brutal and downright sadistic in the same breath. While many would assume this to be evidence that Dazai is simply pretending to be human, the reality is that it has taken a lot of work for Dazai to get his act perfect. However, that doesn’t mean that he’s a good person; he may be attempting to become better now, but he still falls off the wagon and should be held accountable.

As far as my Dazai is concerned, the Doll Sessions he had with Mori are not abuse. While he does believe the training sessions he had with Chuuya were abuse, he can’t bring himself to acknowledge that the act of Mori forcing drugs into his system, dressing him up, and treating him as an object is also abuse. In fact, he never intends to bring it up. The only reason it was brought up was due to Yosano questioning him about his drug addiction and him explaining how he became dependent. So far, the only people who know about the Doll Sessions are Ranpo, Yosano, and Fukuzawa. In regards to his drug addiction, those three plus Kunikida are the only ones aware of it.

If Natsume Soseki had not stepped in during the Cannibalism Arc, Dazi would have killed Mori and taken over the Port Mafia to preserve both organizations. It’s something he’s not afraid to admit and he’s even mentioned how he will kill Mori if he needs to.

Dazai still considers Ango and Chuuya as friends. Although he doesn’t believe he can act like their friend and as a result does terrible things to them (leaving Chuuya in a forest alone after letting him use Corruption for too long and tampering with Ango’s airbag), he still considers them important and would be upset if either of them died.

Dazai isn’t sure if he should apologize to Akutagawa. As much as he knows how an apology is in order, he also knows that a lot of Akutagawa’s drive comes from wanting his approval and to be seen as strong. As silly as it sounds, Dazai is nervous of Akutagawa not remaining as deadly and powerful as he is now if he ever learned that Dazai already considers him strong enough and is sorry for how he acted. He’s also terrified that Akutagawa would do the worst thing and forgive Dazai for how he treated him. In an attempt to avoid that situation, Dazai continues to try and pair Akutagawa and Atsushi together, hoping that Atsushi will show Akutagawa that he doesn’t need Dazai’s approval so that he can one day apologize.

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enaxii · 5 years

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the echoes of your love

This is part of the SKK White Day fic exchange! To my giftee, Xoinks, I hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it. :)

read this on ao3 here.

summary: The creases in the sheets make Chuuya’s heart ache, so he turns away from the bed and focuses on putting each button through the correct hole, his fingers trembling when any other time it would be steady. It irritates him to no end, but still, he hurries out of the room once he’s done, avoiding the lonely bed that stands as a centrepiece in the room. Briefly, he wonders what cruel deity made it so that the day of their anniversary is the day the only person that (that) Dazai Osamu cared about died.

(Maybe it’s his own deity, the one who hangs over his shoulders and whispers his skin with red streaks.)

When Chuuya wakes up, the space beside him is cold. It’s not surprising, really, but he still can’t help the disappointment that crests through him. The house is silent as Chuuya shifts in bed, leaching a few more moments from his morning before he has to start the day. It is the gentle creak of springs and the shift of feet on tiles that accompanies him through his morning routine, even as Chuuya ignores the emptiness that clings to his skin, the silence that should be punctuated with infuriating whines and condescending laughter. The coffee that sits in the coffee brewer is still warm, and Chuuya pretends that it’s warm because the maker had only just left, instead of the heating plate that hums beneath the jug.

The coffee is lukewarm, and the usually rich flavours are muted, bland against his tongue. He nurses his coffee at the table, forcing down cold toast between sips. Something makes his usually efficient morning routine lethargic, leaving him lagging at the counter, pausing at the sofa, casting an eye over the bed and its rumpled sheets. Half of it had already been made up, though it has been mussed up with Chuuya getting out of bed. The creases in the sheets make Chuuya’s heart ache, so he turns away from the bed and focuses on putting each button through the correct hole, his fingers trembling when any other time it would be steady. It irritates him to no end, but still, he hurries out of the room once he’s done, avoiding the lonely bed that stands as a centrepiece in the room.

Briefly, he wonders what cruel deity made it so that the day of their anniversary is the day the only person that ( that ) Dazai Osamu cared about died.

(Maybe it’s his own deity, the one who hangs over his shoulders and whispers his skin with red streaks.)

His coat is still slung over the rack, along with his hat, strangely unmolested. Most of the time, Chuuya would wake up to find his hat at the top of the fridge, or some other obscure, hard-to-reach place, but this time, the hat quietly mocks him right where he had left it the night before. He stares at the hat, but does not take it. The world doesn’t end, even as the door closes with a click and the hat is left behind.

As he makes his way down the apartment building, Chuuya feels strangely naked, vulnerable like a child that is being examined under a doctor’s eye. (And the doctor smiles, eyes growing wide and his smile razor sharp like the scalpel he wields.) He pauses outside the block, and- It’s Saturday. He had taken an off-day the night before, drowsy with sleep as Dazai’s fingers patted his head absentmindedly. Perhaps he had already anticipated the empty bed despite the red circle over the date on the calendar, despite the half-slurred words (“Tomorrow… Stay, won’t you?” And he feels Dazai’s fingers stutter in his hair, pause mid-stroke. He doesn’t think he hears Dazai reply.), despite the grip he knows he maintains on Dazai’s other hand, like he’s unwilling to let go.

Chuuya jams his hands into his pockets as far they can go, brows turning downwards. Already, he regrets not bringing his hat along, the sun now beginning to irritate his eyes as he squints ahead. Today is a Saturday, and there is only one place that Dazai could be. Instead, Chuuya heads in the opposite direction, towards the detective agency.

He doesn’t want to see Dazai.

(He wants to see Dazai.)

As he passes through streets, Chuuya can see couples sitting in cafes, quietly chatting, gentle smiles on their faces as they enjoy the Saturday morning without a care in the world. Chuuya aches, seeing them. Sometimes he wonders what would have happened if instead of Mafia black blood running in their veins, it’s a dark red, tinged with loving families and a perfect childhood. It would be nights that don’t end with faraway stares of someone who’s not quite there, it would be mornings that don’t start when the moon is still high above them, gunshots ringing in the bay. Chuuya turns his gaze away as a bright-eyed teen leans in close to someone hidden behind the booth, her face dusted red.

If this was a different world, the two of them would be spending time together today, just like the couples in those cafes, sharing smiles and a hot coffee, maybe. Instead, Dazai is visiting a grave, and Chuuya is alone on what should be their most important day.

When he eventually makes it to the agency, Chuuya loiters around outside for a while, deliberating, but Yosano then opens the front door and raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

“We can see you from the window.”

Chuuya only tsks, and neither elect to comment on his rookie mistake.

As they wait for the lift, Yosano comments idly, “He’s not here.”

The comment is casual, not at all the loaded bomb that it should be.

Even then, Chuuya tenses, and replies, “I know.”

Yosano glances at him from the corner of her eye, but Chuuya avoids her gaze, staring straight up at the panel above the lift, numbers steadily ticking down to one. The lift ride up is not awkward per se, but Yosano can’t seem to keep her curiosity to herself and Chuuya can feel her gaze darting over, something that has him raising his hackles and grinding his teeth. When he finally stalks out of the lift, he leaves behind the barest of footprints.

Now outside the Agency, he hesitates only minutely before throwing open the door, and it cracks loudly against the wall. All eyes inside swivel around to face him, and there’s no familiar pair of brown eyes that peers at him (a light chuckle, “Aw, Chuuya missed me so much that he came to the agency?”) from behind an ever-growing pile of paperwork. He knew that even before he came to the agency, but some useless hope made him check anyway.

Now, he has the attention of the entire present agency, and he spots the Jinko’s hand twitching on the desk, like he longs to summon his claws. Kunikida’s smile is forced, his eyes drawn to the small hole that’s left in the wall where the door’s handle slammed into it with enough force to break through the plaster. Ranpo is still lounging in his chair, his hat covering his face even as one eye peeks out at him. Chuuya feels Yosano come to a stop behind him, one hand on her hips as she surveys the scene before her.

“He’s come to visit.” Yosano announces, taking her time to meet each agency member’s eyes. Chuuya can feel the tension that snaps at his heels, and his shoulders hunch up defensively, a scowl beginning to tighten on his face. The air in the office feels supercharged, crackling with electricity that springs from one agency member to another.

Eventually, the Jinko’s relaxes his fist, fingers uncurling to rest flat on the table. Kunikida’s posture also seems to ease, the false smile slipping from his face but looking altogether less wary.

“Chuuya-san. What brings you here today? I’m sure you’re already aware that Dazai wouldn’t be showing up today…”

His words are cautious, testing the fragile truce that has been laid before them.

Chuuya takes his time, eyes wandering around the office. Ranpo’s staring at his head now and-- right. Chuuya’s not wearing his hat.

“I just wanted to visit.”

He doesn’t say that he’s avoiding Dazai now, irritation beginning to simmer beneath the surface. It doesn’t take that much effort to leave a note, maybe open his mouth to flap a few words, and still, Dazai manages to completely ruin his day.

(There’s also the part of him that’s bitter at Dazai, at the four years that Dazai disappeared with, at how Dazai still disappears again so easily. Chuuya understands what it’s like to have dead friends, but he doesn’t understand Dazai.)

(All he wants is something simple. Something to tell him that he’s… appreciated .)

Kunikida nods towards Dazai’s desk, his attention already being drawn back to his paperwork.

“You can sit there if you want.”

Dazai’s chair is right next to the Jinko’s, and they warily exchange looks. The other flexes his hand again, clenching into a fist and relaxing, before giving Chuuya a wavering smile and returning to whatever he was doing.

It’s not the first time that Chuuya’s been over, but it is definitely the first time he’s been at the agency without Dazai as a buffer. The silence that now sits in the office is awkward and altogether uncomfortable, but Chuuya has experience sitting in even more awkward situations than this, so he manages to still his tapping feet and slouch in Dazai’s chair, ignoring the glances that he gets every so often.

Chuuya occupies himself with his phone, scrolling through messages and emails without really looking at them. The chair, of course, smells like Dazai, sterile bandages and a sharp hint of lemon, and- Chuuya hates how much he yearns for the real thing. He can usually handle himself better than this, goddamnit.

Maybe half an hour passes, and the Jinko’s pen starts to dip as he writes, before he finally drops it back onto the table and, collapsing into his chair, starts to swivel in lazy circles. Chuuya ignores him, staring blankly at the black screen of his phone, before a quiet mutter starts Chuuya from his daze.

“What are you really here for, Chuuya-san?”

The creaking of the swivel chair had stopped. Chuuya looks up, and the Jinko’s gaze burns, quiet and determined. When he doesn’t respond (doesn’t know how to respond, because why is he here, really?), Atsushi’s resolve seems to harden.

“You’re avoiding Dazai, aren’t you?”

The office is silent, the tick-tick-tick of the clock like a bomb that’s just about to explode.

“Of course not.”

-is what he wants to say, but the words clog up in his throat (as they always do, regarding that bastard) and Chuuya finds that he can’t speak, can’t lie.

So he shrugs, a tight roll of his shoulders that tells the truth more than his words will let him say.

Now that Atsushi has his answer, he shrinks back into his chair, uncertain of how to proceed.

“D-did something happen…?”

The chair Chuuya sits on trembles, a soft red aura enveloping its frame. Is he angry? Is he disappointed? Chuuya knew what he was getting into from the moment this relationship started, on this exact day years ago. He knew that there would be disappearances without warnings and miscommunication because they were both bad at feelings (Dazai, since forever, Chuuya, since Dazai disappeared), he knew what he was getting into , but yet…

There’s a yawn from behind him, and a lilting voice, almost mocking.

“Once people get hurt enough by something, you start expecting the pain to always happen.”

Ranpo is still sprawled in his chair, his eyes closed, but he smiles at Chuuya, the edges sharp.

“Dazai may be smart, but he’s horrendous with feelings. Of all the people he could predict, you were always one of the few that he couldn’t.”

Ranpo’s smile softens even as his expression grows cat-like.

“You should go home, Chuuya.”

And Chuuya’s gone, a wind that leaves behind footsteps imprinted in the floor.

He sprints back to the apartment, knocking past people and storming up the stairs when he can’t stand waiting for the lift.

All of a sudden, he’s standing in front of the apartment door, and his hand is shaking where it rests on the door handle. Chuuya doesn’t know what to expect, doesn’t want to raise his hopes lest they smash into pieces, and time slows outside his front door.

The handle turns, and the door opens without a sound through the thumping of Chuuya’s heart.

Dazai stands in the kitchen, a flower in one hand and scissors in another. Candles have absolutely taken over the dining table, and in two corners, plates of- pasta? The whole scene is so bizarre that it takes Chuuya a few moments for him to even realise that Dazai has dropped the flowers.

“Chuuya! Welcome home~”

Dazai’s voice was as infuriatingly unconcerned as always, but Chuuya could hear the tremor in his voice, the slight lift at the end of the sentence. He could see Dazai shifting his feet, how he avoided his eyes and how his smile was strained, nervous .

“Dazai. What’s…” Chuuya observes the fire hazard on his table, “all this?”

The other claps his hands together, “Our anniversary dinner, of course! I wasn’t quite sure what to make, Chuuya is better at cooking than I am! It might give you food poisoning, but I’m sure it’ll be fine-”

Dazai’s words cut off, and he’s staring at Chuuya now. There’s something stinging in his eyes, his heart clenching in his chest, and Chuuya feels like a fog that’s resided in his head the whole day has finally lifted. When Chuuya touches under his eyes, his fingers come away wet. Huh. Tears .

“Chuuya-”

Skinny arms snake around him, awkward and obvious in how they both know how to kill better than they know how to hug. Even so, the smell of bandages and antiseptic with a tinge of lemon soap relaxes Chuuya, and he leans into Dazai.

“I never thought that… I never thought this would ever happen.”

There’s a warm hand that’s combing through his hair, gently separating his locks and pulling down his walls.

Dazai’s voice is soft when he speaks.

“I got a bunch of angry texts from the agency. They were all quite concerned for you.

“I left early in the morning to visit his grave. I was trying to surprise you, but you woke up earlier than I expected.”

I was trying to surprise you by being there when you woke, Chuuya heard.

There’s a pause, and Dazai seems to deliberate his words.

“I… I’m sorry, Chuuya.”

The floor seems to drop out from beneath his feet, because he’s never heard Dazai apologise without contempt in his tone and a smirk on his lips. Chuuya almost wants to snort, to play it all off as a joke, but Dazai finally holds his gaze and Chuuya cannot find anything but sincerity in them. It’s so disconcerting , even as a tight knot in his heart starts to loosen, even as his grip tightens on Dazai’s sleeve.

Chuuya can hear the words that Dazai cannot speak, can hear the I’m sorry for leaving ’s and I’m sorry for hurting you all this time ’s. Dazai cannot speak these words, so instead, he says, quietly and surrounded by lit candles:

“Happy anniversary, Chuuya.”

#bungou stray dogs #soukoku #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #my writing #dazai #chuuya #yosano #kunikida #ranpo #atsushi

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straycatsacademia · 5 years

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Port Mafia Pastries Ch. 2!

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18231035/chapters/43413389#workskin

The next day, Atsushi knocked on the door to Dazai’s office, ready to talk to him about his time at Port Mafia Pastries. The bags under Atsushi’s eyes were very prominent, as he had been up late thinking about what Akutagawa had said.

Once Dazai had given him permission to enter, he walked in, clearing his throat. “Ah Atsushi, What can I do for you,” Dazai asked cheerily.

Atsushi looked at him, not returning his cheery tone. “I need you to tell me about your time at Port Mafia Pastries,” Atsushi said, his voice clear and calm.

Dazai looked unsurprised Atsushi asked him about it, but disappointed. Dazai sighed and motioned for Atsushi to sit down. Atsushi just stared at him.

“I used to be a lot different, as I assume you know if you talked to Akutagawa. I didn’t want to tell you, because I didn’t want you to think any less of me, but yes, I was a monster. Without going into too much detail, I met someone very important to me who convinced me to change, and open my own place. When I lost him, I made sure to honor his memory and treat my employees with respect and admiration. As I’m sure you’re aware,” Dazai smiled. “Anyway, that’s enough of that! Let’s go join the others for karaoke nigh-“

“No.” Atsushi said, his voice as hard as steel.

Dazai looked at him, taken aback.

“Do you even understand the amount of damage you did to those employees? Akutagawa hated me for weeks because of what you did, because he was so hurt by your words and actions that he didn’t even want to be near me because I was associated with you. I need time to think,” Atsushi said, taking off his apron and heading back to his apartment. He heard Dazai call for him, but he didn’t look back.

~~~

It had been a week since Akutagawa had given Atsushi his number, and Atsushi still hadn’t texted him. Akutagawa couldn’t really blame him, after thinking about what Atsushi said, it wasn’t really fair that he blamed Atsushi for his own personal problems with Dazai. He hated himself for what he did to Atsushi, and he hated himself that he cared about what Atsushi thought of him.

He heard the bell ring signaling a customer had come in, and Akutagawa sighed, not in the mood to deal with it, until he saw who it was.

“Hey,” Atsushi smiled, holding two coffees. “I know this is last minute, but I was wondering if you had a break coming up soon?”

Before Akutagawa could answer, Gin came over, smiling at Atsushi. “Actually, he does! He’ll be more than happy to talk with you,” Gin said. Akutagawa glared at her, but motioned Atsushi over to a table. Atsushi handed him a coffee, and Akutagawa was surprised.

“You remembered my order?” Akutagawa asked, perplexed. People hardly made an effort to remember his name, let alone his coffee order.

Atsushi blushes. “Well, to be honest, I thought it was kind of odd how a punk guy like you loved caramel macchiatos with tons of sugar, so I remembered it,” Atsushi laughed nervously.

Akutagawa smiled softly and drank his coffee, thanking Atsushi. Atsushi’s eyes widened, and Akutagawa purposefully ignored it. “So I’m assuming you didn’t come here just to stare at me,” Akutagawa teases.

Atsushi laughed. “No, no I didn’t. I um, actually came here to tell you I talked to Dazai,” he said.

Akutagawa put his coffee down, getting a cold feeling in his stomach.

Atsushi continued, “Everything you said was true. I mean, I figured you were telling the truth about what he did, but it just felt so weird to have him say it. I haven’t really talked to him since we talked about it. He says he’s changed, and I want to believe him, but he knows I owe him a lot. I have my sister who relies on me, if he suddenly decided to go back to what he was before, I don’t know what I’d do. I know I said it already, but I am truly sorry for what he did to you, and I hope that he will someday apologize for the damage he did, even if it doesn’t fix everything.”

Akutagawa stares at him. That is not what he was expecting Atsushi to say. Atsushi really does care about what Dazai did to the shop, and what he did to Akutagawa. Knowing that Atsushi was upset about what Dazai did to him gave him a weird feeling in his stomach.

“What he did wasn’t your fault,” Akutagawa said. Atsushi’s eyes snap up to meet his. “I appreciate your apology, but it isn’t warranted. You didn’t do anything to me, if anything, I should be apologizing to you. I’m sorry I took my anger out on you, that was unfair. I can’t tell you if Dazai has changed or not, but if he has, I’m happy for you. It sounds like he has changed at least a little, so I wouldn’t worry too much,” Akutagawa smiled, even if it was so small no one but Atsushi could probably tell.

“Uh, thanks. Apology accepted. So… what now?” Atsushi asked. He seemed nervous, as if Akutagawa was going to tell him to get out of his life and never come back.

“Hmmm… this is pretty good coffee. You work Saturday right?” Atsushi nodded. “Good, I’ll be there,” Akutagawa said, and with that he returned to work.

~~~~~~~~~

It was Saturday, 6 hours into Atsushi’s shift. He wouldn’t get off for another few hours, but the time was passing by so slowly. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Akutagawa just yet, but he found him quite interesting. The more layers you peeled back, the more interesting he got.

“Atsushi, pay attention!” Kunikida scolded. Atsushi startled and got back to work. After what felt like one million hours, he was done with work, and Akutagawa walked in. After they both got some coffee and a table, they smiled at each other.

“So, How was work?” Atsushi asked. Akutagawa answered, and Atsushi found he really enjoyed listening to him talk. He felt special, in a way, knowing that probably very few people got to hear Akutagawa talk like this. He figured Akutagawa wouldn’t be interested in his life, but he seemed to be listening very intently when Atsushi told him. Without realizing it, they talked for hours, and realized quickly that the shop was about to close. Walking out of the coffee shop, Atsushi smiled at him.

“It was good talking to you Akutagawa,” Atsushi smiled.

“Yeah, it was good talking to you too,” Akutagawa said, looking at his feet. Atsushi laughed.

Well, I hope I’ll see you soon. Bye!” He waved, and headed home. Akutagawa waved back, and they went their separate ways.

If Kyouka noticed her brother was smiling more than usual that night, she didn’t mention it.

~~~~

It had been a few weeks since they started to regularly meet at the coffee shop, and both Akutagawa and Atsushi considered each other friends. Despite their initial hatred of each other, they realized that they actually had a lot in common. Both had come from hard backgrounds, and appreciated everything they had.

Akutagawa found most people exhausting, but he found he could listen or talk to Atsushi forever. Atsushi never made him feel bad for not being perfect, and in return Akutagawa made sure he was clear about how he wanted to be friends with Atsushi and that he deserved to be here as much as anyone else.

Akutagawa also learned that Atsushi wanted to learn how to cook, and Akutagawa was more than happy to teach him considering food is his specialty. He loves pastries the most, but cooking and eating food is something he’s extremely passionate about. So Atsushi was going to come over and cook with him. Akutagawa told his sister, and she squealed.

“Oh my god it’s a date! Finally! I was wondering when you would ask him out,” Gin laughed.

Akutagawa stares at her. “It’s not a date, he wants to learn how to cook and I’m going to teach him because hello, I’m a chef. Besides it’s not like that between us,” Akutagawa said.

“Okay, so, you hang out with him with all your free time, you cook with him, visit him at work, and even bring him pastries sometimes. How do you feel about him?”

Akutagawa sighed, but decided to entertain his sister. “I enjoy his company more than other people’s, that’s why I hang out with him him. He never makes me feel judged and we can talk for hours and….. oh,” Akutagawa looked at his sister in horror

Oh no.

No no no Akutagawa did NOT do feelings or relationships.

Gin laughed so hard she started crying.

“This isn’t funny!” Akutagawa exclaimed. “What do I do?”

Gin wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “Well,” she started. “To be fair, both you AND Atsushi are oblivious idiots, so make sure he knows it’s a date too,” she sighed.

“It’s not a date! Is it? Wait, what if he thinks it’s a date? What-“ Gin started laughing again, and Akutagawa walked away in frustration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Atsushi sighed, spacing out at work. Kunikida poked his side and Atsushi squealed.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“For being in space instead of doing your job, brat. What has you so out of it today, anyway?”

“Well, I’m going over to Akutagawa’s on Friday and I was thinking about what to bring,” Atsushi replied.

Kunikida’s eyes widened. “Well, for a date I would usually suggest wine, but you’re too young,” Kunikida sighed. “What about dessert?”

Atsushi stared at him. “I’m sorry, did you say date?”

“Well, that’s usually what cooking dinner together means. Then again, Akutagawa doesn’t exactly seem like the romantic type…” Kunikida pondered.

“Ohhh what’s this? Atsushi is going on a date? Did Akutagawa finally ask him out?” Dazai poked his head out of his office.

“N-no! It’s not like that!” Atsushi exclaimed, his face red.

“Hmmm oh really? Well that’s funny because the last time I heard Akutagawa invited over a friend was... hmmm… never!” Dazai smiled. “Now that I think about it, I’ve never heard of you agreeing to go to any of our social gatherings, but you jump at the chance to see Akutagawa. Does Atsushi have a crush on Akutagawa?” Dazai winked.

Atsushi gaped at him. He’d never really had a crush before. I mean, he always got excited to see Akutagawa, but friends get excited to see each other, right? The shivers he got when Akutagawa was close was because he was intense, not because…”

“Uh oh,” Atsushi whispered.

Dazai laughed. And then headed back to his office. “Have fun on your date, Atsushi!”

Atsushi looked to Kunikida for help.

“Oh no, don’t look at me. I have much higher standards you know,” Kunikida told him proudly.

Atsushi sighed. It was going to be a long few days.

#port mafia pastries #chapter 2 #my work #shin soukoku #atsushi nakajima #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akuatsu #Dazai Osamu #nakahara chuuya

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leonawriter · 5 years

Text

A Faint Pale Rainbow

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Dazai, Mori, Chuuya, Odasaku, Ango, Kunikida, Atsushi.

Pairings: None.

Summary: Most people by the age of fifteen have even just one person who brings colour into their life. Some have more. Dazai, however, sees nothing but black, white, and the many shades of grey in between.

Until he doesn't.

Warnings: Dazai-typical suicide references. Some spoilers for S3.1 and the FIFTEEN novel, if you haven’t gone through either of those yet.

...

When Dazai first came into the world, up until he first heard of the adults around him talking of soulmates and those important few who bring colour to your life, when he understood what those words meant... he had honestly thought that everyone saw in black and white.

He looked at his mother, in her long pale grey dresses and her dark grey hair, and his father, with his black suits and his black hair, and realised at a young age that for him at least, the world was just as distant and monotone as the photographs that he heard people talk about, that came before colour, that those who could see said were more than simply grainy, but also lacking in life.

"It's like seeing before, well, you know," he heard one woman say.

Dazai didn't know, and likewise didn't look up from his reading.

The words on the page, at least, were supposed to be in black and white.

...

(The blood splatters grey against the wall, and he knows that eventually it will fade to black, unless it is washed clean, and even then the stains may remain.

He stares. It isn't as though the colour of blood is any different to the colour of anything else, so there is no need, no reason, to feel uncomfortable with the sight.

But still.

Even one such as he, who can only see in black and white and grey, can still serve as a witness, and that is all that Mori requires.)

...

Mori doesn't grant him colour, but he does offer something Dazai wants, and there is so little that he does want, that he could possibly look forward to, in this world that he has been excluded from being a part of, that although he complains he walks over to the man, and takes the Silver Message.

It looks pale, the silver shimmering enough that he knows that even those who can see colour, see it shine.

The writing, however, is black... rather than the blue ink that should have come out of the pen.

(Whatever, he wonders, blue might look like.

Later, he will idly wonder which sort of colour Mori would have brought into his life, with the amount of influence the man had over him, for so long.

Black, he will decide, because Mori did his best to paint Dazai's life black, and keep him in the darkness. And yet, you cannot start to see black when black-grey-white is all you have ever known.)

...

He barely registers the impact as a kick until he's been thrown several feet and he has a foot on his stomach.

It hurts, and that irritates him, for several reasons - one being that he wanted his death to be painless, and another being that Mori had said that the mission wouldn't be dangerous, and yet, here he was, the wound over his eye bleeding through his bandages again.

He glares, as best someone who can barely feel the anger with which to glare can, because of the pain and because of the brat's attitude, this Nakahara Chuuya, and then he's having to force himself to move past the familiar protests of his stomach, as Hirotsu is meeting his match in a kid, albeit one who has apparently earned the title "King of the Sheep."

He touches Chuuya's neck, mildly fascinated on a distant level by how warm the boy runs, before being - again, frustratingly, because it hurt - kicked away in order for Chuuya to free himself to resume the offence.

Something about watching the scene take place, makes the world seem more intense, enough so that when something changes - something not the same, greyscale power exploding outward from a single source that he can now bear witness to Mori for - his eyes widen in shock, and then in disbelief, before being unable to focus on anything of the sort, with how the explosion is throwing him back again, along with debris, and the next time he opens his eyes (which, he heaves a sigh of disappointment over) it's to Hirotsu, who pulls him up, having already called for a retrieval squad.

...

It comes in slowly, and the more he thinks over it, the more of an effect it has.

At first, just barely there, the palest tones and the darkest shades, only just visible through the corner of his eye.

Even so, it's enough to make Dazai pause, and it's enough to make him stare at his eye and his old bandages as they're taken off. The blood, which is supposed to be mid-grey and black, can no longer be called such. Something else is there, that he can't name, doesn't want to, isn't sure he can - because he isn't supposed to, not someone like him.

He stares at the addition to his world and he wonders how long it will last, how strong, or if one slight exposure will leave him with a hint of something he could almost grasp at for the rest of his life, and never the full vibrance that others speak of.

...

He walks into Mori's office in the Port Mafia headquarters with his arm in a sling, fresh bandages over his eye and his other arm, and cannot help but have his gaze fall on the boy he'd faced off against just the previous day.

It's there, again.

Barely, but it's there.

Chuuya's hair isn't the pale grey that he remembers it first being, lighter in shade than he (by now, only just) remembers his mother's, but... something else. The same something else that he can see jumping out at him from underneath the black (and with that amount of darkness, it can't be anything else) jacket.

The same that was slowly seeping into the very room, into the tones of the floor and Mori's chair and the scarf around Mori's neck that denoted his status as boss of the mafia.

Mori, whose eyes narrowed in a hint of a smile that Dazai pretended not to have seen.

"You two seem to have hit it off, having known each other just for a day," Mori says, and it makes Dazai react before he realises that he's reacting, because really - him, and that brat?

Perhaps if by "hit it off" Mori meant "Chuuya enjoys pushing him to a state of annoyance," but anything more positive than that was out of the question, colour or no colour, and by the sounds of things, the boy, this King of the Sheep, felt much the same way.

The blackouts that fully covered one side of the room opened, giving them a full view of Yokohama in full daylight. Dazai could still feel the brightness, still feel the harsh blinding light of the sun, even if he could not see anything other than a pale, off-white grey for the sky.

Blue... ah, I wonder what that looks like, he found himself thinking, as Mori explained just how bad the situation was, dragged out of his thoughts only when the word Arahabaki came up, and when Mori said that he would be working with Chuuya-

The reaction, a denial, came first.

Perhaps he was curious - perhaps he wanted to keep the colour that he could now see, but to work with Chuuya, when there was absolutely no way-

He let his opinion on that be heard.

And then, to be called a kid in that tone of voice, by someone shorter than him, Chuuya looked like if it weren't for various things suggesting otherwise, he might even be several years younger rather than somehow being the same age.

The light streaming in through the windows both bleached everything white and silhouetted everything into deep shades of black. The moment they were released to start their investigation, when the blinds went down again and the room went dark, Dazai tiredly cursed his inability to see even the slightest thing, and that it would take even longer after yesterday for his eye to heal, so that he would be able to see with both eyes.

It doesn't take long, however - merely halfway down the building, bickering as they go, eyes staring after them as Dazai mostly makes futile attempts to ignore Chuuya and not give in to the attempts to rile up the emotions that he doesn't even truly have.

By the time they're outside and blinking again in the broad daylight, he can see that Chuuya's hair is a bright and vibrant red.

The colours, it seems, don't appear to care whether the relationship that one shares is one that is enjoyed or not.

Then again, perhaps that is simply one more thing that makes him stand out, a stranger in the crowd.

...

Red stays with him, and he will look back on his first few days and weeks and wonder how he had seen such a colour as vibrant, because the longer he lives, the deeper the colours become.

Deep, and dark, and pale and pastel. All of the various forms of red.

At least, he realises not long after his own revelation, he isn't alone. Chuuya himself seems to find the sky particularly fascinating, for someone whose domain is gravity itself.

Dazai doesn't even notice when he starts to look forward to the colour of red rising to Chuuya's cheeks as the other boy bites back with anger at whatever jab or jibe or insult Dazai has come up with this time.

A measuring stick, a picture book of Issun-boshi, a collar for a sheep-dog, a microscope.

He both loves and hates the colour red, loves it in the way that it adds depth to the world, the way that something other than black-white-grey exists, hates it in the way that it still doesn't give him any of the answers he has been searching for, the way that blood now has a colour and he still feels nothing.

(Hates it, in the way that he can see the colour red cover Chuuya's skin when he enters Corruption, both the glowing marks that were the sign of an ability born of no human origin, and the crimson colour that gathers at Chuuya's fingertips, dripping down onto the ground, falls from his eyes and his mouth.

Chuuya is full of fire, warm and burning and red, and yet in Corruption he burns like a pyre, up in flames and with the threat of becoming only embers.)

...

His first hint of a new colour arrives when he meets Oda Sakunosuke, his own fascination with the strangest man in the mafia causing grey to turn into brown, and he spends a good several hours staring in the mirror when he first realises, because for the very first time, he can see the colour of his hair, the colour of his eyes, making him wonder why all everyone has ever said to do with the colour brown is that it's boring.

How can it be boring, he wonders? When it shows him things such as this?

...

Ango comes in via sepia, and at first makes Dazai think of the yellowed pages of old tomes and volumes and parchments, which is fitting for someone like him who spends all of his time among records rather than people.

His first guess is the fact that the lamp that's turned on in the small room Ango uses is too bright and light to be brown, and not quite right for red either, and yet isn't quite grey.

He had almost forgotten that there were further shades that he might be exposed to, and is delighted when further experimentation, poking and prodding at the potential connection, deepens the shades of yellow.

He finds it funny, at the time, wondering why Ango might elicit such a bright shade that shows Dazai things such as sunlight and sunflowers-

Until he loses Odasaku, and loses Ango in the process, or might as well have, and the browns that he had once seen so clearly turn to faded, muted versions of their past selves, and the next time he see the emblem of the Japanese government, its bright and cheery yellow sunflower form, there is a part of him that wants to tear it down and destroy it, to tear out his eyes to stop seeing yellow, to somehow, as if it were possible, exchange the unwanted colour in order for the full shades of brown to return.

He does not, and the yellow persists, and the browns in their full glory never return, even when he finds a coat the closest shade to Odasaku's as he could find, the lighter slacks, the darker waistcoat over a grey shirt.

...

He spends two years underground, somehow evading the eyes of those who would recognise him, and the world stays the same, with no new colours.

His reds never fade, despite the bomb he placed under Chuuya's car, and he never stops seeing gold in the sunlight, in the flowers, in the jewellery of married men and beautiful women.

Sepia-and-red is a decent existence, he supposes, as he stares at the flowers someone has left at another grave.

...

The first time he sees the colour green, Dazai isn't even paying attention, and blinks at the dim tone before going back to setting his mind on the case at hand, and questioning just what was going on-

As well as how not to let Kunikida onto the fact that he knew more than he was showing, or the very fact that he could see green now.

The next time they're walking along, he stares at the scenery, and wonders if this is what spring is like, because green is suddenly appearing everywhere, so much grass and so many leaves and the colour of Kunikida's notebook.

It... hurts, somewhat, and he can't figure out why, so he distracts himself with making fun of the way Kunikida was so gullible, and the way he made assumptions about things he shouldn't, and with coming up with new ways to waste his notebook paper with useless words full of lies and tricks, and-

"The sky is still blue," Kunikida says, and Dazai stops, remembering the way that brown had faded to sepia tones, and the fact that he could still see red in the bricks of the building they were in front of, and the way that the yellow never fading meant that he could see the blond of Kunikida's hair.

"Is it?" Dazai asks, because that is one shade that he never has been able to see, the sky stretching out into grey eternity.

He doesn't ask which one Kunikida means. The woman, or the child. Perhaps it doesn't even matter.

Green, after all... the cover of that notebook. The ushering in of new life, something that was almost alien to someone such as Dazai himself, who was only barely beginning to start to learn how to live as Odasaku had wanted of him, saving people... protecting the orphans.

Kunikida snorts. Doubtless making the assumption (incorrect again, in this case) that Dazai, for all his insistence at being a part of the Agency, for all that he was good at being a detective, must have never had anyone he held in such high regard.

...

One minute he's floating in the darkness, supposing that if this should work it wouldn't be a bad way to die, and the next he's waking up on the shore.

He groans, at first, irritated and not bothered about hiding it, but then he sees the boy in what constitutes as nothing more than rags, who has clearly dredged him out of the river, and who is clearly starving, and he blinks, slowly, before explaining himself and offering recompense for the boy's troubles.

He knows enough of red and yellow and brown to see that the tiger facing him is white, the black stripes stark against the pale fur, eyes glaring yellow, and he knows enough of himself that of all things, this too cannot kill him.

The moon shines down into the warehouse, and for a moment all he can see is monotone greyscale, and the memory of what he lived with for fifteen years makes his eyes go dark-

-until the others come in, and he's reminded of the fact that even if there are moments when the colours cannot be seen, they're never truly gone. Even his browns are never truly gone, just faded.

It's easier, he finds, to say that he will take the boy in and suggest him for the Agency, than to put that plan in practice. Not because of any difficulties with the others, or because Atsushi himself is difficult, per se...

But Atsushi looks at him strangely, and keeps his eyes widely staring at each new thing in a way that Dazai recognises, and he remembers Odasaku's words, and wonders if this is enough, if this is the start of something he can look his memory of the man in the eye for, and say, see, I haven't given up, I'm still trying.

It's a gradual process, he discovers, and it comes through slowly. At first, barely visible, and then, eventually, all around him, and he finds himself unable to care as Kunikida yells at him for lazing around, lying on his back in the park and staring up at the sky.

The blue sky. So very, very blue.

...

He's a little disappointed, when he walks into the office and no one seems to have been worried at all, so he kicks up a fuss, causing Kunikida to throw something at him (which misses, and nearly hits someone else).

Atsushi later admits that no matter what he had been going through, he'd never been able to worry too much about Dazai himself... not because he wasn't concerned for his mentor's safety, but because no matter what had happened, he'd never stopped being able to see the colour brown.

He doesn't know what to say, to that, so he just nods mutely, hands crossed in front of his face, remembering a time when he, too, had been able to see all shades of brown, and wonders - is that how Atsushi sees me?

He wonders, How do I live up to this?

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd stuff #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #Leona fic

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