#also I really wanna do an ellie inspired tattoo because I am not original at all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gothamstreetcat · 4 years

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oh dude dude DUDE have you...have you finished tlou2 yet? God I didn’t even know you liked the game I’m so excited I have someone to bother about it now 😂 anyways if you haven’t finished yet how far are you? also hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself while playing the game cause it can be quite a bit on the violent side for some people

dear keeps,

rip to this disaster of a review that took me so long to complete:

So anyway, I was really debating on answering this ask or not for two reasons. One, being I don’t think I’m the best person to be doing this type of thing--I’m too scatterbrained. And two, I admittedly have a lot to say but have trouble putting things into words + this will be a lot of writing on my part that I don’t believe my brain can handle. Nevertheless, here we finally are.

I want to start by saying I have a poor memory and had not played the game in many years. I didn’t even play it when it first came out (even though I was interested in it), but only a year following it’s release. I also had not seen the trailer for the second game but once when it came out, and I didn’t see the second trailer they put out--I actually was just barely paying enough attention to anything to know only when the game was released. I’m certain if I had been up to date on all the leaks and scene changes from the trailers that I too, would have been more upset with the game itself. However, I’m not even going to talk about this beyond this point because I don’t know of the specifics and I’m too lazy to do the research and figure it out. On my own personal level, I did feel a disconnect from the first game to the second--mostly because I had not played the first game in such a long time. However, I have played it again as the time of my writing this, and will be talking about much of it here.

In a certain way, since playing the first game again, I definitely feel as though these two games complete each other on a deep, bittersweet level. It’s not perfect by any means but actually messy, and yet somehow I feel these games go together like Ellie and Joel themselves. There are so many little moments that tie them together that I didn’t realize at first but now, make the game seem very complete for me. Even if I didn’t like the ending.

Things like, Ellie telling Riley the only way she’s going to forgive her is with a dinosaur. Or Ellie telling Joel she wanted to be an astronaut + that he’s “so singing for her” when Joel gets badly injured. Or when Joel tells Ellie he’s gonna teach her how to play guitar following their journey to the Fireflies. We see every following moment to these in the second game. Joel singing to Ellie about losing himself if he ever lost her. Joel, teaching Ellie how to swim and then taking her to a museum full of freaking dinosaurs while also making her dream come true and giving her “the best birthday ever.” I don’t think I’m the one to be saying this, but none of this would have happened to Ellie if Joel had not done what he did. I am not trying to act like he’s perfect. I know he isn’t, and yes, I do think Abby is justified for what she did. Yet, I also side very much with Joel and maybe doing what he did seems very fucking selfish, but I view Joel being selfish not for himself, but instead for Ellie. It saddens me to feel as though Ellie only views her importance and purpose in life as being this “cure” however, in my mind, she’s more then that and I think Joel knows that too. You have no idea the impact you can make in someone’s life--big or small--just by being alive. Ellie surely made an impact on him.

So yeah, maybe I can see why people are really upset. Is it right? Sure. Am I a little biased because I too, was raised by a single dad and see just a hint of him in Joel? Yes, and if that’s wrong I don’t want to be right. Besides, I think it’s a lot of pressure to put on a little girl to be the cure for mankind (to be frank, we don’t even know if mankind is worth it). Not only when Ellie indeed, was a young girl who still had an entire life in front of her. Maybe, Joel did what he did because he didn’t want to lose another daughter, maybe he saw Sarah in Ellie (I mean, they totally didn’t put that beginning part in with single daddy Joel for no reason), or maybe, as I said, he saw this entire future for Ellie because even he knows this isn’t all she was meant to do. Something I wish I could have told Ellie before Joel’s passing. Because while she has every right to be upset, I still believe Joel had every right to do what he did when he lied to her and stopped everything.

Let me try and explain, part of me sees some of my dad in Joel. He’s rough around the edges but he’s got soft insides. He feels deeply connected to someone and therefore might become shut-off when he loses them (like my dad losing my mom or Joel losing his daughter). He didn’t have a great start, as I’m fairly sure Joel has killed and done lots of things he isn’t proud of before he met Ellie (for my dad I think it had a lot to do with drugs). However, I do see and believe that Ellie made him a better version of himself and it was clear how much she changed him because instead of pawning her off and shutting her down--he wanted to be with her, and I felt it showed their journey was more about protecting Ellie because he loved her and not just because she was the cure. I pretty sure the games makes it’s obvious enough and I don’t have to point it out because I’m deep in my fucking feelings right now. Yes, Joel is not the only person in the last of us* however, he does get a fucking pass from me for being not only a dad, but a single dad. Single dads do not get enough credit. It hits when we get to part where Joel gets injured and I sit there and think “well, what if that was me and my dad?” Firstly, we’d be fucking dead. There are no five hits in real life and then you restart. Second, my dad would probably fucking tell me to leave him and let him bleed and I’m sure I couldn’t do that. Therefore, I’d try to reason with the bad guys and then we’d be dead, again.

I also want to talk about how it’s interesting when Ellie makes her first kill and Joel does admit “it was either him or me” how this is such a big theme of the game. So much in fact I think it plays a huge role in Joel’s death. This entire time you’re playing these two characters and having to fight and kill because of just that--it’s either you or them. Yeah, you could try and sneak your way past and whatever, but firstly, that’s never seemed to fucking work for me--I’m not Batman. Secondly, the minute they see you they’re going to shoot you--it’s dog it eat dog out there. Yeah, it’s a game and that’s the way it’s programmed, but in Joel and Ellie’s reality that’s what the world has come to. Crazy enough, I complained a little from the second game that it felt you fought more people then infected, yet you come back to the first game and it kinda seems the same way! Like, maybe mankind doesn’t deserve to be saved. You could argue it’s the circumstances that made them that way--but there is still plenty of good people *and yes, I count Joel as one of them because when you’re going around and the people are just shoot you on sight you have a right to defend yourself.* Then over here, you have the Cannibal-rapist King, David and I guess “his people” going around in a tank mercilessly killing people on sight only to be disappointed they have nothing on them besides the clothes on their backs. ????

Don’t even get me started on those bullshit Fireflies, because first off, Marline does not get to fucking come to Joel and tell him what she’s fucking lost. You don’t get to act like another person has lost more or less then you. You don’t get to talk about how Ellie’s mom left her with you and then taint that loyalty and trust by killing Ellie just because “you just want this all to be over” because, in my view, you are lazy and want to take a cowards way out while other people are over here surviving. Tommy is a good example of this because he part of the Fireflies but now he’s not. He’s got a home, a wife, livestock and grown produce and seems overall very happy. He even talks about how those were things people didn’t think were going to be possible anymore.

I understand, Marlene is technically Ellie’s guardian, yet who protected her this entire time? Joel Miller. The one person who apparently wasn’t going to stand for any of this. Who called Marlene on her bullshit--rightfully so, and also, did most of what he did for Ellie. Yeah, maybe he’s her dad or whatever, and perhaps he’s just the stranger she got stuck with--but I feel Joel has every right to be a part in all this because Ellie is just a kid who needs adult guidance. I have to cover all my bases and say yes, maybe Joel was out of line--he’s not her dad but he is a dad and I don’t know any parent in the world who would give up their child for the rest of the world. I know my dad wouldn’t.

Which brings me back to this thing about Ellie and Joel being connected and being puzzle pieces that are different in shape but fit perfectly--more perfect then any of the pieces of the puzzle. Ellie needs an adult figure *which sure as fuck is not going to be Marlene* and Joel I think needs Ellie to be grounded. To be a better person. To complete him--if you will. I say this because I have no problem with Joel taking Ellie’s choice away, even if it wasn’t the perfect thing to do. In his defense however, the Fireflies didn’t give him much choice. They knocked him out while he was in the middle of CPR and a high doubt they pulled Ellie out enough to tell her the full story of the situation--which is not fair to Ellie at all. They would’t even let Joel fucking see her and let me ask, how in the world can you expect Joel or judge him for saving Ellie after they’d been though so much? Ellie is worried about a wasted trip but think of how far you came just to unknowingly die? After having made plans with Joel for a life beyond the Fireflies.

I do think Ellie would have still chose to sacrifice herself, but again, I also don’t think what was happening to her was fair. And before we get into Joel lying to Ellie, he lied in true dad fashion and did the best he could do at the time. He was right and should say it, killing Ellie because Marlene thinks it’s better for her is not for her to fucking decide. Torn apart by clickers? Honey, I really think if that was the case it would have happened by now (or if you’re me it happened several times). Raped and murdered? We already closed that chapter of the book and in all three cases Ellie was able to hold her own like a pro--this on top of taking care of big daddy Joel after he was injured. So no, you don’t get to make the choice just because you think it’s “better” and those are your only reasons. Mind you, this is also the woman Ellie said would have shot her on sight once she got bit. *Please, don’t even come at me with this bitch in season two. Abby has more validation then her.

Needless to say, but I do not like Marlene however, I do wish he death is something I would have done differently. While I understand Joel doing what he did, I found killing her kinda harsh and is she was going to return I would have preferred to cross that bridge in the second game. I also didn’t agree with killing the surgeon (Jerry) --I just wish that could have been different and less brutal. I think perhaps it might have been a little better if them hunting Joel and Ellie became the second game but hey, I didn’t write it and I’m probably wrong. I did try to go around the doctor but nothing happened so I felt exceptionally bad when Joel killed him the way he did (I mean, when someone screams “you animal” it makes you question if you’ve become everything you’ve fought against). I do wish they could have talked it out and reasoned dad-to-dad but that is probably unrealistic and Marlene would have found a way to stop it. I know Abby said she’d been cool being the sacrifice and all but I think things admittedly been super different it was Abby and her father going through this. Write me a fic of Abby and her dad helping Joel escape, I dare ya.

*okay, so I totally just just looked it up and you die if you wait too long to kill the surgeon + hitting him with a brick or bottle does nothing*

Now, the reason I wanted to say all this is because right now, my heart burns deeply for Joel. I am not trying to take away from Abby by saying this or seem conflicted or convoluted, but I do believe deep down Joel’s death has bigger meaning because of these past events. We look at the “it’s either him or me” statement but compare that to Ellie and Joel. If Ellie had died then Joel would most likely be alive. However, being he stopped that from happening it ended up in him losing his own life. Now, I understand Joel said if he could he’d have done it differently--but I really do think in the case of saving Ellie, he’s wrong. If we look at the above instead as “it’s either Ellie or Joel” (as the case ends up being) Joel is most certainly going to pick Ellie over himself because that is what a good parent does for their child. Again, bringing me into the whole him seeing a future for Ellie and giving her one. I feel that’s way more important to him and if he had never done what he did then Ellie would not have had the best birthday ever, she would not have had Dina (the dinosaur) or JJ, and she would have never learned how to swim or play guitar or had a cute little farm with animals and whatever. She would not have touched the lives of the people she met. And I feel like, in most cases it is common for parents to want better for their children (like I’m sure Peter wanted for Abby).

However, Abby is just as justified for wanting to kill Joel and it’s crazy we can justify wanting Abby hurt or dead because she killed Joel. However, things would have been different if we played the first game as Abby instead of Joel. Yet, we have played a game and then some getting to know Ellie and Joel, siding with them and not being able to see the other side where we jump into playing Abby who we only just met.

There is a good post or two I am going to link here* and here.

I also want to point out that while we’ve been playing with Ellie for one game and then some--where she has only know Joel for X amount of time, yet there is Abby who has known her dad her entire life. Abby who, walked in and saw her dad on the ground in his blood, brutally murdered by a “fucking animal.” I’m not trying to take away from anyone here, this mostly for the people who hate Abby just to do it, and I know I’ve probably said lots of time but I know it’s not easy to see your parent die in front of you and I don’t think a lot of people see that. (There is also a neat post I am going to link here) Now, the circumstances are very different but trauma is trauma no matter how you slice it and while I admire Abby for only going after what she initially came for and nothing else, I do with she would have spared Ellie of the sight considering it wasn’t her fault. Knowing what Abby herself had been through.

This part of my review/rant/word vomit is probably going to sound a little fucked-up but I really wish Abby and Ellie could have found a way to be together. I know it sounds dumb but they are really two halves to the same coin and I really believe the only one who could help Ellie with her PTSD would be Abby. It isn’t like she can go to a therapist and fighting for Abby’s death wasn’t going to cure it. Abby and Ellie have both experienced loss (and to some degree at each other’s hands). They were brought into this infected world pretty young and lost their parental guidance in the process. I also, wished things had been different with Joel as hard as that is to say, because I’m not saying Abby should forgive Joel but I would want Joel to be sorry and know what he did. I believe having the characters actually confront the issues they faced rather then look at them and kill would bring more peace--which is all I want to ask for. Peace.

Something else I really liked about Abby was her trying to stop the cycle of revenge (I’m not gonna lie, I really not care about anyone else aside from Abby, Ellie, and Joel this game don’t get me wrong about Lev though). Yes, I know she kinda added to it, but once Lev and Yara came around she too, like Joel, was trying to be a better person and I could really see her potential. It became all about saving/helping Lev and Yara (much like Joel and Ellie). And I feel like I sound crazy when I say I didn’t have much issue fighting Ellie as Abby (it’s really sick how I saw most of the fight style like fighting David in the Steakhouse, wtf Naughtydog) but I had a huge problem fighting Abby as Ellie. I feel as though seeing Abby spare Ellie was showing how much she’s grown and how much she understands Ellie. However, I had a tough time fighting as Ellie because Abby was already so fucking beat by the end of the game. She had Lev as her top priority, had lost weight, been out in the blistering sun, probably starving, and the Rattlers had cut her fucking braid (something I see as a way to humiliate her on top of other things they probably did to her and Lev). Not only that but seeing Abby be cut up repeatedly when she could barley fight for herself was tough.

So yeah, it’s going on one in the morning so now I’m going to talk about some other things... Overall, I really enjoyed the game, I even like the new dodge feature (which I came to realize was not in the first game). I did feel like you kinda had to kill everyone in order to progress the game but to be fair I’m not really good at video games so I don’t really want to count that.

Even I too, did not like Abby at first. I didn’t like her because she was new and by brain often immediately rejects new. I also didn’t like how she jumped (but then I came to realize that everyone jumps that heavy and acts like they just missed that two foot jump). Lastly, I love how Abby and Joel got muscles, therefore, they don’t really need a knife I guess but I hate crafting shivs and I think it’s a little dumb so I don’t know why Abby never made one after that period of time (like girl, you know you need it). I thought the Rattler’s crew was stupid only because they really just seemed there and like you average neighborhood hoodlums--again, just killing people on sight for whatever reason.

I didn’t like the dogs in the game because I felt too real. Killing a dog in the cemetery of Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness? No problem. Killing dogs in The Last of Us? I couldn’t live with myself. If I accidentally sliced up a dog with my knife or melee weapon, I had to let them kill me? A shotgun? No go. Part of the time I could run away but again, I’m not good at video games so this was a bit of a challenge.

I do wish they had let us use Ellie’s whistling on the scars, I think that would have been cool, and I want to say I found myself getting lost a lot but I didn’t want to make another paragraph just to say that.

It’s crazy because I was not totally sure how they were going to approach a second game/what they were going to put in it. I was very shocked Joel’s death but not really turned off by it if that makes sense. I am a little sadder now, but will add that with my thoughts during the ending. I also, couldn’t understand why people were so upset because at the time, Joel’s death did not seem like a good enough reason to me. I was more upset over Ellie being upset with Joel for doing what he did even though she’s right and it’s natural but I also don’t think she could see what Joel was until it was too late. Having someone pass away with unresolved issues is not easy and can take a very long time for someone to get over.

As for the ending, it’s bittersweet. I am a little sad but also a little un-phased--so to speak. At first, I thought Dina had left with JJ, but there was another post (which I didn’t save in my drafts so I’m not going to link it) that explained why Ellie was back at the farm--to possibly close a chapter. She is wearing Dina’s bracelet again (as opposed to in Santa Barbara) that indicates she reconciled and will probably return to Jackson--which is nice. Yet, I am very torn over her giving up playing guitar. Yes, she cannot play the same, but I wish she hadn’t given it up fully. That guitar, which Joel made if I’m not mistaken, was a symbol of Joel’s love. It was something he passed onto Ellie out of love that he wanted to do because he loved her. It was more then a skill to survive and more then a piece of advice given. That’s why it hurts deeply to see her let something like that go. However, I know (as talked about in Ana’s review) that losing her fingers is supposed to show the damage her hunt for revenge caused. She lost her fingers because she begged Abby to fight, can no longer now play guitar the same, Tommy is changed and lost his wife, and Joel is still dead. That is why I wish so much for peace between Ellie and Abby but there may never be any.

On top of letting go of the guitar, I wanna say that sometimes memories are not enough for people. Sometimes all we have are the things people left behind and it can be really challenging to let go. For some reason it always seemed like my dad used material things in place of what I lacked, so when he passed I didn’t want to get rid of anything and kept almost everything. I got my driver’s license so I wouldn’t have to get rid of his car that’s seen better days--despite my family’s wants. Hell, I even have a container of his cigarette ashes from his bedside kept as well as the container he left in the car. I was so upset when I lose his car key that he always used (despite the fact that I broke it and it kept falling off the ring). Things that just aren’t even that important but they matter, you know? So, I feel bad Ellie left the guitar.

My (hopefully) final thoughts: David was the only person I do not feel sorry for and deserved to die (he is another fucking rant for another asks, I swear). I really wish we could have seen Abby choke someone out with her muscles but maybe in the DLC where her and Lev get a more finished ending. And lastly, I know I could have just said if I liked the game or not but I do not live in the real world.

I can’t wait to play the games again, they are my salvation right now.

Hope you are well, and taking care of yourself also!

xoxo

* since it took me So Long to find that second post, I found another talking about Ellie’s tattoo I’m gonna leave here *

#thank you for all the sweet messages. love #asks #guys. you don't have to read this but if you did or even just part of it I'd be so grateful #I worked really hard on this and it's so fucking late #keeps. I was totally gonna make a video because this is a lot #but I didn't so I hope my humor can come through in text #also I really wanna do an ellie inspired tattoo because I am not original at all #XD

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