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#aishi.exe
petorahs · 1 year
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ryoji's character be like. "what if the only thing death ever yearned for is life" "what if the answer to accepting death is to try to live" "what if your entire life's purpose catastrophically goes against your every wish yet youre doomed to carry it out anyway" "what if the only way out of it was death" and being shocked when someone important to you... refuses that fate for your sake. that they want you to live.
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petorahs · 2 months
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AKIHIKO SANADA AND MAKOTO YUKI JUST KILL ME WHY DONT YOU
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at this moment, did Aki picture Miki putting the medal on him... is Makoto like a little brother to him too... oughhghgh im gonna be sick... they are so found family in this. IM GONNA BE SICK.
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petorahs · 1 year
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no cause the way persona 3 took the "passive silent protagonist" route in the most tragic way possible because when you think about it everything that happens in the game is due to their passive involvement.
they just happened to be caught in the crossfire, and subsequently orphaned for it. spent the remainder of those 10 years passively dealing with grief (either through putting up a smiling front or cold one). all their teammates suffered as a direct consequence of them arriving to the city. and later on MC is just understandably blamed for it but they don't say anything after this crushing realization. they can't say anything. they stay silent. they stay passive. (who wouldnt?).
they just happened to be a child on that bridge, under the full moon. knowing nothing about the life that awaited them (and soon, everything about Death).
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petorahs · 3 months
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he is so ridiculously beautiful. oh and the ui too .
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petorahs · 2 months
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this literally proves that Makoto had less than pleasant thoughts about life after his parents died like I literally almost cried reading this response... everytime I feel like I'm reading too much into his character I'll remember this. "Because I know how it feels."
for context, Ken in the remake has a particular aspect in his character emphasized... [under read more are spoilers for his first two linked episodes, as well as discussions of suicidal ideation and depression].
in the original, it was made explicitly clear that Ken was going to avenge his mother's death by killing Shinjiro (who was as he deemed responsible) and then killing himself, because life will have no meaning to him beyond that. he's also a kid in elementary school.
in the remake, we find out that this manifests in several ways. first, he does not allow himself to enjoy things anymore, because that would mean he'd be too attached to his life he's going to throw away soon. when Makoto treats him to a hearty meal, he pauses after exclaiming that "it was delicious!", and that he "can't say things like that". food, one of life's simplest joys, has to be paltry to him. he has to focus on the mission. kinda like a robot.
secondly, he frequently regards things with a set time limit. a classmate invites him to the soccer team in October, but he declines (he was planning to kill himself on the 4th of that month, sorry, can't make it). he asks for Makoto's help to take care of his beloved pet hamster, because he knows he won't be around to. he's literally taking care of his own unsettled affairs like a dead boy walking. not making promises he can't keep (a lovely parallel to Shinjiro's upright advice to not break promises in his own 1st linked episode)
from this it can also be seen that Ken's obsession towards wanting to "seem mature" translates to "not wanting to be a burden", because no one took his problems seriously. just because he's a kid, doesn't mean these thoughts can't plague him. it's also because wanting to die makes people feel like they're taking up too much space. so, to do everyone a favor, disappearing would be optimal. (source: my own old thoughts...)
a common thought process of depressed people is indifference to their own future, like "I don't know if I'll make it past 20 years old" for example. Shinjiro and Ken both have said a variation of this. they know neither of them are making it past October 4th. they have a ticking clock over their heads at all times.
and... apparently. what gets me is that Makoto of all people understands this. understands exactly what Ken is going through. that feeling of needing to isolate yourself because "they won't get it" or "i'm just a burden", of needing to be calm cool and collected at all times, of not caring about the future because you don't see one for yourself, that life literally has no meaning and there's no purpose to it- Makoto understands what it feels like to be overwhelmed by that much dread.
he's empathetic and kind, but has awkward ways of showing it. he extends his hands to those that are in clearly bad shape when no one wants to. that's the kind of character he is, and I won't believe anyone who tries to say he doesn't have one... :")
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petorahs · 2 months
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because i will protect him.
Persona 3 FES/Portable/Movie/Reload: Closing Thoughts.
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When I first experienced Persona 3’s story last year, it was at a time that I was beginning to figure out my life. It broke down my walls and seized me by the heart, but it cradled it lovingly as well. It reaffirmed all the personal philosophies I held at the time - in other words, my values.
Going into it I only had a vague idea on what to expect. I’ve only recently played Persona 5 Royal the same February before that, so I knew instead of its themes of ‘rebellion’ it would be themed around ‘death’. Instead of fallen ‘stars’ like in P5, P3 would be based around the ‘moon’ and all its phases. What also convinced me to play P3 so soon after just finishing P5 was its main character- Makoto Yuki. He was voiced by Akira Ishida in the japanese version which I immediately caught on to… I had to see it for myself since I was in an Ishida phase at the time (lmao). I expected to love him as far as liking silent protagonists/player avatars would go.
What I didn’t expect, however, was how deeply I latched onto the characters and main character in particular. I think it’s the way the friendships are a bit complicated and none of SEES really like eachother at first but learn to care and help despite that. It’s the way its messages are written in a clear thesis. I’ve written about them before, but it’s the way the only thing Death ever yearned for is life. That life and death can’t exist without the other. It has life palpable everywhere in the game. 
And Makoto Yuki. It’s the way that Makoto Yuki symbolizes the apathy one experiences in life but learns to find so many things worth living for anyway. I wouldn’t say I related to him because I’ve always enjoyed life while he was content to throw it away, so it’s another thing: Pure unbridled affection. To me, he’s someone I would devote myself to. To me, he reminds me of my little brother a lot. Shy, introverted, deadpan. To me, he’s every beautiful thing in this world. He’s like the moon, pretty and distant. Deep and emotional. He’s also like sakura blossoms. Transient. But still, so, so beautiful and precious. He represents a life worth protecting no matter what.
It’s in Aigis. Someone who echoes my sentiments with Makoto so perfectly - I didn’t understand anything about life and thought it was all about being “optimal” and that it can be replicated, replaced, redone. But I know now that it’s so precious; that life is so precious. I never found Aigis latching Makoto to be out of place or particularly fanservicey. To me, it’s like a natural progression of both of their character arcs. She didn’t have anyone in her life before. As someone who struggles making deep relationships out of my own nature/how I was built, I understood it. She delivers one of my most favorite lines in media ever, that “philosophy” I held so dear - "You don't have to save the world to find meaning in life... Sometimes all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of.”
And that’s literally it to me. There is no grand meaning behind it all. What matters to me is to hang out with my friends and family and be the kindest I can be to them. I want to be a light in their life, however small - kinda like how Makoto was to Aigis and all his other friends. I, too, would spend my whole life by his side just to follow in those footsteps. It’s pure and beautiful. An actual bond,
But then he dies. 
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The thing about Persona 3 is that it never once romanticized death to me. Them shooting themselves in the head represents resolve, yes, but it’s always but gratuitous and framed in an unhinged way. Nyx Avatar, the final boss and actual symbol of Death in the game, has the face of a nightmare that made my heart drop when I first saw her. It knows that death is scary to everyone, so it represents that well. But it was clear what exactly it wanted to portray to its players: that despite death being scary, it’s not something to be feared. It can be peaceful, so long as you remember to live your life to the fullest. To quote my own post, “the meaning of life is hanging out with your friends on a mundane, sunny day during a graduation ceremony”. 
But that doesn’t stop the grief.
I can’t explain what it’s like to see my favorite character’s corpse rotting in real time. It’s actually horrifying. But the thing is - it wasn’t done without purpose. I accepted it, just like how I accepted everything about “The Answer” or, “Aigis’ Story” in JP. 
I quite literally put myself in the shoes of the one character who mirrored my own sentiments so clearly as she fought with the grief of losing the one person she swore to protect as he died in her lap. I was kinda crying the entire time. It’s so fucking real to me. The way that she reverted back to her “robotic state” but it was literally just her numbing herself to the pain. The way that Yukari had to escape by acting indifferent. The way that Junpei tries to act upbeat for everyone’s sake. Mitsuru’s quiet grief. Akihiko's respect. Ken and Koromaru's silent strength. But most of all, Aigis… and the way she’s so lost and confused. 
I lost so many family members in the recent years prior to playing P3. It’s never easy. Playing The Answer especially (and all of P3) put it all into perspective. I don’t know how, but all of these elements and plot beats in the game represented my feelings so perfectly.
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Seeing its remake announced in June was actually serendipitous. I basically got to relive it quite recently. A year’s worth of nostalgia is still nostalgia. I loved a lot of the changes, and hated some others. 
But every time I experience Persona 3’s ending, I end up crying though. Unfailingly. And I’ve experienced it many times by now. Every time I think I’ve “gotten over it” I literally do not. Prior to P3 the only media that started making me cry was The Good Place’s ending. 
I think Reload’s was the worst. What they did with player proxy death in this one felt way more insanely real I think. Or Maybe it’s the sea. How Ryoji says in FeMC’s route and in Reload to Makoto how “the water is going on a journey, too. It must be having fun”, “The waters all converge to its source, like us.” Maybe it’s how the sea and moon are so intimately connected. Just like how life and death are. Maybe it’s the way that even nihilism represented by Strega isn’t actually wrong as framed by Reload, it’s just not the message this time around in this game. Or maybe it’s hearing the voices of everyone (social links) who loved him and was touched positively by him also echoing my thoughts. Maybe it’s the way that the ending felt way more personal when you choose to not romance any of SEES, especially Aigis. That platonic love goes beyond any of that and makes every act of devotion and speech about bonds feel actually real (despite how cheesy it seems!). 
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All I can think about after playing it every time is that I will love the people in my life so, so hard from now on. So much that they wonder why. For a game about death, it sure does make me live my life more fully. 
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It’s just… real. This game and all its themes was perfectly concocted. The moon, the sea, spring, rebirth, and the sakura blossoms. And you. It’s all so precious and beautiful. I want to remember and protect it, always. I want to live for it all.
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petorahs · 2 months
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i must have not noticed this the first two playthroughs but i like the detail that Chidori possibly suffers from the persona suppressants making the consumer's body temperature drop... like how Shinjiro bundles up because of it
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but then this girl is like... "I admire her commitment!" meanwhile Shinjiro gets a "his clothes look a bit old but he's cool" lol.
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they both should open a knitting club
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petorahs · 1 year
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day 0 of joker not saying something strange/funny that throws you out of the loop
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joker makes it sound adorable cause he is adorable
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petorahs · 5 months
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i miss playing totk i just need a time where im just free to fck around again so i can finish quests anyway i love the house i built for link
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petorahs · 1 year
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me: grieving over makoto yuki/minato arisato crying choking insaneing throwing a fit writing 10 paragraphs about him
makoto yuki is literally just selling ice cream.
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petorahs · 9 months
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my femc playthrough is going wonderful actually thanks for asking
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petorahs · 1 year
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canon akira's a little down bad. a little silly a little desperate.
now imagine him saying any of this to goro...
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petorahs · 11 months
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i accidentally got so attached to my house in totk 😭😭 like jit got me making a floor plan to design it like the architect i never was just so linky can sleep next to the seaside sunrise n stuff. insane. this game is making me insane (its good n addicting
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petorahs · 1 year
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holyfrick. wait. kaveh. he's kinda so relatable to me
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i didnt expect his character stories to hit so hard 😭 i get the feeling that they really put in the effort to weave his viewpoints and why they both work and fall apart. I feel like he's also the dev's take on art in an increasingly capitalistic environment + artblock... its all so wordy and poetic i kinda love him.
more of my faves from his lore:
A person who wished to ascend to the garden of heaven upon steps made of thin air would inevitably plant their feet on an empty stair and fall to their death. As a genius, Kaveh longed to belong in a crowd, subconsciously fearing separation from it — this was the difference between him and Alhaitham.
People should not give up, for even if they are doing good in an attempt to make up for something, the results will still have meaning for some. Even if he could not enter that promised land of his ideals, that did not mean the radiance and the attraction of such a realm should be denied.
Page 31: Some academic notes and architectural drawings. Postscript: "Our views are aligned, and they are complete." This line has been struck out. "Our views are contradictory, but it is through contradiction that more speculation and philosophy may be born." This line has been retained.
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petorahs · 1 year
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really love it when goro's ability as a wildcard is acknowledged even a little. he's the main character to me
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petorahs · 9 months
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am i the only mf that thinks strega (including takaya and jin!! chidori's usually the only one people like) are okay.. they're like "tell not show" which is kind of bad writing-wise but i like the little hints of characterization we get for them throughout the game?
people at port island station think takaya's tattoos are weird and that he looks malnourished lmao, and a lot of people including the gekkou students think chidori's fashion is cute but also weird (because of her rbf most definitely).
most of all i think jin is the most underutilized... a woman at the strip mall says "there's this popular site that people like because the guy that runs it just gets them. wonder what that's all about?" which is definitely an early nyx-cult precursor. the way they got so many people under their thumbs is because jin was so tech-savvy and used socmed to his advantage and this fact is only mentioned off-handedly by fuuka close to endgame like, once. but apparently the hints are there and it took my second playthrough to see it. also this kid outside the arcade says "there's this guy that tosses his ball up and down but i dont know where he got it?" definitely also jin.
just the thought of strega being most active during the Dark Hour, but also living life outside during daytime frequenting arcades and going around stations in their peculiar getups. and for however much they yearn for Nyx/Death, they are also quite at the mercy of life too seeing as they're still living in the same world the mcs do. as much as dying is inevitable, so is living.
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