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antianakin · 3 months

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So I was recommended Out With Lanterns by SkyBean in this post about other potential masters for Ahsoka back in October, and I've finally gotten around to finishing it (as well as most of the other fics in the series) and I HAVE to say something about it because I feel like this fic has changed my brain chemistry just a little.

For reference, Out With Lanterns is a fic where Ahsoka is chosen by Mace to be his Padawan about a year or so prior to AOTC and follows her life and training with him through the clone wars.

Since this is a fic rec, I'm going to put a few warnings out front. There's absolutely going to be spoilers for this fic because I have a lot to say about it, so if you are interested in the basic premise and don't want to know any of the details so you can experience it for yourself, please don't read past this paragraph. This fic is NOT Anakin friendly, in any way shape or form. It isn't what I would consider a character bashing and he only shows up like 3-4 times total in a fic that's 300k words long, but it doesn't try to be particularly kind to Anakin when he is there. It's also not super kind to Padme or Anidala, unsurprisingly. The fic is completed, but the series is still ongoing. This fic takes the war a LOT more seriously than the show did and it doesn't shy away from some of the darker things that can happen in a war or the violence that the characters might have to go through as a result of fighting in it. Some of the other fics in the series continue past Order 66 and look more in detail at what life might be like for Jedi who have to go on the run and constantly fear persecution. It's dark, it's painful, it's harrowing, but it's VERY very good. This fic is also INCREDIBLY pro Jedi and Jedi friendly.

On to the spoilery bits.

I've been sort-of on the fence about Ahsoka since her show came out last year and it's embittered me towards her character quite a bit, which is sort-of sad because I HAVE really enjoyed her in the past, but nothing about her current trajectory is anything I like or find interesting and in fact it feels like it's leading that branch of Star Wars in a direction I find actively distasteful. And it's hard to look at her character and not REMEMBER where she's ended up, it's hard to look at her in TCW and Rebels and not see all the things that were signs of where she was heading.

But this fic has done a lot to make me like her again. This fic is written by someone who so clearly understands what made Ahsoka a really compelling character initially and focuses in on that in such a way that it makes me remember what I HAVE liked about Ahsoka. It allows Ahsoka to be incredibly flawed, even as she grows and develops and matures, she still makes mistakes and struggles and needs guidance from her master. But those flaws don't make her incompetent or a bad person, quite the opposite. Ahsoka, by virtue of having a real Jedi Master instead of Anakin, ends up capable of acknowledging her own flaws and learning from them. She knows where her strengths and weaknesses are and is able to make decisions with that in mind, and when she makes mistakes she doesn't sit there and dwell on them, but she DOES let herself learn from them. Ahsoka in this fic does not feel like a mouthpiece, she feels like a real distinct character and I LOVE THAT about her.

I love the ways we see her become the Jedi she can't be in canon due to Anakin's influence, the ways she retains so much more of her Jedi heritage as a result of not learning from him, and how that helps her SO MUCH MORE than anything Anakin's training does for her in canon. I also love seeing how much of MACE gets reflected in Ahsoka, the things she specifically picks up from him, both good and bad.

I love the complexities of Ahsoka's relationship with the clones and how it develops from the first initial overtures to the deep friendships she has with them by the end to the complicated feelings she has after Order 66 and after discovering the chips. Her relationships with the various clone characters she interacts with don't feel like they're all the same, they're distinct from each other the way they should be because the CLONES are distinct from each other. I like the balance she has to manage between being their commanding officer and their friend. I like that she can love them and recognize that there are things about the clones that she doesn't want to replicate in herself because it would make her a worse Jedi. In particular, she understands that there's a REASON the war feels very "normal" for the clones and so their reaction to the horrors of it are very different than hers, but she doesn't want to end up becoming numb to the horrors to the point that war starts feeling normal to her because she feels like it would end up making her a worse Jedi down the line. I love the complexity of that, the lack of judgment towards the clones but the recognition that their experiences are very different from hers and she cannot and does not want to be like them in this.

I also love that there's equal attention paid to Ahsoka's relationships with other Jedi and how distinct THOSE feel from each other because the Jedi are also individual people and not a monolith. Her relationship with Adi Gallia is very different from her relationship with Obi-Wan or Agen Kolar or Kit Fisto and Nahdar Vebb. She learns different things from each of them, intentionally or not, and she likes some of them better than others. I love how much Ahsoka loves her own culture and the different ways we see that expressed, from needing to meditate every day to the many times we hear about her interacting with younglings when she's at the Temple. Ahsoka finally FEELS like a Jedi again here and that identity actually means something to her in a way I think canon has sort-of forgotten or intentionally dismissed.

One of the things I think this fic REALLY does well is taking Ahsoka's general irrelevance to the Skywalker Saga and making that a GOOD THING. Ahsoka being Mace's padawan changes nothing. The people who die in canon still die. The war still happens. In general, the missions we know about from TCW still happen and happen almost exactly the same way. Anakin still marries Padme and still joins Palpatine to save her and murders the Jedi. Ahsoka's addition to Anakin's story changes exactly nothing about it because it CAN'T. She isn't the reason he falls, she doesn't save him and never could have, everything he does happens with or without her. So removing her from his story changes exactly nothing about it. But the change in her position within the narrative does change HER. SHE'S impacted by the narrative far more than it can ever be impacted by her. And her irrelevance to the Skywalker Saga doesn't mean she isn't a compelling character anymore, she's almost MORE compelling now than she's ever been before specifically because she's more outside of it and can see it from that perspective. Ahsoka is compelling because she's AHSOKA, not because she's Anakin's padawan the way Felony seems to think. She can be compelling WITHOUT HIM if they would just believe in her ability to tell her own story. And she doesn't need to be relevant to the Skywalker Saga in order for her story to be important simply for being HERS. She has a story to tell and it's a good one, even if nothing major changes because of it.

I love the way that that is woven into the fic because I kept EXPECTING things to change due to Ahsoka not being Mace's padawan. I kept expecting her presence to save some of the people who die during TCW, I kept expecting endings to change somehow, and they just... don't. And even when it DOES, right at the end, when she escapes with some younglings and an injured Mace, and they apparently go on to create an underground Jedi Order, it doesn't change the end of the story in the OT. Luke and Leia still go to Tatooine and Alderaan, they still end up fighting on and over Endor as the final battle, Luke still goes off alone to face Anakin and Palpatine and that confrontation goes exactly the way it did in canon. Ahsoka's presence and the things her new backstory have changed in the background of the narrative have no actual bearing on the major Skywalker Saga. But there are more Jedi survivors in this AU than there are in canon, an entire Order that has been slowly piecing itself together in secrecy for the last 20 years, and even though that doesn't change the actual story, it's not nothing. It's not insignificant that they survived and they're there.

And I think the last thing I will discuss that I absolutely adore about this fic is Anakin's padawan. This character is an OC created seemingly to be a foil for Ahsoka, a mirror into the person she could've been had she ended up with Anakin instead of Mace, a reflection of her canon self even though neither Ahsoka nor this new padawan would ever be able to know that. I love the way that this allows the author to make that comparison for the readers without it being super in your face about it. Ahsoka isn't facing a literal reflection of herself and the new padawan IS her own person with her own personality and struggles, but she still definitely feels like "who Ahsoka would've become if she hadn't been saved by Mace."

The new padawan isn't supported by Anakin, but she's really close with Rex. She ends up feeling almost DEFINED by her years with Anakin and can't really connect to her Jedi upbringing anymore after Order 66 even though she spent far longer without Anakin than she did with him. She's young enough that she can't see the truth about his darkness and defends him to others no matter what, even though she admits after Order 66 that there were signs she can see now and blames herself for not being able to see the truth of them then. She succumbs to her own darkness because it's the path Anakin guided her down and she can't quite figure out how to get back onto the path of a Jedi, no matter how much Ahsoka and Mace try to help her. She's lost, floundering in her own darkness because the person who was supposed to guide her towards balance ended up isolating her from the rest of the Jedi and making her feel dependent on him and then he discarded her like she never mattered to him at all.

And I LOVE how broken and shattered she is, I love how consumed she is by her pain and grief and anger because she's known little else for like two years, I love the way she lashes out because she doesn't know how to control it, I love how difficult she finds it to act like a Jedi anymore, I love how much she feels like she doesn't know who she is anymore. THIS is what I wanted to see Ahsoka struggling with in the aftermath of her revelation about Anakin. THIS is the kind of person I wanted Ahsoka to be in the Ahsoka show. THIS is why I can't agree with anybody saying that she came across as particularly unkind or prickly or broken at the beginning of that show because she really isn't. She's BARELY upset every so often, she's SO calm and in control at all times. I wanted to see her ANGRY, I wanted to see her LOSE CONTROL, I wanted to see her lashing out at people who are just trying to help her because she's lost all sense of who she is in the wake of realizing the person who had guided her on her current path became a monster and she has no idea how much of that has impacted the person she's become and how much it will CONTINUE to impact her going forward. I wanted to see Ahsoka GENUINELY STRUGGLE with the things that have happened to her and see her REALLY changed by it all before being able to come back to herself in the end. And that's not what I was given. Not until this series entered my life, anyway, and it's not even technically happening to Ahsoka herself.

(I'll also point out here that at no point does the padawan ever say anything Jedi critical. Even as an Ahsoka foil who is partially representative of canon Ahsoka, she never falls so far that she blames the Jedi for their own genocide. So despite how much more she's struggling than canon Ahsoka does, she's still a better person than canon Ahsoka has become.)

So if you hated the Ahsoka show, loved the Kenobi show, and want something that's immensely Jedi friendly and Anakin critical that takes things like the war and Order 66 and the ensuing Purge VERY seriously, give this series a whirl. It's definitely an epic (and it's not done yet) and I had to take breaks every so often by reading something a little more light-hearted, but it's SO worth it.

#star wars #ahsoka tano #mace windu #the clone wars #fic #fic rec #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical #anti anakin #anti anakin skywalker #i'll leave this in the tags but the fact that ahsoka HATES anakin immediately and never changes that opinion gives me LIFE #it gave me like five years of my life back - the fives years stolen by the ahsoka show probably #ahsoka telling anakin's padawan that he was a piece of sith spit from the moment she met him sent me

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sunnymiles · 3 years

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angstpril day 4

this gets explained in the fic, but barriss never left the order/bombed the temple (bc islamophobia is a no), someone else did and ahsoka was still framed. i love barriss and relate to her a lot, so i’m trying to practice writing her and them more :)

prompt- betrayal

[summary: ahsoka has to face an old friend, and the knowledge of what she’s become]

She opens the doors of the hangar, mentally preparing herself for what could be on the other side.

Ahsoka has faced evil before. Her adolescence was built on war and hardship. Death is an old friend, one she knows intimately.

But the cold foreboding rising in her chest tells her that today, something will shake her.

The question then becomes whether it will be enough to break her. Ahsoka hopes not, but she's learned that hope is a fickle, dangerous thing. An elusive, naive whim.

She raises her chin. A lesson from Master Kenobi rings through her mind, "'Soka my dear, never show them your fear."

Squaring her shoulders into the proud stance of a warrior, she walks out of the hangar bay.

A defiant stand.

Ezra brandishes his lightsaber against the two approaching Sith, unwavering in his resolve. He reminds her of Anakin- the brave parts, the ones she chooses to remember her master by.

Because Ezra's so very good.

She’ll try to keep him that way. Help him to nourish that potential, but also try to let him be a kid- in the way she was never allowed.

Ezra’s relieved glance, at her entrance, fills her with determination. They'll make it out of here- she'll ensure it.

Her confident nod signals his departure. He needs to get Kanan and ready the ship. Ezra looks back once, fear in his eyes, but he's unwilling to question her direct orders.

Ahsoka's not concerned.

This fight will be fast- she's taken down much larger, and much worse than two would-be Sith.

The Inquistors hold themselves higher at her arrival. It’s almost flattering.

She checks out her opponents, weighing the large one’s arrogant stance with his size, he shouldn’t be difficult.

The other hasn’t faced her yet, but there is something familiar in her lithe form. The force presence radiating off of her almost beckons-

The girl turns, and Ahsoka stutters.

Barriss.

The sharp features and green skin are unmistakable. Cold, shrewd eyes- ones that filled the brief moments of Ahsoka’s childhood with happiness- appraise her apathetically.

This is not her Barriss.

“Oh, what do we have here?” The shrill voice, that is so wrong, lilts upward with surprised glee. Her malevolent purr sends an involuntary shiver down Ahsoka’s spine.

“Step aside Fifth Brother, I shall handle Ex-Padawan Tano.” She spits the words out like poison.

But the words are proof, this shadow of Barriss remembers.

Ahsoka Tano may have wavered with that knowledge, but Fulcrum stands strong.

She’d kept in contact with Barriss after leaving the Order. Holo-vids and datapad messaging, Ahsoka had been grateful for another person on her side. Someone to trust.

And Barriss had never let her down.

On the Venator, when Ahsoka's world had turned to ash and smoke, Barriss and Master Unduli's distress had been swirled in the turmoil of Order 66. She’d assumed the list of dead Jedi, of her friends, had been scrawled with their names.

Ahsoka had grieved for Barriss. Spent sleepless nights missing the better half of her soul.

So, when Kanan and Ezra had relayed the news of Master Unduli’s permanent fate, it had squashed the fragile hope Ahsoka had allowed to blossom in her chest. A master would not leave their padawan.

Not like how Anakin had abandoned her.

Barriss was dead. Had to be.

She had loved Barriss, and so with all her might, she hoped Barriss was dead. A quick death these days was a small mercy. A guarantee of the peace not given to the living.

The sight of her best friend, her something more, now glaring murderously at her, with an aim to kill, tears a piece of Ahsoka's heart out. The part she’s kept sheltered from the tragedy and loss that have plagued her endlessly. It's the part of herself that dared to hope. When it leaves, a Barriss-sized hole remains gaping in her chest.

Betrayal rises in her too, something she can deny, but will still endure. It's the relic of an old master and the narcissism he brandished like a sword. She reminds herself that Barriss was forced into this.

By him.

Kind Barriss, who struggled to master medicine, her dream, because she fretted about hurting others to help them.

Ahsoka will not hurt her. Not Barriss then, and not Barriss now. Because she has loved a ghost for years, and the specter lies before her.

With a chance.

She’ll find a way to get them both out of here.

Ahsoka draws her sabers, quietly observing the white on red dichotomy, and hopes for luck.

#angstpril2021 #fic #day 4 #prompt- betrayal #barrissoka #i love them ok #ahsoka tano #barriss offee #my fic

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msu82 · 7 years

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The Artist and the Mechanic

Tagging: @markwatnae and @prfury I FINALLY WROTE SOMETHING!

Guess whose OC is meeting Anakin, you two? *throws glitter*

I can't believe the Council is having me teach a class of padawans! Anakin paused in the middle of his fuming, eyes wide as he blinked a few times. ...I can't believe the Council is trusting me to teach a class of padawans. Trust. Huh. well, now that young man couldn't decide if the reason they were filling up one of his days with teaching a mechanics course was because, a, they wanted to punish him for some unknown reason or, b, they were showing respect to his positions as a Jedi Knight, an army general, and as a teacher to his own individual padawan.

...I can't believe they're making me over think this! He released a grown before flopping down in a chair in a little nook of a room connected off of the flight hanger, rubbing a hand down his face as he awaited what was going to be his second class of a total of four throughout the day. The first class had been absolutely horrible! No one could blame him for his hesitance and annoyance at having to endure another three. A bunch of snot-nosed teenagers who think that 'I am only a year away from being a legal adult in the galaxy!' means they know more than someone whose been alive longer and seen more in life than they ever have yet. ….Anakin knew it probably game as some sort of territory-pecking considering her was barely half a decade older than that class of students, but he was still a Jedi Knigth and a General in the war. Didn't that earn him any respect?!

The blonde stopped abruptly in his angered pacing, closed his eyes while his arms cross over his chest, and bowed his head. Breathe, Ani. Just breathe. This next class is around Ahsoka's age—he totally didn't sulk over the fact he wasn't be allowed to teach classes his padawan was actively in, and instead the age groups directly above and bellow her age—so that should mean they'll, in the least, be decent kids. Doesn't it? He didn't have much time to fret over his thoughts, for before he knew it a group of thirteen year olds were entering into what had become his little domane for the entirety of the day.

Now usually when this particular Jedi has doubtful thoughts like that, they come to bite him in the ass.

For once, they seemed not to.

He actually had a group of kids who seemed eager to learn mechanics! From him specifically! Oh, he'd have to tell Padme about this—she had teased mericlessly that he'd probably want to cry by the end of the day from the children driving him insane or not paying attention to him at all. I knew kids love me! The blonde thought, a bit giddy.

Knight Skywalker went about officially introducing himself (“Just call me Anakin or Skywalker, I'm not all for the title business”) with a grin on his face to his newest class of students, and after that began demonstrating and explaining that day's lesson.

These kids hated him.

They despised him.

They must have litereally wanted him to die in agony and horror and–

SPLAT-TA-TA-TAAA-PLOOP-PLOOP-PLOOP!

“Sith-spit!” A youthful, perhaps male voice cursed from across the room. “Language....” Anakin mumble out from his temporary desk, face-down in the sweet sanctuary of his arms as another sound of a failed machine met his ears. He had heard the same splatter-plopping sound a dozen times already. The last one to do it marked the thirteen. There was still another nine others in the-

SPLAT-TA-PLOOP-PLOOP-TA-TAAA-PLOOP!

There as still another eight students with machines in the class.

Padme is never gonna let me live this down. He wasn't whining. He was not whining. Anakin Skywalker did not whine; not even in in the depths of his brain!

SPLAT-TA-TA-TA-TAAAAA-PLOOP-PLOOP-PLOOP-PLOOP!

Anakin groaned in the safe haven that was his pillowing arms. Why me? The young adult whined in his brain. It was taking all he had not to pull out his hair.

Honestly, how could now fifteen out of twenty-two Junior Padawan's in war time not understand the most basic set of instructions? Couldn't fix a simple machine? The entire machine was there for each of them at their desks!

All they had to do was re-attach two parts.

He had provided a hands-on demonstration, text directions, and photo directions. He had explained that it was a delicate little system and, as long as they had steady hands and took their time, they'd be fine! He just couldn't understand why they weren't understanding it.

SPLAT-TALOOP-PLOOP-PLOOSTA-TATA-SPLAT!

He groaned into his arms again, fingers of his non-mechanical hand tugging at his hair. “Someone. Jam. A lightsaber. Into. My brain.”

“I don't think that would be healthy. And, you know.... It would kinda be murder.”

A voice piping up was not expected, especially in such a sassy little way, and Anakin nearly startled out of his chair as he came face-to-face with a rather short being. The female padawan, who looked younger than the rest of her peers, seemed to smile in an apologetic way.

“I'm sorry to startle you, Mister Skywalker—” Huh, never been called 'Mister' before, Anakin thought to himself— “But I finished my machine. I just wanted your opinion on it before I started it up.” The girl finished.

“Why do you want me to do that? None of your agemates had me do that.” The Jedi Knight prodded, curious as he sat up straighter in his seat.

The girl was silent while looking contemplative, and Anakin was expecting some sort of long, droned out, logical answer.

“Because I'm pale as all hell and don't want to be oil-stained for weeks.”

“Psh-!” He snapped a hand over his mouth to muffle of a snicker. He hadn't been expecting that. The young adult cleared his throat, composing himself as he said as he replied, “Language, little one, and I will come look at your machine. Lead the way...?”

It took moments to get to the table and start examining the device the young padawan had been charged with fixing, the same as her classmates, but... even with another sound of exploding oil filtering to his ears as background noise, his focus was on the work to this particular device. One that look near exactly like his if it wasn't for the few tiny, oily fingerprints littering the pieces that had needed reattaching.

Finally. The young adult thought to himself, and gave the short brunette a beaming smile. “Padawans, gather around! It's time to show you what this device does. I believe your classmate here—”

“Gensen.” The girl supplied helpfully.

“—that your classmate, Gensen, has successfully repaired her machine.”

A few moments later there was a chorus of nearly two-dozen awes as, after he brought out a canvas he'd stashed behind his temporary desk and flipped the switch for the machine, that it would begin spraying a picture into existence. The awes turned to laughter and amusement as the picture created was that of Grandmaster Yoda piggy-backing on Master Windu.

It wasn't long after that when it would be the time for the padawans to head off to their lunch period (each with their own copy of the painted oil-pictures after using the Force for some hand speed drying), but as they left the young knighted-general couldn't help but stop the girl who had actually done the entire thing right.

“So your name is Gensen, yeah? You mind me asking how you knew asking me first was the answer?” Anakin asked, and after a moment added appreciatively, “Not that you needed it in the end, technically speaking. The picture could have gotten sprayed on the table.”

“Well,” The girl paused, hitching her backpack over her shoulders. “You didn't tell us what the machine would do beyond that it sprays oil. And I wanted to make sure I had every piece exactly right, and there's no better way in assuring that than asking the teacher.” The girl shrugged her shoulders on her pudgy frame, hugging her souvenir of this class against her chest.

Anakin nodded with her words, “Good reasoning, little padawan. You're quite the mechanic.”

“...Eh.”

That made him arch an eyebrow. “Eh?” He parroted, disbelief and bemusement starting to spring to his face.

“Yeah, eh. I'm not a mechanic. I'm an artist.”

“Oh, really now?” He crossed his mixture of flesh-and-mechanical arms. “And what's so great about being an artist?”

The girl cocked a hip, raising an eyebrow of her own. “What's so great about being a mechanic, Mister Skywalker?”

“Creating things, making things work one way or another, and the mess of it all.” He replied without missing a beat.

Gensen grinned before saying, “Same with art. The only difference is I don't have to worry about something exploding in my face if I mess up and need to fix something—I'm not all for chemical burns and sparks and flames.” She held out her arm, rolling up her robe sleeves. “I did say I was pale as all hell, Mister Skywalker. Patches of red wouldn't look any better on me than patches of black.”

This time he couldn't stop the startled laughter even if he tried, sharing a grin with the spunky little padawan before giving her shoulder a nudge. “Go on to lunch, young one. I have to prepare for another class. And watch that language of yours, alright?.”

“Uh huh. Of course I will!” Anakin didn't believe her words for a second. She just seemed endless sass even if her personality was so genuine.

Soon enough the blonde was by himself, cleaning up for the next class as his mind wandered to who could be Gensen's Master if she managed to have such a personality as that at her age. He knew not all were strict, but he also knew that most schooled their padawans into perfect properness outside of private situations.

He was pulled from his wandering thoughts (and temptation to look up the girl's personal record out of sheer curiosity) by his commlink beeping. Pulling it out of his pocket and answering it, he grinned as his former teacher's voice filled in from the other end.

Obi-Wan would be back in just a week, and the day after that was hoping Anakin would be free to finally meet the ginger's new padawan.

Anakin grinned, having heard so much about the kid. He immediately agreed, said he'd bring Ahsoka along, and wished his former-Master well on the rest of his journey home.

When Anakin Skywalker met his sister-padawan a little over the week—an 11-year old girl with brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, and a form that wasn't bone skinny—the Knight felt a sense of deja vu. He had been run busy all week training students in general education classes, so his mind was a bit scattered.

He could have sworn he'd seen her before, and shrugged it off as it being in passing before smiling and shaking the girl's hand. “Welcome to the lineage, Edie.” The blonde said, and then shared a grin with his Obi-Wan Kenobi as Ahsoka swept in with making the younger girl feel welcomed.

While happiness happened for the Jedi adults and the padawan-children, none were aware that the very same night another innocent, bright young padawan would face the extreme opposite of the word 'joy.'

#lonely padawan au #msu82 writes an au!#msu82writes #star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars prequels #star wars fanfiction #sw fanfiction #when she was gensen....#Anakin Skywalker #obi wan kenobi #ahsoka tano #edie kenobi #elora edie kenobi #teeny padawan au #teeny padawan and lonely padawan

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