also hi for anyone who cares omitb is sooo fucking good omg ?? like omg omg i watched it all in the last three days and its literally so incredible im so excited for the season 3 finale

SORRY but like i want to say things cuz im actually insane over that fic sorry. i went into it not expecting anything specific altho i did see the yomi tag so i was already kind of like :raisedeyebrowemoji: but whtever so i jst started reading. and the way the realization hit me like OH THIS IS THE YOMI POSSESSES VIVIA FIC THEY WERE TALKING ABT FUCK. like i wasnt prepared why would u do that to me i gasped irl......... anyway it was rlly good... everything abt it ! yomi talking abt the blank week, all the dialogue in general,, vivia and yakous blood mixing thats such a cool detail... also im like going over it again now tht i know its yomi talking through viv and its like a completely different feeling now AUGH fantastic job im eating this up

(In reference to Solar Eclipse)

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK I LOVE RAMBLING ABOUT MY SILLY THOUGHT PROCESS BEHIND MY WRITING WOOOOOOO!

You cannot believe the restraint I had to put on myself to not share anything about my progress on this story before it was published. I had the initial idea post and the 'man I really wanna write about this now' reblog but that was mainly it (except for the one time I shared the tiniest tidbit of a sentence using funny wordplay, but I never clarified what it was for). Otherwise, there were absolutely no previews cause I knew that practically anything could've been a dead giveaway for the plot. I didn't wanna soil the potential surprise, so I forced myself to keep it under lock n key. I had zero idea what the reception for this fic would be like, so I'm very glad to see it paid off and got some fun reactions! It's cool to hear that you got some re-readability outta it, too!

Also, I'll let ya in on the underlying theme of this story that I haven't seen anyone bring up yet. So, as we all know, Yomi sics his goons on anyone that opposes him, keeping his pristine record of not laying a hand on a single corpse. But in this fic, Yomi actually takes initiative and dirties himself up! Well... not exactly. He's in the body of Vivia, after all. He puppeteered the detective to seek vengeance for the betrayal that sealed his fate during the Blank Week. Yomi, original and homunculus, has always painted the blood of his enemies on someone else's hands.

extremely scattered ramble of me giving myself an aneurysm from thinking abt the manga's plot 👍 and also miscellaneous kgpr plot things 👍 its long 👍

like. very long.

ow my head. i tried to think abt some of the manga's plot points but im so serious that if you question any of it's plot, you'll just end up with a bunch more questions. like i was thinking 'how does ayano receive favoring eyes and leave the daze? did she enter the daze by herself, did she enter with mary, did her parents enter with her??' bc this is never actually explained....... and also its super unlikely that kenjirou and ayaka entered the daze in mr2, since their bodies were still in the real world:

but then that begs the question of how ayano was able to leave the daze...... and how does the kagerou daze even fucking work??! like the common understanding is that two people enter, and only one person leaves with a snake. but this doesnt seem to be the case with mr2 ayano (maybe). and in fact theres been several times where this isnt the case:

- like harutaka in every route. two people died but they both received snakes.... except it kinda?? follows the 'two in one out' rule?? except its more of a three in two out rule um something like this:

with haruka's spirit staying behind in the daze. its important to note that takane's body never enters the daze, only her consciousness...... (I THINK.... cuz thats why her body still exists in the real world) but then that begs the question of why didnt hrtk have the same daze. cuz haruka's daze is an empty space with a hospital bed, and takane's daze is a crumbling city. but also hibihiyo has shown us that sharing a daze =/= experiencing the same events in the daze. hibiya sees hiyori dying countless of times, while hiyori sees hibiya dying countless of times. but at least theyre both in a city?? but also like in the novels kido had entered the daze with rin, but was alone when she met azami there. so... so its possible that harutaka shared a daze, but had completely different experiences. yes. that might be it...

- another exception of the 'two in one out' rule is hibihiyo. in the novels and songs (and maybe the anime but idk i havent rewatched it yet), konoha is shown to have entered hibihiyo's kagerou daze. another instance of three 'people' in the daze! what!! but whats interesting to note is that konoha is incapable of interfering with hibihiyo's daze. konoha also leaves the daze in these routes, which is.. hm... can a snake just jump in and out of the daze? can a snake even die... konoha cant die. how did he even get in there??? i guess he just got swallowed into the opening.. probably.. cuz thats also how saeru-possessing-konoha-possessing-haruka's body gets swallowed up into the daze in the novels and the manga. and maybe the anime.

and now that i think about it, in novel 3, there was a buildup towards exploring konoha's presence in hibihiyo's daze:

and im just only realizing..... THIS PLOT POINT WAS COMPLETELY DROPPED?!???? FJDSKLFJAKL oh my god bro 😭 but yeah... aside from that, mr2 hibihiyo are also exceptions. both hibihiyo entered the daze, and both of them got out! what!!!!

does this mean that the 'two in, one out' rule is bullshit? and you just need a snake to leave the daze? but if that's the case, then... why doesnt ayano ever leave the daze after mr2??? but before answering that, i have to point out that:

- the final exception to the 'two in, one out' rule is ayano. i mean mca shintaro is also an exception but ill get to him in a bit, plus his case is related to ayano. but yes anyways, ayano enters the daze on her own. the only other character to have done that is her and mca shintaro (i think. and maybe ayano entered the daze on her own in mr2??? ill come back to that) now back to why ayano doesnt leave the daze in routes excluding mr2.. at first glance, the reason for that seems to be tht ayano does obey the 'two in, one out' rule; bc she entered on her own, she cannot leave the daze. but as i just pointed out, mr2 hibihiyo had two people leaving when two people had entered. which makes it seem that the only prerequisite for leaving the daze is to obtain a snake. and in the novels, songs, and anime, ayano is shown to have received favoring eyes in the daze. which implies that she can leave the daze at any time... so why doesnt she leave?? and does this mean that the 'two in, one out' rule isnt even true??

ive seen several fans argue that this is the case, that the 'two in, one out' rule is false, and these three exceptions exist bc that rule didnt exist in the first place. but i find this hard to believe in, bc kagepro goes out of its way to consistently show two people dying together to enter the daze. like in the case of mr2 harutaka, the manga made a point of showing that they both died in proximity of each other, and on the same day:

^incorrect (or just confusing) pronoun usage btw and yes this is the official translation 😑😑😑 takane jumped out the window, not haruka

and as i pointed out in my silly diagram, someone does always get left behind: haruka's spirit. so the 'two in, one out' rule does kinda still apply to them. and as to why both hibiya and hiyori were able to receive snakes and leave the daze in mr2, saeru did state that he had manipulated hibiya into having a wish that would make him suitable for saeru to possess him:

so that may have played a role of sorts in their exception. but as to why (non-mr2) ayano doesnt leave the daze after receiving favoring eyes... well, ive seen some fans say that 1.) ayano willingly stayed in the daze, 2.) ayano didnt know she could leave the daze, and 3.) ayano could only leave in mca after shintaro (in all his yakitsu-powered glory) had given her a reason to + showed her the way out. except i cant really agree with these points, bc;

1.) people say that ayano willingly stayed in the daze in order to prevent saeru from gathering all the snakes in the real world. thats fair, bc that is, after all, the reason why ayano had entered the daze to begin with. but this logic then kinda falls apart towards the end of the novel route. here, she reunites with shintaro in the daze, learns that her siblings are endangered, and eventually learns that her only surviving sibling is seto. if she was capable of leaving the daze, wouldnt she have wanted to? like this is the girl who killed herself and thought abt killing someone to keep her siblings safe. i dont think shes willingly keeping herself in the daze at this point. and that brings me to the next point;

2.) that ayano didnt know she could leave the daze. if this is true, that would mean that in the ending of the novels, the reason why she didnt leave is bc she didnt know she could leave. and thats a fair assumption, except... in both the anime and novels, ayano is the one who leads hibiya out of the daze:

^ayano and hibiya chitchatting in the daze

.....so this kinda implies that, she does know how one can leave the daze. which then implies that in the novels' ending, she's not leaving bc she doesnt know how to, but instead bc she can't. which then nullifies the last point;

3.) that she only left in mca after shintaro had given her a reason to + showed her the way out. again, she already had reasons to leave in the novels, and she led hibiya out of the daze which implies that she knows how someone can leave the daze, its just that she herself cant leave. but why she's able to leave in mca...... man i dont fucking know 😭 does ANYTHING in mca's ending fucking make sense..... it probably has something to do with shintaro's presence. god maybe even the possibility that yakitsu needs to disappear for ayano to be able to leave the daze??? but thats just a guess but god who knows at this point, that might actually be the reason.

so yeah, i do feel like the 'two in, one out' rule does exist, but just not super rigidly. harutaka bent it a bit in their weird way, and saeru was able to manipulate it via mr2 hibiya. and it still applies to ayano hence why she couldnt just up and leave the daze.

but back to mr2 ayano... yes this post is about mr2 ayano in spite of that insane tangent. again, its not specified who ayano enters the daze with, whether she entered by herself, with mary, or with her parents, and how she was able to leave. i already ruled out her parents, and i just went over the whole 'two in, one out' rule, which implies that.... ayano shouldnt have been able to enter the daze and leave on her own. but just bc it shouldnt have happened doesnt mean it didnt happen. so its still possible that she had entered the daze on her own.

but its also possible that she had entered with mary. mary, in possession of azami's combining eyes, may have had a different set of rules applied to her there, similar to how konoha in hibihiyo's kagerou daze kinda had his own set of rules applied to himself, which is why he couldnt interact with hibihiyo.

and there's also this other observation i made which relates itself to mary, which is that in the novels, songs, and anime, ayano's kagerou daze is consistently a classroom:

except in mr2, where instead, her daze very closely resembles mary's, azami's, and shion's kagerou daze.....???

and this revelation brought up three points in my mind:

1.) maybe her daze isnt a classroom bc she isnt shown having school friends in mr2, so its likely that school isnt significant to her. after all, she isnt the only character shown to have had different kagerou dazes in different medias; in the novels, kido's daze is a empty black expanse, but in the anime, her daze is her still-burning mansion:

but also, this then started to make me wonder, why didnt ayano have school friends in mr2? specifically, why didnt she become friends with shintaro in mr2?? shouldnt they have both been middle school classmates in this route? i specify middle school bc in the anime, novels, and songs, shintaro and ayano befriend one another in middle school. according to 'my little daze', its during their second year of middle school specifically. also shintaro doesnt attend highschool in mr2:

but anyways yeah like harutaka were not initially classmates, but saeru, through kenjirou's body, manipulated their environment to have the two of them become classmates with one another. but i dont think he has any reason to make shintaro and ayano friends with each other, meaning i dont think saeru manipulated their friendship in any way. and theres like, no reason given as to why shinaya Wouldnt have been in the same middle school class. and yeah they dont recognize one another when they meet in mr2, but that doesnt mean they couldnt have been classmates. like who actually remembers all of their classmates? especially people like mr2 shinaya who have gone thru traumatic events.

so anyways with the theoretical possibility that mr2 shinaya were middle school classmates, the reasons i can think of on why they didnt befriend each other, could be that maybe ayano was too stressed about the mekatrio's + mary's predicament to go ahead and forge some meaningful friendships. after all, mr2 ayano learns that their eye powers are endangering them significantly earlier than she does in the other routes. in the novels, anime, and songs, she only learns this after ayaka's death. its not specified when exactly mr2 ayano learns this, but its right after mary starts living with them, which seems to be when she was very young.

^(also i wanna say that i was robbed from having the CUTEST mekatrio sleeping on the floor picture ever like if satou mahiro wasnt going thru hell at this time then oh my god. this couldve been the cutest thing ever.... ok mekatrio tangent OVER)

another reason i can think of as to why shinaya dont befriend each other in mr2 while they do in other routes is maybe... what if... shintaro's acquisition of yakitsu is something that subconsciously attracts ayano towards shintaro O_O that sounds kinda crazy but also like??? azami's snakes do gather around mary, who possesses combining eyes. its how seto is always able to find mary in every timeline. yakitsu however is mary's snake, not azami's, meaning that its possible that she may behave differently, aka, ayano (technically.. a snake...) would instead be attracted towards shintaro rather than mary.

also yakitsu is fucking insanely weird in the way that yakitsu, who is tateyama ayano, exists, but also other tateyama ayanos from succeeding timelines also exists??? like theres an ayano in shintaro's head but there's also an ayano in shintaro's classroom. and maybe the ayano in shintaro's head is attracting the ayano in shintaro's classroom towards him. and MAYBE thats why ayano has an almost insane crush on him in every routes? bc good god dude this boy is belittling you and doesnt even remember your BIRTHDAY etc etc etc but yet she still likes him. and what if thats bc like... a part of her soul is fucking enshrined into shintaro. damn its crazy when i word it like that but that's essentially what their relationship is?! so i dont think its too much of a stretch to consider this possibility......

though of course im aware its just as possible that in mr2, maybe they were just never classmates. idk. this is just another criminally underexplored aspect of mr2 out of many. but moving on...

2.) does the fact that mr2 ayano's kagerou daze is some snake hellscape instead of a classroom have anything to do with the fact that she essentially loses her mind when she receives azami's memories in mr2, but in the novels shes completely cool with it??!?

^novel pic is a convo between ayano and azami when ayano enters the daze. also this cracks me up lmfao like in the novels shes like 'omg azami 🥺 i'll do my best for you 🥺' meanwhile in the manga she's like I Went Through Hell And I'm Going To Kill Your Granddaughter Now

like this is something ive never seen other people point out but i feel so O_O by. so i do wonder whether the different kagerou daze environments was a factor on ayano's reaction. or maybe it has to do w the fact that this is the 'first' of the first times that ayano is receiving azami's memories. meaning that this is the first timeline which she receives favoring eyes, and that maybe subconsciously, on some spiritual level or something, she gets more accustomed to receiving azami's memories as more timelines begin to pile up, especially since the novels do strongly imply that the novel timeline takes place quite a while after mr2:

and another thing that reminds me of this unexplained difference between ayano's reaction to receiving azami's memories, and the possibility of accumulating timelines affecting her ability, is this:

^novel 5 fan translation by xpochama

in the novels, it never explained why kano was able to transform into ayano so easily after receiving his powers, when he had only met her very briefly. one theory i have is that maybe, bc ayano always becomes his big sister in every timeline, that kano is somehow intimately familiar with ayano on some deeper subconscious level. and that this accumulations of timelines, and this fact that ayano and kano are destined to become family, have made it so that ayano has became a person who kano will always be able to easily change into.

though ofc there may be other explanations. but im not going to explore them here bc jeez this post is long enough. and also im planning to make a long post abt kano's powers at some point anyways.

3.) and lastly, BACK TO THE ORIGINAL FUCKING POINT NO MORE TANGENTS......... does this mean that in mr2, ayano had shared a daze with mary??? cuz like mr2 ayano's daze does look awfully similar to the mary's daze. and if this was the case this would explain various things... like:

who did ayano enter the daze with? -> just mary, ayaka and kenjirou died outside of the daze

why isnt ayano's daze her usual classroom? -> bc she's sharing a daze with mary

if ayano entered the daze with mary, how were both ayano and mary able to leave the kagerou daze? -> mary has The Powers Of God, meaning its likely that the typical rules of the daze doesnt apply to her, similar to how the rules of the daze were different for konoha's presence in hibihiyo's kagerou daze. mary's presence may have warped the rules and allowed them both to leave the daze

and why does ayano react differently to receiving azami's memories in the manga vs in the novels? -> bc she was receiving them in mary's hellish kagerou daze, as opposed to her typical classroom daze

ok im done with this post. holy fuck

I just abt to say i totally understand why people want censorship so badly and its absolutely true that media can and does harm to people when it gets out of line.

Unfortunately censorship makes that worse like wayyy worse.

See the thing is, when we are never given chances to practice critical thinking skills and left uninformed about real world issues we get way more dumb and are more prone to manipulation from said media. The most effective way to protect people from the effects of shitry media is to create ones own media critiquing said media, creating media with counter messaging, informing people about the topics that media is spreading misinformation about, etc.

Censorship does none of these things, in fact censor ship makes it harder to do these things because there is no room for reflection. The first thing censorship targets isnt people making gross shit, its black artists, queer stories, cautionary tales, journalists, scientists, people who actually fucking study what they talk about.

When you start censoring things too it becomes difficult to parse what is beneficial media and what is detrimental media, what "has artistic merit" this will lead people to rely on their biases on what is a moral story and what is an immoral story. Theres people who believe that sex ed is like encouraging kids to go have sex and get groomed unironically and thts why kids are only told abt abstinence.

Not to mention ive seen people label "follow your heart" a wc fan comic as being pro child abuse zoo stuff. Which is so absolutely fucking insanely wrong i dont even know where to start.

So no I absolutely will not ever say that removing a story from existence will evr be a good thing. However, I greatly encourage critique of stories and I myself would like to educate people on verious things that I have experience in, have researched, and/or am learning. And i really fucking hope this post will lead people to do the same because thats so much more productive for all of our time because every time anyone tried to censor or end something ever everyone just does it in secret with no accountability.

Thank you for my disgustingly unorganized ramble but i had to squeeze this out because ive been seeing people conflate "removing bad media doesnt fix the problem" with being a proshipper. Because at this point proshippers seem to be anti-criticism, dont believe that media effects reality, have no care for tagging things approproately, have no understanding of setting barriers for their work, will share literally anything at all publicly and love harrassing children.

So yes, when you say someone has made something disgusting, abhorrent and damaging, I am saying you are right to voice that. I think you should say that, even louder! I think you should say that with evidence! I think you should tell people why that thing is so fucking bad even if you think everyone knows it already!

Because someone out there doesnt know its wrong. And you have to tell them its wrong, because if you don't they might become a victim. You might even be that person, you may have gone for so long only knowing whats wrong and untrue that you cant recognize when someone is trapping you.

And thats what I'm really worried about. How little thought and care you all put into these things.

you mentioned in some of your tags that you don’t know what the fanon/general fandom opinions were. from what I’ve seen (I’m also a new fan) vi/caitlyn is pretty big (my guess would be because of how blatant it is), however, with...idk how to put this? average LOL fans think it was rushed and don’t like it. tumblr, of course, is into it tho. jayce/viktor is also huge. a lot of people seem to resonate with jinx and silco’s familial relationships. I’ve also seen a lot of people in the fandom not recognize the ableism in Viktor’s arc, which is worrying. if you don’t care to spoil yourself on where these character’s arcs will go in future seasons, I suggest you look up the LOL lore of: vi, ekko, viktor, and jayce. some are just...a slap to the face. anyways, have a good day/evening.

OHH okay omg (nods) tysm for a brief little insight, bc i was looking in the tag a little but it feels like tumblr's tag algorithm is a lot worse thn wht it was even before. unless the fanbase on here is smaller than wht i thought or sth HELP OK lemme dump this reply under a read more bc im rambly pjhpsrgjssfpgs

but a lot of tht hm? i THINK thats just about wht i expected - so no big surprises.

i dont blame the average LOL fans- a sentence i never thought i'd say skpgjsp - bc i can deffo see a lot of the places where it was like..eh. yknow. i said it myself. it feels a little undercooked in some places, and seemed more paced to keep it fast and snappy. like they kinda like they really could have spent more time on a lot of things- and so i presume tht'd be rllly frustrating if u were deeper into the pre-existing lore.

then regarding these little guys.... yeh i think i heard abt vi/caitlyn bein p big. :3 i still stnd by not rlly giving a damn (HELP, thats said with love i prommy)- but you kno nonetheless im happy tht ppl are enjoying a wlw relationship..... like its good they arent being sidelined by ppl. even if im not into tht scene i'll just nod from a distance.

BUT, THOUGH DO YOU KNOW WHATS SO, SO FUNNY? like ok. viktor and jayce obviously, like, occurred to me- but i also just kinda. kept pushing it to the back of my head? does that make any sense? like- jesus like. WELL DUH THEY'D HAVE SOME TUMBLR GIRLIES GOING WILD... silly me... and its like i feel like i sorta figured tht'd be going down, but it was in my peripherals out of clear sight HELP. wasnt helped by the fsct they kept separating the besties in the latter half- which i mean, obviously tht was bc of them drifting away frome ach other and stuff, but oh sniff sniff im emo nonetheless bc i rlly loved their relationship... 💖 LIKE i think its just in my head i kkinda just . i have no idea i never labelled them as anything i just kept jokingly mentally referring to viktor as his little bestie with a heart above the i, keeping them fun an ambiguous whilst medara gets her shit rock'd by him HELP PGJS[0JDH[PGKBPSD.

but also, on the subject of viktor- ah... yeah. :/ i wasnt sure if tht'd be sth tht'd be talked abt and.... the more it rlly became apparent, the more i hoped it wouldnt just be glossed over but . also ik tht happens a lot with things like this. god. i do hope tht those conversations are had at some point, more openly- like,granted im probs not gonna be knocking abt the communities on here tht much (and even if i was, im not sure how much i could really input into that?!) but yeah. thats a shame. 3:

and hm.... you know i might look into it. just bc theres some guys here im GENUINELY pretty into and idk if the show itself will fully give them their dues, even if it doesnt diverge- bc im INTERESTED... i love viktor. and ekko. and vi. sooo badly. and im super curious abt jayce. so help. i might go spoil myself now (bc in truth ive never been tht mad abt spoilers irpdgphjdhj and idk how much it counts here anyways).

THANK U FOR THE LITTLE THOUGHTS ANON. ITS NICE TO HAVE ANY JUMPING OFF POINTS TO CHATTER AWAY. i will have a good ... norning... <3 its like 2am here omg

dont worry abt needing to add anything i just wanna share this idea b4 i forget it but also i dont rlly know any1 who likes warriors so,,,

okay i saw a little animation on utube about fallen leaves and while i was reading up on his wiki it hit me

in outcast, after jaypaw has been having dreams about fallen n his death, n after meeting him while looking 4 the missing kits in the tunnels, fallen asks him to stay but jay declines.

what if, unhappy w/ being forced to be a medcat, and wanting to live his *own* life he accepts? and a similar thing to what happened to holly happens where the cave entrance collapses (whether fallen and jay had smth to do with it or it was just convenient, idk), n everyone thinks that jay died saving these kits. but really hes living his best life in the caves. fallen teaches him how to hunt and fight well, bc the caves are dark, 's not like you can see very well even if you weren't blind.

and jay starts having the dreams where he's jay's wing, back in the ancients time, and its a little different where instead of having a crush on halfmoon he (jay's Wing) had a crush on fallen before fallen died in the caves. and thats why jay brings up the idea to leave to the mountains. and when he ends up back in the present he realizes that he once again has a crush on fallen.

and fallen remembers, or recognizes jay as jay's wing and is like "oh... Oh!" and realizes he also, once again, has a crush. and so jay choses that as his full name. Jaywing.

jay starts walking in dreams and having visions of The Battle, and at this point its been a couple of years at this point, the whole thing w/ ashfur happened and the gathering where holly tells after killing ash happens, and jay finds out through holly's dreams, bc shes projecting her own fears, anger, and insecurities hard while she sleeps. and that really makes jay upset but then he talks w/ fallen and comes to the conclusion that it doesnt matter who his real parents were, bramble and squirrel are still his parents to him.

eventually with the battle looming on the horizon, and rock urging him to go, he leaves the caves. and returns to thunderclan. n fallen can follow him due to his powers, and at first the clan think jay is a rogue or loner, but its dove who has Never seen him before who mentions that he's blind just from observing how carful he puts his paws down that everyone freezes before going "jay???"

and oh mouse dung, hes no longer a grumpy, scrawny medcat apprentice. he's still on the shorter side but he filled out, muscle no one thought he'd have ripples beneath his coat, he's as strong as a *warrior*. and has the skills as one, too. he can hunt and fight as well as the rest of them, its almost like he isn't blind when he's actually in the zone. but he still bumps into things n trips over roots or uneaven ground.

and yeah the Battle happens and he's out there, using his starsight to fight along side fallen leaves, until the battle is won and fallen reunites with his family, and is torn between staying with jay in the caves and actually going where hes supposed to. jay tells him to go, he'll be okay, and to wait for him.

but wait, if cats can be reincarnated and have powers... why can't the tribe of endless hunting and starclan let him properly live where he left off? so hes given another chance and put back into the tunnels with a physical form, and meets jay again and joins him in thunderclan.

idk thats what i have sorry abt rambling!!

ok actually i kinda lov this? im a suckr 4 ghost romance & jay being like ok actually fuck yall........... i would perhapz move the kit thing a little further down the timeline so tht jay is a bit older tho, maybe

like the idea tht part of why fallen asked for him to stay waz a hint of fimiliarity tht just growz & one day he just like... Seez it on jayz face whn he wakez up from a dream about the ancients- or like maybe jay callz him by a nickname from timez long since passed, tht kinda thing? on one hand im like yea on the other the trope of "i like u bcuz u remind me of a dead personi loved" isnt my fav but like a little sprinkle isnt bad

interesting 2 think of wht would happen 2 hollyleaf with her escape into the cavez long since blocked off by both rockz n the truma of loosing a sibling.... like, doez she stay in the clanz? might be fun if she ended up living in the field tht crow & leaf once tried 2 leave thru, but also he awkwardly still being in thunderclan..... lov tht

n well i just Cannot care about the battle i do LOV jaywing coming out of the tunnelz just likle hai guyz whtz up :3 as if he didnt fake his own death.... also the idea of jay using his dreamwalking ability 2 just check up on his family & see how thy r like. Doing

idk about fallen coming back with a body bcuz tht seemz like more thn starclan or endless hunting could do but also it would be VERY VERY weird 4 fallen 2 come back w/ the regular method of being reborn a kit.......... pursonaly i think it would be fun for him 2 stay a ghost but no longer be attached 2 the cave system- instead just exploring & hanging out with jay who can alwayz sense his presence- other catz somtimez catch glimpsez but hez not like. very tangible most timez.... many catz think jay probably just lost it a little in the tunnelz, not tht he rly goez around like hey evry1 herez my ghost make he just talkz 2 himself, laughz at seemingly nothing, tht kinda thing

..... honest 2 god didnt mean 2 add this much im holding myself back, evn,

Renga hcs

Notes: I love them so much they’re so pretty >.< but i didn't feel like actually typing right ill edit it later prolly...

Pairing: Reki + Langa

WARNINGS: none its fluff :)

How they confessed to each other

Mk first Reki didn’t confess. Technically he did but not really-

Miya had to like lowk force him lol

He was watching Langa try this new skating trick while he was taking a break on the bench

It was golden hour so Langa looked really pretty and his eyes *chefs kiss*

So basically Reki called him pretty

Miya being the lil bitch he is started teasing him about how he liked him but like in a joking typa way and he saw Reki blushing and was like “Oh my fucking god you do like him!”

Reki chopped him in the throat cuz he was being loud the Miya kicked his knee but thts, not the point-

Miya goes “So when are you gonna tell him?” Reiki looked at him like he was an idiot

“I’m- I would- could never tell him… he’s- like straight,”

“Well, how do you know have you talked about it?”

“Well- no but still- and even if he did like boys I would never take that risk of assuming that he did and possibly not only making myself look like an idiot but also maybe fuck up our relationship-”

He started rambling so Miya cut him off Langa was coming towards them anyways

But time skip like 2 weeks and Miya finally gets him to do it bc of a bet they made

He was a stuttering fucking mess

Like red asf could barely finish a word his throat was dry asf so he sounded like he’d been smoking cigs since he popped outta the womb and it was just a mess

“I’m g- like- well I’m not- basically- boys are pretty- but girls are really pretty and soft to- but- no stop basically your really- uhm... - really pretty and I- like- you but like- not like- like you- wait no I wanna be-” and he did that for maybe a little over 2 mins :/

He had to take a break because he was tearing up he got like suupppeerr frustrated with himself. He had never had problems confessing to girls before so for him to be a complete mess trying to talk to Langa- he felt dumb and pathetic-

He tried again and Langa stopped him and just said he likes him too.

If it wasn’t that then they were star gazing and having a deep conversation about their dreams and when their older and shit they like

Langa was showing him a constellation and was sitting up and him and Reki made that really intimate eye contact that you make before you kiss someone you’ve liked since forever and they kissed.

It was really cute

“So- uhm… do you like, like me like like like me as like a boyfriend,” reiki said Langa smiled and said yes

Then they kissed again

They didn’t feel like skating home so they just walked and held hands

They took the longer way home to talk more and hold hands longer

Then they hugged before Reki went inside his house

Reki started hyping himself up when he got to his room

Lol Langa just giggled

The dates they go on

They go stargazing a lot

Playgrounds like under the main slide part or the swings

Park, they find a quiet place and have a cute little picnic

Late-night drives

Skate park

Them in a relationship

They send a “good morning babe/stinkers/hon/ugly <3/:))” and a “good night ugly/baby/stinkers/hon <3/:))” every single day

They do their usual day

They’re the type of ppl to look at each other in class and start laughing hard asf

They have a lot of inside jokes- like it’ll be sum serious and somebody says “lamp” or wtv and they’re on the ground crying

Langa teaches Reki new tricks they’re that cute skating couple you see on TikTok tht you wanna be-

They Reki paints Langas nails

Rekis sister LOVE Langa so much omfg

Like Langa will come over specifically for the girls and they’ll have a tea party and a lil self-care day while the girls talk abt dumb shit reki does lol

Langa sometimes “talk” to his dad about Reki and it's really cute but sad- he’ll like ramble about him for hours on end and sometimes his mom will hear him and ask who he’s talking to and he’ll be like dad she thinks he has superpowers or sum

(Stan the moms they’re so pretty and funny)

They have dumb nicknames for each other like stinkie/stinkers/stink, bug, Rekis called him meemaw before .-.

They make sure they both eat at least 2 full meals a day and drink water and stuff

Langa and Reki hug each other in a way I don’t really know how to explain- BUT it feels warm and like yellow with golden flakes (if that makes sense)

👁👁 !!A, Y and Z

   thank YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ^__^ time 2 expose myself hehe!!

A: hmmm....ugh probably all the popular ships im boring. i like creek n style [stanky idfk whatever u call it]. idk they all have v nice vibes. i also really like wendy/bebe but i never really talk abt them. shame. bunny is good too!!! lov seeing kenny happy hello......also....dont shoot me for this....but i do ship the killjoys and its the most embarrassing thing about me. jetkobra.....good. thats all i have to say. funpoison gets rights idk but if you ship the actual band members im going to k word you

Y: hmmm. well, i keep learning stuff abt all the animes u rb about :O and when u tell us about them but i never remember their names except like rvb? is that it? but ye they all look neat !! also. mcyt.....[looks at carter] and also i follow two people who are like. still neck deep in da spn shit.....god speed. also hlvrai weirdly enough.

S: jesus i have so many.....uhmmmm. one that i can show and is simple is tht i hc kenny to have heterochromia so her left eye is blue and butters got da ninja star in his right eye so like. they match now :-) n heres a shitty dooble to show it

butters is hard to draw forgive me.....

Z: oh boy oh boy.....whatre we in the mood for tonight lads.....um smthn ive been thinking abt a lot recently is creek n glow in da dark stars :-)))))) [go cancel anticreek hes making me a creek stannie i hate him /j ] but craig and tweek......sticking little stars to craigs ceiling....they have to steal a dining room chair to do it and you can hear their giggling and the chair being shuffled around the room as they stick them on....craig has to stand all the way on his tip toes to reach and tweek holds the chair and the stars.....craig helps tweek up to stick a few too hes just a little guy what can i say....and then they rush over to turn off the lights and they let out little whoas as they see them all glow....craig put some of them in constellations bc hes a nerd i cant stand him.....but he holds tweeks hand and points them all out and tweek is so impressed.....god his bf is so cool and smart......n then they crawl into bed and usually theyre both scared of the dark but they just stare at the ceiling all night holding hands <3 and tweek falls asleep listening to craig ramble about stars and shit.....and yeah. theyre like in love and stuff its so cool.....

Thank you Bella ily 🥺 But honestly I don’t even know if I wanna be in a relationship to be honest bfsjhdjsdb (not being over my crush dosen’t my help neither 😭) I can’t picture myself having a girlfriend/boyfriend 😳 but maybe that’s because I never been in one ???? But it’s not commitment issues or something it may be me terrified of changes bdjsbdhbs and I do want kids tho so hopefully I get over this fear and find love one day too 💞 anyway I’ll stop analyse myself in your ask box thanks for listening to me rambling jfbsjxbsjd

LMAO yea i feel tht.... like i always blab abt wanting a gf but when i rly think about it i’m like. i wouldn’t know what to do 😭 like it’s easy in theory but hard to actually imagine it u know... but it’ll all work out someday, even if it’s not the way u picture it’ll go now 🥺💖

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

Bro my dude my guy from one adhd dumpster fire to another u got any tips for *actually* doing digital art? i get started & then caught up on one tiny detail, or get distracted w/ another idea, or get so upset tht it doesnt look right tht i just give up & like i basically just started digital art but i feel like i cant even say i started bc i havent finished a single thing so um yeah if u got any tips that would b cool sry abt the rambling

Oh MAN I WISH I had any helpful tips 😩 I’m still trying to figure it out myself. Like... the only way I’ve been able to consistently do art, is hyperfocusing. I have never, ever been able to tell myself “now you will sit down and you will learn these specific skills”, it’s always been a case of “I have this idea of a drawing and I am obsessed and I NEED to draw it right now” or “I just got into this fandom and I NEED to draw fanart of this one character.” And then I don’t stop until I do it. Or I leave it unfinished because I lose interest. I have sooo much unfinished art. So... yeah... I’m not sure what to tell you. Find stuff you wanna draw that you’re obsessed with, then you have a higher chance of actually finishing them.

nawar lover no.1 aka user shwhyuk uwu

bloodorangeki said: the lady formerly known as hyuccwoo, shreknu if u will,

send me a tumblr url and ill tell you what i think of them!

hhhhhh ok before i eben launch into this full love essay. i jst wanna say tht u truly are the light at the end of my tunnel sejung,,,,u make me so happy !!! Like i remember when i was losing my mind off of like three sips of pineapple cider and i legitimately felt like i was gonna throw up but then i was like … damn i can’t forget to text shannon and tell her about all this. and then i talked to u for a full hour or so while u called me a liddle babie nd i continuously whined…either way you truly have me under your spell you demon!!

okay so not to be. dramatic but youre so dreamy and pretty you remind me of rain and soft kisses on the cheeks and rose gardens and bouquets of flowers and soft sunlight on flower meadows and like! that feeling you get in your cheeks when you smile too much for too long and you get that permanent blush across your face! god that’s probabaly nonsense and not very cohesive but you have the same sort of colors…soft orange and light pink….you’re like a sunset on the beach right at the start of spring when theres barely anyone on the shore and the whole world feels really big and wide but even though youre all alone you don’t feel lonely because it still feels like the whole world(you) is poised right at the edge of your fingertips.

hhhh that also probably made very little sense but i dont care i love you so much and im very bad at expressing emotion (blame my virgo moon who hasn’t felt any feelings in over 18 years) but i still feel like always showering u in that sweet love and affection, despite the fact that im horrible with words and i have absolutely no consistency. I feel like it’s really rare to meet someone who literally changes your entire perception of the world but … damn here we are!! tlkaing to u is literally a part of my daily life its a part of who i am at this point :/

Anyways, friendships don’t really come naturally to me because I have a very weird perosnality where like. im simultaneously suffocating whilst also being very detached and it turns people off so quickly but..god we mesh so well i truly love you so much. i also tend to not write a lot whenever i make these posts bc im the kind of person who continously says how much i love you throughtout the convo (even thoguh ill ghost most ppl for a few days) so whenever i get around to writing these im like :// but what else do i say :// but this time!!! oooo i have so much to say i can never go into full loving hours with you bc you always turn things around and get me to start talking abotu myself and pretty soon we start talking about how i used to raise rocks as a kid instead of talking about how hot you are :/

so anyways firstly . those were just the intro pragaraphs im finally getting into my loving sejung essay :(( helloooo one of my favortie things about talking to you is how easily the conversation always flows ….us talking about shownus asshole and the questionable consumption of expired jello and orbeez at 3 am is most likely the more demonic things weve done while simultaenously being the more tame things…my head still aches when i remember that giagntic bruise i got from looking at that wonho+tentacles/changkyun+black hole sketch u made… god we somehow always go from topic to topic with absolutely no regard for cohesiveness and yet neither of us ever question it…we’ll spend hours discussing absolutely nothing …like that one night we stayed up for like three hours on rabbit talking about all the different mx stans and which member has the most stans internationally versus domestically and why….icons of developing complex sociocultural theories at 2am while occasionally mentioning “oh wow its late u should go to bed >:/” god its just that I always lose track of time whenever I talk to you…its like im so focused on that I Love Her mood that I don’t even realize its been 4 hours until I look down at my pile of unfinished homework and then back up at my laptop like. This was a Valid choice why would I pick ib math when I have a whole entire sejung talking to me. hhhh its just that talking to you comes so naturally and I always tell you all these quesiotnable things to which you always respond by first calling me a demon and then laughing about it and encouraging my stupidity. it’s also so so endearing that ill tell you about the dumb shit im doing and your first response is always to nag at me to be safe and take care of myself as if ill actually listen to you and clean a cut with alcohol, risking legitimate Pain… anyways sejung? queen of making me feel loved and noticed? MORE LIKELY THAN U THINK!!!!

hhhhh ok moving on now I get to talk about how. sexy u are damn….i remember back when we were first starting to talk and you sent me those pictures of yourself in that button up and I literally. I quite literally almost passed out in the starbucks while the barista was handing me my strawberry lemonade I truly almost lost it…nd right before that I was encouraging you to talk to the boba girl nd flirt nd be all spicie…but then u sent me those pics nd I was like for what reason would she have to impress boba girl when im right here … mouth open so wide in love that all the bobas are spilling out of my mouth :( not to be dramatic yet again when I know ive mentioned those selfies before but damn…those were so hot u unbuttoned like two or three of the top buttons and u looked so hot truly. raw me vore me behind each and every single boba store location hewwwooo u look so intense nd powerful im truly putty in ur hands not only would I lose my mind for u, I have already lost it

hhhhh im very much rambling and making very little sense rn bc its. 2:30 am and im sleebie nd I blocked all social media sites so id do homework bt I kept thiknning abt u so I was like hm the universe clearly wants me to write about sejung more even though ill have to post this in the morning bc tungle is blocked until then :// bt anaywas that also means I get to go into all the other thigns I love about u and all the things u remind me of :(( hhhh its so wild that I never actually aunch into full loving shannon mood bt I talk abt u so much w my friends theyre all. suspicious ,,,,

them: nawar u don’t actually like romance and u hate talking about people r u perhaps dating this girl??me, w hearts in my eyes laughing at smth ure saying on my phone: what

HHHH DJHFKSJDHF TAHST TRULY ME,,,,ALWAYS THIKNING ABT U,,,ALWAYS BEING BIG HEART EYES FR U,,,at any given moment I could be reminded of u :( I see a piece of paper nd im like huh I should do work then again is work necessary to live perhaps not but sejung is necessary to live,,,,me thinking abt u as I procrastinate every single thing ive ever had to do :D Like, ive never understood when people say that they hated a zodiac sign at one point, and then they met one person and they were like oh my god nevermind this sign is perfect but truly,,,I love geminis now ,,,I used to hate them almost as much as cancer nd now? geminis are all good ure so wonderful nd loving nd sweet u being a gemini saved geminis collectively,,

ill also neber stop talking abt how now matter how much I whine and demand attention, youre always jst,,,supplying it without any question like at one point people usually get annoyed, no matter how endeared they were by it at first, bt youre always calling me a baby (even though im older) nd giving me that sweet Love and Attention,,mmmmm my libra sun thrives under ur care :( hhhh also I feel it is important to point out I love. all of u,,,,like I don’t even usually care much for peoples voices or anything unless its like so deep it sounds like the grim reaper bc that’s wild u ,,bt anyways the first moment I heard ur voice I was. breathless I was so shocked like ur voice is so soothing nd warm its like. if the aesthetic of sunlight and honey and warm pies had a voice,,,hhhh im also not the type to really believe in things like fate nd destiny and soulmates and stuff bt that’s kind of what u remind me of ? in a? not weird way hhhhh so I feel like youre just so naturally in tune with people like nothing really catches you off guard and you roll with peoples different personalities and quirks and you always jst. mesh so well with everyone ure like the minhyuk of the internet,,,,nd like!! theres smth abt u that reminds me of balance and maybe its my libra sun always seeking peace and harmony in life but I always feel so relaxed nd steady whenever I talk to you its like . idk how to explain it!!! its jst so comforting!!!

I was originally gonna cut myself off at 1k but its too late for that now and im gonna put this under a read more anyways and its 3am now so I feel like. go Big or go Home!!! now im gonna launch into a long analysis of u! and ur smile!! first of all,,,its so rare nd wild to find someone who likes validating people more than being validated,,,,u finding my libra antics cute???hhhhh tahts so wild,,,,I could pout for hours nd u would call it cute,,,validating!!! nd the fact that you’ve read my writing,,,,excerpts from my demonic wips and youre stil friends with me?? you still talk to me?? damn that’s like. never to be expected any time I make someone read that tangerine fic they ghost me for a good month but I sent you pieces of that tentacle fic and YOU FUCKCING SKETCHED OUT THE LOOK,,,,,MY MUSE,,,nd also you tend to always steer the convo around to focus on the other person n dim a FOOL who almost falls for it every time,,,before I remember and make u tell me thigns…god ive told you so many obscure things from my childhood like that time I tried to eat a brick and yet you still,,,,talk to me,,,,who are u,,,,hhhh ure always so cute nd giving nd caring I feel like I could genuinely truly look like shit nd send u a selfie nd you would still be like WOW GORGEOEUS YOU LOOK SO GOOD THAT’S HOT!!! u,,,going out of ur way to make ppl happy :( anyways im a fool in love w u ,,,also not to be like. one of those old white boy text posts from tumblr but ,,,,hey girl,,,ladie,,,wamen,,,did u know? ur smile lights up my world? ,,,did u know? theres no such thing as u being anything less than perfect,,,why? because its impossible to be anything less than the essence of who you are. hhhh that’s the dumbest thing im ever written im cutting myself off that was too much this is like. 2k words so far and in all honesty I could continue but then id get gushier than that last line and nobody wants to see That,,,hhhh

this started out with. somewhat decent grammar like I used periods and I think I occasionally capitalized the first letter of the sentence but at this point its incoherent rambling it’s the inside of my brain every time I see u or hear frm u its like when spongebobs brain was on fire and all the cabinets and computers were going up in flames and all the little brain spongebobs were losing their mind that’s me right now losing my mind over you I wrote exactly 2k words in that whole essay,,,,im so fucking valid,,,,ananywas I love you if you couldn’t tell nd iim . somewhat satisfied at being able to vent all this love,,,smoochie,,smoochh,,SMOOCHIIE

@ anon

i’m so sorry to hear that honestly that fuckign sucks and you don’t deserve to go through all that but well,, not to be cliche but it’s all part of life i guess.. god i actually hate myself for saying that fkdkg...

i don’t rlly wanna go all ‘it will be better for u soon’ bc it will yeah but that shouldn’t be coming from me but from u yourself!! you should tell that to you nd believe in it. believe in yourself! if you clear your mind nd feelings you can get up to ur feet again. and!! don’t ever feel like you’re not good enough. bc if im gnna be honest..no one’s rlly good enough??? i always feel like im never good enough too but....i get moments like this where i just question hmm where do we get the concept of being ‘enough’ is it just to validate ourselves in our own ways/thoughs or?? god i dont even kno if im making sense,, i do think u shouldn’t think too hard abt these things

o my god this is me rambling yet again cOherence nOT FOUMND BUt! listen,,the things you are feeling right now,, i cant exactly say that i know what you’re going thru nd that i feel you 100% but reading ur ask made me think of myself from 2016,, i felt..rlly bad.. enough to drop out of highschool i felt alone scared nd confused?? i just..rlly cant see a tomorrow with me in it nd i felt that everyone’s just gnna move on with their lives anw even without me?? but yeah my depression was rlly bad nd i was [redacted] :D 

but i think. my interest played a huge part in me getting myself back together. i guess i can say tht music?? saved my life for the most part..bc i hold on to some songs nd they help me get thru with my everyday life nd etc. so wHAt im trying to say is..there are things that makes u happy. even the littlest ones nd that’s great! you should focus on those things and let yourself be happy!! you don’t have to lock urself to being sad!! 

i was..rlly unsure whether it  was a good idea to drop out nd take a break but right now i can say it’s one of the best decisions i hve ever made in my life?? nd im telling u this bc!! it’s okay if u feel lost right now. if ur scared of whats going to happen nd u feeling hopeless is valid. if u feel happie ur valid ur sad? still valid. whatever else ur feeling is valid!! 

you deserve to have a break and  you don’t have to rush yourself to succeed now bc there’s no deadline you have no deadline nd you shouldnt set one. ((bolded bc that’s rlly important to note. 

that’s all im sorry this rlly doesnt make any sense but i do hope you focus on the present you and not think of the future so much. i love you okay? thanks for opening up a bit! you have my full support on the things u want/plan to do :’) 

this is just a long chain of rambling and ranting abt home life feel free to ignore it but dont fucking re. blog it or ill fucking cut u i s2g

my step father told me to get a job if i dont like the fact tht hes gambling our food/gas money away like lmao he pays less than half the bills and then blows th rest of themoney on bs . he fr said ''idk where all our money is going since  I M not the one spending it on frivolous things'' LIKE LMAO OK SURE we have hardly any food rite now and its not even the middle of the month and we dont have enough gas to go anywhere i fucking hate my bro and this may seem cruel but i actually hate him for not being treated th same way as me like he gets to sit on his ass all day and do nothing except eat junkfood and play video games but me n my mum have to clean up after my br*ther and st*p F*ther my bro and jamie are exactly alike n my mum just lets them do whatever they want. my brother bitches whenever ANYTHING good happens for me and he acts like i dont deserve it like lmao kms i fucking raised him but then one day my mum just said ''you dont have to listen to [deadname] just ignore [redacted pronoun]'' and thats pretty much when everything started going downhill my mum didnt raise him  A T  A L L  but then she decided he didnt need to listen to  A N Y O N E  like lmao hes been allowed to do whatever he wants for years my brother never had to mature AT ALL and he never had to endure the abuse that i have and i feel like i actively hate him for that even tho that may seem cruel hes really a cruel person with no fucking sympathy for me and actively goes out of his way to anger me (which gets me in trouble) and if he ever gets in trouble for anything (which even then its like hes sent to his room even if its smth like threatening to kill me) he goes out of his way to get me in trouble too like one time he actually  S C R E A M E D  that i stabbed him with a knife and my mother automatically believed him even tho it was just his word tht she had to go off of but when i say he called me a fatass or r*tard or f*ggot or does [abusive thing] or smth she says ''well it wouldnt be fair to punish him since i didnt actually hear it’‘‘’ like lmao he only just recently got his phone taken away n it was bc it couldnt be payed not for any other of the multitude of other reasonable things it couldve been taken away for but mine was taken away immediately bc when my mum said tht my stepdad wasnt allowed to parent me he got me the phone as a christmas gift and my mum made him promise not to use it as a loophole to be able to punish me and she didnt tell me that HE boght it and put HIS name on th contract or whatever (so now he has tht with ALL my accounts signed in and all my messages and all of my pictures) also my mum rlly just fucking told me im '''''bragging''''' about finishing school early when the only reason im doing it is so its easier for me to leave the abusive household she trapped me in and i shouldnt even ready to be an adult anyways but fucking christ i had to mature at the age of literally 1.5  fucking years bc otherwise i would  d e f i n i t e l y  hav fucking killed myself years ago bc no one would have taken care of me 

can I vent n kinda confess here just a good Ramble please okioki sO im 17 (in my penultimate year (year 12 in the good ol UK) of school) and so it all began when this Boy in my form class asked me to thProm and it was so lovely i want to Re Live the moment every day. we were in computing class and we sit next to eachother and he sais "hey are you going to prom" n im like "hm yea even tho idont want to" (bc i hate dresses and fuss and parties) and hes like "its okay rachel you cn go w me" {1/???}

n then my heart did this thing tht only ever happens when he talks to me cs hes so polite and he alwasys says my name like wOw thats so Intimate how could you abd i feel sick but i live it?? andd i PAnicked when he said tht like dhbj so i blurted out “NO” and the. n i kick myself so hard and apologise “bc i already arrange the o go w my friends sorry” and ye i do kinda like this boy i guess bc he likes anime too n he reccommened one piece n kuroshitsuji to me n i enjoy them and {2/??}

i just pretended not to care hahahhah a aha H so then Prom happened, i didnt say Hi to him at th prom bc HA me,,initiating a convo??then pigs can fly! and he looked so handsome when i saw him from afar in th e crowd i hate evrything and so he went to college and i stayed in my school and ive not seen him since bc were not close friends just former form classmates and anime conversationers in the computing class. i couldnt stop thinking abt him and Cue the period of crying and regret and {4/??}

and “what if id sais yes then or then or said hi to him” and i did that toxic thing of making up a fantasy world where i was more friendly to him so tht he would like me and smile to me more i actually drafted in my notes for ages a message to him that id like to send ,,, like"oh howdy long time no see yea im sorry i said no to you when you asked me to prom" trying to hint “hi shall we use Magic to turn the clock backward and go to prom tgether even if jst like fridns like you wanted” and {5?/?}

and we could be closer and shit agh i regret regret regret i actually sent the message to him i think it ws “hi sorry i didnt say hi to you at th prom” about twi months after the prom and as soon as i sent it i had to go to th bathroom because i was so close to being sikc an d my heart was doing a louis hamilton alexander mcqueen weeeeooooo and ge replied “its okay dont worry how are you” and he used th (^.^) emoction how Fkin cute and i was reminded of how polite and friendly he was {6/??}

and friendly i dont know how he does it bc i cant talk to people properly and So Yeah he saaid the words “ive missed people too” meaning,,,, he doesnt miss me and even if he ever did he doesnt now!!! and tahts it thats the end ive never seen him since aNd its been overa year? since thatDay and whenever i see him on my social media i hate everything ad i just i just {8/8} im so s sorry for spamming you like i would nt wanna read an essay on some sappy schoolgirls first crush (fck me i said it)

hi its Sappy Schoolgirl again did i mention me n this boy were also anime friends with this other girl who is now a close friend of mine,, he siad to me once we should all hang out sometime which hasnt happened yet and i wont forget that time in Computing class when we were talking abt Subway and i said id never been (since then ive been twice n thought of him) and hes like “!!no!! youve never been to subway! i will take you! this saturday!!” but that didnt happen yk he was only joking

tumblr ate your third ask but this was such a rollercoaster omg….,,,,not to be sappy but ur love for this boy is so pure u even get excited over his emoji usage omg that is so real n cute wow…..i feel so bad it didnt end the way u wanted to n i feel like maybe meeting up with him once just to hang out n tell him how u feel might be good just to get closure about the whole thing? but that’s just my point of view ofc ! i hope it turns out better for u ah this really was like reading a high school love story that needs 1 more chapter added about the happy ending :(

actually more trek rambles and general rambles abt fan stuff omg

like. idc im not getting into whatever messy shipping meta discourse some guys wanna engage in- not DEEPLY, like i got places to be! not here to argue abt whether this or this and this is pretentious this is silly this is reductive etc. etc or whatever it is BUT

i am . here to poke momentarily at the ONE facet of shippin or whatever in fandom wherein like. an unfortunate consequence of shipping dominating spaces and it flat-ironing some relationships is it jsut... idk , sometimes this perspective of like: this is the one couple that will exist! the end goal for these two people! and its fine when ur doing one approach, but when it omes to talking abt like. a media as a whole i just . i have never vibed with it honestly do u kno wht i mean?? LIKE in the sense of-

so mny ppl like. take their favourite shippy couple and its like. ah yes they got together; they never had a good relationship before this; and they will never have a good relationship after this; they exist only with each other and thats where they end up. WHICH IS FINE in that context of llike. shipping. whatever. but also- BUT alsoomg.... PLEASE separate it from me bc when i say i dont mind characters together i dont wnt ppl to think. its LIKE tht u know ?? DO U LITERALLY kno wht i mean bc i jsut. its not how im thinking of it babes</3

BC A GAIN. this is all part of my ds9 watch through. and im here to talk abt kira/odo and i think i mentioned this warming to the idea of them happening together. i dont think they work at all as a couple, in the romantic sense; and i think that theyre destined to come apart . BUT i like the narrative thread of like... them kind of drawing to one another and kind of ending

idc to think abt it in tht context of like. them being a couple-endgame-etc. i dont think thats right. whatever the fuck. but i do... or i am warming to the idea of them HAPPENING together.

like i said: i dont think they work at all as a couple, in the romantic sense; and i think that theyre destined to come apart, bc they dont have that sort of chemistry, and theyre after the wrong things at the end of the day. BUT i like the narrative thread of like... them kind of drawing to one another and kind of ending up in a relationship because of what theyve been through, and their respective issues and their preexisting connection and kind of just - them ending up as a thing, and experiencing being together before realising they just dont work and ending up as friends again. like i think that makes a lot of sense to happen????

bc the romance- it does feel wrong between them. but what i do see is them wildly misinterpreting their own wants or going to each other for the sake of thinking its right or for a comfort or for a safety thing and LIKE I SAID. them just experiencing something together and then them coming away from it and it could still be valuable to them? IM REPEATING MYSELF ARENT I.

AND i have no idea if thats how its ACTUALLY going to work out. theyre not even together in the show itself, yet, on my watch i just know that they happen at some point and idk if they ever even break up. its very possible the showrunners, uh... would not take that sort of approach to that, and might just keep them together for the sake of it and force a romance which. like THAT doesnt feel right to me personally bc im worried... a too hamfisted approach into fitting them into a formulaic thing would just warp them both in weird ways and its not letting the characters exist in their own right and that would kinda. ruin it for me and that would be disappointing bc theyre some of my faves like

odo i have said rn is a fave-fave; and kira is like... SHES UNDERDOG to me, bc i think if u asked me i wouldnt SAY her immediately but like. literally 75% of my fave eps are kira-centric ones, where shes carrying the ep. like i think hers are just usually really solid.

anywyas. hm. i had sth e- OMG OH YEAH.

bc tht weird thing abt shipping literally reminds me bc i was thinking this abt the uh. stuff with tos and snw coming out soon too and specifically abt spuh/ura (TAKING THT OUT THE TAG BC U KNOW WHY ITS MESSY OUT HERE) wherein i do have some similar sentiments ab them and how i like them in tht regard but its too late for me to unpack all of tht rn and omg . ppl are also crazy out there im not having weirdos come near mejelp