“i had a really hard time celebrating, for a while after. and jerry schilling actually, he texted me. and he said you know- lisa marie would want you to enjoy this time.”

max blurb!! idk why but i always find myself thinking about max on long car rides and i was thinking about like road-tripping with some of the grid like your own little friend group (danny , max , lando , you and like oscar and carlos and someone is cramped in the like very back of the car because there weren’t enough seats) and max insists that you sit in the front because a. you are a lady and b. you have better music taste than anyone and so you are DJ’ing and slowly you start playing subtle like love songs because you and max have crushes on eachother you are just oblivious to the other persons attraction and like “wanna be yours” by the arctic monkeys comes on and you are singing along and looking at him and he is singing along and looking at you and it’s this huge moment where both of you are kinda like “omg they want me too!!” but then daniel interrupts from the back seat “EYES ON THW ROAD” because you started drifting into the middle lane…

-🪼🪼🪼

i hate tumblr app it crashed while i was answering this AGAIN!!!! third or fourth times the charm?? ive lost count.

i have a full catalogue of max songs!! just a few; sweet creature by harry styles, fast car by tracy chapman, my kind of woman by mac demarco, space song by beach house, girl crush harry styles cover, nobody by hozier (especially this one i could write an entire fic about it like, imagine max playing it for reader and telling him he always thinks of her when he listens to it and its basically just like ab traveling the world and experiencing everything it has to offer but choosing to be with your love over any of that. ill cry)

i love roadtrips it would be soo much fun tbh. you take song suggestions from the other drivers but have full veto power over the suggestions and shoot down all of lando’s remix recommendations. in between the acceptable suggestions you sneak in the soft love songs and max always comments on the ones you play and says he loves them, you’ve sent him half of them at some point or another, and if/when you comment that you didn’t know he knew them, he’d reply, “you sent it to me, or have you forgotten?” you blush over the fact that he actually listened to them. he sings along to some and you realize he listens to the songs you send him enough to know the lyrics

imagine you’re using his phone because your battery is low, you’ve just been searching songs and adding them to the queue but you get curious and look through his library and stumble across a playlist with the name ‘i wanna be yours’ and its full of all the songs you’ve sent each other so you kindaaa think it’s for you, but you add that song to the queue to see what he’ll do. halfway through he’s taking a hand off the wheel and holding it out for you to take and you don’t mind that it’s already sweaty, unbeknownst to you he’s been nervously thinking about reaching across and taking your hand for an hour but he wasn’t sure if you liked him back until you played that song and he knows you found the playlist and he wants to make it clear its for you and not anyone else.

danny shouting from the very back for him to look at the road and he’s jerking the wheel with one hand and squeezing your hand in the other, both of you laughing as he glances back over at you and someone else reprimands him too.

Hello, how are you if I can wade in and vent if thats ok with you.

Austin has been criss crossing the globe with all things promotional with MOTA and then the juggernaut of Dune 2. He has yet to hit the road again abit on a smaller scale for Bikeriders to promote. Not to mention he's probably filming, working what ever.

But these questions, chatter and discussions about AB and the Oscars. Like ok. Lets give our boy a break. He doesn't like the paps. He wants a private life and he's had done everything plus some needed for his work over the past few months to give us the true fans alot to fawn, enjoy and arguably lust over.

I don't care about Nepo enemy number one or which Oscars after party he went to with her. And her mum! Though I kind of secretly hoped he partied with Timmy or Callum tbh, defo love him and Callum too much. I'm glad with her 'boyfriend' being so busy with work and living his best life it's shown she truly has little going on unless created by herself *cough bookclub and her acting work in big moves* and her family through their crafted PR.

Oh and that other ex. Like dude, why were you on the red carpet your not a list. Actually why were some of those people on the red carpet? And then ragging on talking about AB, days before to the press knowing you have been broken up for ever now and now preggo with your new husband's baby. MOVE 👏 ON 👏WITH 👏 YOUR👏LIFE👏. Like all of them need to stop and leave him be honestly. Looking bitter now ladies.

Im sorry, Im getting upset and i dont know why. Some of the fandom stuff maybe is getting me down. Idk! I want to read and hear all about Austin but not everything else. It gets irritating I guess. Sorry this has been months of being annoyed I think

Other then this massive unhinged rant. I really wanted to say you are so patient and kind answering the anons questions. I love seeing you on my dash and I will if it's okay actually ask you and fangirl over AB and his work ❤️

Meanwhile I'm going to crawl back and take a breath. Lol.

Ps. I'm the anon who asked the question a few weeks ago about your fav AB looks from the promo trail of Dune and the weirdo saying how I'd die to ask him questions about Radiohead.

Hello radiohead anon and dune anon, welcome back! I have not forgotten you <3 I welcome all kinds of constructive discussion here, so you are valid in your thoughts and feelings. it can be hard to turn your brain off to the white noise of it all and get lost in the sauce, especially when that's all everyone is talking about. but now that we have official confirmation after a month of rumors about him being in Eddington, we can look forward to news about that film. and the excitement of the bikeriders press tour when he's done filming. he won't have much downtime in between. he might have overlap like when he did bikeriders and had press to do for elvis until filming was done.

but thank you so much for your kind words! we fangirl together until the wheels fall off lol

Pentagon as Pentagon Songs / Covers

(... that I associate them with, purely self-opinion)

Jinho

hmmm "Someday - Song By JINHO, HUI"?

i feel like Jinho really slayed the vocals on that one you know

if it's not "Someday" then it would probably be "Round 2 - Bonus Track" because #jinhoWWEcommentator era

"Spring Snow"!!!!!! SPRING SNOW.

spring snow.

i loved how excited he was at wanting to perform "Spring Snow" for Road to Kingdom

and also the feels

Hui

would it be basic if i said "Shine"??? not if it's the truth ...

"Shine"

because come on, we all know why it's "Shine", what are you talking about if it's not "Shine"???

maybe "Happiness" because i felt like Hui in that M/V was pretty memorable

but also his line in "Organic song" (E'dawn, Yuto, Woo Seok With Hui), both in the original when Dawn performed it by himself in Pentagon Maker and also the released track

"Basquiat"?? VOCAL KING.

Hongseok

honestly the first thing that comes to mind is "Very Good - PENTAGON Version" (originally by Block B) from RTK

the chocolate abs left an impression

and also the "it's okay as long as he doesn't dance inappropriately afterwards" - an RTK staff member

"Dr. Bebe"

the chocolate back left an impression

"Sparkling Night" because his Oppa-ness really popped off there, ESPECIALLY in this Special Live Clip, wow that video really took me to heaven and back you know, i ascended

Shinwon

if i'm going for associated images seared into my brain, i would pick "DO or NOT" because #jokershinwon era and also "Feelin' Like" even though i know he doesn't like it because POOL SHINWON??? shinwon with GLOVES??? ma lord almighty,,,

if i'm going for music music, it would be "Daisy" because he does my favourite line in that entire song ("haengbokhaeya dwae") in that whisper/breathy tone, sorry i'm just simping at this point

but by that logic, i would also associate him with "Naughty Boy" because of the chicken lyric ... it really stuck

if i don't put "One Shot" here, am i really a Shinwon fan?

so "One Shot" because he wrote it

Yeo One

"Pretty Pretty", definitely

high school Yeo One.

nerd Yeo One era.

mushroom Yeo One era.

Yeo One with GLASSES.

also "Eat" (originally by Zion.T) because :( Pentagon Maker :( Yan An :( comfort chocolate :( ("saranghae ... yO")

Yeo One's verse in "Round 1 - Bonus Track", specifically the part where he goes "nappeun saram ... Yanan, Yanan, Yanan"

Yanan

"Feelin' Like"

muscles.

absolute massive badonkerhonker muscles.

but also "Daisy" because i really like the way he dances in it, feels floaty and nice

also "Eat", for the same reasons as Yeo One

also "Round 1", specifically the part where he goes "(ya geuraedo bang gachi sseuneunde) HWAJANGSHI!!!"

Yuto

probably an unpopular opinion but "Shine" is one of them

his rap and the transition back to the group formation in their "Shine" stages left a sensation in my brain that i don't know how to explain

that one unique #notlikeothergirls "Yuto-da" in "Fantasystic"

those verses of Japanese rap in "Cerberus"? chef's kiss.

that low-toned Wooseok!mock-scream in "Round 2"

Kino

first of all, "Dr. Bebe", for less superficial reasons than Hongseok

like i really, and i mean REALLY love his entire persona in "Dr. Bebe"

from the stages to M/V, the facial expression and stature and makeup were EVERYTHING

in chinese, there's this thing we call 病态 (bìng tài), which directly translates to "state of being sickly" and it sounds kind of wack if you put it like that, but basically the way he embodied that psychological inner warfare in his dance and expressions was absolutely Oscar-worthy

"Daisy" because of his tattoo, and his florist dreams, and his dance, and that mafia dance variety thing they did

just. "Daisy". yeah.

Wooseok

i don't know if it's because of his unique rapping tone, but i associate him with a lot of Pentagon's songs

i mean he wrote and composed my absolute favourite Pentagon song, "BAD"

he also did "Nostalgia", which i like

his verse in "Sparkling Night"??? vocal Wooseok???

"Naughty Boy"??????????

okay that one because i hated his hair in it, i'm sorry Wooseok

but also i felt like he was so intrinsically linked with that song for some reason

it just screamed Wooseok to me

uhm

"The Magic Flute ("Der Hölle Rache" - Queen of the Night aria)"

oops

i'm sorry that was just for the crack i swear

George & Tammy (2022) Official Trailer | SHOWTIME

Starring Oscar winner Jessica Chastain (The Eyes of Tammy Faye) and Oscar nominee Michael Shannon (Bullet Train), GEORGE & TAMMY chronicles the country music power couple, Tammy Wynette and George Jones, whose complicated-but-enduring relationship inspired some of the most iconic music of all time. Remembered as the “First Lady of Country Music,” Wynette’s most successful song “Stand by Your Man” remains one of the most iconic and best-selling country singles by a female artist. Known for his once-in-a-lifetime voice, George Jones’ song “He Stopped Loving Her Today,” is still widely called the greatest country song of all time. With over 30 number-one country songs between them, including duets “We’re Gonna Hold On,” “Golden Ring” and “Near You,” George and Tammy’s legacy, both musically and romantically, remains one of the greatest love stories ever told.

The series is created by Abe Sylvia (The Eyes of Tammy Faye, Nurse Jackie), directed by John Hillcoat (The Road). The premiere episode of GEORGE & TAMMY will debut simultaneously on SHOWTIME and on the Paramount Network behind Yellowstone commercial free on Sunday, December 4 at 9 p.m. ET/PT.

30 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh

Searching out an amazing snicker? We’ve were given you included with a huge listing of funny costs to make you giggle out loud. Laughter sincerely is the excellent medication in your soul. Not handiest does laughter lessen pressure, it lowers your blood strain, gives you an fantastic ab exercise, and releases endorphins. So enjoy these 30 Humorous Quotes , sayings, and observations and get giggling these days.

1. I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.- Mitch Hedberg

2. A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. -Don Marquis

3. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?-Abraham Lincoln

4. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.-Abraham Lincoln

5. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.-Alan Dundes

6. Laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It's the sweetest thing one can do for oneself & one's fellow human beings. –Maya Angelou

7. A good laugh makes any interview, or any conversation, so much better. –Barbara Walters

8. He who laughs, lasts. –Mary Pettibone Poole

9. A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing. –Laura Ingalls Wilder 1

0. There is nothing like a gleam of humor to reassure you that a fellow human being is ticking inside a strange face. –Eva Hoffman

11. Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. –Bill Cosby

12. A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. –Henry Ward Beecher

13. It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously. –Oscar Wilde

. When humor goes, there goes civilization. –Erma Bombeck

15. A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. –Hugh Sidey

16. A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done –Dwight D. Eisenhower

17. I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. –Frank A. Clark

18. No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humor. –Samuel Taylor Coleridge

19. Comedy is acting out optimism. –Robin Williams

20. A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. –William Arthur Ward

21. Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing. –Allen Klein

22. Humor is just another defense against the universe. –Mel Brooks

23. Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it. –Langston Hughes

24. Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. –Christopher Morley

25. If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. –Jennifer Jones

26. Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. –Victor Borge

27. Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. –Leo Rosten

28. Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. –Langston Hughes

29. Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor. –Eric Sevareid

30. The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense. –Jacob August Riis

the ONE YEAR i dont watch the oscars🙄

Oscar Trivia 2021

A few days late, but here we are!

The elephant in the room is that for the first time in Oscar history, there is more than one woman nominated in Best Director: Chloé Zhao (Nomadland) and Emerald Fennell (Promising Young Woman). As part of their unique roads to their nominations, Zhao is the first Asian woman nominated for the award, while Fennell is both the first British woman nominated and the first woman to be nominated for her directorial debut. If either of them win (which looks incredibly likely for Zhao), they will be only the second woman to win Best Director, joining Kathryn Bigelow who won for The Hurt Locker (2009).

The late Chadwick Boseman (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom) has become the eighth actor to be nominated posthumously and the first in the Best Actor category since Massimo Troisi in 1995 (Il Postino). If/when he wins, he’ll be the third actor to win after their death, joining Peter Finch (Best Actor 1976, Network) and Heath Ledger (Best Supporting Actor 2008, The Dark Knight). 

In a continuation of the weirdest streak possible, Leslie Odom, Jr. (One Night in Miami) is the fourth artist in a row to be nominated for both acting and songwriting. For over 40 years, Barbra Streisand had the distinction of being the only person nominated for both acting and songwriting. Mary J. Blige one-upped her in 2017 when she was nominated in both categories in the same year (Mudbound), and then Lady Gaga (A Star is Born) and Cynthia Erivo (Harriet) managed to do the same in the following years. Odom is now the fifth person to achieve this distinction in Oscar history and the first man to do so. Barbra still has the last laugh, though: she’s still the only person to win both categories (albeit in different years). 

Steven Yeun (Minari) is the first Asian-American actor ever nominated in the Best Actor category and the third male Asian-American actor nominated ever, joining the ranks of former Supporting Actor nominees Mako and Pat Morita. 

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm’s Maria Bakalova is the first Bulgarian actor nominated for an Oscar. 

With her Best Actress nomination for Nomdland, Frances McDormand has joined Meryl Streep, Jack Nicholson, Laurence Olivier, and Michael Caine as actors nominated in five consecutive decades. Additionally, as one of the producers of Nomadland, McDormand is the first woman nominated in acting and producing in the same year and the third overall (the other two being Barbra Streisand and Oprah Winfrey). 

Glenn Close (Hillbilly Elegy) received her eighth nomination, extending her own record as the most nominated living actor without a win. She is also the third actor to be nominated for both an Oscar and a Razzie for the same performance, and the first since 1983. 

Daniel Kaluuya (Judas and the Black Messiah) is the first Black British actor to receive more than one Oscar nomination. If he wins (which looks incredibly likely), he’ll be the first ever Black British actor to win an Oscar.

With her nomination for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, Viola Davis is now the most nominated Black actress in Oscar history, with four nominations and one win. If she wins, she’ll be only the second Black woman to win a Leading Actress Oscar and the first since Halle Berry, who won for 2001′s Monster’s Ball. 

Riz Ahmed (Sound of Metal) is the first actor to Pakistani descent to be nominated in any acting category and the first Muslim actor nominated in Best Actor. His performance is also the first one primarily in American Sign Language (ASL) nominated in this category since Alan Arkin in 1968′s The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. Additionally, Ahmed is one of the only actors of color in Oscar history to be nominated for a role in which his race has no bearing on the story. 

Youn Yuh-jung (Minari) is the first Korean actor nominated for an acting Oscar and the third East Asian woman nominated (the others being Japanese actresses Rinko Kikuchi and Miyoshi Umeki). 

This year also marks the second time ever with more than one Black nominee in Best Actress, with both Viola Davis (Ma Rainey) and Andra Day (The United States vs. Billie Holiday). The only other time this happened was in 1972 when both Cicely Tyson (Sounder) and Diana Ross (Lady Sings the Blues) were nominated. In an incredible coincidence, both Ross and Day are nominated for playing the same role: Billie Holiday. 

Between the five of them, the films nominated in Best Visual Effects have a total of seven nominations, the lowest for that category since 2007, when there were only three films nominated. 

On that same note, Billie Holiday is now the sixth historical figure to earn multiple actors Oscar nominations in different films. The others are King Henry VIII (Charles Laughton in 1933′s The Private Life of Henry VIII, Robert Shaw in 1966′s A Man for All Seasons, and Richard Burton in 1969′s Anne of the Thousand Days), Queen Elizabeth I (Cate Blanchett in 1998′s Elizabeth and 2007′s Elizabeth: The Golden Age and Judi Dench in 1998′s Shakespeare in Love), Abraham Lincoln (Raymond Massey in 1940′s Abe Lincoln in Illinois and Daniel Day-Lewis in 2012′s Lincoln), Howard Hughes (Jason Robards in 1980′s Melvin and Howard and Leonardo DiCaprio in 2004′s The Aviator), and Richard Nixon (Anthony Hopkins in 1995′s Nixon and Frank Langella in 2008′s Frost/Nixon). Holiday is the first Black person to receive this distinction.

At 83, Anthony Hopkins (The Father) is the oldest Best Actor nominee in Oscar history. He is also the first person to get back-to-back acting nominations in his 80s and only the third actor in history to receive more than one acting nomination in his 80s, joining the likes of Jessica Tandy and Christopher Plummer. 

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom marks the third time ever that Best Actor and Best Actress both have Black nominees from the same film. The other two are Sounder (1972, with Paul Winfield and Cicely Tyson) and What’s Love Got to Do with It (1993, with Laurence Fishburne and Angela Bassett). Of the three films, only Sounder made it into the Best Picture category.

Judas and the Black Messiah is the first Best Picture nominee with an all-Black producing team. 

Thomas Vinterberg scored a surprise Best Director nomination for Another Round, which makes him the first Danish filmmaker to receive an Oscar nomination. Another Round is now only the third film in history to be nominated for Best DIrector and no other non-Foreign Language Film categories, along with Hiroshi Teshigahara’s Woman in the Dunes (1965) and Federico Fellini’s Fellini Satyricon (1970).  

Amanda Seyfried (Mank) is the second Mean Girl to be nominated for an Oscar, joining Rachel McAdams. None for Gretchen Weiners, indeed.

With the nominations for Maria Bakalova and for Adapted Screenplay, Borat becomes the eighth film franchise to ever receive multiple nominations in above-the-line Oscar categories, joining The Godfather series, the Toy Story series, the Before... series, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the Rocky/Creed series, and the pairs of Going My Way/The Bells of St. Mary’s and Elizabeth/Elizabeth: The Golden Age. 

After the Macedonian film Honeyland became the first film in Oscar history to be nominated in both Best International Feature and Best Documentary Feature, the Romanian documentary Collective became the second film to earn this distinction this year. 

The White Tiger continues the 20-year-old trend of there being at least one film that receives a screenplay nomination and nothing else.

Terence Blanchard (Da 5 Bloods) is the first Black composer to receive multiple nominations. 

Sound of Metal is the third Best Picture nominee in the last 20 years to have its world premiere the year before its American Oscar-qualifying release. The other two are Best Picture winners The Hurt Locker (which premiered at the Venice Film Festival in 2008) and Crash (which premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2004). 

Mank is the third black-and-white film to be nominated in Best Makeup and Hairstyling, and the first since Ed Wood in 1994. 

This is only the third time that all five of the Best Actor nominees were nominated alongside co-stars. This previously happened in 1991 and 2013.

Late to the ‘Maisel’ Party, But Still Marvelous

Being a Gilmore Girls superfan, you would think I’d have jumped on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel when it first came out in 2017. (Both shows shared the same creators, the husband-wife writer-producer duo Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino.) But alas, it is 2021, three years overdue, and I have only finished binge-watching three seasons’ worth of backlog this past weekend—mostly because I’ve never had an Amazon Prime subscription until last week.

So, like a nice Internet Explorer meme, I present to you my late reaction to this show.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, for those who don’t know (which is most likely a small percentage of the global population by now), is about a funny lady named Miriam “Midge” Maisel, a housewife in the 1950s who discovers her hidden talent for stand-up comedy when she goes on a drunken tirade at a downtown club on the night her husband leaves her. After being convinced by an employee at the club that she has sensational potential, Midge decides to take control of her life and pursue a career as a stand-up comedian under the name “Mrs. Maisel.” This show is about Midge’s misadventures on the road to stardom in a male-dominated scene as a divorcee-mother in 1950s New York.

Midge is portrayed by Rachel Brosnahan. I have never seen any of her work before this, but I fell in love with her as Midge the moment she announced in front of an all-Jewish crowd of wedding guests that the egg rolls contained shrimp. The rabbi scrambled in panic. Ah, sweet chaotic humor. Don’t you just love it?

Maisel is fueled by the same rapid-fire dialogue that characterized Gilmore Girls (as well as the short-lived Bunheads), but better fitting, given the whole stand-up comedy context. Another Gilmore hallmark that is carried over to Maisel is solid characterization. The Palladinos make such an effort to write well-rounded characters, molded with such careful complexity and distinctiveness that you can almost predict how they would react to certain situations. It’s like you know them personally. You’d say, “That’s so Midge.” Or, “Susie’s not going to be happy about this.” Or, “That’s such a Moishe thing to say!” That’s why I become so invested in them.

Perhaps out of all the characters in Maisel, my favorite would have to be Midge’s father Abe Weissman, played by Tony Shalhoub (you know, Monk from Monk).

Abe wears a perpetual scowl the way most old-fashioned fathers do, and why wouldn’t he? His daughter is pursuing a career in stand-up comedy, which meant she had to turn every family encounter into joke material for her sets. His son-in-law left his daughter for his secretary. His son-in-law’s parents are just gnawing on his last nerve. His son is secretly CIA (but thankfully he hasn’t killed anyone). His wife is struggling to maintain their lifestyle, despite the chaos. His students at Columbia University aren’t very bright by his standards. Stress and frustration abound in the life of Abe Weissman. Tony Shalhoub plays out that frustration in a way that’s unexpectedly comical. Abe seems like a ticking time bomb, inches away from complete insanity, but doing his very best to be the calm, collected patriarch to this wacko bunch.

What I love the most about Abe is his character development from a 1950s archetypal father to a man who’s just trying to find meaning in life again by breaking out of his mold, the same way his daughter did.

Next to Abe, I’d give the coveted ‘favorite’ spot to Lenny Bruce, played by Luke Kirby. Yes, the Lenny Bruce. The famed foul-mouthed rebel-comedian in the 1950s-60s who was often arrested for obscenity charges. Lenny Bruce did not shy away from profanity and social criticism in his sets, inspiring a new generation of stand-up comedians thereafter.

Luke Kirby looks nothing like Lenny Bruce. Luke Kirby looks like an Oscar Isaac understudy. Lenny Bruce looks like he owes you money. But the way Luke Kirby portrays Lenny Bruce in Maisel is strong enough to suspend one’s disbelief. He captures the essence of Bruce’s comedic performances, yet he is able to inject an air of melancholy that one can only imagine Bruce was feeling in the late 1950s to the early 1960s—the height of his drug addiction and domestic problems. Not only was he dealing with all these personal issues; he was being blacklisted everywhere, too.

The best example I can offer would be Kirby’s recreation of Bruce’s performance on the Steve Allen Show in 1959. Kirby mirrored the whole thing, from the tilting of Bruce’s head, to the gestures and the intonation of his voice, to the timing of his jokes. But anyone can do that. What Kirby actually brought to the performance was the weight of anxiety and desolation. You could just feel the heaviness hiding behind the bit. No wonder he won an Emmy for it.

With my admiration for Maisel’s Lenny Bruce comes a nagging sense of dread. The real Lenny Bruce died in 1964, and it seems like the events of the show are inching closer to that point in time.

Lenny Bruce and Midge Maisel have formed a bond over the course of the show. They posted each other’s bail when they each got arrested for a vulgar set. Lenny became a sort of gateway for Midge, even paving the way for her to perform for the first time under the name Mrs. Maisel. Midge was there to help Lenny feel comfortable when he was nervous about performing a clean act on live television. (To be clear, I don’t ship them because I know it isn’t going to end well. This is a classic example of doomshipping.)

I just have this fear that Lenny Bruce’s impending death is going to impact Midge in the same way the death of Beth Harmon’s mother in The Queen’s Gambit became the impetus for her downward spiral. The last line he uttered this season—“Maybe someday. Before I’m dead.”—oozes with foreshadowing. My stomach is churning just thinking about it.  In fact, the anxiety is so strong that I even dreamt about it last night. Ugh.

That’s the problem with me. I get ridiculously invested in TV shows.

When I was a kid, I cried so hard over the Pokemon episode Bye Bye Butterfree that I wrote a series of letters from Butterfree to Ash—yes, written in Butterfree’s POV—about his new adventures. Around the same time, I was also concerned about Trunks’ relationship with his father Vegeta in Dragonball Z and I was listing down ways they could bond and grow closer.

A decade ago I was obsessed with Pretty Little Liars, a seven-season mystery show I was so devoted to solving that I collected clues for seven years. Screenshots in a folder. Scribbled notes in a notebook. Plot theories in a dedicated Tumblr blog. Fanfic. One time, I was getting a massage and I couldn’t relax because I was thinking about the evidence I would outline for my new theory. That was seven years of my life.

Just recently, there was Wandavision, a show I found so magically mysterious that I created a Google Slides document containing plot theories based on the lyrics to the opening songs of each episode.

Yeah, I can get a little intense when it comes to TV shows. But I’m far from apologetic.

Now, back to Maisel.

I’m rooting so hard for Midge’s success. In fact, I get super anxious whenever she goes onstage because I’m worried she might say something that could destroy her career or her family—or both. The same goes for the other characters. I’m rooting for Abe to be successful in finding new meaning in his life. I’m rooting for Lenny’s happiness and wellbeing, despite knowing the tragic ending that awaits him. I’m rooting for Midge to be a superstar and find the love she needs.

It’s hard not to root for such marvelously written characters. Even if I’m a couple years late.

21 with miggy☺️

…on a scar.

…on a place of insecurity.

“Scar tissue”

 Juliet was going to kill him…

She wasn’t even kidding…

She really wanted to strangle him, or even better to feed him to the dogs.

After running for hours to escape some drug dealers in the jungle, Juliet and Magnum were now trying to get back to their car, in the middle of a storm, drenched under the rain and wading through so much mud, that she had almost lost a shoe, stucked into the sludge.

With one look, Magnum had understood that he’d better not laugh at her.

The murderous glare she gave him when his lips started to curl upward in a grin, prevented him from teasing her, and trying to deflect the situation in his usual attempt at humor.

Juliet knew they needed to change themselves before going into the jungle, but according to her so smart partner it was unnecessary, it was just a quick check into an abandonned mansion, so why bother to go back to Robin’s nest to get a better outfit ?

So he bit back a laugh, and crouched into the mud to help his Cinderella look for her shoe.

He didn’t even laugh when she slipped and fell on her ass in a loud splash, because she had stubbornly refused his help to steady her, to put her shoe back on.

‘God…’ he wanted to laugh so hard...

Magnum thought he really did deserved an oscar for his performance on self control, when he saw the scowl on her offended face covered in mud.

He was glad they were in the middle of a storm.

The cold rain was doing a wonderful job at hidding his tears and covering the sounds of his laughter, as she was awkwardly trying to walk in the mud in high heels, nearly slipping every five minutes.

Of course, when they went back to the Ferrari, the convertible car had been practically swamped by the rain, so their day was getting better and better by the minute.

Now, they were both snuggled in a makeshift bed in another abandonned cabin in the jungle, trying to keep each other warm, despite Juliet’s growing animosity.

She was shivering against him, even if they had gotten rid of their wet clothes, she had a hard time conserving heat.

She had insisted on being the bigger spoon, he probably could understand why, being almost naked under the same blanket to share some heat was one thing, but being nestled between his arms was definitely another.

He didn’t want to invade her personal space, if she was angry with him. He was just worried about her getting cold, while she was warming him in her embrace.

« Are you sure you are okay ? You would be warmer in my arms, you know… » He asked in a low tone, concerned by the way she was shivering behind him.

« Magnum… » She replied, in a warning tone.

« Don’t worry, I’m a gentleman… I would never take advantage of the situation. »

Juliet tensed behind him, she tightened her arms around him and snuggled closer. « I know… » Her voice was softer than expected, she was tired, and she seemed less angry with him.

« Are you sure you’re alright ? You seemed awfully quiet suddenly ?... Higgy ? »

Juliet didn’t want to tell him that being caught in a storm reminded her of the last time they got stucked in la Mariana with Ethan.

She didn’t want to talk about their break-up, or why she had refused to leave Robin’s nest to live with him.

She didn’t want to talk about their last fight, when he had accused her of being in love with her partner, and the fact that she couldn’t denied it, breaking Ethan’s heart with her silence.

Instead, she went for the jugular, and followed the scar tissues in Magnum’s back with the tip of her finger, silencing him, and making him tensed suddenly in her arms.

« You have a lot of scars on your back… »

Her voice was so low, he could barely hear it, but her hands were soft around him, her warm palm slowly grazing the bare skin of his chest.

It wasn’t a question.

It was just a statement, like she was aknowledging his dark past for the first time.

Juliet sighed, letting her head rest against his back, who was awfully quiet now ?...

They never really discussed it together, Rick had told her a few bits about it, without going into details.

They barely broached the subject, always talking about somebody else, never failing to avoid the elephant in the room.

« Yeah… I know, I was supposed to get some skin grafts to cover them, but I was so tired of staying in hospital, so… »

« I’m glad you didn’t… »

Magnum tensed once again, he hissed when her hand slid against the one on his stomach, her fingers slowly grazing his abs, making his muscles shift under her touch.

« Higgy ? »

« I like them… They remind me that you are stronger than you look. That you are a survivor… Just like me… We were both hurt, but we are still fighting…»

The storm was still raging outside.

But the rumble of the sky, the howling of the wind were nothing compared to all the feelings suddenly flooding him, threatening to swallow him whole.

« Juliet… Are you okay ? Did something happened ? »

« You never asked ?... About Ethan ? »

Magnum sighed, he was glad for the darkness in the cabin, he didn’t trust the expression in his eyes.

« I wasn’t sure you were ready to talk about it… You told me to shut up ! » And he laughed a little, trying once again to ease the tension in the room.

« And you usually never listened… Why only this time ? »

« I don’t know… I didn’t want to pressure you into anything… I know how hard it can be, how bad it can hurt… »

Juliet tightened her arms around him, and his heart skipped a beat when he felt the warm touch of her lips against the torn skin in his back.

This time he turned around, and hugged her tight against his chest, the feeling of her snuggling herself closer to his body made him shiver, but not because of the cold.

He pulled the blanket higher on their bodies, not sure from who he was hiding them, and he took a deep breath to keep from moaning softly, as he felt her warm and soft body pressed against his.

Her fingers grazed the scar on his chest, the one Annah had given him, and his breath hitched when her nails gently scraped against it.

« Does it still hurt ? » She asked.

« No… »

Juliet pressed her face in the warm shelter between his broad shoulders and whispered : « This one still hurt… » She mumbled in the crook of his neck, as she grabbed his hand to press it against the scar on her stomach, where the bullet had almost killed her.

« I think it’s still hurt because I wasn’t honnest with you, because I didn’t want to hear what you wanted to say… »

And Magnum remembered this day when he took her out of hospital, and he wanted to confess his feelings for her.

But the look in her eyes was begging him to not do it, to not push their relationship on a road unexplored.

They fell silent for a while, they both welcomed the obscurity, hidding their flushed bodies into the darkness.

She was scared back then…

She wasn’t anymore…

All the scars on his body showing her, that even if they could get hurt, they could survived together…

« Tell me… » She asked in a low tone, « tell me now… »

And the soft touch of her lips upon the scar on his upper lip urged the words out of him : 

« I love you… »

so much content today!!! my boy my boy!!!

Scratch that. Zombie apocalypse AU The office Headcanons with reader x Jim Halpert?

Oh! I have never done a headcannon before, and I read this and just had to give it a go!! I really hope this is what you wanted, I’m sorry if I messed up.

Headcannon - The Office Zombie Apocalypse (feat. Jim x Reader)

Dwight was 100% prepared for this shit, Schrute Farms definitely has a fallout bunker with all the essentials. And even though he wouldn’t want to share, the office kind of swarm and all end up in this beet farm/compound.

Kevin and Creed both knew the apocalypse was coming, like, Kevin is undoubtedly on some weird internet forums. Those two were talking about it the day news came through about the end of the world.

 Much to Michael’s delight, Toby is the first one in the office infected.

When the news came out, Jim’s first reaction was to call you. You were out getting lunch supplies to stock up the office fridge and ended up coming back with more canned goods than you thought possible.

 Kelly and Ryan get back together so that they can have apocalypse sex.

Andy would try really hard to be prepared, but, ultimately, he is the next person infected.

Michael would do the entirety of the “STAY FUCKING CALM” meltdown once again, and the team would be rushing out of the office to get to cars and stuff.

 Also, Jim would have a freak out. (see above gif)

People left behind: Toby and Andy (they’s zombies), Kelly (Ryan sees this as his way out), Kevin (he got distracted by food and probably eaten by a hoard), and Stanley (his arm was being chewed off by Toby and he didn’t even notice until it affected his crossword).

Phyllis and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, would try and go off on their own, but let’s face it, those two aren’t getting far in this scenario.

Pam is definitely the glue of the Schrute Farm survivors and tries to be the best mom friend possible.

Meredith was infected but managed to cure herself with the amount of alcohol she drinks.

At some point, maybe a year down the line, Dwight would go crazy with power and a lot of the team would leave the compound, you and Jim included.

Jim gets so, so fucking muscular.

That being said, man can’t shoot a gun for shit (we all saw how well he did at Call of Duty). You, on the other hand, would be a semi-automatic wielding badass.

Michael would go on a solo mission to find Holly and die, but the two would be reunited as zombie lovers so sort of a happy ending.

You, Jim, Pam, Oscar and Meredith would go on the road together with Darryl (who also is just the most capable of the entire group), leaving behind power hungry Dwight, Angela and Creed.

Creed would then disappear on his own, but somehow survive.

Dwight and Angela would probably end up fine, though they have to kill Moses at some point. They start charging people to join their safe haven.

Ok, but the fashion would be iconic.

Like, first year Office would be things made of weird materials on Schrute Farms because Dwight is a dictator, but when you go out with the selective team on your own? I’m talking SQUAD GOALS. 

Jim in a ripped dress shirt that shows off his muscles? YES. The fucking leather? NEEDED. Pam holding up her hair with an old paintbrush while she decapitates the undead? ICON.

Everyone has their preferred weapons: so, Pam kind of sucks at the physical side of things but she has a pistol, keeps herself protected when no-one else is around, eventually she learns how to slice those zombies open like a watermelon; Meredith is just fucking invincible, but she is rocking the baseball bat with nails; Darryl is your brawn, the guy has grenades and a crow bar as well as an AK; Oscar is all about the crossbow, turns out the man is really good at like archery and stuff? Who knew; Jim is also on the brawn side of things now that he’s jacked, opting for a bat, an axe or a machete over a gun; and you would be on the next level with guns.

Dwight probably taught you all how to fight, and when you left you definitely looted his hoard of weapons for protection.

The plan was to head back to the office building in hopes of finding a working radio, but there are just way too many zombies in Scranton.

You hear a report about Canada being zombie free and start heading north.

So, if you haven’t seen John Krasinski in Jack Ryan or 13 Hours or A Quiet Place, you are missing out, because Jim Halpert is full on rocking the beard, and abs, and this man is still cracking jokes in the middle of the apocalypse.

You would actually end up getting married on the way to Canada (Niagara Falls wedding, bitches), Darryl most definitely is ordained. Pam manages to sew you up a veil, she’s your bridesmaid, it’s really fucking cute.

Creed shows up out of nowhere, literally nowhere, with a bunch of zombies on his tail.

You gun down a bunch, but Oscar gets infected. Darryl mercy kills him.

Meredith goes off with Creed, leaving you, Jim, Darryl and Pam.

You make it to the border! Cross over into Canada after like destroying so many zombies, and Jim is so in love with watching you be your badass self that he’s like “be the mother of my children”

You say yes.

I feel like you spend the rest of your life just like, living your best post-apocalyptic life? Like, Pam is the best aunt to your kids and Jim is such a good dad, and you and Darryl bond over the fact that both of you are protecting the soft beans that are Pam and Jim.

So while you live it up in Canada, Dwight has trained all of his offspring (of which there is at least half a dozen) and turned them all into zombie killers.

Creed and Meredith become looters, infamous for their slaughter techniques

Zombie Michael and Zombie Holly now live together in the suburbs of Scranton in a dilapidated condo.

Kelly is the only zombie with true style, who managed to shuffle her way to New York.

Dwight killed Ryan after he became too much of a pain in the ass(fucking deserves it). His undead life is spent avoiding zombie Kelly.

And Stanley is still in the Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch, now a zombie missing an arm, sat at his desk and finally finishing a crossword.

I hope you like it, nonnie! This was definitely something new for me!

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IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS 

ITS MY BOY ENYU!!!! ON THE FRONT PAGE???? okay also a big deal for zhaohao and li hao too!!!

ok now into part 2 of the ep

interesting that they focused on junhao for everybody. can understand he probably has the most different and struggle experience so probably more interesting for dramas sake lol im surprised they dont spend more time on shengen, considering his popularity. 

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA JUNHAO FREAKING OUT over the fact that they only learned the dance for 40 mins. LOL thats the level of tyger + kou cong + shengen, i can imagine the struggle of the yang guang nan hai group in comparison AHAHA i just imagine him running down the hall freaking out like HOW DID THEY LEARN THE DANCE IN JUST ONE CLASS WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE 

lollll “theyre all dachang boys” “theyre all zhang yixing’s students” HAHAHAH you know even though he is slightly struggling compared to the rest, he aint bad and theyre all taking it light hearted with laughter so seems like a good learning environment! and he’s confident he’ll get it LOL thats good! i think thats what makes him so amusing 

HAHAHA i love how lin mo just keeps giggling at junhao like he genuinely just finds him so amusing LOL yay for making new friends 

awww bc junhao’s always been a leader i feel like for him to finally feel like hes being taken care of is so nice. i have absolute confidence that this group will treat him kindly. AW HE CALLED HIM MOMO 

im still disappointed they have YET to show zhan yu’s funny/strange personality and this wouldve been a great opportunity bc hes surrounded by friends he’s comfortable with!! like his friendship with kou cong! or akey and lin mo! but sigh...

THEY PUT ZHAN YU IN THE FRONT FOR THE SEXUAL LINE HAHAHHA PERFECT BUT I SEE LIN MO BEING ONE OF THE ONLY ONES NOT SHOWING HIS ABS HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

wow the lyrics are so fitting for lin mo to scream LOL but also ay his vocals?! aw im glad they put in a little rap for shengen and akey! honestly was kinda hoping for more bc they havent had a proper stage together before and i feel like itd be awesome but also junhao and zhan yu vocalization at the end was on point!!

lol all the kids being like zhang pd’s words are so detailed and professional... sigh theyve been missing out until now 

im glad they really pointed out how each member of this team did well! they really all did a great job with each of their parts, and they each got a little part to shine, and when put together, it was a complete performance. im proud of them and happy for them!

aw.... i feel like we’ve been waiting so long to hear lin mo get complimented.... i feel like it’s been since qcyn namanana that we’ve been waiting for him to redeem himself and climb back up to the peak. ugh its been nearly a year and a half. im just so terrified of whats gonna happen next bc im way too skeptical at this point to expect this high to continue, esp with what happened after namanana last time......... but for now, im happy. relieved hes finally getting the recognition he deserves and im happy that hes happy. lol i was also half scared we were gonna get spirit of the knight-ed again with his pink hair (nightmare flashbacks to lin mo and changxi’s deletion from that perf) i dont think ill ever get over that :( i feel like as a lin mo stan, ive been trained to not keep my hopes up and to prepare for the worst bc hes the type of person who just always gets the short end of the stick, it feels like. 

aw the part when they go back to the waiting room and jin fan is waiting for them with an encouraging smile and the whole exchange of "帥的真的帥的" "哇~可以吧" "我沒想到" "那必須的" our leader did them proud :’) 

ugh the part where luo jie calls them and tells them he can’t come back........ heart breaking. i can see why lin ran and xikan would be really affected. lin ran has been luo jie’s go-to since he left and knowing how their usual friendship involves making fun of one another and jokingly complaining about each other, it hits hard when lin ran says he cried his eyes out. it hurts that they didnt get to share the stage again before he left. xikan may not have shared the stage with luo jie during ip, but hes known him since then and has been with him through both rounds here. it interesting bc i feel like the namanana perf was very light hearted on qcyn but i cant see that happening here, esp with their outfits? 

aw shiwei and chaowen taking charge to raise their spirits :’) 

lin ran’s voice fits so well with this song wow! i really like his lines! also lol i didnt know xikan would have abs but okay and tbh im always hesitant about dances with props bc it always is so easy to look messy..... like every slight difference in angle in the way you hold your arms is immediately magnified 

and like sxl’s fan is obviously broken and having performed fan dances myself i know that that’s like the most annoying thing to happen on stage, and can be really difficult to deal with, even tho it happens ALL THE TIME with those types of fans ugh :( 

i mean its super kind of them to leave luo jie’s space empty for him, but its kinda weird to have parts of the audio missing sadly :( and also chaowen’s voice did something weird in the middle there, like its sounds weirdly weak 

wait didnt yixing tell them to close the fan? but they didnt? 

xikan’s facial expressions are perfecttt, good for him! wish they gave more screen time to shiwei during shiwei’s lines lol... but also i cant help but hear lin mo’s voice during that part LOL ugh speaking of which i miss that team dynamic namanana team a on qcyn HAHAHAH hwx being a brat and fjj running around wild and lin mo giving up on them all just laughing like idiots for hours on end while bo yuan just judges them from a corner LOL i love the beginning of the wenxuan and lin mo friendship good times :’)  

HAHAH ENYU AGAIN WITH THE REALEST COMMENTS - i agree AHHAHAH i love these kids too but there was something off about this stage 

im surprised but also not surprised by what the judges are saying 

o didnt realize sxl was supposed to be center but i guess that explains the big puffy thing on his shoulder lol.......... agree with cx tho, even without his broken fan, i think the fans made them look worse bc it just looked messy 

well idk if we’re getting all the stages today but at least jin fan’s is also getting aired! TYGER HUG FOR JIN FAN YESS

jin fan teaching them dance? yes thank you for showing us he is a good dancer. oof jin fan’s just too nice :( hes trying to avoid conflict too much that it caused conflict smh......... lol oscar trying to talk to su er hes having such struggle i feel that bro LOL hes doing really well though, tbh being relatively young, hes really trying his best and is being reasonable. 

LOL HE CALLED HIM JIN FAN GE i forgot jin fan is considered old lol..... jin fan really taking the higher road here and im glad they sat together and talked it out a bit

THE JIN FAN VOICE YESSSS hahahhaha kou cong holding the tyger sign!!

oo is that some of his bel canto-style singing coming through LOL 

AY NICE for hong weihao and oscar to put in some rap 

some of those high notes were a bit questionable at the end but okay jin fan is really claiming that vocal + dance teacher role i see.... interesting 

but agree with yixing that he doesnt need to force himself to do high notes bc his voice is so nice regardless!! yay for oscar getting recognition! im still waiting for jin fan to do a cool dance performance sigh

wasnt expecting an enyu feature BUT ILL TAKE IT 

oof huang enyu saying hes really trying to put himself out there by going for leader and the realest comment that he hasnt considered getting to debut he just wants to pass this round oof and he feels like his opportunities may be cut short bc hes getting old oof

enyu and chenxu crying watching the movie 

AW THEIR HAHA VIDEOS ARE THE CUTEST THING I LOVE THESE KIDSSS so sad that so many of them are at risk of elimination :(  im glad these vocals made their own friend group! I hope itll be a memory they carry forward. they do all have shared experiences as vocals on this show. 

this reaction to junrong’s voice

same tho :’) but actually all of their voices are so so nice like actually these 5 are all people whose voices ive really listened for on this show, but wow renyu’s voice in particular like really ugh just sounds so pure 

also enyu looks really nice in this performance but thats a side note okay moving on

i mean literally these reactions

and li hao crying while singing and so many kids in the waiting room crying while watching OOF this perf has got me emotional 

HAHAHHAHA THEIR INTROS HAHAHHA

UGH ENYU his plea just.... the way he yelled it bc it mustve taken courage and it mustve been a frustration on his mind for a while now and bc maybe he wouldve broken down if he hadnt yelled it out but im really crying now.... and its so out of character for him that you know he really really is feeling desperate and feels the need to speak out

lol wait gjm posted on weibo about him? is that why hes getting more attention lol..........

i really hope the vocals win :( 

no tygers in the next ep preview? hmmMMMMMmm okay 

well also interesting that they put the other 4 perfs with the elims...... seems sketch but at least most of my kids got to go this week ahhhhhh i feel bad for the other groups already. esp the ones with the kids who arent as popular... 

Globe, May 4

Cover: George and Amal Clooney trapped in quarantine hell -- $500 million divorce nightmare 

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Sarah Silverman, Sean Penn, Malin Akerman and son Sebastian 

Page 3: Paul Hogan, Brigitte Nielsen, Michael Keaton on a bike ride 

Page 4: Caitlyn Jenner’s son Brandon Jenner reveals his then-dad Bruce Jenner all but disappeared from his life after his father wed third wife Kris Jenner, Nicole Kidman is going to adopt a son with husband Keith Urban after repeated attempts to conceive with IVF treatments failed 

Page 5: Prudish Disney censors working on a rerelease of the hit Splash just went overboard by covering up movie mermaid Daryl Hannah’s butt with fake computerized hair, NASCAR driver Kyle Larson crashed his career by uttering a racial slur during the livestreaming of a virtual race 

Page 6: Jason Statham was caught risking the safety of his two-year-old son Jack by transporting the tot on a minibike without helmets and he might expect an investigation and charges from the state’s Children and Family Services for the risky incident plus baby mama Rosie Huntington-Whiteley could use the damning photos if she wants to get sole custody of Jack, even after surgery to save her eye after a freak accident Savannah Guthrie’s sight is fading and she needs to go under the knife again

Page 7: Now that he and wife Meghan Markle have moved to Malibu royal rebel Prince Harry is shelling out bucks to learn how to be an authentic California beach bum -- in his desire to be a surfer dude Harry has been leaning on locals to recommend experts in water sports like surfing and jet-skiing and wakeboarding 

Page 8: Prince Andrew grovels for no-jail plea deal in Jeffrey Epstein case 

Page 10: Cover Story -- George and Amal Clooney’s lockdown meltdown -- tempers erupt while trapped in luxury Tinseltown mansion 

Page 11: Weed-loving wild child Willow Smith says she’s cut down on puffing pot and that she now sees the world more clearly 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Chris Martin, those Greek-god washboard abs Zac Efron peacocks in his 2017 Baywatch movie are but a fine-chiseled memory because he’s reluctant to put his body through an encore ordeal, Beverly Hills-style lockdowns are a breeze for stinking-rich Chrissy Teigen because she has a household of servants to cater to her and husband John Legend’s every whim like nannies for their two kids and house manager and maids, 18 months after a near-fatal overdose Demi Lovato says she’s on the road to recovery but that doesn’t include renewing her once-close friendship with Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga is so gaga over brainy new beau Michael Polansky she’s already getting ready for wedding bells and babies 

Page 13: Olivier Martinez buys bread in LA, Maitland Ward who ditched Hollywood for a career in skin flicks shows off her butt, Martha Stewart downed two glasses of wine then left a rambling mistake-riddled rant on social media about raising chickens 

Page 14: Kathie Lee Gifford is doing some not-so-subtle hinting she belongs back on the Today show so she can be part of the healing for the coronavirus pandemic, Houston Astros pitcher Justin Verlander who is married to Kate Upton has decided to donate his hefty MLB paychecks to a different charity organization each week during the shutdown, Fashion Verdict -- Elle Fanning 9/10, Shanina Shaik 7/10, Saoirse Ronan 4/10, Marisa Tomei 6/10, Kaitlin Olson 5/10 

Page 17: Demi Moore has launched a family book club with ex Bruce Willis and their three daughters while in quarantine, Amy Schumer has changed her baby boy’s name after realizing it sounded like genital 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Ryan Seacrest, Rosie O’Donnell won’t ever return to The View because of co-host Whoopi Goldberg, a Beverly Hills mansion that late musician Prince turned into a purple palace is on the market for $30 million 

Page 20: True Crime 

Page 23: Exes Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are each filthy rich and now Jen is leaning on Brad to help cook up business schemes for raking in even more millions, Justin Bieber won’t be a father anytime soon because his wife Hailey Baldwin has revealed she’s on birth control even though Justin wants to be a dad 

Page 24: Tornado Terror -- death and devastation as 41 twisters punch America in the heart 

Page 26: Health Report -- Gardening can bury the blues

Page 29: Jessica Chastain is hoping she’ll win next year’s Best Actress Oscar for her role as mascara-mad televangelist Tammy Faye Bakker 

Page 30: Sex-mad Kris Jenner has boytoy Corey Gamble complaining he can’t keep up with her unquenchable appetite for between-the-sheets action, Miley Cyrus has taken a wrecking ball to boyfriend Cody Simpson’s face -- she gave him a gender-bending a makeover with cherry-red lipstick and eyelashes out to here 

Page 32: Padma Lakshmi posted an Instagram video of herself cooking at home in a skimpy top and got steamed over books who bashed her for not wearing a bra, Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani are having a hairy time during their coronavirus isolation and she’s been cutting his hair into a quarantine mullet, Michael Jackson’s troubled daughter Paris Jackson is playing Jesus in an upcoming indie flick, ailing Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek has penned a revealing tell-all in time for his 80th birthday in July 

Page 38: Real Life 

Page 40: Just-married Bindi Irwin has now turned matchmaker and she’s hunting for a man for her widowed mom Terri Irwin

Page 44: Straight Talk -- O.J. Simpson’s golf ban whining is way out of bounds 

Page 45: Pierce Brosnan is still head over heels for wife Keely Shaye Smith and the longtime couple have been enjoying a sizzling second honeymoon in Hawaii, incorrigible cougar Kate Beckinsale has sunk her claws into yet another boytoy -- a baby-faced musician who’s 24 years her junior named Goody Grace 

Page 47: Hollywood Flashback -- Animal House, Bizarre But True