#Tumblr crab infestation
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#Cú Cuthach#Tumblr logo#Tumblr icon#Tumblr crabs#tumblr crabs want checkmarks#cartoon#tumblr fanart#Tumblr crab infestation
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Hey did anyone notice you can actually buy crabs for the dashboard now, and you can gift them to others?!? I've never checked out the TumblrMart thing until now so idk how long this has been an option but we asked for it and it's here so 👀
#HELLO?!!#can someone infest my dashboard with crabs for my bday next week#kidding kidding...unless 👀#tumblr#checked it out to see if their checkmark thing was real lmao#p
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checkmarks are cringe, that's why I got 2 because im mega cringe and that's the best way to be in life
#twitter will never get a scent out of me#but tumblr giving me possibly crab infested checkmarks?#take my money#have it#you got my soul already so might as well#never change you beautiful eye soar dumpster fire
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🦀 *clack clack clack* 🦀
No one panic. The crabs are back. They're helping us launch TumblrMart on web today, and will be bringing TumblrMart to Android and iOS very soon. You're welcome.
What’s TumblrMart?
TumblrMart is your new storefront for gifting joy to your friends on Tumblr. We’re launching the mart with the ability to gift Ad-Free Browsing and this April Fools’ infamous “Summon Crab!” button, with more features to be added in the future.
You can now give someone the gift of:
24 hours’ worth of crustacean chaos ($2.99),
a month of Ad-Free Browsing ($4.99), or
a year of Ad-Free Browsing ($39.99).
You can include a little note with your present or even give anonymously—like the benevolent bestower you know you are.
How?
Find the blog you wish to gift, OR select it from the storefront during checkout.
You will see a small gift icon on their blog header. Click it.
A small menu will appear with potential prezzies. Choose one.
Enter your payment details, and hit “Pay now.”
The lucky user receives their present.
Celebrate. You just made someone’s dash more fun! Clack.
What else do you need to know?
TumblrMart is not the same thing as our Tumblr Shop…
You currently cannot buy items for yourself on TumblrMart. This is for gifting to other users only.
Gifted Ad-Free Browsing will begin automatically for the recipient, but users must activate their crabs by clicking or tapping the “Summon Crab!” button that will become visible to them at the top of their dashboard.
TumblrMart is available globally from today on web. A mobile release will launch soon, which means mobile users will, at long last, be able to join in with the crab infestation. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Anxious about online payment security? Check out this handy graph for total peace of mind. If you have questions, drop us a line on @wip or Support, or keep an eye out for more on @changes.
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sir fitzroy maplecourt, knight in absentia of the realm of goodcastle, would have loved the crab infestation of tumblr’s april fool’s day thing
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It's time again to look at Thunder Junction's cards and try and divine where each and every one of these bad boys are from.
Also just a note in case people are curious; since Tumblr has a 30 image limit per post, I'll be doing all of The Big Score at the end, after all the colours and stuff. It's my prerogative and I'll do as I please.
If you missed the first part, you can find it here! So without further ado, it is time for...
BLUE
While I don't think EVERY mount is from Thunder Junction Proper... newts ARE a creature that shows up in the west. I was initially thinking this could be for Eldraine, especially given it belongs to an archmage, but... ultimately, I think this is a native to the plane.
Another native, and dare I say this is a CHARISMATIC crab. I love the crystals on its back! I also love the blue cacti nearby it? Those are real by the way!
There aren't many turtle-men in Magic. Three, in fact, before this one; the Lagoon Sage, a Quandrix student, and a Kappa from Kamigawa. The Kappa has a VERY distinct look, the Quandrix is a sea turtle, and the Lagoon Sage is a snapper just like the Thunder-Thief over here... and I'm gonna make a called shot and say this is from Bloomburrow as a result!
Homarid are a Dominaria specialty, so this racist bastard is absolutely from there.
Djinn of this type are only found on Tarkir, so this one is easy. He's taken a break from his dragon-infested plane to relax under a waterfall martial artist style, and that's just kinda fun.
This is a tricky one, since the ability is pretty plane agnostic, and the design doesn't evoke much in it... but her collar DOES have the typical three-fang Dimir tell, and it'd fit both colour and what she's doing, so lets go with Ravnica.
Sadly a cursory Wiki glance tells me only that this guy is from America.
... okay okay, taking this seriously; the wings and the scroll and the steps, the name, all the flavour suggests this is from Amonkhet for me. It could be from elsewhere, but this feels the most "correct" for lack of a better term. I wish cards like this would get flavor text reprints down the line though...
These are some home-grown ghosts, and we know from various other stories (Gideon, Elspeth, etc) that when you die you go to the afterlife of the plane you're on... so these are some newly "born" natives.
These unfortunate individuals are from the dead plane of Oregon.
... what? I already used that joke? Okay fine. There really isn't any actual signifiers here, and the only humanoid in the art is too indistinct to tell. Given the content of the card is trying and failing to ford one of Thunder Junction's mighty rivers, I'm calling this card "native to the plane" for lack of anything else appropriate.
Oh hey it's everyone's favorite running gag from Ravnica. Fblthp is an easy one, so instead of elaborating more on our mono-eyed friend instead I'll bring up a question I want any of you reading this to answer.
Didn't they say during the initial preview teasers that there was an important plot event happening in the background of this card? That never bore fruit and I can't remember the exact preview stream I heard it, but I swear I did. I want someone to confirm this for me. I'm abusing my power.
Regrettably, the flavor text makes this spell be sourced from Oko's Home Plane. I do love this weird tumbleweed creature though!
God I hate Oko he's such a scum bag (derogatory).
A personal favorite character of mine, Geralf is an Innistradi born and raised, here to investigate the Thunder of the plane- as well as test how mana bonds work for planebound folk now that they have access to planar travel. Good luck, sir.
An obvious native of the plane. I quite like the flavor of this card as well by the way, it's just a clever way to incorporate the geysers you would occasionally see in the old west.
Another Thunder Junction native! It's wild how many of these there actually are, but wild animals do make up a bulk of cards in Magic so it's not THAT unreasonable.
Fun lore tidbit; allegedly the Thunder only started after the Omenpaths opened up. No one has lived here before that so no one can confirm that is true, and this flavor text suggests otherwise.
One of the only cards showcasing the least important members of Oko's gang of ruffians! Kaervek and Satoru busting out of jail thanks to the help of Annie Flash. The framing of the card makes it feel more like Kaervek's doing the real world (valid, Satoru is a loser this entire story) so I'm gonna call it for Zhalfir here- and yes even though technically everyone from Zhalfir is from Dominaria, it's a plane all its own now. I make the rules here!
The Fomorian made star-key to open up their vault on Thunder Junction, I feel like it is safe to say this was made here. It's got little arcs of Thunder and even looks like a deputy star, so it fits the vibe.
Fun fact; being a six pointed star, plus the fact that in the story they mentioned the sixth slot started glowing purple, I briefly had the idea that they might be implying the Fomorian's know of Purple magic and we'll get it in the big Space set we're getting down the line. Then I remembered Cosmium is purple and a major energy source for the Fomorion people, so nevermind.
I can't confidently say this is from Bloomburrow, given we don't know how big the people of that plane can get- so far they've maxed out at Badger and Fox- but I really don't know where this guy could be from otherwise! Maybe Ravnica? So lets call this Bloomburrow until corrected otherwise.
Incidentally this is one of my favorite pieces of art in the set. Love this fucking guy.
Beyond all the art signifiers, I believe it was straight up said on twitter this is a Therosian Sphinx, so she's from Theros. Good for her. Why is she wearing spurs...?
I'm fairly confident this is meant to depict Stella Lee, and she's from the Atiin people, so that's where this is from! Rundo meanwhile sounds like a Ravnica, but that's just some trivia.
This one I'm not fully sure on. The little bird like flecks of white in his magic, the watery energy... I feel like I've seen it somewhere before, but I can't quite place it. The red and blue suggests Izzet but then he's a Slickshot, the red-blue faction on Thunder Junction. I'm gonna go with my gut and say Ravnica, though.
Shit like this is why I wish we'd gotten a planeswalker guide...
Blue, so far, has some of the most easy and obvious ones to place, and for this I'm thankfully. This guy is a Stitcher, so he's from Innistrad. Easy as.
She's got some of the Sterling Company aesthetic going on, but I'm a stickler for stupid jokes so I'm gonna say she's from Zendikar. The armor could evoke Sea Gate, and they've always been good with ropes so why NOT translate that to combat?
Like with the earlier ghosts, dead-then-revived means you're native to Thunder Junction... but also this guy is clearly an Obscura from New Capenna, using some of his old magic, so I'mma call it for the big city here.
Oko's big bad gang preparing for the heist of the life-time. Since it's Oko's big idea it's from Oko's stupid plan.
The sort of misty blasts of fire and ice we're seeing here is aesthetically similar to the "gunfire" magic of New Capenna. I love this guy by the way.
Hey wait a second Ashiok can't do stuff like this. They can only read nightmares, not minds!
YEah for those of you who don't know, the Ashiok in this set is actually Jace in disguise! So this is from home-grown celtic Vryn mind-shredding. Our hero(?) ladies and gentlehommes.
An actual Sterling Company goon, though at least this one has a funny joke to his card. I still really like the work they did in making sure every weapon used in the set has the needed arcing loop for Thunder to channel through it.
Oh right the reason why we're here. I'm gonna say New Capenna again, because there's basically no defining traits here. Also god I just realized he's missing the front brim of his hat and it looks terrible. Graywater pay your men properly they can't even afford complete hats!
It took me a bit to realize what was happening in this card. The lady in the back is only choosing the final Spree option here, swapping around the Outcaster and the Hellspur's clothing. Rude!
Clothing swap spells seems like a funny prank to pull at magical college, so Arcavios is where this is going.
I think in cases where I just cannot make any reasonable assumptions based on art, I should look at mechanics. Flashback is usually in Innistrad... but this lady's neckline is WAY too exposed for that Even accounting for the new plane... honestly I give up, the only real identifying factor here is her little lockpick device, which... kinda looks Kamigawan? Lets go with that.
The vibe, the way she wears her hat, and the little phone cord(?) on her belt makes me think of New Capenna. Look some of these are really difficult and I gotta go by vibes!
And that's the 30 card limit, give me a half second for part two!
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One of the things I love about Tumblr (and one of the reasons I stay with this hellsite [affectionate]) is that this is possibly the most playful social media site I've ever seen, culturally speaking.
The reaction to polls is an excellent example. Like, you'd expect a site, when it institutes polls, to get polls like, "Who's your favorite character?" or "What should I make for lunch?" Instead, we do bug races, polls specifically designed to get a 50-50 result and counting on the respondents to react accordingly, possibly futile attempts to get folks to get something resembling the correct ingredient ratio for a cake, etc etc.
We gift each other infestations of crabs which we receive with delight, trying to befriend every crustacean that scuttles across our desktop. We create memes, applying the format to everything we can think of until it's almost divorced completely from its origins.
We realize how silly we all are being and are willing to poke fun at ourselves.
The reblog format encourages a culture of building upon each other's thoughts, sometimes in more chaotic manners than you'd think possible, which makes it all the more delightful.
Meanwhile, tags let us express opinions sotto voce as well as letting us catalog posts, which, again, isn't what that function was designed for, but this is a site that is playful and will poke at any new function and go, "but how else can I use this?"
And this is an environment which incubates creativity. True, there are downsides to all of this — purity culture, folks saying You're Doing It Wrong, etc etc, but all those downsides I've seen in one form or another on other social media sites.
That sense of play? That's tumblr. And that's what makes the community here.
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to-do:
weed the garden to keep it bot-free (report as spam so they compost better!!)
snooze tumblr live for the week (note to self: pickup is wednesday morning and not tuesday night)
check the house for crabs (checkmarks can also be a potential sign of crab infestation)
refill the post queue and replace the oil
tax evasion
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My Tumblr has been infested by crabs!!!! Thank you nonny!!!! 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀
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Thursday again: solstice edition
which went by while I was busy, a Mood as of late
(for the new followers, a number of Tumblrs in my circle do a weekly post of Fun Things They Have Made/Done/Experienced. unless you're me and don't actually make things :)
Listening
youtube
I am being haunted by Pulp this week so let's make that everybody else's problem.
This one is not even, like, good. It merely reaches directly into my hindbrain and flips switches that I do not understand. That is ever and will ever be more important to me than "what are the lyrics" or "are you sure that legally counts as singing?"
Watching
As mentioned, was convinced to go see the new Miles Morales animation. Glad I saw it in the theatre cos the visuals of which I have never seen the like (no I didn't see the first one) looked incredible on a big screen. Laughed too much at the New York jokes. Not ficcable. Some things aren't.
Also I swore at the screen when the "To Be Continued" turned up but I guess that's what I get for not knowing anything going in. Serial fiction! It's back.
Writing
Lost some time due to the Bug infestation. Did not exactly lose time when days were spent going back and reworking prior bits, but these things gotta be done. I'm too long in the tooth to give up on my usual working methods of keeping something that looks like a cohesive narrative going before further portions are written.
Eating
You know what you can get in Nevada that you can't get on the southeast New England coast? Tinned crab. There are presumably logistical reasons for this but it's very funny consuming more seafood here than I did. You know. On the coastline.
Anyway with chickpeas and a smattering of spices, simmered for fifteen minutes on a stove, it's about eight hundred times tastier than canned soup for basically the same prep efforts.
Boozing
Pear cider is tasty, but less conductive to the flow of words than beer. Figures.
Reading
I am forcibly prying myself away from the entertaining trainwreck of the Failbetter Discord. And failing to do so. Rpeatedly. Womp womp.
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Hey, DnD people. Do you want to hear about a Crab Cult turning a town into crabs? wait, this is tumblr, that's not a question. Seriously though, I made a little one-shot for halloween about a crab cult. Even made 6 monsters for it, but gave substitute monsters to run it entirely from the Monster Manual/SRD with minimal modification, so even if you're on a VTT with no books you can do it. First showing how to run it as a straight beat-the-baddies session (with each area's encounter getting modified depending on order), and then give some tips for how to give it a mystery element (essentially figuring out what's behind it, and its weaknesses. The mystery will reveal itself eventually, but how well the players did will dictate how prepared they'll be)
Made for level 6ish characters, but with some rough advice on how to switch it up for your players. I do also have a video on balancing encounters if you struggle with that.
youtube
If that's not enough to convince you, consider this- life itself was trying to keep you from this knowledge. Injuries, infestation, equipment failure. So many corrupted takes I had to film this on 8 separate days and release a day late. 57 times I had to stop recording, sometimes for a bizarre amount of accidents in front of my house, but also that neighbor who's still bitter about me breaking up his 3AM dance party that blocked every entrance to the apartments. Yes, I consider rednecks with no-muffler pickups a force of nature. Point is, so not allow life to stop you from learning this forbidden knowledge.
And also maybe forgive the odd audio glitch, cut my tongue on day 6 and it made some sounds hard, but wanted to get this up for halloween. I know this is where I usually give TLDW for people who can't watch the video, but I really did condense this as much as I could. And more importantly I spent 26 straight hours salvaging this to stop myself from being more than a day late, so I frankly don't have it in me rn, sorry. I did get the English Subtitles up it that helps. If I get the energy back quick might update with the summary on Halloween.
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BEST FRIEND YOU CAME BACK! I'VE MISSED YOU!!
Tumblr has been a cold, dark, dreary place without you my friend.
Welcome back to the crab and porn-bot infested hell site we know and love. The crabs and porn bots are not mutually exclusive, though I'm not sure if there is any correlation between them.
😂😂😂
Life has surely been hectic on my end lately; but it’s certainly calmed down a lot. I’ve missed you certainly 💕 the crabs and bots, I could certainly live without. I’m going through my followers slowly to try and weed them all out. It’s so hard 🙄🙄
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I posted 398 times in 2022
That's 228 more posts than 2021!
34 posts created (9%)
364 posts reblogged (91%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@nereb-and-dungalef
@first-son-of-finwe
@eastofakkala
@foxglovedforest
@faustandfurious
I tagged 390 of my posts in 2022
Only 2% of my posts had no tags
#tolkien - 237 posts
#lord of the rings - 126 posts
#the silmarillion - 116 posts
#mxtx - 49 posts
#mdzs - 48 posts
#the untamed - 47 posts
#frodo - 27 posts
#feanorians - 27 posts
#samwise gamgee - 26 posts
#maedhros - 26 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#nah i've just been suppressing the mdzs hyperfixation on this platform for the past 2 years until @eastofakkala finally finished the series
I sent 1 gift in 2022
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
There is a loathsome creature in Lan Zhan’s house.
Lan Xichen and Meng Yao head over to investigate (and maybe garrote some people with a phone charger).
Part 2 of the series Digital Geese, Taser Whips, Sugar Gliders, and Other Forms of Therapy is up! My awesome co-writer @eastofakkala and I are continuing to stoke the flames of the 3zun trashfire.
13 notes - Posted September 23, 2022
#4
Heaven Official’s Blessing Cr 21
13 notes - Posted March 28, 2022
#3
“You like video games, don’t you?” Xichen asks. They haven’t played many games, not since Mingjue saw A-Yao do something in a Sims game that he won’t elaborate to Xichen, but resulted in the aforementioned disastrous subscription to Betterhelp.
Meng Yao nods, smiling a bit nervously with his dimples on full display. As always, Xichen can’t really tell what he’s thinking. He simply leads A-Yao over to the computer and gestures to it. “Here, I found this. It’s called Untitled Goose Game. I figured you’d like to give it a try.”
It's a lovely morning in the village, and you are a horrible goose, reads the text on the screen.
Sometimes a goose can save your relationship.
Lan Xichen/Meng Yao, Lan Xichen/Nie Mingjue, pre-3zun
Rated T
@eastofakkala and I have finally released the first installment of our modern AU Digital Geese, Taser Whips, Sugar Gliders, and Other Forms of Therapy.
17 notes - Posted September 13, 2022
#2
I’m NOT an artist but No Paths are Bound by CataclysmicEvent possessed me. Awesome TGCF fic and they’re writing the entire thing on Twitter.
26 notes - Posted July 9, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
the real april fools joke was getting us emotionally attached to our crab friends and then stealing them away forever.
You SEPARATE me from my crab beloveds? You exterminate them like bug infestation? Oh! Oh! @brickwhartley for @staff. Brick Whartley take over the staff and rule for 10,000 years!
193 notes - Posted April 2, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#time for crab#of course it was the crabs
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Imagine my disappointment when I found out that buying Tumblr crabs for someone gives them a button they can press to summon crabs, and does not, in fact, forcibly infest their dash with crustaceans.
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Uhhh if anyone wants to pay tumblr for some crabs, I would be up for having my dashboard infested.
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I'm a Tumblrina. Tumblr is my hellsite of choice. I never belonged in the drama-infested kingdom of X-Twitter anyway.
So....
Bye-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
These checkmarks are prettier anyway. And I have more than one. :) Plus, sometimes crabs show up, and I can gift crabs to people.
Tumblr is the only site where the context of that would make sense. :D
I miss the colorful croaking frog chorus.
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