#This week. On Thursday actually. Bye cops | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

storiesofsvu · 3 months

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Happy Thursday hoes, let’s get to it!

Todays pros: citytv thinks im in TO so I’m getting it started at six!

Cons: no subtitles.

Alright, OG up first.

Love this new detective that’s a fanboy of everyone, makes me miss rollins lol

Pls let it be a female perp. We love a good female perp.

Okay seriously, this very subtle shaky cam is fucking terrible and hurts my head.

The GROAN I let out at the sight of Samantha in her well fitted pants suit sitting there like a fucking badass pissed off look on her face. Ma’am. Please. (yes, she is the only reason I watch this show)

Okay, the pedo may be the only eye witness, but they still have blood on the murderers pants, don’t they? Would that not tie it together enough? Or is it because the eye witness was the one who lead them to him? God I hate the legal system.

I REALLY wish this show would show more of the arguing between Nolan and Sam, like these two do NOT see eye to eye or have the same opinions on basically anything. And while I know major fighting would be called unprofessional, we at least used to see the lawyers get into it, or bantering. There’s so many times that you can tell just by the look of her face that Sam’s pissed, that she doesn’t think highly of him or his decisions on cases, like she hates him. I wanna see that play out on screen LOL

SVU time!

Let’s see if this week is any better than the last ones

Liv back in therapy, we love to see it.

A crumb of EO? Will that keep the crazies at bay? (like, I don’t even ship it but fuck am I sick of it now, the baiting is hella annoying and terrible, make it happen or not, don’t keep leading the actual ship fans on…)

Uhhh… is there not some kind of patient dr confidentiality? Like this bitch could have just lost her job (esp with someone like mcgrath involved… wtf..)

ITS THIS KIND OF SHIT THAT MAKES ME FERAL. In previous episodes they’ve had situations where shrinks couldn’t testify when they were the ONE witness, and like the entire case went into the trash because of it based off this exact type of situation… where TF is the continuity??

Okay… so she’s a minor so I can see the loophole here, BUT the therapist should have told her parents….

I knew it wasn’t the math tutor…

Ok… so mcgrath threatens to kill the math tutor, but when they’re picking up the son across the street he goes rage on benson?? And the iab captain? Shouldn’t you be attempting to punch the kid or something? God I really hope this ep is his last…

“can you drop that to me?” good thing Bruno’s there cause fin would have ZERO ideas on how to do that…

“until the age of 25 the male brain is about as useful as an electrified meatball” jfc… that wins for best line of the night.

Where the fuck is Velasco? Like.. man deserves his paycheques too..

Okay, mcgrath’s wife needs to shut the fuck up, liv’s trying to help her daughter and she accuses liv of gunning for mcgrath’s job.. jfc..

I was expecting mcgrath to throw hands not pull out his fucking GUN jfc… and like.. that was infront of two cars, that’s gonna be on a dash cam somewhere…

This is one of those one case turns into 4 but there’s only 5 mins left of the episode… cmon…

“I guess I didn’t see it in myself…” THANK YOU I was just gonna bring up the whole half assed back plot of mcgrath being abusive… (which is on par for cops, and ironic that the woman playing his wife was the wife of a cop who abused/raped her in 1.o)

This very much seems like a good bye. Pls let it be a good bye. Petition to bring back Garland!

Okay… im confused, I looked at my phone for 5 seconds and lost track of what was happening. Is the iab captain joining svu, cause that doesn’t work…theyre both captains. Or is she saying she’ll be filling in for mcgrath in the meantime??

Onto OC!

Okay, I am incredibly thankful for carisi on oc, but he’s the *sex crimes* ada.. not the only Manhattan ada, he wouldn’t be prosecuting this case… lol

Me: “wait I thought he was an officer.”

Reyes: “detective?” *side eye*

Me: ah yes, okay he was promoted the writers didn’t forget between weeks.

God this entitled pos teenager… wtf… its not *your* house bitch.

Ah, thank god, here’s the arguing that was missing in OG, not surprised its Elliot. Lol.

Oh god..the bratty teen overheard that didn’t she? Fuck..

God… this girl is gonna blow the entire thing, isn’t she? Like, in todays day and age with all the social media and how teenagers (and some adults) don’t know how to go without it, there’s no way they’d cut contact with everyone and delete socials and keep things quiet.

Aaaaaannd here we go. 5 seconds in and she’s blown their new location. (also WHY would the cops even tell them the location? That seems like something they wouldn’t do until they were halfway there…)

Okay… we’re missing a daughter.. I don’t know if this is supposed to be Maureen or elizabeth but I’m assuming liz as it looks like her kids are twins and she was the twin… Also where’s dickie? (I know the brother said something about someone not being able to get a flight? Im just deaf and without subtitles I couldn’t tell ya what exactly was said lol)

How old is this younger brother supposed to be? The only info online I can find is the actor is 50 which im not sure I believe.

Okay there’s dickie he’s in the background!

These guys KNEW they were in a high risk situation and none of them have a vest anywhere near them? ARE WE DUMB?! IS IT OUR FIRST DAY ON THE JOB?

Okay, there’s the other kid.

Maureen and Kathleen giving side eye while sipping their drinks while the tea is being spilt is the highlight of this moment.

This is SOOO awkward for everyone else at the table jfc… ESPECIALLY Eli’s poor girlfriend.. like. Welcome to the family drama, don’t worry we never have to come back…

Why the fuck did jet not grab the other gun?!

Me: unfazed at Elliot body slamming a teenager.

Bell: *casually* “I’m shot”

Me: ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL RIGHT NOW

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING IF WE FUCKING LOSE HER I WILL ACTUALLY RIOT.

(BUT ALSO MAY WE STEP BACK TO 8 LINES EARLIER WHERE I WAS YELLING ABOUT THEM NOT HAVING VESTS ON?!)

I knew this other captain was going to be coming more into play, but im pissed its cause bell’s out with a gunshot wound.

Christ.

Okay well, another week and OC is continuing it’s reign as superior of the three!

Some pics for context/hilarity

#law and order svu #svu #law and order #law and order special victims unit #law and order organized crime

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barry-j-blupjeans · 4 years

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@taznovembercelebration - Day 21 - College/school

BUT ALSO this is the first chapter of that blupjeans college fic i mentioned yesterday. i’ll probably post it to ao3 or something later, but yea :O!

Being in college and opening a bakery at the same time was not the smartest choice, but Lup couldn’t really stop doing one or the other. There was no way in hell she was going to waste the scholarship she had been given, but the idea of leaving her brother to open and manage a bakery by himself was ridiculous in its own rights. Still, they were only three weeks into the semester and Lup’s schedule was overbooked and crumbling apart.

And now, on top of it all, her math professor had told her to go to tutoring to make sure she was able to do the work. If he listened to one goddamn thing she said, then he’d know that she could do math perfectly fine, she just needed a little extra time to fit it in with the rest of her schedule.

Also who the fuck needed to do college-level math while getting a goddamn music degree?

Lup made her way into the campus library, already ten minutes late. She spotted a library volunteer and made her way over, putting on her best smile to hide how frazzled she was.

“Hey,” Lup said and they looked up at her. “Do you know where the uh, student-led intro to algebra study group is? We were supposed to be meeting here at three.”

“Should be in the corner over there,” the person said kindly, sitting up a little to point towards the back of the library. “Behind the whole non-fiction section.”

“Thank you so much,” Lup said, adjusting her bag and turning away. Just as the volunteer said, the study group collected back there, spread out over two tables. It only had about six people, two of whom were obviously in charge. Lup dropped herself into a chair and put her stuff down. One of the tutors looked up. Lup couldn’t help but notice how obnoxiously thick his glasses were.

“You here for the study group?” he asked and Lup nodded.

“I don’t need help,” she said before he could get another word in. “I just haven’t had time to do my assignments and my professor told me to come. I can do it by myself, thanks.”

“Oh,” the man said. “I- alright. Well, I’m here if you need anything, okay? My name’s Barry.”

“Charmed,” Lup said, not feeling charmed at all as she pulled her book out of her bag. She didn’t tell him her name. He didn’t need to know it. There was always the chance that if she did tell him her name, word would get out that she needed to come here for help. Lup knew it wasn’t high school anymore. She knew gossip didn’t travel like that and that probably no one would care if she came here, but she couldn’t shake the habit quite yet.

She tried to ignore the group as they talked. The other tutor was named Lucas and he had a nasally voice and bandaids on all his fingers. Lucas wasn’t particularly trying to hide the fact that he thought he was better than everyone here. Maybe because of that, the other students flocked towards Barry. From what Lup could tell, though, Barry wasn’t the greatest either. Don’t get her wrong, he seemed like a decent guy, tutor, whatever. But he kept asking her if she needed help. She’d always say no. Then she’d go back to work and ten minutes later, he’d be asking again.

“Hey so-” Barry started, but Lup cut in again.

“I don’t need help,” Lup said, looking up at him. That’s when she realized there was no one else besides them here. The chairs were all empty. Barry was cleaning up the table.

“I… wasn’t gonna ask,” Barry said uncomfortably. Okay, Lup felt kind of bad for that. “Everyone else went home. I was gonna go home. Just wanted to make sure you, uh, you realized.”

“Oh,” Lup said blankly. And then, “Yeah, okay. I’ll pack up, too, I guess.”

“Alright,” Barry said. The silence was terribly awkward as they both gathered their things. Even more awkward when Lup remembered that the library only had one exit and they both were heading that way. She sped up and got ahead of him, reaching the door before he said anything else.

“Uh, hey!” Barry called out and Lup cringed, pausing at the doorway. “You coming Thursday?”

“Maybe,” Lup said, which meant yes because her professor wanted her to go to at least three groups. “I’ll check my schedule and see.”

“Cool,” Barry said. “Um, see you then. Maybe, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Lup said offhandedly. “See ya, Bluejeans.”

“I- what?”

“Blue jeans,” Lup said, waving a hand at his pants. “You wear ‘em. Like… the mom-type too. Don’t expect me not to say anything about it.”

She walked away. Calling him Bluejeans was better than calling him Thick Glasses, so she didn’t feel to bad about his flustered look.

The bus ride home was okay. Well, not okay because it was a bus ride, but, still, she was used to it. Plus side was that there were fewer people than usual. She got off at the stop closest to her apartment and climbed up the stairs until reaching her door. There was a slight moment of panic where Lup couldn’t find her keys, but it was fine because they had just fallen off her keychain and into her bag.

The apartment was… still a mess. Not that she expected any different. She flicked on the lights and set her bag down near the door. She heard movement and talking from the kitchen and went to check it out.

Taako was there, hunched over some papers, talking to someone on speakerphone. His hair was a mess and he was still in pajamas, which probably meant he hadn’t left the apartment all day. There was a bowl of baby carrots near him, a half-eaten one sitting next to his papers.

“...just got home, so I gotta go,” Taako said saying. “I’ll call soon, yeah? You’re a fuckin’ miracle worker, Steven.”

“Eh, it’s all in a day’s work,” Steven’s voice said from the phone. “We’re on your side here, kiddo.”

“Not a kiddo,” Taako said, like he always did.

“Uh-huh,” Steven said, in his the same doubtful tone he always replied in. “Talk to ya soon. And get some rest, huh? Bye.”

“Bye,” Taako said, hanging up. He turned to face Lup, looking tired but happy. “How’d your study sesh go?”

“Fine, I guess,” Lup said, sitting next to him. She grabbed a few of the baby carrots from the bowl and he scowled at her. She grinned. “It was just a buncha nerds doing nerd things.”

“Bet Luce would love it,” Taako said and Lup shook her head.

“Nah, Luce is better than these nerds. Get this- one of the tutors claims that his grandfather made millions off inventing stuff. And he’s just bragging about it. He’s a fuckin’ prick, Koko.”

“Ouch,” Taako said.

“Yeah,” Lup said. “And the other dude kept asking me if I needed help every three seconds and I was like, pssh do I look like I need help? I’m only here because my professor fuckin’ made me come. Lemme work in peace.”

“Double ouch,” Taako said. “I’m sorry, Lu. I can help you if you want. Or maybe we can call up Dav and he can-”

“No,” Lup said. “I- no. You’ve got the bakery to work on, right? We need to get that set up. And Dav is probably on a business trip, who knows.”

“He’s not, actually,” Taako said, which surprised Lup. “Luce texted me earlier to tell me he came back early. There was a situation.”

“A bad situation?” Lup asked.

“Maybe,” Taako shrugged. “Luce said he hasn’t talked since he got back so I’m guessing something happened and he’s gone non-verbal for a while again.”

“Damn,” Lup said, leaning back in her chair. She took a bite of one of the baby carrots. “That sucks.”

“Yeah,” Taako said. “Brighter news, though? Steven’s helpin’ me with the business shit now.”

“For what price?” Lup asked.

“We gotta let Julia work there,” Taako said. “For experience, you know? But Maggie’s already wormed his way into our staff, so no doubt Julia was gonna end up with us anyway.”

“That’s true,” Lup said. “But hey, more hands can’t be bad, right?”

“Right,” Taako said. He shuffled through a few papers. “We’re still going with ‘For Goodness Bakes” for the name, right?”

“As long as ‘let’s bake the world a better place’ is still our tagline, for sure,” Lup said, snorting. They had come up with the name on the fly, after a night of no sleep and then never fulfilled their promise to choose something better. She shoved another baby carrot in her mouth. “What are we doing for dinner? Have you even eaten today? Besides baby carrots.”

“Baby carrots are food, Lup,” Taako said, snatching the bowl away from her. “And I have work to do.”

“Let’s get some takeout or something, then,” Lup said. “Put on a movie.”

“Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2,” Taako said. “And maybe some good takeout rather than the shitty burger place down the street. We’ve fuckin’ earned it, Lulu.”

She stole the carrots back with a scowl.

#taz #The Adventure Zone #lup #taz lup #taz november celebration #mine #hope u guys like it :O!#ise cube writing

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crazedlunatic · 5 years

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Enter: Matt

“You have got to be kidding me.” Adrian huffed, pulling off on the said of the road and turning on his caution lights. He then rolled down the window and put his hands on the steering wheel. That’s what you were supposed to do, right?

He could just see his mother in his head, signing to not go over the speed limit and to definitely never do it around holidays since they usually had one scanning and would call another police officer down the road with the car description.

Of course, he’d seen an unmarked car five minutes ago in a median.

Meaning, as always, his mom was right.

He was going to be ten minutes late to his internship but now it would be at least thirty minutes. Because after he finally decided to make an appearance, Adrian would have to wait for Mr. Copper to go back to his car and run the information.

Then again, it would have gone a lot quicker if the freaking police officer wasn’t taking his sweet time getting out of the stupid car.

“You know it would have been a lot safer if you’d pulled into that parking lot a mile up, but you’re not the one that has to walk on the side of the roa—oh.”

Adrian looked at the police officer, clearly annoyed.

“I know I was speeding. I’m late to my internship and it will be my fourth time this week. It’s Thursday, right? Oh God. If it’s Friday I am going to be so pissed off.”

“Uh… It is Friday actually.” The police officer that had to be younger than him said.

Well, so much for being late.

But that meant he was late yesterday and nobody said anything, but…

“What, are you twenty? Can people your age even be cops?”

“Technically you can apply at nineteen years old but most people don’t… and we prefer to be called police officers and not cops.”

“A nineteen year old is pulling me over?”

“Have you ever been pulled over before because I’m supposed to be the one doing all of the talking? And I did not say I was nineteen.”

“That was rude. I’m sorry.”

But I’m only saying that so maybe you won’t give me a ticket.

“You were going 20 miles over back there. there You were only going 8 just then so I can’t give you a ticket.”

“If you can’t give me a ticket, why did you pull me over?”

“Well you should be glad it’s me and not the guy that clocked you back there. But you probably wouldn’t be talking like this to a guy in his forties, right?”

“Well… no, I wouldn’t be.” Adrian admitted.

If he wasn’t in such a bad mood, he probably would have felt a little guilty.

“There’s a lot of construction going on up there. Yesterday there was an accident from speeding and a worker ended up in the hospital so you need to slow down. Just so you know, if I did ticket you, it would be double fine due to the construction sign you obviously didn’t notice back there.”

Adrian did not respond because no. He had not seen any signs.

How was he getting lectured by a nineteen year old? Was this his life right now? Really?

“Getting somewhere one stop light ahead isn’t worth killing somebody working on the side of the highway.” He said. “They’ve got families too.”

“Isn’t that a bit dramatic?”

The police officer’s eyes widened. “Are you serious right now?”

“Kind of. You pulled me over to say I was going five miles over and now you’re lecturing me on not speeding in a construction zone when we both know they’re probably all on lunch.” Adrian stared at him.

“Eight miles.” The office said. “And just so we’re clear… you do know that I’m a police officer, right?”

“The red and blue lights kind of gave you away.”

The guy stepped back, his eyes wide. He didn’t look mad, though. He looked amused.

“Stop enjoying this.” Adrian snapped.

“Will you get dinner with me?”

Adrian literally rested his head against the steering wheel, groaning. “You have got to be kidding me right now.”

“So… that’s a no.”

“Sorry. I don’t date teenagers.” Adrian sat up straight. “Are we done?”

“Yes.” He smiled and then said cheerfully, “By the way, it is actually Thursday so you’re now later than you would have been if you hadn’t been speeding. If you weren’t a smart ass you would have been about twenty minutes earlier than you will now. Have a great day and a lovely holiday weekend, sir. Am I young enough to call you sir?”

Adrian huffed, waited to make sure the kid made it safely into his car, and drove off.

Nothing that, yes, the construction crew was on lunch.

…

All he wanted to do was get his cookie so he could go home, eat it, and take a nap.

Was the cookie necessary?

Yes, because he’d been thinking about it for two days and he was finally on this side of town. Although he would have been home an hour ago if it wasn’t for getting pulled over by someone who was barely out of high school, making him have to stay an hour late.

What was with these ten days of hell anyway? And also, why wouldn’t AJ quit sending him pictures of pastries? Clearly he needed a new best friend. One that supported his diet, not encouraged him to cheat. At this rate, he was never going to have abs again.

Finally, there was only one person left in front of him in line. He could get his cookie, go home, and lament over the fact that drunk making out with Blaine had been so disappointing.

Not that he needed to go there anyway because he was caught up on an ex. But he had literally fallen asleep. Blaine had fallen asleep while in a bed, full on making out with Adrian. Which was offensive honestly.

People without nice abs deserved love too.

“Oh my God. Really?” Adrian said when he realized the guy in front of him had bought his cookie—the last cookie and his cookie.

The guy, who was about to leave since he had Adrian’s cookie, looked at him. He then got this almost sarcastic smile on his face. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Adrian sighed and ordered stupid lemon bread.

“You wanted this cookie, didn’t you?” The guy asked—and he was really freaking cute. Tallish, blond hair, blue eyes, and an adorable smile. Not to mention super toned.

“No. It’s yours. I’ve got lemon bread.”

“Yeah but the lemon bread is nowhere near as good as the cookie.” The guy was grinning, like he knew something Adrian didn’t know.

“Yeah. I know.” Adrian went to move past him.

“Here. We’ll trade.”

“We aren’t going to trade. That’s ridiculous. You were in line first, you got the cookie first.” Adrian looked at him, not able to figure out if he’d seen this person before… but surely he’d remember this guy.

“Nope.” The guy took Adrian’s bag and then held out his bag. “I happen to like the lemon bread too and you look like you’ve had a rough day.”

“Rough week actually. I’m really not usually this grumpy.”

I just really need to get laid, Adrian mentally added.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Well tomorrow is Friday and then the weekend. Alcohol and sleeping always helps relieve stress.” Adrian shrugged. “Are you sure you don’t want your cookie back?”

“No. It’s yours.” The guy said. “I’m Matt.”

“Adrian.” Adrian shook his hand.

Man, his eyes were blue. He had never seen eyes that blue. Not in person at least.

“I don’t mean to sound forward. Okay, I do. Will you get dinner with me? Not today because I have to sugar glider sit whatever that means. But maybe next week?”

“Sugar glider sit? The little thing with big eyes?”

“Yeah. It’s my niece’s. You know, she loved it for a week and now she wants a cat she can ‘play with.’” The guy, Matt, said.

“Saturday? Lunch?”

“Sorry. I don’t get off until 4:00. 4:30?”

Lunch means no sex. Dinner means almost positively sex.

“Sure. Why not?” Adrian shrugged. “Have fun with your sugar glider.”

“Aren’t you going to give me your number so we can decide where to go later this week?” Matt asked, holding out his phone.

Adrian called himself using Matt’s phone and showed him that his own phone was ringing as proof. “Don’t bother before Thursday because I won��t know when I’m free until then. See you later.”

“Great. My car is illegally parked so I’m going to go. Bye.”

Adrian sat at a table, entering Matt’s name in his contacts.

He walked out, seeing the police car that had been parked off to the side of the entrance was gone even though he hadn’t seen a police officer in there and it was not a shared parking lot.

Oh well. At least I got my cookie.

#ridiculously excited i got a adrian/matt prompt #there was actually more than one #wbuct drabble #wbuct prompt

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cl-oelia · 5 years

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3/19

Today’s session was a bit all over the place so bear with me:

- I thanked her for being chill about my being gay and told her how relieved and happy I felt for the couple days after. She said of course, that I’m safe to talk about and process it there. We talked a little bit about how coming out felt, and I hadn’t really considered that I need to do some real exploration of what I want out of this identity that I have. I know that I’m okay with her knowing and I can foresee myself coming out soon-ish at school/work and that my family will have to wait until the last possible moment. But also like, what do I want in terms of acting on this? How do I want to present myself (like rn I’d be super cool just screaming I’m Gay into a megaphone 24/7) and how do I actually perceive my own identity (like the fear of being the “predatory lesbian- also, does lesbian even fit? Maybe right now, but it’s not impossible that it could change and I need to figure out if I’m okay with that possibility). Much to reflect on. She’s so cool and knows so much about this why didn’t she advertise that what the fuck

- I mentioned the all-nighter on Thursday but I still can’t really bring myself to go into too much detail about what exactly keeps me up at night. It still feels too fucked up. And messy. I need to start journaling again.

- Talked about the violent mood drop on Friday, how that brought back suicidal ideation harder than it has been lately. She made a good point that it might also have seemed more intense because I was feeling so good in the days before. I was able to kind of spit out the suicidal ideation and what that looks like for me. I told her my Big Fear, which felt relieving. I ALMOST got misty but kept it together (even tho I know she wants me to cry).

- After talking through safety plan ideas and stuff, she offered to see me twice/week if I felt like I needed it. And I know she meant it. I’ll probably never be able to bring myself to ask for that but it was really reassuring. She even kind of walked me through how to do that “just text me and say ____,” which helps a TON with the anxiety.

- Somehow we got into talking about my hatred of people walking behind me. She called it “textbook” trauma symptoms and encouraged me to use labels for what happened. Makes me anxious as hell but loved that sweet sweet validation. She also called me a victim for like the third or fourth time today and honestly idk why it’s affecting me at all. Maybe just because I don’t wanna actually face that.

-OH my god I forgot to add that as I was leaving we noticed an EMT truck parked out front. After I walked out I was followed by another girl who was walking in between two firefighters, and a cop, I’m pretty sure from the office next to hers. It didn’t seem like any 911 kind of medical emergency so it seems like maybe she was also actively suicidal? It was sad to see. I don’t wanna get to that place again.

- I’m exhausted. I need a nap bye

#p #therapy

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getseriouser · 7 years

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20 THOUGHTS: And then there were Eight

WELCOME to September.

Any by that, I do hope you enjoy the Legends game tomorrow evening, and the AFLW State of Origin Saturday, because the Crows-Giants Qualifying Final is still seven days away sadly.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, we find ourselves in the pre-finals bye, the chasm of over-self-consciousness, a space in your year where time slows down, it doesn’t’ feel right nor feels comfortable.

The end to a rather exciting year was even more exciting, the fact Melbourne was out of the eight, in the eight and then ultimately out of the eight, all in during time on in the very last quarter of the very final game of the season was mesmerising.

But now, yep, we’ve got a bit of mickey mouse filler really until this time next week.

Talk amongst yourselves...

1. Ten teams have gone by the wayside, so who’s who in the Finals Zoo? Always easier from the top four as history teaches us but gee, the 2017 Sydney are probably a better team than the 2016 Bulldogs, and the Swans finish in sixth, with a home final, the Dogs were seventh and had a trip to Perth in Week One. From there, the Dogs had to go via the cape last year and to their eternal credit did it with aplomb, taking out all the key players. This year, three of the top four are either untrustworthy, grossly overrated or properly unproven. Sydney, these finals are on your terms gentlemen.

2. Here’s the theory I can’t believe this column has ended up with after all the thousands of words dedicated to these two teams – the winner of Geelong vs. Richmond will be incredibly hard to stop hoisting the cup. Here’s why. If Geelong wins, it hosts a prelim final, probably against the GWS, down at Simmonds, and if the Cats can overcome the Tigers juggernaut up the highway next Friday, whose to stop them getting through the Giants on their own turf. Then, as a Victorian side at the MCG on the last Saturday in September, two finals wins under their belt, their skipper back, good luck stopping them.

3. On the other hand, and here’s the one that gets the hair on the back of your neck standing up – imagine, bloody imagine would you, that Friday next week, about 10:30pm, Richmond is in front when the final siren goes. First finals win in forever. Not just a finals win, but it’s a qualifying final win, which earns them a home preliminary final. The monkey is off the back, they will be the darling of Melbourne come a fortnight’s time, the utter momentum this city would generate for them alone will be almost impossible to stop. For those under 40 really, watch what happens when Richmond is top of the tree, it’s incredible. It’ll almost win them the cup almost in itself.

4. Adelaide and the GWS are the other fancies, get the double chance and damn, one was minor premier, the other has the best team on paper, so plenty of credentials between them. For the Crows, get the first win out of the way, prepare well to take care of whoever they confront in the Prelim, take their chances and back their form in come Grand Final Day. Super plausible. For the Giants, if they don’t win Thursday, they need to take out Geelong or Richmond in Victoria at some point, and not beyond them, but their form line doesn’t arouse enough to make you feel confident. Maybe 2018?

5. How about those bloody Demons hey? On one hand, they were bloody stiff. Had a great record against top eight sides, finished with 12 wins and a percentage over 105, most years that gets you in comfortably. But when the finals spot was on their racquet, and they chose to double fault big time against the Pies, especially in that first quarter when by the time they had racked up their sixth tackle, they were six goals down, it’s all on them. Really super list, but no pressure on them making the finals next year is there?...

6. West Coast, how lucky? They are an average side at best (watch them do well now I’ve chucked the jinx on). Look, the actual player roster is fine and it’s why I scoff at suggestions they were staring down some serious list management decisions at years’ end because I don’t fault the on-field capabilities at their disposal. Sure, their best player was out all year with a knee, but with him they should be top four minimum. So they’ll bundle out, avoid too much heat, and Adam Simpson can feel a bit better next year should they not start so well, than otherwise we suppose.

7. Essendon, now there’s a good news story. Shame they end up facing the best team in the comp first week otherwise we’d actually back them to sneak a finals win way ahead of schedule. Sure, they flirted with danger letting Freo get far too close last weekend but say what you like about their crime and their time, this is a footy side that can do some things in the years to come. Thoroughly deserving of a finals spot and will disgrace no-one no matter how they go against the Swans.

8. And can we point out, further to the success story of the Bombers, that to have Paddy Ryder for Port in the finals after the year out too, that’s a great news story in itself. Traded out because of the drugs saga, sitting out the 2016 season at his new club and then to do so well this year, earning AA honours to boot, awesome result for the Western Australian ruckman.

9. Onto the All-Australian team, not too bad a year for the selectors other than missing Clayton Oliver. The only other real note is an extension of the previous thought, that for Ryder but also Michael Hurley and Michael Hibberd, to miss all of last year and then to come back and earn a spot in the AA team is such a magnificent achievement, cop that to WADA et. al.

10. We must at this point offer an apology. This column found excellent value in Josh Kennedy for the Coleman, and then at worst suggested the hedge bet on Joe Daniher late was excellent logic. We didn’t allow, sadly, for the ten-goal Buddy Franklin show to come in over the top. What is it they always say – the house always wins?

11. Alright, alright, let’s address it. Nathan Buckley. Three things here clearly. One, they did in fact look around at who was gettable, poachable, and must have gotten donuts. Two, if there’s no-one out there who they think would be that ‘ significant upgrade’ over what’s already waiting at home, then they’ve chosen to stay faithful. Three, Eddie McGuire, even though he say he would have if he had to, is really glad he didn’t have to sack his great mate, immensely glad.

12. So now Collingwood is all in on the Damien Hardwick precedent. We will see assistant coaches turned over, and Scott Burns, Anthony Rocca are two already to move on, we will see further changes in the football department, the fitness guy has already gone, the list management team will reshuffle big time too. We will see who comes in, if it can make any sort of difference, the jury remains unconvinced.

13. Last one on the Pies – they are hard to read. Overall, and rightly so, a disappointing year, no question. Technically though this is the first season for Buckley to perform better than previous, yes, the ladder position is lower, but the points tally is higher. Collingwood were the only side to not lose by more than 40 points, they were largely one of the unluckier sides in close games, and had a harder draw than Richmond or Essendon. They get the soft draw next year the Pies which helps - they played the bottom 8 teams 8 times in 2017, Richmond and Essendon 12 times, Geelong 11.

14. Just some numbers on those close games, for matches decided by three goals or less, St Kilda won four of five, yet North Melbourne won four of ten. Yes the Saints missed the finals, just, but we don’t really see these two teams together, but the Kangaroos left plenty of wins out on the park, inexperience, a bit of bad luck, either way there’s some optimism for the North fans next year. Further, games a goal or under, Giants 1 loss from 6, North 1 win from 6, Geelong unbeaten from 5, Dogs 3 wins from 4, Pies one win from 4.

15. So apparently Dusty will make a decision soon. He might end up staying after all that, but can we make a case for North? Yes, it’s about a million dollars extra after tax to move to Arden Street, but if we flesh out the previous thought a bit more, they had three close losses by Easter. Win all those, they are 5-2 after Round Seven and the season looks way different. They played like a 10, 11 win team this year, and with Dusty on board, with further games into their kids, they are not far off top four. It’s a stretch, but the comp is so even you can’t rule anything out these days.

16. The Crouch brothers have become a column favourite and we will continue to push their cause, and this week particularly Matt’s. The second youngest named on Wednesday night (Zach Merrett is only five months younger). But whilst the Bomber winger is heralded as one of the very best young players in the game, and someone who had a huge 2017, he ranked 4th for disposals per game yet Crouch was ranked 2nd. Crouch too was 7th in the league for effective disposals per game and 9th for score involvements. He was as instrumental to Adelaide taking home the minor premiership as any Crow and whilst most outlets have awarded their player of the year to a Dangerfield or a Martin, The Age actually had Matt Crouch on top. He is only 22, that’s all, but a megastar in the making.

17. As this will be the last column for the footy season, let’s finish off with some predictions of the weeks to come. Firstly the Brownlow, and well, theory has it the ineligible Patrick Dangerfield, who wins the count, hangs the medal over the second place getter in Dustin Martin. Oh, what theatre! But we think one of two things will happen – either Martin smashes it in anyway on his own merit, well over 30 votes, well ahead of Dangerfield. Or, someone pops up from nowhere and goes super close to winning it. Watch out for Tom Mitchell, Josh Kennedy or even my man Crouch. Matt Priddis won his Brownlow as a $41 chance, for what it’s worth that’s Marcus Bontempelli’s odds this year.

18. Then we have the Grand Final. I tell you, I am beyond compelled by the winner of this Geelong-Richmond game. The path that opens up for the winner is so advantageous and as the Dogs proved last year, getting on a roll is beyond powerful. I have massive respect for the Crows’ season, I think Sydney is the best team in the competition and its shattering they missed top four, but right now, I am tipping the Tigers to win next Friday, and I don’t know who beats them after if they do.

19. We have the free agency/trade period next month and we expect a bit to happen. We wonder if someone pays the price to get Tom Lynch down from Gold Coast a year early (Collingwood or Carlton), we wonder if Jake Lever does indeed up a Demon and too whether Gary Ablett plays on but down at Geelong. It appears Josh Kelly will stay or become a Saint, that North Melbourne despite all their cash may fail to land a big fish, and that it will be the pursuit of Jacob Hopper, Devon Smith and Steven Motlop that may cause the biggest news. We do expect that Bryce Gibbs does get home this year though, write that one down.

20. And we sign off the year with another retirement during the week, although if we’re honest we knew a little earlier but kept it in camera – Leigh Montagna finishes up after 287 games with St. Kilda. A terribly underrated midfielder, a key component of the more successful periods for the Saints in the early part of last decade and then again in those Grand Final years. He played 21 games or more ten of the last 12 years, so he was incredibly durable and reliable yet a hamstring on its last legs went at the SCG and that was that. He will end up in the media, a proper talent in front of the camera or equally behind the mic, and deserves all the success he has upcoming. A terrific competitor, a highly-skilled midfielder turned backman and an even better bloke. Well done to him.

(originally published August 31)

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j-diamond · 7 years

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Notice Me (Nygma x Reader x Zsasz)

“Yes, she loves you.” He says rolling his eyes. “Well she likes me more than you.” He says smirking, “I mean look at you. You’re an assassin.” “And you’re a riddling freak.” “No one can love the loveless.” “And no one wants to love somebody who killed their last lover.” He shows a quick grin then continues to straight face him. “Well I, unlike you, know how to find my way into a girl's’ heart.” Nygma says smirking. Zsasz raises his eyebrow, “You? I highly doubt that.” He says, almost laughing, “Yes, of course. Nygma the love expert.” “Are you guys still fighting over my cousin?” A female voice says. They turn around, finding Tabitha in the doorway, “You realize she doesn’t like, let alone, know either one of you. I highly even doubt that she even knows you exist.” “Ha. Ha. Ha.” Edward says, “Very funny Tabitha.” “How about we place a wager then?” She says, smirking., “Who ever she notices first this week wins. And if she notices neither one of you at all. I win.” “This should be easy.” Edward says, “If all we have to do is get her to notice us. How-” “What’s on the line?” Zsasz asks, “What are we betting here.” “Simple.” Tabitha says as she pulls out a folder.

Monday

“So,” Tabitha says walking over to her desk, “What do you want?” Y/n asks looking through files, “I’m a bit busy here. If you hadn’t noticed.” “Don’t you have time for your dearest cousin?” Tabitha asks, sprawling herself over y/n’s desk. Y/n stops her work and looks at Tabitha. “Fine.” She says as she kisses her cheek, “What do you want?” “I want you to come to The Sirens. You should really meet Barbara. You’d love her. I just know it.” She says smiling at you. “Sounds fun, you know, going to a club owned by psychos.” You say, making her frown “Barbara and I are not-” “Psychos? Yes, you are. So am I, and so was Theo. Oh well.” “Don’t-” “I’ll be there. I just have to finish-” you say when you’re cut off by the knocking on the door, “You need to go. You’re not supposed to be here.” She smirks and runs to the door, and before you can stop her, she sticks her head out, “Y/n’s not here currently. I was waiting on her also.” She says lying. ��Well, give these to her.” a voice, you don’t recognize, says. “Okay. Better luck next time Nygma.” She says, smirking. “Who was that?” you ask walking up to her, “No one. He wanted to give you these.” She says handing you papers. She sees something on top and snatches it. “Tabby. Give me the paper.” You say holding your hand out, “No.” she says, “If you come to the club you can get it.” She then jumps out the window. You sigh, there was no way you were getting it back.

Tuesday

“Eeeeeeeee!”A voice screams, “You actually came!” You look at Tabitha and roll your eyes, “Yes. Yes I did. Now don’t make me regret it.” “B-but-” “Wow. I’ve never seen this side of her before. I would know, I have seen All of her.” A voice says from behind you. Turning around, you see a woman, about your height. “You must be the infamous Barbara Kean.” You say smiling “Indeed.” “Y/n L/n.” you say as you shake her hand. You turn around to see Tabitha, having completely changed her attitude. Going from her usually childish self to her now dominatrix like self. You smirk, “I’m little Tabby's older cousin.” You hug her as if she was a little kid, embarrassing her. Barbara smiles, and you smile back. You were gonna be great friends.

“That was actually quite fun.” You say smiling with your cousin. As you’re walking you run into Gordon, who is-as usual, running. “Y/n. Just the person I need. I need you to hold off Zsasz, so I can make it back to GCPD.” He says and hands you his gun. “Who?” you ask taking off your heels. “The person shooting.” He says as he limps behind a truck. You turn to Tabitha, “Go back to the club. You don’t need to be in this crossfire.” “And neither do you. You’re not GCPD.” “Gordon’s my friend.” “You’re my cousin.” “Fine. You know where you need be.” you say as she runs to a roof. Gun shots start, and you cover Gordon as he runs to GCPD and Tabitha covers you. You don’t see the person shooting, but you knew you shot him, because you heard him curse, right before he ceased fire. Wednesday “You’re messing with it. That’s not fair.” Edward says as he approaches the two. “Life’s not fair.” Tabitha says, unamused. “And Gordon almost had me shoot her.” Zsasz says, angrily. “Not my fault. You play your way and I’ll play mine.” Tabitha says, as she smirks and begins to leave, “Remember; Sunday’s the last day.”

A loud thump in your living room, stirs you in your sleep. The sound of glass breaking, wakes you up. The sound of a gunshot jolts you out of bed. There was an intruder, you knew it. Slowly opening your drawer, you pull out your pistol. Checking for people, you slowly walk out of your room and into the hallway. As you walk down the stairs, you hear the sound of shuffling. You peer over the corner and see a tall man. He wore all black and had no hair on his head, or at least the back of his head. Which is all you saw. “You’ll make sure not to upset the boss again.” One of them say. The one limping on the floor nods his head. You watch quietly, trying to understand what was going on. As the tall one points the gun at the limping one, your eyes lock, sending a chill down your bones. You quickly hide behind the wall, trying not to be seen. “Who’s there?” a voice calls, “Is there another one?” you hear the sound of loud shoes hitting the ground. You could only guess it was the tall one, considering the stride of his steps were normal. Calculating how far you were from the nearest exit, you realize you had to do what you used to do. So you did the only thing you knew how to do well; without looking, you shoot randomly, and run to the nearest window and jump.

“So, you’re gonna stay with me now?” Tabitha asks “Sure.” you say thinking, “Or I could stay with Gordon.” “You’re staying with me.” She says as she leaves the room, “I’m making some cocoa. You want some?” “Yea.” you say as you sit there, recent events playing in your mind, “Where’s the phone this time?” “In the garden.” you shake your head. Tabitha had a habit of carrying the phone around in every conversation, so it had never stayed in the same place. You get up and walk to the garden and call your boss, “Hello?” a voice asks, you stare into the phone, trying to identify this voice, “HELLO?” You blink rapidly, the voice having pulled you out of your thoughts, “Sorry, hectic night.” “.... I’m sorry, who is this?” “This is Y/n. Where’s Mayor Cobblepot?” “In a meeting, why?” “I was just calling to let him know I won’t be going to work for about a week.” “Okay. I’ll let him know.” “Kay. Thanks.” You almost hang up when you hear him call your name, “Yes?” “Y/n I was wondering if” he says as then pauses, “Did you want to go out for dinner?” “I’m sorry, but who is this?” “Oh silly me. I’m N-” his sentence is cut short by the shouting of your name, “I’m sorry, but I gotta go.” you hang up, never getting his name. Walking into the living room, you smile, having noticed Barbara, “Well… This outta be fun.” You sit down on the couch and grab a glass of wine. “CHEERS!”

Thursday

“So Y/n.” He says smiling, “What?” you ask smiling also. “I know you hate it, but just think about it. We could be together.” “You already know how I feel about that.” “Yeah, but you’re just so good.” “But i’m not a good person.” “That means nothing. All the best people are crazy.” “Who said I was crazy?” “The way you were last night.” “Wow. Playing that card are we?” “I’m just saying. We’d be the best. No one could stop us.” “Except for the fact that most people don’t like me.” “Screw most people.” “No thank-you. I’m not that kind of girl.” You say, almost laughing. He looks at you, and smiles, “Fine. But as your best friend, I am asking you to do it for me.” he says making a heart with his hands. You push him off the couch. “Fine.” he looks at you, eyes wide with shock, “Really?” “Yes.” you say rolling your eyes at him. He smiles largely, “I’ll go down to the station-” “So help me Gordon. If anything happens…” you say grabbing his arm, letting him know. “It’ll be fine. You’ll make a great addition. Detective Y/n, it has a nice ring to it.” He says as he puts on his shoes and opens the door, “Oh and thanks for last night. The amusement park was a blast.” “Glad you liked it. Because I’m banned from it.” “Not surprised. Ms. “I’m a rage gamer”. So much rage.” He says emphasizing, i'm a rage gamer. You roll your eyes yet again, “Bye Gordon.” “Bye Y/n.” he says as he leaves. You sigh. Now you were a detective. Great…

Friday

“Hey Y/n.” Harvey says as he passes you.

“Hey partner.” you say as he double takes. “Gordon. I think she’s trying to steal your job.” he says in a low voice, but loud enough for you to hear. “No Harvey. She’s actually a detective now.” “Did you lose a bet or something. Cause I remember when we went out for drinks and you said you’d never become a cop in any way, shape, or form.” “No Harvey. I just decided to, under the influence of Jimmy of course.” “I knew it. What are you using to blackmail her?” “The, “I’m your best friend” shtick.” “Shame on you Jim. Shame.” “It seems like you’re always hunting this guy.” You say as you run with them. “Well he is The hit man owned by the biggest crime boss of Gotham.” “And you guys have not managed to kill him yet?” “Considering, we’re always trying to save our assess? No.” “I see why.” You say as you evade an almost fatal bullet. You run across shooting and motion for them to to do the same. They follow suit and you three move your way closer to the target. “Y/n! WATCH OUT!” Gordon yells, and you turn around to find darkness. You loose consciousness.

“I didn’t know what to do…” “So you kidnapped her!?” “Yea…” “Does Penguin even know?” “No…” “You have failed. Get out, before I tell Penguin.” you knew those voices. Images and sounds play in your mind. “Phone, and house break.” you whisper quietly, grabbing their attention. You hear footsteps, and immediately became quiet. “We should go…” The phone guy says in a hushed tone. Their footsteps grow softer and you can hear a creak of a door. “Y/n should never know that we were the ones who did it…” The house break guy says as he shuts the door. You frown, beginning to think of a way to escape. The sound of gunshots wakes you yet again. You look around only to realize, you were still tied up. Fatigue catches you again, and you unwillingly fall asleep.

Saturday

“Y/N!!” Someone yells. Your head perks up. You listen closely to wear it had come from; Outside. You stand up, and fiddle your way around the room. You had woken up blind. Well temporarily blind at least. You had drunken some kind of drug given to last night and woke up blind. “Hello?” You ask out into the darkness. “Y/N!” the voice yells, “I’M OVER HERE!” you walk towards the voice, and hit a wall. You just sit there, waiting. Waiting to be found, waiting to see. Just waiting. Hands grab your shoulders ripping you from your thoughts and you scream. “No no no no. Shhhhhhh!” the voice says, “I’m here to get you out.” “Who are you?” you ask frantically, “Did Tabitha or James send you?” “No. I’m just a good samaritan, you could say.” “That’s good to know. I’m Y/n.” “I’m Edward, but people call me Ed.” “Ed, where are we going?” you ask as you hold his hand, carefully following him. “Wherever you want. At least once we get out of here.” “There you are Ed!” a voice calls. You turn towards the voice, but of course, see nothing. “Victor. I thought you left,” Ed says, in an almost hostile tone. “Ed. You know we stick together. We’re a team.” “But Vic-” “Who’s this lovely lady?” Victor asks, cutting Ed off. “This is Y/n. I’m helping her escape.” “Ah. Ah. Ah. Ed, I told you about teamwork. We are helping her escape.” he says, and you hear a faint grumble. “Here, drink this. This should help with your blindness.” He gives you a drink and you blink a couple times. Nothing happening. “Ed, i’m still blind.” you say giving him back the cup. “Yea, you’ll get your sight back in the next few minutes.” he says, then you hear shuffling. “Do you know who kidnapped you?” Victor asks “Yea. It was a hit man named Zsasz. He’s bald, and that’s all I know.” “That sucks.” he says, in an almost sad tone, “But at least we rescued you. Who would’ve known what he could’ve done. He could’ve raped you. Who knows?” Ed says in an almost playful tone. You hear the sound of a punch and you could only assume they were fighting.

“So where are we going next?” You ask as you look up to find that neither one of your saviors were there. You had just gotten your eyesight back and right after you had told them you could see some stuff they had taken you to the amusement park. Now that you could see fully, you could see that they were gone. “Sorry.” a voice says after having ran into someone. You look up to see a tall man with nice black hair, brown eyes, and black glasses. He looks at you, eyes wide, and starts coughing. He shakes his head as he walks away coughing. You shrug and start walking home to Tabitha. She’d be very interested in knowing how you day went.

Sunday

“I don’t like this.” Y/n says as they rig her up.

“Well considering you’re the closest thing we have to getting information from him.” “And why is that Jim?” Harvey asks joining the conversation, “Well didn’t you hear about it?” “No. What?” “She went on a date with a hitman and a cop killer.” “Wow. She must feel really mortified by that.” “Oh shut up!” you say, and both of them laugh, “I was blind.” “No excuse.” Jim says as he reloads his gun, “Now get stepping. You have a date to go on.” You roll your eyes and leave the GCPD with Jim and Harvey.

“Tabby!” you yell up the stairs. You walk up the stairs hearing her voice, but then you walk slowly hearing more than just her voice, “She actually did notice me,” a voice you identify as Ed says. “More than just the ‘rescue’? Because I don’t believe that counts. She won’t be able to identify you on the streets or even when she sees you. Besides I should count this as invalid. Being that you blinded her and all.” “But it wasn’t just me. Zsasz is the idiot that kidnapped her.” “You kidnapped my cousin!!” Tabitha whisper shouts “An accident.” A voice, you identify as Victor says, “She happened to be with Gordon. The one I actually meant to kidnap.” “That’s no excuse. Once you realized it was her you should’ve returned her.” Tabitha says “It was Nygma’s idea to keep her.” “Was not.” “Was to.” “Was not.” “Was to.” “Was-” “I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHOSE IDEA IT WAS. YOU KIDNAPPED MY COUSIN AND EXPECT TO ME TO SHOW SYMPATHY!?” she says yelling, “That’s it.” her voice dripping with venom, “That deal we had; is off. ANd as for you two-” “You’re under arrest.” You say swinging open the door. And before the three can react you shoot all three of them. Shocked by what you had done Tabitha looks at you, plead in her eyes, before collapsing. One by one, they all fall to the ground and Gordon walks in. “Y/n…” he says wearily. “Don’t worry,” you say pulling out your ammo, “Sleeping darts.”

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leagueofawesomedudes · 7 years

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Week 11

Greetings and salutations Loads members, Pauly and the U are back! I get another chance to voice my opinions and predictions thanks to our generous and most giving commissioner. And can I just say how much I LOVE Monday Night Football. Best night of the week, right Sam? The last few weeks have been chaos with the standings more up in the air than ever. Who will get the first-round byes? Who’s in and who’s out? Are rapist jokes where Chad draws the line? Will Dre actually put up with Tjs love and commitment to Battlefront 2? And does Bennett actually think Mitch was a better pick than Watson? Only time will tell as the weeks progress, and I for one cannot wait to see how this thing plays out! Let’s jump into these matchups as we start to separate the men from boys down the home stretch.

#4 Crows Before Hoes vs #6 Ain’t EZ Bein Breesy

This one could get interesting folks. With a big week from pants shitting Solden, he can jump two spots, taking over 4th place. A surprising team of role players led by Rob gronk spike owski, climbing their way through the ranks and putting together some nice weeks. The addition of Kenyan Drake could be the best he ever had but Just hold on, he’s not going home yet. I may be coming off one of the most fun fantasy week of all time but without the Panthers duo could be in some trouble. I’ll need to rely heavily on Legally Blonde Jared Goff and Robert Elle woods once again to score over 50.. What? Like its hard? Without some luck and big games out of my defense and kicker on Monday night, I don’t think it’s my week. Just like Marqise E. Lee and the south, Solden will rise again.

Ain’t EZ > Crows

#9 Jon SnOBJs vs #10 G-reg 3rd Leg

The commissioner himself, fights to stay out of last place. These two teams have been hit with bad luck and the injury bug all season, and then again, annnd again. Chad will need a big game from his leader Antonio Banderas Brown and try to unmask Bennett’s team from who they’ve pretended to be lately… a contender. Bennett will be looking to add a QB and K via free agency this week but even with their added points, this one will be tough. He will need Brandin Cooks to let out his inner Chef Ramsey and carry the way, seeing as without the bad man, Jordy Willy Nelson has struggled more than the cops trying to catch the Duke boys. Chads team butters the win like some corn on the Cobb.

Jon > G-reg

#5 The Injured Reserve vs #8 The Brady Bunch

Well, well, well, what do we have here? All around a solid matchup. Doug’s fall from grace has been a surprising one, with a pretty good team he hasn’t found a way to string together enough wins for a playoff spot just yet. Casey has kept himself in the hunt and I think they should be key factors in decided the final standings. Doug will need Kelvin Benjamin Button to turn back clock and shave some pounds to get back on track while hoping Kareem the dream can keep him in the Hunt. Casey better hope Fournette picks it back up or Kyle Rudolph might have to shine his nose so bright and lead the way. I look for the QB battle to be key in this one, Tomas the train Brady toot toots Doug to victory, leaving Casey screaming, why Wilsonnnn, Wilsonnnn.

The Brady > The Injured

#7 Hollas Heavy Hitters vs #1 Little Diggs

Look out people! This one could be a bloodbath. Right when Holla started to get his groove and push for the playoffs he runs into the new league juggernaut Dom. On paper this one is all the one seed but as we all know, any given Sunday could shake things up. Holla will need to get a little Shady and get the Dak out of dodge if he wants to shoot for the playoffs. With good matchups in multiple spots, Dom could Diggs his way out of the dog fight for first. A little too much fire power and Dom keeps up his good Alvin Kamara for a victory.

Little > Hollas

GAME OF THE WEEK

#2 Julio Tones vs #3 2 Gurleys 1 Cup

These two will never admit it, but we all know ever since New Years and some things were slipped in holes they’ve had to play it cool. Battling it out for the last bye spot, this matchup could have major playoff implications. Tj has been in the driver seat so far but this Carr could head off road quick with other big week from Sam. Captain Kirk Cousins might be in for a rough one this week and with three players going Thursday it could all come crumbling down like a Jimmy Graham cracker. Tj relying heavily on his wide receivers could be boom or bust but I think he’s got the right JuJu to stay on track. Sam gets his Bell rung and starts to question what else the fantasy gods could want from him.

Julio > 2 Gurleys

That will do it for this weeks preview. I know it’s coming out a little premature but what do you expect? I only get laid 7 times in one day once a month. Best of luck to everyone, it will be interesting to see how things shape up and who comes out on top. Start pushing those fluids cuz Holla is coming the land Saturday and the Browns are still the worst team in the history of teams. Peace and blessings Load members.

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footyplusau · 7 years

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Sydney Swans defender Aliir Aliir in mix for AFL recall against North Melbourne

Aliir Aliir has been cleared to return to the Swans’ side for Sunday’s clash with North Melbourne after a club-imposed suspension last weekend, while vice captain Dane Rampe could be back as early as next week as he continues to make rapid improvement from a fractured arm.

Sydney coaching staff stood Aliir down from last weekend’s drought-breaking win over Brisbane after he turned up late to a training session the day before, and coach John Longmire is expected to name the tall defender in his 25-man squad on Thursday night.

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FootyFix: Can the Eagles beat Western Bulldogs?

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AFL plays of round 6

Patton unloads to muzzle the Doggies, Josh Bruce misses the unmissable, a pair of Swans show off genius, Cox forgets here’s playing AFL and the Crows show Richmond what a premiership contender looks like.

FootyFix: Can the Eagles beat Western Bulldogs?

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FootyFix: Can the Eagles beat Western …

FootyFix: Can the Eagles beat Western Bulldogs?

Rohan Connolly previews all the footy action ahead of round 8 in the AFL.

Hardwick: Blakely can try to tag Martin

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Hardwick: Blakely can try to tag Martin

While Tigers coach Damien Hardwick believes Fremantle coach Ross Lyon will attempt to send Connor Blakely to Dustin Martin at some point, it’s a card he can choose to play when ready.

Eddie Betts’ son shows off his talent

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Eddie Betts’ son shows off his talent

It looks like Adelaide forward Eddie Betts has passed down his goalkicking skills to his son.

It’s ‘every man for themselves’ at Swans

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It’s ‘every man for themselves’ at Swans

The Footy Classified panel says the team’s failure to protect Callum Mills as he was bullied by the Blues is symptomatic of Sydney’s miserable losing streak. Courtesy Nine Network.

AFL and eSports: The unlikely match

Play Video Don’t Play

AFL and eSports: The unlikely match

What is eSports and why is the AFL interested?

Nat Fyfe off to Saint Kilda?

Play Video Don’t Play

Nat Fyfe off to Saint Kilda?

96FM presenter Brad Fitzgerald says there is a deal for Fremantle’s Nat Fyfe to move to Saint Kilda.

AFL plays of round 6

“He understands that we had to make a decision … from that point onwards he’s been disappointed in himself but got himself going,” Longmire said.

“That was last week and we’ve moved on. Aliir’s a fantastic character. He’s been wonderful for this footy club for a long time over the last couple of years, he just made a mistake on the weekend as some young players do.

“Young players do that sometimes, you wouldn’t read about it but they make mistakes.”

Rampe saw a specialist on Monday and is ahead of schedule in his rehabilitation after tripping over a chain and breaking his arm before round two this year.

Longmire initially expected his vice captain wouldn’t return until early June, but next weekend’s game against St Kilda is now a possibility.

“He’s running, he’ll do training this week and the expectation is that he may be a chance next week, if that’s what happens, we’ll be pretty happy with that,” Rampe said.

Disciplined: Aliir Aliir copped a one-week ban for showing up late to training. Photo: Getty Images

“It looked as though it was going to be up to the bye at one stage. It’s an unusual injury, first of all how it happened but how it was going to heal was unusual as well, we weren’t quite sure.

“The advice we’ve received so far has been spot on and he’s healed pretty quickly and his attention to detail and how he’s going about his rehab is outstanding.

“He’s extremely keen and because he’s been running so well, his fitness is actually in a pretty good state which is terrific.”

The Swans square off against an in-form North Melbourne at Etihad Stadium on Sunday, the Kangaroos fresh from a 59-point hiding of Adelaide.

“Their performances have been really solid, they’ve lost three games by under a kick before the last couple of weeks, they beat the Gold Coast and then on the weekend they were sensational,” Longmire said.

“To beat Adelaide by 10 goals and to have a 10 goal to zero first quarter was incredible. Their form was as good as any team going around in that game.

“They were able to win the centre clearances, get the ball forward and play it in their half and it was super efficient when they got the ball inside their forward 50.”

The post Sydney Swans defender Aliir Aliir in mix for AFL recall against North Melbourne appeared first on Footy Plus.

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darthmallrat37-blog · 7 years

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3/15/2017: Something’s Lurking

So today, like most days, I’m suffering from writer’s block. There’s no worse feeling than knowing that you have an awesome story to tell, but being unsure of how exactly to tell it. Because I can’t write my story, I thought instead I’d talk about what it is I’m writing and why I like to write in the first place.

I’ve enjoyed making up stories for as long as I can remember. Some were written, some were simply told to unsuspecting classmates who couldn’t tell the difference between reality and obvious fiction. I remember telling someone once that when my little brother was born, he pulled a pacifier out of my mouth and hit me in the face with it and I started crying. This never happened to me, but it did happen to Tommy Pickles in The Rugrats Movie. When my stories weren’t directly stolen from movies and books I’d read, they were definitely inspired by them. In 4th grade I wrote a 20-page epic about Captain Underpants and, I swear to God, it bears a striking resemblance to the seventh book in the series, which wouldn’t be released until a couple years later.

While I undoubtedly had a passion for writing as a child, my number one passion was still film. I always looked forward to Friday nights with my grandparents when we’d go to the local video rental store and pick out 2 titles. One kids movie, and one movie from the adult section that my grandpa helped me choose. This is how I discovered movies like Back to the Future, Home Alone, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and the Don Knotts classic, The Ghost and Mr. Chicken. And while I loved going to Video Depot what I looked forward to even more was making a trip to the movie theater. Going to the theater to see a film has always been, and will always be, a religious experience for me. The smell of stale popcorn, the sounds of muffled chewing and wrappers opening. Even that one annoying guy with the nachos (I’ve been that annoying guy quite often). It’s all part of the experience.

I know I went to the the theater before this but the first movie I actually remember going to to see in the movie theater was Toy Story 2 back in 1999. Imagine my dread when that movie lets you falsely believe, for a split second, that Buzz Lightyear is dead, only to reveal that we’ve spent the last 5 minutes watching a video game. I remember that millisecond of shocked dizziness so vividly it’s scary.

So while Toy Story 2 is the first film I remember seeing in the theaters, the first one I truly remember every second of happened three years later, in 2002, when Sony released their very first Spider-Man movie. Sitting in the theater that night, something clicked. I think a small part of me realized that this was the ultimate form of storytelling. Everybody was laughing at all the same moments, gasping and jumping in unison whenever something shocking happened. I discovered that film has the unique ability to capture a large group of people at the same time, but for different reasons. For example, I might have cried during Uncle Ben’s death because it was a wake-up call for me as an 8 year old kid. A realization that anybody can go at any minute. However, other viewers probably found the same amount of emotion from the scene, but maybe because it reminded them of something that had actually happened in their real life. That’s the true power of film and it took a grown man in tights, climbing up walls to make me recognize it.

So I knew I loved movies and I knew I loved to write, but it would be a long time before I’d realize that the two could actually go hand-in-hand. I remember once playing with a McDonald’s toy that resembled a dirtbike. I told my grandmother, “When I grow up, I’m going to become an author and write a book called Biker-Man and then they’ll turn it into a movie and I’ll make a million dollars. That was how I thought it worked. “They” made movies and we watched them. I had no idea who “they” was or that I’d eventually spend the rest of my life trying to become one of “them”.

Clerks was the movie that changed everything for me. Growing up, my mom was a massive Kevin Smith fan and the walls of the stairwell that led to our basement were covered in posters, action figures and bumpers stickers featuring various quotes and images from his films. I grew up surrounded by (and somewhat fascinated by) these characters but, because of their mature content, was never allowed to watch them. That is, until my fifteenth birthday when, with a few exceptions, I was granted permission to watch R-rated movies. The first one I watched, as soon as I got home from dinner that night, was Mallrats, because I had seen it when I was really young and had obsessed about watching it again ever since. And I thoroughly enjoyed it but it didn’t do anything to change my perspective or alter the way I thought about film. Clerks did. I watched Clerks about a week later and I left that film a different person than I was when I pushed play. It was the first movie I watched that truly seemed like art. Suddenly, it all made sense. Movies weren’t made in some factory, they were made by people. And knowing the backstory of this particular title helped even more. Clerks was made for only $29,000 and, while that still seemed like a fortune to a 15 year old kid, it seemed accessible. Clerks was a life-changing movie for me, but also a dangerous one. What I had woken up that morning considering a fantasy, now seemed incredibly real. If I worked hard enough, and wrote as much as possible, I could one day be a filmmaker like Kevin Smith. My movie obsession and love for writing had finally met, and it felt great. Now, it was time to write.

To my name, I only have one completed feature-length screenplay. I wrote the whole thing freehand and it’s sitting in a box somewhere. I find it and read through it about once a year and, although its not very good, I’m still impressed with a lot of the dialogue and the characters that I managed to create. The script is called Happy Thursday and it was my attempt to make something in the vein of Clerks, which is to say, witty, vulgar and cheap as hell to make. The movie revolved around two high school Seniors ditching school and walking around town talking. There’s some really good stuff in there about being afraid of what will happen after school and entering the real world, and that’s because I was nearing the same point in my life when I wrote it. That dialogue came from a very real place and it’s still one of my favorite scenes I’ve written.

While Happy Thursday is the only script I’ve ever completed, it’s not the only one I’ve ever written. I have dozens of other incomplete projects including three TV shows called Boarders, Final Bell and Video Depot, and a bunch of movies, a select few of which are a Drake & Josh reunion movie, a remake of the movie Good Burger, a spoof film called That Buddy Cop Movie and my attempt at making a modernized action hero, in the vein of Indiana Jones, Lance Walson.

I love all of those ideas, and I think about them often, but it’s my most recent attempt that I’m the most excited about and I’m dead set on making it my directorial debut one day. It’s called Something’s Lurking Outside of Video Depot and it’s a balls-to-the-wall crazy comedy/sci-fi/coming of age film that takes place in a video store in 1996. While Netflix’s series Stranger Things acted as a cinematic love-letter to the 1980s, Something’s Lurking is my attempt to do the same thing with the decade of my birth, a period of time with which I’ve always been somewhat fascinated.

I’ve been slowly but surely writing Something’s Lurking since October and there isn’t a single doubt in my mind that it’s the best thing I’ve ever written. Even on the page these characters have chemistry. They’re funny, witty and clever and have a fantastic back-and-forth with one another. This film is also my first attempt at writing a really strong female character. Her name is Alice and she’s an absolute badass. There is a small romantic subplot between her and one of the boys but it doesn’t feel forced and it definitely doesn’t feel like it’s her only purpose in the film.

As for the story, I don’t really want to share much yet, but I will say this one has more twists and turns than I’ve ever dared to attempt and I like to think that it’s virtually impossible to get ahead of this plot or see where it’s going before it gets there. It begins with two characters finding a dead body in the woods, and entering a multi-page discussion over whether or not they should tell the police, or move him first because that’s where they hide their booze.It’s darkly funny and it only gets crazier from there. It’s also a chance for me to express my love of a film in a film, in the style of Quentin Tarantino movies and Kevin Smith’s Clerks, which I love so much.

Well folks, I promised a longer blog today and I think I delivered on that promise so I’m gonna go for now. It looks like it is going to be a fairly uneventful Wednesday for me. Job hunting and snack eating, as per usual. Have a great day and remember, we’re only two days away from the weekend which just so happens to begin on St. Paddy’s Day this week! Make it through the next couple of days and then prepare to let loose on Friday. Buh-bye!

Movie Quote of the Day: “For the past 13 years, I’ve dreaded coming to school. Now that it’s over, I dread what’s going to happen when I don’t.”-Zack, Happy Thursday.

#movies #kevin smith #back to the future #home alone #who framed roger rabbit #don knotts #daily blog

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getseriouser · 5 years

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20 THOUGHTS: Crows Dive with Pyke

NO-ONE likes waiting around

Here we are, after a cracking crescendo to the end of the home and away season, where permutations and calculations saw an enthralling final eight set, and now we’ve got a week off.

The end of season bye came in not just because the AFLPA wanted more rest in-season for its union, but too the AFL saw an integrity issue with the final round and stars being rested.

Yet last Friday Essendon rested some of their players still, and from all appearances, with no disrespect to Hawthorn, West Coast rested all their team too, so what’s the point Gil?

Ah well, get in the garden, Father’s Day as well, it’ll be Thursday night in Perth before you know it. We hope.

1. Bit of a mixed bag this week, no footy for the last weekend in August, we’re a bit lost, but let’s start with West Coast. Last three games against good teams they’ve lost now. And two of those games were at home, the narrow loss to a then spluttering Collingwood and then one out of the box to a Hawthorn team who finished ninth. Not the kind of form you’d want in attempting to defend your title, especially when it now requires four wins to do it.

2. So some still pick West Coast to go all the way, based on what we know about their best footy. But we must realise it’s less about the talent and some about the path there. To win the whole thing, weeks two through four would mean either three wins in Melbourne against Geelong or Collingwood, then Richmond, then Geelong or Collingwood, or, week three might be in Brisbane followed up by Richmond the week after. For a team that served that up against the Hawks, when top four was on the line, they ain’t doing any of that.

3. Brisbane has a tough assignment too. One point win over Geelong at home and then Richmond was always comfy despite the stats and the margin. So first week is no gimme, but do that they’d earn a home prelim against Geelong or Collingwood, maybe West Coast, before copping Richmond at the MCG again most likely. Somewhat plausible but I don’t see three wins in them. If they lose first week they’re done and dusted, especially if the Tigers can beat them up there, they’d be cactus if they come down and play them again, or a hot Cats or Pies, down here.

4. Just a random one, you know you’re talking to a Victorian, South Australian or Western Australian when they speak about the speed of the wind prevailing in a measurement of goals. “Hey, go put some washing on, it’s about a four-goal breeze out there”. Love it.

5. The Pies looked really nice against the Crows, but it was the Crows and we’ll get to them. Aside from that, awful when it mattered against the Giants, not on the Tigers’ level and the Bombers win was unconvincing. If you back them in it’s on potential but the evidence on form is still a massive question mark.

6. Mind you, overall, the Maggies are 7-4 against fellow top eight teams, which ranks first, the Cats are 5-3, Tigers are 5-4. Both the Eagles and Lions are only 4-4.

7. I know this might not be the best version of the Giants we’ve seen the last four or so years, but geez they’ve been stiff. Could argue in 2017 and 2018 they were the second best team in it, only narrowly beaten by the eventual premier in the prelim. Too, they lost Cal Ward in the Dogs prelim early and Dylan Shiel in the Tigers prelim as well, so bit of sliding doors then who knows? Last year, narrow loss to the Pies in a semi-final. So in reality, whilst Cameron cops it for his record, the GWS really have been mighty close.

8. Gee Chris Scott keeps banging on about venues. Let’s be clear. Last five years Geelong has had 11 home games at the MCG, outside of finals. You’d think going by his rhetoric they’re an 11-home games a year team down the highway. If it’s good to host home games there during the year, I don’t think you can labour the specific.

9. Further, oh, it’s the Pies home ground, well yes that’s true. But in terms of home ground advantage, 100% of Geelong home games at GHMBA are home games, they are its only tenant, whereas only 57% of Collingwood home games at the MCG are true home games, the other 43% are against fellow-MCG tenants, neutral games in essence. For Victorian teams, there’s hardly any home ground these days anywhere, no advantage to be captured during the home and away, unless you’re Geelong of course.

10. Don Pyke might be in the gun. Two schools of thought. First, it’s not yet two years since they played in a Grand Final. Furthermore, he has two years to run on a contract. But. Second school of thought, which I starting to subscribe to, is that despite all of that in his favour, has he ever regained the players properly since the 2018 pre-season? Have they looked any good since the 2017 granny? Think about the last two weeks, with finals implications on the line, they’ve looked putrid. The last Showdown is telling too, Port hammered them by ten goals no less. We may let him go into 2020 but then see more of the same and the decision makes itself. So if that looms, might as well act now and get the restart that playing group obviously needs.

11. And also, Adelaide, by far the oldest list in the comp as well, so when you’re finishing 11th with that hanging over your head, lots needs to happen. Lots.

12. If the Suns get handed pick two as a concession that’s a farce. It would firstly not be an objective reaction to assessing their situation, but secondly it would be not only incredibly overs for a club that doesn’t deserve, nor do well with drafting and development of players anyway, but it would be a contrived result based on a specific regards the upcoming draft pool. The top two standouts this year are two best mates from Melbourne, Noah Anderson and Matty Rowell. Both go to school at Carey, both in the Oakleigh Chargers program, both elite midfielders with different skillsets that as a package deal, as best mates, look immense. So for the AFL to deliberately land, potentially, on a concession to hand them pick 2, so they can grab both boys in the hope they are more likely to stay up there because they’re with each other, just stinks. Would hate it.

13. Speaking of the Suns, they say they got over 7,000 to the Suns-Giants game on the weekend. No chance. No more than 3,000 paying attended, tops, with a couple thousand freebies chucked in for good measure. Poor Stuey Dew, will likely be 1-10 or 2-9 by the bye next year, and we’ll still have no strong answer to the question ‘is he a good coach?’ or not. For all we know he is Van Gogh without any access to paint.

14. Steve Coniglio re-signs for seven years. That wouldn’t happen at the Suns. If he was on the Gold Coast he could be lured elsewhere for a can of Sprite and a Curly Wurly. But taken unders to stay in Sydney, speaks volumes of getting that franchise right, and embedded. Big difference to the Gold Coast where Jack Martin was so eager to tell the club he was leaving he almost told the runner Saturday night.

15. And with all this trade stuff heating up, my Lord, how many numpties now throw darts at anything or have five bucks each way on every horse in the race, then letting us all know about it when a couple of the tickets in their pocket are winning ones? Its bad journalism. You know what we should demand in footy media? You know what proper trade-breaking, player movement coverage looks like? One word. “Woj”.

16. Like this one – a leading psychologist (as opposed to those back of the peloton, off the street psychologists that are never quoted) has said that “not keeping score in junior sport is part of the ‘wuss-fication’ of an entire generation, with young kids not learning how to be resilient”. Knock me down with a feather, halle-bloody-lujah!

17. All-Australian tonight, my team will be somewhere, but also the Rising Star is soon as well. Could google when it is but I’m not bothered, and we know Sam Walsh just wins, will be a gem for that club. My 5-4-3-2-1 if I was voting, if I’m honest: 5-Connor Rozee, 4-Sam Walsh, 3-Sydney Stack, 2-Cameron Zurhaar, 1-Mitchell Lewis. No judge will do anything like that, but that doesn’t make them right. I think Walsh is a gun but I just think Rozee is a special, special talent Victorians don’t appreciate enough. Zurhaar is a beast and helped win North two or three games by himself, and Lewis is the Hawks’ Roughy replacement, as a 20-year-old – yeah I’d be happy with that.

18. Why are we naming an All-Australian squad of 40 the week of the final 22 being announced? Makes no sense at all. Why stop there? Why not name a 60-man shortlist then, last week? A top 100 after Round 16. Or, maybe after each Round, Hunger Games-style, tell us five blokes definitely not making the All-Australian. Or, maybe just maybe, we don’t worry about all of that and just tell us the team on the night? Don’t know. Maybe too radical.

19. Legends game this Friday night, and its AFLX which caused a massive stink. Hate to say it though, it might, might, actually be better. Think about it, all AFLX really is, is on a smaller ground, doesn’t need tackling and the ball moves around quicker. Sounds like the perfect ingredients for older blokes who aren’t keen on amassing big GPS numbers on a standard-sized oval. Don’t like AFLX at all for normal players, but for the legends, made for TV, for charity, I think it maybe works out for the best?

20. In this bye week I’m allowed – want to give a shout out to Roy Laird. Who? Last weekend he coached his 357th and final game for Central District in the SANFL after 17 seasons. He coached the Doggies to seven premierships and two runners up, the only success for Centrals in their history, won 22 of the 30 finals he coached and finishes with a 66% winning record. Freak. It’s been too long to get Centrals into this column so this week, we say well done and good luck to one of the greatest coaches the SANFL, and footy in general, has seen.

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getseriouser · 5 years

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20 THOUGHTS: Anti anti-social behaviour behaviour

WOW that escalated quickly

A Carlton muppet gives an umpire some constructive criticism and next minute the crowds are in uproar like they’re hostages within their own leisure.

I can sort of see both sides on this one, firstly AFL has actually been copping the Soccer’s fair share of negative press for crowd violence and misbehaviour, subsequently security firms have adjusted strategy. But if Joffa claims he won’t go to the footy, on a bye weekend, then it must be serious.

Oh yeah, and the footy onfield’s not bad either, in case anyone still cared about that.

1. A little bit of nanny state, a little bit of overreaction. Melbourne has been a nanny state for years, only a matter of time before it crept into football. And that’s the blame of authorities, the AFL is a client, an influential client, but they aren’t dictating to security firms how they do their job. Go tell a bouncer after midnight how to man the door and see how he takes that.

2. But also, and to defend Gil on one point and one point only, this extra security has been around for a while, not just last week. You’ve never really taken notice of the wrinkles on your thumb knuckle before, but I betcha you just did and will again on and off for the rest of the day. We never notice security at games before but now its all we’re looking at because of the uproar. Don’t be fooled. It’s not right, but its not new.

3. But Gerard Healy was right Monday night, Gil needs to be better. Calls for his resignation from minimum wage heroes in the suburbs need to realise the job’s a bit more complex than just reading the Brownlow votes out in September. But he isn’t so busy today’s press conference could not have been earlier, more so the concession it might be something ‘to look in to’, without the need to accept fault, could have come a lot earlier. Basic PR mistakes there, that’s all... Carry on.

4. My main issue with Gil though is one not being spoken about, buried by the sexy headline of crowd non-issues: gambling. We all know far too many who have suffered to the plight of problem-betting, and right now the AFL has an amazing opportunity for a landmark moment.

The official gambling partnership rights are up, BetEasy have been paying $10m a year for those, and for the AFL to say that at the end of this contract no such futher partnership would be pursued, akin to clubs too moving away from gambling revenue, would be quite something.

But no. The AFL says a new deal is imperative as it helps them monitor integrity. Given Jaidyn Stephenson’s issue that’s breaking today I can see that point sorta, but don’t put your hand out for a eight-figure cheque for the assistance. Poor, poor, poor.

5. And on the big issues, like serious issues, how many more players need to step away from the game for ‘legitimate’ mental health issues before we look into doing far more proactively. Lin Jong is just the latest of an increasing amount who are taking time out such is their predicament – it’s really unsettling.

6. So Benny Stratton went the pinch. Well we don’t have capital punishment anymore but sure, on this occasion we need to make an exception, clearly? Please, its pinching, not the Kyoto agreement. Either pay the free kick early and he stops, or if Orazio swats him one in retaliation, then retaliation is an excuse and what happens on the field stays on the field. If Stratton gets weeks tonight for that because we’ve started noticing it, when he has done it for years, that’s ridiculous. Simple. Pay the free, or let players settle grown men issues out as grown men. Next.

7. Jon Ralph. What Kent Brockman would look like if human, brunette and with far less credibility. Hawks vice-skipper and all round likeable jet Isaac Smith answered the delicate Stratton-pinching issue with line and length answers, so old Ralphy called Smith out for showing embarrassing leadership. I won’t whack Jon too much on this, clearly a bad day, realised once again his smile looks more like one’s pose mid-flatulence. Please Jon, we don’t ask for much.

8. Quick one on the cricket – why hold a summer sport World Cup, like cricket, in a shit country where its Winter all year round. Instead of Finch and Warner opening our innings next game we’d be better off with Michael Klim and Daniel Kowalski. How’s Murray Rose going, is he still with us, and can he bat 3? Bloody hell England, sort your bloody rain out, its making me itch.

9. Thursday night footy – we cop it what, half the year when you take into account the opening game of the season, Easter, then this mid-year crap when the byes happen. But given that it’s rating like an absolute beauty, and as long as broadcast revenue is by far the most important dollar the code seeks, I’d expect every round, as soon as next year, to have Thursday night football. Don’t say I didn’t warn you early.

10. Ross Lyon, geez quick to whack the Boss when he took the early rebuild call so soon after their maiden Grand Final appearance, along with the four-year extension. Ross can’t rebuild, they said. Ross is going down a hole fast, they said. Well, this is the third of those four years and the Dockers are going beautifully. Good kids, nice new team, good team and look on for finals this year and the trajectory is only up from there. We await the apologies.

11. Jesse Hogan, whilst we are talking purple, gee if he can get going that’s at least one winning final this year for the Dockers. Has genuine match winning attributes, and for a while he was either too young, too injured, or just playing for a team ‘too Melbourne’. Now, bit of fitness, bit of touch, playing away from a club charged for tanking, and look out. Hogan wins a Coleman for Freo one day, promise you.

12. Essendon, nice, not pretty on Friday night but nice. Seventh best % after 12 rounds suggest you’re going ok. They’ve got two tough ones next in West Coast and GWS, but until the Pies in the last round have five bankable wins in between, and that’s just one short of a guaranteed finals spot. Should do it, their % is almost half a win in itself.

13. Speaking of the Giants, I know Geelong deserves nothing else but strong favouritism for the flag, but the orange tsunami would need to somehow catch small pox to not win a preliminary final this year minimum. Nine games left, one which is a home game to Collingwood, everything else is there’s to lose Only other games against current top 8 teams are Brisbane in Sydney and Richmond in Melbourne. Will finish top 2, two home finals, boom, Geelong, Collingwood, last day in September, good luck.

14. Rhycey Shaw moves to 2-1, but that first loss wasn’t a disgrace, the Giants are as good as there is so his stocks don’t take too much of a hit. Five of the last nine games for North are winnable, so if he can somehow muster a 7-5 record by the end of August he is a massive chance, ‘godfather offer’ to Horse Longmire to one side (got no read on that either way). However, Shaw goes 5-7, then thanks for warming the seat, do you happen to have Michael Voss’s number, he isn’t in our teledex?..

15. Tim Kelly wanted to leave Geelong last year, for reasons totally away from football. So unless something gives, that will happen again you’d think in four-months’ time. Last year he was a very good footballer and the Cats wanted two first rounders, the Eagles couldn’t do it and Freo weren’t allowed in the conversation. This year, he’s got a top 10 Brownlow finish coming, might even snatch the medal itself at this rate, and could be part of a Premiership winning midfield. Remember the Chris Judd trade, well that’s the kind of value the Eagles and Dockers will need to find. Remarkable.

16. Eddie Betts – the greatest small forward, of all time? Surely. Only short blokes who have kicked more are Leigh Matthews and Kevin Bartlett, one is the greatest player of all time, the other played a million games, but both are rovers first. So yep, Eddie, the GOAT.

17. Dale Morris is back this week, what a legend. Did his ACL in March, he is the wrong side of 36 years old and looks odds on for some sort of game time this weekend. What a star.

18. Lets whack Tom Lynch again coz we can, but this time, the contract. That’s seven years at a million per. In two years’ time when he is 28 he’ll be as cumbersome as your fat uncle passed out on the couch late Christmas Day, good luck getting any value out of him, good luck moving him. Just saying.

19. Tassie team. Done some digging. So. AFL – keen. Local logistics off field and all of that – looks fine. It’s the league logistics that will struggle. The AFL is handcuffed to the straight jacket that is the Gold Coast, and to a lesser extent the GWS (who are looking far more on track than the Suns to be fair). So even though it’d be great to pack up shop and move the Suns down to Hobart, not going to happen, they are pot committed no matter how bad the hand.

19 teams? Doesn’t make any more money, the broadcaster doesn’t get any extra games to sell advertising so it’s a wasted resource. So you go 20 teams? That’s the preference, but where else do you go to for team 20, we want Tassie but not because the league’s currently too small, and even then, do we have another 11% of good players not playing AFL out there to fill out two more lists? Probably not.

So, all up, Tassie is ticking all the boxes it can, but making it fit into a league that accommodates it, that’s the struggle, and it’s a very big one at that.

20. Lastly, how can I not, but State of Origin in Perth on Sunday. Watch it. Enjoy it. But have some comfort food on hand and a sympathetic ear once you realise how good representative footy looks at that ground, and this is a neutral game. Imagine if that crowd Sunday was there for a WA team. Exactly.

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getseriouser · 6 years

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20 THOUGHTS: Deck the Hall, his jokes are folly

RIGHT, well, been some sort of seven days.

The highs of celebrating one of the most exciting players in our generation giving up the game suddenly midseason, through to an awful piece of radio causing nothing but further grief in its wake

The footy is pretty good as well, or is it, because we’re changing the whole game so much it will resemble bat tennis come the end of the year are we not?

Lots to get into, all this redundant intro is just holding back the inevitable..

1. Let us start with the infamous Barry Hall joke last week. This will be of no surprise to most of you. Firstly, Barry’s comments, yeah not funny, came from nowhere. Yes, Liz Ellis, from nowhere, but we’ll get to you soon Liz let me assure you!

The background I want to touch on first is that Erinn’s pregnancy has often been discussed on Triple M when Leigh has been on air. On numerous occasions the radio has got Erinn on the air for a quick chat, and last Friday again was no exception. Leigh has shared some of his biggest moments on air with the listeners, from the calamity of their wedding plans on the breakfast show through to updates with the Erinn and the baby’s progress as he joined the football team this year.

2. Next is that, and we don’t need to address Barry, he had a shocker, we know this, but Leigh was asked by Mark Howard first for the latest ‘milestone’ if you like in the lead up to the big day, to which the sweep indeed had happened just that day, and for those who care to realise, it was then Nathan Brown who then took it up to the cliff’s edge. Mark Howard opened the bowling by asking Leigh “have you had the old stretch”, Leigh at one point then said, “I can’t really explain it…” either unsure or uncomfortable, and then old Browny really got the wheels in motion by “explain it, talk about your wife’s sweep, go on…” and so he did, apologised on the run for being so honest about it, Barry then went with his zinger, and here we now are.

3. Barry doesn’t make the joke nothing is even mentioned. That’s the truth. Leigh has copped it since for his explanation, his description. Two things, not only was the way Leigh described it honest if somewhat off the cuff, but to be real it is what that procedure is – it need not be taboo. Sure, others may have found it uncomfortable (Leigh’s comments, not Barry, we aren’t touching on Barry today), but to suggest Leigh is at fault for what brought this all to a head in the first place, which is Hall’s joke, if you can even call it a joke, is farcical.

4. And before we take aim at some individuals to end this topic, can I just say, some perspective please, for all those who enjoy being offended, and seek offense out so they can proclaim they are offended – little Noah arrived Sunday, he is a gem, he is a little star and maybe one day he’ll pull on his dad’s red, white and black and may he never know about a stupid fallout to some dumb radio only a couple days before his arrival.

5. Ok, so, who’s first up for a lashing. Liz. Right. So she went national on her Sunday morning TV spot, and she’s accruing some poor form in this area, by having a whack at Leigh for talking about his wife. Yes, Triple M, its culture, its style, up for conjecture, no doubt. But as I’ve touched on, Erinn was on the radio herself, and then for Howard and Brown spurring the conversation on, if you’re going to whack Leigh for a moronic link between his comments warranting Hall’s brainfade, then you have to go back a further step – if Leigh wasn’t asked, he wouldn’t have said a thing, and I’d be probably talking about Ross Lyon at this point or something. If we’re going to talk about sanctioning people for being silly on a national broadcast, I’m sure there’s a candidate in the mirror at home, Liz.

6. Now onto my new mate Darren Levin. I don’t know him, he mustn’t be that important. Nor am I, granted, but still nor is he. But I like two of his tweets from last Friday. I’ll give you the second one first, which is “I’ve listened to the Triple M audio and *everyone* should be sacked. Why were they even talking about it in the first place?”. Wow, ok, settle down. But only minutes earlier he tweeted, “CAN SOMEONE PLS TELL ME WHAT HE SAID? IT’S KILLLLLLING ME”. Now Darren. No. We aren’t sacking everyone, don’t be so alarmist. But if you’re going to be so curious and dirty for something that your desperation for the audio is killlllllllllling you, then you’ve got larger issues mate. I do hope you can find a way out of this sadness. Best wishes.

7. And lastly, Grant Thomas. Now mate, Grant, old wobblearse Thommo. Let’s go the the audio:

“I am a big fan of Leigh’s but I think Joey should resign. I wouldn’t sack them, that’s the easy way out. Because one man’s been sacked I would think hang on I was actually culpable in this and if it hadn’t have been for my stupidity poor old Barry wouldn’t have said what he said. It’s at least his responsibility to suspend himself for a period of time to make a statement.”

Facts are important here, and clearly the failed Saints ex-coach has gone large on his former player not knowing or caring for the facts. Thommo has form on Twitter and his podcast, deliberately being controversial to spike an interest from the public he otherwise wouldn’t have. Perhaps he suffered a bad head knock from one of his chins when one day he was far too vigorous when nodding. Who knows.

8. I’m happy to move on.

9. State of the game, this one continues to infuriate. Kinda feel like this year’s premiership race is just getting in the way, the sooner the season ends the sooner we can all preach at the church of reform and the summit to work out the gazillion rule changes to save the sport from certain doom can take place. Um. Do we need to send Guide Dogs Australia down to Town Hall? With the return of a nine-game round after the byes period, last week we had, and let’s be balanced here, Thursday night, cracker, Friday night, belter, all four Saturday games meandered between just fine to really engaging tight games, Sunday gave us one lopsided upset but a high scoring spectacle and a two-point thriller. Steve Hocking, yes you man, baby, bathwater, don’t do it mate, step back from the ledge.

10. Whilst we’re on mistakes, Susan Alberti. Not her, she’s lovely no doubt, even if she does make a right mess of security doing their jobs, especially when they wouldn’t know her from any other AFLW spectator, but she’s been awarded Victorian of the Year. And well done to her for all the work she does. But how has Neale Daniher, in all the years since he started his crusade, miss out on being awarded Victorian of the Year? Mike Brady got it last year. Yes, the ‘Up There Cazaly’ guy. Yet Neale is overlooked. Who’s in charge? Sir James Gobbo I hear is the chair or something of the Victoria Day council. Now Gobbo. Fix it. Neale’s a legend. Don’t go past Go, don’t collect $200, Gobbo, just fix it.

11. Who else? Gary Ablett and Patrick Dangerfield. Yep, not good enough. I think they’ve been getting tips off Zali Stegall. Downhill skiers the lot of them. Numerous passages of play against the Dogs where they’d get into a strong sprint when they had possession, but, turnover, the Bulldogs player that was chasing them, turns and burns, ends up being part of the scoring chain uncontested whilst the Brownlow medallists are sauntering miles back assuming one of the non-Brownlow medallists will do their dirty work for them. Lazy? Selfish? Dunno, you chose your own adjective. Chose all of them if you like, don’t let me pressure you Nathan Brown style.

12. Melbourne footy club. Hmm. Let’s not worry about which parcel of Yarra Park land you want to train on, how about just screw your heads on and don’t let St Kilda embarrass you on your home ground. The Saints had no right to escape from a loss to the Gold Coast, yet made you all look like fruits, stewed fruits. I have no idea of the analogy here, other than to say I’m reasonably confident stewed fruits don’t make the finals, and you did it last year Demons, go on, lose the unlosable finals spot again, it would be as the kids say ‘so lit’.

13. We mentioned the Suns, which players have the Gold Coast improved? Jack Martin was supposed to be a gun, he isn’t, Ainsworth's played 27 games but so what, Touk Miller is at 74 games but wouldn't get a gig for North Ballarat, David Swallow's had injuries, so we'll give him that, Aaron Hall has played 100 games but we'd forgotten about him, then there's Day, Lonergan, Sexton, even Peter Wright doesn’t scare anyone at 44 games. Jarryd Lyons may be the only improved player on their list. Don’t give them concessions, you can give them an all-star team, the issue is that talent dissipates once it lands at Coolangatta airport. The Logies were ok in Melbourne, goes up to the Gold Coast, looks like a Channel 31 production. The Gold Logie winner doesn’t even have a show. Staggering.

14. Quick change of sports but I’ve got my back up and I’m running downhill with the wind – so Aaron Finch is in form is he? An 84, 68* and 172 in his last three matches, all in twenty 20s. The Aussies more broadly, two big wins from two in the Zimbabwe T20 tri-series. Hang on. No. Who the hell cares about some T20 games in Zimbabwe in July when there's a 50-over World Cup 12 months from now and in the most recent series of that format, in England, five minutes ago, we got sodomised five nil. Don't want to hear about how Finchy or the rest of the team looks great in a hit and giggle in Harare, it’s like if old mate brought a high-pressure hose to Hiroshima in August 1945 saying a quick rinse is all this place needs. Don’t wanna hear about it Finchy, get some runs in a longer format and I’ll reconsider.

15. Oh, do we want to mention the nation of the Philippines before we get onto some other stuff? How Chris Goulding walks away with only some bruises from a dozen men punching, kicking, stomping, hitting him with chairs, is so fortunate. But, obviously the Philippine basketballers can fight as well as they can play basketball. Right mugs the lot of them. But if you’re stuck in an alleyway between confronting an angry Filipino basketballer or a sleepy field mouse, I’d be running away from the field mouse, their teeth are surprisingly sharp.

16. Cyril. How’d you get this far down the list champion? So his Dad had heart issues I believe last year (I’ll stand corrected in case I get a call from Liz Ellis), and basically, unlike Dayne Beams who could get a trade to a new club based in the city where his ailing Dad resides, Cyril’s old man lives in Darwin, and if Tassie can’t get a team yet, then Darwin is way behind them. So, for a player who has always said he wouldn’t be a league footballer too long after turning 30 (he is a couple weeks shy of turning 29), ‘Junior Boy’ has called it a day a year or two early to be around his family. He was this close to doing this last offseason, Shaun Burgoyne essentially twisted his arm to go one more year, a knee injury and then officially putting a line through it now brings us to here.

17. We’ve all seen the record the last couple of days, but four premierships, one of six in that famous dynasty to be a part of all of them (Burgoyne has four, but one was at Port). Three All-Australians, don’t forget the Norm Smith in 2015, but that he was also so influential in turning the game in the ’08 granny as a teenager. For freakish, athletic ability, be it leaping, tackling, borking, sprinting, unparalleled in our time.

18. Want to give a shout out to the Tiwi Islands. A series of many islands, two larger ones though, Melville and Bathurst Islands, about 1000 people each. Melville Island though, tiny, tiny place, yet it has produced 3 Norm Smith medallists out of the 37 to receive the award: Cyril in 2015, Michael Long in 1993, and Cyril’s uncle Maurice in 1982. Not only from the same island, but the same family to boot.

19. On that family, Maurice Rioli, South Fremantle and Richmond superstar of the 1980s, uncle to Cyril, great uncle to Daniel, his son, Maurice Jr, he would be the 2020 draft but already playing cracking senior footy for St Mary's in the NT as a teenager. Will be a gun first round father son pick to Richmond or Fremantle and the lineage will continue. His cousin Willie also, looking fairly good for the Eagles too, who is Ronnie Burns cousin on his mother's side as well. What a family!

20. Lastly, World Cup, I’m as confident that Vladimir Putin had a hand in ‘organising’ the five-nil result for the hosts against Saudi Arabia as I am Liz Ellis having another shocker this Sunday morning on the telly. So all this talk of “its coming home” from those with bad teeth and confused by the concept of the shower, the fact that it’s merely Sweden and then Croatia in the way to a first World Cup final since 1966, don’t underestimate the nerve, or is that nerve agent, of the Russian leader. Golden Boot nominees to this point:

Kane, Mbappe, Putin.

(originally published 5 July)

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