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bookdragonlibrary · 5 years

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Second Friday YJ appreciation

1-3 ; 4-6 ; 7-9 ; 10-13 ; 14-16 ; 17 ; 18 ; 19 ; 20 ; 21 ; 22 ; 23 ; 24-26

—————————— Private security

- Will has the dad belly! Lian is cuter and cuter! <3 (But it’s just me or she seems less Asian than in season 2? Where’s Jade?)

- Lucas Carr! :D (For those who don’t remember him, he appeared in the first YJ comic book and in season 2 when he teachs Gar at Mount Justice.)

- Why Dr Jace stays at Luthor Grande Hotel, in Metropolis!

- Bowhunter Security! With orignal Roy/Arsenal, clone Roy Will/Red Arrow and clone Jim Harper/Guardian (So if he’s Guardian again, what about Mal? He’s still a hero? Which one?) I love the dynamic of the Harper family and Roy calls Will bro!! He has finally dealt with his trauma (he seems to) and considers Will like he’s older brother! :3

- Dick in a security costum! Just like in Titans with the policer costume. He has a new outfit every Friday!

- “An old soul in an young body” Another clue for the Motherbox theory! So the first Halo is still alive inside or gone for good?

- Zatanna! TT.TT

- American genetically modified beef! xD

- Am I the only one who sees Jeff x Dr Jace miles away?

- “To the SUV!” My new war cry!

- Now Brick has red skin, it means he activated his metagene. How did he get out of jail by the way?

- I love how they show the Prince’s not understanding. He asks questions instead of jugement and “it’s a machine. I don’t understand.” instead of “You’re dumb” or something.

- I’m kind of afraid of Wolf sleeping. Don’t tell me he’s getting old and will die soon :(

- All Halo knows from her post life is violence, torture and hatred. No wonder she doesn’t want to remember...

- Don’t forget the clipboard! xD Will is more loyal to it than to his hat!

- OMG! Giovanni aged so much in just 7-8 years! He’s what? Between only 40-50! Side effect of Dr Fate’s control?

- “Wall” My heart, why? TT.TT So heartbreaking than Dick is too afraid to be part of a team because he lost Jason and Wally and Barbara gets injured.

- “I’m older than Jim.” So Jim was made after Will. interesting!

- Harper’s family business! Need more episodes with those 3!

- I really loves the humour in this episode! xD

—————————— Away Mission

- Forager! Orion! Wait, what a bastard! :o

- Gregor tries to protect his little twin brother and has compassion for the Quracis refugies. I love him!

- Bear! Wait there’s a thing between him and Dreamer?! The notebook with the photos! The nostalgia!

- So the New Gods use metaslaves? O.o

- Traci, Jaime and Bart! :D And Jaime finally talks! Now Scarab’s turn! “There’s no sound in space. The physics on the show is so messed up!” It’s Jaime or Scarab who speaks? Or Jaime took the comment habit of his bug friend? I definitely see Scarab saying something like that! xD So Traci watches the shw for the story or for Gar? “Hello Megan!” Their ringtone for the missions is the generic of this show! So cute!

- Cassie and Tim have a conversation without yelling at each other. That’s an healthy relationship. So I hope they won’t break up :( “Awkward...” Sorry Virgil, you seem pretty alone :(

- Jaime, why do you massage your side? Bart didn’t hit you that hard, did he? And he calls him amigo, sorry Bluepulse shippers... (Well, at least it isn’t hermano, so maybe Bart’s just pinning, whatever that means.) I was expected Scarab to yells “Incompatible!” to the boom tube... “Who watch the show for the physics? Who uses a boom tube for the physics?” I love the dynamic of this trio! And Traci is so adorable! Bart’s haircut changes every frame or what?

- “I hacked the Justice League’s computer!” That’s my boy! xD And G designation is for Grayson right?

- M’gann and Cassie are two mad girlfriends, poor guys (Jaime, Bart and Virgil) they didn’t do anything wrong :/ “Superoblivious!” xD

- “Excuse me?” xD The Yj comic reference with Lucas Carr! Brion who wants to impress Halo.

- Even in bug form, M’gann is still white! :) It’s me or Blue just growls?

- Guys, stop stressing Brion, you gonna make him fail :( What did I say? —‘ “My trees” So Lucas Carr is a neightboor or something? “Excuse me?!” New color for Halo: Yellow is for attacking. I want to see what the green does!

- I love how M’gann put down her little brother like the older sister she is. So she used to hide behind a green form and her little brother behind a beast? You can see M’gann growth throught the comparison with her brother. “I have been dealing with the red and green oppression.” Wait, so there are red martians too? And is for Darkseid he made the bugs made at the New Gods? So they have less allies against him?

- Every metateens we saw so far doesn’t look human anymore. I don’t know if thee Light are doing that on purpose so we could not recognize them anymore or it’s because the forced evolution is too much for their body :(

- Is Halo healing herself like a reflexe or does Sphere help the processus to begin? Violet? That’s so cute! Wait, another supermartian parallel!

- Bart still has the same energy! (I hope this is not an act this time...) I love the Team dynamic: Virgil helping Cassie and thir hand five, Bart trying to stop the bugs from attacking Jaime, Cassie rescuing Jaime, Jaime helping Traci :3 The weapon has to be similar to Genesis tech to hurt Blue however...

- Baby martians look... cute? I think when he kills the green martian, it was on the mental plane and not a memory since he has that beast form. The nostalgia! Everyone is back in season 1 and with their season 1 version of themselves, except Artemis and... why do you have to bring Wally in every single damn episode?? Conner is M’gann shield!

- And two more metateens dead TT.TT Wait, failsafe? Poor Forager! He just wants justice and kindness :( I love how Cassie and Jaime jump on his side and M’gann adds two arms to adapt to his appearance. I’m sure M’gann’brother made the green bug mad telepathically, because Mantis already knew Forager brought the Earthlings and Bear on New Genesis when he first stopped the bugs’ attack.

- I need more of the trio Traci/Jaime/Bart to see their friendship, Traci’s story. And more Cassie and Virgil screentime because we barely saw them in season 2 and in this episode :(

- Why Blue seems so angry all the time? He had like one positive line in this episode. Is he still dealing with his trauma in season 2? Is he angry at himself? I don’t know if it’s anger, frustration or self-hatred :( I just want him to be happy after the nightmare in season 2 :( But I think it would be more human if he still has to deal with himself after being mindcontrolled for months...

—————————— Rescue Op

- Black Spider and Terra. The goggles have to much screen time to not have an importance after. Who was Jackie? “All the bosses will be proud” So Shadows + Light + Darkseid?

- So Barbara is indeed in a wheelchair :( I love how she still can push Dick down :) And barbdick are a new couple :) We need another ship name, a more YJ like one :)

- The Outsiders trio is so cool! So Forager don’t use pronouns so much. So he’s a he, she or them? Wow, Halo knows a lot about New Genesis. Another clue for the Motherbox theory. M’gann is so done to explain she’s not a earthling: “I’m not from Earth” “I’m from Mars!” “Brion is the alien to Forager” this is so true. Thanks for putting this! I love how Brion is so enthousiastic to meet aliens :) He looks like a kid! So bioship is in a car camouflage. Maybe that’s why Halo hurt herself so bad :( Mars town xD “That’s what we were thinking too. We? Uh Me” (and Oracle xD) So is Tara controled, brainwashed, has her memories rewritten? Or is she willingly working for the Shadows?

- Why I think Forager x bioship will become a... ship? xD Like Will x clipboard xD

- Dick, if you don’t want them to go to the Shadows, why did you show Brion their localisation? --’

- Halo’s enthousiasm is so cute! Forager’s too!

- Why it feels like Sensei is manipulating Brion with words just to make him mad? I’m sure he’s lying.

- Can we talk about Brion’s extreme reaction to Halo’s death? Parallel to Spitfire maybe? And can we please stop killing Halo? I know she will ressurect but it’s still painful :(

- Why the ninja fighting style reminds me of Robin? Like an older Damian?

- It’s indeed Sphere who starts the healing processus. “Is Halo a new god?” Another clue for the theory?

- When Ra’s mention “the Detective”, Dick growls. Is he mad at Batman? Or at the comment? Ra’s isn’t with the Light and at the head of the Shadows anymore. So who? Sportmaster? Cheshire or Deathstroke would be good clues! Ra’s should be mad at Jade with how he said “Get out!”

- Talia with Damian? So who is... Jason?? An amnesic Jason. Ok. I’m fine. I just need to... WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? (I don’t like the deisgn of Talia which is too close from the animated movies: no bra is definitely not a good idea to fight and she looks too white for an Arabic person :/ Damian is ok I guess?) Do Ra’s want to “return” Jason when he will have his memories back or to use him against the batfamily? Jason should have been trained by Sensei for Dick to not recognize his fighting style.

- Brion really looks like Conner’s mentee with his clothes xD The parallel with the first trio (Robin, KF and Aqualad) Why are you breaking my heart like this? Except they did save Superboy when we don’t have intel of where Tara is :( Dick is still so sensitive when we talk about Wally :( And he looks so much like Batman now: same speech. Same situation, same result: another team is born! Poor Violet :( And the guy with the spiderweb tatoo could work with the Shadows? Or am I confusing with RWBY? xD

3 episodes = 3 trio. I love it! :D I know we will have more scenes with the Outisders but I also need the other trios: more screetime with the Harperfamily (the bowfamily?) and the Team!

I guess we will see the Batman Incorporation next week? Since we didn’t see them at all in 6 episodes. And more second season team would be great too, they only have one episode so far :(

#Young Justice #YJ reviews #watch young justice outsiders #watch young justice

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fromdirectorlanawachowski · 6 years

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Honest and Unmerciful Infinity War Thoughts

TL;DR: it was absurdly bad and marvel should be ashamed of putting this out.

I’m going to preface this by saying I freely admit I’ve had no love for the MCU ever since Iron Man 3. Their casting leaves a lot to be desired, their writing leaves a lot to be desired, their directors choices leaves a lot to be desired. Their story elements are picked up and cast aside almost immediately, like a four year old trying to play with all his Hot Wheels at once.

That said, after Homecoming, Ragnarok, and Black Panther, I felt like the series was on its way back to, if not greatness, then certainly a point where I could enjoy it again, rather than see the glaring holes where a better story could have been told by better hands.

And then Infinity War happened.

Right away the opening was a shambles. Completely renders the hope spot ending of Ragnarok moot by killing off the Asgardians, save Thor. A casual reference is made later to “Thanos killed half my people and my brother”, but unless he took prisoners, I don’t think you can survive your space ship being blown up.

Also Heimdall went out like a bitch. We’ve known for years now that they had no idea what to do with the guy who could see everything, but pinning him down so he can be stabbed five minutes in was callous.

Loki’s death was a long time coming. I enjoyed that. I’m grateful.

The Children of Thanos mumble half their lines, but they also exposit half the plot, which is an unfortunate combination. They’re also the pinnacle of locking out the casual moviegoer. If you don’t know who these people are from the comics, you won’t be told. You’ll spend two and a half hours wondering where these people came from and why we haven’t seen them sooner

Thanos ends the opening two gems up, so tension is immediately drained from the rest of the movie. We know every fight is going to be a curb stomp battle with him winning.

Another element from Ragnarok cast aside: Hulk is able to apparently turn back into Bruce, which he does immediately after falling into the Sanctum.

Wong was the best character and he was in it for five minutes (everyone else was in it for five minutes too, but his were the most memorable). I was still laughing at “I have 200 rupees so…. A buck fifty” on the car ride home.

As is par for the course with Marvel lately, no reference is made to any local heroes who might be able to help. Marvel pumps millions into its Netflix shows only to pretend they don’t exist. If I was working on them, to say I’d be insulted is an understatement.

Tony’s new nanotech suit looks like it’s made of cheap plastic, like it was a replica Iron Man suit you’d see at your local comic con.

They knew no one would see Dr. Strange, so they spent a good amount of time forcing the fact that Strange had the Time Stone into your head.

Thanos’ goons escape with Strange’s unconscious body on their flying Ringolo, with Tony in hot pursuit and Peter stuck to the side. (Peter’s sole purpose in this movie, by the way, is to parrot pop culture references because the writers can’t write women or teenagers.)

Wanda and Vision (don’t even get me started on that relationship) are hiding out in Scotland, having crazy romance and giving the audience mood whiplash since we just saw New York under fire. After they get beaten up by another pair of Thanos’ goons (or possibly the same pair, none of them are especially distinct), Steve, Nat, and Sam swoop in and rescue them, jetting off for “home”.

Which is the Avengers facility in New York, where Rhodey’s only real purpose in this movie is to remind everyone about the Accords so that Steve can march in and tell Ross the Accords don’t matter, they’ll do what’s right when the going gets tough. If he’d had the balls to do that in Civil War, we wouldn’t have had the infamous Tesco Parking Lot Fight.

The Guardians pick up Thor and we get five minutes of jokes about Rocket that got old in the first GoTG movie, and jokes about Thor that got old in the first Avengers movie.

Back on the Ringolo, Peter makes another pop culture reference and they blast the dead elf looking goon out into space and get control of the ship. They’re bound for Titan. Is it a new planet? Is it Saturn’s moon? Who knows? The plot sure doesn’t.

Gamora’s tragic backstory is expanded on incredibly briefly. I don’t think Mrs Gamora’s mom ever told her not to talk to giant purple strangers committing mass murder.

Gamora makes Quill promise to kill her, in a bit of foreshadowing shaped not unlike a brick to the face. Drax does Drax things. Much as I love him, using Drax to defuse a tense scene between Quill and Gamora is old now. Please find another use for him.

Through the Reality Stone and Benicio Del Toro in a bad wig, Thanos captures Gamora and surprise! Quill couldn’t kill her.

Was this torture scene with Nebula really necessary? Or did someone at Marvel go “I don’t think they know how much we hate women, lets have Thanos torture Nebula and then reveal to Gamora that he knew the truth all along”?

Thor, Groot, and Rocket’s adventure to Nidavellir would have been better if they didn’t give the great Peter Dinklage and Thor the ungodly exchange of

“You can’t take the full blast of the star, you’ll be killed!” “You mean I might die!?” “.....yes, that’s what ‘you’ll be killed’ means.”

Also Red Skull is here, but he’s not played by Hugo Weaving and whoever they hired to replace him can’t do an accent, so the end result is less “Oh hey it’s that guy!” and more “Is this a new person?”

Gamora’s death was cruel and unnecessary and had been telegraphed from the moment we got her tragic backstory.

The Guardians, Tony, Strange, and Peter meet up on Titan (again, Saturn’s moon or what? Who knows.). Because no one is capable of talking to each other in this movie, they fight until Quill, Tony, and Peter realize they’re all human.

Quill isn’t from Earth, he’s from Missouri, because he’s an idiot now.

Thanos appears and it’s motivation time. After ten years, surely we have something great lined up. Is it Mistress Death? Is it to unite the universe under his control? A little good old fashioned megalomania? No it’s…. Overpopulation. He wants to save the universe… from overpopulation. I will henceforth be referring to him as Evil Al Gore.

The combined Guardvengers have Evil Al Gore subdued and the gauntlet is off. I REPEAT, the gauntlet is OFF. Then Nebula realizes Gamora is dead and Quill loses it, distracting Mantis from keeping him subdued and letting him get the gauntlet back on.

The battle, nay, the WAR, was literally won until they injected a little Man Pain into the script.

Strange decides to surrender because the script told him to, and surrenders the Time Stone just like that.

In Wakanda, Shuri (god bless her) is going to try and get the stone out of Vision without killing Vision while the rest of the Stevevengers plus Bucky, T’Challa, and the Wakandans try and hold off Evil Al Gore’s goons and their army of… alien attack dogs?

Shuri, after two lines in the movie, dives off screen literally never to be seen again. A tragic waste of the best character they’ve given us in at least five years.

Wanda agrees to destroy the stone in Vision’s head, and even succeeds, until Evil Al Gore, rewinds time and reassembles it. Voila, he has all six stones, like we knew would happen two minutes into the movie.

Thor beats him up but neglected to go for anywhere that might actually stop him, so Evil Al Gore clicks his fingers and vanishes and people start to disintegrate.

They try for a little tugging at the heartstrings with Peter vanishing, but all he’s done all movie is spout pop culture at me in a borderline insulting parody of teenagers, so I’m a little glad to see him go.

Evil Al Gore retires to his retirement planet to watch the sun set, but not before a vision of baby Gamore asks him what it cost. “Everything”, apparently.

Points of note:

The movie is so overstuffed with characters that everyone is barely in it. Characters literally trip over each other for screentime and lines.

There are seldom more than five main characters in a scene at once

Thanos is so overpowered right from the start that no fight scene involving him is tense at all.

What the fuck was that villain motivation

The plot has no cohesion. Things happen because the plot mandates them, not because they make sense.

The effects are good if it’s cg elements interacting with cg elements. Once a live actor or prop is introduced, it falls apart. It’s painfully clear the budget went to the cast. Just look at Bruce in the Hulkbuster at the end

The fact Marvel has no central story team is glaringly obvious.

Nobody in this movie is in character.

Overall? 2/10. Marvel really thought that was an acceptable movie to put out after ten years.

#infinity war #infinity war spoilers #infinity war critical #don't try to tell me i'm wrong #just accept marvel has you by the purse strings and go

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vulpinesaint · 6 years

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I’m Conflicted™

Okay. So, as you may know, I love Voltron. Very much. And let me tell you another thing now- season 6 hit me like a fucking brick.

S6 spoilers ahead, by the way.

I stayed up until midnight last night, intending to just watch the first episode, fall asleep, and binge it the next day. That could very well have happened, except I’m complete trash with no self control, so catch me at three A.M., shell-shocked and texting my friend in a desperate attempt to convey all the emotions coursing through me.

I think that what I need to do is just talk my way through this season. Maybe that’ll help sort out my emotions, because I really don’t know how to feel about this season. On the one hand, my poor babies are hurting so much, but on the other hand, everything turned out okay? It’s really not good for my health, guys.

So. Episode one (disclaimer- I may not remember everything, it was kind of late).

Hunk being a total badass

Vrepit Sa is actually a really cool motto thing? Like, “the killing blow”. Dude, I would want that in my empire.

Lotor (evil fucking snake bitch that he is) has a beautiful voice and eloquence for days. I think I found love listening to his beautifully worded speech.

Shiro’s a clone. Confirmed. I mean, it’s not a good thing in itself, but it’s good to know that we were right (even if actual confirmation didn’t come until like episode six)

ON THE OTHER HAND

All this Lotura shit

We never see Lotor’s nanny again?

Lance is moping that’s no fun

Episode one wasn’t that bad. Let’s get into episode two.

Yes, Keith, she’s your mom. (also my boy is back dufsfcjbsk)

A lil’ stroll down memory lane

His dad’s accent (get ready for those texan keith jokes my dudes)

Keith and his fuckin’ pokemon (I love him so much you don’t understand)

THOSE ARE SOME WEIRD LOOKING MAGNEMITES

OR STARMIES

HAVEN’T DECIDED

SPACE WHALE

COSMIC TELEPORTING GOOD BOY

Krolia is a badass confirmed

Their little house I mean look at them they’re a family

Our boy Keith is growing up

THE ALTEANS

I thought this episode was great. No down-points.

Besides Lance being sad. We don’t like that. Poor moping honey bun.

Episode three, baby

Are you kidding me? This is such an accurate depiction of playing D&D I can’t

Shiro being the mysterious stranger in the corner

Lance is a furry but it’s okay we still love him regardless

Allura? could be? hotter? as an ‘elven’ archer?

“I want to be a paladin”

THE CORANIC DRAGON, BITCH

Inkeeper Coran.

The little 8-bit videogame theme that would play when Pidge was talking

I felt Lance’s pain checking for those traps

They have a full party? They’re so efficient?

His twin, Gyro

Shiro’s crown was 10/10 I loved it

Nope this episode was just all around wonderful

Here comes episode four. Hoo boy.

Well, Romelle is a total cutie.

Kieth is back! With space doggo! And his mom! And Romelle!

“He’s bigger, right?”

KEITHY BOY IS BACK IN THE BLACK LION

can’t think of any more good points.

Lotor is a fucking snake and a messed up little bitch. And he had such perfect hair, too...

ROMELLE DIDN’T DESERVE ANY OF THIS POOR BABE

How DARE he make Allura feel bad

That is strictly NOT allowed

HAGGAR GET OUT OF SHIRO’S HEAD

Shiro is a BETRAYER (which we knew but it hurts now)

Episode cinq (because even french hurts less than this season)

We get more Ezor screentime. And we love a queen.

Our boy Keith is leading like a queen

I mean that slingshot move though that was admirable

Just Ezor is great and that’s all I have to say on that matter

Lotor finally emotionally ambushes the right person

Keith gets his mom’s markings on his cheek

Cute memory of baby Keith in the Garrison

Now onto the negatives because they let Keith GO OFF ON HIS OWN AGAIN I MEAN HOW MANY TIMES IS HE GOING TO LEAVE

Pidge has to use the protocol which is Not Fun™

WE ALL CALLED IT SHIRO’S A FUCKING CLONE

Shiro uses mean words with Keith which is strictly outlawed

“Shiro, please. You’re my brother. I love you.” (not sure whether that’s a positive or negative soooooooo)

Prepare for many titanic jokes as soon as I’ve emotionally recovered

Episode six (is this in french or english? you’ll never know)

Allura and Lance have quality forgiveness time

Coran is still indeed an incredibly gorgeous man I mean did you see him in this episode

Powerful Girl Squad™ finally ditches Lotor for real

Coran makes a bomb out of his grandpa’s old nunvill and if that isn’t the mood of a lifetime

SHIRO NOOOOO HE DEAD HE FUCKIN DEAD

Lotor’s a fuckin furry but unlike Lance we will not forgive him

Lizard Voltron

THE SCREAMS OF ANGUISH ARE NOT GOOD

Episode seven, the finale of this torment

We didn’t have to watch the voltron sequence at the beginning

Keith is out here with a plan

Voltron gets powered tf up

Okay honestly I really liked the animation style and the writing for Lotor kind of going insane so the sharp teeth and crazy eyes are going on the positive side of things

Kaltenecker is 100% safe

Space pupper is okay

PIDGE IS STILL OUT THERE WITH THEIR SPACE FLOOFS AND THAT GIVES ME HOPE

Shiro is back and looking like an old man (and he can ba a six year old again)

Lotor does the bunny hop

NOT THE CASTLE NO

CORAN HAS TO GIVE UP THE ONE PIECE OF TRUE ALTEA AND HID GRANDFATHER’S LIFE’S WORK

EVERYONE CRIES

I PROMISED AFTER THE EPISODE WHERE PIDGE THOUGHT THAT MATT WAS DEAD THAT I’D KILL SOMEONE IF I HAD TO SEE THEM CRYING AGAIN AND HERE WE ARE

But yeah. This took a heckuva long time to do. And I’m still conflicted, but honestly? I think it was worth watching.

#voltron #allura #lance #shiro #keith #my boy #lotor #snake bitch #ezor #vld #lance is a furry #it's chill though #vld s6 spoilers #s6 #i love voltron #so much #positives #negatives #three cheers for raidiation

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delicadenza · 7 years

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The Long Way Home: On Love, Departures, and What Detroit Means to Me

(What originally started off as a little thought-seed about the Very Specific way I imagine my precanon Phichuuris turned into a grossly long-winded ramble about the nature of love???? I don’t know how to explain, omg. I’m so sorry.)

The fourth episode of Yuri!!! on Ice was a pivotal episode for me for many reasons. Prior to that my investment in the series’ early episodes was always tempered by a kind of caution—I’d been enjoying the push-and-pull between Yuuri and Victor as Yuuri struggled to come to terms with the fact that his idol had taken any degree of interest in him and Victor attempted to draw him out of his shell, and seeing the seed of what would eventually develop into a complex dynamic between him and Yuri Plisetsky, partly admiration, partly rivalry, partly a care and concern that neither of them quite knew how to express. But likewise I’d made it a point to be a little guarded—to hang back and wait until fuller character arcs for the protagonists and for the people in their world began to emerge before I gave the series my heart and soul. (I was a little scared, do you see? I didn’t want things to just turn out like another carrot-and-stick game between the shy anxious boy and the hot foreign guy he’d idolized forever who had taken a sudden and inexplicable interest in him. It didn’t help matters that at the time all the conspiracy theories floating around were that Victor was evil, or that he was dying. But anyway.)

All of that reserve flew out the window by the fourth episode, which essentially took the little hints the earlier episodes had been making at the characters’ hidden depths and cranked them up to eleven. There’s so much wonderful insight that comes out of this episode—from the by-now iconic “When I open up, he meets me where I am,” to the way Victor challenges Yuri to put together his own free skate as a way to build his confidence. The conversation they both have with Yuuri’s former coach, Celestino, is especially telling of Yuuri’s personal challenges and what he needs in order to grow: Victor asks, “Why didn’t you let Yuuri choose his own music?” to which Celestino replies that he chooses the music for his skaters unless they tell him that they’d like to pick their own. He proceeds to add that Yuuri only brought him a piece once, but that he’d gone back on it when asked if he believed he could win skating to it: “Please choose the music for me after all, Coach.”

In a sense, this conversation with his former coach reveals to Victor how past!Yuuri failed a kind of test—one that had to do with his capacity to trust his own choices—and that present!Yuuri now needs to face and surmount a similar test before he can move on. The difference is, of course, that Victor’s not going to let him give up on himself. Where Celestino withdraws and lets Yuuri fold, Victor insists on pushing. I also like how this short conversation is illustrative of the fact that, for all that it didn’t work out between them, and for all that his methods differ from Victor’s, Celestino knows Yuuri and has his best interests at heart, and understands what he needs in order to succeed, even if it’s not something he can help Yuuri with at this point.

Suffice to say that there’s a lot to like about this episode, a lot to love, but the real kicker for me came a little under ten minutes in, when Yuuri’s slumped at his desk at a loss as to what to do with his program, and he’s scrolling through his Instagram feed. He sees a friend of his is practicing in Thailand—and right then and there, he calls this friend. Yuuri, who’s anxious and overthinky and shy and has such a hard time opening up to people, just calls up this random boy from Instagram in the middle of the night, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He greets him with “Sawasdee krab.” Cue me bringing my hand to my mouth in dismay—He has a Thai friend and he’s greeting him in Thai, oh my god. I felt the axe hovering above my head about to drop.

Suffice to say that it was love at first sight for me, as far as Phichit Chulanont was concerned. From his very first appearance as a smiley image on Yuuri’s phone screen, he exudes a natural warmth and an effervescence that it’s difficult to look away from, and that have proceeded to endear him to the fandom surprisingly thoroughly for a supporting character without too much screentime/internal monologue time/poignant backstory reveal time. But more than that, it was the ease with which I saw him and Yuuri talk to each other that intrigued me, and the idea of their shared past—“Detroit’s boring now that you’re gone!” he said, and I felt the axe smash me right down into extrapolation hell, because cute former rinkmate? Cute former rinkmate whose wiki entry later told me was also a former roommate? Look at all the fanfic waiting to happen.

(Spoiler: Happen it did, and then some.)

I think one of my favorite things about fanfiction—possibly my favorite thing—is that you never start from zero. There’s a joy to be derived from building upon the foundations of a preexisting universe—taking the characters and fleshing them out in ways that canon doesn’t get to, dropping them into entirely new scenarios or even entirely new worlds, exploring “what if” scenarios. In other words, the act of filling in gaps.

I love visiting other people’s worlds to play. Add to this the fact that I’m the kind of person who enjoys thinking a lot about how our pasts shape who we eventually become, and who can get pretty obsessive about going back over my own memories with a fine-toothed comb and trying to trace how the various people I used to be might have been built, brick by brick, experience by experience, into the person I am now. So maybe it only stands to reason that I’d latch on to the idea of Yuuri’s time in Detroit, that long formative period in his life that’s talked about in canon but we never actually get to see except in the tiniest glimpses, and turn that strange obsessiveness of mine toward extrapolating the life out of it. Or, well, extrapolating the life into it, I guess I should say—making it real, trying my best to build it into a world of its own. I’ve never been to Motor City myself, but in the process of all this extrapolation I’ve looked at so many maps of the city, so many long lists of shops and restaurants, so many photos in particular of the Detroit River and of Ambassador Bridge, that it kind of makes my head spin. The imaginative exercise has made Phichit and Yuuri’s Detroit so real to me that sometimes I think I can almost smell the air. It’s honestly kind of weird when I stop and think about it, but that’s what the imagination can do if you take it and run with it.

Yuuri leaves home at eighteen, and spends the next five years in Detroit. He trains under Celestino, goes to college, makes it to his first Grand Prix Final. It’s never established in canon how many of those years he spends living with Phichit—usually I go with around two, on the assumption that Phichit moves to the US at eighteen, as Yuuri does, though this varies depending on who you ask—and how they come to be such good friends, different as they are. In other words, lots of gaps to fill in. Lots of room to play, and to extrapolate.

In the Detroit that I imagine, Yuuri and Phichit go to school and train together. They do the groceries and the laundry. They explore the city. They get hamsters. Somewhere in the middle of everything, Phichit gets his driver’s license, which means long late-night drives in Celestino’s car. Sometimes they go to parties. Sometimes they dance. They eat and watch TV and clean up their apartment and study together, and eventually they push their beds together so they can sleep next to each other too. Probably in that shared space they talk more and more deeply with each other than they ever have with anyone else. (Needless to say I was happy beyond words to see that little flashback in episode 11, where Phichit tells Yuuri about his dream to skate to “Shall We Skate?” at a major competition, and how important it is that Yuuri be there too when it finally happens. Needless to say at least three friends who saw it before I did were kind enough to tweet me a warning that the episode was going to kick my ass. Shout-out to my friends. I love my friends.)

In my imagination, all of this leads to them falling in love, though weirdly enough that’s almost beside the point—secondary to the fact that, somehow, they come to love each other. More on the difference between those two things in a bit.

Yuuri tanks at the Grand Prix Final in December. He returns home to Hasetsu in March of the following year. In the intervening months you can imagine him as caught in a kind of downward spiral—how depressed he must be from what he imagines is the worst performance of his life, how lost he probably feels. The competitive season has ended early for him, and he’s right about to finish his college degree, so in a lot of ways he’s at a crossroads, and there are a lot of things he’s unsure about. Should he leave Detroit or stay? Should he keep skating, or start trying to imagine a life where he does something different? Can he see himself taking over the family business, even?

What little we learn from canon about Yuuri’s eventual decision to leave Detroit is zeroed-in on Yuuri to the exclusion of everything else. All we know is that he doesn’t think that what he’s doing is working anymore, so the only decision that makes sense to him in this time of intense personal crisis is to seek a change of scenery. We learn that he’s trying to recover the love for skating that he’s somehow lost along the way, and the way he’s decided to do it is to make his way back to his origins. We see him return to Hasetsu, his hometown, and skate Victor’s “Stay Close to Me” program for his childhood friend Yuuko, a nod back to when they were little and fell in love with skating copying Victor’s iconic performances. We’re not told anything about what he’s chosen to walk away from, what he’s decided to leave behind.

Detroit City is one of those things. Celestino is one of those things, as is Phichit, as is the skating club they practice at, and the place where they live, and the hamsters. And it’s possible from here to spin out versions of this story that are sad and painful and poignant especially with regard to Phichit’s place in this quite complicated order of things—to look at it from bittersweet pining Phichit angles and I’m-sad-I-couldn’t-help-you-love-skating-again angles and I-know-you-don’t-love-me-like-I-love-you angles, and from here it makes sense that in some imaginative spaces this develops into a deep undercurrent of helpless sadness that those Phichits carry with them into the canon timeline, sometimes past it, sometimes forever. And I get the place those Phichits grow from, I do. I know what it’s like to love someone you’re scared you can’t help because you don’t completely understand what they’re going through, and how easy it is to feel like you failed them, and to carry that with you so long it starts to feel like part of you—but that’s another story for another time, and the bottom line is that, with all the respect due the imaginations of others, my particular imagination always gives me back something different.

My imagination hits a wall whenever it tries to imagine Phichit wishing that Yuuri might stay when he knows he’s not happy, or that he isn’t growing. I can’t see Phichit looking at Yuuri and feeling like he’s the one that got away. In some versions of this story, sad!Phichit exists, but mine isn’t one of them. It can’t be, just because my imagination—the tiny, not-so-significant-for-all-its-obsessive-extrapolations little theater of my mind—doesn’t play it out that way for me. I’ve already told you that I’ve watched them fall in love; now I see them not so much fall out of love as decide that it might not be good for them to be in love anymore if they’re going to be apart in such a big way, and that this decision is just one of the many things Yuuri has to set in order if he’s going to go home. And he needs to go home, if he’s going to move forward with his life. I’d like to imagine that, not only does Phichit know this, but he commits wholeheartedly to helping him. Because, any way you want to slice it, he loves him.

Phichit knows that Yuuri needs to go—and yes, this knowledge is a sad thing, but that’s not all it is. I want to think it’s also a decision that makes sense to him. For one, he’s a skater himself and knows how ephemeral their existence as professional athletes is and how tumultuous lifestyle setups can be when your craft necessitates you shuttle back and forth all over the world. In addition to that, though, there are certain things I imagine someone like him—someone who by every token seems to be such a giver, such an emotionally generous and caring and other-directed person—would probably understand about the nature of love.

It’s easy to see the act of letting someone go, of ending a relationship, as essentially black and white. If you really loved this person, you would never have left them, or if you can’t make someone you love stay with you, then you’ve failed them and yourself. But the thing is, a lot of the time it’s not like that. It’s entirely possible to love someone a lot and still need to recognize that your time together has run its course, at least for now. It’s a loss that needs to be grieved, for sure, and it can feel like your whole world has been turned on its head because suddenly you’re missing an important presence, so many routines have fallen through, certain places look weird to visit now without them beside you. I know.

But the sad thing about getting stuck on what-might-have-beens and if-onlys is that you miss the possibility of something good coming out of that necessary separation—which you probably can’t think of at all in that moment, I know. It’s hard. Sometimes you can’t even imagine what life would be like after you let someone go, because naturally human beings find comfort in consistency, resist change because the unknown is frightening. If you let someone go, how can you be sure you’ll ever reencounter each other? How do you know you’ll ever be happy again?

On the flipside of that, we talk all the time about how love is wanting the best for the other person. I think what we talk about less often is that part and parcel of wanting the best for someone you love is giving up control over them and their decisions—trusting the other person to know what’s best for themselves, to do what’s best, to make their way back to you eventually in the ways that are best. Or maybe not, if life happens and leads them so far away it doesn’t make sense to reconnect; that’s the risk you take. But if you do find your way back to each other, after you’ve had the chance to be apart and grow up a little bit and become essentially new versions of yourselves, how can the chance to pick up again be anything but a gift?

There’s a very specific nuance here to the act of letting go. It needs to be total. You don’t let go halfheartedly, while still partially clinging, still wanting to hold on. You don’t let go kind of hoping to be vindicated somehow for your selflessness. You let go with grace, in good faith, and trust the process that may or may not bring you and the one you love back around. (The feelings are running high at the moment, so let me pass you briefly to Maya Angelou, one of my favorite poets, who captures the idea of true unconditionality better than I ever could: “I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.’” The last words are gratitude and acceptance. That imperative she ends on is really, really important. She said Go.)

One of the things that makes Yuuri such a compelling protagonist is that all throughout his narrative the biggest, most frightening, most important struggles are against himself. His greatest battle is the battle to recognize himself as a person of worth, and so much of that has to do with how he learns to recognize love—to recognize himself not just as someone who’s capable of immense love but as someone who is loved. It’s a battle you see him begin to win in (again!) episode four—which practically deserves an Oscar just on its own, IMO—and it’s a thing of joy to see him work at it, sometimes mastering his demons, sometimes folding under them, but always coming back a little stronger each time.

It can be terrifying, paralyzing to realize that you are loved. Often it makes people push others away—don’t look at me, don’t care for me, I’m not worth your time or attention, direct it at someone or something more worthy—but I like to think it can be inspiring too, and that there’s so much strength to be gained from resting securely in the love of others. And I don’t mean this in the sense that you have to constantly depend on others to build you up because you can’t do it for yourself; rather that sometimes it’s enough to recognize that you’re not alone, to draw strength from that and to become, in turn, a more loving person. Yuuri starts off utterly unable to imagine what Victor sees in him—which, if you think about it, dovetails entirely too well with his difficulties with accepting support from anyone else in his life—but everything is changed by the fact that Victor insists, continuously, that it doesn’t matter. He won’t be beaten down by Yuuri’s stubbornly deep-rooted poor opinion of himself. Instead, it becomes a challenge: Try to see in yourself what I see in you. Try. Try your hardest. Use your imagination.

I haven’t spoken a lot about Victor in this rambly, weirdly convoluted little essay, I realize. Part of it is because I never quite feel like I need to—so many wonderful things have already been said about his and Yuuri’s relationship, and about how important they are to each other’s journeys toward becoming more loving people and learning to own what they do and who they are. Part of it is also because I’m looking at him right now as a link—albeit a singularly important one—in a chain of events that precedes his and Yuuri’s relationship and spirals incessantly beyond it. And that’s one other really wonderful thing about love, I think—that love in the true sense doesn’t close the world. Instead, it opens up the world; it makes everything look more whole.

In light of all these things, I find it so compelling that so much of what Yuuri learns, through Victor and everyone else, is retrospective—that not only is he loved and supported and believed in now, but that he always has been. Victor helps him see something that’s existed all along—that love has passed from person to person and from place to place and that never for a moment has Yuuri been without it. For one reason or another he hasn’t always felt it, recognized it for what it was—anxiety, terror, the impossible standards to which he holds himself—but it’s an idea we see him grow into little by little, with help. And by the end, when he’s running down the sidewalk in St. Petersburg toward Yuri and Victor and thinking “We call everything on the ice ‘love,’” he knows. Suddenly it makes sense now how everything that came before had a hand in bringing all of us here to each other; suddenly it makes sense that all of us are meeting here, where we are.

Let me wax extra self-indulgent for a bit and talk about one imaginary scene I always go back to whenever I think about Yuuri and Phichit. Whenever I think about Yuuri leaving Detroit, I always think about Phichit taking him to the airport. Twice now I’ve written out that scene in a fic, Phichit behind the wheel of Celestino’s car (legally borrowed, this time, because it’s an Important Day), Yuuri in the passenger’s seat playing the music as he’s done on so many similar drives that I’ve imagined. Except this drive is a little different, because it’s the last for the foreseeable future. They see the end coming; they’re moving together towards it.

It took me a while to figure it out well enough to get it down in words (instead of, you know, emotional keysmashing) but now I know why I always imagine things this way. I understand why I need to put Phichit where I do, right on the knife’s edge of that departure, carrying him all the way to the last possible moment before the separation happens. I think at the heart of things it’s me trying to emphasize something to myself about goodbyes—that yes, they’re sad, and they hurt, and for a long time you’ll inevitably miss the person or place or thing you’ve let go of. Sometimes deeply, sometimes for a long time, like an arm or a leg or a chunk of your heart. Of course you will. But then I think about Phichit and Yuuri in that moment I imagine, idling in the airport driveway—and part of my mind is already flashing forward some months later, to that first Skype call and Phichit’s smiling face on Yuuri’s phone screen, forward still to Beijing and Phichit turning up by chance in the very hotpot place Yuuri and Victor have decided to eat at—and I can’t help wanting to believe that that’s not all there is.

I want to imagine Phichit smiling at Yuuri across the car, maybe squeezing his hand for courage and good luck. I want to imagine in that moment things are as simple as they’ve always been between them—that while it’s not easy, because departures never are, these two silly boys rest secure in the knowledge that they’ll always have each other even when they’re not side by side, that it won’t be impossible to pick up again anytime they get the chance to. That’s how much I want to believe they trust each other, how important they are to each other—and how much I want to think that holds, no matter where they go and what they choose to do.

A couple of days ago a friend of mine pointed out that in Japanese the expressions mata ashita and mata ne, which mean see you again, are so much more common than sayonara, which signals a more permanent, or at least a more long-lasting kind of goodbye. I think about how in my native Tagalog the word for goodbye—paalam—has its roots in the verb alam, which means “to know.” When you say goodbye to someone—pamamaalam—you’re letting them know something, and somehow in my imagination that act of telling someone that you’ll be leaving works to make the absent person even more present. Weirdly enough it helps me remember the idea of returns.

I love these boys too much—and I want to believe that they love each other too much—to keep them stuck on the idea that they’re losing each other. (Is such a thing is even possible?) I much prefer to put them in the space of “see you again,” of “catch you when I do,” like it’s not a big deal at all, even if at the same time it is. Imagine Phichit laughing and saying, “Text me when you get home,” which is something most of us have said to our friends at one point or another before parting. Never mind that home is across the sea, on the other side of the world, fourteen hours away. Imagine how strongly he’d need to believe that the two of them have the power to collapse that distance, make it feel like nothing. Imagine that Yuuri, for all the things he’s afraid of in that moment, kind of believes it too.

There’s a tiny amount of actual footage from the show to go on, so maybe I’m making mountains out of molehills here, but from the very first moment I ever saw Yuuri and Phichit interact, I’ve been struck by how simple things seem to be between them. I love that. I love that it’s uncomplicated, that the only way they seem to know how to be with each other is just tender and joyful and pure. I really love the idea that it’s possible to be that way with someone that you may have loved differently in the past, and that you can acknowledge how important it was to you without necessarily wanting to bring it back again, because that would take away from the integrity of what you share now. And while you can remember the then as something beautiful, so is the now in its own way—and that it’s okay, you’re here, you can be happy now with what you have.

Even if you don’t imagine them as having been in love before, look at how present with each other these two are, in the instances that they have to reconnect. They’ve been apart and come back together, attentive to how much they’ve grown but also to how little certain aspects of their relationship have changed. One of them can call the other in the middle of the night and greet him in his native language, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. They smile at each other on the phone. They bump into each other in a foreign country and sit down, organically, for hotpot. They allow themselves to be proud of each other, to cheer each other on in competition: He’s giving everything he has to this season, too.

In all instances, they’re still them, only grown-up enough now to stay in each other’s lives by choice. That’s what holds, regardless of where they end up or what they do or how much time passes in between. The next time I catch up with you, we’ll probably be totally new people, but I know that over and above everything else these moments are a chance to rediscover you, again and again. Even with the people you know best in the world there’s always something new to learn—and I choose to keep learning. That’s how much you mean to me.

I don’t want this to be a utopic scenario, something that’s thought of as unrealistic or too good to be true. It’s real and it can happen, and it’s worth all the work.

The tenth episode shows us a pair of photos of Phichit and Yuuri at the Detroit Skating Club, taken at an unidentified point in their shared past. The first is a selfie at the entrance, where they have their thumbs up, and they’re laughing. The second is of them posing on the bleachers while Celestino sits in the background, looking away, thoroughly unamused.

I look at Yuuri in these pictures—take in his smile and his silliness and how comfortable he looks in his own skin—and I can’t bring myself to think of those days as any less real than the days leading up to his departure. It’s easy to conceive of Detroit as the place Yuuri chooses to walk away from, the place he needs to leave so his story can begin. But it’s also a place with stories of its own, and even if canon never reveals them to us, it’s not difficult to imagine the ways Yuuri himself is touched by them even as he moves on.

I think this could be true for him as it’s probably true for many of us: you need Detroit to make it, in the end, to St. Petersburg, that wonderful faraway ending-place that you probably thought existed only in your dreams. You may not be in Detroit anymore, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it was a false start or a waste of time, or that it was never important—in fact, it’s precisely because you aren’t there now that you can maybe now begin to comprehend what it did for you, looking back over your shoulder in memory at all the places you’ve been and seeing with a clarity you didn’t have before just how far you’ve come from where and who you used to be.

On the one hand, of course you remember how hard things used to be. But maybe, just maybe, as you sift through all the things you remember, you’ll find that in more instances than you might originally have thought, you were happy too.

You don’t need to go back to Detroit, even. In a way, you never left—you carry that truth with you. You were happy then. You are happy now. All of it is real.

#phichit chulanont #katsuki yuuri #yuri on ice #phichit x yuuri #yoi meta #i guess???#i actually have no idea what this is #whatever it is i'm so sorry for inflicting it upon you #there are way too many words in this monster #and way too many feelings #don't look at me #meg rambles #headcanon #phichuuri

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