#The amount of trash dumped here makes me sad tho :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

multiplefandomsblog · 3 years

Note

your roommate hcs are so cute, can i request for naib, demi, tracy, andrew, kurt, patricia, and victor?

:0 holy crap yes! I’m so glad you enjoyed the roommate hcs!! Me and the other mods hope you enjoy these! Thank you for requesting :))

(i added melly because why not? lmao hope you don’t mind.)

Part 1!

Naib Subedar

This man deadass didn’t know you were living with him

Even when people told him about it, he wasn’t rlly paying attention and didn’t rlly care

Your stuff in his room? He thought it was his or someone just broke into his room and left it there

When he saw you on the toilet however, he just freaked out.

“Why the hell are you shitting in my room!?” “Your room? I’ve been living here for 2 months!”

Once he found out you lived with him, he made sure you knew what was his and what was yours

also, since he’s very protective of his things-- you being one of them-- he would totally get jealous if he caught you tallking to someone that wasn’t him.

he would probably give you the silent treatment and act like a pissy baby

He hates it when you touch his stuff

especially his photos, the photos were special to him because they were of him and his army friends.

You’d sometimes catch him looking at the photos with a longing in his eyes, it was highkey sad.

having you live with him meant lots and lots of training

he made sure you were always prepared for matches and that you don’t get downed early

when you got downed early however, He would scold you but he would still rescue you anyways because he’s soft

“You’re such an idiot, you’d better do better next time! Or else I’ll kick your ass.”

one time he got cocky while kiting because you were watching him

he forgot to turn on his elbow pads and face palmed into the wall.

“...You saw nothing.” He turned around, a bit woozy from hitting his head on a wall. He flipped the hunter off before stumbling wooshing away

When you first get to know naib, he’d probably come off as intimidating and menacing

but once you get to know him--the real him--, you start to understand that even though he may be tough on you, its because he wants you to be the best

he has good intentions

During matches he’d let you handle yourself and made sure you didn’t rely on him too much

One time you needed to shower but you ran out of your shampoo so you used his.

When he questioned you, you simply responded “What? You don’t need it anyways, you’re bald!”

He didn’t rescue you the next round.

should’ve seen that coming

though he forgives you when you braid his luscious long existent hair for him

Kurt Frank

The amount of times you almost stepped on this man is astronomical.

he would constantly be in his tiny form because he would lose a lot of his things

his tiny form helped him find his things easily

Though when you first moved in with him, you had no idea what his ability was

so when you first saw a tiny version of your roommate you thought he was just a weird doll

until you heard him say a tiny, “Hey can you move your ginORMOUS foot? You’re stepping on my book.”

You fucking screeched and took off your shoe to try and kill him

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

After he explained to you about his ability you calmed down a bit and spared this tiny man but only this time!

Frank loves books, he probably filled your shared rooms with stacks on stacks of books

You’d often see him tiny, waving at you while you’re decoding

Once you overhead Kurt arguing with First Officer over who was the rightful owner of some sort of treasure map

They fought for days,

kurt would constantly complain about it to you

turns out it was just a game on the back of a Cereal box.

sorry this is short like kurt

Tracy Reznik

Would be a little awkward at first, but the awkwardness slowly fades away when you both make bad jokes

she gives me childhood best friend vibes

Has her doll sitting in the corner of your shared room room, it’s lifeless eyes scare the living shit out of you in the dark you try not to make eye contact, afraid it’ll curse you or smth

if she was mad at you she would move the bot in a way that looked like it was flipping you off you off in your direction before you went to bed.

Always making little robot things that are super fun to play with

Loves sharing her things. Has no problem with it

you wanna wear her clothes? sure

you want to wear her underwear? evEN BETTER-

Pulling all nighters, trying to get her machines to work like how she wanted it to work.

Would live off of kraft Mac n cheese and junk food in the modern day

Pretty hyper, chugs pink monster energy drinks while pulling all nighters, also, in the modern day

would probably be a bruh girl

Her room is a mess, covered with blueprints and scrap metal

her room is practically a safety hazard

Sometimes she dresses her doll up a bit, putting wigs or her old clothes on it (which scares you half to death)

Once she made her doll dress up like her

and you almost went up to it to ask what it wanted for dinner.

Has a photo of her and her dad

You never wanted to bring it up, worried it might make her upset :(

Sometimes she’d feel really guilty about being downed in the first 30 seconds

please comfort her, she feels super bad

She always relies on you to rescue her

She gets really happy and thankful when you body block for her but she still gets a bit concerned when you do it randomly

“i wasn’t even kiting-” “Protecc the mecc.”

Demi Bourbon

Always out at the bar

Smells like alcohol constantly

tipsy 24/7

she’s never 100% sober

You have to hold her hair out of her face when she comes back to your shared room to hurl

Likes bringing back hard vodka or weird flavoured alcohols back for you guys to get wasted try together

Room is bit cluttered, but she doesn’t have much in her room since she’s always out in bars or matches

Usually latches onto you like a parasite when she’s drunk.

it gets a bit awkward when her face is a bit close to yours,

“Are we about to kiss right now-? BLeurghgrhgherrgh.”“...*audible sigh*”

You’d go to her expecting her to heal you like a normal person but no

instead she shoves dovlin down your throat

She likes to do your makeup, and always adds a matching beauty mark

unless you don’t wear makeup, then she’d ask you to do hers

always loves how she looks afterwards

more than sometimes demi would get into bar fights,

so you know she’s about to throw hands when she starts takes off her earrings-

10/10 would fight for you <3

She’s gives me cool wine aunt vibes

Probably a lesbian too (check out our Demi smut fic ;))

Or bi, idk

Just straightn’t

She’s really good at hyping you up, especially when you’re taking shots

“CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG-”

Andrew Kreiss

Would be very shy at first, opens up a little when you get to know him

Totally a night owl, can’t sleep at night from all the guilt and “what if’”s

if you see this baby awake at night, hug him, he really needs it

You’ve never seen the other side of his face

How does he see with hair in his eyes?

He’s albino, which is super dope

Sometime you fear he’s thinking about burying you

You always see him thwacking Luca with his shovel

Barely talks

Room is moderate

He doesn’t want you to find out too much about him

He may seem bland, but he loves sweet food

You’d bake him cookies and other sweets

He’d act as if he’s not embarrassed and brush it off

“Are you blushing?”“No, I-I’m sunburnt.” “On your face?” “....I stare into the hot red sun sometimes because it eases me.”

to keep his lie going, every time he catches you staring at him he would fry his eye balls by staring into the sun until you left

partially the reason why he can’t see well

When he’s not looking, you stare at him while he’s eating the stuff you made because he looks so happy :’)

One time you found him down in the dumps so you made him a cup of coffee, and when you handed it to him you said-

“Depresso espresso?”

*sniff* ”..are you oka-” “IM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE”

he actually cried

it was such a nice gesture(?), that he started ugly crying

You’d ask him if he wanted hugs during matches when you see him get stressed

He’d be flushed and kinda confused

hug... him? why tho lmao

he’d definitely agree tho, to be fair, with some hesitation

if y’all ever cuddled in bed, i feel like he’d be a little spoon

poor boy needs the comfort, he wouldn’t mind if you wanted to be little spoon tho

he just wants to be close to you

Victor Grantz

You love playing with his dog, Wick

Super nice and polite, but a little guarded

The type to be too afraid to call people out when they do something wrong but would totally trash them in his head

You write him little letters everyday and leave them on his bed to make him happy :))

He’d a be a little spoon

Wick would always join you guys while cuddling

Kisses would be soft and gentle

Usually sends you the first letter in matches

Loves to cuddle

He bb 🥰

You always get him a birthday present AND a Christmas present

You also get a gift for Wick

He loves giving you surprise hugs

Likes to read with you while cuddling

Literally a cinnamon roll

Once he was eating a cinnamon roll

And you whispered

“C a n n i b a l i s m .”

He was very confused

and kind of scared- were you going to eat him?

Patricia Dorval

Room always smells like herbs

She could literally smoke weed and you’d think it’s some magical healing herb

it magically makes you feel better

Always there to stun the hunter when you’re ballooned

The mature one

Her room is organized, with boxes labeling what herbs and magic stuff that are in them

You were cooking dinner for the day and you accidentally used one of her fancy herbs in your soup

She didn’t realize until she tried the soup

She wasn’t mad just disappointed

She lectured you on how you shouldn’t touch her stuff or use it for cooking

Gotta admit tho, the soup was pretty good

she acts like the mom everyone wishes they had

totally the type to be like, “dude we should think this through.” before doing something risky

and then five seconds later, “cowABUNGA MY DUDES”

one time she caught kreacher leaving the mens washroom without washing his hands

seeing as she was the mother of this manor, she had to protect her children from diseases

so she yeeted her monkey skull at kreachers head, cleanly knocking him out

and everybody cheered.

Melly Plinius

When you heard melly was going to be your roomie, you couldn’t have been more excited.

you finally had a victim for the many insect pick up lines!

So you decided to make some good first impressions by waiting for her in your room.

so when she arrived to your room and greeted you, you happily greeted her back, and slipped in the pick up line.

“Hello, my name is Melly. I believe I will be your ro-?”“Yeah nice to meet you too, say, what do bees make?”

She kinda thought you were a bit rude so much for first impressions

“...Erm, honey?” she replied hesitantly

“YES DEAR?”

... okay maybe you weren’t thaaaat bad.

after that she kind of developed a teensy crush on you

so it was hard living with you because of her crush, since she was constantly flustered

you loved her reactions, she constantly got red.

it was funny watching her try to keep her cool and fail.

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anti-tony-god · 5 years

Text

(Sorry kinda long) Cass Cain!! I love her! She has her own series: Batgirl (2000)! The problem is Cass’s education was neglected, so she doesn’t know anything at first. Then she gets magicked and knows words, but can’t speak. Then she can speak, but in broken English. She can’t read either, even pretty far in. I am iffy on Bruce’s part because he sucks and reteaches her to fight, he’s her adopted father but uhh this is before that and while he does worry for her like all his protégés it feels a bit like white knight to me (mostly cause I hate Bruce and Cass should be able to kick his ass at any point in time). Barbara Gordon takes her in, too. Idk if that’s a turn off for you. Shes like 16 so she needs someone looking after her anyway.

I’m going to warn you the art is…… well someone definitely drew that. But it gets better further in. Onyx Adams is there and doing amazing!! Cute Cass/Steph moments!! The end is disappointing and the amount to black villains has me a bit concerned but it’s not 100% and there are black good guys so I’m not going to throw down the racist card.

#30-32 has Connor Hawke in it

Kinda bloody. Suicide, murder, the works. Cass can really kick butt and she’s super sweet but she lets Bruce get in her head when she should be letting Barbara in instead. I actually don’t mind that part, it’s kind of interesting to see even if it does make me mad.

The thing I do absolutely love about her is that she speaks in movement, which is poetic and beautiful. I just wish there was more of it. She had a rough growing up and finally got the family she deserves (except Bruce he sucks). I hate that they make reading body language a power or secret weapon of some sort that can be taken away. I’d have loved it if they kept that.

Batgirl (2008) starts off rough, the other batfam members start off acting like dicks, I know that the first intro of a character makes me judge them afterwards (why I hate black widow) so idk if you think that’ll ruin them for you. She still speaks brokenly but it’s revealed she took an esl class, so it’s better. This is definitely something you read if you want to see more Cass, you run into a bunch of characters but don’t get into her as a person enough except for that part she gets a bf. It’s Cass on a deeper level (talking about her trauma, seeing her sister). She is on a mission and it shows. 2000 is a lot lighter, not as serious.

2009? Cass upgrades to her ultimate form and says fuck Bruce Wayne and then leaves. Unfortunately, that’s the most you’ll get from her. Stephanie Brown (blonde white girl) then becomes batgirl. Which, now that I think about it, is kinda fucked up.

Don’t read any batgirls past that, it’s Barbie Gordon and she sucks (I will find you)

Here’s a rec list for her if you still want to see stuff on her, she probably speaks brokenly (really brokenly or somewhat brokenly depends on the time) or not at all in them. She didn’t have any speech problems in batgirl: convergence but Steph is batgirl in that, she’s black bat. In rebirth she’s known as ‘orphan’ which is worse than ‘signal’ so uhh I don’t know shit about that and never will. Also she respects Batman which is sad :( https://fyeahcassandracain.tumblr.com/recs

Don’t read One Year Later

Connor Hawke!! Oooo I hate Oliver Queen and you will see why but Connor? Connor is my baby!! But all black DC characters are because I’m black and I said so.

He originally had a temper (“angry black man” but also Uhhh Oliver Queen’s son) he was picked on as a kid since he’s mixed (¼ Korean, ¼ black, ½ white) he has the occasional white washing too. His mom would kick your ass if you started making fun of him.

Nothing else I can think of I don’t read him much, sorry

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/95199039664/where-to-start-reading-connor-hawke-lets-first/amp

Ok I did Connor Hawke: Dragon’s Blood and don’t fucking read it he’s whitewashed in the first part then kissed his fucking half-brother’s mom noooooo

People like Connor and Kyle Rayner together plus it’s outside of the Arrow Fam so none of that shit will pop up probably (hopefully) they don’t have a run together but I did run into them a couple of times, they’re so cute!!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/156635510974/kyle-raynerconnor-hawke-recommended-issues/amp

I’m kinda traumatized so no I will not sample any of those for you. Also he respects Oliver which is sad :(

Duke Thomas!! I did like the little glimpses of Duke I got before he moved from background to foreground, but I never read him much. 1. Because I hate Bruce (BATMAN & the signal) 2. Because his new name sucks if they just called him Lark like everyone was voting for I would maybe do it 3. Because it was new 52 and I couldn’t care less about Robin War

I am curious about Duke too tho, I will never read Robin War (nothing immoral about it I don’t think, I just don’t give a shit and it sounds boring also respect for Batman which is sad) but I did get into Batman & The Signal

Writer attempts to console the audience about having too many batfam members while showing us said batfam members, one (or two if you count nightwing) of which is whitewashed, another that is ablewashed, and the PoC and Jewish ones are put in the corner (but to be fair, they’re trying to center the more popular ones and THATS why I hate this fuckin fandom).

I’m going to choke this writer, speech bubbles and boxes are two different things I don’t care if he’s talking to both the audience & the people around him it’s confusing and I hate it how am I supposed to know when it’s in his head or not

“No good names left” I’m so mad there are so many birds that exist do you even know how disappointing it is to hear Duke is getting to be part of the batfam everyone’s so exciting making stuff up for him “oh Lark this Lark that” and then his name is fucking SIGNAL what’s he do make bird calls whenever the bad guy is outside??? “Oh uhhh there’s crime Duke hit the button for the batsignal” fucking SIGNAL

Him trying to figure out his powers is boring as hell I DON’T CARE literally “Jason Todd Death Joke” “Someone Gets His Name Wrong” “I’m A Mystery” “I’m The New Guy” this writing is so lazy ahhhh

Black “blue” dude with a big ass nose that’s the bad guy

I got bored again and skipped panels then found a disabled Asian woman, I am interested again… Wow I want a comic on her she’s more interesting than Duke lmao

I SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IF ITS REDEEMABLE AND SEE A WHITE WOMAN WITH DREADS BYE “but it’s ok ‘cause she’s part robot or whatever” I’m not reading anymore especially since Barbie is there probably preying on another young black guy to not be racist with

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/155680034759/where-to-start-reading-duke-thomas-his-first/amp

Rec list, he’s mostly in batman sorry fam *F* also he respects Batman which is sad :(

If you decide to stay away from batfam please take me with you

If you decide to stay away from DC PLEASEEEEE take me

I should probably explain this since I keep throwing it onto you without explaining what it is Barbie Gordon: Barbara Gordon (second batgirl, most popular) was attacked by the joker and was paralyzed from the waist down. This was an extremely sexist comic that was complained about by all sorts of straight white able-bodied feminists even after DC turned that trash-fire into a glorious fireworks display

She was amazing as Oracle! She was a genius, badass, wheelchair-bound asskicker!! Even the justice league wanted her!! She was so reliable and strong mentally, physically, and emotionally! She was one of the only people to step up during No Man’s Land! She took in Cass and didn’t give up on her when she took Bruce’s stupid advice over her wisdom! And she lost her respect for Bruce which is great! She had more respect as Oracle than she could ever dream of as batgirl. She realized Bruce was bitch and became twice the man he could ever be. She didn’t let that moment define her, and she decided she wouldn’t let anyone hold her back anymore. She didn’t have Bruce’s “huh they look like they can beat someone down hard 🤔🤔🤔” view of worth, she saw people as they were and did what she could to help them improve. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

But with enough whiny bitches DC will do anything, and Barbara was given back her legs, her respect for Bruce, and her wisdom while also gaining a black boyfriend that had no business being there (MY Luke??? I appreciate the bowtie pics but FUCK YOU) that she would soon dump for her light-skinned ex, and a victim complex.

She lost both her dignity and everything great about her.

No one hates Barbie more than me. No one. If I find out that you even glimpsed at her I will hunt you down.

Also recently they made a new Oracle, since she mostly deals with computers it’s sort of a robot thing and it’s STILL FUCKING ABLE BODIED THE POINT FEW PAST THEM AT A THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR

THE MADDEST I’VE EVER BEEN

–

Thank you so much for all this! Idk what a lot of it means since ive literally never read a dc comic but ill keep it in mind when I start reading!!

#dc #long post #suicide mention #submission #save

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legless-karamatsu · 7 years

Text

I Wrote An Eight-Page Story About Legless Karamatsu, You're Welcome World

A loud scream tore through the Matsuno household.

“My eeeyeeeeesss!!!”

There was a sound not particularly unlike a sextuplet evaporating into thin air; then, silence.

Todomatsu looked up from his smartphone, then looked down.

Jyuushimatsu continued batting practice in the corner, completely unperturbed.

Osomatsu continued to flick through channels on the TV.

Choromatsu peered over from the top of some short-lived idol’s photobook…

“HEY! Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that?!”

The photobook fell from his hand, falling in the trash can (where it belonged).

“Hey, when you wave your arms like that it kills the reception, y’know?” Osomatsu looked up long enough to push Choromatsu’s shifting self-awareness out of the way; with that, the TV sprang back to life and picked up some daytime talk show.

“That’s not the problem here!”

“You’re right, it’s not,” Todomatsu piped up.

“See? So don’t you think—“

“The problem is that daytime TV is garbage, and you can find better content on any streaming site these days.” He smiled sweetly. “But you would know that if you cared to keep up with modern trends. That’s why one day, I’m going to—”

“Yeah, I think I’d rather listen to that than that.” Osomatsu turned away from his youngest brother as his rant grew more fervent. “So, what’s wrong with something that sounded like Ichimatsu screaming and then disappearing into a pile of ash?”

“What’s wrong with it? What isn’t?! Where did that scream come from—why—and—“ Choromatsu stopped for breath. “It wasn’t a pile of ash. That was very clearly the sound of ‘a sextuplet evaporating into thin air.’ Meaning, there’s nothing. Left.”

“Give ‘im a few hours; he’ll shake it off.”

“Brotheeeeers~” A voice called in heavily accented English. “Where are yooooouuuu?”

A scare chord sounded from somewhere.

“Totty, change that stupid ringtone!”

“Karamatsu, is that you?” Jyuushimatsu rested the tip of the bat on the floor. “Oh, are you going to pachinko again? Except, don’t worry, I won’t—“

“Just a minute!” Choromatsu said. “Jyuushimatsu, shut up!!”

“Y tho?”

“Think about it! We…this could be a murder!”

“A murder?” Bright lights emitted from Osomatsu, and the brothers turned their eyes away as his clothes fell off (seriously, no one wanted to see that—no, wait, fangirls, please stop—I mean, come on, he’s a muppet—all right, fine, so some of you probably wanted to see it, but I’m going to kinkshame you all the way through this part) well actually one brother who shall remain unnamed for his protection looked upon Osomatsu’s naked glory, but seriously there was nothing to see the show censors everything because broadcast standards anyway you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

He reappeared in his Calming Detective outfit.

“Well, if that’s the case, why didn’t you say—“

“Jyuushimatsu-niisan…” Todomatsu placed a hand on his older brother’s shoulder soberly. “Do you think you can hit a home run with Osomatsu-niisan’s head?”

“Yup!”

Seconds later, Osomatsu lay unconscious on the floor, a conspicuous amount of blood streaming from his head.

“Nice; try to hit it clean off next time.” Todomatsu cheered.

“Brooootheeeers~ I know you’re in theeeree~” Karamatsu’s voice called, closer than before.

“I have a wonderful surprise for all of you, brothers.”

“Anyway!” Choromatsu cut in above all the horror movie nonsense, trying to steer this ship unsuccessfully back into mystery territory. “Think about it! Mom and Dad are out getting groceries.”

“They are?”

“YES! Because plot contrivances like that always pop up when you most expect it! Which means—” He pointed; it felt only necessary at this juncture. “Which means—Karamatsu has to the killer!”

The room fell silent.

Unfortunately, it was not due to shock and awe from Choromatsu’s excellent deduction.

“Umm, niisan,” Todomatsu interjected. “Even Osomatsu-niisan could have figured it out from the ‘Broothers, where are you’ stuff.”

“I—I mean, that’s true, but—“

They all jumped as a knock sounded on the door.

“Brooooothers…why won’t you open the door?”

“He found us!” Choromatsu screamed. “We’re all doomed!”

“Um, right. He knew where we were for a while now.” Todomatsu sighed. “Well, there’s only one thing to do…”

He picked up Osomatsu’s hand and began to drag him across the floor.

“Totty—what are you—“

“Sacrificing Osomatsu-niisan for the greater good. He’s the oldest one, after all; he’s doing a heroic deed for all us younger siblings. How nice of him!”

At the sound of the word ‘nice,’ Osomatsu’s eyes shot open. He gripped Todomatsu’s hand with his own, and, in an instant—

Climbed to his knees, flipped Todomatsu over, and slammed him into the door.

“We have a status quo to keep! Remember: no more than one nice person between the six of us!” Osomatsu rubbed sweat off his forehead. “The last thing we need is Godmatsu showing up alongside this Cursed-Matsu.”

“Cursed?”

“Oh, come on—it’s not like you don’t see the plot twist coming, right?” He nodded. “Mm-hmm. I feel like wearing this detective’s cape makes me more genre-savvy. So, for example, I can say things like *&#*(&% and (&#%& and—h-huh?!”

A dark aura appeared from behind Osomatsu. At the center of the maelstrom, a Jyuushimatsu with a deeply terrifying look arose.

“No. Spoilers.”

He beeped the burglar alarm in his hand once more for good measure.

“Why do you have that at your age?!”

“In case there’s a burglar, of course!”

“Brothers. I’m going to open the door in one…two…”

Surprisingly, his count went past three, giving the brothers an indeterminate amount of time to talk.

Naturally, they brought up a completely petty and irrelevant subject.

“Hey, Jyuushimatsu. What was that about pachinko?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, you know.” Osomatsu chimed in alongside Choromatsu. “Something about ‘I won’t?’ ‘I won’t’—what, Jyuushimatsu?”

“I, uh—“

“Don’t tell me—“ Todomatsu’s face Did The Thing. “You and Cursed-Matsu have been going to Pachinko—without us—“

He took a deep breath, bulging eyes hitting their critical point.

“That’s—not—a—very—nice—thing—to—do.”

All three voices spoke at once; the hive mind had begun.

“W-wait, I—I mean—I—“

Osomatsu grabbed an arm; Choromatsu grabbed his side. Todomatsu wholeheartedly took both legs.

“Wait—“

Osomatsu twisted the doorknob.

“There’s—you guys—“

The door opened, and the brothers unceremoniously dumped Jyuushimatsu outside.

He screamed loudly.

“It’s Karamatsu—he—has no—boooooEEEEEHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” With a fairly out-of-place final gag and a bright flash of light, Jyuushimatsu faded into nothing.

Todomatsu slammed the door, slumping against the wall.

“…So, did we appease the elder gods?”

“208…209…210! Brothers, I’m coming in!!”

The door flew open as if kicked.

“So…what do you think~?”

At the door stood Karamatsu.

More precisely, stood half of Karamatsu.

Where his legs were—there was nothing.

Or rather—

Shouldn’t have been anything.

And yet—

Somehow—

That empty space, far more horrifying than all the tank tops with his own face, all the sparkly blue pants and shades and skulls and horrific English vocabulary—

It sparkled.

“UuuuuaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHH—“

In an instant, all of Karamatsu’s brothers vanished.

“But waaaaaiiiiit!!!!” Choromatsu screamed in the way that instantly dying characters sometimes have time to spout one final line. “If we would have just barricaded the door, Mom and Dad would have come hoooooo—“

He, too, disappeared—unfortunately for everyone, he left behind the unwanted legacy of his self-awareness.

“Hmm. You’re all just blown away by my beauty, aren’t you? Heh!” He laughed. “I must journey across the world to find someone who can withstand the beauty of my non-legs—if such a person exists—and learn the secret to their beauty! Then I will be the most beautiful man in all the world!”

So he did. First, Totoko—

“I’m taking a shower you creep, how did you even get in h—aaaAAAAHHHH!!!”

Then, Iyami—

“Sheeee—“ His signature gag was cut off because no one cares and tbh even imagining his voice annoys me (yes, this author).

Then, Dayon—

“Dayoooo—“

Then, Hatabou—

“You look very nice today, Karamatsu. Did you get a haircu—“ This one was slightly sad, and Karamatsu felt a twinge of guilt; however, it quickly passed because seriously that kid is messed up.

Even the Esper Cat.

“Your need to be the most beautiful is reflective of your achievement-driven personality, which in itself stems from your low sense of self-esteem and subsequent vastly overestimated self-efficacy—“ Luckily, he was cut off before he could spout more cryptic nonsense from a Psych 101 textbook.

Finally, he reached the last place on earth he had not yet visited.

Chibita’s oden cart.

Why he had decided to make his way around the world first before coming here, he didn’t know. Perhaps he felt somewhat attached to the place he and his brothers had spent their Saturday nights for so many years. More likely, he didn’t want to be lectured (or kidnapped) over his tab again. Between the two, he decided, a lecture was worse—yes, it was definitely the lecture he was avoiding.

Still—he had to have courage.

For his fallen brothers.

Even though he killed them.

For his fallen brothers, he approached the stand.

One last person.

To see his beauty—

“What’re you doin’, idjit?” Chibita looked up from the stand. “What’s with your legs? That’s gross.”

“G-gross?”

Chibita did not scream.

Chibita did not disappear.

Chibita called his legless legs gross.

He fell to his kneeless knees.

“Chibita!” He yelled.

“What, are you proposing? I’ve got a stand to run, idjit.”

“No!” He screamed passionately. “Teach me—teach me the secret! To your beauty!!”

“Oh, that? It’s pretty simple, actually.” He took off his shirt, muscles far too large for it popping out.

Karamatsu gazed over his massive pecs, down to his chiseled abs, and over to his bulging biceps, all shining the shiny way sweaty skin does (idk man).

“Chibita—you’re—“

“Yes.” Chibita’s suddenly deep voice thundered proudly. “I am…bara.”

Tears flowed from Karamatsu’s eyes.

“B-but—I’m a NEET. I can never become bara. I can’t even lift a five-pound weight!”

“That’s actually really sad, idjit.”

“What?!”

“I mean—“ Bara-Form Chibita cleared his throat, looking desperately for something encouraging to say. “You can lift more than you think you can. If you won big at pachinko, how would you get it all home?”

“I—I would carry it! As far and as long as it took! Even if I had to stop at every bench until I got home!!”

“Or you could cash in the chips and just call a ta—nevermind.” He coughed. “Exactly! Now—just imagine these weights as your pachinko winnings!”

He pulled several massive dumbbells from under the cart.

“I—“ Karamatsu lifted the edge of one. “I—won—“

His arms trembled.

“A million dollars—“

The weight trembled.

“AND THE LOVING ADORATION OF MY KARAMATSU GIRLS!!!”

With that determined yell, he lifted the bar over his head. Immediately, his muscles twitched, then blossomed forth into beautiful bara flowers (see what I did there heehee).

And suddenly, Legless Karamatsu was bara!

“Yes, idjit, that’s it!” Bara-Form Chibita’s seductively slitted eyes sparkled. “Now—let’s go show the entire world the beauty of bara!”

“Um, about that,” Bara-Form Karamatsu mumbled—but in a deeply manly way.

“What?”

“I think I kinda killed them all.”

“Now why would you—“

“THEY COULDN’T HANDLE MY BEAUTY, OKAY??”

“YOU IDJIT!” Chibita screamed—but again, still manly. “Why do you think I wear a shirt all the time? Don’t you think I’d want the world to see my Beautiful Bara Form? With great power comes great responsibility—you need a limiter!”

“Like—“

Karamatsu pulled his shades from his nonexistent back pocket and put them on.

Immediately, his muscles shrank back in the light of his cringe.

“Yes! And keep ‘em on, idjit! Thanks to you, all my business is gone!”

“…I mean, not like you’d need it, since everyone is de—“

“SPEAK UP, IDJIT! CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THESE MUSCL—“

“I SAID!!” Karamatsu screamed with the rage of someone who has gone through seven pages of abject nonsense. “LET’S! REVIVE! THE! WORLD! WITH! BARAAAAAA!!!”

He took of his sunglasses. Light enveloped his body, and—do I really have to write him naked—fine—something something he was naked and there was skin but like he doesn’t have anything below the waist anyway so uh BAM muscles.

“THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY!” He said, super manly-ly. “IF EVERYONE IS BARA, THEN NO ONE WILL DIE IN THE FACE OF BARA! WE CAN ALL WALK AROUND WITHOUT LIMITERS, AND BE BARA IN A BEAUTIFUL *~BARA PARADISE~* BARA!”

Chibita breathed through his teeth.

“THAT’S GENIUS!”

So, much screaming and weight-lifting later (have you ever tried to make a corpse lift a weight? It’s nuts, man), the world was bara.

And Karamatsu and Chibita sailed off into the sparkling bara sunset to explore uncharted lands and teach them, too, of bara.

But it didn’t matter in the end because Choromatsu’s self-awareness would devour the world the next week. That’s called a Chekov’s Gun, readers.

And now I’m going to leave you with the mental image of a massively muscular Totoko because everyone needed that.

[Mod note: God bless you this was an emotional roller coaster]

#legless karamatsu #karamatsu #karamatsu matsuno #mr osomatsu #osomatsu san #os #fanfiction #my hero #submission

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