Drunk Reunion ☆

genre : reunion au (??), old friends to lovers, smut, slow burn, fluff, a little angsty?

paring : tipsy!yunho x tipsy!fem!reader

Word count : 6k

synopsis : you and yunho were good friends in high school. admittedly, there was a lot of chemistry between you two...but you both drifted apart once you graduated. one day, he just to happens to see you at a nightclub. the both of you now in your early twenties, and of course..he decided to approach you.

Warnings! : mentions of alcohol consumption, unprotected sex (WRAP IT UP PLEASE…), overstimulation if u squint, dirty sex, oral [f/m reviving], fingering [f receiving], A LOT of dirty talk, grinding/dry humping, sloppy kisses, dom/sub dynamics, pet names (baby, good girl, princess.), praise kink, tipsy sex but neither of them regret it.

18+ ff, read at ur own discretion.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･*:.｡.:*･*.｡.:*☆

- “Thanks.” you mouthed to the bartender over the blaring music as she slid you your 2nd drink of the night. you slid her a few bills in return, giving her a bit extra as a tip. You found a random open seat at the bar and plopped down on it, staring at your margarita for a moment, almost in an analytical way before going to take a sip, sighing at the refreshing taste. You bopped your head to the music, ignoring the thought of how much your ears would be ringing later.

You continued to take small sips of the now slightly watered down margarita. Only once it was about half full, you felt a sudden rush of energy. You abruptly stood up, moving to the dance floor. You remember a girl who had a good vibe earlier, and chose to search for her…and with your luck, you found her. Though, you couldn’t remember her name..or..did she even tell you it??

“Hey! your the girl from earlier, right? where’ve you been? you like disappeared from the dance floor!”

The girl ask first, her large curls bouncing around as she dances to the music. Her tan skin glowing nicely under the neon lights of the club. “Oh, i went to go grab a drink! you get it.” You responded, speaking in her ear in attempts to be heard over the music. She simply nodded with a smirk and scrunched nose, a silent "I get it girl."

You and her continued talking as you danced to the music, occasionally grinding on each other in your tight dresses, along with hyping each other up, all in good fun of course. By now your margarita was empty, so you both agreed to push through the other sweaty people on the dance floor. eyes set on the bar as you finally squeezed past the last person, letting out a long sigh of relief.

“Hiii again!~ can we get one strawberry mezcal, aaaaannnnddd?…” The girl (whose name you discovered was Tiana.) trailed off, looking at you considering she didn’t know your order. “One frozen strawberry margarita.” You added, the bartender simply nodding before moving to make your drinks. The two of you waited as you both sat at the bar. Exchanging numbers in the midst of conversation.

<3~

You and Tiana were giggling over some goofy topic, when you felt someone tap your shoulder. You turned your head to find a charming, yet familiar looking guy. “Hello?..” You ask, a bit wary since you weren’t sure if you knew this dude. Tiana simply watched, keeping an eye on him as well.

“Hey, it’s been a while.” The guy speaks, his deep voice just barley audible over the music and ringing of your ears. You look a him a bit confused. “I..know you?” You asked, tilting your head as you analyzed him..he kinda looked like a douche.

“Woow…you forgot me already?” he chuckled, the glass of whiskey in his hand swirling a bit. Though he frowned a bit once he realized you weren’t joking.

“Jeong Yunho..? i was kind of your best friend all throughout high school?” He asked, his face a bit worried that you truly had forgotten him. Your eyes immediately lit up, you hadn’t seen him since graduation! He changed..a LOT. “no fucking way…is that really you?!?” You ask, eyes wide as you analyzed him..he was already handsome in his high school years..so seeing him now, more mature..it was a bit attractive honestly.

Tiana abruptly stood up, “I’ll excuse myself, there’s a hot guy sulking in a corner and i plan to make his night.” She stated. “And maybe you can make his,” she whispered in your ear, smirking as she slyly walked away, mouthing the words “Text me.” you sighed before looking back at him, taking a sip of your drink. “So..how’ve you been?” You ask, your gaze meeting his. Yunho shrugged, a small pout on his lips. “I’ve been alright, managed to get into that college i applied for after graduation…and i’ve been studying criminology and law since. You?” He replied, taking a sip of his whiskey as he leaned on the bar beside you.

You thought for a moment. “I’ve been good. I ended up majoring in fashion design…minor in business.” You responded. He could tell your tone was off, like you weren’t focused. “Are you tipsy? or just bored?” Yunho asked you, his deep voice immediately snatching you from your thoughts. “I’m admittedly a bit tipsy, but..i’m not bored at all. I’m just shocked I ran into you..your so, different.” You spoke, your eyes flashing with curiosity.

“Is that a good thing?..or?. . .” He ask, a bit worried at your unreadable expression. “No, no, trust me..it’s a good thing.” You assured him, a smile smile on your lips. Yunho went to reply when the song suddenly changed, his eyes immediately darting to the dance floor, then back at you. “I’m glad..but hey, you wanna dance?” He offered as he held his hand out, a smirk playing on his lips.

You thought for a moment before shrugging. “Hell, why not. My dance partner left me anyways.” You chuckled as you nodded towards Tiana flirting with some guy. You placed your hand in his as he took it, leading you onto the dance floor. The two of you talked about random things, mostly what’s been happening since you drifted apart. The more you two spoke, the closer you both got..physically and friendship wise. . .

Before you knew it, your drinks were empty and yunho was behind you, your back to his chest and his large hand on your waist as the two of you moved and swayed with the music. To sum it up, you were pretty much grinding on him. “You’ve definitely changed quite a bit yourself..” Yunho’s deep voice echoed in your ear, not bothering to shout over the music. You smiled a bit, “what’d you expect? for me to stay all nerdy 24/7?” You chuckled, your cheeks just a small shade of pink. You tried your best to ignore the feeling between your legs as your eyes looked up to meet yunho’s, but you swore you could feel a tent in his pants.

“D’know..i thought it was hot.” He chuckled, words just falling off his tongue at this point..but it was all the truth. His gaze was locked into yours, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away. You were a bit taken aback “Really?..never thought you’d be into that..” You replied, a small smile on your face as yunho pulled you closer ever so slightly.

“Well..you thought wrong.” He chuckled. His hand was still resting on your waist, though his body moved more in sync with yours now. The now more obvious tent in his pants rubbing against the fabric of your dress, though you chose not to mention it..even though you knew damn well both of you felt it. Suddenly, Yunho spoke up. “Hey..what’d ya say we head to my place? my ears are ringing like hell..” He offered you. Before you could even think of what you were saying, you agreed. “Sure, i’m down.”

<3 ~

“I’ll call an uber, that cool?” He asked as you two walked out the club, in which you simply nod in response, ignoring the ringing in your ears and the slight tremble in your legs at the thought of going to his house. He was just an old friend. . . nothing crazy would happen. Or at least that’s what you thought.

The two of you continued small conversations, most of it consisting of “Huh?” considering the ringing in your ears overpowered your voices. Eventually you heard a man shout from a black car “Uber for Yunho!” The both of you turning your heads before yunho raised his hand and began walking towards the car, expecting you to follow.

“You first,” Yunho insisted as he opened the door for you, waiting for you to sit down before he joined you, closing the door and reciting his address to the uber driver. The sounds of the road overtook the silence in the car, the two of you in comfortable silence. Though you couldn’t help but wonder if the tension you felt was just you, or if he could sense it himself.

Suddenly the car came to a halt, parked infront of a well kept apartment building. “We’re here, cmon.” Yunho spoke, opening the door on his side, holding it open as you awkwardly shuffled towards his side to exit the car as well. Huffing as you stood up. “You ready? cmon.” He spoke, closing the door of the car as the uber driver drove off. The two of you beginning to make way into his apartment building.

As you both reached his door, he fumbled with his keys for a moment before unlocking the door. He awkwardly huffed a laugh as he looked back at you, opening the door and allowing you in. His apartment was well furnished, it looked very cozy. “Make yourself comfortable, do you want anything else to drink..or?..” He asked, shutting the door and locking it.

“I’ll be fine..im already tipsy.” You murmured, blinking a few times before sitting on his couch. The whole apartment smelled like his cologne, it was nice..and weirdly attractive. It felt like he was all around you. You heard him shuffling around in the kitchen. Curious, you turned around to find him pouring himself half a glass of what you assumed to be whiskey. “Can you handle your liquor? your ears are red enough, no?” You asked, hinting at his now pink shaded ears.

“I’ll be alright, it’s only half a glass.” He insisted, taking a sip as he walked over towards you. The sleeves of his blue button up rolled to his elbows as he sat beside you on the couch. Yunho sighed for a moment before looking at you, he seemed to be thinking. “What’s up with you? developed a staring problem?” You asked with a chuckle. A small smile formed on his face, and hell did he look handsome. Though you pushed that thought aside.

“Nah..just thinking.” He responded, his voice a bit raspy. You would be lying if you said it didn’t send a small shiver down your spine. “Thinking about what?” You spoke, playing into the conversation with a small grin. “You want the truth? or bullshit?” He asked, taking a sip of whiskey. “The truth, obviously.” You spoke, your eyes narrowing playfully at him.

“Well..” He started, putting his glass of whiskey on the coffee table about a foot infront of you two. “If your so sure, then i’ll tell you.” He spoke, giving a suspenseful pause as he stared at you. His dark eyes roamed yours, occasionally flickering to your lips. “So?..what’s on your mind?” You ask, the suspense making you curious. He sighed, leaning over so his elbows rested on his knees, one hand clasped over the other as he opened his mouth to speak.

“You.” He stated simply, which took you by surprise. “What do you mean ‘me?’..I need context Yunho.” You spoke, your head tilting in confusion. You couldn’t help but squeeze your thighs together just a bit at the sight of him. He was hot, you couldn’t deny that. You just hoped he hadn’t become some sort of douche.

“Don’t play dumb, i know your smart.” He spoke, his gaze locked on you. “What i mean is, im thinking about you. Everything, about you. From the past, and now.” He spoke, sitting up right. “How much you’ve changed..how much you’ve stayed the same..” His voice got deeper with every word, his tone becoming a bit more..flirty. You felt a goosebumps spread on your skin as he got closer, a small tingle spreading throughout your body..you couldn’t find the words to speak.

“How pretty you are in that dress..” He whispered, his hand now on your waist. He was slowly inching closer. “God, you’re so pretty..” He breathed as his eyes roamed over your body, his hand slowly running up and down your sides. “Yunho..are you drunk?” You asked, your voice quiet. The way he was slowly leaning you back onto the couch made you feel..small.

“Just a bit tipsy..but I promise, i’ve never been more sure of my actions than I am right now.” He whispered, his face just inches from yours. His free hand moved to your middle back to keep you from moving away from him. You went to open your mouth to speak, but no words came out. He leaned in just a bit more, his head tilting as his eyes met yours, you could practically feel the heat radiating off him.

“Can I kiss you?..please?” He asked, which caught you by surprise..he truly is just as respectful as he used to be. Some small part of you couldn’t help but urge you to nod. “Hell yea.” You murmured. Without a second thought he leaned in, his lips landing softly on yours. The kiss was slow, almost like he was teasing. His hand roamed your hips and waist, the other coming up to the side of your face. The pad of his thumb brushing against your bottom lip, a silent request to open your mouth. In which you happily obliged, his tongue moving to meet yours. As he explored your mouth, the taste of your sweet margarita mixed with the bitterness of his whiskey, creating an intoxicating taste that neither of you could get enough of.

“Fuck..you’ve got no clue how long I’ve waited for this..” Yunho muttered between the now sloppy kiss, which didn’t miss you at all..but that’s something you’d ask about later. Right now, you were practically melting in his hands as they roamed you, lightly squeezing your thighs every once in a while. After what felt like forever, you two pulled away. His forehead resting on yours as a string of saliva kept you two connected, both of you taking deep breaths.

“Fuck it.” Yunho spoke, taking your hand and standing up.

<3~

Next thing you knew, he was pinning you down to his bed, his lips latched onto yours as his hands squeezed and roamed your thighs. Your kisses were sloppy and messy, tongues and teeth clashing with one another. You softly sighed into the kiss at his touch, a small smirk on his lips. He slowly pulls away, his gaze locked on yours.

“If you feel uncomfortable, tell me to stop, alright?” He spoke sternly, waiting for a response, his breath fanning over his neck. “I will..i promise.” You whispered, Yunho hummed in acknowledgment before moving to place sloppy open mouthed kisses on your neck. His tongue grazing your skin every once in a while. You quickly discovered that Yunho was one hell of a tease.

“Shit…” you murmured, Yunho having the time of his life kissing and licking at your neck, with the occasional bite or suck. You already had 1 or 2 hickeys forming on your collarbones and neck. Yunho nipped at a certain part on the side of your neck, causing you to gasp. A small whine leaving your lips in the process. Yunho snickered in response. “Feels good?” He asked softly, continuing to kiss and suck on the small spot. “Fuck, yea..” You sighed, one of your hands toying with his hair.

He let out a low chuckle. He continued to tease that small spot until a hickey bloomed, placing a small kiss on it as he admired the newly made bruise. “Yunho..” you breathed. He swiftly moved to look at you, your gaze locked on his as your chest rose and fell. There was nothing but pure tension in the room. You could cut it with a knife. “Hm? What’s wrong baby?” He asked, the pet name so naturally rolling off his tongue..you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like it.

“Nothings wrong..just, stop teasing..hm?” You suggested, your hand messing with the collar of his button up. He chuckled, looking away for a moment before poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Try asking a little nicer, yea baby?” He replied, his voice smooth and deep as he looked down at you. You huffed..a small pout playing in your lips.

“Yunho..please stop being such a tease, you know im not the most patient person..” you murmured, your eyes meeting his intense ones. He huffed a bit. “I know,” He snickered, his hands spreading your thighs apart as he ran his hands up and down your inner thighs. “But it’s so fun watching you whine…can’t I just have a bit more fun?” He asked with a chuckle, lifting your right leg up and putting it over his shoulder as he leaned down. He placed more wet kisses on your inner thigh, nipping at the sensitive skin as you gasped with every bite and lick.

“Yunho..dammit, please..” You whispered, your dress scrunched up at your hips by now. You swore you could feel his smirk against your thighs. “Please, what? Tell me what you need baby.” He murmured against your thighs, his gaze moving to meet yours. You groaned a bit in protest. “Yun..can you touch me, please?..” You muttered, your head falling back into the plush pillows as you whined, his kisses and licks not faltering.

“Touch you where, cutie? Here?” He ask with a sly smirk, his hand moving to your mid thigh. You shook your head, eyes shut as he left hickeys all over your inner thigh. “Then where?..You’re gonna have to tell me pretty girl, or else I won’t know what you want..” He teased, his tone was low and flirty. “Yunho..god dammit..I need you. I need your fingers in me..please..” you whined, your voice sounding just a bit impatient. He knew just how to test your limits.

“Oh? Such a needy girl..” Yunho cooed in a teasing manner, his hands slowly gliding across your skin and towards your core. You gasped in relief as you felt his finger glid across your dampened panties. He slowly moved to scrunch your dress up towards your waist, pulling down your underwear afterwards. He inhaled a sharp breath at the sight of your wet core.

“Shit..this pretty thing’s all for me?” He snickered, his thumb slowly rubbing your clit as he basked in your sweet sounds. “Yun!…fuck——” You moaned softly. His lips crashing into yours, swallowing your moans as he slid two fingers into your core, moving them at a teasingly slow pace. He simply grinned as you tried to moved your hips in sync with his fingers, though he held your hips down to the bed with his free hand.

You let out soft gasp and whines at his slow pace, it wasn’t enough for you. “Yunho, more..please?” You asked between the messy kisses. Yunho slowly broke the kiss, his eyes locked on yours as your lips were less than an inch apart. “Beg. I want you to beg me for it baby.” He said lowly, his eyelids a bit droopy. Your cheeks flushed a shade of pink, you knew it’d be embarrassing..but the way his fingers pumped in and out of you. . .made you willing to do anything for more of him.

Yunho slightly snickered as he waited for you to speak. You inhaled a deeper breath before closing your eyes to speak. “Yunho..can you—“ you began, before he cut you off with a stern tone. “Open your eyes. Look at me and beg, baby.” He ordered, in which you opened your eyes, your gaze landing on his lustful one. “Yunho..” You started, Yunho humming in response as he waited for you to continue, his slow pace not faltering. “Yunho..please, I need you..can you please go faster? God, and use your mouth..I..I need it, so bad. I can’t take anymore teasing..” You whined, a few moans slipping past your lips.

“Well..your gonna take what I give you anyways baby,..but since you asked so nicely..” Yunho trailed off with a smirk, his head moving down between your legs to give your core a long lick. “I mean..how could I say no to that pretty face?…or this pretty pussy, hm?” He cooed. His lips latching around your clit as he sucked and nipped at it, his fingers now pumping in and out of you at a faster pace.

You gasped at the sudden simulation. Your hand finding its way to yunho’s hair, tangling your fingers with his long hair. “This what you wanted, princess?” He asked, a sly smile on his lips as he abused the small bundle of nerves, nothing but whines and soft gasp of his name leaving your lips. Yunho absolutely loved the sounds you made. He couldn’t help but rut into the mattress, softly moaning against your clit, causing you to see stars.

“Fuck..just like that..please..” You murmured, Yunho let out a mix of a chuckle and a moan. He slowly removed

out his fingers, the feeling immediately being replaced with the warmth of his tongue. Your back arched at the feeling, his hands now holding your hips down as your grip on his hair tightened, his nose perfectly nudging against your clit.

His tongue explored every inch it could reach, your taste on his tongue was absolutely intoxicating for him. His rutting into the mattress not faltering, he was just as needy as you were..but he kept himself together, planning to tease you to your limits.

He continued at this for a while, every time you tried to buck your hips, his grip on your hips tightened, you were sure it would leave bruises a this point. “Shit princess..I could do this all night. You taste so fuckin’ good..” He quietly moaned, placing open mouthed kisse on your clit before his tongue found it way back inside you. You could feel the pleasure bubbling up in your lower stomach, your breathing becoming more erratic. “Yun..Yunho, I’m close..please keep going, god..” you spoke between moans, your mind was hazy, your thoughts wrapped around the pleasure you were feeling..and the source of it, Yunho.

“Your gonna cum, baby? You wanna cum all over on my face?” He teased, his fingers quickly replacing his tongue as they pumped in and out of you as a quick pace, curling towards him. You nodded vigorously in response, too blinded by the feeling of his fingers to form a sentence. “Your gonna have to say it with your words baby.” He spoke, leaning back down to suck on your clit, his fingers movements not faltering. “Fuck!…yes, yes. Let me cum on your face please..it feels so good..” you manage to say, your words just a bit slurred.

“Good girl..your words are slurring already? Shit..I can’t wait to see what your like when your stuffed full with my cock. You’ll be a damn mess.” He chuckled, his breath fanning over your core. His words didn’t help how close you were, you felt the knot in your stomach continue to tighten.

“Yunho..I’m gonna..I’m..shit—” You whined, yunho immediately replacing his fingers with his tongue. “Cum on my tongue baby..let me taste you some more, yea?” He murmured, continuing to edge you closer util you finally came undone, whines and pretty moans leaving your lips as you saw stars. your core clenched around yunho’s tongue as he slurped up your slick, basking in the taste of you all over his tongue and mouth. He didn’t leave a single drop behind, letting you ride out your high on his tongue until he finally moved from

In-between your legs.

His lips quickly found yours, letting you taste yourself as your tongues met. Your hands crawled towards his button up. You slowly began undoing the buttons, yunho focusing on getting your dress off. Once his shirt was fully open and your dress was off, he latched his mouth onto one of your breast, sending goosebumps all over your body. His right hand massaging the other one.

“Fuck..” you murmured, your breath shallow as you leaned into his touch. Yunho abruptly stopped, looking down at you. “Can you get on your knees for me princess? Please..I need your mouth around my dick so fucking bad.” He whispered, his lust filled gaze locked on yours.

You simply nodded. You both moved around, yunho now leaning against the headboard as you were on your knees in between his legs. Yunho quickly undoing his belt and tossing it in some random corner of the room, immediately undoing the buttons of his pants and tugging his pants and boxers down, his erection being freed from the confines of his clothes. He let out a sigh, the tip an angry red color and already dripping with precum, which smeared over his mid and lower abs. His chest rising and falling softly, the dim lights of his room making him look ethereal.

You slowly took his erection into your hands, pumping it slowly as you leaned down, licking across the slit on his tip. He murmured a soft “fuck..” As he grabbed a fistful of your hair, holding it away from your face as you took his tip into your mouth, your gaze locked on his. You soon went further, taking as much of him as you could into your mouth until he hit the back of your throat, which was a little more than half. He moaned as you gagged on his cock.

“Shit..your mouth feels so good..” He groaned softly, his grip on your hair tightening as he fucked your face, his hips bucking up into your mouth as he pushed his cock a bit further down your throat. His gaze never left yours as he moaned your name softly, his hips stuttering a bit. “God..your really gonna make me cum this fast..” He muttered, bucking his hips a bit more. “Can I cum is your mouth baby? Is that alright?” He asked as you were literally gagging on his dick. He ran his free hand through his hair as he watched you give a small thumbs up. He chuckled a bit, but it flowed into a moan as he felt himself get closer.

“Fuck, princess..swallow all of it for me, okay?” He moaned, a small

Smile on his lips as his now wrinkled open button up drooped off one of his shoulders. His head fell back as he pushed your head down just a bit more, majority of his cock stuffed down your throat as he let out a long string of moans, his cum flowing down your throat as you swallowed. He finally let go of your hair, your head lifting up from his, your eyes a bit glossy.

“Open your mouth.” He spoke, taking a hand to place it under your chin, his thumb pulling your bottom lip down. You complied, opening your mouth to show that you did infact, swallow everything. “Good girl, you’ve been doing so good..does that pretty pussy want some of my cum too? Huh?” He teased, his hands resting on your slightly bruised hips as he waited for your response.

“God, yes..I’ve been waiting all fucking night..” You whined, Yunho immediately moving to hover over you.

“Do you have any condoms?” He asked, fully removing his button up and tossing it somewhere in the room. “No, fuck, just go raw..” you murmured, your hands running across his torso. His eyes widened a bit, his erection slowly coming back at the thought. “Shit..are you sure?..” he asked, he was genuine. He needed you to be sure. “..I know what I want. So please..go raw.” You whispered, his lips finding yours as he kissed you, lightly biting your bottom lip as he slowly pushed the tip in, causing you to gasp softly.

Yunho softly groaned as he pushed in, inch by inch until you were full of him. He stayed still, waiting for you to adjust before you began to move your hips a bit, looking for any sort of friction. “You ready, baby?” He ask, moving to place small kisses on your chest. “Mhm..” You hummed with a nod, gasping as he pulled out halfway before thrusting back in. A small groan leaving his lips as he started with a slow pace, his eyes finding yours..searching for any hint of discomfort.

“..yunho, faster..please.” You sighed softly, your eyelids drooping ever so slightly as your nails softly scratched his back. He chuckled in response, his pace speeding up with each thrust, his grip on your hips becoming a bit tighter. You let out gasps and whines every time his hips met yours, his mouth moving down to latch on another one of your tits, his teeth grazing your nipple ever so slightly. “Just like that— please! Don’t, don’t stop!” You whined as he finally found a quick pace, his cock hitting your gummy spot with each thrust. His gaze eventually found yours as he pounded into you, his thumb finding it ways to your clit to stimulate you even further.

“Fuck..you take my cock so good princess, you like being stuffed full, don’t you?” He teased between his own soft pants and moans. You simply nodded, your nails digging into his back. “Mhm..mhm—“ was all you could manage, yunho chuckling at how dazed you already were. You couldn’t even think properly with the way he would pull out fully just to snap his hips forward, stuffing you with his cock all over again.

He removed his thumb from your clit, causing you to whine from the loss of contact as his hand moved to grip the headboard as he continued harshly pounding into you, words of praise about how good you take him leaving his lips every few thrust. “..such a good girl, your pretty pussy takes my cock so fuckin’ good..” he moaned, his gaze locked on yours as he watched your eyes roll back ever so slightly.

Yunho couldn’t help but admire the way his cock would leave a small

Imprint on your lower tummy with each thrust. Meanwhile the knot in your stomach formed once again. All you could manage was a few whines of his name and pouty moans as you felt him all around you. His lips once again latching onto your neck, softly nibbling between moans.

The way his cock abused your gummy spot had your head spinning, pushing you towards the edge. “Yunho!- I’m close, so close— please keep going, please!” You pleaded, small whines escaping your lips between words. “Your that drunk on my dick already? Gonna— fuck..cum so soon princess?” He snickered, whispering in your ear before quickening his pace, the bed creaking slightly as his grip on the headboard tightened.

“You wanna cum that bad? Go ahead baby, be a good girl and cum on my dick.” Yunho groaned in your ear, feeling his high slowly approaching as well. “Fuck— I’m..i—!” Was all you managed to say before you felt your climax wash over you, your hand tangled in his hair as you let out choked moans and whimpers.

Yunho’s pace didn’t falter as he chased after his own high, a few whimpers leaving his lips with how close he was. “Fuck, fuck— good girl, take my dick, just like that. I’m so fucking close- god..just a little more baby..I’m-“ He moaned, his eyes shut as his thrust got sloppy, his hips stuttering a bit. You couldn’t even think at this rate, the pleasure becoming too much as he fucked you past your limit, not giving your body a chance to calm down.

“Yunho, I— it’s too much-“ you whined, Yunho’s lip cutting you off as he crashed them onto yours, the sloppy kiss full of moans and whimpers. “I know baby, but I’m so close, be a good girl and take it, okay? Please..fuck—. Be a good girl for me-” He moaned between the kiss, his tongue sloppily crashing with yours as you were still attempting to catch your breath. His pace was getting sloppier by the second, desperate for his own release.

“Can I cum inside you?..please baby?” He asked, his needy eyes locking with your dazed ones. “God!- yes, please—” you whimpered. That was all he needed, his head falling onto your shoulder as he came. His hips stuttering as he fucked his cum further into you, riding out his high. Moans leaving his lips as your pussy milked him for every drop he could give at that moment.

“Good girl..shit, you were so good for me baby.” He murmured as he attempted to even out his breaths, placing a kiss on your cheek. You both laid there for a moment, processing what just happened. Yunho was the first to move, removing his weight from you to shuffle off the bed stand up.

“I’m gonna grab you a water, alright?…don’t move around too much.”

He spoke, his tone softly now as he softly brushed the hair from your face before sliding on his boxers. As he walked out of the room, you couldn’t help but be left alone with your thoughts. You just had sex with the guy you liked all throughout high school…but what was next? Was this it? Just a quick fuck and then what?..He’d just ask you to leave? You couldn’t help but worry a bit as you slowly sat up, Yunho returning with the glass of water.

He placed the glass down on his nightstand for a moment before grabbing one of his shirts and helping you put it on before handing you the water. “How do you feel? Does anything hurt?” He asked you softly, his hand moving to rub small circles on your back. “No..I feel fine, don’t worry.” You assured him, though it was obvious to anyone you seemed a little on edge.

“Hey..what’s wrong? Do you regret anything?..” He asked, his eyes were obviously a bit worried. You took a long sip of your water before looking at him. “No..of course I don’t. I’m just..kinda nervous I guess.” You murmured, your gaze moving down to the glass.

“Nervous? Nervous of what, baby?” He asked, softly grabbing your chin so your gaze met his. “I..I mean I don’t really know what’s after this…we haven’t seen eachother in years and then we just did this..I..I just don’t want you to pretend like this never happened.” You sighed, a small pout on your lips. Yunho chuckled, placing a kiss on your lips. “Why the hell would I do that? Do you seriously have no clue how happy I am? I never stopped thinking about you..even after we drifted apart.” He spoke, every word leaving his lips filled with genuine emotion.

“Really?..” you asked, you truly hoped with every bit of your being that this wasn’t some stupid dream. “Really. I’ve always been interested in you, since sophomore year..but you never noticed. So I just never said anything.” He assured you, his eyes filled with nothing but pure affection. You let out a huff of relief, but also shock. You didn’t know what to say. “I’m like…really into you, everything about you honestly.” He spoke, waiting for any sort of response from you.

You simply pulled him in for a kiss, it was sweet. He looked at you with happy eyes as you pulled away. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this, oh my god.” You spoke with a sigh, a smile forming on your face.

“I’m glad..” He started, looking down at his lap before back at you. “Hey, let me take you out to dinner tomorrow. I know I probably should’ve done that first but..what’d you say?” He offered.

“I’d love too.” You replied with an even bigger smile, your nose scrunching a bit. He let out a long sigh of relief, a hand on his chest. “Okay..awesome. I..uhm, it’s late though, you must be tired.” He spoke, adjusting the blankets so they were over your legs, proceeding to open his arms a bit. “We should probably sleep..no?” He suggested. You happily accepted as you both laid down, his arms wrapped around your waist.

“I’m so happy…you can’t even imagine.” He murmured into your hair, your head laying on his chest. “I bet..” You joked with a snicker, your eyelids feeling heavy as you closed your eyes, basking in the warmth of his arms.

“Goodnight,” you whispered.

“Goodnight baby, I love you.” He replied, a soft smile on his face.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･*:.｡.:*･*.｡.:*☆

A/N: &/&:7: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC IN FOREVER SO I HOPE ITS OKAY 😰😰😰!! Apologies for any spelling or grammar errors I didn’t catch…

well um hi again 🌼🤍 i would love a drabble of just like Jake lockley and reader making out 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 i know it would fix me i know it. Anyways i love sleepovers I'm glad you're doing one 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒

a/n: hello babes! honestly i am trying to remember which sleepover this was for and i think it was for synthwave. anyways it's taken me months, but i am here for the jake lockley spice. if i'm being real a good makeout session with him would heal me too. he's just got that power. it's a small drabble, but enjoy!

summary: the mornings were calm, unfettered peace. but the nights...those were divine.

word count: 0.5k+

pairing: jake lockley x reader

warnings: SEMI-EXPLICI SO MINORS DNI, makeout sessions, hair pulling, jake lockley being a sexy menace, they're so obsessed with each other it's sickening, it gets hot and heavy, reader is described wearing a dress.

You couldn’t remember how you got there.

The rush to get inside was now a haze in your mind, his touch the cause of so much vanishing from your thoughts. If you tried to concentrate all you could feel was him. The way he gripped at you before you even made it to the front door. Dinner was cut short by a problem—Jake leaving the restaurant only to return an hour later, white shirt stained in blood, curls awry, and hands bruised.

He expected you to be upset, chastise him with words that would later come into play when he apologized.

He didn’t expect you to kiss him.

To say you had the self control to make it to the bedroom was a blatant lie. Which is why you collapsed atop him on the couch, your lips unable to detach themselves from his. He pulled you close with a pained groan, hips canting up to meet yours, blood no doubt bleeding into the pretty mauve colored dress you wore.

You sighed into his mouth, fingers tangling in his curls, and let him ruck up the skirt of your outfit. Pink wasn’t really your color anyways and besides…if it wasn’t blood then certainly something else would have stained the fabric. Neither of you were too proud of how quick your inhibitions took control. The incessant need was a thrumming pulse that beat beside your heart, a reminder that you wanted him, that you needed him.

“Amorcita,” he rasped, teeth scraping along the shell of your ear, fingers digging into your hips. “You’re getting messy.”

A smile curved along your lips as you brushed your lips along his. “Not my fault someone had to be a hero tonight.”

He smirked. “No. It’s not.”

“Besides…” You met his tongue with yours, tasting the slight bitterness of his mezcal from earlier. A soft moan was pressed into your mouth, hand sliding up your back to grip at your dress and pull it up even higher until cold air washed across the small of your back. “I like when you make me messy.”

The hitch in his chest didn’t go unnoticed by him, but you didn’t have time to comment on it. His lips finding yours with a renewed passion, a deep rumble tearing from his chest as he clutched you even closer. Intent on melding the two of you together. Your knees pressed roughly into the couch, fingers pulling at his hair painfully, but you could practically feel the need begin to bleed into the air around you.

“That right?”

You nodded, dragging your hips forward slightly, a whine building up in your throat, only for him to kiss it away. He licked into your mouth, spit now spread along your bottom lip. You felt the breath faint in your chest—a reminder to pull away—but you couldn’t find the strength to do so. The intoxication of him ate away at your heart. A need you did what you could to keep.

“Then let me make you messy amorcita,” he murmured, hand tangling in the hair at the base of your neck, tugging it roughly until you were parted with a gasp. A string of spit connecting his lips to yours. “Let me stain you baby.”

A broken sound tore from your throat, fingers digging into his chest as your lips formed around a divine fucking words he felt down to his very core.

Please.

PLEASE can I say “argument” for an avatrice prompt I need it

[for @unicyclehippo — bea gets hurt (& gets better)]

//

you forget, often, most days now, what terror truly feels like. 

it’s too fast and too slow and you remember: beatrice’s body — lithe and tough and small, all things considered — flies through the air after a bomb goes off, too close to her, too fast for you to step in front of it. everything flashes before your eyes, the life you’ve built together in your warm, airy house by the sea in the city of angels; where beatrice teaches aikido with a bo that isn’t lethal and smiles at her students; where you bartend part-time at a little mezcal spot near your home, just for fun. where you get to wake up to her every day, her tan skin dotted with freckles like constellations that you trace as the sun floats through the curtains before she’s willing to humor your early rising. where you’re reading in the late afternoon light and she sees you and smiles and puts aside your book and kisses you and fucks you on the couch. where she tenderly does your laundry and you steal her soft, big sweaters and trade who puts away the dishes from the dishwasher, still warm. where you squabble over takeout and what show to watch on netflix and whether or not you should make the bed on sundays — where you love her, and are loved by her, more than you ever could have dreamed.

but beatrice is human, part of the painful and absolute miracle of her love: she needed stitches a few months ago when she cut her hand open trying to pit an avocado; she fell surfing and got caught in a rip near the pier and you had watched in horror — having just been reading and relaxing, mostly to enjoy when she finishes and walks toward you with her wetsuit down around her hips — as a lifeguard fished her out and turned her on her side in the sand, as she coughed up water and took in frantic, ragged breaths, had a cold for days and slept. she is so human, and so fleeting, and so fragile; she’s strong and precise and hasn’t lost a step — but she’s human. sometimes you forget: beatrice can die.

it’s hard to tell all of the damage, really, as you phase over to her and then kneel, send out a halo pulse as hard as you can to buy you time. you hadn’t had to fight in a few months; battles pop up rarely now, and are usually not particularly dangerous. mary is kneeling by your side in an instant and takes over from where your shaking hands had been ineffectively flitting over bea’s still body. there’s shrapnel — metal, sharp and jagged — lodged above her left hip, through her armor; it’s clear one of her legs is at an angle it shouldn’t be, her femur bent impossibly. but worse than that, so much worse, is that she isn’t opening her eyes when you say her name, frantically and loudly: there’s blood coming out of her nose and her ears, and her face is peaceful. you wish, you pray now, more than willing to believe in anything you have to, when you bring your finger to her pulse point, her favorite place for you to kiss, and, consecrate, feel a flutter there. it’s fast, and faint, but it’s there.

‘she’s alive,’ you say. 

mary squeezes your shoulder. ‘yes, ava, she’s alive.’

lilith is beside you soon, and takes one look at your face and the shrapnel and blood — beatrice’s blood — and then nods once.

‘i’ll take care of things here,’ mary says. ‘i think you got all the demons, ava. let lilith take you.’

you don’t really give a fuck about demons at this point, and you trust lilith’s care of beatrice, if not for you, enough to know it’s by far the best option. you’re worried about fractures in beatrice’s back or ribs, but you don’t have much of a choice. ‘yeah, okay.’

you haven’t been to jillian’s in a while; you ripple through space and time with bea’s limp body in your arms. jillian has doctors who work with her now, a trauma surgeon on call whenever there are battles, because it’s safest for anyone from the ocs to go here when things are bad. everyone rushes into action next to you — calm, sure, urgent — and secure bea’s airway and breathing once she’s on a gurney, put a c-collar around her neck and cut off her armor. lilith tries to drag you away, and she could, probably, but, in the same way you cannot, under any circumstances, watch beatrice die, you also could never, ever forgive yourself, in this life or any to follow, if you left the room and she doesn’t, eventually, come home with you.

the doctors put gauze around the metal in bea’s side, not taking it out yet. jillian has all kind of fancy technology that lets them do whatever scans they need — beatrice’s leg is broken; her spleen is bleeding; there’s a laceration to her liver; luckily, her skull isn’t fractured and they don’t see any bleeding in her brain, although there is a deep bruise along where her head had hit the wall.

‘we need to get the shrapnel out,’ jillian explains to you, after lilith has bullied you into a chair on the edge of the room. ‘and then we’ll repair her liver and spleen, then her femur. dr. sanders is confident that she’ll be able to fix everything safely.’

everything she’s telling you comes through like you’re underwater, and lilith waits for a moment before she rolls her eyes, mostly for posterity, and explains, ‘she’s going to be okay, ava. we got her here in time.’

‘yeah?’

‘yes,’ jillian says, a gentle smile sent your way. ‘you can see her, for a moment, before we take her back to the operating room.’

your legs feel shaky and you hate it, the splint on her leg and the light blue of the hospital gown they’d put over her and how her eyes are still closed. ‘hey bea,’ you say, pick up the hand that doesn’t have an iv in the top of it, and kiss her knuckles. you brush your thumb along her cheekbone, where her eyes are already bruising blue, and then run your fingers gently through her hair — buzzed on the sides, short and textured on top, dark and neat and soft; she’d cut it a few months ago after waiting for a long time to work herself up to it, and come home from the salon with an unspoken weight off her shoulders, unable to hold back a smile, so beautiful and so handsome and sexy as hell, a gradual becoming that always makes you so proud, and you kissed her and like always, love her more, and more, and more. ’i’m sorry.’ your voice shakes; you will it to be steady: even if she can’t hear you, you don’t want her to be scared. ‘you’ll be okay, baby. it’ll be okay,’ you tell her now. ‘i love you. in this life, okay?’

of course, there’s no response other than her steady, shallow breath, her eyelashes long enough to rest against her cheeks, and mary, somehow fetched by lilith, probably, touches your elbow.

‘ava, let’s go wait in the garden, yeah?’

you clench your jaw but you know she’s right; you let her lead you to a bedroom first, not the same one that you had shared with beatrice, all those years ago, back before you’d kissed her and died for her and come back for her, back before you knew how it felt to touch her in the tender light of the morning. mary leads you by the shoulders into the bathroom, and gestures toward the shower. you hadn’t realized, but when you look down, there’s beatrice’s blood all over your front, all over your hands, dried and dark and flaky, and it makes you sick. you take off your clothes as quickly as possible, a little frantic and your breath coming so fast. 

‘ava,’ mary says from outside the door, and then softer: ‘ava.’

it helps you steady yourself; you look around like you’d practiced so many times in therapy and name, to yourself, how many tiles there are above the sink, how you see shampoo and conditioner in the shower, how there are three toilet paper rolls stacked neatly in a little holder by the toilet. 

‘i’m okay,’ you say, your voice less shaky than you had feared, and you wait for the water in the shower to warm up and then step in. you know mary is right outside, and you wash the blood off as quickly as possible, not bothering with washing your hair or caring about anything else, having no real desire to take a long time — nothing will be soothing to you right now, so it’s probably better for you and for the sake of the world, the halo smoldering in distress between your shoulder blades — to sit with mary, and probably mother superion, who you imagine is on her way and close already.

‘i’m leaving some clothes,’ mary calls to you. ‘i’ll be waiting outside.’

you dry off in a daze and put on the comfortable clothes mary had brought — a light, loose pair of pants, a comfortable t-shirt, a thick, cotton sweater — and tuck your hair behind your ears before you walk out and find her literally right next to the doorway in the hall. she smiles at you and then takes off in the direction of the garden, where you’re unsurprised to see mother superion, who gives you a tight hug. when she puts her hand to the back of your head, you finally start to cry. you’re angry, because you’ve built your whole entire life with another person: weekly trips to the farmer’s market and a regular sushi place and champagne to celebrate birthdays and fresh flowers, every week, in a vase on your kitchen island. you’re angry because you want to marry bea, because you want her to be your wife. you’re angry because, more than anything in any universe, you want to grow old with her. you want, so badly, to grow old with her.

you don’t need to say any of that; you hold the engagement ring — a simple, thick, expensive white gold band with a small diamond imbedded flat into it — that had been on her finger for the past five months in the palm of your hand. you don’t squeeze it too tight because you don’t trust the halo right now: you’re too emotional, and the last thing you want is to squish and warp an engagement ring and not be able to put it back on beatrice’s pretty hand when she’s out of surgery. when she’s okay, and alive, and inevitably stubborn and grumpy as she heals.

mother superion understands, as she has for a long time, and, especially once camila joins you, chatters on and on about new recruits, and the tech they’re developing, and the small garden of herbs they’ve managed, in tandem, to keep alive. someone brings all of you food, and you force down half a turkey sandwich under everyone’s watchful gaze, although it’s difficult and it makes you want to gag a few times. eventually — like heaven’s gates fucking opening, or bea kissing you for the first time when you came back from the other realm, or three days ago when you’d listened to a new record, lying on the floor together in front of your fireplace — jillian finds you and tells you that beatrice did well. the shrapnel is out, and all of her internal bleeding had been taken care of; they’d put a rod down her femur, a relatively easy repair that, in the long run, shouldn’t bother her much. 

‘i’ll set up a cot in her room,’ she says. ‘she should wake up in the next hour. she’s on a lot of pain meds, so she’ll be groggy, but things look good, ava.’

/

mother superion walks you there, after mary and camila take their leave to go settle into their own rooms for the night. 

‘beatrice is strong,’ she says.

‘i wish she didn’t have to be.’ it’s an hurt that’s filled your chest for so long, practically since you’d first met her: you love her now, and know everything important about her. bea had shoved everything precious and holy about herself down, and down, and down, so that there were no decisions to be made about pleasure, or happiness: only service, and sacrifice, and the desperate absence of want. and now she wants you, and she shows you, and she loves you.

mother superion nods. ’i trust that you will take care of her, to help her heal.’ it’s a sort of benediction: you have for years, now, given beatrice the space to feel and desire and laugh and hurt and get better — to wear pants she loves and sleep in and watch stupid tv and cut her hair. ‘once she’s stable, lilith can take you back to your home. camila and i are happy to stay, if you’d like.’

‘i would,’ you agree immediately, because it’s true. you love your family around, especially when you’re scared, especially when it’s hard to remember that this is temporary: stitches and a broken leg and small fractures that will knit themselves back together. ‘thank you.’

‘of course, ava,’ she says, and then hugs you tightly outside of the closed door to beatrice’s room. ‘we’ll be around, if you need.’

‘thank you.’

you take a deep breath and then open the door, and, although bea is covered in tubes and wires and bandages and bruises and stitches, her face is full of color again and her breathing is deep and easy. her head rests softly on a pillow and her hands — when you walk to the side of the bed and lace your fingers together — are warm, and clean, and steady. your adrenaline starts to wear off and you thank the nurse who introduces himself and then brings in a cot; there’s nothing in the entire world that would make you let go of her hand and lie down right now, but eventually it’ll come in handy. 

a blessing, though: after about an hour, bea’s eyes flutter open, and you scramble to sit up fully.

‘hi baby.’

she swallows and then squeezes your hand. ‘hey.’

you get the cup of water with a straw from the table nearby, offer it to her, and she takes a few sips before lying back. 

‘anything really bad?’ she asks, and her eyes are gold and so beautiful and a little tuft of her hair sticks up behind the gauze wrapped around her head. 

you list her injuries, because you know she’ll want to understand.

‘nothing i won’t get better from.’ she says it for you and for herself, then nods seriously. ’i’m really high.’

you pause, just for a second, and then laugh. it feels so good, like stars or the first time you’d eaten a pomegranate. ‘that’s okay.’

‘can we go home soon?’ 

‘yeah,’ you say, trying not to laugh too hard at her slurred words. ‘once you’re feeling a little better, lilith can take us home.’

she smiles. ‘that sounds good.’

‘yeah?’

‘mhm.’ she lets her eyes fall closed. ‘don’t go anywhere, please.’

‘i’ll be right here the whole time, bea.’ you lean forward and kiss her, so gently, and it makes her hum; you take put her engagement band back on her finger. ‘there’s nowhere else i’d rather be.’

/

it makes your chest ache as you walk slowly through jillian’s mansion with beatrice, two days later. she shuffles with a big brace on her leg and a walker, a physical therapist on her other side. lilith had — disconcertingly, just a little — brought a duffel of clothes for the both of you yesterday morning. it means that lilith had probably rifled through everything in your entire house, but she had packed all of your toiletries and comfortable shorts, sweaters, t-shirts, and joggers, a pair of birkenstocks bea wears often. 

earlier, you’d helped bea into a pair of boxers, running shorts, and a hoodie, carefully pulled warm socks onto her feet, and she’d grimaced and set her jaw and nodded when the physical therapist explained how they were going to get her up and walking, if she wasn’t in too much pain. 

‘what’s you pain level?’ she checks in.

bea’s brow is furrowed and her knuckles are white around the handles of the walker. ‘i can keep going.’

‘beatrice,’ you say, a little harsh, and then, softer: ‘please.’

she pauses her slow steps. ‘i — an 8.’

her physical therapist frowns. ‘ideally, we don’t want you above a 5, a 6 at most. i’d like to get a wheelchair to get you back to the room.’

she looks down at her hands.

‘bea,’ you say softly. ‘it’s — it’s okay.’ you’ll get better; we have time, we have time, we have time; i love you.

‘okay,’ she relents, and you stand for half a minute and then her physical therapist comes back with a chair and helps her sit safely. once she’s back situated in bed, you go to the bathroom and let the water warm up and wet a washcloth. you want to cry with overwhelm: you’d been treated so cruelly, for so long, when you needed to be cared for; it is a gift, such a fucking gift, to get to care for the person you love. 

‘i figured you might want to wash your face, maybe put some new deodorant on?’

she waits a second, a little unsure, but then smiles. ‘are you saying i stink?’

her small joke lets what feels like a whoosh of air back into your lungs. ‘i would never.’

she squeezes your hand. ‘thank you ava.’

‘of course.’ you show her the washcloth and her facewash that lilith had brought, and you wait for her nod before you carefully wipe her face and then get the facewash to foam before you smooth it gently into her skin before you wipe her face clean. ‘i can do all of your serums for you. a little facial? spa de ava?’ you smile and run a finger along her brow. ‘but i wont do anything you don’t want.’

‘that sounds… really nice. ava.’

you get all of her little skincare serums lined up in the order she usually does them, which you had specifically requested from lilith, and then tell her to close her eyes. it’s not perfect, because she’s in a hospital bed and there’s a big incision down her abdomen, stapled together, that her surgeon had nodded at this morning when she changed the bandage, pleased. 

you’re as gentle as you can be, and a nurse brings bea a paid med, and then she’s sighing under your fingertips as you touch her gently, massage her temples, trace a gentle line down her jaw. she falls asleep as you scratch her scalp, just like normal. 

she’s so beautiful, as the sunlight filters through the window in the early afternoon. there’s her freckles and her strong wrists and the miracle of her jaw. you realize, all of a sudden, that you haven’t slept in… at least a day and a half, at this point. she’s safe; she’s safe. bea walked today, slowly and painfully and just down the ball, but still — and she let you care for her. 

you change into comfortable clothes — one of bea’s thick cotton t-shirts, oversized and expensive and soft, that smells like her cologne; a pair of joggers that fall just at your ankles — and allow yourself to sit on the cot. it’s a blessing, another in a long string of blessings, when camila knocks at the door. 

you wave her in and she smiles. ‘i can sit with her, in case she wakes up, if you’d like to sleep,’ she whispers. 

‘that would be awesome,’ you tell her quietly, snuggle down underneath the blankets on the cot, and fall asleep, warm and safe, with camila sitting calmly by bea.

/

it’s true: there is nowhere else you’d rather be than be her side on the couch in your breezy living room, with its perfect fabric and the high ceilings with gorgeous exposed beams, the sea stormy outside. there’s nowhere you’d rather be but you also might fucking lose your goddamn mind. 

‘i know you’re bored,’ you say, an argument you’d quietly been having for the past few days since lilith brought you home, ‘but we really can’t go for a long walk just yet. you’re not even really supposed to be out of bed.’

‘i cannot stay in that bed another minute, ava.’

‘oh, come on,’ you say, wiggle your brows in an effort to get her to cheer up, even a little, ‘i’ve never heard you complain about that bed before, especially with me included.’

it works: she humors you with a little eye roll and a huff of a laugh.

you curl a little closer and kiss the top of her head, her short hair clean and soft after she’d finally gotten to take a shower this morning. you run your hand against the grain of it on the side like you’ve learned soothed her in the past few months, and, unsurprisingly, it works — she sighs. ‘i’m sorry you’re so bored. believe me, i know how boring it can be to not be able to do everything you’re used to.’

she frowns. ‘i’m sorry.’

you shake your head. ‘no, i didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. i just mean — it really sucks. there’s only so many puzzles you can do and episodes of housewives you can watch before you start to feel a little crazy.’

she smiles into your shoulder. 

‘i know you have a bunch of ramped up physical therapy starting tomorrow, but maybe, if you feel up to it, we could have dinner on the beach tonight, watch the sunset? it’s not much different from eating on the balcony, but you could move around a little. i know you’re a little crazy so maybe it’ll be fun to crutch through the sand.’

‘that sounds wonderful, darling.’ she leans up to kiss you and you do your best to not get lost in it: she may be feeling better, a few weeks after, but you’d gone with her to her post-op appointment yesterday. you’d seen the long scar, just barely healed, running down her abdomen, the jagged, shiny red line above her hip where they’d pulled the shrapnel out and stitched the skin together. there’s bruising, still, all along her back, faded greens and yellows, and she gets headaches if it’s too bright. the brace on her leg is snug and she still puts weight on it carefully, like she’s afraid to fall, even if she won’t say it aloud. 

‘you have to promise that you’ll tell me if you’re hurting, okay?’

‘i will, ava,’ she says, extremely solemn, and it makes you want to laugh. 

you set up a whole little picnic with her favorite finger foods — aged sharp cheddar, olives, rosemary and sea salt crackers, crisp grapes, a good bottle of pinot noir — and a soft blanket on the beach, and then go back inside. she’s put on sunglasses and a beanie, a warm crewneck. it’s slow going through the sand but you make it, not all that far a distance, and you watch beatrice sit down carefully before you settle down beside her. the sun drifts, slow and lazy, below the waves. you kiss her and she tastes like wine, like bread: the sun drifts and it’s a sacrament, to love her, to have her here. 

/

‘you’re kidding me.’

‘it’ll be easier to breathe if you stand tall,’ bea says, barely sweating at all, the incision in the middle of her abs faded and calm below her sports bra. 

‘i swear to god, how are you so fast? it seems like just six weeks ago you’d been cleared to run.’

‘it’s been five weeks and six days,’ she says.

‘oh, my bad. that’s so so so different, sorry.’

she blushes; you can tell, even though it’s warm and sunny out and her skin is flushed from the two miles you’d run along the path on the far edge of the beach. 

‘anyway, why don’t we just, you know, get a coffee and a donut and take our shoes off and walk home along the water?’

‘we’re supposed to run home, ava. this was just where we turn around.’

you pretend like you’re thinking about it, deeply, and you wait to see if beatrice will crack first; you’re delighted when she does. 

‘fine,’ she says, and you jump up and down in victory, which, after a beat, makes her laugh. you beam at her, in her little men’s running tank and a fresh haircut, gold eyes and freckles, pristine white running shoes and a smile, big and bright, just for you. 

‘i fucking love you, you know that?’

she laces your fingers together and strides off in the direction of the coffee shop. ‘i love you too, ava,’ she says, ‘very much.’

Ship Songs

I was tagged by @simonxriley @aceghosts @baldurrs @marivenah to list 5-10 songs for a ship, thank you lovelies!! I’m definitely going to cheat because I love tag games with music regarding ocs. I go ham on playlists. Thank you so much for the tag!!!

Tagging: @detectivelokis @jinfromyarikawa @playstationmademe @socially-awkward-skeleton @shegetsburned @sstewyhosseini @voidika @direwombat @fadedjacket @vampireninjabunnies-blog @glowwormsmith @inafieldofdaisies and whoever else!!! I really went for their throats and I might have teared up a bit at Anna’s last song tbh. Below the cut because I did...a few ships. (Also this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks, so if you’ve already been tagged--ignore me).

Wren Blake x John Seed (x: two scales balanced)

I’ll Follow You - Shinedown

Just like the tower we never built And the shadow of all the guilt When the other hand was pointed at you Yet the first step is the one you believe in And the second one might be profound

Silvertongue - Young the Giant

Trying to think of a way to get started Stutter, my full train of thought just departed Taste of Mezcal on my breath Let me get this off your chest Open my mind, but the gems falling out Make you lose control

Unholy Confessions - Avenged Sevenfold

"I'll try, " she said as he walked away "Try not to lose you" Two vibrant hearts could change Nothing tears the being more than deception, unmasked fear "I'll be here waiting tested and secure" Nothing hurts my world Just affects the ones around me When sin's deep in my blood You'll be the one to fall

Hold Me Down - Halsey

Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine I'm helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine They rush me, telling me I'm running out of time They shush me, walking me across a fragile line I sold my soul to a three-piece And he told me I was holy He's got me down on both knees But it's the devil that's tryna Hold me down, hold me down Sneaking out the back door, Make no sound Knock me out, knock me out Saying that I want more, this is what I live for

Empty Gold - Halsey   

I, I must confess How hard I tried to breathe Through the trees of loneliness You, you must confess How hard you need to see Through the heart beating out my chest Feel like we've been falling down Like these autumn leaves But baby don't let winter come Don't let our hearts freeze If the morning light don't steal our soul We will walk away from empty gold Dark as midnight sun Smoke as black as charcoal Fills into our fragile lungs 'Cause when our demons come Dancing in the shadows To a game that can't be won

Wren Blake x Eric Northman (x: eternally yours)

Gods & Monsters - Lana Del Rey

In the land of Gods and Monsters I was an angel looking to get fucked hard Like a groupie incognito, posing as a real singer Life imitates art You got that medicine I need Dope, shoot it up, straight to the heart, please I don't really wanna know what's good for me God's dead, I said, "Baby, that's alright with me"

Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge

Either way he wanted her and this was bad He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy Now a little crush turned into a like And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell herI want to hold you close Skin pressed against me tight Lie still, and close your eyes girl So lovely, it feels so rightI want to hold you close Soft breasts, beating heart As I whisper in your ear I want to fucking tear you apart

The Sharpest Lives - My Chemical Romance

There's a place in the dark where the animals go You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo I've really been on a bender and it shows So why don't you blow me A kiss before she goes Give me a shot to remember And you can take all the pain away from me Your kiss and I will surrender The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead A light to burn all the empires So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be In love with all of these vampires So you can leave like the sane, abandon me

THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND - Bad Omens

You're in the walls that I made with crosses and frames Hanging upside down For granted, in vain, I took everything I ever cared about I miss the way you say my name The way you bend, the way you break Your makeup running down your face The way you fuck, the way you taste When the curtains call the time Will we both go home alive? It wasn't hard to realize Love's the death of peace of mind

Siren - Kailee Morgue

There's a bright side To every wrong thing If you're looking at me through the right eyes Darkness in my name Don't you wanna come and play on the cool side Don't be so shy There's a pleasure in hidin' from the sun No, I was never one for pretty weather I'd rather be a creep, baby, follow me into the water I'll take you to the darker This could be perfection A venom drippin' in your mouth Singin' like a siren Love me while your wrists are bound You've been seeing me in your dreams but I'll be there when your reality drowns

Whitney Seed x Joseph Seed (x: far from eden)

Losing My Religion - R.E.M.

Oh life is bigger It's bigger than you And you are not me The lengths that I will go to The distance in your eyes Oh no I've said too much I set it up That's me in the corner That's me in the spot-light Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no I've said too much I haven't said enough

Off To The Races - Lana Del Rey

Likes to watch me in the glass room, bathroom, Château Marmont Slippin' on my red dress, puttin' on my makeup Glass room, perfume, cognac, lilac fumes Says it feels like heaven to him Light of his life, fire of his loins Keep me forever, tell me you own me Light of your life, fire of your loins Tell me you own me, gimme them coinsAnd I'm off to the races, cases of Bacardi chasers Chasin' me all over town 'Cause he knows I'm wasted, facin' time again at Rikers Island And I won't get out Because I'm crazy, baby I need you to come here and save me I'm your little scarlet, starlet, singin' in the garden Kiss me on my open mouth

From Eden - Hozier

Babe, there's something wretched about this Something so precious about this Oh what a sin To the strand a picnic plan for you and me A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

Hard Feelings - Lorde

I light all the candles Cut flowers for all my rooms I care for myself the way I used to care about you These days, we kiss and we keep busy The waves come after midnight I call from underwater Why even try to get right? When you've outgrown a lover The whole world knows but you It's time to let go of this endless summer afternoon Hard feelings These are what they call hard feelings of love When the sweet words and fevers all leave us right here in the cold, oh oh Alone with the hard feelings of love God I wish I believed you when you told me this was my home, oh oh Three years, loved you every single day, made me weak, it was real for me, yup, real for me Now I'll fake it every single day 'til I don't need fantasy, 'til I feel you leave But I still remember everything, how we'd drift buying groceries, how you'd dance for me I'll start letting go of little things 'til I'm so far away from you, far away from you, yeah

Talk - Hozier

I'd be the last shred of truth In the lost myth of true love (hey ya) I'd be the sweet feeling of release Mankind now dreams of (hey ya) That's found in the last witness Before the wave hits Marveling at God (hey ya) Before he feels alone One final time And marries the sea Imagine being loved by me I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things I would do So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we could do So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you

Grace Harding x Charles Smith (x: meet me in the woods)

Better Love - Hozier

And I've never loved a darker blue Than the darkness I have known in you, own from you You, whose heart would sing of anarchy You would laugh at meanings, guarantees, so beautifully When our truth is burned from history By those who figured justice in fond memory, witness me Like fire weeping from a cedar tree Know that my love would burn with me We'll live eternally

In the Cold, Cold Night - The White Stripes

I can't stand it any longer I need the fuel to make my fire bright So don't fight it any longer Come to me again in the cold, cold night In the cold, cold night And I know that you feel it too When my skin turns into glue You will know that it's warm inside And you'll come run to me, in the cold, cold night In the cold, cold night In the cold, cold night In the cold, cold night

Wait By The River - Lord Huron

And the stars fill the river As it flows into the sky And the mind leaves the body And floats higher and higher If we can't be together I will leave this world behind If I can't touch your body Can I touch the sky? I will wait by the river I will wait by the river I will wait by the river I will wait by the river

Silence - Marshmello, Khalid

I'm in need of a savior (savior), but I'm not asking for favors My whole life, I've felt like a burden I think too much, and I hate it I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence I found peace in your violence Can't show me, there's no point in trying I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long I found peace in your violence Can't show me, there's no point in trying I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

Would That I - Hozier

So in awe there I stood as you Licked off the grain Though I've handled the wood I still worship the flame Long as amber of ember glows All the wood that I'd loved is long ago And it's not tonight (Oh, oh) When I'm set alight (Oh, oh) And I blink inside (Oh, oh) Oh, your blinding light (Oh, oh) Oh, that's not tonight (Oh, oh) When you hold me tight (Oh, oh) All the fire bright (Oh, oh) Oh, let it blaze alright (Oh, oh) Hope you're good to me Hope you're good to me (Oh, oh) Hope that you're good to me Baby (Oh, oh) Oh, oh, you're good to me You're good to me (Oh, oh) Hope that you're good to me, baby (Oh, oh)

Anna Dubois x Arthur Morgan (x: wait by the river)

Until I Found You - Stephen Sanchez, Em Beihold

Heaven When I held you again How could We ever just be friends? I would rather die than let you go Juliet to your Romeo How I heard you say "I would never fall in love again until I found her" I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into" I was lost within thе darkness, but then I found her I found you

Outlaws - Au/Ra

Oh, now that we got blood on our hands No, we'll never hide the contraband No, let me not surrender, if we go down its together I'm gonna make a stand 'Cause we are outlaws, wave your guns facing that forty-fives We are outlaws, know we're there taking our heart to life We got gold in our pockets and this love that we got Its beating in our chests like the wild wild west

Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey

I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now Channeling angels in the new age now Hot summer days, rock and roll The way you'd play for me at your show And all the ways I got to know Your pretty face and electric soul Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul? I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful? Dear Lord, when I get to Heaven Please let me bring my man When he comes, tell me that you'll let him in Father, tell me if you can All that grace, all that body All that face makes me wanna party He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

It Will Come Back - Hozier

I know who I am when I'm alone I'm something else when I see you You don't understand, you should never know How easy you are to need Don't let me in with no intention to keep me Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me Honey, don't feed me, I will come back It can't be unlearned I've known the warmth of your doorways Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you Oh, please, give me mercy no more That's a kindness you can't afford I warn you, baby, each night, as sure as you're born You'll hear me howling outside your door

Dancing With Your Ghost - Sasha Alex Sloan

I stay up all night Tell myself I'm alright Baby, you're just harder to see than most I put the record on Wait 'til I hear our song Every night I'm dancing with your ghost Every night I'm dancing with your ghost Never got the chance To say a last goodbye I gotta move on But it hurts to try How do I love How do I love again? How do I trust How do I trust again?

Thela x Geralt (x: wolves without teeth)

It’s Been Awhile - Staind

And everything I can't remember As fucked up as it all may seem The consequences that I've rendered I've gone and fucked things up again, again Why must I feel this way? Just make this go away Just one more peaceful day And it's been awhile Since I could look at myself straight And it's been awhile Since I said I'm sorry And it's been awhile Since I've seen the way the candles light your face And it's been awhile But I can still remember just the way you taste

Wolves Without Teeth - Of Monsters and Men

And I run from wolves, ooh Breathing heavily At my feet And I run from wolves, ooh Tearing into me Without teeth I can see through you We are the same It's perfectly strange You run in my veins How can I keep you Inside my lungs I breathe what is yours You breathe what is mine

When the Night is Over - Lord Huron

In every window, I pass Your reflection in the glass Makes me wonder if my mind is going Shadows shifting in the rain Slowly driving me insane By the stars above, I know we were in love I have only 'til the night is over I feel the weather change I hear the river say your name I watch the birds fly by I see an emerald in the sky

Moonsea - PHILDEL

There are diamonds on the floor you can't take back There's an eyelash on the board, does she wear black? (I called it, I called it, I called it) All the violence that I swore you could have back There's red varnish on the door, I don't wear that I called it, I called it I called it the moonsea It is a cruel dream From up so high I can hardly decide If you're waving hello or waving goodbye Here in the moonsea It is a cruel dream Don't share the past, if you won't share your heart All that we share is the view of these stars

Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell

Oh, feel our bodies grow And our souls they play, yeah Yeah love I hope you know How much my heart depends, yeah But I guess that's love I can't pretend I guess that's love I can't pretend, oh, oh But I guess that's love I can't pretend I guess that's love I can't pretend, oh, oh

mezcal and movie marathon

took a break in the middle of american honey to go for a long walk in the nature preserve. all the plants smelled soooo good and the river was rushing hard instead of stagnant and droughted because of the storm last night/this morning

Not Drinking

    I’ve been a drinker since Highschool. It started with cheap booze, there wasn’t much to do as a kid, and this is how we had fun. We drank 40’s, Baccardi, 4 l0ko, hypnotiq, Majorska. Anything cheap. Cheap and gross and as I moved to New York my taste got better. It started out gross, tolerance was super low, I always got sick; but I kept at it and kept elevating from being a promoter, to rushing a sorority, to working in hospitality and always being surrounded by alcohol. Where even though I was in school and working, I always looked forward to a good party.   

     Night clubs, dives, rooftops, brunch, dinners, drinks. When I turned 26, I started working in the bar industry from the hotel industry as a part time gig. A typical actor/ writer survival job. I started out as a bar back in West Hollywood. Partying in LA is different. I learned about mezcal, fernet, & craft cocktails. Where bartenders weren’t just bartenders but chefs. Making recipes, with fresh juices, different bitters, egg whites and people loved it. Each Bartender was a character. The lovable one, the one who knows the  history of the spirit, the perfectionist who is also an asshole. They all played their bit. 

     If you tell people that you work in a bar and mind you I had a day job with benefits too. People who’ve never done it feel bad for you. The work is really physical.    

    Especially bar-backing, I was super fit and fast. I don’t think I could do that again. But to be honest, I would work a couple days and make $500 bucks in tips and actually afford living in LA. When working at a desk, concierge, or in production just wasn’t taking care of my bills a lone. I needed supplemental income. Especially getting paid every 2 weeks, nah it wasn’t cutting it. I didn’t go to LA to be a hotel manager, which pays more but is extremely time consuming,  I went to pursue dreams and experience the west coast. Travel. Which is exactly what I did. 

   That little bar-back gig led to working at a bar in a big hotel full time in New York City when I was done with LA. 

    I loved partying, getting together with friends, I used to love going out til 6 am, and in LA we got out at midnight and would party til it closed, got to a taco truck, slept and tried to go for a hike in the morning. 

    It was all fun until the hangovers, your tolerance started increasing, and losing control where you make a million resolutions because you feel so sick the next day. Also , the embarrassment for blacking out, getting sick, and spending too much money. 

    Even being aware of this,  you know it’s a bad habit. I used to think,  if I live a really healthy life I could keep partying. I could juice, cook, work out, study theater and filmmaking, work hard to pay my bills and drink with my coworkers, friends, or whoever wants to party. It was linked to everything. 

    Film screening —> party, after a performance —> party, birthday party, holiday party, rough shift, and it became a lifestyle. Work hard party hard. The bars were beautiful and actually looked like a movie set. 

     Partying is great, partying is partially how I make a living, but partying was also ruining my  life. We all see addictions. It makes you gain weight. Cravings get intense, where alcohol is your main escape. Maybe escaping the tiring demands of your job. Family issues, relationship issues, or maybe you just like it, which I felt was my problem. 

    I’m not escaping anything I just love getting lit. Maybe you have anxiety which it gives you anxiety. But even with all that I was accomplishing. The things I set out to do were getting done, however the bad feelings I got, were because alcohol. There’s a come down. 

     I realized slowly no matter how healthy I was I couldn’t be “actually healthy” while I kept drinking. I couldn’t afford it and my body didn’t want to handle it anymore so I had a show, had a few birthdays to go to, and gave it up for 2 months cold turkey. From Nov 1st- Jan 1st. Longest I’ve gone straight. 

    2 months doesn’t seem like a lot but for a New Yorker tempted everywhere she goes; it is. You feel better, you don’t spend as much money, you do get bored. Like really bored. So bored I was binge watching 2 shows and 2 rom coms at the same time where this month I gave up watching shows. I know I  can’t just go cold turkey with no vice. 

    So I’m trying healthy things like kick boxing and drawing. I have a script to write, I should audition. Focus on yoga and being present. Reading. 

    I was in a situation a couple years ago where drinking numbed the pain I was in. After working or to feel better I would book trips. I would reward my self with a drink, food, traveling. For all the hard work I did, I deserved it.  

   Buying stuff for people to feel important, to validate my own self, that when I cut out the drinking and cut out my toxic job; I don’t have those issues anymore. I guess my issues now are just bettering myself. 

    I always did a lot of everything. I have to put out as much content as possible, make as many friends as possible, audition, have multiple jobs, and the city just gets so exhausting. 

     I even had a thought when I stopped drinking, it was my 30 day mark. I thought “wow I actually like New York City without alcohol.” Maybe it was because I wasn’t spending 300 bucks every weekend or had hangovers anymore. I enjoy the city a lot without alcohol or the pressures of being an actor. That’s another thing with drinking there’s pressure because if you don’t go out maybe you’ll lose your social life. I find myself in my 30s with someone I love and do I care about having a social life? Eh. When I need one I’ll organize something. 

    We think a lot about what we’re doing here in New York, why do we deal with so much to live here, are we fulfilling our purpose? I don’t know what I’d be doing in the suburbs probably coming here to work. So living here is just fine because it’s convenient, and if you really look, there’s plenty to do, even if you don’t drink. I love not driving and everything being at my disposal.

    Now I want to put this excess energy into creating, getting to a place I financially wana be, and growing into the person I want to be. 

    There’s always a reason to drink. Vacationing, birthdays, a Friday night, a hard days work. My problem was not being able to stop at 1 drink. So if I can’t do that I might as well not have any at all. 

    When you give something up, it just exercises your will power. You can stop and start anything but choosing to be healthy, really being healthy. Really just takes a lot of subtraction. 

     Get rid of social media, or minimize it. Get rid of tv or minimize it. Don’t drink or do drugs or minimize it. Don’t over spend or minimize it. There’s getting rid of Uber, restaurants, shopping, or just minimize it. Get rid of people. There’s so many people in my life but my priority will always be myself and my boyfriend first. Be a minimalist. 

     Eat vegetables, cook your food, sleep, exercise, journal. Maybe go to therapy. Work hard but also rest. Have good interactions with people. 

    I want to stress about important things like my health and what I want to do with my life. Not about all the rest I can’t control. All the drama you just can’t control. When I stopped drinking I finally felt self control. If I can let go of this what else can I let go of. 

    I’m drinking again. Actually had drinks with friends last night but now I’m thinking maybe I’ll take another month off maybe 3.

    So much could happen in that time. 

Wednesday November 29th

Orquevaux>Paris

Low of -2 high of 8. Sunny 🥹

Woof.

Stayed up late packing last night after a night of drinking, the sleep was not primo. Woke up in the middle of the night to pee, hard time getting back to sleep. In the morning I finished packing my toiletries and cleared out my bedroom. Had a good cry. Packing always does it for me.

Headed to my studio, it was frosty this morning with a heavy ist and it was absolutely beautiful. A nice way to say goodbye to this magical place. and started packing all my art and supplies. A bit of a scramble. Went up for breakfast and closing remarks. I was pretty stressed about time given that we were leaving at 1:50. Sylva helped me (both physically and emotionally). Went to ship things with Beulah at the gatehouse and ran into some real technological problems that set us back an hour that made me REAL stressed about the time. By the time we were done I only had time to run up the hill, take my gravol and throw a sausage roll in my mouth while hugging people goodbye.

Made it to the train in time (and thank god for that gravol), Dozed most of the way to Paris which helped with the lack of sleep, but did leave me pretty drowsy when I finally arrived. Hugged everyone goodbye and grabbed a cab to my hotel (easier with all the luggage) and AGAIN was thankful for the remaining gravol in my system because WOOF that driver really wasn't sold on the concept of lanes and rush hour traffic was a lot.

Made it to my hotel around 6, checked in and brought my luggage up to my room in the SMALLEST ELEVATOR I HAVE YET ENCOUNTERED. I barely fit in it. my shoulders touch the walls. Its hard to turn around. Its charming AND terrifying.

Room is small, but all I need as a solo traveler. The bathroom is barely separated from the bedroom, but theres a whole balcony that I wasn't expecting which is really nice (I'm writing from there now). Didn't know what to expect from this hotel, I booked it mostly for the location and price, but the reviews were a little mixed and some of the photos were pretty bleak, I was surprised that my room was freshly renovated, but the cleanliness leaves something to be desired and the attention to detail is a little lacking (toilet paper holder? towel rack?). Wishing I had another couple pillows, but c'est la vie.

Felt pretty crappy and tired, but forced myself to go out for dinner and thought 'fuck it' I'll go to that cute restaurant tonight; its at least close to my hotel. Le Petit Chatelette is right next to Shakespeare and company and right across from notre dame in the goddam cutest little house ever. When I arrived there was only a small group, myself and 2 other solo diners. The kind of service where the maitre de pulled out the table for you and tucks you in, then brings over the chalk board with the day's menu on it. I managed to not speak a lick of english in the restaurant and the waiter (who I think might have been the owner?) thanked me for my efforts. I got a braised rabbit thigh with mashed potatoes (and a baguette obviously), the house red (which was nice for 4 euro) sparkling water and for dessert the dessert du jour which was a tiramisu. There was meet cooking in the open hearth behind me. It sounded and smelled incredible and the food was great. The rabbit especially fell right off the bone.

I did such a good job being a good good french girl, I took myself for a walk through the latin quarter and then to Castor Club for a drink. Really small place, unmarked outside, inside just the bar with wood paneling, cute lamp shades and old country music and french rockabilly and swing. Great atmosphere. My first drink was a fun mezcal drink that was SO BITTER. I think the bitters plus the DOUBLE lime peel really did it. For my second drink I got to chatting with the bar tenders about drinks and spririts and whats good in Paris and France and what I should bring home. I had a genepi and calvados cocktail for my second drink (with a house shrub, fee brothers bitters and egg white). and the bartenders helped me narrow down where to drink tomorrow and where to buy myself some genepi (and maybe some chardonnay barrel aged calvados??). A really great night. Wove around through the Latin Quarter for a while after that and made my way organically back to the hotel. Another really exceptional location for this one; this is how Paris should be experienced.

❛ don’t worry, i can handle this. ❜

𝒟𝒾𝒶𝓁𝑜𝑔𝓊𝑒 𝒫𝓇𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓉 𝒜𝓈𝓀𝓈 (𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑜𝒸 𝓇𝓊𝓃)

♮

“You couldn’t handle your way out of the broad side of a bar—“

Invidia pales as he feels the exact moment that he knows he won’t be okay. He shouldn’t have accepted the mezcal from Dakota. He should have passed up on the dark liquor that Kaz had offered him. If he had then his little escape to the late night havoc of the party at Honeypot would have gone smoother.

He could have made it back to Babylon on time and not worried Malea. He could have gone home earlier and maybe come back again- and maybe he would need to be tracked down once again by Maxim at the behest of their boss.

The drinking hits his stomach like a freight train and he’s rushing toward the planter’s box in front of Honeypot as his mind swims and his stomach churns.

“CALL. NOEL. NOW.”

A Gastronomic Journey in Edmonton: Uncovering Whyte Avenue Restaurants' Charm

Edmonton, Alberta's Whyte Avenue is a busy and energetic neighborhood renowned for its wide range of cultural influences and upbeat attitude. The avenue has a wide variety of restaurants and cafes that appeal to a variety of tastes and inclinations, making the culinary scene one of its major attractions. The purpose of this essay is to explore the attractiveness of this culinary center and the distinctive eating experiences it has to offer by taking a gastronomic tour of Whyte Avenue's restaurants.

Whyte Avenue Dining: A Fusion of Flavours

The broad array of eateries that make up Whyte Avenue's appeal individually offer a tapestry of international cuisines that when combined create a melting pot of flavors. The avenue's dining outlets range from tiny cafes to fancy diners, catering to all socioeconomic groups, making it a food lover's heaven.

A Multifaceted Gastronomic Journey

Whyte Avenue takes great pleasure in its multiculturalism, which is admirably reflected in the various restaurants that can be found there. The flavors of numerous nations and continents are brought to one vivacious spot by the restaurants here, which offer a tempting variety of international cuisines. Whyte Avenue has everything, whether you're craving Mexican tacos, Indian curries, Japanese sushi, or Italian spaghetti.

From Farm to Table Freshness

Whyte Avenue is home to many eateries that support the farm-to-table movement and employ seasonal, regional ingredients. With an emphasis on sustainable techniques, these restaurants make sure that each dish is meticulously prepared, capturing the essence of the area's natural abundance in every mouthful.

Stylish Dining with a Local Flare

The Whyte Avenue culinary scene combines global influences with a dash of regional flair. These eateries expertly combine local culinary traditions with inspiration from around the world to produce dishes that are both recognizable and wonderfully inventive.

Legendary Dining on Whyte Avenue

Culina Muttart Café is tucked away next to the Muttart Conservatory and offers a farm-to-table experience. Seasonal treats made with ingredients sourced locally are included on the always changing menu. The freshest ingredients available in the area can be enjoyed by diners in a gourmet journey.

Mexican cuisine and a tequila bar at El Cortez

El Cortez Mexican Kitchen + Tequila Bar is a must-visit location for anybody yearning for the robust flavors of Mexico. With a menu influenced by the vivid cuisine of Mexico and an excellent range of tequilas and mezcal, this Edmonton Restaurant guarantees a fiesta of flavor experiences.

Baked goods with sugar and spices

Dessert lovers will find paradise at Sugared and Spiced Baked Goods. A variety of handmade pastries, cupcakes, and mouthwatering sweet treats are available at this attractive bakery, which draws customers in. Sugared and Spiced provides something for every sweet craving, whether it's a morning coffee companion or a decadent afternoon snack.

The Best Restaurants on Whyte Avenue: Some Insider Advice

The food atmosphere on Whyte Avenue promotes exploration. Take advantage of the chance to broaden your palette and find new favorites by experimenting with various foods and flavors.

Think about booking a room

Particularly during rush hours or on weekends, some of Whyte Avenue's most well-known eateries can become crowded. Make reservations in advance if you want to guarantee a smooth dining experience.

Conclusion

The eateries on Whyte Avenue are proof positive of Edmonton's vibrant multiculturalism and culinary inventiveness. The avenue's culinary landscape is likely to captivate and satisfy any palate, whether you're looking for the comfort of classic foods or the excitement of trying something new. Whyte Avenue is a magical place for foodies and travelers alike thanks to the combination of diverse cuisines, farm-to-table freshness, and a dash of local character. Indulge in the flavors that genuinely distinguish Whyte Avenue eateries as you embark on a culinary tour of this energetic neighborhood.

Uniclues (man... some days these gush forth):

1 "Phew, thankfully I was on a plane to Bogotá."

2 That inescapable hatred for your opponent when you've lost one horse and your queen.

3 Rent-a-castle.

4 Action of a hater after just one sip.

5 When bi-focals aren't helping.

6 A list that gets blurrier the more you use it.

7 The reliable image buried in the pages of a Cosmo magazine a pre-teen boy is flipping through while waiting for his mom at the beauty parlor (not that I would know).

8 All of them.

9 Cordelia... c'mon girl, just get with the program.

10 My feeling about hospitals.

11 Buy a Volkswagen.

12 Question and answer I can't say yet, but I keep hoping the day will come if I keep singing show tunes and wearing jewelry.

13 What you do.

14 Penguin with no assists.

15 Lizard who refuses to vacation in cold climates, primarily due to the paralysis.

***

1 ALIBI BY AIR

2 PIECES GRUDGE

3 USABLE MANOR

4 LOB MATCHA LATTE (~)

5 EYES ALLY ERRS (~)

6 MEZCAL MENUS (~)

7 NO RUSH AREOLA

8 TRENDY POP STAR (~)

9 LEAR LEAD-SLOTH (~)

10 ICK. ANEMIA INN.

11 SELECT BEETLE (~)

12 GAY ICON? I SURE AM! (~)

13 PECK AT TETRIS

14 ADELIE BALL HOG

15 A POLAR IGUANA (~)

22

The Ace Hotel. J's organization was throwing a big show in town, so we all pulled up in support.

"The venue's beautiful," A said as we waited in line outside.

"Very 1930's," R said.

They also gleefully warned me that the drinks were strong. I had a few sips of the mezcal-soda-lime (a "I'll have whatever she's having") and was unimpressed. I was nursing my second mezcal-soda-lime when the show ended, still clear-headed, still sober. We stepped out into the lobby where Jo La Tengo was DJ-ing. Suddenly we were dancing to Jo La Tengo. My second mezcal-soda-lime was beginning to slosh over the sides of the cup. There was mezcal-soda-lime on the nice carpet. On my nice jacket. On my friend's nice jacket.

I looked over and half my drink was gone in my hand. I'm not sure how much ended up on the floor and how much actually made it down the hatch, but I was having fun, so what the hell. The room began to wobble. Maybe I wasn't so clear-headed. Maybe I wasn't so sober.

"JO LA TENGA IS THE TRUTH!" Someone yelled. It was probably someone in our group--the only 7 people dancing in the crowded space. "Whatever, life's too short and this music's too good not to dance," I remember saying when someone pointed this out to me. Then I accidentally spilled more mezcal-soda-lime onto my jacket.

J handed me a fistful of free drink tickets, or maybe I grabbed the fistful out of her hand. No, Lori! Many grabby hands that weren't mine reached over and suddenly I was left with a measly two drink tickets. Foiled.

That night I dreamt I lived in a glass house. I went to take a bath, and in the upper corner of one of the giant windows spied my neighbor taking a bath on the second floor of her home, and--was she shaving her face? I averted my eyes and dropped the blinds. Not my business.

I lowered myself into the tub. The water was warm, and I let my entire head slip under. I held my breath, and for a few pleasant moments it was silent save the sound of blood rushing through my ears. My head broke the surface. I took a breath and went under again. In and out. After awhile, I sat there in the bathwater, my skin pink and the steam rising up around me, content.

When I woke it was 5:30 am. 4.5 hours of sleep. Was it the alcohol or the too-much coffee? It gets hard to tell. An hour later I realized sleep wasn't coming, so here I am.

The Mezcal Rush: Explorations in Agave Country 

By Granville Greene.

Design by Jennifer Heuer.

Summertime, And The Livin’s Easy- a black sails fic prompt fill

this became incredibly long so instead of just posting it with the ask i’ve made it’s own post 

@themelonface​ asks- For the fic prompts (if you're still taking them), silverflint talking about children. Can be AU, can be set during or after canon. I just have a feeling Miranda never wanted any, Thomas was too wrapped up in the fight for equality to need anything more than cats, but maybe James would have wanted kids in another life.

HERE MY DARLING HAVE THE FIRST OF hopefully TWO PROMPT FILLS because i want to write a post canon ficlet for this ask as well. 

but for now have modern au silverflint (and hamilton at the end) and the discussion of children 💕

cw for mentions of child abuse and shitastic fathers!!! but theres nothing graphic mentioned or shown. 

***

It was the hazy space between what would have been brunch on a weekend and the corporate lunch time rush and the start of cocktail hour on every other day when half the bars in Brooklyn Heights hadn’t actually opened their doors yet and those that had were serving sandwiches and day drinking friendly cocktails.

 The Walrus was one of the latter.

Silver slid off his bar stool as the last member of the aforementioned lunch rush stepped out the door and leaned against the polished bar top with a bright grin. “How you holding up, honey?” Muldoon rolled his eyes. “Please, a corpse could make an aperol spritz.” “I doubt a corpse could make that many of them that quickly.” “Flattery might work on other men,” Muldoon said, as he always did, with a wag of his tattooed finger and a smile fighting to show on his face. “But it will not work on me.” “Are you sure? Cause you were pretty sexy with those martinis. Remind me why its always vodka?” “Your boyfriend has told you that a dozen times already, I know it for a fact, you shit.” “Okay but maybe I wanna hear you explain it. Again,” Silver said, propping his chin on his hands and putting on his best Cheshire smile, throwing in a slight batting of the lashes just for Muldoon’s sake. They played this game every time Silver wasted away a few hours at the bar, which he was starting to do more and more often. He’d joke with Flint that it was only out of boredom, but in truth, he felt safe there, nestled in the corner with his laptop or acting as an honorary member of the staff when they needed some help. He didn’t want to dwell too much on it, on why he felt so safe there or why after so many years he was once again feeling so painfully devoted to the same group of men who’d despite everything, seen him through hell. Muldoon sighed, his hands making quick work of filling the high powered steam dishwasher under the counter. He pushed it closed with his hip and looked up at Silver, finally cracking a smile. “Do you want to help me run bar for a bit, love? While it’s quiet?”

Silver was behind the bar before Muldoon could even consider changing his mind. He did pause to duck into the kitchen quickly, where the two line cooks- Randal and Dooley- were working on their mise en place and Vane was wedged into the alley doorway with a cigarette in his mouth, recovering from the lunch rush. His long hair was carefully tied up in a braided bun and covered in a bandanna, ears lined as always with half a dozen hoops a piece. “Why do you look like you just ate a canary?” Vane asked around his smoke. “No reason. Where’s the Captain?” Vane nodded to the walk in pantry where Flint was likely checking stock counts, “he’s in a mood again.” “When isn’t he? When he’s done tell him to come up to the bar I’ve got a surprise,” Silver said, still wearing that grin, and Vane laughed with a nod, going back to watching the alley behind the bar. “Alright come on you flirt-” Muldoon called, and Silver quickly washed his hands and snagged one of the spare aprons Hal kept behind the bar. It wasn’t like he didn’t know how to make a cocktail, he played bartender for house parties all the time. But there was something different about learning to do it properly, from Muldoon who clearly took great pride in it, and in a place that was quickly becoming a second home to him. An hour in, and several successful cocktails later, Muldoon allowed Silver to help him actually fill orders for the few customers they got, though it wasn’t many. Flint still had not resurfaced from the kitchen, and so Silver kept his focus on the recipes Muldoon had him run through- proper martinis and Manhattans, Mojitos and mules, mezcal margs and all the things you could do with the collection of Amaros and aperitifs behind the bar. The customers were students on their way home from morning classes, morning shifters heading home or stopping for some food before the evening shift at their second job started, regulars who stopped in for lunch because no one made a cuban quite as well as their kitchen did.   And then the door chimed and Silver looked up with his customary smile and greeting ready, waiting to see where the guests might seat themselves- the host wouldn’t be in till four when the official dinner service started- and found himself staring at, well, children. Six of them, all too young to be in a bar unsupervised even before happy hour but probably even too young to be wandering around Brooklyn by themselves as it was. The older two definitely had the hardened older sibling with “semi absent if not entirely absent parents” look around them, Silver knew that look far too well, though whether the four younger kids were siblings or just under their care he couldn’t be sure. All of them were wearing some variation of public school uniform which Silver recognized from the public school a few blocks away. “Hey Nicki,” Muldoon said with a wave, and one of the older kids with short messy dark hair and equally dark eyes waved back. Silver looked at Muldoon quickly with raised brows. “Do me a favor go find Flint, okay? Tell him the kids are up front.” Silver just nodded, watching as Nicki and the other older kid shepherded the younger kids into the big corner booth closest to the bar without being told to, and slipped into the kitchen. Vane was at the prep table, knife in hand and making quick work of a cut of meat. He didn’t look up when he heard the door swing open but tilted his head expectantly. “Flint?” Sliver asked. “Smoke break, should be about done. Said he was coming up to see you in a minute.” Silver threw open the back alley door and there was Flint, propped up against the wall with a beaten up paperback on his knee and a forgotten cigarette in his hand. He looked up at him with a frown. “Hey whats wrong? You set the bar on fire with a flaming mojito or something?” he said, wearing a rare teasing smile. “Not yet but theres like, half a kindergarten class upfront.” Flint blinked, looked at his watch, and swore, “shit they must’ve let out early cause of the heat.” “Darling, what in the hell are you talking about.” Flint stubbed out the cigarette and tossed it in the ashtray by the door, kissing the top of Silver’s head as he passed. “I’ll explain in a minute- Vane! Leave the dinner service I need you on the meal kits with me-” “Already started on them,” Vane said, waving the knife idly as he portioned the meat into rather exact ready to cook portions. Flint nodded and washed his hands. “Dooley wheres those sandwiches I told you to fix-” “Here boss.” “Silver,” Flint loaded up six plates of sandwiches onto two serving trays and passed the lighter of the two to Silver. “Take one of these out with me ‘kay?” Silver nodded and balanced the tray on his shoulder, following Flint out of the kitchen. The bar was still mostly empty, Muldoon hanging out at the corner of the bar closest to the kids, making them each a Shirley Temple and passing Nicki a pitcher of water for them to share. Normally, Silver would’ve made some smart ass remark about how apparently it was normally for a bunch of kids to just turn up at the bar for lunch but something about this felt different and something in the set of Flint’s shoulders told him to stay quiet. “Let me guess the AirCon crap out again?” Flint asked upon reaching the table. “Or did one of you sabotage it to get out early?” The younger kids all started talking at once, bursts of loud excitement at seeing Flint, and the food, all wanting to explain why they had been let out of school a little bit early that day. Nicki and the other older kid, Sola, helped distribute the plates of food with smiles and nods of thanks while Flint listened intently to the kids’ rambling and incoherent explanations.   Once the young-ins were distracted by the sandwiches, Nicki offered a more coherent explanation. “Yeah they said the AC’s gonna be out till tomorrow with the heat, so they’re closing school till Monday,” he said. “Three day weekend I guess, without the extra homework since the teachers didn’t have time to prepare for any.” “Nice. Gonna meet your friends at the bridge park tomorrow? You mentioned wanting to get your kick flips more polished.” Nicki shook his head, looking bitter about it. “Can’t, busted up my front bearings and wheels on a ride home last week, won’t be able to afford to fix it for a bit. S’fine though, got chores to do.” Flint nodded, leaning back against the bar with his arms lazily crossed over his middle. “Do me a solid and bring the board by tomorrow okay? I think one of my guys might have some spare parts they’re not using.” Silver felt something in him break a little at the way the boy’s face lit up at Flint’s words. Or maybe it was at the ease with which Flint handled the kids, the openness he showed them, listening to how their days had gone, if only in brief, listening to their problems, which to them seemed world ending- Sola’s internet was out for the weekend, so she’d be at the library doing homework on Friday and probably most of the weekend when she wasn’t helping at her aunt’s salon, the little ones would all be shuttled to various relatives until Monday until they went back to school and Sola and Nicki, or another of the older kids in their building would take charge of them again. One of the younger kids was staring at Silver, her sandwich half held to her mouth. Just staring, bright brown eyes fixed on him in that quizzical way that children possessed that always made Silver feel transparent. Flint noticed and followed her gaze with an amused grin, waving for Silver to come over to join them instead of hiding behind the bar with Muldoon.  Silver looked at him wide eyed for a moment, then at the kids, specifically the little girl who was staring him down like a gunslinger, and then back at Flint, who just reached for him. Damn the bastard, he knew that was all it ever took. Silver came over and let Flint pull him in under his arm, feeling like a bug under the microscope in a science class he never attended but had heard about from other people. “You have pretty hair,” the little girl said. She was missing her two front teeth and Silver wanted to melt. “Thank you. You have big eyes.” “Yeah. They see a lot,” She said nodding solemnly. Silver could feel Flint shifting with the effort it took not to laugh. “They’re a pretty color. They remind me of this stone called tiger’s eye,” Silver continued. He could see Nicki giving Flint a look, though he didn’t know what Flint was doing in response. The little girl tilted her head. “Whats that?” So Silver pulled out his phone and showed her, which lead to a short lesson in gemstones that mostly amounted to excited cries of “oh shiny” and “I’d steal that one” which did Silver’s heart good. “This is Silver, a friend of mine who just moved back to town. He’s helping out round here. So he and I are gonna go fix your take away bags,” Flint said, once the momentary fascination in gemstones had faded and the kids were once again fixed on their plates. “Sola, you and Nicki just let Muldoon know if you guys need anything, or stick your head in the kitchen and yell okay? We’ll hear you. C’mon Silver.” If Silver had hoped for an explanation, he didn’t get one. Once he and Flint crossed the threshold back into the kitchen there was work to be done- Randal and Dooley handled the orders brought to them from the waitstaff while Flint and Vane, with Silver doing whatever Flint told him to, made quick work of assembling meal kit after meal kit from dishes both on and off the bar’s menu. Everything was boxed up and taped shut, paired with pre-typed instructions on how to cook the meals and how many servings each would make, and tucked into sturdy double layered brown bags that would hopefully survive a trip across the neighborhood. As they were finishing twenty minutes later, Hal’s voice could be heard through the window behind the bar, which answered Silver’s most pressing question- did he know that Flint was just running a school cafeteria out of the bar? Apparently yes, and apparently the kids were just as excited, if not more so, to see “Uncle” Hal. Because of course they called him Uncle Hal, why wouldn’t they. God, Silver was going to have to book a fucking dentist appointment for all the tooth rot the sweetness of this was giving him. He helped Flint carry out the bags of food, Vane insisting the kids would be too scared of him while Flint argued that Vane was just scared of the kids, and Silver watched as Hal and Flint got the bags labeled for each child and into a push cart that Sola promised to bring back the next day when she passed on her way to her Aunt’s salon. He then did his very best not to pass away on the spot as each kid, even Nicki and Sola, hugged Hal goodbye. Flint had crouched down to say good by to the little ones, accepting their clumsy hugs, reminding them to be careful walking home, and asking them to recite the bar’s phone number for him just in case (though Silver was sure they probably had cellphones, even if they were elementary schoolers), before he stood and gave Nicki and Sola each a one armed hug and watched them shepherd the group outside again. “Only group today?” Hal asked and Silver thought his voice sounded a bit heavy. “So far. Powers out at their school though, likely a couple others’ll come by later. Want me to call around to the other bars and see if they’ve heard anything?” “Yeah call the food bank and the closest shelter too for me, see if we can’t drop off our end of night supply to them this weekend.” Later, several more hours of food prep and three more groups of wary looking kids who all seemed completely unafraid of Flint and his crew, plus a Thursday night dinner rush, and Silver finally got his explanation. He also thought he should have gotten the nobel prize for being able to keep his mouth shut for as long as he did. “So are we gonna talk about it?” Flint was sitting on the floor in front of him, half asleep already between his thighs, as Silver combed his hair. They had taken home food from the bar and shared a six pack between them on the deck, Thomas held up at a Client dinner where he was no doubt being wined and dined and bored to absolute tears. They had treated themselves then to a hot bath, with the jets, and were now just wasting time with the kind of nonsexual intimacy that Silver had learned he craved with Flint, waiting for Thomas to join them so they could all manage a good nights sleep. “Talk about what?” Flint asked, his voice a heady rumble. “The kids. And why they knew to just wander into a bar on a Thursday,” Silver said, keeping his voice gentle. He coated his hands in more product and worked it into the shaved sides and back of Flint’s head, massaging his scalp as he went. “Why you and Hal and the rest of the crew seemed completely unphased by it.” Flint hummed lowly, nearly a purr as he leaned into Silver’s touch. They’d settled into the bedroom Thomas and Flint shared, like they did most nights since it had the nicest adjoining bathroom and all the obnoxiously nice hair and skin care products. Silver sat in the old plush armchair, bundled up in a robe while Flint, naked and content to air dry, leaned into him, a picture of ginger hair, rich freckles, and well loved tattoos on a soft strong figure. If Silver hadn’t been so distracted by the day, he’d have been more appreciative. “S’not that big a deal. Lots of families round here with young kids, can’t keep an eye on them between working two or three jobs, haven’t got money for babysitters or relatives to watch ‘em, or enough to cover food for the week, especially when the public schools can’t feed em. You start to notice which kids it is, when they pass by, which schools they go to, which blocks.” “In Brooklyn Heights?” “They don’t live in this neighborhood, Silver, you know that, not all of Brooklyn has been gentrified to shit by the developers. Hell walk a few blocks east towards the tech school and you’ll find a lot of them. Or south towards Bayridge. Anyway, the groups you met today are all right from Downtown Brooklyn, they go to school nearby you’ve seen them.” “Yeah I just… I dunno, you see so much of the multi-million dollar condos I guess you forget thats not all theres is.” “Nicki lives with his mom, his dad walked out and she’s working two jobs to keep the one bedroom they share over on Jay street. He’s only thirteen but he tried getting a job with me washing dishes last summer, I turned him down, sent him home with some food for his trouble,” Flint continued. Silver smiled, he could picture the scrappy dark haired boy trying to square up with Flint, trying to convince him he was old enough to legally work. “Let me guess he wasn’t the first.” “Won’t be the last either. If they aren’t working for the family to earn some extra money or to cut back on hiring expenses they’re looking for shifts somewhere to pick up the slack. They’re losing out on being kids all because the rent keeps going up and there ain’t shit else to do about it other than leave. And a lot of them can’t even afford to do that.” There was a familiar grit to Flint’s voice, the old bitter salt that meant someone had touched a nerve. It scared other people, but Silver knew it just meant Flint was, for the moment, being vulnerable with him. “Were you Nicki once? Trying to bully your way into work?” Silver asked softly. He reached for the comb again and sectioned off a part of Flint’s hair to start working with. Flint was quiet a moment. “Yeah. Yeah worked the docks a bit as a boy, most kids did it to earn pocket money or to help out with the bills.” “Which was it for you?” “Granddad only had his pension. And he spent that on booze. So whatever I earned at the docks helping the fishermen, or from pickpocketing, that was what bought food. Kept the lights on, shit like that. I told you once, that I met Henessy that way, picking his pocket.” Silver laughed softly. “I do remember. You technically succeeded, didn’t you?” “Mm, he only caught me cause someone snitched. Broke that fuckers nose real good I’ll tell you.” They were quiet for a moment, Silver combing Flint’s hair with impossible care, working his fingers through any knots he found, before following with product and conditioner, Flint grew heavier and heavier against him, warm and soft and his. “So you and Hal decided to do something, the way you always do?” Silver asked. “Hm? Oh yeah- city isn’t doin’ much, food banks and schools are already over run, and when school holidays hit, they can barely keep up demand for kids who need free meals. So we got a few other bars involved, met with some schools and the food banks and sent out some notices and just- started feeding people. I mean thats why Hal wanted to open the bar you know? You feed people and you give them everything. You feed them and they’ll do the rest. So thats what we did. In a week or two when the schools are out for the summer we’ll have a couple trucks that’ll make deliveries, so the kids don’t have to come to the bar.” Silver hummed and kissed his temple. “You’re sweet.” “Am not.” “You’ll let me help, right? Prep the meals and stuff?” Flint tipped his head back to look up at him. “You want to?” “Yeah. This altruistic thing is new to me, as is the cooking for fun thing but… it matters, to you, any idiot can see that. And I want to be part of it.” Silver smiled and leaned down to kiss him best he could. He could feel Flint smiling into the upside down kiss. “You’re really good with them too, you know, which please don’t take this the wrong way, I did not expect,” he added when he pulled back. “What with the kids?” “Yeah.” “Oh no offense taken I have no idea how it happened. They just aren’t afraid of me for some reason. I fully expected them to be, mind. I used to think I had the kind of face that would make babies and small children cry but apparently they just, I dunno, think I’m alright.” “They trust you, thats a big deal for kids. Especially ones who have clearly been let down by other adults. I mean you also talk to them like they’re just tiny adults which probably helps.” “They’re gonna be adults one day, might as well treat them with dignity well before they realize they should be fighting for it, you know?” Silver smiled softly, “Sometimes I don’t think you realize how magnificent you are, you bastard.” Flint didn’t say anything, just blindly reached for Sliver’s hands so he could pull him closer. So silver set aside the comb and rested his chin on the top of Flint’s head, wrapping his arms around him and holding tight to his weathered, tattooed hands. “You were good with them too, once you stopped being scared of them,” Flint offered. “Kids scare me, I’ve never spent enough time around them to learn how to make them happy. They’re so easy to hurt, so easy to damage. And extremely durable, extremely resilient but… I dunno… Just never trusted myself and never had the opportunity to do more than amuse them for a few minutes at a time before vanishing into thin air like Santa Claus.” “Well, you’ll have plenty of practice at the bar. I still think you were good with them. Little Sylvie likes you at least.” “Not as much as they love you.” Silver thought a moment. “Hey…” “Hm?” “Have… Have you and Thomas ever talked about kids?” It was a heavy question, one that might have been too much too soon and a part of Silver wished he hadn’t asked it. But there had been such a softness in Flint’s face when he’d spoken to the children, a kindness and a focus in his attention that meant he’d put time and effort into his actions, into making sure what he was doing was what the kids needed in that moment. It wasn’t just an adult slumming it with the neighborhood kids cause he had nothing better to do, it was almost, dare Silver think it, Paternal in nature. Paternal and the dread Captain Flint being used in the same sentence had not been something Silver had ever considered as possible, and yet- And yet it was, and it had piqued the old curiosity. Flint was quiet again, though he didn’t pull away or let go of Silvers hands, so Silver trusted that he hadn’t upset him. Silver held him tightly, turning his head to rest his cheek on Flint’s hair and wait patiently for him to speak. “Its complicated, pup.” “You don’t have to tell me. I was just curious. I never thought of you as a dad until today but now I’m… I won’t lie a part of me is still thinking about it.” There was a soft shuddering sound and Silver felt Flint shift in his arms, curling tighter in on himself for a moment before trying to settle again. Silver held tight, pressing his face into his hair. It took another moment or two, and several deep breaths, but Flint eventually spoke. “Thomas and Miranda were expected to have children when they married,” he said lowly, “all wealthy families expect heirs. But Miranda didn’t want to go through pregnancy and Thomas wasn’t sure if he could sire so they found ways of putting it off and focusing on Thomas’ political career. Thomas… he wanted to save the world, I’m sure for a while he thought he couldn’t allow himself thoughts of a future until that was done.” Silver hummed. That did sound like Thomas. Even now, with the chip on his shoulder and the somewhat colder view of the world, he still seemed to think he could save it. Silver wasn’t about to point out that Flint still seemed to think the same way. “And after everything I dunno I guess it just took so much time to remember how to be living, breathing people again, that children were never part of the consideration,” Flint said with a shrug. There was a weight to his voice, an emptiness that had Silver frowning slightly in surprise. “How can you care for a child when you’ve only just come back to life? When you’ve only just found reason to stay alive? It- Any child we brought into our lives would have been at risk, back then for certain, though I’m not sure a child would be better off now and besides with how much we work its not like-” “James,” Silver said softly, lifting his head, “you’re rambling.” Flint went still in his arms, still as if waiting for the lash that he knew would never come, but waited for all the same. The readiness with which Flint expected violence broke something in Silver, just as much as it felt like a mirror, smudged and smoky and cracked with age. “Is this your way of saying you want to be a father, but the thought of it terrifies you?” Silver asked. “The things I’ve done,” Flint said in a rough voice, “The stains my hands have carried- I’d see them every time I held my child. That’s my fear, I think. That I’d see them, and that violence would stain them as well.” He paused. Silver held him, hiding his own face. It was easier, they had learned, to talk about such things like this, with Flint’s back to Silver, their faces just hidden enough to give the illusion of control. How many secrets had they shared like this? Silver was losing count. “I was raised by a drunken old sailor and a bastard of a navy man who brought nothing but ruin- what could I ever give a child, John?” Flint asked, his hands white knuckle tight on Silver’s, his eyes the deep green of the sea, ghostly and far away. “What could I give them but that same ruin?” And what could Silver say in the face of that? So he said nothing, just nodded and kissed Flints throat until the tension in his shoulders softened and Flint settled back against Silver’s body to rest, weary and still haunted, but at least no longer at knife point in his own home. Silver went back to brushing his hair, singing softly to him as he worked, until Thomas came home and they were able to find more pleasant ways to spend their evening than discussing the sins of one’s father. They didn’t talk about the possibility of children again, not for the whole of the summer. They helped the food banks and the neighborhood families as best they could through the summer, made sure whatever kids stopped by the bar or the kitchen door in the alley left with something to eat, on the house. Thomas made sure checks were written to the shelters and the food banks that needed them, that the families that needed childcare could get it free of charge. They got through the summer, and the conversation never arose again. Silver just kept the thought of Flint holding a bright eyed child that sometimes looked like Thomas’ kid, and sometimes looked like his own, locked away safely in his heart and didn’t examine it too closely. Then Idelle had her baby in August. In October they held a two month belated baby shower for her at The Walrus, so the crew could meet little Wesley Ira Featherstone and his father, bless him, could cry with his crew mates about how proud he was while Idelle had her first stiff drink in over a year. Rackham was there, of course, as the boy’s God father (Silver was delighted by the idea because Rackham was absolutely as terrified by the concept as he was as honored) and Wesley took to him as well as any two month old possibly could. But when it came to crying babies, Rackham didn’t know what to do, and Hal the God Father to all and obvious baby whisperer was back in the kitchen unable to assist. And so Thomas and Silver watched as Flint, who seemed to be acting without really thinking about what he was doing (outside of scolding Rackham who was himself on the verge of tears) scooped up the baby and promptly rocked him calm within moments. “How did you-” Rackham stared at him in shock. “If you didn’t fuckin panic all the time then he wouldn’a started crying,” Flint growled at him, which Wesley found hilarious, if the slew of gurgling giggles was anything to go by. Silver watched, feeling his face split into a ridiculous smile, as Flint refused to give the baby back to Rackham until he’d sobered up, and instead let Idelle tie a sling around his chest to tuck Wesley into, so he could still fix drinks and use his hands while keeping the baby safe. “Sure you don’t want me to take him back?” she asked, Max watching with an amused smile. “You’ll have plenty of him soon, I got ‘im. Just give Rackham a 101 on how to actually hold a baby.” Silver leaned into Thomas as they watched Flint from their seats at the bar, humming as Thomas’ arm went around him automatically, pulling him close into his side. He looked up, curious to see what Thomas thought of his husband suddenly so at home with a child. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, but whatever it was, it wasn’t what he saw. Thomas’s face had gone soft, from the crows feet around his eyes to the laughter lines around his mouth, which parted in the gentlest shape of awe Silver might have ever seen on the man, as if he’d realized something he’d never considered before. His shoulders were rounded, leaning forward against the bar, hand fidgeting against the polished bartop as if desperate to reach out for his husband. Silver could feel the arm he hand around his shoulder tensing with the need to act. They watched as Flint moved behind the bar, one hand resting where Wesley’s head was under the sling, rocking him gently as he fetched fresh beers for himself and for Hal. Silver was watching his face, watching the way his lips were moving, as if he were talking to the baby, but he was just too far away to hear what he was saying. “He’s singing,” came Thomas’ voice suddenly, almost lost to the noise of the bar. “What?” “He’s singing,” Thomas said again, nodding to his husband. “Padstow Farewell, he sings it to me sometimes when I have nightmares, I’d know the lyrics on his lips even in the grave.” Silver smiled softly. “He sang it to me when I was recovering from my leg. I didn’t know it could be a lullaby.” “Neither did I but…” “But now-” “Yeah.” Silver reached for Thomas’ other hand and kissed his knuckles, leaning into him further. Thomas held him impossibly tight, resting his cheek on his hair. There’d be more to talk about in the morning, tomorrow, the day after, next week, next month, next year. And there was a dizzying sense of joy in that, the same kind of joy that came from watching Flint carrying the future in his worn and weathered hands.

His tone and what he said in podcast, which of course was focused more on OL (Carol's a mommie), he made it seem like he really isn't interested in growing the brand. Maybe he's realized it's too OL connected. Also, pitching to streaming means new project he's creating, right? Not that he's trying to be the Amazon Bond that is being discussed. Never know what to believe from him.

I just finished listening to the whole interview. Interesting that you mentioned his tone, though it was for me more when he talked about OL, he sounded not that interested and rushed through it.

About his brand and expanding it, growing it, he said the whisky is the main produce but they are looking to other spirits, since the name is Unique spirits. I got the idea he didn't really wanted to say what or which spirits. But he was asked and he mentioned the fast growing tequila world is interesting and gin in the UK. And he said he was interested in Mezcal, he really wanted to explore that.

He sounded a bit unsure about how to retain his business. Suggestions like having investors to grow were not on the top of his list. He mentioned how he financed everything him self.

I also was wondering about what he said pitching something at the moment. Sounded like it's in the 'idea' phase currently. At this point I don't believe in a MiK2. I wonder if it has anything to do with the trademark he registered beginning this year "A dram with Sam". The category was Education and Entertainment. In the description amongst other things "Entertainment services, namely, an ongoing series featuring a talk show provided through various forms of transmission media;"

¿El día más importante de tu vida?

Hace dos años me comprometí, y como era socialmente esperado me estresé al grado que ya no quería saber nada de boda, planeación, ni siquiera quería saber de casarme. Solía escuchar esa frase: “Es que es el día más importante de tu vida”; “Aguas que te vas a poner como novia loca”.

Mi historia de “amor” (lo pongo entre comillas porque es más que eso, pero lo discutiré en otro momento) es una historia de 12 años de conocernos, de 9 años de noviazgo, de un compromiso que ambos deseábamos y de un mes de locura. Nos comprometimos “oficialmente” (el anillo y esas cosas) un sábado 1 de septiembre del 2019, el siguiente sábado compramos el departamento en el que ahora vivimos, el tercer sábado salimos a nuestro ya planeado viaje a Cancún y regresando me enfoque en todos los tramites que implica adquirir un inmueble; nadie te lo enseña y deberían hacerlo, pero eso tambien lo hablaremos después. En fin, después de todo ese rush yo lo que menos deseaba era planear una boda.

Pero era lo que se esperaba de mí y lo hice con la mejor actitud; lamentablemente comencé a volverme esa novia loca…todo en menos de dos semanas. Fue cuando comenzó a rondarme esa frase de nuevo: “Es que es el día más importante de tu vida” … ¿será?

Se planeo algo sencillo, para mediados del 2020 y como no es algo extraño (COVID) se canceló…va para atrás todo, excepto el vestido porque lo procrastine y eso fue muy bueno. A los que les llegue a comentar en su mayoria me daban su pésame como si alguien hubiera muerto: “Hay pobrecita, como te sientes. ¿todo bien?” A ver, ¡solo se canceló una fiesta!

Curioso, que uno de mis amigos más cercano que es hombre comprendió mi tranquilidad y que para mí no fuera el fin del mundo me dijo cosas como: “pues ya viven juntos, ni modo que después de la boda algo cambiara”, “ustedes ya están más casados que nada solo es firmar el papel”.

Entonces…

¿Qué fijación tiene la sociedad con que las mujeres tenemos que tomar nuestra boda como el día más importante de nuestra vida?

Vamos a reflexionar de nuevo; yo tenía casi un año de estar viviendo con el amor de mi vida, pasando los fines de semana haciendo adecuaciones a nuestra casa. Creando nuestro espacio seguro, jugando D&D, videojuegos, aprendiendo más de mi más de él. Como demonios es que una fiesta es más importante que construir una relación sólida.

Eventualmente, firmamos el papel que dicta que formalmente somos una pareja casada, que ya lo veníamos diciendo desde antes de vivir juntos, con todos los derechos de ley.

Hicimos una reunión, con la familia cercana y spoiler…no fue el día más importante de mi vida. Fue un día memorable en mi vida, eso sí, un día familiar y divertido. Tomé mezcal, cerveza, vino, baile, me reí, comí como salvaje y me divertí. Pero para nada fue el día más importante, y creo que fue precisamente por que le di su lugar que lo disfruté como se merecía, yo estaba relajada y serena.

Y ahora veo atrás, y me encuentro mi libreta de boda y me encuentro con conocidas que están por casarse y decido escribir esto. Que cabe mencionar que es solo mi experiencia no es la ley; pero quizá valga la pena reflexionar.

Y pondré los siguientes puntos que después de esta mega historia es lo que deseo compartir:

No necesariamente es el día más importante de tu vida; si tu no lo sientes así no te preocupes no amas menos a tu pareja.

No tienes que ser la novia loca, eso es un constructo de las comedias románticas gringas.

Invita a quien tu quieras y si no te dejan entonces que alguien más lo organice y se estrese por ti, por que en ese caso no es tu fiesta es de ellos.

No vas a tener contento a nadie, así que dense el gusto.

Cuida las finanzas, con lo que pagas una boda puedes amueblar una casa o se pueden ir de vacaciones.

¿Me falto algo más?

El matrimonio ya sea de manera religiosa o civil es solo un tramite que ante la sociedad te da ciertos privilegios; pero el verdadero compromiso esta entre los involucrados y únicamente ahí. No hay boda que arregle o destruya una relación; si las cosas van bien es por que estaban bien y si van mal es por que ya estaban mal.

Cierro con…los “votos matrimoniales” que más nos gustaron; vienen de un videojuego (obvio) pero cuya anécdota es graciosa. El fin de semana antes de la ceremonia nos pusimos a jugar los escuchamos y dijimos… “si nos obligan a decir votos vamos a decir estos, por que son los que nos representan” y aquí van:

You and I my darling we are eternal.

Our worldly troubles shall break like waves upon the rocks.

Whatsoever stans in our way, it shall be shattered.

Whosoever stands between us, they will be destroyed.

We are eternal.

Gracias por llegar hasta aquí, es para mi importante compartirlo porque quizá alguien necesita leer que otra persona piensa o paso por lo mismo; porque yo no lo supe y si da miedo estar haciendo algo mal.

X. Slane

Gothic klonnie day II:  Red

Coronation :  an occasion for pageantry and celebration, but it is also a solemn religious ...

Slow step so she forgets that she walks to the altar Deep breaths so he remembers that he lives for now.  However, his last breath is rushing in his lungs.

A twist of fate, He is a fallen king, and in her emerald eyes he seeks his destiny.  She is his step toward drunkenness.  Better like mezcal and burning his throat with the same virulence.

A mockery of fate, her crown is as light as feathers. It is her mind that is heavier.

When Bonnie becomes a queen, Klaus crawls to a cage of servitude. She knows of her garden.  He watches the dagger swing as her hand trembles. 

To the queen of witches, he is her crown of thorns. Her coronation finds its glory when  she preys on his life. 

He heard she is kind, and she knows her better than any soul that has crossed her path. Kinder than the skull she crawled out of to rule. 

 Therefore, he deludes himself in hope of mercy. Klaus knows better. 

She is merciful, and for his misfortune, she sheds a tear. Her coronation finds its glory when his life she ends. He always knew, and when she first approached his cell with her wobbling legs, he thought of stabbing her. Cowardly, Klaus never dared, and so Bonnie returns every night to lighten his melancholic days. Finally,  the farce comes to an end.

"Are you aware that I bring you death?" Bonnie asks.

 "Do they crown children now?" He retorts with too much pride for a sentenced man.

 "Grams died last night," Bonnie confesses. 

"Too early if you care to know what I think." Klaus chuckles, and he wipes the blood from his mouth. "Too fast as well, she deserves a cruel death." He chuckles.

Bonnie stares at him and she wipes her tears. Klaus watches her fall on her knee. He sighs at the theatrics.  Her care infuriates him. He does not want his last thought to be greed. If he had been less greedy, she would have died when she first ventured in his world.

"What you think is naïve delusions. I haven't asked your clemency or mercy."  He softly tells her. "I certainly didn't ask for your attachment. You will lament on my dust because you wanted to suffer the affliction of a noble heart." Klaus adds. "Long live the queen, and may my blood stain your cloth like your stained my bed when a woman you became." His hand grazes her cheek. 

"Let the crimson of my blood brighten your reign and the memory of me shall drive you insane, as you're foolish enough to love your prisoner"