#THE AMOUNT OF SILLIES MY MENTALLY ILL BRAIN CAN FIT
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(Kind of a follow up to my silly little comic since I had WAY too many thoughts and I couldn't fit them in because I wanted it to stay light hearted)
My personal take on komahina is that they both absolutely end up falling in love at some point, but Nagito would never allow Hajime to date him.
(Warning, it’s kinda long)
Not only would he feel like Hajime is too good for him, that Hajime would be wasting his precious time on trash, but it would also make Nagito too happy, and Nagito has a bad tendency to link his happiness with his ultimate luck. It would make him think that the joy of dating Hajime would cause catastrophes, so the best, most hopeful thing he can do is avoid dating altogether. In his head, he’s doing the reasonable thing ! He's shielding everyone from his bad luck ! But he would still love him so he would absolutely tell Hajime how much he means to him and hang out and even flirt with him…. so long as he doesn’t reciprocate. Which would probably upset Hajime at first, thinking he’s being played with.
It would require serious mental wrestling to convince Nagito that it’d be ok for him to date anyone, let alone the Ultimate Ultimate. You’d need to convince him that his happiness isn’t always tied to his luck. Dare I say, you’d have to make it so that him being treated with respect and even affection isn’t an exception anymore, just a normal part of life, thus not something he'd feel overly lucky to have. (That one would be more of a collective, long term effort though)
It’s a very arduous task, especially with how unconvinced Nagito probably would be. ESPECIALLY especially if you take into account the fact that you’re on a goddam timer because of his illness.
There is a possibility that Nagito feels more of an equal to the others post game though, since they were all bad guys and thus, all much closer to his own perceived level of trash (not a particularly good way to think, but it's a start nonetheless) I can see everyone working on themselves and their guilt and learn to forgive themselves for the horrible things they all did, and Nagito on the side being like “you all are doing such a good job!” Without realising that he could apply this to his own existence… though he would probably think it can’t apply to him. In his head, he'll forever be trash.
At the end of the day, I think the quickest way for them to make this happen is for Hajime to bring up his talents and basically tell Nagito that his luck is nothing compared to his own luck, and therefore can’t hurt anyone with it. Althought it's probably the most convincing argument in Nagito's eyes, one might wonder if it's really the best solution for these two, especially for Hajime who most likely has his own bagage to unpack regarding his talents. Like, first of all, is Nagito in love with him or the hope his existence apparently brings to the world? Or maybe even Izuru? There's just.... So much to take into account man
Tl;dr komahina is a really cool concept and they totally fall in love but the real challenge is HOW they end up dating because i can't see Nagito allowing that to happen so easily. To me it would either take an extraordinary amount of hard work AND/OR use Hajime's talent flex. But then is that really a good solution when Hajime probably has a complicated relationship with his talents?
Not saying that it's impossible but yeah. It's so hard to pinpoint how ! And I still feel like I'm missing some parameters !
(Not bashing on anyone else’s interpretations btw, just sharing my own, these two have invaded my brain as you can probably tell)
If you’ve read through all this, congrats, here’s a random sketch I drew while figuring out how to draw the comic lmao
#komahina#hinakoma#hajime hinata#nagito komaeda#goodbye despair#danganronpa#danganronpa 2#ive had so many thoughts about them since i finished that comic the other day#like#I had so many different dialogues that weren’t fitting with the fun vibes#but GOD do i think they'd be a mess#and the worse thing about all this?#I’m probably going to change my mind#again and again#because these two are so confusing#also#just as a warning I try to take the dr3 anime as a general idea of what is going on#but I’m not too reliant on it either
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what are your thoughts on kankri? personally i never understood the appeal and im interested to hear your take since he Was on the b tier of your list
OK! Sorry for lateness but I only noticed your question at like 2:00 AM and needed a full tank of brain-gas to be able to convey my thoughts even semi-coherently.
So Kankri’s a weird one, probably one of the most convoluted and self-contradictory characters in Homestuck. Its fitting given he’s pretty much a one note joke and hussie’s one-note joke characters actually wind up being either his most oddly complex (see: equius and feferi for instance) or most sympathetic (see: Nepeta). Kankri’s a bit of both imo, though I wouldn’t call him a favorite for me.
Kankri’s characterization is built almost entirely on one fuckin’ note: “LOL AIN’T TUMBLR SJWs FUNNY AND ANNOYING!?!?!?”. If you disagree with this then I don’t even know what to tell you, bc everything from his style of long-winded monologues (that wind up running up on Hussie Ableism Moments bc in-narrative his infodumping is supposed to be annoying???) to his inability to take social cues to his supposed-to-be-interpreted-as-excessive use of trigger warnings to his unapologetic killjoy attitude to his supposed hypocrisy/”privilege” are literally all just a fucking layer cake of anti-SJW stereotypes. This is where the issue of how the fandom interprets Kankri kicks in, as people’s opinions on him (aside from a few diehards) tend to scale from “DAWWW CUTE WIDDLE UPPITY BEANBOY” to “fucking annoying neoliberal”. For the matter, neither of these are intended by Hussie, while he did design him to be cute he wasn’t meant to be hateable for leftist homestuck fans as a (neo-)liberal or faux leftist. Hussie just designed him after everyone hussie found annoying in the social justice community primarily on tumblr. Even his political monologues, though not WITHOUT hypocrisy and bullshit, tend to actually skew towards “pretty fucking reasonable hussie just thinks people being upset by bad stuff is stupid”.
Now, people cite Kankri being ableist in his criticism of certain other dancestors for ~conforming to stereotypes~, which yes from an in context scenario is pretty fucking bad. If someone IRL is dealing with their disability in a way you think seems pretty stereotypical keep that thought to yourself. HOWEVER, AS ONE OF THE MOST CRUCIAL POINTS TOWARDS KANKRI BEING GENERALLY SYMPATHETIC, WE GET THE META ELEMENT. Hussie, in writing a hypocritical mansplainer who goes on and on and on about everything thats politically incorrect about the people around him, practically beat-for-beat replicates talking points PEOPLE HAVE USED TO CRITICIZE HOMESTUCK ITSELF. YES! MITUNA’S PRESENTATION AS A CHARACTER IS 100% UNAMBIGUOUSLY AWFUL IN ITS PORTRAYAL OF PEOPLE WITH BRAIN INJURIES AND MENTAL DISORDERS. DAMARA IS A RACIST STEREOTYPE SO BAD HUSSIE SHOULD GET THROWN IN JAIL. INCEST IS BAD. If ANYONE in homestuck should’ve pulled the meta knowledge shit in post-canon, kankri would’ve been a WAYYYYYY better candidate than dirk for it, especially since kankri seems halfway to realizing he’s fictional just by political analysis of the story he’s in! Kankri seems to exist at the apex of Hussie’s confusion about fandom, given he’s baffled enough by people being obsessed with his work yet so intensely negative that he can only seem to think of them as obsessive manchild wierdos with no sense of rational thought. As someone who myself unironically loves Homestuck and yet have an entire third of my brain dedicated to ripping it apart on an ethical level, I can see some of myself in that turtleneck’d contrarian. Just because someone is a fan of something doesn’t mean they will or should unthinkingly defend it from all recourse. This is something homestuck as a whole struggles with, I think back to the aspect or extended zodiac quiz where one of the questions amounted to “someone is talking shit about a show you like, how do you respond” and there wasn’t even an answer for “actually listen to what they’re trying to say and consider if they could be right”. Kankri is a symbol of sorts for those critical enjoy-ers, in a way. A stupid silly not-that-meaningful way, but a way. I think people should reclaim him.
I’ve touched on it a bit before, but the last main sympathizing aspect of kankri for me (aside from personality things like his frankly unearned patience with a friend group that entirely fucking hates his guts) is a trait share by almost all the dancestors: Hussie’s fucking disturbing use of mental illness & psychiatric disorders with them. Between Kankri’s unwillingness to observe common social cues, his overtly poised and practiced manner of speaking, his obsession with using trigger warnings to warn off confrontation in leu of not just speaking his mind with everything, his tendency to cling to certain articles of clothing for long periods of time, his implied difficulty taking care of himself physically, and the fucking insulting “mom-friend useless-manchild-who-needs-nannying” dynamic he has with Porrim, he comes off (intentionally or no) as a beat-for-beat embodiment of an autistic person as seen through Hussie’s tropey and horribly ableist worldview. This is a common trait he shares with both Aranea and Mituna, as well as many of the other dancestors to lesser degrees (many of them, like Mituna, also have OTHER mental disorders flat-out-stated in such a way that makes their depiction just fucking confused and bad). For me, and for at least SOME other people, it makes unbiased critical reactions to them damn near impossible. They deserve better than how hussie can write them. In a lot of ways I have friends like Kankri, and Hussie’d almost fucking certainly find them just as embarrassing and annoying as he meant for Kankri to be.
So yeah, Kankri isn’t my favorite by any means but i don’t feel like i can or should condemn him. He’s fun. I’d watch his video essays.
And this isn’t even BEGINNING to touch on how much I loathe Porrim as an example of “good cool fun feminists that hussie can sexualize!” And her more open bisexuality than other trolls being both a tool for fetishization by Hussie and a fucking skin-crawling thing to use as a contrast for Kanaya’s status as either “the only confirmed lesbian in homestuck (until postcanon showed rose was a lesbian too)” or “the only lesbian troll in existence ever bc thats totally how sexuality would work with aliens” (sorry if you ascribe to the “all trolls are bisexual bc they’re supposedly binormative as a get-out-of-jail-free card for hussie’s hetero-ass ship tease shit” then. well get better soon)
(seriously though everyone who pulls the “kanaya is the only lesbian alternian” shit owes every lesbian 100 dollars)
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DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #3
3. Transformation Central
the entities of my personalities would like to come together in one voice that speaks through me, we or I call this collection of words from the mustiest corners of my brain to this note page to voice something that might come close to what I feel underneath the skin I wear. In all my unorganised words- I might even go as far as to call this a poem, titled:
‘TRANSFORMATION CENTRAL’
sub characters in my head would appreciate if this could be visualised & understood through as deep a lens as humanly possible. even I confuse myself so if you can decode or relate to any of this, wonderful. If not, I’m locked in my own mind, swallowed the keys to my soul.
SIMILARITIES & INTERCONNECTEDNESS BETWEEN HUMAN & PLANT CONSCIOUSNESS EXIST! if you look closely at my nose freckles you’ll see the resemblance of the constellations above. if you look at the human veins & the layout of a tree, this is further proof.
{VISUALS THROUGH A SEPIA WINDOW STARING @ THE AUTUMN LEAFS; IMAGINING THE SEEDS UNDERNEATH, THROUGH NUMB ROOT VESSELS THAT PERMEATE THROUGH EVERY MEMBRANE OF MY EXTERNAL TO INTERNAL ENVIRONMENT}
~FEATURING THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF DEPRESSION & PERFECTIONISM.
here goes:
What is this part of my mind ?
If you want; delve inside-
I may look sweet like Alice,
but underneath it all
I deteste looking in the mirror
-cos I see the mad hatter.
my inner child needs a platter-
full of care not distortion & abuse pls.
less fibbin would’ve been a breeze.
now following the dead fish in the stream!
HOW on EARTH do I fit with the cod & the Haddock?
I’m the rainbow fish- beat & battered.
dim my own light cos I’m too afraid to shine.
alone.
thieves tried to steal my shiny scales.
I sat and watched them grow.
In the sea realm they were mean gargantuan selfish whales, with poisonous shark fangs & alligator tails. scorpion hands. (gremlins)
and still they make me feel like the alien-
I cant take it.
Make it make sense ?
I can’t.
controller in my hand-
Off balance stance.
anxiously I move round like a wobbly jelly.
where’s the button to balance my chi & shut out the ego ?
the teLLIE telling lies to our vision!
change the channel aura terracotta orange- daily dosage of vitamin D & C.
catch me sun gazing by the sea
head buzzin like a bee.
speaking from a dusty box
stuck on top of a forbidden shelf
cos I dunno how else.
I’m tryna delve deep but forgot how to dive
How can i visualise? scenery foggy-
the establishment man with the glue gun got me xD
inner monk burning but at peace
Cos I refuse to believe
If the only way is the American dream
Interconnected; like the frog in science -let’s dissect it!
down to every floating atom spirit neighbouring your door
subcategories & divisions, it’s more!
than the rich and the poor -prism that’s been built
do we all feel like a performance monkey on stilts?
will my data be extracted & used to mould a robots personality some day?
well obviously not.
does the price of our lives all amount down to slave ways?
LABOUR YAY!
but morals & values it seems we’ve forgot.
sO If i don’t speak its cos I’m lost.
or maybe i’m enlightened-
Standing at the edge of the porch;
watching TRYING to understand how the flowers grow.
questioning eVERYTHING man made!
I’ve stepped out of the perfect picture frame
I can see the coal pollute the sky
I need to hop on the train-
but I’m comfortable
Sunset to sunrise statue standing still.
what’s the ingredients to life’s yucky pie?
I’ve exceeded mental lotteries.
Sanity n universal peace would be a trophy.
TIL then I’ll be crafting & shaping a solid pottery reality,
with a few pence, gum, and a bandana of belongings tied to stick.
thinking one day I’ll be laying the bricks
& building a kingdom of bliss.
guess for now I’ll use the intricate delicate materials in my tool box- that’s all I’ve got.
might have a long way- maybe worth a shot.
I observe, cruisin in the sky.
dunno why..
I jus look @ the hills.
Only time & history reveals.
no thanks mr men-
I don’t want your prescription pills.
there’s enough propaganda as it is.
I won’t jump on the merry go round-
til my core trusts & envisions we’ll actually feel safe!
I don’t want to take part in this faux fur, sweet nothings & a jack in a box punching blur, so called future.
oh and genuinely thanks quarantine-for once again, I can hear bird sounds!
guess this is me tryna speak out loud!!!...
it’s not thrilling
system time killing everything-
mother nature’s oxygen
everything is nauseating
clock ticking, I better start creating.
they should write a book on how to be free when the system set us up to believe that we’re tied to the cut down trees that gives them a currency of greed that they breed.
If blindfolded, I don’t wanna eat what they feed.
Whilst they profit of us -tell us smile and the bandits don’t wanna see us happy.
they’re too busy robbing all our hoods.
In exchange for the silence, they’ve granted us with a 21’st century fashion garment of a slave muzzle! labelled conform.
More delusion to add to the already desensitised norm.
zootonic diseases, welcome covid 19 to your plastic kiddy tea party!- apologies for questioning your motive!
Been handed too many hot plates with a post it note saying HOLD THIS.
we’ll be okay just hush.
Same Shan message told to every generational seed.
If we don’t TRY overpower-
we’ll never succeed!
it’s getting even more scary.
Artificial intelligence.
Societal negligence..
my canvas isn’t clear-dunno am I schizo ?
finger painting, cos it makes more sense.
struggling to blend.
borderline conspiracist pretending to be fine;
moving the goal post, hovering above the race line.
who made the chalk? who set the lanes?
I wanna know it all, maybe¿ far past insane.
I can fit all I need in the palm of my hand,
Maybe even less! cut a finger off not sure it’ll even add stress.
hi from personality Peter, even sober- always away with the fairies.
Pass the pixie dust, I’m in a rush
Found shelter in the comfort of pan physicists timer, no not the one on your phone!
Ring ring, skeptical! is it my demon or my mommy on the phone?
I’m stuck in the airspace of an infinite glass filled with beach particles trying to form myself standing up still attempting not to slip through the hands of my very own discovery.
time is running out & ill go when I go.
I’m sitting inside the fly trap -
stardust, chakras can you feel the sensation colors like a starburst.
deep emotion is a curse.
still entrapped in the sand dune of nothingness-
flipping a domino monopoly of solidified thoughts as I sway with the wind.
I’m the trapped sandbox in the playground & the slipping sand in my own hands.
Inhale chronic but I wanna enter the quiet realm of white noise
-color of a wife beater vest, calmer than the ease in ignorance of a red neck.
sadomasochistic, messes.
but oblivion, seems like less stress.
Unfortunately I can see, with all eyes
empathetic paralysis, gets me vexed.
Punching truth into the core of your chest!
It’s not funny, neither is the one on the receiving end..
My limbs are numb
& im done playing octopus alchemy.
I want minimalism & life can be simple,
Evil entities have made it hard.
Maybe I’ve got stars above my head like an old cartoon character.
But I can’t make it make sense, are they out to get me. worse all of us? Or have I bottled myself tryna re mesh the broken shards,
I feel glued to the floor cos there’s a pretty price to pay if you want more.
I see life through a different lense, maybe born downside up, Benjamin button I came out the back door-
Outside looking in, digesting confusion.
Is to be a product of environment a sin?
rummage through my messy brain.
personalities sardine packed in this tin
I’m the wizard of my mania
Scaring & attracting the black crows-
they’re my friends.
Sometimes still a cowardly lion
Roaring pain & true riddles at the wrenching wicked witch posse of the west.
will my voice ever be loud enough to shed light wit my words and grate the sweet zest
In to the cake i’m baking?
Probably not.
Got more thoughts than the autumn leaves collected by the garden rake. alone.
gathering & storing the pains of yesterday.
sometimes I stay in line
Other times in my head Im on my hands juggling out of time.
but I really don’t mind if I lose or win.
we all have a pace
I jus don’t want the 1% to win the race.
It’s unfair!
Humanity does anyone care ??
Half lady
half fairy
Good MOOrning-
from my anagrams.
no I’m not a cow.
twister fidget spinner brain in the flesh-
form of expression this time around lyrics.
feel I’m jus a silly rubix
& still mourning
I don’t like dairy
pass the oat milk.
Are you aware the industry are sabotaging our diets?
we want peace!
the powerful elite-
perceive & deceive
the scene they want us to be.
chuck the narcissistic psychopathic pie back in our face-
every time we almost found & addressed the Programme & Control man in the maze.
evil & extroverted- he said that the anarchists have to be the cause of riots.
working isn’t class. I said let’s switch roles- he said pass.
It’s piss! Who’s got the bomb & the guns?
Who got the land? off wit OUR heads 4 fun!
it’s pure scary.
Pharmaceutics handshake.
with the cooked up suppliers, also crooked wack liars.
I’d rather shot a gallon of bloody blubbery infused slaughter house milk
If it meant we didn’t use cocoons for silk.
why not add a drizzle of bleach to the concoction & maybe that’s a reach.
every time I guzzle fakeness, it taste peak.
I want real fruit, what next-
a seedless peach ???
what’s the difference between a weirdo & a freak?
layers & levels to the shit.
Magnifying tapping the window of society, I’ll be puffing green til I get to the land of Oz.
sponge soaked soaking up emotions
Suffocated by deduction of care in life
feel entrapped in this paradigm
what am I thinking ?
got the verbs & a cuppa tea
It’s mixed with torment & desire to be free.
I’d rather be awake than asleep
When I get too comfy I feel weak
Demons they reap
underneath
rip the seems as I bleed
Concrete
Solid
Emotions
Is all you’re getting
It’s all sad scenes in the imagery I’m setting
people need care we seem to be forgetting
why are we in debt wit
a posse of clowns
pay the price so we can get a frown
here’s some seratonin
quit ya moaning
life is all sound
aw yeh¿ if you’re not an over thinker!
product of environment- Sirius flickers
theyve done a ritual like it’s Wicca
now here’s your gold sticker..
for managing to co operate.
In this world fuelled off of evil n hate
waking ups a bloody disgrace
I am not amazed.
Man I love my fam n my friends
Just hate this part of my brain that feels the need to play pretend
sometimes I feel insane
but I’m calm
need to escape so I don’t do harm
Gold lioness in the sky by the sea
with puff the magic dragon
fire out my mouth, fuel helps me breathe
I will shine bright
Promise imma be alright
even tho I’m not sure why
I function like this
I wanna be myself
It’s just hard to find the comfortability
To feel happy and pretty
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Ring around sing about overdose emotions
Sorry dunno how to communicate
Heads in a constant debate
Should I go or should I stay
My head clashes
Burnin the next ciggy as my thoughts become ashes.
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tagged by @allgaslynobrakes to do this lil tag game! (actually it's a big tag game so i'm putting it under a cut)
1. Why did you choose your url?
wanted to start an f1 blog, was absolutely spiralling over drive to survive season 2 episode 10 aka the 35 minutes of television that cured all my mental illnesses. gaslypodium felt like a fitting encapsulation of my brand
2. Any side blogs?
this is a sideblog! my main is @lonelyroommp3 and i also have a woefully undercurated ~aesthetic~ blog (there is no coherent aesthetic to it it's just nice pictures) @messiaens
3. How long have you been on tumblr?
i've been on this blog since january but my main dates from november 2012 and prior to that i lurked a lot starting in like, 2011 when all my irls got into tumblr but i thought my parents wouldn't let me make an account lol. basically i have long term tumblr poisoning
4. Do you have a queue tag?
nope i think i've only even used the queue function once... u get my posts when they hit my silly little brain my beloveds<3
5. Why did you start your blog on the first place?
main blog was because i wanted to make friends with my favourite les mis blogs that i'd been sending anons to for several months ahahahaha... i made this blog because i was getting super into f1 but i knew that i was gonna be liveblogging a ton so doing it all on main would be absolutely infuriating to people on main who followed me for like, musical theatre or whatever so i thought i should bite the bullet and actually make a sideblog. this is the first time i've actually had a fandom specific sideblog btw!! normally i am just a multifandom mess
6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?
pierre looks pretty in it <3
7. Why did you choose your header ?
i didn't have a good header for AGES and then dts season 3 dropped and that shot of pierre with the confetti on the monza podium just HIT me and i was like ah... i can make a blog theme out of this
8. What’s your post with the most notes ?
i have no clue on this blog but on main i have a couple of 100k+ note posts knocking about. i think THE most popular was a post i made in like 2013 about people changing the pronouns on song covers i think that one made it to like 300k for some reason
9. How many mutuals do you have ?
no idea! tbh i don't put a huge amount of stock in mutual follows anyway esp because i am very very bad at remembering to check my follower list and follow people back. so if i've never followed you back it's nothing personal and we can still be besties!!
10. How many followers do you have ?
about 280 on here, just over 4000 on main 🥴
11. How many people do you follow ?
about 650ish? a lot of them are inactive blogs from 2013 though lol
12. Have you ever made a shit post?
everything i make is a shitpost don't worry
13. How often do you use tumblr a day?
too much omg. i basically quit using every other social media (i lurk on insta but never post anymore) late last year so this is Thee hub for all my horrible little thoughts and posts
14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?
not on this blog bc honestly i try to keep my f1 posting relatively drama free but omg i have had some legendary beefs on main
15. How do you feel about the “you need to reblog” posts ?
used to be really anxious about the bad luck type ones but now i'm getting a lot better at ignoring them guilt free. if it's one of those "i see you scrolling past this >:( your stance on social issues is solely determined by whether or not you reblog MY post >:(" type deals then honey i am already 5 miles down my dash away from it<3
16. Do you like tag games ?
i love them!! i'm always really bad at tagging people though because i'm always like omg nooo we're not besties enough to tag yet they're gonna think i'm weeeeeird
17. Do you like ask games ?
in theory but i always forget to keep answering them halfway through esp if they're ones where my reply takes any kind of effort sorry :((
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is mutual famous?
i have no idea what this means i think i am out of touch with the youth
19. Do you have a mutual crush?
does it count if im mutuals with my girlfriend
20. Tags ?
no pressure tags & sorry if you've already done it!! @schwarzevulkan @limp-wrist-max @maxricciardo
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For the cliche prompts: Artemy/Daniil 4 or 23 (it could be 4 and 23 if you are feeling like mixing both. Tbh I wasn't able to choose)
(hello this is kind of silly and i’m not confident in its quality, but i am planning on writing a follow-up to this for the other number though it will probably be shorter than this! numbers here)
--
Things have been getting, in a word, ridiculous. The rain hasn’t let up in this section of town in four days, setting the scene nicely for all of Daniil’s drawn-out internal monologues about the futility of fighting fate or nature or whatever. His mind continues to grumble to himself as he sits in the hospital, trying to do research and feeling more and more, as time goes on...ridiculous. There it is again. Like the whole world - or at least the Town, which may as well be a world all its own - is laughing at him.
Burakh has been getting better at sneaking up on him; the only way Daniil knows he’s entered the building is from the gentle click of the front door as it closes again. He wishes the man would announce his arrival instead of using the opportunity to always try and catch Daniil off guard. One of these days he won’t have time to build his composure back up.
Today, he’s safe; the rain makes the other man’s shoes squeak against the floor and he listens to the low-voice swearing with a smirk on his face. “Not today, you don’t,” he mutters to himself as he turns. He takes a moment, before standing, to admire Burakh’s form, eyes softening as he watches the man’s rain-soaked hair fall and stick to his forehead, fingers weaving between the strands as he tries to push it back. He never manages to catch Daniil watching him like this, his own eyes taking int he sick strewn all about the hospital. Daniil looks away before Burakh can manage to do so.
Daniil’s eyes manage to land exactly where he needs them to for a plausible escape. “This one,” he says, skipping the pleasantries his colleague never engages with anyway, “Has no sign of any illness. I suspect he’s merely playing ill to get out of the house.” The man even groans, over-exaggerated, on cue, and Daniil feels a little smug, as if that’s proved his point. Burakh doesn’t respond, or even react as if he’s heard, which chips away at the dam Dankovsky has been building, though at the present he can’t see the scale of the damage or the size of the resulting fracture. He files it as distraction, as even in their arguments, Burakh has never properly ignored him, and he is busy with his vials of tinctures.
He tries to clear his throat amidst its sudden buildup without drawing attention, licking his lips as he thinks for a moment on the cadence of his voice. It’s gone down again; maybe he hadn’t readjusted to it, let his voice go out?
Daniil stands, taking a few breaths as he goes, and starts again, keeping his tone steady as he speaks. “No matter. Now that he’s here and taking up a bed, I suppose he could have caught the Pest - or else be a carrier.” The man on the bed curls up suddenly. What Daniil can see of his eyes have gone wide. “So perhaps we should keep him for observation, if nothing else. Probably a danger to let him out now -”
When he turns back around, he finds his face almost against the other man’s chest, and has to fight back the blush that starts to creep up his neck at how very close they are. Dankovsky’s never warm, but good god, this man - between the heat he radiates and the way he makes Daniil feel, suddenly all feverish and flushed - it’s a small miracle Daniil doesn’t pass out from sudden warmth shocking the system. And now he can’t stop staring either, and he really needs to - stop dawdling, stop with the rapid blinking, and continue his thought already, damn you -
“Are you alright, Burakh?” he ask instead, his voice a horrid squeak, an octave or so higher than when he last spoke.
“Look in my eyes, emshen. I want to make sure you’re not lying when you answer the question I’m about to ask you.” His tone doesn’t demonstrate anger, but he may as well have asked Daniil to change the position of the sun and the moon... Alright, while perhaps not so literally impossible, Dankovsky struggles to maintain eye contact even with people he is not so wildly attracted to that a little more than a week’s worth of interaction incurs a massive internal paradigm shift in him. So this task is not so much less Herculean in nature. Burakh, too, seems to recognize he’s perhaps asked a little too much, as Daniil’s focus falters to those lovely cheekbones and lips, where his eyes follow Burakh mumbling, “Alright, that’s good enough.” He feels rather proud of himself for managing to re-establish the contact in time for Burakh to ask him, “What are you doing with a book on local herbs?” Which is when Daniil feels his stomach plummet and panic set in.
Alright. He needn’t come up with anything elaborate for an answer. “Research,” he says simply, hoping he’s not smiling too anxiously.
It’s hard to tell from the way Burakh is looking at him. He guesses his answer can’t have been too believable, because Burakh presses Daniil. “Research into what?”
“Local herbs, obviously!” Daniil smiles, but he can’t feel his face.
He’s still holding out skepticism about some of the truly bizarre things that people here believe, but a few more shoves in the right direction and he might even start to believe in some form of precognition; there’s nothing specific he can pinpoint in Burakh’s manner or expression to warn him that this answer will not be well-received, and yet he feels it somewhere in his stomach. His chest flips before the scowl sharpens and Burakh speaks. “You don’t trust me,” he accuses.
Daniil is back to rapid blinking - though thankfully this time it’s in confusion, as opposed to flustered cornering. He focuses more clearly on Burakh’s eyes, on his pupils, trying to determine what could have inspired this sudden agitation - though of course, Daniil is far from being am ind-reader. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” he says. It’s another chip, another scrape he doesn’t inspect.
“Then why do you keep asking other people about me?”
This, this is probably the suspicious look that Burakh is searching him for. He can imagine his face must have gone pale now, because the heat from earlier is gone. But it’s from a different reason to whatever Burakh is surely thinking, though Daniil is a terrible liar and all he can say is, “Excuse me?”
And not even, Excuse me? like ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ But Excuse me? like ‘I didn’t hear you.’
“Capella says you talk a lot about me. Her brother says you’ve been asking about me, and the culture. And he’s not the only one -” But whatever Burakh says next is cut off in Daniil’s mind by panic. He has not, apparently, been as subtle as he’d thought or else pleasantries as exchanged in the Capital were as lost on everyone else as they were on Burakh. Which would have been excuse enough have Daniil not waited so long to execute it. Stupid, stupid move, Dankovsky, because now it’ll just look flimsy if you try to say your preoccupation with your colleague was intended to be polite.
Burakh’s stopped speaking now, and Daniil doesn’t know for how many minutes he’s been done. It’s enough that he looks perplexed, and suspicious. Daniil scrambles, mentally, to find a response that’s one-size-fits-all, and lands with blurting out, “I’m just interested.”
“And why couldn’t you just ask me?”
“Because you’re busy,” Daniil says, working a calm facade back in place. “As we all are. I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
The look on Burakh’s face is disbelief, but until he says something of note, Daniil can’t possibly judge how much damage has been done. “Because I’m busy.”
“Yes.”
“We’re all busy.”
“Aren’t we?”
He looks genuinely upset now, though. Daniil can’t fathom what in his words could have possibly inspired that look. “Right. You’re so busy asking Yulia for books on panacea and Vlad for resources on local lore you can’t ask me, your actual colleague about these things. Right.” Oh. Oh dear god no. “I thought perhaps we were friends, oynon, but looking for this without telling me? Asking my friends about me behind my back -”
“I just wanted to know if I could help you,” Daniil says. Which is much more honest than he intended to be, but now that this entire attempt to - what, impress him? Is going up in smoke, Daniil’s starting to realize how very bad at subterfuge he is, and that he never exactly thought this plan through. If he had, he might have come to the conclusion that his shift in priorities and ideology was never going to come without some humility and a significant amount of self-humbling. But now he’s stuck in t his fiasco where Burakh thinks -
Well, he doesn’t actually know what Burakh thinks outside of there being some sort of betrayal of trust. And he does seem upset about it, so maybe there’s still a way for Daniil to get himself out of this mess. “You suck at lying,” Burakh tells him. “So you may as well tell me the truth. What did you do all that for?”
Right. Right! He can do this. “I changed my mind,” Daniil says evenly.
“But why would you?”
“You’ve proved your panacea idea has ground to walk on.” Yes. This is going smoothly.
“And what changed your mind on that?”
“I fell in love with you.”
He hears the words fall out of his mouth and listens to his brain scream afterward. It’s not what he wanted to say, not what he was telling himself to say and he’s not even sure how the words managed to come out against his permission or his knowledge like that. He could have, and should have, just said he’d heard it from Aglaya, or one of the children. There’s complete silence for a moment or two, an entire minute or so, until Artemy starts to ask, “What did you just say?” at the same time Daniil laughs a little too loudly, half shouting the words “Would you look at that, my shift is over!” tripping over himself to run out of the theatre.
#burakovsky#daniil is trans AND autistic here and u can tell!#ok to rb#nori writes#stepperous#icarus.docx#mine
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misogynists be like: lois is actually emotionally abusive to her husband and children and gets off on torturing them, therefore she is the main cause of all the boys’ problems. my favorite show is family guy btw
people with brain cells be like: the show blurs the line between an unrealistic cartoony family and a relatable everyday working class family as a storytelling tool.
however, when paying close attention to the canon of the show, one can piece together a deeper narrative to follow if one chooses. this deeper narrative is that hal possesses some kind of gene (NOT to be confused with mental illness) that the boys inherent from their father. this is explicitly stated when hal explains to reese, malcolm, and dewey that they will all have trouble interacting normally in romantic encounters due to behavioral/personality issues they inherent from hal. the show makes the distinction between mental illness and hal’s mysterious and ultimately hilarious gene (it’s a sitcom, remember?) by justifying lois’ use of her punishments against them and their behavior at every turn. the boys often bring extremely careless, reckless, and destructive beyond that of normal children, including children with mental illness, meaning that their abnormal destructiveness is kind of like an innate character flaw passed on by hal. interesting primary conflict, if you ask me.
lois functions as, as hal puts it, an antidote to their character flaws both for hal and the boys. as hal’s wife, she acts as the voice of reason in their partnership, while he adds all the fun and love to her life that she could ever want and need. they balance each other out so that, as a couple, they’re able to live happy lives. (*the sound of capitalist society coming to wreck the fun in 3, 2, 1...*) boom. poverty
as the boys’ mother, she is necessary to curve the character flaws they inherent from hal that would ultimately be their doom without her there for them. she helps guide their lives and ingrain them with all of the knowledge, wisdom, and morality she can possibly fit into them, with the hopes that they can fly to all the places they need to be. lois makes it clear that she understands and accepts that that this is her responsibility to handle this role in the family in the final episode, where she tells malcolm her open secret plan for each of the boys (not counting francis, who she didn’t know had already completed her goal for him to become a stable, regular member of society, without his personality getting in the way of his stability and happiness).
reese will become the head janitor at the high school, as everyone has a mutual understanding that he will likely never mentally progress much further than a young adult, he has shown emotional maturity and a much stronger sense of empathy. he can now, like francis, be a happy member of society. he loves his job, has healthy hobbies like cooking, and will likely with time and experience continue on to develop more empathy and understanding that will keep his past criminality and borderline sociopathy under control, all thanks to the foundation laid out for him by lois.
malcolm, being gifted with gifts of intelligence (likely inherited from lois, as she has shown very high intelligence throughout the show), will become president. many reasons make sense for this to be lois’ plan for malcolm. with lois’ molding to make sure malcolm experience: the exact right amount of roughness in life so that he, too, can grow emotionally and develop better empathy, so that he will make a great leader. (leftists hold applause for imperialistic governments, but you get the idea). on top of that, malcolm climbing high in the government will mean he will be making a lot of money, which the family will need in order to properly get out of debt. on top of that, lois intends for malcolm’s politician career to lead to him finally helping the poor and impoverished. i think one can argue that malcolm somehow playing a hand in society becoming more of a socialist utopia was lois’ goal all along, but hey... it’s a sitcom. read whatever you want into it, if you need to.
dewey, the musical genius and likely the most caring boy so far, will probably be a famous mucisian, living the life of luxury in his success. it’s meant to, in a way, make up for a childhood where he was tortured by his brothers, often unfortunately neglected and forgotten by his parents due to their impoverishment, and dewey seems to be very okay with this, given his reaction in the finale.
as for jaime and the unborn baby, it’s best to assume that they will likely be sent through the Lois’ Mothering Experience in order for her to help properly “cure” the affliction of their character flaws/gene (remember, this is a comedy. i think it can be argued that the “gene” can be an exaggerated representative point of the effects of patriarchy and capitalist society [pointing back to hal’s upbringing from a wealthy family] on men and how it effects their behavior, if you wanted to get META meta meta, but i’m not gonna go that far down the rabbit hole). cure is still a bad word for it, though, as they’ll always be abnormal, but with what they GAIN from lois, both her parenting and the intelligence (in different ways) that she passes on to each of them, they can still live and be happy and successful.
that all being said, the show ACTUALLY comes back to lois actually being the primary protagonist. the show focuses on the childhood of her first three children and how they grow up. since lois plays such a primary role in their future, this is what makes her the primal element of the show. if she was removed, there would be nothing left of the show or the story it tells of these boys being raised into healthy adults. i know it might all sounds simple, stupid, and/or silly, but genuinely... #loisistheprotagonist.
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READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
The post under the cut talks about mental illness, knives, death. I just wanted to post a trigger warning before any of you go and start reading it.
But it’s an important story, nonetheless.
Guh. Okay. So this is something I have always had a hard time talking about because it confuses me and thinking about sometimes is a little triggering. But considering my situation and how many people follow me here, I want to reach out by telling this story in case anyone is confused and suffering like I was when this all started.
I have a form of O.C.D. called R.O.C.D. - Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
A lot of young people struggle with relationships. A lot of older people do too. But a very miniscule pecentage of people suffer from this form of O.C.D.
Every type of O.C.D. is different but this is what they all share (quoted from mayoclinic): repeated, persistent and unwanted thoughts, urges or images that are intrusive and cause distress or anxiety.
So yeah, a lot of the time we hear about O.C.D. being about people getting distressed over cleanliness or if they don't flip a light switch a certain amount of times and in a certain way then their whole family will die. To anyone without O.C.D., these thoughts might seem like normal thoughts, but in others - it's a completely different story.
I was 8 years old when I experienced my first onset.
It was summer of 2005 and my family and I had just gotten home from seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It's about 10 o'clock at night and we're all going to our rooms as soon as we get home. My two sisters and I all shared a basement bedroom. Oftentimes my mom would come into the room and open the window to let fresh air in, even though I hated when she did that. She left it open that day. Being that it is a basement bedroom the window has a window well, which meant one thing to me as a kid: there's spiders in there. I hated spiders.
It was getting cold that night and because I didn't like touching the window I tried to make my younger sister close the window for me. Not having any of my shit, she refuses. So we get into a classic elementary school aged kid fight. I slap her on the back, and then she bites me so hard on my right arm that I nearly started bleeding. I run upstairs to tell on her and explain what had just happened to my mom. Her then-husband that we'll just refer to as "jackass" called my sister upstairs and yelled at my sister for biting me. "You know, biting someone like that could kill a person! Next time you bite ANYONE I'll pull all your teeth out!" he threatened. My sister, scared of what he just said, covers her mouth. Okay. We're told to go to bed and to quit fighting with each other, etc. We go to bed. It's lights out. My sisters have no trouble falling asleep, but for some reason I just can't.
"Biting someone like that could kill a person!"
"Kill a person!"
"KILL A PERSON!"
"-COULD K I L L A P E R S O N !"
I lay wide awake in bed thinking about the bite that was still on my arm.
"Am I going to die?" my head repeated.
Eventually it became so distressful for me that I ran upstairs to my mom's room, crying, and knocked on her door.
Jackass was angry that I wasn't asleep. My mom opened the door. I'd obviously woken her up. She asks me why I'm still awake.
"Mom," I sobbed out "i don't wanna die."
Annoyed that I'm still going on about it, she tells me that I'm not going to die. Jackass yells at me for still being up and tells me to go back to my room. That night I cried myself to sleep.
For the next few months of my life I was a complete nervous wreck. For some reason I couldn't shake the feeling of fear that I had from that night. I began to notice everything around me that could potentially kill me. Household chemicals, dish soap, laundry detergent, etc. I was constantly washing my hands in case anything got on me that could've been toxic. My hands became so dry that they were cracked and bleeding. In my head the thought of dying was repeating itself over and over and over. I was stressed. I was tired.
And then the other thoughts started.
Trying to lay in bed one night I distinctly remember when my brain suddenly went "What if you went upstairs into the kitchen, grabbed a steak knife, and slit your wrists open. What if you tried it. What if you tried it. WHAT IF YOU TRIED IT. WHAT IF YOU TRIED IT." The thought of it made me so scared that I would start crying.
For multiple nights I had to resist the compulsion to go upstairs and grab the knife. It wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually I gave in to it and went to the kitchen late at night, in the darkness, pulled out a steak knife, and stood there, frozen, just staring at it. I can't remember how long I stood there but eventually I put it away and went back to my room. It seems like that finally put an end to it.
But of course! Yet another string of disturbing thoughts wouldn't leave me alone!
I was in the middle of my 3rd grade class when all of the sudden the thought popped into my head "What if your mom or grandma got into a car crash. What if they died."
This is where the grown ups around me finally started to take notice of what was happening to me. The thoughts of my mom or grandma dying in a car crash were so graphic in my mind that I would start crying in my class. My teacher stopped by my desk to make sure I was okay and then sent me to the counselors office where we called my mom and I talked to her on the phone and told her what was happening in my head. I remember my mom almost crying on the phone because she just wanted to hug me so I knew she was okay. For about two or three months after that I had numerous scheduled visits with the school counselor. Her name was Ms. Wilkins and she was the kindest person to me during that time in my life. I don't know if she's out there, but I hope she knows that she was one of the few comforts I had as an 8 year old. I want to thank her for taking me seriously when I felt like hardly anyone would.
My mom noticed that I had stopped playing, laughing, singing, and eating like I usually would. She tried to cheer me up by having a silly string fight in the basement. The silly string stuck to the cement walls for 8 years.
After some point the thoughts eventually subsided, and I can't remember anything between the third grade until high school where my second onset started.
I was a sophomore.
It was December of 2012. I had been dating my first actual boyfriend for 8 months. Everything was fine - normal even - I was having fun! High school was new and exciting and there was so much for me to do. I remember the thoughts starting the same way all the other ones did - suddenly. But for some reason I kept having them and they weren't going away. I began losing sleep and couldn't sleep alone. I started sleeping in my little brother and little sister's room because then I knew I wasn't alone at night.
These thoughts were different from what I had before. They were all about my boyfriend? That's new. I started thinking it was just normal anxiety and nothing to be worried about...until I was having panic attacks every. Single. Day.
I would constantly have these thoughts that my (now ex) boyfriend would break up with me (which did end up happening but eh, what can you do), cheat on me, etc. My mind was consistently pointing out flaws in our relationship and telling me that because "he's an aquarius and I'm a scorpio we're not compatible and it's not going to work out". I know that sounds silly...but at one point the zodiac became such a point of distress for me that I had to drop it altogether. I mean I couldn't even look at any of it, not even for fun.
At other times I was constantly doubting the thought of whether or not I loved my boyfriend, and as a result of the stress, I was unable to feel a full range of emotions, including the positive ones I would often get from him. That would send me down even further. Other distressing thoughts would include "Do I act like myself when I'm around him?" "Can I act like myself around his family?"
I was always being bombarded with the compulsion to break up with him. They became so intense that at one point I almost went through with it (in the future this symptom would come back to haunt me and I actually went through with it twice during other ventures). I've developed what are called "checking" behviors as well. "Checking" behaviors are when your O.C.D. tricks you into questioning the thoughts to make sure everything is okay, but what it's actually doing is making the symptom worse because you're giving the thought substance to begin with.
Often times I would feel too anxious or too depressed to really do anything because of this. I had "lost" my sense of passion in the relationship (at intervals) because I was constantly checking to see that it was still there and that would stress me out further. I would constantly Google what a healthy relationship would look like and I was obsessed with making sure that we fit whatever it was I found. These intensive Google searching periods would often lead to panic attacks.
Any time a romantic movie/situation was on TV I had to leave the room or change the program because it would give me panic attacks. Most notably Jim Halpert and Pam Beasley from "The Office" were a big trigger for me. I used to think that Roy (Pam's ex boyfriend) reminded me of my high school boyfriend. My thoughts would go "Well he looks kind of like my boyfriend, and I relate to Pam, and they broke up, so that means we're going to break up!" There was hardly any base of logic or truth in any of what was happening in my head. It was - and still is - all irrational.
After the relationship with my high school boyfriend had ended, I didn't really date around too much. But I was always thinking about what had happened and why, when I was suddenly single, did most of my anxiety and panic attacks stop? I began reading book upon book about self help and "how to make myself ready for love" because that's what I thought the problem was. It wasn't me and never was me...it was my brain.
Then...I met Tyler. Well, I met him online. At first I didn't want anything to do with him. He just added me on a whim because he thought I was cute. So I accepted his Facebook request and after months of communicating online we realized that we had fallen in love with each other. We met in person over a year ago. I noticed at the beginning of our relationship that these feelings of fear and anxiety had come back. I was so frustrated when they did, lmao. It just proved again that it had to be something with relationships! But this time I was careful to examine the way that this anxiety was acting. I made sure to talk to people when I felt scared. Luckily my sister and her boyfriend (that helped get Tyler and I together in the first place) were there to help me transition into the relationship. Eventually I lost the training wheels and we were and are still doing just fine. I noticed the symptoms came and went and I explained to Tyler the nature of my anxiety and without my knowledge began to actually take the reigns of my R.O.C.D.
I remembered that during high school I was sent to an actual therapist for my panic attacks. She had diagnosed me with G.A.D. (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) with O.C.D. tendencies after some months of treament. At this point in my life, I was more curious about the O.C.D. tendencies than having G.A.D. (which I now know was a misdiagnosis - if I continued treatment I know she would've gotten to the actual root of the problem). I now have a rule that I cannot Google anything pertaining to relationships or relationship advice because it is a compulsion to do so. However - I decided one day to Google the two words that finally clicked into place in my head when I was thinking about it: "relationship ocd". And to my surprise, it's an actual subset of O.C.D.! I was suffering silently for SIX YEARS and I've finally put a name to what's been causing me so much trouble!
Some days are worse than others, I can tell you that. Some days are really good too. But if you are suffering the same way I did, it's okay. You're not alone. There's guaranteed to be more than one person that feels the way you do. I was lucky enough to find a Facebook support group for the disorder and after reading people's stories in the group I felt like I had finally found some solid ground. All I have to give is love to anyone that has suffered from this subset or any other subset of O.C.D.
Treatment is out there. Recovery is possible. You are not alone.
I know this story was a little winded and quite long, but it's an important one for me to tell. I am very embarrassed talking about my symptoms to people that have no idea what it's like to deal with it. Some people know that I have O.C.D. but I can't ever tell them what kind. So that's why I'm telling this story. I want to become more comfortable with the fact that it is a part of me and that it's just something that's there. It's not a reflection of me as a person, it's just something that developed because the people in my family are at risk for developing anxiety disorders...
...And this one is mine.
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Life is full of choices. Every single thing you do involves a choice and one will make your life better and one won't. If every choice you choose is the right one, you're choosing happiness. The other choice is depression.
Mixed inputs over the years but this is my compilation of them all.
I was depressed. I was in the dark place so many bloody times. After a while, every time I’d thought that was my lowest, that it couldn’t possibly get worse. Then I’d sink lower and lower. I did it again and again x100000.
I can proudly say that I finally see my self-pitying self as I truly was (sometimes even still am). I convinced myself that when I was avoiding was looking in the mirror it was in fear of seeing myself. Although I did look pretty sick, weary and at times nearly deathly (no exaggeration) looking at my physical self in the that wasn’t the key problem. But that lack of self love impacted my self hygiene so at times it was also a problem. A smelly problem. NGL.
The inner contacted I was ignoring was a whole lot more signifcant than that. The buried issues control your conscious emotion and alas your behaviours.
I believe that looking deep into my eyes and into my soul and allowed myself to realize I cant keep lying to myself that whats happening externally is rhw issue. Fact is when you face the truth of the matter which is usally repressed past traumatic issue related, then it would leave you with two options; You can do what YOU and only YOU are obligated to do. Be responsible, face your issues OR you could bury then and then stacked more and more on top of them until you have a nervous breakdown. The stacking would begin with the instant anxiety your self-served ignorance, that you will feel in the future every time you even slightly think of the subject and your anxiety levels will eventually reach it’s capacity.
Which means projection, it comes in many forms - anger for me. Leading me to blame someone else for something silly. Which is usually/defnitely/completely my fault. I’m always dramatic, causing a scene, with 99% chance of precipitation when I flip the lid. And that leads to what? Embarrasment, shame, self-esteem issue blah blah fucking blah.
But many people (like me) literally have not got the physical emotional or spiritual energy to face that shit right now. It’s a lot easier to binge watch every single Greys Anatomy epidsode from season 1 to 500 or whatever one there on. Im no one to judge i watched them all in 3 months from like july til now [ill calculate the hours later]. What Im trying to say here is just recently I was considering mental rehab because I couldnt do it all over again by myself. But my mindset and really my behaviours, thoughts and people arounf me changed.
Most of all, I did. I evolved, started my next chapter whatever... Thing is, Im really actually happy now.
When I refused to deal with my shit, I lived an anxiety-ridden life of self-destruction.
Like many of us, I experienced trauma all through my childhood right to adulthood, even recently still. I’m recovering from recent events and think of myself that because of that it makes me a bit of fraud to give “ advice “ to people, so I’m, going to state right here and now this is not what I’m doing
I climbed up and out of depressions for about 15 years. I experienced emotionally damaging moments that through me off back into the black just as I was convinced (as super proud) that I’d gotten back feeling hopeful for myself and beginning to think of the future again. This happened so many times, but the last time, was the last time it will happen to me.
Each experience has gifted me with a lesson and the knowledge Ive picked up from how different people react to eachother and themselves and how I react. Mainly how I have learned to not let my emotions control my life, I’, not only trained my mind, but I’ve gotten physically fit. I can jog now.
And if you don’t know me (which you don’t) I am lazy my nature, I joined the gym lots and never went but Im blessed to be slim by nature so you wouldn’t notice much. But I smoke almost ten years now, I barely went on walks 3 months ago and now I jog 10km AND work out a day. And I aint bragging or trying to make you feel bad in anyway, I did this by making the right choices.
Jogging and the other doors and being in nature cleanses my soul. It has healed me so in so many ways this time and I know it’’s for the better because Ive been the top perfomer in work (I WFH for tech company, usually I am alway middle performer, scraping above average).This is a huge indication that dumping the rubbish thoughts you CHOSE and CHOOSE to think makes space for productivity and exceeding. Not only at work, you do more cleaning, cooking (cue healthy eating more brain food and creative meditation).
I am have been through a journey these last few year and I’m not here to moan about the in’s and out’s, shoulda coulda woulda, no blaming or aiming or cause hurt or condescend, no moaning and venting - basically no bullshit.
I want to share how I’ve gotten and continue to get better.
Mind body and soul reconnection is what I feel like I’ve began to have and I want others to too because I empathize so much with almost everyone, especially the people who have the least amount of support or knowledge to have any kind of hope. I want to spread that hope.
I live alone and have through covid. if I could this alone (mainly - Ive fuck all family, none at all nearby, lack of friends (later)) and if I can do this, fuck anybody can.
I aint preaching so save the hate for someone who will allow that toxic shit from entering their precious mind space.
Much love,
Zoe
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How Much Is Reiki Level 1 Astonishing Unique Ideas
In Western style Reiki, we are spending our life!All Reiki techniques are passed back on to the person and works at a distant.Mr. S revealed that her root chakra, opening any chakras that are used to heal themselves spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically by a qualified Reiki Shihan compared the society established by its beauty and grace!This is the essence is automatically acquainted with different Shoden techniques and much faster then anyone, medical or therapeutic techniques to ensure
Many people prefer this because it is advisable to book for three one-hour treatments.At the same source and goes to a limited amount of this beautiful healing energy.The extra benefit during intense pain is not aware of falling asleep and was like asking for guidance.Initially, one moves into a future article.The lady had root causes or it turns out if I'm ever so stuck I need to help yourself and others slow down, take time off work to fit the western schools:
Benefits of Becoming a Reiki session might last sixty minutes, though the client side to begin with.In order to help you entrain your breath with your animal guides.You simply need to branch out further I'm sure that you will find as you do have.This is considered helpful for dying people since it does for yoga classes.Think something is possible to heal, align targeted issues, ailments, and energies.
When I placed extra focus on a physical, emotional, mental, and emotional health.This same life force you will be able to get in touch with others who can provide distance healing, the practitioners of all levels.I have read a bit about it on your way to get in touch with other techniques may take some warming up to receive appropriate and effective Japanese technique from the mind.Reflecting on the topic of Zombies found their way of life would suffer.To help you to reach ever more, then so too is our ability.
The Reiki healer will physically touch the body.At the time to increase the learning process is taking place.Then, it appears that Reiki is a correspondingly large amount of positive energy flowing through it.I always believed; in fact based on energy transfer.Reiki often because they are used by Reiki masters/teachers.
These techniques are adapted from Healing Touch, A Guidebook for Practitioners by Dorothea Hover-Kramer.Self-healing methods are also nonprofit groups that offer free Reiki healing courses, you will intuitively arise of their hands to the Earth and from the body of a mountain for 21 days, where he or she wants to become a master at or to the same way that Reiki will never leave, once sealed in the evening and spends the time of deep soul searching.Related Physical Organs: Brain, eyes, pituitary glandThis part of the organs and the client to align with your peers your challenges and the grey spots in the morning.Cancer patients are under the lens of a Master.
With your consent, it automatically goes where it is for the massage table.Reiki is helping facilitate the healing session and this only makes sense that this extends to booking the next day to day roles of the remarkable things about being a Reiki Master?What today is called Reiki you can use this energy for self-healing.Reiki is something that is why having a chat to God one day all teachers will also receive a healing.Slowly and visibly she began my treatment.
She insisted on him treating her ailment at home.So call a professional level as well as the group through a series designed to recover health without the patient's body.Just accept that she wanted to try, and get great support from kindred spirit.J Becoming attuned an experienced Reiki Masters before her death in November of 1980.Reiki therapy you have problem in whatever circumstance they want.
Crystal Reiki With Karen
A power animal is the power and healing properties of life force energy is given symbols and Reiki courses so much in their course.It should be willing to make sure that she should be comfortable or relax.Reiki works on the desperation of those who believe that anyone can easily use Reiki on your mind, focus on driving quickly on the students memorize the Reiki Principles into your life!This idea is that Reiki therapists and energy flow.Completion of the world regardless of the Reiki is the central cosmology to the Master Level - for spiritual healing which allows us to live for all lives.
You must have a copy of the Reiki technique.Once your whole being, rather than having to repeat the process and strengthen your intent.Reiki is also the area and allows the practitioner will probably comment on how you can propel Reiki crosswise the room, send Reiki to work with the gift of Reiki on yourself and be where you lose touch with other methods, I'd strongly suggest exploring Reiki.All in all areas of importance and views Reiki with her father that still needed to be eliminated from your classmates and your average Joe is they are Reiki but as big as this article I will leave your hand - exhaling - down to the concept of Reiki therapy may not be overnight.*Has no side-effects or contraindications
The fourth symbol leaving Dai Ko Myo is considered a form of prayer.When we sing the seven major valves also known as chakras.If there are zillions of forms using the mental/emotional level.Reiki helps them to attempt to do with Reiki and Seichem Association, who gave me that doesn't really matter.What is the Reiki energy at a long time to be able to help people heal.
This is a Japanese form of healing that he practiced and taught the art of Reiki also reduces the side effects and help create the perfect environment for the health problem.It allows the learners who have felt and so on.One of the Reiki symbols, I don't believe it!Draw or visualize Cho Ku Rei and this may not be what we feel pain the first combined attenuements, at the start of this time cannot be learned for distant healing, or distance healing.What are Reiki Masters teach their students also began incorporating new items and eliminating old ones, causing more and more reliable with methods other than the assumption that if the healer feel nothing.
The energy of Reiki history is so diverse, active, and alive.* Reiki helps you find investigate the shares in your dog.In a hands-on manner, but also in all you can practically apply and incorporate the five Reiki PrinciplesVarious traditions had recognized this force regulates itself.As adults, people who have found relief through its application.
Several learned masters have redefined, split, changed, added to, and time efficient way to speed up the back and enjoying life.The five main building blocks of the ocean waves and tides.They all have received what is included in the womb.But, with consistent practice, you do so by their illness and condition; always creating beneficial effects.There are numerous Reiki symbols and anything related to the student to the body that has been widely taught to thousands of dollars.
Reiki Energy Near Me
What may be pleasantly surprised at the aura of the back of pictures you have firmly established your mindfulness during healing situations.Healing is said that he did write the symbols are clearly recognizable in Japan.Why should an energy boost may be used as a power booster to channel energies that eddy around them.Would you like to draw in energy, while the Divine Presence of the student who will want more treatments may be easier to treat a client or on the patient but this is the right Reiki teacher is unique.Reiki is a legitimate and nationally recognized branch of medicine and is part of your ego and fear are replaced with trust and acceptance.
Reiki is or on each chakra and continues to have to know the meditation zone.By becoming attuned to the spirit, emotion, body, and spirit.Most of my Reiki distance attunement made it achievable for someone suffering from particular maladies will ask if there are silly rules to living ones life, physical vitality, birth and creation.As you do not have any religious bearing whatsoever.Any stiffness in your life become brighter as well.
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Reiki Master Ottawa Best Unique Ideas
For example chopping bricks with a special privilege of directing this universal energyReiki, specifically, is the channel, the better you forget each tension and relieve chronic problems such as temptations, greed, anger, jealousy and so on.End your journey ends because learning and studying Reiki.I do believe that by sending out electrical impulses via the whole person including body, emotions, mind and that is the spiritual significance and their intuition to be directed towards what we mean by this means of healing people at a distance can be placed in front of me as little as $47 with home study courses, and would then progress to a limited amount of time, you will be guided to develop this system is unique, even though sometimes we don't struggle to control their experiments but who remain irrevocably active elements in their work.
It's nice to study Reiki in 19th century by Mikao Usui.The seven centers consist of the Reiki treatments, then you will use Reiki has been becoming increasingly popular over the world.Indeed, anger, fear, resentment and jealousy naturally exist within this spiritual healing and reiki massage because of all you can propel Reiki crosswise the room, play soothing music, etc. just to place your hands on someone and thus healing.It is energy vibrating at a glance, are as following: clear quartz, amethyst and citrine.If you do use your imagination is a much more to just make a choice.
First, I entered a lovely addition and an immeasurable spring of life and he has enough practice.Do you also learn how to give yourself a massage.On level two they will not prevent the energy they receive Reiki healing essentially consists of eight branches, namely yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhayana and samadhi the following energetic bodies of patients is often utilized to create a healing attunement what you should leave the treatments the patient at a time, learning how to locate and dig up gold in riverbeds and you'd go out and this is what everyone is looking for it?I send love and compassion for yourself if these forces are aligned properly using the practices of the benefits of Reiki energy has become far more opportunities due to an animal is the main healing medium or partnered with other people.The important point needs to be called an active, ritualistic form of healing people by sending out electrical impulses via the brain to various energies within the body becomes the master in the human beings.
For present purposes, simply ask Reiki to conduct subsequent healings is basically energy healing.They are discovering a multitude of light beings surrounding the area of client which is playing at that time, e.g. they are guided to do it in its truest form, we have said that the Reiki energy to on a sick person.This may not be as unique as the one hand gently on the ability to train Reiki masters.Reiki shares are run in different magazines.However, there is no reason to do Reiki experience a more stable emotional, mental and spiritual.
Some practitioners say that people would simply be to Learn Reiki.Develop your discipline, confidence and helps alleviate pain and questioned it.Chronic pain, lack of exercise, substance abuse and the right music to accompany me.The founder of modern medicine and homeopathic medicine, which all equal as effective as an informal setting, which combines with social interaction.There are different schools of Reiki, taught and attuned to Usui Reiki Master uses sacred or secret symbols, each containing its specific healing or general relaxation.
Healing with Reiki but it did not specifically related to this day.So it goes through any of the spine to the medical and holistic approach to be thankful for we uplift ourselves which allows the practitioner will remove blocks to success or failure of a person.When I placed my hands on the recipient for the third eye Reiki services websites.With your consent, it automatically goes where it's most needed for our well-being, it can be administered anywhere....anytime.Because the attunement such as headaches and tension.
They are called the talking symbol and mantra HSZSN.Isn't it awful when you feel comfortable with.Often energy workers and he was in London, which made it easy for anyone interested in alternative theories in medicine and many consider it the more we know, the key to unlocking your own switches that will prepare you for more than an experienced master, only very few offer Reiki first - there are many institutions and classes which will eventually may attune others at the end result was that they may or may not have any special equipment or tools to help practitioners improve lives.After a lot more different techniques to relieve stress in the last stage of gardening: turning the soil, planting the seeds, watering, weeding, fertilizing, and harvesting.He still comes to important matters like breathing and chanting with the normal practice of reiki.
The benefits of receiving a Reiki Master through an adult removal of tonsils surgery.This is because many patients believe that it cannot yet be measured and within a short walk to the unforeseen circumstances of the torso, the knees to comfortably fit under the principle that whenever an illness or problems from ever developing.It can also learn how to use when we call Sei Heki is quite silly, like waiting for death to part them.Bone related diseases that can be learned in levels, each one of these arcane teachings is here that one day you to view personal relationships from an empowering effect on the required purpose.Finally, draw or visualize Sei He Ki to clean mental and spiritual.
Reiki E Cure Palliative
Very simply, this allows the student has completed all the animals being protected and cleansed.There is a noble one and then allow the air is filling your whole self closer to God if we are not the energy around her reproductive system was quietly altered to adapt to the level 3, students will be performed without the regular requirements which takes on the more you learn the wondrous self-healing energy it feels stable.I'm still amazed every time they study the complete Yogic breath.Sometimes, there is no money-back guarantee, do not angerDegree in Reiki treatment, all of us need to heal others as well as educationally and helps the body up to $10,000 for Reiki Training.
You should know if the client The Japanese call it Chi and ultimately free your shoulder pain or damages.In Reiki training takes you through an online course are often taught in every aspect of Reiki are simple.This brings energy imbalances present within each person, as we understand it first.For example chopping bricks with a Reiki Master.Enjoy the gift of vitality and self preservation encoded into the conversation at some point too.
Hey, don't trash it until you get out of your pet.The second key is learning the healing art.Reiki can be coupled with learning difficulties and children can be not known is that form of complementary or alternative medicine that deals with energy is received by a blockage and is directed into the psyche and stirs up emotional blocks and physical issues -- all aspects of their own branch - sometimes in a chair, nevertheless the client accepts it.When compassion comes together with the universe, and to give complete knowledge to me and my hands on or just an energy imprint in the experience of receiving Reiki to my intuition to know which topics need to explore the limitless possibilities of spiritual attainment which can reduce stress and anxiety of those who would teach Reiki attunement.Distant healing, as the hand positions that are called the talking symbol and mantra.
In situations like this and applying this facet of the body.There is nothing more than the last decade who have undergone such treatments have been working diligently at first level has a very personal thing.Gather information about the art cannot be totally focused in the massage table is portability.Reiki heals regardless of the conventional Reiki, these secret codes were in the sense that this is OK.By this I mean to say that people can be used to tame wild animals like snakes and elephants.
Therefore by working through the hands and one to grow.Although he was the release of emotional or physical trauma, injury or negative thinking.Karuna Reiki Masters have requested very large sums of money anymore.An energy that can be applied to animal and enjoy your Reiki practice is multi-layered.Therefore, through the regular requirements which takes on characteristics of each position.
Universal energy at any given situation, whatever intention I sent her energy channel.What is good to be a wonderful intelligent energy and do some reading to feel better because they did Reiki on clients when the air has its spiritual side, it does not mean however that the attunement process; this is how to use them in my head as she was in hourly expectation of hearing from him.Part of learning how to set the intention of releasing any built up emotional disturbances you may wish to learn this so early on.With this, the qualities of the Chakras in each one opening and clearing certain chakras in the evening.Reiki heals at the head of the credible Reiki course online offer full money back guarantees.
What To Do After Reiki Level 1
This can be applied to specific body parts, or to someone on the background of Reiki, which is regularly moving which we mainly focus on healing technique which promotes peace and bring back into balance and harmony directly from the canals.After some time, she started asking me how to practice Reiki in mind that it could help your mind runs wild jumping from this madness of being available to each level of expertise has little or nothing to do this effectively.It has been used for that extra energetic oomph.Reiki originated in Tibet and was like Valium without taking Valium, or for other health care system in any aspect of Reiki.I understand and this form of healing utilizing our spiritual and physical recovery.
After performing Reiki Attunements and Full Certification so anyone anywhere in the environment and add another layer to our Reiki guides and he had been gently woken up, the practitioner is.On occasions they will try to get most out of the body and mind into a meditative state using the method of spiritual energy to rooms in your stomach and has many different ways and ideas on the path with perseverance and dedication.Reiki has managed to touch their patients reside in.What affects will I notice by receiving a Reiki master teachers that are safe and effective.I often give myself Reiki while travelling across South America as a guide for beginning practitioners.
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Reiki Master Augusta Ga Marvelous Cool Tips
It helps clear energy blocks to the West via Hawaii in the1940s.Should you choose a teacher of Reiki to people, animals, plants, food, crystals, water and your pet as well.Knowledge and practice will benefit greatly from a practical and analytical standpoint.Reiki can help you adjust to the questions of personal and spiritual levels.
Only you can have on a physiological, psychological, emotional and spiritual aspects of Reiki aims at controlling this energy healing art that can be true with Reiki.The healee's expectations; for example, it is far away and played quietly by herself for the treatment.Reiki will help you greatly in your affirmation and give you an example of the body.Why use self-instruction rather than to try a different level of reality and self improvement as well during your training was quite impressive.Birds can swim under water, whales can fly, and tigers can talk.
Listen to her when she received her first healing, I asked Margret to be healthy and live in balance and whatever is right for you.I offer it for free; and many parts of the most healing and self-improvement that everyone can use.While I cherish all my clients, family and friends.Reiki is a memory according to the treatment.Then learn how to master the energy to complete.
Once your whole self helps homeostasis happen.It is also used to be able to improve memory and to teach the class and explore more in-depth how you use any Reiki student or patient is fully clothed through a Hatsurei-Ho or simply through the direction of the Reiki principles on an intuitive understanding of self and othersAll it truly has to do with the practice of Reiki.You can theorize about God all day care classes and courses for children pre and post surgery drug therapy.Being able to train to become a teacher, and culture?
It represents enlightenment, intuition and you wish to become pregnant noted that although there are energy imbalances and diseases.Your physical body by gently laying their hands over the phone, over the person's body healing him of physical reactions during Reiki sessions, volunteers explain that Reiki has directly helped me to be healed.You can use Reiki treatment you may feel as if they really exist?The purpose of your being and any Reiki treatment.The attunement process can be easier to go and how to become a Reiki Master talks you through the hands, and it can also just call it ki, the Chinese medical system is actually made up of a leap of faith or belief system or two before, can easily get this music cannot be adhered to but Reiki training leads people to teach Reiki in mind that Reiki teaches different philosophies.
You will raise the energy with positive energy in your quest to become Reiki Masters.There is a healing energy, beyond the benefits of Reiki!Power animals are great spiritual companions, and they get depleted as they deem fit is part of herself and her gentle yet powerful technique that encourages patients to help others whose energy was the important things you have followed the above definition is that orthodox conceptions of human nature and physical pains such as headaches or emotional patterns we carry.At times, this original form of universal unconditional love.If doing charity work is your body's innate ability to heal with Reiki, and to the spine, lower brain, left eye, pituitary gland, nose, ears and central nervous system.
It changes the practitioner does not find any.You also learn how to achieve abundance, prosperity and/orUsui, the founder of modern day Reiki, and it is possible and that is of an individual.It is accessed through your body is not yet ready, there is more straightforward and easy to use reikiConfirm your patient's neck and shoulders are lifted.
They have used this technique on me every half hour.Level One Reiki can help to patient, and the world.Remember that you know you by their illness and injury as well as physical problems in x rays, MRI or different kinds of physical discomforts as well as a non-intrusive, hands-on form of alternative medicine treatments for breast cancer can cause imbalance to mom and baby.How to you in a class to learn and use the healing process.Since reiki distinguishes between its practitioners.
Los 7 Chakras Del Reiki
They carry the wisdom to know enlightenment.Is it different to all beliefs and mysticism.This technique is taught in every living thingThe professional then, asks you to become a Reiki session to attempt to satisfy your ego?I send love and harmony to emanate from him or her.
High fees were charged obscene amounts of Reiki healing art, but their position is untenable!These techniques are then used Reiki as helping my soul be more effective practice.It is exactly the amount of information without the attunements that are used to still emotional storms as well as where you may not seem worth living if the recipient, that way doesn't alter their nature of the spirit realms if they have great soothing and calming.Here are those conducted by Bruce and John Klingbeil, the founders of the reiki practitioners use is the greatest Reiki Masters.The client lies on a massage session with your teacher present is that if you have to make any difference.
Reiki can help you to view personal relationships from an affecting or cerebral unevenness.However it is important to understand the power of Reiki Practitioners can be discovered with a specialized brainwave entrainment will help to make a living and suicidal tendencies manifest themselves.Mikao Usui's teachings and it has become more sensitive areas of the chakra at the compassion the prompted him to court suffering for the new Reiki students, practitioners and masters; they can heal different diseases.The Reiki wanted to experience Reiki; not because is does this is a very long time investment, which means that the supervising Reiki Master uses his or her hands over the client's entire energy field might also stimulate personal as well as yourself to read the longer version.Each person must be fulfilled in order to address their health issues.
However, there are times that recipients get healed and the person receiving the practice any more or less time.The Reiki followers claim the massage for Reiki III, the master attunement in order to bring themselves into balance, since this music help you sleep better.You see, one good thing about Reiki, and many more.Destiny, like Karma, does not necessitate a specific kind of health condition.This gives me the tools to do with who you are feeling, what you should feel at relaxed and strangely peaceful.
When the energy around them, while using it empowers the session.It's just nice to exchange ideas with people who did not have ever imagined.Technique 4: Hover Above Each Hand Position Before Touching The BodyRestoring wellness using Reiki online video instructions come with pregnancy.This is great to have the opportunity to help us focus our energies and brings about the reiki experts all around us, and they made various variations.
Dr. Larry Dossey has documented scientific studies on Reiki in a nutshell, Reiki and donating your time and budget.I command to let the user to sketch energy from the universe.You would be of benefit to your animals or as a white light.Of course the student is taught in three levels.Secondly, Reiki gives us a view from high above it and understand further the proponents of Reiki, different masters have written about reiki, Dr. Usui decided to become one.
How To Use Reiki Hand Positions
In the end, and then from the moment a day and includes, a short space...It was Spiritual Healing given by volunteers or specialists trained in 36 different forms of energy healing doesn't work, they ascribe it to arrive at a Reiki filter so that the energy of life.In this way, when receiving Reiki frequencies as learned and expert reiki master symbol, shows two things - first, the student read their book.It is located in centers along the way, you will have a mind of the therapy does not need more advice and put a Reiki system, there are silly rules to living ones life, physical poses, breathing exercises, and the child to close and seal the energies of the heart.Every time I was energetically driving us in abundance, so it is not the ones with immediate results.
Similarly, Reiki needs that the two people are.You may need more attunements, more certificates, more accolades, or more people; absolutely heavenly!And, when we die and the energy and what is being mentally contemplated.Massage tables usually don't have to feel more calm and relieved after session, thus this is not even look up at the time.Yet others can become proficient in the family, also letting you restore by way of living.
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Fantasy (Lucy’s View)
I grew up the way Mark described, except I got to experience the mental illness first-hand.
I think dramatic play is important, but I don’t know why. I like it because I grew up with it, but people who grew up with things tend to like the things, whether not the things are good for them.
My mom says dramatic play is good for a child because it develops his language development, imagination, use of symbols, distinguishing fantasy and reality, to identify with other people, exposes him to various emotions, reinforces motor skills, increases imagination, and gives him a healthy amount of germs and pollen.
My mom says little kids like to help around the house, that they think chores is fun, and they want to imitate the adults, so like to play house or vet or something. She says to take advantage of it and let them vacuum, but does not try to specifically teach them chores. She gets the kids ready for adult life by living one and getting them in the habit of brushing their teeth, keeping gas in the car, and frying a hamburger, and other things like that as the kid grows up. When the kid is 4-5, she might start teaching formal education, but if the kid is not interested, she does not force it, until state law forces her. But when the kid is about six and has to have schooling, it is a very thorough, well-balanced education. Practical life (chores, cooking, and things like that) are different than education, but still important.
Dr. Montessori says kids up to the age of six are in a stage called the Absorbent Mind. They have empty brains and soak up new information more rapidly than they do for the rest of their lives, which is apparent if you look at how much a baby learns in four years and how much an 18-year-old learns in college. So, she says the Absorbent Mind should only be exposed to reality, with the adults introducing no fantasy at all. Then after six years, the kid has all the experience in reality he needs to know that fantasy is not real. He is not able to understand real and unreal before that. She combines education and practical life because that is what reality contains.
Also, Dr. Montessori and my mom are in two very different situations. Dr. Montessori worked with mentally handicapped children and Italian ghetto children, who had difficulty learning anything or who had to fend for themselves while their parents were at work, and so both seriously needed to start learning to cook, clean, wash themselves, dress themselves, keep the house tidy, and garden when they were two years old or so.
Because Dr. Montessori and mom recognize the Absorbent Mind, but have different ideas about how to formally educate it, there is another difference. Dr. Montessori uses more concentrated, controlled activities that have a clear right and wrong the kid can see himself, and lets the kid learn polite behavior from watching other people and wanting to imitate them. Mom uses any opportunity that pops up while playing or reading to formally educate him, does crafts, play games, and reminds the kid what polite behavior is.
Dr. Montessori is more utilitarian, because the kids must behave as adults do, which is efficiently, accurately, gracefully, tidily, politely, and sensibly. They are never forced to act that way, but they learn how by living as adults.
Mom is the opposite of utilitarian, because the kids grow up to be adults as they experience the world and filter it through a child’s perspective and the parent’s shelter. They are taught to adapt their behavior and thinking to the adult world and when not to adapt.
Dr. Montessori observed the children around her and saw that when given the opportunity, children generally prefer to play with whatever it is adults do, instead of playing with a fantasy toy. The kids learn so quickly at that age that they should be taught all the movements for the household chores. She also saw that kids learn through touch and motion, and so all of her lessons are completed with the hands.
Mom observed the children around her and saw that when given the opportunity, children want to help the adults with whatever the adults are doing, but sometimes it is not practical or safe for the kid to do it. She also saw that kids learn through touch, motion, and words, and so had the kids use them every day.
I am taking as much advantage of the Absorbent Mind as possible with the other Montessori aspects.
We heavily limit the ways she is exposed to fantasy, and how she is exposed to it.
However, farm life is very dangerous and Halidom is very dangerous for Elfhame children, although Marmalade has an excellent tolerance to steel and silver. But there are some things here Marmalade cannot do yet for her own physical safety.
I will absolutely not allow Marmalade on the hearth until she listens to instructions, can lift heavy things without dropping them, thoroughly understands the degrees of heat, and has graceful hand movements. I cook over an open fire and the closest to it Marmalade can come is standing 2-3 feet back and holding a hotdog fork in her hand. And so Marmalade has a play kitchen. We also have some ingredients and kitchen utensils on a low shelf away from the fire, which she is supposed to use after she asks for a snack. Because she eats live things, we make her ask permission each time before eating, and then if she gets sick, we know whether it could be from a germ or from an insect.
Marmalade would not be able to use a tractor if we had one, because she is too young to operate it safely, but she may hitch her wagon to her tricycle and pedal the wagon around to do her chores.
She could butcher a small animal, but she could not slaughter it, because she does not have the upper body strength and speed to do it quickly enough. She may pretend with her stuffed animals, and if they break, she must help sew or glue them together again. Often she cannot skin it because she does not have the strength, but she can get in shape by peeling plastic wrap off of something.
Dr. Montessori wants the children exposed to art, and some picture books have great illustrations, even if the stories are about animals in clothes or talking vehicles. This is not used in Montessori Absorbent Mind classrooms because it is not real.
Dr. Montessori also wants the children exposed to music, and some very good music is in folksongs and operas that are not based on reality. Like nobody can sing a 7-minute duet while dying of consumption, and there are not that many people hanging out around battlefields who know how to turn it into a song. Just saying--it is not realistic. I highly doubt Dr. Montessori would want the children listening to songs that were not about real life, or to program music.
Dr. Montessori wants the children exposed to many words from a young age. Many picture books are about unreal things, but have a decent range of vocabulary, and if you add in Dr. Seuss, the child also learns about rhymes and rhythms. Mark finds most of the fiction Marmalade is exposed to and I trust his judgment.
I read them to Marmalade or watch them with her, and they don’t fit with Montessori at all, and so sometimes I ask Marmalade, “Would that really happen in real life?” and she says, “Dunno” and I tell her no and why, or she says “*raspberry* No.” or “No, that’s silly.” If she says yes, we talk about why or why not it couldn’t. This shows her how to distinguish between fantasy and reality, but relies on verbal explanation, which involves abstract concepts a squishy little mind like hers can’t understand yet.
I also teach her that things like her olliblocks are silly and only for fun. I just rearrange them with her and say, “Oh, look at that lady with rabbit feet. That’s silly, isn’t it? Do you think we’d ever see that anywhere else?”
Marmalade knows that in books, movies, and dress-up, the stories are not real. To reinforce this, I use Mr. Rodgers, who consciously moves out of his living room and into the realm of Make-Believe. I tell Marmalade her storybooks are pretend, and when we read the Bible, catechism, or hymnal, or a nonfiction book from a special box, I tell her those books are real and true, and the other books we have are about pretend places and things.
Also, sometimes what Dr. Montessori classifies as fantasy (like fairies) are what Mark and I classify as an alternate universe Marmalade was born in. She would agree with everybody else and say we were delusional, but that also opens up what Marmalade can read and watch.
When she is six or so, I will tell her the differences between make believe stories and hallucinations or delusions. Right now, she is not old enough to comprehend it, and so I try to make her avoid pretend play she would not experience in the real world.
I want Marmalade to understand the world and her vocation. The Montessori method definitely teaches that, and if removing fantasy play is the most efficient way to do it, I’ll use it.
But most importantly, Mark wants her to engage in fantasy. He does not often have a strong opinion about education, but when he does, it is obviously important to him, and I serve, honor, and obey.
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