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sapphires-and-gold-fics · 5 years

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Fictober Day 23: “You can’t give more than yourself.”

Fandom: Game of Thrones / ASOIAF

Characters: Jaime Lannister / Brienne of Tarth

Read on AO3

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Brienne squinted at the phone screen as it lit up with a new call in the dark. She sighed and sat up in the bed, tucking a pillow behind her back. She flipped the lamp on and then swiped right to answer the call.

“Jaime you have to stop calling me so late.”

“Why?” His voice was quiet; he sounded hurt by why she said.

“Jaime, we talked about this. I’ve got a lot of work to do in the morning. Half the reason I left town was so that I could get that work done without interruption or interference.”

“Can I text you then?”

“Jaime.”

“I miss you.”

She swallowed hard. “I know, Jaime ...I miss you, too, okay? It’s… But you can’t keep doing this.”

“I need to talk to some body, Brienne.”

“What about Tyrion?”

“Still in prison.”

“You still haven’t gone to see him.” It was a statement, not a question.

“No… not yet.”

“And Cersei?”

“She’s the problem.”

She put a second pillow behind her back, sitting up straighter. “Right. Yeah, I know.”

“How’s the search going?”

“Slowly. I talked to a couple of witnesses who may have seen her but the details are really vague.” She heard something shuffling in the background like plastic crumpling. “Where are you?”

“The downstairs bathroom.”

“In… the bath?”

“I mean yeah but not like...I’m not naked.” She felt her face heat up. “Where are you ?”

“Um… bed?” The heat crept down her neck. “It’s 1 in the morning, Jaime.”

“No I meant--”

“--Oh, still in Duskendale - the Inn on Route 18.”

“That’s not far at all.”

“It’s not.”

“I could drive there.”

“Jaime--”

“ You could come back here .”

“ Jaime .”

“Cersei is making me crazy.”

Brienne pinched the bridge of her nose. “What’s going on? Besides the standard stuff.”

“She won’t leave the house.”

“I assume that’s a directive from your dad?”

“My father doesn’t care either way, he’s too busy with the ‘investigation’.”

She could hear the air quotes he probably made even though she couldn’t see him. “They took him off of the investigation, didn’t they?”

“Yeah, but he’s got a lot of--”

“--buddies, yeah of course he does.” She shook her head. “That doesn’t do Tyrion any favors.”

“I think dad is well aware of that.”

“Right. Okay so Cersei won’t leave the house - is that necessarily a bad thing?”

“She won’t let Myrcella and Tommen leave the house either. She thinks there was a conspiracy. I’m trying to be supportive, you know, for the kids. But it’s hard. I really think she’s losing it.”

“Are the cloaks still doing the welfare checks?”

“Twice daily.”

“Well that’s good - that’s about as much as you can hope for outside of convincing her--”

“--she doesn’t want me leaving the house either.”

“Ah… are you… regretting staying with them?”

“It was definitely easier when I slept at my own place. I miss it.” What precisely he missed went unspoken but she heard it all the same. She also missed having someone else next to her in the bed, even if it was platonic - or as platonic as they told themselves it was. “But I don’t regret being here for the kids. I just wish she would listen to me. Joff was clearly the target, the other two aren’t in danger.”

“Are you comfortable leaving her alone with the kids so that you can take a breather?”

“That’s kind of what I’m doing right now.”

“I mean is there a chance that she would hurt herself?”

“Outside of poisoning her own liver? No. She’s too narcissistic for that.”

“What about the kids?”

“She’s their mother.”

“But if she’s…”

“No I… I know what you’re saying but no, I don’t think… she couldn’t hurt the kids. Especially not now. She’s holding onto every bit of family she can.”

“Except Tyrion?”

“Except Tyrion. She doesn’t want me visiting him.”

“I can’t imagine what she’s going through; maybe once some time has passed… gods that sounds awful to say, but maybe eventually she won’t see Tyrion as the monster she thinks he is.”

“I’m doing all I can to press his case with her but…”

“It’s hard. And you’re already doing so much.”

“I wish it was enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“ I’m not enough. She’s leaning on me really heavily and..”

“You are enough, Jaime.” She heard him sniff and take a deep breath. “Are you sleeping okay?”

“Not really. I miss… She’s keeping me up at all hours. Ranting about how unfair it all is and how I’m not doing enough. By the time I crawl into the guest room to sleep it’s already daylight.”

“Jaime, you couldn’t possibly be doing more. You’ve taken a leave from work, you’ve moved into the house. You’ve been doing the chores and the shopping--”

“--I mean we’re getting it delivered but--”

“You’re doing all of that. You have made so many sacrifices to be there for her right now. You can’t give more than yourself, but somehow you’re managing to give 110%. That’s what you do, and I don’t know how. You can’t keep borrowing against your own well-being.”

“Yeah?”

“Jaime.”

“I know, Brienne.”

“You need to sleep. You need to take care of yourself.”

“It’s harder without you here.”

Brienne wiped what she thought might be a tear from the corner of her eye and frowned into the phone but didn’t respond.

“Brienne?”

“I thought it would be better now. You said Cersei was hard on you about me being around.”

“She was. She doesn’t like anyone taking my attention away from her under normal circumstances - you got to see that, before--”

“--Oh so that wasn’t just about the fact that it was me, then? I feel slightly better about her calling me a great cow now.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“I’ve been called worse.”

“That doesn’t--”

“You don’t need to apologize for her, Jaime. She’s a grown woman. I’m sure she’s said worse behind my back. It doesn’t matter.”

“When you were in town she would say some pretty nasty things, but not anymore. Since you left, she’s been almost… sweet? - at least until the wine comes out.”

Brienne shook her head and pulled her knees up to her chest.

“Brienne?”

“I hate the way she treats you.”

“It’s f--”

“No, it’s not fine, Jaime. She manipulates you and abuses you and uses you up--”

“She doesn--”

“I wish--” the words stuck in her throat. He listened as she took a breath and found them again, “I wish you could have come with me. I really… gods, Jaime, I wish I could have taken you away from there.”

“I couldn--”

“I know. I know . It was too soon. And with Tyrion… No, I know. And I know that my being there didn’t exactly help. I just wish there could have been another way. I wish it would have made sense for me to stay, but someone has to find that girl. I had to go.”

“I don’t want you here.”

That stung. “Oh.”

“Shit, that’s not - that came out really wrong. Brienne, I didn’t mean it like that. If I could, I would have you here all the time. You always know exactly what to do. And I - I want you here, Brienne. More than anything. I do. I just meant that I wouldn’t want you to have to deal with her… with Cersei being like this…”

Brienne didn’t respond.

“She’s awful, I know that. And yes, she takes everything I give, and then demands more. I know that, too. Now she’s talking about making sure Tyrion gets the death penalty… Brienne, I think I hate her.”

“She lost a child, Jaime.”

“Yeah, and what a child.”

“Jaime that’s really unkind.”

“So was he.”

“He was a boy. He… maybe he would have grown up and had better influences. Perhaps once he got out of Cersei’s sphere he would have been something better. We will never know. And for that I am truly sorry.”

There was silence on the other end of the line.

“Jaime?”

“Do you think she had something to do with it?”

“Cersei? Why--”

“No, Sansa. Do you think she did this?”

“Oh. No, Jaime I don’t. She’s a child, too.”

"Her family has resources.”

“Her parents are dead. She doesn’t have access to those resources. She doesn’t even have a credit card - that’s what’s making this so difficult.”

He sighed heavily. “You’re right. I know you are. Again.”

“Your nephew went to a private school where he was a terrible bully and probably did things to some of those kids that won’t come out for years - we’ll likely never know about them - I imagine there were a lot of victims’ families who had resources.”

“So you think it was one of them?”

“Well, I don’t think it was Sansa, and neither do the gold cloaks. They seem to really think it was Tyrion--”

“--But you don’t.”

“--but I don’t. But my opinion doesn’t matter. Whatever facts there are, they will find them.”

“Tyrion had a reason to do it. He certainly had the means.”

“Jaime, your brother couldn’t have hired someone to do this. He wouldn’t have. I know you know your brother well enough for that.”

“I just… Cersei really--”

“Jaime, stop.”

“...What is it?”

Brienne dropped her knees and sat cross-legged, pressing her elbows into the insides of her knees.

“You need to get away from her. For a night, maybe 48 hours, ask the cloaks to keep an eye on the kids. And then you need to go, sleep, and then go see your brother.”

“She’ll know.”

“Good! Jaime, Tyrion hasn’t stopped being your brother just because Cersei thinks he’s evil. Do you think he did it?”

He didn’t respond.

“Jaime?”

“No. You’re right. He wouldn’t.”

“He deserves to hear you say that.”

More silence. Another sniffle. Silence again.

“Jaime.”

His voice is raw now. “You’re right. I’ll leave in the morning before she wakes up. Should I… do you think I should take the kids with me?”

“Do... you think Cersei is a danger to them?”

“I think she might start throwing things when she realizes I’ve left, even if it’s temporary.”

“Okay. Let me think a second… would your father agree that she could get physically violent?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think he would.”

“Okay. Hear me out. Call your father.”

“Bri--”

“Call him. Right now. Wake him up. Tell him you’re concerned for his grandkids and that you want to place them with another family member until Cersei is well. Tell him you want him to get a social worker over to talk to Cersei tomorrow - but he’d better send a pair of gold cloaks with them just in case. Stan and Dav still live in town, right?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t spoken to Stannis--”

“I have - I spoke to them at the funeral. I’ll call them now - one of them is usually still up around this time watching those old pirate movies. I’m sure they’d take them in for a while. Just get yourself and the kids out of the house in the morning. I’ll ask them to drive by to pick them up around 7 if that works, and then you can go back to your place for a few hours. Sleep. The prison has visiting hours until 8pm, so you’ll have the whole day to get over there to see Tyrion.”

“This is what I’m talking about, Brienne. You always know the next right thing. You’re incredible.”

“I’m nothing special, Jaime. I’m just outside the situation, so I’ve got a different view of it, that’s all.”

“You significantly undersell yourself.”

She didn’t know how to respond to that, but she felt her cheeks heating again. “Thank you. Now promise me you’ll get out of there.”

“I will - we will.”

“And promise me you’ll sleep.”

“I’ll try.”

“And then?”

“And then I’ll go see Tyrion.”

“Good.”

“Since I’m not supposed to call you, where are you going next?”

“I’ll be here through the weekend probably. By then I’m hoping to know whether I need to keep heading north or not.”

“Good. After I see Tyrion tomorrow, I’ll come see you.”

She was sure she imagined her heart skipping a beat. “Jaime I told you, I’m working.”

“Not when you’re sleeping, though. C’mon we both slept better with someone else in the bed, didn’t we?”

The tiny pool of sweat forming at the back of her neck was less imaginary.

“I mean not just someone, I-- Brienne-- I mean… I sleep better with you… there. It might help reset my um… what did you just call it?”

“Borrowing against your own well-being?”

“Yeah, that. I would very much like to do something about that. And I think seeing you would go a long way to help. Is that okay? If I drive up tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, Jaime. That’s… I think I’d like that.”

“Okay.” He was definitely smiling on the other end of the line.

She smiled back. “Okay.”

#fictober #fictober 2019 #braime #brienne x jaime #jaime x brienne #put me back together #ao3 #ao3 link #mine #Stannis and Davos are ABSOLUTELY perfect gay dads in this universe LET THEM LIVE

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