Mental illness and media: straight up not having a good time, bro.

Between Endgame, Star Wars and Game of Thrones, I’m very disappointed in how current media displays and discusses mental illness.

Endgame made Thor, who was obviously suffering from major PTSD and depression, into a sad joke.  I know, it was somewhat realistic, I will give you that.  A coworker told me he liked ‘fat Thor’ because he’s been there. My man...I’m still there, right now, have been since I was about 5.  And it wasn’t what they turned him into, it’s how they treated him when he was at this stage. I hated that every single time he was on screen people were laughing at him. :(   I had another coworker look me in the face and say, “But lots of people who are depressed are comedians. I mean, you’re hilarious!” I...had no words.  

Star Wars is...(wildly gesticulates with my hands).  I have never seen such a clear depiction of depression than Luke Skywalker. Even Ahch-To itself was purely a depiction of what most people describe depression as.  I took an art class recently and when I tried to paint what depression feels like, my instructor perfectly put into practice what it is. Emptiness.  I hated this movie so much because I felt like it was showing me all these terrible things happening to people, through no real fault of their own.  Then you have Kylo Ren, who is the embodiment of childhood neglect, another thing I know very well. The fanbase has treated him like a joke, a ‘crybaby’, evil, etc. I just wildly relate, but I’m terrified that I am a joke too, a crybaby, and evil. :(

Then there is Game of Thrones, which has hurt me the most.  They made Daenerys into a literal monster. Like moreso than the actual monsters of the whole show.  An undead ice demon, who wanted to erase humanity, feels more human than what they have turned this broken girl who has lost everything into.  And the fact that they’re using “Oh well her whole family is like this so...you knew she had no hope” as their reasoning. Myself coming from a family with strong genetic dispositions toward addiction, bipolar, depression, ADD, and anxiety, this just isn’t the message I signed up for. That’s fine, I know media doesn’t have to cater to me and my issues, yet I still have such a sour taste in my mouth over this disaster of a character assassination. Like who’s next, me?  Is this how others see me, as a monster, because my brain chemistry won’t let me make all the right choices?

I have read people saying “But that’s what makes them interesting!  What do you want, boring heroes like Superman or something?”  No, Denise, I don’t want boring characters...but is this the only answer? (also Superman is not boring jfc)

The thing is, I do agree with this to an extent. I don’t want characters to be vanilla. I don’t want chipper Beckies and Chads who always make the right choices, who always end up gleaming heroes.  I just think there is better ways to handle complicated people.  Penny Dreadful handled mental illness stunningly well.  Fury Road also displayed remarkable heroism among people who have been hurt about as much as you can hurt anyone. Sherlock of all things, is 4 seasons about two men dealing with trauma, and they did it so beautifully.

I’m just very tired.  I’ve suffered with mental problems since my very first memories.  Having been in fighting for so long to get it under control, these blows have just come at a bad time.  I just wanted to talk about it with someone who might understand. :(  Lately, all our media seems to be going the grimdark route.  It’s so disappointing when it feels like so much of what you love is saying to you that there is no hope. You’re just going to be someone who is left behind, or you’ll be a horrible monster. (´;︵;`)

EDIT: I apologize greatly for those of you who don’t want to read this kind of stuff. I completely understand. I don’t talk about this that often, but I’m in a very rough patch at the moment.  Please block the tag ‘mental illness’ and you won’t have to read anything along these lines.  But those of you who don’t block the tag...thank you for being available, to just seeing my words. That goes a longer way than you can know. <3