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kpop-stole-my-sanity · 6 years

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Weakness // Nakamoto Yuta

Request: “hello my bb girl/boy/whatever you prefer!! could i pls request an angst for any nct member of your choice where they see you again for the first time after not keeping in contact? idk, i understand if you can’t get it done!! love u honey”

Genre: angst

Word Count: 3236

A/N: I am so so so so so sorry this took so long!!! I’ve really been in a writing funk lately, and no matter how hard I tried, the words took super long to find their way onto the page. :(( I think I’m getting out of the funk tho so hopefully I’ll be uploading more soon~~ Also, I’m not really used to writing angst, so so try if this is bad or weird or cringey or something but I TRIED I PROMISE!! I’ll definitely improve with practice tho, so plz don’t be afraid to request!! :DDDD

P.S. I didn’t proofread so I apologize for any stupid spelling or grammar mistakes !!! + I LOVE YOU TOO :D

(a/n: let’s pretend you live in Japan bc yuta senpai)

“Yuta? Where are you? Yuta!!!”

Your heart nearly burst out of your chest as you felt a hand grip your shoulder from behind. You spun around to see your best friend, whose eyes were twinkling with mischief as his lips curled up to form a wide grin.

“I hate it when you sneak up on me like that.” “I know.” “Where did you even go? I was scared you left me.” “Why? Because you would miss me?~~” “Hah! Not even close! It’s because it’s dark and I’m not trying to get mugged tonight.” “Wow, rude. Maybe I should just run ahead and let you get mugged.”

And with that, he took off, laughing as you struggled to keep up with him. You screamed his name in mock anger, but knew that he would never leave you behind. He eventually feigned exhaustion and slowed down, and the two of you continued home in comfortable silence.

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You woke up groggily to the sound of your alarm blaring across the room. Disheveled, and a little disoriented, you managed to make your way to the outlet where your phone was charging and turned the loud alert off. An audible sigh left your lips as you thought back to the dream you just had.

It’s the asshole’s birthday tomorrow.

You laughed at the irony of it all. This particular memory reminded you of how much faith you once had in him. Never in a million years did you think he would leave you. But he did. One day he was here, the next day he was gone, without a trace. No call, no note, not even a crappy text message to say goodbye. He just left. At first, you were terrified. What if something bad happened to him? Thousands of possibilities ran through your mind––each worse than previous one. But all of that was erased when you talked to Yuta’s neighbor, Ms. Kyoshi, who said that she had seen cardboard boxes being packed into moving trucks just days before. Well, there you had it.

You wanted to hate him for it, but you could never bring yourself to. Of course you were angry and frustrated, but he had been your best friend for years. Him disappearing so suddenly made you worried more than anything else, and as much as you hated to admit it, you missed him. You couldn’t believe that even after the four years he’d been gone, Nakamoto Yuta was still your weakness.

You were pulled out of your self-loathing when your phone chirped, signaling that you received a message.

Miri: Hey Y/N! Just reminding you that I’m coming to pick you up at 9:30. Be ready!

You checked the time: 7:28. That gave you just enough time to shower, eat breakfast, and double check that you packed everything you needed. Hopefully this trip would distract you from your constant thoughts of Yuta.

“South Korea, here I come!”

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The plane ride from Japan to Korea had been fairly short, and with none of the random delays that you and Miri had prepared for. That left the two of you with the rest of the day in Seoul, and no plans. After arriving at your hotel, you decided to just spend your time walking around the city, perhaps going to Hongdae to experience some of the street life that it was famous for. You found that when on vacation, it was really nice to just “go with the flow” sometimes and not have to keep up with an insanely packed itinerary.

Walking along the streets of Seoul seemed peaceful, despite the bustling of the crowds around you. In fact, the unfamiliar surroundings and large groups of people were what calmed you, keeping your mind off of you-know-who. Every time you or Miri saw a cute store or café you wanted to look at, you didn’t hesitate, using your free time to just browse around. Soon, the two of you found yourselves in a large square with tall buildings and malls. All around, huge ads were flashing on screens, displaying the flawless faces of Korean idols promoting their respective products. You rolled your eyes as you heard Miri squeal.

“Oh my gosh! That’s NCT 127!”

You just hummed in response, not even bothering to look towards the direction she was pointing. You were too distracted by the ice cream stand to your right.

“You know, one of them is from Japan! He’s honestly hella rude.”

“That’s cool.”

Miri scoffed at your dry reply, but continued nevertheless: “His name is Yuta, but he’s not my bias. My bias is Taeyong! He’s the leader and one of the rappers of the group and he’s actually so attractive I cannot-”

But at that point, you had completely tuned her out. As soon as the familiar name escaped her lips, your head snapped towards the ad so quick that you could’ve sworn you almost got whiplash (eheh see what I did there? ;3)

It couldn’t be... could it?

Your eyes frantically scanned the faces of all the members before landing on none other than Nakamoto Yuta.

You felt everything crash around you as huge rushes of emotion rolled through your body. Relief, confusion, frustration, and most of all, anger. Your blood began to boil as you continued to stare at the annoyingly perfect smile you missed for so long. You felt ridiculous for getting mad at the digital image shown on the screen, but he was fine. He seemed to be pretty well off, actually, so what kept him from letting you know where he was and what he was up to?

“Hey, are you okay? Why are you staring at the ad so aggressively?”

You shook your head and just whispered, “Later.” Luckily, she didn’t push, instead nodding in understanding. You let out a dry chuckle. Of all the places you could have visited, you had to visit South Korea. Now, instead of keeping your mind off of Yuta, the trip made you think about him more than ever. You wanted nothing more than to seek him out and scream at him, punch him, kick him, and demand for an explanation. One way or another, you were determined to find Yuta and give him a piece of your mind.

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“WHAT! OH MY GOD! YOU KNEW NAKAMOTO YUTA!”

You sighed and threw a pillow at Miri. “Yes, emphasis on knew. That jerk was my best friend and he just left without saying goodbye.”

“Aw, I’m sorry. I just can’t believe that someone I know, knew someone who I’m watching through computer screens. I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”

You smiled at your friend, signaling that you forgave her. But it was gone as soon as it came as your thoughts returned to Yuta.

“Hey, Miri?” “Yeah, what’s up?” “Do you happen to know where NCT 127 works?” “…yes…why?” “Because Yuta and I need to have a talk.”

To your duress, Miri started squealing, “OH MY GOSH I’M GONNA SEE TAEYONG IN REAL LIFE I’M GOING TO DIE. AHHHH––wait. Y/N, how can you be sure he’s going to talk to you?”

Falling backwards onto the bed, you let out a loud groan. “I don’t know Miri. But if our friendship meant anything to him, he has to speak with me… right?”

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[The Next Day]

It was early…way too early. But in order to make sure that you were in Yuta’s line of sight, you had to get there before the hundreds of crazy fangirls did. You had it all planned out: how you were going to yell out his name, what you were going to say, the hand gestures you were going to use to express your rage––all of it. But as the time passed by, you grew less and less confident.

“Are we seriously doing this right now?”

Miri’s question mirrored your own thoughts exactly. You bit your lip, unsure about whether or not you should really go through with it. You wanted to follow your plan and boldly call him out, but truthfully, you were nervous. If you were completely honest with yourself, you were actually excited to see him again. It had been years, and you were genuinely curious about how he was doing. Apprehension raced through your veins as your eyes wandered over the sea of fans waiting beside you. The loud bustling that calmed and distracted you earlier was now only igniting your anxiety. Did you really want to have your confrontation so publicly? Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…

“I don’t know, Miri, maybe we should just le–”

You were cut off by loud squeals emerging from every direction. Instinctively, your eyes lifted as you saw a row of tall, lean bodies exit the van that just pulled up. You couldn’t see their faces yet, but decided that you wanted to run away before that could happen. Tugging on Miri’s shirt, you tried to tell her that it was time to go. Unfortunately, she too was encapsulated by the presence of the idols and failed to notice. You were out of time. You tried to push yourself further into the rowdy crowd, but with so many fans trying to get closer to the front, there was no use. Your early awakening didn’t seem like such a good idea now.

Desperate, you made a last-ditch attempt to hide behind Miri as the idols moved closer, but it was too late. With the turn of your head, you made direct eye contact with Yuta. You felt your body go rigid, staring at the so-familiar yet so-different person in front of you. Yes, it was your childhood best friend, Nakamoto Yuta, but he was slimmer, his facial features were more defined, and his hair was now a light brown. For a second, you let your guard down, expression softening into one of awe. But when you saw the look of recognition on his face––the wide eyes and parted lips––your anger returned once again (ANOTHAA ONE EHEH ;D). His mouth moved to form the syllables of your name.

“Y/N?”

Waves of heat cascaded over you, burning up your face and fueling your anger. If you didn’t know better, you would have claimed that steam was blowing out from your ears. The words you had prepared so intently were long forgotten.

Fuming, you let the first thought that came to mind escape your lips, tone so cold that it sent shivers down Yuta’s spine:

“Happy birthday, asshole.”

With that, you turned and stormed away. You could hear Miri shouting your name, but you ignored her, feeling the need to be alone for a while. The anger that had consumed you just moments before slipped away into nothingness. Tears that you didn’t know you were holding back started to fall as you recalled the look on his face. He clearly remembered you, and yet he never made an effort to contact you. Did you really mean that little to him? He was following his dream––you would have understood that. Did he have so little faith in you?

Questions and doubts flooded your brain as you slowly trudged back to the hotel.

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When you finally made it, a worried Miri greeted you at the front door.

“Oh my god, Y/N! I was literally freaking out. One second you were next to me giving death stares to Yuta, the next you were two blocks away and turning all these random corners. I thought you got lost or something!”

You let out a weak chuckle and held up your phone, “Google Maps, remember?”

“Okay, yes, technology is wonderful but still~~you can’t do that to me!” She paused briefly before continuing: “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. I thought I just wanted to confront him, but seeing him today made me realize that he’s probably better off without me. If I mattered at all to him, he would have put in the effort to contact me. I just want to enjoy this vacation and go home like nothing happened.”

Rather than the words of encouragement you expected, Miri stayed silent. Curious, you looked up at her, only to be met with the nervous lip chewing that she did whenever she felt guilty about something.

(a/n: please excuse the caps, I honestly just didn’t know how to express the volume and franticness of this dialogue any other way lel)

“Miri… what did you do?” “DON’T BE MAD PLEASE! I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW YOU FELT THIS WAY BEFORE I INVITED HIM OVER TO––” “YOU WHAT??!!?!” “I’M REALLY SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU STILL WANTED TO YELL AT HIM SO I JUST IMPULSIVELY TOLD HIM WHERE WE WERE STAYING. HE DIDN’T GIVE ME A DIRECT ANSWER THOUGH SO HE STILL MIGHT NOT––“

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“––come…”

Your head dipped down as your fingers went straight to your temples, attempting to rub soothing circles to calm your mind.

This can’t be happening. Please tell me this isn’t happening.

A second series of knocks drew you out of thoughts. A sigh slipped past your lips, “Miri, can you please try to get rid of him? Tell him that I went back to Japan or something; I don’t think i can do this.”

She nodded and immediately turned to answer the door. You could hear the soft dialogue between them, and visibly cringed when Miri actually told Yuta that you flew back to Japan. Unfortunately, to your expectation, Yuta simply pushed passed Miri and began looking for you himself.

“I know you’re in here Y/N. Please, I need to talk to you.”

You couldn’t hold yourself back from snapping, “We have nothing to talk about.”

To your duress, as Yuta entered the room, your breath hitched and your heart skipped a beat.

Damn these stupid emotions.

Miri was two steps behind him, an apologetic look plastered across her face. You gave her your, ‘it’s okay’ look, which she answered by mouthing, “I’m gonna leave now.”

Now it was just you two. You could see the guilt in his posture, eyes never moving away from his fidgety hands as he stood silently. Your gaze shamelessly wandered his face as you began to wonder if this was just a twisted dream. It was hard to believe that Nakamoto Yuta was right in front of you. It seemed like ages before he spoke again.

“I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be. I left, I disappeared without a word, I was selfish. But I’m just gonna have to be selfish one more time. As soon as I saw you among the crowds, I knew I had to give you an explanation. You might not want to hear it, but I have to get this off of my chest. I’m sorry. I promise after this, if you decide you never want to talk to me or see me again, I’ll leave you alone.”

His eyes finally lifted up to your face, and he knew he had you. You left out a sigh and nodded.

“When I auditioned for SM, I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want the people around me to expect too much because I truly did not think I was going to get in. But it happened. One day, they just called me, and next I knew I had to pack all my belongings and move to South Korea. They sent an agent to my house the day after I got the call, and he spent all day for the next three days explaining to me all the terms and conditions. When he wasn’t with me, I was packing or visiting family last minute. It was a mess. It was basically 3 AM when I finally had time for myself, and you were always sleeping by then. So of course, I thought, ‘Hey, why don’t I imitate one of those cheesy movies and write an intimate letter?’ But I, being me, woke up late the day of my flight and forgot to stick the damn thing in your mailbox. God, did I mention it was a whole mess?”

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to contain the smile that threatened to break out. You couldn’t help it! Listening to him speak, watching him express himself, you saw the same boy you spent every day with just four years ago.

“Of course you would wait until the last possible minute to give me the letter and forget it.”

Yuta beamed. Hearing one of your sassy, quirky replies again was enough to make his week.

“Exactly! In hindsight, you should have known that I was just being stupid and not disappearing from the face of the Earth.”

You didn’t stop your smile this time.

“Anyways, when I made it to the dorms, they confiscated my cell phone! I asked for it back, but they said it was part of their trainee policy. Obviously I didn’t pay enough attention to the contract when the agent was going over it. But I already signed it so there was nothing I could do about it. I mean, they did let us write letters, but it was only once a month and you already know that my mom would have killed me if I didn’t write to her. The longer and longer it took me to mail a letter to you, the more I thought you’d hate me. I kept making excuses to myself about why I didn’t contact you, but the truth is I was scared you would never want to talk to me again. By the time I finally grew the balls to mail a letter, it was too late. My manager saw the name on the letter and said no.”

“Geez, what does your manager have against me?” you half joked.

“He wasn’t trying to target you specifically. I was already an SMRookie and we were going to debut soon. If anyone found out I was writing to an unknown person... well let’s just say they were afraid of unwanted rumors. Plus, my contract also has this policy about no dating until–”

“Well, what’s that got to do with me?”

“I–”

You couldn’t help but swell with pride when Yuta’s face turned tomato red, a smirk playing on your lips.

“I-I mean, uhm, w-we’re around the same age, ya know? And like... and they could assume? Or, uh.. or something... yeah.”

The mischief that gleamed in your eyes was replaced by a much more lighthearted amusement.

You’re too damn cute for your own good.

“Well, that’s not the point! The point is, I missed you. A lot. And I’d really like to hang out with you again. Please? Maybe grab a coffee or something?”

“And what about the dating rumors? Aren’t you afraid what the company will say?”

“I think it’d be fine if I just explained our friendship. We’ve been idols for a while now. And technically, they can’t stop me anymore because that the time period in which that part of the contract already was valid has already passed.”

You gnawed at your bottom lip, wondering if you should accept his offer. You really did miss him, and seeing him here in front of you, dorky as ever, made you miss him even more. Should you stay strong and let him go? Or abandon your pride have him in your life again? All it took was one look at his puppy dog eyes to convince you to give into your weakness.

“Ok. Let’s go.”

#NCT #NCT scenarios #Nakamoto Yuta #yuta #nct 127 #neo culture technology #nct imagines #nct fanfics #nct u #nct dream #nct yuta #nct fluff #nct angst #yuta fluff #yuta angst

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soobadnoonecanstopher · 6 years

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2AM - part 13 FINAL (A Minseok Series)

Genre: Romance / Angst / Smut 18+

Characters: Minseok X You

A/N: Wow! Another series has come to an end and WHAT a whirlwind of emotions this story has been?! Boy did it fuck up my bias list too XD. GAH! I hope you all love this as much as I do! thanks for the overwhelming love and support you give me. i appreciate every single one of you. THANK YOU @kpopimagi for the AMAZING Edit! :DDDD

2AM - [M] part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 FINAL

You hadn’t seen Minseok since he left you behind in the foyer. Since he’d shirked off Kwangseok’s greeting, claiming to have left something in his car and disappeared.

You hadn’t seen Minseok since his eyes went dull and the smile left his face at the sight of the other man standing before him.

Here you sat in the sitting room, wishing you were doing anything but this maddening sitting because he hadn’t come back yet.

It had been fifteen minutes, maybe thirty, maybe an hour, who knows with the casual way Kwangseok was speaking to Mrs. Kim about god knows what. You couldn’t focus on a word out of his mouth with your ears focused on the entryway. You listened for him in vain. There was no sound coming into this room. Only the light laughter of the older woman and the booming voice she was enamored with.

“Excuse me, I’ll just be right back.” You could not stand it any longer. You felt like you were going to explode with each passing hand on the big grandfather clock that chimed in the corner of the room.

“Of course, Darling,” Kwangseok said with a disarming smile and Mrs. Kim swooned from her arm chair.

You followed the familiar pathway through the kitchen to the garage with swift moving legs and as light a step as you could manage. It was easier without you slippers, so you left them behind and made your way into the dark garage.

It was still and silent inside; not a trace of the face you sought out.

Your next guess was his bedroom and you were halfway there, moving back through the kitchen when you heard it. A soft sound like a sigh coming from within the empty kitchen — no, the pantry off to the side of the stainless steel refrigerator.

You stepped lightly beside the counter, careful to check the hallway that led to the dining room for signs of the housemaids who were getting ready for the dinner.

When you leaned your head against the pantry door, planting your ear flush against the wood, a low throat clearing sound that echoed through the wood was as good a signal as any. You reached for the door, pulling it open just enough to slip through the opening and closed the door silently behind you.

MInseok’s eyes widened with the intrusion before the recognition that flashed through his face and pulled his eyelids down with the breath of relief that escaped his chest.

“Minnie.” Your whisper ghosted through the heavy silence of the small space, “What are you doing in here?”

His eyes blinked quickly as his focus danced across your face. The tension in his eyes ate at you slowly and you wanted to touch him. You wanted to ease whatever worries might be floating behind those eyes. Wanted to tell him just to wait a little while. Wait a little while longer so you could talk to Kwangseok in private and so you could fix this mess.

“I’m,” his shoulders slumped and his focus fell down to something behind you on a shelf, “—I’m working up the nerve.”

“The nerve for what?”

“To be your secret.” His words were a whisper and his eyes still looked down and away from yours.

The space between his eyebrows was creased and when he finally looked up into your face again his cheeks were flushed.

“I—“ he began in a low voice and stopped himself as he worked his jaw back and forth. “—is this how you felt? All this time? God, this feels like shit.”

“Min—“ the frustration on his face darkened his eyes.

“I hate this. How could you stand it? How could you stand me for hiding you away like— like us being together was something dirty and wrong?”

“Minnie, you know that’s not what I’m doing, the timing is just so messed up.” When you reached for his hand, he didn’t retreat. The gloominess in his eyes wasn’t touched by your fingertips and he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, worrying the flesh lightly before his eyes closed again as he sighed.

“What will you do?” You could see the struggle on his face. Minseok was working through it, you could feel it happening as his chin lifted some and the pink in his face began to even out.

“About…uhh—“ he broke the eye contact with you again and you angled your head to try and catch his eyes again. “K-Kw—“ the pink was back again.

“Attorney Kim did nothing wrong, Minnie. I’ll talk to him in private and let him know that I’m not—“ why was this so hard to say? It felt so new and so foreign coming from your own lips

“Not interested,” he spoke up, his eyes dancing around your face again, “not available, not single, not—“ he stopped himself with a single breathy laugh. You doubted he found anything actually funny, but his own reaction seemed to be amusing to himself. “I sound crazy don’t I?”

You bit down on your lip to keep the smile from taking over, but he noticed the tremble in your lips.

“Why do you think I was hiding in here? I’m stopping myself from doing something stupid. It was either this, or I was going to go into the backyard and dig a hole to put him in.” The quiet laugh broke through your careful cover and you clasped a hand over your mouth to silence yourself.

“And I don’t think that would be the smart thing to do,” he continued at a slightly higher volume and your focus heightened to a sound you heard on the other side of the pantry door while he was talking.

You leaped toward him as the sound you heard changed and became more defined. It was the sound of conversation, two people talking as they moved into the kitchen and you recognized the coy giggles of Mrs. Kim. Your eyes were wide on his and his own eyes widened in alarm as your hand clamped firmly over his mouth, silencing his voice and covering his body with the warmth of your own as you did it. You pushed against him, making his legs move with yours to any spot that wasn’t directly in view of that doorway should it swing open.

Your heartbeat thrummed noisily inside your chest and Minseok’s wide eyes watched you, the warmth of his breath blew over your hand from his nose as he breathed steadily. After a moment when the silence in the pantry settled over both of your heads and the sounds of conversation on the other side of that door didn’t ease up.

From the sound of it, Mrs. Kim was giving Kwangseok a tour of the home and you pushed yourself up against Minseok’s body, which was hidden now just behind where the pantry door would open, should she choose this as part of the tour. Who cares about a pantry though. It wasn’t likely, you prayed it wasn’t part of the tour. How would you even begin to explain the both of you being inside here?

His jaw moved below your hand and you loosened the hold over his mouth when you felt his hands wrap around your waist and tighten. He pulled you into himself. It felt like overkill, you were already as close to him as you could be in this tiny space, yet he held on tighter to you.

Your mind was drifting. Despite the steady chatter on the other side of the door where Mrs. Kim went off on some tangent about interior design and the man in the room with her ohh-ed and ahh-ed on cue, your mind drifted deep into your memories.

Minseok’s eyes seemed to be changing as he watched your face in the deafening silence of this room and the sound of his breathing seemed heightened to your ears.

You weren’t making things hard for him, were you? With your hand here blocking his lips. You could release your hold any time, he knew when to be quiet after all.

That look in his eyes was sending a wave of warmth through you, or maybe it was the hold of his hands against your waist and the way your legs fit over his parted thighs.

You pulled your hand away slowly and the stickiness of your palm released the flesh his lips with some resistance, as he half blinked his eyes and slowly darted his tongue out to lick his lips.

Mrs. Kim laughed, yet Minseok didn’t react as if he heard anything at all. He simply watched your face with a darkening in the irises of his eyes.

The warmth of his chest against yours felt stifling. It felt too dangerous and too tempting and you shifted your balance onto your other foot, the one that didn’t sit between his parted legs.

Your movement was microscopic and short lived. He felt it and his hands moved, pulling hard against your waist he shifted and pulled you into him again, tighter and closer and you let out a silent gasp of air when you felt him exhale a slow breath against your face. Your lips warmed with it and the tip of his nose touched lightly against your cheekbone.

He moved at an aching pace, his nose brushed against your face and with the lightest touch of his lips against your cheekbone he breathed through the exploration of your skin with his mouth.

Your scalp tingled and you felt goosebumps erupt over the back of your neck and the smallest whimper escaped from the back of your throat.

“Do you remember our first kiss? In here?” his whisper was nearly silent and directed into your ear. A low whisper of a lover who was acutely aware of how affected you were by him. Your only response was the trembling breath you inhaled.

“I couldn’t believe I actually did it,” his voice found only you, “you tasted so fucking good, it was all I could think about for days.”

You risked a glance at his face. With as close as he was he was a blur but you could make out the shape of his eyes, dark and affected. He was watching your face and you felt the struggle in trying to keep yourself completely silent with him telling you these things and doing these things, his hands were traveling now, moving lower, searching for your skin below the short skirt you wore.

“I wanted more. I always want more of you. It’s never enough.” Your lips parted in a silent half gasp when you felt his fingertips brush between your legs and you couldn’t help the way you moved into him. You craved the friction you knew you would feel from his traveling hand that rested just over his thigh which you shamelessly straddled. He cupped his hand upward, slipping aside your panties and you closed your eyes into the overwhelming wave that coated your head and moved down your body, making you dizzy. Making you gasp and moan quietly.

“Shh,” he said softly against your lips and you shook your head in protest. How in the hell were you going to be quiet with his hands on you like this? You felt heat building inside your belly. A similar heat that coated your face and head and his fingers moved over your center steadily.

You must have made another noise. Your focus was waning and the tension in your belly was building too quickly for you to keep your mind intact. He cursed to himself, a soft testimony that matched the heat of his erection that he ground against your thigh, searching for much of the same friction that you sought out.

“You have to be quiet,” he said into your ear a second before his lips moved over yours, cutting out the noises you had been letting escape from his mouth.

This kiss made the desire worse. He kissed you carefully and slowly, too slowly for the amount of lust that coursed through your body, perhaps he did this on purpose in some vain attempt at self-control.

Your ears sharpened to the quiet you now heard from the kitchen. The voices had left behind only the quiet labored breaths from within this room and you let your hands wander. The low groan that sounded out into the kiss wasn’t yours this time. You rubbed a palm over the heat between his legs and you could feel his careful resolve crumbling within your hands.

It was your turn to shush Minseok when you popped the button of his slacks and pulled at the zipper. It fought against the pressure in his pants and you reached inside seeking the warmth of his skin.

“I think they’ve left,” your whisper was as bold as a flipped light switch in a dark room. You felt the cool smoothness of his teeth as he smiled into your mouth moments before those teeth sunk into the flesh of your bottom lip. The suction of his mouth pulled hard and your hand paused it’s motioning around his hardness; temporarily blinded by the shift in his pace. This kiss was less controlled, more demanding and you could feel the very real danger of what was about to happen in the walk-in pantry a house full of people. Was that the doorbell? Who else could be here?

“Can I trust you to be quiet while I fuck you?” His voice was back. Darker now, and louder than the careful ghost of a whisper that tormented you before.

“M-Minseok, this is—“ of course it was a bad idea. There was no reality in which secret sex like this was a good idea, but his hands had pushed your panties down to your knees and the muted sound of his slacks slumping down sent a fresh wave of desire.

“Tell me to stop and you know I will,” he growled in your ear and your eyes rolled when you threw your head back, feeling your desire taking hold of your logic and making your knees slip closer together, you shifted your hips so those panties could fall to the floor.

Minseok was strong, his arms tensed and wrapped around your waist, lifting you and you felt the cool sheet-rock of the pantry wall against your back. Your legs moved, wrapping around his waist and he held you up, braced against the wall at your back and the shelves that held the graham crackers and marshmallows at one side, the pantry door to the other.

This was such a bad idea. His warmth and his touches, the demands of his mouth and the pressure of his dick against your center that filled you up, clouded your mind and made you forget about every other distraction in your life that wasn’t Kim Minseok.

Nothing mattered except him. His hips pushed into you as his arms supported you and you gripped tightly around his shoulders, pulling him as close to you as you could as the needs took over. The quiet frenzy felt beyond both of you. The spirit of lust had taken hold of your senses and he grunted quietly into your ear as he pushed into you again and again. When it became too much his lips closed over your mouth, swallowing away the sounds you both made in the height of it with his breath taken from your own lungs. The tightness inside your belly was coiled tight and ready to snap when you felt him stiffen as his pace staggered and he pushed again, harder, rougher into you when the waves crested and swallowed you both entirely.

The trouble came during the dizzy comedown from the high. His face rested against yours and the steady in and out of his ragged breathing fanned against your neck as his hair, now fallen out of place, tickled against your forehead. You must have reached too far when he set you down, your legs weakened and his arms released you and you swung out far, knocking against the shelf you both heard the clang of boxes and cans that fell to the ground, making your heads spin with the sudden sound as you both scrambled instantly to cover yourself. Your panties laid at his feet still but, you quickly lowered your skirt when he slipped out of you to pull his pants closed as quickly as he could.

He was down on his heels, grabbing the cans that rolled near his feet and you saw him reach a hand down and pocket your panties just as the door behind you both swung open.

“You dummy, I told you not to try and reach for the top shelf like that— just look at the mess you made.” Minseok was speaking quickly, scolding you in his most convincing admonishing tone as he reached for another can with a blush on his cheeks, swollen pink lips and messed up hair.

“Mess I made?” Your voice was defensive and perhaps a bit too loud for the tiny room you filled, but the panic had set in and you reacted on instinct. He replaced the cans quickly and you looked up into the curious eyes of Mrs. Kim who peeked her head through the open doorway. He sold it well, huffing in annoyance at having to gather up and replace each can on the shelves as if it was the last thing he wanted to be doing right now.

“Wait a minute…d-dummy?” You didn’t have to act out your irritation at his choice of insult. He’d only ever called you a dummy once before when you were in middle school and he was the older, cooler high schooler who teased you about some mistake you made on a homework assignment he was helping you with at the time. You had been so upset at his teasing that you didn’t speak to him for a week until he apologized and admitted that you were and always would be at least two times smarter than he was. The memory spurred by the insult was a sore subject and his eyes widened at your repetition of the word as he looked at you with his lips parted and a slight paling of his cheeks.

“Who’s the dummy who wanted to eat marshmallows before dinner?” You reached for the bag of giant-sized camping marshmallows and ripped at it, pulling out one of the huge white puffs of sugar you reached him before he had a chance to close his mouth and stuffed it inside with your fingertips. He made a muted and muffled sound and you heard Mrs. Kim giggling from behind the doorway as she made some comment about the two of you to the others who had followed to see what all the commotion was about. You recognized Minhee and someone else who stood just behind her.

If your story was going to be sold, you really played up the annoyance well. The look in Minseok’s eyes as you spun on your heels to exit should have told you that he would also play the role to the best of his abilities.

He reached a hand up for the marshmallow that half hung out of his mouth and bit down. Gone was the chagrin from a few seconds ago, this look was just dark enough to make you run. This was the kid with the water hose who chased you around the backyard as you screamed that you didn’t mean to break his lego figure. This was the Kim Minseok who caught you on your birthday and shoved a cupcake in your face because you had pushed his own face into his cake the year before after he blew out the candles.

You bolted when you saw that look. What business did he have with this vengeful expression in his eyes only second after he came inside of you with whispers of his never-ending love and adoration in your ear? All of a sudden, because of one stinking marshmallow, the chase was on.

Minseok moved quickly, armed with half of the giant marshmallow and he reached you faster than you thought he would, halfway between the pantry and the oven, but well into the kitchen, you felt one strong wrap around you as he shoved the very wet and sticky marshmallow between your lips. You were already laughing with your escape and your open mouth tasted the sweetness and very unsettling sensation of the wetness from his mouth on your tongue.

“Oh come on now. You were the one who wanted to eat these before dinner. You know I’m weak. I always give in to your urges, honey.”

“Minseok.” Mrs. Kim’s voice had a warning tone and he looked up with his amusement still written well on his features. You looked up as well, chewing and swallowing the stupid wet marshmallow with a scowl.

“You shouldn’t play this way with her. It’s not appropriate. No matter how comfortable you two are, she is still a woman.” Her scolding was pointed and clearly for the benefit of the tall man who stood leaning against the kitchen entryway with his arms over his chest and no traces of that charming smile on his handsome face.

“Oh, all of a sudden she’s a woman? You were just saying she was like my sister before he showed up.” He grumbled under his breath and Mrs. Kim clenched her jaw down with a serious look in her eyes in her son’s direction. Kwangseok, who you only now noticed, was standing just off to the side. Just enough to watch the entire exchange with a blank and controlled expression on his face.

Behind Minhee you watched Jongdae emerge, his eyes wide on the group and a rough look to his skin, dark circles under his eyes and a slight green-ness that you just happened to be privy to the source of.

At least he wasn’t drunk anymore. He kept his mouth shut from where he stood beside Minhee and you noticed the way she reached behind her to hold on to his hand when she silence grew to near unbearable levels in the kitchen.

“Oh hey Hyung! I drove Jongdae over and your mom said I could stay for dinner.” A jovial voice spoke a bit too loudly as it’s source stepped into the kitchen. Sehun smiled widely at everyone in the room and you could feel the tension break just enough with his arrival. Just enough for Minseok to nod his head at his bandmate and friend, and Kwangseok to turn to greet Sehun with a surprised and somewhat starstruck grin on his face. He had a similar reaction to Jongdae who smiled his bright smile at him.

“Your friend came, with Minhee’s boyfriend.” Mrs. Kim was speaking to Minseok now, her tone softer after the brief upset and Minseok looked into her face with eyes widening marginally.

“You knew they were dating?”

“Of course I knew. You think I wouldn’t know when my own child is in love?”

Minseok stared into his mother’s face with his mouth open, his eyes blinking, and his lips dumbstruck before he inhaled a deep breath and stared off into the void of space above the woman’s head, looking just about as green as Jongdae did.

You were pretty sure he left his body for a moment.

His focus was pulled to Jongdae and Sehun who closed in on him and you found yourself drifting to the side of the group, wondering how long it would take for him to give you back your panties so you could feel just a little more comfortable around this many people.

“So you and Minseok seem to have…grown closer in these last few days.” The voice came from above your head and behind you and you turned to find the tense, definitely forced smile of Kim Kwangseok.

“Kwangseok, I actually wanted to speak with you, uhh—” you said.

You found this room too crowded, found the difficult words you wanted to say much too private for this exact moment, and the distraction of the mess between your legs and your mounting guilt the longer he looked at your face and chewed on his bottom lip as if something was definitely bothering him, made you stop whatever you thought you could do right now.

Because you couldn’t. Not now. Not in this house surrounded by all of these people when the table was being set at this very moment and Mrs. Kim was herding people into the big fancy dining room.

You lingered behind. Kwangseok lingered behind and he watched your face, obviously expecting you to say something. He had been good at reading you after all. That had been part of the initial attraction, and the month that you spent with him, you found him to be an excellent listener.

“You never called. I waited.” He spoke softly, beside you and you winced when the guilt of your broken promise, something as little as one phone call you couldn’t even give him, hit you hard in the gut.

“I know, I’m sorry, I—“ the excuses got piled up like dominoes on the tip of your tongue and each one felt false, fake, and flimsy, yet wouldn’t budge.

“You forgot,” he said. The harsh judgment slid right out of his lips like his mouth was lubricated with the hours and days he spent waiting for your promised phone call. How could something so blunt and painful come out of his mouth so easily? You could see wrinkled the lines of disappointment lining his mouth and when he finally broke the intense eye contact with you, it was with a glance toward the dining room.

You followed his eyes and found Minseok’s eyes.

Of course, he would be watching you and Kwangseok.

“I have to say, I was relieved when Mrs. Kim told me you wanted me here at this dinner.” His voice sounded smaller than the size of him when he said it and you felt as if you’d been struck dumb.

Your stomach was reeling and you needed to get to the bathroom to clean yourself up. The longer you stood here with Minseok’s sex between your legs, and the suffocating cloud of lies surrounding Kwangseok swirling over your head, the more disgusted you felt with yourself.

“Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom. Why don’t you go ahead, Attorney Kim.”

His eyes flashed back to you with the formality and you saw something flame in his eyes that looked more like hurt than anything you had ever witnessed on his face. His lips parted, and he watched your face, with furrowed brows of confusion and his feet firmly rooted on the kitchen floor. You pulled your focus down from the pain you saw in those brown eyes.

You had already said it. You didn’t need to go back now. It was hard enough to get it out, to begin with, if you caved to his face you’d ever work up the rest of the nerve needed to do this.

This was just the beginning. Things would get a lot worse before they were over and tonight was going to be a long fucking night.

You turned and left. As you rounded the corner, headed toward the bathroom that sat adjacent to Minhee’s room, you passed it, heading first to your best friend’s bedroom to steal a pair of her underwear.

The water ran down the drain of the porcelain sink and you stared into your own eyes reflected in the mirror. Kwangseok’s face surging through your mind with his smile and his strong posture, shifting rapidly into the pain and betrayal you had only glimpsed tonight. It didn’t take much for your imagination to take his face all the way there. You knew how he would look when you told him the truth.

You knew he liked you more than you liked him. You had let him like you. You soaked it in with reckless abandon while you needed the affection and you gave him no reason to doubt that you’d come around one day. You had kissed him. You laughed and flirted and touched him and you did it all without ever really meaning it.

You knew you were the bad guy here.

Your arrival in the dining room brought you to the front line of it. Taking the detour had been a mistake. What you should have done was sit down at the table first and let the rest of them sort out their seats. Now, as you approached the table you could see the monumental choice that was displayed before you.

On one side, with an empty seat beside him, sat Kim Minseok. His eyes found yours as you approached. You only let them hold you for a second before you had to look away.

On the opposite side of the table, facing Minseok, was Kwangseok with an empty seat beside him. He didn’t look up at you as you approached. His focus was on the blank wall above Minseok’s head.

The others were seated, Sehun beside Jongdae, beside Minhee, with both of Minseok’s parents adorning each head of the enormous and elaborate dining table.

You honestly didn’t know what to do.

Running wasn’t an option, despite how tempting it looked when it teased you from the back of your mind.

You had already chosen Minseok to be with, but only half of the people at this table knew that.

You just had to get through one dinner.

Then you would talk to Kwangseok. Then it would be over and you would figure out how to tell Minseok’s mom.

But which seat should you take? As you made your approach you did it head on, careful not to sway too close to either side of the table you simply walked forward, toward Mr. Kim’s back and well within the eyesight of everyone at the table.

When Mrs. Kim looked up into your face, you felt a distinct pull as she raised her hand, directing you like a puppet on a string and your balance shifted as you began to move where she expected you to.

You did not look into Minseok’s face.

“I invited Sohee,” Mrs. Kim spoke to Minseok and you felt a new crisp heat prickle the skin of your face, “but I don’t know if she will come. It’s getting late now and she isn’t one to be tardy.”

“She won’t come,” Minseok said with a flat certainty in his voice.

You stood behind the empty seat back and the man who occupied the spot beside quickly stood and pulled out the chair for you. You sat down just as the chair was pushed in and when you looked across the table, Minseok watched your face.

His expression was unexpectedly soft, and the corner of his lips lifted in the smallest smile that only lasted for a split second.

“She might come,” Mrs. Kim said with as much delusional hope as you expected her to still harbor and Minseok sighed a long labored, chest moving sigh before he lifted his water glass and took a long drink.

“She and I don’t speak, Mother. Not since the dinner where she slapped me, stormed out of the restaurant, and went home in tears because of what I had done,” He set the glass down and dabbed at the corner of his mouth with his napkin. “So no, she won’t be coming.” His words ended in short clipped syllables that sounded like shots fired in the distance.

They were designed to reproach the woman for her meddling ways and they served their purpose well. Mrs. Kim’s face blanched and she looked down at her hands folded in her lap. Minseok swallowed away at nothing and his face grew a shade pinker when he glanced in his Mother’s direction. The shame on his face was evident and you knew he wanted to take the harsh truth back as soon as he had said it.

The silence in the dining room was a thick fog. You couldn’t see anything in front of your face aside from the gold leaf wine glass filled with frosty ice water and the drop of condensation that ran down the outside, growing in size as it fell too slowly.

“What is happening right now?” From the other end of the table, you heard the softest whisper from Sehun, directed at Jongdae who shot him a warning look designed to quell any further questions the man might have.

“Oh, I think that’s enough of that, Kim Minseok.” A low voice from the other end of the table spoke up and Minseok looked up into his father’s face for a second before he dropped his eyes down to the table in front of him. “You know your mother means well.”

“Honey, how about we let the children sort out their own love lives and just eat dinner.”

“I just want him to find love. That’s all. He works so much, what if—what if he goes his whole life without love?” The longer she spoke, the thicker her emotions grew and you could hear the definite tremble in her voice.

Minseok closed his eyes and exhaled.

The salad was served and he looked down at the dish in front of him with his jaw clenched and his lip held between his teeth.

Beside you, Kwangseok cleared his throat and stabbed into the dish as soon as Mr. Kim did and you noticed the others around the table slowly began to eat. You picked up your fork and poked at a piece of lettuce, unable to bring yourself to do anything with it other than pushing it around the plate. Not with Minseok sitting there not eating. Not with the mood, he was in and the dark shadow you saw on his face.

Eventually, you gave up on the lettuce and settled on sipping on your wine. Perhaps that would help your nerves some.

“What if I am in love already? Will you drop this if I told you that I have a girlfriend?” He spoke up so suddenly that you sputtered into your wine glass and a little bit dribbled down your chin as you put the glass back down on the table.

All around the table, eyes were on him and the quiet whispering between Sehun and Jongdae that you had caught only the edges of, stopped altogether.

Everyone sat shocked and motionless except for Sehun, who simply ate the dinner roll he had in his hand.

“You have a girlfriend?” Mr. Kim was the first to speak and Minseok’s eyes carefully avoided yours as he looked back and forth between his two parents.

“Who is she? Why haven’t you introduced her to us?” Mrs. Kim emotional tremble was gone. She sounded too excited at this sudden revelation.

“They just started dating today,” Sehun said from the end of the table as he chewed on his bread and Jongdae lifted a hand to cover his forehead. Beside him, Minhee shrunk down in her seat and reached for her wine glass.

“What? Was it a secret?” Sehun noticed the chilly response to his information and he grumbled into his glass of iced tea. “He said it first.”

“You have a new girlfriend? Just today? Minseok—“

“Mom, I’m not really comfortable talking about it right now,” he said and he really did try his best not to look across the table at you and Kwangseok.

You still caught a brief glance in your direction.

“Well—“ Beside you, Kwangseok stood up suddenly, sending a surge of genuine panic through your chest. You saw him lifting his wine glass toward the man who sat like a beautiful stone statue across the table from him. “—Congratulations on your new relationship. I wish you both, all the best.”

You couldn’t help but notice the dramatic differences in moods here tonight. Kwangseok, Mrs. Kim, even Mr. Kim all held their shoulders just a little bit higher, while the rest of you felt positively weighed down by the truth that sat like boulders over each of your heads.

Mrs. Kim quickly reached for her own wine glass and on the other end, Sehun and Mr. Kim lifted their glasses quickly.

An echoing “Here here!” Sounded out to you and you watched your own wine glass keep its place on the table in front of you. Minseok stayed frozen in place and refused to look up to meet your eyes.

You waited it out.

It was one dinner. One hell of an uncomfortable and awkward dinner, sure, but one dinner nonetheless. You could survive one stupid dinner.

“I have a question,” The attention was drawn to the end of the table again and you knew his voice well enough now to know that it was Sehun speaking out of turn again.

“Shut up, Sehun,” Both Jongdae and Minhee spoke at the same time and the taller man shrunk back down and dropped the hand that he actually had the audacity to raise into the air.

He glued his lips together for exactly two seconds.

“It’s not about this,” his hand flipped back and forth quickly in the direction of your side of the table, “I was just going to ask if I can have more of this tea because it is a-maz-ing.” He drew out the final word in a self-indulgent sing-song tone and Jongdae choked on a strangled laugh beside him that was instantly cut short by something Minhee did under the table.

You were positive you felt a tremor somewhere echoing through the wooden table as someone, probably Minseok, shook their leg in discomfort. Although you assumed it was Minseok, from what you knew about him, you hoped and prayed to every god you could think up a name for that it was an earthquake that could possibly open a crack in the floor to swallow you down into.

The earth did not open up. You probably deserved this inconceivably uncomfortable punishment for your many crimes. Against Kwangseok, for the lies. Against Mr. and Mrs. Kim for the secrets. Against Minhee for the breach of trust. Against Sehun for the vividly detailed torture methods flying through your mind right now.

It took you longer than it should have to realize that Kwangseok wasn’t sitting back down after his horribly misappropriated toast. By the time you realized that he was still standing, the rest of the attention on the room had already been on him for at least a half a minute.

“Umm, speaking of new relationships, I actually have a bit of a proposal up my sleeve tonight.”

If the earth wouldn’t swallow you up, perhaps you could just drop dead, right here in your seat. Sudden heart attack? Brain hemorrhage maybe? The room was definitely spinning now, could someone die from vertigo?

You had to cover your own face. Everything about the things that were happening to you right now was overstimulating and you lifted both hands quickly, mouthing a quiet ‘oh-my-god’ just under your breath as you tried to seal out the world.

You heard your name, spoken not far from your face, yet with both hands covering your eyes you told yourself you wouldn’t look. If you didn’t have to see it, it didn’t have to be real right?

“Honey? I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a short time—“

It was less than a free trial subscription to a crappy magazine that you didn’t want to pay for.

It wasn’t long enough to qualify for vacation time at a new job.

And you wouldn’t exactly call it ‘seeing each other.’

“But honestly— c-can you look at me? Honestly, I can’t picture myself being with any other woman.”

For the record, he kept talking even though you didn’t look at him. He sounded like he was in big time lawyer mode anyway and you always hated the pushy way he spoke when he was replaying the court speeches he gave.

“So what I am asking is, will you be my girlfriend?”

Someone choked on something on the other side of the table. Big gasping breaths inhibited by liquid and the coughing began.

You pulled your hands down to the sounds of distress just in time to see Minseok push away from the table roughly and bolt out of the room, a gasping coughing mess. His face was red as he tried to hold it in, yet the pain he must have felt within his lungs must have been too intense to fight.

“Will you be mine?”

The coughing fit consumed him, somewhere behind you and your body moved on its own. He was going to injure his vocal chords if he kept coughing so hard. You could hear the strain already with each hard hack. You knew his voice had to be in good condition for his showcase tomorrow, this couldn’t continue. He needed to calm down.

You found him in the kitchen, gasping over the sink as he tried to clear his lungs and you laid a warm hand over his back as you leaned down to shush into his ear, telling him he needed to calm down and not cough so hard.

“Breathe, deep breath, baby,” You said softly into his ear and his eyes watered as he tried to listen to you.

Something hard and strong pulled you back roughly and you spun away from Minseok who still tried to quiet the hard coughing with a hand over his own chest and his face screwed together in pain and concentration.

“Am I imagining things or did you just walk away from my proposal for this?” Kwangseok had a grip around your elbow, where he had spun you, demanding your attention as he made you look into his face.

“Kwangseok, he’s a singer. He can’t injure his voice. I’m a doctor, what did you expect me to do?”

“You are a veterinarian.” The sneer in his voice surprised you, “What is he, your goldfish?” Every bit of sweetness was gone from his voice and his face betrayed his anger.

“Oh come on, asshole, you don’t bring a goldfish to the doctor.” Sehun stood in the entryway of the kitchen chewing on something as he spoke a little bit too loudly to Jongdae and Minhee who stood beside him, watching the spectacle. “You just get a new one, they’re like a dollar.”

Kwangseok didn’t respond to the insult hurled behind him. His eyes, his focus, and his anger were all on you and you felt yourself shrinking back under the pressure of it. You had never seen him this way before. You had no context to imagine he had this sort of rage inside of him, yet the longer he looked into your face the more you saw it.

“How about some truth for once in your life?” His lips hung open with his words and you bit down on your own when you felt the warm fingers of the man behind you grab your hand and pull you back and away from the anger before you. Kwangseok’s grip on your arm didn’t let up.

“Are you fucking him?” Kwangseok’s voice was too loud. It reverberated through your ears and your chest and you swam in it, trying desperately to breathe despite the crashing waves. “I find you and him together all the time. At your place early in the morning. Here in the fucking closet. Always together, and with some flimsy excuse.”

“Kwangseok, I think you need to leave.” Your own voice sounded too small. It was no match for his booming tone.

“Best friends? Yeah, fucking right. You—“ he broke the intense gaze he held your eyes with and looked off into space for a moment.

“You really are something. I could tell you were faking things with me. It never felt quite that convincing and I thought you couldn’t possibly be this good of an actress. But now that I really think about it, you’re a professional liar. But now, now I know what you really are.”

“Tell me, what’s the going rate for a whore these days Minseok?”

“Okay, that’s enough,” You felt your body pulled again, less roughly this time, and the tight grip Kwangseok had held you with finally broke. Your arm tingled and ached where his grip had sunk in. “I should have dug that fucking hole.” Minseok was moving you out of the way and took your place standing in front of the taller man who shook with the anger that coursed through him.

“Don’t get punched in the face, Hyung. We’ll get in trouble.” Sehun shouted a second before you saw someone swing and you flinched at the sudden movement and the unmistakable sound of a fist sinking hard into flesh. You heard a sickening crunch and Kwangseok lost his balance and dropped down to his knees as Minseok’s momentum pulled him around in a circle. He moved with the force like a dancer and grabbed his hand with a loud curse. HIs anger was louder than the pain in his hand and he spun back around, facing the man who wiped at the blood that collected on his bottom lip. The anger in both of their faces sent you into a panic as the reality of it hit you hard. They were fighting. Kwangseok was getting up off his knees and there was a terrifying look of unbridled rage

“That’s right, she and I are dating. She’s never going to be yours, she’s already got me. So you can fuck right off with that ‘I can’t picture myself with any other woman’ bullshit because I’ll rip your fucking head off if you even think about contacting her again.”

There was a gasping sound from someone else in the kitchen and rapid, disorienting movement all around you as people shouted. The panic had you on high alert when Kwangseok braced himself and swung fast and hard. Minseok was faster and he was smaller and motion of avoiding being hit sent him reeling back in your direction. His momentum sent him colliding with your shoulder before he moved fast on his feet to avoid hitting you head on. Your head spun as you tried to keep up with the commotion and you felt like your world was spinning right out of control and you were stuck in the middle of it.

The fight had pushed you back, nestled in a corner of the kitchen with no outlet; long counters on one side and the wall at your back. Minseok blocked you with his arm across your chest, keeping you from getting directly in between the two of them, trying his best to shield you from it, while still on high alert, his stance looked ready to swing again. Kwangseok seemed oblivious to you and you briefly wondered if he gave you a second thought as he swung his big fist wildly, trying to connect with any flesh he could find.

You could see it happening Kwangseok, threw a low punch aiming for the space where you and Minseok stood. There was a shift backward and you felt the push. You couldn’t feel any pain though and you soon realized the shift he had made as the hit connected. You heard a grunt and Minseok doubled over into himself with his arm over his stomach and a whoosh of air from his lips as he tried to breathe back in again.

Minseok plucked himself back up; a look on his face that told you he wasn’t recovered from the blow but was acting out of sheer willpower and determination and you felt the absence of his protective warmth. He took a step, and then another, before he abruptly came up short, stopping dead in his tracks as if he had hit a wall, his eyebrows furrowed and he looked confused.

Kwangseok’s forward attack had been halted by something. From where you could see around the shield of his body, it was clear that Kwangseok was struggling against someone.

Someone even smaller than Minseok. Someone who had somehow stopped the scrimmage with a single hand gripped tightly around Kwangseok’s ear. Mrs. Kim’s face was full of a mother’s anger as she pulled hard and mercilessly and Kwangseok yelped out in pain as he desperately tried to he crouched down to her level. She did not relent. Her anger was too overwhelming and it radiated off of her in waves as she moved. The taller man shouted as her hand tightened and his feet scrambled to keep up with her motion. She pulled him out of the kitchen and toward the front door.

From the grip she had around his ear, it honestly looked in danger of being pulled right off and his face turned bright red in anguish.

“No wonder you are still single at your age,” She berated him as she pulled harder with each furious word from her lips. “I’ve never seen such blatant disrespect for women in my life, do you know how hard she had to work to become a doctor? And you speak to her in that way, you don’t deserve someone like her. You’ve never had to work for anything in your stupid spoiled life.”

The panic and commotion in the home brought out every housekeeper into the foyer and someone pulled the front door open as Mrs. Kim approached. She gave a rough shove and finally let go of the man’s ear. He tumbled onto the front porch, hands flying up to his ear in pain and she was quick with the door at his back as she shoved it closed roughly with both hands splayed high up on the solid oak.

Her breathing was rough and fast and you watched with a hand over your own mouth and your own breathing too fast. Your heartbeat was quick and you felt close to tears with the emotions that raged through your body, but Mrs. Kim… Mrs. Kim was still facing the door with her hands in place from where she pushed it closed. The man was gone but she didn’t move a muscle, outside of the deep heavy breathing you saw.

“Mom,” Minseok spoke up after a pause, alarm, and panic in his voice and he was brushing past you at the same time as Minhee rushed to her side.

Once they touched her she turned around, her face ghostly and her eyes betrayed her shock.

“I’m shaking,” she said to herself and she examined her own hands in front of her face as if the sight was something fascinating. As if she hadn’t just been thrust into something horrible to witness and even worse to have to intervene in. She was trembling and you felt as if you might just be sick knowing you were somehow the cause of this.

The spell broke after a half a minute and she looked up, searching the faces of the onlookers carefully until she reached your face and she held your eyes within her own almost as tightly as she had gripped Kwangseok’s ear as she began to move toward you, closing the distance as quickly as she could. She broke free from the touches and grasps of her two worried children who tried in vain to get her to respond to their questions about her well being.

Her eyes, those beautiful eyes that looked just like her son’s, those eyes that always looked at you with love for most of your life. She had caught you in those eyes and this time the color of her eyes was blurred by something else. Your stomach was in knots. The dirty rotten truth was out for her and everyone else to see and you couldn’t quite prepare yourself for the consequences of that truth.

She shook off her children and you saw her descent seconds before you felt her cold trembling hands reach for your own.

Worry. The look in her eyes that felt so blinding, yet impossible to turn away from, was her worry.

“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you did he?” She was fussing over you. You had betrayed her so completely and she was worried about you. You stared like a shell-shocked prisoner of war, unable to form a single word with your lips. Overcome with emotions as the turmoil from the struggle left your body, you were left with a crevasse that needed to be filled.

The dams had broken with the storm and you were left empty and vulnerable. You were being inundated.

There was an unstoppable wave flooding through you that started at your chest and you felt it rise up quick and hot like a pot boiling over. You felt her hands rub lightly on the arm that Kwangseok had grabbed and you couldn’t process any feelings when she touched the spot, asking you if it hurt. Asking you if you needed to see a doctor, or if you thought it would need some ice. She looked at you with tears in her eyes that went ignored and her words to Kwangseok surged through your mind again and again.

You don’t deserve someone like her.

You don’t deserve her.

Had her opinion of you always been this high?

Had she really loved you just as much as you loved her?

The trembling began in your bottom lip but was fast and complete with its journey through your body. You felt the tears flooding over your face and you realized that the trembling must have sent them free. Mrs. Kim’s arms were tight around your shoulders and she steered you, ordered someone to bring water and told Minseok to step back for the fifth time before he actually did. He lingered only a step behind. You left the tears to fall and when you looked back at him you wondered if his hand was okay. You wondered if it hurt.

“I’m sorry,” she was saying into your ear. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. Oh, I’ve been so stupid.”

Your tears were beginning to ebb, yet her words were vague to you. You couldn’t be certain what she was sorry for. For bringing Kwangseok into your life? Was that really what she was apologizing for?

How was she to know it would turn so badly? He had been so good at hiding his true nature to you and certainly, she would have no way of knowing either. You knew deep inside of your soul that you were hardly free from any blame for this. You knew better than anyone the long list of mistakes you had made.

You sat on the cushy sofa in her office, holding a warm cup of tea, wrapped up in a warm blanket as you watched the silent women who sat in an armchair staring ahead at nothing.

Minseok stood a few feet from both of you, leaning a hip against the large mahogany desk in the center of the room. Now that the initial shock had worn off you found yourself looking at their faces, trying to gauge the vibe of this. Mrs. Kim remained steady and silent as she sat in her seat, every now and then, breathing out a deep sigh that never grew into anything but more agonizing minutes of thick silence.

Your focus traveled again and again to Minseok, each time you looked at him, his eyes would sense your attention and he would look at you. Every now and then he would rock on his feet and bang his hip lightly against the wooden desk, biting down on his lip and playing with the stack of post-it notes that sat on the desk.

He didn’t dare speak.

You sure as hell didn’t dare speak.

“Will you please…sit down somewhere.” When she finally broke the silence, her voice was tired and Minseok looked up from the stack of post-it’s he had been flipping with his thumb, dipped his head once before taking two steps toward where you sat on the couch.

He stopped and turned to look back behind the desk at the leather office chair there and he took two steps in that direction, away from where you sat on the couch before looking back once more where you sat on the couch.

“Uhh,” he tested his voice and Mrs. Kim sighed another deep sigh that made his legs stop moving in either direction. “W-Where—“

“Just sit anywhere,” She interrupted his indecision with an annoyed tone and he took two wide steps in your direction. The couch dipped where he sat next to you and the comforting warmth of him flooded your side. His presence gave you just a smidgen of hope that you might be able to get through this.

“How long have you two been seeing each other?” Her words were not directed at either of you specifically. Her focus remained on the open space above her desk. As if she wasn’t quite prepared to ask head on. The burden of the truth was tough enough. Looking at you as it happened was too much.

“I asked her to be my girlfriend this morning,” Minseok said quietly and you looked into his blinking eyes that found yours the instant you sought him out.

This morning. It wasn’t technically a lie. That really did happen just this morning. It felt like a month ago already with all that had transpired. She was quiet as she digested his response, no doubt fact-checking it with whatever memory she had of you and Minseok together in her extensive memory bank and her face flinched once, eyebrows furrowing down, she shook her head.

She wasn’t buying what he was selling. What mother would, after the passion and emotions he had just displayed freely and uninhibited in that kitchen, the certainly sensed more to the story. That fight wasn’t the result of a one-day relationship.

“How long, for real?” She said in a flat tone and you both stiffened at the question that required the honest to god truth.

“We’ve been —umm, well, it’s complicated, but two years” Minseok said. His eyes were on his mother and his answer wasn’t as timid as it was with the first question. It felt like a confession pulled straight from his soul. The genuine truth felt easier to pull from his lips once he started talking about it. He licked his lips and sat up straighter. “Two years and twenty-six days if I’m to be completely honest, but I did ask her to be my girlfriend just this morning. That was true.”

His addition made you want to smile and you bit down on your lip to stop it. He knew the date of your first kiss. The date you both finally gave in to it. You had thought it was just you who had that date tattooed on your heart. You had one free hand that rested on your thigh below the blanket and you moved it so your fingertips peeked out from the fleece.

It only took a moment before he moved and his fingertips brushed against yours lightly.

“And what was he doing for those two years before he asked you to be his girlfriend?”

She was speaking to you now and you looked into her eyes that begged the truth from your lips with a tongue inside your mouth that simply didn’t want to cooperate.

“Umm—“ you began, hoping a jump start might give you some words to answer this question with.

“Being stupid,” he said softly beside you and you licked your lips before you cleared your throat.

“He was being stupid, Mrs. Kim,” you said. Mrs. Kim shook her head slightly and she rolled her eyes just enough for effect without being overt.

“That boy…he does have a tendency for that,” she said.

His hand moved further over yours, slipping under the blanket to rest over your fingers, he closed his grip and held on tight.

“How could this have happened?” She still didn’t turn to look at you, but she was wringing her hands together now, showing more signs of movement and less of that maddening silent stillness that had you so terrified. “First Minhee and Jongdae, and now you two.”

“I just fell in love, Mom,” Minseok said and his mother finally turned to look at him. “I’m so in love with her.” He said again with quiet reverence in his voice that made you look up into his profile.

When his eyes bounced back to yours you felt blinded by him. His full attention on you was driving west during the sunset. “I love you,” he whispered only to you before he closed his eyes and sighed, dropping his chin to his chest with a calm defeat in his voice that you felt reflected inside your own body.

“I love you too,” you said and he tilted his head into it, with his eyes still closed. His face didn’t change much but there was a shift somewhere in his eyebrows as peace took over and everything else smoothed over.

“Minseok, will you excuse us for a minute?” Mrs. Kim interrupted the moment with her blunt question and you felt a coldness overtake the warmth he had just given you.

A switch flipped and he went rigid.

“Why? Mom—” The grip around your hand below the blanket was pulled and he nestled your hand over his lap between his thighs. It felt possessive and your lips parted on their own as you breathed in the perfume of his possession. Its fragrance was new and intoxicating.

“Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me.” He hadn’t ever fought for you before today. Yet, again and again, he did it. Meaning it every single time he did it. Kim Minseok was breaking all of his own records and your chest overflowed with how much you liked it.

“I’m going to give her the safe sex talk I gave you when your voice started to change, only this one is slightly different, women to women.”

His grip on your hand went loose and he pushed your hand carefully back below the blanket.

“You see dear, sex is a beautiful thing—“

He dropped your hand entirely, simply letting go of the careful grip with which he once held so tightly, it dropped unceremoniously. He was spooked for sure and he was getting the hell out of here.

You felt abandoned and looked up into his face with a small pout but he was already starting to lean far back and away from you, his eyes narrowed on the woman still talking across from him in her armchair where she had obviously been holding back on this powerful weapon she now wielded against him.

“Sex with the person you love is a very healthy and important part of any relationship. Why just this morning Mr. Kim and I—“

“FINE,” he jumped straight up and shouted as if he had been burned by something hot. Minseok was instantly wound too tight. She was good. He had been outmatched and it was running time, “—fine, you can stop that, I am going. I’ll go. Just don’t…don’t say anything like that ever, ever again, for the love of God, Mom—“ his face screwed together as he stood up, “ugh!”

You were pretty sure you heard the word ‘traumatized’ among the others he mumbled as he left the room.

Minseok could sure move fast when he wanted to.

The click of the door closing bathed the room in a new silence. She didn’t continue speaking or even make an attempt at fulfilling her threat of a sex talk, that was simply a ploy to get him out of the room. She knew her son well. Well…perhaps not as well as she had thought all along. You, the evidence of just how little she knew of him, were sitting here watching her face as she closed her eyes and lifted a hand to her forehead and tapped lightly with her fingertips along the crease between her eyebrows. The worry lines that a lifetime of raising a family brought her.

You harbored some hope within your heart that those lines would have been replaced with the sweeter laugh lines that lived around her lips and crinkled her eyes. Yet she sat with her hand over her face, tapping between her eyebrows as the silence in this office grew louder and hummed against your eardrums.

“I’m not—“ her sudden words broke the silence and you had grown so used to the hum that the change in tone made you jump. She inhaled a breath and her hand fell from her face as her eyes found yours.

“I’m not upset about this.” Her voice was softer than when she first began. Or perhaps your ears had adjusted to sound again.

“You aren’t?” She looked into your eyes now, her unobstructed attention danced along your face and she blinked slowly before she responded.

“No. I’m not. You’re a smart girl. A smart woman. If he has won the heart of someone like you, I suppose he must have done something right.” Her eyes broke their focus and that hope surged up inside your chest again. Would she really accept this? Accept you with her son?

“I’m sure you’ve been through enough already. Judging by the display I saw earlier, it’s obvious you’ve both been through something that goes beyond me and my wishes.”

Had she always wished someone else for him? Someone different? Someone just like Sohee?

“Clearly I’m surprised.”

“I never suspected the two of you, although now,” she let out a dry laugh, “now…I must really be an idiot. God, he doesn’t even go two seconds without looking at you when you’re around.”

“But he’s always been like that since he was younger. I used to catch him just staring…I remember it now.” You saw the smile growing on her lips and she laughed again. The crease between her eyes smoothed out and you watched her in quiet wonder.

Her face was far away as she relived the memories. “No, I’m not upset. I should have known. The clues were there all along.”

“Mrs. Kim—“ you pulled her from the memories. If there was anything the woman deserved with this enormous dose of truth, it was an apology. Perhaps the apology was to help ease some of your own heavy burdens. “I’m so sorry. For lying to you for so long, for lying about all of it. For hiding it and for — for,” the words were harder to extract the more detailed they grew on the tip of your tongue. Sharp little things, with jagged edges you could feel the tiny cuts they made on the surface of your tongue as they were tossed around your mouth.

“I’m sorry for Kwangseok, I kept it from him too, he was angry and upset about my lies. It was a horrible place I put him in. He—He reacted—“ you couldn’t. You swallowed it away, trying to speak through it, but the guilt had an appetite all of its own.

“I lied to you, I lied to Minhee, and Mr. Kim all because—” your voice was unstable again, threatening to break. The tears that had only just dried an hour before crested again. The burning in your eyes reminded you just how weak you had become.

“I’ve loved him forever. I have loved him forever. I didn’t think I was allowed to love him. And so I lied to myself and I told myself it was nothing. And when it turned into something I lied to you all. And I just want you to know how sorry I am. For all the trouble that I’ve caused.”

You didn’t even see her move. Your chest ached and you felt the world swallowing you up and there was a new warmth around your shoulders as the tears fell.

“Honey,” warm arms wrapped around you tight enough to squeeze out every last drop of pain you had left inside of you, “Shh—“ She said and her hands rubbed against your back.

Her warmth was all-encompassing. The warmth of a mother that felt inviting and loving. It felt unconditional, and you cried harder as she held you tight.

You could feel it pass. The cries quieted, the gentle rocking in her arms stilled and when you were beginning to feel the embarrassment for your breakdown you felt her pull back. She sat on the couch beside you now and when she let you go you felt warm hands cup your face. She was watching you and the softness you knew so well that lived inside of her smiled back at you.

“You will do well my dear.” She whispered. You felt it deep inside. She was right. You nodded your head in agreement and her smiled widened.

“But—“ there was a pause. “How many times have I told you to call me Mom?”

Your laughter burst from your chest. Her gentle reminder tickled against your heart and you couldn’t help the smile. So you agreed with the biggest nod of your head you could manage with her still holding your face.

“Okay, Mom.”

“Good, now go tell and Minseok that the two of you are cleaning up my dining room and my kitchen after the mess you have both caused tonight. I’m going to bed”

You left her behind in her office, being sure to close the door quietly as you left and you made your way down the hallway toward the living room. You could hear the boisterous voices echoing down the hallway and it sounded animated and lively. You heard at least six distinct voices and from the entryway, you could see the source. You watched quietly from behind the large sectional sofa as Sehun, Minseok, Jongdae, and Minhee sat beside each other, a cell phone propped up on a selfie stick and on the screen, you could recognize Chanyeol and Junmyeon, and probably some others on the call that you couldn’t see.

“And then Minseok Hyung said, ‘fuck you—she’s mine!’ And he just punched him in the face!” Jongdae was talking, too loudly and too excited and Minseok groaned from in between the other two men in the room as they seemed to be holding him hostage for the phone call. Minhee giggled from beside Jongdae and offered alternate versions of the story as Sehun described the way Kwangseok lost his balance and fell to his knees.

“I didn’t even say that,” Minseok said in an annoyed voice to Jongdae who laughed even louder.

“I think you broke his nose. I definitely saw blood. Did you know Hyung could punch so hard? You were so cool!” Sehun said with animated eyes and a wide smile. “This is the best dinner I’ve ever been to.”

You’d had enough lurking in the shadows. You and Minseok had a job to complete now. You were both on clean-up duty tonight for your very messy, very troubling secret behavior and it was best to get these unpleasant things over and done with so you could get back to the fun stuff. Like shared movie nights cuddled up together under a single blanket where secret touches and stolen kisses liked to hide.

You stepped quietly, your pace careful and light enough to make not a sound. You caught the flashes of recognition on the faces of the people on the screen. Their smiles dropped a little and their eyes widened as you approached him from behind.

Your steps felt lighter than air. Your heart was soaring with a multitude of emotions. Relief. Happiness. Elation. Love.

The love was a big one.

You reached for the nape of his neck with your hand and the feeling of the strands of his hair slipping between your fingers as you combed your hand lightly through was a sensation you had always particularly enjoyed. His hair was soft and his scalp was warm against the pads of your fingers and his surprise made him stiffen before he moved.

Minseok threw his head back against the couch cushion behind him and the laughter and conversation that had been so noisy quieted down to a whisper when you bent at the waist and placed a careful kiss on his surprised and parted lips. It was upside down, but the effect was strong.

“Come on, baby. We’ve got to get to work. You mom says we both have to clean up the dining room and the kitchen as punishment for being bad.” He was frozen solid; watching you with wide eyes as he looked at you upside down from his spot between his friends on the sofa and you could definitely make out a pink tinge on his cheeks at the very brazen display you had just shown them all.

When he got up, it was as quickly as he could and he didn’t bother with walking around the couch. Instead, with a quick spin and a leap he was jumping over the back of the sofa as the reaction to his hasty escape exploded behind him in a chorus of hoots and hollers, both in person and on the small screen. The noise was shocking.

To his benefit, he tried his best to ignore the egging on from his friends, but the wide smile on his face was reaction enough for them. You weren’t sure you could even follow much of the banter coming from the group. Not when you felt Minseok grab ahold of your hand and pull you away from the living room toward the kitchen with a wink on his pretty face. “We should probably clean the pantry too.”

THE END

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