#SO fucking stupid but the romance of being a walking corpse resurrected by love..... come on....
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WARM BODIES ONLY ROMCOM EVERRRR BTW!!!!!
#SO fucking stupid but the romance of being a walking corpse resurrected by love..... come on....#no grave can hold my body down ill crawl home to you etc#ALSO if i was directing that. just know that after he talks abt literally being dead inside and then puts on a record. JUST KNOW i would#have made sure it was the smiths playing. it has to be the smiths in that moment like come on. big fumble on that guys part#whoever chose it#anyway if u like stupid cheesy romcoms and zombies and unsubtle references to shakespeare.... watch it IMMEDIATELY!
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The Robot and The Snake
Chapter One
General Taglist: @quillfics42 @ajdraws0430 @phantomofthesanderssides @creativity-killed-thekitten @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game
Taglist: @todefine-istolimit
Warnings: Mild violence, zombies, sympathetic Deceit
Ships: Lociet, Moxiety, Remy x Roman (QPR) and background Emile x Toby
Masterpost
Being a superhero wasn’t anything like Logan Abbott had thought it would be and, for that, he was very grateful. He was never really one for theatrics.
Thankfully, the rest of his team were dramatic enough for the job – no matter how adamantly Virgil liked to deny it.
“Zombie!” Roman – aka the Siren – shouted, gloved hands on hips as he yelled at the lab coat-wearing man stood at the other end of the room. “Come over here and fight us yourself, you… mad scientist wannabe coward!”
The Zombie was their sworn nemesis – a tall, silent man clad in neat black trousers, a plain shirt, and a hooded white lab coat, with a gruesome zombie mask that covered his whole face, revealing only his cold brown eyes. He crossed his arms as he looked over the four superheroes currently fighting for their lives against the horde of living corpses that the villain had just summoned.
Roman ducked as three more zombies leapt at him, swearing under his breath in Spanish and unsheathing his shimmering sword, slicing off one of their heads and grimacing slightly as a splash of corpse goop got onto his sea-themed super-suit. A drop even landed in his dark brown hair, staining his locks, though, luckily, he hadn’t yet noticed, or he would have thrown a fit.
“Aww, come on!” He pouted, flicking his wrist and causing a nearby pipe to burst, controlling the water and letting it flow out and wash away about a third of the zombies. “It takes ages to wash this thing!”
Roman would feel guilty for making a mess of the bank, but they were attempting to save it from robbers, so he figured that made up for it.
“Priorities, Siren.” Logan, aka the Robot, said monotonously, teleporting away from a zombie’s bite and reappearing right beside Roman, running his fingers through his dark blond hair, green eyes narrowing. Luckily, the creatures’ bites weren’t infectious, like in the movies, just painful. “We need to get to his sidekick; he’s probably breaking into the vaults as we speak.”
Roman immediately spun around, frantically eyeing the rest of the room, his brow creasing when he realised that the Zombie’s sidekick – more commonly known as the Snake – had disappeared whilst they’d all been distracted. He then turned to where Patton and Virgil (the Butterfly and the Ant, respectively) were battling against the rest of the horde. The Ant was using his super strength to toss dozens of zombies to the ground and stomp on their skulls with his big black boots, and his fiancé, the Butterfly, levitated above them all, using his powers to control groups of various insects to distract and attack the zombies so he could shoot them with his crossbow.
“Hey, little brother!” Roman shouted, getting Virgil’s attention. “Get to the vaults; I think Snake’s there. We can handle the zombies.”
Virgil glanced back at Patton, who gave him a small smile and a reassuring nod, before turning back to his bugs. Virgil then yanked out a knife from his boot and impaled the skull of another nearby zombie; killing one of them was basically the same as killing a human, though the Zombie could resurrect the corpses again whenever he wanted to. The Ant then wasted no time and shrunk down to the size of… well, an ant. They all lost sight of him immediately after that, but he presumably ran off in the direction of the vaults, to stop the Snake.
The Robot then teleported over to the Zombie, though he made sure he stayed far enough away that the villain couldn’t lay a hand on him – a single touch would leave Logan powerless for another 24 hours at least. That left Patton and Roman to take care of the rest of the walking dead alone, though they could handle themselves. Those were the Zombie’s two powers (raising the dead and removing superpowers), making him a rather formidable enemy. They all had two superpowers, though none of them knew why, or where they came from.
“Why are you here?” Logan questioned cautiously. “You’ve never robbed a bank before; do you really need the money?”
The Zombie remained silent – he never spoke, and his mask covered his entire face, the hood of his lab coat covering his hair. There was no way to tell who he really was, not unless they ever got close enough to unmask him.
After another moment or two, the villain’s head snapped to the side, Logan immediately following his gaze, and they watched as a small yellow snake slithered into the room, dodging fallen corpses and zombies’ legs, stopping at the Zombie’s feet. It then shifted into a tall familiar man in ripped jeans, a yellow hoodie, and a leather jacket, with a snake-like mask and a large, very full bag tossed over his shoulder.
“Let’s go.” The Snake hissed, eyeing Roman, Patton and Logan, and the Zombie nodded, taking the bag from his sidekick and then flicking his wrist, causing all of the fallen zombies to rise once again, overwhelming the three heroes.
“Oh, fuck you.” Roman growled as he ducked and slashed at the continued onslaught of living corpses. “Is this really necessary?”
The Snake responded by unsheathing a dagger and hurling it at the Siren, narrowly missing the hero’s skull as it embedded itself into the wall.
“Hey, don’t hurt him!” Patton exclaimed, and the Snake rolled his eyes at that, turning back to the Zombie, who gestured towards the exit.
In response, the Butterfly flicked his wrist and sent a horde of angry wasps towards the duo. The Zombie ducked away, lifting one gloved hand – the one not clutching the giant sack of money – to half-heartedly swat at the insects, but not a single inch of his skin was exposed, so he didn’t actually seem too bothered by that. The heroes weren’t even entirely sure that the Zombie was male, but he’d never corrected them when they referred to him as such, so they assumed they were right.
The villain then grabbed his sidekick’s wrist and dragged him out of the bank, leaving the gang of heroes to deal with the remaining zombies – though they’d luckily evacuated all remaining civilians early on in the fight. Fortunately, the dead would fall again when the Zombie was far enough away, but that gave the villains just enough time to escape, so it wasn’t really that much help after all.
Roman sighed, pausing for a moment to drag his hand down his face in irritation. He looked over the dozens of drooling zombies. “It’s a shame I can’t seduce a corpse.”
***
About an hour after the fight had ended, the four heroes had trudged back to Patton and Virgil’s apartment – having had to spend almost half an hour dealing with the police – and they were now tending to their wounds, complaining (and Roman practically sulking) about their most recent failure.
“I can’t believe we lost… again!” Roman whined, leaning back in his chair, his scaly blue and green mask tossed to the side as he pinched the bridge of his nose. The rest of his armoured super-suit matched his mask, and he also wore a stylish bright white jacket and white boots. “There’s four of us and two of them, how do they always win? We manage to defeat practically every other supervillain we come across, no problem! It’s been almost a year and we’ve never even gotten close.”
“Because we can’t get close to Zombie.” Logan said dryly, crossing his arms. His own armoured super-suit and mask were silver, matching the alias ‘Robot’ that Roman had given him, since Logan had basically refused to come up with one himself. The name didn’t really match either of his powers, but it was too late now to change it. “If he touches us, our powers malfunction, so we can’t exactly get close to him. Your seduction powers only work if you’re close enough to make contact with the target.”
Roman groaned loudly, dragging a hand down his face in irritation. He then winced as that just irritated his injured shoulder.
“One of his stupid zombies bit me, too.” He complained. “I think that dead guy was an accountant, or something, he had no right being as strong as he was. It hurts.”
Logan rolled his eyes. “And I suppose you want me to heal that.”
Roman grinned, holding his hand out to Logan, who was sat on the sofa beside the chair. “Please do.”
Logan reluctantly took the hand in response, pressing a kiss to his friend’s knuckles, before dropping it and scowling slightly. “Honestly, what an irritatingly inconvenient way to heal others, any other method would be much more appropriate. I don’t appreciate having to kiss the foreheads of every civilian that gets injured in our battles.”
Just as Roman was about to respond, possibly with slight jealousy, Patton and Virgil walked back into the room, holding four large mugs of coffee, one for each of them. They both also still wore the outfits they’d fought in, though they’d removed their masks. Virgil’s armoured super-suit was unsurprisingly purple and black, his signature colours, with a matching hoodie that he always wore on top of it. Patton’s suit was pastel blue and pink, with two small metal wings secured flat against his back (for purely aesthetic reasons, he didn’t need them to fly). He was the tallest of all of them, with dark skin, black hair and large round glasses that seemed to take up most of his face, though both he and Logan wore contact lenses in battle, for convenience.
“Who wants coffee?” Patton smiled widely, and Roman sat up straight, eyes lighting up as he reached out to grab a bright red Disney-themed mug,
“Oh, god, yes!” Roman exclaimed, taking it gratefully. “If my little brother hadn’t snatched you up years ago, I’d be marrying you myself. Platonically – of course. Seduction may be my superpower, but romance isn’t really my thing.”
Patton giggled, sitting on the arm of the chair and taking a sip of his own drink. His own mug was decorated with multi-coloured butterfly stickers, and he also wore tiny earrings that matched. “It’s just coffee, Roman.”
Roman took a large gulp of his coffee, before sighing loudly and grinning even wider. “Patton you are a god in the body of a man. A beautiful, beautiful man.”
Virgil rolled his eyes, handing Logan one of his own two mugs and sitting down beside his best friend. “Stop flirting with my fiancé, Roman.”
“I’m not flirting!” Roman exclaimed defensively, hand over heart in mock offense. “I’m simply appreciating my future brother-in-law.”
“Yes, well, as truly fascinating as this conversation may be,” Logan said dryly, taking a small sip from his plain blue mug, before placing it back on the coffee table in front of him. “We need to find out where the Zombie plans on attacking next, and who he is, or we’ll likely never defeat him.”
Virgil leant back, running his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, okay, but how are we supposed to find him? We all wear masks. We don’t know their identities; they don’t know ours – that’s kinda the point.”
“Yeah, well, we should work out a plan to ambush and rip off his mask, then!” Roman exclaimed, gesturing dramatically with his hands, barely avoiding spilling his drink. “And, maybe, if we… I don’t know… kidnap the Snake, or something, we can use him as leverage to get to the Zombie.”
“Roman,” Patton scolded. “We’re the good guys, remember? We can’t just kidnap him, no matter how evil our nemeses may be.”
Roman sighed irritably. “Patton, the Snake alone has attacked us more times than I can count-”
“Not than you can count that high.” Virgil mumbled into his mug, ignoring the glare his older brother shot back at him.
“Anyway, as I was saying, the Snake’s just as bad as the Zombie in my eyes. In fact, he’s stabbed me more times in the past month than the Zombie ever has! We need to stop him just as much as, if not more than, we need to stop the Zombie!”
Logan raised an eyebrow. “The Zombie’s the main villain here, he tells the Snake what to do, so our focus should be on him, not on his sidekick.”
“But the Snake’s much more dangerous!” Roman protested loudly. “As far as we know, the Zombie’s never hurt anyone.”
“That’s because he gets his zombies and his sidekick to do his dirty work for him.” Virgil corrected smoothly after another sip of coffee. After a short glare from his brother, he continued. “Look, I’m not saying you’re wrong, Ro. The Snake is definitely dangerous, he needs to be stopped, but he does what the Zombie tells him to, so we need to take out the boss to actually win this fight.”
Roman sighed, giving in reluctantly, before absent-mindedly glancing up at the clock, his eyes suddenly widening when he noticed the time.
“Oh, shit!” He hurriedly chugged the rest of his coffee, slamming the mug back down onto the coffee table and jumping up. “I’m gonna be late for work. Virge, come on, we’ve gotta go.”
His younger brother groaned, putting his own cup down and standing up, stretching. “But you own the place, Ro, it’s your café, can’t we wait a little longer? We had to wake up at 4am and those zombies bit me, like, four times. I’m exhausted, man.”
Logan’s eyes widened slightly as he put his hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Virgil! Why didn’t you tell me you were injured? Here, just… just let me-” He leant over and pressed a lingering kiss to Virgil’s cheek, just to make sure it healed him fully, and his friend gave him a small relieved smile in response.
“Thanks.”
“Come on, Virge, we’ve gotta get to The Palace Café, unless you wanna deal with one very pissed off Remy – he’s not gonna be happy if we don’t provide his three morning coffees.”
Virgil sighed, stepping over to Patton and pressing a quick kiss to his fiancé’s lips. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”
***
Logan had left for his own place of work not too long after Roman and Virgil had: the flower shop he owned – creatively named Abbott’s Flowers.
He was currently stood behind the front desk, alone – his other employees were all working in the back room. He’d been arranging a large bouquet for a regular client of his, an elderly woman who’d come to pick it up any minute now, when the door suddenly opened, and a familiar man with a short dyed white ponytail, tattoos covering his arms, and vitiligo on the left side of his face stepped inside.
“Janus, what are you doing here?” Logan blinked a few times in surprise, pushing the bouquet to one side as he stood up straighter.
“I’m between customers and I wanted to see you.” Janus explained, shrugging as he walked up to Logan, leaning over the counter and pressing a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine – emotionally neutral, though slightly tired and perhaps a little nauseated. Maybe I’m coming down with something.”
Janus snorted. “I wish you’d told me that before I kissed you.” His thumb lightly caressed Logan’s cheek. “But, seriously, are you okay?”
“Yes, yes, I’m fine, really.” Logan said, taking Janus’s hand off of his face and squeezing it lightly, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. “I just didn’t get that much sleep, that’s all.”
“You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?” Janus raised one eyebrow.
Logan rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know, you bring it up in every conversation we have. How are you, my dear?”
Janus shrugged. “I’m fine now that I’m with you. I had a bit of a rough morning.”
Logan hummed lightly in response. “Tough client?”
“Something like that.” Janus shrugged. “I mean, I just had a lady who wouldn’t stop talking about politics while I tattooed a rose on her thigh, but she was mostly just an annoyance.”
Logan snorted. “Yeah, well, that is a shame, but you should probably get back to work. Nate and Remy may accidentally burn the place down without you, so I suggest you get back.” Janus pouted slightly at that, and Logan continued. “Besides, I have a customer coming any minute now-”
He was interrupted by the front door opening yet again, the little bell above it ringing loudly as an elderly woman stepped inside.
“Oh, Mr Abbott, I see you’ve got my bouquet!” She cooed, beaming toothily as she strolled up to the counter and looked over her many vibrant flowers. “Oh, they’re so beautiful, I’m sure my daughter-in-law will adore them.”
Logan smiled softly. “You can call me Logan, Edith, and I’m sure she will, you chose well.”
“Only with your help.” Edith reached over and patted him on the shoulder, before only then noticing Janus leaning against the front desk, watching them with a slight smile. “Oh, hello! Who might you be?”
“Janus Belrose,” He held out his hand for her to shake, which she did enthusiastically. “I’m Logan’s boyfriend.”
Edith’s eyes lit up when she heard that, looking between them, her smile widening. “Oh, that’s just wonderful! Your name sounds French, is it French? How long have you two been together? Do you work here, too?”
“Yes, it’s French.” Janus said, giving Logan a short, rather amused look. “We’ve been together for almost three years now and, no, I don’t work here. I own the tattoo parlour next door.”
Edith hummed quietly in thought. “Yes, I do suppose the name ‘Janus’s tattoos’ should have given that away.”
Janus snorted. “Yeah, probably.” He turned back to Logan. “I should probably get going now – work awaits. Love you, babe.” He then pressed a quick kiss to Logan’s lips.
“I suppose I’m quite fond of you, too.” Logan responded smoothly, and Janus rolled his eyes in response, giving Edith a small smile and a nod before leaving.
Logan turned his attention back to Edith. “Now, where were we?”
***
“Hey, you’re late!” Roman pouted irritably, hands on hips as he glared up at Logan and Janus (Roman was the shortest of them all). “Everyone else’s been here for ages!”
Logan sighed. “Okay, I apologise, but one of my employees had to leave early, so it took longer than usual to close up.”
Roman still didn’t look too please, his eyes narrowed slightly, but that was probably just because he didn’t like admitting Logan wasn’t in the wrong.
Logan rolled his eyes, holding up a large bag of sweet and salty popcorn. “I brought snacks.”
Roman paused for another few moments, before snatching the bag from him, looking it over appreciatively. “You are forgiven.” He then turned on his heel and marched off in the direction of the kitchen.
The trio were currently at The Palace Café, having been invited by Roman for their monthly movie marathon, along with the rest of their friends: Virgil, Patton, Emile, Toby, Nate and Remy (Roman’s qpp). Last month’s theme had been Disney movies, unsurprisingly chosen by Roman himself, and this month’s them had been chosen Toby, horror movies.
“Ugh, zombie movies, really?” Virgil complained as he rifled through the DVDs that Toby had brought with him, half of them including zombies. “I hate those things.”
“Aww, come on, man, those are my favourites!” Toby laughed, snatching them back and continuing to work with the projector. “Zombies are great.”
“That’s coming from someone who’s never come face-to-face with the Zombie’s zombies before. I mean, seriously, they’re a little fucked up.” Janus piped up, flopping down onto one of the many beanbags that Roman had scattered across the floor.
“I don’t know…” Emile hummed. “I still think zombies are pretty cool.” He exchanged a small smile with his boyfriend, Toby, but everyone else gave him slightly confused looks. “What?” He asked innocently. “Toby’s been making me binge watch horror movies with him in exchange for the dozens of cartoons I’ve shown him.”
“I thought it was only fair.” Toby laughed, pressing a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. “Trust me, he’s shown me a lot of cartoons.”
Just as he finished saying that, Roman kicked the kitchen door open, balancing multiple bowls of various snacks in his arms.
“A little help, please?”
Patton immediately jumped up, taking two of the bowls and bringing them back over to the large purple beanbag Virgil had settled himself onto, sitting down next to his fiancé and curling up at his side.
“Have you never heard of sharing?” Nate rolled his eyes, snatching one of the bowls – the one filled with popcorn – from Patton’s arms and stuffing a huge handful into his mouth.
“Are we gonna get this movie marathon started, or what?” Remy complained, running his fingers through his bright pink hair before putting his arm around Roman when the shorter man settled down beside him. “’Cos, gurl, I am getting bored, and if this takes too long then I’m just gonna go home.”
“Oh, calm down, Rem.” Toby rolled his eyes. “It may take some time to set up, but it’s worth it.”
Remy huffed loudly, adjusting his sunglasses, “Are you sure about that? Horror movies are kinda dumb.”
Toby gasped overdramatically, hand over heart. “How dare you! Horror movies are by far the greatest genre of film in existence, and you can fight me on that.”
Janus and Logan watched as a debate soon broke out between Remy and Toby (with the occasional added comment from their other friends) over the quality of horror movies and whether or not they were worth the time it took to set up the movie night – Remy got bored very easily – and they rolled their eyes in amusement at their friends’ antics.
“They’re basically children, aren’t they?” Janus mused, shifting so he was practically curled up at Logan’s side.
“Very much so.”
***
Many hours later, when the movie night had long since ended and the clock had passed midnight, the Robot was patrolling the city, teleporting from rooftop to rooftop to make sure that everything was okay. The four heroes alternated patrols every night, and tonight was Logan’s turn.
It was a relatively quiet night, and the silver-clad superhero had decided to take a short break, pausing to sit on the roof of an apartment building, legs dangling over the edge as he admired the stars up above. He absent-mindedly mumbled the names of every constellation he spotted out loud, lost in though as he admired the night’s sky.
“You talking to yourself again?” A voice suddenly spoke up from right behind him.
Logan’s eyes widened as he jumped up immediately, spinning around, his hand instantly perched on the sheathed knife on his belt. He let out a quiet sigh of relief and relaxed when he realised who had just snuck up on him.
“Snake.” Logan breathed, removing his hand from his belt and crossing his arms. “What are you doing here? We can’t be seen together, it’ll seem suspicious.”
The Snake smirked slightly, reaching out and lightly touching the Robot’s chest. “No one can see us from up here. You’ll have to think of a better excuse than that.”
Logan rolled his eyes. “Okay, but we still need to be careful. If anyone finds out about this, it’ll ruin the whole plan.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, but I wanted to see you!” The Snake protested. “And don’t you wanna know if I’ve discovered anything new?”
“Have you?”
The Snake’s smile turned sheepish. “Well, no… but-”
“But nothing.” Logan scolded, crossing his arms. “We can’t risk meeting up like this, we have other ways to catch up, you know.”
“Aww…” The other man cooed. “But you look so good in that suit! Can’t I just be here to appreciate how hot you look in an outfit as tight as that one?”
The Robot tried not to blush, but by the growing smirk on the Snake’s face, he’d clearly failed at that.
“We… we saw each other earlier, remember?” Logan protested. “You know, when you guys robbed that bank.”
The Snake snorted at that. “Yeah, yeah, I know, but I didn’t get a proper look at you!” He very obviously looked Logan up and down, before making eye contact with him again and grinning appreciatively.
The Robot stumbled over his words for almost another minute – the Snake knew exactly how to make him flustered – before finally managing to speak up again.
“Snake, this is serious, we really can’t be seen together!” Logan scolded, swiftly changing the subject back to one that wouldn’t leave him so embarrassed. “If our allies find out what’s really going on, it’ll ruin the whole plan, we’ll never find out who the Zombie is. We can’t risk that… and- and…”
“And?” The Snake prompted, one eyebrow raised.
Logan hesitated for a moment, before sighing. “And he could hurt you.”
The Snake’s face softened, and he reached out and lightly caressed Logan’s cheek. “I can take care of myself, Babe.”
“I know you can.” Logan reassured softly. “But I can’t risk losing you, we really need to be more careful.”
He and the Robot’s faces crept close and close together until their lips were only lips apart.
“Go home, Janus.” Logan mumbled against his boyfriend’s lips. “I’ll see you after patrol.”
#sanders sides#sanders sides au#sanders sides fanfiction#me#superhero au#logan sanders#virgil sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#thomas sanders#emile picani#remy sanders#sympathetic deceit#toby sanders#deceit sanders#the robot and the snake#writing
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