#S15E3 Coda
Text
Coda: S15E3
Cas walked to his truck, parked right outside the front door of the bunker. He had sustained himself on nothing but hope and prayer for the last ten years, but he knew no matter how much he hoped he would, Dean wasn’t going to follow. Cas gave the hunter ample time to stop him, but the look was there––that same disheartened look Dean always wore when Cas disappointed him. Only this time, Cas knew there was no coming back. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to come back.
In time, he would reach out to Sam, let the hunter know that he had to leave, and he knew Sam would understand. Cas also knew that no matter how upset Dean had been with him, he was going to take his anger out on his little brother. He would apologize for that too. But they would get along just fine without him––they always had. Sam and Dean Winchester never needed him. He thought they did, convinced himself in the beginning that he was there for the cause. That he believed in the righteous man and his little brother that drank demon blood. He’d even convinced himself that they grew to care for him, but as Cas climbed into his truck he knew it was over. He couldn’t be a punching bag for Dean any longer. He made mistakes, failed in epic proportions, but he had always stayed true and loyal to the Winchesters. Even when he was working with Crowley it was with them in mind.
Save Sam and Dean––Cas thought it was his calling. His one mission from God. Maybe it was, maybe God only sent Cas to save Dean because he needed a broken angel to rebel. Naomi was right, he came off the line with a cracked chassis, but was that by design?
As Cas pulled away from the only place he’d ever considered home he wondered if Chuck planned for him to rebel. Planned on Metatron stealing his grace and leaving him weakened. So many things had happened to him since he raised Dean from perdition, and he wondered how much he actually had a choice in. Unlike Dean, Cas wasn’t just angry about this, he was also perplexed. Maybe only having free will for ten years made it harder for him to understand Dean’s anger. Being an angel programmed to follow orders and protect God’s will was all he’d known until two boys from Kansas asked him to make a choice. One demanded it actually. And hasn’t that always been their relationship? Dean demanding one thing or another from Castiel. Pushing him to his limits and beyond.
Cas felt the phone in his pocket buzz and was surprised that Sam was calling him so quickly. But maybe Dean had already gotten too drunk or smashed up his bedroom and Sam needed someone to talk to. Cas almost pulled over to take the call, but instead slammed his foot on the gas––his truck gave a growl, but it was nothing like the Impala. Tears welled up in his eyes and he blindly threw his phone into the passenger seat.
He would add this missed phone call to the ever-growing list of apologies he would make to Sam, but for now, Cas needed nothing but quiet and the open road. He was bitter that this is his biggest takeaway from Dean. It wasn’t love or compassion, kindness or understanding, no what Cas learned most from his best friend was there isn’t a problem in the world that you can’t run from.
He reached for the tape in his glove box but stopped himself. Listening to the mixtape Dean gave him would only cause his heart to break further. He had never known if Dean crafted those songs just for him, or if this was just an old tape he had laying around and passed off to Cas as another teachable moment.
They had a lot of those teachable moments. Dean was constantly trying to get Cas to conform, never quite comfortable with his otherness. And Cas had tried, he tried to make Dean accept him, tried to make Dean love him, but even as he lay dying in the barn a few years ago Dean could never say it. Maybe he never felt it, though Cas didn’t want to believe that. He had to believe he mattered. He made a difference. Sure he fucked up a lot, and made bad choices, and kept things from the brothers, but he only ever did that to protect them. Couldn’t Dean see that?
As the distance grew between Castiel and Lebanon, Kansas, he thought about everything they had been through. From that first trip up from hell, the seals breaking, when Cas took over Claire Novak’s body, the first time he went against heaven for Dean, and every wrong turn he’d made since then. He thought about Naomi’s mind control and the thousands of Dean’s he’d killed, but how the real Dean’s words pulled him back from the edge. He’d asked that day what broke the trance, and Cas, still being dumb and naive, thought Dean would understand that it was him, those words so close to expressing his love––as close as Dean had ever come to telling him that he loved him. Why didn’t Dean see that? Or it was possible that he did know exactly why Castiel was able to overcome mind control and he just brushed it off. Not everything was about them. Dean had a lot of problems he needed to sort through, and his willingness to accept love and understand his place in the world was his biggest area of concern.
That’s what made Cas so confused, for years Dean thought of himself as nothing but a tool, an instrument to be used to fight evil. First at John’s will, then Alistair’s, then Cas’, and finally Chuck’s. Why was it so hard for him to wrap his head around this? Had Dean finally learned that he deserved good things? Castiel felt like he might have been the first person to ever tell him that, and it took him ten years to believe it, but that could be why he was so angry. He'd finally accepted that he mattered, that what he did was important. Just because Chuck was behind the why didn’t make it any less true.
Humans on this plane still felt things, they still mourned loved ones, felt pain, and fear. Dean saved countless people from going through those things. Just because God trapped them in this maze doesn’t mean the work he did to keep the maze running was for nothing.
What felt like hours, but could have only been minutes, dragged on as Cas drove aimlessly. He had used the last of his Grace to stop Belphegor and felt like he might need to sleep, if only for a short respite from thinking of Dean. He was mad, and hurt, scared, and lonely. His mouth was dry and that meant he needed water which meant he would have to urinate, and that was the final straw. Cas couldn’t hold back any longer. One perfect tear slipped down his cheek before he was able to pull to the side of a dark abandoned road. He didn’t even know what direction he chose, or if he was still in Kansas anymore.
The reference that he actually got and used made him choke out a sob. He’d finally done it right and Dean was nowhere to see.
Years of pain and arguments washed over him, causing him to gasp for air. This had happened to him once before when he was a human, and one of the nice people at the homeless encampment told him it was a panic attack. It had to be that, he couldn’t breathe or stop the tears from streaming down his face. His heart physically ached as if it were slowly cracking, but was beating too quickly for that to be true. His arms felt numb and he was thankful he already pulled over when this happened.
He loved Dean with everything he had and it wasn’t enough. He’d never been enough and it didn’t matter to Dean that he never stopped trying. If Cas were honest with himself he would say that nothing had been the same between them since he worked with Crowley to open up purgatory. And Cas just spent countless years following Dean around like an abused puppy begging for love. All he ever wanted was to be loved. Maybe Sam loved him out of some misplaced obligation, but never from Dean.
Anger welled up inside of him, taking the pain he felt and wrapping it up like a wounded bird. This was another lesson he learned from Dean, embrace the anger and shove aside the sadness. It wasn’t his fault Mary was dead, it wasn’t his fault he had to stop Belphagor, it wasn’t his fault Chuck trapped them there and watched them like some campy TV show. Dean had said that every time something went wrong he was there, but damn it, so were they. Sam and Dean had fucked up just as much as he had and he was always there with open arms and forgiveness. Something Dean never gave him––not really. They would move on and there would sometimes be a half baked apology, but they never worked anything out. They just pushed forward and kept fighting because that’s what you did, you never gave up. Well, Castiel was tired of living like a Winchester and he was ready to give up.
He wanted to lay down across the bench of his truck and sleep until...forever really. It would be so easy to close his eyes and let exhaustion take him, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind––that sounded an awful lot like Dean––told him he would have a sore back and a cramped up neck. So, one last time, Cas decided to push forward. There had to be a motel close to wherever the hell he was.
He reached across the seat, grabbing his phone. With the last of his energy he would search out somewhere to stay. At least this time he had his own credit cards and vehicle. How many times would Cas have to be a human without a home because of Dean?
Cas was expecting to see one missed call from Sam, but he was shocked to see several missed calls and a list of texts. His eyes burned and felt swollen, but the tears had finally slowed and he swiped their last traces away with the back of his hand. As he stared down at the illuminated screen, Dean’s name on display at least twenty times.
Missed Call 11:47 pm Dean
Missed Call 11:47 pm Dean
Missed Call 11:48 pm Dean
Missed Call 11:51 pm Dean
Missed Call 11:59 pm Dean
Dean 12:04 am >> Cas pick up the damn phone.
Dean 12:07 am >> You sorry sack of shit, you don’t get to leave this family.
Missed Call 12:10 am Dean
Missed Call 12:15 am Dean
Missed Call 12:16 am Dean
Dean 12:20 am >> Come on man. At least tell me where you’re going.
Dean 12:20 am >> Cas, please.
Missed Call 12:21am Dean
Missed Call 12:21 am Dean
Missed Call 12:23 am Dean
Dean 12:30 am >> Please come home.
Missed Call 12:32 am Dean
Dean 12:37 am >> I’m sorry.
The anger in Cas deflated. He wasn’t ready to forgive Dean or go back home, but his heart began to piece back together thinking that maybe he and Dean could salvage some part of their relationship. He didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want to feel used and hurt. He didn’t want to admit that the words Belphegor spoke got to him. But he wasn’t going to back down just because Dean said he was sorry. Sorry wasn’t going to make up for blaming him, for sending him to Hell with Jack’s body being inhabited by a demon. Dean wasn’t sucking it up and moving forward about his loss of Mary, why was Cas expected to move on so quickly after his child had died.
Cas 1:04 am >> Prove it!
#supernatural fanfiction#Supernatural fanfic#supernatural coda#supernatural 15x3#Spoilers Season 15#S15E3 Coda#Destiel#Destiel fanfic#pre-slash#not implied but toally slash#Cas makes Dean work for it#but they get back together#just not in this fic
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S15E3 "Proverbs 17:3" Coda
Read it on AO3 here!https://ift.tt/2O2HJCE
by WaywardAF67
Sam asks Dean what happened with Cas and learns a few things about his brother.
Words: 2003, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Episode: s15e05 Proverbs 17:3, Coda, Pre-Slash, POV Sam Winchester, Feelings Realization
Link: https://ift.tt/2O2HJCE
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by anyrei, mugglerock
At the rate Chuck was fucking with the Winchesters, by putting them in crappy remakes of popular eighties flicks, Dean was going to end up in his own version of Freaky Friday. But up first? The Parent Trap apparently, complete with douchey versions of themselves.
Dean had never been more annoyed in his life. And what made it exponentially worse, Bizarro Dean was getting way too chummy with Cas.
Way too chummy.
[Based solely on the promo for S15e3; Destiny’s Child]
Words: 6834, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, S15 AU Sam Winchester, S15 AU Dean Winchester, Jack Kline, Baby (Supernatural)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Supernatural Season 15 Coda, Sort of Coda, Destiny’s Child Coda, And You Have No Idea How Happy That Tag Makes Me, doppelgangers, First Kiss, First Time, Attempt at First Date, Explicit Sexual Content, Top Dean Winchester, Bottom Castiel, self-hating Dean, Which Features Internalized Homophobia, Dean’s Low Self Esteem Issues Are a Factor, Don’t blame me, Blame the Writers of the Show, confronting feelings, Confessions, We Would Love to See Destiel Go Canon Like This, And Since We’re Dreaming, We’d Also Like a Few Million Dollars and a Unicorn
via AO3 works tagged 'Castiel/Dean Winchester'
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A Friggin' Fiat?
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3bbendM
by anyrei, mugglerock
At the rate Chuck was fucking with the Winchesters, by putting them in crappy remakes of popular eighties flicks, Dean was going to end up in his own version of Freaky Friday. But up first? The Parent Trap apparently, complete with douchey versions of themselves.
Dean had never been more annoyed in his life. And what made it exponentially worse, Bizarro Dean was getting way too chummy with Cas.
Way too chummy.
[Based solely on the promo for S15e3; Destiny’s Child]
Words: 6834, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, S15 AU Sam Winchester, S15 AU Dean Winchester, Jack Kline, Baby (Supernatural)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Supernatural Season 15 Coda, Sort of Coda, Destiny’s Child Coda, And You Have No Idea How Happy That Tag Makes Me, doppelgangers, First Kiss, First Time, Attempt at First Date, Explicit Sexual Content, Top Dean Winchester, Bottom Castiel, self-hating Dean, Which Features Internalized Homophobia, Dean’s Low Self Esteem Issues Are a Factor, Don’t blame me, Blame the Writers of the Show, confronting feelings, Confessions, We Would Love to See Destiel Go Canon Like This, And Since We’re Dreaming, We’d Also Like a Few Million Dollars and a Unicorn
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3bbendM
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S15E3 "The Rapture" Coda: Cas deserves better
Read it on AO3 here!https://ift.tt/2Pv6cS8
by WaywardAF67
Cas is left alone with his thoughts after walking away from the only family he's ever loved.
Words: 2063, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: Gen
Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Angst, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Protective Dean Winchester, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Dean is too mean to Cas, I kind of hate him right now, Dean doesn't deserve Castiels forgiveness, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), This only fixes a little bit, Dean at least tries, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Coda
Link: https://ift.tt/2Pv6cS8
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A Friggin' Fiat?
Read it on AO3 here!https://ift.tt/3bbendM
by anyrei, mugglerock
At the rate Chuck was fucking with the Winchesters, by putting them in crappy remakes of popular eighties flicks, Dean was going to end up in his own version of Freaky Friday. But up first? The Parent Trap apparently, complete with douchey versions of themselves.
Dean had never been more annoyed in his life. And what made it exponentially worse, Bizarro Dean was getting way too chummy with Cas.
Way too chummy.
[Based solely on the promo for S15e3; Destiny’s Child]
Words: 6834, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, S15 AU Sam Winchester, S15 AU Dean Winchester, Jack Kline, Baby (Supernatural)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Supernatural Season 15 Coda, Sort of Coda, Destiny’s Child Coda, And You Have No Idea How Happy That Tag Makes Me, doppelgangers, First Kiss, First Time, Attempt at First Date, Explicit Sexual Content, Top Dean Winchester, Bottom Castiel, self-hating Dean, Which Features Internalized Homophobia, Dean’s Low Self Esteem Issues Are a Factor, Don’t blame me, Blame the Writers of the Show, confronting feelings, Confessions, We Would Love to See Destiel Go Canon Like This, And Since We’re Dreaming, We’d Also Like a Few Million Dollars and a Unicorn
Link: https://ift.tt/3bbendM
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Eat The Pain Away
Read it on AO3 here!https://ift.tt/2Qn4zEU
by all-or-nothing-baby (BundleOfSoy)
Poor Dean uses food as a coping mechanism—because it's not just Castiel's heart that he's broken.
Words: 100, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Series: Part 12 of Drabbles in Destiel
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: POV Dean, POV Dean Winchester, Episode: s15e3 coda, Post-Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Dean Winchester Has Shitty Coping Mechanisms, Comfort Food, Food Issues, Self-Hating Dean Winchester, Self-Harming Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Has Anger Issues, Dean Always Hurts The Ones He Loves, i.e. Cas, Poor Dean Winchester, Poor Castiel (Supernatural)
Link: https://ift.tt/2Qn4zEU
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by all-or-nothing-baby (BundleOfSoy)
Poor Dean uses food as a coping mechanism—because it's not just Castiel's heart that he's broken.
Words: 100, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Series: Part 12 of Drabbles in Destiel
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: POV Dean, POV Dean Winchester, Episode: s15e3 coda, Post-Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Dean Winchester Has Shitty Coping Mechanisms, Comfort Food, Food Issues, Self-Hating Dean Winchester, Self-Harming Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Has Anger Issues, Dean Always Hurts The Ones He Loves, i.e. Cas, Poor Dean Winchester, Poor Castiel (Supernatural)
via AO3 works tagged 'Castiel/Dean Winchester'
0 notes
Text
Eat The Pain Away
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2Qn4zEU
by all-or-nothing-baby (BundleOfSoy)
Poor Dean uses food as a coping mechanism—because it's not just Castiel's heart that he's broken.
Words: 100, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Series: Part 12 of Drabbles in Destiel
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: POV Dean, POV Dean Winchester, Episode: s15e3 coda, Post-Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Dean Winchester Has Shitty Coping Mechanisms, Comfort Food, Food Issues, Self-Hating Dean Winchester, Self-Harming Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Has Anger Issues, Dean Always Hurts The Ones He Loves, i.e. Cas, Poor Dean Winchester, Poor Castiel (Supernatural)
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2Qn4zEU
0 notes
Link
by WaywardAF67
Sam asks Dean what happened with Cas and learns a few things about his brother.
Words: 2003, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Episode: s15e05 Proverbs 17:3, Coda, Pre-Slash, POV Sam Winchester, Feelings Realization
via AO3 works tagged 'Castiel/Dean Winchester'
0 notes
Text
S15E3 "Proverbs 17:3" Coda
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2O2HJCE
by WaywardAF67
Sam asks Dean what happened with Cas and learns a few things about his brother.
Words: 2003, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Episode: s15e05 Proverbs 17:3, Coda, Pre-Slash, POV Sam Winchester, Feelings Realization
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2O2HJCE
0 notes
Link
by WaywardAF67
Cas is left alone with his thoughts after walking away from the only family he's ever loved.
Words: 2063, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: Gen
Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Angst, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Protective Dean Winchester, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Dean is too mean to Cas, I kind of hate him right now, Dean doesn't deserve Castiels forgiveness, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), This only fixes a little bit, Dean at least tries, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Coda
via AO3 works tagged 'Castiel/Dean Winchester'
0 notes
Text
S15E3 "The Rapture" Coda: Cas deserves better
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2Pv6cS8
by WaywardAF67
Cas is left alone with his thoughts after walking away from the only family he's ever loved.
Words: 2063, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Supernatural
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: Gen
Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Angst, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Protective Dean Winchester, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Dean is too mean to Cas, I kind of hate him right now, Dean doesn't deserve Castiels forgiveness, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), This only fixes a little bit, Dean at least tries, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Coda
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2Pv6cS8
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