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sydscarm · 3 months

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end of beginning, part one.

carmen berzatto x childhood bestfriend!reader word count : 2.3k warning(s) : none!

and when i'm back in chicago, i feel it. another version of me, i was in it.

9 YEARS AGO.

"i don't understand why you're so mad at me! you said you were fine with me working at the beef!"

this was the first and only fight they would have about this. after begging and begging his older brother to hire him at his restaurant, carmen berzatto was still not even allowed on the premises. carmy really just wanted to take orders. or sweep. or wash dishes. or just anything. but no. micheal berzatto wouldn't even let his little brother in the front door. carmy had complained to his best friend tirelessly about how much he wanted to work at the beef and how hard he had worked to prove himself to his older brother and she listened intensely. she too had applied at the beef but since mikey wouldn't even hire his own flesh and blood, she knew she had no shot at getting the job herself. being the younger sister of micheal's best friend came with its perks, of course. she was always invited to christmas dinner and had been given the recipe on how to make the best italian beef sandwiches. but it also came with its downfalls. being the same age as his younger brother, mikey held her to almost the same standard that he held carmy. she was only allowed at the beef on special occasions and she thought she had no chance at being bestowed the honor of washing dishes in the dirty kitchen of the beef.

two months ago, y/n had tagged along with her brother, richie, on a run to the restaurant. richie had to drop off paperwork for something she really wasn't interested in and after relentless begging, he had let her come with. it was only supposed to be a short trip. they were going to run into the shop, drop off some papers, and maybe get a sandwich to-go. but what was supposed to be a quick visit turned into a multiple hour affair. richie and mikey had gotten to talking and there was no stopping it when mikey started on one of his tangents. somewhere in their hours long conversation, y/n's older brother had decided to throw his sister a bone and mention to his friend that she was "on his ass" about wanting to work at the beef. mikey had immediately shut him down but after glancing at the girl sitting nearby, a pout on her lip and her hands folded together in a silent plea, he reluctantly agreed to give her a job. it was only after school and on the weekends and the pay was terrible and she was only allowed to clean tables and mop the floors, but it got her in the door. she was ecstatic.

as soon as she got home, she immediately called her best friend. the excitement was evident in her voice, which in turn made carmy's heart race as he waited anxiously for what she going to tell him. his smile dropped and his stomach churned when the words "i got a job at the beef" left her mouth. he could hear the grin in her tone and she could hear the long pause carmy took after she told him the news. she apologized profusely, of course. she knew how much that job had meant to him and she felt guilty that she had gotten it instead. she assured him over and over that if he didn't want her to take the job, she wouldn't. their friendship was much more important to her than $7.25 an hour and sweeping up pieces of beef that had fallen to the floor. she could hear him gulp and sigh and she fully expected him to tell her no. but instead she heard him stutter, shuffle around, and say, "no, it's fine. i'm happy for you."

that was two months ago. y/n hadn't done much else in her time working at the beef than mop and take an order when mikey let her. it wasn't fun and the pay was awful, but y/n couldn't remember the last time she would wake up that excited. the day that her and carmy had their fight, she had gotten up early on a saturday, put on her non-slip shoes and a "the original beef of chicagoland" t-shirt, and sat in the car while she waited for richie. they had gotten there earlier than normal and the chefs were in the beginning stages of prepping for the day. y/n had put her stuff in the office, there was no locker for her, and prepared to sit around all morning until the restaurant finally opened. she had only been sitting for about 15 minutes when mikey popped his head in the door.

"yo, honey," he had started, the nickname he gave her 16 years ago making its usual appearance, "do you wanna help us prep today?"

she was shocked. her mouth was agape and she just stared at him. did she want to prep? to her that was the equivalent of asking her if she wanted a million dollars. "uh…" she looked around the room. she was kind of unsure if she was being pranked or not.

mikey laughed. "you're just chopping fucking onions and tomatoes, dude. it's not hard."

y/n, albeit nervously, laughed back. "uh, yeah! y-yes. i would love to help prep."

"then c'mon."

she was on cloud nine. for two hours mikey let her cut tomatoes and peppers and onions and stir a pot or two. she was smiling the entire time. richie and mikey had laughed at how excited she was but she didn't care. this was the most exciting thing that had happened to her thus far. after her shift was completely over, the floors mopped and the open sign turned to close, she ran all the way from her house to carmy's. she opened the door without knocking and took the stairs two at a time to get to his room.

"bear! guess what?!" she was out of breath, bent over with her hands on her knees. carmy was sitting in his desk chair facing her with his eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed. she had just burst into his room yelling after all.

"what?" he had chuckled at her.

"mikey… fuck, give me a second." she was still catching her breath.

"did you run all the way here?" carmy asked. it wasn't the first time she felt she had news so important that she ran the mile from her house to his.

"yes! anyway," she was bouncing on the balls of her feet, a telltale sign she was about to burst with excitement, "mikey let me help prep today! isn't that so exciting! it was only cutting onions and tomatoes and what not but he-"

carmy had tuned her out. he was fine with her working at the beef, really. he was happy for her. but only if she was washing dishes. it was a low level job. it didn't require any of the chef skills they were both so proud of. he was fine with that. he didn't need to prove to mikey that he was capable of wiping tables but his knife skills were something he was really proud of. he would never say this to y/n, but his knife skills were better than hers. and mikey let her chop vegetables.

"are you serious?"

she was mid sentance and her smile shook a little bit when he interrupted her. "uh, yeah! isn't that so cool?"

he rolled his eyes. he didn't mean to, not really. the jealousy was basically oozing from his pores. "yeah. yeah that's super fucking cool, y/n."

she just stood there, eyebrows furrowed. "are you mad at me?"

carmy swiveled around in his chair to rest his elbows on his small desk, his hands coming up to cover his face. a knot began to form in his throat and his breaths started coming out a bit shaky. he wasn't angry at her persay, he was more angry at mikey than anything. ever since y/n got her job at the beef, carmy had started working so much harder in front of mikey in hopes that he'd hire him too. he'd get to work with his best, and only, friend and maybe, if he practiced hard enough, mikey would let him prep sometimes. but none of it had mattered. mikey was going to let y/n work at the restaurant and let y/n prep and leave nothing for his own brother.

"i mean i'm not exactly happy," carmy mumbled through his hands.

y/n stood behind him, playing with her fingers. she was kind of unsure of what to say. she would offer to quit to save their friendship, but she didn't really want to. she really liked working the beef and after today, there was a hope deep inside her that mikey would let her take on bigger duties.

"i could talk to mikey again, if you want. you know, to see if he'll reconsider hiring you."

carmy groaned. i wasn't really about having the job anymore. it was more about mikey trusting her more than he trusted him. he spun around quickly, his arms falling back to his sides. "i don't even know why you took that job in the first place."

she was taken aback and she scoffed, almost as a reflex. "what? you said you were fine with it!" "well obviously i'm not!" he yelled at her. he yelled. carmy had always been soft spoken and shy. it was only recently that he started talking back to his mom and, apparently, yelling at his best friend.

y/n just stared at him. "well, i don't know what you want me to do about it now."

"quit."

her eyes widened and her stomach dropped. she could feel that he was going to say that, but hearing it out loud was much different. "what?"

he stepped closer to her and she could see the anger in his face. his eyes were filled with tears, though. the anger on his face a direct contrast to the sadness that filled his eyes. "i want you to quit."

y/n lowered her head under his gaze. she was never one to shy away from carmy but you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. and she almost gave in. she almost told him yes and that she would quit in order to make his pain go away. but she couldn't. she loved that job. she loved the way the kitchen smelled while everyone was prepping and she loved the soft sound of mikey's radio ringing out from back of house. she couldn't give that up. even if it meant breaking the heart of her best friend.

"i can't," she whispered.

carmy's stomach churned and for a second he thought he was going to throw up. he knew she was going to say no. and he felt awful for the thoughts clouding his mind. the ultimatum left his mouth before he had thought enough about it to stop it.

"i-if you keep working at the beef, i don't.. i don't think we can be friends."

if she wasn't on the verge of tears before, she is now. she tried to blink away the tears clouding her vision but they just rolled down her cheeks. what was she supposed to say? carmy was her best, and only, close friend. she had other friends, sure. but none of them understood or knew her the way that carmy did. they had been best friends since birth, thanks to their older brothers. but she couldn't quit her job at the beef, she knew that. and as much as he didn't want to admit it, carmy knew it too.

"that's… really selfish, carmen."

he knew that. he knew that before the words had even formed in his brain. but hearing her call him selfish coupled with the fact that she called him carmen, something she never did, ignited something in him. a rage that he had never felt before and he didn't even know if it was directed at her.

"i think choosing a fucking job over your friendship with me is even more selfish!"

she scoffed, the tears drying almost immediately. "i don't understand why you're so mad at me! you said you were fine with me working at the beef!"

"that's just not something you do, y/n! i've wanted that job years longer than you! you just wanted to work there because don't have any hobbies other than fucking following me around!"

ok. ouch.

"i like my job at the beef so much because it gives me chance to get the fuck away from you!" she didn't mean it, but she needed to find something to say that would hurt him as much as he hurt her. "i get that you don't have any other fucking friends but god! asking me to quit my job because you don't like that i'm spending time away from you is pathetic."

he was taken aback. that hurt. fighting with someone who knows you better than anyone else is a risky move. they both knew exactly what to say that would hurt each other the most.

y/n grabs her keys that she threw on carmy's bed and turned to fling open the door.

carmy scoffed. "i don't know who the fuck you are anymore."

"not your best friend, apparently." and with that, she slammed his bedroom door.

and she was right. after being no contact for nine year and two moves to new york later, they both have new best friends. until mikey died and they both move back to chicago, only to find that the beef was left to two people. the names on the operating agreement? y/n jerimovich and carmen berzatto.

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