#Railway Series Rubbishposting
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Hey guys
You know those shots of the boards with the engines' names on them next to their buffers that the model series uses to introduce characters?
Now imagining those boards with pet-shaming style captions on them instead. With the engine looking disheveled from their latest misadventure, and usually very annoyed.
"I ignore 'DANGER' signs."
"I tried to jam the turntable and got stuck in a ditch."
"I went sleepwalking and backed through the shed wall."
"I eat inspectors' hats and choke on them."
"I picked a fight with a steamroller."
"We convinced the Works to give us multi-tone horns and then RICKROLLED Paddington Station."
"I'm afraid of trees."
"I told a ghost story and now the twins won't leave the shed."
"I blocked a level crossing for 45 minutes."
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If I ever see any of you in public, the code is "I like your bootlaces"
That way we know we're from the TTTE fandom without revealing anything
Remember, the answer is: "Thanks, I used them to mend a hole in a coach's brake pipe."
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If all the other fandoms have Poor Little Meow Meows, I think we should just start calling James a Poor Little Choo Choo whenever he fucks up.
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The Turntable
One evening, the engines returned to Tidmouth Sheds after a long day of work, only to find that there was a notice board on the turntable that read: “Out Of Order. Do Not Use.” Soon everyone was gathered around the turntable, grumbling.
“So,” Gordon looked solemnly at the other engines. “Who broke it?”
There was a long silence. The engines glanced nervously at each other.
“I’m not cross,” Gordon added grandly. “I just want to know.”
Edward sighed. “I did. I broke it.”
“No, no you didn’t,” interrupted Gordon. “Thomas?”
“Don’t look at me,” said Thomas. “Look at Duck.”
“What?” said a confused-looking Duck. “I didn’t break it.”
Thomas grinned cheekily. “Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?”
“Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken,” Duck explained irritably.
“Suspicious.”
“No, it’s not!”
“If it matters,” put in James, “Probably not, but: Bear was the last one to use it.”
“You liar!” Bear spluttered indignantly. “I don’t even use turntables!”
“Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the one in Vicarstown earlier?”
“The fuel pump is right next to the turntable, everyone knows that, James!”
“Okay, okay, let’s not fight, I broke it, I’ll fetch the Fat Controller, Gordon,” offered Edward.
“No!” Gordon whistled and hissed steam loudly. “Who broke it?”
There was another long silence.
“Gordon?” Percy crept up beside him and said softly: “Henry’s been awfully quiet.”
But Henry heard him, and it made him crosser than ever. “Really?” he snorted.
“Yes, really,” said Percy.
“Oh my Go -”
“If you don’t use the turntable you aren’t affected by it being broken, therefore you have all the motive-”
“Why would I break your turntable and have to hear you complain all night?”
“This isn’t solving anything, arguing isn’t going to get it fixed -”
“It was probably one of you tank engines, you’re always so careless -”
“Well, your heavy tender probably overbalances it all the time so the motor works harder!”
“On the Great Western Railway, no self-respecting engine would ever -”
The yard soon descended into chaos. Everyone was arguing, and whistling and wheeshing angrily. No one noticed Gordon slip away with a knowing smile.
“I broke it,” he later confessed to the BBC crew who were filming a programme about the railway. “Some trucks bumped me, so I pushed them into the turntable well.” He glanced back toward the sheds, where distant grumbling could still be heard. “I predict ten minutes from now they’ll be bumping and shoving each other all around the yard with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a lamp iron.” Gordon chuckled. “Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.”
#shitpost#Railway Series Fandom#Railway Series Rubbishposting#Parks and Rec#who broke it#meme#Who Broke It but written in RWS style hopefully#crack fic#my writing#ish#TTTE fandom
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WAIT STOP THATS TOO MUCH FUCK
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Rejected Thomas the Tank Engine Episode Plot #491: Gordon gets ordained by the Universal Life Church and starts officiating weddings. The Fat Controller eventually puts a stop to it after it's discovered that Gordon has no idea how marriage works and thinks he can just declare random people / vehicles to be married, sometimes without their knowledge. This is discovered after Bill convinces him to marry Duck and Diesel for a TikTok: both the newlyweds are furious when they start getting congratulated by the other engines, but don't realize that Gordon can't actually do that. After sorting out the mess, The Fat Controller returns to his office, where he is served with divorce papers from some random goods van.
#shitpost#TTTE Fandom#Railway Series Fandom#Railway Series Rubbishposting#crack fic#Ben is doing a completely different dumb prank offscreen
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"Witness me!" shouted Thomas as he ploughed through the buffers and into a warehouse. There was a tremendous crash. Mortar and plaster flew everywhere!
"Pah! Mediocre!" grunted Gordon from a nearby siding.
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