#OH SHIT IS THIS ABOUT OLT | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wander-wren · 3 months

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Are you taking a break from writing? No hate or anything, just wanted to check in 💛

not really! i've just been in, to be frank, a pretty bad place mentally. i haven't written a thing since the last fic i posted, which was....8 days ago? which is super unusual for me, i usually write every day or near to it, i've just been laying around like a salted slug for a few weeks. it sucks. i'm not gonna go into detail but we shall say my life kind of imploded in the back half of december/front half of january and i have yet to start picking up the pieces. which i'm very fortunate to even be able to take that time, of course, but it's still not fun.

butttttttt i do have a doc open right now as i try to bang something out. how well that is going is debatable, seeing as i am also currently on tumblr, but i will do my best. and hopefully if i can make progress today it will unstick some other gears and i can get back into writing and all the rest of it!

thanks for checking in, though <3

#a little birdie asked me #kiyoomisthings #i swear that username sounds familiar from like kudos or comments but i cant immediately place where #so if this is about a specific fic/series! ahhh!#OH SHIT IS THIS ABOUT OLT #shit #on the off chance this is ummmmmm i was still having a really bad time on mon-tues which is when i post. so i. didnt do that #i have literally just dragged myself to my puter for the first time in like two weeks so maybe i'll update it but not now bc i dont want to #get distracted from my writing endeavors #but OLT is also 100% fully written i'm just doing final edits as i go #so thats least in danger of being like abandoned/forgotten #I'm A Professional Trust Me. I Know What I'm Doing. I'm Very Fine And Normal #<333333

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hareofhrair · 1 year

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In that one ask about getting into trouble u mentioned shafan kinda steering clear from purple bloods. Have they ever had an encounter or experience with one? How did it go?

HH: =oh i've had run ins with m=ore'n a few cl=owns, n=one of em pleasant.

HH: best =one was a sweep =or s=o back. i was cruisin this lil shindig a friend =of a friend was thr=owin

HH: m=ost everyb=ody there was a rusty, but tha thing ab=out thr=owin a g=o=od party is

HH: cl=owns will just sh=ow up

HH: they just manifest there =or s=omethin s=o=on as things really kick off

HH: like the way bleatbeasts just show up at metal c=oncerts

HH: anyway everyb=ody kn=ows y=ou thr=ow a big en=ough party yer runnin tha risk a cl=owns deciding ta crash it

HH: but generally speakin cl=owns aint subtle and when they sh=ow up ya kn=ow what's happenin

HH: s=o i'm at this party and havin a real g=o=od time

HH: maybe a lil drunker than I =ought ta be

HH: when i sp=ot this Big B=oy lurkin in a c=orner b=o=oth

HH: and yall kn=ow i like em big

HH: s=o i slide in and intr=oduce myself

HH: i feel it's imp=ortant ta menti=on here that the lightin in this place was n=ot s=o g=o=od

HH: and als=o my eyesight leaves a lil s=omethin ta be desired

HH: by which i mean im blind as tha pr=overbial flyin squeakbeast

HH: s=o between that and bein pretty sl=oshed i d=ont n=otice anythin suspici=ous ab=out this gentleman

HH: i start talkin ta tha fella, and he's a bit quiet, aint sayin much

HH: but that's fine i can run my m=outh en=ough fer tha b=oth a us, and i d=o

HH: lil while later, i get ta askin him if he w=ouldn't like ta walk me h=ome, if ya gather my meanin

HH: he says that s=ounds like fun, and we slip =out tha back a tha j=oint

HH: i'm hangin =off his arm, havin tr=ouble walkin straight, when I l=o=ok up an get my first g=o=od gander at tha guy under a streetlight

HH: and i see greasepaint, and a big =ole grin

HH: that'll s=ober a fella up p=owerful fast let me tell ya

HH: n=ow i mighta just g=one al=ong with tha guy and b=olted at tha first good excuse

HH: but apparently i was t=o=o drunk ta manage my facial expressi=ons, cus he sees h=ow i'm l=o=okin at him and his smile if anythin just gets wider.

HH: finally n=oticed, did ya? he says. that mean i cain't walk ya h=ome n=o m=ore? =oh well, tha =other way w=oulda been m=ore fun, but we can still have a g=o=od time.

HH: and he drags me =off int=o an alley and pulls o=ut a club, ready ta splatter me acr=oss tha pavement like a p=opped water bal=o=on

HH: but i tend ta babble when i'm scared, and all =of a sudden i say

HH: hell nah, y'all can't kill me like this, it ain't even funny!

HH: where's tha w=ordplay? tha creativity?

HH: yer just g=onna smash me with a club in an alleyway?

HH: where's tha fuckin craftsmanship? where's tha art?

HH: and that actually makes him st=op fer a minute

HH: and he just l=o=oks at me fer a bit, an then he says

HH: kn=ow what, yer right. Culls =ought ta be gl=ori=ous in tha sight a tha messiahs =or s=ome shit

HH: and i say hey ya kn=ow what w=ould be funny

HH: im a real fast runner, faster'n hell

HH: and there's a train what comes thr=ough here right at sunrise

HH: let's say y=ou challenge me t=o a race with tha train

HH: and if I beat it, y=ou let me g=o

HH: he starts sayin nah i aint just lettin y=ou run =off i aint that dumb

HH: and i say =o c=ourse, that's the funniest part

HH: bef=ore tha train c=omes, ya tie my feet t=o tha tracks!

HH: he says h=ot damn yer right that is fuckin funny

HH: gets right giggly imaginin me tryin ta run and gettin flattened like an old penny

HH: so we head =on =over t=o tha train tracks

HH: and i say wait h=old =on, we need s=ome supplies first

HH: supplies, he says?

HH: i say yeah well, we need r=ope =obvi=ously, and an umbrella

HH: he says, an umbrella?

HH: i say =o c=ourse an umbrella, i t=old ya tha train c=omes right at sunrise. ya d=ont want ta be standin there burnin in tha sun iffin tha train is late, d=o ya?

HH: and he says yer right yer right i d=ont care fer sunburns

HH: s=o he gets s=ome r=ope and a big black umbrella and we get =on tha tracks and he start's tyin my feet t=o tha tracks, but he's kinda strugglin because he's h=oldin tha umbrella at tha same time

HH: and i say hang o=n, ya can't tie it like that, it's g=onna slip right o=ff. here, let me sh=ow ya, i learned s=ome sailin kn=ots fr=om a c=obalt that never c=ome l=o=ose

HH: So i start sh=owin him h=ow ta d=o it, but he ain't gettin it, s=o i say here, i'll tie my =own feet, and y=ou watch and practice =on your =own feet.

HH: s=o he starts tyin his =own feet ta tha tracks, but he's still fumblin =on acc=ount =of h=oldin tha umbrella, s=o i say, ya need b=oth hands, here let me h=old that f=or ya

HH: and he says thanks and hands me the umbrella and g=oes back ta tyin his feet ta tha tracks.

HH: n=ow =of c=ourse ab=out that time tha sun starts ta c=ome up, and right =on time the train whistle s=ounds in tha distance

HH: and tha cl=own l=o=oks up

HH: by which p=oint i'm already ab=out half a bl=ock away, runnin like hell itself is =on my heels, with the umbrella ta b=o=ot

HH: but i was still cl=ose en=ough ta hear that m=otherfucker laughin, laughin like ta bust a gut, right up till tha n=oise a tha train dr=owned him =out

#mun's art #asks #shafan nishal #homestuck #fantroll

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haptureratch · 6 years

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Today has been a day of magic.

I woke feeling very tired, having worked four of the last five days. (Including the shift where I stayed until after 10pm to watch the OLT after setting up CRRT and handing off to Gian.) Still, off to FIT I went because we must keep going. Sean worked my calves and glutes hard. Harder than I would have pushed myself, of course. There was a moment where I could have thrown up. All the blood being pulled from my gut to feed the lower half of my body, much more than half of all my muscle combined. (Just like my patient from the other day....except she had a calcified SMA and much more excruciating GI problems.) Knowing that leg day would stress my system more and leave me very sweaty, I brought clothes to change into so I could get to the library straight from the gym. Forgot a bra. Dammit. I ran over to TJMaxx just around the corner and found what is actually a really nice bra that fits well....score. Anyway, new bra on and protein smoothie (from my gym) in hand, I make my way to my community service obligation. Again, very tired. Extremely worn. Cannot hide it from my face. Really wanted to just eat a good meal and sleep. But I went because we must keep going. I got absorbed in my work for 3 hours. The last passed not too slowly. I got to enjoy a few moments of the empty, ecstatically quiet library while the doors were still closed to the public and the staff was in a meeting in their break room. And apparently I’ve been finding an exponentially greater number of books, etc. on their missing list than they ever do. “A lot of those were on hold for customers.” I savored the knowledge that I was helping people outside of the hospital. 2pm. Done. Time for solid food. Man am I tired....

I decide to finally see what Central Market was all about. It was a fucking madhouse. 3/10, would recommend for the aesthetic. Can get just as good pre-made protein for much less elsewhere but their salads looked good as hell. I get me a wad of a turkey pesto sandwich with red peppers on sourdough, some of the damn su’sh I’d been craving, and some cinnamon raisin oatmeal bites I’ve had in our breakroom before or at Mohammad’s or something. So good. I snap a pic of a BEAUTIFUL collection of big blooming roses*. They even had a faint scent. Store flowers never do these days. Or maybe they never did. Okay, okay, time to go now. Gotta get back and get on all this studying now that we’re to my days off....

I get home. I had a thought of “we’re on the right track” or “we’re balanced and we keep persevering” something like that. I was weary but dutiful. This is my life. I have to do this all so that I can prove I am good enough for med school my next go around.

I do my dishes, which had been sitting in the sink uncomfortably long. So, so tired. I’ll relax in a bath for an hour and then get into studying. I debate which CBD bath bomb to try. I was contemplating strength of the product and scent mixtures with my Lush stash. I decided on a 100mg Powermint from Bath By Bex with half a Bling Crosby. I almost didn’t choose that special combo.

In the bath I am analyzing my body’s reaction to the CBD, trying to tell if my first time was just placebo effect. Yeah, it’s doing something. (Maybe more placebo.) I had my book--The Art of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo--on the rug and was intending to finish the last 30 pages. But I picked up my phone. Checked the notifications. Refreshed my email. Another from Theresa Silva. I’m accepted to UTMB.

I cry. My throat tightens. I choke. I hyperventilate. I LOSE MY FUCKING SHIT, OK. Middle fingers to everyone who didn’t support me. Bliss to me. I did it.

I called Mom. Then Dad. Dad was so giddy about it. I could hear him smiling through the phone; he may even have had a few tears in his eyes. Mom was more professional about it, but she was in clinic. (As she was hanging up the phone I could hear her start to say, “My daughter....” Surprised, happy tone.)

I had believed so strongly since I didn’t get match that I was going to go through the whole thing again. MCAT, essays, application, dogging people for letters, figuring out how to answer questions in the right way, interviews all over the country this time. Another year older. It’ll be okay. This is another year of money in the bank. Another year of dayshift experience and seeing how the attendings round on patients. But those damn residents were getting to me. So much doubt, not so much in myself but in the path I wanted. I think that hurt more than the self-doubt did. It took away my reason for living. But we must keep going. And I’ll try one more time even though I’m losing soul-steam for this. Maybe I can have adventures in the PNW as a travel nurse until I settle for CRNA or AGACNP.

It wasn’t until I was listening to Fall Out Boy that it sank in and I started believing it. If I can live through this, I can do anything. FUCK YEAH. Cloud 9 starting pouring through me as I stepped outside to run some errands to “Youth” by Glass Animals. Sunshine and smiles.

Fly Feel your mother at your side Don't you know you got my eyes I'll make you fly You'll be happy all the time I know you can make it right

I felt complete. I’m a future doctor. I walked around knowing that I have begun the rest of my life. The pieces fit. The only things that will change are my age and expertise. I am who I want to be and I will do what I want to do. I am made for this and I am actualizing my destiny. I am beginning what I have wanted to start for so long. This thing I have been wishing and working so hard for is now mine. I am me.

Later I realized that bubble bar had the note I sent to myself about med school. I had forgotten about it when I ran the bath. Oh, the magic. And at Lush? (Of course I flipping ended up at Lush.) They gave me Rosie*. (ASIDE FROM BEING INCREDIBLY SWEET AND KIND AND GENEROUS AND AMAZING) So meta. So fucking meta. The stars align, folks.

I was always looking for all of this connection and symbolism in a relationship. A magical, ethereal soulmate. Nah. It’s me. It’s in me. It’s all me.

#RETURN OF THE MAC (meaning my giant long diary posts)#Dr. Elias 2022 #when she wrote

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