#Now I'd understand why his dad is gonna K word him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

atinysunbaby · 3 years

Text

Meant to be | Choi San 🖤

Warnings : Cursing, violence, mention of rape.

Words count : 2.2 k

Previous 《 Prologue

Masterlist

Chapter 1

Present

My cheeks are burning from the salty tears escaping my eyes. A tightening feeling in my chest growing by the minute. The sobs keep escaping me, making my body move uncontrollably. Chocking from the sharp inhales and shaking from the cold temperature. This moment, forever will be imprinted in my mind. Those images I wish I could forget, unfortunately will hunt me till my last breath.

I suppose it's what most people feel too when they lose their parents. I wanted to deny it, but I saw their bodies. They were cold, bruised, bloody and no longer held any signs of life.

The last time a saw them, I didn't bother much to say goodbye to them. Only telling them to enjoy their little vacation in the woods. I was more exited about being alone then making them know how much I loved them. Now it's too late, I'll never be able to see their faces again, hear their voices, feel their arms around me when I need them the most.

I woke up to my cellphone ringing this morning, answering grumpily, thinking it was my mom who disturbed me from my sleep. It was actually the cops telling me to come to the hospital, but I wish it would've been her instead. I wish she could annoy me every morning now, but it's over. She isn't here anymore and neither is my dad.

I'm in my room, at this moment, crying my heart out. I ran out of the hospital immediately after seeing their corpses. They wanted me to identifie them, but I left with people screaming for me to comeback. I guess they probably know from my reaction, that it was indeed my mom and dad.

People keep calling me on my phone, but I don't answer. I'm laying on the floor, looking at the ceiling, waiting for my sadness to subside. I know that won't happen anytime soon, but it's the only way for me to calm down. Being surrounded by people telling me how sorry they are for my loss. A bunch of fake assholes making me feel even worse about the situation definitely won't make anything better.

Slowly my eyes get heavy, I try to fight the exhaustion but fail miserably. I fall asleep on the cold floor of my room, my window open and the sound of rain filling my ears. All of this crying definitely used up a lot of my energy.

The car crash, I wasn't there and I have no idea of what happened. But I see it, something is in the middle of the road and dad just told mom a joke. They're laughing.. until they hit that thing, an animal maybe. It goes right through the window and kill my dad instantly, but as for my mom. The car rolls off the road and fall down a small cliff. Mom's still alive, she's in pain, blood everywhere, she's crying for her husband to open his eyes and answer her. She keeps screaming that she can't feel him anymore? His presence? Her breathing is getting worse the more she panics. Suddenly the door on her side opens and something stabs her in the chest, putting a end to her desperate cries. Blood is streaming down her chin, her eyes looking directly through mine while she takes her last breath.

I open my eyes to see nothing but darkness. I frantically search for a sign of light, I reach around with my hands. My eyes are open wide and my breath shaky, until my fingers brush against an object. I stop every movement, slowly gripping it and letting a breath of relieve when I realise it's my phone.

I turn it on to see a ton of messages and missed calls. One standing out, my aunts name, my mom's sister. I never talked to her, but mom insisted on giving me her number. I look around my room and stand up to look outside the window, only to notice that it's night time. The reason of the darkness and freezing temperature. I close it and turn the lights on in my room. Then I sit on the corner of my bed and hesitate a few minutes while looking at the screen in front of me. My fingers finaly press on call. A few rings later, Aunt Kath's voice is heard. "Y/N! Y/N is it you?"

"Yes it's me.. why did you cal-" I'm cut off by a loud sob. My eyes widen in confusion, but I soon remember that my mom, her sister is no longer a part of this world. I sigh and wait for her to stop crying on the other side of the line. "S-sweetie- where are you? Are you safe? You're not alone ar-"

"Kath, my parents just died. I'm obviously not partying right now, but I'm okay.. I guess.." She stays silent for the next few seconds, my blunt answer probably wasn't expected, but it's understandable. "Sweetheart-I uhh.. you have no one to stay with right? So.. your mom made me your godmother, i-in case anything happened to her.. will you come live w-with me, here in Korea?"

It takes some time to process what just came out of her mouth, my eyebrows are furrowed. Many feelings are fighting to take control of my body, but the one that wins is frustration. "W-what?.."

"She told me to take care of you if she wasn't there anymore... It was just a precaution, but I guess it really happened." She says with a small voice, trying not to upset me further. Judging from my lack of response, she can tell I'm not that excited about this new information. "I asked you, but it ins't really a choice that you have. It's an obligation, you can't stay alone out ther-"

I hang up, not wanting to listen even for one more second. I need some time to think about it. She's right, I don't have much of a choice. I turned seventeen not too long ago and I don't have any family member here. At least none that I know of. I sigh defeated, once again pressing on my godmother's contact.

She picks up not even a second later, as if she knew I was gonna call her back. She doesn't say a word, waiting for me to start talking. I clear my throat after freeing my lower lip from my teeth. "How will I get there? How about my clothes and everything else in the house? My parents' funera-"

"I'll take care of everything you don't have to worry, just bring the necessary and I'll transfer some money on your account so you can pay for your plane ticket. As for the ride to my house, my boyfriend will pick you up" She spend a whole hour explaining to me how everything will go and I agree after hesitating for a while. If my mom gave Kath the role of godmother, she must trust her. So I will trust her too, anyways I don't really have a reason not to. She's been nice till now and she'll even welcome me in her house, she's taking me in. "Thank you Kath, I really appreciate it. I don't know what I would've done if I was all alone."

Days later

I prepared all my stuff, ready to fly to Korea. It took me a while to accept, but eventually I warmed up to it. It's an opportunity for me, to start over. A new life full of adventure, new environment and culture. I want to explore the world so why not start there.

Unfortunately though, I had to say goodbye to all my friends. We cried and spend the last few days together. We promised to text each other everyday and not to forget about one another. Sad thing is, my friends aren't the only ones I need to leave behind. It's hard to leave the place I grew up in, my house, my neighbourhood, my city, everything.

In a few hours, everything I ever knew will all be in the past. Only the memories will stay, the rest, all gone. So the day my parents died, I didn't only lose them, but my life too. The life they gave me. Now, I have to make a new one, by myself.

Landing in Korea

The flight was boring and quite annoying, I didn't know what to do. A baby cried for what felt like years and a couple had an argument at some point. Then the person next to me started to snore so loudly I thought the plane was crashing. I'm glad to finaly be on the ground, the loud voices of people speaking indistinctly seeming to sooth me from what I went through previously.

I sit on one of the chairs in the airport waiting for James, my godmother's boyfriend. He'll drive me to their house, apparently Kath arranged a room for me already. She doesn't have any kid, so she's looking forward to having me over.

"Y/N!!" I jump from the chair almost falling on my ass. I luckily manage to stay on my two feet and not make a fool of myself. Upon hearing a chuckle, I turn around and see an old looking dude smirking at me, maybe in his late forties. "Umm.. Hi can I help you?"

"James, I came to pick you up remember?" He asks while pointing at himself. I'm still unsure, he's looking at me weirdly. I can feel an odd vibe from him. It makes me feel uncomfortable, but I push it aside and nod before following him.

We enter his rusty jeep, the doors creaking when moving. Despite the outside looking a bit ugly, the inside is clean. The only negative point would be the smell, cigarette and..alcohol? Paying a bit more attention to the smell though, it doesn't only come from the jeep. The man next to me is even worst, it seems that he might shower rarely. Subtly, I bring my sweater paws to my nose, looking outside to distract myself.

"So, Y/N! How you holding up?" His loud and deep raspy voice makes me jump for the second time. I turn a bit a towards him not to be impolite and think before answering him. "I guess it's a bit easier then I expected. I didn't think that I'd feel any better, but after a few days it prove me wrong. But I feel bad, to already move on.."

He hums next to me, nodding his head lazily. I wait for him to add something, but the car is filled with silence. I'm relieved he doesn't speak further, not really being in the mood to have a whole conversation, especially with someone I don't know. So, slowly I turn back around towards the window. My mind drifting to the events that happened in just a few weeks, everything is so fucked up. Fortunately, Kath and James decided to help me.

About an hour past since we came out of the airport. We just entered a forrest, James informed me that it'll take a while still. He insisted that I should go to sleep and when I'll wake up, we'll be home. I ponder for some time, but eventually agree. It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep due to not being able to get much sleep in the plane.

I wake up when the car come to an halt, a man's voice coming from next to me. Curses escaping his mouth, confused I open my eyes. The events from the previous hours coming back to me, tears threatening to escape my eyes. My body shaking slightly from fear, uncontrollably.

The ride was a lot longer then what James had told me it would be and I slept, only to be woken up by a hand covering my mouth. Horrible things happened in that car and it wasn't a nightmare, no mather how much I wish it was one. He said he would tell Kath it took us some time because of the traffic and the airport. Then he threatened to kill me if I open my mouth.

I can't let him see me crying, I don't want him to have another reason to hurt me. Despite being terrified and completely drained from energy, I swallow the bill in my throat and wipe the tears from my eyes. While I'm breaking down, next to me James is whistling and turning the car off. Announcing with a loud scream to Kath that we arrived.

"Omg! Y/N! Sweetie you really are here." Kath comes out of the house shouting happily, her arms open, waiting for me to give her a hug. I rush to open the door, but a hand grabs my arm. His nails dig in my skin and I whimper, both from fear and pain. "Remember. You talk, you die."

He puts my bag in my hand, pretending to be helping me. Finally I escape the horrible vehicle and run into my godmother's arms with a heavy heart. The second she engulfs me in her warmth, sobs spill from deep within me. She cries with me but not for the same reason. She cries because she lost her sister and now I'm here. I, cry because I've lost my parents, I lost my house, my friends. Because I've been raped less then an hour ago. Because I feel completely broken and hopeless. The new life I wanted for myself, only starts with even more problems then I had before.

Next 》 Chapter 2

#ateez #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfic #san fanfic #werewolf au #atiny #park seonghwa #kim hongjoong #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho

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kineticallyanywhere · 4 years

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I'd love to hear those fusion thots :eyes: the pacific rim ones were V good

If you’ve been around this house for a hot minute you might know that fusion aus are My Entire Jam Garden so you might imagine I’ve already put some thought into this and you would imagine right. The following was brainstormed in consort with @aryashi my second brain.

The basis for this au is that fusion is possible in the forgotten realms and is just a thing people there can do. This also applies to sudden interdimensional travelers.

tl;dr I wrote basically a one-shot’s worth of words down there but in short fusion is rad but also there's an unexpected amount of drama. which is basically a summary of the podcast but replace "fusion" with "fatherhood"

(preface: fusion is not a sex metaphor, just like pacific rim. Platonic fusion is normal. Familial fusion is normal. Okay, continue.)

First inter-dad fusion: “I silence his dumb ass with a kiss” except its “I silence his dumb ass by accidentally fusing our bodies and consiousnesses into a single being w h o o p s”

I like to name fusions as something other than their romantic ship name so let’s call him… o h yeah we named all of Henry’s fusions after animals. So this guy is Hare (like Darryl). Hare is pretty stable from the outside, but their internal dialogues clash really hard so they're incredibly slow to make decisions.

Internally, Henry feels like he's crossed Darryls boundaries. They have to hold it, but he lets Darryl take the wheel and all similar mistakes are made. They make it through the thing with the Lance before unfusing. Darryl has no idea what that was and already has a lot of intimacy issues, so he’s not particularly inclined to try that again for funsies. Henry is curious, but there’s a buried part of him that’s making him deeply unsettled by the whole experience. He can barely have a straight thought about it, much less articulate the feeling, so he doesn’t try. He lets it go.

First sons fusion: When the Lord of Chaos throws back his robe, yelling “Dad! !” it’s a GIANT Lark&Sparrow. They’re like trying to fuse two rubies together, you just get a bigger ruby. This changes a bit later, when the twins start to diverge from each other vis a vis Love Wolfism, but basically the Lord of Chaos is an Oak Twin the size of their dad. But still looks 12. It probably actually takes the Love Wolf speech from Henry and their divergent reactions to get them to unfuse.

Second inter-dad fusion: That other time Henry and Darryl smooched while high on drug flowers. It was very unpleasant, they don’t talk about it, they don’t try that again for a while.

They get a book on fusions from the Library that reads almost like a birds and the bees talk and there is minor culture-shock panicking about whether fusion is Like That, but something in Henry is telling him “No. It’s not Like That.” He doesn’t really know why he’s so solid in that belief. He understands that fusion is unique and powerful and a wonderful thing, but something about doing it is just… getting under his skin.

Third inter-dad fusion: Glenn and Ron. I’m not even sure the exact context or anything. Maybe they were just vibin’. All I really know is that I imagine these two occasionally fuse for the weirdest things, like

Fourth inter-dad fusion: also Glon, fishing magic items out of a giant toilet. They needed to be taller.

Glon is… gosh, what the heck is Glon. Performative out the ass, for sure. Down for basically anything. Allowed to wear bootie shorts.

Back up a hot minute though, because first dad-son fusion: almost happens on the Tower of Terry. It comes so close. They’re in that hug, and Ron thinks maybe if they fuse, the magic won’t take TJ. Or even if it takes them both, that’s better than TJ getting taken alone. They don’t have to say “I’m sorry” or “I love you, son” out loud, but before it really takes, Terry gets ripped away. Because Willy can’t have that, can he?

Fifth inter-dad fusion: is Glon again, but the circumstances are way different because Ron just saw the mummy of his wife and Glenn is trying to help him breeze past it and it works until it doesn’t and they fall apart with Ron a crying mess.

Sixth inter-dad fusion buckle up because we’ve reached Ravenloft. Before dad-fusion 6, Henry gets caught in his dad’s claws. He feels something very familiar and rejects it with everything he has, and escapes to grab Glenn. Then he gets hit by Calm Emotions, Glenn reaches up, trying not to fall, and Henry is already super chill about everything all of a sudden, so when Glenn tries to fuse out of panic, Henry goes for it.

Gila—Henry and Glenn—can do actual bard magic. They’re like Opal, in that a single moment of disconnect is enough to snap them apart and finding that disconnect is not difficult. But when the situation is saving their kids and telling their asshole dads to get lost, that’s plenty enough connection to cast an actual magic-ass thunderwave with a guitar and maybe a bit more.

(Barry didn’t like that.)

So another fun thing about adding this factor to cannon is that this lets the dads have glimpses inside each other’s heads. So certain conversations could change a little bit. For example, in the van while they’re driving away from the Ravenloft fight and Henry’s explaining a few things.

Henry: I don't have a lot of memories from that time in my life— Glenn: Not a lot? Try "not any.” Henry: Glenn— Glenn: Dude, none of my business, but your brain was weird. Henry: Glenn. Glenn: Like did the government get to you when you showed up on earth or— Henry: Glenn what the fff—rick are you even saying just shut up Darryl: …

Darryl had noticed, too, but Glenn has other fusion experience to compare with. Henry could catch glimpses and imprints and trains of thought which ground in different points of Darryl/Glenn’s entire life, and Glenn and Ron can do that equally with each other. But a bunch of things for Henry, if you try to backtrack to where the decision comes from it just. Stops. Especially with using magic, which Glenn got to do. And Henry’s thoughts on fusion end dead hard.

(filtering all of this through Freddie’s headcanon that Glenn always figured Henry was from Faerun but was just wildly wrong about all the details is so much fun)

This is the part in the fic series where there’s a one-shot about Henry having a panic attack just outside of the camp at night, and the most he can explain is just that something about seeing his dad again set him off.

And then we get to a lighter turn for first dad-son fusion but for realsies this time: Ron Stampler nat 20s to hug his son and then also is the son. And that dad. And dads are supposed to be inside to do a ritual for a demon cow.

RJ is the sweetest dude. Also if you don’t sit on him he will wander off and do the most extreme version of the first thing that comes to his mind for a problem solution or release from boredom. And he will not tell you about it in advance, so seriously. Sit on him.

So they stand there for a second like "yes... Yes. Yes... Okay. Im... I'm the dad. But I'm the kid? But im. The dad. And all the other dads are also the kid so... Dad... Trumps kid status. And I'm the dad... Cool." and they go in to help with the demon cow.

The kids are flipping out outside.

Henry spots them and drops the cage, almost like he’s Garnet and just spotted Stevonnie. While all the other dad’s are freaking out/fawning/curious, Glenn lifts their glasses and theres four eyes and he drops the glasses and never mentions this again.

Rj: hi um. I'm a dad.... Yeah. So I'm here tooooooo frickin kill a demon cow let's do this Rj: got the good dad vibes comin out of my butt

For realsies though Terry should be outside, so they unfuse for the cow thing and the bbq but then Dennis happens.

Second dad-son fusion: Dennis: are you sure you've got this? Ron: i can do it TJ: he can DO it dad GIVE ME YOUR HAND

RJ’s an arcane trickster and it’s real cool and Dennis looks so jealous ha ha ha and also they separate after the fight and suddenly Terry’s unsettled and needs to talk to Ron for a second because “Hey Dad is Dennis not real????????”

Third dad-son fusion: is way less eventful, but who the heck can say no to more reasons to cry about the Wilsons at the tail end of the Supper Bowl arc?

Fusion is not a replacement for talking, but it is a bit smoother in communicating emotions. It doesn’t happen until the end of their talk, when Darryl’s got his arm around Grant. I don’t think either of them are super attached to this whole fusion thing, (If Grant is, it certainly wasn’t his dad he’d been thinking about trying it with. Maybe one of the other kids… “maybe Terry.”) so they may not even pick a name. Henry certainly cries at least twice as hard, but when they want to just get something to eat and maybe just hang out for a while, nobody pushes.

I think the most important part of this is that it gives Grant a kind of… emotional break. Lets him feel something nice again— like he does in the show, too, but in a way that’s a bit more stable while it lasts. Like the feeling when you’re a kid on a long car ride with your parents, one that ends in getting home late and you’ve fallen asleep and they carry you out of the car.

Good things for Grant Wilson for til forever.

Somewhere in that arc, though, Glenn approaches Henry by themselves. Glenn’s not really a feelings guy, but whatever’s going on in Henry’s head is a problem. It’s a one-up the o-dads have on them, and they can’t afford that right now.

Glenn: so you like... Really don't hardly remember being a kid? Henry: Glenn, I don't want to talk about it Glenn: I bet your dad's gonna wanna talk about it Henry: well... i don't care what he wants Glenn:... You seriously don't know how you got to earth? Henry: [exasperated] the frick are you-- I got to earth like anyone else, Glenn. You know where babies come from, right? Glenn: of course i fucking know where babies come from. A mommy and a daddy love each other very much and then their kid runs away so hard he skips dimensions Henry: wh-- wait you-- do you think I'm an alien? Glenn: obviously Henry: Glenn that's-- [sighs, rubs his face] Glenn this isn't the kind of time for your conspiracies Glenn: hey as far as I'm concerned, a man who sleeps with an axe under his pillow is a fool every night but one. and you shoot poison from your hands and shape shift into bears

Which adds nicely to the slide of heading to Oakveil next

Henry: y'know what. When we leave here, we can get my kids next. Glenn: your interdimensional kids Henry: to prove to you you're being crazy. Again. Glenn: De Nial is a river man, and we left it back on earth

And one more dialogue bite, because…

Glenn: claim your powers latched onto you from this world all you want. But that language you and your dad spoke, didn't come out of the air, it came out of the door in your head

...fusion means the other dads get to learn about the metaphorical brain door.

This brings us into the most recent arc, heading into Oakveil. He and Ron sneak in, and Beary tells Henry he’s home, and pieces start to click together. Henry’s from this world, so he understands why he’s had such a particular view on fusion and that basic cultural understanding. That it’s considered normal. And that it’s even normal for a kid’s first fusion to be with their parent. Their parent who loves them and knows them wants to see them grow.

Bear Ry’Oak is not that.

First O-dad fusion: Henry’s first fusion was with his dad.

I think the worst thing is that, when fused with his dad, Hen doesn't feel like he's not himself. one of the interesting things about the Oaks is that they're kind of all slight alterations on the same traits. Like as gross as it feels to admit, Beary is just Henry but with the condescension turned up to a billion and his high horse is basically an elephant and no self-awareness or care for how others might have different perspectives from him

But Beary is still so overwhelming to Henry that it just flattens pretty much anything that makes Henry, Henry. Specifically the parts that Barry dislikes. like Henry's anger. To directly quote Aryashi: “Beary thinks using fusion for combat is barbaric. obviously fusion is for Conflict Resolution. Fuse with Beary so he can sort out your disagreement with him!”

(and then bathe in bleach)

So Beary finds them in Oakveil and Henry starts panicking and he tries to Handle Henry like he did when Henry was a kid, fusing with him to stomp down on his feelings to cut a panic attack or outburst off at the pass. If Henry's in no place to fight back it usually works, but if Ron's there--literally pressed against Henry's back--to see the fusion coming, maybe he reaches for a fusion, too, and lets Henry's instincts choose which pull to follow, and Henry's instincts choose Ron.

Seventh inter-dad fusion: Wren is suddenly there before Beary can even start his attempt to coach Henry through breathing (his half-effort to help Henry and be able to say that he tried freakin hate him) and is sitting on the ground and the disgusted look Beary gets seeing this. (Fusing with an outsider is something he considers so beneath his son.)

Beary:... Ah. Ronald. Wren, existing, suddenly, and mostly being Ron's processing power as Henry's mental wheels try to slow down to match Ron's pace (cultivated through a childhood of dealing with Willy) rather than amp them both up: uhm... It's just Ron, actually Beary: would you mind... (there's other people around so he can't say "decontaminating") liberating my son. (as if ignoring the role his son had in choosing this fusion over his) Wren: Henry is uh... (me? Not me? Yes me, not up for this, we should go somewhere else that usually works fine, we can just leave and find the others and that'll be fine) he's good. We're good, we're gonna... (looking at the other people who look like Henry and the "not amping each other up” thing is working less and less) Wren: bye

And then they just stand up and fast-walk away

Wren is either chill af and rolling with every punch or the living equivalent of a coke bottle that you popped a whole roll of mentos in and then closed immediately. At this moment, it’s very much the coke bottle side. Beary lets them go because he knows Henry will be back, and they make it just outside of town to where the others have just shown up before they fall apart.

Ron: We found the door! Darryl: what door? Ron: the one in Henry's head! And all the dads know what he's talking about Glenn: did you open it? Henry: no Ron: a little bit Henry(probably now starting that panic attack): the anchors in there Ron: his dad came out of it Darryl: his dad???????? Henry, vulnerability, Oak: I AM FEELING VERY VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW AND I HATE IT [chorus of mumbled sorrys] Ron: oh also Oakvale is Henry's home Darryl: WHAT Glenn: Uh hey anyone gonna pick up the phone cause I FUCKIN CALLED IT Henry: That's not my home! My home is with Mercedes back on Earth! Glenn: Yeah, this is just where you were born. Henry: Glenn I swear to God-- Glenn: Dude lay off, I was agreeing with you! Home's where the heart meds are and all that jazz Darryl: Wait, you have heart meds? At home? When was the last time you took your heart meds? Glenn: Uhh... not since I came here? It's fiiiiiine. Never felt better! Ron: Not to interrupt but Henry's on the ground breathing funny. Glenn, are you sure you don't have any heart meds? Henry: being hugged by both of his sons in a simultaneous way that is not their normal simultaneous way (i.e. the Lord of Chaos way): WHY ARE MY SONS TALLER THAN ME Glenn: I'm more surprised that they're hugging you Lord of Chaos: to assert dominance! Any moment now, we will turn this hug into a suplex!

And that basically brings us to now? I want a Triple Oak Fusion (the King of Chaos) but with how the fight with Beary went I’m not sure where it’ll go. OH YEAH.

Autumn stopped fusing with Hen even when he was a kid because she couldn’t stand to see how much her son craved the approval of that evil man who stole her life away. And whether or not Henry ever fuses with anyone ever again after finding out he’s got Eldritch in him has gotta be up in the air.

And at this point I could easily be convinced that the next inter-dad fusion is Darryl and Glenn, those beautiful idiots. They could be… Denn. Glarryl? We’ll workshop it.

#jakalboy #dndads #aus #fusion aus #dungeons and daddies #me talking #my writing

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thegeminisage · 5 years

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ooooh i'd love to hear G, I, J, and M for the ask meme! (I also want to ask about K but i'm genuinely afraid for the answer)

BLESS YOU it was so sweet of u to send me this many

G: Care to share a favorite crack fic?

as a rule i don’t do crack exactly but my favorite funny fic is…from marvel, and It’s The One About The Cow. if you were even vaguely into the fanfic scene post winter soldier, i promise you have read it. here it is. the author sure does have a way with words, i wonder whatever happened to her

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

i do but i don’t know what to call it or how to describe it. in fanfic there seems to be like…a tag for every genre/trope but there is not one for mine! but anything that’s like really super emotionally intense or fraught without being out of character or turning someone into a woobie - for instance, a demon and a hunter fall in love despite the fact that they should hate and fear one another, or a werewolf and a hunter, or a mage and someone who abhors magic, or a sorcerer and a king who banned sorcery…i just listed like half of my otps i’ve ever had and i still haven’t gotten it across quite right, but you get the idea. i love Heavy Shit and Exploration Of Trauma and Reluctant Emotional Vulnerability. sometimes people tag this with hurt/comfort but as a rule i really hate h/c particularly because of woobism so ??? what’s the tag for that, no one knows

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic]. + K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

im gonna cheat a little and combine these two because the best alternate idea & angstiest idea are the same one. it’s the au for cambion in which jesse does in fact ditch ben and claire at the roadhouse and never sees them again and sam and dean stay in purgatory for all 50 years, eventually coming back to bobby’s to find an aged ben and claire still living there, married, having never expected to see them again. i have a post about it here but here’s an excerpt:

it’s just ben there alone. and he’s MOVED ON, he’s given up on this, he’s accepted he’ll never know why or how, and he’ll never see them again, and he grew up and he did good without them, and suddenly they’re HERE, and this old man all arthritic and wrinkled with age is a little bit sixteen again

just a guy who really, really missed his dad

dean, just like in cambion, doesn’t recognize him right off, it’s not until the rib-crushing hug and “dean, it’s me” that he understands who it is and hugs him back, this old man he knew as a boy, ben braeden, who is now older than his father

this jumped to my mind IMMEDIATELY - i don’t think i will ever come up with an idea worse than this even if i live to be 99 years old. jesus fucking christ, imagine being older than your own father

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

SOOOOO FUCKIN MANY ok here’s a list

(abandoned, outlined but w/ no intention to write it) a shadowhunters fic in which alec learns to be a better boyfriend, because i think he’s a bad one, abandoned in a fit of rage upon viewing season 3

(abandoned, outlined but w/ no intention to write it) the episode of spn where john comes back except actually taking the child abuse into account and also the real castiel is there, abandoned after they murdered my MOM mary winchester in cold blood

i have an Original Novel that i’m quite excited about. i’m not planning on showing it to anyone or attempting to get it published or anything like that because then i’m allowed to do whatever i want to do with no pressure as a means i actually teaching myself to write something from scratch…it’s still all outlines at this point but i LOVE working on it

i have been meaning to write a dragon age fic for dorian/cullen for YEARS because when you like rarepairs you gotta do it yourself but i just keep having other things to do first

similarly, the very first fanfic i ever wrote was a novelization of the legend of zelda: ocarina of time for the n64, and it has always been a very dear wish of mine to go back and rewrite it someday with my grownup liz skills, but i don’t have time/energy to prioritize it, rip

in the same vein i would really kind of like to do a dishonored 1 novelization one day…idk, i think it could be fun, although my interpretation of corvo is probably not as close to the canon one

i really would very much like to finish my detroit become twink fanfic…every time i read it i remember how excited i was about it & how close i was to the end. i just got wrapped up in other stuff and then lost my ability to write

i have a teen wolf fic about my secret rarepair written entirely from outside pov and the pov character is scott. im having a tough time bc im not good at humor fics but that was what i was working on before i left for florida

envesseled. thats been a BARREL of laughs and not at all emotionally taxing

since i didn’t have enough to do i may have uh…turned one of these things here into…a proper outline…for…a show i happen to be watching…will i finish it? will i post it to allow human eyes to view it? only time will tell

(FANFIC MEME, pls send me questions)

#liz answers asks #gaykatara #ask memes #merlin blogging #technically #thank u for sending so many they were so fun to answer ;_; sorry it took me so long #oh and i nearly forgot #cambionverse #liz loves writing #backtagging with:#broken road #lol this is theee oldest post where i mentioned this fic

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dent-de-leon · 7 years

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"You don’t constantly live in fear of losing someone who’s just like a brother. That’s not how anyone feels about their actual brother" - Don't get me wrong, I ship the heck out of S/K, but: I'd argue you absolutely do if you're an orphan who lost the only family they had at a young age and never really had anyone after that. And then you finally find someone who's like family, however you interpret that, and you have these huge abandonment issues. Of course you're gonna be scared of losing them

Hi! I got a few asks about this, so I’ll just cover them now. Okay so, while I agree that Keith would definitely have abandonment issues after his childhood either way, his relationship with Shiro still transcends what he has with the rest of Team Voltron–all of whom we know are also his found family. So it’s not just a matter of found family, but also this deeply personal, innermost connection he has with Shiro that he never quite manages with anyone else again. He holds a platonic love for all the paladins and thinks of them as his new family. But he’s not so terrified of losing them that he’d literally give up anything just to be with them. He only feels that way about Shiro. “He latches onto Shiro at times because Shiro’s sort of the only thing that can really calm him down and keep him in check.”

This idea of latching onto someone evokes a kind of desperateness and dependency you really don’t see in platonic relationships usually. Also, a relationship where one character is really the grounding force for another, the one thing that can soothe this volatile, emotional and alien side of them and bring out their humanity–that’s often a dynamic that’s meant to be interpreted in a romantic context. This is further supported by the fact that Zarkon, another galra who struggles with his overwhelming emotions, has Haggar to kind of act as his Shiro and be a balm for him, help steady him and guide him. Again, this kind of relationship is already established as blatantly romantic. So I don’t think it’s accidental that sheith mimics it.

There’s a singularity to Keith’s view on Shiro that feels distinctly romantic rather than brotherly. If someone’s just a friend or like a brother, then they’re not your entire world. You wouldn’t be “all alone” without them. And staying with what holo-Shiro said for a minute, his role there is pretty interesting. I’ve mentioned it before, but this idea of a knight having to sacrifice their love for the sake of their duty is a common theme, and we see that replicated here. And this idea of someone being sent to tempt the hero and try to lure them away from their duty, it’s pretty much always a romantic trope. Love interests are typically the kind of characters who would try to convince someone into believing they’re meant to be together and there’s no way the other person would be able to go on without them. It’s just not something that has a brotherly or platonic connotation.

There’s also the fact that holo-Shiro says “We’re your family.” As a reflection of Keith’s mind, he voices the fact that Keith sees all the paladins as found family. But he still views his relationship with Shiro as something much deeper. This makes Keith’s possessive mourning over Shiro all the more strange. When Pidge loses Matt and her dad, she doesn’t lash out at her mom about how she doesn’t care or isn’t doing enough. But Keith is another story.

If all of Team Voltron is his found family, then why act as if he’s the only one who cares about Shiro and no one else does? Why is pretty much everyone relatively understanding about Pidge’s situation–and why is she able to put her own feelings aside and carry on with the mission while Keith is portrayed as reckless and despondent with grief over constantly chasing after Shiro? Why does everyone have to pull him aside and tell him to move on when it seems like it’s been months but Pidge understands the mission has to come first in a matter of days? Pidge doesn’t seem to have any sort of dependency on her brother the way Keith and Shiro rely so heavily on one another. Obviously she loves Matt, but that love is shown to be very different from what we see between Shiro and Keith.

The fact that we have all these parallels established between sheith and zaggar also says a lot. Because saying that sheith isn’t meant to be read as romantic while still having it be so similar to zaggar is just…very strange. It’s pointing at one dynamic and saying “This is what a romantic relationship in our narrative looks like,” but then establishing essentially the same dynamic again and dismissing it. Especially when, right from the start, Keith is shown saving Shiro, and it’s something that Kuron actually makes a point of mentioning. So, given that the other black paladin who was terrified of losing the person they loved and willing to do anything just to be with them–given that that’s a distinctly romantic relationship, I think it’s important to take that context into consideration.

There are plenty of other close platonic relationships that Shiro and Keith could have been compared to. Hunk and Lance are also really good friends, but their interactions are clearly more casual and fun loving. There’s not this big dramatic weight bearing down on their relationship that you usually see from a will-they-or-won’t-they almost-couple, no tension. But sheith has plenty. Hunk and Lance obviously care about each other a lot, but they never pull one another aside and have a deeply personal, intimate, bleeding heart-to-heart. We see these quiet talks often with sheith though. Another telling sign is all the lingering, tender touches between Shiro and Keith.

Whether it’s the grounding weight of a hand on your shoulder or a warm embrace, these two are rather touchy-feely. Yes, Hunk is very huggable and he and Lance are very casual around each other. But again, their interactions aren’t regarded with the same depth and seriousness as Shiro and Keith’s. While it’s true that plenty of people have very close friends who they’re pretty openly affectionate with, it’s important to remember that this is a story, and most things they take the time to animate are meant to serve the narrative.

So, from a thematic standpoint, having these two characters with a hidden backstory who are always circling each other’s orbit, always exchanging little comforting touches here and there and offering quiet words of comfort, who are constantly scared of losing each other–typically, that’s how you build a romantic relationship. It’s not the way you’d usually establish a platonic one, and it’s not the way any other platonic relationships play out in Voltron either. Another sign that it’s not strictly platonic or brotherly is the fact that, while they’re still so close, there’s a noticeable distance. Like they’re both afraid and holding each other at arm’s length. Again, you don’t see this with Hunk and Lance; they’re perfectly comfortable being completely open with each other.

But Keith is always afraid one wrong move will cost him Shiro, always trying to do his best to make Shiro happy. He tells Shiro that he really changed his life, and it’s implied that maybe he thinks Shiro doesn’t realize just how much he means to him. That’s why, after Shiro does discover the full impact he’s had on Keith–after seeing how Keith’s worst fear is losing him in BOM–he never brings up the fact that something might happen to him again. Similarly, when Keith repeats “Patience yields focus,” Shiro’s whole face softens. His voice is nothing but fond when he asks, “That really stayed with you, didn’t it?” He didn’t know Keith cared that much, and he’s really touched.

And that’s something else–characters repeating each other’s deep, meaningful lines back to one another reads as distinctly romantic to me. Yeah, Hunk picks up on Lance’s favorite movie catchphrase, but it’s another example of how their relationship is more friendly and casual. It’s an effect used for comedic relief. That’s very different from Keith reciting Shiro’s mantra or the way these two greet each other with reversals of, “It’s good to have you back.” “It’s good to be back.” Context and tone are always so important.

I don’t mean to belittle platonic bonds in favor of romance though, or that one is more important than the other. Just that they’re both written very differently. That doesn’t mean they have to start off at completely separate points though. Shiro and Keith both really struggle with developing close, intimate relationships. Neither one really lets their walls down around anyone else, and they both often put on a brave face to shoulder the weight of the world alone. Keith especially struggles with social interaction, and he comes off as very touch averse. Both he and Shiro are also very private, reserved people.

So, I honestly can’t picture either of them falling in love suddenly. For them, I imagine romantic attraction would have to come from first developing a deep emotional attachment to the person platonically–and from there, the relationship would organically progress to something more romantic. I can’t see Shiro and Keith’s relationship the way it is now in canon as ending platonically though. If anything, I would say queerplatonic, because then the intensity and commitment level of the partnership is the same as a romantic relationship.

I mean, I might be bias because I have two brothers and what Shiro and Keith have does not read as brotherly at all to me. Not in the least. But I’ve had very close friends that I ended up developing romantic feelings for in the past, and that is what Keith’s feelings on Shiro really make me think of. Particularly when said friend is of the same gender and you’re unsure of your own feelings so you mistake that love for them being like a brother or sister at first. That’s very relatable to me.

I’m pretty sure it’s also common for a narrative to imply a gay relationship by referring to characters as having a very close, sort of brotherly camaraderie as well. And characters naturally progressing from a close friendship or seeing someone as being like a brother and then having those feelings change to romantic interest over time–it’s fairly common for straight couples in fiction. You even see it with Aang and Katara. Had Shiro been a girl, I feel like there wouldn’t be so much insistence that sheith is meant to be just brotherly or platonic. But again, that’s just how I see it.

#keith #sheith #shiro #voltron #meta #anonymous

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