Please don’t ask about my birth. I can’t talk about it!

“I had a traumatic birth.” There it is. Straight and simple, I’d said it. In a nutshell, it was why I’d been hospitalised three times in the two years since my child was born.

A familiar look of confusion and curiosity passed over my friend’s face.

“What about it was traumatic?” my friend asked innocently. Implication: Your baby is alive and healthy so how come it was traumatic?

I paused and swallowed a lump in my throat. It’s not that I didn’t trust my friend or want to confide in her. I simply knew that if I tried to talk about it, the words might not come out. Sometimes, I was physically unable to speak about my birth. Or I might manage to talk but it would trigger a non-epileptic attack, a trauma-related condition called NEAD where my head shakes violently from side to side and my limbs jerk.

I decided to settle for honesty. “I can’t really talk about it. Maybe when I’ve gone through EMDR treatment I’ll be able to.”

Thankfully my friend soon dropped the subject!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for friends who care and take an interest. They are very well meaning and have the best of intentions. They just don’t get that trauma by its very nature is hard to talk about. Many also try to empathise by talking about the birth experience of someone they know without realising they may be triggering some really difficult and unpleasant memories for me.

I’m not alone in experiencing birth trauma. According to the Birth Trauma Association (www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk), about 30,000 women a year experience birth trauma in the UK. Partners who have witnessed a difficult or stressful birth can also experience birth trauma. PTSD UK (www.ptsduk.org/what-is-ptsd/post-natal-ptsd) says that symptoms may include recurring images of labour and birth, fear of birth, difficulty bonding with baby and feelings such as loneliness and guilt. The Birth Trauma Association notes that symptoms are often triggered by reminders of the birth, pregnant women or TV programmes such as One Born Every Minute.

So how can you help? To those of you who know or meet other mums who have had a traumatic birth, please be sensitive. Don’t be offended if your friend or family member can’t talk about it with you. Take their lead and let them share as much as they feel able or want to. Be ready to listen but don’t push them. Also, be aware that hearing others talk about birth and labour may not be helpful as it may trigger some really difficult memories for them. And please, please don’t jump to conclusions about what made it traumatic! Trauma is wide ranging and much more complex than whether your baby was born safely or not.

For those of you who, like me, have had a traumatic birth experience, don’t be afraid to tell your friends and family that you can’t talk about it. If you’re still processing a traumatic birth you may find it helpful to be able to talk about it in a safe way, perhaps with a therapist or a close trusted friend or family member, but you don’t have to share about it with everyone!

That said, make sure you don’t suffer alone. If you or someone you know has experienced birth trauma or may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), speak to your midwife, GP or health visitor or encourage them to do so. You can also get help from the following organisations and resources:

www.ptsduk.org.uk

www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

www.mindwell-leeds.org.uk/baby

Recovery may not be straightforward but with the right support you can get past your birth trauma.

While doing renos in the basement over the weekend, I found this little gem of a @Mattel matchbox. A 1998 edition of a “Butterfinger” edition 1970 Chevelle SS. Had been hiding behind a wall for the last 21 years!! #mattel #matchbox #chevelle #chevelleSS #nestlee #miniatures #cars https://ift.tt/2r5gYVh

In game Gladnis: River waters are cold when the sun sets in Lucis- the tempeture can drop dramtically at night, during a fray, Ignis finds himself soaked to the bone after an unfortunate fall. His friends don't allow him to neglect himself, Gladio keeps him warm with his body heat- Noctis starts a fire, as they set camp for the night. After the boys fall asleep and all is well Ignis still in Gladios arms says quietly, "I miss sharing a bed with you." Gladio sighs, he'd kill for some privacy.

Asdjosjdf, I have no idea how to react to this because on a side I have

1. Caring chocobros teaming up to take care of a freezing Ignis, and that warms my heart so much aojdd  ('u^人)

2. Ignis falling into the water. Lmao, I shouldn’t find it amusing but I do, ahaha. I keep picturing him at some edge for some reason, nagging or rambling about something, then stumbling or accidentally hitting something or someone, and the last that the bros see of him is this .A. faced Ignis flailing the arms before falling back and just disappearing without a sound. XD

3. The warm and fluffy Gladnis that, needless to say, warms my heart so much asdjpsdofjsd

Imagine when Ignis came out of the water. The chocobros already down at a side, and Ignis walking out of the river with the hair down covering his eyes, glasses in a hand, and completely, entirely soaked to placed he didn’t know himself he had. Omg, the burst of laughter from the other three, ahaha.

”Iggy, what happened!?”

”A silver chocobo had a cub with a garula WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED YOU LITTLE TWAT  ┐( `ヘ´╬ )┌“

Hahaha, Ignis really isn’t aggresive. He’s just freezing and the guys hadn’t noticed until then. The man is pale like he fell into chalk instead of water, his lips look a sick shade of purple, and his whole body is trembling so bad it’s amazing he hasn’t shattered in pieces. It looks even worse than when Noctis summons Shiva. At least, when the Astral leaves so does the snow and the cold wind, but it’s not the same for this case.

So...Ignis Spoiling time.

Aaw, I have this pure, pretty mental image of Ignis already dried but still freezing, wrapped up in a blanket, nestled in Gladio’s arms, sat in his lap in front of the fire that Noctis, normally lazy “I want to sit on my chair for the rest of the night” Noctis is feeding to keep alive, and an enthusiastic Prompto preparing Cup Noodles because all three of them suck at cooking but wouldn’t let Ignis move from his place. 

Of course, Ignis had complained for a good half an hour how he was fine and not like this was a death issue, and arguing that he could warm up at the stove, but NU UH IGGY. You’re always taking care of the chocobros with this much excess, fair thing is he lets them spoil him as excessively this time.The sweetest part of this is Gladio keeping him in arms. We ALL can hear Ignis go with his selfless stuff like “I’m okay, really”, “It’s fine”, “Please, let go, I’m alright” and bla bla bla. Ignis, seriously, just let your boyfriend spoil you for once.

And the best part is the one you’re offering, when the boys go to sleep, because that makes me understand that Ignis did give in at some point on letting the boys spoil him and just shut up somewhen. And he’s still nestleed in Gladio’s arms (his argument to explain such an action, “well, I’m the strongest and biggest so I have the most body heart so that’ll keep him warm, right?” yeah sure, Gladio, excuses, excuses). 

So a relaxed Ignis in his blanket, in Gladio’s lap and arms...aw man. AW. ♡ ～('u^人)It’s a relaxed and finally warm, sleepy Ignis, with the hair undone and already in pajamas, curled up against Gladio, head on one of the Shield’s shoulders, untensed, satisfied and whispering “I miss sharing a bed with you...”

No wonder Gladio would kill for some privacy. ♡♡

This scenario is so lovely, I LOVE comfort stuff and a relaxed Iggy. THANK YOOOOOU! ajsdpojfposdjfsdjfs, I’m loving the mental images SO MUCH you don’t have an idea (˙︶˙)♡

AGH, GLADNIS FLUFF. IT’S GOING TO BE THE END OF ME.

Chocolate, chocolate chip, chocolate marshmallow :)

ty !!

chocolate:when was your first kiss? i was 12 it was at camp an it was Bad lol

chocolate chip:what's your most popular post? the one abt shia &antisemitism it has like 56k ithink

chocolate marshmallow:favourite brands of candy? maynards for candy(sour cherry blasters r a fav)/nestlee for chocolate(coffee crisp owns my aSS)

send me some icecream asks!

El producto de Nestlee fue encontrado en la nevera del señor Cesar.

Después de observar que tipo de productos consume, identificamos cuales tienen aceite de palma.

PD: Dialogo capturado con un celular.

Butter Pecan, Black Raspberry, and Chocolate Marshmallow

Oh my god two for one ask tag this is unheard of!!!Butter pecan-favorite songs for life?I have 3 1. Unsteady by X Ambassadors because I feel I really connect with the lyrics because I come from a "broken home" and it reminds of my chaotic childhood. 2. Promise by exo (smh I hate myself) because the entire song gets me emo and I obviously love exo and I love how much the song means to them and exo-ls and it feels like a bond kinda3. Cecilia and the satellite by Andrew McMan and the wilderness and I don't know why but I love this song so much and the mv is just so beautiful!!! Black Rasberry- Do you have any pets?YEESSS and she's the light of my life!!! We don't know what kind of dog she is because the humane society we got her from didn't know either so we just call her a mixed baby lmao. I'll post photos when I'm done with this to showcase my Angel!Chocolate marshmallow- favorite brands of candy? Nestlee because crunch is my all time favorite candy and any other brand I would be willing to never see again if it means crunch would be saved!Ignore how many times I say 'and' please

Calling new dads and other co-parents!

Please help us by filling in our quick survey about how you are supported in Leeds. Thanks so much

https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/JQXUR/

Pregnancy, scans & the COVID-19 pandemic

Today is Thursday 2nd April and I write to you today from a desk in the spare room. I’ve been relegated from the kitchen as since I last wrote, as my 2 year old daughters childcare arrangements have come crashing down and she is home for most of the week now.

I want to just say before I talk about what's been going on in my life this past week, that I am extremely grateful for this pregnancy, it was planned and wanted and very carefully considered in the light of what happened to me last time. I have someone who is very close to me go through devastating miscarriages last year and the stress I feel at the moment in relation to this pregnancy and the virus are always balanced against knowing how incredibly lucky I am, to even have these worries at all.

The newest challenge I’ve faced since I last wrote was my 20 week scan which was yesterday. I guess I was already feeling anxious about this milestone, with or without the current COVID-19 lockdown. It’s another thing that I knew would probably trigger some difficult memories and remind me once again that I have a birth to prepare for. So I’ve been avoiding thinking about it and actually - with us staying at home all the time I feel like I’ve entered into this little bubble and outside influences have become almost easier to avoid in a way. But I had my online EFT session on Monday, and the first thing the therapist asked if there was anything coming up that was making me feel anxious. I almost immediately burst into tears - literally just switched on the Zoom call - how embarrassing - clearly the anxiety was there and it had been building up, but I’d not acknowledged it.

If anyone wants to know more about EFT, I found an NHS info sheet here -   http://www.dchs.nhs.uk/assets/public/dchs/services_we_provide/service-directory/our-services/healthpsychology/Energy%20Therapies/Emotional%20Freedom%20Technique%20-%20short%20form.pdf   Or even better there are loads of videos on Youtube that show you how it works and how you can do it yourself.

I spent my online session tapping through my anxieties, identifying affirmations that made me feel calmer and I wrote these down to use on the day of my appointment. The anxiety, predictably, was around unknown factors, things out of my control. So far there was nothing to say this pregnancy was anything but normal but we all know these scans are done to help identify any abnormalities so I was anxious about dealing with any potential bad news alone. But, also, would all the staff be wearing contamination suits? Would there be sick patients everywhere? Would it be like an episode of ER? Would I need to wear protective clothing?? I had also heard rumours that birth partners were not allowed to come to the scans anymore…

There didn’t seem to be any central (Government) guidance about this stuff, information was localised, with providers having their own policies and procedures around managing COVID-19. So I checked the hospital website and yeah there it was, I would definitely have to go it alone. Strangely seeing it all there in black and white made it feel a bit more manageable. I knew what I needed to do, the ‘what ifs’ had been taken out of the equation.

The day before my scan was due I was called by the maternity department at the hospital to check if I was well or experiencing any COVID-19 symptoms, the website indicated that this would happen, luckily I am currently well – so no problems there.

The next day, I set off for the hospital, I had written down my affirmations the night before and said them out loud in the car;

I am strong; I am safe; I can do this for my baby;I am open to whatever happens today...

I definitely had a wobble but tapped through the anxiety and I could feel the anxiety melting away. By the way, I have always been a bit of a sceptic with this stuff but its amazing how open you can become when you desperately want to feel ok! Anyway - it worked. I arrived feeling pretty calm. Everything appeared as normal in the hospital, the car park was heaving – ha! How reassuring. I went to the reception, the staff were wearing masks and gloves but nothing scary - also I hadn’t been required to wear/do anything different - just to wash my hands – they asked me if I was feeling well, which I was. Waiting in reception, there were a few signs asking people to respect social distancing rules, sit 2 metres apart etc but again, nothing too drastic, it was super quiet. I was called in on time by the sonographer, he and his colleague were again wearing masks and gloves but it didn’t feel different to scans I’ve had before. All was well! What a relief, there were definitely tears but these were of relief not worry. I got my snaps – FREE – as there was nobody to come and maintain the cash machine – haha – a small silver lining.

The next time I write it will probably be relevant to talk about my birth preferences, I do have some. I desperately want it to be a healing experience for me, coupled with, of course, getting baby here safely. I know that COVID-19 may mean some of that has to change which I need to be at peace with. There was lots of other information on the hospital website, aside from what is happening with scans, about labour, birth and how this looks at my chosen hospital.

My learning from this recent experience is that I need to NOT put off looking at this. My advice for anyone pregnant and preparing for their births, is to speak to their midwife or hospital, look on the hospital website, its scary, but you may end up feeling more reassured. In the meantime, babies continue to be born, everyday, and there are loads of positive stories online at the moment about what its like to give birth amongst the pandemic – see @thepositivebirthcompany, @positivebirthmovement and @birthbetter on Instagram. 

If you have any other worries you can call the free PANDAS helpline - 0808 1961 776 for support with any aspect of perinatal mental health.

How being outdoors helped my mental & physical state after becoming a Mum for the second time ..

Hi, I’m Rachel, a mum of two from Leeds. My daughter is three and my son is coming up to six months.

I was so excited to go on my first maternity with my daughter! I had all these images of coffee and play dates with other mums, of playing and singing with a giggling baby, and just having a truly lovely time. I was completely unprepared of what it was; lonely and damn hard work. Obviously, I love my daughter, and, in all honesty,  she was a pretty easy, chilled baby (certainly much better than my screamer of a second child). But what I hadn’t realised was that the classes that I signed up to with a newborn were usually only half an hour in a long day, coffee dates with my bought friends (aka NCT mums) were hard to arrange and were short in length. And I suppose most importantly, during those first few months of maternity, you get very little back from your baby. Of course, it’s amazing seeing that first smile, hearing that first giggle… but to get to that point there’s a lot of crying, feeding and sleeping, and not much else! Overall, most of my early maternity leave was sat on my sofa watching box sets scoffing junk food, listening to her cry or watching her sleep. I put on a lot of weight and was pretty miserable, I went back to work after six months because I was so desperate for adult company and stimulation!

So, during my pregnancy with my son I made a commitment to do things differently. I’m not a fan of exercise but I do really enjoy walking in the great outdoors, so that’s what I decided to do. And to make sure I stuck to my promise I created a blog (www.muddybootsmummy.blog). That way I could enlist the help of others to hold me accountable for my promise. So far, it’s working! I’m 5 months postpartum, and although James has been difficult (to put it politely), my mental health and wellbeing is MUCH better. Finding new places to visit and getting out in the fresh air makes such a difference, and my son is so much calmer in the outdoors. When you’re in the house with a screaming colicky baby, it takes over every part of you; you can’t concentrate on a book, you can’t hear the TV or music, there’s just no escape. But outside, the crying doesn’t matter. You can enjoy the light exercise, take in the surroundings, and the movement settles the baby! WINNING all round.

I think the most positive thing that has come off the back of my walking blog is the feedback that I’ve had from other mums. A few asked if they could join me on walks, so I set up a baby walking group (Muddy Boots Baby Walking Group) which meets most weeks for a walk. We’ve been all over the place (although everywhere within an hour of Leeds), with different people joining me every week. It has honestly been so lovely to meet like minded people and have the opportunity to chat whilst doing something I love. There are regulars, and I’m pleased to say I would call them my friends. We’re always happy to see new faces, so if this could be something you enjoy please do join us!

I guess the best advice I can give any new mum is make sure you find time to do what makes you happy. It may be a challenge or even daunting  but your happiness and fulfilment ultimately means a happy baby!

My experience of motherhood and how the pregnancy, birth & beyond course helped me through

“I was in a bad state after the birth of my first child, I was diagnosed with post-natal depression and was really struggling”.

Aneta spoke to us about her experience with the Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond course and how the support from the children’s centre helped her to get through some difficult times.

“My midwife referred me to the course, she probably knew I was going to need the support, my husband and I had just moved to a new area in Leeds and I didn’t know anyone really. I was so nervous about starting the course! I had to bring my husband along for moral support! It was quite a big group and I was so quiet and shy in those first few sessions, but everyone was lovely and welcoming including the ladies who facilitated it. I loved the sessions on the practicalities of looking after babies, changing nappies and how to bath a newborn, simple stuff but so important! I felt a lot more prepared as my due date approached.

After the birth, my health visitor noticed that I wasn’t well mentally, she referred me for some specialist support and I saw my GP, but I wasn’t really leaving the house very much. One of the great things about the PBB course is the reunion session, everyone gets together after the babies are born to catch up and swap stories. It was tough but I managed to get there and the other mums and the staff I had met were so supportive, they really encouraged me to get out and about, I ended up seeing them all really regularly, I also started to attend the baby groups at the Children’s Centre every week.

I still see the mums now, many years later, we are all really good mates and as well as doing stuff with the kids, we go out for meals and drinks together too. I would have been so isolated if it wasn’t for them. I know that I am still recovering but life is much better, I’m so much more confident now! I’ve gone on to complete more courses at the children’s centre and I’ve even managed to take my daughter away on holiday on a plane by myself.

I can’t imagine where I would be without the people I met through the PBB, its made a massive impact on my life.”

To find out more about the PBB course, please go to the website below or speak to your midwife https://familyinformation.leeds.gov.uk/families/preparation-for-birth-and-beyond

Vicky’s Best Start Story

Vicky accessed Best Start by chance after she was approached by a staff member at an open day at her local park, she thought – yeah ill give it a go, why not! Her positive attitude and ‘just get things done’ approach to life is enviable and it is probably why she managed to get through some really tough times in her life, but it may also be the thing that could have stopped her getting the support she needed at times.

Vicky is a mum of 4, of course all of the births were different, however the first 3 births were all very quick, with one of her children being born down the hospital toilet. She hadn’t been listened to or taken seriously by staff, probably down to her relatively relaxed demeanour, ‘she cant possibly be in proper labour’! Finally, in pregnancy number 4, after inadvertently seeing a different midwife due to staff sickness, she was told these rapid labours had a name - Precipitous Labour – this can carry additional risks and should have been picked up before. As Vicky had experienced this 3 times, it was likely to happen again with baby number 4. So for her final birth she was able to tell the hospital this and her final birth experience was very different.

However, unbeknownst to Vicky the first 3 experiences had left her with post traumatic stress disorder. She battled with anxiety and low mood, telling people she was ‘fine’ and just tried to ‘just get on with it’. Vicky eventually experienced an emotional breakdown, she had thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore, at this point she realised she needed some support. She accessed counselling sessions through her local Childrens Centre and it was one of the best things she has ever done. She was able to start to move forward with her life again.

After completing the Best Start course, she felt inspired by what the course as trying to do to help new parents. She went on to complete a volunteer course run by Touchstone, which then opened up further opportunities, she then became a Best Start volunteer and she is now a paid member of staff. As well as her Best Start role, she is busy setting up and running groups in her local community, passionate about supporting people who are struggling and determined to make a difference.

_____________________________________________________________________________

·         The Best Start course is currently available to people who are pregnant or have children under the age of 2 and living in the South and East of Leeds, please call 0113 2718277 to make a referral.

·         For information on other similar courses in all areas of the city, or to access counselling sessions (if you have children under the age of 5) please contact your local Children’s Centre, or visit the website: https://familyinformation.leeds.gov.uk/childrens-centres

·         You can also find information on events and groups for families across Leeds by visiting the Mumbler Website: http://www.leedsmumbler.com/

·         If you need support with your mental health, please visit www.mindwell-leeds.org.uk

My pregnancy journey during the COVID-19 pandemic

I’m Keeley Donovan, usually a busy TV presenter working for BBC Yorkshire.... today a stay-at-home, working-from-home, anxious-at-home, mum-to-be.

I am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child. I’ve had a straightforward and happy pregnancy so far. My pregnancy was planned, we fell pregnant within a couple of months and we know how very lucky we are to find ourselves in this wonderful situation with little stress. Yes I had morning sickness and a few weird, but perfectly normal, side effects but otherwise I can honestly say I was loving pregnancy. My mood felt really good, not a single blue day and I was blown over by how kind people had been - friends, family and my TV and online audience had all been so supportive and excited for us. Life was great.

So it did come as a bit of a shock when Boris Johnson’s briefing on March 16th put pregnant women in the at risk/vulnerable group. I was asked to leave work straight away. I’m very grateful to work for a company like the BBC which prioritises staff welfare - I’ve read about other pregnant women being forced to stay at work or who don’t feel safe at work throughout this and I can’t imagine how traumatic that must be. Nevertheless I was shocked - I left work with tears streaming down my face - knowing I was unlikely to return until after maternity leave. I love work. I work hard. I’m a busy presenter who normally says yes to every opportunity going and enjoys a frantic and jam packed work life - I co-anchor Look North twice a week, forecast the weather and present our regional current affairs programme Inside out. The thought of saying goodbye to those roles before I was planning to and to a wonderful team of colleagues made me very sad. I also felt sad not to be part of a team working hard to cover a huge news story, something that affects every viewer. 

I do count myself very lucky. My husband and I are now safe at home. We’re getting food deliveries so barely need to venture out, except for a bit of fresh air or for a midwife appointment. But this is not how I imagined spending my pregnancy. No shopping for baby bits with my mum, not growing bigger alongside other close friends who are pregnant, no outings with my husband for nursery furniture. For all of that I feel sad. Like many other people those special little moments in time feel like they’ve been stolen. Instead, all the essentials will be ordered online and delivered by someone wearing a mask. Obviously this isn’t important when compared with what others are suffering, it’s just sad.

More than that though, I also feel scared. I know this is something I have in common with many people right now, but I feel scared about catching it and something happening to my baby. I feel frightened at the prospect of giving birth in the middle of all this. Labour is something frightening and unknown to a first time mum anyway. I must say this fear isn’t because of any horror stories I’ve heard - to the contrary, my midwife appointments have been going ahead as planned and she stressed that I should expect a safe and ‘normal’ birthing experience.

I just think the mix of hormones, the vulnerability that pregnancy invokes and a world pandemic make for a heady mix of fear and lack of control.

In the first few days I was completely overwhelmed and cried a lot. But as we’ve settled into this I’ve felt calmer. I realised that more than anything else my anxiety and stress would have a negative effect on the baby and that I needed to chill out for their well-being. I haven’t completely switched off from the news but I’ve limited the amount I take in. I want to know the facts but a constant stream of information was becoming all consuming. I was home. I was safe, so I didn’t need to fill every moment with it. I’ve felt better since.

I’m also very lucky to have other friends who are pregnant- we communicate often and it helps to think I’m not the only one going through this. Goodness there will be women with complicated or high risk pregnancies going through a dreadful time, another thing to feel very grateful for. 

I’ve also tried to do some mindful activities- colouring, crafting and focusing on the little happy things that brighten each day. In fact I’ve been trying to share those moment with my followers on Instagram and twitter and lots of people have been in touch with theirs, which is lovely. I must admit most of mine are food related- I fear I will put on more pregnancy weight than I would’ve if I’d been going about my normal business!

I’m also making an effort to get dressed up, put on some make up and take some pictures to document the pregnancy and to share with our families who seem very far away right now. Also I could easily spend the next 3 months in my maternity legging and that would be a shame- especially for my husband who would have to witness it.

On the subject of my husband- I’m lucky he’s so lovely, understanding and supportive and is being very patient through my wobbles and tears. There’s no one I’d rather be in lockdown with.

I must stress again, despite the tears, the fear and the disappointment that this isn’t the pregnancy I imagined, I feel very lucky. I’m safe, healthy and well supported - and I don’t take that for granted for one moment.

My Breastfeeding Journey ….

Breastfeeding is definitely a choice but for me it was a MUST...breastfeeding is not for everyone each to their own I like to call it and I absolutely understand it’s not for everyone, but for me there was no question.

Just because I choose to do it doesn’t stop it from being difficult/hard/stressful it’s for sure a bumpy ride..one min your UP next min your DOWN it’s a beautiful thing...a bonding thing....frustrating thing most of all a tiring THING...sometimes feels endless at times...you need to be COMMITTED...as selfish as it may sound it’s nice to know that I’m the provider for my beautiful baby girl...This ride is emotionally draining “but why Mash” “just give her the boob” I know a lot of people think it’s just that easy it’s NOT my boob is comfort my boob is breakfast..lunch & dinner & don’t forget she sure does love a snack...she just wants to be close to her mama I love that feeling I loveeee that bonding time! But it also means she may refuse to go to anyone else which results to potentially draining me..she’s already feeding off me so I need to also be fed..”feed me” refuel. 

Its definitely the hardest most rewarding thing...to know she’s tucked in close to my heart she is safe & I am whole..when she grabs my shirt/bra with those little hands but mighty strong grip & eyes looking straight up at me just to indicate that she is now satisfied & she is most of all happy (I sometimes get a slight smile) did I mention how intense feeding on DEMAND is especially when all you want to do is sleep but your baby needs you 2am 4am or even just before the alarm...at times when I’m dead tired I wonder why I put my self through it why don’t I share the responsibility with my partner NOT pump NOT nurse just bottle feed have him make bottles after bottles...I then remember my baby is counting on me my body is made to feed her & feeding her is what I’ve committed to doing feeding her is what I’ll do! If you are a struggling nursing new mama out there from one milking mama to another.

KEEP PUSHING YOU GOT THIS! 

Treat yourself with kid gloves on

Therapist, Leeds.

A morning cuppa is my go to as it signals the start of the day. I usually have this in bed while catching up on the news on my phone or having a quick flick through social media (my bad I know !) However, I don’t want these little pink pills to become part of my norm. But I’ve noticed recently they have been creeping in to my morning routine to help with feelings of overwhelm, irritability and panic – all signs associated with anxiety.  Recent events have definitely added to this this week but I’d say my anxiety levels have been creeping up for a few weeks now and this correlates with me coming off my antidepressants (20mg citalopram) that I’d been on for around 7 years. I had my first therapy session yesterday which really helped me look at these feelings differently – the medication helped me immensely when I needed it but with that, for me, came an overall feeling of flatness. I didn’t really know this at the time but there weren’t many highs or lows really, just an overall feeling of being a bit numb to things. But now I’m off the antidepressants I experience the highs and feelings that I haven’t felt in years, but along with that comes the lows. So to give you an example…. I’ve never really felt irritated by my kids before. Crazy, right? Considering Fin is now 9 and Rowan 5. When I told some of my close Mum friends this recently they looked at me like I had two heads! And this didn’t make me proud or feel like some sort of super mum, it actually made me feel pretty sad. Sad that I’ve not really experienced this feeling because on the flipside of this comes with it lots of love and happiness which has inevitably been lacking too. And the old phrase is right – you’ve got to take the highs with the lows. So all of these recent feelings are new to me and massively intensified. I mean, how irritating is it to ask your kids to get dressed five times every morning and don’t even get me started on the noise. I cannot believe this is a new thing to me. WTF?! So whilst I’m learning to deal with these emotions, my therapist says I need to treat myself with kids gloves on. So be kind to myself and work out ways to deal with this added anxiety. Yes I sometimes need the help of my little pink pill but there are definitely other ways I can deal with this and you can to. 

Many people’s emotions are intensified with the current situation in the world so it’s no wonder people have been reaching out to me lately for advice and support as well as to offer a helping  hand. But its no wonder yours and my anxiety is pretty high. That lump stuck in my throat is not letting me forget it either. It might come as a knot in your stomach or just a general feeling of unease but believe me when I say you won’t be the only one during this time. So what can we do to help ourselves and others? Here are a few things that I’ve found useful but I sure as hell don’t always get it right so give the ones a try you feel might align with you best …..

1)      Breathe. Sounds obvious but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had to take myself off and practice mindful breathing. Breathe in deep through your nose and slowly out through your mouth. This helps bring back your inner calm but does take practice, especially in the heat of the moment!

2)      Take one day at a time. I do this always as by looking too far ahead can cause me to feel overwhelmed. Or, try writing a weekly plan to break down tasks and activities that you can tick off along the way. Who doesn’t immediately feel more calm and in control working through a tick list?!

3)      Talk to people and tell them how you are feeling. I’ve started to tell my kids when I’m feeling frustrated when they are not listening to me. More often than not they’ll take notice but I can’t promise this one is going to be 100% effective!!

4)      Sleep. This is my absolute favourite medicine. Not been the easiest recently with everything that’s going on but try to rest at least or grab a 20 minute power nap in the day if you can.

5)      Acknowledge how you are feeling and think about why you are feeling this way. Often when you do this and break down your feelings they don’t seem as bad as you once thought.

6)      Get out of the house. Even if its just for a little walk. I used to hate it when people used to say to me ‘the fresh air will do you good’ when the last thing I wanted to do was leave the comfort of my own home. But my stubborn self hates to say it – it really does help. And if you can bring yourself to whack on a red lippy too then I cant tell you how much better you’ll feel (and it hides the under eye bags/unwashed hair). This I am an expert at!

Much Love,

Lisa x

(NEST perinatal mental health ambassador)