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bexterbex · 4 years

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A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 72

This is the part where I reiterate if you see something in the tags/warnings you don't like, please just leave the story.

Warning, PLEASE CHECK TAGS IF YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THEN DON’T READ. | Tag lists are closed | INBOX OPEN

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Will tag as I go along, Will update tags, Slow Burn, Influenced by Star Trek and other Sci-Fi themes, References to We Happy Few, Tons of References and quotes to George Orwells 1984 see if you can find them all, The First Order is the new Big Brother, but who is really surprised, Blatant Nazi Symbolism, Interrogation Themes, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Really just drawn out Slow Burn, Don’t repost without permission, Torture themes, Suggestive Themes, Execution themes, Disturbing Themes, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Controlling Kylo Ren, Physical Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Possessive Kylo Ren, A character shamelessly based on Zelda

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–

He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

MASTERLIST

Chapter 72: Ink and Lies

You woke up with a pressure behind your ear and a hand between your legs. The last few mornings since you’ve been crowned Empress, since your wedding, Kylo has woken you up by fingering you and playing with your clit. Basically giving you an orgasm to start the day, not that you were complaining at all. You also tried to happily return the favor, but it was much easier to do some sort of handjob, wrist match name attention mix to get him off since he has really too big for your hands to handle properly. But that is what your mornings consisted of.

You and Kylo had done some work over the last few days but not much, you weren’t going to be able to get a proper honeymoon in the middle of a war, but your love nest was enough. Today was the first day that Kylo would be leaving the ship. The Alazmac apparently had something for him, something of Vader’s that they wanted to give you both as a wedding present. You weren’t exactly happy that he was leaving the ship, as you had wanted him close, he was right in the sense that him guarding you made you feel safer.

In the last few days, you had seen very little of your staff outside a few visits from your ladies-in-waiting and Mitaka, who relayed important messages. Hux was bearing the brunt of the responsibility of the First Order at the moment, not unlike before you were in the picture, but you felt bad.

In the couple of hours that Kylo was gone, you and your ladies-in-waiting did some rehabilitation work. Your body in many ways had taken a beating and you needed to be restored to some sort of functional state.

Eyeing you up and down, scanning over the many, many love marks. “You know you look like you’ve been attacked by a pack of wild dogs,” commented Adlez.

This caused a snort of laughter at the comparison, “If only you knew the truth.” Especially with your new nickname for Kylo. You didn’t mind the beast, especially in bed. But after the last few days, it would be nice to be able to feel the lower half of your body finally.

“Maybe you need to put him on a leash, hmm? Some obedience training? It’s worked wonders on his knights. And the pack of dogs they are.” Again it felt like Adlez was full of surprises. She’s hinted at her sleeping around with the knights, teaching them ‘manners.’

You tried to play off the smirk that was on your face. “All of them or just Cardo?” You knew the rowdy Knight of Ren had a soft spot for her. So much so that Kylo asked you about it.

“All of them.” She shrugged, “But Cardo has been a special boy.” The images that popped into your head were rather... scaring. You were just grateful that you did not have to witness them in real life.

Your face flushed with embarrassment, “Oh my god, didn’t need to know that, but good for you.” You really didn’t, she had her private life, and you had yours.

“You should ask the Supreme Leader about their wedding gift for you two.” Some rather terrifying possibilities jumped around in your head. You almost didn’t want to know, especially if he hasn’t shown it to you yet.

“Do I want to know?” You probably didn’t, but you might be able to get an answer out of her, eventually. “Well, it might just help with that obedience bit. He is their leader, their alpha and now you are their alpha too. Teach him some new tricks.” And the dog imagery was back, you wonder just how much she knows. But for now you wanted to drop the subject all together.

They ended up filling the tub with bacta for you to soak, Kylo had expressed the discomfort about you going to the med bay for treatment. And since none of your ‘injuries’ were severe or life-threatening it was a long bath in gross bacta gel for you. Adlez told you to submerge yourself but that meant Kylo’s favorite love bites would be healed too and you weren’t about to do that, you wanted to wear a few of them with pride.

By the time you got out, you felt renewed again. The only bruises left were those high up on your neck, along your jaw, and of course the one behind your ear. Still marked up for him, still owned, but it wasn’t like you needed it because you had your wedding ring and you doubt there is any place in the galaxy that doesn’t know your face now. You were his and were proud to display his conquest marks. You also haven’t worn any proper clothes in the last few days, if you were just with Kylo you were either naked or wearing just a robe, but if you were meeting with someone you wore a wrap dress. Which seemed to be Kylo’s favorite type of garment on you because he could easily untie you and have access to whatever he wanted.

After Adlez and Olivia-Rose made you human again you had a meeting with your staff and Hux. They seemed to eye your condition carefully. Not really knowing how Kylo had left you, since you had really only been meeting with Mitaka and your ladies-in-waiting.

“What are my most pressing matters?” You knew you did not have much time to be talking with them Kylo would be back soon, and your rehabilitation treatments took a bit longer than you initially expected. Adlez insisted on you being repaired from head to toe with face masks, hair removal, and the works.

“You still need to meet with Senator Apolin about your education,” said Mitaka. Your thoughts went back to the dinner, and how he treated you. Acting as if you were some idiot girl that tricked her way into Kylo’s bed with the intent to rule the galaxy.

A thought popped into your head, you had new privileges now. “Do I or does being Empress now negate that?”

Hux cleared his throat, “I would say that it negates it. He technically has no right to question you now, I suggest a letter versus a call.” He seemed to have your back in many ways, especially when it came to dealing with Pryde and his friends. You wondered just how much he hated the man.

“Right,” you turned to Lieutenant Amala Graven. “Can you write up something about it? Something along the lines that since he, unfortunately, did not set up a date prior to me becoming Empress that he now is not in the position to review my education?” This made you feel happy, knowing that an old man like him wouldn’t be getting his way this time, and that you had tricked him into thinking he had some power over you.

She pushed up her glasses before she began taking notes, very diligent in her work. “Yes. Would you like it to be formal or semi-formal?”

“Formal, but as much hidden sass as you can put in it. Also, let him know that it was unfortunate that he couldn’t attend the wedding.” You were glad he didn’t. You were honestly surprised you were able to handle Pryde being there, but then again, you didn’t know he was there until after the wedding and consummation of your vows were over.

“But we did not extend him an invitation m’lady,” said Mitaka you could hear the worry in his voice. You don’t know if it was because the invitation was ‘forgotten’ or if it was because you were possibly going to piss off a powerful ally.

You thought for a moment. Even if he wasn’t invited he still had an expectation to uphold his duty. “Has he sent a gift?” You were sure you knew the answer, one of the rooms that shared your chamber’s hallway was cleared out just to hold all of them, some of them still arriving.

Hux answered for the captain. “No, he has not.” You could see the wheels turning in his mind, you knew he agreed with you and what you were about to do.

You looked between both of them, holding your ground. “Then my point still stands. Shall we move on to the next topic?”

Before you could move on Kylo entered the room and ordered everyone out. He was holding something in his hand that you could not see. He chose not to remove his helmet before speaking to you. The chilling sound of his distorted voice haunting you to the bone. “I must leave.”

Waves of confusion washed over you, with their freezing cold waters. “Leave be you just got back? Where are you going?” Your mind was racing a million miles a minute. You were supposed to be relatively safe now, that other danger was not supposed to happen for a while, or at least that’s what you thought.

“I have something left to do.” The black voids of his visor peering into you, this was no guard dog at the moment, this was something else. You could feel something was wrong.

“But why must you go? Can’t you take me with you?” You didn’t understand what was going on, because he wasn’t explaining anything.

He stepped closer to you, but with his helmet on, like that it didn’t feel sweet it felt threatening. “No, I must go alone. It would be best for you to return to your home planet.” So he was shipping you back to your home planet, to do away with you?

“What’s going on? You’re scaring me.” You wanted answers, answers that he never seemed to give you.

You felt them again, inside your mind. You felt the black tendrils forcing themselves to wrap around your brain, stretching, familiarizing themselves with their new home once more.

His voice taking a whole new, unfamiliar tone of harshness with the mask. His hand with an extended finger outstretched towards you, “You will not fight me. You will do as I say when I say it. You will go home to your planet while complete what I must do. Do you understand?” You were being talked down to, like a child but all you could do is nod. Your body involuntarily doing what he asked, were as the small rational part of your brain was struggling to survive. She was losing the battle.

“I will have a ship and the knights escort you back to Earth. Where you will wait for my return.” So that was it, you were a princess being locked away in some tower before your prince in black armor decides to return to you. No more fairytale for you, just the cold harshness of reality.

He then left you alone, standing there unable to move as the tears fell down your face and the black inky blob in your brain took over. It forced you to sit down while you began to sob, awful ugly tears. All of your hard work was for nothing, as he crushed your dreams in a second.

Your spark, your flame of rationality was loosing against the downpour of black water that was Kylo in your mind. You blacked out, or you thought you did. When you woke up, you found yourself on board the Steadfast in your old cold and bright chambers. Adlez, Olivia-Rose, and Mitaka were there with you. The black ink creature receding back into the corners of your skull.

You took hold of yourself again. “Where am I?” You knew where you were technically, but your brain wasn’t clicking. How did you get here? You don’t remember a thing.

Adlez had a look of confusion on her face. “You’re onboard the Steadfast , m’lady. We transferred here three days ago. You’ve been with us the whole time.”

You tried to cool your features as panic set in. “Why am I here?” Something was wrong, something was majorly wrong. Why didn’t you remember any of it? The lack of memories for the last few days was terrifying.

“We were to bring you to Earth, the Supreme Leader said that you wanted to visit your family. So that’s why we are headed there. Are you alright m’lady?” Mitaka’s voice was full of concern. You could tell he was able to sense something was wrong and if he could, then Adlez knew something was.

Just as the word No was going to come out of your mouth you felt the black ink creature take hold of your head. “Yes, I’m fine. I just spaced out for a moment that’s all. I think I need to go lie down and rest for a while.” Your body then took you up the stairs, automatically, without your consent. As your head hit the pillow all you saw was darkness, but you heard a voice. His voice. Kylo’s voice.

‘I need to protect you. Let me protect you.’

‘Why are you doing this? You’re hurting me Kylo. You know this!’ The doctor told you as much. He was going to smother the life out of you, for what? You didn’t know.

‘I am protecting you. I do not know what this purpose is yet, therefore you must be protected.’

‘You’re killing me, Kylo. Your killing the part of me that makes me, me!’ You were internally screaming at him now. Crying and begging for him to stop, but the black tendrils only held you tighter.

‘Man serves the interest of no creature except himself, I must do what I need to do to protect you.’ You don’t know what scares you more, the fact that he was doing this or the fact that the voice that he was choosing to speak to you in your mind was that of the mask. He wasn’t even using his own natural voice, this was devoid of emotion.

‘Please… don’t do this.’ You could feel the grasp you had on yourself quickly slipping away. You were losing any control you had and terrifying didn’t even begin to describe it.

‘You are mine.’ While before you thought the mask made him devoid of emotion, this came out as a snarl. The monster was rearing his ugly head in full form.

When you awoke it was like you were staring out of windows, except they were your eyes. You could not move yourself. You could not move your own body. No, he was doing it. You were trapped inside your own mind, watching how the outside world spoke to ‘you’ without it being you.

You realized you were surrounded by dying embers in your own mind, with black rain attempting to wash them away. You were trapped. And your captor was on the other side of the galaxy, claiming to be protecting you, or at least the you that wasn’t you. A man who claimed to love you, but in fact he failed to understand you. The beast, the monster had taken over him, taken over you. But there was no exit that you could see around you, no exit to this nightmare you were about to be forced to witness.

A/N: I even bolded some of the tags you should be concerned with in this chapter.

#kylo ren #kylo ren imagine #a soul to mend his own #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo x you #star wars #first order #star wars imagine #Star wars soulmate au #sw first order imagine #star wars first order

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eleanor-writes-stuff · 6 years

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i miss the thought of a forever you and me [one-shot]

Kylo Ren has spent what seems to be the entirety of his adult life working towards a partnership in Snoke's firm. Now that future is finally within reach, and only one thing stands in his way.

So maybe he hasn't spoken to Rey in eight years. And maybe he's still not quite over her. But getting in touch with his ex-girlfriend to have her take down their old webcam videos shouldn't be an issue... right?

This is far from my best work, but I haven’t posted anything in nearly a month so here, have a two-tropes-in-one fic: exes getting back together and ‘we were young and broke and webcam porn seemed like a good idea’. Is that last one even a trope? Who knows. I wrote it anyway. If a bunch of fluff and pining sounds like a good idea, this might be the fic for you.

Also available on AO3.

Kylo Ren has been working towards this moment for the entirety of his adult life.

“If all goes as planned,” Snoke finally says after a long, roundabout conversation about legacies and partnerships and apprentices becoming equals, “the announcement will be made this Monday.”

The announcement – the one that will cement his place as a partner of the firm, the one that will ensure his name lives on forever, the one that will overshadow anything and everything that has come before. “Sir, this is–”

Snoke holds up a hand, all paper-thin skin and arthritis-curled fingers; it’s a wonder, really, that the man is still alive at all, let alone sharp enough to continue running his firm. Some will see this announcement as a sign of weakness, as the beginning of a transition of power – and perhaps they’ll be right. Two years ago, Kylo would have entertained the thought in the back of his mind, might even have come up with the outline of a plan to begin the process of supplanting Snoke entirely.

As it is, he can barely even muster the energy to fake excitement at the news.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself just yet, boy,” Snoke warns him. “Once the announcement goes out, it won’t take long for everyone to start looking you up. While I trust that Kylo Ren has been nothing but professional, I cannot say the same of Ben Solo – and I refuse to have another Hux situation.”

Just last week, Hux had been his sole competitor for this very partnership – until a quick Google search by Snoke’s assistant had yielded pictures of Hux in a Nazi costume plastered all over the Internet. The idiot had worn the costume not one, not two, but five Halloweens in a row, and any effort on his part to contain the damage would have been hopeless.

He was fired that very day.

“I assure you, sir,” Kylo speaks firmly, with all the confidence of someone who was born into the spotlight and has almost never done anything stupid, “that will not happen.”

Snoke pins him with a look that might have been intimidating once, back when he still cared about the man’s opinion and approval. “See that it doesn’t. Take the rest of the week to get your affairs in order.”

He’s dismissed with a limp wave of Snoke’s hand – has he really grown that frail in just a handful of years, or was Kylo simply too blinded by his promises of greatness to notice before?

Kylo thinks he sees that same blind loyalty in Mitaka as he walks past the assistant’s desk. The man is terrified of him and had been just as scared of Hux, but that hadn’t stopped Mitaka from bringing his findings to Snoke anyway, even at the cost of making a lifelong enemy out of Hux.

Maybe someday, Kylo thinks as he returns Mitaka’s curious gaze with a curt nod, you’ll wake up too. You’ll realize that the voice whispering in the darkness is filling you with empty promises, that greatness and power mean nothing without all the other things he’ll make you sacrifice first.

But then what? Kylo himself came to that realization years ago, and here he is anyway because what else is there? Maybe that’s the truly frightful thing about Snoke – even if he can’t deceive you forever, he’ll make sure that there’s nothing else left for you, that there’s no reason to break free of his trap.

Maybe once there would have been a reason, a person–

But that was years ago. Now there’s no one else, and nowhere else, so he might as well just stay and keep going down this path strewn with material comfort and little else.

Kylo returns to his office and settles in to retrace every single step he’s ever taken online. There’s nothing left of pre-college Ben Solo – he’d made sure of that the summer after high school in a foolish attempt to present himself with a clean slate for college, as if his last name and his parentage didn’t cast a longer shadow than anything his idiot fourteen-year-old self could have said on Myspace. After college there was no more Ben Solo, only Kylo Ren, and an intensive Google search (he’s on the seventh page of search results by the time he clicks away) reveals nothing but a handful of professional profiles used for networking and the occasional write-up about him or his cases.

Which leaves him with one last concern: college Ben Solo.

College Ben Solo has a Facebook account that he never posted on, one he used only to interact with his classmates and lecturers. He has a Twitter account with zero tweets, and an Instagram account with zero posts but a hundred or so tagged photos.

That was the only reason he’d signed up for Instagram in the first place: to see what kind of pictures his friends were posting of him, to see (and like) everything Rey tagged him in.

He would have deleted his Facebook account years ago, but he’s a sentimental fool and that was where he and Rey first got to know each other, really, when she chose to write to him instead of the literal dozens of others in their class for help. (It’s Rey from poli sci. I wasn’t in class today. Did I miss anything?)

He should have deleted his Twitter account the day he graduated, but sometimes he scrolls through all of his Favorites and their relationship plays like a movie in his head, each milestone – no matter how tiny – recorded for posterity in 140 characters. (The summer before their third year, a picture of her rolling her eyes at the camera and him talking to a realtor in the background: house-hunting with the pickiest guy in the world. I swear to god, @Ben_Solo, if you don’t pick an apartment by today I will kill you.)

And Instagram… Instagram is an exercise in masochism. Pictures of them in class, when Holdo was running late and she was bored. Pictures of them hanging out at parties Hux dragged him to and Finn dragged her to. Pictures of her tucked into his side on movie night, of him turning his face away from her camera while he made them breakfast, of the two of them building an entire life together. (A caption to accompany the last picture of them she ever posted, her head on his shoulder and his arm around her waist: Who needs a space heater when you’ve got this guy? #lifehacks #savingafortuneonheatingthiswinter #agirlcouldgetusedtothis)

It’s painful to look back on, every single bit of it, but there’s nothing here that would actually have a negative impact on his reputation. His Twitter account is already private and his Facebook reveals nothing but a string of perfunctory, impersonal birthday messages from former classmates. He double-checks that his Instagram account is locked, and then he looks up her account too – just to be safe.

Rey Niima | Cali Full-time software engineer, part-time app developer, occasionally an actual human with a social life.

The bio’s changed since he last saw it a year ago – I almost never post but don’t worry, I’m (probably) not dead – but the account’s still locked, which should mean no one can see her pictures of him. He’ll have to check with someone who’s more familiar with social media – maybe Phasma, who’s gotten surprisingly good at this stuff since she started developing a social media presence for her gym – but Kylo’s pretty sure this means he can keep all of his shrines to the past without exposing himself as a lovesick fool to the public.

All except one, that is.

Kylo exits Instagram, sets his phone aside, and reluctantly turns to his laptop. He types a URL into the box – one he visits far more than he’d like to admit – and watches as a few dozen thumbnails for corresponding videos begin to appear.

Because while college Ben Solo had maintained a minimal, barely-there presence on social media, there’s one particular corner of the web where he had been very, very active.

There’s a reason he waited until he was safely locked away in his own house to conduct this online purge, and the revealing thumbnails make him glad he did – limbs splayed wide open and miles upon miles of bare skin but no faces, never any faces, they were always so careful about that. It’s probably the only reason no one’s ever found out about this.

He’s never forgotten about it – having sex with your girlfriend in front of a live online audience isn’t exactly something you can just forget about – but Kylo’s felt fairly confident in their anonymity for the past few years. No names, no faces, shitty audio that completely distorted their voices – they’d thought of everything, discussed it all at length when she first approached him with the idea. But now… now he can’t risk it any longer. So as much as he’s going to miss being able to watch these whenever he really, really misses her–

It’s time to call Rey up and ask her to take down all of their videos.

“Hello,” she says distractedly – he can picture her pressing the phone between her ear and shoulder, her hands busy at work and her mind half-focused on a dozen different things. The image is so vivid it hurts, and her voice – the voice he used to wake up to a lifetime ago – isn’t helping.

He takes a deep breath. “Um, hey. It’s…” Not Ben, not for a long time now, but would she even remember Kylo Ren? The name he only adopted towards the end of their time together, the name she laughed at once or twice before telling him to stop being an idiot, Ben Solo is a perfectly good name–

Over the phone, Rey makes an almost imperceptible sound – a gasp, maybe, or a sharp inhale. “Ben,” she breathes, not even the slightest hint of a question in her voice after all these years.

He was always Ben to her, even right up until the end. It doesn’t feel right to change that now. “Yeah, it’s me. Sorry to just call you up like this–”

“It’s okay,” Rey cuts him off, her words tumbling out in a rush. Maybe he should’ve asked if this is a good time to talk. “Really, it’s fine. What’s… what’s up?”

“I’m… this is going to sound weird, but I’m in town and I need to talk to you about something… private,” he grimaces as it finally hits him how ridiculous this all is, how pathetic and see-through his excuse is. They could’ve had this phone call even on opposite ends of the world; he could’ve checked the website after to make sure she’d gone through with it. There’s absolutely no reason for him to have flown across the country just for this.

But here he is anyway.

Rey is quiet for the longest while. “Oh,” she finally says. “I… um. Okay, I guess. Do you want to tell me what this is about or would you rather–”

“I’d rather tell you in person,” Kylo says quickly, before he can lose his nerve and fly back without ever laying eyes on her. “Can I- are you free now?”

“Now?” she echoes questioningly. “I’m kinda at work right now, Ben.”

Because of course she’s at work, of course she has a routine and a life and none of it is going to stop just because he’s unceremoniously dropped himself back into her existence. His life in New York feels so distant now, almost like a dream, but it’s unfair of him to expect her to drop everything and rush to him the way he’s rushed to her.

“Of course,” he mutters. “I’m sorry, I forgot that–”

“But my lunch break is in two hours, if you’d like to drop by then,” Rey offers haltingly, her tone somewhere between a suggestion and a question.

“Yes,” the word tumbles past his lips without a moment’s thought. “Yes. Great. That’d be great.” He clears his throat to shut himself up and stop rambling at Rey.

“Great!” she agrees brightly, her cheery tone the slightest bit hysteria-tinged. “So I’ll just text you the address?”

He could easily look it up himself, of course, but he’ll take any form of contact with her – Kylo’s not above admitting that to himself. “Yeah, sure. Thanks. See you in a bit, Rey,” he makes himself say, because who knows how long he’ll keep her on the phone otherwise, keep her voice in his ear and her presence in his life.

When Rey speaks, he likes to think he can hear a smile in her voice. “See you, Ben,” she says quietly, and a moment later her voice is gone and his phone is buzzing with a message containing directions to Resistance Tech.

The company sounds vaguely familiar – he must’ve read about her getting a job there at some point, maybe gleaned it from one of her bios or a congratulatory post on Finn’s Facebook account. There’s so little about her that he actually knows, but the bits and pieces stored in the back of his mind are still more than he should have, more than he’s entitled to, given that they haven’t spoken in eight years.

He wonders when she stopped working with Skywalker, and why; wonders if she still hates coffee and chugs way too much Coke in the mornings to get her caffeine hit instead; wonders if she ever reaches out across the bed at night only to remember there’s no one there anymore, the way he still does.

Thirty minutes later he hops into an Uber and stares out the window at the bright sun and the swaying trees, thinks of how much Rey must love this place, all her favorite parts about her desert home and their rainy college town rolled into one city.

The car pulls up to Resistance Tech more than an hour later, and his Uber driver tells him that’s considered good time given that it’s the middle of the day and they made their way here all the way from the airport. He thanks the guy, shoulders his weekend bag, and opens the door to a beautiful, sprawling, horribly familiar sight.

Rey never stopped working with Skywalker, Kylo realizes belatedly. Resistance Tech is just the new name his mother had chosen for the company when she decided to quit politics and partner up with her brother.

The receptionist calls for someone to escort him upstairs when she recognizes his name, and Kylo finds himself deposited in an empty conference room on the seventeenth floor shortly after.

The hallway outside is barely lit, and the entire floor seems abandoned for now. He sits down for a bit, re-reads Rey’s message a couple of times before he takes to restlessly pacing the length of the conference room and then parting the blinds to look at the courtyard below.

Benches and picnic tables dot the open space, and food carts begin to appear seemingly out of nowhere as lunch hour draws near. He thinks he spots Finn amongst the throng of employees spilling out of the building, accompanied by a man and a woman, and idly wonders if maybe he’ll catch a glimpse of Rey rushing to get a bite before she comes up to meet him.

An achingly familiar voice draws him away from the window.

“Hello, Ben.”

She’s eight years older but somehow still exactly as he remembers her, all thin sweater slipping off one shoulder and loose hair framing her face and a soft little smile on her lips. He’s seen her like this a thousand times, in memories and dreams that always leave him wanting.

“Rey,” he whispers, curling his hands around the back of a chair to anchor himself. The urge to wrap his arms around her, to sweep her off her feet and pick her up the way he used to, the way that never failed to make her laugh in delight, is overwhelming. “You look… the same. Beautiful, I mean,” he adds in a hurry before she can wonder whether that’s a good thing. “You look beautiful. That’s all.”

“Um, thanks. I like your hair,” Rey replies in kind as she steps into the room and shuts the door behind her. He resists the urge to run a hand through his hair self-consciously; he hasn’t worn it short-short since he was a teenager, grew it out to hide his ears even when they were together, but now it’s shorter than it ever was in college, only half of his ears hidden underneath black waves.

She used to run her hands through it absent-mindedly, coo at how soft it was and lament that there wasn’t more of it for her to braid. He wants nothing more than to feel her blunt nails scratching down his scalp again, her fingers tangled in his hair to hold him close.

“Sorry to make you come all the way up here,” Rey says as she takes a seat and motions for him to do the same. “It’s just… I know you and Leia still aren’t talking that much, and you never know where she’ll be during lunch hour. I thought this would be the safest option.”

Leia. Back in college she used to call his mom Mrs. Organa, and they’d met all of two times when Leia dropped by campus unannounced to confront him about the growing rift between them. Now she knows his mom well enough to be on a first-name basis, has probably spent more time with her in the past year than he has in the past decade.

Kylo slowly takes a seat opposite her. “Thanks. That’s… very considerate of you.”

Rey simply nods in acknowledgement, and they stare at each other across the wide conference table until–

“Why are you here, Ben?” she asks softly, no hint of hostility or frustration in her voice. Maybe the years have mellowed her out, maybe more than a decade of not having to fight for survival on a daily basis has drained her of the hardened, confrontational nature he remembers from their earliest interactions and allowed her true personality to emerge - the one he’d begun to see glimpses of during their last year together, the one he used to think he’d have the rest of his life to get to know.

“I…” he can’t help but drop his eyes down to the table, finds himself focusing on the way she fidgets with a bracelet around her wrist as he speaks. “I’m being promoted, next week. Snoke’s making me a partner.”

Her hand stops moving at the mention of his boss. “Oh. Um, congratulations,” Rey offers weakly.

Kylo forces himself to look at her. “Thanks. But… that’s why I’m here, basically. Snoke demands that all of us carry ourselves in a manner befitting of the firm’s reputation, which means no hidden skeletons or potential scandals. And now that he’s about to announce me as a partner…”

“You’re worried people out there might do some digging,” she fills in, nodding in comprehension.

There’s no need to talk about what exactly people might find, what kind of scandal they’d have on their hands. There’s only that one thing.

“Do you still have the login information?” he asks bluntly.

“I…” Rey pauses, and the slightest furrow emerges between her brows; he wants to lean across the table and smooth it out, wants to tuck her hair behind her ear and– “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I still remember everything. But um,” she gives him an apologetic smile, one marred by a wince. “I’m not that comfortable logging in here at work, so maybe…?”

Kylo nods. “Right, of course. I completely understand.”

“I’ll do it as soon as I get home, I promise,” she assures him. “Really, I should’ve done it years ago. It just… slipped my mind, I guess.” The casual shrug, the light tone – none of it is the least bit convincing. This isn’t the kind of thing that just slips your mind.

He plays along anyway, just as guilty as her of… whatever this is. Keeping a shrine to the past? Getting off to your own homemade porn? Holding on to memories of the happiest time in your life? “Yeah, same.”

Rey moves as if to get out of the chair, as if to leave, and he panics, grasps desperately at straws for something to say–

“How long are you in town for, by the way?” she asks, getting to her feet but making no move to leave.

“I… I don’t know,” Kylo realizes out loud. “I just packed a bag and hopped on a plane. Fuck, I haven’t even gotten a hotel.”

She studies him, head the slightest bit tilted to one side in suspicion. “Ben, did you fly all the way here just for this?”

He can’t exactly admit that his brain had short-circuited at even the slightest possibility of seeing her again, that he’d fly halfway across the damn world if it meant getting to be in the same room with her for five minutes. “No,” Kylo croaks, clears his throat and aims for nonchalance. “No, definitely not. That’d be… that’d be ridiculous. I just. Work’s about to change in a big way and I needed some time to myself, you know?”

Rey simply stares at him for the longest while. “Right,” she finally says. “Of course.” After a moment’s consideration, she adds, “This might be weird but we did part on good terms and all, and you just said you haven’t found a hotel yet so… I mean. I have a spare room. That you can stay in, if you’d like.”

It takes him a second too long to process what’s happening here, to understand that Rey is inviting him into her home for the night. “Yes!” he blurts out when it looks like she’s starting to regret the offer. “I mean, yes. I’d love to. If it’s okay with you.”

“I wouldn’t have offered otherwise,” Rey smiles. “So I’ll just send you the address and let you know when I’m home?”

“That sounds good,” Kylo nods, following her lead as she moves out of the room. “Thanks, by the way. I know this is all really unexpected and–”

She turns in the doorway, places a hand on his arm. “It’s no problem, Ben. Really, I don’t mind.”

It burns where she touches him, in the best way possible.

But Rey drops her hand as if she’s been singed, and quickly leads him out of the room and down the darkened hallway. “I’d walk you out, but then people might stop us to talk to me and who knows if they’ll recognize you.”

“It’s okay,” he says as they wait for the elevator. “I know my way around.” After all, he used to spend entire summers exploring this place as a child. “Hey, what happened to Skywalker, anyway? Why the name change?”

They get into the elevator and Rey presses two buttons – twelfth floor for her office, he can’t help but note. “Luke disappeared on some kind of soul-searching mission shortly after Leia retired from politics and came here to join him,” she explains. “So your m- so Leia said that if he was going to make her do all the work of running the company, she might as well make the company her own. Gave it a total overhaul, rebranded and everything.”

Twelfth floor, an automated voice chimes before he can voice the thought that that sounds entirely like something Leia would do.

“Well, this is me,” Rey says as the doors begin to slide open. “I’ll see you at home?”

It feels like a dream to hear her say that again after all these years. Rey realizes her slip-up the second she steps off the elevator, and her eyes grow wide as she frantically shakes her head. “I mean, at my home. Which you don’t share. Because you’ve never been there. Because we–”

Kylo smiles, braces one hand against the door while the other reaches out to finally, finally tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “See you later, Rey.”

Her eyes close when his fingers graze her jaw, and he thinks she even leans into his touch. But then there’s a voice from down the hall, an awfully familiar one, and their eyes meet in a moment of total panic.

“Rey, is that you? I was wondering where you’d gone! Would you like to have lunch together?”

Leia’s voice grows dangerously close.

“Go,” Rey urges, and Kylo turns his back on her to conceal himself while he frantically jabs at the button to close the doors.

He finds himself in a café five minutes away from Rey’s office for the rest of the afternoon, scrolling through Instagram and Twitter despite his better judgement.

But the way she said see you at home, the way she sighed and leaned into his hand–

At five, his walk down memory lane is abruptly cut short when his phone lights up with a text.

Leaving work now, home in twenty. Come over whenever.

Kylo makes himself sit still for another ten minutes, even if it’s the hardest thing he’s done in recent memory. And then he calls for an Uber and promptly gets stuck in traffic.

Rey opens the door nearly an hour later and laughs at the sight of his disgruntled face. “You called for a car, didn’t you?”

“Mistakes were made,” he acknowledges, stepping into her apartment. For a moment there it’s almost like he’s stepped back in time, like he’s walked into their old home again.

But her plants are in proper pots now, not chipped mugs and emptied-out jars of food with the labels still on them. And the furniture is significantly nicer, not a single piece rescued from the curb and given a total makeover. It still screams Rey though, at the very heart of it, and he instantly feels more comfortable here than he has anywhere else since they moved out.

“That’s why I bike everywhere,” Rey says as she closes the door behind them, oblivious to his reaction to her home. “Have you eaten? I was thinking of calling for Thai. There’s this great place–” her voice carries as she heads for the kitchen, and he follows her once he’s successfully snapped himself out of it.

“Thai sounds great,” he tells her, watching her retrieve the menu from a drawer stuffed to the brim with brightly colored flyers. The genie drawer, Rey used to call it back in their kitchen, even put up a nice little chalkboard label proclaiming it as such. Like so many other things about her, it had been both endearing and heartbreaking to see how excited she would get about something as mundane as being able to simply place a call and know for sure that your next meal was taken care of, that you wouldn’t have to starve that day.

They settle on their orders, and Rey heads into the living room to get her phone and make the call. He looks out her kitchen window while waiting for her, pictures her standing in this very spot every morning, quietly cradling a mug of tea in a stolen moment of peace before the day ahead. It’s what she used to do, at least, back when their kitchen was barely functional and the view from their window was just a dirty alley.

“Hey,” Rey says as she returns to the kitchen, and when he turns around she has her laptop in hand. “I thought we might as well get it done with, while we’re waiting for food to arrive,” she explains, her smile too tight and close-lipped to be anything but nervous.

“Good idea,” he nods, and moves away from the window to join Rey at the kitchen island. There are two small barstools tucked under one end, and he follows her lead when she slides into one and logs into her laptop.

Rey types in the URL. “So,” she says a little too loudly as they wait for the page to load. “Excited about your promotion?”

“Not really,” Kylo mumbles as thumbnails begin to pop up.

They’re… well, as explicit as you’d expect them to be. But nestled amidst all of that is the occasional image of them just wrapped up in each other, Rey’s arms around his neck and his hair falling forward to obscure them from view as they kiss.

And always, always the slightest hint of a smile on her barely-visible face. He’s beginning to forget what it felt like, to have Rey smile into a kiss. Because for all the tiny details that furnish his longing dreams, there are just as many that have started to slip through his fingers – and he hates it, hates the way each missing detail feels like a fresh cut over a barely-healed wound, hates that time is chipping away at his most precious memories, hates that they’ve been apart for so long, that they’ve been apart at all.

Kylo sighs. “What happened to us?” he murmurs unthinkingly, and from the corner of his eye he catches movement – a flinch?

“Life,” Rey says easily, suddenly fascinated by her own hands. “We went down different paths, grew apart… it happens. People change. You changed,” she shrugs.

She’s never said so before, ended their relationship with a casual looks like we’ll be going to opposite ends of the country, let’s keep in touch rather than any complaints about him changing. He inhales sharply, snaps his head up to look at her. “What do you mean I changed?” His voice is too sharp, too demanding and accusatory, but it’s too late to take it back now.

Rey looks him in the eye, doesn’t falter or hesitate as she confronts him. “When I met you, you said you’d never go into politics because you wanted to actually make a difference, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to do that from within the government,” she reminds him. “And then the next thing I knew, you were working with Snoke and defending the very people you used to rail against, the ones who stood in the way of the change you used to want.”

Kylo takes a deep breath, counts to ten and pays close attention to his tone before he speaks. “I grew up, Rey,” he tells her stiffly, evenly. “That boy – he was naïve and idealistic and he would’ve starved to death working pro bono for every sob story he came across,” or so Snoke has said a hundred times, whenever he feels Kylo is in need of a reminder and some gratitude. “Snoke saw my potential and rescued me from that.” It feels wrong to parrot his mentor’s words back at Rey, especially when he himself stopped believing in them a long time ago. But what else is there to say?

“He didn’t rescue you,” Rey spits bitterly. “He hollowed you out and destroyed everything that made you you! He stripped away your morals and your beliefs and filled the void with a fuckton of money to hide it from you.”

“I’m not– Rey, I’m still me!” He gets to his feet so abruptly that the force of it sends his stool skittering across the floor. “I’m still the same person you knew, I’m still the man who took a job he couldn’t care less about because I wanted a roof over our heads, because I wanted to give you everything–”

Rey shakes her head at him. “I never asked you for everything, Ben. I was happy with what we had, I was happy with you.”

What they had? What they had was a tiny apartment and a mountain of overdue bills and a barely-defined thing between them because Rey never asked for anything but she never let him ask for anything either, never agreed to a proper date or labels or anything real, anything that would have given him the power to hurt her.

“I wasn’t!” Kylo snaps, running a rough hand through his hair, tugging at a tangle in frustration. “God, how do you think I felt, Rey, knowing that other people were getting off to my girlfriend just so that we could pay rent? The things they said about you–”

“Hold on,” Rey stands up, raises a hand in protest. “I was never your girlfriend, we were just–”

“Just what, Rey?” he snarls. “Just living together? Sleeping together? Talking about our future together? I don’t know about you, sweetheart, but that sounds like a relationship to me.”

Rey’s breathing hard and glaring at him and out of nowhere it occurs to him that this is their first fight, that they dated for three years and have been broken up for eight but somehow this is the first time he’s ever raised his voice at her.

“The only reason,” she says slowly, deliberately, bites off each word with thinly-veiled anger and coats it in false calm, “we were living together was because neither of us could afford to pay rent separately. You said so yourself, when you suggested it.”

“For fuck’s sake, Rey,” he sighs, brings a hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose where he can already feel a headache coming on. “Did you really think that was… I mean, come on. If all I wanted was a roommate, I would’ve just asked fucking Hux. He would’ve had a bigger budget. He would’ve had his share of the rent on time every month.”

And this cannot be news to Rey, but still uncertainty casts a shadow over her features as she asks, “Then why…?”

Kylo shakes his head, closes his eyes and runs a heavy hand down his face. “Because I wanted to be with you,” he whispers, something so obvious he’s always just assumed Rey – and the whole wide world, really – must’ve seen it from the very start. “Because I loved you.”

Rey makes a tiny sound – he can’t tell if she’s choking or gasping, not with the doorbell drowning her out so that all he can see is the way her lips part infinitesimally in shock.

“I’ll get it,” Kylo sighs when the bell rings again, reaching for the wallet in his back pocket. The fact that Rey doesn’t even react when normally she’d be fighting to split the bill makes him wonder if he’s broken her.

Did she really not know? How? God, the way he’d look at her, the way he’d hold her close and sigh her name – wasn’t any of it obvious enough? Wasn’t it written in big red letters across his forehead that he had been a fucking goner for her from the very start?

When he comes back into the kitchen, Rey is still standing in the exact same spot. He leaves her be, busies himself with taking plastic containers of food out of the bags and setting them out on her countertop.

“Ben?”

He turns around to find her hugging herself, arms wrapped around her waist and shoulders hunched in on herself so that she looks even tinier than usual, lost and scared and–

“Did you mean it? That you loved me back then?”

Kylo brings his hands behind his back, wedges them between his body and the kitchen counter to subdue the urge to cross the room and hold her. Rey stares at him unblinkingly, even as her arms grows tighter and she grows smaller, even as she sinks her nails into the soft flesh of her waist.

It hurts, to see her like this. Eight years and still all he wants is to always be there for her, to make her feel happy and safe all the time.

“I think I still do,” he admits quietly.

Rey makes that sound again – it’s a sob, he can hear it clearly now – and runs into his arms.

The food grows cold, forgotten on the countertop as they stumble into the living room.

After, snuggled up together on her tiny couch that’s so small she has to sprawl out on top of him rather than beside him, he gives voice to a dream he buried long ago.

“I thought I was going to marry you.”

Rey lifts her head from his chest, props herself up with her palms braced just above his shoulders. “What?”

“Back in college,” he explains, one hand drawing circles into her hip while the other brushes her hair out of her face. “Back when we… I’d look at you, sometimes, and out of nowhere I’d think, I’m going to marry her someday.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Rey asks gently, leaning in to brush the lightest of kisses against his lips.

“Didn’t want to scare you off, at first,” Kylo shrugs. “And then everything else happened so fast and we’d already made plans to move to opposite ends of the country. You know what’s crazy?” he asks, exhaling a short, bitter laugh. “Even then I thought we’d make it. I thought maybe I'd work with Snoke for a couple of years, save up enough for us to be okay while I looked for a better job where you were. Or maybe you'd hate it with my uncle and decide to fly out and find something closer to me. But then…”

But then there was talk of keeping in touch, a request to just text me once in a while, Ben, it won’t kill you to stay social, and with it came the heartbreaking realization that they weren’t anything worth holding on to, not to Rey.

He tears himself away from the memory. Just minutes ago she had hidden an endless string of I love yous in the crook of his neck, and that’s enough for him now. That has be to enough, because it’s already more than he’s ever dared to so much as daydream of.

“You never said anything,” Rey murmurs now, dropping her head back onto his chest. “I thought…”

“I wish I had,” he whispers into the silence, shifts slightly to nuzzle her temple.

Rey pushes against his chest, moves until they’re both sitting on the couch facing each other. “But…” she pauses, takes a deep breath as if to brace herself. “But things are different now, right? I mean, you’ve got everything you wanted now, what with the promotion and–”

He laughs bitterly, anguished enough for Rey to fall silent and stare at him wide-eyed. “Rey, you are everything I wanted. The rest was just… I don’t even know anymore,” he admits in defeat, can’t think of a single reason he left her behind for such a hollow life. “I hate it, all of it. I hate my job, I hate my apartment, I hate my life.”

She stares at him thoughtfully, nibbling on her bottom lip as she considers the situation at hand. The shirt he’d scooped up from the ground to drape around her shoulders is dangerously close to falling off as she shrugs and says, “Then quit.”

Oh, how he wants to. But – “And then what?”

Rey shuffles closer on her knees, climbs into his lap and plays with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Then come here,” she suggests easily. “Look for a job.” And then, after the slightest pause– “Marry me.”

His ears are ringing. He can’t possibly have heard that right, because Rey is still giving him that nonchalant look, still absentmindedly playing with his hair. “What?”

“That was your original plan, right?” Rey reminds him. “Quit after a few years with Snoke, move here to find a job, marry me someday,” she says it so softly, so lovingly, and in her eyes he sees all of it, sees that life he gave up on years ago. “I know it’s been a while, Ben, but… it’s not too late, if you still want it. If you still want us.”

“I– of course I still–” The idea that he might not is impossible to even wrap his head around. “But… Rey, are you serious? I know what I said, and I meant it, but you don’t have to… I mean, we can take it slow, if you want.” They’ve already wasted eight years, after all. What’s a few more so long as it means he gets to be with her, wife or not?

Rey shakes her head, surges up to kiss him all desperate and needy and so, so sure in her actions, her suggestions. “I’ve spent every single day of the last eight years,” she confesses against his lips, “trying to pretend that there isn’t a giant you-shaped hole in my life. So yes,” Rey gives him one last peck before she pulls away, “yes, I’m serious. Come back to me, Ben. It’ll be different this time, I promise.”

Her eyes are wide and earnest, and of course he knows exactly what she’s talking about, feels his heart get stuck in his throat at such a promise. “I feel like I should be the one asking to come back,” Kylo mumbles, thinking of how he left her behind all those years ago, of how much Rey has always hated being left behind and sure, this time it was different, it was just a day before she left for a new life of her own, but still. Maybe if he’d fought harder then, if he’d been willing to make sacrifices… “Feel like I should’ve been the one to ask you to marry me, too.”

“And you will,” Rey smiles, taking his words as a yes. “This isn’t a real proposal, Ben Solo,” she warns him playfully, jabs one finger at his chest. “You’re still going to have to gather up the nerve to ask me properly, some day. But for now... for now it’s a plan.”

She looks at him expectantly, as if there’s any world out there where he would say no to this. “It’s a good plan,” he tells her, pulls her in for a lingering kiss and rests his forehead against hers. “I like it.”

“Good,” Rey murmurs against his lips, and they don’t talk again for a good long while.

“We should probably still take those videos down though, right?” she asks the next morning, right after he hangs up on a puzzled Mitaka who’s still struggling to process his resignation.

Ben chucks his phone far, far away before Snoke can start to bombard him with calls and angry emails, pulls Rey into his arms and drags her back down under the covers. “I guess,” he sighs mournfully, dotting kisses along her bare shoulder.

“Babe,” Rey laughs, squirms in his arms when he focuses on a particularly ticklish spot under her ear and turns to face him. “You do realize that I have backup copies, right?”

He had not, in fact, realized that.

“God, I love you.”

Anything Reylo is usually soothing to my soul so I'm posting this in the hopes that at least some of you will enjoy this silly, tame take on the 'we were young and broke and needed the money, plus we were already having sex anyway so why not?' trope. (Seriously though, is that a trope? I don't know anymore.)

As always, I hope you guys enjoyed this even the tiniest bit. If you did, please don’t hesitate to like/reblog/leave a comment/scream at me in the tags.

I'm planning to participate in the Reylo AU Week happening later this month, so... see you guys then. In the meantime, thanks for reading!

#reylo #rey/ben solo #rey/kylo ren #kylo ren/rey #ben solo/rey #modern au #star wars #rey #ben solo #kylo ren #fic: a forever you and me #fic archive #my fics

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carasstarwarsmusings · 6 years

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Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you’ve created this past year (fics, art, edits, etc!) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2017. Tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original!) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

I was tagged by the wonderful and talented @perrydowning

I only started writing fic in 2017, so at least I don’t have to sort through what’s eligible. Let’s see though...

Snare

My first AU and second fic, an AU where the Resistance was waiting in Tuanal to ambush the First Order with the intent of capturing Kylo Ren. He escapes, injured. While this is a fairly dark, pragmatic Kylo that shifts lighter through the story, this fic pushes most characters into a very morally grey zone. Expect the unexpected.

“Kriffing bitch,” he growled the words out, refusing to look to the corner where she sat.

“So nice to see you too, Ben,” her voice was cold. He didn’t need to see her to know the hard, steely glint that would be in her eyes. The way she always looked when she locked away her emotions and operated on sheer determination to do something, and damn the consequences to those around her.

It was the look she had when she sent him away, even as he pleaded with her not to make him go. He winced at the memory, now raw again after reliving it in the force vision. His chin tapped the metal band around his neck and he let out a growl, “You put a suppression collar on me.”

“We did,” she answered, “it’s a nicer option than the chemical suppressants.”

“You collared me like a kriffing dog.” He gritted his teeth, “Kriffing bitch. ”

He heard her stand and the rattling of the chair as she dragged it closer, so she was sitting in front of him. Still he refused to look at her, keeping his eyes trained onto the floor. “It’s unfortunate, but necessary.” She paused, he could see in his mind her pursing her lips as she waited to see if he’d say anything else, “This entire ordeal, I’m afraid, was unfortunate but necessary.”

Anger spiked in him again and he jerked hard on the chains before stilling, staring at the floor. “ Unfortunate . Yes, nearly killing me was unfortunate . Getting so many of your people killed was unfortunate . Niima being leveled to ruins was unfortunate . Tell me, did you do anything to help your allies down on Jakku? Or did you pull your people out without even an apology for leaving them with nothing but destruction?”

There was a long pause, the room silent except for the sound of his mother’s deep breaths. He had aggravated her with an accusation that was completely true and she loathed to even think about. But when she spoke again, her voice was calm and cold.

“You’ve seen the rest of the map to Luke,” she said, as he blew air angrily out of his nose. “And you’re going to give it to us so we can find him.”

Chained

My very first fic (well, at least since my teenage years). Canonverse post TFA. Kylo starts very dark, be warned on that. Kylo and Rey deal with the aftermath of Starkiller and the realization that their minds appear to be linked. A complex (but far less grumpy than the one we got in TLJ) Luke, fiesty Rey, dark and obsessed Kylo. I even brought Ezra Bridger and Sabine Wren into this story (but not in a way that requires you to have ever watched Rebels). It’s a fun, very plot driven ride. And I really like this Kylo---

“I don’t think they saw us,” she said, quietly, backing away from the door and ducking behind one of the consoles. Her nerves were on edge as the sound of footsteps stopped somewhere close to the room they were in. Leia nodded, her face pale, peering over the console.

It all fell quiet and for a moment she felt like she could breath again.

Then the door exploded inward.

A pair of troopers rushed, raising their blasters. She jumped to her feet, ready to ignite her staff, when the two went flying in opposite directions and smashed into the walls. Freezing in place, her head not quite wrapped around what just happened, she heard the sound of commotion and shouting and a few screams from the hall… and whistling. A pleasant, almost jaunty sort of tune. Someone was whistling? Dakriff?

A lightsaber crackled from the hallway as another trooper screamed in pain, and her breath caught in realization.

Ren appeared in the doorway, saber crackling in his right hand. Nonchalant, whistling, as if he was strolling through a park and not a battle. As if he likely hadn’t just cut his way through a unit of stormtroopers. His eyes met hers and grinned.

One of the stormtroopers who’d been flung into the wall shifted, trying to raise his blaster. Ren’s head turned and the arm lifting the blaster slammed into the ground. He spun his saber as he walked casually over to the trooper who strained against the force hold. Lifting the saber up mid twirl and catching the hilt in both hands, he plunged the blade straight down through the trooper’s chest. Withdrawing it he spun it again, glancing over at the remaining trooper, he appeared to deem him not a threat and disengaged his saber.

He still hadn't stopped whistling.

Apathetic Synergy

AU where Rey is captured on Starkiller and is taken prisoner by the FO. Slow burn forced cohabitation as Ren tries to gain her trust and loyalty. Very wild, feral Rey and an OCD Ren.

She stared up at him, trying to blink back tears that were leaking out of her eyes. “I want to go home…” she whispered. “Please, just let me go home.”

He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh as he shook his head, “No.”

“I need… I need to get back. You don’t understand I need to get back,” her voice broke. “I’ve been gone too long…” A dam broke as she started to sob below him.

The depth of her fear and sadness seemed to fill the room. Still holding her down, he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers as he shook his head, “There was never anything for you there beside false hope.” He pulled back as she shook her head hard letting go of her wrists and sitting up. She pulled her hands down and buried her face in them.

“Look at me, Rey,” he said, leaning over her slightly. She pulled her hand down and looked up at him, her hazel eyes wet. “They were never coming back,” he said, voice gentle.

Her eyes shut as she shook her head, another sob wracking her. He sighed, rolling himself off of her, looking down she curled herself up as she cried. After a minute or two he reached down, slipping his arms under her back and cradling her against him awkwardly. It had been a long time since he had tried to comfort anyone. Tucking her head under his chin, he let her sob into his chest.

“Whoever they were, they didn’t deserve you anyway,” he murmured. “They didn’t deserve you.”

Low Places

My sequel to Pro Forma, which you may want to read first for background, but I don’t think it’s necessary to understand the story. Given my tendency to write dark and angsty stuff, this fic is my relief of lighthearted banter and affection between these two idiots on opposite sides of the war who are totally infatuated with one another. Bonus, Phasma/Mitaka side ship, which I’ve been told does have the official ship label of “Lt. Chrome”. I wouldn’t call this fic angsty free, but it’s angsty light and with wonderfully cheesy flirtation mixed in.

“The blond--”

He let out a laugh, “Phasma?”

“You two seem friendly.” He seemed really amused by this-- was he laughing at her? It wasn’t until she noticed him looking at her mouth that she realized she was pouting, her lower lip sticking out as she glared at him. Gods, was she a five year old? Her face burned and she forced her lips straight.

Ren just shook his head, “We’re friends, kind of, in whatever way people like her and me can have friends.” He leaned towards her, “You were jealous.”

“I am… “ she sputtered a moment. That was ridiculous, “I am not jealous.”

“Is that so?” he gave her a patronizing smile.

“I ran into her in the ‘fresher,” she said, trying to reestablish her footing again as she glared accusingly, “I got the feeling she knew---”

“Oh…” he leaned back, looking slightly sheepish.

She put her face in her hands, shaking her head, “You told her?”

“So…” he leaned forward, “here’s the thing with me and Phasma. I provide the whiskey, we bitch about work-- mainly Hux, mostly we bitch about Hux, and she listens and absolves me of my sins.”

She shook her head at the absurdity of this, “I’m a sin then?”

His eyes scanned down from her face and back up again, “Best I ever committed.”

Something to Love

My take on a Reylo baby fic. At some point, post TFA, Rey and Ren ran off together, building a home and a family hidden in wildspace far from the war. But sadly, the war isn’t done with them, six years later they find themselves dragged back to the mess against their will.

I warn you in advance that I will make you hate characters you didn’t know you could hate in this fic. It’s very very angsty. If you don’t like angst, read chapter one and pretend that I don’t have any other chapters where I utterly destroy the domestic bliss I create in that first one.

She growled, it was a feral sound, “I want to talk to Organa.”

“Organa’s not the only one in charge now, Rey. But I’m sure she’ll want to talk to you too.”

Frowning, her eyes darted to the rank badge on his jacket before looking back at him, “I see you’ve moved up in the world. Is that your way of telling me you were behind this?”

“I’m one of them. Your seizure was my operation,” he studied her. “And it’s my way of warning you that Organa has no say in any of this. Conflict of interest.”

She blinked again, her eyes wet, willing herself not to cry, not now, “Why? We weren’t hurting anyone, why go through all this effort for us?”

There was a long pause before Poe sat up and leaned an elbow on the table. He opened his mouth, then shut it, seeming to reconsider what he was about to say before finally speaking, “We need your help, Rey.”

“My help?” She stared incredulously. “You attacked us, kidnapped us, kidnapped my children , and you think I’m going to help you?”

“The First Order, they’re building something. A weapon. But we’re not entirely sure what it is,” he seemed to be ignoring her outburst. “And give we’re currently pinned back, investigating is next to impossible. We want to attack some key First Order bases, see if we can’t get some breathing room, before going in and finding out what they’re doing before it’s too late. We could use a little Jedi help in all this.”

“I’m not a Jedi,” she snapped.

“Close enough.”

Okay, that’s my five, I tag @dvrksister, @reylojohnson, @nottheyounglings, @otterlyanonymous, and @lonelyspacebabies. Play if you like, ignore if you’d rather not ;)

#tumblr games #my writing #my fics #reylo #reylo fanfics

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