Just take it from me.

I posted 25,693 times in 2022

That's 14,507 more posts than 2021!

167 posts created (1%)

25,526 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cabybapa

@sunsetwaffle345

@cabbagezonk

@dingdongyouarewrong

@shortgremlinman

I tagged 1,487 of my posts in 2022

#nashing my teeth violently - 105 posts

#fave - 82 posts

#unreality - 36 posts

#shining nikki - 27 posts

#stranger things - 24 posts

#strangerthingsedit - 14 posts

#yes - 13 posts

#art - 13 posts

#illustration - 13 posts

#will byers - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#being an unabashed fan… writing fanfic… being so preoccupied with songs and driving through the mountains and iced lattes and my little gays

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

How s5 Byler would go down if I was in charge:

Will officially comes out (and he actually says he’s Gay. Like no just “I like men” he says the word gay)

Mike feels threatened by this because of his own internalized homophobia and sexuality, and gets upset

Will is understandably heartbroken and mad

Jonathan blows up at Mike

Next episode

Mike and Will haven’t resolved this yet, both are still upset and visibly uncomfortable w each other

Will and Jonathan talk about what happened, Jonathan is a fantastic brother once again

Dramatic shot of Mike staring at Will’s painting

He is visibly frustrated trying to figure himself out, thinking about Eleven etc., angry at himself for losing his best friend

Next episode

Mike thinks back to the “crazy together” scene

Realizes if he is gay and Will is gay, they can be gay together (platonically, not a couple in his eyes yet) just like they said in that scene

Mike tries to talk to Will, Jonathan refuses to leave them alone together, they end up talking in a closet for privacy with Jonathan outside the door “just in case”

Mike admits to Will he got upset because he is also gay and didn’t want to admit that to himself, they do the “crazy together” thing again, sappy mushy stuff, they hug and are best friends again.

Important that they are not romantically involved yet because Will still hasn’t fully gotten over Mike’s outburst. Jonathan is still wary of Mike despite Will forgiving him

Romantic tension is rebuilt over the following episodes

During the climax of main plot there is a Byler kiss (maybe Mike does it to save Will or vice versa)

Also side non-byler details: all the other gay characters get to actually call themselves gay or lesbian, and Robin gets a girlfriend. Mike gets more character development other than “boyfriend guy” and Eleven decides that she doesn’t need a man, or anybody.

66 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

#4

kitten school newsletter call that a school mewsletter

92 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

#3

amaury guichon will ask if somebody's already made something out of chocolate and not wait for an answer

104 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#2

Among us babies are like butterfly wings when you touch them the color comes off on your fingers

112 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

As much as everybody's justifiably railing on Chris Pratt for his acting, after watching the new trailer I honestly don't think Anya Taylor-Joy is a very good fit for Peach either. The problem isn't that they're bad actors, it's that they are not voice actors. When I hear Anya's or Chris's voice I don't picture Peach and Mario, I picture two regular adult people who wouldn't stand out in a coffee shop. Which isn't the point of animated movies and voice acting! ESPECIALLY with Mario! This is supposed to be a movie about cartoonish characters in a video game fantasy world saving the day, and their voices should fit with that theme. That's why Charles Martinet's Mario voice works so well, because it makes sense for what Mario is supposed to be. This trend of giving voice acting specific jobs to non-voice actors who have no experience with this kind of work is detrimental to animation and film! It is removing job opportunities from people who have spent their lives learning this craft and handing it over to a celebrity with no experience just because they're famous. The beauty of voice acting and animation in general is how you are completely creating a character. The whole point of voice acting is that you don't point to a character in a film and say, "hey, that's Chris Pratt" the point is that people will point to the charcater and go "oh, new character!" This movie is more and more frustrating to me the more I realize how much it feels like a money grab exclusively because of the casting. The animation, the music, and the effects are all completely perfect for a Mario movie, but so many of the acting choices feel like someone just rifled through a list of "100 most popular celebrities" and chose whoever was vaguely similar to "average white man voice" or "average white woman voice". No matter how popular these people are or how good they are at acting in front of a camera or on stage, they can not voice act.

10,140 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

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The Structure of Ulysses, plus Sonic, Part I

Ulysses is a big book. And I intend on adapting all of it at some point into a series I call Sonic Hamlet, where everyone is played by video game characters. I’m not going to explain why video game characters just yet, you’ve got to just accept them for now.

So far, I have not made much progress with the actual adaptation (I have the first third of the first episode done and on YouTube, click here for it). However, I have made progress in rereading and understanding Ulysses, I’ve made far more progress than I honestly thought I was capable of. And I think I might be ready to at least outline some things. I believe strongly that Ulysses will be of interest to many people alive today, and I do not accept language as a valid barrier to comprehension, only a temporary obstacle. But the onus is on those of us who have read Ulysses, we have to be the ones to clear those obstacles away, we cannot just expect people to read it, we have to help because those obstacles are very much there! Ulysses was hard to read even at its time, but there’s a difference between an intentional challenge and the changing of parlance over time. And the intentional challenge? Is wonderful. It in fact helps us embrace life, the big and the little things in it, the complicated cycles that overwhelm, the fast-paced sarcastic comedy of young people, the slow-paced enigmatic wit of those so ancient they perished long ago, the clash of cultures suggesting inevitable conflict and yet still hiding pathways to real diverse peace.

As an adaptation, my work is a sort of translation, this has to be. I don’t want to change any of the words, though-- Ulysses has a structure to it, a mathematical and logical and literary structure, and the specific words are a part of that. Translations into other languages, those naturally must deal with changing the words, but they try their best to still stick within the plan of the original’s intent. The only language I’m translating into is the extratextual-- I’m adding images, sounds, pauses for reflection. I’m realizing an interpretation of the original text, in the hopes that my audience might have a better foothold for comfortably examining and interpreting Ulysses themselves. The original words can still fit in that context. But character names? Sure. I can accept changing those.

So. So. Sonic Hamlet. As Ulysses is a book, so Sonic Hamlet is a show. As Ulysses is of three main parts with various Episodes in each, so Sonic Hamlet is of three seasons with various Episodes. Following me?

Part I, my Season 1, has three episodes. It is sometimes called the Telemachiad, as it deals with the Telemachus of the story, Stephen Dedalus (hereby Sonic Dedalus), as he goes through the motions of an increasingly despondent life without a trustworthy guide.

Part II, my Season 2, has twelve episodes. It is sometimes called the Odyssey, or the Wanderings of Ulysses, as it deals with the Odysseus of the story, Leopold Bloom (hereby Mario Bloom), as he navigates the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in hopes of returning home victorious.

Part III, my Season 3, has three episodes. It is sometimes called the Nostos, or the Homecoming, as it deals our Odysseus’s bold return and the stratagems which fell the suitors of his wife, Marion “Molly” Bloom (hereby Peach Bloom).

I will, for now, compose three posts, one for each Season. I will not point out all the coolest shit, all the patterns and correspondences, but I will give a general outline as best I can. Maybe this outline, alone, will give all the help a reader needs to “get” the premise of Ulysses and thus be able to read the original. But ultimately I write this not for any reader but for my own benefit. I need to organize and consolidate some things, see. And I’d may as well start somewhere.

So. Here we go.

Part I / Season 1: The Telemachiad (8 AM - Noon)

Episode 1 / 101: Telemachus

Sonic Dedalus is 22 years old. His mother died last year, putting a damper on his aspirations of travelling other countries and becoming a poet. Now he’s contributing rent money to a buddy’s cultural project (”let’s rent out an old watchtower and turn Ireland into Ancient Greece,” that’s about as thought-out as the plan became). His buddy, Big Mulligan, doesn’t seem to have much respect for Sonic, just an incessantly jovial tolerance. Staying with them is Shadow Haines, an Englishman with a gun who wants to write a book of all the quirky folk-sayings of the primitive rural Irish. Big thinks Sonic could contribute a lot to that. Everyone seems to like Big and Shadow; their conspicuous and confident personalities shine above the material worries of the Dublin lower-class. The lady who delivers milk for their breakfast that morning (played by Tikal) listens to Shadow with reverence and doesn’t even seem to notice Sonic, who pays for the breakfast and sees Ireland’s spirit in her. That morning, Big gets Sonic to promise him a sizable chunk of Sonic’s salary will go towards getting them all drunk later. He also gets the key to the tower from him, for some reason. And he gets naked and goes for a swim, as Sonic walks off to do his day’s work.

Episode 2 / 102: Nestor

Sonic works as a temporary teacher at a nearby school. Today, he teaches his class about the historical battle at Asculum, where Pyrrhus gave his famous quote (”another victory like that, and we’re done for”). They’re not terribly interested, since today’s hockey day and they want to play outside, but that’s okay, Sonic’s mind isn’t really focused today either. He’s got some themes battling in his head, and they won’t go away. Though they don’t stop him from at least giving the kids a strange riddle and helping a poor kid with his math homework. And the kids all play hockey. This episode takes its name from an old boastful king, whose advice keeps young Telemachus going (waiting for his father’s return from the war), but also whose company is a bit much in long bursts. Here, Nestor is played by the headmaster of the school (whose video game character I have not assigned), Mr. Deasy. Deasy is a West Briton, the type of Irishman who thinks he’s English and thinks Ireland is just the westernmost province of England. So, probably a Protestant. I really don’t remember right this minute. But in practice, it means Deasy talks down on a lot of people all while thinking he’s being a nice old man. He has money, he keeps his money, he says this is a very English thing to do, and he judges all those who can’t pay their way. He loves history, sees it as one steady march towards the real manifestation of God, and he thinks Sonic unhappy for his view that history is “a nightmare from which I am trying to wake.” But he at least pays him, his salary and some decency. And, knowing Sonic has some “literary contacts,” he gives him a letter to deliver to the newspapers, a letter proposing a solution to foot-and-mouth disease (this will come up later). And as Sonic leaves the school for the day, Deasy hails him down to say one last thing: a jovial bit of earnest antisemitism. “You know why Ireland is one of the only countries that never persecuted the jews?” “Why?” “She never let them in!” And he laughs, the light of the sun dancing coins on his shoulders.

Episode 3 / 103: Proteus

It is now 11 AM. Sonic, after leaving the school, walked all the way to Dublin proper. Here he is on the Strand, a sort of beach, having some alone time, thinking of many things, many memories (his short stay in Paris as a poet, his interactions with the family of uncle Richie who lives nearby to the Strand, his childhood), many subjects (Greek philosophy, Latin theology, aspirations, self-loathing), the sights he sees (midwives with bags, someone walking a dog, lots of flotsam). Ultimately, there’s a trend of trying to pin down the unpinnable, to put into words the ineluctable modality of the visible, the limits of the diaphane; this clues us into the Odyssean correspondence. Proteus is god of the sea, ever changing shapeshifter, who it is said will grant a wish to anyone who is able to hold him still for long enough. Just as Telemachus, in now understanding some context about his father, waits by the sea and wonders how he-- how anyone-- could successfully return with their wits intact when the gods are so multifaceted and the waters so unpredictable, just as Telemachus watches the sea, so does Sonic watch the morphing world of his senses.

And that’s Part I of Ulysses, and that’s Season 1 of Sonic Hamlet. We will see Sonic again later in the day, we’ll actually see quite a bit of him, but this is the point of departure for the text itself. This whole time, the text has taken Sonic’s psyche, the energy and passion and associations dormant in his thoughts, and infused it with a more novel-like narration of What Actually Happens, altogether producing The Text what readers read. It’s happened relatively slowly, with sparks of surprising creativity manifesting in each episode, the “narrative” doing “weird” “things” “all of a sudden,” and Proteus acts as a sort of climax, allowing Sonic’s psyche the whole spotlight and putting What Actually Happens in the background. I’ve said before that the text “wakes up” over the course of these early episodes, but I now think what really happens is the text holds back in order to allow the reader to wake up, to recognize that the text, the narrative itself, is the narrator, that not even focal characters like Sonic are the source of the viewpoint we see, that.. there’s something more going on. A greater Argument being made. But it will take time to even see the whole argument. And here let me bring up medieval pedagogy regarding the art of syllogism: it has been conventional to view the initial order of cognitive thought as “Subject, Middle, Predicate” (as opposed to any other order of those terms which are all, in fact, valid). This is a big factor behind why we’re taught to view stories as constituting a “beginning, middle, end,” and why we’re taught to give arguments (essays!) in the same structure. It’s all because that’s how Christian theology saw the Greek tool of syllogism should be taught, back in the middle ages. With me so far? Okay, cool. So Ulysses is made up of three main parts. There’s a lot of reasons why given episodes are strictly in one part and not others, but perhaps one of the most aesthetically pleasing bits of trivia is that Part I begins with the letter S, Part II begins with the letter M, and Part III begins with the letter P. Subject, Middle, Predicate. A valid structure for a formal argument. Season 1 of Sonic Hamlet, in following Ulysses as far as I feasibly am able to, gives us the thematic subject of a greater argument being made. And that makes Season 2, or Part II, the bulk of the argument, the middle.

So what goes on, then, in the middle of this grand argument? If Sonic isn’t the point, then who is? If Sonic is Telemachus, then who is Odysseus, the wise father-king-husband-hero coming home from the great war? We can interpret the sea of his voyage as probably being his shifting senses, as per Proteus, so then what are the trials on his sea, the trials on his senses? Who are the gods that he faces, what are the stratagems he comes up with in order to appease and survive?

Well, Joyce was adamant of this: The modern Odysseus in Ireland would have to be of Jewish descent. He would have to be a staunch pacifist. He would have to have a marriage in a questionable state of stability. He would have to be a stick in the mud, a party pooper with an adorably dry sense of humour and a physically average build, a serious and unrelenting cuck, and yet a man with sensible ideas of how to spend money generously and pipe dreams of a socialist nation where love and equality triumph. He would not stand in opposition to the modern bigoted uncaring society, his friends and neighbours, but he would be tasked with changing it all the same.

The modern Odysseus is Leopold Bloom. The modern Odysseus is the prototypical social justice warrior.

And that’s who the bulk of Ulysses is about, that’s the psyche we’ll get to explore, that’s what I’ll post about later on.

Get Your Game On! -- FFXV x The Video Game Store

Oh hey, guess where I work at. Now guess what inspired me to write this headcanon. C: YEAH BUDDY. Have some headcanons about these awesome characters as some... Maybe just as awesome customers!

Noctis Lucis Caelum -- 

The silent browser.

If you greet him, and he’d awkwardly tell you that he’s just looking around.

Spends all of his time staring at the games in the Playstation section -- VITA included.

You don’t really know what he’s looking for, but he looks confused at everything.

Even when you think he’s lost and confused, he comes up with ten games.

Not sure if he’s getting these games because he’s going to play them all, or just for the sake of having them.

Maybe both, but you’re still confused when he comes back in next week for more games.

Plays a little bit of everything to know about anything.

But recommending games to him is a nightmare because he’s played everything.

He’s a good guy though, so you don’t mind him browsing for hours upon hours.

Prompto Argentum --

Way too excited to be shopping for video games.

But at least the energy makes it fun to work.

Likes to shout out questions from across the store as he’s looking at games, but never directly approaches because he’s looking still.

‘Have you played this one?!’ You have, and so has he. He was just wondering.

Stoked for anything and everything JRPG and anime.

Does the really loud and dramatic gasp that signals you that he’s probably going to buy something.

But usually whenever he opens his wallet, he cries inside because there goes his money.

And yet, he comes back next week and hollers about how good the game he got was.

Comes to all of the late-night launches for his favorite games and takes pictures to promote the store alot.

Has probably waited 12 long years for KH3.

Ignis Scientia -- 

The last real game he’s played was released, like, a million years ago.

Doesn’t play video games often, but he came in and upgraded his system when someone decided to add his console to their ‘collection.’

Settled with a Playstation because he’s curious about what the interest was.

You don’t see him for another month later after he bought his system, Detroit and Horizon Zero Dawn.

He had to 100% complete both of the games before he trades them in and finds another couple.

Did you know there’s DLC, Iggy? ‘There is?!’ He buys it and plays the crap out of that too.

He only ever gets a couple games at a time, but they’re lengthy guys.

Three months later, and he still hasn’t completed Skyrim. 

But then again, can you even really beat that game?

He’s the regular that makes it his mission to bring cookies as a gift for the holidays. For being such a helpful staff.

Gladiolus Amicitia -- 

Looks like a burly FPS bro, so it’s not surprising that he is one.

Gets all of the Call of Duty and Battlefield games when they come out, like it’s a designer trend.

Yes, they’re both the upgraded editions too.

Plays mostly Grade A titles that happen to be popular around the time, and brags about it alot.

He’s very direct about what he wants, and rarely ever browses for a new game.

Xbox for life. Doesn’t care that everyone else has Playstation because he just borrows Ignis’s system.

Comes in sometimes not for his own games, but simply to find a rare otome or harem anime game.

You squint a bit at Code Realize in your hands, but he says that its for his little sister.

But you caught him in the act when you made a passive comment about how Arsene was your favorite character.

Hey, he’s gotta play something in between the release of his CODs and Battlefields!

Lunafreya Nox Fleuret -- 

Doesn’t have time to be at home usually for an actual home console, so he’s quite happy with Nintendo Switch.

She gets all of the cute games on her system, and often uses it for little kids to help calm them when healing them.

Doesn’t know what games to get usually, so she has lengthy conversations about what would be a cute one.

Gets more obscure games usually, but that’s because the covers look the cutest.

An absolute fan of Cat Quest, because cats.

She’s always asking about what new games would be nice to keep an eye on, and preorders to make sure she gets them.

Free stuff? You bet your butt you’re giving it to her. The puppy face is too much.

She got Super Smash Bros for her Switch recently, thinking it’d be fun for the kids to play.

But she had to unlock all of the characters on her own, so she played for a week straight.

Don’t ever challenge her to Smash Bros now. She’ll destroy you with Zelda.

Ravus Nox Fleuret -- 

He’s that poor sucker that gets the older generation consoles from pretty much everyone.

Not that he minds. He’s okay with a casual game here and there.

Browses exclusively in the discount game bin, only to be disgruntled by the million copies of Madden in it.

All about that RPG life where he can be a knight in it.

But he comes back in shock as he tells you the story about that elf Zevran and how he accidentally witnessed an awkward romance scene.

Now he plays these glorified dating sims. For the story and for the handsome men.

He’ll often come to the store on weird occasions -- usually at night -- to ask you about all of his tech support and game walkthrough questions.

He’s technologically handicapped.

Tends to get all of the warranties and game protections on everything he buys.

He’s got nasty game rage and dogs, so he keeps everything protected.

Ardyn Izunia --

A fan of the classics and comes in often with the games he buys online through the web inventory.

Opens it all up to make sure if things are fakes or not, because collector’s gotta collect.

Gets on his high-horse alot about how he has an unsealed collector’s edition of The Witcher III, which you still don’t believe him on.

He comes in with the intent on preordering collector’s editions only for games, and drops so much money on all of it.

How rich is this guy?! It’s probably best that you don’t know.

All of his games are in steelbooks, so he asks often about if you can give him whatever steelbooks you have to keep his games in tact.

Tiny retro game systems? You bet your butt he wants to buy those.

Supposedly can speedrun Super Mario Bros in record time, but again: you still don’t believe him.

Probably the most eccentric person you deal with, and he’s actually really difficult with his insane collector’s demands.

But nevertheless, he definitely keeps things interesting, and gives you stellar reviews.

Cor Leonis -- 

He doesn’t really come in for the video games, to be honest, but is still a regular for some reason.

Bought Red Dead Redemption 2, and that’s been the only game he’s been playing.

You try to recommend other things, but nope. Only Red Dead.

And Monster Hunter World. He admittedly enjoyed that one too.

But you make most of your sales from him when he buys collectibles.

All about those Dragon Ball and anime statues.

Avoided the POP figures for a long time, but caved when he saw a Sailor Moon POP.

It was too cute. Don’t judge him.

He gets made fun of by the other regular, Loqi, that ‘conveniently’ happens to be shopping the same time as him.

But jokes on Loqi. His Madara statue is worth more than Loqi’s car.

I’m Ready To Dig Pre-K Construction Back To School Boys Kids T-Shirt

I love this last day to enter I’m Ready To Dig Pre-K Construction Back To School Boys Kids T-Shirt . For a chance to meet me and Mario at Westfield century city on June 30! learn how you can enter: |happy birthday to one of my favorite souls on this planet! khloé Kardashian this year you have shown strength like none other. I admire you for always following your heart. I love seeing you as a mom and can’t wait for the years ahead. let’s celebrate you today 2 more days to enter for a chance to meet me and Mario at the beauty pop-up! 50 participants will be selected at random to attend a private event hosted by me and Mario on June 30, 2018, at Westfield century city no purchase necessary. He flattered himself, she had a drunk mistake and she didn’t actually find him that cute or was interested. He always was into curvy blondes and I was a slim brunette so I guess he thought he found his upgrade. Tbh idk if she even knew he had a gf and they met at a party when I was in NY.I’m Ready To Dig Pre-K Construction Back To School Boys Kids T-Shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

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I love this last day to enter I’m Ready To Dig Pre-K Construction Back To School Boys Kids T-Shirt . For a chance to meet me and Mario at Westfield century city on June 30! learn how you can enter: |happy birthday to one of my favorite souls on this planet! khloé Kardashian this year you have shown strength like none other. I admire you for always following your heart. I love seeing you as a mom and can’t wait for the years ahead. let’s celebrate you today 2 more days to enter for a chance to meet me and Mario at the beauty pop-up! 50 participants will be selected at random to attend a private event hosted by me and Mario on June 30, 2018, at Westfield century city no purchase necessary. He flattered himself, she had a drunk mistake and she didn’t actually find him that cute or was interested. He always was into curvy blondes and I was a slim brunette so I guess he thought he found his upgrade. Tbh idk if she even knew he had a gf and they met at a party when I was in NY.I’m Ready To Dig Pre-K Construction Back To School Boys Kids T-Shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

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I love this last day to enter I’m Ready To Dig Pre-K Construction Back To School Boys Kids T-Shirt . For a chance to meet me and Mario at Westfield century city on June 30! learn how you can enter: |happy birthday to one of my favorite souls on this planet! khloé Kardashian this year you have shown strength like none other. I admire you for always following your heart. I love seeing you as a mom and can’t wait for the years ahead. let’s celebrate you today 2 more days to enter for a chance to meet me and Mario at the beauty pop-up! 50 participants will be selected at random to attend a private event hosted by me and Mario on June 30, 2018, at Westfield century city no purchase necessary. He flattered himself, she had a drunk mistake and she didn’t actually find him that cute or was interested. He always was into curvy blondes and I was a slim brunette so I guess he thought he found his upgrade. Tbh idk if she even knew he had a gf and they met at a party when I was in NY.I’m Ready To Dig Pre-K Construction Back To School Boys Kids T-Shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

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Classic Men's  I put things together and found out I’m Ready To Dig Pre-K Construction Back To School Boys Kids T-Shirt . Apparently they still texted some after and I read them but it was obvious it was him trying to reach out and start a conversation and her barely responding with small talk. They hung out a couple times to smoke and her get free weed, but wouldn’t get sexual with him then take off. I found all this out months after and broke up, but nothing happened with them after. She basically acted like it never happened from what I heard and when I checked her Facebook a year or so back curious, she has moved far away for some new job. They never dated or anything after we ended. He’s still single years later and tried going after a lot of the and I love this cute blondes in our town. Many weren’t interested and turned him down, and later when they realized he was my ex and we made friends, tell me the awkward date they had with him before ghosting or him constantly trying to get in their dms and ignoring/blocking him. I guess the grass isn’t always greener. He’s getting close to 30 now, we broke up 4 or so years ago, but he moved away so maybe he’ll finally get his dream girl but if he does I feel bad for her. He tried reaching out some to me and said he was sorry for how toxic he was, but the I can tell he still is. And more importantly I actually have a good bf now whose kind, more handsome, we live together, and he treats me way better so I don’t see him trying to make amends with me anytime soon lol. Probably doesn’t help I felt weird with the random messages he’d send, or him saying hi a couple times at my job recently years later so I blocked him on FB, Oh well So I went to the waiting room and began to wait for my turn to come up. Around 8 AM a man came in and gave the cashier his name. You Can See More Product: https://storet-shirt.com/product-category/trending/ Read the full article

Merlin Short - The Youtuber AU

Alright, to start with, Gwaine [Username: AngrIrishman] mostly does prank videos; his is primarily a comedy channel. It starts off as in the moment pranks (probably while he is uni). As he gains more followers and grows more confident he starts doing a few sketches, usually the same characters in different scenarios (the series “drunk Irishman confused by British things is the number one favourite.) After a semester or two he drops out of uni, deciding it isn’t for him and he was only following family pressure, and he wants to do follow this youtube idea. He mostly pranks friends and family, all harmless stuff. After he meets Merlin he does a good deal of his pranks on him, but Elyan and Percival show up the mst as his victims (or partners in crime) since he’s lived with them both. He’s always willing to help out his friends with their videos, and often appears in Percival’s gaming competitions. Occasionally, for when Gwaine wants to address something serious or do a straight video of something bothering him, he has a series of “what’s aleing me today” where he talks about the serious stuff under the guise of drinking. His is one of the bigger youtube stars and his fame only skyrockets after he meets the others.  Percival [AllTankedUp] started in youtube as just responding to some of the more ridiculous challenges (planking, cinnamon challenge, parkour, etc) but ended up accidentally setting a ton of records. He started getting a lot of followers suggesting more challenges for him to do. After a year or two he began  

uploading video game run throughs after he purchased a video game and streamed playing it, not expecting anything big to come of it. The first video ending up trending for a few hours and requests came pouring in. However his biggest project, and the one he is most proud of and best known for, comes along in year three, after he met Elyan. They began recreating live action versions of video games, giant board games, etc. The internet fucking loses it over these videos. Most of them are endearingly low budget - the first is a live action super mario, where they had set up mushrooms and platforms in the park and a plushie princess peach is the prize. Elyan did MATH for this, guys.  Percival has to do exactly what Elyan tells him to do when Elyan holds the “controller” and vice versa. The video is ten minutes long and mostly consists of them falling over. Percy barely wins in the end, but he holds the plushie up all proud, looking adorable. By the next day they have over a hundred subscribers asking for more. Some of the live actions are HUGE events, brining in all of Percy’s friends and acquaintances and even family members but that’s usually only once a year. Typically, it’s no more than Percy, Elyan, and Gwaine or Leon or Merlin. Elyan helps out a lot with most of the recreations, but Percival came up with the idea and is the driving force behind it. He also has a side channel for workout videos after 2 1/2 years of requests, where he posts irregular updates. Elyan [Elyuminati] gets pulled into youtube by Gwen, and starts out as the occasional guest star in her vlogs, before submitting the odd vlog video himself, usually just him ranting about whatever in his life is annoying him at the time. It was meant to just be a way to let off steam, he didn’t expect anyone to watch them, but Elyan has a certain kind of odd charm and humor that attracts a humble but loyal following. During his gap year he travels around Europe and posts a lot of video diaries as a way of keeping in touch with Gwen, and it steadily improves over time. He starts doing “day in the life of” or “creepy ghost tour” or just sharing crazy stories about his travels. Elyan’s not a bad artist, so he’ll sometimes recreate brief sketches of the crazy stuff that happened to him while narrating what is going on. After his gap year (which almost turned into two) he returned to the UK and ended up rooming with Percy, who he knew from youtube, and started getting a degree in maths. His channel with Percy to do live action games took off, and he ended up being offered a job at a radio station after a year or so. The radio felt he had a personality that worked over radio just as well as camera. His radio show has a little bit of everything in it: acting as a voice of the millennial people, sharing whatever crazy thing happened to him that week, traveling and reviewing places and (his latest obsessions) weird news stories and conspiracies. (Leon and Gwaine could be blamed for the last one.) He doesn’t post as much except for the game videos or guest starring in others, since’s he’s busy with his radio show, but he will occasionally do a vlog session now and again, usually on his theories on conspiracies, game of thrones, and why the cosmos hates him enough to stick him with Gwaine. Leon [GiantRedGnomes], unlike Percy and Elyan, actually means to start a youtube channel. He starts off with gaming videos, including a dramatic series of the SIMS that everyone gets a little too invested in. However Leon is very conscious of the good that youtube can do, and so he also starts doing more educational style videos with fun animation. His main topics are history (but the fun kind, he focuses a lot on the weird parts of European history that no one ever talks about) space and alien life, etc. He also reviews a lot of popular tv shows and movies and shares his thoughts, opinions, and predictions for them as well as how the nerdier stuff checks out. Being the gentleman that he is, he typically tries to post both spoiler and non spoiler versions. He and Merlin start a Dnd series where they do short campaigns with different members of their friend group and other willing youtube stars. Lancelot [Lancephew], like Leon, does youtube “for the greater good.” He started youtube in high school as a project to bring “truly great people” into the spotlight by interviewing the people in his town about amazing things they had done in their lives, and he still tries to post videos like that whenever he can. Half of his videos are him taking news stories, politics, economic theories, etc and explaining it in layman’s terms for the average viewer. He shares his own opinions in the video as well. During college Lancelot started adding a musical element to his interview stories, writing his own songs to bring into the background. This branched out into him writing instrumental music, which he often shares on youtube and itunes. Lancelot is currently doing a YouTube Red project in aide of a charity that is about small town civilians having to deal with a zombie dystopia in a realistic manner - asking questions such as “do we still have to pay for data?” “Can someone take my braces off.”) Also, he’s dating Gwen and they do really cute “ask us questions” and dating game videos that the internet loves. There are also several videos of his dog doing crazy things he manages to catch on film. Gwen [GwenSmash] is mostly a youtube vlogger, and she shares a little bit of everything. Her day to day life, sped up streams of the cosplay outfits she makes the group, sims and gaming videos, ask/advice videos, review videos, and stories in a series called “Growing up Gwen” where she shares moments of her childhood/teenage years having to deal with being the only girl in a household of guys, such as buying a bra, trying to find a video game character that is a female without exposed breasts, etc. After she gets to know all the guys better, she will share moments of being one of the few girls among many guys, and has no shame in calling them out. Half of her twitter is photos of the guys holding up a sign saying “I said/made *insert sexist remark here*.” She doesn’t really try to limit herself to one brand and just does all kinds of videos. She and Morgana are often work together/guest star in each other’s videos as flatmates and best friends.   Morgana [ExplodingSparkles] got into youtube during college at Gwen’s encouragement. She liked to create her own music mashups and Gwen starting encouraging her to share them on youtube. Nowadays, she and Lance will team up occasionally to do music together, and she has written a few of her own songs, all released on youtube/itunes. A LOT of her video vlogs are feminist, LGBTQA, and wealth inequality rants, typically following her having to talk to Uther. She as a popular series called “Ask Morgana” where she answers questions her subscribers ask her. The beginning/middle of her channel (when it was getting big) has a lot of anger and rant videos about everything wrong with the world. Morgana eventually grew out of her angry stage, and began discussing the issues from a healthier pov, such as how you can be an ally, etc. She also started doing a lot more comedy sketches, all written and directed by herself. Some of them just have her in it as multiple people, others have her and Gwen or other guest stars. Some of them are just sketches about funny moments in her life, but most are original content, such as “Smart Shakespeare in Five Minutes” where she acts out a sketch of Shakespeare’s plays where everything goes very differently, usually based on one character making a smarter decision. Arthur [KingCamelot] started doing youtube in his final year of boarding school, and for the first year or so he and Morgana both tried to hide the fact that they were doing youtube from each other, until one day Morgana stumbled across his channel after it was recommended after one of Gwen’s videos. This was over summer break and the result was her barging in during one of his vlogs, and the entire (loud and hilarious) conversation was caught on film. Arthur later uploaded it to youtube, and neither will admit it is one of their favourite videos. Arthur kept it in a vlog style during uni, sharing his thoughts on current events, challenge videos, his favourite books and tv shows, his daily life and his struggle with uni/the business degree his father wanted him to get. He ended up switching to film editing sophomore year after Morgana, Leon and other youtuber friends supported his ideas. While it made things rockier with his father, Arthur was much happier. Videos became much more frequently after that, and Arthur began to guest star in his friends videos as well. Arthur became a big name on youtube almost instantly, largely because of his good lucks and his notoriety as the son of a famous parliament member, but remained a big name through his own merit. About midway through his time at uni Arthur began to post videos about insightful topics about things that suggested he was starting to see the world a bit differently. After he graduated about 4 years ago, it started to turn into full blown advocacy and outreach videos raising awareness for social change. Of course, Arthur didn’t get to that point by himself. Enter Merlin, stage right. Merlin [MerlinTrixx] started youtube HIS final year of public schooling, about two years after Arthur. He started with just short simple vlogs and magic tricks that even professional magicians couldn’t figure out. He followed Gwen and Morgana and saw Arthur a few times in their videos or recommended suggestions. After picking up on Arthur’s rather one sided view of how wealth and poverty work he called him out on it in a private message. Arthur did NOT take it well. There began a video war where both boys passive aggressively mentioned the other. Before it got to far, however, they accidentally ended up meeting at a youtube convention. (Arthur was there to speak on a panel, Merlin went to learn editing tips). The recognized each other and ended up talking for the remaining two days of the convention and became fast friends. Gwen, who had known Merlin through uni for about a year now, had had no idea that Arthur and Merlin had been complaining to her for the past few months about each other and was ready to knock sense into both of them when she found out. After becoming friends, Arthur and Merlin began showing up in each other’s videos more. Merlin, who hated his roommates, began hanging around more at Arthur and Leon’s flat (they went to a different uni in the same city, but had moved off campus) instead of Gwen’s as much. By the end of sophomore year, Merlin had gained a decent number of followers and his channel consisted of vlogs, his magic tricks, him and Arthur hanging out and being weird, and sharing his vast and unparalled knowledge of all things fantasy and nerdy. He, Leon and Gwen get into the longest discussions when they do reviews together. Merlin takes some time off of school, still unsure what he wants to do beside youtube, and moves in with Arthur to split the rent. The videos continue in earnest, and views/followers for both boys continue to grow as they feed off of one another, make more compilation videos, and add more content. After a couple of years, more than half their followers are wondering if they are more than just flatmates, but they are keeping quiet on the matter. The both still have their own channel, which they update frequently, but they also have a shared channel where they do reviews of shows they both like, ask/challenge requests, gaming videos, a few prank videos - they got into a prank way with Percy, Elyan and Gwaine once. Morgana and Gwen somehow won. They also do a deep discussion on Arthurian legend and other mythos, in comedic style. They are known as the “Avalon Nine” - a nickname given to them by the internet after they learned they all knew each other and they frequently appear in each others videos now that they all live in the same city. Morgana and Gwen had met in boarding school, and are currently living together after Morgana moved back after Uni until Lancelot finally asks Gwen to marry him, which Morgana suspects will happen soon. Gwen met Merlin at their uni, the same city that Arthur and Leon were going to uni in. Arthur already knew Gwen through Morgana and they had hung out fairly often, which only increased after they both befriended Merlin. Merlin and Gwen both met Lancelot separately at youtube conventions, and thought it hilarious the day they found out they both knew him. Lancelot moved to the city after graduating uni. Elyan met everyone through Gwen and Morgana met everyone through Gwen and Arthur. Gwaine met Merlin at a convention and later Merlin recognized him auditing his film class for “free editing tips/ideas.” They became fast friends and Gwaine spent a few nights in Merlin’s dorm when his water or heat wouldn’t work. He moves in with Elyan when he comes back from his gap years. Lancelot and Percival, who knew each other prior to the rest of the group, lived with each other for a while before the landlord sold the building. Lance moved to a single while Percival moved in with Elyan and Gwaine. There have been a series of “who knows you better” challanges and games throughout the group, including ones based off of dating games, best friend games, and family games. Merlin and Arthur have won them ALL. Even against Lancelot and Gwen that one time. Leon shared in one of his videos that Arthur and Merlin are also banned from teaming up in charades, pictonary and catch phrase in the gaming videos because they are undefeatable and possible psychic.  Bonus:  Mordred is obviously much younger than the others (just now starting Uni while the others are in their mid to late twenties). So he grew up watching a lot of their earlier stuff and he just idolizes them. He somehow managed to befriend them through social media/convenstions and is a bit surprised he is actually on first name basis with these amazing, talented (giant dorks). He appears in their videos sometimes but is hesitant  to upload anything on his own channel for a long time, since it is harder to get started on youtube now than it was for his older friends. After some encouragement he uploads a few, and the whole  group advertises him since they all kind of adore him, he’s like a little brother. Unlike the others though, Mordred doesn’t vlog or do video games or reviews or anything. Oh no. His videos are all freestyle rapping/spoken word poetry. About whatever catches his fancy. The weirdest thing is they’re GOOD. Its at such odds with his personality but it is what it is. Gwaine has started a betting pool on when Mordred reaches 1,000 subscribers.  Cenred is a little asshole who does mean/staged prank videos and blogs full of sexist and racist remarks on youtube. The group hates him, half of youtube boy cots him and he has had several scandals.  Elena is a youtube they all know and are friendly with, but because she lives in Scotland they aren’t as close. She does a lot of gaming videos, embarrassing stories from her life, and videos about her horse.  Morgause is a powerful admin/part owner of youtube and constantly makes decisions that hurt most independent and creative youtubers. At one point she tried to flag coming out videos or videos with content/opinions she didn’t agree with. She also pressures them to do advertising and tampers with the recommended and trending list. The group pushes back against these regulations, and it turns into an all out war, where Gwaine, Merlin and Arthur are all nearly banned from youtube before Morguase is fired. 

How TikTok Made Pro-Choice Activism Cool Again

In Charlotte, NC, a man referred to as Chris has unwittingly become a TikTok celebrity. He doesn’t have an account—that we know of—and it’s unclear if he’s even aware of his popularity, but his own dedicated hashtag, #christok, has more than 174 million views.

Chris isn’t the typical subject of viral internet fame. He looks to be in his late 50s. He shows up to an abortion clinic in Charlotte just about every day dressed in business casual attire with a sign that reads, in bold white letters, “THOU SHALL NOT MURDER.” His voice is low and dull, even when shouting about unborn children seeking vengeance from God.

But Chris has become a sort of canvas onto which the women of Charlotte for Choice can project the realities and follies behind the everyday grind of pro-choice activism. Since summer, the local organization of abortion clinic escorts and defenders has posted countless videos of him and other anti-abortion protestors outside their local clinic, A Preferred Women’s Health Center of Charlotte, in order to show the world exactly what patients are up against.

“Any video with Chris in it, people go crazy for,” said Reiley, a 20-year-old clinic defender and TikToker (@loveurmother) with more than 445,000 followers. In September, she posted a video dissecting Chris’s “4 moods”, which range from “waiting for patients to harass” to “pouting because you can’t harass patients.” There are also videos of him arguing with clinic escorts, stretching out his tired knees, arguing with other anti-abortion protestors, and getting inadvertently roped into a dance off. The women at Charlotte for Choice have made national headlines for their posts, including a viral video of a clinic defender sticking it to a protestor by referring to God as “sky daddy.” It’s all part of a growing trend on the Gen Z-driven platform—one that’s having as much impact offline as it is on.

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“It was actually TikTok that made me become an escort in June,” said Amy, a 20-year-old in suburban Detroit. (Several sources in this article asked to be identified by only their first name or nickname to protect their privacy.) Amy, who goes by the moniker @basicasstrashcan, was the first clinic escort to grace my own TikTok For You page, the app’s algorithmic homepage curated to each user’s tastes and interests. (If a video winds up in the #FYP algorithm, it’s almost guaranteed to get a high viewership.) In the first video I saw from Amy, she rated clinic protestors on a scale of 1-10, docking points for poor dress or shrieking at patients, all set to a mash-up of Super Mario theme songs.

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Amy’s own introduction was through Hannah (a.k.a. @42069horndog), Charlotte for Choice’s first TikToker who started as a clinic defender this summer with her mother, a long-time volunteer with the group. “I just thought she was kind of funny,” Amy said. “But I was also morbidly curious about the protestors. Like, what’s with these people?” She ended up calling a few local clinics in June and has been volunteering pretty much every Saturday since.

“I don’t want you on the sidewalk just yelling at people. I want you to understand the perspective of the greater movement and what it means.”

Now, Charlotte for Choice has a waitlist of people who want to train as volunteers, and the organization says that this influx of interest has taken place just over the past few months—since Hannah, Reiley, and others have been posting about their experiences on TikTok. Currently, the organization offers two volunteer opportunities: clinic escorts, who help patients get from their cars into the building, and clinic defenders, who use counter-protest methods to distract anti-abortion protestors by directly engaging with them from a safe distance. Volunteers must also undergo a training session that covers the basics of anti-racism and reproductive justice. “I don’t want you on the sidewalk just yelling at people,” said the training lead and media strategist for Charlotte for Choice, who asked to remain anonymous, citing privacy concerns. “I want you to understand the perspective of the greater movement and what it means.”

In the United States, most clinics are what are known as “non-engagement clinics,” where volunteers are not allowed to directly engage with protestors. Planned Parenthood Federation of America, for example, recommends non-engagement, though each affiliate is able to decide how to manage the protestors at their own clinic. “The aim of the recommendation is to not feed or escalate protests, conflicts, or activity outside of health centers, in order to lessen the chaos patients may encounter,” a PPFA spokesperson told ELLE.com. “Our recommendation comes from the desire to center patients’ experiences.”

Still, the practice of clinic defense has been around since the 1980s, initially as a response to anti-abortion extremists attempting to block patients from getting their abortions, which eventually resulted in the passage of the 1994 Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Act. The law was designed to create a buffer between anti-abortion protestors and clinic patients, but activists say that the FACE Act has been, at best, loosely enforced, especially during the Trump administration. Anti-abortion protestors continue to disrupt patient care and harass visitors with alarming tactics, from shaming patients with bullhorns to carrying assault weapons with their protest signs.

An anti-choice rally outside a Planned Parenthood in St. Louis, Missouri, in June 2019.

Michael B. ThomasGetty Images

“There is always a place for de-escalation tactics,” said Kim Gibson, a member of the non-profit Pinkhouse Defenders in Jackson, MS, home to the state’s last remaining abortion clinic. “But [anti-abortion protestors] are there to escalate the situation.”

The Pinkhouse Defenders have been engaging with protestors since 2013, and last year, Gibson formed a spin-off group, We Engage, to organize and encourage counter-protests at clinics and government functions. Both groups have been posting their encounters on Facebook since 2018 but then realized TikTok was where the action was happening. In December, they posted their first videos to the platform with guidance from the team at Charlotte for Choice.

The influx of TikTok content is owed in part to a strategic change in Charlotte for Choice’s approach this summer. Though the Preferred Women’s Health Center has worked with Charlotte for Choice defenders for years, the two groups decided to band together to move toward a more full-fledged counter-protesting model. It was a controversial move—in early December, the New York Times reported that a handful of Charlotte for Choice board members resigned due to the more confrontational tactics, and they’re not alone in their reservations. But pro-engagement activists insist that, so far, nothing else has worked.

According to the Charlotte for Choice’s media strategist, the Preferred Women’s Health Center has seen an estimated 60,000 protestors over the last four years, with no sign of letting up. Most Saturdays, a Charlotte-based group called Love Life draws hordes of protestors in matching blue T-shirts, sometimes in the thousands, on a piece of land directly across from the clinic’s administrative building—something that Charlotte for Choice believes patients shouldn’t have to face alone. Since this summer, they’ve unofficially renamed the land “Pro-Choice Park” and “Christian Coachella.” They play kazoos and loud music and stand on top of cars with signs in counter-protest.

“Engagement is not for every clinic,” the strategist conceded, adding that the goal isn’t to make the protestors go away—that would be naive. “We just want to make it difficult for them to exist in that space comfortably.”

A happy but unexpected side effect of the newfound TikTok frenzy is that now, not only is the brazenness of anti-abortion protestors on full display, the viral videos are also filling a void for some Gen Z activists. On the political stage, reproductive healthcare continues to get left behind, even by those who support it. Democrats didn’t once mention the term “abortion” at the national convention this year, and even though the party platform has become increasingly progressive on the issue—touting LGBTQ+ inclusion and the repeal of the Hyde Amendment—Dems aren’t always connecting with their base. In a recent Times report, Gen Z and millennial activists associated with racial justice movements expressed lukewarm feelings toward “reproductive rights messaging that is focused strictly on legal abortion access.”

Meanwhile, Republicans had no problem going on anti-abortion tirades at their own convention and pushing for anti-abortion policies that have, for decades, chipped away at reproductive healthcare access, making it nearly impossible for many people, especially those who are low-income or from marginalized backgrounds, to access the safe and legal care they need. The party’s political fervor against abortion seems to match that of protestors on the ground.

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The clinic volunteers I spoke with all said they supported abortion rights before they began working at their local clinics, but collectively, it just didn’t seem like that big of a priority. “I thought that it was important and that people should have access to it, but I was never one to fight for it,” said Jaicie, a 20-year-old clinic defender in Charlotte with over 250,000 TikTok followers on her account @jaiciesmall. In a recent video, she attempted to challenge a couple of men dressed in dark clergy uniforms to a staring contest as they chanted Hail Marys outside the clinic; she managed to get one of them to crack a smile.

Exposure to the odd and often menacing behavior of right-wing protestors at abortion clinics seems to be effectively galvanizing for some Gen Z activists—more so than legislative talking points or complicated court cases taking place in various states across the country. “When I could see patients visibly afraid and terrified and then see this huge group of pro-life protestors out there, yelling at them and degrading them and making them feel guilty about this decision that they’re making, that was when it all clicked for me,” said Jaicie, who started defending at the Charlotte clinic after she saw a friend of hers from middle school volunteering on TikTok. Though she’s begun to post videos herself, she acknowledges that the priority is, and has always been, patients’ safety. “Our goal is to make patients feel comfortable and safe going in to get their procedure. That is number one.” Helping patients is one of the best parts of the job, said Reiley. She’s even had people reach out after the fact to thank her and other clinic defenders for making them feel better protected.

“I always felt like I was powerless…But being out here clinic defending, I see first hand how it makes a difference.”

However, the feedback on TikTok isn’t always positive, and volunteers say they’ve experienced death threats and trolling. Jo, a 19-year-old in Yuba City, CA, who posts her counter-protest content under the name @virgobb, said she had her original account taken down for “hate speech” and enlisted the help of her pro-choice community to regain the thousands of followers she once had. People have also faced harsh consequences for their activism offline. Anti-abortion protestors have taken legal action against at least two Charlotte for Choice volunteers, and many reported receiving harassment in public, at home, or their place of work, according to the organization’s strategist.

But despite the trouble, they say their efforts are rewarding. “I always felt like I was powerless, especially because I don’t have a lot of money,” Jo said. “I grew up poor. I’m a minority, and I never felt heard. But being out here clinic defending, I see firsthand how it makes a difference…It just makes me feel like I’m legitimately doing something about it.”

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They’re also proud of the community they’ve built online. “We made it so that you can no longer ignore these issues,” Jaicie said. “We’re putting this right on your screen, in your face, while you’re trying to have fun and watch TikToks. Yes, we are having fun, but we are also posting a really important message—reproductive health is huge, and you have to pay attention to this.”

As for the future of pro-choice activism, the clinic volunteers I spoke with all have different ideas about what could be useful, from bolder messaging to increased awareness about fetal development. Meanwhile, Chris from Charlotte will keep holding his giant sign, shouting Bible verses, and harassing patients. Perhaps the most meaningful response at our disposal, at least for now, is to hold his antics up to the world and tell him to shut the hell up.

Annie Werner Annie Werner is a writer from Texas living in New York.

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How TikTok Made Pro-Choice Activism Cool Again

🔺 phil’s younow march 9, 2017 🔺

My Ideal Present..

read on google drive with links

-hello bonjour auf wiedersehen -lol -hope everyone’s good -since his last liveshow, he decided he’ll wear to liveshows the clothes we didn’t sacrifice to charity -he had a productive day -he bought presents for his friend’s birthday this weekend -a friend sushi birthday -he did the thing where u buy things that you’d want yourself. -he got socks on the shape of burgers, pusheen handwarmers and PLANET LOLLIPOPS -UR ANUS lolollolololol -each planet is a different flavour -uranus is blackberry if you were wondering -do not be jealous, enjoy the act of giving. -HE FORGOT TO TWEET -kids that rat people out -they went OOOOOOOOOMM IM TELLIN’ -it’s a worldwide phenomenon -they have a nintendo switch now -he’s confused at the plus and minus on the string thing for your wrist to attach on the controller -they got 1-2 switch, zelda and just dance. -no games -mario kart should be out now -everything on the switch is so small, he got big hands, he feels like a giant. -phil your hands are bigger than the sun thanks -he once made a kinetic sand maybe he should a kinetic slime one -INTERNET NEWS -it’s so hard to work out what you have to do with that manual on the bomb defusing game -he prefers to be pressing the buttons -he thinks it gets exponentially harder -he’s prepared for failure -he thinks the blue switch controller is his, that’s his color. -he likes living in london because he’s close to everything, if anything is happening it’s in london -CRUFTS IS ON TV. we’re watching it. -LOOK AT THAT DOGGO -he’s getting a dog (at some point in his life) -it was a cocker spaniel. He’s getting that. -he likes friendly cats, the ones that snuggle but then he can’t be snuggled cos he’s allergic. -he’s more a dog person -he plays a game in the cinema where ads have high concepts and you have to guess the product, but you only get one guess. Like if you see a tractor, you’re like Oh it’s food, and then you see a cow and it’s like OH its diary, and you’re like should i say cheese? But if you say it and you’re wrong your friend can keep watching and be more certain. -it’s such a good game -his fave character from riverdale is jughead -he has a soft spot for betty, he thinks he’d be betty if he was in riverdale -he doesn’t have crazy parents thankfully -he wants to start watching voltron, everyone’s talking about it. -he went to have lunch with hazel hayes (chewingsand) -he had buttermilk chicken burger with sweet potato fries -he had a craving for sweet potatoes so he texted her to go have that -then dan came over to sign new merch, they signed posters for the store -they did them in gold pens -licking the cartridges: of course that’s the dapg video that trends -they made it as a joke -the miracle berries did not help -he hopes the miracle berries aren’t exposed as poisonous in the next 20 years -the box it comes in is really dodgy -new main channel tomorrow maybe not tomorrow then saturday -don’t fully expect one -do you like ducks? Like eating them or looking at them? Ducks are nice. Quack quack. -he had yogurt for breakfast -a bowl of sugary cereal is not the best every morning, he’s been trying yogurt, bit of granola and berries -WHAT IS THIS NEW PHIL -he’s singing lullabies -the bomb video was a fun one, he thinks they’ll do that again, theres more dapg videos coming -danandphilshop.com #spon -he likes fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood -he called obtuse angles “scalene” -everyone’s like what -he had to google it to realise he was wrong -he’s heading off -he had a nice time -there will be an amazingphil video in the future -byeee

Megaman Legends Review - 1

Megaman Legends Review

Megaman was always a series that no matter what year it was, it stayed in 2D, with the exception of the Megaman X series. Even powerful consoles like the PS4, Xbox One X and Nintendo Switch, Classic Megaman refuses to go 3D and it should stay that way. However if we go back to the PS1 we see two attempts of 3D Megaman under the name of Megaman Legends. Now on my quest to play every Megaman Game I came across a small retro store that sells...well retro games. And I saw Megaman Legends there, I didn’t know what was so special about it but I just needed it..I didn’t buy it, I didn’t have a PS1. A week later I came back and got an N64 along with Megaman 64 and Pokemon Snap. This was the first time I ever had an experience with the N64 other than emulation. Since this is my first N64 Game I figured that I’d give my thoughts on it while I play it. Just a reminder that I’m playing Megaman 64 however I’m going to be calling it Megaman Legends from now on, it just sounds better than the 64 Disease that spread to every N64 Game. (Super Mario 64, Mario Kart 64, Starfox 64, Kirby 64 The Crystal Shards, Donkey Kong 64, Harvest Moon 64 and Wave Race 64 to name some.)

The Beginning

We start off with a narration of the world we’re in right now, it tells us that the world is basically covered in water, people are forced to search the vast ocean to find ancient technology, Quantum Refractors. These refractors are in ruins underground patches of land. The people who look and search for the refractors are called ‘Diggers.’ Originally the only jobs for the Diggers were to find refractors for civilization but legends were told of a legendary treasure known as ‘Mother Lode.’ The Mother Lode is supposedly extremely powerful, so powerful that it can get rid of the fear of running out of regular refractors and provide so much power the world will never run out of energy. Then the narrator for some reason asks what the true motives of the Diggers really are.

Then we’re greeted with the most ominous music of all time with someone from a radio talking to Megaman, seemingly with the transmission cutting out. Megaman actually finds a refractor with the person over the radio saying that they’ll finally be able to make some money for the refractor? Seems a bit..Greedy, I guess that’s the smallest hunch to what the narrator said about the motives of Diggers. After taking the refractor the pedestal it was on starts to sink with everything shaking with three weird eyeball things being forced out of the wall. Seeing the doors starting to close Megaman books it out of there and barely making it out. Megaman tells the girl that he’s alright however she says that she’s picking up some readings of a ‘Reaverbot’ and to get out of there. Already? Seems kinda funny to start us where the mission ends and with some powerful bot around us. HM, It’s almost like that bot isn’t going to be a big threat or something. And before we end up moving more than 2 feet Ms.Tutorial stops us dead in our tracks to tell us that there’s...a reaverbot somewhere and if we can see it? I beg your pardon, WOMAN? And why is the scariest music playing at the beginning of a Megaman Game? It’s alright cause the game tells us that we fire with the Button and press Z+R to lock onto enemies. We can also use L+R to lock onto enemies along with moving with the D-Pad, but I’ll get into that later. One nitpick is that when you finish reading Instructions and asks if you wanna read them again, they put Yes as the first option. Why? Why should I have to read more then once? It’s nothing huge but it annoys me a bit. Some enemy’s shoot out of a wall but they’re really weak so like 3 shots can kill them. Megaman, Link called he wants his rupees back. And weird ass squares that have a glowy thing inside.

The Controls

To put it simply Megaman controls just the way you think Classic Megaman would control in 3D. The Camera is very janky at the first parts though, however after leaving the ruins I found the Camera Controls to be alright. However it isn’t controlled by the C-Buttons, it’s controlled by L, R & Z with L & R both going left. This concept works fine on N64 but I’d hate to see it being played on a PS1, Since the PS1 Controller doesn’t have an analog stick and just the D-Pad. Tutorial Woman tells us to go right and well, I dunno where else to go. Woman asks us if we see a door anywhere and I’m stuck. Why am I stuck? Now we’re told that to open doors we use the Down C-Button to open doors and investigate items. Basically it’s our interact button, a bit strange. The game has its own strange auto-lock feature but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. We continue and already know how to jump with A, however it’s a bit weird. Megaman’s normal jump doesn’t go that high up so for even basic platforms we hold onto the edge of them and have to jump on them.

The Reaverbot

Woman tells us that she found a Reaverbot real close by and tells us it’s above us. It’s a total joke as long as you stay far away it can’t hurt you.

The Beginning (Continuation)

We go on a bit further and find some chests, damn this game is a bit similar to another game, I can’t put my finger on it though. In one chest there’s a Power Raiser that’s simple enough, a part for our buster gun that makes it more powerful. However in the other one we’re given some ‘Zenny.’ Zenny is basically this game's version of currency, think of Bolts from the Classic Megaman Games or Rupees from Legend of Zelda. After getting those Woman tells us that she found a huge blip in front of us. What is a Blip? A Blip is an unexpected, minor, and typically temporary deviation from a general trend or a short high-pitched sound made by an electronic device, well I don’t hear anything and the first definition doesn’t make sense so….-Woman starts to cut off and we learn that her name was Roll the entire time. Wow, like Roll from Classic Megaman? Not some fake out like Alia from X? Actual Roll? Sounds cool, but we gotta get outta here if we want to see or even hear her cause she’s losing us from the horrible transmission. Then we fight some big robot that’s also supposed to be a Reaverbot? I guess? How many Reaverbot models are there? So far all of them look different and vary in strength. Well we actually fight a somewhat difficult boss..is what I would be saying if Megaman dies in 3 Hits. This boss is piss easy, I just ran around him over and over again while he would try to hit me and miss by 5 miles. After Megaman gives the bot the mean look the bot powers down and Megaman leaves, bUt Uh Oh LoOkS LiKe ThE BoT hAs OtHeR pLaNs!1  However, before the bot can do anything Megaman pulls a suicide squad and jumps off the buliding saying sayonara to the Reaverbot, but Roll with quite a large ship actually catches Megaman and they go off.

The Voice Acting & Sound Quality

Hear me out, I’m not one to complain about Voice Acting and Sound Quality on such an Old Console like the N64 but jesus christ, even when I’m in a dead quiet room I just can’t understand what these characters say, I have to go on Youtube to find a Longplay of Megaman Legends (PS1) to understand what they’re saying. Everything just sounds too..pixelated? I don’t know how to describe it but on PS1 it sounds great and I can understand what they’re saying but why? The N64 version came after the PS1 version, is it because Megaman 64 is on a cartridge and not a CD? That is the reason isn’t it? God damn it

The First Cutscene Alright, after panning over a 2D image with a 3D Model of a Ship Megaman thanks Roll, and jesus christ Roll in this game is just so sweet. She’s easily one of the best characters, after telling Megaman she had engine problems he replies saying that it’s alright and then winks? What are you doing Megaman, what does that mean? She’s your sister for christ sake. Then Megaman says one of the best lines I ever heard in Gaming History “Don’t worry we’ll find it someday (The Mother Lode)..And your parents too.”

Now we’re introduced to some old guy in our ship, who is our grandfather. But we aren’t told who he is in the game until way later. Happened with Roll and now our own Grandfather? I don’t even know what his name is. They never say it, Megaman and Roll just call him Gramps. But this brings up the question, whose Grandfather is this? Roll is still looking for her parents so that means Megaman isn’t related to Roll, from the way Megaman said “Find your parents” then who is this guy? I might be looking too deep into it, but it still confuses me. Oh yea and the ship is crashing, that’s a thing too. We crash into some patch of land somewhere with the ship all busted up. Not by mentioning his name but by reading the text boxes myself, with voices over it, I’ve learned that the  grandfathers’ name is Barrel. Barrel tells us to look around for some kind of town or city somewhere. There’s also some monkey called Data that acts as a saving point, recharge health and I assume recharge weapon energy if the game even has them. I’m sure they do, it is a Megaman Game after all. How convenient, there’s a sign saying “To Town” with an arrow pointing up. But before we go further we see a police car go to our ship! Here if you don’t talk to the right person first, dialogue repeats. We can also kick when we can’t shoot our buster. After walking a bit we see the city with a huge broken border that I know we didn’t do, what the hell happened there?

KattleLox

Now we enter the Shopping Center of Kattlelox called the Apple Market, and yes. This is infact where AVGN found Megaman reading some “Dirty Magazines” and yes, Megaman reads porn. The absolute mad lad, there’s also ‘Jetlag Bakery.’ After pissing around the Market we enter the Junk Store with a woman saying that her husband went into some ruins in front of the Border. After going there and killing some enemies we find the guy and he books it out of there. We can keep on going but why would we? I have no reason to, let’s just go back to the Junk Store, the woman thanks us by giving us her broken down support car, lame. But not so lame because it’s very helpful later on. And we see some really cute looking Lego guys who say they’re waiting for Ms. Tron. Oh, you mean the Smash Bros Spirit? Also it’s only now that I realize that Megaman sounds like a woman, didn’t know if they’d actually do that for the American release: I know in Japan it’s actually really common for women to voice young boys in things like anime. Think of Ash from Pokemon, in his earlier regions. Now with the support car we can now change our weapons, save, recharge our life, our energy, and enhance and make our weapons even better. However I didn’t know this my first time around it actually took me 4 hours to realize that. With the support car finished Roll gives us our first special weapon in the name of Splash Mines, what are they? Exactly what they sound like. After leaving the car we’re given our own pass to walk around Kattletox however not one that allows us to go anywhere because of a security risk. Apparently there’s some pirates coming to Kattletox. Roll is worried for Barrel so we go to see if he’s safe. Some kids, that we have to sneak up on, say that some girl is actually a pirate in the city. Here we meet a woman talking to the little lego bots which are called Servbots. One funny thing I found out about the city is that you can actually get hit by cars and lose some heath but you can get some health back from some vending machines everywhere. The actual city is pretty small but not small enough where you can’t not get lost. We enter city hall where Barrel is talking to the mayor of Kattlelox, Amelia. She tells us that she knows the reports of the pirates. After leaving City Hall we see the same woman who was talking to the Servbots being chased by a dog, which is kinda funny cause she was a bit rude earlier.

The Game’s Comedy

The game is filled with tiny funny jokes like this, so many little things that would make a 5 year old shit their pants laughing just makes me feel all giddy inside. Also don’t forget you can get hit by cars.

Pirates!

After going after the woman and the dog we politely tell the dog to go off itself and it just gives up. After helping the woman she just runs away telling us to mind our own business. We go back to roll to tell her Barrel is fine. But she points out that there were strange looking ships flying by. Then some go to the city with some things sounding like they’re being blasted. This worries Roll imessly and she figures out that the pirates are actually terrorizing the city, the pirates are actual terrorists. Roll runs into the city to make sure barrel is alright. The police tells Roll that we can’t go through cause it’s really dangerous, and us being Heroic Megaman we say we gotta stop the pirates. And the police just lets us go without even moving their hands. We see some giant mechs look at a door with all of them staring at us one at a time. And it turns out the Servbots are apart of the Pirates with 3 of them right in front of us. And I think it’s safe to assume that the woman we saved from the dog is actually the Miss Tron the Servebots are talking about. And here we start with our first mission!

We are the 3 Bonnes Brothers!

For this fight we’re supposed to get a key from the 3 Brothers and their mechs. They each go around the city passing it to each other and each mech has their own little perk. The red one is the most powerful out of all, the yellow one is one of endurance so it has more health and the blue one is the fastest. This boss fight is pretty hard for my first time so I died every now and then. Since I didn’t know that upgrade were a thing in this game. And ahh, it’s so nice to beat them. Oh, what’s this? The Servbots run somewhere screaming “Miss Troooon!” and I was right! Woman is Tron! And she’s gonna teach us? Oh..wait no! I barely have any health Tron! HAVE MERCY! SPARE ME, SPARE ME!

yellin’ at songs, week 26

capsule reviews of the songs which debuted on the 7 July 2017 and 8 July 2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

7.7.2007

61) "Lost," Faith Hill

"With everything I have doesn't mean a thing if it's without you." I. Don't know what that means? I could stare at some of these lyrics and not really understand what's happening other than I'm supposed to believe in love and all its power, which is probably the most we can expect out of a late-career Faith Hill song. It's not great, but, y'know, just as I feel weird about trying to assess Fifth Harmony songs, I feel like Faith Hill songs are reaching for that Aunt With Too Many Inspirational Quote Pillows demographic, and I have to respect the choice she had made to service this demographic. This was someone's third wedding song, and I think that's beautiful. (Also, credit where credit's due, Kara DioGuardi co-wrote a song I tolerated.)

65) "Never Wanted Nothing More," Kenny Chesney

This is a weird one. Because it's Kenny Chesney, but it's also Chris Stapleton, but it's also Chris Stapleton writing a Kenny Chesney song. It's complicated. Like, you look at Kanye West's early discography, you see names you know, Jermaine Dupri, Goodie Mob, Lil' Kim, Nas, Alicia Keys, you see respectable names, you can see how the songs Kanye produced would fit into the greater Kanye catalogue. There's a difference, of course, between production and writing, but early Kanye doesn't feel like producer-for-hire. This song is written so outside the voice I've come to associate with Chris Stapleton that I can't imagine him ever writing it. Like, this song fits in with the Chris Stapleton origin story because it shows Chris Stapleton has been doing this thing for a long time and was good at it, but that's the only way it fits. This is just a Kenny Chesney song that Chris Stapleton happened to write, whereas "Izzo" is a Jay-Z song with a Kanye beat. Country music's weird as hell, man. I ain't gonna get it.

69) "Dance Tonight," Paul McCartney

it's gotta be pretty nuts to know that your status as one of the greatest songwriters of all time is so secure that there is absolutely nothing you could do to remove yourself from that pedestal. Like, the only reason I can find for a song like this (read: a bad one) being made from a dude at this level is, he was bored and wanted to see if people would call it an extraordinary songwriting feat if he just dropped a track like "it's nice when people have fun!"

74) "Let It Go," Keyshia Cole ft./Missy Elliott & Lil Kim

Pretty good! A little subdued for my taste, a little too restrained for a song about letting go, but I think we've talked about how I'm not naturally drawn to R&B simply because the genre is so subdued and restrained, so it's probably my own fault I'm not as into this song as I feel I should be. Like, I like all the names involved, I thnk Keyshia Cole was a pretty decent singer, I like the ingredients of the song, but someone put them together with a different palette than mine in mind. Ugh, and that's just the worst, how the world doesn't make enough things for white males to enjoy. This song, though, I think it's a'ight! I have no complaints about it specifically!

91) "How Do I Breathe," Mario

...i swear i've heard this exact same r&b song at least twice, though. like, "let it go" had missy on the track, it was cool. this is another song about a man who is sad his girlfriend left him and wishes she would come back. mario's a more engaging vocalist than the joes and tanks of 2007, like i'd like to hear him sing a better song, but... man, this week is just songs i didn't need to hear, and not in the sense that pop music is bad and i shouldn't try to listen to this much of it, more that 2007 just kinda said, "hey, here's some shit you've already heard from us, have fun." i feel i don't need to have an opinion on this song because i've already had an opinion on some stargate joint or another, y'know?

97) "Doomsday Clock," Smashing Pumpkins

hey speaking of unnecessary, another smashing pumpkins song! and not even one i need to begrudgingly admit is good, this one is the thing i expected smashing pumpkins to sound like, billy corgan nasally whining about some bullshit or another while the guitar plods along dutifully. nothing here is innovative, nothing here takes smashing pumpkins and frames it in a new light for me, this is just a song that exists. these songs all exist.

Well, obviously, since we’re hitting the halfway point, we’re gonna be doing something special! ...Or I would forget how to count and not realize this was the halfway point. Anyway, no Top 20s because nothing changed. 2017!

8 July 2017

4) "Wild Thoughts," by DJ Khaled ft./Rihanna & Bryson Tiller

I don't believe anything Bryson Tiller says on this song. My understanding of Bryson Tiller was that he was a simpering sad boy who sang about his feelings, so when he comes on a track where he a) has to present himself as an equal to Rihanna and b) has to make the argument that he is a worthy sexual partner for Rihanna, it's hard to take him seriously, because all he's done before suggests he's not this person. Like, someone thought of Bryson Tiller was the answer to the question "Who could make Rihanna think wild thoughts?" and that's just amazing to me. Literally anyone else would have been better. Are we not ready to lean so fully into the Latin trend that we'll give Luis Fonsi a starring role in a DJ Khaled song? Are we just this over Miguel? Hell, we know from "Run Up" that PARTYNEXTDOOR's capable of being occasionally interesting, why not him! This song could've been something, but man, that Bryson Tiller feature sinks it.

51) "Feels," by Calvin Harris ft./Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean

I appreciate the work Calvin Harris puts in to making pop music funky again, I think he's aware there's a direct line in music history from him to The Chainsmokers and he's doing his best to distance himself from that, but there's a limit to how much I can enjoy a song with the line "I know you're not afraid to catch feels with me." Like, this is another good song, Calvin Harris has been doing work this spring/early summer, it's just, one of them has to be the worst, and it's this one with its tumblr-ass hook. I wish I had a more legit reason to not be into this song. Nope. It's just that one word. I don't even necessarily mind that word, it's just, an entire song built around that word isn't a party I wanna attend.

61) "First Day Out," by Kodak Black

Nope!

83) "Relationship," by Young Thug ft./Future

Comparing Young Thug to the other dudes in his genre is like comparing a wasp to a group of bumblebees. They're sort of the same thing, but Young Thug is so much different and fearsome. ...This isn't his best song? This is the song you'd expect to chart off the album given the pedigree, but also, it isn't, because there's so many other, better songs on the album? But we should be evaluating this song for what it is, not what it isn't. "I put my dick inside her mouth before she act." Neat! Of all the many things Young Thug is, he is not perfect.

89) "Feel it Still," by Portugal. The Man

I AM IN FAVOR OF ALL THE BRASS 2017 HAS GIVEN ME THIS YEAR. The only instance of a brass instrument I remember from 2007 is the "Get Buck" beat, and I am so thrilled with the occasional blasts on this song. It's a fun song by a band I know I've heard about at some point but didn't expect to see here. I thought Portugal. The Man was ponderous indie nonsense, but yo, if they got one of these in them, I'm down to see what else they got. It's weird when it turns out bands everyone says is good make good songs. Like, what happened to bands like the Arcade Fire, who just whined monotonously over jingle-jangling?

100) "Real Hitta," by Piles ft./Kodak Black

...Are you. Guys. Are you serious? Piles? PIIIIIIILES? Of all the fucking. So many rappers hit in 2007, and the one y'all dredged up to make the Deacde Dance Club, literally the week I introduce that as a thing, is maybe the worst one, the one whose name I didn't even bother to spell right, I thought he was so yesterday. I'm not gonna listen to it for what I hope are obvious reasons, but that doesn't mean we can't jump into the AZ Lyrics page. "All that ass she got back there startin' to look like a Pamper" This is the least sexy way to describe a butt since "My Humps." "Sex game undefeated, think I'm 100-0" ...Has Piles only fucked 100 times? I mean. Hey, nothin' wrong with that, I'm not here to prude shame anyone or promote promiscuity or whatever, but even in the last 10 years, 3,650 days, Piles has only fucked once every five weeks or so? Or is he just on a winning streak, like, that's how many times in a row he's ejaculated? (I'm assuming he's not bragging that, every time he has sex, he makes the woman cum. I don't think Piles has ever had a woman's pleasure in mind when setting about his business.) This is a bizarre boast. "Biggest thing he ever did for you was take you to Chili's." ...Okay. Okay, that's pretty good. "That lil pussy was so sorry, I call it minimum wage." You know what fuck it I'll take gross political commentary. Piles had two lines I enjoyed out of the context of the song! There may be hope for all of us y -- oh right Kodak Black "I'ma come through, and I'ma fuck ya like the police lookin' for me" Well, that's about as tone deaf as I expected, alright, well, there's hope for some of us.

Decade Dance Party

...Um. 31) Piles We said that it’s hard to have two hits ten years apart. What this list presupposes is... What if it isn’t?

Who Won the Week?

A few weeks ago, there was like a three-year stretch where the Houston Texans and the Cincinatti Bengals would play each other in the football playoffs. They were boring games and bad to watch, and while the Bengals and Texans were good enough to have made the playoffs, it kinda sucked that one of the two got to go to the next round while a different, more fun team to watch gets eliminated, or was left out of the playoffs entirely. “Feel It Still” is a fine song and is definitely better than “Let it Go,” but like. “Feel it Still” shouldn’t be the champion for the week. I dunno, kinda meh for both weeks, 2017 takes it because I don’t think “Feel it Still” should get demerits for all the Kodak Black I didn’t listen to. So.

2017: 14 2007: 12

Next week, 2007 is giving us what is indisputably greater than all The Beatles songs put together. (I linked to that specific post because gosh that dude adding his two cents at the end is the reason op exists.) But will it be better than the alt-country song and the indie-rock song I for some reason ranked over “Umbrella?” ONLY TIME WILL TELL.