LYON II PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT III./Pt I. “Dirty Chai”

Length - 8,637

Mood - Amorous, Captivated

Pairing - Baekhyun x Reader

Warning - Mature for sexual references

“You’re perfect

I’ll fill up your empty heart

To the brim with me”

-Baekhyun “Stay Up” feat. Beenzino

You tucked the slim rose gold circle back into your pocketbook after checking your complexion once again.

The inside of the cafe he had suggested to meet, a blend of cream and taupe walls, sky blue ceiling and plates, silver and earthenware cups, and cherry wood furniture, a modern update to a cultural staple, was tranquil and enchanting as expected.

There were a mixture of students stopping to take a break from their studies, young couples side by side at tables sharing small café plates of tartine between them while enjoying a peaceful weekend, and elder patrons ordering an un déca to take to the terrace, the prime spot for people watching, the morning paper rolled and tucked against their side as they carried their cup out into the breezy afternoon air.

You’d taken a barstool window seat at the front, where you also observed the comings and goings of café patrons.

It was a non assuming, homey weekend in Lyon yet within your ribcage you felt as though your heart was spastically beating out of time every minute that he had yet to arrive.

You felt a jittery whirlwind of unbidden exhilaration and nerves after your chance reintroduction at L’ambassade.

You knew you weren’t fooling him with your, “my schedule should be clear soon. It’s just a crazy month,” texts.

In fact, every time you sent one of those after another “so what does your week look like?” texts from him he would call you after an hour, shifting the conversation to something entirely apart from what you had previously talked about, sharing an anecdote about his day, and always asking you more about yours. It was after one of those conversations that he met you again, somewhat at your invitation but moreso because you told him about the event, at a charity concert by a classical pianist spotlighting the entirety of Chopin’s Nocturnes. He came with a friend whom he introduced you to, an equally connected young man that disappeared from his side before the actual event leaving him alone to find a way to you without his wingman.

Later, on the phone, he continued to ask a lot about your hobbies; recreating Pinterest boards in your office as vision boards for potential clients complete with fabric and scent details, thrifting with your best friend whether here in Lyon or Marseille for vinyls, unique home decor, and vintage seasonal wear you liked as a reward to yourself for another happy customer, volunteering at the plant nursery you’d been going to since you were a child when they needed help, and told you about his; taking a foodie tour of the city with his grandmother and mother when she was in town to visit them, staying in after long stretches of activity for his radio broadcast to game, ordering in lunch and dinner at his studio’s practice room to try his hand at a new piano composition unbothered, spending time with his grandparents at their country home he had bought for them after his first paycheck to help around the house with their gardening only to be rewarded with a home cooked meal.

The conversations were unhurried and disarming, his tone of voice, always genial, growing warmer the more you shared.

Sometimes you were still confused at how two low key individuals would choose to meet one another in an environment altogether separate from their private big hearted, blissful personalities.

Why had he chosen to host that party?

Why had you chosen to go?

Couldn’t you have just as easily bumped into him while out thrifting with your mother and he, out on a foodie tour with his grandmother and mother?

Wouldn’t that have been more organic and natural to affection than to see each other as you had at L’ambassade, in the ambitious, commanding personas you reserved for the public?

”I hope to see you soon,” he’d say towards the end, in a hushed confiding tone and you’d pause hearing his hopes crumbling until you answered, “Mhm. If my schedule clears up.”

You confided in your best friend (Marseille Reader) after one such conversation, saying that “Mm what if it’s not all that I think it will be anyways. There’s nothing worse than having your time just...wasted. After all the anticipation…” But she made fun of you where you hoped to find someone to laugh with.

“I’m so through with you! After he hopped in the car to come have pizza and watch your favorite movie, your mother suddenly called and said that she had an accident at the shop in the middle of the night? I mean...I tried my best not to blow your cover but really____?”

You were sheepish at her blatant though truthful accusations about your dubious attempts to avoid being left alone with him.

“I thought you were IN LIKE with the guy! He was ALL you would talk about whenever you found the time and now when he hopped in the car, and ditched his own party, something Prince Charming didn’t even really do, need I remind you Cinderella, to get to know you, you’re going to text your mom and chicken out? I was too embarrassed to laugh.”

You took a breath to respond but knew that you couldn’t explain it away. You were out thrifting at the time and she had moved on to the next clothing rack by the time you’d thought of a response anyways.

As soon as she (Marseille Reader) had taken off from L’ambassade, you were texting your mother to call you with some excuse so that you could get out of this possible date slash round two of whatever you had started back at his party.

And much to your shame, she did call but asked you about “the spontaneous affair” later.

He was all you could talk about.

He was the person you had wanted to meet the most.

Well...one of the people you had wanted to meet the most.

It felt wrong to feel drawn to him, and to desire his presence as you did.

Whose presence do I desire?

It felt wrong now that he was looking at you, sharing not only your space but the sweat of your dance upon his own skin.

It felt too rushed.

Too soon.

How could you know something as surely as you felt within your soul that though he was a stranger to you in name, in touch, in scent, his aura told you otherwise.

Truer was he becoming to the drawing of happiness you had inactively but subconsciously crafted when thinking “this is the kind of man he will be.”

Could you trust that blueprint when you had failed before, falling for those who turned out to be fallen, faithless princes instead?

But I have known you before.

The whole world has known our story as some sugar spun fairytale but it’s real.

It’s before me, finally.

I can’t let the sun go down another day without being in your presence.

Without being by your side.

When he looked at you as you took that call from your mother.

When he called you after you sent another frightened “I need space” text.

You knew that he knew it.

He felt it.

And he waited.

More patiently than you honestly expected him to be.

His tone of voice was ever cheerful, ever sweet, ever thoughtful.

When you lied to him and to ___ (Marseille Reader) that you had to see about your Mom and hoped you could see him again another time, he paused. His entire being seemed to slow in motion, his head turning, though not suspiciously, but genuinely concerned that he had done something irrevocably wrong.

“I hope everything is ok?” Was all he said at first and the car was quiet as _____ (Marseille Reader) slowed at the light and made to turn the car around to return to the club.

“I’m sure it’ll be just fine,” _____ (Marseille Reader) sighed as she came to a stop.

You felt your breath coming in high and fast as you waited for him to go.

“I really hope everything is ok. Maybe we can see the movie another time?” He asked, his inflection, meant to be both compassionate and trusting, drew your gaze from your screen where you looked at your mother’s most recent text.

“I thought you were at an event tonight. Why would you need an excuse to leave? Is everything ok? Are you safe?”

You tapped the button to darken the screen.

His eyes took you in, gauging your false worry and concern over your mother’s shop.

But though you were sure the lie you crafted was clear as the night’s starless sky, and that he was merely seeing the extent of the growing anxiety you were sweating to contain, he only gave a small, tender smile that lit his eyes with knowing.

“If it’s ok, I’ll call you later? Just to make sure you’re ok. Ok?”

And after so many phone calls, later here we finally are, you thought to yourself as he entered the cafe, took a cursory glance around the place and upon settling his eyes on you, smiling a smile that was for you and you alone.

As if to say, finally.

“________,” he greeted you as he came closer to your perch.

“Hi,” you smiled back, remembering your Mom’s hands in your hair that same night you fled to her shop.

“Don’t be afraid to love someone, _______. There were boys you met in school. You have had some heartbreaks now as a young adult. Things don’t always appear as they seem to be. We’ve talked about those times. We’ll talk about everything that happens no matter who it is. But life is about experience. Life is to be lived in both joy and pain, no matter what happened before. Don’t be afraid, my darling, my baby girl,” she smoothed her hands through your hair, scratching gently at your scalp as you turned your face into her stomach and cried.

————

“Café allongé? Really? I would have thought…”

You knew you were pulling a face and his eyes watched as you playfully judged his choice.

He sniffed at the dirty chai you ordered too before leaving the café.

“That smells so good. The dirty chai you ordered.” Did he have a thing for scents too?

“It’s one of my favorites. Have you ever tried a chai before? If you like café allongé you might like a dirty chai. It also has espresso in it but has more flavor from the milk and spices used. Milk drinks are more for breakfast but ah well. My mom uses cloves and fresh ginger when she makes it for me at home,” you stated, stopping beside him where you walked to bring the steaming to go cup up for him to smell.

Stepping closer to where you offered him your uncovered cup, he took a hearty inhale, nodding once with his eyes closed, a fan of golden brown lashes against his pinkened cheeks.

“That does smell delicious,” he said as he opened his eyes.

His eyes resembled the spice blend swirling beneath the steam from your uncovered cup.

Delicious, he had said in English.

The slight spring breeze carried his voice high above you, above the square framed by the Cathedral Saint Jean to the sun, beaming brightly atop the clouds.

You stood still moving carefully to replace the top without wasting your coffee all over yourself from nerves.

“I wasn’t sure what you would like more,” he said after you finished.

You could tell that he had watched you until you successfully replaced the top.

The nonchalant way his hand slid back into his pocket that wasn’t holding his coffee cup as if he was braced to pull the cup from you if it began to fall.

“What do you mean?” You asked, sipping briefly.

“I mean...I didn’t know if you would like to go out dancing again. You seemed to have so much fun when we were out,” he tilted his head back to swallow a large gulp.

The way he winced afterwards let you know that it was as bitter as you thought.

“Ah well dancing is fun too...it’s nice to just be out today. Thank you for inviting me,” you shook off his assumption that you were bored with his choice when it was entirely the opposite.

It was a beautiful spring afternoon in Lyon for window shopping, most specifically at Les Jouets des Anges, for his nephew and niece who were visiting next month.  

“It’s just...if I can be honest with you I don’t go to nor do I host events like that often. I’m more of a homebody,” he chuckled at his sudden confession but it was the expression that came over his face that made you chuckle too.

“I can relate to that. After the past couple months of back to back to back schedules, it is so nice to just do something low key like today. What kind of gifts are you looking for?” You asked as you neared the shop’s ruby red and gold lettered facade.

You followed him into the shop, greeting the shopkeepers and waiting for him to explain his reason for stopping in, that he was looking for a unique doll for his niece and potentially a new toy car for his nephew.

You noticed the pauses between his phrases, as if he were searching for the right words to use and remembered that he had mentioned still not feeling as comfortable with using French as he was his native language, a revelation that made you think back to the combination of English, Korean, and French you had heard him using during his evening broadcast.

The shopkeepers brought you around the shop, showing you the best that they could offer, and he was considerate of their offers though you could tell that none of them were exactly the items that he was looking for.

You left without purchasing anything at all, and continued to wander together, another swift breeze wafting the citrus like scent of magnolias your direction.

“Ah, that's a shame that there wasn’t anything there. I know that she does have a doll at home but it’s dress is older and so I was hoping to find a new one,” he frowned as he suddenly brought his phone from his back pocket, and swiped at the screen.

“Here they are,” he spoke softly, and again you came closer until you both were standing beside the bench where the magnolia blossoms had fallen from their tree onto the seat.

He gingerly brushed the blossoms to the floor, making space for you both to sit side by side so that he could show you the photo.

She sat in his lap in the photo, a little boy whom you assumed to be her elder brother stood beside them where they sat, his head leaned on his uncle’s shoulder, who had his arms wrapped around them both.

You saw the doll and action figure he had mentioned to the shopkeeper only moments ago on the floor in their boxes, newly unwrapped Christmas presents.

Their sincere smiles melted the last dregs of your anxiety and you allowed yourself another deep exhale.

“They’re beautiful. Both of them. How old are they?” You asked and he brightened at your question, telling you all about his brother’s children whom would be visiting soon to celebrate his birthday with him.

“So most of your family still lives in South Korea, where you’re from?” You asked, turning towards him and placing your pocketbook against your stomach so that you could cross your legs.

He nodded, turning towards you as you turned, crossing his opposing leg, his arm stretched along the back of the bench, his phone tucked into his front pocket, his left hand on his thigh.

“Yes my grandparents and I are the only ones who emigrated here when I started school. My parents could not afford to come too, otherwise they would have. My brother and his wife were just starting their family when I planned to move so they weren’t able to come too,” he spread the fingers of his left hand wide along his thigh as he pushed and pulled his palm along the fabric.

“Why Lyon of all places in France?” You asked, genuinely curious as he pursed his lips, a gesture that told you that he was again thinking about how to say what was on his mind in a way that you would understand.

“Well back home, my brother, my father, and I, and a lot of men in our country are required to enter military service within a certain time period. I decided to go in as soon as I was old enough to do so because my parents and I had discussed what I would like to do in my professional career.”

“I have always loved music and had learned to play the piano when I was very young. There was a piece I learned in school by a French composer and I thought that in addition to learning about genres from other countries that maybe it would be interesting to travel and live in a different country. I did not know any French when I decided to come here for my studies but I thought I could learn and just give it a try.”

“So my grandparents decided to move with me. My grandmother teased me and said it wasn’t realistic to send me off on my own to a foreign place where she could not be sure I would eat well.”

He paused at this part of the story as you giggled at another of his shameless admissions, a quirk of a meek smile spreading from one corner of his mouth to the other.

“How could you just uproot your grandparents like that for the sake of food?” You quipped and he laughed aloud, shaking his head and hands simultaneously, “아니, 아니!”

“But you haven’t even tried my grandmother’s cooking. There’s just something about home cooking, you know,” he said in his own defense and you laughed all the more, falling forward and doubling over at his shamelessness.

You hadn’t meant to reach out to brace yourself against him, one hand on his thigh while the other arm cradled your own stomach.

But he didn’t pull away from your touch.

Instead you felt him lean to shift his weight and allow himself to support you.

You sobered up, leaning back, brushing your curls away from your face.

His eyes followed your assent, his cheeks somehow pinker as a sudden glimmer took over his gaze.

“So you moved your dear grandparents here from their home and then you went to Conservatoire National Superieur de Musique et de danse de Lyon for piano pedagogy?” You remembered that had come up during one of your initial conversations after you confessed that you wanted to take your time before considering seriously talking to anyone. Especially with the way that you had met. It’s easy to get confused.

He apologized immediately, thinking that you were assuming that he was only interested in coming back to your place with you and your best friend potentially for...well.

“Yes, they moved with me and I stayed with them on the weekends especially when my family came to visit and during the holidays. I think my grandmother especially was worried not only about my diet but also about my being alone without anyone to talk to.”

“That was another reason that I started my radio program. I wanted to work on using French more and more often. I had experience during my high school years doing a radio broadcast for our school as well. But in college it was different as all things are. I had a lot more freedom in my programming and tried to make it more than just being about myself. I’m not sure when it started to be shared outside of the school circulation but eventually I was approached by producers to make this a regular gig after I completed my training. I was surprised to be received as well as I was and happy that my French improved, even just a little.”

His smile was shy when you nodded and said that you could understand him.

“I think it would be wonderful to learn a new language. I of course know French, but also English, and Portuguese. It would be interesting to learn Korean. The more you are able to rely on yourself and not have to hire outside to supplement needs, the more marketable you are. Definitely worth it to try to pick up a new language if you have the time,” you said, meaning every word that you said.

He seemed to take you at your word, leaning slightly closer to you.

“Also, if you’re still looking for a new dress for your niece’s doll, I...may know a dressmaker that can help you out. Would you be ok with sending me that picture? When would you need the dress by?” You asked, pulling your phone from where it was tucked within your pocketbook.

He gasped at your offer and looked shocked at the sincere way you looked at him, your phone cradled in your hands.

“I...you don’t have to do that. I have been looking on and off but just have not found anything that looks right for her. Or him. That’s so nice of you to offer. Really.” Again, his really was in English.

“Well I don’t mind. Really.” You intoned as he did, his shy smile beaming ever brighter.

“I…” he sighed, running a hand through his hair as a blush bloomed against his neck.

You tucked your hair behind your ear, placing your chin on your hand anchored by your knee, blinking at him expectantly.

He exhaled aloud, blowing a raspberry as he tapped through his phone and you felt your phone buzzing within your palms.

“Thank you,” he had written below the photo now in your inbox.

______________

The evening fast approaching, he drove you back to your flat after you took another walk along the streets, from which you had walked to meet him earlier that afternoon, his hand fidgeting on the stick shift where your hand rested on your own thigh only inches away.

___________

“So should I send the items to your grandparents or should I bring it to you whenever we meet again?” You asked after you shut the door to his Audi and met him on the sidewalk where he stood waiting for you.

He flushed again at your mention of meeting again.

Before you left the Cathedral’s square, he had asked you out to coffee again or maybe dinner out to which you had agreed.

“That’s up to you and also the dressmaker. Would it be ready when we see each other again? Did you want to go out again tomorrow? Or next week?” He asked, as you stepped closer, your heels clicking against the pavement as you went.

“Mm that is true. It would be a shame if it was not ready in time. Is it ok if I have your grandparents’ address then?” You asked, offering him your phone which he took, stepping closer still, to type the address in the note you’d left open under the title “Operation: Toy Delivery.”

He smirked at the title, slipping the phone from his hand to yours so that your hands overlapped and for a moment his hand held yours.

“I was serious about improving my French, if you were serious about learning Korean,” he said, your eyes dancing from his eyes down to his broad shoulders in his trench coat that towered above you, the sun crowning him in its rays.

You were a breath apart now but you spoke in your normal voice, feeling the vibrations bounce back to you as you stood within the cradle of his broad chest.

“So next time, French and Korean lessons?”

“Just next time?” He asked, the end of his question lifting in wonder.

You watched his lips form each syllable he uttered in English.

“Well...it depends on the level you want to reach,” you breathed.

And his smirk broadened.

“I want to be proficient,” he said, again in English.

Now you were flushed to the soles of your feet.

But you smiled all the more, relaxing ever more.

His gaze was ever watchful and when you smiled, when you really smiled, he took your hands in his where they were clasped in front of you keeping your pocketbook still where it rested against your stomach.

His touch was gentle, as you expected, his slim fingers weaving through yours.

“내 미소로 너의 미소의 아름다움을 만지고 싶다,” he whispered in the most tender tone.

“I...what did that mean?” You shivered, coming further into his embrace, the sun falling to insignificance behind him.

“I want to touch the beauty of your smile with my smile,” he whispered, his tone ever more tender as he waited for you to realize what he had asked.

You felt a quivering in your knees but held his hands more firmly, tipping forward and up towards him to kiss the corner of his mouth.

He bit his lip as you settled back on your feet, his hands still holding yours tightly.

You stepped further into his embrace and lifted yourself up again on your toes, feeling him bring you closer, his head turning just in time.

_______________

Two weeks later

He sent you a photo of the gift on his grandparents’ dining table, and a video of his niece and nephew opening the gifts while squealing in delight at the matching outfits for both of the children and each of their toys, crafted by your mother at your request, unbeknownst to him.

You looked at the tag “from your uncle’s good friend” you had written coyly and wondered if he had thought you were passively aggressively friendzoning him.

He called you later that night to thank you again.

“You really didn’t have to do that. I can’t tell you how much they loved the outfits and the extra toys you sent. My brother and his wife, my parents, my grandparents, they all want to thank you personally. It was such a nice gift, ______,” his tone reverent.

______________

A week later

Weaving his fingers between yours once you stepped up to the sidewalk from the car, you walked once again alongside the magnolias, a chattering of birds following you as you spoke together translating phrases and teaching one another new ones.

“너는 오늘 너무 아름다워”

“J'aime cette couleur sur vous”

“나는 너와 함께 시간을 보내는 것을 정말 좋아한다”

“J'ai hâte de vous revoir”

His kisses at your door that night were ever more demonstrative in their tenderness.

The way he cupped your cheeks in his palms, and cradled you into his chest, swaying slightly when you wrapped your arms around his waist, accepting his warmhearted embrace.

___________

Two days later

“But why didn’t you tell me that your mother made them? I...I would like to pay her back-”

“But that’s the point of a gift. It’s not about paying me back. I paid for the fabric and I did also pay my Mom for her time. I know better than that,” you chuckled, picking up your fork to get another bite from the cake you two were sharing.

He pulled the plate of cake from your reach, so that you had to look at him.

“I’m serious, _____. I haven’t even met your mother yet. But my family knows all about these gifts and about you. I would like to meet her and tell her thank you, myself,” he insisted, his tone dropping into his chest.

“Well...ok then, Boss,” you said, reaching for the plate of cake, which he gave to you after holding it away from your grasp a moment longer, kissing and sucking away the cream at the corner of your mouth.

“Was that so hard,” he laughed at your bashful frown.

____________

Two weeks later

“This is my grandmother and mother. 할머니, 엄마 this is ____, and her mother,” he gestured between the three women, the jade green 청자 vases he had ordered and his brother had brought back with him on the center table of your mother’s floral shop.

Your mother, her eyes large as saucers at the size and variety of the vases, quickly began to ask the sweet women, his grandmother and mother, about traditional floral arrangements. He sat between his mother, grandmother and your mother and you sat opposite him helping them to understand one another in their mutual excitement that you felt had less to do with the vases the longer you listened.

_____________

That same week of your birthday

“I trust you, but I don’t trust the sidewalk,” you laughed, feeling his gait slow to awkward shuffling steps framing your tentative ones.

“I won’t let you fall. I promise,” he whispered, brushing his lips against the top of your ear before letting his hands fall.

“Lumière Fourmi closed for an exclusive event...” you gasped at the title, Ever After, showing in each of the window panes.

He took your hand in his, ushering you through the front doors where a banner sparkled under the pearl white ceiling lights.

“Happy Birthday, _____”

——————————-

After a shared bucket of popcorn while cuddling in the plush velvet seats

“Monsieur, Madame, your dessert has arrived,” your lone attendant of the evening announced as he wheeled the cake tray in, complete with a frosted ice bucket of champagne.

After handing the matches to him, they bowed and made their exit.

He sat up, lighting each of the candles one by one, spelling your name.

He sang you the birthday song, his voice like his embrace, warm-hearted, and buttery like toffee, in French.

You clapped enthusiastically, tears in your eyes as you leaned forward to kiss him in thanks.

“마음에 드세요?” He drawled, seemingly happily dizzy from your successive kisses.

“응! 너무 좋아! 정말 고마워!” You took his cheeks in your hands, leaning forward to kiss him again.

He held you to him after the last kiss, murmuring throatily, “Serez-vous ma petite amie?”

Though at this point you knew it was purely a formality, you sat back, his hands resting on your mid back.

“Mille fois oui,” you answered, your gaze straightforward and your heart clear.

_______________________

After a mouthful of cake sweetened kisses

“What movie did you learn that phrase from? I didn’t teach you that,” you joked, snuggling into his arms, as the credits began to roll.

He rolled his eyes, licking his lips after a beat.

“사랑에 빠진 사람은 한계를 모른다,” he murmured between kisses.

_____________________

Finally, at your apartment later that evening  

“Wow, this is such a beautiful place, ______,” he said the moment that you led him into your flat.

“Thank you,”  you said, pulling down at the hem of the sleeve of his trench coat as he stood in wonder.

He looked down at where you tugged at him and giggled as he shrugged out of his trench coat, and waited for you to hang it at the door before you let him know to make himself comfortable.

He stepped out of his dress shoes at the door, placing them so that their toes faced the door, before he walked towards the living area where your curtains were held open.

You moved through your apartment, dreamily, gathering blankets, pillows, placing a new unopened toothbrush on the bathroom counter that you bought for yourself but hadn’t opened yet.

He stood at the window, leaned against the pane, viewing the street below where his car was parked across the street after bringing you both back to your flat.

You stood, unable to move closer.

Though not entirely in fear.

But in peaceful stillness.

In absolute incandescent happiness.

“This has been such a great birthday,” you announced, seeing him jolt slightly at the sudden sound of your voice.

He turned to walk towards you, and you met him in the middle of your hardwood living room floor.

“I’m sorry that I kept you out so late. I hope it’s ok that I stay just this once,” he winced and you rolled your eyes at him.

“I insisted that you come by instead of driving all the way back to your grandparents. I would have been worried if something happened to you out there at this time of night. You forget that both your grandmother and mother have my number.”

He shrugged, his eyes drifting to the blankets and pillows in your arms.

“Let me help you with these then?” He offered and took them, placing them on your sofa and you followed to sit beside him.

Sitting which inevitably became cuddling.

“I’m embarrassed at how easy it is to end up like this,” you admitted into his neck, feeling his throaty chuckle against your lips.

“Is it bad that I’m not?” He murmured, wrapping his arms around you.

“That makes you sound like a player though,” you said, leaning out of his arms, to gauge his reaction.

His brow rose at your insinuation.

“I…?”

He released you from his chest, taking your hands in his instead.

“I don’t want there to be misunderstandings between us. I’m not here for any other reason than that I really truly like you. But I feel like there’s a barrier between us no matter how sincere I am. Please help me to understand that,” he spoke in low tones, the pads of his thumbs gently tracing the veins on the backs of your hands.

Could he feel the jump in your pulse at his heartfelt inquiry?

“...well…”

“We don’t have to go too fast. I’m not asking you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I can leave if you feel burdened. I don’t want to harm you, ____. Ever,” he brought your hands to his lips, kissing the back and hearts of your palms twice.

“I’m not afraid of you touching me. Or holding me. It’s not the physical intimacy that scares me.  I can feel our hearts becoming closer the longer we spend time together moving at a pace that seems rushed when I think about the amount of time we’ve actually spoken to one another.”

“But my heart says another thing. My heart wants more time. More and more time. It’s so easy to talk with you. To spend time with you. To just be.”

“But do you really, ____? Sometimes I feel that our hearts are in the same place. I feel that we both feel safe together. And that you’re beginning to trust me. But then I can feel you pulling away as if you want to hide instead of remaining in the same place with me. Is there something about me that makes you feel uncomfortable?”

He kept his eyes on the back of your palms, tracing your veins with his forefinger as he gradually let your joined hands drop between you both.

“I…”

How messy was it to explain the gaps between your fingers where he held onto you more tightly than you held onto him?

How soon was too soon to reveal all that you feared?

But he had become close to the entrance to your heart.

He chose to wait there.

Sincerely, just as he said.

“You don’t have to tell me everything at once. But I want you to know that when you are ready that you can tell me everything. I want to know.” He waited for some time before speaking, continuing his gentle rotations against the back of your palm.

Don’t be afraid to love someone, _______.

Life is to be lived in both joy and pain, no matter what happened before.

Don’t be afraid, my darling, my baby girl.

You fidgeted, pulling your hands from his embrace, to cradle his instead.

You brought his hands, the backs of his palms, his fingers, then turned his hands to their center to your lips as well.

He exhaled, slowly. Allowing you to turn him this way and that.

Closing your eyes, you repeated the gesture before bringing his hands to your heart, pressing down until you could feel your heartbeats, his through his hands, and yours atop his.

He leaned forward, brushing the bridge of his nose along the hill of your cheek.

“Please be careful with me,” you whispered, shivering as he kissed the center of your cheek, moving glacially towards your lips.

Then your hands, yours and his, pulled each other closer.

Breaking apart, he hummed against your lips.

“Please be careful with me, also.”

You answered in kind with another kiss.

__________________

7:00 am, the morning of your actual birthday

You awoke curled into his chest, feeling him shiver as you stirred again in his arms, turning into his neck.

Your clothes from the day before that you both still wore were rumpled where they had been pressed and freshly laundered for the surprise special showing he had gifted you the evening before.

His dress shoes were still at the door.

Your pumps had somehow ended up beside them.

He moaned as you shifted your weight, pulling yourself up to a seated position.

His arms followed you where you went, his hands drifting down to your waist, his fingers twitching slightly as you continued to move.

You turned to look at him, seeing that he was still asleep, his lips puffed and bruised as were yours.

You blushed as your eyes trailed to the right of his lips, focusing on his chin, his neck and where his dress shirt were unbuttoned exposing his clavicle.

There you had left your marks.

Seeing his made you bring your hand to your own that he had made; love bites on both sides of your neck, the top of your left shoulder and the stretch of skin just above the mound of your left breast.

Your phone chimed in your purse on the counter and you stood up quickly, hearing him gasp and groan in his sleep.

You made it in time to catch it on the third ring, answering it as you swiped your purse from the counter and hurried down the hall to your bedroom.

“______! Happy birthday love!” _____ (Marseille Reader) exclaimed as soon as you answered, blowing her kazoo into the mouth piece of her phone.

You laughed hoarsely, muffling the volume of the sound.

You thanked her as you started your shower, creating another barrier for your conversation.

“Am I catching you at a bad time? Are you on your way out already? Why is your voice so husky? Is he…? Wait!-”

“Could you be any more nosy?” You sighed to which she laughed.

“Well a very happy birthday to you girl. I’ll hang up now. Text me when you have a minute ok?”

You hung up after you both said goodbye, texting her quickly.

“We didn’t. If that’s what you’re thinking. He just stayed over after we came back from the theater. We slept together but not...not like that.”

Three dots.

“Are you ok? How do you feel about things? I know you’ve been anxious about it for awhile.”

You placed your phone on its designated dish for when you brought it to the bathroom, and went back to your bedroom to place your purse on its hook.

“I’m still nervous about everything. I don’t know why though. You’ve known me long enough to know what I am always like.”

The three dots flashed quicker this time.

“What makes it so different this time?”

You undressed, thinking about her question as you washed your hair, scratching your scalp in slow methodical circles.

When you were rinsed clean, you hurried to change into comfortable sweats, grabbing your hair brush from its holder in your bathroom but turning round in a circle stunned to see that your leave in conditioner was missing.

“Where-”

You went to grab your phone, swiping to open a happy birthday text from your Mom.

“Thank you! I’ll call you in a little bit ok?” You responded quickly before going back to _____‘s (Marseille Reader) text message from before.

“Obviously every situation is different. But...it’s just the way he completely reads me, _____ (Marseille Reader.)”

A question mark.

“Last night we talked after we got back and he wants our relationship to move forward. He officially asked me yesterday. And somehow he realized that though I said and meant yes, I was also still feeling wary about it. And he asked me why? And when I was wondering why he would be willing to trust me so completely, my mom’s voice came back to me telling me that trust is part of the process. No one can really guarantee that things won’t happen.”

“Mmhm”

“Trust is part of the process.”

You felt your hair dripping on your bare shoulder.

“You deserve to be loved the way he wants to love you, _____. Don’t you think you deserve to be wanted and loved like that? If you don’t think you’re ready for that then don’t lead him on. But if you want to love him then don’t be afraid to want and accept that.”

________________

“I’m sorry,” you cried out as you almost collided with him in the hallway.

“I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed also, catching you where you had almost fallen to jump away from him in time as he approached.

“I just wanted to come take a shower because it sounded like you were done. Is that ok? Can I use the towel that you left out? I should have brought some things with me but I didn’t think I would stay over,” his chuckle was nervous as if he was worried that you were going to rescind your invitation.

But you shook off your nerves, reaching out to take his hand in yours to lead him to your bathroom.

“Your hair is different from how it usually is ,” he said aloud, his eyes surveying every wet curl atop your head.

“Yea...I was coming out to get my conditioner that I left in the living room. I was hoping I wouldn’t wake you since you still seemed tired-”

“Oh no I’m fine. So what will you do to your hair now? Just let it dry?” He asked, reaching out a hand to touch one of your curls.

“I’ll be right back if you want to wait right here?” You asked, and left him to look around to find a chair to sit in, hurrying quickly to your guest bathroom to find your leave in conditioner bottle that you had left on the window sill the day before.

You returned to your bedroom to find him looking at the picture frames on your writing desk, those of you and your mother, _____ (Marseille Reader) and you on holiday, you outside of your university holding your diploma.

You moved around him, allowing him to see what he wanted, turning on your radio.

You went into the bathroom, hearing him stir at your writing desk as he watched you go past.

After hunting for your comb you went to sit at your bathroom bench, spritzing your hair with your leave-in conditioner spray you concocted before you began to comb through and part your hair.

You heard him before you saw him at the door of your bathroom, “you can come in. If you want to sit beside me?”

He came slowly, his footsteps soft on your marble floor.

You felt him come closer until he sat down beside you and you shifted over, giving him room.

He sat quietly, watching you as you braided your hair and put it into a bun.

“What’s in that spray bottle? It smells like coconut and something else delicious,” he asked, as you turned back to him, handing him the unopened toothbrush after putting your hair care items away and washing your hands.

“I’ll tell you as soon as you shower ok? What would you like for breakfast?”

__________________

After breakfast, your mother’s chai tea recipe, baguettes, strawberries, and 길거리 토스트, something he asked for but wasn’t positive of the recipe for, you cleaned up the living room and you both moved into your bedroom.

You called your mother back while he showered earlier and she planned to invite both him and his family if they were available for your traditional birthday dinner at her home.

When you asked him over breakfast, if he and they were available later this evening or tomorrow depending on their schedules, he immediately called his mother who called your mother to arrange the dinner for the following evening.

“Did you call off your schedule for the rest of today too?” You chuckled, when he announced that everything was arranged.

He sighed after a long sip of chai, rolling his neck side to side as if he were finally waking up, saying, “I didn’t have anything else scheduled for this weekend. I go back in on Tuesday to record again. I planned ahead. I have time.”

“Time for me?” You asked, enjoying the warmth in your hands from your cup of chai.

“Time for us,” he smiled in return.

_________________

“Come here,” you said, standing with his hands cradling yours.

He followed where you led down the hall past your kitchen, past the half guest bathroom, further down the hall to your bedroom, weaving his fingers between yours in a solid embrace.

You led him to your room, leaving him at the door to get your picture frame.

He waited by the door, not crossing the threshold, until you gave him permission.

_________________

“This love, this love

This love, this love

Let me feel the love, you get to know me

Figured that soul, I hold you only

Take him in and chilling, we keep it rolling

Let me get a hit of, you feeling on me

Let me feel the depth as you get to know me

Figured that soul, I hold you only

Take him in and chilling, we keep it rolling

Let me get a hit of, you feeling on me”

You laid side by side as Cassie sang, her voice tinging the light of the sun’s descent filtering into your bedroom from your curtains in bashful pinks, and deeper reds.

His hand held yours, slipping his fingers between yours, rubbing his thumbs against the inside of the heel of your palm.

You turned, your eyes finding his first where he watched you.

“이쪽으로 오세요,” he whispered, his other arm reaching up and over, creating within himself a circle for you to fill.

You went, snuggling into his chest with your ear over his heart. His arms held you close, one of his hands drifting higher to your now dried hair. At first he petted your hair, gently teasing stray curls from your bun, and eventually his fingers inched along your scalp, scratching you in all the right spots.

You moaned against him, writhing closer.

Until he suddenly stopped.

You opened your eyes just as he reached his hand that had been in your hair beneath your chin, tilting your face up to him, his kiss full and passionate.

You pulled him, by his broad shoulders, wrapping yourself around him, as he turned with you, bringing your thighs around him, his palms spreading along your skin.

“Mm,” he kissed the tender love bites he’d created earlier that morning at dawn, and nosed down further as you pulled at your sweatshirt.

You helped each other out of your clothes, down to your silk and his cotton, chasing each new reveal with another kiss, and another until finally you were free.

He shyly pulled away when you pulled him closer by his hips.

“I-”

“Are you ready or are we moving too fast?” He asked immediately.

You brought your hands to your chest, covering yourself.

“I don’t...if you don’t want to be together...I really don’t want to do this…” he said, his eyes looking and you hushed him with your lips realizing then that you were both nervous about whether you were in the same head space.

“I want to. Je veux.”

“Moi aussi.”

__________

“Mm…” he let out a long low moan as your kisses drifted from his neck.

To alternate between sucking and blowing hotly against his nipples, his chest, his stomach.

He bucked against your sudden kiss at his hips.

The way that you slowly opened your mouth, nibbling at the indent of his hip bone.

While he focused there, panting open mouthed, you reached, sliding an open hand down, past his belly button pushing past curls of hair, grasping him.

“____,” groaning your name at first, you felt him still against you as you opened your mouth.

“Ha...I,” he squirmed involuntarily but towards you.

____________

He was buzzing in your ear, humming as he breathed you in.

You turned into his embrace, your back flush against his chest.

He cradled you, making himself a throne upon which you reigned.

His hands were at your breasts where his mouth had been before he turned you over.

You pulled one of his hands from your breast, as his lips pressed into your neck, murmuring drunkenly against you your name over and over and over.

“Vous pouvez aussi me toucher ici,” you murmured rotating your hips as you brought his hand down further past your belly button, past the silk, past your curls, to you.

“Vous êtes si doux et doux même ici,” he bit at your neck, sucking the skin there as he placed his hand above yours, following your movement.

___________

He turned you to him, taking a handful of your hair in his hands, helping you closer with his other hand spread wide against your behind, as he rocked you higher and higher.

“B-Baekhyun!” in tears you said his name again and again.

__________

“Seeing you again at my party after that first winter we happened to meet left me empty. I tried to wait until we could see each other by chance. But I found myself asking and wondering more. I found every chance to ask about you. But how could I find a way to casually see you being that our careers are what they are?”

“When I saw you again _____. I can’t tell you what it meant to know you were coming.”

You pressed a sleepy, tearful kiss to his Adam’s apple.

“I’m surprised you didn’t give up…” you whispered huskily.

“How can I? My heart belongs to you. There’s nowhere I can go without thinking of you. Not even to sleep, ____. You’re with me always.” He kept a hand at the small of your back, circling from there to the rise of your bottom, while his other hand held your thigh ascending to your knee. He held you to him, with your thigh wrapped over his hip.

“Always?” You asked, your hand that rested on his rising and falling chest, moving up to turn his face down to you.

“Always,” he nodded, nuzzling you and turning until he rested his head on your breast.

You scratched at his scalp and neck, stirring and writhing against him as his drowsy kisses again became urgent.

“B-Baek-Hyun-Ah please…”

How did he know that you liked it like this?

How did he know that you needed him to touch you there?

“Ah foda-se...ha!”

Like that.

Again.

“...please”

More.

“Come here baby,” he murmured against your brows, one hand in your hair, as his other held your thigh, pulling you together until you were blissfully one, again.

____________

covered by your grace

PAIRING. jaehyun x oc/reader GENRES. romance, angst, historical!au, strangers-to-lovers!au? WORDS. 22.3k

SYNOPSIS. i once knew a boy, who fell in love with a girl, who smiled at the thought of her name. i once knew a girl, who fell in love with a boy, who felt the very same. but it became a struggle, and the timing was wrong, and love decided that they didn’t belong. 

BG INFO. this story is set in an alternative universe where it’s a mix of the old days and the present time?? modern transportation exists but other modern gadgets such as cellphones, computers, etc. do not.

TAGLIST. @crescent-iak​ ​

[a/n]: reposting this because it didn’t show up in tags, sorry! originally a baekhyun fic, i decided to revamp/rewrite it as a jaehyun one. hope you guys will enjoy this story as much as i enjoyed writing it! ♥

“Miss!” my nanny shouted as she ran after me. “Miss! You are not allowed to leave the house! You’ll get in trouble and you, out of all the people, know that it’s the last thing you want right now.”

I stopped in my tracks and turned around to my nanny with a small, knowing smile. I felt terrible that I somehow dragged her into my antics. But, I didn’t like staying cooped up inside the mansion. Besides, there wasn’t anybody there except for a few maids and butlers.

My older brother, Doyoung, was currently studying in Marseille. Being born into an artistic family, my parents were honestly surprised to hear that he wanted to become a chef. He used to study in Lyon, then Nice, before officially settling in Marseille so that he could learn more about the city’s gastronomy.

My parents were at first, reluctant to let my brother become a chef. They did not believe that someone born in our family could succeed in a field outside of the visual arts. Nonetheless, Doyoung was determined to prove them wrong, which he did. Thus, my parents did not hesitate to boast about their son and his accomplishments.

I couldn’t say the same about myself, though.

Unlike Doyoung, I was still stuck in my hometown, forced to attend events in my parents and older brother’s stead.

However, unlike my brother, I inherited my parents’ skills for the arts. Unfortunately, for my parents, who expected me to take over their legacy, I knew that it was not my passion. I would occasionally enjoy an afternoon or two of drawing in the garden, with a nice cup of tea and lemon scones, but it just wasn’t, well, me.

I was actually in love with literature. Reading and imagining myself in the role of the story’s heroine gave me a lot of thrill and adrenaline; emotions I had never felt due to my dull and mundane life.

I wanted to escape from this place.

Temporarily, permanently—I didn’t care as long as I wasn’t surrounded by the same things and the same people.

“Mirae,” I called my nanny and gave her a knowing look. “You mean you’re the one who’s scared of getting into trouble, not me.”

She shot me a pleading look. “Please, Miss, I cannot afford to lose my job. I need to feed my family.”

I let out a sigh, and then my nanny knew she got me wrapped around her little finger. I disliked it it when she used her family to get me to listen to her because she knew I couldn’t possibly let her family starve. I also felt bad because it was the winter holidays soon, and Mirae was still stuck here with me. I knew how much she wanted to go home and see her children.

I felt bad because I couldn’t do anything for her, for the nanny who took care of me since I was young instead of her own children. Not getting myself into trouble was the least I could do for the woman who had done so much for a brat like myself.

“Come on, Mirae.” I smiled sadly, and I walked back to the mansion with her following me close behind. “I think it’s almost dinner time and I’m quite famished.”

I thought I would never be able to get used to spending days without Doyoung by my side. In him, I found a piece of my safe haven. Unlike typical siblings, we did not fight a lot. Perhaps it was due to our parents’ constant absence in our lives that we realized we actually needed each other.

I missed Doyoung more than I could possibly admit.

Therefore, I was glad that I was able to use Mirae’s children as an excuse to go and visit him, even though I really shouldn’t because children were like gifts to this world. They were just so innocent. I shouldn’t be using them for selfish purposes.

Of course, I did not say that to my parents. I wouldn’t want them to believe that Mirae asked me for a favour. Even if my parents were and could be the sweetest people on Earth, there was still this cruel and almost robotic side to them that they would only show when they sensed that something was wrong.

As parents, they also had a knack to sense whether their children are lying to them or not, which is why they were surprised to find out that I actually didn’t lie about wanting to visit Doyoung in Marseille.

Not only did I want to see him, but I also wanted Mirae to experience the same thing as I—to be around the people we cared about.

“This is rather unusual of you,” my father carefully said as he wiped his lips with his napkin. “Usually, you would be running around the whole town, causing trouble for everybody. I’m afraid that taking care of you would be too much of a hassle for Doyoung.”

I tried not to roll my eyes at his comment. My father and I have always had a close relationship. Perhaps not the perfect father-daughter one since we preferred staying in a comfortable silence instead, but I couldn’t ask for a better father.

Even if he was overly submissive to my overbearing mother.

My mother, on the other hand, was a rather special case. Her mood swings were something that no one could handle. And they only got worse with every passing year. The fact that Father always let her get her way did not help either.

My parents got married at a young age and conceived me and Doyoung at a young age as well. However, there were many things my mother regretted not doing before she got married. Most of the time, she would blame it on us, the children. But I was usually the one at the end of her outbursts since, according to her, at least my brother accomplished something.

On other days, she would spoil me rotten as if I was the only child, something I’ve never got used to. Receiving affection in a physical form from her was something that my brother and I loathed.

I dropped down the fork rather abruptly, causing Mother to cluck her tongue. I faked a wince and mouthed an apology before moving on to what I wanted to say.

“Remember a year ago, you asked me whether I really wanted to go into writing or not, and if I do, you will give me a year to prove that it’s really my passion?” I started, and both my parents nodded. “Well, I thought, why not go to Marseille and just see how it goes?”

“And give me a reason as to why should I send you there?” Father asked with a raised brow, but I knew from the lopsided grin that he was already convinced. Asking me this question was just a formality in hopes of convincing my mother, as well.

I shrugged, giving off a je-ne-sais-quoi attitude. “I’ve got nothing to lose, and the same goes to you guys. If I were to lose my time, might as well do it properly in another city. Who knows? Maybe being with Doyoung would help with the creative juice or whatever you call it.”

Father contemplated my suggestion with his hands crossed in front of his mouth. For a minute, I thought he was going to refuse my proposal. I was ready to pitch myself onto the ground to beg him, but as if he sensed what I was about to do, he immediately raised his hands in defeat. His eyes looked up and down with a frown, and he sighed tiredly.

Mirae subtly let out a breath she was holding as my father said, “Alright.”

I was about to jump in happiness and hug my nanny when my mother suddenly interrupted the happy moment.

Of course, she had to ruin the moment.

“I’m letting you go only on one condition,” she said, and all of us waited for her to continue. She then snapped her fingers. One of the butlers came back with a piece of paper that looked like an envelope. Mother then took the envelope and slid it across the table to me.

Instinctively, I backed away a little from the dining table and eyed the piece of paper skeptically. There was a reason why my mother and I didn’t get along sometimes and it was because I didn’t trust her.

I started losing my trust in her when one day, she announced that she was going to divorce my father.

Suddenly, I was not able to see her as a motherly figure anymore.

Of course, she was still my mother, and I loved her very much, but…

It just wasn’t the same anymore.

Even though they ended up not getting divorced, I still didn’t know the exact details. Nobody, not even Doyoung, informed me. Even today, a part of me was still hurt by my mother’s actions.

Because I remembered clearly.

Too clearly.

The way she left the house with a small suitcase, asking for a break from not only my father but from the family as well.

From me and my brother.

The way my father silently cried in his study room, thinking that nobody would dare to disturb him, thinking that his own children wouldn’t check up on him whether he was okay or not.

I felt betrayed, and I was.

I thought I had a close relationship with my mother. I thought that she would be able to tell me anything, despite my immaturity and lack of real-life experience.

I thought that, as her daughter, she would be able to confide in me, her haunting thoughts that she wouldn’t be able to talk to with anybody else.

But, I guess I was wrong.

Dead wrong.

“What is this?” I asked as I lifted the envelope with my fork, causing her to tsk at me once again. “It looks important… Are you sure you’re supposed to give this to me instead of Doyoung?”

Both my parents gave me a look. Mother was soon to be exasperated and looked like she was close to disowning me, whereas Father was silently begging me to follow my mother’s antics.

I let out a tired sigh as I rubbed my temples. I then reached out for the envelope before opening it and taking out the piece of paper.

Seriously, the things I did for the old man.

“It’s an invitation to a ball that lasts for seven nights,” my mother explained as my eyes scanned the letter. “The Musée des beaux-arts de Lyon is hosting the ball, and they sent us an invitation. I expect you to attend the ball on all seven nights in our family’s stead.”

“But–”

“Lyon is between Paris and Marseille,” she quickly refuted as if she sensed that I was about to refuse. “It shouldn’t cause you any problems since it’s on your way.”

Without waiting for my answer, she wiped her lips before throwing the napkin at the table. She then left us in the dining room, an awkward silence lingering in the air.

“Is it too late to state my opinion?” I said to my father, a bit annoyed that the adults always voiced me out, always treating me like a toddler.

Father sighed. I didn’t know whether he was tired of my mother’s ways of dealing with me, or my attitude towards the family in general.

“Judging by how she said it, I’m guessing she wants me to go because she wants to marry me off or something?” I told him about my theory with a mocking scoff. I could be wrong, but who knows what my mother could be thinking.

“Honey,” my father said. “I know you must resent your mother a little due to the… small incident a few years ago.”

I almost laughed at how ridiculous he sounded. “Small? Dad, do you even hear yourself?”

He ignored my comment. “But always remember that she is still your mother, and she will always hold your best interests at heart. She cares about you, and she wants you to be happy. To be sure of what you want to do.”

“I already told you guys what I want to do.” I huffed before crossing my arms across my torso stubbornly. “But you guys never listen to me.”

“Is that really what you want?” My father stared at me as if he was trying to peek inside of my soul. And it unnerved me. “We’re your parents, honey, and we think that it’s not what you really want.”

I got up from my seat and then shot one last look at my father before leaving the dining room with Mirae behind me.

“I don’t know what I really want either.”

When I finally got to my hotel in Lyon, I lost count of the number of times I regretted telling Mirae to go back to her family for the holidays. My parents left everything for me to organize, and well, let’s just say it wasn’t the easiest thing I have done in my life. I took Mirae for granted and promised myself that I would stop getting her in trouble with me.

The receptionist recognized me and greeted me. She asked someone to bring me to my room, and I refused for obvious reasons, but she was annoyingly persistent. In the end, I ended up following a really tall, almost lanky bellhop.

When I was finally in front of my room, I realized he brought me to a suite.

Not the single room that I initially booked.

I refrained from cursing at the receptionist.

“Are you sure this is the right room?” I chuckled nervously as I stared at the door in front of me.

The male nodded and bowed. “This is the room assigned to you by the musée. If you have any questions, just dial the star on the telephone, and the receptionist downstairs will answer.” He then warned me, “Be careful in the streets of Lyon, Miss. Lyon is not as safe as you think it is. Make sure to not follow any strangers.”

Before I could have said anything, he already left, leaving me alone in the big hallway, wondering whether I should really listen to his advice or not.

After all, where else could I find such thrill other than in Lyon?

I entered my room, to find all of my belongings already placed in their rightful places. However, there was a piece of paper that was sticking out from one of my bags, and I knew I wasn’t the one who placed it there. For a second, I thought my mother had left me something, but to my surprise, it wasn’t.

The letter was actually from Mirae, and on it, it was the written schedule of the whole week. Even when we aren’t together, she would always take care of me, no matter what.

Unlike a certain mother I know.

But it wasn’t time for me to mope around about trifles. I looked at the time, and I realized that I have to prepare myself for tonight’s party. 

But I soon let out a sigh when I read the details concerning the party hosted by the museum of Lyon.

I had nothing against parties. I did find them to be quite the entertainment in my dull, boring, and monotone life. Nothing really interested or surprised me anymore since my parents had my whole life already planned. However, masquerade balls were another thing.

Masquerade balls would be something that went with what I searched and thrived for in life. The people would always be so much mysterious. The atmosphere alluring. But, I knew that was it due to the music and the costumes.

What masquerade balls really lacked though was unpredictability. 

The same kind of people would always fill up the place.

That’s just the thing with balls in general.

An hour later, I swore under my breath as I tried to arrange my hair while getting out of the car. Although we were almost there, an accident happened at the corner of the street, preventing any cars from going through. Although I was certain that my mother would faint at the sight of me running like a madwoman in the streets of Lyon, I was certain that being late was much more of a faux pas.

As I was trying to run in a fashionable manner, I saw a young person leaning against the wall near the place where the accident occurred. But, his position hinted that he was perhaps in hiding. He smiled amusingly at the scene as he popped a lollipop into his mouth.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks as I couldn’t help but continue staring at the mysterious guy. The guy kept overlooking the scene, and I forced my eyes to follow his vision.

The accident wasn’t significant. A few men in black jumped on the roof of the cars, scaring both the passengers and the drivers, thus causing them to freak out and get out of the vehicles to see what was exactly going on. As soon as they thought everything was normal, they went back inside their vehicles, to discover that most of their prized possessions and belongings had been stolen.

I looked back at the amused man, intrigued not only by the way he was standing—so arrogantly and nonchalantly—but also by the clothes he was wearing. Although they were in good shape, they seemed used, as if a family member had passed them down to him.

The man suddenly shot a thumbs-up to a group of people who wore the same type of clothes as he was—black, casual, and used. The others who were scattered across the street then left, leaving the man I first saw leaning against the wall alone.

As if he sensed my eyes, he turned to my direction and his eyes widened just the slightest. He quickly regained his composure and shot me a simple, flirty grin, causing me to cock my head to the side, just trying to decipher what kind of person he was. However, as he eyed me up and down, his smile suddenly vanished. The male then scoffed and glared at me before turning away and left the place.

His behaviour stunned me. Although I admit, I was not perhaps the most open or friendliest person in the world, as my personality might be a little bit too far-fetched for some people, but in no way did I display a behaviour that could be deemed as rude.

Or, at least, not rude enough to deserve such attitude from him.

I didn’t have time to continue staring at the empty spot he left. Even though I loved being fashionably late, there was no point in arriving late when the ball was about to finish. So, burying the thoughts of the man I just saw to the very back of my mind, I turned away from the scene and tried to run to the ball’s venue without tripping over my dress and making a fool out of myself.

The ball’s venue was definitely something I should praise the organizers for. The ball turned out to be held in a magnificent castle, where the garden turned out to be a vast white and ancient maze with tall bushes of roses.

I nodded at the guards, whom I’m guessing, were part of the whole French, masquerade concept, and showed them my invitation card. I could see their eyes growing big at my invitation, and they allowed me in. However, as soon as I stepped inside, the two guards followed me behind, and I turned around to see what exactly they were planning to do.

To my horror, they were about to announce my arrival. I immediately shot them a glare, simultaneously shutting them up at the same time. I knew the ball was inspired by French masquerade balls. But, I did not expect them to actually announce my arrival.

Besides, wasn’t this supposed to be a masquerade ball?

After making sure they weren’t going to say anything else—though, the sudden pause made things slightly awkward, and people were still staring—I walked down the stairs, keeping my eyes on the floor to make sure that I wouldn’t make any eye contact.

The last thing I needed was for people to notice me and to find out my identity.

Not that I expected them to know.

I peeked at my invitation, to find out that I was one of the honoured guests, which explained the guards’ actions. I sighed at those words and tucked the invitation away into the depths of my clutch, and then grabbed a flute of champagne from a waiter that passed by.

There wasn’t much that was happening, and that was exactly what I was afraid of. The least that Mother could do was to send Doyoung a letter and ask him to attend it with me. I felt that it was slightly unfair to let me suffer alone. But then again, it wouldn’t be much of a punishment for me if Doyoung were to attend it as well.

For the first hour or so, I thought I was doing a great job at staying low profile, which probably wasn’t something my mother wanted me to do, but then again, since when did I ever listen to her? Besides, her instructions for me were only to attend all seven nights of the ball. She didn’t say that I actually had to socialize with those people.

But with those thoughts, I probably jinxed myself.

Naturally, people approached me. I didn’t know why. I wasn’t one of those super charismatic people where others would just be naturally attracted to them, nor was I one of those good-looking people that could turn people’s heads.

Like my brother.

I was about to discretely walk away when my mother’s voice suddenly popped inside of my head, warning me that if I were to walk away, I could say goodbye to my freedom. So, reluctantly, I stayed at the same place, forcing my feet not to move an inch.

I heard a male call my name, causing me to turn around with a raised brow.

“You’ve caused quite a scene when you came,” he said to me.

I maintained my expression, waiting for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. I was baffled that someone actually knew me, let alone my name. I thought my mask would hide my face, but it failed its duty. But surprisingly, it didn’t make me feel annoyed as I thought I would be. Instead, my curiosity piqued, and I couldn’t help but wonder, who that mysterious guy in front of me was.

He was rather tall—at least a head and half taller than me—and had silver hair. He had a nice jawline and a tall nose. He wore a black shirt with a dark blue tie that matched with his suit and pants, and there was a white handkerchief in his breast pocket. His mask that paired with his suit enhanced just how dark and peculiar his eyes were.

Even with the mask on, I knew that he was dashing.

But for some odd reason, despite this man’s dapper appearance, I didn’t feel the same pull that I did with that mysterious guy from earlier.

“I didn’t know that my appearance would cause a scene,” I said matter-of-factly. “And besides, I wouldn’t exactly call it a scene if you’re the only one approaching me.”

He let out a chuckle and then opened his mouth to say something when all of a sudden, the lights went out, causing everyone to panic. I decided to take advantage of the pandemonium to leave the place. Unfortunately, a light went back on. Though instead of illuminating back the whole area, it was shining on a person who was standing at the very top of the stairs.

What was the point of hiring guards if they weren’t doing their job correctly?

It was evident to me that the mysterious man that appeared was the cause of the sudden blackout. However, he didn’t seem to be dangerous to me even though he was just oozing with danger and wilderness. The mysterious male also had a mask on, and he was dressed in a black turtleneck with a leather jacket and pants, paired up with combat boots. His hair was a shade of dark brown and was messy in a good way.

Despite a different appearance, it didn’t take me long to realize that it was the guy I saw in the streets from earlier.

He had a rope attached to his hips to which he was hanging onto. He smirked at us all as if he knew a secret that none of us knew before he finally opened his mouth.

“Underneath this little stone, lies Robert Earl of Lyon;

no other archer was so good,

and people called him Robin Hood.

Such outlaws as he and his men.

Will France never see again.”

He then tugged at the rope, and he immediately was pulled away as he exited through one of the high windows. The method he used to leave the place completely baffled me.

It took me a few seconds for his words to sink.

He quoted The Adventures of Robin Hood but replaced the names.

I ignored the cries of surprise of the other people, who realized that someone stole from them, and instead ran out of the castle, ignoring the handsome man in blue who was talking to me earlier on.

Contrary to what I’ve once thought, I stopped regretting the fact that I actually came here.

It took me a while to find the man, but I did.

It was surprising though, that he looked so casual and not alarming as if he knew nobody would actually go after him.

Actually, that was a good question.

Why wasn’t anybody going after him?

He entered the garden in which the maze of walls supposedly led to the exit. I paused at the maze’s entrance, unsure whether should I continue following the mysterious guy or not. Suddenly, I recalled the words that my hotel’s bellhop told me right before he left, about not following anyone I didn’t know.

But this guy…

I couldn’t help but feel like I had to follow him. My guts and instincts were just telling me to go for it; that I only lived once; that I was sure to regret it if I didn’t follow that person.

Somehow, as crazy as it sounds, I thought that maybe, just maybe it was fate that brought me here.

That maybe fate wanted me here so that I could find my answers.

Perhaps, the mysterious guy would lead me to what I’ve always wanted to find.

I immediately entered the maze with white—almost manila coloured—walls. There were numerous stairs that led you up and down, and lights and doors that made you feel a little bit disorientated. But the guy seemed like he knew his way.

The second I decided to take a small breather, the male disappeared right in front of my eyes. I tried not to curse at my bad luck. Because not only did I just lost the guy I was following, I was also terribly lost.

Let’s just say that I wasn’t blessed with a good sense of direction.

However, the next thing I know, my back came into contact with the hard concrete wall, causing me to wince in pain. But, I tried to ignore the throbbing on my back as I stared back at the guy I was following just a few seconds ago.

“Who are you and why are you following me?” he growled.

Even though I tried not to blush—really, this was definitely not the right situation to do so—I still did. It was hard not to, especially in the position we were in. One of his arms was over my head, clouding me from the sky, while the other was pushing me down to the wall by the hip. If he noticed how uncomfortable I was with him touching me like that, he didn’t do anything about it. In fact, it was as if he wanted to use this weakness of mine to his advantage.

“Answer me!”

And I found myself unable to.

His eyes were this deep colour of brown, almost black even, and they just seemed to suck me right in. The kind of eyes that made you think you would be able to look inside, discovering who this person truly was, but to only see a veil blocking you from swimming further.

They were just so mesmerizing.

The clock tower of the castle chimed twelve times, announcing it was midnight. The male in front of me said a few words that would make a sailor blush. He didn’t bother explaining anything as he grabbed my hand and forced me to run along with him.

I didn’t understand the reason why he was running, though. Was he running away? Was he running away from the guards that were supposedly looking for him? But, in my mind, that was impossible because he was literally just casually walking around when we entered the maze.

I didn’t dare to ask him why we started sprinting. Answering my questions didn’t seem to be a priority to him. I was also surprised by the fact that he wasn’t out of breath at all, despite all the running we did. I was a mess and too tired for my own good, which was one of the reasons why I didn’t ask him anything or even ask him to slow down a little.

But, maybe I should have because I hurt myself in the process. One of my feet got caught in a mini pothole that I failed to see because it was too dark. I tripped over it and got caught in my dress before hearing a small crack that was probably my foot or my ankle, whichever.

“You okay?” The stranger bent down.

I huffed, trying not to get mad at the male. After all, it wasn’t really his fault that I got myself hurt even though he dragged me around like a rag doll. I remained silent, but he seemed to have noticed that I injured myself in the process.

“I’m not going to do anything indecent to you, so please don’t shout, okay?” he said while lifting my dress to my knee, keeping it at a relatively decent length, and then gently grabbed my foot.

I gasped out in surprise. I didn’t expect it to hurt that much. But since I was able to move it, I was relieved to find out that it wasn’t broken for real. The male sighed and turned around, before bending down and waved me over with both of his hands.

I was confused as to what exactly was he doing. I think I froze for a good five seconds before the stranger finally noticed that I wasn’t doing what he expected me to do.

“Well?” he said, irritated. “Aren’t you going to get on? We don’t have all night!”

My eyes slightly widened at how loud he sounded, and I almost ended up jumping on him. Thankfully, I didn’t. Though, I wasn’t sure whether the groan he let out was because of me, or because of my dress.

“You know,” I said as he started picking up his pace, despite the extra weight he got on his back. “I don’t get why you have to run. I mean, I don’t even know why you have to bring me with you.”

He didn’t answer.

“It’s kind of awkward doing this with a total stranger, don’t you think?”

His huffed breathing was the only thing I could hear during the few awkward and silent moments between me asking the questions and him not answering them.

But somehow, I was okay with that. It didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would be.

In a normal situation, I wouldn’t hesitate to call him out as a rude person. But since I was on his back and he could drop me on my arse at any time, perhaps shutting my mouth was better. We then ran—well, he ran—in complete silence. It was an awkward experience because this never happened to me before. Getting a piggyback from a stranger wasn’t exactly something I was comfortable with, but it’s not like I had a choice.

After what I thought to be hours, we finally arrived at the destination he so desperately wanted to reach. When I looked in front of him, I realized they were gates. But, I wasn’t sure what was their exact purpose, and why he brought me there.

He then bent down, allowing myself to descend from his back before hopping on one leg. I tried not to limp too much as I was trailing after him. The stranger dashed to the gate and hit it in frustration with a growl as he realized that it was closed, that he was too late. But, I still wasn’t sure about why he was so desperate to leave this place and why were the gates the only way for him to go.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” I started to say, my curiosity at its peak, “why are you so nervous? I mean, why were you in such a hurry to get here?”

He suddenly turned around, facing me with an indescribable expression. Perhaps it was disbelief since he looked almost shocked by my questions. “You seriously don’t know?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“I’m not exactly from here,” I replied, unsure whether that answered his question or not. “I didn’t even know this castle had a gate, to begin with.”

“You’re not from here? Then, what are you doing at this place and why?” he continued to grill me, but immediately shook his head. “No, never mind that. That’s not the important part. I have to get out of here before they catch me.”

I tried to take a step forward. “Before who catches you?”

“The guards, of course,” he replied as if the answer was obvious. “People like me aren’t supposed to be on this side of the gate at this hour.”

“People like you?” I frowned at his use of words. “What is that supposed to mean?”

I started hearing people running towards our direction—probably the guards he was talking about.

He growled again. “Come on!” he said and motioned me to help him. “Push me up!”

I blinked in surprise and robotically followed his instructions. I didn’t understand why he even needed my help when he was able to smoothly climb the gate and jump over to the other side.

I couldn’t help but get angry a little.

If he was so worried about the fact that he wasn’t allowed to be on this side of the gate, then why was it necessary for him to drag me along?

“Hey!” I shouted after him.

But he shot me a wink with a flirty grin, and saluted me as he said, “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night, sweetheart.”

I stood there, frozen in shock, unsure whether everything that just happened was either a dream or a reality.

The guards finally arrived, and worry was present on their faces.

“Miss, are you okay? Have you hurt yourself anywhere?” one of them asked me.

“Does it look like I’m okay?” I almost screamed at the poor guard who was simply concerned about my well-being. Then again, I didn’t really have to be mad about anything. The stranger finally freed from his grasp, and even though I still didn’t know why he brought me with him, he gave me a piggyback ride while I was hurt.

So, why was I so frustrated about the fact that he just left me there?

It was only until the guards have walked me back to the castle filled with annoying people that I’ve finally realized.

He didn’t give me his name.

On the second night of the ball, I’ve made sure to wear a dress that was long enough to cover my feet so that nobody would notice the pair of flats I was wearing underneath. I prepared myself in case I would see the mysterious stranger once again. As a matter of fact, I wanted to see him again, believe it or not.

Thankfully, my ankle wasn’t too sprained, and to my relief, I was able to walk and run like usually.

He did come on the second night, but this time, he didn’t make a grand scene out of it and recited a few lines. Instead, he was subtle and sly. More cunning than the first time. People around me did panic over their lost items and pieces of jewellery, so nobody really paid attention to the male who was literally galloping away from the scene, his back facing the exit and his face taunting me, luring me to follow him.

So, I did.

Someone suddenly grabbed my arm, and I turned around to see who the perpetrator was. It ended up being the same tall silver haired guy from yesterday who talked to me. 

“You shouldn’t leave,” he advised me. “It’s dangerous if you don’t have an escort.”

I slightly bowed. “Thank you for your kind thoughts, but I am sure that I will be fine.”

With that said, I kindly pried off his hand from my arm and quickly ran after the mysterious stranger, hoping that I wouldn’t lose him amidst the chaotic crowd. To say that I was desperate to find him was an understatement. 

I didn’t understand my desperation. After all, he was just a mere stranger who stole from rich people like me. I should be running away from him instead. But I felt that there was more than just him quoting Robin Hood that made me want to go search for him.

Without thinking, I rushed towards the backyard’s maze, thinking he must be there. Where else he could be, right?

Of course, I should have known that running towards an unknown place recklessly was a bad idea, but I followed my guts and decided that there was no harm in following a criminal.

But, who was I kidding? I was out of my mind.

I didn’t know exactly where was I going until a voice behind me suddenly interrupted my running. I immediately halted in my tracks and tried not to look delighted about the stranger’s presence. Though I admit, I wasn’t sure whether he was serious about seeing me again or not.

I guess the childish and somewhat romantic part of me wished that he wasn’t kidding and that he had every intention of seeing me again. Perhaps, not necessarily for the same reasons as I thought he would, but I stayed optimistic and was glad to see him again.

As for why was I glad, I didn’t know.

“So.” He titled his head to the side, an amused expression on his face as he stared at me. “Are you going to tell me why you have been following me for the past two evenings or not?”

And I know I kept repeating myself, but there was just something so mesmerizing about him. Despite his cheerful, cunning, and somewhat youthful appearance, I knew there was something more to him. However, whether he was going to tell me, or reveal to me what he had been hiding, or the reason why he was doing these things—that was up to him to decide.

Though, I doubted he was going to reveal it to a stranger like me.

“I don’t know,” I ended up answering him vaguely. “You tell me.”

He pushed himself off from the wall and then strolled towards me. I found myself unable to take my eyes off him.

Hell, even the way he walked made me feel like a hopeless teenage girl in love.

I mentally shook my head at my own childish and unrealistic thoughts. I was reading too much fiction these days. Maybe that was why my mother disapproved of my love for literature. Reading brought me to a whole completely new world, a place where it was hard for anybody to bring me back.

Fiction never helped me stay grounded. And my mother hated that I had dreams, that I dared to think unrealistically and illogically.

“So, a rich girl like you, doesn’t know the reason why she’s been following a rogue stranger like me?” He smirked at me. He looked almost devil-like and still managed to be so charming at the same time. “You’re asking for trouble.”

I shrugged. “Perhaps I am searching for trouble. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”

He stared at me for a few good seconds, and during those seconds, I realized why I was so captivated with his eyes. They seemed to hide a story, one that I was curious to read about. But then, he started laughing out loud as if I said something amusing. And I knew I didn’t, but he was beginning to cry at the same time, worrying me just the slightest about his mental state.

“You’re a fascinating girl,” he told me with a smile that reached his eyes. For a second, I was so surprised because it just completely ruined the mysterious, Robin Hood bad boy image I’ve had of him.

Because, he, well, looked actually quite… adorable.

“I can say the same about you,” I retorted back. “Mr. Robin Hood?”

He snorted at the nickname. “I wouldn’t call myself Robin Hood. That guy is a legend. I would never be able to surpass him. I’m Jaehyun, Jung Jaehyun.” He then shot forward his hand while bowing to me. “What’s your name, milady?”

I gave him my name without giving out my surname. I never really liked giving it out, and I wasn’t carefree enough like him to give it to a stranger. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Jung.”

He brought my hand to his lips before pecking it. “Nice to meet you too. No need to be so formal, just call me Jaehyun.”

“Alright then, Jaehyun,” I said while one of my brows raised at his nonchalance, but I couldn’t stop the small grin that was threatening to appear.

He chuckled against the back of my hand, sending tingling sensations through my whole body and they only stopped when his lips stopped touching my skin.

“So, where are you from?” he asked as he walked away, prompting me to follow him even though I really shouldn’t be. “You told me yesterday you aren’t from here since you didn’t know about the gates. So, where are you from, really?”

“Paris,” I replied before asking the burning question, “By the way, what is it about the gate that made you run like that?”

His brows furrowed at my question and for a second I thought he didn’t want to answer. Asking him was just a way for me to continue the conversation.

“I wasn’t supposed to be there, yesterday night, and technically, I’m not supposed to be here tonight either,” he said. “As you may or may not know, the castle of Lyon is used as a market during the day, and that’s the only time when the gate is open.”

“They close it during the night?” I frowned. “What’s the point?”

“The castle of Lyon is a popular place to host balls and parties,” he replied. “Therefore, only accessible to the rich and famous. And speaking of the rich and famous,” he then trailed off as he eyed me up-and-down, “why are you attending the ball? Are you some rich and attention-seeking heiress who ran away from home?”

As much as I appreciated his humour and witty attitude, this time, I didn’t take his joke lightly. I gave him a dead look. “Ha. Real funny.”

“I know,” he dared to say.

“Well, aren’t you a charmer,” I grumbled but decided to tell him nonetheless. “Well, I actually want to become a writer, something my parents don’t really approve of, unfortunately. And I wanted to visit my older brother, who’s up in Marseille, so that—I don’t know—it might inspire me to write something worthwhile, I guess.”

“But?”

I gave him a tight smile. “My mother forced me to attend the balls in our family’s stead. It’s not exactly something I really like, seeing how every ball I attend is the same old boring thing, but that was the condition if I wanted to go visit my brother.”

“Wow.” He rolled his eyes playfully. “Such a tough life.”

“Hey!” I smacked his arm lightly. “I didn’t judge you for stealing from the rich, so don’t judge about my lifestyle either. It’s not like I decided to be born into a rich family that’s forcing me to do stuff I don’t want to do.”

“Point taken.” He nodded his head. “But, I didn’t tell you about my life story. Thus you didn’t have anything to judge me about.”

“Please.” It was my turn to roll my eyes. “As if quoting Robin Hood wasn’t big enough of a hint.”

“Touché.” He smirked. “Though, you’re probably the only one who actually got it, the only witness to actually understand my actions.”

“Well, seeing as I don’t know your life, I can’t say that I really understand but if you think so, then I guess?”

“For someone who wants to become a writer, your vocabulary is quite varied and enriched.”

I shrugged as I ignored the hint of sarcasm in the tone of his voice. “Just levelling up with you, country boy.”

He gasped out loud, dramatically even. I guess he had a thing for dramatic things. “I am not a country boy!” he corrected. “I actually grew up in the city, thank you very much.”

“Why? Easier to steal from the rich?” I faked a gasp and then checked my belongings. “You didn’t steal from me, right? I trust you, Jung Jaehyun.”

He smiled at me, before answering without wavering, “Of course, I didn’t.”

And that’s how our relationship started.

At first, our relationship was like a cat and a mouse; one was always chasing after the other. It didn’t really matter who was the feline and who was the rodent, all that matters was that somehow our eyes would always search for one and another.

By the fourth night, Jaehyun knew that I sucked at being the cat and he decided to wait for me at what he liked to call our meeting spot. Although we didn’t precisely tell each other to wait for each other at a particular spot, Jaehyun thought it was evident that the entrance to the maze was where we should meet every time.

I was grateful for his presence. After following him for three nights in a row, he seemed to have an idea as to why I didn’t stay inside. But, that wasn’t the only reason.

“So.” I smiled at him. “Tell me about your day.”

He was sitting at the top of the wall that was opposite to me, while I was sitting on the ground, not caring whether I looked like a proper lady or not. My mother and Mirae would have a heart attack if they saw me sitting like this. At least, Jaehyun was enough of a gentleman to lend me his jacket so that my dress wouldn’t get dirty.

Jaehyun grinned at me before switching his position. Instead of sitting and dangling his legs, he was lying his whole body on the top, his hand propped under his chin. He found it weird that I always ask about his day. He thought for sure that I was the one with better “adventures”—as I called them—than him.

“Enough about me,” he said against my expectations. “Why don’t you talk about yourself a little? All I have been talking about for the past few nights is myself, and as much as I like to talk, it’s a bit boring when I’m the only one talking.”

I immediately looked up with pleading and sparkling eyes. “But your stories are so fascinating!”

“What we’re having here,” he said while gesturing the empty space between us two, “is a conversation, a dialogue, okay? Not a monologue.”

“Fine!” I groaned in exasperation and threw away my notebook and pen. “What do you want to know?”

Believe it or not, Jaehyun didn’t know much about me. He wasn’t joking when he said he was the only one talking, but his stories were just so intriguing and exciting. They were much better than my boring and mundane life. He also seemed to realize that I didn’t mind the fact that he was a criminal.

A criminal that might put my life in danger.

But somehow, I trusted Jaehyun like no one else.

Doyoung would also be surprised if I told him that I had made a new friend in Lyon. He wouldn’t believe me for sure because he knew how difficult it was for me to make friends. My whole social life spoke for itself which was not necessarily a good thing when you think about my socialite status.

In a way, I was glad that I’ve met Jaehyun. Because he was probably one of the only few who knew all of my deepest secrets and thoughts. I didn’t understand myself as I was revealing every aspect of my life to him. I thought maybe it was because he was like a stranger to me that it was easier to tell him.

But, I knew that wasn’t the reason.

At this point, I knew that I stopped considering Jaehyun as that one mysterious stranger that managed to pique my interest and make my boring trip more interesting. He actually became someone important to me, someone I somehow depended on.

But I refuse to think it was because I was feeling lonely.

I would never stoop that low and be so shallow that I thought of Jaehyun as mere fleeting entertainment.

“Why do you always have that notebook and that pen on you?” he then asked. “As far as I’m concerned, you don’t need those two items when you attend a ball.” He then glared at me playfully. “Are you a journalist?”

I didn’t know whether I should be offended or laugh at his words. “Seriously, Jaehyun?” I tried to keep a neutral face, but it was hard. “Out of all the theories and possibilities in the world, that’s the best you could come up with? I’ve got to admit, I’m a bit disappointed.”

He stayed silent.

“Oh, come on! I thought these were a giveaway!” I said while gesturing the pen and notebook that I threw to the side earlier on.

He thought about it for a while. I almost thought he was pulling my leg and was actually pretending to think about it. But, he seemed to be so deep in thoughts that I didn’t dare to tell him what was going on in my mind.

“Well, you did mention that you’ve wanted to become a writer,” he said. My heart swelled at his words. I was happy that he actually remembered. “The notebook is to keep track of your adventures or mine?”

“Both,” I replied without any hesitation. “But for sure yours are far more interesting and worthy than mine.”

“So, are you going to write a book about my adventures specifically?” he asked with a teasing smile, his eyebrows wriggling a little.

“Probably,” I said with a smile as I stared up the starry night. “Who knows, I might write the next Adventures of Robin Hood.”

“You mean, The Adventures of Jung Jaehyun.”

I laughed out loud at his suggestion. “Of course.”

“Well.” He puffed out his chest a little. “I mean, if you’re going to write about me, make sure to spell my name correctly.”

“Don’t worry,” I reassured him. “I won’t mess up the name of my main character.”

He then mockingly bowed at me as best as he could in his position. “It would be an honour to be part of your book.”

I stayed silent, and I guessed it kind of worried him because I never stayed silent for too long. He knew how much I hated it when there was a silence, even though I didn’t tell him anything about that. He just managed to figure me out all on his own.

“Did you mean that?” I asked him softly.

“Mean what?”

“When you’ve said that it would be an honour.”

He smiled softly at me. “Of course. I wouldn’t lie to you, sweetheart.”

I didn’t know why but I suddenly felt so vulnerable and raw in front of him. And I’ve realized, it was only in front of him that I could just show my feelings like that. “You promise you will never lie to me?”

He nodded without an ounce of hesitation shown in his eyes. “I promise.”

“Good.” I smiled back. “Then it would be an honour to write about you, Jung Jaehyun.”

Who would have thought that in barely a week, I would already be infatuated with a guy I had just met?

By the fifth day, we were already hanging out together in broad daylight. Our relationship came to the point where we didn’t have to leave our meetings to luck and hoped that we would see each other at the ball.

On the morning of the fifth day, we decided to do something different than usual and just go to the park to enjoy the beautiful weather Lyon had that day.

I didn’t know how, but I somehow managed to convince him to drop whatever weird, suspicious activities he had planned before, which in my opinion was something to be proud of. The Jaehyun I knew before, the one who saw Robin Hood as his role model, would never think about skipping his night activities to hang out with a girl he’d just met.

But maybe I didn’t give him enough credit.

“Say, Jaehyun,” I said as I sketched his face roughly onto my pad. “What do you usually do during the day?”

While I was sitting on a bench right under a tree, Jaehyun was laying in front of me on the grass with his hands behind his head. It was a bright and sunny day with a warm breeze. I could see that the weather was making him feel lazy a little.

For the first time, I was able to see his face clearly: without any mask or dark makeup on. With the sunlight shining on his face, he looked peaceful, serene and happy. Truth to be told, he didn’t seem like the type of guy who would sneak into masquerade balls to steal from the rich and give it away to the poor. There was a certain innocence that he exuded that was blinding.

“Well, you know,” Jaehyun mumbled, clearly not focused due to the nice weather. “I just do this and that.”

“Uh-huh,” I replied with a frown. I was also too focused on my drawing to reply correctly to his lame answer. “I see.”

I guessed he must’ve thought that it was weird that I didn’t scold him for giving me such a vague answer, as I was not a big fan of vague answers either. I would always persist and annoy him until he gave me a proper one since I needed reliable information and sources for my future novel.

He then got up, surprising me a little and frowned when he saw that I didn’t have my usual white notebook and pen, but instead a relatively big black pad and a drawing pencil. I realized too late that he was staring at me with skeptical eyes, and didn’t have enough time to hide what I was doing properly.

The next thing I know, Jaehyun swiftly grabbed my sketching pad, ignoring my protests and whining, and saw the portrait that I drew of him.

He stood silent for a few seconds, letting the silence linger for a little while longer. And it actually worried me a little. Jaehyun was a chatterbox, and he wouldn’t stop talking for his life. I was actually getting nervous about what he thought of my sketch. I knew that I wasn’t at the same level as my parents, but maybe I overestimated my skills a little.

“You didn’t tell me that you were an artist,” he whispered, clearly in awe but his expression unreadable. “I thought you said that you were a writer?”

“I am a writer,” I retorted, though my voice faltered a little at the mention of the word artist.

It always made me feel guilty, not only to my parents but towards myself as well. It was a feeling that I have chosen to neglect because it always got into my way of thinking and living. I had to calm myself a little before replying to Jaehyun. He didn’t know how much I hated to be associated with art.

“Fine, fine!” He threw his arms up into the air dramatically. “I’m simply going to ignore the fact that you’ll be going to Marseille in two days, and you’re just going to leave me here hanging and wondering about who you really are.”

I glared at him, though I couldn’t help but feel my lips twitch a little at his dramatic act. I didn’t know why, but his words kind of hit home, and I wasn’t able to stop the words that came out from my mouth.

“Then come with me,” I told him with a determined gaze. “Come with me to Marseille after the ball ends. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to come with me for a few days, right? Either way, I still have to come back to Lyon.”

My parents had sent me a letter, which I received it on my fourth day here. In that letter, they told me that I have permission to go to Marseille and spend a few days there with Doyoung, but I had to bring him back to Lyon with me because they had something important to tell us.

I had a bad feeling about what was hiding behind their reason for coming to Lyon, and I wanted to know their true intentions. Bringing Doyoung back—which basically meant that he had to miss a few days of school—was a sign that something was bound to happen.

Because of this bad feeling, I thought that bringing Jaehyun would make it go away. Honestly, I didn’t know why, but just by being with him makes me feel so relaxed and well, happy.

“Actually, you know what? It’s not even a question, you are coming with me, and I don’t want to hear any excuses,” I said without hearing his opinion. Truth to be told, even if he flat-out refused my request, I would have found a way to stuff him into my luggage and bring him with me to Marseille, whether he liked it or not.

“I can’t,” he said while rolling his eyes, his tone showing that he was a bit annoyed with my persistent attitude, but I swear I saw a hint of sadness hidden behind his eyes as he refused. “Believe it or not, I actually have a day job. Today is an exception because I know you’re leaving soon.” One side of his lips tugged upwards as he continued, “And besides, didn’t you just say that you’re going to come back anyway? I’ll wait for you then.”

“Ask for a few days off,” I replied, refusing to back down from this argument. That was how much I wanted him to come. “Didn’t you tell me that your employer was begging you to take a break? Come on, it’s going to be fun! It’ll be a nice change of pace.”

He let out a small sigh, and I knew I won this argument. I squealed out in happiness and jumped on him, giving him a tight hug to show just how genuinely happy and glad I was about his presence that he was going to grace me with during the trip. I needed moral support, and I was glad that Jaehyun was going to be there to give me some.

Perhaps because I’ve had a feeling that Doyoung knew what our parents had planned for us—or me. Hopefully, he wouldn’t mind Jaehyun’s presence. Doyoung had always been a kind and polite lad. It was a bit sad that people use it to their advantage, though.

“You’re the best, you know that?” I told him after letting myself go from the hug, but I still kept my arms around his neck, and my heart couldn’t help but beat louder and quicker due to his hands that were still around my waist.

What was this man doing to me?

“I know,” Jaehyun replied with a dimpled smile.

“Is this your last night in Lyon, Miss?”

It was finally the last and seventh day of the masquerade ball that the museum was holding.

Once again, I found myself talking to one person only and it was the same, tall and elegant man from before. This time, his hair was light brown, the colour as smooth as melted caramel, and his tux was made out of something similar to leather, which clearly showed off his broad shoulders and tall frame. His black blazer had white lines along the ends and emphasized the delicate material that it was made of.

He was grabbing all the females’ attention, and yet, here he was, still talking to me.

Jaehyun wasn’t going to be here tonight since he had to finish packing his stuff for the trip, so the tall guy was the only source of entertainment I’ve had for the night.

“Yes, it is,” I answered. “I will be going to Marseille to visit my older brother, and I will be back in a few days to meet my parents.”

“Your older brother, Doyoung, is still studying culinary arts, am I correct?”

I frowned at his question because not a lot of people knew that since it was information my parents would boast to their friends only, to our close circle. It wasn’t information that could possibly be leaked to the public.

“Yes, but–”

I was about to ask him where did he hear that from, but I soon got interrupted by an emcee who was going onstage. The chatter around us immediately died, and their attention was solely on the guy that stood on the grand stage. There was something hidden by a veil right behind him, but I wasn’t able to figure what it was.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and thank you all so much for attending our annual event,” the emcee said through the microphone provided to him. “As you all know, this is a charity event hosted and sponsored by the Musée des beaux-arts de Lyon. Well, I’m not going to hold it off any longer. In each of your invitations, behind your card are numbers that are printed in big, bold letters. That will be your bidding paddle.”

I opened up my invitation and indeed, in the back was printed the numbers 0214. The mysterious guy next to me had the numbers 0701.

I wasn’t surprised to see that the things hidden behind the veil were artworks done by yesterday and today’s famous artists. I had a feeling that this was a charity event to auction off artworks. After all, what else could a museum do to contribute to society?

What I didn’t expect, was to see one of my past paintings showcased there alongside other artworks—other famous artworks. Seeing one of my works up there somehow made my blood boil. I wasn’t too keen and happy about that. If anything, it was insulting to the other artists. From that moment, I knew I needed to have a serious talk with my parents.

Before that, I needed to get rid of that abomination before anyone else can have it in their possession.

“Following up is a painting named Summer Serendipity, an acrylic and oil painting that has been graciously donated by one of our main sponsors. However, the sponsor has requested not to reveal the painting’s artist, and we shall respect his wishes.” The emcee smiled. “Without further ado, let’s commence the bidding. Now, who will give me ten thousand to start?”

I almost spat out the champagne that I was drinking when I heard the starting price. I thought it was ridiculous that a painting like mine had ten thousand euros as the starting bidding price.

An old lady in the back raised her number.

“Alright, I have ten thousand euros! Do I hear twenty thousand?”

I silently apologized to the kind lady as I stared at the painting. I would never allow that painting to be in anybody else’s possession except in mine. But before I could have raised my paddle, the guy next to me did it before me.

“Thirty thousand.”

I gaped at him and almost shouted at him for adding an extra ten thousand. It wasn’t worth it, my head screamed. I knew that ten thousand euros were nothing for people like us. But I didn’t want him to get scammed, thinking that what he bought was something worth buying.

I quickly raised my paddle after him. “Forty thousand.”

“Forty-five thousand.” Another male this time had joined the bid.

But the guy next to me didn’t even flinch as he raised his paddle and said, “Fifty thousand.”

My palms were getting sweaty as he raised the bar. My parents did give me some allowance to use during my trip, but that did not mean that I could spend it carelessly. But all rational thoughts flew out from my head. Better than having the stranger owning my painting.

“Fifty-five,” I said while glaring at him, hoping that he would get my message.

But he only smirked and raised his paddle. “Sixty thousand.”

I was seriously considering choking him to death, and asking what was wrong with him.

“I have sixty thousand euros! Who will give me more?” the emcee shouted, clearly excited by the turn of events. “Going once! Going twice! Third and final call! SOLD! For sixty thousand dollars to bidder number 0701!”

I stuttered as I oversaw the two workers bringing the painting down from the table. The (un)lucky bastard who managed to buy my painting smoothly walked away to claim his prize, but I managed to grab the back of his blazer and held him back.

“I’ll buy it from you,” I told him in a desperate tone. “Sixty-five. I’ll even give you more if you want!”

The male turned around and gently smiled at me before putting my hand against his lips, startling me a little. “I’m sorry, love, but I won’t let that painting fall into someone else’s possession.”

With that said, he left me alone in the middle of the room with no retort. That naturally made me even more frustrated than ever.

And I guess it still affected me after even though I was leaving Lyon. Even Jaehyun noticed it as I settled down inside the compartment provided for us. Instead of renting a car and drive there, I thought that taking the train would be more effective. Besides, it was quicker that way too.

The faster I get to see Doyoung, the more at ease I would feel.

Jaehyun’s eyes seemed to be vacant when we boarded the train. I thought it was probably because of the argument we’ve had over who was going to pay for the train tickets (I won, obviously), but I also felt like there was more to it.

For the time being, I thought it would be best to leave him alone during the two-and-a-half-hour train ride. Maybe he’ll cool off by the time we get to Marseille. So, during the whole train ride, I didn’t talk to him. Instead, I resorted to drawing his profile.

Drawing him made me feel so at ease. It was unlike the usual times I drew in the backyard, where I know my parents were checking up on me from inside the house, their eyes following my every movement, my every stroke of the brush, my every artistic mistake.

My parents already informed Doyoung of my arrival and of the time and place he should pick me up. I was ecstatic to see my older brother again. I couldn’t even remember how many months had it been since the last time I’d seen him. Hopefully, he didn’t change much.

When we finally arrived at the Marseille train station, I immediately darted out of my cabin, almost forgetting that Jaehyun was with me and I sent him an apologetic smile. He, however, understood my sudden enthusiasm and shook his head with a soft smile on his face, urging me to go on and search for my older brother.

It wasn’t that hard to find Doyoung amidst the crowd. He looked the same as the last time he came back home for the holidays, except that this time, his hair was a darker shade of brown. For a second, I thought it was someone impersonating him. However, I knew he was my older brother because of the way his face lit up as he saw me.

I didn’t hesitate to run and jump on him. Although he would usually chide me for acting so unladylike, this time he didn’t say anything but instead embraced me tightly.

Someone behind me cleared their throat, and I automatically let go of Doyoung, who was confused by the sight of Jaehyun, holding both of our luggage.

I chuckled in embarrassment and took my carrier from him, before introducing Jaehyun to my older brother. “Doyoung, this is my friend, Jaehyun. A friend that I’ve made during my week in Lyon.”

My brother seemed shocked to see him, and the same could be said about Jaehyun as well. There was an awkward silence in the air, and I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. Nonetheless, Doyoung was the one who snapped out of his trance first and put on his picture-perfect smile while extending his hand to my friend.

“Nice to meet you, Jaehyun,” he said, and the latter shook his hand. “Thank you so much for keeping my little sister company. I hope she didn’t cause any problems for you.”

Jaehyun stuttered a little, and his hand even slightly trembled as he shook Doyoung’s hand with a small bow of his head. Though, I remember that I told him he didn’t have to be so formal with my sibling. After all, he was too kind and friendly for his own good.

“It’s n-nice t-to meet you too, Mr. Doyoung,” he stuttered out.

I snorted at his formality. “Mr. Doyoung?”

“Shut up,” he muttered under his breath, hidden with a smile, hoping that Doyoung didn’t hear the small interaction between us.

But as soon as I saw Doyoung’s expression—a mix of surprise, pleasure and something similar to sadness—I knew that he heard us. However, that expression immediately went away and was replaced with his usual kind smile that I love. And just with that, my suspicions went away.

Doyoung led us to his car—a gift from our parents—and drove us to the apartment he rented near his school. Although he was a student, he wasn’t a big fan of dorms. He said it would be much more convenient for us if we decided to visit him.

I was sitting in the front with Doyoung, while Jaehyun was in the backseat, admiring Marseille from the windows.

“So, how was Lyon?” my brother asked.

I let out a groan of displeasure. “Horrible,” I answered honestly. “If it weren’t for Jaehyun, for sure I would die of boredom.”

“I see…” was what he said.

But I ignored his lack of response and continued with my chatter. Usually, I wouldn’t talk a lot—as Jaehyun witnessed before—but I just had so much to catch up with Doyoung, I almost forgot about my friend.

Upon the realization, I craned my head to the back, wondering if Jaehyun was comfortable or not. But instead, he was smiling softly with an expression that I wasn’t able to decipher. However, it did make me blush madly, causing me to turn my attention back to the front abruptly. My heart was pounding, and I was sure that even Doyoung could hear it. But, if he did, then he didn’t say anything. Instead, he had the same sullen expression he had on when I introduced him to Jaehyun.

We arrived at Doyoung’s apartment about fifteen minutes later. The place he rented was casual and straightforward, but it still gave a modern and comfortable vibe. It wasn’t extravagant nor did it scream expensive and imposing like our mansion back in Paris.

I immediately let out a sigh of relief, glad that the environment wouldn’t bother Jaehyun too much. I wouldn’t want him to feel uncomfortable.

“Your room is the usual,” my brother announced as we settled ourselves in. “And Jaehyun, the guest room is right next to my little sister’s room.”

To my surprise, Jaehyun refused to take the guest room. I took a look at the said room, and in my opinion, it looked minimalist and simple. I didn’t understand his refusal.

“I don’t need much. You can just give me a bed in the servants’ quarters or something,” Jaehyun said as he looked around, all nervous and unlike the usual sassy and cheeky Jaehyun I knew.

“Nonsense.” My brother waved his proposition aside. “You’re my sister’s guest, therefore mine as well. Take the guest room.”

I nudged him and gave him a look. If Jaehyun thought that I was stubborn, then he would be in for a surprise if he continued arguing with Doyoung. I didn’t understand why he was so reluctant to accept the guest room, but he finally took the place with a small sigh.

“Then, I humbly thank you and will accept the room.”

Doyoung nodded at him and then said, “You guys should rest up a little bit. Since I have to take a few days off from school, I have to go see my professors and take advance so that I won’t be missing anything.” He then smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry that I won’t be able to show you guys around. But, enjoy your stay.”

“Thanks, Doyoung,” I said and hugged him. “You should rest up as well. You have school tomorrow.”

He nodded and bade us goodnight, before going to the master’s room.

It was silent before Jaehyun opened up his mouth.

“Your brother is a very kind man,” he told me. He must’ve noticed how excited I got when he mentioned Doyoung. “You must be very proud of him.”

“You make me sound like a parent.” I rolled my eyes at his choice of words, but I nodded nonetheless. “But, yes, of course, I am proud of him. But more than that, I’m just glad that he was able to get out of my parents’ clutch and you know, fulfill his dreams.”

“Yes, it is very admirable of him.”

I then turned to him with raised brows. “You know, Jaehyun, ever since we’ve got here, your speech and vocabulary have become very… formal.”

He actually dared to let out a small, nervous chuckle at my remark. “Is that so? I didn’t even realize it.”

I threw my hands up in defeat. “Fine! Don’t tell me.” I then motioned the guest room with my chin. “You should rest up as Doyoung said, we have a heavy schedule ahead of us.”

He mockingly saluted me with a small smirk. “Aye, aye!”

The next few days, I didn’t let Jaehyun rest at all as I dragged him around the whole city. Although it wasn’t as pretty and impressive as Paris, there were a few things that caught my attention, such as the port and the festivals.

After attending a small music festival, we’ve decided to take a break in the old port. Merchants were showcasing their most beautiful and exquisite jewellery and products, while children were playing around in the fountain, not having a care in the world.

I didn’t realize that I was being silent until Jaehyun softly nudged me, wondering what exactly was I staring at.

I then subtly motioned the kids in the fountain with my eyes. “Do you see those kids over there?”

He followed my line of vision and nodded. “What about them?”

I stared at the children longingly. “Nothing really, I just thought that they were lucky. Lucky enough to have a normal childhood. You know, just playing around, not shouldering any heavy responsibilities until a certain age–just being carefree.”

He didn’t say anything for a while—I didn’t expect him to—but what he just said after, baffled me a little.

“How much did you suffer during your childhood?”

I blinked repeatedly, not exactly knowing what to say. I was too stunned to process the words in my brain. Jaehyun also seemed to realize that I was surprised by his words and repeated them to me. But, he could tell that I wasn’t too comfortable with his question.

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” he mumbled quietly as if he was starting to regret his question already. “You know what? Just ignore my question. It was a stupid one, anyway.”

I shook my head furiously. “No! It’s not– it’s just–” I breathed out sharply. “It’s complicated, actually. Will you still be willing to listen to me?”

Without any hesitation, he nodded.

I didn’t know exactly where to start. So, I just started with the one that must be the most obvious: my relationship with Doyoung and how it saved me from everything that was going on. After that, I started talking about my parents a little. I didn’t say who they were exactly. I just mentioned what was going on between them and how their almost-divorce affected me most horribly, how my trust in my mum so easily crumbled. I talked to him about how suffocated and lonely I felt during my childhood. Like how I wasn’t allowed to go to school—even private ones—and that I have always been homeschooled.

During my whole narration, Jaehyun didn’t interrupt me once. If anything, he looked like he was about to cry. I didn’t understand his sudden sadness, though. I didn’t understand why he looked like he was in so much pain until he brought his hand to my cheek and then I realized.

I was crying.

I was crying hard. My tears wouldn’t stop falling no matter how hard I told myself to stop crying.

I literally bore my soul to him, and he didn’t run away from me.

He stared at me as he wiped away my tears, and slowly his face came closer to mine, his lips barely grazing mine as if he was waiting for me to permit him. I didn’t hesitate and met his lips. It was soft and innocent, but I could feel how much of our feelings were hidden behind this one kiss. Jaehyun tasted so sweet and tender that I felt like I never wanted to pull away. It almost made me lose control of my thoughts and actions.

But, one thing for sure, though, was that I knew I didn’t regret what I was doing.

His thumb circled my cheek tenderly while his other hand was on my hip, pulling me closer to him. I didn’t hesitate to bring my arms up around his neck.

If anything, I just wanted to be closer, feel closer to him.

We reluctantly pulled away from each other. My arms remained around his neck. I then buried my face into his chest, embracing the warmth and comfort his body gave off.

I knew this was wrong on so many levels. I didn’t even want to know what my parents were going to say about this.

All I knew was that I wanted and needed Jung Jaehyun in my life.

I didn’t mind throwing everything away for him if it meant that we could be together forever.

When I looked up to him, I knew that we were thinking the same thing. There was going to be a lot of obstacles in our way, but somehow, I had a feeling I would be able to overcome them all with Jaehyun by my side.

“I love you,” I suddenly blurted out, and I could feel him stiffen, but soon relaxed as he caressed the back of my head.

“I love you, too,” he replied softly. “But you know that I can’t–”

“I don’t care.” I shook my head furiously. “I don’t care if we don’t even live in the same world. Just promise me one thing.”

He let out a sigh as he kissed the top of my head. “Anything.”

I looked up at him. “Promise me that you’ll never leave me and that we’ll go through this together.”

It took him a while for him to answer, but in the end, with his eyes full of determination, he finally said the words that I’ve wanted to hear.

“I promise you.”

On our second to last night, Doyoung, who was finally able to spend some time with us, brought us to the Opéra de Marseille. It was an old building of amazing architecture situated near the port. During the night, it looked amazing with the lights dangling around the colonnades.

Doyoung seemed to be more fidgety than usual, but I didn’t say anything since I thought it was because we were going to see our parents soon. It had been a while for him, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he were nervous because of that. After all, there was a reason why he wanted to study in another city and away from our parents.

After the opera, we were invited to attend an after-party thanks to Doyoung’s reputation and connections. Apparently, some of the singers had already tasted his cooking even though he didn’t own a restaurant just yet.

The after-party was dull and boring, not that I expected a lot, anyway. But, at least the food tasted better than usual, so I was mostly standing next to the buffet with Jaehyun chuckling at my gluttony. However, he didn’t say anything, but simply looked at me with adoration in his eyes while wiping away a bit of cream that was on the corner of my lips.

Someone coughed behind me, and I turned around to see Doyoung looking a little bit awkward. My body went still at the possibility that he might have seen what just happened between Jaehyun and me, but soon relaxed when I felt Jaehyun’s hand on the small of my back.

“May I borrow my little sister for a bit?”

Jaehyun gulped and nodded at my brother, who smiled in thanks before motioning me to follow him out. I wasn’t quite sure why he wanted to talk to me without Jaehyun’s presence. I first thought that I shouldn’t be nervous, but when we finally got outside, his face completely changed.

He didn’t have the same serene and angel-like expression on his face anymore. Instead, his expression was a mix of anger, betrayal and mostly… worry.

I told myself to calm down since Doyoung couldn’t possibly say or do anything to me that could harm me in any way.

But, I was wrong.

“I saw you that day with Jaehyun,” he told me when we finally got to a secluded place. “When you guys were at the port…”

My eyes widened in shock. I did not expect him to find out about us in this way. I was planning on telling Doyoung and then my parents, only after settling down everything. I would have never expected my older brother to discover our relationship before I could even tell him.

However, most importantly, I did not want Doyoung to misunderstand either. So, I thought that maybe Doyoung finding out now rather than later wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

“I love him,” was all I could say.

I didn’t know what else should I tell him. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. If he expected me to say that Jaehyun was just a fling, just someone I was using for my own entertainment, then he was wrong. I would never be able to say that, and I couldn’t possibly do that to Jaehyun

He was far too precious to me.

I would never be able to lie to Doyoung—much less to myself—about my true feelings. No matter what he said, I would never betray Jaehyun’s feelings and mine.

He started calling my name with that tone. The tone he always used when he wanted to reason with me. The one that told me that my brother was not on my side this time.

“Jaehyun, he’s–” Doyoung looked at me in pity and let out a sigh. “He’s not from our world.”

I knew what he meant by that, but I did not want to admit it. Even if he wasn’t part of our world, I wanted him to be part of it. I wanted my family to accept him, to accept that I have someone I can depend on, and be happy with.

“I’ll make him part of our world,” I replied stubbornly. “Why are you so against this? It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong!”

Doyoung looked conflicted, and I knew that he was torn between choosing me or choosing what was considered as the right thing in our world. “It’s a lot more complicated than that, sweetheart.” He tried to reason with me, but I refused to listen. “You know that our parents would never be able to accept this, no matter what. They– they– they’ll disown you!”

“Disown me, for all that I care!” I started stuttering a little, not caring about my words. “I’ll– I’ll even run away if I have to!”

My brother looked at me in shock, unable to believe that I would dare to utter such words. Because he knows and understands me the most. That was why he thought that I would never think of such a thing. However, I wasn’t the same person anymore. I wasn’t that same girl who would listen to everything her parents say.

I wasn’t afraid to stand up for myself anymore.

“I’ll run away with Jaehyun,” I told him with determination. “When we’ll go back to Lyon, I’ll just grab everything and leave.”

His expression was neutral for a while and anger seemed to dissipate from him a little. “And… what makes you think that he would run away with you? Just because he said so? Please, you know that you can’t trust him! What if he–”

“I love her,” a voice behind me said.

I spun around to see that it was Jaehyun who was hiding in the shadows, listening to our conversation for who knew how long. He then came to my side and tangled our hands together, showing that I wasn’t alone in this and that he was going to stick with me. I smiled a little when I realized that we’ve said the same thing to my older brother.

What I didn’t realize, though, that it was just a test from him. A test to see how much are we willing to sacrifice to be with each other.

“Okay.” His expression took 180 degrees turn as if he was never mad or disappointed, to begin with. “Then, I fully support you two. I’ll even help you guys run away.”

I could feel my whole body bask in hope and relief when my older brother offered us his help. Although I did doubt him for a second, I knew that Doyoung couldn’t possibly be on our parents’ side instead of mine.

Like I’ve said, he understood me the most.

He knew that I’ve wanted to search for my own passion and happiness and well, I’ve found it.

Just that, instead of being a form of art, it was Jaehyun instead.

“We’ll start planning as soon as we get on that train back to Lyon.”

On the ride home, Doyoung and Jaehyun were enthusiastically talking about the plan. I, on the other hand, was watching them closely while drawing the scene in front of me. It was a sight I thought I would never be able to see in my life. Seeing my soulmate and my favourite brother chatting together and getting along was a memory I would always remember.

My brother seemed to have noticed my lack of contribution and smiled in wonder. “What are you doing? You do realize that I’m doing this for you, right?”

I rolled my eyes, but before I could stop him, he already grabbed the drawing pad away from me.

Doyoung was shocked that I was actually drawing again. If I were him, I would be too ever since I proclaimed to my parents that I would never touch a paintbrush or a drawing pencil ever again. That was before I found Jaehyun though. However, he seemed to have realized my reasons as he flipped through the pages. Doyoung looked happy that I wasn’t rejecting my talent anymore.

I wouldn’t say that I was rejecting my talent, but I didn’t like the fact that my parents were pressuring me so much into entering their field. And to be honest, now that I was drawing of my own will, without anyone forcing me, I realized that it was something I would definitely enjoy in my free time. I understand the reasons why my parents liked it so much now.

Though, their passion was on a whole entirely different level than mine.

By the end of the ride, the boys decided that we should leave three days after our parents’ arrival in Lyon so they wouldn’t get too suspicious if I happened to be absent for a while. If they’d seen me for at least three days, they wouldn’t say anything about my absences during family dinners.

Jaehyun and I agreed to meet up by the gates of the castle during the day. Not only it would be less suspicious with all the people around us, but it would also be much more comfortable and less dangerous for us to travel.

Doyoung made sure that we would have enough food and money, while Jaehyun made sure to secure a place in Axe-de-Provence, where we had decided to settle. Not only that, but Jaehyun also had other connections that helped us prepared for the trip, and I wondered just from where did he meet all those people.

My parents arrived shortly after our arrival. Thankfully, we didn’t need to pick them up since they already had a ride to the hotel I was previously staying in. Initially, I thought I would have a bit of free time to organize my luggage—deciding what to bring and whatnot—but my parents were less tired from their trip than I thought. By the second evening, they already wanted to have dinner with us.

Doyoung and I arrived at the restaurant a little later after our parents. Usually, they would scold us for our tardiness, but they hadn’t seen my brother for so long that they didn’t say a thing.

“Doyoung!” Mother exclaimed happily, ignoring me in the process, but I didn’t mind much, while I greeted my father on the sidelines. “Oh, my dear son! You’ve gotten so much more handsome! Did your cheeky little sister bother you and your studies when she visited you?”

I rolled my eyes as we sat down in our respective seats. It was a rather small rectangular table. My father and mother were at the ends of the table, whereas my brother and I sat in front of each other. For once, I liked our seating because then, I wouldn’t have to face my parents and feel guilty about what I was about to do in a day.

I spoke little when we were eating, and my mother seemed to have realized that. As she was about to comment on my behaviour, she frowned a little, as if she noticed something.

“What?” I said and frowned back. “Do I have sauce on my face or something?”

“No,” she replied rather dryly. “I just thought that you looked different a little. Your face looks like it’s glowing or something.”

Something must have clicked in her head because she suddenly started squealing; a complete change of attitude. “Oh, my dear God! My little princess has found someone she likes!”

I cringed at the nickname she gave me, but it was mostly an attempt to hide the horror that was threatening to appear on my face. And it seemed like it was the case for Doyoung too, as he tried to cover it with a laugh instead. Father, on the other hand, seemed somewhat amused but did not comment.

“So, tell me, is it someone you’ve met at the ball?” she asked, her eyes glistening, not exactly in mischief, but I knew by her look that she was hiding something.

“Yes, I suppose so,” I answered. It wasn’t a lie—I did meet Jaehyun at the ball. Though maybe not in the most conventional way, but she did not need to know that.

“So, what does he look like?”

I shrugged casually. “It was a masquerade ball, Mother, how do you expect me to know how he actually looks like?”

“And you guys talked?”

“Yes, we did,” I replied, almost annoyed. “But I don’t think that I will see him again here in Lyon.”

“Pish-posh.” She waved it away as if it was nothing. “If you guys are really meant to be, you’ll meet each other soon enough.”

I didn’t like the way she said the last sentence. It almost sounded as if she was being sarcastic and making fun of it at the same time. Nevertheless, since I was leaving soon enough, I didn’t want to create any problems that might delay the plan.

I tried to muster my best smile and continued eating while shooting a few glances over at Doyoung. Both my brother and I let out a subtle sigh of relief as soon as we heard our parents bickering over which museum they should visit tomorrow.

This was going to be a long night.

It was finally the day Jaehyun and I had decided to meet up.

Jaehyun said he would join me later as he still had a few things to organize before leaving. Doyoung insisted on walking me there and he sighed as I was checking my luggage.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him as I mentally checked off the things I needed.

“Nothing really,” he replied vaguely. I waited for him to continue because I knew he would always say what was on his mind, no matter what. Doyoung had never been the type to be able to hide things from me.

“I’m just going to miss you a lot.”

I looked over at him with a sad yet loving smile, and he did the same.

“What are you talking about?” I said with a small scoff. “I’ll be sending you a letter as soon as I settle in. You can come and visit us on your holidays as well! I mean, that is, if Mother doesn’t force you to go back home to Paris.”

Doyoung didn’t answer and kept silent. His silence did worry me because he was never the type to not voice out his opinion, especially to me. I understood that he was worried about my excursion, but I wasn’t the little sister that he needed to take care of anymore.

“Promise?” he finally said with a resigning sigh.

I smiled at him. “Promise.”

Doyoung insisted on accompanying me to the meeting place, as there would be a lot of people and he didn’t trust me enough to be cautious on my own. And besides, he said that he also had a few words to say to Jaehyun. Not only that, but he also helped me with my luggage so that I don’t have to drag it with me during our whole trip to the market.

The market was a completely different place than what I’d seen at night. While at the night, the marketplace was empty, and somewhat eerie, during the day, the market was lively and full of people bustling around, trying to sell everything they had.

But that wasn’t the only difference.

While in the night, we couldn’t see how different the people were, we could see it during the day. With everybody running around, we could see how people acted from different social classes. There were the rich who were wholly dressed up in formal attire, and walking around with a sense of false dignity around them. And there was the poor who were dressed up in used, dirty clothes as they were trying to make a living for their family.

“Despicable, isn’t it?” Doyoung muttered as we walked past an old wealthy couple who just brushed off an elderly lady who was trying to sell them a bag of oranges.

“What is?” I asked, unsure whether he was talking about how the wealthy couple was acting, or the old lady.

“It’s despicable how life can be so unfair,” he answered, but didn’t elaborate further. However, his eyes were still glued on that old lady who was kneeling on the dirty ground, trying to pick up the oranges that fell because of the previous couple.

I nodded in agreement, hoping that I actually did understand his words. I then looked around as well and noticed that the old lady wasn’t the only one suffering and trying to make a living. There were families standing on the sidewalk and trying to sell whatever they managed to harvest from their land; children begging other people for money, with their little siblings clinging onto them.

After a few minutes, we’ve finally reached the gates. Although there was still a little bit of time before our meeting, I was surprised a little that Jaehyun wasn’t here yet. Even when we met during the ball, he would always be there before me, no matter what.

I didn’t think much of it at first. I thought that maybe something happened and he had to fix it. I thought that it was possible that he could be late for a few minutes.

But a few minutes turn out to be half-an-hour, and I was starting to become distressed. And since Doyoung was there by my side, I didn’t dare to let it show on my face. He was already worried as it is, and I didn’t want to worsen his anxiety.

“Something probably happened on his way,” he told me with a gentle smile and patted the top of my head softly. “He’ll come soon, I’m certain. In the meantime, I’ll buy something for us to drink, okay? Don’t move an inch.”

I slowly nodded as he walked away, trying to find a stall where he could buy us a few refreshments. Meanwhile, I didn’t hesitate and let my eyes wander over the whole marketplace, trying to see if I could recognize the man I fell in love with.

I wasn’t able to, but I didn’t let that discourage me.

Doyoung would probably take a while before coming back, so I decided to walk around a bit and see if Jaehyun got lost among the crowd. It was unlikely that he got lost, but I didn’t want to lose hope.

As soon as I took a step forward, I felt a small tugging at the end of my dress’s sleeve and turned around, hoping that it was Jaehyun who decided to scare and surprise me at the same time.

But my expression soon fell when I saw it was just a little kid.

I tried keeping my smile and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to buy–”

“This is for you,” he said while handing out a small sheet of crumpled paper.

My eyes went to the piece of paper that was in his hand, and I had a bad feeling about it. I slowly lifted my hand, stalling to use the time and decide whether should I listen to my instincts and run away from the kid, or stay and see what was written on that paper.

However, I didn’t have the chance to make the decision myself. The young boy softly grabbed my hand and subtly inserted the paper into my palm, making sure that I’ve received it.

I looked down at my hand and slowly opened it up, to only find a few words written on it.

I’m sorry. -JH.

I wasn’t able to form a coherent sentence as my mind processed the written words, over and over again. I tried voicing out something. But I wasn’t capable of doing anything else but stare at the two words continuously. My heart was beating loudly and it pounded at my ears. My breath hitched as my hands trembled.

God, I felt like throwing up.

I couldn’t breathe.

Someone get me out of here.

Doyoung came back at the worst time possible, and I immediately had to wear a mask that could hide all the turmoil that was inside of me. The young boy saw my brother arriving as well and quickly turned around to leave.

At the last minute, I suddenly called him out.

“Wait!”

I silently pleaded Doyoung to stay where he was. Even though he was confused about my behaviour, he complied with my request and motioned me to follow after the young boy without asking any questions. My hands were tightly clenched as if it helped me stay in reality. As if it prevented me from crumbling down in front of everyone.

I lowered myself to his eye-level and tried to muster the best smile I could at the moment. His eyes clearly showed that he was confused. I tried not to chuckle at his refreshing innocence as my hand went into my handbag to pull out a fifty-euro bill, and handed it to him.

I knew it wasn’t much, but I still wanted to do something.

“Could you do me a small favour,” I said as I tilted my head to the side, “and thank him for everything he has done for me?”

He nodded with a somewhat sorrowful expression on his face. I held my hand even further, softly urging him to take the bill as a small ‘thank you’ on my part, but surprisingly he didn’t take it. Instead, he pushed my hand away and threw his arms around me.

“Oh!” I let out a small gasp as I almost fell over.

“He told me you were a really nice and generous lady,” he whispered in my ear and my tears just naturally flowed out at his next words, “and that he didn’t deserve to be with you.”

I’ve never really cried in public, and I wasn’t planning on making a scene either. So, I quickly wiped away the tears that stained my face with my silk handkerchief and got up while ruffling the kid’s hair.

“If you do see him again,” I said, “tell him that it’s actually the opposite.”

The young boy gave me a nod before leaving, and I stood there, immobile as I stared at his back. I smiled bitterly as I noticed that it reminded me of a scene.

No matter what I did and no matter how fast I ran after Jaehyun in the maze or even anywhere else, I would never be able to reach him.

I would just be able to see his back and his back only.

I didn’t realize that I stood there longer than I should have because Doyoung was suddenly by my side, his face contorted into a weird, anxious expression. He waved his hand in front of me a few times, making sure that I was mentally present, before noticing that I was tightly holding something.

His fingers slowly grazed my hand. Although I wasn’t there mentally, my hand seemed to refuse to let him access what it was hiding. Eventually, Doyoung had to resort to a little bit of force and decided to not be so gentle with his actions anymore. He used both hands in an attempt to open my fist, and when he finally succeeded, my legs gave out.

He let out a surprised gasp and held onto me. He called out my name in surprise and worry. When Doyoung made certain that I was properly leaning against him for support, he looked at the message with his other hand and crumbled the piece of paper before throwing it away.

My heart wanted to go after that piece of paper and retrieve it to remember Jaehyun, but my body simply refused to move, and I knew what it meant.

I had to move on because Jaehyun already did.

That message was proof.

“Was it all lies, Doyoung?” I asked him, my eyes vacant. “Did it not mean anything to him?”

Even Doyoung didn’t have any answers for me and said the two words that I dreaded the most at the moment. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

I shook my head furiously at what he said. I didn’t want to accept reality—I wasn’t ready to face it. I didn’t want to believe that Jaehyun wasn’t prepared to build a future with me, and I didn’t want to accept the fact that he wouldn’t be part of my future anymore.

I wasn’t able to see anything without him in my life.

“Come on, now,” Doyoung said in a pleading tone. “Our parents are waiting for us. We have a dinner to attend.”

With that said, he grabbed my stuff and helped me walk a little before calling a cab. He helped me settle into the backseat and even stayed with me, instead of sitting in the front.

I didn’t know what was exactly going on in Doyoung’s mind, but a part of me was happy that he didn’t throw a fit about how Jaehyun had abandoned me. Instead, he helped me cope with the situation. The fact that he was silent now showed that he didn’t know how could he make me feel better and would do probably anything to lift my spirits.

However, one thing remained the same.

I was the only one capable of bringing myself back to normal.

And I wasn’t sure whether I could do that or not.

After all, what was exactly the normal life that I’ve had before Jaehyun appeared in it?

I tried to act as if everything was okay.

Not fine. Not wonderful.

Just okay.

Acting more cheerfully or broodier than usual would make my parents suspicious about my behaviour. As a result, they would send me back home even if I still had more time to figure out my so-called plans.

Doyoung, who knew everything, was worried of course. However, he didn’t show it through his words. He didn’t annoy me or asked me whether I was okay or not. He showed me that he cared with little actions, such as bringing me a cup of café au lait in the mornings, or replying in my stead when my parents were too pushy with their questions.

It had been almost three weeks since Jaehyun left me.

Both Doyoung and I were tired of waiting for our parents. In Mother’s letter, it said that she had something important to tell us. We thought that she would announce it as soon as possible. However, she was doing the complete opposite which made us skeptical about her true intentions.

Doyoung was getting impatient as well since he took more day-offs from school than expected.

“I don’t get it,” he told me as we got out of the car. “Why ask us to dress up and everything, and ask us to come to this place that’s not even a restaurant?”

I shrugged at his question. It wasn’t worth answering since it was a rhetorical question, but I was thinking the same as him. I felt bad for my older brother since I knew he really wanted to go back to school. However, I also felt bad because there was a part of me that thought that, perhaps he stayed because of my pathetic self.

We walked along the path, as instructed by the driver, and frowned when we arrived in front of a small mansion. It wasn’t the biggest mansion of the street, nor was it the most luxurious. However, it gave off a cozy and warm feeling that I couldn’t help but feel like it reminded me of Jaehyun.

I didn’t know how to deal with my conflicted feelings and decided to let it be. There wasn’t any use to ignore or repress them anymore. What was done was done, and I couldn’t do anything to change the past.

However, as soon as Doyoung saw the mansion, he immediately stopped in his tracks. I stopped as well, wondering if something was wrong, but he showed no signs of replying to me.

“Doyoung?” I looked at him with worried eyes. “Is everything okay?”

He didn’t hear me and instead kept speaking to himself. “I knew the path looked familiar,” he grumbled to himself and rubbed his forehead while spinning around, looking at his surroundings. “I can’t believe I wasn’t able to recognize this place the second we got here!”

My brows furrowed in confusion. “You’ve been here before?”

He suddenly whipped his head around to me as if just realizing that I was there with him too. He immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the mansion, and back to the path we were on before.

“Hey!” I half-yelled. “What are you doing? Mother and Father are waiting for us in there!”

“They can wait a little bit longer.”

“Doyoung!” I yanked my arm out of his hand. “My future is in their hands! I can’t just decide that I don’t want to attend this stupid dinner and just hope that they will still let me do whatever I want!”

He glared at me, something he had never done before. “Well, that didn’t stop you from deciding to elope with that boy of yours.”

My eyes widened in shock, and I shook my head after hearing his words. “I- I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

Right after telling him that, it seems like it woke him up from that little moment he had.

“Ah, damn it,” he said and rubbed his temples as he tried to pull me into a hug, but I resisted. I didn’t want the situation to blow away as if nothing happened with a hug and an apology.

“God, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it– you know I didn’t. It’s just–” He looked over at the white mansion and let out a sigh before switching his attention back to me. “Are you certain you want to go in there?”

“Doyoung.” My expression softened. But I was afraid, more than anything. “You’re starting to scare me a little. What’s wrong?”

He let out another sigh and grabbed me by the shoulders before looking at me deep in the eyes. “This is what our parents wanted to tell us, sweetheart. This is the reason why we’re all here, and this is the main reason why they let you come here.”

“W-what do you mean?”

He refused to budge. “Just answer my question.”

I looked over at the mansion, and something told me that I would regret it if I didn’t go in, and it was not just because of my parents. There was something about the mansion that pulled me in, and I didn’t know whether I was actually strong enough to push it away or not.

“Yeah,” I breathed out. “I’m certain.”

My brother continued to look at me as if he was expecting me to back out of my decision, but I didn’t. Instead, I was the one who grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the mansion, hoping that our parents wouldn’t scold us too much for being late.

As I was about to knock on the door, it opened right in front of me, leaving me hanging with my fist in the air. I then sent a look at Doyoung, who looked like he was praying for his life. I let down my fist and cleared my throat as I realized it was actually a butler who opened the door for us. Both of us greeted the butler politely, and he motioned us to follow him to the dining room.

I was about to ask him whose place was this, but I was suddenly interrupted by Doyoung who annoyingly tugged at me, but he was pointing at something that was on the wall. I turned around, my brows furrowed in uncertainty before my jaw almost dropped down to the floor upon the reality.

Right in front of me was a painting.

On the art piece was painted a beautiful garden with a small patio and a pond. Sitting on the patio was a girl with long dark hair, who was painting and eating something at the same time. Standing next to her was a young woman that looked like a maid, and sitting next to her, was a young male who seemed to be reading a book.

It took me a moment to realize that the painting on the wall was mine.

It was Summer Serendipity.

A painting that I’ve done just for fun while waiting for Doyoung to finish his book during the summer, about three years ago.

A painting that was auctioned off just a couple of weeks ago, and bought for sixty thousand euros.

A painting that was bought by the mysterious man whose name was still unknown to me.

“Doyoung…” I said while staring at the painting. “Why do I feel like this is not a coincidence at all?”

He didn’t answer, but instead, lightly pushed me in the back to follow the butler that was getting farther and farther away from us.

The butler led us to a grand dining room, and I was in awe by the simplicity of it. Here I thought by the size of the place that it would be more extravagant on the inside, but I was proven wrong.

My mother shouted my name as she saw me and I tried not to cringe. She never used to call me first, but Doyoung instead. “Come here!” she exclaimed happily. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Um, okay?” I said while being dragged away, and sent a scared yet somewhat goofy smile at my father who waved at me.

A tall man suddenly stood up from the table, and I frowned at his appearance as he got closer to me.

“Sweetheart, this is Lee Taeyong. He is the heir to Lee Corporations who own some of the most popular and important art auction houses in the world.” My mother introduced to us a tad too enthusiastically. She seemed like she was the one excited to meet him.

I didn’t let my true emotions show. Instead, I gave him a small, polite smile and extended my hand to shake his that was already out. “It is nice to meet you, Mr. Taeyong,” I said.

“It is not our first time meeting each other, though, Miss.”

It took me a long time to realize it.

The colour of his hair, the way he talked to me, the way he called my name, the way he stood and the way he dressed.

That big ass ugly painting in his foyer that I’ve painted was also a giveaway.

“Oh!” I exclaimed in surprise. “You’re that guy from the masquerade ball!”

A side of his lips tugged up at my comment. “I am delighted to know that you remember me.”

“How could I possibly forget the gentleman who bought that hideous painting at the auction?”

He let out a small chuckle. “Says the lady who wanted to buy it from me.”

I was about to retort back when I heard a rather exaggerated cough behind me. It turns out it was Doyoung who didn’t know what to do. My older brother smiled sheepishly and waved amiably at Taeyong who waved back. The former walked towards us while Mother probably went back to her place at the table to talk about something with Father.

I looked at both males in confusion. “You guys know each other?”

“Know each other?” Doyoung laughed in a way I’d never heard him laugh before. Although he was an overly friendly person, he had never been the type to befriend other people quickly. To see him being so open with Taeyong was a surprise.

Yeah, well that’s what you thought before too about him and Jaehyun on the train. And guess how did that turn out?

I shook my head subtly at myself.

Shut up, conscience. I do not need you to ruin the moment.

“Doyoung had a little bit of problem during his stay here in Lyon,” Taeyong informed me. “I simply helped him out a little.”

“A little?” Doyoung was starting to act a bit overdramatically. “He practically saved my life! Sweetheart, he’s the reason why your precious older brother is still alive today.”

“Well, we shouldn’t keep your parents waiting,” Taeyong said with a twinkle in his eyes and offered me his arm. “Shall we?”

Doyoung already went to his seat and sent me a discreet wink, showing me his support to this—whatever this was. I couldn’t help but feel somewhat unsettled by the situation. Here I thought my older brother would be on my side instead of my parents, but I guess even blood couldn’t come between them. However, that wasn’t the only thing that made me feel uncomfortable. I just felt like this situation was wrong in so many ways, and I was a bit mad at my brother for not being more understanding of this situation.

I knew that I was thinking selfishly. I knew my brother already done all he could to make me go back. Earlier on, when he asked me whether I was certain or not, was enough proof that he did care for me.

I was simply too stubborn, hurt, and stupid to ignore his help.

I gave Taeyong a nod and gently grabbed his arm as he led me to my seat. After helping me, he went to the seat in front of mine. Although my father wasn’t the head of this estate, Taeyong was being nice and let my father took the spot at the very front, which in my way, made me think…

Was this how is it going to be in the future?

Was this what my parents were planning from the beginning?

One of the butlers announced in a firm, clear voice, “Appetizer is served. Today’s appetizer is mini mushroom and goat cheese tarts.”

After that, a string of younger-looking butlers came out with plates in their hands, and all of them served us nicely and impeccably.

As I raised my head from the dish to compliment Taeyong on his excellent staff, the image in front of me almost threw me off my seat and judging by the sudden clutter caused by Doyoung’s fork on the table. I guessed that he felt the same.

Why?

Because, right in front of me, while serving Taeyong as if nothing was wrong, was Jung Jaehyun.

Dinner was horrible.

To make things worse, the whole family was staying at Taeyong’s place. I was aware it was common courtesy for the host to offer a place to rest, but I would have never thought they would actually accept his offer. Father wasn’t the type of person who liked to sleep at other people’s places, and I knew Doyoung could have cared less, even if he wanted to catch up with Taeyong. Therefore, it leaves my mother.

Typical.

I wasn’t able to fall asleep as the image from dinner still haunted me. Every time I closed my eyes, I would just see Jaehyun and his dark, swirling brown orbs, and him serving my family and me at the dinner table.

I decided to take a walk in the garden, hoping that it would help me clear my mind. There was a stone bench right in front of the artificial pond, and I immediately took a seat. Little did I know that someone was actually following me.

All of a sudden, I was enveloped with warmth, and I realized that it was a small quilt. I turned around automatically, and I couldn’t help the displeasure from appearing on my face. He sat down next to me, and I got up, wanting to get away from him as fast as possible.

I felt suffocated just being around him, hence the reason why I wanted to take a walk in the first place.

He grabbed my wrist then moved to my hand.

“Please, love, let me explain–”

“Explain what, Jaehyun?” I replied harsher than I expected. And here I thought I was doing better than before. It looked like my bitterness was still rooted deep inside of me.

He looked defeated by my reply, and he had that kicked puppy look of his on. I couldn’t help but let out a tired sigh as I ran my free hand through my hair.

“What do you want from me, Jae?” I closed my eyes, sensing a headache coming soon. “What more do you want?”

“You deserve an explanation,” he said, his grip around my hand getting tighter.

“I think I deserve more than an explanation from what you’ve done to me, Jaehyun.” I almost scoffed. “You think a little note would make everything okay?”

“No, of course not! I–”

“Did you even feel the same about me, then I feel about you?”

“Love, please.”

I let out another defeated sigh and yanked my hand away from him before taking a seat next to him, but I made sure that there was a reasonable space between us.

However, he didn’t say anything for a while, and my patience was getting the better of me. I’ve had better things to do than just sit around with the guy who literally broke my heart into pieces. That was why I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands and start the conversation myself.

“How long?” I asked him, my arms crossed across my chest and my eyes staring straight in front of me.

“What?” he replied, his eyes wide in confusion.

“For how long have you been working for Taeyong?”

There was a pause before he answered. “For as long as I can remember.”

He let out a shaky breath. “I was just an orphan kid from the streets. Taeyong was playing around in the park and then asked me whether I wanted to play with him or not. When his parents have found him with me, Taeyong didn’t want to leave and asked whether I could come with them or not. So, they adopted me and brought me into the household. If it weren’t for Taeyong, then I don’t even know whether I would still be alive today or not.”

Jaehyun then looked at me with pleading eyes. “You have to understand, love. I was a starving kid with no money and a place to sleep in. Both Taeyong and his parents saved me from my past miserable life.”

I shook my head. “I understand that you’ve had a hard life before Taeyong’s parents decided to take you in, but what I don’t understand is why you’ve decided to play with my feelings and then leave me without explaining yourself!” I abruptly turned around and glared at him. “So, tell me. Was it fun to play around with a rich girl’s feelings? Wasn’t it so much better than just stealing from the rich?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “I never once thought about playing around with you. I genuinely wanted to get closer to you. I admit, at first, I was annoyed with you when I first saw you by the sidewalk because of the way you dressed. I thought you were just another rich person who seemed like you didn’t care about everybody else but yourself. But, I was wrong. You’re one of the most beautiful and genuine people I have ever encountered in my life, and you don’t deserve the way you were treated by me.”

Tears started to streak my face, and I honestly didn’t care how ugly I must have looked in front of him. I just wanted to get to the bottom of this. “And?” I croaked out.

“Everything we’ve discussed, about leaving everything behind us to start anew, I was ready to do that as long as I’m with you,” he started to talk about things that I actually wanted to know. “But the day I came back from our trip, Taeyong was waiting for me in his study room, and he looked so excited when I came back. I asked him what was making him so happy and then he showed me your file with all of your information and photos.”

I knew something was suspicious when my mum suddenly asked me to take a few pictures before I left for Lyon.

“I didn’t know that you were part of such a distinguished family,” he continued. “I knew you came from a rich family, but I didn’t think you came from an influential art family until I’ve met your brother in Marseille.”

“You’ve met him before,” I said upon the belated realization. “You’ve met him when Taeyong helped my brother out when he was studying in Lyon.”

He nodded as he continued with his explanation. “And then I thought that maybe Taeyong just wanted to marry you for business purposes only, but I was wrong.” He let out a bitter chuckle. “He told me he has already met you at the masquerade ball. And I just saw how his eyes twinkled as he talked about how amazing and down-to-earth you are. And I knew that look because I’m sure that’s how I look when I think of you as well.”

“Then why-”

Jaehyun looked up in the sky with a sigh filled with emotions that I couldn’t exactly decipher. “I couldn’t possibly betray the one person who helped me get to where I am today.”

I chuckled bitterly. “So, you’ve decided to betray me instead.”

He looked so pained when I said the words out loud as if that reality only came upon him at that moment only as if he realized the consequences of his actions just now.

“How could you do this to me, Jaehyun?” I shook my head furiously. “How can you expect me to marry someone else and then live under the same roof with both the guy I will marry and the guy I’m in love with?”

I was furious and angry and just so, so mad.

“Tell me how!”

I wasn’t able to stay mad at him for long.

Not when I knew what kind of person Jaehyun was.

Not when I knew Jaehyun had the kindest soul in the universe.

“I’m sorry,” he said in the end. “I truly am sorry.”

I broke down in tears, and I wasn’t able to describe how I felt during that particular moment. I silently sobbed into my hands as his arms enveloped me into a warm embrace.

“Is this how our story is going to end?” I asked him after calming down a little. “Is this how we’re going to end?”

His body froze at my words, and I took that as a yes.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated as I got up from the stone bench.

I took off the quilt that was tightly wrapped around me, before folding it perfectly and laid it on the spot that I was sitting on just a few seconds ago, and then smiled bitterly at him.

“I’m sorry too.”

That was the last time I’ve talked to or seen Jung Jaehyun.

6 months later

“This seems like déjà-vu.” I chuckled to Taeyong, who was sitting next to me as we attended another auction that one of his auction houses had organized. The money raised from this auction were to be split evenly and be donated to all the orphanages in the city of Lyon.

“Only this time, you gave your consent to selling your painting,” he replied smugly and gave a small peck on my cheek. “Thanks for saying yes, by the way.”

Taeyong and I were officially engaged for the past six months. The first three months were a bit tough, but Taeyong has been nothing but understanding and caring about my situation.

I made a compromise with my parents about my choice of career, and they seemed to have accepted it. I decided to pursue my studies in university and decided to double major. I went into business management so that I could help out Taeyong with the company, and went into arts and letters so that I could continue both writing and painting.

Jaehyun left the day after our engagement has been officialized.

Taeyong was devastated, and that’s when I’ve decided to tell him about my past with Jaehyun. He was kind enough to give me a choice, to not accept this marriage proposal.

He was honestly too good for me.

I wasn’t completely over Jaehyun, of course. But thanks to Taeyong and his endless love and patience, I convinced myself that I was able to heal. Slowly, but surely.

Jaehyun would always remain as not only a pleasant memory but also as my first love that I will never forget no matter what.

I considered myself blessed to be able to meet Jaehyun in this lifetime. I thanked the gods and my previous self to have deserved his presence in my life, even if it was only for a short period.

So, I decided to convey those feelings into a painting since I thought writing about it would be too painful. Those feelings transformed into the painting that was going to get auctioned off at the very second.

“Following up is a painting named Covered by Your Grace.”

Covered by your Grace was a painting of kids playing near a fountain in the background along with all the buildings. The main focus was on the couple sitting in the middle. The girl was leaning into the guy who seemed to be comforting her. And right behind the guy, was a pair of pure, white wings that seemed to sparkle at the sign of light. That was a special effect of mine that I’ve decided to add at the very last minute. It was tough trying to add gold glitter on an oil painting, but somehow, I was able to.

“Without further ado, let’s commence the bidding. Now, who will give me ten thousand euros to start?”

An old man next to us raised his hand.

“Alright, I have ten thousand! Do I hear twenty?”

Someone from the back raised their hand and said, “Thirty thousand.”

“Forty thousand.”

“Forty-five.”

“Fifty.”

“Sixty-five thousand euros!”

Nobody else dared to beat the last price.

“Going once! Going twice! Third and final call!” The emcee responsible looked around, before looking down at his pad so that he could announce who the winner was as the sound of three hammers echoed throughout the whole auditorium.

“Sold for sixty-five thousand euros to bidder number 0214, Robert Earl of Lyon.” 

THE END.

© SMOLL-TANGERINE [2020]. All rights reserved.

i want you all to know i have continued to develop my EXO theory to include SM’s little cinematic universe as a whole across NCT, Super M, Shinee, Aespa, WayV, Red Velvet, and BOA and I can’t get into it rn but basically:

taemin and a gang of sexy ladies (red velvet + BOA aka the full 7 fallen angels of biblical history) are red force (lots of red imagery with them and snakes and BOA was at the end of aespa video and aespa’s possible villain is black mamba snake red world imagery)

so taemin and the gang of sexy ladies take over all worlds--starting by sending one such sexy lady to seduce baekhyun in lyon, who fell in love and was poisoned and boom x-baekhyun appears to fuck shit up

cue exo lore/obsession

Kai (or maybe even x-kai) tried to escape when the world was being blown up (all for u taemin best friend) and accidentally teleported to aespa’s world and was glitching like hell but hey he got to dance (glitching kinda implies x-kai when we think of tempo and how x-exo were glitching throughout that mv)

NCT just kinda stuck in their dreams cause hey i don’t blame them this shit’s overwhelming

perfect pure shinee watches with disappointment over their power-hungry maknae who fell from grace. key may or may not be the snarky receptionist to hell

Mente y Corazón

Byun Baekhyun x Lectora

 Angst/Slice of life

Número de palabras: 2714

Masterlist

“Estas llamando al teléfono de Byun Baekhyun si no te he contestado ha sido por qué estoy muy ocupado pero me encantaría regresar y escuchar tu voz... así que deja tu mensaje...BEEP”

-Baekhyun- tu voz se escuchaba demasiado baja, como si tuvieras miedo de qué te pudieras romper en pedazos si subias más tu tono, el sonido del aeropuerto ahogaba tu nerviosismo, tomaste más aire y seguiste - Ya no puedo seguir con esto- dijiste, recordando como estos últimos meses había sido una pesadilla. 

¿Por qué? 

Sencillo eras su mejor amiga…

Byun Baekhyun había sido una constante en tu vida, desde los cinco años han estado juntos, riendo por las mismas cosas, pasar los días bajo el sol con el, las tardes lluviosas tomando chocolate caliente en su pórtico, y en las noches verlo jugar videojuegos. 

Si pudieras comparar a Baekhyun a algo seria al sol, iluminaba tu vida, te hacia muy feliz, era la causa de tus salidas de casa, tener más amigos, incluso casi no podías verlo a los ojos con miedo de que te dejará ciega con lo increíble que era.

Como siempre cuando llegó la adolescencia y los cambios, los sentimientos comenzaron a fluir, hacías menos tu sentir, cuando tu corazón comenzaba a latir estando con él, te decías a ti misma qué simplemente estabas confundida, esto pasaría como el crush que tuviste por otro niño en primaria, cuando la universidad los separó de alguna extraña a pesar que Baekhyun era una persona popular siguió conservando tu amistad y los sentimientos seguían sin cambiar.

 Cuando la gente se acostumbra a ti como constante, te vuelves eso, una costumbre, una cosa, un objeto, sabías qué Baekhyun te quería pero nunca al punto de cómo quería a los demás, eras simplemente un accesorio, una pared a la cual podía tirar sus pensamientos y rebotaban para él, una cosa que siempre tuvo y nunca lo ha dejado.

No era su culpa sino tuya, te habías puesto demasiadas veces debajo de él, quien en su santo juicio compara alguien a un sol, tu misma te pusiste una sentencia para toda la eternidad de ser el todo y nada para Baekhyun.

Querido

Fue en un verano, cuando los dos podían volver a recrear una realidad distinta donde seguían siendo amigos sin separarse, sin miles de kilómetros separándolos, tu corazón latía a mil por hora, lo ignoraste, veías las estrellas con el, música de fondo sonaba de su coche, el capote de su automóvil estaba frío pero no te importaba porque estabas con él, pero como siempre Baekhyun tenía ideas, planes, metas, los cuales muy pocas veces te incluían porque ya eras algo seguro en su vida.

-Me iré a Francia de intercambio- dijo con un tono de felicidad 

-¿Qué?- querías decir muchas cosas, por ejemplo ¿cuando había tomado la decisión? ¿por qué lo estaba siendo? ¿qué tenía de bueno Francia, pero de nuevo te traicionaste a ti misma y soltaste una risa fingida? - Estoy tan feliz por ti Baekhyun- lo abrazaste tratando de aferrarte a él a lo cual correspondió tu abrazo pero te soltó sin remordimiento como siempre, seguro que estarás ahí siempre.

-Lo sé, exactamente iré a a Lyon, mi universidad tiene un programa de colaboración….- todo lo demás de la conversación se convirtió en ruido blanco, tu corazón no podía entender lo que sucedía 

Lo ayudaste a empacar, su hermano te pregunto  si estarías bien sin tu mejor amigo a lo que dijiste que sí porque confiabas qué Baekhyun y tu serian amigos, algo en su rostro reflejaba tristeza pero lo ignoraste.

-Eres la mejor amiga del mundo, incluso mis padres se opusieron, pero tu fuiste la única que me apoyó-  asentiste con la cabeza, estaban sentados en una cafetería, era su último día en la ciudad donde los dos crecieron y por fin tu corazón saltó ante la oportunidad sin dejarse dominar por tu mente.

-¿Qué pasaría si no quisiera seguir siendo solo tu amiga?- las palabras fueron automáticas, lo que te dolió fue la respuesta de tu amigo, un resuello de risa.

-No hablas en serio, nosotros dos juntos- Baekhyun era una persona traviesa, simpática y graciosa sin necesidad de intentarlo pero en este momento una respuesta así no te servía 

-Lo digo en serio me gustas desde que tengo catorce Baekhyun- a lo que él te vio como si estuvieras diciendo que tenías otro brazo

-Qué ...dices- volvió a reír pero esta vez de nerviosismo

-No es necesario que digas mas , entiendo, no me ves de esa manera- tu mente regresó a su lugar volviendo a callar a tu corazón 

-No, es solo que parece un concepto demasiado extraño el saber que te gusto de esa manera, una persona que sabe qué me comía los mocos a los 4 años o qué vio como mi alergia a los pepinos - él subió los hombros y tu corazón se enojo de que Baekhyun estuviera dando un tono casual a la conversación cuando tu estabas mostrando tu sentir.

-Baekhyun…- comenzaste a decir pero fuiste callada con su mano en la tuya 

-Es un año en Lyon, no puedo prometer nada pero podemos intentarlo cuando regrese- dijo el mirándote a los ojos sin duda, con seriedad y una sonrisa que prometía tregua para tu mente y tu corazón.

-Ok- escondiste tu sentir y el soltó otro resuello para volver a hablar de un cómic

Esas palabras, esa promesa te ato a él aún más, lo compararías como la cuerda roja del destino.

Le dijiste adiós con una nariz roja por tanto  llorar y él te dijo adiós con una sonrisa incluso mientras lloraba

Los mensajes no pararon incluso en distintas zonas horarias, el tono que ocupaba en los mensajes no era el mismo esta vez ponía un poco más de empeño en tomarte en cuenta, en notarte, preguntarte, conocerte aun mas, verte en otra luz.

Las llamadas eran cada semana, por ejemplo un dia te llamó la noche antes de tu examen, no te importó desvelarte mientras el lloraba porque no sabía qué iba  hacer para acostumbrarse a otras personas, le dijiste que siempre estarías para el, que  poco a poco se acostumbraba, que todos estaban apoyándolo desde su hogar. Te referiste a ti misma como su hogar, como su casa, su refugio, el sorbió sus mocos y sus lágrimas, dándote las lagrimas, tu mente quiso ignorar que de nuevo te habías vuelto un objeto por el.

Le recomendaste unirse algún club, el se rio contigo y dijo que buscaría uno de videojuegos, lo animaste y colgó cuando se sintió mejor.

Idiota

Tu lo habías guiado hacia alguien más, se llamaba Elise (Si, como la Elise de  Beethoven) integrante del club de videojuegos, ella jugaba con Baekhyun, ella en vez de verlo reírse lo hacía reírse, lo veía a los ojos como un igual, a diferencia de ti se integró a su círculo de amigos en Francia, logró en dos meses volverse el centro del universo para Baekhyun y él la dejó. 

Sabías qué sonabas a un monstruo verde por la envidia ¿qué había pasado contigo? bueno fácil, volviste a traicionarte, cuando él te llamó arrepentido para decirte que la promesa quedaría como un recuerdo nada más, dijiste tranquilo, disfruta tu tiempo con ella, vive lo que estás sintiendo, pero guardaste en tu boca los reproches y maldiciones para después pasarte las noches llorando por lo tonta que eras.

Tenías merecido el perder a Baekhyun porque hasta en eso eres una cobarde, te hacías menos a ti misma, eres igual a Éponine, un personaje más, qué solo servía para darle sabor a la historia de amor entre Marius y Cosette.

El año había terminado y con lágrimas por teléfono Baekhyun te había dicho que todo había terminado con Elise, lo consolaste pero cuando colgaste tenías una sonrisa te hacía ver como el gato que se robo la leche.. 

Por cargarte a ti

Baekhyun se presento un mes después de su llegada a tu puerta, le abriste tu dormitorio, corriste a tu roomie, él estaba con los ojos rojos como si llorara todo el tiempo, te dijo que no podía y besó tus labios en desesperación intentando encontrar algo en ti, para ti habían sonado campanas y fuegos artificiales, así qué le devolviste otro beso. 

-Te quiero - dijo él, te besó de nuevo, beso tus heridas, ya no importaba tu mente diciéndote qué querer no es igual al amarte o tu corazón dando palpitaciones de felicidad, solo existías para él y  entregaste tu ser.

Cuando llegó la mañana él tenía la cabeza en sus manos, quisiste abrazarlo, mencionó el no tocarlo, lamentaba haberte hecho pensar qué había algo más, no sabía qué estaba pensando, pedía disculpas pero tu corazón decía que no había nada que disculpar pero tu mente fue rápida en comprender...Solo te había utilizado para intentar olvidar y se fue, dejándote con un hoyo en el pecho, la cuerda que te unia a el dejo de ser un lazo del destino y una cadena de perro, eres una tonta, te gritaba tu mente y tu corazón solo podía gimotear de dolor. 

Y tu parte de la culpa

Baekhyun no te contactó, no te pidió tu opinión para irse a Francia de nuevo, solo fue cuando viste en facebook una foto de el con Elise sonriendo, ella mostraba un gran anillo en su mano,qué comprendiste de nuevo,  tu mente se encargó de racionalizar todo, pusiste un me gusta en la foto y cerraste todo.

Llegó el día de tu graduación, tus papas estaban sonrientes mientras llamaban tu nombre, seguías fingiendo, tu mejor amiga rogaba porque sacaras todo lo que sentías pero no podías, el collar de perro qué tenías puesto tenía el nombre de Baekhyun grabado en tu corazón, la alegría no se reflejó en tus ojos, subiste la foto a Facebook y recibiste un me encanta de Baekhyun y tu corazón soltó un brinco.

De pronto una ventana de mensaje se abrió.

“Te ves hermosa en tu foto” 

Escribió para ti con un corazón a lo que rápido contestaste, Mente nublada y Corazón sangrante para Baekhyun.

Baekhyun

Tenías un trabajo que te ponía arriba de la mayoría de las personas, un buen departamento, y un mejor amigo qué hizo como si nada hubiera pasado esa noche de octubre. Abriste tu buzón para encontrarte con revistas, recibos de luz, teléfono y un sobre azul con tu nombre. Con piernas cansadas subiste a casa, saludaste a tu planta casi muerta en la entrada, ignoraste a tu vecina, decidiste abrir el sobre más interesante.

Te encontraste con la invitación a la boda de Baekhyun, una foto de el sonriendo con su próxima esposa, y un número para confirmar tu asistencia.

El corazón que había estado dormido se cayó de la sorpresa y se rompió, la cadena que lo sostenía jaló la carne en donde debería estar tu corazón. Tu celular sonó viste el mensaje de Baekhyun en facebook 

“Espero que puedas venir, hace mucho que no te veo y me gustaría que estuvieras conmigo como en los viejos tiempos”

Corazón estaba sangrando, y a pesar de que en el celular caían tus lágrimas, Mente se encargó de contestar qué obviamente estarías ahí.

Es que estoy sola

Lo cual nos trae al momento en el que estás, tu maleta de dos días, un boleto de avión en tus manos, Mente arrastraba a Corazón el cual estaba muriendo con cada paso que dabas para asistir a su funeral. 

El celular sonó, notaste el mensaje del hermano de Baekhyun

“Estamos en la sala de espera de la terminal” 

No sabías qué harías para enfrentar a su familia, no después de que en la navidad anterior sus padres compartieron la fecha con los tuyos pudiste notar como su mamá te miraba con lastima temiendo que en cualquier momento lloraras al ver la silla vacía de Baekhyun y ningún regalo de su parte para ti, ya que se había ido a visitar a la familia de Elise.

Tomaste aire, ibas a seguir caminando cuando escuchaste la conversación de una chica 

“Tu crees que está en una broma, vete al carajo, no quiero seguir contigo, eres un maldito, te odio, te odio, métete tus sentimientos por el trasero, maldito infiel de pacotilla” ella golpeó el teléfono público, que de alguna extraña manera aún seguía en la terminal, Corazón curioso volvió a palpitar y Mente por primera vez también se interesó.

-Te daré un consejo, manda al diablo a los hombres- dijo ella llevándose su abrigo enorme a lo que tu solo pensabas que querías ser como ella.

Tu celular sonó, notaste un mensaje de Baekhyun 

“Mis papas me avisaron que ya están en la terminal, ¿dónde estás? ¿te falta mucho por llegar? muero por verte, Elise no para de estar nerviosa, dice que es más difícil conocerte a ti qué cuando conoció a mis padres porque hablo demasiado de ti, no sabe lo qué le espera, eres todo un huracán”

Tomaste cambio de tus bolsillos, con decisión marcaste el numero, sabías qué Baekhyun no contestaba a ningún número que él no conociera, así que el buzón de voz fue el qué te saludó.

-Baekhyun- tu voz se escuchaba demasiado baja, como si tuvieras miedo de qué te pudieras romper en pedazos si subías más tu tono, el sonido del aeropuerto ahogaba tu nerviosismo, tomaste más aire y seguiste - Ya no puedo seguir con esto- dijiste, recordando como estos últimos meses había sido una pesadilla. 

-No puedo seguir siendo una mascota para ti, que utilizas cada vez que lo necesitas, ni puedo seguir siento tu pañuelo de lagrimas, un hombro para que te recargues, la pared a la cual golpees cuando estés molesto, me duele ser el objeto que quieras, te atreviste a decirme que me querías, me hiciste sentir bien y luego me tiraste cuando cumplí tu capricho, ¡ya no puedo!- tus lágrimas corrían, Corazón parecía desangrarse en el suelo, Mente poniéndole coherencia a tu pensamiento y a la vez intentando parar a Corazón. 

-Ya no te amo, no amo a la persona que te has convertido desde qué tienes veinte, ni siquiera soporto ser tu amiga, no sé porque sigo detrás de ti, supongo que es porque ya me acostumbre a ser una cosa, y no un Ser Humano, ya no puedo más, por favor déjame, no me busques, ¡detente! si realmente soy tu amiga déjame irme con la poca dignidad que acabo de recuperar en el aeropuerto, no puedo seguir obligando a mi corazón a  seguir sangrando por ti- tomaste otro respiro, Mente parecía pegar con desesperación el suelo esperando a que recuperes la cordura, pero Corazón jalaba más para que dijeras lo que tenías que decir desde hace mucho.

-Te amo Baekhyun y si me quieres conservar en tu vida yo no quiero un papel secundario, quiero tener el papel protagónico, quiero tu tiempo, quiero ser tu todo, aunque me mates de tristeza, te amo, respiro por ti, pero, no es sano, ¡por favor! ¡por favor déjame!- colgaste el teléfono, jalaste tu abrigo que se había atrapado con las ruedas de tu maleta, con la cabeza en alto seguiste caminando a la salida del aeropuerto, a lo lejos escuchaste qué el hermano de Baekhyun te preguntaba a donde ibas, pero cuando volteaste a verlo, sabías que el entendía, por primera vez negó al verte y solo te dijo adiós a lo que también le dijiste adiós. 

Pero

El sol se estaba poniendo en el horizonte, tratabas de encontrar un taxi desocupado, cuando tu celular comenzó a sonar notaste que Baekhyun llamaba, suspiraste frustrada, Mente suspiro contigo, Corazón gimió de nuevo, los tres sabían qué significaba, pero ya era demasiado cansancio,  esta vez pateaste el celular, lo destruiste con tu tacón, con tu maleta, con tu bolsa y cuando quedó irreconocible, con la pantalla completamente rota sin que se pudiera ver nada, sacaste el chip, lo rompiste cortándote las yemas de los dedos y sin remordimiento lo tiraste al bote de basura. 

Recogiste a Corazón quitando la cadena que pesaba en el y a Mente le diste el abrazo que quería desde niña, viste que la misma chica de hace unos minutos esperaba otro taxi, ella sonrió como si reconociera a otra mujer construyéndose de nuevo..

-Los hombres apestan- te ofreció su cigarro

Tu con tu mano ensangrentada, tu mente donde debería de estar y tu corazón intentando tener un respiro sonreíste y dijiste 

-Ni me lo digas- suspiraste por fin libre.

¿Por que?

Querido idiota,  por cargarte a ti y a tu parte de la culpa,  Baekhyun, es que estoy sola pero libre...

LYON II PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT III./Pt II. “Cucumber Melon”

Length - 6,603

Mood - Disenchanted, Wearied

Pairing - Baekhyun x Reader

“Losing my breath

At your glance, my world stops

My heart is true, trust me

A burning passion

I’ll stake it all for you

There’s no other way

You know it…”

“Ice Queen” by Baekhyun

Present Day

“_____? The water is boiling. I can finish up in here with the tea if you’re going to be awhile!” _____ (Marseille Reader) called out to you from her kitchen.

You stared at the vomit swirling in the toilet as you flushed for the second time, and waited for the telltale hiss to subside before washing your hands at the already running faucet.

Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh no Oh God

“_____?” She (Marseille Reader) gently rapped at the door and tried the door knob.

“Sorry, I’ll be right there!” You answered and heard her soft “ok” before her footsteps receded back out into the hall again.

You washed your face clear of vomit and washed your hands for a third time before picking up the tube of her toothpaste. Unscrewing the cap, you squeezed a glob onto your finger and scrubbed at your teeth, and gargled mouthwash in a cycle of two.

You turned to look at the bottle of her cucumber melon shampoo whose cap had not been closed properly atop her bathroom vanity. One whiff of that as soon as you entered the bathroom had you running for the toilet.

I’m pregnant. I’m definitely pregnant again.

Cucumbers had never been your favorite vegetable though you had never had a particular aversion to them either. It was not until much later in life that you were very strict about not having anything to do with the scent and sight of cucumbers in your home even though it didn’t affect you. Yet.

The only extreme reaction you had ever had to the scent of cucumbers had been over a year ago during dinner with Jongdae and Baekhyun before he had temporarily moved to Almaty for their first gig.

You had ordered in from The Beef Club to celebrate, and after setting the table, abruptly vacated the area, leaving an equally stunned Baekhyun and Jongdae in shock, after smelling the cucumber ribbons you had specifically requested not be included in your summer spinach salad order. Baekhyun spotted them just as you lurched up and away from the table, his fork in hand to pick the ribbons from your plate, clattered to the floor as he hopped up to run after you.

“Poor jagi doesn’t like them anymore than I do now,” Baekhyun cooed as he came in behind you to help you clean up.

He held your hair back from your face as you vomited, rubbing your back until you dry heaved and sat back against him, his hand still at your back.

But after your solo appointment with your gynecologist later that week, you knew that was true in more ways than one.

The notion of this possible second pregnancy both horrified and delighted you all at the same time.

You couldn’t imagine this possibly being the best time to announce such news.

_____________

“Madame, Mr. Byun left with Mr. Byun and YunHee this morning. I have begun to pack your things for the week as he instructed,” your butler informed you upon your arrival by taxi that Sunday afternoon from ____’s (Marseille Reader’s) apartment.

“Yes I spoke with my mother on my way in. Both she and my in-laws are at Grandmother’s house and I will join them later this afternoon. I do however have a conference call scheduled...if you wouldn’t mind continuing to help me with my things?” She had greeted you at your front door, and quickly shared the week’s events planned in anticipation of your participation before dismissing herself at your request to continue with her work.

She dismissed herself down the hall ahead of you where you heard her dismiss the nanny from YunHee’s room.

“Monsieur already packaged all of her needs. You may tend to the laundry.”

Outside the gardener waved through the window.

You were still reeling from the earful your mother gave you.

“Why would you cause us to worry like this, ____? I cannot imagine what could have happened. Darling why couldn’t you come to me instead of taking off in the night?! What if something happened to YunHee? Baekhyun would never forgive himself-”

“Why are you defending him as if I am the only one in the wrong?! I’m not some spoiled brat-”

“Oh? And running away in the middle of the night says otherwise? ____, I will not tolerate this. What is so difficult to resolve-”

“Why do I have to resolve this issue with him?”

“Can it be such an unforgivable thing?!? I can hardly believe that. You will come to his grandparents’ this weekend” she demanded with a shout before hanging up, something she had never done even when you had pissed her off as a younger girl.

It was intolerable to be alone in this house with your solitary thoughts a moment longer but you would wait to finish the conference call here before joining the ambush you were sure this meeting at his grandparents’ house would be. After a moment of pacing from the foyer to the entrance of your family wing, you decided to wait for the call from ______ (Berlin Reader) and the others in the home office you still hadn’t finished designing.

You continued to pace the floor even in the office, stopping at the half unwrapped mirror leaned against the nude wall as you caught your reflection, and the memories of your crazed trek through the dark of your rural community to the greater city resurfaced.

You looked as though you were one of the Wild Hunt, suspiciously returning to a vacant castle whose master and mistress were exposed and impotent.

“Let me shower first,” you whispered to your own reflection, your eyes descending for a moment to your belly.

I even took you out there with me.

What if something had happened to us?

Again in the hall, you made your way to your bedroom, pausing at YunHee’s opened door to see her room neatly clear of the toys she would usually pull out to play with by this time of the morning.

He took everything she needed.

Even toys that she sometimes had difficulty describing with what primary sign language she had been learning with her speech and music therapist who made frequent house calls outside of her regular office visits when necessary.

After washing up and approving the bag packed by your butler that she brought to the front door to wait for you, you returned to the home office, dressed in an acceptable sundress and blazer to greet your family later on, in time to see ____ (Berlin Reader’s) name flash across your phone’s screen.

When you answered you heard a collective welcoming of cheerful, well rested voices.

“Hello everyone. Just wanted to update you all about an event coming up in the next month or so. Remember we had discussed a possible business package in tandem with a women’s seminar. Will all of you still be able to attend?,” she inquired, the sound of a pen scribbling on paper sounding in your ears at her brief pause.

“Mhm, we’ll be there,” _____ (Almaty Reader) chimed in immediately, speaking for _____ (OG Arizona Reader) who was listening in from her line.

____ (Marseille Reader) texted you asking you if you made it back home as she responded to the group line, “I’ll be there.”

“I’m back home, yea. Heading to grandparents in a little while.”

“I will have to see now that I’m back in town. There are some things that I need to take care of later this afternoon,” you were the last to answer.

“Oh damn…that’s sudden?”

“I should have known it would happen tho.”

“I do want to bring ____ (Yúnnan Reader) into the fold on this one because of her expertise. I’m not sure if you have all reviewed her numbers outside of Pathcodes but if you haven’t she is well connected and resourceful. She has quite a lot to offer to this conference. I’d like to put her to the test, if we are all in agreement?”

The decision to allow the trial was unanimous and so _____ (Berlin Reader) continued.

“Ok. We will reconvene by phone or email later this week or next week. I’d like to conference in the rest of our women’s board once there has been an adjustment period,” she stated before ending the call, wishing you all well in your coming week.

_____________

You knew this winding road.

The tall canopied trees.

The sound of this wind empty of other street noise and industrial chatter whipping past.

A breath of fresh, purified country air.

The eventual break of the long winding path to a house set back within a surrounding forever summer garden.

The fragrant roses planted closer to the door every year by grandfather on white day.

You had been out to their house plenty of times.

During the holidays.

On anniversaries.

Birthdays.

When family came into town.

It had always been a welcome space for you.

A familiar extension of him.

Your butler had been given instructions to drive you there in the staff car since Baekhyun had taken the family car.

You saw it parked in the circular brick drive and heard a familiar cry as you pulled your purse strap over your shoulder and opened the door.

“Aaaahhhhhh!! Maaaaa!!” She squealed happily as she came tumbling out the front door, her grandfather on her heels as she went, his huffed “조심해, 꼬마야! 조심해야 해!”

She slowed to a stop, her tutu flouncing down in a whoosh at her abrupt halt, as you dropped to your knees to embrace her, your entire world.

“Hello my beautiful, beautiful darling,” you whispered against her hair, kissing her hands, her cheeks, her closed tearful eyes.

She wriggled as you tried to hold her still against you and you knew that if she had the words to say it that she would tell you that you upset her by being gone all night long.

You could feel her little finger drawing her long syllabled protest against your cheek, letter by letter.

“I’m sorry I was gone. I’m sorry,” you whispered against her ear, feeling her little hands grab as much as she could of you, trying to pull herself up higher into your embrace.

“안녕하세요, 아버지, 건강하세요?” You said after standing and giving a cordial bow to your father-in-law who greeted you as always, with a small smile.

“저는 건강합니다. 집에 오신 걸 환영합니다, 딸,” he beckoned you forward with a slight tipping of his downturned hand and you went in obediently behind him with YunHee’s hand in yours.

____________

Your mother and mother-in-law both waited for you in the family den, anchoring grandmother who was nestled between them, their cups of tea on the low rise table before them.

They chattered noisily amongst themselves, a clucking of hens you once fondly dubbed the trio.

YunHee trilled in greeting, announcing her and your return, her voice rising in volume as she bounced around the sofa where her father sat with his back facing you.

You saw her sign to him happily, “Mommy is home.”

And when he asked her, her ever watchful eyes focused on his delicate fingers fluttering soundlessly, “are you happy?” she nodded and danced in her seat.

“Mother, Mother, Grandmother,” you tried to smile calmly as you spoke your greetings to each of them.

You stood just to the side of the sofa, remaining on your feet where he sat.

You caught your mother’s eyes as you approached.

Her gaze scaled you, appraising the distance you kept from him and your daughter.

“Get ready,” her unshakable gaze warned.

You greeted grandmother and mother-in-law in a similar fashion as you had greeted father-in-law before stepping closer to the sofa beside Baekhyun who was cuddling with YunHee.

She stood on the sofa to kiss his cheek and he turned into her kiss to blow a raspberry against her nose making her squeal even more.

“Pa pa ahhhh!” She chanted, dancing, swaying her hips side to side where he held her close to him, his back to you.

“We prepared lunch YunHee! Let’s go make a spot for Mommy now that she’s here!” Your mother called to her granddaughter approaching Baekhyun who raised her up into her grandmother’s arms to be carried away.  

Grandmother, mother and father-in-law all followed along, their carefree chatter escaping to the inner patio dining area where more white day roses waited.

You kept your gaze to the floor as you took the seat beside him but now that all distractions were gone, you turned to him to find his eyes trained on the now displaced cups of tea that had been such well placed props.

What exuberant life he had embodied in Yun Hee’s presence was forbidding, and listless now that he was left alone with you.

You contemplated telling him now that they had gone but felt the thought twisting your mouth shut.

“YunHee wouldn’t stop crying all night. I wanted to come get you this morning but she wouldn’t let me leave her alone for even a moment-”

“But you’re her father that’s-”

He sucked in a breath, exhaling sharply as a burst of tears and a cry finally forced their way out of his pressed lips.

He clapped his hands over his mouth at his tormented outburst, closing his eyes as he frantically tried to compose himself.

“I’m glad you’re alright,” was all he said, his tone stricken, after a moment longer of your halted silence before he stood, swiping his tear stained hands along his thighs, pulling nervously at the sleeves of his newly dry cleaned trench coat as he went and followed the trail your family had left.

If he had waited, you would have tucked his hair at the nape of his neck where his collar rose.

But he didn’t wait for you.

_______________

He sat beside you where YunHee placed him at the dining table, who swallowed every bite whole, and squealed between sips of milk, and clapped and danced all the while she ate, but was careful not to let his body brush or linger against yours.

He leaned away as you leaned forward to wipe her mouth with her napkin.

To offer her more food.

To mind her chewing.

To beg her to please sit down.

To smile at her playful twirling of her fork.

To comb her hair back into the French braid her father had done.

He had even threaded the ribbon through it like she liked.

She had seen you braid it like that once and demanded to have it that way for any special occasion ever since.

“I want that,” was one of the very first phrases she learned to sign and that was the first thing she requested.

Baekhyun had sent you a video when she first accomplished it that you stopped to watch on your way home from the office.

You remembered his tearful voice asking her to show him again and again as she pointed to a picture from one of your first anniversaries together where your hair had been done.  

“Ahhh wahhh daaa!” She exclaimed a final time in a triumphant tone and her father cheered and cheered before putting the phone down to run and grab the comb and brush and ribbons from your bedroom vanity where you kept them.

He let the phone record though they were out of focus while he sang to her when making bunny eared loops of ribbon and when he tied her shoes before they got up to dance.

“산토끼 토끼야

어디를 가느냐

깡총깡총 뛰면서

어디를 가느냐

산고개 고개를

나혼자 넘어서

토실토실 알밤을

주워서 올테야”

You felt the degree of heat in your cheeks rise the more you tried to keep your gaze trained on the second helpings of food you served him without looking at him whenever he asked for more.

“Here ____. You can serve,” your mother would prompt you the moment his request passed his lips, her hand pressing the cool steel of the ladle into your hand.

You kept your eyes on the ladle, shifting them only to his plate, avoiding their eyes, also.

It was pitiful.

It really must have been.

To watch you both.

______________

She napped immediately after brunch, again as she had been all afternoon, between you both, bringing you closer together to hold her up, with her lips pressed against your stomach where her younger sibling began to breathe with her arm around her father’s waist, his hand caressing her hair and back, careful to avoid bumping against you.

______________

After a bitter rebuke from grandmother, “right now it does not matter whether you are comfortable discussing this with us being present. We have YunHee to be concerned with now,” Baekhyun finally looked at you.

In all the days and nights that had belonged to you two alone, you had never seen the depth of panic you saw in his eyes.

And you were sorry.

You were sorry to see the prince of stained glass you epitomized, shattered before you and undone into this very broken, fearful, desperate man.  

Grandmother insisted that you went first.

And you respected her wish.

“I have always known that you loved me first. From the moment you saw me even. I was a heart that you aimed to possess. I knew you could provide for me. That you would take care of me. But I was never sure that I could ever feel safe with you…”

You took your time, unearthing what remained unspoken, seeing the cracks in his heart deepening the more you shared.

Seeing the iciness of every word that left your lips steadily building a rising barrier between you.

You coolly doled out mortar where he laid bricks.

“When YunHee was born it couldn’t have been at a more confusing time for us. We had just gotten engaged and still weren’t sure what we wanted in our relationship. Whether we were ready to move into a house from my old apartment or not. Yes, we knew that we belonged together and that is still very true. There is no one in the world that I could love, the way that I love you Baekhyun. But-”

His unsettled tears stopped you.

And where you paused, he began to speak.

“I always knew that one day I would fail you. I knew one day that no matter how much I loved you that I would make a mistake that you would never forgive me for. I knew you were waiting for me to fail you. And my anxiety over the years is not something I can blame anyone but myself for.”

“I shouldn’t have played that role. You never explicitly asked to fill the role but then again you did. I had to be worthy of you. And I wanted you to love me. I didn’t want to possess you. I never wanted that. I thought I could beat the odds. I thought that if I did what you needed and I proved you wrong then maybe one day you would accept me as the man that I am. I was hoping that one day you would stop treating me like your father and that you would finally see me as your husband, and your life partner,” he kept his eyes on you as his tears fell.

And you couldn’t discern what was worse to endure.

Your truths, finally, simultaneously, pushed out and through to the surface, their dreadful petals made bare in this summer garden of love in front of your mutual, unassuming family, with your children at the foot of it, helpless.

Or

The way that his eyes watched as you finally came into realization of how he actually saw you.

How he had always seen you.

Not the princess destined, as you’d always believed, for her fated prince.

But an ice queen in form and shape only dressed as a princess.

They shifted uncomfortably as they waited for either of you to continue.

They had been accomplices to his misadventures in this hapless affair.

Cheering on his every attempts to melt the ice from your heart.

What must they, all of them, have thought of his daring summit?

They had goaded him on day after day and year after year to amount to what?

Your rage from the night before shuffled forth to the forefront emboldening you.

You felt it rising in you as if it were a weapon raised and poised to strike.

Did they all see you as some monstrous beast to contain?

Were you the very ice dragon guarding the catacombs below that the prince dueled to win his slumbering princess's heart and favor?

“Why didn’t you go see YunHee in the hospital? Why did you leave her alone?”

You barely whispered the pointed, poison-tipped question but he heard you, his gaze unwavering though torn.

It was as if he had stripped himself of his armor, piece by piece.

Until there was nothing left for you to pierce but his very bare heart beneath his flushed, humble skin that he exposed to you, willingly.

“I couldn’t leave you. I just couldn’t _____. I couldn’t walk away from you. And I couldn’t walk into a future without you. I couldn’t bare that thought. That if I left you by yourself that something would happen to you and I would never see you again. We have never spent a day without each other since we met. I could never imagine a life without you. And I couldn’t look at her, knowing how much I loved her the moment you told me she existed and be able to endure all of the things they had to do for and to her, all the while wondering if it would be enough and if I would lose her also. I thought I would lose the both of you and I couldn’t choose. No. I did choose. I chose you. I was selfish. I am not proud of that. I am not proud of how weak I am when it comes to us. The things I am willing and not willing to do. I never imagined myself this way.”

His eyes were reddening but he blinked the tears from his vision, forcing himself, his body trembling like it did when he was trying to hold back deeper sobs, to remain focused on you.

“Was that why you left us last night? You have hated me since the day she was born. I know it in my heart. That hatred you’ve kept for me has overgrown and I feel like there’s no room left for us…” he sniffled as he looked at your daughter where she pulled him closer, cooing in her sleep.

“I don’t hate you-”

“Hate is a very strong word, yes. But you are disappointed in me. It’s in everything you say to me. It's everything you’ve stopped saying too,” he wiped his tears from his face as you felt your own falling.

“Baekhyun I…”

“What do you want to do, ____? We can’t keep doing this.” His tone was softer as if he was measuring out what he could do with the failing strength he had to say what he needed to say.

You knew how difficult this was for him.

To admit his errors not only to you but in front of your family and your daughter.

You knew that you caused him ever more heartache now because you had left last night.

If he had given you space to be angry maybe you could have resolved this alone.

But turning over the thought again and again in your mind, you knew that it wasn’t just that the tumult of his anxiety that had suddenly driven you away and into the fright of night all the way across town.

It was as he said.

You were disappointed.

A word that was greater in meaning than hatred.

It had an indefinite end to it.

And the fact that he knew it and admitted that aloud here…

You had wounded him deeply.

To say that in front of his parents, your mother, your family, because they refused to allow you another opportunity to delay this resolution privately.

They knew better than to leave the two of you to it anyway.

But you knew that he would allow you to hurt him even this way because he loved you too much.

And you were horrified at how justified you still felt.

Even in your tempered disappointment, you felt your heart breaking for the way he was hurting so openly and willingly for you.

“Baekhyun...I am disappointed. I am disappointed that you did that. I feel that I have a right to say that. I...I know what you’re saying and I understand what you mean. I know that you love me. I know what you would be willing to sacrifice everything for me. I...I’m sorry. I am. I am sorry,” he looked away from you as you began to speak.

“When you did that I felt so angry. I was so angry that you abandoned her when she needed you the most. I was so angry that you entrusted her safety to other people and that you never went yourself to make sure that she was safe. I was angry that you could be so cowardly for some superfluous reason that seemed nonconsequential at most.”

“When you did that...I did think of my father. I thought of the way he had abandoned me and I resented you for showing YunHee that. Even afterwards when we brought her home and you did your best taking care of her, doing everything possible for her to the point where I became the primary breadwinner for our household...I was still angry at you. I am still angry at you...I couldn’t forgive it...it was the one thing you promised. That you would be different. And I can’t let go of that. That anger. And when you tried to force me to be vulnerable with you the other night as if you didn’t know why I was so angry...I hated everything all the more. I was so angry at you again when you didn’t defend me when I told you what Minseok said. I was so angry at you.”

“And it was then that I realized that I never trusted you. Never,” you sobbed as he began to sob also, turning further away from you, YunHee clasped him tighter, shrinking into his embrace.

“I know…” he answered between hiccuping cries.

____________

You placed YunHee in your mother’s arms as she brought her up and away to the nursery her great grandparents created for their grand and great grandchildren in their summer garden home.

Baekhyun waited for you to continue, after wiping again at his eyes, his nose and mouth with the tissues grandmother had given to you both.

“Baekhyun I don’t know what to do. I want what’s best for YunHee. I want what’s best for our family. I want her to have her father in her life. I want to forgive you. I want everything to be...I want her to have a happy home,” you said to him, willing him to turn and face you.

He seemed to hear your telepathic call and turned to face you, bleary-eyed. Both his nose and cheeks were splotched with red where he had been wiping away tears.

“I want YunHee to have her mother in her life. I want her to have her family, both yours and mine with her. I want us to get through this. I want you to trust me. I want you to forgive me. I want you to forgive me for where I haven’t defended you. I want you to forgive your father. I want us to have a happy home too,” he answered in kind, his cadence lifeless.

“B-Baekhyun,” you sputtered past fresh tears, a new look of dread and knowing on his face as you touched your stomach.

You didn’t have to say it.

His eyes welled up in such petrified anguish.

It was as if he was looking at you in a glass enclosed box without a way to get you out of it as it sunk lower and deeper into the ocean’s dark depths.

He couldn’t touch you.

_________

“I had a dream about my grandson after YunHee’s first birthday. And I’ve dreamed that dream night after night until last night when it changed. And where I saw my great grandson once before he was no longer there. There was an empty space where he once was.”

Grandfather spoke in deliberate rounded tones as you and Baekhyun both tried to quiet your sobs.

“I hope you don’t do what you’re considering.” He finished after a pregnant pause.

You gasped at his insinuation though you knew better than to act so startled.

Wasn’t that the very reason for the anguish on Baekhyun’s face only a moment ago?

You were the only one hearing this dream for the first time. Of that you were sure.

“Before I came today I did wonder what I should do...I want our child but things with Baekhyun were not certain and I wasn’t sure what else to do. Had we not come here today...I honestly don’t know what I would have done. I don’t know if I could have seen that through,” you looked at your hands against your stomach where Yun Hee had been and where this tiny child was.

Grandmother spoke up, clearing her throat.

“Our families are united by YunHee. Her future is very important to us. This was once such a loving match. But hearing your stories and perspectives, we realize that we saw more in it than what you saw _____ for the sake of our grandson,” grandmother spoke to you now, in tones not as round and deliberately thoughtful.

You straightened.

“I come from an old way and an old life that encourages bonds made in marriage to be kept sacred no matter the cost. But where there is marriage lacking in this situation there are children. And more than one at that. And so we consider this similar to a bond made by marriage that cannot be undone.”

“I would advise that you spend time apart from YunHee, together. I would advise that you allow us to keep her for the summer. I would advise that you decide, grandson, what you would like this relationship to be. I would advise that you decide what kind of father and husband you will be going forward. I would advise that you hear the concerns of your loved one and that you take responsibility and respond for the sake of your children. I would advise that you truly consider each one of her thoughts. I would advise that you both seek counseling and resolve to marry before the close of this year.”

Baekhyun raised his eyes to his grandparents, his mother, your mother, your family in terrified protest to the demands that they made.

He caught your eyes watching him and turned from you, embarrassed.

Was he sorry that they were impressing this upon you now?

Was he sorry because he felt that it was his fault?

“I can’t spend a night without her, grandmother,” he answered the demand, an edge entering his voice.

“She will be close by. We have an interview this afternoon with a preschool close to us that she can attend-”

“Why can’t we actually discuss this? We are her parents,” he answered, his tone rising in exasperation.

“As her parents, you have every right to protest. Please do not misunderstand me,” his grandmother stated, and he snapped his mouth shut.

“What you must also understand, grandson, is that we are not willing to give up on this relationship even though it is very clear that the two of you are uncertain. You cannot see what we see. You have not lived long enough to understand the endurance, resilience and the strength relationships truly require. And because of that we will not let you abandon this. You will come to an absolute resolution that benefits both your daughter and this new life,” grandmother stood after finishing her statement, bringing forward a school voucher pamphlet she had kept upon her lap while she sat listening to you both.

She placed it before you both, at the center of the table.

Baekhyun received it first, reviewing it several times before placing it on the table directly in front of you.

_____________

“I know that the pain your father dealt you was great. But I had no idea that it would turn you into this kind of person, ____. How could you do this? For years?” Your mother waited until you placed the pamphlet on the table before she spoke.

She had always been the one to encourage you forward.

She championed your fearless spirit, and your passionate nature.

But she knew the other side of it.

Both the cause and the pain.

She knew the height of your fury.

And she wasn’t apologizing for how things had gone.

She too kept her eyes open and she brought things to your attention every step along the way.

But she allowed you freedom where he perhaps did not have it.

And maybe that was the source of the cloud of guilt cast over her face.

“Why would you string someone along who loves you? Is your heart that broken? Or are you that afraid to trust?”

You fought the rage that twisted within your mouth.

Pummeling back the very words you knew you shouldn't say to her, a verbal assault you could never return from.

Not only would you injure your mother but you would destroy yourself in trying to deflect the light shining on you.

Instead you began to cry.

“I don’t know how to forgive him. I don’t know how to make peace with him. I don’t know how to move on. I hate him for what he did to us. I hate him for lying to you. I hate him for forcing you to be alone. I hate him for abandoning me. I hate him but he doesn’t care that I hate him. He doesn’t care how I feel. He cares about the way that he looks. He cares about what other people think of him. He never cared about whether I liked him or whether I loved him as a father. He never wanted a relationship with me. Or you. And when I realized that it just completely ruined me. He doesn’t care about how you feel either...he never cared about us. He could never be held responsible. He would never ever ever be found guilty. He would never ask for forgiveness. And so I’m left here with this pain and this fear that there are men out there who will do these things to you...and they don’t care…”

And you looked at your lover then.

Your heart.

Your soul.

Your conscious.

Your everything.

Begging him to forgive you.

Begging him to know that you knew how pitiful and selfish you had been.

Begging him to understand what strength this rage had given you.

How it had for years and years and years sustained you and kept you safe from harm.

Begging him to know that you loved him in an inexplicably unrelenting way.

And he answered you in kind, finally reaching to wipe away the tears on your cheek that mirrored his own.

He shifted closer to you, the ice of your heart cracking though not melting the closer the heat of his heart pressed forward against the barriers you both haphazardly rebuilt and dismantled as the day now greeted the first dimming shades of night, coming to a clear draw.

You sat on the floor of the garden before your family who waited, patiently throughout the deconstruction.

He pressed his lips to the top of your head.

And you whimpered into his chest as his welcoming arms finally received you, his earnest touch finding your womb.

“But I cared about you. I cared about you more than I cared about myself. I was willing to do anything you asked. I cared about what you thought of me...and that’s all that ever mattered to you.”

MARSEILLE II PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT II. “You can’t compete where you don’t compare” Length - 7, 452 Mood - slighted, spoiled Pairing - Suho x Reader, some Baekhyun x Lyon Reader Warning - Mature for sexual references 

“어떤 단어들도 우릴 표현 못 하지 내가 아는 우주도 우리를 축복해 (Oh) 우리 안의 Circle를 만들어 매일매일 그렇게 돌다가 물들어 (너와 내가 너와 내가) (너와 내가 너와 내가)” “Eyes Locked, Hands Locked” by Red Velvet

You watched her in silence as she watched him. You had never seen such an untrammeled glare in _____ (Lyon Reader)’s eyes, and found yourself uneasy about her slow careless unraveling even in front of you. Following your arrival from Berlin, after the successful unveiling of the Pathcodes’ The First Supper New Year Gala, a demonstration of the culmination of an entire season of painstakingly detailed planning, you had originally arranged to return together with her and Baekhyun to your place from the airport before they doubled back to pick up Yun Hee from her gra-mère where she had spent a short period of her winter holiday. But the very notion of having to continue to watch the way that she fused her lips closed to withhold the feral screams her eyes could not contain, was unbearable. You knew that she was irritated with Baekhyun for what she would and had described as his lack of assertiveness, for his almost pathetically people pleasing nature that failed to come to complete fruition. You knew since you were young how volatile her anger could surmount to, and in contrast, you knew, that as their relationship evolved, how much she had forgiven and had therefore bloomed as a person capable of loving even herself after failing to meet her own expectations. She had let go of so much hatred, even for those you would say that she would have every reason to despise and dissociate with forever, and you knew that it was Baekhyun that taught her how to look within the pain to find opportunities to love. It was he, grant it also among others, that had given her reasons to hope for a second chance in life. But woe to him, you thought as you suddenly spoke up. Woe to you, Baekhyun who had inspired that very same wrath however loving and well meaning he had intended to be, you thought solemnly as you announced, “actually I’ll take a cab.” You watched Baekhyun hesitate. His back was to you as he meant to lead the way; he fumbled with their suitcases as he approached the white paint of the sidewalk crossing path leading the long trail from the airport to the car port. You looked away before he looked back and up at you, but you heard his uncertain gulp before she spoke. 

“Oh? It’s no trouble to bring you home and come back quickly for YunHee. Maman knows our plan. It’s no trouble, I promise,” she even smiled at you as she always did, her eyes no longer clouded with unforgiving, agitated even darkened clouds. You shook your head, turning back to hail one of the taxis that waited for a willing traveler. The man started up at your signal, barreling down from behind the slowly loading tourist bus, and reuniting families and the security detail directing the haphazard afternoon traffic. You shrugged, pretending to yawn, you hoped convincingly enough. “It’s a long drive and it would be unfair to make you drive that far. I’ll see you. Kiss my niece hello and goodnight for me?” You said to her as you moved towards the taxi where the man had already popped open his trunk in anticipation for your suitcase. He wiped his hands clean against his jeans before reaching for it. You took your time, turning yourself completely away, stowing your coat on the seat, before looking back up at them. Baekhyun couldn’t hide his look of growing apprehension as he watched you go. Usually he would bound towards you and hug you goodbye with that carefree puppy eyed grin, but he now braved a timid smile and waved from his safe post behind the suitcases, “see you soon ____. Be safe getting home please.” “I’ll see you later then,” you nodded at him accepting his wary stance and then you looked at her. She smiled, again for you though it still didn’t cool the heat in her eyes, leaning forward to kiss you goodbye. You caught her quickly, pressing an incisive “take it easy,” into her cheek which you felt her stiffen against. Take it easy on him. —————————- Home in your apartment at last, you waited for Junmyeon. You had washed all of your travel clothes, cleaned and put up your suitcase, changed your sheets, scrubbed your floors, checked the mail, and cleared out the trash, shampooed your hair, and fixed dinner. “He should be here any minute,” you chewed at your bottom lip, looking up again at the time on the clock that read well past the 7:30PM dinner date you had set, above your oven where two servings of deliciously prepared coq a vin waited to be enjoyed. You had hoped to still be cleaning while Junmyeon arrived from Elixier, where you had just called him to check in after settling back in with the groceries. “Everything is running smoothly here so I may get there earlier after I meet with Dad-” “I could always just go to your place tonight. That’s easier isn’t it? It’s not as far as you would have to drive to get here. Plus! You needed groceries-” “I’ve already requested groceries for next weekend when we’ll stay at my place, ____. But I appreciate that,” you heard a sincere smile in his voice, and a slight chuckle at the idea of you going overboard to spoil him, as if that were unusual between you two. “Ok, but definitely 7:30 right? We can push it back if-” “I’ll be there sweetheart. At 7:30,” he stated in a deliberately thoughtful tone which you knew to mean that he couldn’t wait to see you. But it’s 8:30 now… Don’t cancel don’t cancel don’t cancel not again don’t- His name flashed across your screen underneath a time that read 8:45PM as your phone buzzed, and beeped within the clasp of your palms. “Jun?” “_______, sweetheart. How is dinner coming?” He intoned honeyly. “You’re not coming are you?” You frowned impulsively. “Sweetheart I-“ “Can I at least bring you the dinner I made? I got everything ready for us. You promised me when we got back we could-” “I’m sorry. I am. I…things are difficult with Dad. I…I want to see you. I do. I’m sorry. I can’t get away right now. The board is here and we’re discussing damage control after my brother’s blunder. They need me for this evening-” Your emphatic I need you too died on your lips. You pressed your tongue against the roof of your mouth to release the clenching of your teeth. “How is everything going? Will you be able to rectify the damage he caused? Surely we could make up for what was lost with investments from-” “I don’t know if I should risk that. Minseok advised against it…I can’t compromise us all…” he began to drift away though you could clearly still hear him pacing in the hall outside of where the meeting must have been taking place in Junmyeon’s father’s private hospital room. He had been transferred to a private facility given the green light from his initial medical treatment team following your visit prior to your departure to Berlin for the New Year’s Gala. Junmyeon left the night before you all were scheduled to return back to your home bases to check in with his father and Elixier, and promised you that once he saw to his affairs, that you two would have more time just to be together. Successive no phone, no internet weekends for two beginning at your place. You had dreamed of the hours you would spend together this weekend and pushed all fantasies outside of primarily face to face cuddling off of the possible agenda. Once the taxi dropped you off, you had purposefully headed back into town. You had fully stocked your refrigerator, cleaned every inch of your place, and stopped into a boutique for a walk-in bikini sugaring because luckily you could call in a favor after regular hours. All of that for a “can’t tonight, sorry?” You remembered again the palpable rage within her (Lyon Reader) eyes and wondered again how long you would struggle to maintain your calm with this chafing rejection. The reason for these purposefully planned upcoming weekends was because the year before had been dedicated to your new mutual endeavors, The Pathcodes. An entire year and some you both had spent working through every detail of every venture that culminated in the last and first evening of the business calendar year. “Will you be back this weekend at all?” Your voice was barely above a discernible whisper but he “mhm’d” in reply almost out of instinct. “I’ll be back on Sunday at the latest, sweetheart,” that word was starting to make your palms itch and tremble. So many “I wish I could-” “I want you” “please come home” “why are you doing this?!” swallowed screams pressed and bruised against your rib cage forcing a weighted exhale past your lips into the receiver. “I know it’s not ideal ____ but please be patient with me,” he had the audacity to sound…was he really annoyed at you? Really?! “….but I have been…and I am being patient,” you felt your brow furrow as you scratched your bare toe folded underneath you with a free hand, taking your time to enunciate every word and pause. “I can’t-” “No. Stop. It’s not I can’t. It’s I will not. I choose not to. It’s a choice Jun. Everything we do is a choice. I chose to come home and prepare for my boyfriend and I to have a weekend together. Because we had an agreement and I chose to honor that. You chose to take care of family business. You are telling me that now you will not honor our agreement instead of coming to a compromise with me for tonight since we planned to take the weekends off together. I understand the circumstance but I am obviously pretty fucking frustrated with you. You have to allow me that-” “Allow it? I told you that I can be there on Sunday at the latest, if you were listening. I am saying that tonight is not something that I am able to compromise. Listen I don’t want to fight _____,” “You’re not even home for us to properly fight and makeup, first of all. That’s the real problem. I know that this is a difficult time. I saw what was happening before we left or don’t you remember that I was with you at the hospital? I know your family doesn’t necessarily want me around. I know that that is awkward for you and for us. But what concerns me now is if you even want me around? Do you even want to be with me anymore Jun? We have gone months without truly spending time together unless for Elixier, or the Pathcodes. Am I not worth your time? Why do I feel like I’m fighting to stay in something that you have already left?” You would not apologize for the way you rushed through your statements. You would not apologize for the way his breath hitched in his chest, signaling his growing irritation with your brazen accusations. I want you to come home and yell at me and scream at me. I want to fight. I want to fight for us. I want us to cry and pick each other up and love each other down all night, all day, all weekend. You remembered the slight fear in Baekhyun’s eyes as he watched you go but you noticed too the resolve in his shoulders as if he had decided, “well let’s get on with it.” Here now on the phone with you Junmyeon cursed. “Damn it ______! I know and I am sorry. I am. I can’t fix this situation going on here and be with you at home tonight. I am choosing to fix this first so I can come home and be at home with you. I promised you my undivided attention. I have not forgotten that promise. But I have to be here now. I have a duty to fulfill. That is irrefutable. On Sunday I will be there. I promise you. Please. I don’t want to fight. Just please tell me that you will wait for me until then, ok? Let’s talk more on Sunday, ok?” He waited for you to acknowledge him and you waited out his patience. “______,” he groaned in a tone that made you think that he knew that you were stalling him if just to hear his voice. Didn’t he feel guilty? “I love you,” you whispered and he sighed, his voice softening as he responded in mutual passionate exasperation, “I love you too.” __________ You still ate your helping of coq a vin, and dipped into a pint of chocolate and cherry glacé unabashedly, hiccuping and nodding off on your sofa. You jolted from an awkward nap dream wherein Junmyeon’s mother asked you to choose between Jun and his brother, and nearly clotheslined the emptied glacé carton, ceramic dinner plate and utensils, wine bottle and glass of white wine you had begrudgingly indulged from your coffee table. Rubbing sleep from your swollen eyes and now dry cheeks, you slowly cleared your dishes and trash, washing them and placing them in their cupboards and the bin neatly. Your slippered footsteps echoed almost mockingly in your flat as though you were realizing how truly empty it was now that you had slowed from running around and around during the weeks that had been being employed as a full time investigative journalist some years ago now. How much had you given away thinking you had gained something priceless? Were you making room for love or was it emptying you? 11:25pm huh? I can’t even drink myself into the next morning anymore? You trudged towards your bedroom, shedding your clothes as you brushed past the door and moved along toward your bathroom. Without looking at the mirror you pulled your brush through the flattened curls you’d shaped of your hair, and wiped the rouge from your lips and cheeks. You ached for him more so than being angry, and that fact alone frustrated you. Why am I so willfully compliant? Why do I wait for him? I know what it is to be abandoned. Forgotten. Unwanted. Why am I waiting? Why? How can I possibly want him right now? How? How could I possibly WANT him right now? Sitting at the edge of your clawfoot tub, you turned both of the faucets until a tolerable mixture of heat and cool water filled the bath. You gently descended, feeling a rush of relief envelope you once you were submerged. And then you started crying again. You hadn’t known your parents. You remembered fragments of your mother’s voice and your father’s face. You thought you had once had siblings. Sometimes the smell of fire and seared flesh was coupled with the sound of her voice. But you were also sure that children made up stories to comfort themselves, and people in general did so because it was easier to live believing a lie. You remembered your mère, the only woman whom you had called mère, visiting you at some place you could never remember being a distinctive orphanage or otherwise. It seemed like you just came to be with her and she just took care of you. Well minded you more so in that she provided a home, an education, nutritious diet, and a wholesome environment for you. But you never had holidays together or with relatives. You didn’t know anyone with your last name or could ever trace a lineage. “What trifling, foolish thoughts. This is some American design on education? I will have a word with the directeur about this sham of a project,” she spat at your family tree project in primary school. You had come home so excited to interview her with the questionnaire your teacher had drawn up. You couldn’t wait to meet her at the school gate, and bounced excitedly all along the street as you walked home risking her chiding for your wild behavior. You showed her the papers as soon as you had finished with your dinner, prattling on about how you hoped she could show you now that you had washed your dishes. You had been so hoping for family photos to be revealed and long lost stories of your mysterious ancestors. No sooner had she spoken with said director though were you removed to a private academy wherein you met your dearest and fondest lifetime friend. Somehow the topic of the project found its way into your first conversation at lunch during your first week, and you shyly revealed to your classmates that you were adopted. Most of the children around you shrugged, though some did eye you in a pitying oh-my-what-a-sad-sorry-thing-that-you-don’t-know-your-family way. She (Lyon Reader) watched you after you said it and slid her chair closer to yours sharing her extra juice box since you drank yours for snack earlier. “I hope you feel welcome here. It’s hard when you feel alone,” she smiled, her chubbiest pearliest smile just for you, and you knew then that family can also be those you meet in life. Family. A concept so elusive but essential to your being was understood differently by you and Junmyeon. You cherished your dearest ___ (Lyon Reader.) Your love for her as pure as a sister and as deep as if the blood within your veins had always been one in the same. And Junmyeon reflected that in his relationships with his dearest friends as you had witnessed. His family, his blood family, however was something unknown and apart from him altogether but unlike you in every way. He felt that he owed them his life no matter the insult or sneers he endured. Your mère, your only legal representation of family, did not deserve your life, in your opinion however. You granted her respect, because you knew that without her you may have never survived wherever it was that she had found you. You had never achieved finding any record of your birth or that place you could hardly remember. On a dare and in search of the truth with ___ (Lyon Reader) one summer vacation, you went to the library to research the whereabouts of your origin. “It’s for your ultimate happiness!” She had declared, with a bravado that insinuated that she would brave the very bowels of the world, and pull apart every floorboard of secrecy to unearth the home you never knew you lost. But even that research meant nothing to you, looking back at it now. Not when you considered what you gained. Junmyeon however could not resist his desire to know more of what his father had suddenly revealed. To hell with what would come of such knowledge. He wanted to know why his uncle would willingly give up a son. What harm could an illegitimate child do? Why did his father have to marry the mother of his nephew who was also his mother? What could such a marriage achieve? He wanted to know more about his family history, and more about their business. He wanted to map it out in front of him to see what had been hidden in such a deceptively innocent manner so uncharacteristic to him of his family. While he had been brought up under the guise that he would always come second to his brother’s future, the very fact of this methodically perpetuated deception had robbed him of his relationship not only with his mother, and his brother but his father. You could see him wondering as he made love to you, driving himself deeper and ever deeper into you until you cried out in anguished ecstasy, the evening you first returned from the hospital somehow surviving a car ride after that bombshell of news, “who am I? What am I doing here?” At the thought of him touching you, and kissing you again, you blushed, your hands happening to slip over your breasts with your soaped up cloth once again. You purposefully ran the cloth over and under, cupping and smoothing your skin smothered in lathered bubbly soap, until the budding of inspired sensation began to spread across every nerve within your body. “Mmmph,” you thought of the way he looked at you with his reddened cheeks, and the sweat between the brows above his darkly impassioned eyes as his mouth closed around your bare nipples. “Haa…” you exhaled writhing as the water slipped between your thighs, gliding over your softening, warming, tenderest places. You remembered his touch there, always gentle at first before gradually building in its intensity. You heard his gasps at your moans as you slipped your fingers along the current of the water, finding the most precious point. “Junmyeon…” you moaned into the quiet bath, hearing the lapping of water echoing its slippery reply. Quickening your pace, you felt the water rising with each breath, pushing you and pulling against you as he did when he, when you, until finally you cried out wishing he was again kissing your lips, your closed eyes, your neck whispering drowsily as he pressed his lips against you that, “I love you. I love you ____.” _______________ You woke again to the incessant buzzing of your cell phone on your coffee table. You turned over after the second call and a glance at your bedside clock that read 2:15am. Ughhhhhh!!!!!! Gathering your blankets around you as a gown since you hadn’t worn anything from the bath to your bedroom, you journeyed back to the living area where your phone buzzed again. “Is that-” You hurried to answer. “Baekhyun?” A horrible pause. “Baekhyun-” “_____, I’m sorry about the hour that I’m calling. Is she there with you?” You realized he had covered the receiver with his hand as you heard him talking to someone while he waited for your answer. “No. No she’s not here. Is something…she didn’t call me,” you hesitated to ask when you knew that something was obviously wrong if he couldn’t find her. I should have stayed with them. I shouldn’t have told her to take it easy. I should have- “She’s not at her flat. She’s not at maman’s. She’s not at the office. I am about to call the police. She won’t answer my calls. She won’t answer maman either. I just…” You could tell he was waiting until he had walked far enough away from the confused voice he had been talking to. “We had a fight again, and she stormed out. She didn’t even take the car. She just went. I made a mistake. I…I can’t find her _____. I-” you could hear the tears returning that had abated, his breathing ragged. You heard him trying to open the car door and fumbling with the handle, hearing the resounding kiss of the metal of the dropped keys against the pavement. “I’m sure she’s ok. Let me call her ok? Don’t go anywhere,” you said quickly transferring to your home phone. She picked up on the third ring. “I’m almost outside your door. Can you open it please?” She asked, her voice sounding eerily calm. “He’s calling to ask where you are. I’m going to tell him that I found you,” you informed her though you knew that she knew you were not asking her permission. “Baekhyun she’s here. She just came to my place-” “How did she get there?! Is she ok? Is she-? I-” “Let me look first ok?” You interrupted jolting from your sofa to scurry to the front door. You heard footsteps outside after a car door slammed and looked down to see a taxi slowly pulling away from your street. Her clothes looked wet no doubt from the misty midnight air, and her rumpled hair was pulled into a sloppy makeshift bun. Her expression was again composed, and resolute though her eyes wandered everywhere as she made her way to your staircase. “She looks ok. Maybe a little tired. Is YunHee-” “She’s home with me. Rather the nanny and maman. I’ll get back then…I…could you tell her that I’m sorry. I am so sorry. And I-” “I will. I promise you,” you whispered to him as you opened the door. __________ After a bath and the last helping of coq a vin you had saved for Junmyeon she was ready to talk. You told her when she had come inside what Baekhyun’s message was and tried to ignore the way she glared at the floor as if she wanted to set it ablaze. You waited for her to begin as she picked nonchalantly at her nails and slowly grew irritated at her callous exhales. “What in the world could be so awful that you would hitchhike it to my house in the middle of the damn night ____(Lyon Reader)?” you began abruptly. She shook her head as she ran a hand over her face, her features pinched. “I can leave-” “And just where would you go? What? Do you expect me to wait up for you to come back? I’m not Baekhyun damn you,” you frowned at her and then she glared at you. “Yea I said it. So come on then. What happened?!” You demanded, tossing your phone to the middle of your bed between you and her. She looked down at the blank screen, and for a moment said nothing before dissolving into soundless sobs. You waited another beat, before sighing yourself as you climbed closer to her to comfort her. You started just by rubbing her shoulders, and listened until she settled down before you tried again in a lower tone. “What happened?” “I thought after the New Years gala we would talk. Before the gala there were always excuses but afterwards since I knew ____ (Berlin Reader) hadn’t scheduled anything for us to attend to and so I planned to talk with him-” “Mhm I could see that at the airport after we got back-” “No…after we got back…___ I am really tired of the level of invasive this thing is becoming,” She suddenly fumed, the dimming fire returning to her speech, her lip curling at the invisible culprit who had reappeared. You pulled away to look at her. “Invasive…?” Oh. “Who said-” “Minseok. Minseok had the nerve to say that I was being unfair and I should know better than to think Baekhyun was not doing all he could for us. He wanted me to mind my attitude…where does Baekhyun get off airing our business to someone like him.” Many a time had the two of you argued over something diminutive in comparison but you knew from circumstance that she was not one to stay angry for long. But with Baekhyun it was different. Involving someone who was not considered family to her, was different. The clarity of that jilted you somewhat. “Did you tell Baekhyun, first of all?” you asked and she tsked at you, her eyes scarily reducing to venomous slits as if to say “obviously.” “He had the nerve to defend him-” “He defended him?!” “He said he didn’t mean it that way…” You rolled your eyes in mutual agitation. “We were doing fine, just fine before all of this. And now…I’m just so frustrated with Baekhyun and this lack of assertiveness. I just…” “What’s the matter though? Really? Haven’t you talked about this with him?” “I thought we had…I don’t know ____ he just got so comfortable,” she frowned at the word as if it was sitting in front of her shrugging away her judgement. “But when you’re happy in a relationship-” “Of course there’s comfortable as in a certain level of intimacy and understanding of each other but ___ he just…he changed…even after YunHee was born and I just…” She seemed to be battling herself to not say what she was afraid to think. “Can’t you make room for the way he is changing? Does he not still take care of you both? Knowing Baekhyun I know he isn’t going to step out on you. He has never had eyes for anyone since he met you. He would never compromise your relationship and willingly hurt you. He is faithful to you, ___ (Lyon Reader.)” “But why do I feel like I am settling for less than who he is? Why does it feel like he’s different but not because he’s becoming a better man but simply because he…I don’t know. It’s just…he bought the house we talked about but the way Minseok paraded around in it…I just…” She grimaced as she wiped away at stray tears. There are holes in our hearts that our families have made. Places we desperately want filled with the love that was promised. And it’s those places we oftentimes force our relationships to go without realizing that that person is doing their best, and loving us with their all. Well…mostly…sometimes. Sometimes we don’t want to recognize the mirror that our lover is. What shortcomings we see in others that we cannot care are often our own grievous downfalls. Where we fail to accept our lovers, we often fail to embrace ourselves. “I just…I miss us ____. When he makes love to me now I…the last time we were together I came like always and he seemed satisfied with that. But when he drifted to sleep I kept touching myself, I wanted more and I have never done that before ____. Never. I look at him at the breakfast table smiling at me over something I made for him and I am mad. I watch him playing with YunHee and I am frustrated at the time he takes showing her how to play the piano. The way he holds her hands and presses her fingers down on the keys. I don’t know what’s wrong with me-” her voice stuttered to a stop as she started to cry again, a pitiful rasping moan. The mention of lovemaking made you groan inwardly, but you heard an echo of what she had once said as a girl. That she wished her father had loved her and she was honestly jealous of girls who knew their father’s love. The research you conducted led her not only to your non existent family but to her own father; information she obsessed over for months before finally calling him to demand a meeting. To you she was not unhappy because Baekhyun loved their daughter, it was because she once again felt like something lacked in her even though everything had gone the way she had hoped…for the most part. She had not found the peace she wanted. Whereas you… “_____ you love this man. You absolutely do. There is no denying that. But instead of telling him what you thought-” “Why can’t he just-” “I don’t know why. But he tries does he not? Even now he called for you. He was at your apartment, he had just stopped by your office, he was even brave enough to go to maman to look for you and you know that must have been terrifying, and I have no doubt that he was about to get in the car to come here after calling the police if I did not answer my phone. He is not a superhuman. He has his flaws. But he loves you without question. Everything you had ever hoped and dreamed for in a father when we were little, our precious YunHee has in Baekhyun. Is that not a blessing-” She nodded but shook her head, again wiping away tears. “How is it any different if we are not married?” “Then stop delaying the ceremony and get on with it!” You cried and she laughed at your sudden shout making you smile at least. “I want some time away from him even so. I want to think about this. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel the same,” she went on and you laughed weakly, unable to hold back your emotions as you had hoped to spare her the time she needed to come down from crisis. “____? Darling what’s wrong?” Her tears forgotten she embraced you instead, cradling you where you turned into her embrace. “I’m sorry I…” “Is it Junmyeon? Has he still not come by?” She sounded truly worried and you knew that she was. She pressed your hair away from your face, gently combing your hair back with her fingers before she began to scratch your scalp. You cuddled into her, sighing, “I don’t know when he’ll have the time.” “What the hell does that even mean? Surely he has time to see you,” she intoned irritable on your behalf. You sat up to look at her, “I’m not sure that he loves me or that he would stick beside me if his family demanded different. I think given the ultimatum that he would leave me.” She shook her head at you, her eyes tearful as she heard your confession. “What really holds us together?” You mused aloud ruefully to which your dear friend (Lyon Reader) countered, “even before YunHee was born Baekhyun and I were committed. It’s not just a child that binds two people together. I mean look at my mom and Dad you know…?” She meant to comfort and rule out your fears but you said the truth on your heart anyway. “I worry that I have just now only realized that whether there was a child or not…Junmyeon and I…I’m not sure we are built of the stuff to last.” ______________ Saturday was spent in, serenely. __ (Lyon Reader) cooked each meal for you both and called home to speak with YunHee who was quite confused and upset that Mommy was not home to hear her piano practice as translated by her nanny. “Baekhyun will be taking her to his grandmother’s this week, and will stay until next weekend. He plans to be away on business the following week as well,” you overheard the nanny inform ___ (Lyon Reader) who was slowly pouring the tea she had brewed for you both. “Oh? Is Baekhyun there-” “He is not at home at the moment, but he will be returning shortly from a visit with his father,” the woman explained to which ___ (Lyon Reader) only nodded. “Thank you for passing along the information. I’ll be home tomorrow morning-” “Wonderful. Mr. Byun was hoping you would be home by then so that he could travel with the whole family together-” “Absolutely. I will be there…” she answered before hanging up the phone. “Make the most of what you have while you have it,” you reminded her as soon as she returned with the tray. ___________ She went early Sunday morning, leaving with sunshine and birdsong in her wake in a mood of both restlessness, and slight regret. “I do love him. I don’t want you to have the wrong idea…” Yea I know. “But you sound like you have cold feet still. Take your time to think it through but remember what’s at stake while your relationship with Baekhyun is uncertain…don’t neglect YunHee…everything you do affects her,” you murmured into her neck as you hugged her goodbye. “Mm,” she took a step back from your hug, holding your hands in hers as she looked at you. You both stood, quietly observing one another. She leaned in for other hug, wrapping her arms around your waist to hold you closer now. “Let’s both not give up, ok?” But I don’t really feel like that’s up to me. _____________ Back inside your apartment you hesitated to close the door on the morning light. The breeze outside smelled so good. The bright sky blue promise of a new day tempted you. Your yearning for truth pulled at the hem of your robe. The sweet smelling breeze lifted your hair, and caressed your cheeks. Run. But you closed the door after a gaping breath. I did promise her that I would try. _____________ “Delivery,” called a male voice after three short knocks on your front door. You had curled into your covers with a couple books Junmyeon left on the bedside table on his side during his last weekend stay with you. The Poetry of Zen, Mouthful Of Birds, The Price of Everything, Don Quixote, and Thinking Fast and Slow were all titles he loved to read over and over while he waited for you to finish with dinner. You smiled as you touched and turned each page, catching whiffs of his cologne impressed into the spine where he’d crushed the open book against him during a nap. “Coming!” You called back, rising from your bed and pulling your silken robe closed. You peeked through the curtains out the window just beside the door to see a couple of delivery men in simple black dinner suits standing in a line, holding velvet boxes embossed with bouquets of flowers. Your heart lifted at the sight. He is coming! You pulled open the door immediately. “Good afternoon, we have flowers for a Miss ____” “Yes. Yes that’s me,” you breathed in the fragrant scent of cherry blossom bouquets as they entered with boxes sized to hold small table and larger floor arrangements. You watched as they worked, expertly placing the bouquets in vases of clear crystal where they saw spaces fit for the glowing bouquets. The soft rosy pink and white of the buds cast a glowing blush within your seemingly barren apartment. Had the very light of my place been drained from here before now? How had I not noticed? As you stood mesmerized by the resurgence of life around you, you startled at the delivery man who approached you with a small white box lavishly wrapped in billowing red satin ribbon that loosely spiraled from the bow at its top to the floor at his feet. “If you would, Miss,” he gestured you closer, inclining his chin to the box held neatly atop the palms of his gloved white hands. You started forward reaching to touch the lush ribbon and gently pull the delicate bow loose from its arrangement. It spooled out from its hold cleanly and you lifted the lid of the box to see a blinking analog message. “I’m sorry ____. I hope you can forgive me.” Tearfully you looked up at the doorway where he appeared, a halo of the afternoon’s dimming rays framing him as he stood there. “Hi sweetheart,” he grinned, optimistically. _____________ “I want us to really talk about this Junmyeon,” you murmured against his bare chest, feeling happily woozy at the fragrance in the air, and the loved feeling in your limbs. “Then let’s talk now that we’re both awake…” he murmured against your nose, shifting carefully so he could pull you closer. You nipped at his chin as he wrapped his arm more securely around your back, your hand on his chest. Tonight was the first time you had loved openly in your living room. As soon as the delivery men exited your apartment, and he had discreetly closed the door, he referenced that saying before you could open your mouth, “I know it’s been stormy between us and around us lately…but they do say that April showers bring May flowers. And so I’ve brought you all the flowers I have in my heart for you for every time I thought of you, of us, and our love.” You broke into a sprint towards him, colliding with him though he had very obviously braced himself to catch you. “Why do you do this to me? I wait for you for days on end. You just abandoned me. You just desert me now when everything is uncertain? I want to be there with you! Why don’t you consider me as part of your family the way I think of you? Why did you come back here if you acted like you didn’t need me before? What do you take me for-” You whimpered into his sudden kiss, struggling to pull away from him. “I’m not abandoning you-” “Then what?! You meant to tell me I am making this all up?!” “You’re not-” “Then say it, damn it! Make up your mind! You can’t possibly expect me to let this pass just because you brought the garden of Eden to my apartment!” “____” he reached for your face, cupping your cheeks in his hands, willing you to still your trembling limbs as he pressed his forehead against yours. You treasured the scent of aftershave at his neck, and mint on his breath. You had happily noted his duffel bag at his feet, and that he wore your favorite sweatshirt. “I don’t know what to think. My entire world isn’t what I thought and right in the middle of that is us. I don’t know what to say. I love you. I know that. But some part of me is still confused about myself-” “But why not just say that? Why do you shut me out?” “Because you can’t help me. It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with us-” “But it does. This…you being confused about who you are means that you are confused about our relationship. Where can I possibly hope to fit into that? How can I possibly comfort you when you don’t even know what you need? Junmyeon…” He dropped his hands to your shoulders, gliding his open palms against you, like water, the tide pulling you ever closer, this time, to his chest where he embraced you deeply. “I can’t ask you to wait for me but I am asking you to wait for me and to be patient with me-” “No,” you pushed against his chest. He mouthed your “no,” back at you as if it was an impossible answer. “No I will not wait anymore Junmyeon…I can’t,” you broke into a sob that sent tremors down your spine. His hopeful gaze splintered at your statement. “I want you. I’m sure of that. I want us. But I don’t want this waiting. I want to really get to know who you are. I want you to get to know me too. I want to grow together. I’m not saying that I need to be there for all of the board meetings or the trade deals though I do want to hear about that too. I know there are things that you have to do. I know there are places that I cannot go. But I’m saying that I want a home together. I want you here every night. I want you to come home to me. Whatever happens to you, happens to me. I accept that fate. I want to get to know this person you are discovering that you truly are. You are mine…and I…I am yours, Junmyeon…” can’t you see that? Can’t you see what a mess this has made of me? How could you sweep into my life like that and then just flutter away? He waited for you to finish, his hands fisted by his sides, his brown eyes dark with tears. He waited another moment longer while you wrapped your arms around yourself, despairing. He took a shaky step towards you and another before kneeling at your feet. “I…I don’t know everything about who I am. Or my family. And I’m scared of what I’ll find…but if you would have me ____. If you would stand by me that would mean everything to me…but I know I don’t deserve it. Not with the way I’ve made you feel…” he spoke in his lowest tones, his voice barely above a whisper in your apartment that never felt infiltrated by the noise of the world around you. Even now there was no sound, there was no one but Junmyeon in your garden. He reached for your waist, pulling himself closer to you, his head resting against your stomach. You bowed into his embrace, your crown meeting his. “I can forgive you. I have enough strength for that. But you cannot do this to me anymore. I am promising to be here from here on out but only if you honor your promise.” Junmyeon gave a weighted exhale at your steady answer, lifting himself as effortlessly as the morning sun above you, his lips meeting yours. ____________

typed this out for a friend so i’ll copy and paste my EXO theory hereeeeeee

beware! long rambling, missing some chunks, probably more me going on tangents than anything:

my theory starts with the idea of a multiverse. This was reinforced not only in MAMA with the narrator in the beginning sharing a prophecy about the tree of life (2 worlds divided, etc.) but also in POWER MV as the narrator takes us through different EXO universes. In the POWER MV it seems as though you're able to pick whhich world to interact with. Everything was neatly divided once, with every world and universe having its own place.

HOWEVER, this multiverse is slowly breaking and colliding. The reason the mutliverse is breaking: solar and lunar eclipses (hinted at in their MVs since there's always an eclipse of some sort)

So the original MAMA prophecy spoke about a "red force coveting the tree of life" which EXO had born from and protecting. We see in the WOLF REMIX Stage EXO dancing with powerful movements in front of the tree of life. Their shadows are incorporated into the staging for--what all this time had seemed like the artistry of the stage. HOWEVER, knowing what we know of X-EXO existence, we need to look again at a specific moment in the choreography: https://youtu.be/jsKP4tZQExA?t=62  They had been fighting their own shadows--this could have been X-EXO.

Next--out of release order but in the continuity of my theory--there are the pathcode teasers which show EXO throughout OUR world. In all the teasers there is a natural phenomenon related to their powers that seems to be going out of control. At first we could have thought it was EXO against our world--trying to protect us--but we can now say it's X-EXO, especially since Baekhyun (light) had been chased through Lyon with the lights around him going dark. He should have been able to turn them on again, but couldn't. In the end he was cornered and eventually trapped by the darkness. We can assume this was X-EXO aka Baëkhyun. Pathcode led us to Lucky One: In this MV EXO is seen singing calmly while alos looking down on themselves being experimented on by women with red accents on their clothes. (aka workers for Red Force). In Lucky One, we see EXO and X-EXO together, EXO desperate to escape after having been captured (as evidenced by Pathcode) and eventually they are able to leave, though we are not sure who are the real EXO and who are X-EXO inflitrating. We can assume the following MVs had transpired while EXO was captured: Kokobop--EXO, while under the drugs and tests (in Lucky One MV, there is a deep blue injection central to the aesthetics of the video, and this blue is a frequent color-motif in the Kokobop MV as well), are reinvisioning their time on Earth and in all these different universes. Occasionally, the MV breaks with grainy--almost remembered--scenes of peace. this is reality breaking through the hallucination. (and the grainy filter is mimicked in Love Me Right, Tempo, Lucky One) Tempo--aka the one where we see X-EXO being sinful shits and EXO is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE TRAPPED IN THE WHITE CUBES BUT WE WERE TOO BUSY BABY GIRLING TO REALIZE. This is X-EXO testing out their abilities on Earth. Also the reason why X-EXO seems to be glitching. Electric Kiss--which is what what worlds look like when X-EXO rules. it is a desolate landscape with no sense and frequent oxymoronic juxtapositions. The world doesn't make sense and it is breaking into nothingness. Coming Over--possibly happened before Lucky One in which they tried to escape X-EXO and the Red Force. cameras are always watching and EXO is BREAKING THE SHIT OUT OF THEM CAUSE THEY AINT HERE TO BE SPIED ON. Unfortunately, they were captured after going to the elevator and the events of lucky one happen. Monster MV: In Monster we get the lyrics "creeping in your heart" which shows X-EXO trying to win over EXO-Ls (exol is the name of exo's fanbase) This is X-EXO trying to catch exols who represent the good in this world that x-exo is coveting (remember MAMA narration: red force coveting the Tree of Life, aka exo-Ls, aka LOVE). Monster MV is the start of the confusion as to who is who ON EARTH in this battle with X-EXO and the Red Force Next is LOTTO, where a girl is running--chased by two wolves (which can represent exo and xexo). There are two ways this MV can be taken:    First) this is X-EXO and they are further leading EXO-Ls astray in their coveting of the tree of life (remember chanyeol slips something to the girl at the end of the MV)    Second) this is EXO trying to hide and blend in with the mess of the world that XEXO created, hence why they are working within violent professions and gambling and why the world turned against them.  Love Shot can be the same time as Lotto as evidenced by the cards, money, and fire that are central to both MVs. We also see Xiumin and Baekhyun face off, pointing guns at each other. We do not know which of them is X-EXO or EXO, but (through another series of convoluted hints I am not going to share rn) we can deduce who is likely the real EXO member vs X-EXO. Finally, as I mentioned before, with Power MV the multiverse was confirmed. Baekhyun had been missing throughout the video until the end when he picks up a cat with a little "L" collar (the MV itself is v playful and runs like a goofy video game). when he picks up the cat there's some goofy eclipse thing that gives all of exo their powers back (they were fighting a robotic red force machine with guns). BUT after the eclipse/power return, something glitched and power!baekhyun fell through the sky into the water. The tone DRAMATICALLY shifts and in the accompanying comic books from this comeback baekhyun is floating in the water thinking, "something's been wrong. it's been wrong from the beginning." which circled us back to the tree of life, red force, MAMA narration.  tHERE’S STILL MORE TO SAY LIKE WHO IS BETRAYING WHO AND WHAT NOT BUT THIS WAS ALREADY LONG AS SHIT OKAY I GOTTA GO WORK ON MY OWN NOVELS NOW

LYON | PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT II. “a castle of glass”

Length - 2,585

Mood - wrathful, intemperate

Pairing - Baekhyun x Reader

Warning - language

“Ever since the first time I laid eyes on you I saw the truth No questions just proof They may talk, but I ain't hear a thing they said about you

Ever since the first time we laid Everybody want details, but don't say nothin' I won't say nothin' if you don't say nothin' Cause this is between us Yeah we gon' fight But I'mma love you till it's alright Ain't gon' find these answers outside Boy we don't need nobody's advice Give me a shoulder to cry on And I'll be alright I'll be the one you rely on This love Ain't none of your friends business Ain't none of my friends business It's ours, all ours, nobody else's”

“Business” by Teyana Taylor

____________

“Travel safely, see you soon,” you said to both ____ (Almaty Reader) and ____ (Arizona OG Reader), kissing each of their cheeks in a parting greeting.

“It was such a pleasure to see you again,” ____ (Arizona OG Reader) smiled elegantly as she reached to embrace you.

“Likewise,” you nodded to her as ____ (Almaty Reader) reached to embrace you as well.

“We probably want to organize a conference call within the next two weeks,” ____ (Berlin Reader) stated as she joined your parting circle, bristling at the chill of the wintry air that whipped around you.

The voices of your broader band were momentarily subdued by the gust of wind that had you all pulling your collars closed around your necks.

“Between-” you began eyeing ____ (Berlin Reader) questioningly.

“Well following our conversation yesterday probably just us ladies as a separate conference. A biweekly or even monthly check-in should suffice,” she said, pondering the subject before answering.

“Grand. Well we’ll talk later then,” you agreed as Baekhyun and Minseok approached.

“Ladies,” Minseok beamed at you all, missing ____’s (Berlin Reader) raised eyebrow.

“We’ll be off then. Bye everyone,” Jongin waved, ____’s (London Reader) hand in his as he turned to walk away. When you caught her eye again she raised her hand and demurely waved, her cheeks rosy when Jongin turned to tell her something as they continued into the airport.

Baekhyun came to your side, humbly taking your bag you’d set beside your feet as you said your goodbyes.

“I’ll get our boarding passes,” he said aloud in your direction, hurrying inside.

“Are you flying into Arizona still or-”

“I am going to spend a weekend with ____ (Almaty Reader), and then I’ll head back. MQ said he’ll meet you there before he goes out of town,” ____ (Arizona OG Reader) revealed which seemed to be a surprise to Chanyeol.

“Oh...I’ll see you then. Safe travels ladies,” he stepped back from ____ (Arizona OG Reader) who had only turned over her shoulder to address Chanyeol’s concern. You all nodded to him as he went past following Baekhyun who waited for him within the sliding doors.

You caught the look on his face as he watched you standing there before he knew that you were watching him, and quickly masked it with a pleasant smile before he too turned away.

____ (Almaty Reader) pulled ____ (Arizona OG Reader) along after Chanyeol left, hooking an arm through the crook of hers as they carried on conspiratorially.

“Can’t they do anything without us babysitting?” You caught them whispering before they walked out of earshot.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” a sudden voice asked just beside you where ____ (Berlin Reader) also stood.

____ (Edinburgh Reader) had stayed behind while Sehun had gone in earlier with Kyungsoo and ____ (Colorado Reader) as they checked in and gathered their boarding tickets.

Since had ____ (Barcelona Reader) gone ahead with Tao back home to Barcelona she was alone in front of you all now, and very obviously uneasy.

“Me? Yes of course,” ____ (Berlin Reader) turned to her, gesturing for her to follow into the black SUV bearing Minseok’s trademark crest.

“Thank you as always for your hospitality, Minseok. Until next time,” you said cheerily, reaching a gloved hand out to him which he took and held in both of his, the light in his eyes flashing.

“Certainly. I hope to see you and Baekhyun and Yun Hee soon. Have you decided on a theme for her birthday party this year? As soon as you know please let me know so that I can plan her gift.” You were already modestly refusing his kindness as soon as the words passed his lips but he shook his head at you.

“Baekhyun is my family. And now you are part of his family. And now that family has extended to Yun Hee. If there is anything I can do, it is to take care of my family,” his smile remained sincere as he held your gaze but you had a prickling suspicion that you were not the only one who had revealed what you both had been keeping private.

“Baekhyun and I are so grateful to you Minseok. I could never thank you enough for how much you have blessed our family,” you reached forward to hug him and he held you close.

“He does love you, and I know you know that. No matter what happens, I hope that the both of you can be happy,” he spoke in deliberate muted tones and as he released you, you turned to see Baekhyun holding up the boarding tickets.

Your eyes narrowed at the way you could tell that he was gauging the result of your conversation.

His smile was pleasant, but it was the way his eyes cautiously lingered on you.

You were fuming.

___________

“It’s good to be home, jagi,” he tried meekly, looking at you through the rear view mirror where you’d sat with Yun Hee. After arriving at the airport you parted with ____ (Marseille Reader) who was traveling alone since Junmyeon had left abruptly following your New Year's event.

“Take it easy,” she muttered after a kiss to your cheek where you sent her off in her taxi.

Though you composed your fury at Minseok’s classy but brash attempt to contain you, and remained cordial to Baekhyun, you were seething by the time you were in French air.

You allowed him to drive to your mother’s house where you picked up a sleepy Yun Hee. “We colored for hours today. She was so excited to see you both but tired herself out too early.”

You listened, trying to calm your breathing as Baekhyun moved past you to pick her up.

“Darling?” Your mother asked, her tone apprehensive but you swallowed back the grit between your teeth and said your goodbyes.

Alone now and closer to home, your fury was piping white hot.

Ticking.

“If you want, I could-”

“I’m going to put Yun Hee to bed and then I’m going to the office,” you said, opening your door and hurrying to Yun Hee’s side. You opened the car door carefully, unbuckling her car seat so that you could bring her upstairs, leaving your purse and luggage in the car.

Your staff greeted you as you approached, standing clear of you as you went down the hall.

You heard a clatter of bags and buckles drop to the floor the moment after you’d reached Yun Hee’s door.

She stirred in your arms as you shifted her so that you could open the door.

“Shh shh mon petit,” you whispered, kissing her brow as you hurried inside.

You could see that your mother had given her her bath, washed her hair and brushed it.

You laid her in her crib bed, pulling off her shoes and socks, gently removing her jacket, and sweatpants.

She stirred at the sound of her door opening but you continued your task.

“Going to the office already? Jagi, let’s rest now. You don’t have to go in-”

You turned to look at him, a tempered glare set in your eyes.

He stood dumbfounded, unmoving as you turned to finish tucking your daughter in.

“Sleep well my baby,” you kissed her again gesturing for Baekhyun to do the same.

His stupor melted before he did as you asked, “sleep well my baby,” in an uncharacteristic stricken tone.

You headed to your bedroom, stripping as soon as you hit the door.

In your private wing, you knew based on past trials, that no one could hear how loud you could be. You wondered now whether that muted structural design was purposeful, and mockingly laughed aloud at the thought.

“Why are you going in now jagi?” He asked, following you into the room and closing the door to your wing noiselessly.

“Can you move please? I need to shower,” you asked icily breezing past him as he let you go in.

“Jagi, please. Why are you going in now?” He asked again, the whine in his voice rising.

You knew that as his voice rose he was coming closer to his breaking point. And even with that thought in the back of your mind, you couldn’t stop yourself.

“Baekhyun, can you give me a moment please? I want to shower quickly and head in. We’ve been gone for a couple days now and I don’t want to get behind again. We do need to pay bills. We can’t rely on Minseok for everything,” you sighed dismissively as you turned the knob to your shower, sighing again as the jets pulsed against your bare skin whisking away the grime of recycled stuffy air and sweat.

You heard him retreat from the bathroom and turned to see whether he left the door open, which he had.

You took your time to wash your hair and towel off before you began your hair care routine.

Usually Baekhyun volunteered to help you with this part. He thoroughly enjoyed every opportunity that he had to touch you and since you had moved in together he had been fascinated with touching your hair in its slick wet and thick dry state and feeling the difference in your curls.

But he remained in your bedroom, waiting futilely.

After blow drying your hair, and applying lotion to your body you marched into the bedroom, nude, to find clean underwear and a bra.

He watched you as you walked around him, his expression pained.

“Don’t stay there tonight, jagi,” he spoke in sotto voce.

You looked at him in the mirror above your drawer after pulling on a clean pair of underwear.

“Excuse me?” You asked, turning to look at him where he held his head down.

He took a steady breath before looking up at you.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, trying to keep his sniffles to a minimum.

You could hear his panic now. It was getting harder and harder for him to hold it back. And though some small part of you knew it was cruel, you laughed.

“How dare you tell Minseok to talk to me?! I mean that was just ridiculous. You’re going to speak to me through your friends now?” You challenged, seeing the panicked sweat beginning to break across his forehead. His eyes searched the floor as he thought of a response.

“Jagi he’s just...he’s my friend and I was worried and the guys were just-”

“They were just what Baekhyun? Who the fuck does he think he is telling me to mind and obey. We are engaged but that doesn’t mean-”

“He didn’t mean it like that. I’m sure he just-”

“Well tell me how he meant it then since I don’t know. What does he mean talking to me as if I’m supposed to do exactly as he says?! I don’t owe him anything but maybe you do since he paid for the roof over this house. In that case we owe Junmyeon too for taking care of us,” you snapped, throwing your hoop earrings down on top of the drawer before rising to find a fresh pair of jeans and top in your closet.

“That isn’t fair-”

“Oh that isn’t fair? Now we want to talk about what’s fair,” you snorted, pulling on your jeans and your tank top, snatching your Supreme hoodie from it’s hangar and your heeled boots from its rack.

You pulled a roll of socks from your drawer as you exited the walk in closet, hopping into them before sitting at the foot of your bed.

Baekhyun’s breathing was silent as he waited on the bed while you zipped up your boots, and hoodie.

“You have no right to tell me where to go and neither does he. If I need space Baekhyun then you should respect that,” you said, rising from where you sat to head towards the door.

Baekhyun rose quickly, shutting the door as you opened it, his hands trembling as he dropped them to his sides.

“Don’t go jagi. You shouldn’t drive like this,” he protested, daring to meet your glaring eyes with his reddened ones.

“There’s nothing wrong with me-”

“But there’s something wrong with us. Don’t leave. I don’t want to keep doing this. I don’t want to keep waiting-”

“Waiting for what? What are you waiting for? You could just say it Baekhyun. Say it,” you dared him, stepping back from the door with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Do you want to leave me, jagi?” He asked, stuttering through the sentence as a sob threatened to split his voice.

You stood unwavering, growing more and more exasperated with every sniffle you heard.

“Baekhyun I am going to scream if I can’t get out of this room-”

“Then scream at me. Just do it, jagi. But don’t leave me. Don’t go jagi please,” he begged you, coughing back sobs as you stared him down.

“Baekhyun I can’t do this with you right now. Let me go,” you asserted moving towards the door.

But he stepped forward, blocking the doorway, refusing to move out of your way.

“Jagi-”

“Baekhyun-”

“Don’t-”

“Let me go!” You screamed moving towards the door where he held it closed.

You pushed against him, hearing the door rattle as you struggled with each other.

“Stop it,” he begged you as you pushed away from him where he tried to hold you against his chest.

“Baekhyun let me go!” You cried out, but he held you there with your back against his chest, crying into your hair as you both slumped to the floor.

“Baekhyun...let me go…” your fury imploded as you screamed again, pushing at his arms that he held tight around your waist.

“No,” he protested.

“Let me go right now!” You screamed again, struggling to lift his arms from you.

“Baekhyun!” You screamed louder.

“Jagi stop, please stop. Stop,” he moaned plaintively, but you persisted.

“Baekhyun let me go! Let me go now! Right now!” You screamed hoarsely, struggling to turn in his arms to break his grasp.

He hiccuped, his grasp around your waist loosening for a second.

You took your chance, moving quickly to your feet.

But he was right on your heels, slamming the door closed just as you opened it.

“Baekhyun get away from me! Get away!” You rasped, turning to hit his chest, trying with all your might to push him back so you could get out of the door.

“No!” He choked out, as he grabbed your wrists.

“Just talk to me, jagi. Talk to me,” he pleaded, willing you to look up at him.

You were unaware of how heavily and erratically you were breathing, until you looked into his eyes and saw yourself reflected in his irises.

Your tamed hair was wild about your face, curls pasted with sweat against your forehead, your clean top and hoodie now sweat stained and disheveled.

You glowered at him, feeling a trembling sob rising up in him as he held you, waiting.

“Yes I want to leave you. I want space. I need to think. Baekhyun please let me go. Please,” you stated, closing your eyes.  

And he released you immediately.

“I...I’m sorry jagi. I’m sorry…” he whimpered, taking a step back from you.

You heard him descend to the floor in a slump as deeper sobs and gasps for air passed through him.

You turned to the door, taking and turning the handle in your suddenly shaking hands, feeling your resolve weaken as the door opened.

“______ I...I’m sorry,” he sputtered again, coughing.

You turned to look at him where he was slumped over on the floor, his hand gripping his chest as he took successive gasping breaths.

ALMATY | PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT I. “crew love”

Length - 4,473

Mood - nostalgic, coolin’

Pairing - Jongdae x Reader

“Say what you mean You ain't gotta play games with me So automatic, you know so automatic Say what you mean You ain't gotta fake sh*t with me So automatic, no so automatic”

“Automatic” by The Bonfyre

__________________

“Are you flying into Arizona still or-”

You knew that _______ (Arizona OG Reader) had discussed plans with MQ just this morning and asked that he confirmed then with Chanyeol as soon as possible.

Why she decided not to mention plans to Chanyeol herself you weren’t sure since you all met in the lobby of Minseok’s resort following your day of rest before traveling back to your respective home offices.

Maybe she had only deferred to MQ since the two of you planned to leave earlier that morning but decided to sleep in and catch a later flight.

But regardless of the reason, you watched Chanyeol, the mysterious man who had a knack for reappearing.

He was just as long limbed, bowed, and agilely muscular as he had been when you met him in passing years ago at Feinbäckerei.

Like many at your university, you’d heard from classmates about a local student run bakery whose menu changed based on the seasons.

The student body was abuzz with the news each week and you were curious as to why no one shared the same story even twice a month.

Figuring that this was a place you had to experience once, you took the metro following one of your evening seminars following behind a twittering trail of animated classmates as they hurried through the front door just as the “library” packed up and the settings shifted, with the aid of a the same students who had been quietly studying, as if an unnatural retrograding force of Mother Nature personified had altered the balance of the seasons.

You managed to order a plate of buchtel and watched the magic of the evening unfold.

How could students have organized something so seamless?

What kind of mastermind put this event together?

After finishing your plate you ordered a glass of ice wine and milled about the oak tables of students gathered together whispering together throughout numbers before exploding in whooping cheers and thunderous applause amid clinking of proper wine glasses and forks tapping on porcelain dessert plates.

You recognized the way students organized themselves in packs separated by universities and regions, realizing that this had become a focal hangout regardless of university affiliation.

You remembered the last set of the evening, a gangly rouge cheeked towering boy with a mop of messy curls stepped forward to the mic, the shoulders of his hoodie slipping off of his bare shoulders as he spoke, “mic check, check, ch-ch-ch-check.”

His associates, gangly but squat where he was tall, manned their keyboards, drums, electric bass guitars and synths nodding once in approval.

You raised your eyes at their aloof stares into the crowd, and stopped mid circulation of the place to hold up the wall near the glass case where more precious buchtel could be seen amongst the assortment of desserts.

The tower turned to his left picking up his guitar, and picked up his electric guitar, fitting the strap over and down across his shoulders until he was comfortable.

You looked around at the crowd seeing that they reflected the unbothered gaze of the mute band, continuing to chatter amongst themselves quietly as if there was no one there.

The tower slightly cocked his head again to his left and the drummer kicked into gear at a zinging speed, the tower and the bass guitarist following suit their fingers sliding from the top of their instruments’ necks to its core.

You jolted at the screams of appreciation that erupted from the crowd as if they had been waiting to be electrified, and suddenly the entirety of the place was on its feet chasing the tempo of the riotous troupe.

“Different advertisements worked for different crowds we were trying to bring in. For the musicians it was the flyers, the general crowd were told by word of mouth and social media. We have patrons just casually walking by and entering too,” someone was saying in an excited voice somewhere far from the howling and stomping happening in front of you.

You turned into the hall behind you, placing your glass pitifully empty of ice wine on the counter of the glass dessert case to your right as you made your way towards the animated voices.

“Do we have all of the data we need on each of those outlets?”

“How was I supposed to keep data if you changed one of the methods at the last minute and are just now telling me about it?” A voice angrily retorted. “I’m not a mind reader.”

“It’s nothing to be so personally afflicted by,” mediated a calmer voice but you heard a grunt nonetheless from the angry voice who had just sounded.

You neared the open door of the kitchen, knocking as you came into the light of the room.

They turned towards you from where they stood at the silver cooking table, their laptops and notebooks neatly placed in front as placemats for the eight of them seated there.

“Excuse me, are you lost?” The angry voice asked of you once again, his eyebrow raised in particular annoyance at your sudden appearance.

“Hi, I’m ______,” you smiled genially, unabashed at the way they stared at you.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help wandering around the place. I was curious about who put this event together. I’ve been hearing about this place all week and I’m amazed at what’s going on here especially since I don’t recognize any of you from my university,” you looked around at them all as they were seated there watching you.

“And…? Why are you back here? What do you want? We’re busy,” the angry voice had some very angry eyes too.

“Currently I’m studying international law and this venture interests me from a sociological perspective. I understand we are from opposing schools and obviously are individually engaged in unique studies but if there is a place for someone with my background, I want to be part of it,” you answered simply, looking directly at the source of the angry voice paired with an equally irate gaze.

A brighter voice answered you after a moment of stunned silence.

He walked forward from the head of the table, extending a hand to you. He had rolled back the sleeves of his pressed white button down, his tie painted with smiley faces sporting sardonic grins, pulled aside of its alignment.

“I am Minseok. I am happy to meet you _______ and appreciate your admiration of our little school project. I am curious about how your background as you say can be of use,” he was so handsome with his glittering toothy smile and his downturned ice blue eyes.

Holding your hand in his, he turned and acknowledged each member of the table.

“That’s _______ (Arizona OG Reader), also from a neighboring university, and these two associates of mine are also from my program, _______ (Berlin Reader) and-” in your mind you couldn’t stop yourself from saying “Angry Eyes” in place of his name when Minseok mentioned it. It just fit.

_______ (Berlin Reader) and _______ (Arizona OG Reader) both nodded to you, their smiles gracious as they moved their laptops and notebooks aside and made space for you between them on the opposite of Angry Eyes at the head of the table.

As you took your seat, and pulled out your notebook from your seminar, the girl named _______ (Berlin Reader) leaned into you whispering, “welcome.”

———

You looked at Minseok now where he stood beside your tight band, and gauged the degrees of separation that had built between you all as you stood in the present. So very far from that kitchen round table and that initial kind whisper of welcome.  

Minseok stood amongst you as he had stood leader then and looked at each of you in familiar affection before settling his unyielding gaze on _______ (Lyon Reader) feeling a chilled current whip through the swirling air as you watched him wait for her to acknowledge him.

What does he want…?

After bidding sweet _______ (Lyon Reader) goodbye, you turned in arm with _______ (Arizona OG Reader) to go, pausing mid motion at that warbling baritone calling out to your friend. She turned over her shoulder, holding tightly to you.

“I am going to spend a weekend with ______, and then I’ll head back. MQ said he’ll meet you there before he goes out of town,” Fiammetta revealed, her tone bored as she informed Chanyeol. His honey brown eyes widened in surprise as he listened to her.

“Oh...I’ll see you then. Safe travels ladies,” he stepped back carefully from you both as if he heard the intention behind her rebuff, “not now please.”

You watched Chanyeol go, following behind Baekhyun who waited for him within the airport sliding doors.

You took another glance back at _______ (Lyon Reader) who watched him there, a sudden socially pleasant smile gracing her mouth that had been set in uncertainty just a moment before.

Love is powerful in its ability to disarm.

Love can redirect as well as it can guide.

And the tremors of doubt in love can sever and destroy even the most faithful to its source.

As she turned to Minseok who began to speak to her in ebullient soft tones, you pulled tighter to _______ (Arizona OG Reader), bringing her away.

She stiffened at your sudden movement but went with you when she turned and looked at the expression of mischievousness on your face.

“What’s all that about with Chanyeol? Why didn’t you tell him where you were going? What has he done to annoy you this time?” You asked, watching as her own eyes widened at your brash questions.

You almost laughed aloud at her expression. Surely she knew better than to expect you to not ask outright.

“Why do I have to tell him where I’m going? I’ve never had to tell him before. It’s just...kind of annoying to be so close in contact all the time now-”

“Kid brother annoying or annoying that you like it?” You asked, watching her turn it over in her mind.

“Can’t they do anything without us babysitting? Though I’m not sure he’s a kid brother anyway…” she tsked laughing with you as you suddenly laughed at her.

“Oh hush,” she blushed pulling away from you but you held on to her as you went your way into the airport.

————

“I always come here for provisions if I’m staying in for the weekend,” you said to _______ (Arizona OG Reader) as you passed through the market, looking over the fresh produce within the stalls.

“The fruit looks like it’s bulging. Goodness it looks so delicious. It can’t be winter time, can it?” She asked, eyeing the crates of fresh plump blackberries:

You placed your selections of assorted fruits, and fresh fish,  in your carts and hurried along to the cashier.

“And you’re only a block or two from this? Goodness I love Almaty,” _______ (Arizona OG Reader) said, falling in step beside you after wrapping her hair and shoulders to step out into the light mist.

“Mhm. Just about a block or two,” you said, adjusting your bag and purse as you waited for her.

You walked together as leisurely as you could in the light mist passing by the open shops along the way, graciously moving to the side as chittering elderly couples and chattering young parents and their children passed alongside you both heading to the market you had just left.

“Hey honey, we’re home!” You called as you entered with _______ (Arizona OG Reader) on your heels heading straight for the kitchen to wash your wares.

“I got the rest of the assembly love if you want to get comfortable,” you said to her after she helped you wash the last of the fruits.

“It’s so heavenly here _____. You could never get me out of here,” _______ (Arizona OG Reader) said as she walked down the earthen stairs into the den just beyond your kitchen island where you assembled your buffet for the afternoon.

You joined her on your suede couch proudly parading the tray of provisions in front of you both but dissolved into laughter the moment you saw the look on _______’s (Arizona OG Reader) face once she saw your chess board.

“It’s time for a rematch,” she declared, eyebrows raised in challenge as you poured a glass of chapoutier belleruche for you both before taking a seat and rolling up your own sleeves.

“Best of three?” You agreed as you munched on a fleshy grape.

“Mhm! But what should we- yes! Have you heard their latest EP?” She exclaimed as you turned in the middle of her sentence to wheel your vinyl cart from its nested place beside the record player until it was beside you where you sat on the couch opposite _______ (Arizona OG Reader) who reclined on your loveseat.

She popped up at the sight of the embossed vinyl cover you offered her, reaching over the tempered glass coffee table where your acrylic chess set had been placed.

You turned the record over in your hands to the A side and positioned the needle, the neo soul tune rippling throughout your heated den.

She took a sip of the chapoutier belleruche as she reclined on your love seat, a hedonistic smile curling at her lips as she cradled the vinyl.

“Those were the days,” she murmured sipping leisurely from her glass before you poured both her and yourself another glass.

“We were a wild bunch for awhile...we had such dreams then,” you reminisced along with her, wrapping yourself around one of the pillows there your mother had stitched from your father’s work shirts.

“How is it being here now though? I know it was hard for you then and I’m sorry I couldn’t come-” you shook your head at the apology away that she offered again. When you first reconnected she had said something similar but shorter as you had to shift focus quickly into the multitude of tasks _______ (Berlin Reader) and Minseok had demanded. But finally here together she meant to discuss it further but didn’t mind not talking about it now. You were at peace after all.

“No one knew how long we had. I’m glad I came back for him and got to see him. I’m sorry that we all lost touch over the years and just went our separate ways but that’s how it goes. I mean I didn’t get to be there for you when-” and like you she shook her head, her sensual smile borne of the homey atmosphere of warmth, alcohol, soul, and chess splitting to reveal a slight regretful frown at the mention of that broken engagement she never wanted to discuss at length, an intimacy you and so few were allowed.

“It’s like we just faded back into our own lives and all the promises we made just…” you made a flimsy gesture with your hand as the next song succeeded the first.

She sighed heavily, tipping her head back as she took another sip.

“I feel like I’ve just been going and going for years. Just moving and working and it’s been fun. For the most part,” she whispered, as she eyed the bottle that was half as full as it had been when you both sat down.

She looked to you and you nodded, and so she reached forward, tipping her glass slightly to gather more of the wine before pouring you some as well.

“But this, this business venture. This is incredible, _______ . It’s like the whole world is our playground,” she sighed again as she reclined, finally making her move along the board.

You eyed your options across the board, answering in kind, “it’s sinful how invincible it felt reuniting with you all over the past year. This board covers so many fields, so many outlets for creativity. There is so much potential here...it’s too good to be true.”

She waited until you moved and then leaned forward, swaying slightly as she made her approach.

“It is too good to be true. The Pathcodes are a fairytale. It’s the global empire companies dream of becoming,” She inhaled the last dregs of her glass and you followed her lead, hearing yourself beginning to hum along in time with the keyboard as you reclined again.

“From an orphan to a billionaire leading our merry empire, Minseok has had the Cinderella tale to beat all tales,” You mused, turning on your side with your father’s pillow clutched to your chest to watch her next move as she leaned forward, considering.

You picked up a couple grapes while you waited.

“Do you think it’ll last though? I mean...yea it’s been a great year but this is a different group of people than we started with then,” she stated simply, nodding to you when she’d considered all of her options and made her advance.

You thought back to the group you knew, the eclectic multidisciplinary gathering of students within the greater Berlin area, and reflected on who had now arrived in the present.

“Why do you mean do I think it will last? Minseok is just as ruthless as he was then. He almost got himself and the rest of us arrested for carrying on with his social experiment even after the semester was over because we were not legally operating in that abandoned building,” You chuckled at the memory but _______ (Arizona OG Reader) tilted her chin to the side as she eyed you.

Get real.

“Do you think the board is really going to last? The event was spectacular yes. Our gains have been phenomenal. Public interest and approval is solid. Our community partnerships are growing. But will we all last? It’s a lot of work and the wear and tear is starting to show...you heard what I heard…” she inclined her head towards you in a knowing way.

“Well, I mean we talked about that while we were there. I...I don’t know. I couldn't have imagined this empire coming from what we started back then. We were not there in our minds. We would have kept the little library going and actually legally set everything up as it should have been, but that was peanuts compared to what we are doing now. And it could never have been possible without the team that we have now. I honestly feel like that goes without saying,” you added finally eyeing your moment of opportunity.

You dived forward moving the acrylic piece just so, winning a begrudging groan from _______ (Arizona OG Reader).

“But do you think everyone will stick around? I don’t know everyone as well as I know some-”

“Chanyeol for instance,” you quipped and she rolled her eyes at you.

“Stop,” she tried not to laugh, but you could see the room turning in her eyes. She was happily buzzed, and peachy though clearly still in control of her expressions.

You reached for the bottle to pour again.

“I just mentioned a name,” you shrugged innocently and she snorted at your attempts to feign indifference.

“It’s the way you said it. It’s so ridiculous. It just happened once,” she sighed, gathering her hair from her neck as she gathered it into a bun atop her head. As soon as she removed her hands, her hair tumbled from the top of her head allowing her a brief moment of cool respite from where the barrel curls were sticking to her neck.

She popped some cool grapes in her mouth.

“I don’t know if the entire board will last but it happens you know? We all have lives, don’t we? I say we just allow it to be fun for as long as we can and then-”

“Minseok is serious about world domination though. Can’t you tell? We talked about him being an orphan and his trust he’d been left as a child after he completed boarding school in Berlin but he’s earned beyond what was left to him. I don’t see someone that hungry ever stopping no matter what’s going on around him. And I’m not sure everyone has decided on this being their life’s work the way that he has. We have a varied group of people giving their time to this. People have children now, some are married, some are still dating...I just...can we depend on this board to keep going? Is this a real thing?” She popped a couple more grapes in her mouth, munching thoughtfully as she thought of a winning counter to your move.

She sighed as she gracefully moved from the loveseat to sit upon the furred floor rug beneath the glass coffee table.  

You thought about the people you had met, considering what they revealed about themselves and the truths they didn’t realize that they displayed.

Commitment to a dream even if it didn’t belong to you was not something you were new to. For you, your word was your bond, it was your life’s blood. You were dependable, and consistent. The same young woman who stepped into the kitchen of that abandoned building transformed into an after hours library cafe was the same woman now who navigated the global system of rules and regulations that kept the livelihoods of your board’s reputation clean.

“I think we’ll have to consider it with _______ (Berlin Reader). I know that this would be something important to her to discuss as well,” you said watching _______ (Arizona OG Reader) as an idea dawned on her mid thought.

Your phone suddenly chimes on your island counter.

“Oh boo! I don’t want to work,” you muttered into your pillow, turning away into the couch at the familiar tune.

“If they call again, I’ll answer for you and tell them just that,” she said rising from her perch to walk to your kitchen island where she grabbed your phone.

You waited for her to set it down on the coffee table in front of you before picking it up to look at the missed call.

“Oh it’s Jong-dae,” you announced, sitting up as she sat down again upon the furred floor rug.

Quickly you dialed him back, placing the phone to your ear as you gazed at the board.

“Hello ____,” you heard him smile after the first ring and you found yourself smiling as well hearing a cheeky laugh from _______ (Arizona OG Reader).

“Hey, so you’re settled back in then? How was the dinner?” You asked, tossing the other pillow beside you at _______’s (Arizona OG Reader) head when she wasn’t looking.

“Ah it went well. Thank you so much for recommending that venue for the listening party. It was perfect,” it sounded like he had company. You heard a faucet softly going and a slight whisper followed by glasses clinking in the background.

“Ah I’m so happy to hear that. That’s wonderful. But was it a bad time to call you back? It sounds like you’re busy?” You inquired but you heard him cover the phone for a moment as he spoke to his company. It sounded like he said he would be right back.

“Oh no, it’s fine. It’s just…” you heard slippered feet quickly padding away from the sound of the faucet, and a door snap open and closed.

“So how are things going there eh? Isn’t this date number…three?” You asked, chuckling as Jong-dae chuckled too at your mention of his company. From the volume of his laugh, you knew you were right.

“Yes she came to the listening party also just this afternoon. I decided to invite her over for dinner and to try that recipe you recommended too,” he lowered his voice considerably though he was far from his company you imagined.

“Oh? Well I hope you brought the right spice you know? Since you’re trying that recipe out anyway. She must be something special if you’re pulling out that recipe,” you teased and he laughed good naturedly at your prodding.

_______ (Arizona OG Reader) watched you as you listened to Jongdae tell you again about the diplomat’s daughter whom he was courting after a chance meeting at your embassy office a couple months prior.

You had fallen in a comfortable friendship with him since stepping into your advisory role, and found Jong-dae a handsome breath of fresh air that you were delighted to work with.

He was a peculiar albeit alluring combination of artist and intellectual being that he was both socially conscious and a rock and roll soloist.

In him you’d made a fast friend that you trusted almost immediately. There was something so pleasant about being in his presence, and listening to him speak that found you on the phone or within each other’s presence for hours at a time allowing the day to just slip from you.

But even he was someone, _______ (Berlin Reader) had warned you, that needed to be guided away from his natural tendencies for the protection of this joint venture you and _______ (Arizona OG Reader) had just been privately discussing.

It felt ridiculous as _______ (Arizona OG Reader) would put it to play the “older sister” role but somehow for Jong-dae you truly didn’t mind and felt that he was truly thankful to you, playing up his “younger brother” role.

“Ah, _____ noona, I learned it well since you showed it to me no? Don’t you believe I can pull it off?” He whined, slipping back into his familiar mother tongue whose nuances you could easily follow.

You rolled your eyes, waving _______ (Arizona OG Reader) on as she waited for you to make your move.

“But last time you cooked for me, you used too much spice and you weren’t trying to impress anyone then. I’m just reminding you. It’s not all about the hip work to catch a lady you know,” you heard _______ (Arizona OG Reader) spluttering wine into her glass as Jong-dae broke into a coughing fit.

“I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say that and just go now,” he choked into the phone and you laughed as you said goodbye throwing in a “be responsible!” to him before he hung up, beaming as you placed the phone down.

“Why do you tease people so much ______? Goodness,” _______ (Arizona OG Reader) coughed again, patting her chest dry with her napkin where the wine had spilled onto her chest.

“Come on! I have older brothers. It’s just what we do. It’s how I grew up. I feel like it’s an experience to be shared. And look you’re still here,” you said, taking another sip from your glass.

I hope we’ll all still be here you thought suddenly contemplative as your phone chimed again.

LYON || PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT I. “Are we only a violon d’Ingres?” Length - 4,759 Mood - disquieted, burdened Pairing - Baekhyun x Reader

Warning - Some sexual themes present

“When the deep night is coming to an end I fade like smoke I come back to you on dark nights With a dream” “She’s Dreaming” by EXO

November

“Can you hold my calls please? Yes. I will...yes please tell them I will call them back as soon as I return to the office. Yes the meeting for Fête des Lumières should be set for tomorrow...mhm...yes I expect you to be there...mhm I’ll be back. Merci au revoir…” you called into the receiver before the line clicked on the other end. Taking a deep inhale and a steady exhale, you tucked your cellphone into your inner leather blazer pocket and relaxed into the hard plastic of your tram seat with your eyes closed and waited for your stop to be announced.

But a sudden stirring within your blazer pocket, had your eyes open once again and unzipping your coat. 

“Will you still be able to make it?” Baekhyun had texted you.

You quickly responded, “on my way. Just had to push an appointment back. How is she doing?”

You bounced your knees as you waited to see the three dots appear on your screen letting you know that he was writing back.

They flashed for a moment before you were able to read his response. “You’d be so proud of her. She’s giving the therapist her attention and is listening. We’re talking now. I’ll let them know you’re coming.”

And he added a kiss emoji.

You sighed a breath of relief before pressing your slim phone back into your blazer pocket as the tram whirled through the center business district of Lyon, La Part-Dieu where your office was to the building just a couple blocks down.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Byun,” the speech therapist said as she rose from the floor where she was sitting with Yun Hee and your Baekhyun upon your entrance to therapist’s office.

From what the receptionist on the first floor said, your session was being held in the music therapist’s office which was directly across from the speech therapist’s office.

The little blue room had different instruments of all shapes and sizes neatly placed in bins along the wall. There were motivational posters and a musical scale placed on the wall as well.

You recognized the scale to be a C scale from your few but lengthy piano lessons with Baekhyun once upon a dream.

He had begun teaching Yun Hee too now that you’d purchased a baby grand. Well having little concerts for her, rather since she still hadn’t grasped the concept of “my turn, your turn.” 

It was always Yun Hee’s turn.

You were still a little out of breath after rushing up the flight of stairs to get to their session area.

Even with taking that moment to compose yourself before knocking and entering.

Baekhyun smiled a smile meant only for you the moment you appeared. 

Though you weren’t shy about kissing in public when greeting each other, a smile like the one he wore expressed the sentiment perfectly.

You smiled back at him letting your gaze linger for a moment before shifting as Yun Hee turned to see where her teacher had gone as she sat amid a xylophone, egg shakers, scarves, a bubble wand, and what appeared to be cards.

Her eyes lit up when she saw you standing there, and she promptly rose from where she sat, babbling as she reached her arms out to you, and headed in your direction, her hands grabbing fistfuls of air as she went as if she was pulling herself forward.

You were proud of the way your little trio looked.

Each of you wore a Supreme hoodie underneath a black leather jacket, dark jeans and Nike’s with some variations since you had just come from the office while Baekhyun was home with Yun Hee for today.

You were equally proud of Baekhyun that he dressed her just as you would have, with her little fairy tutu, as you called it at home, over her jeans.

You dropped to your knees and opened your arms to her, cheering her on, “come to maman!” 

Baekhyun watched from where he was cross legged on the ground, his eyes sparkling as he watched her go.

She faltered as she got closer, seeing Baekhyun in your peripheral view rising up to his knees to get her, but you caught her before she fell, whisking her up into the air and crying out, “oh! You did so well Yun Hee.”

She squealed open mouthed with delight, and you held her to your chest, kissing her head and cheeks, and hands.

“Maman vous a manqué,” you cooed against her hair, and she pressed kisses against your chin, her chubby hands reaching up to grab your cheeks to pull you closer.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” the music therapist also greeted you from where she sat opposite Baekhyun.

You nodded to her, greeting her as well, “thank you so much for seeing us on such late notice. I apologize for being so late to her initial appointment. I will be able to bring her in the future and I will be on time,” you apologized immediately but both therapists shook their heads, smiling genuinely at you.

“We were just speaking with your partner about Yun Hee’s needs,” the music therapist shared.

“Jagi, I was telling them about the circumstances of her birth. Technically she is 18 months and while it’s still early to expect many words...we’ve noticed that she isn’t able to form words easily. She can...I guess I would put it that she can sing,” Baekhyun said looking down at Yun Hee who reached up to touch her father’s chin.

He turned his face into her palm, kissing her open hand.

She squealed happily, clapping her hands rapidly as she burst into a fit of giggles.

Baekhyun leaned over so that Yun Hee was looking up at him and seeing him upside down. 

You sighed as Yun Hee giggled louder until you heard Baekhyun quietly whisper to her, “내 작은 공주님, 조용히 들어주세요?”

You turned your head slightly to see Yun Hee mimicking her father’s pose, of holding one finger over both of his lips signaling that it was time to be quiet. Her eyes were wide as she watched her father and Baekhyun did his best to maintain a straight face, and set a good example though you could still be mischievous light in his eyes that he was giving every effort to restrain. 

He should have said that we are both on our best behavior, you laughed quietly to yourself but quickly covered it up by clearing your throat so as not to distract Yun Hee. 

Both therapists chuckled to themselves as they watched her and Baekhyun maintaining their poker faces before continuing.

“From what we can see, she has many gross motor and fine motor abilities which is wonderful. She recognizes her name and her parents. She understands directions and is able to identify some of her colors. She also does try to communicate in her own way as you’ve cited,” the speech therapist went on reaching out a hand to Yun Hee who grabbed on to her hand, her poker face long forgotten.

She stood from where she sat between you and Baekhyun and attempted to crawl across the small space on the padded floor to sit in the therapist’s lap but you picked her up immediately, bringing her to your lap.

“Yun Hee,” her father sang to her and she giggled as she looked up at him, putting her chubby pointer finger up to her lips.

You all laughed aloud at that.

“Yes, I’m baffled by what she understands and yet is still unable to do,” you said as Yun Hee wiggled from your lap and reached for her father who picked her up immediately.

He lifted her up in his arms, kissing her all over the way you had done. Yun Hee snuggled into his embrace, her eyes closed as she smiled and held close to her father’s neck. 

“Something I am curious about is whether you have decided to begin teaching her one language?” The music therapist asked, an answer that the speech therapist also appeared to want to hear.

You looked at Baekhyun who answered as he rocked Yun Hee who was starting to doze off.

“Well...from what we were reading that may be why there is an issue now. She hears both Korean and French at home. She is surrounded by both cultures. She has both a mémé and a halmoni. She also has an haraboji. Plus she has sam-chons from my side...I realize it will be more difficult for her…” Baekhyun bit his lip as he looked at you and you looked to both therapists who looked back at you both in a way that suggested you had nothing to feel bad about. “I realize that she may be confused because the way sounds and words are formed are different in both languages...is there something you would recommend to us?” You asked and the speech therapist spoke up.

“Well the literature does suggest that Yun Hee having a small vocabulary to begin with as she learns both languages, is very typical. Even while observing you now I can see that Baekhyun you speak both in French and Korean to Yun Hee while her mother speaks mostly French. As long as both parents are reading to Yun Hee, singing to her, talking with her and surrounding her with both languages, there is a chance she will grow to process both languages and be able to adequately use both. What is set against Yun Hee however is that she already exhibits some oral motor developmental delays...I think she has receptive language but I do not think she has strength in her mechanical expressive language which is quite different altogether,” the speech therapist mused as you all watched Yun Hee doze in her Appa’s lap.

“So what can we do at home to encourage her to make words instead of just sound?” You asked nervous that they would be unable to give you an answer. Yun Hee’s pediatric neurologist in Colorado Springs had recommended this specific Speech Language Therapist to further evaluate Yun Hee’s ongoing developmental needs as the clinic was a multidisciplinary clinic that housed physical therapists, occupational therapists, music therapists, art therapists, dance therapists and more through the week. And you hoped that by being inundated with multiple therapeutic disciplines, Yun Hee would begin to see progress. 

The therapist was right in observing her strengths and also her weaknesses. While she was a plump baby, you regretted that it wasn’t due to healthy feedings. 

As recommended by your pediatric neurologist and as also recommended by the Speech Language Therapist on the recommendations sheet you were reviewing as the session wrapped up, Yun Hee was on a very specific sensory diet to teach her how to use her mouth. 

Your mother and mother-in-law were patient with Yun Hee and her fussiness at meal time whenever they came to visit which relieved you and Baekhyun for nap time before heading back to work. 

“Whatever the physician says, follow it completely so she can get better. It’s hard now but Yun Hee will improve, you’ll see,” your mother said to you after tucking Yun Hee in for an afternoon nap just yesterday. 

Baekhyun thought the same and told you as much as you said your goodbyes to both therapists, made an appointment at the reception desk for the following therapy sessions, and carried a peaceful Yun Hee out. 

“Wait, mind her jacket,” you warned stopping Baekhyun who held Yun Hee in his arms before you walked through the doors. 

While he held her, you pulled her leather blazer, and hood up around her ears, and pulled her ear warmers down over the top of her ears. 

Baekhyun waited while you adjusted her and started bouncing his knees when Yun Hee started whimpering. 

“그건 내 공주 야. 아빠가 왔어,” he murmured against her temple as she snuffled and burrowed into his broad chest. 

“I can go home with you and make dinner and then…” you headed down the stairs ahead of them with Baekhyun trailing behind you carefully taking each step one at a time. 

“Yea that works because you need the car right?” Baekhyun asked as he caught up to you where you held the door open and took Yun Hee to put her in her car seat. 

Baekhyun hurried to the driver’s seat, his hair bouncing in the wind as he coasted around the SUV and hopped into the driver’s seat. 

“How are the preparations coming for the Festival of Lights?” Baekhyun asked, reaching for your hand once he pulled out of the parking spot and merged into traffic leaving the business district. 

You exhaled hotly.

Baekhyun squeezed your hand. 

“As much as I appreciate the Pathcodes, it’s hard to coordinate my regular schedule with community events like this. I’m looking forward to it but my stress level is mounting…” you pouted to Baekhyun and he brought your hand up to his lips, kissing the back of each knuckle after intertwining your fingers. “It’s very stressful managing all of this. The Pathcodes, my broadcasting schedule, the house, Yun Hee’s appointments, it’s so much,” Baekhyun sighed, his tone mirroring your own. 

“Can we really do this..?” You wondered aloud feeling Baekhyun flinch. “We promised each other that we would try,” he answered and remained silent for the rest of the drive, with your hand in his. 

—————————————— “Ya Yun Hee, mon petit oiseau,” Baekhyun sang dispiritedly as Yun Hee wailed and refused to eat the sweet potatoes he offered to her. 

You had just finished cleaning up the kitchen with some help from your home staff and had returned downstairs to grab your clutch purse from the kitchen counter so you could head back to the office to wrap up your list of today’s leftover to-do’s. 

You stood at your stone island reapplying your lipstick using your compact, feeling Baekhyun’s eyes on you. 

You’d changed into your heeled boots and tighter jeans, and you wore one of Baekhyun’s button downs underneath your leather jacket with your favorite lace bandeau peeking out.

Closing your compact, you turned slightly over your shoulder to catch his enamored gaze. 

You smirked, biting your lip as you took your time placing your compact and lipstick back in your clutch before slowly making your way from the island counter to where Baekhyun sat with a frustrated Yun Hee. She was currently “painting” the tray of her high chair in a smooth smear of rustic sweet potato orange and singing to herself quietly “ahh ohhh ahh eee.”

“내 사랑은 ... 가야하니?” He whined as you leaned over Yun Hee to kiss Baekhyun after kissing Yun Hee goodbye. 

He held you around your waist and pulled you into his lap, his long nimble fingers gripping your thighs as he held you there.

“Ya jagi these are my favorite jeans,” he whispered into your neck, his hand delicately cupping the back of your head as he nibbled the skin just underneath your ear.

His other hand slid up your pant leg to wind around your waist and grip your bottom. 

He gave a satisfied grunt which made you blush as you curled into his embrace, lifting your legs until he could fully hold you on his lap. By bringing yourself closer to him though, he had full access to you. 

“Mm Baekhyun not in front of Yun Hee!” You moaned against his ear but he only nuzzled you back as he whispered, “you shouldn’t have sat down jagi.” “Baekhyun!” You gasped as he reached his hand that wasn’t supporting your behind to pull his button down apart where it was clasped at the center of your breastbone. 

“Say it again,” he murmured only for you to hear, his eyes drifting from yours to the skin he revealed above your bandeau. 

He parted his lips slightly, releasing a puff of hot air against your skin. 

You moaned at the sudden sensation and gripped his shoulders for balance. 

He breathed another hot puff of air before bringing his lips to your skin, giving you a soft kiss that gave way to sucking and nibbling. 

“Baekhyun,” you murmured actually pushing against his broad chest weakly. “I….I have. I...I have to g-go...oh!” You writhed against him, your fingers ascending up to the base of his neck and further to his substantial tangle of sleep untidy locks. 

You felt him smiling against you and leaning backwards after he kissed your open panting lips and shifted so that you’d have to stand. 

You twisted in your stance, frustrated that his titillation ended without complete fulfillment and also in slight embarrassment because you were sure that the staff were just in the other room. 

But Baekhyun’s blazing smile eradicated all other thoughts. 

“Now you can go safely jagi,” he murmured, licking his lips as he watched you finger your blooming, puffy, aching love bite. 

“This will protect me hm?” You asked hearing Yun Hee vocalizing quietly to herself as she slapped the tray. 

“It protects my heart...which you have and it wards off all evil. I can’t be too careful...especially with you going out looking like that…” he bit his lip, dragging his teeth as he drawled the extent of his phrase, his eyes scaling you. 

“Oh my King,” you whispered closing your eyes as you leaned forward to kiss him once more enjoying the wet pop your lips made as they released each other. 

“Mm jagi…” he murmured, his tone rising as you pressed a chaste kiss against his neck allowing him to inhale your perfume once again before stepping away giving him full view of your backside as you went. 

“I’ll be back later…” you called hearing Yun Hee sing you out. “Ahh ahh!” The drive back from the office was quick in the twilight hours of the morning but every minute seemed to last an hour until you were pulling into your drive. After gathering your clutch you hurried to the front door, fishing for your keys as you flew up the steps turning once to wave at your groundskeeper as he welcomed you home. 

“Your violon d’Ingres has to be the way you reflect the light of the sun no matter the time of day. Une merveille! Même les iris tremblent et vous saluent!” He exclaimed from the iris bulbs he had been looking after. 

You and Baekhyun had decided to employ staff to help maintain the grounds and your home throughout the week. 

The day staff consisting of a butler and a nursemaid came from 10am to 4pm during the days when both you and Baekhyun were home with Yun Hee. Your butler, an older woman who took tremendous pride in maintaining your home, extended her time overnight when either yourself or Baekhyun were away. It was still difficult getting used to having people around when you were so used to the tranquil universe of your flat.

Sometimes when you stayed out too late to drive home, you took a bus back to your old place for which you still held the key, leaving your car at the office. You’d send Baekhyun a text to let him know where you were and he would face time you immediately as you trudged up the steps.

“Ya jagi it’s dangerous going alone at night. Couldn’t you have come home earlier?” He would complain but the moment you were in the door and lying on your old bed, he would lie down as well and whisper, “Yun Hee and I will miss you this morning. Come home safely for breakfast jagi,” he’d purr into the phone and you’d blow kisses at each other before propping the phone up on your pillows as you drifted off to sleep together.

Those trips out to your old flat didn’t happen as often now that you’d hired your former intern for a full time position as well as another intern.

You three made quite the team and it couldn’t have happened at a better time with the way Pathcodes was soon to expand once again in celebration of its successive second year.

“Baekhyun…” you called as you passed through tour tranquil foyer upon closing the front doors behind you. 

Sometimes he was awake in the kitchen having breakfast with your butler and nursemaid, chatting them up while they waited for Yun Hee to wake up. Other times he was on the phone with Jongdae as he prepared to fly out once more.

But when you went deeper into your home you saw that he was still sleeping. “So much for finishing what we started,” you sighed to yourself as you peeled off your jeans and shrugged out of your leather jacket.

You kept on the bandeau, and pulled on your robe and a pair of his Supreme sweatpants he had been wearing when you left before ducking back out of your bedroom to let him rest. Tiptoeing lightly, you hurried down the hall to Yun Hee’s suite.

“Good morning my sweet baby,” you whispered as you brought your daughter to your chest.

She squirmed in your arms, her thick arms and legs wriggling against as she shifted so that she could see your face. You bounced a little as you cooed and smiled at her, blowing wet raspberries against her dewy plump cheeks, delighting in the way she squealed aloud.

Her eyes dancing with the light of her father’s, she urged herself forward pulling at the soft fabric of your open robe so that she could kiss your cheek.

“Thank you my sweet baby, thank you,” you whispered snuggling her close, feeling her soft puffs of air against your cheek, as you stopped swaying from side to side to stand in place.

The light of the rising sun illuminated your tranquil scene. 

It shone on you and your precious baby girl, enveloping you in a warm beam of light as you both stood quietly holding each other close giggling as she continued to try to give you wet kisses.

Ever since you arrived at what Baekhyun proudly called “your manor” you spent each morning sunning with your little princess, relishing the bonding time spent more and more without your tiny girl needing her oxygen tank.

But you couldn’t bear to throw the tank away, just in case.

Just in case.

The long term projection of her safety and holistic health was never far from your thoughts. Each new tidbit of diagnostic information plagued your thoughts when you laid her down to sleep each night.

Baekhyun teased you jokingly but you knew he was slowly beginning to worry about the sudden strictness of your diet and cleaning routine when you weren’t fully invested in work or engaged with Yun Hee.

While you hadn’t spoken to anyone about it, you felt that it was your fault.

There was something you hadn’t done right.

You didn’t exercise enough.

You didn’t mind your vitamins.

You had been too carefree during your pregnancy.

And look at what you had done.

Look at your sweet baby girl.

“I’m just trying to lose the baby weight,” you’d say as he whined about your gradual slimming down. 

“Ya, but jagiya...” Baekhyun would occasionally protest, seizing hold of your waist when you were finally still, naked except for your silken panties you wore for him that Baekhyun gifted to you some time ago during that same weekend of his birthday when you first arrived at the house.

“Baekhyun it's your birthday...why are you suddenly giving me a gift?” You asked, very suspicious of the smirk he gave which was quiet on his lips as if the gesture required no explanation. 

“Don’t act like you don’t know jagi,” his eyes teased as he stood for a moment more taking you in as you held up the silken undergarments with the tips of your fingers.

He languidly moved from his post against your closed bedroom door, approaching you as if he was primed to pounce at any moment.

Unconsciously you braced yourself against the edge of the sink, hearing the slight crunch and crinkle of the wrapping paper and gift bag from which the silken panties had been unearthed.

Baekhyun moved in front of you, pressing his cheek against yours as he pressed his lips to the curve of your ear so he spoke directly into the canal.

You gasped at his hands that caught your thighs, the pads of his fingers pressing themselves against your skin and then relieving you of the pressure. The steady pulse of his touch making your heart race.

Your lips remained apart in surprise as he glided his open palms against your bare skin feeling every goose bump rise as if propelling his path upwards until he met your plump bum. 

“It's my present to me. It's my birthday and I want cake...” You moaned as he squeezed the supple mass, pressing his nails delicately into the skin.The same whine you emitted at his purposeful touch he too echoed as he watched you from behind...the burning light of his eyes ensnaring your gaze in the vanity mirror as he lowered himself until his face met your posterior.

You flushed as he slid his palms along your hips, pulling you back so that he could press his nose against the downy soft skin.

He took in a sharp primal inhale of air between his teeth, opening his mouth slightly after licking his lips. 

“Jagiya, I like my cake like this,” he murmured kissing your right cheek fully.

You tittered at the string of spittle connecting his lips to your bare bum.

But Baekhyun didn’t even wipe his mouth.

He let his eyes glide slowly between focusing on yours to sliding down the curve of your spine until they rested back on your bum.

You felt your knees give slightly as he opened his mouth against your skin, his teeth grazing you territorially.

You gasped in sudden exasperated want, the central nerve between the tops of your thighs spreading its signal to every nerve along your spine. You felt him everywhere and from everywhere. And though it was delicious it was terribly frustrating as you wanted to concentrate solely on the way he was suddenly pressing his teeth into you claiming you, again.

Mind over matter.

“This is mine,” he growled against you and you nodded into the air above and around you thankful for the firm planting of your feet beneath you. 

If he went on, and he would, you couldn’t hold yourself up any longer.

But even in the eventual bliss that followed that moment it did nothing to assuage the growing dread that you felt growing inside your gut.

You couldn’t push it aside even as Baekhyun consumed your senses.

You realized as he came into you, as he expertly tapped into every nerve, humming with you and goading you on, not ceasing his assault until you were both thoroughly delivered, spent, panting, and crying, that he wanted you to exist in a perpetual state of domestic bliss.

He wanted you to be alone with him when you were in your sacred place.

Grinning, wildly from ear to ear or purring quietly as a cat.

He wanted your home to be a sanctuary.

He wanted your laughter.

Your smiles.

No more worry.

No more fear.

And you obliged him.

You were his sunshine in the daytime hours and when his eyes were closed, you went into your twilight.

You remained there alone, petrified as you watched every horrible possibility flash before your stricken eyes.

Baekhyun’s soft puling and whimpering which used to sound so close was now so far away.

As if he existed in another universe, as if your body remained with him and you traveled into your own solitary purgatory.

When you returned to him in the morning you were exhausted and sometimes slightly envious of the carefree slack of his jaw as he whispered, “good morning.”

Was it still good?

You couldn’t know until you found her blinking happily up at you just as her father did.

It was almost as if she was echoing him, “good morning”

EDINBURGH || PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT I. - “Spookxhibit” 

Length - 2,131 

Mood - Apprehensive 

Pairing - Sehun x Reader 

“Tell me honestly (just as it’s in your heart,) coffee bitter than sweet candy (that’s what I want) things that are pleasant to hear (that’s only fleeting) I need honesty that will wake me up I need you” 

“Whiplash” by NCT127-  

-------------------------- 

October 

 For the past couple of weeks you’d been having your worst bout of fights. 

 Not weeks...months. 

 Yo-yoing between patching things up before tearing things at the messy seams once again. 

 At first it wasn't anything consequential But at this point it had blown out of proportion. 

 Each little thing built up until the foundation of your true grievance and worry had teeth. 

 And began to nibble away at what had once seemed so secure. 

 Suddenly you were snapping at each other about forgetting to feed Vivi and Rena. 

 For forgetting to pick them up from the sitter. 

 For not being available for each other outside of Pathcodes business. 

 For not having dinner together. For staying out in the living room instead of coming to bed like you said you would two hours ago. 

 “Bubby...you said that two hours ago...I have to head in earlier tomorrow. I said that I was sorry for missing dinner tonight. I wanted to get here as fast as I can...but I’m here now bubby. I want to sleep. Let’s sleep now...please,” a full unadulterated whine in his bedroom voice. 

You could hear his drowsy irritation. 

 How can you sleep? 

 And you were grumbling back, “I need space to think Sehun. I can't sleep right now. I can't,” as you scrolled through your list of to-do’s to avoid thinking about what you wanted to say but couldn’t say, and what you needed to do but couldn’t. 

 “Then you could tell me what's bothering you. I'm right here ______. You're always asking me where I am and what I'm doing now as if you suspect me of cheating on you. Where is this coming from?!” He demanded, his voice cracking as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and shuffled closer to where you sat on your couch, curled around your phone. 

 “I don't suspect you of cheating on me...but I am worried about what else you're doing…” 

 “And what could that possibly mean? Why are you being so cryptic?! Talk to me_____!” 

 “I can't be around you right now ok….I’m not comfortable being around you. I need space…” 

 “Why do you need space? I don't understand what that means…” he frowned as he shuffled closer to you. 

 But you stood from your couch and moved to the door and just as he caught your hand you snatched yourself from his grasp. 

 “But why is it that when I ask you where you are...you don't tell me. You ask me to pick up Vivi and Rena from the sitter after I’m done with my class but then I come to find out that you're in town but you won’t tell me where you're going… don't ever pretend to be someone or somewhere that you aren't...don't you ever lie to me…” you glared at him. 

 “I never lied to you…” he whispered, his eyes shifting from your gaze as he stood before you. 

 “But omitting the truth and hiding it is just as bad…” you said, pushing past him to head to bed. 

 “Should I even stay here with you tonight?” He asked from behind you as you gathered an extra pillow and blanket from your bedroom. 

 “It's too late for you to go back to your place. I'll sleep on my couch. Good night,” you attempted to settle down on your couch but he stopped you, gently pulling you up. 

 “Sehun stop,” you said pushing him away but he moved to hold you. 

 “Stop!!” You said louder and he backed off. 

 “What did I do?!” He asked, terror in his worried almond brown eyes and his voice. 

 His hands were shaking as were your knees.

“Sehun please give me some space...I don't feel good…” you said but he tried again to hold you, to pull you into his chest as he always did when you weren't feeling well. 

 “Sehun. Stop,” you began to cry pushing weakly against his chest and he reluctantly let you go. 

 “I don't know what I did...and whatever I did I'm sorry but I don't think it's fair to not know how I've hurt you. You can't be angry at me and not tell me why...that isn't right..” 

 “I don't even know if I can trust you to tell me the truth...I'm afraid you would tell me what I want to hear instead of telling me the truth…” 

 “The least you could do is trust me….I would never hurt you bubby. Never…” he cried taking stuttering steps away from you and hurrying into your bedroom to pick up Vivi. 

 Vivi whimpered and whined at being woken so early but Sehun hurtled out the door nonetheless. 

 “I don't know what I did…” he said in his voice message once he made it home. 

“But I'll give you space...and I hope we can make this right between us.” 

 That deafening space pressed your mouth closed, and fouled the air around you distorting your sense of sight and smell. 

 You couldn't eat. 

 But you found relief in dreamless sleep. 

 Until you woke and found the bed still empty. 

—————————————- 

 Sehun stayed busy as did you. 

 He was in and out of town for shoots but he kept in touch. 

 He'd send you a photo, and as if as part of a jigsaw puzzle, a portion of him would be removed and a piece of the scenery around him would be there. 

 In true Sehun fashion there was always a caption, a quote, the time of day, the name of a restaurant nearby or the landmark he was at. 

 And you found yourself putting together a little collage of him out of what he sent to you. 

 Was this how he wanted you to see him? 

 Or was he once again trying to show you who he truly was and asking you to believe him? 

 To trust him? 

 But what could you trust? 

 You trusted yourself. 

 You trusted your gut instinct. 

 You trusted your camera, your editing equipment, your sister, your parents, Rena…. 

 And you trusted Sehun. 

But you also believed that that video wasn't doctored. 

 You knew good and well that there was a possibility that someone was trying to blackmail Sehun and destroy the trajectory of the Pathcodes.

   _____________ (Minseok’s VP/Berlin Reader) had warned you of that and it almost reminded you of a movie. 

 How ridiculous. 

 And it angered you that a 45 second video could put a 45 degree chill on what had been a budding relationship of hope and real…love? 

 It was infuriating that it silenced you. 

 It robbed you of the joy you had felt just hearing his name. 

It immobilized you. 

Until you couldn't bear it any longer. 

 —————————————- 

Two weeks prior 

 “So have we not secured the venue?”_____ (Lyon Reader) asked, cocking an eyebrow up at you once you arrived on the scene of the projected Spookxhibit, the National Library of Scotland. 

 She had flown in especially when you kept apologizing through text and avoiding her phone calls about deadlines for Spookxhibit, your and Sehun’s extension of the Pathcodes that was still not as solid as you initially desired. 

You knew it was out of concern and to prevent _______ (Minseok’s VP/Berlin Reader) from resorting to flying in herself instead of calling, emailing, and texting you. 

 You were embarrassed that she was here in the cold waiting when you knew she wanted to go back home. 

 Poor Yun Hee. 

 Poor Baekhyun. 

 She had stood waiting for you at the locked doors that were supposed to be open upon your arrival, and wherein should have been waiting…. 

 You let out the longest sigh, bringing your hands to prayer pose. 

 You pinched the bridge of your nose as you exhaled sharply before responding.  

“That was Sehun’s responsibility...he told me he had it secured. I am sorry. I will fix this…” you said, whipping through your purse quickly as _____ (Lyon Reader) opened her mouth to speak. 

 But if she meant to say anything, she dismissed it at the sound of your voice when Sehun answered the phone after the first ring. 

 “Did you or did you not secure the venue for our exhibit Sehun?” 

 “Bubby…?” He seemed uncertain that he was talking to who he thought had came up on his caller ID. 

 “Sehun...you promised me that everything was squared away for this...why am I looking at a locked door..?” You asked, turning from _____ (Lyon Reader) to walk to the side of the building. 

 He was silent for awhile. 

 You tried to discern his breathing from nonexistent background noise to gain some insight into where he could be. 

“Sehun…?” You asked, the humid fog of anxiety rising as the seconds ticked by. 

 “Bubby…I’m in the middle of something right now…but I will check. I thought I had it secured. I called earlier to confirm the time and date. Perhaps they’re running late? I can text you the number after…” 

 “Sehun where are you?” You asked without giving him another moment. 

 “I’m at an event bubby...I told you before I left for my flight…?” Everything in his tone sounded as though you were the one who had been missing in action and he was delicately trying to let you know that you needed to come back to reality. 

 “Are you actually at an event? It’s pretty quiet for there to be an event going on...” you couldn’t help the snideness of your suspicion. 

 Not with 45 seconds of footage dancing within your peripherals. 

 “....what are you trying to say?” 

 Don’t avoid it. Sehun please just come out with it… 

 “Sehun where are you?!” ______ (Lyon Reader)’s heels clicked as she stepped closer. 

 “Honey, I’ll give them a call. Let’s just call it for today. You had classes to teach earlier and it’s late. I’ll arrange dinner ok?” She whispered to you as she fielded passerby trying to look at you without you noticing. 

 Your ears burned at her motherly tone. 

 And though you knew she meant the best, it infuriated you. 

I have every right to know! What if he’s hurting himself?! And he won’t tell me! He isn’t...it isn’t what it seems. 

“Sehun...please-” 

 “I’m booking a vacation for us...ok? I wanted to surprise you. You’ve been working so hard lately and my gigs have been picking up...we haven’t had time together and Pathcodes is picking up...I just thought...I’m sorry,” but more than sorry Sehun also sounded as angry as the hardening knot of tears welling up in your throat. 

“Well I’m sorry it seems like simply asking you where you were seems like something I shouldn’t be doing...it’s not like you’re just working so much now or the Pathcodes has picked up…” 

“What are you trying to say-” 

“Honey, don’t do this out here,” ____ (Lyon Reader) whispered to you. 

 “We can talk when I-” 

 “We’ll talk now or else when else would we talk...you’ve been avoiding me haven’t you? It’s not just work is it?” 

 “Bubby-” “_____,” ____ (Lyon Reader) now had her hand on yours that gripped your purse. 

 But her attempts to smooth out your mounting anxiety only pushed you closer to the edge. 

 You took the phone from your ear, looking at her as if to say back the hell off but the look in her eyes… 

 She took the phone from your hands. 

 “Sehun, she will call you back. Yes. Yes...I’ll be flying out later tonight. Mhm I’ll tell her. Ok. We’ll talk soon...good night,” she pushed your phone back into your purse as she hung up with him and she took your hand without another word and led you to her car. 

 You had a mind to resist getting in and to call him back. 

 But the fear of pushing him away… 

 No that wasn’t it. 

 You were afraid that you would find a reason to stay away. 

 You would find a reason to fall out of step. 

 Again. 

 To go back on your word. 

 Again. 

 To question him again. 

 To consider the risk too great to just wait. 

 That you wouldn’t be gentle with him and understanding. 

 That you wouldn’t hold out for fear that the truth would be too heartbreaking to consume. 

 Could you approach his truth? 

 Could you look at this other side of him? 

 Could you do it? 

 Or would you leave and never come back?

COLORADO || PATHCODES VOL. II

COLORADO || PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT I. Length - 7,901 Mood - Somber Pairing - Kyungsoo x Reader “The more I step forward, the deeper it becomes I’m enticed and I’ve lost myself I’m falling in endlessly”               - “Kingdom Come” by Red Velvet- ———————————————————————-

-the first weekend of September “I can't tell you all how much we appreciate you all for joining us for our second annual farm to table harvest festival. Please continue to enjoy your evening. Let's welcome back to the stage, Park Chanyeol,” your voice soared over the din of conversation, laughter, and clinking of silverware in the communal atmosphere as you came to the close of your opening remarks for the second half of the evening.

With your short statement now complete, you nodded to Chanyeol who was seated, and patiently looking on at the center of the stage overlooking the vast orchard where the fall farm to table harvest festival so called Return to Terra festival was being held. Chanyeol looked over the crowd, as though he were a minstrel surveying the scene to determine what piece would best suit it's tastes and fancies.

For each weekend the Terra Festival, you'd organized a rotation of local farmers within whose orchards you arranged round white banquet dining tables for consumers and festival spectators to gather facing an open platform stage. Flanked amongst the trees and gardens of which yielded the sought after high quality produce of the current season, were broad marquees shielding chefs, illustrators, and other cooperating artisans and their equipment from the elements. Each evening of the Terra festival opened with consumers being greeted by the host farmer and their family and invited to pick their produce. Upon selecting their desired fruit or vegetable, they were escorted to the chef's tent where a list of entrees, and desserts were displayed for consumers to choose from. While they waited for their meal to be prepared, they were encouraged to watch the preparation, to participate in its preparation during a master class, or to peruse the marquees within the orchard venue. When their meal was completed, a banquet table awaited them to enjoy their meal fully while accompanied by a live performance.

Chanyeol sat up a little straighter at the sound of his name being called, somehow lengthening his frame just from his waist to appear even taller than he already was. With his Taylor acoustic on his lap, and guitar pic clamped between his canines, he gave you a nonchalant smile, the corner of his mouth raised only slightly. From what you observed he was in his element and had been for the past couple weeks of festival celebrations he'd performed for here in Colorado Springs.

The crowd greeted Chanyeol eagerly, whooping and whistling in pleasure at the mention of his return. He gave an even bigger grin to the audience, standing to acknowledge them and to thank them for their support before taking his seat upon the rosewood stool in leather onyx jeans, and a plain black tee. A darkwash oversized denim jacket adorned his shoulders, the sleeves rolled up to frame his elbows revealing tattoos lining his forearms; the collar of his jacket creased neatly beneath his ears. The floppy brimmed hat he'd worn initially during his first performance of the evening rested on his seat at the table, but his round wire burgundy wine glasses remained on, balancing the brilliant chocolate and sable of his eyes. And with his pic now transferred to the fleshy slit between his pointer and middle fingers, Chanyeol adjusted the mic with his large capable hand to meet his lips.

“Good evening, and welcome back to the second half. As _________ stated, it is an honor to be here with you all again tonight. Colorado Springs you've been so so kind. Let's also give our host of this wholesome event to _________ and the host family without whose vision this event would not be possible to manifest.” Chanyeol paused, directing his attention where you stood on the open platform. “Thank you once again to all the local farms who have opened their homes to us and local restaurants who have collaborated with these local farmers to feature the most incredible menu I have seen in quite some time. It is through collective community partnerships like these that we have opportunities for growth and expansion within our local, nationwide and global community. Because of what we’ve started here, our vision is catching like wildfire all across the world. Thank you for investing in the Pathcodes. We hope to be able to continue to serve our community for all the years to come. Once again let's thank our host and host family,” Chanyeol called out rousing the crowd to erupt in thunderous applause in you and your family’s honor as you turned to acknowledge your patrons.

A chorus of barks and cheers welcomed you as you returned to your dining table at the center of the host orchard. “Chanyeol is killing it tonight,” ________ (Lyon reader) whispered to you as you sat beside her. “Yes! He's been on fire lately, And we are killing it tonight too. Look at this place! I can't deny that I was worried about the setup for this event but as always ________ (Lyon reader) you've outdone yourself. I hope next week’s harvest festival will be just as successful,” you spoke to her quietly as her baby girl started to gurgle in delight as she reached once again for 먹물 and 후추. The small inky black and pepper gray puppies were seated on the wood of the raised platform between you and _______ (Lyon reader) who held her daughter Yun Hee in her lap.

________(Lyon reader) blushed slightly at the praise, a gesture that baffled you especially at her level of consistently acclaimed success.

“It was certainly a team effort,” she said, smiling gratefully.

As you reminded the crowd just a moment ago, the Terra festival was in its second year of festivities having started the first year being hosted at your young family farm you began and unveiled with your husband Kyungsoo. Your farm was open to the general public on weekdays, weekends and most holidays. On your location you had a small bakery and cafe that created a simple menu from the ingredients found in your garden. For all those interested you hosted nutrition and cooking classes for school age children, new parents and as part of rehabilitation services for those recovering from eating disorders. You partnered with local therapeutic offices to host specialized and purposeful therapeutic interventions to achieve a wide range of outcomes in order to consistently demonstrate to the local and federal government just as much as the general public that the change you and Kyungsoo hoped to inspire with your extension of the Pathcodes was sustainable and holistic.

That rationale, fed to you by _______ (New Almaty Reader) after she detailed viable markets for you and Kyungsoo to explore based on your current occupations. During your most recent planning meeting during concurrent holidays, _______ (New Almaty Reader) was introduced to the Pathcodes board and like her former classmate _______(Berlin Reader) as it was explained in her introduction, she wasted no time in setting up personal debriefs and interviews with each Pathcodes board member to discuss market needs and opportunities.

Per her advice you also sponsored seminars that featured environmentalists and innovators in humanitarian efforts focused on solving the world hunger crisis from local colleges, and universities. During that long holiday weekend hosted in Almaty at Jongdae’s new home, you and Kyungsoo sat for many interviews to discuss how the framework you created could be transferred and applied to fit the socioeconomic needs of communities across the world. “Minseok has big plans for this business. Everything has to be ironed out,” ______ (New Almaty Reader) had explained as she invited you into the studio office Jongdae had prepared for individual interviews.

It was your desire that if there was genuine interest from other companies that Kyungsoo or a member of your Pathcodes team would travel to the destination and host the very first festival in the earliest part of the harvest season and once trained, the designated community leader would continue the festival until the end of the late harvest season.

To garner even more public interest you also suggested an arts and illustration exhibit at the very first festival last year and featured young artists from the community as well as providing classes, and seminars for all interested. “Art, a hearty meal, great music and good company...that's our contribution to the Pathcodes,” Kyungsoo had declared while sampling some of the refreshments prepared by the caterers Jongdae hired for the holiday.

“And great stories Kyungsoo. Not just illustrations darling but film to inspire intellectual conversation,” you reminded your beloved husband and he blushed at the mention of including one of his sincere lifelong passions. Something his brothers latched onto immediately.

“Kyungsoo, darling,” Baekhyun sang under his breath.

Minseok guffawed at the way Baekhyun sighed in similar demure heartfelt sentiment as Kyungsoo who was beginning to fan himself while looking on at the notes from your most recent interview rapidly as if he could shoo their eyes away.

“Darling, darling,” you heard Jongdae echo from the hall as he returned with the next batch of pamphlets signaling a shift down the itinerary of the day’s events. Kyungsoo laughed throatily, his eyes closed as if he was realizing all too late that he should have warned you about terms of endearment.

“Ahem, remember. The purpose of the Pathcodes is to establish a boundless market. While you are the original seed, the Pathcodes are meant to survive us. No, not survive. Surpass us. It will immortalize us. Our collective dreams will be embedded within the code of this framework, and all those who share that dream are naturally gifted the ability to access the Pathcodes. Its goals will be protected as long as our vision remains pure...it’s a lot of lofty language I know...but it will make sense in time. Let’s get started with our second segment, shall we?” ________ (New Almaty Reader) proposed, as she tidied the stack of pamphlets before passing them down the table.

And so this year, Kyungsoo traveled back home to South Korea with his father, and brother not only for Chuseok but also to begin the next level of the Pathcodes. He would replicate the model created here at your home in Colorado Springs and his father would host the cooking classes at their ancestral family farm and his brother with the help of the rest of your Pathcodes team would assist in the premier in tandem with film festivals like the Daegu Independent Short Film Festival in August, the EBS International Documentary Festival in August, and the many film festivals occurring throughout the harvest season.

The timing of the premiere worked out brilliantly for Kyungsoo who was also featuring in at least two of the films entered for some festivals. That news alone brought quite a lot of intrigue to the Terra festival and did ______ (Marseille reader) a huge favor in marketing the event. Regardless the event required almost all hands on deck meaning that your assistance back home in Colorado Springs was without the rank and file of the main “department heads” of the Pathcodes. Baekhyun and Jongdae were also there in support to provide live music as Chanyeol was also doing here. Minseok, Sehun, Jongin, Suho, and eventually Chanyeol also would be returning home for Chuseok festivities and to support Kyungsoo. Yixing and Tao were also currently there in support of Kyungsoo and would return to their hometowns for mid-Autumn festivals. The lure of prints of your illustrations only served to bolster the diversity of your audience here in Colorado Springs. While people of all ages were familiar with your work, there was a significant group of teenagers who were hoping to get your signature on their latest copy of the graphic novel you just illustrated. Most of your audience were young families, their children toddling along with small baskets adorned with an array of hued ribbons, the handle of their baskets  just wide enough to fit their chubby palms, their baskets containing one or two fruits or vegetables in that were in harvest, that rolled from one side of their basket to the other as they loosely swung their arms.

Seeing all of the children holding their baskets reminded you of one of your favorite farm to table harvest festival and art exhibits in the month of October where unlike the August, September or November harvest day festivals was themed. Everyone came dressed in costume that ranged from endearing to comical to spooky to ingenious.

For today’s festival in the early days of September, everyone was dressed uneventfully casual. You wore your hair in loose waves whose tips graced the top of your shoulders. To keep yourself warm, you wore an autumn squash corduroy dress underneath a pale pink pin striped oversized coat, and at your feet were your cashmere velvet ankle boots.

________(Lyon reader) and her daughter were casual chic as per their usual. They were an adorable matching pair in their baby blue and powder white striped Supreme overalls, with a soft cushy white hooded sweatshirt, their feet adorned with matching powder white Nikes.

_________(Lyon reader) had been fussing over her daughter from the time you picked her up at the airport until just a moment ago.

Because Yun Hee was born here in the States and seen by specialists stateside instead of home in Lyon as her mother and father had hoped, _________(Lyon reader) was much more inclined to bring her daughter once every six months during the Fall and once just before her birthday to do regular checkups in addition to check ups done by her standard pediatrician back home in Lyon. It seemed like an extensive process and perhaps a little overboard but you understood her desire to have a second opinion especially with the overall health and developmental concerns both her parents had for her.

For all of her setbacks though Yun Hee was full of life and spirit.

You chuckled to yourself now as you listened to her mother chiding her once again.

The tone she took reminded you of her admonishing her fiancé.

Like father, like daughter.

“Yun Hee! I’m so sorry _______” she apologized again to you as if there were people watching you and waiting for you to be silent.

But she couldn't be more wrong.

In the orchard where you were, in the main dining area, there were people milling all around talking to one another and minding their own children. People were enjoying their meals meticulously crafted by the chefs and many more were tuned into Chanyeol up on stage. The air itself was buzzing and brimming with life.

But she apologized again and again for her daughter’s excited squeals as she reached to touch the fairy lights wrapped around the lanterns which served as centerpieces on each table.

You shook your head at her, smiling encouragingly as you patted her arm. “She's doing just fine ________ (Lyon reader),” you said to her alone in a tone meant just for her.

She still sighed and held her daughter closer as if to protect her from eyes that still wouldn't understand.

You patted her hands which held her baby girl to her chest, turning once to gently pat the heads of your 먹물 and 후추 to quiet them both down so you could all listen to Chanyeol’s rendition of “Magic.”

“Call it magic Cut me into two And with all your magic I disappear from view And I can't get over Can't get over you Still I call it magic You're such a precious jewel”

You swore that you heard someone sigh aloud and you couldn't help but laugh quietly to yourself.

Maybe even a chorus of sighs.

A sudden chuckle beside you had you laughing even harder when you realized that it was ______ (Lyon reader) that was laughing. You had both anticipated those reactions after you confided in her about the frenzied phone calls. Like yourself, Chanyeol had his own fan base of admirers that joined the harvest festivities when it was announced that he was once again part of the live entertainment line up.

While the festival was a public event, you'd had quite a few people ask if there was an opportunity to meet the live performers because they were willing to pay. They even attempted to offer you exorbitant unsolicited amounts when calling your office line.

You hadn't mentioned it to _____ (New Almaty Reader) yet for fear that she would not only approve but demand that a high-touch meeting was made part of the festivities.

It gave you anxiety just thinking about it.

Chanyeol descended the stairs after announcing the next act; a contemporary jazz group newly signed to his blossoming label Metamorphosis Records.

Before coming to sit beside you all, Chanyeol stood to the side of the stage to watch over his progenies turning to look at the crowd and back at the young men and women on stage who were assembling their instruments with the aid of light footed stage hands before beginning their own soulful rendition of Jamie Cullum’s “Pure Imagination”. From the look on his face you knew that he was measuring the effectiveness of the amplification you had put in place and pulled up and put down and pulled up and put down at his request until it was just right during rehearsal. It was their debut after all and Chanyeol wanted to make absolutely sure that their debut in the public arena went without a mishap. You noticed his satisfied grin at the hush that fell over the crowd, the only sounds to be heard were the smallest clinks of silverware as people settled in at their tables and tuned in fully to the troupe before them. Even the chefs in the tent just to the side who were still cooking and attending to those waiting in line to order quieted each other in the kitchen so they could hear.

“Great set! Way to open the second act!” ________ (Lyon reader) cheered as Chanyeol came within earshot and joined you all. He beamed in his jolly giant way at your sincere applause and praise, bowing in his characteristic genuinity, his mop of dark brown curled hair flopping forward as he dipped his head. 먹물 and 후추 broke from their places beside you and clamored around him, barking excitedly in greeting.

“I’m back! Just like I promised,” he called to them bending to pet them before Yun Hee who had been quietly playing with her Mother’s spoon dropped the spoon with a clatter on the table and started squealing for Chanyeol, her plump but tiny hands and fingers, grabbing at the air.

“I’m back Yun Hee! What did you think? Did you like the songs?” Chanyeol cooed to her reaching over the puppies for her as her mother offered her up to Chanyeol. You always noticed how Chanyeol opened his hands to hold her, spreading his fingers as wide as they could stretch perhaps to prevent her from slipping out of his grasp and to be absolutely sure that he held all of her. You were all careful with Yun Hee when you held her but especially when _____(Lyon reader) was watching just meters away with unease.

Yun Hee kicked at the air, pumping her legs as if to propel herself forward into Chanyeol’s arms making all of you laugh; her little French braids bounced around, the ribbons threaded through her hair and curled at the end bobbing up and down like streamers in the wind.

_________ (Lyon reader) exhaled.

“She does this with Daddy as well. He's always encouraging her to fly to him when he's coming to get her. ‘Fly Yun Hee! Fly my little bird! Fly to Appa!’ He has so many nicknames for her.”

You wondered if she was thinking what Baekhyun would make of this moment, and if he would be jealous for his daughter’s affection or if he would be happy to see Yun Hee so spirited after coming into the world the way that she did. But when you looked at _________ (Lyon reader) her smile almost began to resemble a wince as she watched an overjoyed Chanyeol tickling an equally blissful, giggly Yun Hee.

Was she looking at how tiny she was though to ______’s  (Lyon reader) credit and Baekhyun’s feedings she had gained some weight? Especially in Chanyeol’s arms though even your husband looked smaller when he hugged Chanyeol, and.her fiancé Baekhyun too.

Yun Hee thankfully no longer needed her portable oxygen tank but her mother’s worries still seemed endless nonetheless.

But if Chanyeol noticed, he didn't show you nor Yun Hee. After placing his hat on his head once again, he sat down with Yun Hee standing on his thighs with her hands in his for support. She kept swaying side to side in time with the music and would to look in awe at Chanyeol as he sang along.

With Yun Hee holding on to the back of his wrist and watch, Chanyeol clapped and cheered for his group along with the audience at the close of their piece and quieted down when they began the next song.

“We could walk around a little...see what's going on? I thought I volunteered for face painting with Yun Hee?” Chanyeol grinned as he held Yun Hee closer to his chest, whose eyes were opened wide in delight as she looked at him. She seemed to be searching for something and you almost burst out laughing at the expression on her face when she found what she was looking for. She was softly patting her way all over his face and neck, exploring her beloved Uncle who was making silly faces at her. She giggled and tried to make the faces too. She touched her own ears when she saw Chanyeol wiggling his. She tried with all her might to wiggle her own and pouted when she couldn’t. Chanyeol laughed at her expense and wiggled them again until Yun Hee leaned forward and pulled at Chanyeol’s ears to operate them on her own.

He tried his best to keep a straight face as he stood before you both in the orchard dining area but the constant flicking of his ear lobes had him blushing and giggling.

“Ya Yun Hee please,” Chanyeol whined good naturedly through tearful laughter. “All right Yun Hee! All right sweet baby. Let’s give Uncle Chanyeol a break please,” her mother said to her in that tone and when she reached for Yun Hee, she pouted shaking her head no.

With Yun Hee distracted from pestering his overly sensitive ears, Chanyeol wa able to compose himself once again. He shrugged as he addressed ______(Lyon reader)  “I don’t mind carrying her there.” “Well let’s go then. It’d be good to take a walk now,” you said as you stood slowly and ____(Lyon reader) joined you, each of you taking a leash for 먹물 and 후추.

You all chatted quietly as you moved along, stopping to acknowledge the different vendors and looking in on the lecturers in their own tents.

“What do you think ____? Will this really catch on and spread worldwide and be what you hope?” Chanyeol asked, bouncing Yun Hee in his arms gently as he walked at a glacial pace between you and ________(Lyon reader.)

“From the response we have gotten so far I think it has potential. The articles _______(Marseille reader) has done on our events so far have helped immensely and ______(Lyon reader) connections and creativity in design and organization. So far the Pathcodes have seen success...we’ll just have to wait and see what the future holds,” you said quietly ceasing to speak as you finally made your way to the face painting station.

_______(Lyon reader) dropped back to film the short journey on her phone. You could hear her commentary here and there and realized that she was describing the scene for when Baekhyun would be potentially watching this video later. “There she goes our little bird. In the arms of her giant Uncle. She loves it when he carries her,” she whispered to Baekhyun confidentially.

“What should we get?!” Chanyeol asked little Yun Hee who gurgled her response happily pointing at a bird.

The face paint artist finished up just as you all arrived with a little boy who wanted a lion face. He got up just as soon as she showed him the mirror and roared in his best menacing attempt, his whiskers lengthening as he opened his mouth wide.

But you three adults couldn’t help giggling at the mischievious lion with two missing front teeth.

Chanyeol had the nerve to feign fear of the tiny lion, exclaiming in a tone of true worry to Yun Hee. “Oh no! Yun Hee what’ll we do?! It’s a lion!”

The boy, obviously proud of this response, laughed at Chanyeol’s quaking knees making Yun Hee clap her hands and laugh too.

You turned to see ______(Lyon reader) still filming the entire event.

The face paint artist cleaned up her brushes and set up her paints, watching the whole spectacle until the little boy turned away to find his older brother who’d been made up into an alligator waiting on him.

Done with her cleaning, the face paint artist approached you all where you waited and asked, “what’ll it be!?” and Yun Hee didn’t miss a beat.

As she always did, she babbled as quick as she could with open mouth aahs, her eyebrows raising and furrowing in clearly expressive intent as she pointed to the bird.

At the end of her little speech she looked at Chanyeol who nodded and immediately translated that she wanted a bird with a crown of flowers and that he did too.

The face paint artist giggled as she listened to Chanyeol and looked up at you both.

“Well isn’t this the cutest fa-“ But Chanyeol interrupted her.

“I’m her Uncle,” he stated though he was still grinning proudly as if the honor of being an Uncle was just as important as being a Father.

“Ah well, still. You’re wonderful with her,” she smiled gesturing for Chanyeol to bring Yun Hee up to the chair.

“Princess first!” Chanyeol said directing the artist to begin with Yun Hee whose hands he held between his thumb and forefinger to prevent her from grabbing the makeup brushes. But he couldn’t stop Yun Hee from wiggling and giggling each time a brush came close to her.

It occurred to you and her mother who was filming and laughing at her daughter’s reactions that Yun Hee wanted to see the process herself. Her eyes followed the makeup brushes everywhere they went. Each time the face paint artist brought up a new brush with its bristles dipped in a new vibrant color, she would squeal with delight and move her little face so she could look at the color up close.

“It’s going to be awhile Chanyeol,” _______(Lyon reader) warned him but Chanyeol just shrugged again. ————————————————————-

The following morning after breakfast at your place where you hosted Chanyeol and ________(Lyon reader) you drove Chanyeol to the airport.

You saw him off at the entrance of the airport where a clamoring group of reporters and young girls and guys were waiting to catch a glimpse of him.

Back into the fray.

He hugged you both and whispered goodbyes to a still sleeping Yun Hee dozing in her car seat saying “I’ll see you three again soon. Be safe ok? Be well.”

And then he was off, through the VIP security entrance where guards had been called to wait for him.

And then you were off to the hospital.

——————————————————————

“All done little one,” the physician said as Yun Hee hiccuped and sputtered into another cry following her shot.

________(Lyon reader) was trying to soothe her so that she could hear what the physician’s orders were. But she wouldn't quiet.

So you offered to hold Yun Hee.

Yun Hee went to you and sighed, turning into your chest and clutching at your blouse, murmuring in protest of getting another shot.

You rubbed her small back and rocked her from side to side on your knees until she calmed and you could hear _______(Lyon reader) and the physician talking about her progress.

—————————————————————— But when it was time for your appointment you were too afraid to go.

You’d been feeling woozy and overwhelmed about the days leading up to this appointment.

Ever since the first, and second time.

And while it was keeping busy that kept your sadness away, it was also keeping busy that brought you pain and sadness.

When you first discovered that you were pregnant, you waited a month to tell Kyungsoo and the night before you told him….

And so you never told him.

But the second time you were pregnant you told him immediately and yet you still…

It was embarrassing.

It hurt.

It hurt to lose the babies.

It hurt to tell Kyungsoo over and over again that you couldn’t.

Here you were trying to instill your vision of a holistic, purposeful life in your community and world and yet…

You almost felt hypocritical to be going through health issues of your own. But you knew that you were just beating yourself up.

You didn’t know what to do or who to talk to.

Not to your Mother in Law.

Not ______(Lyon reader)

Not your agent.

Not Kyungsoo.

The list of people to truly confess your worries to was so short…

You couldn’t even look at you in the mirror.

But who else could you talk to except you?

You found yourself talking to your body, willing yourself to be stronger so you could hold your babies.

But you were ashamed of what was inward when reminders of what you wanted surrounded you.

During the third pregnancy you began painting a mural in a room you hoped would have been for the baby but…

And Kyungsoo was miserable for you but you couldn’t bear him worrying over you when you both didn’t have time for that.

You had a studio at the farm where you worked most days and nights now in addition to managing the daily duties of the farm with Kyungsoo.

Eventually even just talking with him about the needs of the farm and the festivals became unbearable. There was always the ghost of the conversation you still couldn’t have lingering around the edges of his words and his looks. At home you avoided his eyes and his touch. And you locked the attic library. He put the wine glasses deep into the kitchen cupboard and began giving the wine away as gifts to his brothers when they came to visit to discuss the Pathcodes. You knew when he would be traveling again when you saw not just his suitcase but also a wine glass gift box on the counter. And so you began throwing all of your energy into your extension of the Pathcodes, organizing everything on your own for the first festival. And by the time the event was over you couldn’t feel your feet beneath you but you drove Kyungsoo to the airport where he was flying out to meet with Yixing who would be replicating the harvest festival event in a couple years time and drove yourself home and crawled to the living room couch to sleep. As you drifted further from Kyungsoo, you  clos tyour mother. At first you called her once a month but then once a week, and then once a day for an hour. And though you never told her about what was happening, you knew that she knew. Without acknowledging or hinting to anything at all, she asked one day if you wanted to take a trip to the stables you’d gone to as a child. And so began your summer getaways between the autumn and spring harvests with your Mother for a weekend following your regular appointments with your OB/GYN and your psychologist. You would spend your days at the stables and your nights where you couldn’t sleep you would dream on paper the children… And you went on like that for a year until your birthday earlier this year. You and Kyungsoo has always celebrated each year together as both of your birthdays opened up the new year. And though you were unable to look him in the eye and touch him the way you always had, that didn’t mean that you couldn’t celebrate his birthday. He had been gone to see Yixing after the end of your first four month harvest festival last Fall and returned just before the New Year. You planned a small celebration with your in Laws and invited your parents to attend the small dinner. After his brother picked him up from the airport, he brought him to the farm where you decorated the barn to welcome him and erupted in singing the moment they pushed the barn doors open. You could tell that he was crying but he composed himself and thanked you all for the surprise. He was in shock to see your parents there as were your in-laws when you first told them about your plans for the dinner. But you’d spoken to your parents about getting over the issues you had as a family and that it would help you especially now to have their support. And so they came with sincere birthday congratulations for you and Kyungsoo both. Having everyone around you buffered you from talking about what was still left unsaid and in its own way made the night a little easier. And when you finally made it home, alone once again together, Kyungsoo spoke to you. Hearing his voice again after so long a period of quiet reflection had you in tears at its deliberate tenderness and quiet strength. “I won’t ask much of you yeobo. I know it’s been hard on you and I’m so sorry. But I need you and I need us and I need things between us to be ok. You have to promise me that you will go to a psychologist. You have to promise me that ok?” He said without touching you or even being close to you. You were sitting in your home studio and he had the door open but he waited in the hall. You wiped your tears as you agreed to his request, “I will go.” And when you reached the point where you’d been going on your own without his reminders or having him transport you there, you came home from an appointment one day to find two toy poodle puppies, one only black and one a soft gray, with red and white ribbons wrapped in bows at their collar waiting for you in your studio with a message penned within a card sitting atop a small box. “These two angels, named 먹물 and 후추, will watch over you when I am away. I love you forever _______. Happy White Day.” Within the box was his traditional White Day gift to you, a small dark chocolate cake with your initials inked in white icing and a circle of red hearts on the border. One for each year of your lives you’d spent together and one extra in white for good luck. —————————————————— October “Thank y'all for dropping in. It was wonderful seeing you two again. Goodness we haven't seen one ‘nother since you were a runt ________” the owner was saying to you as she came up to greet you in the quiet stables. Among the now much lighter usual Sunday morning crowd, a small family remained, a young mother and father were rounding up their twin boys who had been roughhousing in the hay, in the stall across from where you stood. You couldn't help glancing over at the rambunctious, happy quad every now and again. If nothing else to take in a deep breathe of fresh air. You turned from the task you were focusing on, sparing the owner a moment to share her grin with her, and your mother, cordially brightening your eyes before lowering them when the owner turned to address your mother who had already finished her goodbyes to her mare. You worked quietly as she carried on spiritedly. “We keep hearing all about the work she's done. We’ve been watching over her career since she graduated. Got all her clippings and a copy of some of her books too. You even signed a copy once remember!” She was turning to you again, before turning back to your mother because you only smiled politely again in response. “My my, you must be so proud of her! And married now, my my,” she was prattling on and on as anyone who has known someone since they were young does. It's as if they are somehow entitled and entrusted with reminding you of who you were and that you can't deviate from that eternal symbol of youth and hope. People are so fond of memories and reminiscing. Your mother let her go on, nodding here, and there sincerely reciprocating her eye contact and enthusiasm before engaging her. She was a harmless older woman after all. She truly had known you since you were a small girl here in Colorado Springs. Your mother had allowed you riding lessons as it was a tradition in the family to do so. And once you got the hang of it she stopped coming with you and sent you on your own. And so this woman had adopted you in her own way, and fostered your love of illustration by allowing you to stay during the summer after an exhaustive school year. You spent many a summer weekend up in the loft in the stables drawing into dawn with the windows opened wide to Universe, drawing inspiration from everything you could hear, smell, see... It was here that you and your mother had visited once again at their bed, and breakfast in when once again you allowed so many responsibilities to pile up that you lost sight.. That you lost… Again... You smiled once again when she looked your way and nodded at her, feeling a slight buzzing in your pocket. “Excuse me,” you whispered politely stepping away from the “a to b with an adjoining nonchalant c” conversation to step outside of the pungent, homey stables. Just as you swiped the screen to answer a text message from your agent, your Mother-in-Law was sending you a text asking when you were coming home for dinner, and _________ (Minseok’s Vice President) was sending you an email to confirm a proof for a new brochure and the OB/GYN was sending another confirmation message for your appointment next month… You clicked the power button until the screen went dark, and pressed the phone to your chest, taking a deep inhalation through your nose, and let the breath gently pass through your lips until you had nothing left. One step at a time, you exhaled once more, and opened your eyes to the pasture before you. To the lush evergreen. The brilliant, bright sunny sky. If you listened and waited patiently surely a bird song was trilling somewhere. A babbling, bustling brook. Come back to the Earth. Stay grounded. “______?” You heard your mother call you out to you suddenly. You pulled a smile from the crisp afternoon air, and whirled around to face her noticing that the owner had given up trying to coax stories of yesterday from you, and instead waited silently as if she were a mime. As if she was waiting for you to give her reason to move and provoke some deeper expression. Did she realize that the future could be heartbreaking enough? Who needs to look back on what was when the future was so… “Yes?” You put a song in your voice. “Well what do you think dear? Are you ready to head back?” She asked, gesturing towards the path leading to the parking lot where the car would be waiting. You nodded, maintaining your close lipped smile as you passed by the farm owner you'd known in your childhood, waving politely once again as you went past and dropping the glamour the moment you stepped out of their gates. The car ride was only an hour at most from your Mother’s new home and you stopped in with her to grab your small leather overnight bag you'd dropped at the foot of the guest bed the moment you arrived. 먹물 and 후추 woke immediately from their naps, barking happily at your return. “Hello babies,” you smiled at them letting them lick your hands. Looking around at the room, you were surprised at how homely this room felt even though it wasn't the bedroom of your youth. There was nothing of this place that was familiar. But your mother had tried in her own way to make it comfortable for your stay. You could tell that the bedroom had been rearranged. That she had repositioned the writing desk to face the window the way you had always done at home. The bookcase looked quite new and you noticed a couple of old titles you'd been acquainted with some time ago. Memories. You held onto the substantial post of the footrest of the bed as you felt yourself sinking into the hardwood floor. Memories. “Dear?” Your mother called to you. From the look on her face, she had been standing there for some time watching you. “Are you having any pain?” She asked gently to which you shook your head immediately, and gathered up your bags quickly before joining her in the hall. “I’m ready now,” you said attempting a small smile. 먹물 pawed at your foot as 후추 whined. ----------------- She brought you to the family restaurant as you asked, and helped you with 먹물 and 후추 just as your Mother-in-Law was rushing out to greet you all. “It's a pleasure to see you again,” your mother nodded to your Mother-in-Law who nodded to her in return. “Yes, it is a pleasure,” she said, and your mother returned the sentiment cordially. “I can’t believe we are already starting our Halloween Harvest celebrations. The year just flies by with all of the work we’re doing,” your Mother-in-Law laughed to herself. You nodded as you had been doing all weekend. With that smooth smile pressed between your lips. “Did you enjoy your holiday together?” Your Mother-in-Law asked gesturing for you both to come inside. 먹물 and 후추 would wait by the front with one of the waiters your Mother in Law sent for. He seemed all too happy to do it. 먹물 and 후추 were already snuggling into him and licking his cheeks. “I haven't been riding in a long time, and I needed the fresh air. It smells delicious in here as always,” you smiled genuinely at her as she ushered you both inside towards the table she already prepared for dinner.

The conversation was light and quick just like the meal, an enriching bowl of chogye guksu. Just as you were raising your second to last substantial spoonful of chogye guksu to your lips, a group of customers entered the restaurant. The hostess who was waiting by the door ushered them to a table and as they passed by your table which was in the center of the restaurant, they wished you all greetings and health to you and your Mother in Law and your Mother before passing and being seated by the window. “Thank you so much for the meal. I enjoy trying something new from your extensive menu each time I come,” your mother smiled sincerely, reaching towards your Mother-in-Law to shake her hand. Your Mother-in-Law blushed, reaching her arms out to offer a hug in place of a hand shake which your mother received awkwardly. One step at a time. ---------------------- After helping you with your bags into the front door, and letting 먹물 and 후추 inside your mother reached for you a little less awkwardly and held you close. You rested your cheek against her breastbone listening to her heartbeat thudding against your ear when she suddenly spoke. “You'll be all right. You can do this,” she whispered against your brow as she smoothed your hair back from your crown. You felt the tears pooling even with your eyes wide open, and found yourself fisting your hands into her blouse. But she pulled herself away from you, pressing your arms down at your sides when she felt you reaching to pull her closer, as she tipped your chin upwards so you could look her in the eyes. “You can do this _______. You are strong,” though it was her voice that you were hearing, it was her eyes that spoke to you. As if she was trying once again to imbue you with her resilient spirit and willing you not to crumble in on yourself. You nodded obediently as always. What a familiar expression. And she stood there, silently watching you for a moment before taking a small step back, and descending the entryway steps to return to her car, her home, and her life. ----------------------

It was only when she left, and you’d tidied the house up that you finally exhaled, and turned on your phone once again.

Just as your husband was calling.

“Yeobo?” His voice brought fresh tears to your eyes once again.

“I am here,” you answered immediately, and heard him let out a raspy exhale.

먹물 and 후추 seemed to know who was on the phone and began yapping loudly.

You laughed at their attempt at a greeting, placing your hand over the receiver and saying “quiet now babies. Please, ” before returning to your conversation.

“How are you?” His words were ever more weighted than usual.

“Better now, and even better when you will be back. I miss you,” you confessed, and heard him give an even deeper tearful sigh.

“I miss you too yeobo. I'll be home soon. I promise. I'm so sorry that I wasn't-”

“Don't. Don't speak of it,” your voice grew louder, and you quickly softened your tone because of the way 먹물 and 후추 began to whine and paw at your calves.

“Please Soo. Please travel safely. Don't worry about me. I'll be...I'm all right. Come home the right way. Not too soon, and not too late,” you strengthened yourself to say what your best self would say and not what your fearful heart wanted.

But I'm already too late, you knew he would say.

The pregnant pause after your words of encouragement confirmed that for you.

But he took a shaky breath and responded, “we are almost done here. Yixing has been very accommodating as usual. But we’re all ready to get back home, and get back to work. I'm thankful that Mom was able to help you out with the classes and…” you laid down on your master bed listening to him talk allowing his tender voice to slow the trembling beat of your heart. You tuned into him as you hadn't done for quite some time. As you had been wanting to do.

Come home my love.

Come back to me my dream.

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