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Loyalty Tests

I am not sure how we have gotten here- but it seems like loyalty is the mainstream value in the modern world.

Loyalty in and of itself is not a bad thing. The problem I see is the expected loyalty to family units or job requirements or “the way things are” or society at large- all over loyalty to oneself.

See many of us are told by relatives I’ll love you no matter what. But it seems most love is conditional based upon absolute acceptance of the way things are or ought to be.

When push comes to shove, one step out of line can be extremely punished. Any question of doubt about the unit is immediately ostracized.

Not even factoring in actual neglect or abuse, just having the audacity to choose oneself or to begin the process of questioning the ways things are can be extremely difficult.

So why is that one choice met with such resistance? With negativity? With disdain? With figurative pearl-clutching and “how dare you’s?”

I would argue that the value of loyalty is so ingrained that most of us don’t even know we are prioritizing it as a value. Honestly, most people don’t even know what their values are anymore.

No wonder they are resistant to change. Change is scary when you’re clinging to the ideals of a static fixed life.

I know several people that are going through the process of removing toxic people from their life. In doing so, they have lost others along the way and I have seen them judged harshly and critically. Rarely have I seen anyone take the time to learn the story. Or ask Or “How can I support you during this hard time?”

Let’s stop putting loyalty to others on a pedestal. Let us honor the courage to be different and ask questions. Let’s follow others on the journey and be willing to trust their instincts. Maybe in doing so, we can learn to trust our own.

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A young man had been dating his girlfriend for over a year, and so they decided to get married. His parents, family and friends helped him in every way. There was only one thing bothering him, very much indeed, and that one thing was his fiancée’s younger sister. She was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts and low-cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near him and he had many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day, little sister called and asked him to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when he got there. She whispered to him that soon he was to be married, but she had feelings and desires for him that she couldn’t overcome—and didn’t really want to overcome. She told him that she wanted to make love to him just once before he got married and committed his life to her sister. He was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” He was stunned. He was frozen in shock as he watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at him. He stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. He opened the door and stepped out of the house. He walked straight towards his car. His future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged him and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.” The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

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The Twelve Brothers

“The Twelve Brothers” by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, from The Original Folk and Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm, translated by Jack Zipes. Read online.

There’s so much happening in this tale. Parts of it overlap with “White as Milk, Red as Blood” from the von Schönwerth tales. Other parts are almost Oedipal in nature with a father ordering the executions of his sons.

A king has 12 sons and decrees that if the 13th child is a daughter, all 12 of his sons will be killed. There seems to be some discrepancy on the motivation of the kind from version to version. In Jack Zipes’ translation in The Original Folk and Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm, the king doesn’t want a daughter and seems to be ordering the deaths of his sons to spite his wife if she so contrary as to produce a daughter. However, in The Great Fairy Tale Tradition, another version which was also translated by Jack Zipes’ says that the king wants his sons killed so that his daughter will inherit everything. It seems the Brothers Grimm themselves changed this tale somewhat from edition to edition of their collected tales.

Regardless, the brothers flee to the forest where they live either in a cave or in an enchanted cottage depending on which version you read. They agree to slaughter any girl that shows up because all of their troubles have been caused by a girl. One day, though, little sister finds out about their existence and goes out looking for them. She finds only the youngest brother at home, and she convinces him to both spare her life and to let her live with her brothers and keep house for them. This works for a time, but then she picks 12 flowers from the forest, and that turns her 12 brothers into ravens. She is told that the only way to change them back is to not say a word for 12 years (or a mere 7 years in the later version).

The commits to the plan to save her brothers. Meanwhile, a king comes along and falls in love with her, takes her home with him and marries her, silent treatment and all. The king had a cruel mother, though, who spoke ill of little sister on every occasion and eventually wore the king down into believing that his wife was guilty of some treachery. Luckily, by the time he decided to have her put to death for her imagined crimes, her 12 years were up. Her brothers transformed back into themselves and showed up at the last minute to rescue her. She was able to to finally speak up for herself.

And the wicking mother-in-law was boiled in oil, of course.

The differences between the two versions of the tale are interesting. In the later version, the youngest brother is named Benjamin, which draws a clear parallel between this story and the Biblical tale of Joseph being sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers. Is the sister a Joseph figure? Perhaps partially. She does restore her brothers to their former lives in time, but instead of being wronged by them as a child, she is the reason for their displacement twice. She then has to pay penance over time in order to save them.

The tale has its share of true villains but the lesson here is in the importance of paying penance for the harm done to other inadvertently or unintentionally. This is one of life’s difficult tests that few people could pass.

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Found myself #overthinking recently about some changes I can't control. This morning I've decided to #letitgo. Life is short! #loyaltytested #99backups

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