i made a meme lol

when you realize one of Count of "Determination"'s kanji has the extra meaning also of "mind, heart, thoughts, care and desire" as opposed to Count of Attachment being blatant and straight up so mushy as hell and you sit here thinking what kind of (demon) Worm went inside this man's head because he is Out to Kill Everyone on Sight

I’ll share pictures tomorrow, but I’m done with the cat I was making! Now what should I make? (I still don’t have polls lol) - Winter Soldier Bear (for one of my auction winners) - a bug of some kind - pride bee (partially for an auction winner, partially as an example for the fundraiser raffle I’m doing right now)  - a small monster, chicken, or bunny (I want a replacement plushie to keep in my purse so I can give it to strangers) - another cat - that kitten pattern I talked about making - something else?

Uh, Silesta, you should be careful with trying to be friends with that, what if you get shaked into its tiny city?

i don't think that's going to happen, as much as how devastating and crazy it sounds. nothing that grand ever happens to me. even though sometimes i wish it did just to get out of work...

and if it did, i have knowledge unlike most people. L + ratio, as they say.

i've tried multiple pacifist runs on sons of the forest, including one where i didn't touch any trees, stayed away from the cannibal camps, and didn't even hold any weapons when they raided (instead brandishing a skull, which i was told would spook them).

every time, by day 5 or 6, they'd be showing up in groups of like 6 and attacking me anyway. the first couple times they hit me, i tried to just brandish the skull at them and dodge, but then one of the big guys with a club showed up, and i gave up.

the frustrating thing for me is that even if you set the enemy aggression/armor/health/raid frequency to low, it still increases over time until aggression and enemy types are the same as if you're playing on normal. i mean the reason i'm setting these levels to low is because i am stupid bad at real-time combat, but i don't want to completely forego enemy encounters. sure that big guy with the club will go down in fewer hits, but he still swings as fast and hits as hard and shows up in every goddamn raid after the first few days.

anyway, i saw someone made a mod to customize raid sizes/aggression/etc., so i'll be trying that out later. maybe it will FINALLY let me turn off infinite health lmao.

very frustrated with my pcp right now.

I have a history of anemia and iron deficiency, and when I ran labs when I first saw my new pcp last fall I noticed I only had hemoglobin checked and not iron. I asked, and my pcp explained that you don’t generally need to check that because you can usually tell via hemoglobin if someone’s anemic or their iron is low.

Anyway I paid out of pocket for an iron test bc I was experiencing symptoms and my tsh was fine. and my iron level is fucking 4! like no wonder I feel like shit and am cold all the time!!

.

150 pulls later and this is what i got

im SOOOO happy kaito, ichika, and haruka came home!!!

im really praying that kanade comes home with any other pulls i manage to get

i really hope my luck on this banner isn't a bad omen for my dark festa pulls

mafuyu please 🙏

why is there so much content to remember in alevels 😭 im so ready to leave college

Picross will always be everything to me...

not to keep only posting abt things i’m doing in japan BUT

i did a little lolita pilgrimage the other day!! i reserved a whole afternoon of my tokyo trip for this and it was so nice ;-; seeing the brands’ storefronts in person really changes how you look at them though bc btssb’s boutique was this gorgeous sunlit room with floral wallpaper and pretty decorations and two very sweet ladies working there who slowly and carefully wrap your purchases in pink tissue paper before sending you off (i can’t stress how slow and careful the tissue paper wrapping was) and then bodyline looked like a theater prop closet where you could turn around from the racks of lolita and practically already have your nose buried in a sexy school uniform with nightcore disney covers playing and an employee squealing greetings in an eardrum-piercing anime voice for minutes on end. whiplash

sry but in any form of spirituality/religion notions of "you choose everything that comes to you so you choose whats bad too" and "what happens to you is because of sins from past lives and you deserve it" will always make me insanely uncomfortable and they will always just lead to v victim-blamy and.... dark worldviews idk.. its insane to me the level of horror ive seen b excused by ppl under these mentalities

i am in a Predicament < balancing financial aid with how my concentration works

Liputan KOmpas RBTV Jogja

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hi everyone! i talked about my new "dream job" very briefly a few times, but turns out you really shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch. i debated not saying anything multiple times, and frankly perhaps i should've kept quiet, but i refuse to let this situation eat me up and i feel like the community also deserves some transparency on some things that realistically, you'll never get unless people speak up. i want to preface this by stating very, very clearly that everyone that i met in the studio on a personal level is incredibly talented, passionate, and kind. all of them deserve much, much better than the way they get treated. i applied to be a writer for quackity studios / qsmp and got an email back on the 18th of january. i interviewed for the position on the 23rd of january, and entered trial period on the 28th after signing an "nda".

early during trial period, i asked one of my supervisors about payment and was told they weren't responsible for that and didn't know, but would get back to me as soon as they knew which never ended up happening (i do not blame them at all, they’re incredibly busy people). i should've pressed further, but as someone in a very, very sensitive financial situation and someone who loves the qsmp and admires the talent of everyone who poured their heart and soul into the project, i chose to wait and expect the best. i was officially welcomed into the studio on the 10th of february, and while i waited to be contacted regarding a contract or payment, i had to once again ask (even after i was already working) about payment. i was redirected to "the" head admin as it was him who handled payment, and had to wait days for him to log on so i could add him as a discord friend and ask about my salary. during that conversation, which took almost a week from start to finish, i was asked multiple times if i'd worked professionally as a writer or freelancer (to which the answer was no) before finally being offered between 200-250 dollars (which i later found out shakes out to 170€) per month. i had to ask how i was being paid, and of my own accord provide him with my paypal email in hopes of a response as he never made it clear to whom i should send it. i was incredibly lucky compared to so many members of that team, because i did get paid for my work over that month, even if it felt like i had to beg for compensation that had been promised to me before. it was an awful salary, but i was desperate and so excited to be a part of the team that i accepted the conditions. after léa's tweets, the response "jay" posted, and quackity's emergency stream, i heard once from a supervisor that things were on hold but we'd be informed of any changes. to this day, there has not been any communication either publicly on the discord server or privately, even though i asked a supervisor privately for any possible updates on anything. there's been absolute radio silence. i want to add that i do not in any way blame my supervisors for any of their lack of communication, as they've been nothing but kind and caring towards me and i imagine they'd say something if they could. i have nothing but the utmost respect for them. a few days ago (and i apologize for not being precise with the date but i wasn't checking these things closely as i had no reason to) i noticed that my access to just about everything on the server apart from the announcement channel had been removed, and the only role i retained was the main "writer" one. upon checking, the other writers on the team still retain all of their previous roles. for some reason i do not know nor understand, my access got removed without any sort of word, communication, dm, anything. anything i've ever learnt about this situation, i learnt in the middle of the night live on twitch.tv while i waited to see if i still had a job or not. the only reason i can find for my access being removed and not the other writers is the fact that i'm friends with pomme's admin. i do not know if that is why, it's merely my own speculation, but it's the only link i can see that would lead to that decision. i hope i'm wrong, but hope hasn't gotten me very far in this yet. yesterday, i quit.

i only applied in the first place because i love the qsmp. i love this community, i love this project, and i genuinely and wholeheartedly wanted to help build it as well as be able to in some way support myself while being creative. i'm not making this post because i hate quackity and want to see anything burn — i'm just exhausted, and stressed, and losing sleep over a business that ultimately does not care for the people that made it a reality. i could not in good conscience not say something, because while i was very lucky that my time there was short and while i made friends there that i believe i will take with me for the rest of my life, i've never been someone who can sit and watch others be mistreated so blatantly and just ignore it. i honestly and sincerely hope that moving forward, things change, but after what i've seen i have very little hope left in me. this isn't just about the exploitation of people, or just about not providing people with payment for their work — it's about treating other human beings who are killing themselves and working themselves to the bone with the very minimum of care and respect. it's about people who made the qsmp what it is being discarded and disrespected constantly, and who live in fear and anxiety. these people deserve to be treated well, and that lack of respect hasn't changed regardless of any "announcements" made. my heart and full and complete support goes out to everyone who is dealing with these very unfortunate circumstances and treatment (my dms are always open if you ever want to reach out), to léa for being so incredibly brave and putting herself in the line of fire for the tens of people still in the studio, to all the actors and the twitter teams for the absolute silence they've received as payment for their hard work over almost a year, and to pomme's admin who despite what's going around on twitter has not received any contact from anyone in the studio yet, and deserves so so much better.

it’s my most sincere hope that qsmp thrives and conditions change, because everyone there deserves that. everyone there deserves to be treated like gold because they’re some of the best people i’ve ever met. i wish it didn’t feel like we have to put ourselves in the line of fire publicly for any sort of response because clearly staying silent hasn’t helped anything.

please, support the people who spoke out and support the people still in the project. they're the ones who made the qsmp the qsmp. they're the ones you should be standing with first and foremost.