#Kim being like “you lost your memory? You still gotta do your job tho” is me to myself everyday. ಥ_ಥ
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I’ve seen that post on here that’s like “What did they put in this game to make us all Like That,” and I think we’re all Like That about Disco Elysium bc we’re all hyperfixating on it because it surprisingly speaks to the chaos of living with ADHD. And we SEE that and feel seen.
- First of all, Harry Du Bois Adhd headcanons pop off hard, especially with the whole “I do speed to do detective work,” aka I need stimulants to focus, aka unintentional self-medication. Also the poor impulse control, emotional disregulation. And the voices remind me of the way my brain jumps topic to topic so I have like 4 ongoing topics going at once. Stereo investigations, thoughts in the thought cabinet, if you will.
- Additionally, a lot of interactions surrounding Harry’s memory loss even feel very ADHD. ADHD is a problem with working memory (attention/focus), which cascades into causing problems with encoding memories for long term storage. You can’t remember what you never even focused on. Because of this, being forgetful of things that seemed basic or obvious or easy to remember for other people is a staple problem for people with ADHD, and while the game is obviously much more extreme with total retrograde amnesia, I find that the game’s demonstration of “the people being frustrated or confused by basic things you’ve forgotten or misplaced” (and this being taken seriously as a Big Issue affecting your life, even if the others don’t take it seriously/brush it off) is very relatable and almost cathartic. Even if the only reason why it’s taken so seriously in the game is because you’ve just literally lost all your memory… and your gun lol
- Harry doing buck wild things to get results based on the conversations going on inside his head, which don’t get read to the outside world, is very relatable. Again, my brain jumps topic to topic so much that it’s almost hard to track the logical thread connecting the thoughts internally, much less explain them to another person at the same time. The “how did we get here, what exactly brought you to this course of action? This seems unrelated, detective” is very much a conversation I experience on the daily, whether with myself or the people around me.
- Kim Kitsuragi is the ADHD fantasy. @snowberry-pie’s got in one. He’s perfect for fighting off that executive dysfunction by helping you actually get shit done while not being suffocating/controlling/shaming about it. He sorta takes responsibility of you to help you take responsibility of yourself. He’s a body double, your partner in it with you. Lets you go on your barely related stereo investigations and indulges your inexplicable actions instead of controlling you, trusting that it’s part of the process lol. Offers positive reinforcement instead of using shame (like calling Harry a burden) to get Harry to focus on the case.
Disco Elysium has lots to say about how disability is exacerbated/unsupported by the system for a lot of characters, including Harry. Adhd fits right into that, especially with the ways an ADHD!Harry interpretation would highlight the understandable nature of his drug addiction (not only was it a way to cope with chronic pain that no one was treating him for, but also a way to cope with unmedicated ADHD).
Anyways I wrote this instead of writing my paper.
#my thoughts#adhd#harry du bois#harrier du bois#disco elysium#de#“Perseveration” officer? How about we “persevere” in writing that paper?#Kim being like “you lost your memory? You still gotta do your job tho” is me to myself everyday. ಥ_ಥ#Shout out to the opening scene of eeaao for also capturing the experience of living with ADHD subtle-ly#meta#metas#kim kitsuragi#literary analysis
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tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)
RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)
THE LAST:
1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water
2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor
3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao
4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened
5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait
6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/
8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on
9. Lost someone special: yup
10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old l m f a o
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red!
13. millennial pink fight me
14. rose gold fight me again
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University
16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on
17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome
18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao
19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words
20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?
21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao
GENERAL:
22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate
23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby
24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk
25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...
26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo
28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW
29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt
31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much
34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr
35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it
36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)
37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star
38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older
39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)
40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho
41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?
42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...
43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho
44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute
45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?
46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger
47. Pronouns: she/her
48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad
49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small
50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...
51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably
52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus
53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!
54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately
55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)
MORE GENERAL:
56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...
57. Drinking: did we not already go over this
58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure
59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)
60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)
61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/
62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see
WHICH IS BETTER:
63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn
64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips
65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)
66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao
67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms
68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know
69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant
HAVE YOU EVER:
70. Kissed a stranger: no
71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick
72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no
73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy
74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that)
75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility
76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that
77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao
78: Cried when someone died: yeah
79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough
81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them
82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??
83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped
84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,
OTHER:
90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!
91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!
92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank
i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone
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