WHAT FORM OF LOVE DO YOU EMBODY?

I saw @lavampira taking this lovely quiz for their OCs a while ago and couldn’t resist the temptation of doing the same for mine!

JULIANDER STRZYGOMSKI, Chasemancer, ShoH:

love as tenderness [ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ]

when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”

BOGUMIŁA NIEPOŁOMSKA, Redmancer, ShoH:

love as a choice [ love is beautiful because it's built deliberately ]

when casey mcquinston wrote "that's the choice. i love him, with all that, because of all that, on purpose. i love him on purpose" and when jenny slate tweeted "i just want someone to grab my little face and scream on purpose, on purpose i am going to care about you" and when jodi picoult wrote "after fifteen years, love isn't just a feeling. it's a choice" and when the good place said "if soulmates do exist, they're not found they're made"

(specific answers below the cut)

JULIANDER STRZYGOMSKI:

a golden sunrise, promising a clear, warm day ahead

love can’t be defined by color

I had been lost to you, sunlight / And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight / Oh, your love is sunlight / Oh, your love is sunlight ("Sunlight")

The Creation of Adam by Michelango

"I'll take care of you / It's rotten work / Not if it's me. Not if it's you" (Anne Carson, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides)

constantly. there is nothing worse than wavering affection. let love be steadfast, let it bleed into and command everything we say and do

a gentle hand cupping my cheek, telling me everything will be all right

in the hands

i witness you do something that paints the world scarlet. i take you into the bathroom and wash the blood from your hair

you say, show me love. i offer you my hands, open

like they are an oasis and you have stumbled upon them in a vast, barren desert. you kiss them like you're afraid they're a mirage, like they'll disappear if you stop

BOGUMIŁA NIEPOŁOMSKA:

a safe place, whether it’s a person or a building

the hue of gold, pure and lustrous

I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee that made him turn around / And I'd be the immediate forgiveness in Eurydice / Imagine being loved by me ("Talk")

torn between Birdman by Frank Franzetta and Intimacy by Angelica Alzona

"I’m tired, can’t think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity" (Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena)

softly. the burning passion of lust only lasts for so long, but the steady, gentle affection of genuine love endures forever

an anchor mooring me to shore in a stormy, churning sea

in the eyes

i take the same path. even though a million of them exist, i always take the one that leads to you.

there's a lot of messed up stuff happening, sure, and a lot of stuff i regret. but this? us? i wouldn't trade us for anything, not for the whole world

like you want them to remember each touch, each movement, each word. like you have never been in this moment before, and you never will be again

...and now onto the much belated second part of the roster! It’s been on the backburner until literally 15 minutes ago when I made Siri and decided to cave in to publish the whole set. The first part, AKA my Dragon Age blorbos, are here.

Left to right:

1) Jedi Exile Siri, Kotor 2, they/them, from Peragus with love,

2) Corinne Varyn, Wayfarer, she/they, getting the post-Wayfarer beach holidays they deserve,

3) Juliander Strzygomski, ShoH, he/him, threatening anyone who dares to disturb the sleep of his kitty cat,

4) Bogumiła Niepołomska, ShoH, she/her, inviting Red for outside reading and chill.

@aylaaescar inspired me so here's "Who's Barbie and who's Ken?" featuring my main blorbos at the moment.

Barbie: Emerald Aeducan (DA:O) Serena Amell (DA:O)

Ken: Corinne Varyn (Wayfarer)

Whatever crime they committed, they regret absolutely nothing: Kallista Tabris (DA:O) Juliander Strzygomski (Shepherds of Haven)

If you think this is enough to make them panic, think again - they'll be getting out of this mess: Bogumiła Niepołomska (Shepherds of Haven)

Corinne/Sidane obvi 😌 okay here's a fun(ish) one: Jul and Bogusia swapping bfs lol. could Bogusia go on a date w Chase without getting mad at him. would Red and Jul lose a their money buying old books from Chandry. the important questions, here.

Corinne: Time and place, gorgeous? 😉

I need not to say that it's a yes. Sidane is handsome and full of gender swag, Corinne would definetely be up for flirtation (or possibly more). A tragedy that they get separated by their respective universes, but we both know that it was only because they would be too powerful together. 😔

ooh, this is a fun one! thank you for making my brain cells rattle! 💕

(mild nsfw behind the cut)

...so, I'm surprised to say, Bogumiła WOULD be more than able to go on a date with Chase IF 1) Chase managed to convince Bogumiła that his attraction to her is genuine and not a joke, 2) if Red hasn't been recruited to the Shepherds and is generally out of the picture. Bogumiła seems to have certain issues with perceiving herself as desirable. She's convinced that Red only fell for her brilliant mind and sparkling personality - or rather, that they've been friends long enough that his love for her as a friend made up for any shortcomings she had in a love department (like her appearance). This is obviously not true, but the time distance since their break up and general miscommunication shenanigans of exes!Redmance cloud her judgement. Having Chase confess that he's into her largely because of her appearance would shake her opinion of herself AND of Chase (whom she considered, a bit rightfully, a shallow flirt - one who flirts with everybody and mostly doesn't mean his words) in the best sense. And if Chase was otherwise a good friend to her? If he ended up hearing about her being ditched by her fiance before joining the Shepherds? If he suggested sleeping with him as a way to rebound, to one up the loser by getting it on with (in)famous Chase Trinaeste? And for stress relief, obviously, a much needed side-effect in their line of work? And if he suggested it at the exact right moment when Bogumiła's judgement gets a little, shall we say, unhinged? She could end up getting in fwb with him. Yes, I know, I didn't expect it either.

(Gosh, I need to see Red, Pan and Neon's faces when they learn that Bogumiła Niepołomska is in fwb with Chase Trinaeste.)

They wouldn't be a perfect match. I can't see Chase falling romantically for Bogumiła or vice versa. They would end up separating sooner rather than later and their arrangement would hit quite a hitch when Red inevitably appears, but I think that they would have a mostly good influence on each other and they would come out of this wacky scenario as genuinely close friends. And Bogumiła could use more such friends. Bonus points for Chase possibly matchmaking between her and Red, once he realizes that they're actually both idiots.

Okay, back to a predictable match.

Juliander and Red? Have them do a $10.000 Shein haul together except it's all second hand books and they'll experience a platonic high they never knew existed. And then they'll experience a platonic low they never knew existed - once they realize that they encouraged each other to go in debt over books and don't have a penny to their names for the upcoming month. Thank goodness that the Order provides free food and shelter. Bogumiła is going to look SO (un)impressed by this.

They would make each other worse. Juliander's finances are already in shambles and I can assure you that with Red by his side they would be absolutely broke. Juliander spent his entire monthly salary on a single book and didn't consider himself scalped (I did, I cried while purchasing it). Red would assure him that he absolutely wasn't, in fact, it was a steal because the book in question turned out to be super rare or something (I don't care, I love you, Red, but this pixel money wasn't worth it). Books to this two are sad puppies left in the rain. You simply have to get them a good home and let's face it, when you say "a good home" you mean "your home" because who else will cherish this book so much as you do? They're incorrigible nerds. Red would ramble about his obsession of the day until his throat ran dry and Juliander would listen to him adoringly, and maybe even take notes. They would be mostly key words to look up in the library later because he's not on Red's level of nerdery, having been raised by Belnus Farplane, but they would be notes nonetheless. There would be absolutely NO checks and balances - Juliander is Red's brain's no. 1 fan and when I say that he would listen to whatever Red was rambling about with the utmost admiration and adoration, I MEAN IT. They're bad enough as friends, now imagine them without the insulation of their other friends, imagine them as lovers. I shudder.

They would be an absolute mess. Red cannot function without a dozen books strewn around him, while Juliander strikes me as a bit of a neat freak. I spoiled myself that Red's biggest turn on is MC being smart and while it works for Bogumiła who would react "Damn right I'm smart, let's make out", there's no way you would pull Juliander away like that from his research. Taking aside the fact that his research time is sacred and he's most likely in the zone, hearing an affirmation of his genius by Archmage Liefred Antiqua would up his research enthusiasm incredibly. "Wait, are you sure that I'm right? Aren't we forgetting something? Tlatou's Law, for example? Maybe we should ask someone for a second opinion? Maybe Bogumiła? Wait, I need to write it down!", while poor Red is peeling off his shirt like "Tlatou's Law doesn't apply here, Jul. I'm sure that's fine. Let's ask her tomorrow".

Let's all say thank you to Chase Trinaeste who had Juliander Strzygomski so in deep by Ch3 that Juliander had his eyes only for one person. And to Bogumiła Niepołomska who took upon herself the task of wrangling Red Antiqua (affectionate).

Ok, I have an important question - would any of your OCs want to start a romance with Aeran? Like, before the drama. If yes/no - why? Me curious 👀

Ding ding dong, we have a winner! Congrats to @bluekaddis for sending the most difficult question so far!

I tried to keep it as spoiler-free as I can for the benefit of Loes and Sierra who may be lurking, but I still recommend not reading anything below the cut, if you haven't finished Ep 2 of Wayfarer.

Okay, to sort things out - a bonus question "Which Wayfarer master would my OCs get?"

Jedi Exile Siri: Amali Sero Emerald Aeducan: Brissa Varyn Kallista Tabris: Rindan Cenric (though I could see Amali Sero being tempted) Corina Brianta: Brissa Varyn Juliander Strzygomski: Rindan Cenric (though I could see Amali Sero being tempted) Bogumiła Niepołomska: Amali Sero (though I could see Rindan Cenric being tempted) Malve: Rindan Cenric

Based on that we can already exclude Emerald Aeducan and Corina Brianta from the dating pool. While I'm not judging any Varyn apprentices who fell for Aeran, to Emerald Aeran would have the same appeal as Gorim, which is to say, none at all, and Corina Brianta, much like her Wayfarer counterpant, would see Aeran strictly as a brother.

Kallista Tabris is excluded from the competition on the grounds of being a lesbian, obviously.

That leaves us Siri, Jul, Bogusia and Malve.

You know too well that I genuinely have no idea how to get along with Aeran. My only experience is with Corinne Varyn and goodness knows that Corinne cannot stay in Aeran's good graces for longer than 5 minutes. It's a constant hit-or-miss with him. Therefore, I genuinely don't know whether I - and by extension any of my characters - am capable of romancing Aeran.

HOWEVER, I can always speculate!

I feel that Siri could possibly be Aeran's closest friend out of all my characters - both as children and as adults. Their energies just seem to match. As children, they would be wild and carefree, as adults, they would be clearly Trying Their Best but also Burdened with Their Pasts. Whatever Aeran's deal, there's a chance that Siri's done something worse… so Siri Gets Him, they wouldn't pry, no matter their former closeness. I also could actually see Siri seeing the deeper reason for him lashing out in Ep2 and being the bigger person, and pushing for a reconcilation with him in Ep3 or maybe even earlier. Siri is generally very chill, it's not easy to push their buttons, and in Kotor 2 I'd say that they spend a lot of time listening to podcasts about psychology while tinkering, so if anyone could reconcile with Aeran without triggering a couple of red flags within me, it would be them. However, I just can't see Aeran and Siri as a romantic match. They strike me as ~platonic buddies~ only. It doesn't help that teenage's Siri crush was a cool guy a couple years their senior so generally quite a difference from a fellow classmate Aeran.

As for Juliander, we both know that he's a human magnet for familial connections and based on that, I'm pretty sure that Aeran is bound to become an instant brother figure to him. It doesn't help that Aeran's master is Varyn and Juliander's master is Cenric, and they're kind of together (on and off) so it's pretty much a family already (or at least they would be in Juliander's eyes - again, no judgement to any Cenric apprentices who fall for Aeran). I just can't see Juliander being attracted to Aeran romantically... which is a good thing because their relationship would be complicated enough already. I feel that Juliander would be quite hurt by Aeran's commitment to secrecy. While he's pretty much the most understanding and not-noisy person you can meet, he believes that relationships should be equal, with both sides showing vulnerability and being honest with each other, and it would hurt him how, despite all these moments where their relationship is almost the same as in the older days, there's this huge chasm between them and apparently Aeran isn't as... serious or committed to this relationship as Juliander is? At least that's roughly the way I understand him.

Bogumiła is just the funniest person to come with his question because she seems to match Aeran's type too well. She's fallen both for her childhood friend (Zori) and her adolescence friend (Red). In the very brief (scrapped) worldstate where Caine survived and she didn't spend Ch1 very mopey because of it, she's got a bit of crush on Trouble who, newsflash, was her first friend in the Shepherds. Her trend of falling for her first friends wherever is just too well established. She'll pine for you wordlessly, but since you're her friend, if you don't pick up on that AND you aren't receptive to that, she won't ~ruin your friendship~ (or embarrass herself for someone who'll obviously turn her down) by confessing. If she fell for you deep enough, her feelings will survive a decade apart and start flourishing wildly with every second you spend together from then on. She's 100% the type to confess her feelings to you during a shouting match after you get yourself seriously injured or otherwise push her buttons in a very specific way. If there's this one character of mine that statistically wouldn't have "Eww, platonic only" feelings towards Aeran, let's face it, it would be Bogumiła. It doesn't help that kid!Aeran just... seems like somebody that she could crush on. He's nice, he reminds me of Zori a little and Bogumiła responds well to braver, more adventurous types who'll push her out of her comfort zone. Obviously you can nitpick that Bogumiła's type skews towards kindness and nerdery, and not only Aeran is NOT much of a nerd, but also his dramatic backstory most likely goes back to his childhood, but I feel that the odds speak for themselves and she would fall for him anyway.

~Spoilers commence, please skip this bit if you haven't played Ep2~

Since she's a bit of a caretaking type, she would do her best to be understanding and considerate of Aeran's trauma, even though it was hurting her how he's been constantly pushing her away. However, if she got injured in late Ep1 and Aeran ended up confessing his feelings to her on the ship, only to keep ignoring the topic throughout the voyage... oof, it would sting. Again, Bogumiła would try to be understanding - he's got his baggage, he doesn't feel ready to start a relationship, he confessed to her only in the heat of the moment... but gosh, haven't they been having plenty... not-so-platonic moments together already? Why can't they just seal the deal and get properly together with her?! He's not ~choosing~ to fall in love with her, he's in love with her already, the choice is only to let himself act on his feelings! And then all the hot-and-cold moments throughout Ep2... they would definetely mess with her. I think that she would be able to connect the dots, see that Velantis has a bad impact on him, but still... she would feel bad for being seemingly left hanging after his confession (that's the moment where, ideally, they should be sharing a kiss by the sunset! enter a romantic relationship together!). She would try to push all the romantic drama away and be a supportive friend to him, though. Aeran's words during their fallout in Ep2 would hurt her badly. While he would be true in that she was depending on him a little too much (or at least Bogusia and I can both see his reasoning here), him calling her a pathetic Wayfarer who always needs to be rescued? That would be UNCALLED FOR. Saying that he regrets reuniting with her, that he regrets his confession? Well, personally I would call it unforgivable, though other people's mileage here may vary. While I don't think that Bogusia would be the type to end a relationship in the heat of the moment (starting-changing it, preferably with a makeout session, is fine, ending it... generally requires a calmer head, in her opinion), she WOULD storm off. She would hate being a nervous wreck at the gala - she's not the subtlest when it comes to masking her emotions and she doesn't need to be Varyn to know not to trust anyone there (which would only make the anger at Aeran leaving her like that stronger) - but she absolutely wouldn't return to their room quickly. Thankfully, she would find some solace with Melchior. While I don't think that she would sleep with him, he would give her a safe space to be mopey in and there are other questionable choices that you can make during an afterparty... like not sleeping well because you're tormented by the direction in which your life is going. She would spend early Ch3 giving Aeran a cold shoulder (an even colder one if, having heard that she attended Melchior's party, wanted to know whether she cheated on him... "Maybe I should have", she would tell him coldly, feeling a bit angry at herself for not having done just that, for not being the kind of person to do something like that), somewhat revelling in his asking for forgiveness OR very aloof if he ignores the matter and doesn't even go for a single sorry. If he doesn't try to apologize, their relationship is done for and it's non-negotiable. If he does apologize, then, whatever he says, Bogumiła can't forgive him just yet. If he wants to keep her in his life, despite believing her to be such a burden, he needs to work for it.

~No more major spoilers, feel free to resume reading~

As for Malve... neither I, nor Malve have the faintest idea. While they fell for Oisein who was also their friend, they don't know what specifically made them fall for them. They're very new to the concept of romantic or sexual feelings, they have never experienced them before. However, they're very curious about this newfound aspect of themselves. They want to know the answer and they would be willing to try! Thank you, Malve, your commitment to science is truly impressive. I guess I have a new Wayfarer MC now?

I made a little Valentine’s Day dating profile (using the lovely pattern from Freepik as a background) for myself, AKA @aeducanka, and my friends, @etoilebinaire, @aylaaescar, @bluekaddis, @bitchesofostwick and @lavampira to use!

Here’s my fifth profile in the series - for my Hero of Haven (from @shepherds-of-haven‘s Shepherds of Haven), Juliander Strzygomski! Feel free to comment which one of your OCs would match with him. 👀

@aylaaescar suggested answering this question from Lena’s blog for my ShoH blorbos and here comes Jul’s answer!

Caine needs “The Talk”! How would MC approach the wonderfully awkward task of explaining the birds and the bees to a preteen kid?

Juliander Strzygomski:

Generally, Jul would seem to be a good person to approach? As in: he's not the person that you'll go to tips regarding your love life per se - think "Oh no, I have a crush on this girl. What do I do?" - because you know that he's gay and your tween mentality tells you that Boys Are Different TM, and though at some point it becomes Known that he and Chase are together, Jul is definetely not The Cool One in the relationship. People correctly notice that the right question to ask is "What did Chase do to make you fall for him, Juliander?" and not the reverse. They would go for courting advice to Chase, not Jul. Sex ed, however? Jul has the energy of a cool rebellious uncle and that makes him perfect for sharing knowledge that your parents don't want you to know or you're too embarrassed to ask your parents for. He despises adults who dismiss children with "I'll tell you when you're older" or "You'll understand it when you're older", who project their own shame onto their kids and refuse to equip them with essential knowledge about their own bodies.

(There's also the additional factor of parents's knowledge sometimes being very limited in certain areas - sometimes because of prejudice, sometimes because they simply weren't taught about the alternatives. For example, Jul's parents’s idea of a default sex ed was rather cishet. They would try being more inclusive, if they knew that Jul was attracted to men, but they had no idea, Jul himself had no idea that he was gay at that point and then they were gone 13-th-birthday-style so... Jul had to do his own research once he figured out that he's gay. If he can make one youngster's journey of figuring out the ropes a bit easier, then he did some good in the world.)

Jul totally understands that there are plenty of reasons why you simply can't ask your parents or you asked them and they didn't give you a sufficient answer, and he has this chill nonjudgmental aura that makes him feel like a person that you can trust and let yourself be vulnerable with. You can ask him any set of "embarrassing" questions and he'll answer them fully, no sugarcoating and no abridging. He's any controlling parent's nightmare.

Also, a fun fact - it's actually not easy to make him blush or stammer while covering these topics. He may need a moment to come up with an answer, if he gets surprised by a sudden change of topic, but it's only becauase he wants to give the kid the most thorough answer he can. He's extremely professional, kind and understanding.

A way to make him blush would be to ask him what he does with Chase specifically, but it’s only so because IT'S PERSONAL and Jul would like to have his privacy in that regard expected. He can give some general tips based on his knowledge and experience, but you won't squeeze any saucy backstories out of him while he's answering your questions.

And if Jul pawns the responsibility off, it’s always for a good reason. The thing is - Jul very much realizes that he's not the norm, he can't and won't pretend that he is the norm, and that a statistically likely allo kid sometimes would like to hear some reassurance from an allo adult with similar experiences. Jul is demiromantic and while he falls in romantic love somewhat easily (at least compared to my other demi characters, Siri or Bogumiła), it's based on the person's vibes, not their physical appearance. He's also demisexual and it takes him time getting to know his crush (and sometimes also a near-death experience to speed up the whole process) to start experiencing any sexual attraction at all. Jul very much realizes that his particular experience may not be helpful to everyone and while he hates dismissing people (because it feels like being the kind of a person that Jul personally despises and that he would hate to become), he may point someone in the direction of someone who would provide them with a better answer. Statistically, I think that it's mostly Red (who is cool with that and eventually became Haven's second unofficial sex ed teacher), but at some point Jul surprised Bogusia with a visit from some kid who shared similar experiences to her and it was very sweet. 🥺

Juliander Strzygomski in his Valentine’s Day’s date outfit because a tiny profile picture doesn’t give it justice.  

songs to ship by

I was tagged by @kawaterrier to list 5-10 ship songs. Thank you so much!

I invite @aylaaescar, @consulaaris, @czandziowata, @etoilebinaire and @lavampira to also experience this Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known. (It's fun!)

I'm not nearly prepared enough to make them ~consistent ~, as in: from just a single ship playlist, so here's a bunch of everything.

Also half of them are in Polish and I'm not giving you any translations because I missed Tumblr's Speak Your Language Day for the xth time in a row and I'm taking this chance to make up for it. Woe, Polish be upon ye!

1. IGNACY - Czekam Na Znak

Tylko czekam na znak Czekam i tak Rób co tylko zechcesz Chwytaj mnie za serce

This is such a Juliander Strzygomski/Chase Trinaeste song. I won't explain it. It just is.

2. Sarsa - Tęskno Mi

Zobacz ile mogło być takich chwil Naiwne dziecko jestem i tęsknię dziś Do Ciebie, bez Ciebie miało być mi lżej

Does it fit the requirements? Anyway, I have this on my Emerald Aeducan/Alistair Theirin playlist so it counts.

3. Cleo - Za Krokiem Krok

Chodzę dziś znów (Chodzę znów) Tobie po głowie Za krokiem krok (Tup, tup, tup) Tupet masz i nie powiesz

If you know me, you know that annoyances to (friends to) lovers is one of my biggest weaknesses.

4. Feel, Lanberry - Gotowi Na Wszystko

Bo nic już nie liczy się bardziej niż my Gotowi na wszystko, na każdą z tych chwil Wciąż zaplątani w miłości nić Poprowadź mnie, poprowadź mnie (Poprowadź mnie) Chcę tam być

Technically, I don't have this on any of my ship playlists BUT I love this song so much and I guess I could make it about Bogumiła Niepołomska/Red Antiqua?

5. Happysad - Zanim pójdę

Miłość to żaden film w żadnym kinie ani róże ani całusy małe, duże. Ale miłość - kiedy jedno spada w dół, drugie ciągnie je ku górze.

The irony of me not liking this song only to want to scream-sing it from the rooftops. Classic Karolina.

6. Dua Lipa - Love Again

I never thought that I would find a way out I never thought I'd hear my heartbeat so loud I can't believe there's something left in my chest anymore But goddamn, you got me in love again

...my smug satisfaction when I saw the author of WTS confirm it as a K de Vries song. Can't wait to romance them and make this song fully canon.  <3

7. Saint Motel - Cold Cold Man

You're the only one worth seeing The only place worth being The only bed worth sleeping's the one right next to you

SCREAMING. Thank you, Dani, for introducing me to Saint Motel's music.

8. Travie McCoy - Need You

I know it's not your fault, but I’m a locked door And inside, I'm a mess by someone before And I wish that I, I could find a key To unlock all the things you want us to be

This song was a blast when I listened to it maniacally in Simlish, this song proved to be even more of a blast when I rediscovered it in English. Such an Emerald Aeducan song.

9. Ella Eyre - Deeper

And I don't think I'm ready To go in this heavy I thought we would take it slow And now you got that feelin' You say that you mean it But for me, I just don't know

Another Emerald Aeducan staple. I’m playing favourites, I know, but it’s because I’ve had my Emerald/Alistair playlist the longest.

10. Vance Joy - Riptide

Lady, running down to the riptide Taken away to the dark side I wanna be your left-hand man

I don't have a ship for this snippet just yet but I WILL. I will.