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oops-prow-did-it-again · 4 years

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Pokémon Retold: Hidden Grottos - Something More

Hil wrestles with guilt over what Reshiram did to one of the Shadow Triad. Also lots of Hil/N fluff. I’m not sorry.

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Timeline: ~10 months after Black 2

Setting: Unova

Notes: Fluff. All the fluff. I'm really not sorry. Though there is some minor blood mention (mostly through recollections of the battle aboard the Frigate from Black 2). Also, I realized like 4k words in that uh, it didn't make a lot of sense for neither of them to have their pokémon out, since Hil likes to let his team out while he sleeps and N kinda isn't a huge fan of Poké Balls, but… I really don't wanna potentially ruin the flow by going in and adding little addendums about their pokémon here and there. So just imagine Noodle is in there somewhere and N's Zoroark is probably out of its Poké Ball too lol. It's fluff, dangit, I'm sorry! Lol I started writing this at 12am and could not stop (it's currently 4am. Aaaaa)

Characters: Hilbert (Hil), N, Reshiram

Prerequisite Reading: Black, Black 2

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The scent of blood was heavy on the air and the breeze lashed his face, bitterly cold to the point it felt like daggers digging into his skin, and strong enough to blow him away. Hil gritted his teeth and dug his shoes into the wooden deck below him, but when he looked up, all he could see was the battered, broken Plasma Frigate ahead of him, Reshiram divebombing it again and again with Fusion Flares. Yet, there was nobody else aboard the crumbling ship… Feeling like something sticky was covering his hands, Hil flicked his wrists and then gasped at the red fluid that was slung to the deck. Shakily turning over his palms to look at them, he blanched at the thick, scarlet coating over his hands. Then, Reshiram landed in front of him, and a powerful gust of wind knocked him to his stomach.

Immediately, the biting cold was gone and the pain from hitting the ground seemed much more real. Groaning, he leaned up and blinked fervently as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the hotel room, discovering he was laying against the tiled floor and cocooned in thrashed blankets. He dazedly tried to unravel himself, turning over, but jumped when N scrambled over to him. In his grogginess from having woken up so suddenly, he had almost forgotten N was even there… He gave N an apologetic, almost nervous smile for that, even though he knew it wasn't like N could have known.

"Hil, are you alright?" N asked fretfully as he cautiously leaned over to help him out of the blankets. "What happened…?"

"Yeah, sorry," Hil mumbled as he grasped N's hand, leaning on him as he unfolded his legs to stand up. He winced at N's second question. Sighing, he pondered what to say. The truth? He knew what the nightmare had been about.

Every now and then, he'd have some variation of the same setup. He would be aboard the Plasma Frigate, alone, with Reshiram somehow involved. Sometimes, she would fiercely roar in his face and that would wake him up; sometimes, she'd land in front of him with a person's broken body in her jaws. The nightmares were always gory and unpleasant, and somehow, he would always wake up knowing exactly what they were getting at… Though, he supposed that wasn't so strange. Even in his waking hours, he'd sometimes think back to the Shadow Triad member that had informed him the Plasma Frigate had been a decoy, and how Reshiram had callously then dispatched him.

In the wake of the events aboard the Frigate, cleanup efforts resulted in bodies getting recovered from the ship. Among them had been that Shadow Triad member (the other two, along with Dr. Colress and Rosa, had never been found despite their best efforts in searching over Unova). If he were honest, it disturbed Hil on a haunting level that man had been killed while trying to assist him, not to mention how part of him was convinced the Shadow Triad didn't mean any harm to begin with and were somehow victims as well in all of it. After all, despite telling him that they couldn't let him kill Ghetsis, they had reassured him that Ghetsis wouldn't survive their encounter, nonetheless (though they had yet to locate his body, and Hil doubted they ever would). Every time he thought of that chilling, final encounter with the remaining brothers, a tremor of guilt would crawl up his spine. While one of them had lain dead and mangled aboard the Frigate, his brothers had assisted Hil one, final time, coyly finding a loophole in Ghetsis' control… Had they even known…? If they did, would they have even had the capacity to care?

Regardless, he had wanted to talk to Reshiram, to understand why she had chosen to murder that one so coldly, but frustratingly enough, he had found it impossible to communicate with her following that fateful battle in the Giant Chasm. She didn't seem upset with him and could stay out of her Light Stone form for as long as she pleased nowadays, but he just couldn't… talk to her like he had during their battle with Ghetsis and Kyurem. It was absolutely maddening! Part of him thought N could have helped him, but…

How could he have expressed all of that to N? N, who had been held captive by the Shadow Triad as well as Ghetsis to the point that he grew restless and upset staying in one place too long? In fact, they were currently staying at a hotel in Hoenn, quite the distance from Unova, because of N's need for new sights and smells. They had a few more days slated out before they would return to Unova to complete the tasks that had surely been piling up for them. It was a tense routine they had started to fall into following Hil's realization that N had felt trapped at the Pokémon League. That he hadn't even realized he was allowed to leave it.

"Hil?" N pressed softly when Hil didn't answer, wrenching him from his stupor. "What's wrong…?"

Hil sucked in a fast breath and sat down on the (now blanketless) bed behind him. No, he couldn't talk to N about that. N had been through so much more than he possibly could have ever hoped to understand, and what if he were hurt by Hil showing pity for his previous captors? "Sorry," he mumbled, "It was nothing. Just a dumb nightmare. Didn't make any sense." That sounded pathetic even to me. I can see Reshiram rolling her eyes at me now for how see-through that lie was.

Shuffling away, N crossed his arms, and an awkward silence started to build. Hil's heart pounded more and more as it stretched on, until he snatched the blankets from the floor and tossed them back on his twin bed. He didn't bother rearranging them, but he just wanted something, anything to break this miserable silence, something to send N away so he could go back to—

"You've been having a lot of nightmares," N interrupted his thoughts. Freezing briefly, Hil then licked his suddenly clammy lips and locked his stare on N. He still wore that off-white bandage around his head, hiding his missing eye from sight, but Hil had learned to read his expressions expertly in the time they had spent together since then. Right then, N had a sour, almost cagy, expression, one that radiated… disappointment? Hil didn't know what to make of that. All he knew was that he wanted N to go back to bed, so he could go back to bed, and forget all about this awkward conversation, wherever it was headed. He tensed slightly as N kept speaking. "I may have just one eye now, but I am not blind to how you clearly do not want to talk to me about this, whatever it is… I don't blame you for having nightmares. There are countless experiences I know you've been through that could cause them." N shifted his weight from side to side and his hands slowly dropped to his sides. "But… I don't understand why you don't want to talk to me about them… You have told me so much. I have told you so much… You have helped me whenever I have fought with nightmares. Especially if I ever woke in a fashion much like you just did. So… why do you not want to tell me?"

Feeling like a Deerling in headlights at N's blunt, yet respectful questioning, Hil's mouth fell open but no words came out. He didn't know what to say to that… "It's just… nothing I want to worry you about," he responded lamely at last, feeling his stomach twist into anxious knots. No longer able to meet N's single eye, Hil looked at his fidgeting hands and then pulled his feet to the bed, intending to curl back up and tell N he was tired. Just as he went to open his mouth to say so, however, N cut him off.

"I have spent a lot of my life with others deciding what I was allowed to know or not. Do you intend to do that as well?" he asked matter-of-factly, with the mildest inflection of annoyance. When Hil looked up at him this time, the corner of N's lips twitched with a hint of well-restrained frustration, and then he moved to sit down on the bed next to Hil. His movements were stiff and almost… cautious. Almost instinctively, Hil maneuvered so that he was sitting upright on the edge of the bed again, maintaining that distance between himself and N. Although N hadn't been able to explain to him exactly why, Hil knew that the other could be finicky about close contact with people. Sometimes, he found it comforting, and would welcome hugs or at least tolerate being near others, while there were other times where N would bristle at contact and would, quite vocally, ask to not be touched. Over time, Hil had learned to pick up on the subtle differences in N's movements to know when was or wasn't a good time to approach him—and now was definitely not one of those times, based on the tension in his form and the way he was averting his gaze.

Not that Hil could blame him. Shame made his cheeks burn red as he heard N's question, and his hands immediately fidgeted more, starting to shake slightly. Damn his anxiety. "N… no," Hil weakly mumbled through uncooperative lips. "I don't… I'm not trying to… trick you, or anything…"

"Yet, you were lying to me… were you not?"

Exasperated, Hil groaned and hung his head. "When you put it like that, it sounds so much worse than what it is!"

N sounded a little more frustrated then. "So, what is it, then? If it's not that bad, why is it such a secret?"

"People are allowed to not tell others things sometimes, N," Hil defensively retorted before he stopped to think. Almost right away, he cringed at the snappiness in his tone. Also since he and N had become the Consuls of Unova, he had come to understand that N had a very direct way of communicating. He didn't understand nuances or social cues that well, and the concepts of insinuations or passive-aggression were lost on him. So, he knew that N couldn't have possibly meant to suggest he didn't deserve privacy, and most likely wouldn't have understood his snippy reply in the slightest. Turning a worried look to N, he was proven correct by how the other looked utterly stunned.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Hil blubbered in a panic, covering his face. "Look… I'm… I'm sorry. It was a nightmare about the Plasma Frigate. You know how I said Reshiram… Reshiram killed one of the Shadow Triad in front of me? Every now and then, I just… I just feel so bad about it. I feel so bad for him, and for his two brothers, and I know that's stupid because they helped keep you a prisoner in that madhouse of Ghetsis', and that's why I didn't want to talk about it, because you don't need to feel pity for people who helped abuse you, and—"

"Hil," N interjected gently, finally bringing Hil's anxious run-on sentence to an end. With something Hil swore was a twinge of amusement, N asked, "Is that really it?"

Daring to move his fingers to cautiously eye the other through the gaps between them, Hil swallowed hard. "Um… yeah, that's… that's pretty much it…"

Giving a relieved sigh, the tension in N's form left with the very air he exhaled. "I really thought it would be something so much worse," he chuckled lightly. Shaking his head, making his messy, green hair fan out over his shoulders, he turned a sad smile on Hil. "Hil, I don't hold anything against the Shadow Triad… They were just as used as I was." His smile dissipated as he curled his lips slightly in disgust. "Even when I was little… I knew that something was… incorrect with them. Even with the limited group of people I was allowed around, I could tell they didn't behave like others… For a while, I'll admit, that made me like them a lot. I felt like they might understand me, because I didn't feel like I fit in with other humans well, either. Of course, I learned that they didn't get me, and that they really didn't understand much of anything and were just obedient, but… I really liked them when I was little." N almost wistfully tilted his head and closed his eyes. "Ghetsis… did not name them… I thought that was really sad when I was young. All humans in the stories I had read or that I had met had names, so I thought it was only fitting they should have one, too." He laughed. "I asked them what they would like to be called."

Relaxing at N's unexpectedly sympathetic reaction, Hil lowered his hands from his face and scooted closer to the other. Still trembling thanks to the close call with a panic attack a moment ago, he tenderly quavered, "So… What did they say?"

"That they didn't understand," N snickered. Taking a deep breath, he added, "I tried to explain a few times, but they still didn't get it. Like the entirely uncreative person I am, I dubbed them Quiet, Whisper, and Loud…" There was a short pause. "I never called them that around anyone else, though, and quit calling them it altogether once I was older… By the time I was finally allowed out of… there… I'm sad to admit that I saw them as… Ghetsis wanted me to… Tools to serve Team Plasma's purpose. I didn't mean to view them that way…" He shook his head vigorously and then pulled himself farther onto the bed, daring to move a hand forward to clasp it over one of Hil's against the mattress, making Hil freeze and his breath hitch. "I am not upset with you for feeling bad about what happened to Whisper, Hil…"

Genuinely smiling back at him, Hil felt emotion rising in his throat some. Biting his lower lip to try to fight it off, he nodded. "Thank you…" Even though that's not it… Hil wanted to banish that thought so badly. He didn't want to get into the messiness of how he felt frustrated about failing to communicate with Reshiram. This bittersweet, reminiscent discussion was something he wanted to cling to, maybe steer the conversation into another exchange of their radically different childhoods, laughing and grinning about the good times (however few there were) and wincing and comforting one another over the bad times. Yet, his mouth felt like lead as N's earlier words rang in his head, reminding him he wasn't being honest.

"You can tell me stuff, too, you know," N whispered, as if guessing what Hil was thinking. He squeezed Hil's hand slightly. Face still a little red, Hil slowly turned his hand over and clasped his (admittedly somewhat sweaty) palm to N's hand, intertwining his fingers with N's. "I know you have, ah… helped and saved me often in the past," N started gingerly, "but Hil, when I apologized for you having to save me again… I think I perhaps conveyed myself poorly."

Blinking confusedly, Hil cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean…?" Although Hil could tell this was important for N to talk about, he had to admit, remembering the way N had apologized to him after he had dealt with Ghetsis back in the Giant Chasm was heartbreaking. It had pained him so deeply, for N to be there, bleeding out, and still apologizing to him… Just the memory made Hil's jaw clench and it took everything in his power to keep from tightening his grasp on N's hand. Nobody had a way of bringing out that furious, almost feverish desire to protect in him quite like N could.

"I was not feeling bad for myself," N explained. "At least, I don't think so… I was sorry because I had not been as strong as I could be… You have such a way of catching me in my moments of weakness," he snorted, "that I think you have mistaken me for someone far weaker and frailer."

"What? No, not at all," Hil defended himself a little too quickly, and a little too squeakily. N's smile vanished and he gave Hil such a pointed look with that single, gray eye. Shrinking under just that look, Hil squirmed, laughing halfheartedly. "Right… sorry, go on…"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," N sighed. "Hil, I'm not going to shatter to pieces if you talk to me more. I don't need safeguarding. I'm not a prince locked in a tower anymore. Ghetsis is gone. We lead Unova together. First and foremost, many people rely on us now… And I fear what may become of those that rely on you… or care for you"—N flicked his gaze to the side—"if you refuse to talk to me… or, er, anyone, about what is upsetting or bothering you…"

For as reserved as his words sounded and as subtle as his body language was, Hil caught on immediately to the way N was subversively admitting to caring about him, to worrying about him. In one swift moment, all Hil's anxiety was traded in for a rush of warmth that made the almost goofy, happy smile on his face grow even broader. Not to mention, the very sentiment in his words might have made him melt all on their own. Together. They led Unova together… and Hil had apparently made N feel excluded and worried by keeping his thoughts and feelings to himself. As quickly as the gust of warmth had come, it started to ebb, and he gnawed his lower lip again, dropping his gaze to the bed. "I'm sorry, N," Hil murmured, "I never meant to treat you like… like…" Oh, Arceus, how could he have explained? It was N. Hil didn't know what it was about him, but the idea of hurting N or of him being in harm's way made him want to coil around the other like a protective mother Beartic. He had seen N undergo so much, and he had so nearly lost him once before… it was so hard not to inadvertently treat him like a glass statue… Emotion choking his words somewhat, Hil whimpered, "I just… I want to keep you safe…"

"I am safe," N said simply, tugging on Hil's hand a little. "I am safe with you. You have made it clear time and time again that I am safe with you, that you do not intend to harm me… but, Hil?"

"Yeah…?"

Almost reluctantly, N said, "I… want to help you, too. I want to keep you safe, too… And you bottling yourself up and never really coming to me with stuff to talk about… I dislike that more than if you would simply talk about it… Even if some of it maybe is uncomfortable…" Breaking the tension with a slight laugh, he raised his visible brow at Hil. "Am I making any sense…?"

He was making perfect sense, and as guilty as Hil felt for making N feel like he was being coddled, his heart was swimming on fuzzy feelings that honestly made it difficult to consider the guilt or anxiety anymore. Again, he recognized the situation as a potentially romantic one, and yet again, calling it that would have felt insulting. Perhaps it was the fact that N still didn't have a fantastic grasp of what a romantic relationship was, but the way N described the way he wanted to care for Hil just sounded so wholesome and… Hil cherished it so much. It left him feeling so full in a way only N could seem to do. "Yeah, you are," Hil finally replied, grinning almost giddily. "You're right… You're right. It's not fair to you for me to hold back and decide for you what you can't or… can't handle. We're in this together." Casting a look at his bag across the room, hanging on the back of the hotel's door, Hil gestured toward it with a nod. "So, here goes… I wanted to talk to Reshiram so I could ask her why she… killed, that member of the Shadow Triad… I mean, Whisper." N might have quit calling them by their names a long time ago, but Hil suddenly found the idea of continually referring to the deceased brother namelessly unpleasant. "But I haven't been able to talk to her at all since the Giant Chasm… She hasn't been upset with me, or anything, I don't think, just…"

"Oh, is that what you want to do?" N perked up, a delighted smile spreading across his face. "I, um… I didn't know you were actually interested in honing that skill further…"

Practically gaping at him, Hil incredulously chuckled and asked, "Why on Earth wouldn't I want to learn to do that more? Hello, I'd get to talk to a legendary pokémon! Not to mention how much easier it'd be to tell Noodle to get off my shoulders whenever his brain scrambles and he thinks he's a Servine again…"

Giggling back at him, N's cheeks were dusted a rosy pink in embarrassment, something that hit Hil with another pang of warmth, only this time it hit more like a truck and less like a gentle wave. Almost like a yearning ache. "I just… I had it beaten into my head for so long that talking to pokémon was taboo and strange and humans hated it…" N still sounded amused, but there was quite the raw undertone to it. "I suppose I just figured you weren't interested since you never talked about it ever again… and I didn't want to bring it up in case it… did upset you…"

"Are you kidding?" Hil abruptly flopped down closer to N, never letting go of his hand as he did (in fact, he brought it against his chest as he sat down again, and it took everything in his power to exercise the self-control it took not to kiss it, as even he recognized in his giddy state that might have been pressing his luck). "Your whole thing with talking to pokémon is awesome. That is so nothing to be ashamed of!" Smirking a little, he taunted, "I've even heard Nathan complain about how he wishes he could do that, and you know Mister Man doesn't show envy." Rolling his eyes, Hil mocked Nathan's gruffer, throatier voice and said, "Since, y'know, he's a tough guy and all that. He 'doesn't need any help!'"

Covering his mouth, Hil could tell N was trying not to laugh, but an ugly snort betrayed his amusement and his face flushed an even darker red. Gathering his composure, he straightened his back out and, with a hint of pride that pleased Hil to hear, mused, "Well… It's a little late right now, but I would be happy to try to help you and Reshiram tomorrow… I suppose I could just talk to her for you, though, and that would also get you your answer."

Hil didn't even ponder that. "No… I wanna know how…" A little teasingly, he added, "I wanna see the world through your eyes, man. Er… Eye?"

"That should not be funny, and yet I feel like laughing," N almost pouted.

"I think that kind of humor is 'irony,'" Hil laughed.

"Mm. I think you do that one a lot."

Shrugging, Hil smirked, "Yeah, that, bad puns, and just all around terrible jokes are kind of my thing. Hey, maybe soon you'll understand why Cheren groans all the time at me!" Pausing to blink, Hil tossed his head back. "Oh, no. Soon you'll understand why Cheren groans all the time at me, and then you'll start doing it, too, 'cause you'll start to get why all my jokes are so bad."

There was a long silence before N, nervously despite the amusement lacing his voice, tried to coyly say, "W-well… maybe bad jokes are funny in their own way."

Oh, my Arceus, I'm gonna die. Is he trying to flirt? Yep, I'm just gonna die now, right here. His heart felt like it was going to explode. Deciding he had to end this before that actually happened or he somehow ruined this moment, Hil awkwardly let go of N's hand and hopped up off the bed. "Haha, you think so, huh? Well… we should probably get some sleep before tomorrow, at any rate," Hil yawned.

"This is your bed," N blankly said. "Why did you get up?"

"That," Hil pointed at him, "is a very good question." He sat back down, but N didn't get up. After a few uncertain seconds like that, Hil not-so-smoothly questioned, "So… ah… you gonna…?"

"Um…" N clasped his hands together over his lap and stared squarely down at them. "May I stay in your bed for… now…? I know it is a little small…" He swallowed hard. "But I want to… ah… be with you in case you have more nightmares like… that… It looked painful when you hit the floor like that…"

He almost couldn't believe his ears and felt a little silly for the way he beamed stupidly back at N as soon as he said that. "I'd love that, N…" He felt so warm all over, tingly and beyond joyful, to the point his hands felt jittery. He quickly realized they were jittery as he and N worked to fix the bedspread, and then took a few minutes to try to find a comfortable position for each of them in the bed.

Ultimately, Hil found himself pressed against N, with the other winding an arm around him protectively (to 'keep him from falling off the bed again,' in N's words), both sharing the same pillow. Despite how comfortable and lovely it all was, though, it ironically made the idea of falling asleep laughable. Hil had nervously questioned N at first if he was sure about it, only to have the other reassure him he was fine, and then he had even admitted it was a lot nicer than he had been expecting. Deciding to just take it as the compliment it was meant to be at face value, Hil's pride had swelled and he had nestled into the other's hold.

It was a long, long time before he fell asleep and boy, was he exhausted the next day as N hauled him out to the forest to assist him in learning to speak to Reshiram, but it had been more than worth it. He had no idea what to consider himself as N as, but honestly? That was fine by him. They were whatever they were, undefined and unrestricted by labels, and happy that way, learning slowly but surely about one another at their own slow, comfortable pace.

He'd have had it no other way.

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HEY SO I HAVE AMAZING NEWS!

My school decided to have mercy and ISN'T charging me an arm and a leg despite me not actually living on campus! So while I'm still leaving the P*treon up as a tip jar/for commissions, I don't feel like I have to lump my fanfiction work under the "gets posted to P*treon 2 weeks before everywhere else" rule!

I am so happy! I'll admit that I was really sad about the P*treon deal because I HATE waiting to post my works here to you guys. I get so much fun out of sharing my stuff or even just seeing all my work together under my name under my account. I'll be updating my Tumblr and the actual P*treon page to reflect this change soon. So no 2 weeks of going dark for me bb woo~!

In other news, if this oneshot is chock full of errors, that's because I basically wrote it in a fluff-brained fervor. I'm very gay and so is Hil and - yknow what, sue me, lol.

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heartslogos · 4 years

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newfragile yellows [878]

“I've got good news and bad news,” Dorian says, rushing into the room and closing the door behind himself.

“Can’t it ever just be good news?” Max groans, attempting to go through the thick ream of paper that’s their…for lack of better term, introductory course to the situation they’ve found themselves in. Evelyn and Josephine are powering through their packets like champion, the rest of them have given up and are willing to ride on the other two’s coat tails on this one. “Does good news always require bad news to come with it? Are they codependent friends?”

“Bad news first,” Dorian continues, ignoring Max’s grumbling, “We’re in some kind of alternate murder dimension.”

“Alternate what dimension?” Herah repeats. “Run through that again?”

“Alternate. Murder. Dimension. Everyone on this planet thrives on murder,” Dorian says. “In fact? The place where our ship has crash landed? School for teaching teens how to perfect their killing. Apparently society is ranked on kills. These people are — forgive the harsh language — out of their damned minds. Guess how I found this out?”

“Did someone try and kill you Pavus?” Bull asks, looking entirely too enthused by Dorian’s bad news, “Gotta say, you look pretty composed for it. They must not be very good at killing people here. It would explain why there’s a relatively stable looking population.”

“The baby killers wanted to get a big ego boost by killing the strange off-worlders who crashed into their back yard in a space ship,” Ellana says, “How cute."

“How predictable,” Mahanon rolls his eyes, and then scans Dorian once over. “It really must have been a poor attempt, you aren’t even out of breath.”

“Ellana’s right about the baby killers in that they’re children. And I repeat, this is the school where they learn how to perfect their craft. Some of these children have powers. It’s not magic, it’s — innate talents, I suppose?”

“Like…science fiction super powers?” Max asks. “Like comic books and movies?”

“I suppose in our world yes, but in this world it’s entirely natural. My would be killer transformed into some kind of bird lizard and tried to take my head off. Naturally I saw that coming and avoided such a fate,” Dorian frowns. “Though I have a feeling that the attack may have set off the rest of the crowd and it’s open season. Unless school administration gives the little killers a bop on the nose and tells them off.”

“Unlikely if this is a place where you prove your worth with kills,” Leliana sighs. “I’m sure this is a way to test us as well. Lucky thing we still have access to our ship.”

“Lucky our communicators work as well,” Cullen says, “Cassandra, did you hear all that?”

Cassandra’s voice comes in annoyed, “Get back to the ship now. I’ve alerted the others. Hurry, from here it looks like the building is undergoing some kind of protocol. There are lights on and the students seem to be converging along with the faculty in one area. Doesn’t look like it’s near where they put you.”

“Ah, the faculty is announcing open season,” Maxwell tosses his packet of papers to the side. “Guess I don’t need this anymore.”

“I never thought I’d have to ask myself if I had any ethical issues with beating up teenagers,” Bull says, half to himself, half to Ellana. “And then we found ourselves in murder high school. And my answer is no. Not really. I don’t know if I’m surprised or disappointed in myself.”

“Settle on pleasantly intrigued,” Ellana says, searching her pockets for anything useful.

Cullen stands and pulls out his plasma sword, thumb resting lightly against the switch, and he flicks the wrist on his other hand to activate his shield.

The lights suddenly cut out, flickering, before turning back on. The speakers crackle above them.

Josephine closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose, sighing. A voice they recognize as the school principal’s greets them and the students, and then cheerfully announces a school wide scavenger hunt.

For their foreign guests.

“Oh this is so typical,” Evelyn shakes her head. “It couldn’t have been somewhere tolerable. It’s always someplace miserable in new and creative ways. Might as well have been dropped in an entire planet full of bears. Save us the trouble of having to be polite.”

“Well,” Josephine says. “Good news is that if we defeat enough of them they’ll probably respect us enough to start talking peacefully.”

“Have you ever been in a situation where the killing comes as a prerequisite to the diplomacy?” Bull asks her, standing up and pulling out his own plasma sword — the two hander. He offers Mahanon the hilt for his sabre. Mahanon shakes his head, going for his own metal daggers.

“You said there was good news,” Ellana turns to Dorian. The only useful thing she’s found for this situation is her standard issue Inquisition knife.

Dorian’s hands flare with dark energy, purple whispers and grey tendrils of fog. He smirks.

“Our abilities works here too.”

Ellana and Evelyn both suddenly grin, mouths sharp as Evelyn’s entire left arm bursts into fire and Ellana summons her energy blades, electricity crackling through her hair and giving it slight lift.

“Give your templar powers a go,” Dorian says to Max and Cullen. Max flexes his fingers and smirks when faint sparks of blue come off of t hem.

Cullen tilts his head towards the communicator he’s fastened to his chest. “Cassandra?”

There’s the faint sound of an old fashioned sword being drawn as Cassandra replies, “We heard. They’re putting shutters over the windows and doors. If you have access to your abilities that shouldn’t be a problem for you.”

Herah moves to stand by the door with Dorian. “Alright, now that we know that we can totally kill the pubescent serial killers if we need to, game plan? I remember the way out. Mahanon and I can scout ahead, Bull and Ellana at our backs. The rest of you follow on our marks, Max takes rear guard?”

“Sounds good,” Evelyn says. “I’m not dying so some acne covered kid gets bragging rights with their friends.”

#heartsfic #gather your party and venture forth

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typewithlynn · 4 years

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12/30/19 @ 7:56am

1st entry

Life is strange. I find myself running in circles. It feels tiring and unproductive… that, I am very much aware of. And yet, maybe by habit or comfort I fall into the same trap. At the age of 22, this past year felt like ages, and sometimes it felt like it went by too quickly. Catching myself feeling the same feelings. I have been stuck in my head for so long, and it seems like it won’t get better. However, I know that there is an answer. Otherwise, there would not be people out there who have done the seemingly impossible and mundane. It is possible. Through disciple, through habit, through mental willpower…. I heard a quote the other day—”we underestimate what we can accomplish in a year, and overestimate what can be done in a day.” It’s so true.

Dealing with my anxiety (and depression stemming from said anxiety) has been a rough battle this year. I am happy to say that I have not experienced a panic attack in a while so that’s something. However, I know that at times it really takes over my life… I think too much and it paralyzes me from doing anything. I fear failure, I fear (critical) judgement, I fear shame, I fear humiliation, I fear public attention… basically, the things in life that are necessary for growth. I am terrified.

It makes me question; will I make a good nurse? Do I have what it takes?

I have been willfully ignorant. “Ignorance is bliss” but it is kicking my fucking ass. Knowledge is power. I need time to sort through all of this… and maybe it is a great thing that I have the next 6 months pretty much off to explore myself mentally and emotionally. I have so much unpacking and soul-searching to do….

Side note, it’s been about 3 and a half months since I started my new job and I have not called out once! Pretty proud of myself for that one : ) Celebrate victories, right?

2nd entry 1/5/2020 @ 11:07am

I did not even have the strength at the time to finish writing my journal. At least, I had the strength to keep going though, right? Today was different…. I am very relieved that the person I normally work with called out. I worked with someone else, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. My coworker is dangerously unstable and unpredictable. Felt good to be with someone who cared about the job.

It’s disappointing to see the behavior in others at work. There’s a great lack of professionalism and… compassion for others. I see a lot of finger pointing, blaming, and miscommunication (mostly from lack of communication). It makes me tired, and I am not even present when everyone else is. Just hearing about it, and the amount that I’ve heard is enough to make me NOT want to switch to a different shift…. I am telling myself to just hang on and take things one day at a time. Hoping that these rough times at work will pass… low staff, unprofessionalism, lack of compassion and communication…. At the other facility I worked at, it was this bad as well. I was just hoping things would be… different. Seems like it’s the same no matter where I turn. It makes me miss my old coworkers who I would work my ass off for because we enjoyed working with one another. I definitely miss them. However, it was also extremely understaffed there and dangerously so…. So, I left in hopes of finding something better. Perhaps, a rough patch? Or am I on a sinking ship? I guess only time will tell… I feel so disillusioned. I imagined healthcare completely different from the reality that it is. In my opinion, it isn’t as awful as retail, but it’s damn near close.

It’s not just work that has been on my mind, it’s family life. I find contact with my parents extremely aggravating. My dad is constantly droning on and on about finances. His lectures are never ending, but it seems like he does not take his own advice. So, it’s frustrating to watch him go in circles. The lack of discipline is blatantly obvious. I understand that he is my father, and he wants to give me advice. But, at times it’s so unwarranted and left field. I dealt with it since I was a child. I see him do it with my nephews and nieces… kids who cannot understand. Kids who shouldn’t be spoken to about these matters. And then, it hits me why my paranoia and distrust in people is so high. My father was constantly warning me about everything. Car rides seemed filled with conversations about what not to do in life. My dad was constantly telling me to be different from my older siblings who he states he’s ashamed of. When I opted out of university, he was so enraged about the decision. He said community college was a terrible decision and I would regret it. He said he would not help me pay for school and I was on my own if I rescinded my offer to the university I had been accepted to. At 17 years old, I was fucking terrified. I felt helpless with no one to turn to. My mother, who sides with my dad on everything, offered no help… Years later, I think about that decision. I would be lying if I said I did not regret the decision to not go. However, I benefitted from this decision. I don’t have unpaid debt. I paid off all my CC tuition and fees with my own money. It took time, but I fucking did it. I completed my prerequisites with a 3.96 GPA while working simultaneously. My father still talks down on me and my decision to turn away from uni. The year I was supposed to graduate from university, he reminded me. Anytime, said university was brought up, my father reminded me that it should have been me, that I should have gone there and completed my studies there. It hurts that he can’t be proud of the progress that I have made. I am struggling to be okay at times with a father who looks down on my decisions… and me, being the people pleaser, wanting to be the best that I can be for him, feeling petrified and anxiety ridden instead. I still feel like a constant failure. Like I’m never good enough. There’s so much more to say about my relationship with my dad. I am just now starting to unpack all of it instead of “grinning and bearing it”.

So, I have avoided my father. I can’t stand to be in the same room as him. He’s not dumb. I’m sure he can see plainly the obvious avoidance. However, I can’t bear to be in the same room as him. His logic is completely different from mine. My opinion, majority of the time, doesn’t matter. When he does ask for my opinion, it’s to mock it and tell me I’m wrong. So, I sit, and listen. My patience wearing thin but somehow I manage to keep my mouth shut.

The path of least resistance.

I remind myself repeatedly. I will move out eventually… soon. It feels like I am holding on by a thread.

With my boyfriend, I have not been the best girlfriend lately. Flaked on his family events, and fell asleep when we were supposed to see one another and go on a date. I feel terrible about it, but I am grateful he has been so patient with me. He hasn’t scolded me about it or gotten angry… quite the contrary, he’s been very loving and supportive. I am grateful for it. My beacon of hope in all of this mess lol

My head is just so full of thoughts from work and family stuff.

The anniversary for the death date of my grandpa is coming up. I totally forgot about it until my sister mentioned it this morning. Another thing to think about, I guess.

Life never stops, huh.

#personaljournal #personaltherapy

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barbosaasouza · 6 years

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How to Complete the Gunpowder Skeleton Bilge Rat Adventure in Sea of Thieves

Sea of Thieves has received its second Bilge Rat Adventure, gunpowder skeletons! These explosive skeletons have a high chance of spawning, carry a gunpowder barrel, and are not afraid to use them. However, as part of the Bilge Rat Adventure, pirates will need to shoot first and ensure the explosion kills groups of skeletons.

Gunpowder Skeleton Commendations

There are quite a few commendations that can be earned through the gunpowder skeleton Bilge Rat Adventure, and all of them reward the highly coveted doubloon. This rare currency is used to purchase the time-limited weapons and clothing, as well as the Letters of Recommendation, so completing all the commendations is an extremely good idea.

Normal Gunpowder Skeleton Commendations

Note: The number at the end of the commendation indicates how many times players must perform this act, except for the title commendations. For example, the "Skeleton Exploder" title consists of four other commendations, each of which have require three successful skeleton kills, bringing the total to 12.

Skeleton Exploder –Kill 3 bone skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (3)

Master Skeleton Exploder – Kill 3 bone skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (10)

Plant Skeleton Exploder – Kill 3 plant skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (3)

Master Plant Skeleton Exploder – Kill 3 plant skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (10)

Gold Skeleton Exploder – Kill 3 gold skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (3)

Master Gold Skeleton Exploder – Kill 3 gold skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (10)

Shadow Skeleton Exploder – Kill 3 shadow skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (3)

Master Shadow Skeleton Exploder – Kill 3 shadow skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (10)

Chain Reaction – Set off a chain reaction between gunpowder skeletons (1)

Gunpowder Plot – Destroy 5 skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton on an active fort while at least 1 other crew is on the island at the same time (1)

“Skeleton Exploder” Title – Earn the following commendations: Skeleton Exploder, Plant Skeleton Exploder, Gold Skeleton Exploder, and Shadow Skeleton Exploder (12)

“Master Skeleton Exploder” Title – Earn all non-Legendary gunpowder skeleton commendations (42)

Legendary Gunpowder Skeleton Commendations

Legendary Skeleton Exploder – Kill 3 bone skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton (50)

Legendary Gunpowder Plot – Destroy 5 skeletons at the same time by shooting a gunpowder skeleton on an active fort while at least 1 other crew is on the island at the same time (20)

Legendary Chain Reaction – Set off a chain reaction between gunpowder skeletons (50)

How to Complete the Gunpowder Skeleton Bilge Rat Adventure

Each of the fifteen commendations requires players to kill skeletons by shooting the gunpowder barrel that is being carried by a skeleton. It is important that the player shoots the barrel, causing it to explode, if the skeleton sets it off it will not count. It’s worth noting that just because a skeleton has lit the fuse of a gunpowder barrel doesn’t mean it will explode, it will only explode if a player is near it for a few seconds.

To get these commendations completed quickly, players will want to start going on Order of Souls voyages. These voyages spawn all types of skeletons (bone, plant, gold, and shadow), so all that’s needed is to corral the skeletons together and shoot a gunpowder skeleton. It can be helpful to kite the skeletons down to the water’s edge and shoot the barrel from a distance. Alternatively, group the skeletons up and rush the gunpowder skeleton and shoot it, you’ll die in the process but at least it will guarantee the kill.

All crewmates of a ship will receive a tally on the commendation whenever the prerequisite is met, regardless of their distance to the gunpowder skeleton that exploded – they can even be on the Ferry of the Damned when this occurs and they will still receive a point. It’s also worth mentioning that cannons do not work for this adventure, players must shoot the skeletons using an eye of reach, flintlock pistol, or blunderbuss.

As for the Gunpowder Plot commendations, these will take a little longer considering they require not only an active fort on the server but another crew, too. It’s a good idea to try and get this one accomplished as early as possible, as players usually aren’t too keen on having other crew members come and participate in finishing a skeleton fort. When you first join a server, try hanging out in the Ferry of the Damned to speak with other players to tee up working together on a fort, this should make the process a bit easier.

Players who manage to get all the Gunpowder Skeleton commendations, even the legendary ones, will have 150 doubloons to spend on the bone-themed weapons, Letters of Recommendation, or holding onto them for the next Bilge Rat Adventure. In the meantime, take a look at the Shacknews Sea of Thieves guide and walkthrough for more pirate tips and tricks!

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