#It took me years to realize it though
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[ID: an 11 panel comic featuring characters from the owl house. Panel 1- a cloaked Darius sneaking around a wall. panel 2 he peaks around the corner, saying "well? Did you retrieve...the package?". Panel 3 Hettie Cutburn (who has old Hollywood style text announcing "surprise Hettie Cutburn!" next to her) says "Darius! Of course! Took some digging but I found them eventually. Tell the boy I say 'hi!'". Panel four- she hands documents labeled "classified" to Darius. Later, Hunter (post timeskip) walks through a door in Darius' home, saying "hey Darius, hey Eber, I'm ba-". Next panel- Darius, Willow, and Eberwolf on the couch. Hunter says "...willow?", She replies "hey hunter!", he asks "what are you guys doing?
Darius says "oh nothing...except looking at pictures of you as a baby!" Holding up the documents from earlier. We see two pictures of a younger hunter framed like panels- the first is of hunter as a baby/toddler aged hunter freshly sprouted out of the ground with a blanket around him, covered in dirt, while the second one shows a young scout Hunter covered in bandages receiving his sprig plushie. Darius' narration reads "courtesy of Hettie Cutburn- she found the only surviving copy of your early life medical records and gave them to me". Willow says "aww, you were so cute!". The final panel shows Hunter looking embarrassed/stunned as Willow takes a photo of the documents, and Darius says "I'm considering it an early father's day present- so, thank you, Hunter". End ID]
MERRY DADRIUS WEEK!!! Thank you to @sergeantsporks for hosting! There's other prompts I wanna do but they'll probably be late (maybe I'll do them in bulk and upload them on the final day). Til then here's a silly comic!
#the owl house#toh#dadrius week#hunter toh#hunter deamonne#darius deamonne#won't tag eber and willow cause they're barely there#also i realize that op isn't really a fan of hubtlow i. literally forgot while making this the brainrot was so strong#it's not explicitly romantic though so hopefully it's not obtrusive. i know ships are allowed but i don't wanna annoy anyone yknow?#anyway this was 90% an excuse to draw baby hunter even though it was 90% me practicing drawing Darius#he's fun to draw! i just struggle w drawing him consistently but like. i do that w/ most characters from illustration to illustration#i finished this right under the wire. executive dysfunction and exams really got my ass#but it's finished now! not perfect but i haven't really made a proper comic since my final piece this year#on account of that one took me like 6 months#i needed comic recovery time 😭#also hope the ID isn't an issue for anyone since it's a bit spartan. i was trying to trim down it's length since a) it's long as fuck#and b) this fandom is- respectfully- whimpy as hell abt image IDs#but anyway yeah! happy dadrius week#and also happy fathers day if you celebrate!#i got my dad 'do androids dream of electric sheep' and he was really happy w/ that :]
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im unsure if youre still taking for the trope mashup but if you are !! 97. time travel and 61. poorly timed confession
if I'm allowed to give ideas i think reader time traveling into the future right in the middle of bakugou's love confession to them would be so funny!! especially if reader doesn't really know him too well or something like that or nothing like that at all if you don't vibe with the idea!!
omg this is so cute !!! 🥺 i love this 🥺
how funny if you've only just met him 💀 like you're still not able to read his surly manner and you're taking his bad attitude to heart 🥺 and maybe he doesn't even like. think about you yet, just sees you flitting about the agency and doesn't do much more than glance up as you pass by the windows of his office.
so you sit back down in your little cubicle and answer the phone and it's like you've opened something; you're not sure what or how or why, but then you open your eyes and you’re holding the receiver with its dangling cord, standing in the back corner of a busy restaurant near the kitchen.
and you have NO idea what the hell is going on, but servers are slipping by you with full trays in their hands and you don't even have time to get your bearings before feeling like such a nuisance, all in the way, but no matter where you step, it's in front of someone somehow, so for the longest time you're just moving this way and that. don't even have the chance to be confused, because you're too worried about figuring out where to go just to think for a second.
and that's when you see him: squished into a corner table, arms crossed across it. and the look on his face is so — soft, enough that your heart sings at the sight, despite feeling so unsure about him. he's so handsome, and you didn't notice it until just now, as he gazes at the person he's with.
he's on a date, you realize, then, and it washes over you like a dump of cold water. you suddenly feel really bad, for seeing him in such an intimiate moment; if he knew you were witnessing him, he'd probably be furious, maybe even hate you for it. but — it's like being in on a secret and you can't look away, from the soft black tee he's wearing and the nice way it hugs the curve of his shoulders; the half-lidded stare directed at his date; the small frown — nearly a cute pout — slanting on his face. boyish, you think, and you never knew he could look such a way.
his date is talking briefly with the server, and something is said that makes them laugh, which has bakugou averting his eyes down to the table and — he looks almost embarrassed ?? like he's thinking too hard ?? and you have to scoot in a little closer just to see, you know ?? just to know who it is that's turned him into this fragile man, nothing at all like his hero counterpart.
(you don't realize it for a long moment, and by the time you do, you're definitely too close — but you distantly think that they look nice, what of them you can see from the back. the cut of their hair and the shirt they're wearing, the curve of their cheeks when they smile and — it's so hard to see it from afar and recognize yourself, there, in every way.)
bakugou's face turns a little pink under the amber lights and he leans in a bit, so they can hear him over the chaos of the restaurant, and he says something that has them glancing over their shoulder for just a second, enough for you to see, to have no choice but to realize.
and you're too close, close enough that his eyes slip up over their — you're — shoulder, too, and for just a moment, he's giving you the same exact look as the one he's been wearing all night. you-you gets it, the full assault of the warmth in his eyes and the soft frown of his bitten lips and, again, just like before, your heart sings. like something about it is too familiar.
and then his face immediately crumples as he looks back at the other you and then back and the forth and then —
"oi,"
you turn, suddenly, and — you're back in the office, back in your chair at your cubicle and surrounded by the things you recognize, that you know.
and bakugou, who is still just dynamight, is standing there, face hard and posture straight. frowning.
you have to shake your head to clear it, but when you speak up, you're entirely breathless. "sorry, yes?"
his jaw clenches, muscle flexing in his cheek as he blinks. "you send that report to claims yet?"
"uh, yes. yes! i sent it this morning...sir."
bakugou only nods once, eyes flitting down, like he's trying to see what's making you so flustered, and then he's turning on his heel and muttering out a quiet, "alright."
your heart is beating out of your chest and you still haven't caught your breath, not since you landed in — whatever that was, but you scoot your chair quickly to the opening of your cube, peeking around to watch him, just from behind; shoulders squared and firm, a hand stuffing down in the pocket of his sweats, jaw still grit as he glances to his left.
he gently shoulders his door open, and then casts one last look down the hall before closing it behind him — and it sears right through you: bright and fierce and simmering, a touch too warm. a look that you recognize, that you know.
taking this moment to endorse one of my favorite fics of all time bc this ask reminded me of it, but if you have not read @ofmermaidstories 'on my way (to you)' please go do so because it makes my heart ACHE 🥺🩷✨️
#i hope this isn't too far from what you were looking for !! LOL#how cute i love this idea though 🥺🥺#getting to see him so soft about someone and being so ???????#and then when you realize it's over YOU ????? PLEASE#how sweet akgbdiakak#ty for sending this !!! and for waiting the 800 years it took me to answer 😃#✿ willow writes#✿ ask willow#✿ thoughts: bakugou
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riley asking shawn, "when you looks at me, does it remind you of what you can't have?" was a crazy ass moment because yes the line was about shawns intimacy issues and his inability to commit to a longterm relationship, but holy shit if that isn't the most blatant way you could confirm that shawn was in love with cory and the existence of riley was just a constant reminder that he had missed his chance and could never be with cory. what if i went insane
#boy meets world#shory#shawn x cory#i havent finished GMW because even though i like the dynamic between the kids everything abt the shaty ship tease makes me want to ***#it took me like 5 hours to get thru girl meets hurricane because i couldnt deal w the horrible way they dealt w angela#who even though i dont talk abt much is in my top 3 for BMW characters#but this one line from that one episode drove me mad like. did i die ? am i dead?#it actually took me until the end of the episode to realize what that line was supposed to mean#bc it read so explicitly to me as a confirmation of shawns feelings for cory#not to mention his ass literally LEFT THE CITY and never came back after riley was born#ignoring the continuity issues that crop up w this . its giving shawns wedding breakdown 2.0 lets discuss#i think that the take of 'shory is entirely one sided and shawns feelings for cory are unrequited'#is pretty surface level and it doesnt add up much if u take a deeper look into corys character#but GMW definitely leans into this take#what with shawn desperately trying to mirror corpanga in all of his romantic relationships (to run away from his feelings for cory)#like is it really in shawns character to marry a woman hes barely known a year ?#or is he just trying to mirror cory and topanga who basically rushed into marriage the second they. were legally able to#i'll let u be the judge#am i making sense idk im tired n i havent watched sn episode of GMW in months
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Reading moodboard #84430940 (Patreon)
#Doodles#I wonder what this is in reference to lol - could be anything really!#Bit funny actually - I was reading something else in overlap at the time - a fic from another fandom though it ended up not being for me#Different authors just speak to different people! It was fun to come back to something familiar and realize Just how much I appreciate it ah#Novel and familiar! My very favourite <3 And of course it was a wonderful experience on top of that hehe ♪♫#Numbers lol - I really have done way too much age headcanon math pfft#I just love timelines! And even if the hints aren't exact they /are/ hints and I'm going to use them!!#The numbers that are established are such fun markers - and using characterization as hints towards how many years have passed! Ah! ♪#Like how it's definitely possible that Max took a two year but considering his family he was probably pushed to do a four year#There's no confirmation either way but it's just so fun to consider what they'd do based on how they're written!#These are the kind of written math problems I enjoy hehe#I was being a bit self-deprecating for that doodle actually tho lol - art mimics life and all that pfft#Also confirmation of him being a Lit Major ❤️💕💖💞💗 Small details give me big love you must understand this lol#As evidenced lol ♪ Adding to my playlist definitely didn't help it very strongly upgraded to Big Love for like a week straight lol#Terrible ♪ Couldn't stand it <3 Genuinely painful ♫#Lol - ''finding'' more - it's what had my blood on fire! I'm so grateful for mirrors#Anyone who's been following me for a while knows I have this whole thing about Legacy and what you leave behind and the internet in general#That the internet is forever except when it's not - that plenty of things get deleted or lost etc. etc. and it makes me very sad :(#So seeing that there was an in-built preservation - it only saved Some things but anything saved is precious!! It made me very happy <3#And then finishing off 💔💕 Beautifully heartbreaking ah#Even skim-reading later made me cry again! It's deeply affecting hhh#Another experience I'm so happy to be able to have ♥ Another tally on the wall haha <3
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Trekking hasn't made any actual statements on the Yamato pronouns situation but it's definitely just him being confused and not actually transphobic. Something that's been left out is the context of him being like a relatively young, rural, cishet, white guy who honestly given what I've seen watching him basically since he started might not have really understood that trans people exist until watching one piece and eventually talking about the series online. Also despite the Yamato confusion he's very good about the pronouns of other trans and gnc characters. ( anecdotally I've also always felt very welcomed by his content and community as a trans person myself.)
you know what, if he's just a newcomer to the scene and still learning, then yeah! i can believe that
it takes time for people to figure things out they're unfamiliar with, and as long as there's no ill will behind it then i suppose you can just hope he'll figure it out eventually
#mp answers#it took me a couple years to really understand trans folk when i first came online#this was back in the early 2010s though and i didnt see it talked about as much but i think my introduction was crona from soul eater#bc their pronouns were different manga vs anime#ouran highschool host club was another eye opener for me back then#but with half the fandom at war with yamato's character- i can see a newcomer being confused to an extent#hope he realizes to use the proper pronouns eventually though
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I love driving so much? i'm in control of where i'm going and I get to sit in this quiet little box and be surrounded by my music? and if I don't like where I am I can just.. drive away.
#and the sensory of the road? ugh#the second I turned 16 I got my license and realized ‘oh driving is my safe place!’#and then I saved up to buy this little red car that was older than me and it was my little place where i could just exist#and I’m finally getting a new car after.. 12 years?#and its so weird to say goodbye bc i feel like this car was a part of my life for so long even though its just a car#just the memory of driving it to and from college and trying to find my first job and driving out to visit my sibling any chance i got#driving down PCH radio blasting windows down with my little dog next to me?? this car took me everywhere but its time to say goodbye#h speaks
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‘Twas the year of trying out different ways of coloring methinks,,
I decided to just completely abandon lineart this year after the first few months, so maybe I should try to practice that again lol. But the different ways of coloring I tried out had some pretty fun effects!!
Also, yeah there was no way I could choose for September dbfjbcjc. My birthday arts are two of my most favorite pieces that I’ve done in a looooong time,,
#art tag#year in review#those first few ones were back when i was preparing for my grand return to tumblr#so i had to redraw all my self inserts for my new carrd#didnt realize it took me that long to finish all of them though sjbcjfhd#eh 3 months for like 10-ish ref sheets is actually not bad#anyway what a fun art year#nice to know im not in severe artblock anymore#just need to get back into animation again too and then we all gucci
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Xenoblade 1 is the best game like ever fucking made and it has two of the most dogshit sequels ever fucking made
#meows#remembering just how insulted I felt in 2017 when I preordered the sequel and really really tried to like it#I hadn’t experienced Game I Don’t Like before 2 and it took me like 40 hours to realize I hated it#and that shit at the end is such an INSULT. such an insult#you’re telling me that [redacted] was actually only half of himself the whole time and that 1 and 2 are taking place at the same time???#and that oh actually [expunged] is one of three computers when the first game made no mention of any of that#y’all really went back to say your complete first game actually is only HaLf of the story? that someone like [expunged] is only a third of#the force that ended our planet#y’all went back and hollowed out your existing characters to make room for worse versions of the same characters#AND you play as a dork nerd child who ends the game with three gfs bc this is story#and the gfs do nothing but sacrifice themselves for you like three times and look pretty#but they don’t look pretty to like. normal well adjusted people#they look pretty to the I like questionable art of 17 year olds crowd#and the GALL. the GALL. of changing [expunged]s design in the switch port to try to stitch his afterthought purpose into the old game#while also making him just whiter and whiter until by 3 he’s like fucking light grey#and having him have a canon genderbend that’s just anime waif#who is also fucking white#and giving Klaus’ counterpart a name that has nothing to do with Gnosticism#even though so much other stuff in the first game comes from Gnosticism.#who the FUCK is Galea!!!! her name is fucking Sophia#killing biting maiming#and the gacha system? with bad odds for no reason in a game you’ve already paid for#it’s so fucking messy#it lacks a unified art direction#it’s soulless and even a game like 3 where only HALF of it is 2 flavored can’t beat the original because of the portion of 2 in it#and like what. is it like the two universes reunited after [redacted] died🙃#why did any of this need to exist! why did any of this have to be retconned#x is fine I don’t hate x and I don’t count it as a sequel to Xenoblade 1 bc there’s no#half assed tie back to 1 in x#2 and 3 would have been better as like. tales of games
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#I've been playing pokémon diamant and I love Barry so I make silly funny comics#Dawn is very cute. Very stylish.#it took me YEARS to realize she wasn't blonde though. her lil yellow hairclips had me going#also a little arceus posting bc who am I if I'm not drawing so much luxray#pokemon legends arceus#pokemon diamond and pearl#my art#luxray#pokemon
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See, it's less about whether or not Willow is the braincell, and more about the fact that Willow likes taking care of her friends and looking out for them. It's both a source of self esteem and worth for her (she feels useful and competent if she's helping others) AND it's her main way of expressing her gratitude and affection for her friends presence in her life. They make her happy so she's gonna keep them safe and out of harms way. Plus most of her friends (sans hunter) have a history of looking out for her that, as much as she appreciates, she'd rather not return to. She likes her independence and she likes her new role in the friend group, she doesn't want to take steps back.
Sometimes this Need To Help manifests as magical outbursts that may not be great strategic moves (when she thinks Hunters been kidnapped in coth). Sometimes it manifests as scolding and steering in the right direction (her with Gus in something ventured) but ultimately letting them make their own choices. Ultimately Willows the sort of person to do whatever she thinks is right in the given situation for the people around her. When she can summon it, she has a lot of wisdom for her age (seen in the scene w/ her getting everyone to share food on the airship in king's tide). And if she can't summon it, she'll still try and do whatever seems right in the moment (gives hunter the pic of flapjack) and just problem solve as the day goes on until someone feels better, goddamit! <- this is the kinda moment that leads to rash decisions, bottling her feelings and burning out bc she really doesn't wanna fail due to her history and self esteem issues. It's why Hunter comforting her works so well in ftf and completely shifts their dynamic. She finally has confirmation that someone who loves her won't love her any less when she fucks up, but I digress.
Willows always looking out for others, and sometimes she's dumb about it, sometimes she's smart about it! It depends on who she's helping, why they need help and what kind of day she's had/where she is. Thanks to Them showed Willow in a pretty stable situation, hence there's extra room for silliness. For the future was following extremely distressing events and put even more stresses on Willow herself. Hence she bottles things up and struggles to make the good decisions she was once able to. It's not like she became a worse leader or friend since asias or king's tide (episodes that take time to include small moments of her playing to people's strengths, doing good strategy, making sure no one's left behind, etc). She's just having a really garbage fucking day.
She's probably only gonna get 1 Moment™ or so in the finale bc she had her day in ftf and I'm content with that, but I was rewatching asias where she DOES take on a responsible leadership role (while still maintaining her whole "blossoming wallflower/crouching underdog hidden badass" thing) and it reminded me of the small contained debate that happened around thanks to thems airing. Because yes, Willow and Gus were Goofy™ that ep, but a) they were literally comic relief in season 1 + 2A, it kinda has precedent and b) Willow is only as sensible as the situation calls for her and as her environment allows. She's nuanced like that!
#the owl house#toh#ramblings of a lunatic#willow park#this doesn't necessarily feel like anything that hasn't been said before but like. idc man it's a free market and i love willow#I'm still really sad abt the finale but i finally got time to draw today and I'm feeling A Little Better#still can't get over how sad i am that the show isn't fully getting to end on it's own terms and there's no promise of continuation#despite the obvious fan demand and like.#the hope that we were given with that interview that said the yt releases made execs realize how popular the show was#even the watching and dreaming trailer has a TON of views on the youtube page for disney channel#ftf is currently at 6 MILLION views and reached that number in less time than it took for thanks to them to his 5.8 million#i just#the unfairness of it all is Bugging me and it's making it hard for me to be fully excited for the end the way I've been with shows before#I'm really hoping for spin-off comics- even though i know there'd probably be AT LEAST a year between the show ending and the comics#if they ever happened#that's just how these things work and dana desperately needs a break#but still. it'd keep me going to a certain extent#AUGHhhhh i hate u modern state of television and animation i hate you cannibalistic entertainment industry i hate u disney corporation#anyway. i love asias i need to stop watching it so much
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trying not to post too much during the strike to keep focus on Everything but I need to get out of my head a lil
#took a gap year because school was killing me#then the year I wanted to go to college covid started and then since then I’ve been rotting in my room becoming more and more disabled#it’s.#going to be scary this year trying to undo all the damage and anxiety#meeting new people#trying to really act like a 23 year old#being a freshman in college at 23 was never my plan but I thought I was going to die at 19#things have changed. I.. left a lot of people behind due to that thinking#and undiagnosed bpd#and it sucks. I keep having dreams abt hs and realizing that I was never alone#and im not alone now even though sometimes it feels like it#im taking my health into my own hands and actually trying to live instead of watching my life go by and it’s weird taking a front seat again#not in the did sense. I’ve had a pretty tight rein on the front for the last few years#but. im trying to be a person again. seeing myself as a person again#I uh. am 99 percent sure I have nerve damage. I have to talk to my pcp about it next time after the next few tests I take#and um wow. it really affects my hands and fingers#and as you all know me and my butch have a comic we’re working on together#I see as you know like ppl r actually gonna read this lmao fhdha well besides you. 👁️👁️#jk sorry it that triggered anyone’s paranoia im just sillay. but yeah I uh#never have worked on something this long and this hard before PAUSE. And uh it means a lot to the both of us. we have so many comic ideas#but so far sys! is the one nearest and dearest to my heart and the idea that I won’t be able to draw it after spending years practicing#to get better and better uh hurts. I’d uh rather be in pain making the comic than live never making it#but it’s not just abt me in the end isn’t it. I miss people I used to know#random thought sorry. accidentally found someone I used to know in the wild and then it clicked after I followed them. felt like it would#be weird to take it back so now im just hoping im not recognized mostly out of. shame I guess. idk. I don’t remember things well#memory problems + bpd lying to me yknow. but uh. idk maybe these dreams and these feelings mean that in order to reach my dreams I have to l#like. honour the weird kid that I was and by doing that#I have to acknowledge that shit I abandoned everyone before they could abandon me. and maybe that’s just how I see it now#maybe no one actually gave a shit and I just faded out of existence for fun but avoiding things is how I ended up perpetually in my bedroom#barely able to stand and very scared of the world. how I ended up not improving at art for years because I was to scared to something difrnt
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huge announcement everyone:
for the first time in my life, i have gotten the elusive Heartburn
#it had to happen someday😔 pray for me /j#ramble#personal#it was so funny though bc it took me so long to realize what it is#like it started in the car earlier when i was really nauseous and stressed (taking my cat to the vet)#so i just suddenly got this really intense heat in my chest cavity and i chalked it up to weird stress symptoms#now it's back and i actually had time to focus on it and yeah guys that's it. incredible. my first heartburn at 21 years old lol#(i briefly thought it was a heart attack)#i think it's kinda funny when something is so accepted as a universal/common experience that it's never actually explained to you-#-so when it actually happens to you you don't realise and spend hours confused THEN find out it was this common thing everyone talks abt lol
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Not me the DM drawing things that doesn't happen nor will happen this way nor will happen at all when I'm supposed to draw the dinner scene since my players were invited to Ravenloft nearly one year ago.
And not the energy to polish anything. I might come around them and polish. One day. When I'll draw the dinner scene. And the comic I'm supposed to draw for a year as well.
Anyway.
Rahadin's drawing background (c) i really couldn't trace back the artist but it's not mine.
Various references of kabedon used for the Khal / Vasili drawing.
I apologize for the brainworms and how I take your character without you knowing to put brainworms on canvas. Thank you @xyanmajor for putting up with my nonsense.
#my art#sketches#dnd oc#somehow rahadin who sees the ship and still says nope even though this ship has been discussed beforehand so he should say yes but well.#somehow me shipping vasili and khal#SOMEHOW HE BITES HIM IN THIS FAKE SCENARIO OF MINE#vasili von holtz#who is different from canon's so I made him different than strahd with a moustache ... still he's strahd-coded#SOMEHOW HE LIKES TO BITE#Kudos to anyone who can read my scrappy writing#kudos to anyone who manages to spot that I shamelessly took quotes from the various novels of ravenloft for the first 2 drawings#at some point on the road V will canonically bite Khal I s2g#khal is a brat#khal corvara#we got two brats on the road#the rp scenes are either they're drunk either they're bratty either they're flirting either they're oblivious to each other's tries of#asserting friendship and somehow I still don't know how they decided to be friends so fast#I will polish those one day I swear and learn lighting/background at some point#i realized midway I would never have the skills to draw a background or polish anything so welp#later I will tho ... in 8 years ... maybe. I'll just keep on doodling nonsense and shippy things that do not happen.#But I WILL BITE THIS VISTANA. I SWEAR I WILL BITE HIM IN KREZK IF I MUST.#Not the poor krezkite we meet on the road being the thirdwheel of their weird relationship and failure courting#I have to prepare a scene where I'll learn player to dance the barovian traditionnal dances#I'm pretty sure it will end up charged in homoerotic tension again because I see dance like a battlefield and so does this damn Vasili ...#well at least they won't be covered in blood so it's less homoerotic. At least I hope they won't be covered in blood but who knows.#i'm practicing nose drawing but I don't manage to draw noses correctly#i don't even know why I'm posting these lmfao#curse of strahd#rahadin#hnk dms curse of strahd
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thsc fans made me a kinder person wowie
#was talking with my gf some days ago and i have gotten less violent in my head HELPDGF#no bc personal rambles if ur not interested idm but#last year fucked me up so bad everyday i used to get strikes on insta for my private posts to vent it out#its the funniest shit to look back on tbh Help but i genuinely look back on some posts and go wow this motherfucker rly made me a violent-#person and he acted like all that happened to me was my fault#i seriously do not want another message from that fuck on ny birthday again i will make his life living fucking hell#this december will be full of copperright and thsc . i have not felt so emotionally vulnerable in so long LMAO#thanks to these little fucks i want to throw them around i love yhem#it took some silly gentle people of this fandom for me to realize perhaps i should tone down the violent humor#bc a friend in another friend group lately also opened up that hayy i think im. not ok with playful bullying anymore and i felt bad even#though i dont talk much there Fuck you timezones#i will admit the excessive usage of tone indicators in sticktwt seems too much to me but not a huge issue overall#i am but a reserved fucked up aunt of the thsc fandom that ppl seem to rly enjoy the reactions of when they post copperrifht HSGSSGD#i commissioned 5 people to draw copperright i think that's enough to tell the damage done to me by thsc#coping mechanism for when ur sick for a literal month without a day's break 👍#anyway erm maybe i love u guys what are u gonna do about it#i cannot for the life of me talk in dms without being anxious but tumblr and discord servers are what save my life#i am here but hiding behind a pole cartoon style#gootbye
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ugh i have to start paying my student loans again in September
#i never should have gone to college they shouldn't have trusted me with money it's not a lot but like i was SEVERELY depressed#and did NOT realize and i made bad choices and now i owe a couple thousand dollars still even after all this time#even though i dropped out after a year#because they let me do the max amount of fuckin loan and were like 'ok here u go 18 year old have 5 thousand dollars' what a joke#and then i my depression hit like a train and i stopped going to class and was under academic probation#which made the school go 'ok you owe us 1000 dollars right now because we had to pay that to the government' which was a bad time#and i did not pay that so they TOOK ALL MY MONEY FROM MY BANK ACCOUNT which was also not a good time#and then sent that to collections and they hounded me for years until eventually that just....stopped? which is cool#anyway this was a weird rant sorry!!! i just regret being pressured into going to college when everyone already knew i was bad at school
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I just learned that I've been in a constant state of dissociation for at least a decade and the fact that my ex never even insinuated I could be feeling the same things as herf eels... weird. Like she has cPTSD and even when I noticed a lot of the dissociative feelings were relatable to me and voiced things like being emotionally detached and being controlled like a marionette, neither of us thought thought that there was solidarity in our trauma responses. And now I cant even tell her "I was helping you heal while in a similar state to how you got through your trauma, and insinuating I'm abusive or narcissistic or any if that that's helping you feel better now is kinda fucked up"
#but ill never get that apology#even though i tried to reach out and apologize for my behavior as well.#but whatever#ill get over it#i always do#i just helped her realize its okay to start loving herself again#like i... i think im frustrated at it#like i want to be appreciated for helping her#i feel like shes ungrateful#and i dont like feeling this way#unfortunately other peoples words of encouragement havent helped#she kept on talking about never getting closure#and always was angry at me for never getting hurt by her when she would try to make me feel the pain she did#well congrats#you finally did it.#it took 4 years but im finally actually upset with you#and its because im getting better because i directly told you you were bad for my mental health#😮💨😮💨😮💨#okay i think im done#me
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