#IM FUCKING TIRED BRUH
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"Rivers romance is so vanilla its boring-"
yeah WELL MAYBE I WANT VANILLA OKAY- MAYBE IM DEPRESSED AND JUST WANT THIS KIND SOFT BIG MAN TO BE A GOOD BEAN TO ME AND TO JUST RELISH IN THE CUTE SEMI-DOMESTICITY I CAN GET FROM IT OKAY?
#river ward x v#river ward#cyberpunk#cyberpunk 2077#im so tired of ppl hating on him...#i could write yall an essay#like shUT UP okay we get it u dont like him but u dont need to fucking shove it down throats like bruh
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the jjk leaks...
#jjk 219#gege akutami try to write a female character without including the most nonsense contrived thing youve ever read challenge (impossible)#no cuz girl died 5 seconds after MEETING sukuna?? really??#and that was enough for her to do all of whatever this was 💀#and she needed tsumikis body because... yes??#im so tired of taking so many Ls for the girls... like we literally only have maki nd even she gets sidelined as a toji clone constantly 💀#the way i cant stand sukuna anymore too bruh... not just bc of megumi crying but like he literally lost all flavor 💀#like hes not even cunty in a fun way anymore like he used to be hes been so fucking bored this entire fight 💀#actually begging gege to go on break so i dont have to see this shit on my timeline every week bro 💀
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Just Tonight (II)
✧ Nebarra x human!LDB
✧ Angst to comfort; 2k+ words
✧ Brief & very mild suggestive content, light swearing
♫ "My Blood" - Echos, "Mistake" - NF, "Stubborn" - Riell
✒ @candydreamer122, you asked to be notified when this dropped so here ya go!
Nebarra opened his eyes to the golden light of dawn, your head resting on his chest, bare legs intertwined with his. Your body pressed against his, warm and comforting, and when he glanced down at your face, he'd never seen it more peaceful. He reached up, brushing your cheek with his thumb, and even in your sleep, you leaned into his touch.
Gods, you took his breath away. But even as he lay there, admiring you in the soft morning light, a single, unpleasant thought wormed its way to the front.
He didn't deserve you.
It made him pause, something turning sour in the pit of his stomach. No... Please, no...
He didn't want the moment to end. Didn't want the thoughts he knew would turn his happiness to ash. But for years they had whispered in his mind, been his constant companions, bitter and selfish lovers that left him with nothing in return but pain and cynicism. They would not let him go so easily, relinquish the control he has given them long ago.
All the more reason he couldn't, shouldn't have you.
Because, really, what could he offer you? He had nothing but his past, his bitterness, his selfish nature. Even last night had been spurred on by his own selfish desires, exacerbated further still by drink. He was nothing but thorns, rough and crude, the blood of hundreds on his hands – and he felt no guilt over them.
...Most of them.
You didn't deserve someone like that. You could do so much better than him.
Why did you want him, at all?
And as he lay there, hand cupping your face, his eyes drinking in every curve and contour – your own slowly fluttered open.
His breath caught. Sunlight danced across your irises, and he could see himself reflected in your gaze. For a few moments, you simply blinked at him, and he could see every minute shift in your expression. Emptiness, confusion, sudden realisation – and then you smiled.
Nebarra had seen many things in life. Many ugly things, things that he'd tried to forget, that haunted him until he drowned them in drink. The few beautiful things he'd seen, though... those, he remembered clearly, and often. Fought to carve them into every facet of his memory, to allow himself the slightest hope, to give himself the smallest of reasons to keep going. And the smile you gave him...
It was the most beautiful of them all.
There was life in your smile. Vast, vibrant, and beautiful, your face haloed in the golden light of morning, you looked... divine.
And then, you spoke, words low and husky from sleep, a laugh rumbling in your throat: "And you call me guar-face." Slowly, you raised a hand, gentle fingers brushing his cheeks, smile growing ever wider.
...He wanted you. Gods, how he wanted you. His heart ached with the thorns of longing, with the knowledge that he couldn't, shouldn't have you.
So, he turned away, pulled back from your touch. Forced an empty expression on his face, in his eyes. Grunted a simple, "Morning." And carefully, oh so carefully, pushed you off him.
"...Nebarra?"
Unwelcome. Outsider. All he was ever meant to be.
"What?" The word was heavy on his tongue, deadened in tone as he sat up, got off the bet, and set to collecting his clothes from the floor.
"Nebarra... What's wrong?"
Everything. "Nothing." He fumbled with his trousers, nearly falling as he tugged them on, still scanning the floor for his shirt. Anything to avoid meeting your eyes.
"Bullshit." Sheets rustled as you leaned forward, and he could practically hear your brows furrow at him. "Is it... because of last night?"
"No." Yes.
"I think it is. And I think we should talk about it – about this."
"There's nothing to talk about," he grunted, still pacing the floor, eyes roving everywhere but the bed. Where was his damn shirt?
"Oh, I think we have a lot to talk about."
He didn't answer, and in the silence, fabric rustled some more. Then, your voice, "...Looking for this?"
Finally, slowly, Nebarra looked at you. You were sitting upright on the bed, and in one hand you held up his shirt, winkled and dusty from the floor.
And you... were still very much naked. Your chest was on blatant display, the blankets pooled low around your hips, deep purple teethmarks scattered over your skin – his doing. Nebarra swallowed, averting his gaze back to the tunic.
Wordlessly, he stalked over, reaching out for it – only for you to snap your hand back, away from him. He sighed. "What are you doing?"
You didn't answer, though he could feel your gaze burning into him. Reluctantly, he returned it – and the storm in your eyes sent a shock down his spine.
Oh...
Oh, no.
Before he could even begin to pick apart what he saw in there, you raised your arms, slid them through the holes of the shirt, and pulled it down over your head.
You... were wearing his shirt.
Still holding his gaze, there was something like a challenge in your eyes. Nebarra grit his teeth and, for once in his life, held his tongue, unsure if he could win this one.
The thought... unsettled him.
But... maybe not as much as it should have.
"Nebarra."
No. No, no no no. You couldn't do that to him – say his name in that tone, in that way.
"What?" he snapped, harsher than intended.
Maybe he should have just been born mute.
"We need to talk about this."
"No, we don't."
"Why not?"
"Because... it was a mistake." He looked away, unable to meet your gaze, tearing a hand through his hair. Coward, coward, coward. "That's all there is – was – to it. We were drunk, and tired, and maybe... just maybe... a little lonely. So we made a bad decision – one we should just forget about, move on from. Because ultimately... it meant nothing. Not a damn thing."
It felt like an eternity passed before you answered, and when you did, your voice was heavy, rasping with emotion. "...If that's how you really feel, then–"
You choked. Nebarra could practically hear the words catch in your throat, dying before they could pass your lips. Instead, a low, bitter laugh rose suddenly in their place; the sound scraped his wounded heart raw. "Gods damn you, Nebarra. You're... really selfish, you know that?"
"Yeah," he mumbled. "I know."
But you weren't done. Because as you rose from the bed, the floorboards creaking beneath your feet, you continued, "You're also... a really shit liar."
And then you were standing before him, your hand on his chin, turning his face towards you, your gaze searching his. He couldn't avoid your eyes this time, couldn't look away from the storm raging within them: hurt, anger, confusion.
Because of him. Him, and his stupid decisions, and his even stupider words.
Yet, even as he stared, he could see something else in them, too.
Affection. Care. Passion. And... lo–
Why? Why him? Of all the people on Nirn you could want, how could you want the mess that was him?
"I don't know," you said softly, and Nebarra realised with horror that he'd spoken his thoughts aloud. "Because, gods, you really are a mess, aren't you? You're bitter, cynical, surly, arrogant, selfish, flawed to the moons and back, but..." Your hand shifted, brushing upwards to cradle his cheek, and the Altmer found himself holding his breath, afraid of what you'd say next, needing to hear what you'd say next.
Only, you didn't say anything. Instead, you simply leaned in, pulled him close – and kissed him. Before he even knew what he was doing, Nebarra found himself returning it, pulling you in closer, hands falling to your waist –
Wait.
No.
Stop.
What was he doing?
Breathless, he pulled away, nearly stumbling over his own feet. His mind spun; he couldn't seem to form a single coherent though. "What – what was that?"
Your eyes seemed to stare right down to his soul, burning with intensity, filled with both pain and longing. Yet a faint, bittersweet smile ghosted across your face as you answered, "Nothing, apparently."
...Damn you.
Before he could change his mind, think himself out of it, Nebarra caught your arm and tugged you sharply back towards him, crashing his lips back against yours. You stumbled from the initial force of it, but he followed your motion, keeping your lips on his.
After a moment, your arms slipped around his neck, one hand cradling the back of his head, the other tickling his nape. He grunted into the kiss, pulling you back towards the bed; you didn't resist, and readily fell back on it.
Nebarra fell with you, straddling your prone form, brushing his lips from your mouth to your jaw, nipping gently as he went. A soft gasp escaped you; his hands slid down, tugging your shirt – his shirt – gradually upward, pulling it off of you.
And immediately he sat up, got off the bed, and tugged it over his own head. Without a word, he walked away to the other side of the room, leaving you naked and stunned on the bed.
"...Nebarra!"
"Like you said," he muttered, stalking across the room and far from you, "I'm selfish."
He could hear a frustrated breath hissing through your teeth. "Damn you! Why can't you just admit what you feel, what you want? What are you so afraid of?"
The elf froze.
You could see right through him, couldn't you?
"You don't... even know me," he managed at last, keeping his back towards you. "You don't even know my name, my real name."
"I don't need a name to know you, though. Names aren't what define us – we define them. It doesn't matter to me whether you're Nebarra or... or Nico, or something else entirely. Because you're still, and always will be you, regardless of what name you answer to."
Gods, why did you have to be so damn stubborn?
"Pot, kettle, black," you sniffed, and Nebarra realised that yet again, he'd spoken aloud. "And who knows, maybe I picked some of it up from you in the first place."
Sighing heavily, Nebarra leaned forwards and let his forehead thunk against the wall. He stayed like that for a long moment, counting his breaths, trying to collect his thoughts.
"I'm not... suited for a relationship," he slowly began. "I wouldn't be... you have better options than me. People who could give you what you want far better than I could."
At that, you actually laughed, and he turned to look at you despite himself. There was no smile on your face, only pain and mockery; the sight drove thorns through his chest. "Who, then, O wise one, most knowledgeable of relationships? Who on Nirn can give me what I want, when what I want – is you."
He shook his head. "Well... you shouldn't. I can give you nothing."
"You aren't nothing," you said softly. "Your heart isn't nothing. Don't you get that yet, Nebs?"
"My... heart," he echoed, staring blankly at you. "My heart."
Shifting, you rose from the bed, wrapping a blanket around yourself as you approached. "Yeah, your heart. This thing–" you placed a hand over his chest "–that's beating right here, going at a million miles a second." Your eyes locked with his once more, and somehow, even before you spoke, he knew. He knew.
"I love you, you miserable bastard. And I want you, not for anything you can offer me, but for who you are. There's no doubt in my mind about that. Now, the only question left is... how do you feel? What do you want?"
He couldn't hide from it any longer. The truth was on his tongue, escaping his lips before he even had to think about it. "You. I just... gods damn it, I just want you," he rasped. "But..."
You placed a gentle finger against his mouth. "Shh," you murmured. "No buts."
Slowly, Nebarra raised a hand, brought it up to yours, and pulled it away from his lips, instead lacing his fingers with yours. "No, listen. I... this... is going to be complicated, if we really do this. And... you're probably going to get hurt and disappointed because of me. There's a lot you don't know–"
"And you can tell me when you're ready," you soothed, brushing your thumb across the back of his hand. "We'll cross all those bridges when we get to them. And yes, before you protest any further," you added, when his mouth opened to do just that, "I'm aware of the emotional risks. But that's part of every relationship, Nebarra, and you know that. So, again, when they do inevitably arrive, we'll cross those bridges together."
...He really didn't deserve you. Didn't understand how or why you wanted him, of all people. But as you rested your forehead against his, breaths mingling, eyes full of nothing but each other – Nebarra realised he didn't care, anymore.
The voices in his head, all the doubts and fears – they still hissed their poison, and he knew it would be a long, long time before they stopped. But a new voice had joined the mix, soft but confident, telling him that maybe, just maybe, life wasn't about "deserving" things, but appreciating them. That maybe, amid the bleak desert of his past, he could still find a lone rose of happiness.
And that voice... sounded an awful lot like yours.
#nebarra#nebarra skyrim#skyrim nebarra#whisper writes#finally. its done.#i feel like this ended up so out of character and im so so sorry about that but man i'm tired. i ran out of steam weeks ago.#i didn't even edit this bruh#i just wanted to FINISH it#sigh. anyway#i hope yall are listening to the songs i list on the fics cause dAMN theyre good and the entire reason these shity little scribbles exist#this one took. SO MANY SONGS to keep me going.. to give me the ideas and motivation to finish#the three i listed were just the biggest contributors#but there were LOTS more believe me lol#i go to sleep now. it is 11am and my sleep schedule is FUCKED mate#woke up at like 6pm yesterday evening#my whole system's wrecked#im rambling again lol gnight gnight i hope yall have a good one
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Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn
#covid#life of sponty#ive been sick since i got back home on 12th#infected probably 1 to 3 days before that#so im coming up on 2 weeks of covid#and right now the worst symptom remaining is the fatigue and exhaustion#i got up and showered and sat at my desk for 30mins and now I'm so exhausted i have to go back to bed#it's effort to stroke the cat#the other day i did a small physical exertion and afterwards was so intensely tired it tooo about 6 hours of recovery#just to be able to lift small objects without dropping them#shits fucked bruh#also I'm getting the classic taste fuckery and bitter and alkaline flavours are literally making me choke#it's wild#desperately hoping it doesn't last because i really dont want to lose onions forever#i love onions#i was scared for a second that I'd lost mango too but it turns out it's just the mango skin flavour. the flesh is fine#cough was only monstrous for like a day#rest of the time it's not been any worse than ive had from normal nasty coughs. pretty manageable#the fatigue is wack though#I've never been this weak before#it's kind of fascinating from an authorial perspective#this is going to be useful experience for the writing banks
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WHY AM I SO EEPY!!!!! WHY NOW!!! I HAVE ATTACKS TO MAKE!!!! REVENGES NEED TO BE DONE!!!! THIS IS CATASTROPHIC!!!!!!!
#BRUH!!!!!!!!#when im tired like this i am not in the mood to do ANYTHING and im a lot more sluggish#sometimes i dont even realize im tired until hours later 💀#that kind of happened today and ive been so unproductive!!!!!#HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET 8 ATTACKS DONE IN LESS THAN 2 DAYS#BLEASE its the bare minimum i wanna finish with i gotta draw these characters for af i cant wait a whole year 😭#gonna try having a nap and when i wake up im going INSANE#ill probably pull an all nighter#stay up until artfight is just about to end#then i gotta conk bc i have an appt the next day LMAO#arragharraiuhrhgeha#grrr
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mental issues are issue-ing quite aggressively
#im so dead bruh why did i live this long#it wasnt in plan#what the fuck do i do haha#im so tired and not wiling to do anyhting and it sucks because i have to do so many things
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Kinda vent?
I'm so fucking angry at myself that I come home from school every day and feel so fucking exhausted that I barely have any energy to study even tho I know I must do it. I literally could fall asleep right now, sitting at my desk. I used to have this many classes in primary school and felt fine, what the fuck has changed?
Sorry for this and for not being as active I have little to no energy and can't make myself go through the tags and check the content
Gosh I feel so bad now
#personal#eryka vents#guess im just a bit burned out#and tired#bruh the school year has just started and im dying already#well fuck me then
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#bruh i just woke up to feed my cat#leave me the fuck alone please#i just had to block so many people#val rambles#comet rambles#putting this in the tag bc jfc leave me alone please yall are nasty#sofia the first#im going back to bed lol#well the couch#cuz sasha is going silly so i sleep downstairs when im tired and she has her zoomies#anyways yall make me violently uncomfortable
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Make a joke about being a lesbian around men and come back 30 minutes later covered in blood
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i have to make appointments & also let my doctor know id rather continue one of the new meds she put me on bc it actually helped but ive been completely unmedicated for 2 fucking days & the thought of doing Anything makes me wanna throw up im so over being a person
#mine#i rly do not have it in me to make appointments dawg i have medical trauma can i get used to one new doctor#before im tossed around like a gd hot potato to numerous others. i literally attend my appointments w my cane#what's not clicking abt me having VERY fucking low energy in the aftermath of sm straining stress bruh#but like i dont have a choice bc i could have some of my meds stopped if i dont see certain doctors & im just here like 🫠#i feel somewhat stupid like damn i rly thought finally i had a chill doctor w common sense but no i still gotta fight for my gd life#just be given say over MY OWN GODDAMN WELLBEING#'oh well this causes physical health concerns' to be completely blunt idfc anymore.#truly i fucking do not#my body is a fucking nightmare my entire system resents at this point bc we always have some lvl of bs going on w it#we've no choice but to stop fucking caring bc the numerous mental strains we're dealing w worsen them ON THEIR OWN#& also like literally fuck off bc my body wouldn't be this shit if doctors actually TOOK CARE OF ME PROPERLY#before it got this bad.#there's no fucking fixing shit now by worsening my already overwhelmed & strained body/mind by making me a gd hot potato#if im not Actively Perishing or on the immediate brink of the risk IDC#I NEED TO FUCKING BE ALLOWED TO //CHILL THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT//#//that// SHOULD BE THE PRIORITU#ive been strained for YEARS but esp since last year to a CONSTANT degree#can i fucking get one GODDAMN foot on the ground to pick myself back up jfc#im so tired & annoyed & sick of there always being SOMETHING#i just wanna fucking chill & finish my preps to stream again & get back to pursuing what i love please#im gonna LOSE MY MIND
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i keep getting headaches all the time such is the ordinary life of one so psychically endowed
#do not tell me i am touichirou coded.#just kidding i think its the uhh oversocialization ive been doing lately#im so fucking tired#ive decided that group projects and social interaction are swag actually but that doesn't make them any less draining#and im not getting enough time to rest...#eh.. im gonna lie down#yap#i have to find a better way to structure my time bruh
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#EXAMS STARTED TODAY#I HAD FUCKING. GREEK FOR THE FIRST ONE AS WELL#ohhh my god ohhhhhhh my god OH MY GOD#MY DEAR MUTUALS. IT WAS AN HONOUR KNOWING ALL OF U#i will die fr#slash lighthearted. im just tired lmao#i also got panhellenic exams coming right after these ones.....#bruh#evan is talking tag //
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Kanye is cooked. DONE. Like idk how he can come back from this if at all. It’s so fucked up to see. Like his brain is so broken that he’s teaming up with Nick Fuentes (who is a KNOWN WHITE SUPREMACIST, HOLOCAUST DENIER) and is just being anti semitic as hell.
Praising Hitler too? Are you kidding me man? Like I mean….SERIOUSLY? We’re going there? The man who killed FACTUALLY 6 million Jewish people. And approximately 5 million more. So around 12 MILLION people dead cause of Hitler and the Nazi regime and this undisciplined FOOL decides to go out and kill his legacy some more.
I had to take his albums off my wall and replace them with something else. And it’s crazy because im not even Jewish. But my lord, it makes no sense to me WHY Kanye can’t just shut up. Even the Kanye West subreddit has banded together to become a holocaust awareness subreddit momentarily. HOW there are STILL holocaust deniers who exist is beyond me. I was taught that in 5TH GRADE. I thought it was common knowledge that it indeed happened. There’s LITERAL VIDEO EVIDENCE OF IT. LIKE THERE ARE VIDEOS OF BULLDOZERS PUSHING THE DEAD BODIES INTO MASS GRAVES. They skinned some of the bodies and made soap out of their skins and bones as well. It’s just so fucking sickening really what Kanye is saying. And apparently he is refusing to go to the Auschwitz camp museum too. But I guess not. 2022 is quite possibly the WORST year in the history of Kanye West’s career. Like the “slavery was a choice” remarks were REAL bad (obviously), but THIS takes the cake. And you know you’re losing your mind when you make ALEX JONES (known Sandy Hook denier who now owes the families over 1 billion plus dollars and has officially filed for bankruptcy) seem normal and the voice of reason. When HE seems to be uncomfortable, it’s already over.
Fuck Kanye West.
Fuck the conservatives.
May Nick Fuentes burn in hell.
Rest in peace to all the victims of the Holocaust. Which DID happen.
What a shame. An actual shame.
#kanye west#old kanye#hiphop#music#rap#thanks for coming to my ted talk#antisemites#bruh wtf#and i cannot stress this enough#i'm so fucking tired#fuck kanye#im disappointed#not good
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guys i got a whole 4 HOURS OF SLEEP whos proud 😍😍
#surpisingly im not tired rn im doing spectacular#not really everything is itchy and my head hurts so bad bruh#i think that 14 hr nap fucked me up
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no one kills my desert duo love faster than grian himself lmao
#catfish speaks#sorry not sorry he's just So mean and nasty sometimes#i know tis a joke and he loves scar really but like. bruh would it kill you to be Nice to him on camera#idk i just don't enjoy the vibes when grian's being a shit to him#yes im being exceedingly parasocial about this#yes this is direct contrast to me 'jimmy isn't bullied' thoughts#idc. desert duo is Everywhere during life series and its fucking annoying#seeing people moaning about them being lost lovers or whatever when grian won't even talk to scar half the time#tbh this is why i go for redscape more cos at least mumbo is polite to scar#anyway this is just me complaining cos im sick and tired#don't take this as like a stance to put stock into its not worth it lmao#i just know if i ever got to know grian irl id come for his ass and tell him to be fucking nice for once#i know i wouldn't stand for the way he talks#im sensitive. be nice for fucks sake. not that hard
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I don't know how to feel anymore after episode 3... I'm desperately crawling here now to cry.
why must charlie die every episode? slimecicle fans are actually struggling rn. and oh my god,,, let's talk about ranboo
AUIDWUHWDUGDWUGA
i watched the last episode on tv with my best friend and it was a very good decision because it was an absolutely amazing episode and i'm surprised it was only an hour long. there were so many details especially when you watch the other episodes having the context from the previous episodes
i have to draw some genloss fanart soon
#zero replies#im so fucking tired bruh im legit dying my hair AND MY ASS HURTS SO MUCH#not related btw just what's happening with me rn#also i got my friend to write this out for me because im tired ahahaha
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