When am I allowed to just give up on being a better person?

i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????

I love Beauyasha so much. I miss them so much.

The reunion gave me so much joy and now I'm in this weird happy but melancholy state. I love the Nein so much and I want more of them. And I especially want more of Beau and Yasha. If we get a Fjorester wedding one shot, I will be stoked. But then also give me the Beauyasha wedding too!

I'm really just hoping they keep doing these little reunions cause I love the Mighty Nein so much and seeing them makes me so happy.

venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

little life update/rant below :)

i feel like i've been so inactive lately which makes me big sad, but when i say i have not had the time, i'm being so serious. yesterday i literally woke up, went into work an hour early, stayed after for almost 2 hours, went home, made dinner, and immediately sat down to work on a grad school assignment and then had to work for another hour before i went to bed. then i woke up this morning and did it all again. it just feels like that's how my days look more and more recently, and it's been really hard tbh. it's demoralizing and just sad to work all day and still wake up the next day wishing i had done more, still with a mile long to do list, and knowing that it's just going to keep being this way for at least the next couple weeks.

anyways all of this is to say that i'm just both really grateful for and sorry to all my mutuals who have continued to tag me in things and stuff in the past couple weeks :) it may sound weird or dumb, but if i'm being honest i have SERIOUS fandom fomo right now, and, even though i haven't really had time recently, it's been nice to not feel like lost in the shuffle or forgotten (i told u it was going to sound weird).

being on tumblr/in fandom has truly been the most incredible escape and been such a stress relief and source of happiness for me. i'm still very much here, just lurking and liking more because i'm conserving brain bandwidth as much as possible during the week!!!!

ngl seeing everyone clutch onto one(1) photo and then "speculate" on it is hilarious because everyone is coming to "conclusions" and they're all contradicting each other asdfajas. just with the Finn pic today alone, i've seen people say he looks "older"? (not shit they didn't film for a year) so it has to be a time skip past 1987? (no idea what the reasoning for that is supposed to be other than that the actors look different than 1 year ago), i've seen people explain it could be a flashback to pre s4, i've seen people say it's a "byler win" for some reason?? and so on and on

not shaming at all but also holy shit i need everyone who's feeling "we lost" about something to shut up right now, no one can even agree on what they're seeing in a photo, i Assure you whatever you're upset about happening has a less than 5% chance of actually happening, it's a still image my man

my ai closet styling app giving me push notifications (that I asked for) vs what happens to me during late july-mid august (barely ever getting Dressed) 🤧🤧🤧

I feel so depressed for no reason. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've tried everything.

my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.

unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.

...

Me while watching OFMD for the first time: Omg who’s this angry little fucker-- Izzy? Izzy Hands??? Lmao I hate him, hope he dies

Me, a week and three full sketchbook pages of the man later: Israel “Basilica” Hands, love of my life,

told myself to take a break from getaway car so i don't burn myself out like i did last year, and of course my brain wanted to go think about my scarlet/violet fic, sooo have some rambling below the read more

like. one of my ideas has always been that i want juliana specifically to have quaxly not just bc he's my favorite starter in that region, but because it turns into quaquaval, a pokemon that is supposed to be known for its dancing abilities. i like to think they're a pokemon that only needs to see a dance once or twice before they've got it memorized.

i love the idea that a huge part of juliana's overall character arc is admitting to herself how much she wants to learn how to dance in some way because of course she happened to pick the pokemon that loves to dance. so she's basically learning alongside her pokemon throughout his evolution stages, mutually gaining more confidence until he's a fully grown quaquaval.

and!! not just him, but probably the three friends as well! it may not be something any of them are really interested in to begin with, but juliana and quaquaval make it a ton of fun. she probably even takes the time to learn an individual dance of some kind with each of them, and is the first to drag anyone to any festivals happening in the cities and towns.

(bc i am who i am) nemona's the first friend juliana ends up dancing with. while juliana quickly realizes how much quaxly likes music, nemona is the one who tells her about how he's going to turn into a pokemon that loves to dance. she mostly just enjoys having fun with them and learning whatever juliana is into. something that really helps juliana come out of her shell, which leads her to opening up to arven and penny around the same time

not 100% sure of styles apart yet but i mean...penny's has to be some nerd dance lol. i also kinda love the idea of arven learning a very formal spanish style dance with them.

idk i just want the core pillars of this story to be something along the lines of, music, song, food, and dance are all forms of love and connection and can be healing and--- AH i just want them to have time to really develop as a friend group throughout the treasure hunt.

being a student is always going so well until it Isn't .

cursed to have fps and also cursed to never be anyone's favorite or priority or #1 ever

gonna get sappy here for a hot sec (quelle surprise)

exciting week ahead!!!!!!💖🥰🌺🌱✨