#I'm such a simp for levi and dia aaaaaaaaaaa | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cosmicstarlatte · 1 year

Text

Coconut (Obey Me!)

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦ ━━━━━━━━━━

You got a coconut and need help opening it. You decide to ask your favorite guy. Does he fail or succeed?

»Characters: Demon Bros + Dateables

»Tags: Shitpost, Humor, Mammon's At It Again, Levi Is My Fave

Lucifer:

"Hand it over."

He's heard of coconuts but never seen one up close

Gently tosses it in his hand for a feel

Hmph this will be easy

ItWasNot.png

Had to pull out the old worst cursed magic he could think of

It didn't work

The many cursed tools in the dungeons also didn't work

Sweating angry mess...how's it not open!?

Angrily chucks it through the wall

It knocked out a poor unsuspecting Levi

"I will get you literally anything else you desire that's not that."

Mammon:

"Why's it furry?"

"What do ya mean you're s'pose to eat it?"

He didn't understand why you wanted this thing but he wasn't going to let his human down

Got upset that his attempts did nothing, however he hatched an idea

Got a booth at the carnival

"Pay up and test ya strength! How tough are ya!? HEY YOU! YOU'RE NOT A WIMP ARE YA?"

After hundreds of tries from monsters and demons, the coconut finally split open

He brought it back to you (wearing new bling and all)

"The Great Mammon never disappoints! Also...can ya get me more of 'em?"

Levi:

"Wooaahh a coconut!? I've seen these in so many anime beach episodes!"

The otaku was excited you came to him for help!

He was going to get it open one way or another!

He tried for an hour before sending you off

"I'll come find you when I open it!"

It would be years before he returns

(You lived in the Devildom after the program)

He journeyed through the Devildom in search of knowledge for his quest

He developed surprising friendships, suffered painful losses, but also discovered a new meaning to life

He did eventually find a way to open the coconut

He came back home wizard style

"I bring you that of which you requested"

"Levi no one knew where you went, you were just gone! We were worried!"

"I got your coconut open though! Quest complete!"

He thought the hugs and kisses from you were worth it, the coconut must've meant a lot to you!

I love him so much yall

Satan:

"A coconut? I've only ever read about them. Bring it here."

Gave it a few curious knocks

This will be easy 2.0

Tried to peel it and saw it did nothing

Tried to karate chop it, still nothing

He chuckled and a black aura surrounded him

I see.

He tried punching it and then clawing at it for a while

There is no god, just nothingness

He lost his shit in demon form

His rampage destroyed a chunk of the house

Coconuts are no longer allowed at the House of Lamentation

Like you can't even say the word coconut

Asmo:

"What is that?"

He did not want to touch whatever that thing was

He saw the disappointed look in your face and changed his mind

He tried to break it open in half with his bare hands but it was futile

Why is this thing so tough?

He was not having it, he was going to open your precious coconut!

"MAMMON!"

He could only think of one other way

A grumbling Mammon appeared

"Just stand there a second will you?"

He knocked the coconut against his head (HEY!) and the coconut split open!

It did break one of his manicured nails though but he thought the happiness on your face was worth it

Beel:

"Did you bring more?" (You did)

Was excited to try a human world fruit

Tried to break it in half with his hands

Was surprised when it didn't...but no worries!

He briefly bared his fangs and gave a sharp bite

It made a little opening and he was then able to split it with his hands

He was happy trying something new with you and was excited for future recipes

Yeah...no struggles here ajsjdlgkskdldk

Belphie:

"Huh? You want me to open that?"

He was surprised but flattered you'd go to him

He wasn't even sure what that thing was

He tried to strangle it but just couldn't get it to open

Then he tried to threaten it

Still didn't work

Was exhausted at this point and thought a well deserved nap was needed

You found him clinging to the coconut like a plushie

You never got it back

Diavolo:

"Oh what a cute little silly fruit!"

He thought it looked precious!

Of course he would open it for you!

After a few minutes of trying to get the thing open, he was getting flustered

This can't be from the human realm? It's...it's diabolical!

He gave a sad pout and tried a *different* approach

"Please little one, open up will you?" He politely begged the unforgiving fruit

It magically split open and he triumphantly gave you your coconut back!

...Still not sure how that works but it's probably just... a Dia thing LMAO

Barbatos:

"I would be happy to. Although can you pick it up in say 30 min? I have another task to attend to."

He traveled to the human realm and picked up some chopped coconut and fresh coconut juice for you

He's a demon of many talents

He's also a demon of many secrets

He's never mastered the art of opening human world coconuts but he wasn't going to let you or anyone else know that!

He gave you a beautifully arranged plate and fancy jar

Simeon:

"I can try."

He knew of coconuts but never touched one

He tried knocking it a few times but it didn't work

He tried to remain calm as he tried a few other methods

Burn it. Burn it Simeon.

No just ignore the voice

After one more attempt he lost his cool

He had quite a colorful vocabulary

Threw dangerous celestial magic spears at the indestructible fruit

Luke freaked out and knocked him out in panic

Luke was quite frightened and didn't trust coconuts after Simeons rage

Simeon hates when they refer to it as The Incident™️

Solomon:

"Sure! I will handle it."

He's opened a few in his lifetime

He found a way to get it open every time!

He gingerly touched the coconut

So we meet again

He took the coconut and chucked it fiercely against the wall

He smirked at the small shattered pieces

He thought back on the first coconut he ever had the displeasure of meeting...he will never be made a fool again

You decided to buy coconut juice instead

»Note: Imagine you ask Belphie to open a banana and he just immediately strangles the thing, like is that just how he opens things?? Yep, a new headcanon acquired!

⬦You might also like: Mexican Restaurant︱Waffle House︱Devil-Mart⭐

#obey me shitpost #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me crack #I'm such a simp for levi and dia aaaaaaaaaaa #obey me leviathan #obey me headcanons #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹#shitpostcifer

2K notes · View notes