I love how I spammed on @waynesermon first and now I'm on here.

I have been away from the fandom for way too long and now the only updates I get are just the stuff you're posting. Do you have any good fic recommendations that you're currently reading? Cause I miss reading good fanfictions and because I love everything you write I feel like I would really enjoy the fics that you like as well

Hi there. Thank you for the lovely words and welcome back! 🥰 I'm sorry for the delayed reply. My reading time has been severely limited recently so I don't have a very active reading list to give, but I still wanted to take this opportunity to accumulate a rec list!

First off, the easy blogs to follow: @jilychallenge / @jilychallenge2023, @jilymicrofics, @jilyarchive which are all pretty actively advertising writers and fics! The archive ofc has great tagging so you can get really specific if you have a hankering for something. The jilychallenge is monthly and the microfics is posting pretty much daily.

I try to reblog fics I'm reading/plan to read with the tag "#jily fic recs" on this blog, and as I previously posted, the @jilyawards 2022 list is a fantastic place to start—already broken down by category which is super handy!

I am notoriously bad at bookmarking things on AO3 but there are a handful there that I couldn't recommend enough. Now for some specific recs/favs!

My forever first must-read is my bff @chdarling 's The Last Enemy series which is the best Marauders fic I've ever read. That's right. Ever.

I've been going batshit over @the-dream-team 's Who Knows Who Cares Muggle AU. It warms my lil heart

I'm feral when I so much as think about @wearingaberetinparis 's no body, no crime which sadoigjasidgj have to stop myself from spoiling but check it out!

I'm still awed by @nought-shall-go-ill 's The Light Come Shining which made me sob

Speaking of crying, you can't go wrong with @possessingtheproperspirit for your heartachingly sad angst needs. the way you left me is perfection. Perfection.

If you consider yourself a funny person, I can fix that for you by recommending @mabeltothknows 's We Have Buried the Putrid Corpse of Liberty which is next level

I absolutely loved @annabtg 's AO3 is Down which is as fun/silly as you'd expect for a little Jily AU

This is by no means comprehensive (my brain is useless most days lately) but perhaps a good start for fics! If you have a tumblr I also rec this awesome jily blog/author list created by the immensely talented @startanewdream (who killed me with her fic someday we'll know) which will likely overwhelm you lol.

as a writer, when you put in all that hard effort into creating this massive story with so much thought and research, it just gets swept away and with people more inclined towards reading one shots and Tumblr's own interface designed for blog posts and not longform fiction like say, in ao3, it is unsurprising to find people gravitate towards fluff and stuff that gets wrapped up in 1k-2k words.

There isn't really a lot of interest in people wanting to read something that gravitates away from romance in the slightest. People want the engagement stories, the days leading up to it, they want the cute dates and that's perfectly fine too, but there really isn't any point complaining about engagement anymore because the fandom has just shrunk exponentially and it only makes sense to support each other's work because you like the author and you hope they keep writing time after time.

I don't know if I'm making sense lol, this is just my two cents on the situation and many random shovels of thoughts.

I do hope we get a fandom renaissance or something but that would require people to share, reblog and actively be a patron for people's works and not everyone has the time for that in this post-covid era, which is totally understandable too. I just hope we find a middle ground so people of all niches can be accepted and they can reach their audience.

While fandom events do encourage people to create; as a catalyst, the readers always play the primary part in making sure that encouragement sustains enough for authors to create. After a while it gets pointless to just shout out things into the void and you're left wondering if the stuff you create really matters or not; even if you think you're writing for yourself and you matter, it gets tedious 😭😭

OMG THIS. THIS. THIS. THIS. THIS!!!!!!

THIS!!!!!

Not going to lie… there are days lately I am like “It is time to just hang it up”, bit it still brings me some joy in a world that isn’t always so great. So I do it. But the desire to produce isn’t always there, and when it is, it is more likely to be short, simple, and like you said, that’s fine too. But I miss delving into deeper, more substantial content. But who is going to take the time to do it if … as you said… you are screamed into a void.

We always talked of “silent readers”. Well, I think a lot of them are even gone now, but I am sure some remain. But at this point if we don’t encourage one another, I think we will have very little outside of occasional shared screenshots within a year.

A year ago, the fandom was smaller, but I couldn’t have imagined hanging it up. Now, I think, “after I tell this… chances are I have nothing left to give.” And thats from someone who always has a new idea. Hey, that hyperactive mind fucks me enough, I am grateful for the good things it gives me too! lol But even for my Tobias and Casey, which are truly my heart, I can see an end. Today, it is all day by day.

Thank you for this… this post says it ALL.

At a bit of a dark gray low in my evening thinking about how I can't be bothered to sit at my desk long enough to draw much of anything anymore.

I love making art and sharing art. I have for decades, but now with all the scraping and stealing and hurdles artists have to go through to protect their stuff from getting ripped off and fed into the theft machine its almost too disheartening to share anymore.

I still make art, lots of it. I've tried cloaking, I hate what it does to my art even at the 'smoothest setting.' That's not what I wanted it to look like, that's not what I wanted to share with people.

I've tried uploading low resolution and it looks like garbage on mobile, where most folks tend to look at stuff.

My platform and reach has bottomed out since twitter died, and it feels like everyone is constantly yelling at and over the top of each other on what to do to not only protect their work but everyone else's as well.

With my platform a fraction of what it once was (still humble compared to many others) most of my engagement went with it. I used to love getting comments on stuff, sharing laughs and feelings with people that enjoyed my stuff. Now I feel like If I'm not constantly outputting art I won't see any sort of response at all. (I will say as much as I love tumblr it kinda sucks to share art on unless you're posting fanart in relevant fandoms. It just is, it has been since I joined in '11 and the other places I got more traction on actively suck now like twitter and dA).

I'm not designed to shit out 'content' for algorithms on other sites. I don't want to measure my worth in clicks and likes or whatever else the creative world has been boiled down and repackaged as.

I miss sharing art and making connections, building communities and sharing ideas, stories and personal projects in organic, messy stew of humanity. It all feels so shallow now.

Now artists are businesses and I get it, its a career, I'm groaning about my taxes even as I rant write this. You constantly have to promote, sell, paywall yourself for some sort of creative income. Studio work is immensely competitive to break into and projects are short term. You either chase every project and pray you can get in, or you dayjob it, side hustle and freelance every second.

It's exhausting. I've all but given up on ever working in a studio.

Constantly I think about my friends with successful long term careers and think of my struggling freelance business I support with my dull blue collar job and try and think back that I should have done something different. Something better to actually be good at and master.

I draw stuff and look at it and imagine all the hoops I now have to go through to post it for relatively nothing in return and wonder if its even worth sharing it. If its even good enough to share -.-

Not much engagement anymore, poor image quality, and the reach I had that used to afford glimpses of career opportunists feels gone.

I draw stuff, share it to private chats with friends, then flip the page and draw some more.

It hasn't made me want to stop creating, but it has sucked most of the joy out of sharing it with the world anymore.

It takes a lot of energy to drag my mind out of this muck and put myself back out there as an artist every day.

Just tired of feeling stuck and sinking.

Duhragonba11

(That title looked cooler in my head for some reason.)

Hi, I'm Mike, and on December 21, 2012, I made the first post on this blog. It's nothing special, just a fandub video that always amused me. I didn't have any particular agenda with this thing, which is why I went with the name I chose.

I signed up for tumblr in 2011. Livejournal was dying, I had just moved to a new place and I was kind of looking for a fresh start. My main blog, @sodiumlamp, was my half-assed attempt to do a cool science themed blog. I thought you had to have a moody aesthetic on this site, because a lot of popular tumblrs posted black and white photos with wistful poetry and shit. I was burned out on """fandom""" and wanted to try to write something focused on a more general-interest topic. To be honest, I still want that, but it took a back seat as my priorities changed.

I created a few sideblogs, and decided the only thing I was missing was one for anime nonsense. It feels weird that I waited so long to go through with it, though. That first year or two on tumblr, I was kind of wary of the site, like I didn't know what to do with it, and I was worried I'd screw something up. Anyway, I broke my leg in the fall of 2012, and I spent about five months laid up at my parents' house. It was on the evening of December 20 that I made up my mind to set this thing up. Maybe I just couldn't settle on a name for the blog, or I wasn't sure I could post enough stuff to it to make it worth the trouble. My sleep schedule was a mess in those days, so it doesn't surprise me much that the first post was made in the middle of the night.

What really made this important for me was a post I made a few days later. I decided to just write about Raditz, and it got a lot of notes. Well, more than a hundred, which is kind of a big deal to me. There seemed to be an audience for this stuff, which led me to devote more and more time to this blog. Over the years, my other blogs have fallen by the wayside, and this became my main internet presence.

I don't think this thing is all that "big" in terms of popularity. I currently have 3957 followers, which sounds like a lot, although I usually only see 20-30 unique users in my activity reports. Still, it's a lot for me, and I'm grateful for it. I think things started to pick up in 2015, probably because of Xenoverse 1, Resurrection F, and Dragon Ball Super all starting up around that time. I got a lot of positive reinforcement from my audience, and that was a major factor that led to me getting back into writing fanfiction.

The Luffa concept was something I had been sitting on for years, but I never tried to write it because it seemed like too daunting a challenge, and even if I could finish a story like that, I wasn't sure anyone would bother to read it. But in 2015 I felt a lot more confident about giving it a shot. And people read it! They seemed to really like it! And in early December of that year, I even got fanart of the story.

(Art by @bluewavelengths)

It still blows my mind that this happened. It's eight years later, and I still find myself kind of averting my gaze when I look at this. Like, it's just sort of overwhelming. I really need to assemble some sort of gallery for Luffa art. I've got a folder with a lot of XV2 screencaps and loose drafts, and I'll run across this image from time to time and it always gets to me. Thank you, Nico.

So Luffa kind of took over a lot of this blog space from 2016 onward. I still felt like I should maintain some sort of general presence for an audience that wasn't interested in the character. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but that led me to kind of half-assedly liveblogging JoJo's Bizarre Adventure in 2017, which led me to three-quarter-assed liveblogs around the time I got to Stone Ocean and Steel Ball Run. That kind of set the stage for much of the stuff I do these days. Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z in 2019, Hellsing and Battle Tendency in 2021, and GT and Super in 2023. Well, I like to think I use my whole ass now when I liveblog these things, but I guess I should let history be the judge of that.

I'm not sure there's a coherent message to this. Honestly, I noticed back in January that I passed Year 10, and I thought I should really make a point of doing some sort of retrospective on the next anniversary, so here I am. I kind of debated making it a shitpost, or blowing it off altogether, but now that I've settled on revisiting the history of the blog, I feel like the common denominator here is that I can express myself and there are people who are interested in what I have to say. Every so often someone will tell me they liked something I wrote, and it's great. I'm not good at taking the compliment, but it's still gratifying to know that someone actually paid attention long enough to go "Yeah, he's got a good point." That matters. It matters a lot. If you're reading this, thank you.

I don't know what the future holds. I mean, I'm gonna keep posting stuff here, but for all I know Tumblr will get sold to Yahoo again and go out of business. In the short term, I still have fic work to do, and I've got a lot of messages in my ask box that I need to get back to. Also I'm gonna try to watch Evangelion next year, and reread Jojolion now that it's finished, and see if it makes more sense. Other than that, we'll see.

Serious question: Did I coin the term "Knife Lady"? Like, other people call her that now, but I think I may have been the one to get that started. Maybe I'm kidding myself, but it's fun to think about sometimes. I just don't want to steal fandom valor from the actual inventor of "we should all call that Saiyan 'Knife Lady'." But if it really was me, then that's pretty cool.

Okay, so I'm slowly coming back to tumblr

Here's the case though

During my time away I came to realize that a lot of my actions of late, in general, over the past half a year even, have been stemming a lot, more and more, from this yearning and craving for validation and any kind of affection/appreciation. And this is never a good place to start from - because when you create content from that headspace, with this in mind, with this being your motivation, no matter what content you'll put out there, no matter how many people tell you they love it, you'll still feel like it's not enough and like you yourself are not enough. And you'll just be compelled to create more and more just to be appreciated, not fully because it brings you joy. That's kind of the headspace I ended up falling into lately, in many areas of my life, I see that now. And it's not a good headspace because it only ends up harming your mind more and more as you go.

That isn't to say writing and this blog and Hoffstrahm and Saw don't bring me joy, because they certainly do! But lately I caught myself doing more things driven by the thought "oh, maybe people will actually want to be friends with me and talk with me if I (for example) write another chapter" rather than doing something because I 100% wanted to do that for me, myself, as my own person in the first place. I was doing things more because I was desperate for that kind of human connection, thus neglecting my own person a lot.

So I am coming back here, because I do miss talking with you guys and seeing all the content and stuff - but I am not gonna be fully active as of yet. I think I'm gonna choose baby steps for now, so that I won't fall into this kind of pattern of thinking again. So it'll be like I will be posting and liking and reblogging stuff now and then, but I might not always respond to everything immediately etc.

Thank you for being patient with me and also thank you to everyone who cares enough about me as a person to read those longer posts ❤️ I appreciate that more than you know.

sorry i just, do you have any idea how demoralizing it is, that i've been writing for decades and it's the only thing i can offer in terms of Creative Anything, Ever, and I had to reblog my shit 140 times to get one potential "i liked this!!" comment, and I felt so brave putting my stuff on AO3, and I was so burned out and didn't write for a couple years but started up again, and did all the same stuff I did before and i can't get as much as like, a comment or more than a single kudos, or any real feedback whatsoever,

and like, I don't want to sound so bitter. but i encouraged my sister to start writing her star wars self-insert stuff. and all she did was put it on AO3 and she got a bajillion people instantly fawning all over her story, loving her OC, drawing her fanart, begging her for updates, and it's like

what am i doing wrong??? was my writing really so fucking shitty and worthless that I couldn't get the attention of more than 2 people who would read my stuff out of pity I'm sure

like what's WRONG with me. i'd love feedback, or something, somewhere to talk to people about writing this stuff. a friend invited me to a server that's a couple friends of hers to do this exact thing, except nobody's posted anything for months

i cleared out ALL my writing from tumblr and wiped my AO3 and i had ONE person go "oh, i liked your stuff", except I never got any actual comments on my actual stuff in years!!! how can i believe anyone cared if no one ever said anything to me!!!!

i feel so fucking broken and beaten down and upset, writing is LITERALLY ALL I FUCKING HAVE. i cannot draw pretty pictures of my stories i'm fucking sorry! all i can do is write and my stuff either wasn't good enough to warrant being commented on, or people couldn't bother to read it.

i support "writing for just yourself" so much. that's what i've been doing for so long!!! but i was actively asking for feedback and for people to just PLEASE SAY ANYTHING, and even friends who have in theory been supportive of my writing can't do that!!!!! this makes me feel so petty and fucking awful but IT'S ALL I FUCKING HAVE. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE.

i've been in this HORRIFIC depression over this for WEEKS and i haven't had like a single word of sympathy or caring and it's just violently reinforcing that yeah, i was wasting mine and everyone's time and no one wants to read the things i'm writing.

when I was writing fallout stuff people really liked it! i would get regular comments and stuff! but the pokemon stuff is what i'm most passionate about and i just. i just wanted someone to read.

even an irl friend asked me, actively fucking asked me! for the link to my AO3 and I gave it to him and have not heard a single word. like why even ask. i am so fucking heartbroken.

i don't want to take this out on people. it's not people i'm mad at it's myself. i'm just convinced now that nothing i create is worthwhile and I was right to delete all of my writing (cleared a lot from my computer too) because the idea of someone missing it is a joke.

i have never felt this hopeless about the SINGLE THING I CAN DO in my entire life. i don't want to give it up entirely i have this pathetic little string of hope i'm holding onto and i don't want to let go. but just why fucking bother. because i will have NOTHING left if I don't have this. but why bother.

i feel like i've become nothing but a burden or, at most, an accessory to everyone in my life lately. i'm like everyone's third or fourth place consideration and i cannot tell you how worthless that makes me feel. i have to arm wrestle conversations out of people and i just don't have that kind of energy anymore.

i feel like such a goddamn disappointment of a human being.

A reset

Welcome! You may or may not know me from the many projects I delve in, especially genshin-related projects like fics, later my page of genshin 2D skins (everything before May of 2023 is 2D), and currently my 3D skin mods. If anything, it's impressive that you found this corner of the internet, since this is my less interesting project at least according to people with short attention span.

Thing is, I used to have blogs in Portuguese. And I connected with many people thanks to that. I kept connecting with people after leaving them, especially now that I have many who enjoy my work and who interact with me on my discord server, but I still miss a space where I can share my thoughts and ramble about any topic I want. I have a massive genshin brainrot, so my posts will still mostly be about that, but there are no rules here.

(Above you can see some genshin mods I've worked on. Mods (skins specifically) won't get you banned, but are pc only. You can join my discord server for more info ^^)

So, why Tumblr? I thought about it, and this seems like the most fitting platform. My stuff can be shared and reblogged, I can customize the layout of my page at least for pc, and my kind of content fits Tumblr better anyway. And I alreaady had this page, so why not use it?

Youtube and video content is kinda a no for me. I love writing, and hate talking. The fact that I'm not an English speaker and that I'm not entirely confident in the way I pronounce words doesn't help, and it's hard for me to make a coherent speech while concentrating instead on how to words. Sure, scripting exists, but if I'm going to write, I would rather share a blog post. Who knows, I might provide audio versions by asking AI to read my posts out loud for me.

The world is ironic. It demands authenticity, yet also wants people to build a brand by submitting to algorithms, which forces creators into making a very specific type of content, without margin for change and exploration, and to create in a format that might not be the most natural to them. Yes, many people thank tiktok for their success, but if I joined the platform, I would just burn out spending more time promoting my content than actively creating it. Someone bring blogs back xD

Anyway, I am a person, not a brand. I don't want to pretend otherwise. I prefer to grow at a slower pace, and to backtrack sometimes or end up changing course, managing to do everything I want on that journey.

Because I do believe I will be able to achieve anything I want, immortality apart. In the past 3 years, I reached goals that I had wanted for most of my life, in a way after giving up on them. I just noticed that the impulses I get around my birthday end up defining what I will do for the next year, and instead of forcing things, going with the flow works best for me. Those sudden changes might make me lose followers or income streams, because even if my interest end up connecting eventually, the exploration phase is enough to make me lose the favor of algorithms. But I have a main job and, while I would love to be a creator full-time, this might be the most stable option for someone who thrives in ambitious sudden projects like me.

So. Let the Wind lead.

A reset

Welcome! You may or may not know me from the many projects I delve in, especially genshin-related projects like fics, later my page of genshin 2D skins (everything before May of 2023 is 2D), and currently my 3D skin mods. If anything, it's impressive that you found this corner of the internet, since this is my less interesting project at least according to people with short attention span.

Thing is, I used to have blogs in Portuguese. And I connected with many people thanks to that. I kept connecting with people after leaving them, especially now that I have many who enjoy my work and who interact with me on my discord server, but I still miss a space where I can share my thoughts and ramble about any topic I want. I have a massive genshin brainrot, so my posts will still mostly be about that, but there are no rules here.

(Above you can see some genshin mods I've worked on. Mods (skins specifically) won't get you banned, but are pc only. You can join my discord server for more info ^^)

So, why Tumblr? I thought about it, and this seems like the most fitting platform. My stuff can be shared and reblogged, I can customize the layout of my page at least for pc, and my kind of content fits Tumblr better anyway. And I alreaady had this page, so why not use it?

Youtube and video content is kinda a no for me. I love writing, and hate talking. The fact that I'm not an English speaker and that I'm not entirely confident in the way I pronounce words doesn't help, and it's hard for me to make a coherent speech while concentrating instead on how to words. Sure, scripting exists, but if I'm going to write, I would rather share a blog post. Who knows, I might provide audio versions by asking AI to read my posts out loud for me.

The world is ironic. It demands authenticity, yet also wants people to build a brand by submitting to algorithms, which forces creators into making a very specific type of content, without margin for change and exploration, and to create in a format that might not be the most natural to them. Yes, many people thank tiktok for their success, but if I joined the platform, I would just burn out spending more time promoting my content than actively creating it. Someone bring blogs back xD

Anyway, I am a person, not a brand. I don't want to pretend otherwise. I prefer to grow at a slower pace, and to backtrack sometimes or end up changing course, managing to do everything I want on that journey.

Because I do believe I will be able to achieve anything I want, immortality apart. In the past 3 years, I reached goals that I had wanted for most of my life, in a way after giving up on them. I just noticed that the impulses I get around my birthday end up defining what I will do for the next year, and instead of forcing things, going with the flow works best for me. Those sudden changes might make me lose followers or income streams, because even if my interest end up connecting eventually, the exploration phase is enough to make me lose the favor of algorithms. But I have a main job and, while I would love to be a creator full-time, this might be the most stable option for someone who thrives in ambitious sudden projects like me.

So. Let the Wind lead.

I really dont know anymore how i discovered GNR and Slash, i think it must have been through Velvet Revolver. All i remember is that it was in 2004 before we got our Internet connection. So i basically relied on Magazines and MTV to get some stuff about them. I found a really nice penpal who helped me get all the old CDs and concert bootlegs.

After we had Internet, it was better. There was only MySpace (are you old enough to remember it?). Facebook was very new at that time but slowly but surely everyone left MySpace to go to Facebook. No Instagram yet, no Youtube yet, but i found this really cool, extremly detailed Fanmade Homepage about Slash, which helped me a lot getting deeper into the life and whereabouts of him. I was also a member in the GNR Forum but i didn't like it there.

And i was always a Slash Fan first and GNR Fan second. Wherever Slash went, i followed him. I was actually the happiest when he formed SMTC because it felt as if the band was meant to be together.

And Duff, while i was never an active Fan of him, always had a special place in my heart because i adored, and still adore his beautiful, cute friendship with Slash.

But i have to admit that i was not always an active Fan. I had months and years where i didn't really follow what Slash was doing, just wishing he was happy and healthy. Now i am in a more active Phase again. And glad that Meegan provides us with so many Slash pics and Videos because Slash mostly just posts shit. 😁

Yeah I didn't have internet until like 2003. For the LONGEST ass time I never had any concrete online presence, like I had MSN messenger, and like in 2007 created a profile on this super niche emo website whose name I forgot. I did have Limewire to download music and burn on CDs though! And I watched a lot of movies and shows on it was like Megafile, or something before it got shutdown, and the OG PirateBay. Mainly I just read fanfic, watched videos, and just was a nomad online. Shit I never even had LiveJournal, I read stuff on that site but never made my own profile. But I hardly ever participated in any fandom until 2008 when I created my own Tumblr and started to engage truly in social media, I had Facebook by then too.

Oh I kinda miss the old days of fan pages!

I find myself personally returning to fandoms or interests for a while then leaving, which I have joked about this in the past that I dunno when suddenly GnR, or rock bands will stop having any interest for me enough to continue making a lot of posts, or make gifs. I have a lot of phases, generally though the fandoms I continue to return to are; Star Trek, Star Wars, LOTR, Marvel (comics mainly), DC, again mainly the comics. I even briefly got intensely into some C-Dramas too which if you delve further back into this blog you can see! lol

Ah it's cool though you've been a Slash/GnR fan since forever. I am assuming you must be late 20s early 30s then? I'm 31!

I uh hi idk if ur active here or if im annoying you ;-;;;; this is my first time doing this hi uh- I have made shipkids for some of ur Eclispetale bois and I constantly worry that you would never like that if you knew and I wanted to know if it was fine to keep the shipkids sorry im a very worried person and over think things 😭

Ur not annoying me promise! I am a very low energy person so I'll appear on tumblr once every moon like a werewolf ;3 Shipkids are lovely!!! I'd love to see any of the precious beans omg I adorethe shipkids people make it means the world to me :')

Also the main reason I'm not active on tumblr versus how active I am on twitter:

So many asks XDDD

If you ever want me to see stuff just @ me! I still may miss it or not have enough energy to respond but I'd love to see anything you created :') <3 <3 <3

I feel like you leaving for awhile was all a bizarre fever dream

Okay same. I know you most definitely did not ask for an info dump but I'm going to give you one anyway since I've got stuff on my mind and this ask fits my thought process pretty well so it'll be nice to explain lmao (feel free to not read it's a bit long!)

Leaving was really rushed and emotional but I don't regret it. I didn't think for a second I'd be coming back ever because I was truly at rock bottom and I was so down mentally I just thought I'd never be able to face coming back again.

I decided to come back because I missed chatting with people and interacting with my followers and sharing my stories. But, I don't know if any of you can tell, it just hasn't felt the same since I've came back.

I've been trying to be my normal self and act how I did before I dipped but honestly it just doesn't feel the same. I've got so much writing back dated that I have quite a lot to post, but I haven't written anything in an awfully long time. I've really lost my passion for it to be honest. I still don't feel valid on tumblr of valued, but while it was making me miserable before, I've sort of stopped caring.

Do I care that I don't get as much recognition that I'd like? Of course. Am I letting that control me and my mental health? Nowhere near as much as it had been previously.

I was chatting with some moots yesterday about how we all one by one have slowly but surely stopped caring about tumblr and are no longer as invested as we had been and even stopped writing all together. I hate tumblr in a way. I hate that it has made me lose my passion and motivation for something I love. I hate that a popularity system and notes have invalidated my writing and made me feel worthless and that I'm not good at what I do. But, honestly, at the minute I'm just logging on and going through the motions.

Like I said, I have a lot of writing left to share that I've already written. I'm hoping I can spread it all out enough that one day in the future I regain my love and desire to write and create and share that with you all again. But honestly, I'm very drained. I'm truthfully not happy here at all but I'm just... here. I'm not forcing myself to write just to please people. I'm not making myself stare at my screen waiting for likes or reblogs. I'm not waiting for asks to come in that I answer immediately just so I can keep people happy.

I'm just trying to go at my own pace.

I don't want to hate Tumblr or hate being here, because this community has given a lot to me that I'm thankful for. It's helped me hone a skill I didn't think anyone would care about. But, my personal experience of comparing and criticising has really made it hard to be here and be positive about it. I love being here to talk to you guys and see if you like my writing as much as I do, but I've lost a lot of love and drive to be as active as I once was.

Sorry to dump all of that on you 😭

I'm not really active in the MHA fandom or blog- but I agree a lot with your points on OH. To be fair though- I don't think weekly schedule in itself facilitate great writing imo b/c Mangaka's don't have the time to revise their drafts (they get usually max 6 hours of time to work on each page- everything from name to final touch ups- monthly authors get up to 2 days for each page), there's literally not enough time to think, reread or to adjust things. But I think Hori's reaching a point where it's not sustainable for him to keep at the pace he started MHA with. So he's cutting corners to move the plot faster- but compressed plotlines will come with executional pitfalls. That's just the limits of the medium when you don't have a dedicated writer/ don't have everything pre-planned. It's getting more apparant now, because we're in the final arc- and people are expecting pay offs to start happening. And in considering that the 'conversation' deku and OH had was supposed to be payoff on OH's character thread? It's a lotta waffling imo. I'm over it at this point- because If Hori is actually doing this because it's for his own health- then I'd rather he do that. regardless of whether I like his story or not- it's still his story- so the priority imo is so long as he's happy with his work- that's what should matter more. It doesn't mean it's above critque, or that we should all like it, not at all, ones reactions are one's own, and genuine in their emotions. There's nothing wrong with expressing such on ones own blog, and tagging it in the fanom. Critiques ultimately for those of us doing so, is moreso for ourselves, either those who want to work on creating our own IP, or just want some benchmarks to keep in mind in reading future stories and anticipating what actually appeals to one's own tastes. I just want to make a shoutout of all of that, cause I can tell some of the people reblogging your OH post don't get it at all and are too busy in the "I'm right, you're wrong mindset"- which is-realistically speaking nothing new when it comes to internet fandoms- but still missing the point of what you were saying. Unfortunatly- Tumblr's reply function is pretty much ass when it comes to anything of length on an actual post though. So hope you don't mind the rando tldr from a passer by.

Heya anon, I definitely don't mind the passer-by message. You're right about Hori's ridiculous work schedule. I complained during the war arc about all the breaks, but now I definitely wish he would take a few more than he has been. Not just for the story's sake, but also for his own--it's been AGES since he had one, it seems like. And in fairness, I can hardly expect him to make the time to do a bunch of research on e.g. the detrimental psychological impact of solitary confinement on his schedule.

In truth, the rant was mostly to get it off my chest. Normally, I save my most annoyed complaining for Discord, but sometimes when it feels like no one else is saying the things I want to see said (about Deku's motivations there, about the PLF arrests, about the MLA's views on quirk supremacy, etc), my motivation overflows.

Ultimately, I've been making my peace with the idea of jettisoning canon pretty much since Chapter 240 dropped and featured a Re-Destro whose characterization I liked considerably less than Chapter 239's Re-Destro,* so the idea of writing off the canon after a certain point and just writing the fic I want to write is something I'm very prepared to do.

Still, it'd be nice to be happy with the canon itself, and I really am hoping to be! There's so much good and interesting stuff going on in the series, really challenging material, and like many others, I hope that this arc is about really pushing Hero Society and its defenders to the breaking point so that they can see that the system they have does have to change--just to pick the obvious example, I don't want to see Hawks proven right that a system that could produce him and Lady Nagant is worth salvaging just because Deku is a good person.

Thanks for the message, anon! I grew out of the phase of being bothered by people who willfully miss my point or read me in bad faith many, many fandoms ago, so I'm not too concerned with the people in the comments doing that--I've gotten some very thoughtful responses and much more traction than I'd been expecting, so I'm glad the rant reached some like-feeling people! Here's to hoping Horikoshi gets some rest, and we all can find satisfaction in the story he's working so hard to bring us.

(*Regarding 239 vs. 240's Re-Destro, while I have my problems with how the MLA is being treated in general, the canon has given me more good RD material. I will probably never be over him calling Shigaraki "savior and liberator" and getting indignant about Shigaraki's safety GOOD SHIT GOOD SHIT. Also Clone!RD talking about the relief of only having to present one face to the world and wistfully reflecting on his group's sought-after Liberation as he falls into nothing I am still shook.)

yeah. I was in your server and it's dead too. I don't know why you keep inviting people to the server. It's beating a dead horse.

LONG POST: I wondered when I get one of these. Sometimes servers do die out. It happens and there is sometimes nothing you can do about it. I'm not sure how much of a troll post this is or isn't. However, I have had people mention that they missed places to Rp which is why I have been trying again. We're also in the middle of the pandemic where most people in general are depressed/dealing with a lot of IRL stuff and don't have the energy to be more than lurkers. Health and IRL stuff always comes first. I am in at least 7 red dead redemption servers and let me tell you, they are all either slow or dead. So while it comes across that you're insulting the server I once helped run, I have tried my best and I know the current admin and mod team have tried their best.  Many other servers are in the same boat. Additionally, people talk about how it's dead, but there are attempts. People don't respond to either A. people who are staring conversations whether it's a get to know you thing, normal every day talk or red dead talk. B. Prompts /activities to get to know your characters or the characters you want to roleplay as, questions of the day, short mini rp threads, etc... C. Offers of movies/games streaming and voice chat. I've seen multiple people try to set up conversations with me being one of them. You can't force people to talk. It's disappointing, but you can't. However anon, if you're still in the server, you could also try starting conversations or responding when you see them. If you're not, well then why leave an anon like this anyway? But again, I'm in servers over a 100 who are slow to mid sized servers that are completely dead to smaller once popular servers that may as well be dead. That's just how it is in this fandom for whatever reason. It's also what I have heard from my friends who are in different servers. Active for a while, then slow or they die completely. Important addition: Some red dead servres get created, have a boom and then die. It reminds me of boom towns during the gold rush. More importantly, with the level of literally unhinged people I know or know of, it’s very hard to avoid those people and it’s akward to be there with that person - or hell, even triggering for me sometimes. That, and if it gets bad enough, it’s difficult andembarassing to go to admins and mods and “Oh they harassed me horribly” type of thing, regardless of what happened. For me, I literally avoid people who had tried to attack me in real life. I know multiple other peole on tumblr who will never join a server on discord because they have either been horribly tormented on tumblr and don’t want to experieince it on discord, or have heard how terrible it is on a lot of servers and want to avoid it. This is what I was referring to when I was talking about how to make friends. If I could fix the rp servers, I would immediately. If there were more laid back servers of friendly people, I would do it because everyone is lonely right now. But I really think this anon is a little rude. 

Hey so I'm an anon who pops in sometime. I had no idea you were feeling this way. I'm a student rn so I have to pic my way through your works really slow, but I want you to know I'm here! I've been dying to read the minho fic you posted a whole back and it's new sequel bc hes my bias and we need more good minho fics. I love your world building, by the way. Like a ton. You helped my find a missing fic on here a while ago (it turned out to be eye of heaven) I loved it. I also got to read candles in the sky a while ago, it was super good too (I want to go back and read it bc jisung has been wrecking but it's been midterms). I like the whole assasin au you did as well. I first found you because of the match girl and you honestly broke my heart 😥 never moved on from that and always live under the hopeful delusion you'll write an alternate ending.

It is clearly my grief talking but still.

I think I've read every single drabble (I try to heart every time) but sometime i come back just to be sure i havent missed any, esp when a bias wrecker comes calling and I want content. Tbh you're really good. Good enough youd never have to write for us for free. But I'm grateful that you do.

I confess, I dont get to engage with your longer works as much as I want to (if you ever wanna do chapters that would be fun bc it gives you a way to find your way back to the spot you left off reading easier 🥺).

But like, your descriptions are super good, your world building is awesome. I I'm too take the time really READ it not just skim it.

But, I'm sorry you havent felt appreciated bc honestly you're more engaging to me than a lot of published novelists. If you dont want to write because its not bringing you enjoyment or positive feedback, I understand. But you deservse to at least know how amazing and talented you are. I see other blogs talk about you and tag you a ton. But even so, to be honest I feel like the best writers on here often get overlooked you among them. So I understand, but please know: you are amazingly talented. I'll honestly be really sad if you go, but we arent entitled to your hard work and effort, and I get that. And know if you ever write original fiction I'd be down for it.

Anyway. Sorry this was long. And sorry I havent gotten to see some of your longer works yet but I at least want you to know u see them, and I plan too. I know that's not a big consolation but I do love your writing and I want to partake of it when I can actually truly read it. Thank you for your time and energy, and sorry if this is ramble but its 3am here but I couldnt not adress this.

Thanks for your time and investment,

-Anon.

That's ok no hurry! I just wanted to be sure it was there 🥺 also I wanna add I'm sorry I dont reblog more...I have friends in tumblr who dont know I read kpop fanfic...😥 I'm thinking of getting another one at some point so I can. But I want you to know, I would reblog your stuff a ton. That's why not, and I'm so sorry if its come off as apathy. 😥

hey, bubs! ✨ thank you for taking the time to write this out, I really appreciate it 💞

oh wow, I don’t know where to begin with this 😅

let me start by saying that I’m happy to know you’ve enjoyed several pieces of my work, including my blurbs. reading this yesterday helped me a lot 💕 and don’t worry, I’ll probably never leave as long as I’m in my right mind...

I know I don’t post as often as I used to a year ago, and my content has changed a little over the time, so I’m grateful that all of you are still here. don’t misunderstand me, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the humble audience I’ve attracted, it’s that I’m baffled at the counter effect of their growth. with the uncertainty of the tumblr tags, we writers solely depend on our followers to share our work. if neither tumblr nor our readers want to cooperate with us then expect that we remain active and happy, then we’re all set for doom. 

there are solutions if you look for them. one can always create a side blog to dedicate for their different interests, in regards to the situation with your friends. a lot of people do that, and you could try it too if you’d like! ✨

once more, thank you for this 💖 

(p.s. I don’t write alternative endings :P)

I'm glad you liked my yttd ramble the other day hahsjshsj. And I have some more stuff to say because this game lives rent free in my head.

I love the writing and storytelling from kimi ga shine, I really do but I think the way the later half of the second main game is structured, from a narrative point of view is kinda misleading. The whole focus of the last bit, with the Kanna vs Shin argument is on Kanna. Shin feels unsure and ungrounded so he resorts to interrupting her and abandons his calculated and calm facade he had until that point, which makes sense in a character point of view because it shows how he reacts when he is truly cornered. But it doesn't make sense considering afterwards the game clearly wants you to vote him. Honestly after playing the logic route the first time, the emotion route feels like a fever dream. It's all unicorns and rainbows and is such a contrast to the other option I wonder why we even had a choice in the first place. Unless further down the line there is some type of plot twist where our hope and optimism in the emotion route is punished I don't see why the game pushes so hard to make us feel guilty of killing Kanna in the Shin route. Honestly, after playing a chapter 3 full of internal conflict from Sara and other characters reacting to the traumatic nature of their situation, they seem so naive in the emotion route, idk if I'm explaining myself well enough. Like we fall into this weird bit where they will "for sure make it out alive" and Sara is determined to "bring everyone to safety", everything is "totally gonna be okay" and it just seems so... off? It makes no sense for them to think that right now, especially not after a failed escape attempt and seeing the way the floormasters and dolls can interfere with the game like Gashu did. (And knowing that even if they can take off their collars they will just be killed for desobying the rules from Shin's death)

On Kanna's death "cut scene" Sara literally thinks, and I quote "We need Sou to escape... / I... chose logic... / The worst possible choice..." what???? literally how? The whole point of this choice is that no matter which one it will always be a morally grey answer, there isn't a right or wrong here because either way you're killing one of your allies. And going back to the way the second main game is structured: the focus is all on Kanna so having Shin's death be the final arch for his character seems a bit out of touch. If we wanted that to be his big finale, if he's the one we're supposed to listen to, then why isn't he the one speaking for the majority of the time? The end of the discussion part is all about Kanna, Kanna's sacrifice, her whole speech about Kai's values and hope to defy the game and escape as a group, Kanna's wish to save Sou and Sara like she couldn't save her sister. Then why is listening the Kanna the worst choice? I think they were going for a "double final arch" per say, so you could in fact choose any of the two endings and still have a satisfactory conclusion but why did they have to push so hard afterwards for Shin's death to be "the right choice?". If that's just Sara's guilt speaking why doesn't she feel the same way (or at least the tiniest bit remorseful) for Shin?

And I know it's another level to the whole logic vs emotion, you either get a more satisfying narrative or a happier one but I don't think it had to be that different you know? That and the way the two deaths are handled makes it clear (even if unintentionally) that Nankidai gives priority to the emotion route. And when you can see that to this degree it makes me wonder why is this even a choice in the first place?

In conclusion, I seriously hope the emotion vs logic route isn't the thing that leads the player to a good vs bad ending. Or at least that it isn't as predictable as it seems right now, because if we are doomed right from the moment we chose to save Shin... idk it seems like a cheaper alternative to just have "save the child" as the objectively better ending. And again, I would personally make it so that the whole hero trope, happy-go-lucky nature of the characters in the emotion route would crumble somewhere during the final chapter, they can still have a happy ending but at least make it so that there are some consequences for choosing Kanna over Shin, literally anything at all. Them being suddenly almost unfazed by the deaths of their past allies is so out there it seems completely out of character. Like you said, Sara's stress doesn't come only from Joe's death and Shin's existence, it comes from leading a group of people to almost certain death, why is that no longer a problem? And if the difference between saving Kanna or Shin is more world building and knowledge later on then that needs to be a bigger difference between the routes because right now it's just Kanna good, Shin bad.

Anyways this turned out super long again but I just have. a lot of thoughts. I really do like Nankidai's storytelling, he does a very good job at it but when it comes to this? I think he made some questionable choices, I hope it becomes less linear in the future.

:DDD 

Once again, this is my thoughts explained so well, so I’m going to expand with my thoughts :)

First off,   the game clearly wants you to vote him. is very true. Shin’s death is nearly too perfect. Happy ending, a character arc wrapped up in a bow, constant praise for killing Shin and an even happier next part. A fever dream is the perfect way to describe the emotional route after playing logic  first. Everything about it, seems so off. 

What tipped me off, what really tipped me off, was Kanna’s  reaction to We hin’s death. Especially when compared to Shin’s. Whether or not it’s healthy is debatable but it is at the very least co-dependant. Kanna was manipulated by Shin. Whether or not she cared for him the same way he cared for her* is up for debate. 

*(we don’t have nearly enough context for a clear cut on her motives for her actions in part 2. Shin seems to be more concerned about saving Kanna specifically, while Kanna wants to save everyone including Shin. This can be linked back to her feelings of worthless. Yes, Shin is special to her, she mentions him and Sara. However, if they had not gotten close, Kanna likely would have made the same choice) 

Kanna, almost didn’t seem to care that he died, that everyone else might die (from her own perception of what could happen). For someone who is wrecked by grief and death so much, she’s, just as happy as everyone else? It’s so out of character that she isn’t a teeny bit distressed. 

See, the oh so happy attitude, part can be played off to Sara no longer being swallowed by self-loathing over Joe. She believes she can do it, and that will drastically affect how the part plays out. Yes, that is not where all her issues stem from. But, even that small weight could make all the difference in those moments.  I’m okay with that because Sara is allowed to be unreliable. It’s the others reactions. Everyone is just like her. It’s so surreal how everyone seems have gotten their own Joe AI through someone's death?

The narrative actively pushes that choosing Kanna is the better thing to do logically, while killing Shin is foolish and a choice made from emotions. We are pushed to kill Kanna then rewarded when we save her. It’s all so jumbled. It’s all so wrong. Now from a story telling perspective, it is okay to reward us for listening to our hearts. My issue with the emotional route isn’t that it’s one big happy family, (because how much of that is Sara believing that?). It’s the concept it’s pushed to be better, happier and the ending you want.  

As you said: Why is killing Shin a choice if it’s so bad? 

Is it to give the player an illusion of choice? 

It makes the emotion route so fever dreamish after finishing the emotion route. So jumbled. It makes it less satisfying but I believe it is for a reason. 

Right now everything is too linear. We either have the most important player in this game dead, or against us. It’s not like the Reko/Alice choice. This was so major, so why is it so linear? 

It’s unnerving, how happy the game is when the exact same thing is happening but bleaker when you save Shin. 

It’s terrifying. Everything is the exact same, but it’s not. And it’s something i’ve seen no one else who played emotion first get. Because I don’t know if you can exactly grasp how unnerving their happiness is (I obviously didn’t play emotion first but I’ve never seen anyone point it out despite most of tumblr playing emotion first) at first.

I am terrified of the emotional route for their being nothing bad. Because they’re are bad things and good things. in the logic route. 

Why is one route so happy and the other realistic? Why Nankadai? Why? 

I have belief that this is purposeful. I believe a game that creates dread so easily (look at how we’re all terrified of main games, Midori, part 3b)  and horror (just look at the deaths) is not creating the terror unintentionally. Especially when it’s so easy to miss. 

The fact it can be taken down to Kanna good, Shin bad, is a build-up for a crash. This game built up Kai surviving longer than the first game so well and look at how that went. It takes one slip and the happiness of emotion crashes down like glass. The logic route does not need to end happier, but all Shin needs is a push and the bleakness of Logic cannot hold up. 

These routes are resting on a needle. It takes so many mistakes (more than can be made in a single route) to unintentionally put them there. 

There is a lot of room for this to go wrong. You’re right, it’s bad writing right now for the routes that are so linear to be so different. It’s worrying, jumbled and does not make sense. I agree with you! The choices here are questionable. ^^, I just believe these are purposeful, especially when we don’t know what’s coming next