#I'm also growing fond of Monk
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So it occurs to me that I got into FFXIV after I'd suspended this blog. So let me tell you a little about what I've been up to.
This is Captain Siege Zabac, a Hyur Highlander from the Gyr Abania region. His parents were rebels opposed to King Theodoric, and they died in that conflict not long before the Garlean XIVth Legion took advantage of the resulting turmoil to stage their own successful invasion. Siege survived for a few years as a semi-feral street orphan in Ala Ghiri until at the age of 14 he was conscripted by the Empire.
The Garleans didn't see a child, they saw a threat that could be commandeered into an asset. If a youth was tall enough and strong enough to hold a hunting spear, then they were tall enough and strong enough to hold an imperial pike instead. As per Imperial policy regarding conscripts from conquered territories, they sent Siege far from home to serve on the front lines of the occupation of Bozja to the east, under the command of the VIIth Legion. (This is where he started on the path of a Lancer that eventually evolved into becoming a Dragoon after he earned the companionship of Midgardsormr.)
Siege was clever enough to recognize that technicians had longer probable lifespans than infantrymen, and whenever his time wasn't occupied by drills, patrols, and brief terrifying skirmishes, he would hang around the Magitek specialists at camp and offer to run errands, or help with simple tasks. He demonstrated some aptitude for machinery, and by the time he was 16 a senior technician took pity on him and had him reassigned to be his personal assistant/apprentice. He turned out to have a substantial gift for machinery, and learned rapidly. (This is where he picked up the rudiments of the Machinist fighting style, although it wouldn't fully evolve until he met Stephanivien in Ishgard years later.)
He was 18 when the Bozja Incident occurred, and his survival may have been the first indication of Hydaelyn's Blessing. In fact that's probably where he awoke the Echo, seeing the blazing fragments of crystal streaking from the sky and having it trigger his memories of the fall of Amaurot. His unit was out testing artillery some distance from the citadel when the explosion occurred, and when Siege awoke, he was alone in a smoldering crater.
Circumstances seemed dire enough that he assumed correctly that no one would come looking for him if he ran. He fled for the coast, where he earned passage on a series of fishing boats and cargo vessels, trading general handyman and heavy laborer skills and picking up enough of a relevant seafaring skillset along the way that by the time he arrived in Eorzea, he had some genuine skill as a sailor. He also continued to hone his lance skills either harpooning fresh fish, defending his vessels from pirates, or engaging in the piracy himself if that was the kind of boat he found himself on. He wasn't picky about what kind of crews he accepted work from.
Once ashore, Siege visited Ul'dah first, but found no one that he knew among the refugee community, as well as very few jobs for a spearman and sailor. He could have found work using his magitek repair skills no doubt, but he worried that that would have exposed him to awkward questions about where he learned them, so he decided to move on after scraping together barely enough coin to cover travel to Vylbrand.
And finally, utterly broke and with nothing but a rusty old harpoon and the clothes on his back, he arrived in the city of Limsa Lominsa. There, he took any kind of work he could on ships that were hiring big strong fellas, and gradually built up a network of contacts he felt comfortable enough with to do some magitek-related work for as well. He's been in Limsa a little over ten years at the start of A Realm Reborn, somewhere in his early 30's now, and has spent far more time as a Pirate than not, although he's mostly managed to stay on the safe side of the Admiral's edict about only plundering enemy ships.
The Seventh Umbral Calamity set him way back though, killed a lot of his friends, sank a lot of ships where he could get work, and left him and a lot of sailors like him with no real prospects. Which was why he was vulnerable to the Serpent Reavers when they came recruiting. They didn't identify themselves as Leviathan's servants outright, they always passed themselves off as just another crew of buccaneers, but this one was always hiring! And Siege, desperate and broke once again, didn't take as much time as he usually would have to ensure that they were the right kind of pirates.
I figure the various primal-summoning tribes probably had the ability to conjure their gods just long enough to Temper a new batch of recruits, but researchers like the Scions of the Seventh Dawn would only notice massive aether shifts if the primal was manifest using enough crystals to sustain the initial reaction and let it stabilize. So the Sahagin and Serpent Reavers were probably tempering new recruits regularly long before the storyline where the WoL actually fights Leviathan.
And that's how Siege found out about the other aspect of Hydaelyn's Gift.
Dragged off his ship into a damp, reeking cavern, face still stinging from the vivid blue tattoos, shocked when the sailors who seemed so jovial when they hired him turned suddenly cruel and vicious, he found himself and dozens of other recruits staring up at the Lord of the Whorl, if only a temporary manifestation thereof. But while the others found their free will suppressed by the experience, Siege felt no such compulsion. He was at least clever enough to recognize what was going on with the others and fake it himself though. His skills got him a position repairing and operating canons on a Serpent Reaver ship, and his first voyage out with a tempered crew, he decided to take a page from his escape of Bozja by sabotaging the powder room and creating an explosion big enough that no one would think to look for a missing crew member.
He swam to shore as the ship burned behind him, and as soon as he snuck back to the parts of Vylbrand that weren't crawling with Sahagin he reported everything he'd seen to the local Maelstrom outpost. And of course, when Admiral Merlwyb read the report about a peculiar individual who seemed resistant to tempering, she passed Siege's name to her friends in the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, leading to the point where my backstory and the official storyline finally sync up, and Y'shtola started keeping an eye out for Siege while she was roaming the island taking readings.
His other canon jobs came at later points in the Main Story Quest:
DRAGOON - He elevated Lancer to Dragoon more thanks to Midgardsormr's influence than that of the Eyes of Nidhogg, but other than that I treat the Dragoon Job Quests as canon for his run.
MACHINIST - He knew his way around firearms and machinery well enough, but merged it all into the actual Machinist fighting style thanks to Stephanivien's training after arriving in Ishgard. The Machinist Job Quests are also canon for his run.
RED MAGE - Siege had complicated personal feelings about the Fists of Rhalgr due to their involvement in destabilizing Ala Mhigo before the Garlean invasion, but was curious about learning other fighting styles native to his homeland, and when he met X'rhun Tia he jumped at the chance, making the Red Mage job quests also part of his canon story.
GUNBREAKER - Although he wielded a stolen Garlean Officer's gunblade for a time after going AWOL, he didn't learn the Bozjan style of gunblade fighting until returning there to aid in the liberation of that region, and atone for his time as an (unwilling) occupier. This is also the combat style he took to the First, treating the use of aether cartridges as an extension of his Red Magic training to avoid disturbing his internal aether reserves too much, due to concern over the upsetting the volatile Lightwarden aether he was containing. Regardless, his chance encounter with Radovan is what convinced him to pledge himself to the Bozjan Resistance, so the Gunbreaker Job Quests are also canon to his run.
SAGE - A synthesis of what he's learned before, both in terms of combat styles, and in terms of his experiences on the First teaching him how to safely channel a vast surfeit of Light-aspected Aether. And also a reflection of his desire, here at the end of this story, to bring Healing to the world rather than more devastation. The progression of DPS -> DPS - DPS -> Tank -> Healer seems to reflect some maturation of his views on his place in the world, I think. If his style of Gunbreaker fighting drew in part on his Red Mage swordplay training, Sage represents a further refinement, but in this case fixated on the Red Mage's Focus (which serves as a prototype for the Nuoliths) rather than on the Blade. I'm still pondering how to integrate the Sage quests into his story.
#FFXIV#Warrior of Light#Siege has capped all classes and jobs at this point but the ones I play the most are#Dragoon#Red Mage#Gunbreaker#Machinist#and Sage#I'm also growing fond of Monk#As far as crafting/gathering jobs go he favors Fishing first and foremost but he's also an excellent Blacksmith and Carpenter#His dad made furniture back in Ala Ghiri and he's tried to learn about the craft as an adult#He's also a pretty good Culinarian but for a value of that's like... the kind of fish and chips you'd get from a carnival food truck#Captain Siege Zabac
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Inspired by a discord discussion.
I keep seeing characters from snowy places portrayed as unbothered by cold or missing it, and every time I remember that it's completely counterintutive if you didn't grow up in freezing temperatures
So I thought I should write this post.
We are very bothered by cold. We are way more bothered by cold than southerners. Being bothered is what keeps you safe. Warmth is a resource.
There are few lucky people who simply never get cold (mostly guys of endomorph body type) but it's not a given and generally northerners start to complain and wear warm coats at the tiniest hint of cold.
Humans can only adjust up to a certain threshold.
For example, Irish and British winters allow you to ignore weather almost completely (you'll be miserable but you'll probably live), so there's a culture of stoicism, not heating your house above 16-18°C (60-65°F), wearing shorts and sandals (and a Very Big Scarf) when it's snowing and all that.
(I quickly got used to leaving the bathroom window open at 4°C when I was living there. who cares really)
So there's a common misconception that you can do the same with even colder weather.
However, once you are past that adjustment threshold (for most people it takes as little as -5..0°C/23..32°F lasting for more than a month per year) there can be no special built-in resistance to that type of cold (unless you are a yogi or a Taoist monk), instead you learn a bunch of behaviours that help you. You start to preserve warmth religiously.
You also start to differentiate between types of being cold and avoid some of them (some build up over time and it wears you down, so it's best to avoid them entirely). Anything that drops your core temperature (this is noticeable long before you start shivering, shivering is the equivalent of fire alarm) is a huge no. Fingers getting a bit numb from building a snow castle is nothing major though.
It can be hard to unlearn that even if you moved to a warmer place years ago.
Stoic northern characters who have moved to a warmer country are very likely to Complain About The Cold.
They'll start wearing coats at higher temperatures than southerners (because, well, the weather might get worse, or you might stay outside longer than you planned, or move less).
They'll get cold hands more often because their body panics at the tiniest signs of cold and diverts blood to the centre (my first impression of the Irish was how warm everyone was when we shook hands. I'm the same now).
Most will heat their houses to the point where it's possible to walk around in a t-shirt no matter how cold it is outside (those who don't will comment "thank gods that people don't do that in your country, I hated it back home").
They'll whine at +5°C (40°F).
Apart from heavier clothes they'll have a bunch of weird habits like Walking Really Fast when the weather is bad (it's for when you don't want to wear heavier clothes).
They might have a fondness for scarves and good winter shoes (warm shoes and a warm hat are even more important than a warm coat. the lack of hats in fantasy upsets me. scarves are less important but they are pretty).
When locals get surprised they'll reply with "yes, but this is *damp* cold, *dry* cold is different" (it's more complicated than that but this answer usually stops further questions, so we go with that).
It's not like they are actually less cold-resistant, they just take cold more seriously.
At the same time they can be weirdly unbothered by things that freak some of the southerners out because they know how their body deals with low temperatures and which things have no consequences.
(it's not something that you learn from books, it's practical knowledge of what you personally can get away with. for example, I often get completely numb thighs during winter walks, takes an hour to start feeling anything when I get home. but I know it's all right as long as my feet are warm and my core temperature is within normal range)
They also won't suffer consequences when it gets truly cold, while more nonchalant southerners won't notice when they get borderline hypothermic or just cold enough to get sick.
They'll probably consider -30°C (-22°F) exciting. It becomes enjoyable again, because the outside world is now a death zone and there's some macabre fun in resisting it. Oh, and your eyelashes get covered in frost and it looks dope. What's not to like.
Kids will make a point to eat ice cream outside in -30°C (no, they won't get sick from it). I can't explain it, it just works like that.
Generally people from colder countries are not bothered by cold if they can return to a warm place soon enough, it's the prolonged exposure to cold (even mild) they are worried about. Going out for a smoke without a coat is common.
If they are still in a cold country, it's also a bit different from what you expect.
There's a trope of drinking to keep warm. It doesn't work like that. You can drink alcohol to feel warm but not to keep warm and it's an important difference. When it's cold your body's proper response is to constrict blood vessels and to divert blood flow from extremeties to slow down the loss of warmth. Alcohol reverts that.
This means it's perfectly appropriate to drink eggnog or mulled wine at a fair (when you are supposed to get to warmth soon enough, so the illusion of not being cold is not harmful) or hard spirits when you get back from the cold (it will help you warm up faster), but not if you are staying in a cold place. During a hike through winter woods a thermos with sweetened tea and fatty food are your best friends.
Some won't know it and get drunk and frostbitten/hypothermic. People are stupid.
Food gets weird, fats start to seem even tastier than usual. People in Antarctic expeditions are known to crave sticks of butter. In certain weather sandwiches with frozen lard are delicious.
Anything can and will be made into tea.
Some tropes I personally disagree with.
Pain. Pain levels depend on the weather. Cold eases any kind of external pain (cuts or burns) but makes worse anything internal (broken bones, cramps, most headaches).
Hypothermia feels nothing like peacefully falling asleep. It's the most miserable state I've ever experienced, psychological trauma doesn't even come close.
Well, maybe there are people who do fall asleep but other people I've talked to seem to share my experience.
I'm not sure how exactly it works, I think it messes up your self-regulation, since most chemicals in your body require a certain temperature range to work properly. Basically you become Not Yourself. Your emotions go whack (usually it's either extreme self-pity or extreme anger). It feels awful. I hope you never get to experience it.
Most of us don't really miss cold.
Well, some perverts do, but there's a general consensus that cold is awful.
We do miss some things that only happen during cold days though. The stillness and the quiet or how pretty snow looks. How bright the stars are on a clear night. The colour of sunsets and twilight sky when it's freezing.
(in my opinion, the best experience happens around -5°C, it's already pretty but the world is not a death zone yet)
There's also an appreciation of contrast with things that are Not Snow.
Walking from the cold into a greenhouse with orchids.
Watching a blizzard rage outside your window while you sit in warmth with a cup of tea.
Jumping into a lake straight out of a sauna (then going back. do not do that if you have a heart condition).
Fireplaces. Holiday food. Mulled wine. Saffron in pastry.
There's also a lot of beauty in the world that is frozen. I keep stumbling upon the fact no one around me shares these experiences anymore and it saddens me.
The xylophone sound of first ice being broken by a passing boat.
Sea moving under the ice — when it's not too thick it rises and falls like some large animal breathing.
The whale-song-like sounds of ice cracking on large lakes.
There's a very special mood of waiting for first snow. The world is too cold and dark without it and then you wake up one night from the sudden quietness (snow muffles all sounds) and you know it's there even before you look out of the window,
There's the exhiliration of spring. The moment when the wind starts to have a scent — thawing snow smells a bit like watermelons but clearer. Winter smells like nothing at all.
The first tiny yellow flowers in mud. They are our hanami.
(I don't think anyone in Europe truly appreciates spring if they are not from Nordic or Baltic countries)
There's a certain attunement to the scent of ice too.
Like that barely perceptible tingle in the air in late September, long before you can see any ice.
I feel the scent of ice when there's wind from the right part of the Atlantic. No one ever notices but it's there. I love it.
It's nostalgic in a way.
But it's never missing the cold itself for me. For very few people it is, I think.
*
This is, of course, personal perspective and my experience is not universal. I'm a person from continental climate with harsh winters and hot summers and a city dweller with occasional visit to country houses and a tiny bit of mountaineering experience.
An indigenous person from a place with barely any summer or a character from a fantasy everwinter country will probably differ from me.
There are, after all, simply people who genuinely love cold. A lot of them. It is, however, not the default northerner's experience.
But hey, it's still more complex than it's usually written.
*
If you want to read something focused on winter descriptions, there's Smilla's Sense of Snow by Peter Høeg.
It's hauntingly beautiful prose and the main character is from Greenland.
‘It’s freezing, an extraordinary -18 °C, and it’s snowing, and in the language which is no longer mine, the snow is qanik – big, almost weightless crystals falling in stacks and covering the ground with a layer of pulverized white frost.’
And then there's Moominland Midwinter. I think it gets better when you read it as an adult and it's probably still the best thing I have ever read about winter solstice.
Anyway.
I think we need more good winter stories.
#'the centre of the universe is always warm' says one of our poets#and I still live by that#writing#snow
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not necessarily a summary, but a storyline with something too good to be true?? (lmaoo, sorry, i just liked ur nier fic sm, i think u would rock smth like that😔)
LMAO. justice for my nier fic!!! it's good!! i want to say everyone should read it because i do think that but i also don't think it's very representative of my typical work at all.
anyway a story about something that is too good to be true (in the vein of nier fic).
i actually thought that would be too hard to think about but. and honestly, i'm sure there's a fic like this out there already lmao.
so uh. lmao.
cw: character death, yandere (not reader or geto)
reader is a non sorcerer who comes from a rich household, and seeks out the monk suguru geto after they think they've been cursed (which they have). i want to say that they are... anxious during their first meeting; they've heard about this man and how he strikes fear into the hearts of even the most rich and powerful of men.
but when they meet him, he's not only handsome, but cordial to boot. he collects the curse and sends reader on their way without too much fuss once they've paid for his services.
and that would be that if reader didn't keep getting cursed over and over, and they visit geto over and over, and he is not only handsome and cordial, but he's charming, and kind. and reader starts to fall in love with him.
geto can tell too, he's no stranger to people feeling this way about him, and he's not above manipulating the emotions of non-sorcerers if they stuff he wants (money and curses to harvest), so he plays into it a little. i'm a romantic at heart so i do want to think that maybe he did grow a little fond of them but at the end of the day, they're still. a monkey. :'D
anyway, as reader's visits to geto continue, concerned parties (people they know mostly) start to warn them that he's using them and that he doesn't really care and i want to say that reader dismisses them, but i don't want them to be that dumb, so they kind of take those words into consideration, and like, they can kind of see what people are saying but it's hard to really... stomach when he is just so nice and charming, but in the back of their mind they start to think something is wrong, but at the same time they. don't want to think about it because it really does feel like geto really cares about them.
anyway, things really come to a head when the person who has been cursing reader finally goes off the deep end and they try to just kill reader. maybe they're a suitor reader turned down who has finally decided if they can't have reader then no one can. they start chasing after reader and reader calls geto for help, but it goes to voice mail. and not like... after ringing a bunch of times, it goes to voice mail in the way that you can tell someone just sent you to voice mail
and at that moment reader realizes geto never really cared for them at all.
the suitor catches reader and drags them to an alley to kill them and after they think they've done it (reader is dying but not actively dead) they realize what they've done and try and scamper off
but.
geto actually does show up and he kills the suitor then and there. very mercilessly and then
Footsteps, soft yet scratchy against the asphalt approach your bleeding body. You try and turn your head to look, but you can't seem to get your body to listen, to obey.
The sound stops and the person squats down, moving so that they enter your field of vision.
It's Geto.
Your lips twitch as a smile tries to make it's way onto your face. "...so you came after all."
"...did you think I wouldn't?" he asks and you wonder if you're imagining his voice sounding gentle. You must be; he has no need to be paying you any sort of lip service any more, not with you at death's door.
"...I don't... have anything to offer." It's a struggle to even speak, but you would hate to leave his questions unanswered when he came all this way.
His gaze is unreadable as he stares at you, then, after a moment, he tilts his head and frowns. "No... I suppose not."
You let out a weak chuckle. "...sorry to have wasted your time."
If this were back at his compound, or perhaps if he even felt a fraction of emotion toward you, you think he'd be kind and tell you that it wasn't a waste. But he says nothing, his silence speaking the truth of how he feels.
What a fool you've been.
Not that it matters now.
"...in my bag... I think i have about... five hundred thousand yen," you say slowly. "...is that enough... to ask for you to embrace me?"
Geto frowns, disgust marring his handsome features.
"...sorry," you mumble. Your eyes are staring to feel heavy, your thoughts growing more and more blurry. "I just... wanted you to hold me... even just..."
Your time runs out before you finish your sentence, before you can feel Geto's fingers brush against the fading warmth of your cheek.
Hours later, when your body is found, your personal effects are found along side you.
Untouched and undisturbed.
[send me a summary or premise of a fic you'd like to see me write]
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Art by yourdndstories
I've been wishing I could join a TTRPG with one of my dorks, like one of these three! It doesn't have to be DnD by any means, just some kind of game that would welcome my brand of goofball.
Which of these 3 would you wanna see in YOUR game?
Lamia Ambler (she/her), Changeling Rogue. She acts tough, but is more sensitive than she lets on. It's very, very easy to hurt her feelings and she'll pretend she's not bothered. (You will see through her like cellophane.) She's a bit of a clown without knowing it. If she's in your party, she will act as an intentional and unintentional comedic relief. In the past, she used to travel with a giant Dragonborn barbarian who helped her steal and beat people up.
She will also steal anything not bolted down.
Paloma Silkflower (she/her), Drow Monk. She is sarcastic and overworked. She's a single mom to 3 kids and she's doing her best. Her youngest is deaf so she's adept at sign language. (As the kid's aunt, Lamia is also able to speak it.) She also has what is maybe the world's most understanding babysitter.
She's from the same orphanage as Lamia and she acted as a big sister to the other kids while growing up. Old habits die hard so she will be everyone's mom/big sister, albeit a very tired one. She'll lovingly bust your chops and tell you some great dad jokes. Or would they officially be mom jokes?
Tessa Chastain (she/her), Human Rogue Monk. She's upbeat, friendly, and good humored. I originally created her for BG3 to romance Gale and nothing more, but I'm fond of her now. She was born into a Zhentarim family which is why she's a thief, but doesn't really fit the usual vibe of one. It was a life she was born into, she didn't pick it. She's seen a lot of ugliness but refuses to become jaded.
She has an affinity for wizards, obviously.
I didn't mean to accidentally make Tessa a mix of Paloma and Lamia's classes. Lamia is one of my oldest DnD characters and I've been reimagining Paloma based on falling in love with the monk class.
#art by yourdndstories#art by countslimeula#dnd character#dnd art#dnd characters#ttrpg#ttrpg character#ttrpg art#dnd5e#dungeons and dragons#ttrpgs#d&d#d&d oc#d&d art#d&d character
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Top 5/Bottom 5 Girls in the supporting cast? i.e. Girls with 30xx in their ID
I'll start with my Top 5 first:
5. Mizuki Rui: 5th place was a toss-up between her and Chika, but I'm gonna go with Rui this time! I love how she keeps pinging between "emo kid who wears chainmail under her school uniform and spouts edgy quotes about demons" to "oh god why did i say that??? brb crawling into a hole", haha. Her magical girl outfit with a million belts is fun, and her awkward nerd friendship with Miyuri is heartwarming.
4. Yukino Kanae: I've been fond of her ever since the NA server days, and I will never not feel robbed that she's been dead since before the story even started. ;; She's like a big raggedy alley tomcat in the form of a delinquent girl-- yeah, she looks like she gets into fights all the time (and she does), but she never goes looking for trouble, and she's a huge sweetheart when you get to know her. How emotional she got when Yachiyo's grandma started doting on her... augh. All she really wants is love, deep down.
The fact that she was so willing and almost eager to throw her life away to save her friends from a witch carries some pretty depressing implications, and it's a shame that she died before the story could explore any of that. :{ I think she could've had an interesting connection with Ren. As far as Kanae's canon relationships go, I love her brief almost-friendship with Kanagi. They have a good dynamic!
3. Natsu Ryouko: Probably my favorite Tokime girl next to Shizuka herself! I love how sincere she is-- the girl can't lie her way out of a wet paper bag, and she knows it. Unfortunately, this means she's honest about things that she probably could've kept to herself (sorry Sakuya), but at least she means well. I've got a soft spot for characters who are short-tempered but protective-- she'll get mad and butt into situations that have nothing to do with her because she can't just sit on her hands while someone is suffering.
I also find it very funny that she's like "yeah I was raised in a Buddhist temple, and I pray and meditate daily, but I'm not a monk or nothin', so I can be horny for hot girls and eat meat. it's all good don't worry about it buddy" and the other characters just... try not to think about how vaguely sacrilegious it feels to grill meat next to some bald old monks
2. Suzuka Sakuya: Taken from us too soon... ;_; Working on her MSS and Another Story ch.3 really made her grow on me. She's such a good girl! I like how she's torn between her duty- helping Promised Blood seize the APS from Kamihama- and her own morals (as well as the PTSD she has from killing her girlfriend "dearest, most beloved best friend" with her own hands in the Blood Tragedy). She tries to act tough and harsh, but she's so gentle at heart that she caves way too easily.
The scene in AS3 where she says that if it ever seems like Yuna is going to lose herself to vengeance, she'll keep Yuna's heart safe until the darkness breaks and the sun rises over Futatsugi again, gets me every time. Especially in hindsight of MS7... ;; I love Sakuya's relationships with Ryouko and the rest of PB, too-- it's all so good!
1. Chizu Ranka: She's one of my top 3 characters in the game in general, main cast included. My baby, my chew toy, my shitty little purse dog... She can be aggressive, underhanded, and cowardly, but she can also be playful, affectionate, and supportive of her friends. She'll call Juri a dumb sack of bricks not to make her feel bad, but because it's true she knows Juri can do better and doesn't wanna just sit by and watch her fuck up. I guess you could say Ranka is kind, but not nice? It's a fun contrast.
And I am still gnawing on the way her guilt, weakness, and fear form an endless cycle of bad decisions. I'm a huge sucker for that "rat in a cage" type of characterization, and how her trauma continues to affect her even long after Juri got her out of Monzenbashi. There is SO much to dig into with her character from all sorts of angles; I'll be here all day if I don't cut this off now. :') BUT I must also say that she's super cute, so extra points for that!!
(Bottom 5 under the cut)
The vast majority of the supporting cast is just kinda... forgettable to me. I don't actively dislike most of them, but I literally never think about them, either. If I had to name names, though:
5. Sakurako: I guess?? idk why but she bugs me a little. I wish I could explain, but alas... Probably doesn't help that I'm not a fan of Touka or Nemu, and she's pretty intrinsically linked to them.
4. Natsuke Kako: Too generic moeblob for me. Also really not a fan of her artist or design, which I will elaborate on in a sec.
3. Kirino Sae: I don't like her design (her mask is neat, though), and something about her personality annoys me. I can't quite put my finger on what...
2. Irina Kushu: I'll be honest, it's mostly her character design. If she was drawn by someone else, she'd simply be forgettable, but... Have you ever looked at someone's art style and you just know they draw lolicon? Well, it's true in this case. Her design is way too cluttered for me anyway, but knowing that her artist draws hetero loli art makes it (and her "always sleepy" thing) feel very ://// bad vibes, scoob.
1. Miwa Mitsune: I know she's popular, but God her personality grates on me. I'll keep it short and say that she reminds me of the sort of insecure nerd you constantly have to walk on eggshells around or they'll launch into a self-deprecating spiral, "lol". She's very realistically written, which unfortunately means she's a very accurate depiction of the type of person I find the most exhausting and annoying to be around. :'V
#maria + hotori + moka are some other side girls i like#even if i don't think about them often#magia record#asks
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Tam's reading resolution
Book 1: Pearl S. Buck - The Good Earth
Released: 1931
This is the edition that I own, it's an old book but I don't have it at hand as I type this so I can't say how old.
So, what is interesting about this book? It won the Pulitzer Prize in 1932 and the author would eventually win the Nobel Prize in 1938. It's about a poor Chinese farmer called Wang Lung who marrys the former slave O-Lan (O-lan in the German Edition, so I read the L as an I until now). In the first years of his marriage Wang Lung's farm prospers, his wife bears him two sons and a daughter in a quick succession and they gain enough wealth to buy a new piece of land were they can grow rice. But then a drought comes over the land and Wang Lung and his family are in danger of starvation. So they leave their land, their good earth for a big, wealthy city in the South by train. They are now in the city and try to make a living by begging and Wang Lung becomes a rickshawee. When suddenly military people show up and take away men from the city, Wang Lung wants to return to his land but he would have to sell his daughter into slavery to afford the move back to his hometown.
This is how far I've read until now.
What I liked so far: I like the setting, I'm really interested in Asian culture and it's so interesting to read about it, as I know almost nothing about China from around 1900 (the events aren't clearly dated, but it's considered to play around that time).
I also like the characters. Wang Lung is a simple man but he's pretty observant and the book is written completely out of his perspective. I like how he seems though about everything, especially his family, but is actually a softy when it come to them. He sees his father as an old fool but is so fond of him that he would rather starve then see him starve. He sees O-Lan as stupid and ugly but still reports so fondly of her, when she tends to the kids and the house. And it gets clear that she isn't stupid, she only talks little. But when she's got something to say it's usually really wise. I almost teared up when Wang Lung reported about his infant daughter almost starving. When she was born he didn't care much about her (you know how things were back then...) but he grew so fond of her, that he did everything so she didn't have to die. That was beautiful. The father is a great comic relief and O-Lan is such an interesting and mysterious character. I wish we knew more about her. The kids don't have names yet but they start to gain personality, the elder boy being timid and "wise" and the younger being sneaky and bold.
So far I enjoy the read.
What I didn't like so far: The book is old, it's written by a white woman about a culture that she grew up with, but was never a part of. She used terms that make readers today flinch (slitted eyes, yellow skin) but I think you have to see the book as what it is: a product of it's time.
It also rushes through the first years of Wang Lung's and O-Lan's marriage which I would have liked to know about.
It also rushes over the different characters so much, that it's hard to get to know them. Even if it's out of Wang Lung's perspective, I don't feel like I really know him yet. Not to speak of other characters, many of them don't even have a name.
It also bothers me that the book doesn't give a real understanding of time. I have a feeling that it's five or six years into their marriage until now but the boys seem so "mature" already it's really hard to tell. I know that it's not necessary to know and that an ordinary farmer around time wouldn't count the days as we do today, but I just like to know. It's my inner Monk.
Overall impression so far: I like the read. The story has been quite simple for some time but I feel that with the military confrontation coming into play it's gonna build up some tension. I am aware of the problematic side of books like this. Still I want to treat the book as a product of it's time and it even made me think about it's problematic sides more than I would have been aware without reading a piece like this. It's easy to read, at least the translation that I've got. In any case, all opinions formed are solely based on the translation! I don't know how the original deals with the afore mentioned slurs. The book doesn't catch me emotionally, to be honest, even if there are touching moments. But I'm fascinated by the world and can't wait to see how Wang Lung can make it big (as I'm sure this is such a story). I'll come back here in ten days to report more!
#tam's reading resolution#book 1: the good earth pearl s. buck#part 1#tw racial slurs#tw child death
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Book Review: Ink and Ashes by Valynne E. Maetani
The quote that should have been on the back of the book: "When someone blows up your tree, and they blow it up with you in it, you know, the fake you, and they violate your room, and all that other stuff too? Then I think you have to consider maybe they're trying to send you a message."
Premise: Claire Takada is a Japanese American high school student - normal girl, normal problems. That is, until she finds a letter from her father to her stepfather, though she'd always been told they never knew each other. So she starts to pull on the thread, determined to find out what secrets her parents are keeping from her. Unfortunately, some threads should definitely not be tugged on, or your entire life might start unraveling.
Thoughts: If I'm going to read a book set in the real world, with no supernatural elements in it at all, this is exactly the level of heightened reality I want. Ordinary people acting like real, ordinary people - but you've got deadly secrets, possible yakuza connections, a car chase, arson, really creepy threats given to a schoolgirl.... Yes please. This is my kind of page-turner. It was especially cool that the main character's family is originally from Japan, because there were a lot of words and cultural things that I already knew from being a weeb - but I felt like they were all handled very realistically, just like it would be in real life, not thrown in because "anime is cool." (I mean, I would expect nothing less, considering that's the culture Maetani comes from herself.) In fact, one of my favorite running jokes(?) was a character who kept on comparing what was happening to what he'd seen in such-and-such anime, and he had to keep being reminded that magical flying monks are not a thing in real life.
All of the characters felt very vibrant, distinct, and real. I couldn't necessarily relate to any of the characters in a big way; none of them were much like me or friends I've had, but the teenage characters acted just like teenagers actually do. Sure, they all have a bit of that heightened reality (like angsty backstories or highly convenient skillsets like lockpicking that your average teenager probably wouldn't know), but it never really broke the suspension of disbelief. And there was something so endearing about all of them that I ended up growing quite fond of all of them, even though I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be super close friends with any of them simply because we don't have enough in common. I also ended up really liking the romance, surprisingly. At first I was hoping for an actual affectionate, platonic friendship between a guy and a girl, and once it became clear that they had a crush on each other, I was worried I would be disappointed to see that expectation fall through. But when it finally emerged into the open, it was so sweet and tender that I couldn't help shipping it <3
So give it a read if it sounds interesting to you! I recommend.
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the monster fucker darling??????
♡♡♡♡♡YEAHHH THEM ♡♡♡♡i hope it isn't worst or still the same as the first part and you like :')
warning: Nsfw ; gore ; cannibalism; fire play ; burning ; abuse ...and i don't know anymore
my list
part 1
part 2 ♡♡♡ Ryomen Sukuna x reader
As Sukuna grows more fond of you he spends more time with you, not just for his sexual urges also for other things.
He has gotten rid of most his other offerings, because they just couldn't handle him like you did, he refuses offerings more often once he has set his eyes on you. If he does accept an offering, it's because they're his dinner. Sukuna is a man-eater after all, even if his darling tastes the best, he wouldn't just brutally feed of you only now.
He does enjoy sitting down and having a prepared and cooked human by Uraume, a monk upon his temples.
Growing more fond of you each time he eats of you, they way you cry from the pain, but just sit there looking all pretty enduring it, because it's him.
Oh, you're such a perfect little thing, aren't you? Just a perfect curse for him to use you.
It's like you're made just to take and please him.
Don't deny it little one, you're just made to be taken by him. Running his hand soothingly over your body while one of his many hands holds you steady in his lap, sometimes he just likes to admire you, until he drags his claws over your thighs chuckling, watching how blood seeps out before the wound closes again.
He is just so amused, about it.
Sukuna has multiple curses, dismantling you isn't the only thing he can do.
Even if he ripped out your limbs and organs already, he just wants to test you a bit more. He might just cook you alive and take a bite just to see.
Laying you down you looked at him with your pretty eyes, and he smiles "endure it as you always do will you?"
You nod as you laid yourself out awaiting him and his hand catches flame. It wasn't even close to you, and you already could feel its warmth in comparison to your cold body, it's a warm soft feeling. The flickering flame giving you a comfortable warmth until he brings it closer to you feeling warmer and warmer, till it's hot and hotter.
His flame not even touching your body yet, and you already want to flinch away from the way it feels, yet you lay still for him. The flame blinding you, and he brings the flame down there is a quick numbing pain, before it spreads out, making you choke bringing a hand to your lips.
Sukuna had told you before he doesn't appreciate screaming too much, to some degree it just gets annoying to him. Pulling a flame away there is a huge red, brown mark with an disgusting leather like feel to your body.
It hurt, it burned, it stings, and you're trying to calm your breath as he just chuckles, before biting in, you weren't sure if you even felt that bite. "Hmmmm...I like your consistency more when cooked, though I'm horrible at it, I admit."
Ah, you must be though uncooked even for his teeth, it must taste more like a human dish cooked, since he was human once.
"Darling dear, you heal while I'm cooking you." he tells, and you nod "no way you can stop your curse?"
"Hmmm...I-I can." you told him as you stopped the bitten out wound, and he smiles patting you with one of his free hands "Good girl, unless you pass out, I want you to stop healing. Just let me have some fun yeah?"
You nod closing your teary eyes, not healing, often makes you dizzy. It just feels even worst, the pain just drags out longer as new pain begins, your curse usually numbs down the healing pain, but now if you don't heal it does nothing to numb down the new burns he creates on you, holding the flame to your skin burning you. He makes you lose your mind in the best way possible, he just knows how to drag out pain, such sweet pain, just for him.
"Open your eyes. Look at me." he adores, and you opened them trying your best to look at him through your tears the burning was hurting somewhat numb, you weren't sure, and he just smiles.
He chews and bites at your flesh, and it's such a strange dizzy feeling. Your head hurts from the blood loss, your vision getting blurry and dark. Something you rarely experience, since you usually don't turn off your curse. It makes it all the more confusing to you, and you felt him slapping you, a wake-up call.
"Dizzy." you mumbled, and he nods "Fix yourself."
Too confused and dizzy, your body slowly starts to regenerate itself.
So he shouldn't cook and eat off your living body huh?
Instead, he decides to kiss, telling you how good you were for him "Well done pretty."
You adored his praise, it means so much coming from him "I love you."
It's cute, how he can just feed of you, and you'd still sit there telling him you're in love with him. He likes to tease you about it "Enough to give me your heart?"
"Do you want it?" you bring a hand to your chest "I'll take it out myself."
Oh, how quick you are to damage and hurt yourself for him with excitement in your eyes.
Not scared at all, and sometimes he just humors it and nods "Yes, take it out. Show me."
Getting your heart ripped out and having to rip it out yourself are two different things. It's just so much more painful to do it yourself, to bring up that mental strength to hurt yourself, to feel yourself digging into your own skin, your nails scraping against it, your hand feeling the warmth of your blood.
Painfully you used curse energy to reach beneath your rib cage looking for your own heart. It feels so, so disgusting and gooey inside you, until you find your heart to rip it out.
You feel yourself choking up blood, and you can't help yourself at the tears that brim up in your eyes, it hurts so badly. Pulling and tugging inside your system just for him, but it also feels so good, this agonizing pain you feel.
All he does is watch with such interest such amusement in his eyes as you try to prove your love for him. Such cute pretty tears rolling from your eyes, that sweet pained expression, the tasty scent of your blood spilling out of you. The heavy breathing, trying to control yourself, finding a balance between healing and destroying your body.
One of his hands is just rubbing your thigh as if it did anything to comfort you while his others held you steady, so he can get a good look at you.
So pretty, so cute, so good for him. You're his favorite for a reason aren't you lovely.
When you finally have your beating heart in hand still attached to your body by strings, he hums and takes it from you, holding it in his claws "Yours." you smiled.
Such a pretty little heart, he can't help but squeeze it just a little, sinking his claws into watching you struggle.
You're shaking in his hold as he held it, your heartbeat was so fast, and uncontrolled. You're so exited and scared aren't you? Such raw beautiful emotions on your face.
Holding it for a while, he crushed it in his hand, and you immediately flinched together falling against him, before your body regenerates a new heart while he just tossed the old one away.
"Would you do it again?" he asks with a wicked smile, and you looked at him with such pained eyes, and you nod. Just maybe he asks you to go through all that again, just for his amusement.
Just maybe this time, he won't crush it, but force you to eat it. "Come on it's your heart and blood."
"Good little thing." he praises and drags his bloody hand through your hair. No matter how much he likes you, it just gets him off seeing you in pain, don't be so surprised when he suddenly wants to fuck you, after making you rip out your heart twice.
He loves his obedient plaything so much.
Such an eager little thing wanting to take both his cock inside your greedy hole, knowing damn well you needed to be ripped apart and broken to take him.
Adorable little thing.
The more you please him the more he finds you amusing, the more joy he feels
So, so pretty your waist fitting into his big hand, God darling his fingers touch wrapping them around you.
He can just hold you by it lifting your broken body up and down while two of his other hands are just holding your face so tenderly in contrast to your lower, placing soft kisses on your lips until his fangs bite and pierce your sensitive skin until its swollen.
Oh no, are you crying again? Don't worry you look so pretty, he'll wipe them for you too if that's what you need.
Your pure skin looks even prettier bruised and cut. Don't you look so much prettier with purple marks in the form of his hands on your skin? Aren't you the prettiest drenched in red? Doesn't your black eye just accent how pretty your other one is? Doesn't your busted, bruised lip make you even poutier?? Don't the red crying eyes make you look even more pitiful?
Don't you look just so pretty with his name cut into your skin? Please don't heal it yet, he wants to see it all. Don't heal so quickly, you're so gorgeous.
You're his masterpiece, don't empty his canvas just yet.
Aren't you the prettiest dripping with his cum out of your ripped holes?
You look so dazed darling, barely holding onto life because he doesn't want you to heal. Yet your body starts to regenerate just a tad faster whenever you can't seem to concentrate your thoughts enough to stop the healing. Even if you wished to end your suffering your curse would never allow it.
Even if you lose your love for pain, for the king of curses, he wouldn't let you go anymore. You'll never escape him, you wouldn't be able to die to leave him.
Many of the girls who've been sacrificed to him either died of his hands or committed suicide not wanting to live in such conditions, but you darling you'll stay.
Stay forever with him "Tell me you love me, tell me you worship me."
"I love you! I love you! You're my everything, I worship you. My everything, my king." you cried through the pain, and he hums in satisfaction.
"Good."
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Okay, I'm completely into Community because of one (1) Abed Nadir and just saw a fic that had both Abed and Janet (The Good Place), and BOOM.
Oh. My. God.
The Good Place AU that nobody asked, but I just got completely obsessed with.
Annie as Tahani. And maybe Shirley as Tahanni too. Both think they were, respectively, a great student and a great christian and, therefore, deserve to be in heaven. But Annie's competitive and selfish and Shirley's an hipocrite and passive-agressive, so their good deeds don't matter, because they didn't mean it and they made life hell to people around them.
Jeff as Eleanor. I think that's self-explanatory. Jeff knows he doesn't deserve to be in the Good Place, he was a swindler: forged his diploma, acted as an lawyer for the rich and the bad guys for money, didn't have any friends and didn't care for anyone but himself.
Troy as Jason, of course. He is not stupid, what good did he do to deserve to be in the Good Place? He faked an injury to run away of his problems, he is irresponsible, some people might say he is childish (he's not, thank you very much). In high school, he was a bully, didn't care about anything but parties and is a closeted nerd (who is ashamed of being a nerd, so he beats them up to make himself feel better about it). The one thing he isn't is a monk, though. He is definitely not a monk that practices the vow of silence, so he probably shouldn't be in the Good Place. But he is CERTAINLY not fond of going to the Bad Place, especially not once he finds the best friend he could ever have in the Good Pace.
I think Britta would be Tahani too, actually: she is an activist that doesn't vote, a rebel without a cause. She is always talking about the time she helped a homeless guy, but hides the fact that she actually just gave him 25 cents and ONLY because she saw an ex-boyfriend leaving the store across the street. She can forgive racism, but draws a line at animal abuse, and so many other things. Just like Annie and Shirley, her motivations weren't in the right place. Also, she is the worst.
Abed is Chidi and you can't change my mind. He isn't a bad person. He isn't, okay? He is just too sincere sometimes. Too smart, doesn't know how to express and read emotions, maybe a little bit too direct. One could even say that he could drive everyone a little bit crazy when he did homages of series and movies, or when he went full meta and treated life as a movie. Maybe he made people cry once or twice when he got a little bit too honest, you know? There was even this one professor that went crazy because he thought Abed was too spoiled (that professor is in the Good Place too, because he was disrespectful and full of shit, completely intolerant and ignorant of Abed's autism, by the way). But, if you ask Abed, he would say he is adorable, so everything is cool. Cool, cool, cool. The thing is, Abed may not be the greatest expert in human mind, but he is an expert in television and cinema, so he gets by. And, honestly, if you were to choose ANYONE from the study group, he is the innocent one, the one that could teach them how to deserve to be in the Good Place.
Frankie as Janet? Frankie as Janet. Frankie is a problem solver. She is cool, she solves problems. Maybe, just maybe, she can be a little bit snob, but she knows EVERYTHING, so she also has the right to be a little snob, actually. Also, as she gets to know and befriends the group, she gets more and more human, and she loves them more and more.
I thought about the Dean as Michael, but I didn't really buy it. Maybe, we can make it different this time: the Dean as a Michael that thinks the "Good Place" is actually the Good Place. He thinks he was good, so he got promoted, from devil to angel and his (Community College?) "Good Place" is legit. The one running the experiment is the City College Dean, somewhat like Shawn, but they are not partners, I think.
Chang as Vicky? Actor, self-centered, a bit of an idiot and always ready to try and carry out a coup d'etat. He is a betrayer, that's what he does. But he gets to know the study group and grows to like them, so he always comes back to them and is ready to do crazy shit for them (even if he still back-stabs them once or twice, but it's not serious, okay?)
Elroy is a second Janet, okay? Calm, patient, he is somebody that also tries to solve problems, even if he's not half as efficient as Frankie. But the Dean leaves him to deal with white people, because he's a compulsive "white-people complimenter" (I don't think this is a word, but you get what I mean).
White people like Pierce, who is a piece of trash that thinks he is the best person ever. Racist, homophobic, sexist and a certified idiot. I can't think of a character equivalent in the Good Place, so Pierce will be another person that is "in the wrong place", but he never realized that. Not a single time in the 109.857 times the group realized they were in the Bad Place actually. Also, in most of those times, he was one of the reasons why the others realized they were in the Bad Place: if the Good Place let people like Pierce enter, well... Would they meet Trump there too? It didn't make sense.
If I ever do write this, it'd be Jabed or Trobed, because Abed is my baby (and I hate Jeff/Annie), and of course I'd make him the main main character.
That's it, folks, thanks for coming to my ted talk! (For now hehehe)
#the good place au#community#abed nadir#troy barnes#jeff winger#shirley bennett#annie edison#pierce hawthorne#britta perry#ben chang#craig pelton#frankie dart#elroy patashnik#gifs not mine#my fics#my aus
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Hi there. Can I request 46 of "50 wordless ways to say I love you" for the weeping monk x reader? I found your blog today and I'm loving everything
aww, thank you for your kind words! i hope that this was the one you asked for. and i just love writing about the weeping monk. also, the reader is pregnant. so sorry that this one was short but i hope you could feel the cuteness that i delivered for you.
*46: Giving them a back massage when they flop on the couch or bed. // taken from this prompt list.
the door opened into your chambers as you turned around where it revealed an every exhausted lancelot. you grew worried when you saw the tired heavy bags under his eyes when he started to take off the sword and open the buttons on his shirt. you approached him with a concerned expression as you saw him struggle to open one of the buttons on his shirt.
lancelot had gone out this morning before the sun rose with arthur on a mission and you had woken up an empty cold bed. ‘’here, i can help you with that,’’ you replied softly when you helped him to release the buttons. lancelot let out an exhausted sigh as he looked down at you with a fond smile.
‘‘hard day?’‘ you questioned him with a raised eyebrow as he chuckled and nodded. ‘‘you have no idea,’‘ he muttered as you were done and watched him go straight to bed as you watched him flop down on the edge of the bed. you smiled as you followed him and climbed behind him as you gently placed your hands onto his shoulders.
you kissed his head gently as you began softly to massage. lancelot closed his eyes as he tried to relax into your body. ‘’maybe i should give arthur a word and let him take a little easy on my husband before he grows grey hair,’’ you replied as he chuckled towards your humor.
lancelot shook his head with a smile. ‘’no, you don’t have to, i am enjoying with this small moments with you on the evenings,’’ he replied as you frowned. ‘’what about our mornings then?’’ you told him with a frown.
‘‘i want you here, we want you here,’‘ you told him softly as you placed your hand on your stomach. ‘‘you know, this little one stopped kicking as soon you walked in, tonight,’‘ you told him with a tired sigh and crawled back to the bed as you placed your head on the pillow.
lancelot turned around as he looked at you and walked to the other side as he placed next to you. he wrapped an arm around you as you snuggeled into him closer and felt him place his right hand on your stomach.
you felt a kick. ‘’the little one is happy to see you, at least,’’ you smiled as he looked at you before he thought a moment. ‘’maybe i need my wife to tell arthur that i want to spend a little more with my family,’’
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hi, im kinda new to witchcraft and i dont really know anything (prayers, rituals, beliefs, etc), plus there's a lot of contrasting info online so i don't know what i should go with. could you please briefly explain how you view witchcraft and what you do? i'm going around asking this to a lot of other blogs to get a general sense of things. thanks!
Before we begin I just wanna point out that when you say prayers and beliefs, I think of paganism. When I hear ritual and witchcraft, I think of magic.
Religion and magic is intertwined but you do not have to be pagan or wicca or whatever to be a witch, or vise versa. For me, a witch is someone who practices magic, whether it be simple things like jar spells or folk magic or traditional witchcraft or anything ceremonial or ritualistic (although some ceremonial magic practitioners prefer the term magician over witch, which is up to them). A diviner is someone who uses divination tools such as tarot or pendulums to seek knowledge (and again, you can be a diviner without ever touching witchcraft). Spirit work and hedge work is also another area for you to look into.
You can be a pagan - lighting incense, praying and making offerings - without being a witch either. Some say there is inherent magic in worship, but personally, if you just worship but don’t practice witchcraft (do spells etc) then you’re just a follower of a pagan religion. And there is nothing wrong with that. Of course, you can also be all that I mentioned above simultaneously too, but there is no hurry to quickly define yourself when you’re starting out. Changing the way you label yourself or your craft as you grow (or foregoing a label in the first place) is equally valid too.
More info on some beginner tips + my views on witchcraft below.
If you’re starting out some times I’d give are:
Learn how to protect yourself. Energy work and shielding techniques is how I started, or calling on Archangels if you believe in them. Once I was more comfortable I began learning how to use witch bottles to defend myself, how to banish (look up the LBRP) and more.
Read and read and read! Not on Tumblr but actual books (the legit ones, not the trendy money-milking ones) and historical sources. If there are contradicting sources, use your gut and your brain. Check for author bias and cross-check with other sources. Listen to your intuition yet use critical thinking and discernment too.
Record and test your divination and spells. See if a prediction comes true. Test if a spell manifest the desired result within the given time frame. If you do a wealth spell, then the spell’s success will be confirmed by increased wealth. Try altering your methods, and note if you become more successful or accurate and adapt accordingly.
Don’t be pressured to spend loads of money on your craft especially when you’re starting out. Of course, you may want to give fancy wine as an offering to your god, but if that isn’t feasible then a home cooked meal alongside traditional offerings such as bread would be alright too. Also with books, of course it is good to support occult publishers but try borrowing from libraries, find e-books and use your university account to borrow them, or find PDFs of them online.
Personally, it may not be suitable for complete beginners but I recommend books by Troy Books for witchcraft info. For learning Lenormand, the Complete Lenormand Oracle Handbook by Caitlin Matthews is the best. I know it’s 600+ pages but I swear it’s so good.
For me, witchcraft is about power. When you feel like there isn’t anywhere else to go, when your friends seem distant or unable to comprehend what you’re struggling with, when the law has failed you and corruption has won, witchcraft is a way to redirect your life and regain your sovereignty. Which is why I also believe in hexes and, in some context, curses (although I know it’s a can of worms to open and I’ll make posts on hexes and curses one day).
Divination is used to give you guidance and insight into something that may take you forever to figure out by yourself. It is also a way to communicate with the divine. What I am against though, is using divination to spy on others, as you’re essentially destroying other people’s rights to privacy. Claiming 100% accuracy is also an act of hubris, which is why I always say that my readings are reasonably accurate because in the end, free will triumphs over all and even the strings of fate has many threads.
If your relationship with a deity is rooted in transaction, then it can be said that you are working with them, not worshiping or devoting yourself to them. A devotional pagan relationship between oneself and one’s deity can be transactional too (eg: I worship Dionysus and he helps me with giving me opportunities to grow, along with giving guidance on my path) but what is more important is the devotion - the love and bond - you have with said deity.
Where the line between witchcraft and paganism blurs is when you involve deities in your spell or divination.
When I was young I used to dismiss the incantations that the monks in my country use. However, one day I went to a ceremony where almost a hundred monks gather and pray, casting their spells in unison, and even with my initial derisive views towards conventional Buddhism I felt something that day. Now, I realize when certain words have been spoken and imbued with power and continues to be recited with fervent faith for hundreds or thousands of years, power becomes inherent in those words. The same goes for rituals and spells.
This is why a beginner who had never managed to manifest anything properly can screw up when doing ceremonial witchcraft and end up bringing misfortune into their lives. Those ceremonies are meant to be performed that way, invoking those gods, for a reason. Best case scenario when you mess up is they don’t work. Worse case is they bite you back. Same goes for spirit work and especially so regarding demon work. I was curious about the Ars Goetia in the past, and I am immensely grateful that my naive, idiotic past self had enough brains not to attempt any summoning. If you want to prove to yourself that the magical world is real, there are better ways to do so.
Do I believe the gods are literally real? That Buddha walked his first step and a lotus flower bloomed under his feet? That Dionysus wrapped a ship in vines and turned the disbelieving pirates into dolphins? I don’t think so. But I have faith in my gods the same way one can be a Christian without believing that the Earth is 9000 years old. And I believe in magic because I have felt it and observed the evidence.
Maybe it was easier for me to believe because I grew up in an animistic and spiritual country, where things like divination and spirit work is ‘normal’ (although people do fear and respect the supernatural). Making offerings to household spirits is something my family does weekly. Hell, almost every family has a mini spirit house in their property that hosts the spirit of land guardians. Going to shrines and praying to our local version of ‘dryads’ and ‘tree ghost’ is common for if you want good luck or a bargain.
Messing with corpses is now outlawed, but witch doctors in my country have been known to make consecrated oil from the corpses of women. As recent as 2012, stillborn fetus had been used in ceremonies which turn them into household spirits to bring luck - if they are pleased and fond of you. Of course, magic of these types are against the law because the actions required to perform them are illegal, but the point is, it shows that magic is very real and still believed in where I come from.
If you’re coming from a western worldview where all of this is ‘weird’ or ‘primitive’ or ‘crazy’, it might feel difficult to trust in your supernatural senses, to have faith or to find your path. But if you keep practicing and refining your skills, you’ll find that magic is something that will always draws you back to it, that it is something you cannot live without.
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