summore splats

i never want to go to a hospital again. why did i do that? what have i done?

tw descriptions of violence

the one time i thought someone was going to be nice to me, they tried to trap me in a hospital and killed the nurses. i had to beat him with my crutch until he passed out and until i couldn't handle what i was doing anymore. i've never hurt someone that badly before, or at least directly. sure, i flooded a stadium with rats, but it was all petty! i made sure no one got seriously hurt. but this? i had to watch the man who i thought had saved me get beaten and bruised by my very hands. i watched as he threatened me, told me "God I want to rip your face off. I want to tear flesh from bone and-" as he begun to click. click. click. click. it was terrifying. to hear otherworldly sounds come from someone i thought was cool, someone who made me feel appreciated, was absolutely terrifying. i thought this was going to be a fun adventure. i thought i could've finally, finally made something of myself, finally have done something helpful instead of something that hurts, but it just ended in me hurting more. and i didn't even mention what else i was told.

"when one knows, they all know. i want you dead. that means they wont stop at anything now. run. please." someone's after me. i don't know what, but someone, something is after me. i don't know what to do. what can i do? what can i do when i'm being chased? when i might be dead tomorrow?

"to be or not to be, that is the question." a question on mortality, to live or to die. i want to live, i want to be. not just be alive, but to be more than what i am. but at this point? i might not be anything by tomorrow.

the autism do be burning out today

Girl help I'm losing my grip on reality :3

I CAN'T FUCKING TELL WHAT'S REAL ANYMORE

I don't know anything. Am I really sick? I. Don't. Know. What if I am actually faking it? Am I in too deep? Am I actually trying to get better? Would things get better if I tried harder, if I pushed myself past exhaustion? In a strange way, I don't think they would. Am I in too deep? I'm in too deep. I know I'm in too deep, why do I ask.

I can't stop lying and I don't know why. I cannot trust myself anymore. Is anything I say real anymore? It used to be. I don't know why it isn't anymore. I don't even know why I lie. It's not on purpose.

I think.

And in a way, I hope not.

I don’t appreciate being called “emo” cause I’m siting in a chair in the lobby…?

christmas time always makes me feel a bit weird and out of it . don't like it. not one bit.

we will, if we need to. but he's asked us to do the same, so I'll tell you what I told him. if you die, yes, I'll tell him, because I think you need that reassurance. but it will mean a thousand times more, once this is over, when he hears it directly from you.

...

and we love you too. your majesty.

(⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

.⁠·⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠(⁠>⁠▂⁠<⁠)⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠·⁠.

i hate being off my meds. i end up sleeping on and off all day. and i never know what’s a dream and what’s actually happening.

actually going to go into a field and scream my group members are being so fucking annoying rn shUT UPPPPP

ohhh ok. life sucks again

trying to exist in public and interact with people when all i can think about is harming myself in the most gruesome ways

It's two in the morning, I'm lying in my own bed and there's a thunderstorm outside. I want to go home.

Been feeling like shit the past few days which can be added up to my allergies and how bad they get when seasons change, but then I came to work to discover that they have been using straight concentrated chemicals to clean this store and I have been using them the past week heavily

They don't know you have to dilute the chemical. The chemicals are not hooked up to a sink like they are supposed to be. People are just pouring straight concentrated disinfectant in the bottle and spraying it everywhere?

No wonder I've been waking up unable to breathe completely my asthma has been at an all time bad and my nasal and throat have been sore as fuck

Probably because I'm ingesting straight pure undiluted chemical for hours on end

almost just walked directly into a massive spider dangling from the ceiling, how’s everyone else’s day going

i love being mad and tired. i love not having the mental or emotional energy to play card games at 7 pm and i also love sleeping on the floor

Well that went bad very quick