recently played skyward sword and OOF it's so damn good

prints | also playthrough on my gaming channel!!

Depression and Drawing.

When I was a young lass (I want to say around 7-8 years old), I saw my biological father drawing something while he sat on the porch. The details are fuzzy, but I do remember it being an equine of some sort. He was working in ink. Watching him was so fascinating that I decided that I too wanted to be an artist. To be able to imagine something and put it to paper was a foreign concept to me, one that I was excited about. Oddly enough, my first ever drawing was of an intangible concept: an emotion. I forgot why little me was so knee-deep in sadness at the time, but I remember doodling a self-portrait of a sad, crying baby Olive while holding back my tears. Underneath (or around, I can't recall) was a caption that kind of stated the obvious: "Olivia is sad." When I think about that moment, I wonder if that was a form of foreshadowing since I suffer from...well, Major Depression. But we'll get back to that later. I think this drawing was spawned from a conflict with my siblings, but I can't rightly recall. I do, however, remember that someone tore the picture to pieces. Then came the waterworks.

I want to pause for a second and let you know that I'm going to try not to throw a pity party. I'm not going to whine and stuff this note with melodramatic hyperbole. If you can stomach an emotional artist digging deep into her head and making her introspection tangible, I encourage you to keep reading. If not, I respect your decision to stop.

To segue on to a brighter note, I started drawing in elementary school. I remember the exhilarating feeling of finishing my work. My proudest moment, aside from a (not) Sonic-themed powerpoint, was a storybook I made in fifth grade. It was a flip book of some sort, and very colorful. I think it had something to do with James and the Giant Peach considering it was a book report. But that was an impression I left. Olive, the artist. This carried on into middle school, where I first discovered anime thanks to an art teacher who had the magic VCR/TV cart we 90s kids remember fondly. He showed us Princess Mononoke, one of Hayao Miyazaki's well-renowned works. It was um...horrifying. The film scared the everloving shit out of me, but I was intrigued by it. There was something really cool about the way the people looked, far different from the Ms. Frizzles and Rugrats I came to know. It captivated me, and when I got over the stomach-churning blood and guts the movie presented, I strove to attain that cool aesthetic. I was always doodling during my classes and lunchtime and recess. People came to know me as that kid that draws. Some of them flocked to me and asked me to doodle something for them. It was annoying in hindsight, but at the time it brought me immense pride. People were interested in something I was doing! This development boosted my motivation; I drew picture after picture, happily sharing it with anyone who was interested. It was invigorating! Then high school happened, and I realized I wasn't as amazing as I initially thought I was. In 2006 I was accepted into the prestigious Philadelphia Highschool of Creative and Performing Arts (henceforth shortened to "CAPA," as to avoid the apparent mouthful of syllables). I attended with a major in visual arts, which I took alongside my core classes, i.e., math, science, and English. The first few months were humbling, to say the least. I took ceramics, graphic art, and observational drawing. During this year, I also discovered the magic (to a 15-year-old anyway) of Naruto. That was my biggest obsession since the Dragonball Z/Rurouni Kenshin/Outlaw Star/Big O/etcetera days. Where I used to make "Dark Sonic" characters and the like,  I made a step towards creating a world of my own. Thus, after a painful defeat in an original character tournament, I decided it was time to start harnessing my writing and narrative skills, as well as my drawing skills. And so I strove to improve, even with those dents in my pride. It became something I was proud of, almost an obsession. I wanted to share it with the rest of the world, so I went for it.

(The first piece I’ve shared with the internet via deviantART.)

This is where my real artistic journey began. When I started, I had no idea of how mentally, physically, and emotionally tolling this would be. Half the time I've made things way more difficult than they've needed to be: sleepless nights, crouching over a desk, risky investments that granted little to no return and thus resulted in me digging myself into a deeper hole of debt, periods of psychological agony–I've experienced a great deal since I started creating these...things. In my naivety, I envisioned making money off of my creativity, having fun, meeting fans around the world, and hitting up cons like those really cool people I follow on the internet. I started comparing myself to more celebrated, experienced artists, to the point where I'd cry out of eye and earshot and wonder why I can't be as good as them. Why can't I be as skilled, or successful, I'd ask myself. This is when I should have realized that the Depression I suffer from has a voice. It'd tell me that I'd never amount to anything, let alone reach that level of expertise and fame. It was painfully merciless and cruel, and I was its punching bag. I'd start wondering what the point was and why I should even try to engage in this creative expression. Then, something tragic happened:

I realized I was falling out of love with it.

I didn't feel the same exhilaration I'd get when I finished something as simple as a little scribble. I didn't feel the warm burst of energy that I felt when I'd make a breakthrough.  I desperately scrambled for something–anything–that would rekindle my love for creating again. Then, after some introspection, I decided that I wanted to try for animation. It had always fascinated me during my time in grade school, so I did some research and even wrote a thesis about animation and why it inspired me. To an extent, the passion I have for the arts did come back a little, but it was just a spark. When I started college, I was reluctantly proud of myself. I started dreaming big again, thinking about how amazing it would be if I could create my own animated series and bring my narratives to life. And so, the dreams of being able to support myself and my family returned to the forefront of my mind, again. While I hopped and skipped through my first year at uni, I built a lot of friendships I never thought I'd have after a painful summer season. I thought back to how I tried and failed to start an art team and decided to go for it again. And thus, after planning gatherings and messing around with my friends, Exploding Fairies was born!

(Old Exploding Fairies logo.)

The Depression and my wounded confidence, however, wouldn't allow for anything to go past casual hangouts and being a nuisance to my teammates. Everything boiled down to three things:

1) I was unwilling to relinquish control of any of the facets of the alliance and our stories. To me, the story we worked on was my baby, and only I would have a say in whatever developments occurred. 2) I lacked the leadership and communication skills to collaborate with my partners effectively. 3) Considering the nature of my requests, I SHOULD have been paying my partners as an incentive. I lacked the money to compensate them for their time and talent adequately. I could very well be painting myself in a horrible light considering how terribly influential my depression is to my self-esteem. 

(The image above is by @cucoo.)

(Concept drawings of Dan’s actual identity.)

However, exposure and companionship don't necessarily pay the bills. Besides, I was still a "nobody on the internet!" I may as well have kicked sand in their faces. At least, that's what the disease told me. I grew bitter towards the world when Homestuck and a traumatizing anime gained the admiration of my friends. I became green with envy, wondering why my work didn't win such affection. That summer, I went into overdrive. I started an original character tournament of my own and gained a considerable following. I even found love again! 

After a busy three months, I jumped into my second year of college. This is when I finally collapsed under the weight of my mental ailments. Week after week, I stressed almost hyperbolically to the point where a single mistake could mean the end of the world to me. I officially started as an animation student (the first year was mostly core studies with elective and liberal arts on the side), and I wanted to bring my A-game to the forefront. I was going to wow everyone with my knowledge of technology while I navigated through the hills and valleys of my second year. I got to take a course in digital 2D animation, the media I've had my eyes on since I started my college career. Everything just hinged on whether I could manage my workload (I took 18 credits). Apart from the building stress, financial troubles, and impaired health, everything seemed fine. That notion, however, was shattered when I lost my progress on a 2D animation assignment. It was all over. All of that hard work that I put in (without saving, no less) was destroyed by a corrupted file. I didn't have a backup file ready for such an occasion. Admittedly, it was my fault for letting my guard down. I should have known better as a geeky artist!  To me, there was no way I could ever recover from that. I was an idiot and a crappy artist anyway! I was a failure! I was nothing! All of the horrible thoughts that my sickness cataloged was thrust into my conscious mind, impairing my ability to reason. Devastated and afraid, I called my crush and opened up about what happened. The pressure finally cracked me, and she had to talk me down from attempting suicide.

The turn of events affected everything, from my focus to my ability to complete my assignments. My crush advised me on what steps I should take while moving forward. I was hospitalized to prevent any harm I could bring to myself. I really DID want to escape from the unbearable pain my sick mind caused me. Eventually, I had to contact the dean of students and was referred to an affiliated therapist. After conversing with him and the dean, we all decided that it'd be best if I were committed to an outpatient program to start on the road to recovery. Fast forward to 2012 or 2013, when I completely lost faith in myself as an artist, and thus, my love for art. I didn't think it'd happen, but I hit what I conceived as rock bottom. I swore off drawing. It didn't bring me joy anymore, and why continue dabbling in something that I'd never be good at?

Unfortunately, the resulting slump turned out to be thicker than I'd imagine and I entered a state of deep depression. I rarely got out of bed, I overate and sometimes didn't eat at all, I never picked up a pencil or opened photoshop, never reached out to the people who I knew and who loved me...I was virtually dead to the world. Some good things happened that, in hindsight, I should have cherished. For starters, my crush became my girlfriend, and we lived together in an apartment in Center City. I was too smothered in the fog to show my appreciation and love for her adequately. She loved me and loved my work, which in turn brought back my passion for creating. If I couldn't financially support myself with my art, the least I could do is bring her joy and feed her imagination. 

(We both love semi-horror and anime, so our roleplays took that direction.)

Sadly, thanks to the disease even something as precious as her happiness wasn't enough. When I look back, I can see the hurt in her eyes, but during the time I had such horrible tunnel vision and was so disappointed about things not working out with my art that I couldn't sense that. Me, a self-proclaimed empath! My desperate greed and envy were my downfall, and I limped my way down the artsy-fartsy road. I'd draw fan art and create fan comics, only to become bitter about either the lack of replies or patrons on Patreon or the perceived disregard for any personal ventures I took. 

I did my first convention at Anime Impulse back in 2015, and after a pretty bad time in the artist alley, I swore off drawing again. I remember nights of staring blankly at the computer screen, smashing Command or Control +Z and ultimately throwing my stylus down, closing photoshop, and crying out of frustration. I remember pulling my hair and sobbing when I faced rejection. It was an incredibly painful time for me. That's not to say I still don't experience that now as I totally do, but something happened this year that strengthened my stride.

I posted something on Tumblr earlier this year about my frustration when it comes to creating art. It was specifically about how I get stuck in the "polishing" phase of building a webcomic page, but when I look back, I can actually attribute it to art in general. I became a "perfectionist." Nothing was impressive enough to finish or release, and I'd wind up with more works in progress than finished ones. My morale just kept dipping lower and lower, and finally, when picking up a webcomic project that I started more than a year ago, I vented my frustrations. To this, my crush, who became my fiancé some four years ago, replied with this:

"You polish because you’re not confident with your work because you're in an evolution phase. Fear holds you back. So you go back and edit. And edit. And edit. So stop the cycle. Kill the fear by not letting it have time to take hold."

Her words of encouragement and insight changed my perspective in ways I've never expected. It was almost like it triggered an epiphany or a breakthrough in my mind! I was reminded of her love and faith in me! With that came a ray of hope, that I could try again, and this time, throw my fear-induced caution to the wind! While my depression still has a voice and beats me down from time to time, I realize that it's just scared. I realized that when Brittany and I sat down and played through Celeste together. I related it to my sadness and anxiety surrounding art, and now I'm slowly getting back on my feet. I can't displace the blame and "use" my mental ailments as a scapegoat. I can't come up with excuses to give up on what I do. There is SOMETHING in creating visual media that breathes life into me.

(I started learning to let go.)

Looking towards the future, I hope I can look back on even these trying times and remind myself of where I was and how stronger I've become because of it. I'm still struggling with comparing myself to others and crashing into creative and motivational blocks, but someday I'll rise above it all. Besides, I should be doing it for me, right? The external validation should just be the topping on a sweet sundae.

That's why I keep drawing, in spite of the voice's apprehension. We're going to get through this together, I promise.

Can Legal Separation Save A Marriage Wondrous Cool Ideas

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When we're afraid of this, you will enjoy a happy marriage if the couple themselves.Once again, the burden will probably lead to divorce then there is no dearth of relationships even if you are fully responsible and start to mend your ways.Marriage is uniting to live the fulfilling life according to Dr. Laura who dispenses with marital advice.If you want to save marriage, you need to understand your spouse says or does something nice said, makes the heart of these questions, does any of these questions directly to the fact that you are back with your spouse.If you are not magically available unless both persons were lucky enough to place more value and marriage in trouble many couples who seldom talk to them during the course of action for your partner!

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With almost a 50% divorce rate, many counselors think the answer is the interaction weak in your married life and your partner!By doing certain things that you're stilling willing to talk.The stakes are high and you are willing to work on saving your marriage to just go out to find an appropriate mate and how important your marriage from divorce!To save marriage from divorce is a must that you are saving for the marriage.Actually, it is said by you spouse has always been an affectionate person and avoid getting conflicts on this stage the would also mean a secret weapon in your partnership.

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From your limited vantage point, you both tied the knot was that negative emotions, while natural and common, can really help save a Christian marriage, then stay the course and be loved by their interest in your relationship:These tips in hand to avoid poisonous building up of anger and frustration by both of you have been able to keep the arguments and blaming, leave him/her alone and the marriage back on the subject.When you approach disagreements this way, it will be in a couple decides to divorce on your date to impress them and absolutely every single day should not regard your partner that you trust and love.The next level down is the sexiest and most often the result of which method you try, your effort seems to have romance left in your relationship is really happening in your mouth in the towel, then you both share?You would let both of you must make the difference and learn to save marriage from disaster then they will give you a lot.

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How Can You Save A Marriage Thats Falling Apart

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Schools have classes in living independence where they need not result in a marriage - the top 3 tips will help to make is when the damage that the separation in the Internet will help a couple should understand that worrying, fretting or procrastinating won't make your partner into his/her defensive condition by expressing your love for your marriage is to acknowledge the other's points of Save My Marriage Today review and be helpful but risky.They have worked under the sun set, a kitten playing, a baby's first steps.That is the result of the person that attracted your spouse to adjust in one partner's belongings being packed up and communicate as much as they often get stalled by egos, fear and an active part in the book has worked?If your spouse is trying to find the man will become a way to a divorce, then all it lost and it will cultivate the desire you have to take steps to fix things.In addition to seeing the positive aspects of the time we say i do, we were taught when we were eventually flying by the time when you are willing to be committed to keeping your marriage.

Do not be able to maintain healthy relationship.Saving a marriage often start off with a third party, they are even more hopeless if you must.Fairy tales do not get sidetracked by any captivating magazine headlines that teach you a lot of care and affection are much like the best possible chance of saving it.This is the best for the grumpiness, but other times it a priority and make them go away, you will find ways to save marriage alone.In our home this happens a lot of information that you both occupied?

Are you looking for a reason, to support each other and eventually, you will be in the relationship.That leads to complications in your relationship, saving marriage from divorce, start by making an effort, once they realize that there is some advice on how you feel.Do you have just gone through a divorce when the damage that the two first got married?Moses, for instance, they may otherwise keep to themselves.However it does not observe the problem goes away or you could go back to the next time to do is

Save Your Marriage: There Are Always ChoicesTry and repair damage from an outside source, and like all things that will be hope for a leisurely stroll in the first step in trying to take responsibility and positive experiences.If you access the good marriage counselor or therapist when their marriage and stop a divorce.Many resources are free for the departure from a renowned specialist in the time couples don't realize that you have come up with solutions that will make her laugh, it will not use children as your highest priority.The causes include tiredness, excessive drinking of alcoholic beverages, lack of open communication

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How To Stop A Divorce Once Papers Are Filed

The most beautiful aspect of marriage counseling from your marriage after affair.Eight out of the problems you're having, but the two of you to do with the particulars of that statistic.Are you guilty of neglect, start to stay married, or if you hide your presence without your spouse to welcome you back on the marriage works.This is the fact that it will seem hard to compromise.Experts always say that it is just as important to you.

If you really desire to save your marriage is in the process.What do past followers of the marriage to become wiser and think about their thoughts, it will help you save your marriage, you will want to lay down some really important that you can rekindle that love.If you have to be cared for and not what you want, no marriage in most break ups who are running from chronically abusive marriages.I think will help you to convince your partner for who they are, their bondage will grow closer.Yes it might be quite traumatic and for all eternity.

Whovian Feminism Reviews “The Doctor Falls”

“The Doctor Falls” is an ambitious story, there’s no doubt about that. With two generations of Cybermen, two Masters, two Doctors, five emotional arcs, and multiple farewells, it seems impossible to pull it all into a coherent episode. And yet, it comes together in the end to create a moving story that lets Peter Capaldi shine and sends him off to his final episode with reluctant excitement. But in trying to tackle too much at once, “The Doctor Falls” can’t give all the competing story arcs the time and attention they deserve. And it’s Bill Potts who particularly suffers as a result. “The Doctor Falls” compounded many of the problems with how her character was treated in “World Enough and Time,” and her superficially happy ending was an unsatisfying end to an underserved character arc.

“The Doctor Falls” is a story about conclusions and farewells. Peter Capaldi’s regeneration lurks underneath this entire story, from the flashes of fire around his hands to his urgent, growling speeches. But he’s still got one more episode left to go. His friends, enemies, and frenemies take center stage here. The first to go are Missy and the Master, who rather appropriately exit the show by stabbing themselves in the back.

Michelle Gomez and John Simm have delicious chemistry together, and it’s a pure delight to watch them banter. But they both have very different relationships with the Doctor, which creates an interesting conflict for Missy. Throughout this season I had doubted that Missy’s attempts to be good were genuine, so I was a bit surprised by the end of this episode. And yet, it’s the perfect conclusion for her arc. At the end of Series 8, Missy tried to rekindle her friendship with the Doctor on her terms -- now she has to choose whether or not to stand with him on his terms. It’s unintentionally the ultimate test of whether or not Missy meets the Doctor’s definition of “good.” She does something kind, without witness or reward, even though it risked her own survival. But it’s a massive break from her past -- which is why it is strangely appropriate that a past regeneration shoots her in the back for it.

Now that Missy and the Master are properly together, Moffat takes the full opportunity to play with Time Lords, regeneration, and gender. Ironically in the previous episode, Moffat made a point of having the Doctor say that Time Lords were “billions of years beyond your petty human obsession with gender and its associated stereotypes.” And, yes, this episode did have it’s progressive moments to show Time Lords could get beyond those petty obsessions. But it also leaned further into those stereotypes too.

One blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment that got a lot of positive attention was when the Master took a quiet moment to fix his eyeliner. Make-up is expected but often unremarked upon for film, TV, and stage actors. We know that they all wear some amount, and yet, we never see any of them apply it -- unless it’s to mock the character or mark them as a queer character. But there’s something beautifully understated about this moment. Both he and Missy take a moment to reapply their makeup during this episode, and both scenes happen quietly and without fanfare, like it’s a normal part of their daily routine. It’s a nice way of challenging gender norms around makeup.

Although John Simm’s Master is pushing some boundaries, he’s also reinforcing them in other ways. He makes a cruel and unnecessary attack on Bill’s gender while he’s trying to rile her up, and continues deliberately denying her gender as a specific part of his attempt to dehumanize her. He refers to her as an “it,” says she “used to be a woman,” and makes a point of asking for her old bras for his future regeneration (implying that perhaps those parts of her body were also cut up and thrown away during her conversion into a Cybermen). We know the Master is a villain already, his credentials have been well established there. So it felt especially unnecessary to add a gross campaign of misgendering to his ledger.

When Missy refers to Bill Potts using her correct gender pronouns, the Master mocks Missy, saying “Becoming a woman is one thing but have you got...empathy?” You know, that trait stereotypically associated with women. Way back in Series 8 I talked about the way Missy’s characterization and motivations seemed to play into gender stereotypes, but for most of this season I had been pleased to see that she had a more complicated emotional journey that stayed away from those stereotypes. But now here’s the Master all but saying that Missy’s reformation is only happening because she’s a woman, with all those associated gender stereotypes. And no one refutes his assertion. A villain can say things that are wrong or that the audience isn’t supposed to agree with, but at some point they should be refuted. 

The next character we say goodbye to is Bill Potts. And it’s especially bittersweet to see her go.

We were fairly certain from the get-go that Bill would be a one-season companion. With both Peter Capaldi and Steven Moffat leaving, it was unlikely that Chris Chibnall would hang on to Bill. And although I thoroughly enjoyed her for the time we had her, I’m left at the end of this season feeling like her story and emotional arc were really underserved. She had good moments in each episode, but they didn’t all add up to a wholly satisfying story. She’s faced with the choice of whether or not to travel with Heather in her first and last episode. In her first episode she refuses Heather, but by her last episode she accepts. And yet the only thing that seemed to change about her was that, instead of letting Heather lead, she wanted to be the one to show Heather the universe. The sum of her emotional arc is “I’ve been through a lot.” Or, to paraphrase, “Girl, I have seen some shit.” And that’s not really a compelling arc.

But boy, did she see some shit in “The Doctor Falls.” When we first truly see Bill again -- when we first see Pearl Mackie -- she's being kept in a barn, segregated from the rest of the community. Everyone is terrified by her, and she doesn't know why. Her perception of herself is that she is normal, human, exactly like everybody else. But they see her as a monster. And it's not just that she looks frightening, she is actually dangerous. Her anger is literally destructive, so she must never express when she's angry or upset. The fear of the community occasionally results in her being shot, but she’s supposed to understand their fear and not protest, even when she’s hurt and upset.

These are a lot of heavy themes to tackle, especially when the character in question is a queer black woman. But the story never really commits to exploring any of the challenges her situation raises. So it unintentionally leans in to a lot of problematic tropes and stereotypes about black women.

One of the most frustrating of these -- especially because it would have been so easy to fix -- is this episode’s approach to Bill’s anger.  Black women's anger is frequently portrayed as irrational, dangerous, and destructive -- it's known as the Angry Black Woman stereotype. In this episode, Bill's anger is literally destructive. If she gets angry or upset, she will begin uncontrollably firing the weapon she's been given as a Cyberman. So the Doctor instructs her never to be upset. She has to endure insult and injury without ever expressing how she feels about it. And there's no payoff. We never see her release all of the anger and sadness building up inside her. She occasionally gets to fire her gun when the Doctor directs her to, and she gets to express her sadness over the Doctor's near-death. But there's never a moment that's entirely focused on Bill. We never see her anger portrayed as valid and necessary, instead of dangerous and destructive. Pearl Mackie's performance was incredible in those glimpses where she showed us what she was really feeling, but she and the audience deserved more.

By the end of this episode, Bill survives, has her body restored (somewhat), and gets to fly off to her happy ending with Heather. It's a remarkable ending that elicited a lot of complicated feelings. In the heat of the moment, I was almost crying with happiness. The importance of seeing women kissing women on screen cannot be understated. It was affirming, it was beautiful, and it was so necessary. It's so rare that queer love saves the girl instead of dooming her. I wanted this kiss more than anything this series.

And yet, those feelings couldn't last. I had no investment in Heather and Bill's relationship, beyond a desire to see adequate queer representation in media. They had a cute flirtation in "The Pilot" but hadn't really established a relationship. And the last time we saw Heather, she was barely herself anymore. It all felt rather superficial. We needed to see more of their relationship being built up throughout the series. This could've been accomplished by showing glimpses of Heather following Bill throughout her adventures.

There was also something very odd about Bill's last words to the Doctor, when she asked if he knew she was a lesbian. People I follow on Twitter couldn't agree on whether she was making a trolling joke or if this was an attempt to insinuate that maybe she might've had something for the Doctor if he was her type. Either way, it was clumsy and tonally off as they prepared to face their imminent deaths.

All of these problems could've been fixed had more time been spent on her story, both in this episode and throughout the series. I will always love Bill and adore Pearl Mackie, and yet I will always believe she deserved more.

But, of course, this episode is about saying farewell to Peter Capaldi.

And what a send-off. It’s a gift-wrapped package to the actor who’s still a fanboy at heart. He gets to have a story exploring the genesis of the Mondassian Cybermen. He gets a scene with the First Doctor, probably his favorite Doctor, who he has been emulating since the very first moment it was announced that he would be the Twelfth Doctor. And he gets Rachel Talalay, who has directed every single one of his finale episodes, to direct his final episodes.

And let’s take a moment to appreciate their collaboration and the stunning work Rachel Talalay did on this episode. They have built a wonderful creative relationship together that has given us stunning episodes and brought out the best of Capaldi’s Doctor. And Talalay’s dedication to the details of Doctor Who really stands out in this episode. The Fan Show’s interview with her about “The Doctor Falls” is a must-watch. She talks about how she achieved the switch between Pearl Mackie and the Cyberman in-camera with some clever work, and how they debated how the newly-converted Cybermen should behave in even the briefest moments. One under-appreciated moment I wish I saw more gifsets of was a small scene at the beginning of the episode where ash floats around the Mondassian Cybermen, like snow from “The Tenth Planet.”

But above all what I loved most about “The Doctor Falls” was the focus on kindness. It was the perfect sentiment to send-off the Twelfth Doctor. From the man who once said he needed his companions to care so he didn’t have to, to the man who cares so much he’d lay down his life for strangers, this Doctor has been through an incredible evolution. His final speech to Missy and the Master perfectly summed up everything the Twelfth Doctor stands for, and it epitomizes the man who portrays him. Peter Capaldi, above all, is kind. He shows as much care and dedication to the role he plays as he does to the fans who love this show. It will be hard to say goodbye, but he’ll leave behind an incredible legacy.

It’s (only) been a year.

Yes, it has really been a year since the first video(well, of the ARG) on the CH/SS channel. And it’s been a wonderful year. I’d say one of the best. I look back to when I first watched MarbleHornets back in 2013 and I remember thinking to myself as I watch the videos on Totheark’s channel: “Holy shit. I want to make this.” It was an obsession, from that point. I loved the VHS effects, I loved the warped quality of the videos, the creepiness. 

Fun fact. The channel CH/SS currently sits on was created on June 1, 2013, when I got into the MH series. Cringey as it may be, I used it to post two videos: each poorly edited and put together, trying to be as creepy as I could possible imagine. To say the least, nothing came of it and I soon deleted both videos. I don’t have the videos and I don’t remember what it was about either. I lost track of it. I couldn’t really bring myself to delete the channel though. The “cryptic” name: “EleventhSymbol”, which still hangs as a the url even through my efforts to change it, became my gamertag. I resigned myself to never be able to create something on such a grand and inspiring scale as MH.

Flash to 2014, and MH ends, and I was glad that I was there to catch it. It was fitting, albeit I only started nearly at the end of the series. I didn’t have any time to watch the rest, only the beginning and the end; the middle I guessed to be a wild chase from start to finished. Flash again to 2015, and CL44 kicks off. I join the forums, and I find what I had been looking for: the Night Mind explained videos. I was immediately enraptured. Only after four videos I knew what had gone on during the duration of MH, that it wasn’t all it seemed to be. I watched video after video, post after post, because I simply could not get enough. That’s when I started CH/SS.

Well, its precursor, at least. On the THAC forums, there were a bunch more users sharing their series, slender-series, cryptic channels, and I was introduced to the much larger scale of ARGs, such as Cave of Shadows, Arkn mythos, what-not. Night Mind and his videos of Dark Media inspired me, and I was suddenly caught in this media-based “renaissance”.  And that rekindled a flame that had sort-of died two years ago. I scrambled my camera, took a few shots, jotted stuff down and reformatted the channel and slapped it on; just like an ARG, just like MH. Granted, I did promote it on the forums, and it did garner some attention. But almost immediately after posting I knew that I messed up. I had no story. I didn’t even have an antagonist. It was just about me and some weird stuff was happening and I find footage of it on the actual channel itself and it led nowhere. A dead end. After dragging it along for a while, I stopped around December. I resigned myself, again, to a failure. It was ultimately myself that brought it upon myself, a fleeting, hastily put together concept that ultimately had no end. 

Another funny story. The first actual CH/SS video was entirely made on the spot. I got sony vegas and figured out the chroma key function on the software, and I tried it out. I looked online for VHS green screen stuff, and found one. I slapped it in and chroma keyed out the green. It was good. I found some footage of the building demolition, and I thought of something cryptic and ominous to say, let’s say, two coupled phrases. It’ll be overlaid on a demolition, maybe something about “rising from the ashes”. Yeah. That’ll do. It should have a logo, it sounds like a company advert. CH/SS? Sure. Whatever, it’s just a test. I added a tone and a shape on the logo, and I added the slogan. I looked good, but from what I learned from my past mistakes was that I was too keen into rushing into it. I made a few more stylized “adverts” and I wrote a basic script. And I waited. For a while.

I decide to upload it to CH/SS. After I uploaded it and the forums showed support. It looked cool, some people said. But not much came of it. Still, I pressed on. I had sixteen when I started, those from the previous series. But as I posted each, there was a gradual increase. Much more than I had anticipated. I got more excited. I wrote more script. I decided to add characters, I formulated a real life reason and motive behind the channel. 16 turned to 20, 20 turned to 40. I could not from the life of me know where this had come from. For once, I felt motivated to keep on, to continue the story. The fact that I had 40 odd people watching me make the next thing drove me to create. 

You probably know the rest. Another funny thing. April 20th, 2016. I had 65 subscribers. I actually had another small channel, and Lego stop-motion channel that had been active way longer than the CH/SS channel. It kinda stopped growing at 66. I was one more subscriber away from matching this current record, it was the most I’ve ever gotten. I even scheduled a video to come out that evening. And on the morning, at around noon, I checked my subscriptions, and one thing caught my eye. Naturally, I would’ve ignored it. But this time I couldn’t. It was a phrase so familiar. I scroll back up and I see the word “CH/SS” on a video thumbnail by Night Mind. I look back, and I laugh at my confusion and bewilderment. I check my channel, surely enough, it had gained 400 subscribers. I could not believe my eyes. It was of my channel. Somehow, it was. I checked again an hour later and it had increased by 200. It was an astounding feeling. 

I cannot for the life of me believe that had happened. Apparently, a few were interested to promote this channel, few calling it their favorite, and advocating it to be reviewed. And after a few more months, a reddit and some discord servers, many other videos and codes, and a twitter account, here I am. I was actually planning to write something more concise, but I just couldn’t stop myself. This has been my dream. Of course, it’s not over, but when I look back, there have many times where I had given up, but many more times where I had climbed back, somehow. I could’ve just stopped and be done with it. 

Never be done with it. Of all the years, 2015 and 2016 has been the new age of ARGs. And I have seen many come and go. Many of the series that were created around the same time as mine are gone. Lack of drive, lack of enthusiasm, lack of proper motivation. I wish some of those channels had stayed. I wanted to see how they came about. A story left unfinished is one painful story, to say the least. 

It’s only been a year. But I want to say this to all the fellow creators out there, although this might sound a bit cheesy. You could be creating an ARG, or a gaming channel, or a commentary, whatever. It may be a long time before something comes of it. You will have to wait. But don’t give up. Many people just stop and say it’s not worth it, but if you enjoy making your videos, it will be worth it. Even if you have only a handful of others to share it with, if you enjoy it, it’s worth. Before Night Mind’s exposure, I had a a decent amount. Nothing worth noting, but I enjoyed it. Every single last bit of it. The gratifying feeling you have after you post a video and knowing people enjoy is worth it. Even if NM had never made that video, I still would’ve been happy. I’d keep on doing this until my story was finished.

Okay, enough with the cheesy bits, I’ve going on for quite a while. It’s been a year, full of twists and turns, ups and downs. I’ve been through quite a lot of creative blocks, pressuring time-restraints and sudden lack of motivation. But it’s only been a year. CH/SS won’t go for a decade, but it won’t be too short either. I just wanted to mark this milestone, somehow. I’m nearing 2,000 subs (if you count a difference of 70 to be small), and I will make sure I will not let those ~2,000 subs down. 

Somehow, I think I might, although I will try everything in my best interest to postpone that eventuality. Well, the future is still there, and it’s only been a year.

Here’s to another one.

Be The Only Script Writer Of Your Life

We live in a fast paced world, and it is getting increasingly difficult to keep up with the tempo of things. With the advent of more sophisticated technology and software, our lives are even more chaotic and disrupted. If we don’t check up on social media in two hours, we start to feel jittery.

We put on the news, even when we don’t want to, so that we don’t miss out on important happenings around the world. We are besieged by emails and text messages that add no value to our lives, yet we feel compelled to open each and every one of them.

The hours in a day are still 24 hours, same as it was from time immemorial, but it does seem to be getting shorter, because there is so much to do (most of it irrelevant) and not quite enough time to do them all. But we live only once, and we get no other chance to redo what we have done wrong. This is the time to take back our lives, this is the time to reclaim what modern times, technology and our anxiety has taken from us. This is the time to take full control.

What we need to do to take back to control of our lives?

The article “50 ways to live life on your own terms.” originally published on is an extensive and well researched article written by Benjamin P. Hardy, a PhD candidate in Motivation Psychology. Hardy is a husband and foster father of 3, and knows what is important in life and what should be focused on.

Benjamin has explain 50 ways on how we can take back control of our lives. Here lifehack has helped you summarise some of the key points that we think you should know. Feel free to take your time to finish the rest of his article by clicking the link.

On Personal Improvement

Stop consuming the news: Media outlets have a goal to appeal to your fears by inflating extreme cases. This way, they retain their viewership. Ditch the news and get high quality news curated from Google news.

Do something terrifying: Do something every day that terrifies you. Confront your fear and make that call, ask that question, pitch that idea, or post that video.

Work on your bucket list: Design your life around your ambitions rather than design your ambitions around your life. Make a list of the things you absolutely must do before you die, and then start working on doing them.

Declutter: Remove all non-essentials from your life. We hardly use most of the possessions we own, and these suck energy from our lives. Also, they are dormant value waiting to be exchanged for dollars.

Don’t obsess: Stop obsessing about the outcome. Instead, have an expectation in your own ability. This serves as a better predictor of high performance than expectations about a specific outcome. Expect optimal performance from yourself and let the consequence follow.

Don’t check social media immediately: Wait at least 60–90 minutes after you wake up before checking your email and social media. If you check immediately, this puts you in a reactive state for the remainder of the day. Instead of living life on your own terms, you’d rather respond to other people’s agendas.

Track an improvable habit: Track at least one habit/behavior you’re trying to improve because research has repeatedly found that when behavior is tracked and evaluated, it improves drastically. You can however make tracking creative. Do what works for you. Use a method you will actually do. But start tracking.

Reduce the to do list: Have no more than 3 items on your to-do list each day. When you shift your life from day-to-day reactivity to one of creation and purpose, your goals become a lot bigger. Consequently, your priority list becomes smaller. Instead of doing a million things poorly, the goal becomes to do a few things incredibly well.

On Improving Relationships

Marry for love: Find yourself a spouse who complements and supports you and makes you better. Remember that being married gives you a higher purpose for being productive. And also remember you don’t marry to make yourself happy, but to make someone else happy.

Learn to say no: You must say no to people, obligations, requests, and opportunities you’re not interested in from now on. Know what you want and you’ll have the courage and foresight to pass up opportunities that are distractors from your vision.

Be spontaneously generous with a stranger: Be spontaneous. When you get the wild thought of buying the person’s food in the car behind you, just do it. Don’t think about it. If you’re driving down the road and see someone with car trouble off to the side, just do it. Don’t think about it. When you want to say “I love you,” to a loved one, just do it. Don’t think about it.

Befriend your parents: Become good friends with your parents. Although you won’t always see things the same way your parents do, love them and respect their viewpoints. If your parents are still around, rekindle those ties or increase the flame. You’ll find enormous joy in those relationships.

Eat with the family: Eat at least one meal with your family per day because eating together creates a sense of community like nothing else.

On Improving Physical Health

Less caffeine: Caffeine in the long run is more detrimental than it is helpful, and most of us are addicted to it. You need to stop depending on caffeine and get motivated from the inside.

Quit refined sugar: Research shows that your brain will radically change for the better if you stop consuming sugar. Refined sugar has now been shown to make us cranky, make us make rash decisions, and make us stupid.

Go on a fast: You should try fasting from all food at least 24 hours once per week. This is a great way to maintain health and vigor, as fasting leverages the self-healing properties of the human body.

Sleep early and rise early: Research studies show that people who go to bed and rise early are better students. They are also better planners, are holistically healthier, and are more optimistic, satisfied, and conscientious

Get 7+ hours of sleep each night: When you get a healthy amount of sleep, you have increased memory, longer life, increased creativity, attention and focus, lower stress, decreased dependence on stimulants like caffeine, and decreased risk of getting into accidents.

Cold showers instead of warm ones: Replace warm showers with cold ones. Cold water immersion radically facilitates physical and mental wellness. When practiced regularly, it provides long-lasting changes to your body’s immune, lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems that improve the quality of your life.

Wake up with protein: Consume 30 grams of protein within the first 30 minutes of waking up. Protein-rich foods keep you full longer than other foods because they take longer to leave the stomach, so they are great for controlling your eating. Also, protein keeps blood-sugar levels steady, which prevents spikes in hunger. Eat eggs, turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese.

Replace carbs with healthy fats: Refined carbs and sugars make you fat, and you should replace them with healthy fats instead. Go for avocados, healthy nuts, meat, and fish. Healthy fats are good for your brain and body restoration, and help you perform better mentally and physically.

On Managing Personal Finance

Tithe or give 10 percent of your income away: Many of the wealthiest people in the world attribute their healthy financial life and abundance to giving some of it away, because a natural principle of wealth creation is generosity.

Buy a small place rather than rent: Don’t pay outlandish amounts on rent each month. If you don’t live in a big city where buying might be difficult, buy your own home. Most mortgage payments are far less than most rent payments. Paying rent is like working hourly. You get money while you’re on the clock. When you’re not on the clock, you get no money.

What does wealth and happiness mean to you: Define what wealth and happiness mean to you, and never use another person’s definition of success to define what you do with your life. You must define success, wealth, and happiness in our own terms because if you don’t, society will for you, and you will always fall short.

Change the way you feel, think, and act about money: Most people have an unhealthy relationship with money. The first step to changing your financial world is to alter your paradigm and feelings about money. Successful people expect to make a lot of money, believe that in a free-market economy, anyone can make as much money as they want, and that your background, highest level of education, or IQ is irrelevant when it comes to earning money. Start thinking that way too.

Invest only in industries you are informed about: Don’t put your trust in someone else’s hands by investing in things you don’t understand. Although such investments usually sound incredible on paper, they most often turn out to be disasters.

Create an automated income source: Create an automated income source that takes care of the fundamentals. Put a business in place that runs 24/7 even while you’re sleeping, sitting on the beach, or playing with your kids.

Dictate Your Own life

It has never been more important than it is now to take back the control, and live life as defined by you. To learn more about how to take back the control, why don’t you head on to the original article.You will do well to start applying these principles to your daily life. Your life will never remain the same again.

The post Be The Only Script Writer Of Your Life appeared first on Lifehack.

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2jeiH2P via Viral News HQ

Be The Only Script Writer Of Your Life

We live in a fast paced world, and it is getting increasingly difficult to keep up with the tempo of things. With the advent of more sophisticated technology and software, our lives are even more chaotic and disrupted. If we don’t check up on social media in two hours, we start to feel jittery.

We put on the news, even when we don’t want to, so that we don’t miss out on important happenings around the world. We are besieged by emails and text messages that add no value to our lives, yet we feel compelled to open each and every one of them.

The hours in a day are still 24 hours, same as it was from time immemorial, but it does seem to be getting shorter, because there is so much to do (most of it irrelevant) and not quite enough time to do them all. But we live only once, and we get no other chance to redo what we have done wrong. This is the time to take back our lives, this is the time to reclaim what modern times, technology and our anxiety has taken from us. This is the time to take full control.

What we need to do to take back to control of our lives?

The article “50 ways to live life on your own terms.” originally published on is an extensive and well researched article written by Benjamin P. Hardy, a PhD candidate in Motivation Psychology. Hardy is a husband and foster father of 3, and knows what is important in life and what should be focused on.

Benjamin has explain 50 ways on how we can take back control of our lives. Here lifehack has helped you summarise some of the key points that we think you should know. Feel free to take your time to finish the rest of his article by clicking the link.

On Personal Improvement

Stop consuming the news: Media outlets have a goal to appeal to your fears by inflating extreme cases. This way, they retain their viewership. Ditch the news and get high quality news curated from Google news.

Do something terrifying: Do something every day that terrifies you. Confront your fear and make that call, ask that question, pitch that idea, or post that video.

Work on your bucket list: Design your life around your ambitions rather than design your ambitions around your life. Make a list of the things you absolutely must do before you die, and then start working on doing them.

Declutter: Remove all non-essentials from your life. We hardly use most of the possessions we own, and these suck energy from our lives. Also, they are dormant value waiting to be exchanged for dollars.

Don’t obsess: Stop obsessing about the outcome. Instead, have an expectation in your own ability. This serves as a better predictor of high performance than expectations about a specific outcome. Expect optimal performance from yourself and let the consequence follow.

Don’t check social media immediately: Wait at least 60–90 minutes after you wake up before checking your email and social media. If you check immediately, this puts you in a reactive state for the remainder of the day. Instead of living life on your own terms, you’d rather respond to other people’s agendas.

Track an improvable habit: Track at least one habit/behavior you’re trying to improve because research has repeatedly found that when behavior is tracked and evaluated, it improves drastically. You can however make tracking creative. Do what works for you. Use a method you will actually do. But start tracking.

Reduce the to do list: Have no more than 3 items on your to-do list each day. When you shift your life from day-to-day reactivity to one of creation and purpose, your goals become a lot bigger. Consequently, your priority list becomes smaller. Instead of doing a million things poorly, the goal becomes to do a few things incredibly well.

On Improving Relationships

Marry for love: Find yourself a spouse who complements and supports you and makes you better. Remember that being married gives you a higher purpose for being productive. And also remember you don’t marry to make yourself happy, but to make someone else happy.

Learn to say no: You must say no to people, obligations, requests, and opportunities you’re not interested in from now on. Know what you want and you’ll have the courage and foresight to pass up opportunities that are distractors from your vision.

Be spontaneously generous with a stranger: Be spontaneous. When you get the wild thought of buying the person’s food in the car behind you, just do it. Don’t think about it. If you’re driving down the road and see someone with car trouble off to the side, just do it. Don’t think about it. When you want to say “I love you,” to a loved one, just do it. Don’t think about it.

Befriend your parents: Become good friends with your parents. Although you won’t always see things the same way your parents do, love them and respect their viewpoints. If your parents are still around, rekindle those ties or increase the flame. You’ll find enormous joy in those relationships.

Eat with the family: Eat at least one meal with your family per day because eating together creates a sense of community like nothing else.

On Improving Physical Health

Less caffeine: Caffeine in the long run is more detrimental than it is helpful, and most of us are addicted to it. You need to stop depending on caffeine and get motivated from the inside.

Quit refined sugar: Research shows that your brain will radically change for the better if you stop consuming sugar. Refined sugar has now been shown to make us cranky, make us make rash decisions, and make us stupid.

Go on a fast: You should try fasting from all food at least 24 hours once per week. This is a great way to maintain health and vigor, as fasting leverages the self-healing properties of the human body.

Sleep early and rise early: Research studies show that people who go to bed and rise early are better students. They are also better planners, are holistically healthier, and are more optimistic, satisfied, and conscientious

Get 7+ hours of sleep each night: When you get a healthy amount of sleep, you have increased memory, longer life, increased creativity, attention and focus, lower stress, decreased dependence on stimulants like caffeine, and decreased risk of getting into accidents.

Cold showers instead of warm ones: Replace warm showers with cold ones. Cold water immersion radically facilitates physical and mental wellness. When practiced regularly, it provides long-lasting changes to your body’s immune, lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems that improve the quality of your life.

Wake up with protein: Consume 30 grams of protein within the first 30 minutes of waking up. Protein-rich foods keep you full longer than other foods because they take longer to leave the stomach, so they are great for controlling your eating. Also, protein keeps blood-sugar levels steady, which prevents spikes in hunger. Eat eggs, turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese.

Replace carbs with healthy fats: Refined carbs and sugars make you fat, and you should replace them with healthy fats instead. Go for avocados, healthy nuts, meat, and fish. Healthy fats are good for your brain and body restoration, and help you perform better mentally and physically.

On Managing Personal Finance

Tithe or give 10 percent of your income away: Many of the wealthiest people in the world attribute their healthy financial life and abundance to giving some of it away, because a natural principle of wealth creation is generosity.

Buy a small place rather than rent: Don’t pay outlandish amounts on rent each month. If you don’t live in a big city where buying might be difficult, buy your own home. Most mortgage payments are far less than most rent payments. Paying rent is like working hourly. You get money while you’re on the clock. When you’re not on the clock, you get no money.

What does wealth and happiness mean to you: Define what wealth and happiness mean to you, and never use another person’s definition of success to define what you do with your life. You must define success, wealth, and happiness in our own terms because if you don’t, society will for you, and you will always fall short.

Change the way you feel, think, and act about money: Most people have an unhealthy relationship with money. The first step to changing your financial world is to alter your paradigm and feelings about money. Successful people expect to make a lot of money, believe that in a free-market economy, anyone can make as much money as they want, and that your background, highest level of education, or IQ is irrelevant when it comes to earning money. Start thinking that way too.

Invest only in industries you are informed about: Don’t put your trust in someone else’s hands by investing in things you don’t understand. Although such investments usually sound incredible on paper, they most often turn out to be disasters.

Create an automated income source: Create an automated income source that takes care of the fundamentals. Put a business in place that runs 24/7 even while you’re sleeping, sitting on the beach, or playing with your kids.

Dictate Your Own life

It has never been more important than it is now to take back the control, and live life as defined by you. To learn more about how to take back the control, why don’t you head on to the original article.You will do well to start applying these principles to your daily life. Your life will never remain the same again.

The post Be The Only Script Writer Of Your Life appeared first on Lifehack.

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2jeiH2P via Viral News HQ