#I fucking love this GET HIM CAT
Text
i cant with this fucking cat, chat
#fanart#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin hotel#cursed cat alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor#stupid cat#nifty hazbin hotel#hazbin nifty#hazbin art#i love them so much#get this fucking cat AWAY FROM ME#i need to throw him off a building#affectionately
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
meow
#i feel like i should have made his ears a little bigger in th first pic. maybe ill go back and edit it later#GET WRINKLED IDIOT#i first thought of drawing him as a sphinx cat bc i looked at his third eye like hm... if he had wrinkles he could hide his eye#its also very fun imagining him wearing head coverings and hoods cause hes so fucking nakey#kinda makes me wanna draw him more... sphinxes are fun to draw. i kinda wanna make a sphinx design now <- loves designing characters#a thought i had while drawing this is that if only few had seen narinder before (like the lamb and previous vessels) then not many would#know what he looks like. since hes supposed to be death and the only time you see him is when you die and pass on i guess??#so i think it would be an interesting situation if the lamb just introduced narinder as some guy without telling anyone he is or used to be#the one who waits.. smth like a false idolatry situation so everyones like. oh wow our leader has been channeling the messages#of the one who waits for so long its almost like they have become death itself!! ^_^ and narinder is just. standing there#maybe if he gets enough power he can grow more eyes between his wrinkles like in his eldritch form. that would b cool#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#cotl fanart#my art#myart#doodles#the one who waits
693 notes
·
View notes
Text
you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
146 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay okay I agree with everyone talking about the possibility of Pluto finally getting to go to France and meeting Duke in one of his shows, but I now raise you: What if they met BEFORE and Duke was actually the one to tell him about France and the lights and everything. What if Duke were the reason he wanted to go there in the first place. What then.
#imagine if Duke at some did a tour or something and stopped some time in London#and they met there for some random ass encounter#also Pluto seemed pretty much more kinda angry and jumpy bc of the whole living w his father thing obviously so they’d probably have+#+the messiest first(s) encounters ever w yk Duke being naturally sassy n silly and Pluto in that fucking place just done w everything#bonus points if they at first kept bumping into each other comically coincidentally and they get practically destiny forced to get along#more bonus points if they end up meeting at night on some random ass rooftop and bc of this Duke starts calling him cat#aka the REAL origin of “mon minou”#imagine if Duke invited him to go there w him or something GOD the possibilities#I just kinda fucking created a whole fanfic here fuck don’t mind me I’m being delusional#almost everything in this is 99% impossible but I hate reality I don’t care#nevermore webtoon#duke nevermore#pluto nevermore#pluto x duke#pluke#cat in the hat#SOMEONE NAMED THE SHIP THAT AND I LOVE IT SOSOSO MUCH IM USING THAT FOREVER
115 notes
·
View notes
Text
EPISODE 2 AND 3 HAVE BEEN SOOOO FUN im already so emotionally attached to each of these characters.. if anything bad ever happens to any of them im killing everyone and then everyone.
#cw blood#cw vomiting#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#ARTHUR BENNETS DRY HUMOR IS SOOO FUCKIN FUNNY OH MY GOOODDD the sleepin upside down bit omg..#i love drawing him with just the same stoic expression. he is a stone cold pillar of ice to me. one that loves his little kitty kittyyyyy#i loved watching him work with emizel aswell the dynamic is SOO FUN#I LOVE THAT EMIZEL IS SO FOND OF CATS TOO LIKE RAAAHH THATS SO SWEET.. pepper is his favorite cat....#the part with him defending pepper was SO CUTE UGHH i love emizel he is so small and sharp and pointy AND YET#there is LOVE IN THAT BOYS MOSTLY DEAD HEART I TEEELLL YOU HWAT!!! and in other news:#i love love love the concept of 'royal shut-in gets lost in the big city' MY BABY BOY SHILOOO I ADORE HIMMMM#AND DEACON WAS SOOOO NICE TO HIM givin him a place to stay n helpin him dress up for the party and taking him around town to see the sights#im in love with deacon i love him soooo much. AND ALSO. ABOUT SHILO.#HE CAN EAT FOOOOOD LIKE SURE THE GARLIC GOT HIM BUT WE GGOOOTTA GIVE HIM A MILKSHAKE OR SMTH#LIKE I THOUGHT IN THE FIRST EPISODE WHEN HE SIPPED SODY N NOTHING HAPPENED. I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUSTA FLUKE#BUT NO ITS A PATTERN ITSA PATTERN HE CAN EAT FOOD!!! BABY BOY CAN EAT FOOOD!!!!!!! FEED HIM MORE FOOD!!! food is the best human creation#I HOPE MORE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO THESE BOYS. especially since. well. okay so ive seen the 4th episode. sigh.#like holy fuck. hey ep4? what the fuck? hey you just let that happen? what the fuck. what the FUCK. EPISODE 4. HEY WHAT THE FUCK#THAT DIDNT NEED TO HAPPEN. OH MY GOD. THIS BETTER END WELL. IN TWO WEEKS I KNOW YALLRE GONNA BE SCREAMIN TOO BC OHHH MY GLOD. WHAT THE FUCK#EPSIDOE FOUR STILL HAS ME FUCKED UP SO BAD OH MY GOD. I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT. HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHYYYYYY. NOOOOOOO!
84 notes
·
View notes
Note
Andrew and Neil on the amazing race
They were signed up the same season that they start playing on the same team to 'rehab their rivalry' to the public. Kevin saying it's a bad idea is 90% of why they agreed to it.
(Maybe the Moriyamas are willing to cut Neil some monetary slack % if he wins and gives all the money to one of Ichirou's charities also so they're determined to do that. Still, it's mostly Kevin saying it's stupid that makes them agree.)
The FBI are freaking out that Neil's running all over the entire world but also Browning cannot deny that Andrew and Neil have excellent on-camera chemistry.
They get orange as their team color and Andrew bemoans it because he thought he was done having to look at this particular eye-searing color but Neil vibrates with excitement.
Andrew is unbeatable at any and all trivia questions challenges, Neil can, will and has eaten anything.
There is one leg where the reward for coming in first is a delicious vegetarian meal and Neil intentionally gets them in second place because he will eat bull testicle no problem but will not eat that. Andrew's mild irritation over this is absolutely edited to look like a huge fight since it's the literal only inter-personal drama the team has the entire season. They absolutely start shit with other teams and do ZERO alliances and just continue to whiz right through the competition without any.
Andrew drives and can whiz through any technically difficult challenge, Neil gets them through any and all direction related issues through his foreign language abilities and also for some of the countries he's like "oh that's like two streets over. It's ice cream in the front and weapons shop in the back." He says this shit to the camera and no one knows if he's joking (he's not).
Andrew curls up in Neil's lap on quite a few flights just because he's having a bad time with that. Neil always just starts saying / doing things that just cannot be shown on TV to protect his privacy.
If Neil has to close his eyes and Andrew takes him by the hand as they go through a house of mirrors labyrinth challenge then no one says anything about it.
They win by a landslide the host comes up, "So how do you feel about Neil now?" Andrew just looks at Neil, "I hate every inch of him." he says and they walk off hand in hand to the great confusion of literally everyone.
Edit: Thanks @the-inner-musings-of-a-worm for the idea once again!
#Amazing Race x AFTG#Andreil#Ask#Maybe it's the 'Greatest Rivals' season#so it's all these people who fucking hate each other#Vs. the essentially married couple who love communicating via slight eyebrow movement#Yeah no shit they win by a landslide#They win almost every leg aside from the vegetarian feast#Andrew and Neil absolutely dedicate their second place leg to Kevin Day#“The queen lives here” someone says#“I thought Kevin was watching our cats?” Neil looks to Andrew who swats him with a slight smile#Has anyone watched Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race?#I imagine team Andreil having the same energy as the Goths#Only they don't get kicked out#Do they find a vicious rabbit halfway through?#Andrew looks at it and is just like: It's you Neil we have to take him home.#All For the Race AU
229 notes
·
View notes
Text
your honour theyre FAMILY
#qsmp#mishapen sketches#THE queers of all time#jaiden and cellbit matching explosion scars on different sides? yes plase#cellbit and jaiden number 1 roier fans#roier number 1 jaiden and cellbit fan#theyd kill for him he'd stop them from spiralling into insanity via self-imposed exile#i am SO happy that jaiden and cellbit are getting along#they love roier and he loves them so they love each other#but they're getting along outside of that too and ghghgh#jaiden choosing to trust cucurucho and cellbit telling her there will still be people there for her if she regrets anything she does.......#her giving him Hot Tips about what roier likes and showing him her house at bobby fields#id kill for them id die for them etc etc#tangentially related but what the fuck is up with their old lady who swallowed a fly motifs#spider bird and cat??#theyre each others predators but none of them are prey#last thing: jaiden and cellbit matching explosion scars#i said it before and it always needs to be said again#matching explosion scars!!!!!#ty for coming to my ted talk as you can see i am once again normaln't about some block people
191 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pretty sure my little man has a case of abundism affecting the marble tabby coat under all those white splotches
#random pet post#it really is a weird coat pattern#I'm never sure if I should describe him accurately as a white marked tabby or as the first impression people get of a black and white cat#love his little backward C's#I got all my other pets around the same time and they've been dying off one by one this last year or so#I'm down to just this 4yo kit and Bruiser#actually I'm not done whispering in the tags#pretty soon it's just gonna be me and this terrible little man against the world#and he gives me such weird problems you cannot even begin to imagine#took to the leash and harness without a bit of difficulty but I can't take him anywhere cuz he freaks out about people 500ft away#really difficult to find sitters for him cuz he gets so stressed about changes and waits until 3am to SCREAM#he's 17 lbs and wants to sleep on my chest 14 hours a day#took him on a work trip a week or 2 ago cuz of aforementioned petsitting troubles and some kind of wire got crossed#so instead of stress peeing in my laundry basket he now humps the nearest blanket covered limb to alert me of problems#he got scared of his water dish recently and is only now starting to get over it after 3 weeks of drama#he knocked it over last night and humped my leg while I tried to sleep to try and convey to me that he was thirsty#I'm thinking of getting a second cat and just fucking hoping that it'll be normal and maybe Prompto can target it for some of his weirdness
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
No one is talking about my favorite Pib moment from last episode where he is like "yeah, I try to hoist the mayor of this town, I place myself behind him and I hold him up" and everyone is like, aw, that's nice, and immediately Pib is like "yeah, I pickpocket him"
#i died#such a pib thing to do#shit fuck#shit#and also he only gets spider glue lmao#i love him#tiny little cat#tiny little bastard cat#neverafter#pib#puss in boots#dimension 20#d20
305 notes
·
View notes
Text
they say that if a murderer kills a murderer, the amount of murderers in the world remains the same. this is not applicable to Assassins Georg, who kills twenty murderers each day-
#This Post Is About John Wick.#hes so funny...#im watching the movies finally and theyre comedies lets be honest#adding him to my blorbos list...#i love how he's Genuinely so fucking badass#and keanu plays wick like a pathetic wet cat#like you've got this guy that has everyone scared shitless. he's baba yaga. he's death itself#hard cut to Death Itself and he looks like he's on the verge of tears#he looks like someone killed his do-#killed his-#well. You Know.#he's hyper competent and so cool and he's also just so pathetic somehow?#the ultimate meow meow...#dead wife... dead dog... dead friend... everyone out to get him#everyone so mean to him 💅#absolutely unprompted#sorry. im watching movies again#(valley girl voice) yah so eyeve just reeely been into moovays latelay <3#yall ever seen a movie? theyre So Good. movies my beloved#until theres a bad move. then its agony like never before felt#but there are so many good ones...#and i feel the need to Let The World Know every time i watch one! i will proceed to do so!
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Worm's Mother (2/3)
If I get to write this fic Leshy is both (1) the Main Character and (2) Literally A Worm Who Became God. Like he will be driving the plot, and the plot will be the Cat Takes the L and the Lamb suffers Religious Trauma.
CW: rotting corpses and descriptions of Leshy eating them. I'm sorry.
[Prev] / [Next]
His mother loved him. She would have told him if she didn’t.
He’d hatched into a cocoon of loam and root. His first bites, teeth still tender, had been of the sweet, sour, bitter nest around him. The darkness muted sound, but the warm pressure held his body safe sinew was wrapped in muscle, and soft carapace became chiton. He was kept patient by roots snaking through the soil for his teeth, sharper and stronger, to suckle on. In the dark, her heartbeat lulled him to sleep. When his claws were strong enough to dig, she gave against his touch.
Here, where loam touched clay.
Here, where the roots carried water.
Here, where Mother brought him blood.
The smell, the smell. The enlivened touch across his pallet, like cool water but sweeter, headier, thicker. He thought it was the roots, stupid worm, some incredible plant with red roots and black juice that ran so sweet he gobbled even the soil around the weeds.
He tunnelled up. He tunnelled out. He needed more.
He needed it until he bit into a kind of plant that would not shred (fabric, Shamura would tell him later), so he used his claws to tear into the fruit. The flesh. The flesh.
Fruit within fruit. Sweet within bitter. Tangy under salt. Textures his mind had no words for, a crunch that made all his infant eyes open for the first time, deep in the body of the great warm bloody dead plant-fruit he’d already eaten half of.
Ears, suddenly open without Mother’s embrace, wracked with sounds not from her or from him. If he wanted a fruit like this, so would others.
And if he was covered in its juice, others would eat him too.
He ripped the bones from the corpse and retreated back to mother. He dug deeper, and squirmed tighter, and never found the nest again (not that he had left much of it behind). But he did find a hollow where cold water pooled and no light came, and Mother did not warn him of anything save the swaying of the trees whose roots formed this burl in the ground.
He ate his bones. Like the fruit he’d torn them from, they were treasures wrapped in treasures. Soft meat, crunchy gristle, sharp and salty and when ground with his front teeth made his whole head vibrate before the deep dark butter within slid down his throat.
He slept after that first meal. Deeply. Safely. Mother protected him.
He went back to that grove (the battlefield, Kallamar would explain) several times, and brought bones back to the burl to eat and then sleep. The fruit was less good, less sweet, more pungent, kinda gross. He needed to dig a different path each time too, always too big after sleeping to squeeze back up the same way. Mother warned him with trembles, and sighs, and once a face-full of rancid (festering) water to stop retracing his path, to learn, and grow, and dig anew.
His legs sprouted, bringing misery. Thoroughly unexpected and unwanted, and Mother would not make the burl large enough for his new bones. It was not fair that the corpses’ bones had become his bones, no one had told him this would happen. The claws on his toes were not strong like the ones on his hands. They were not good for eating, or burrowing, or—no, scratching they were good for. Extremely good for. The scratching—oh the itching? Why itching?
His fur sprouted, bringing itching, and odor, but oh the scratching yes yes yes the scratching (the scritches someone else would say). Yes, all the time. So good. So, so, so good.
There was nowhere else to try his legs but the grove. The sun had turned the corpses putrid, and the flies had turned to maggots writhing in the last of the meat. Maggots were okay, like any other grub, but boring. No gristle, no grinding, no challenge. More bitter than meaty, and small. A snack. A boring, same-y, stupid snack.
He stood by accident, but mostly instinct. The sun was setting. There were no more fires. Fresh rain lay dewy on the trees and grass, covering the rancid smell of the blood where it was crusted under bloated corpses, no longer appetizing. He simply went from clicking his claws over strange thin loud cold stone (Kallamar would call it tempered steel with an oxidized finish. Shamura would call it shoddy.) to being taller than the corpse and the corpses around it.
Foot-claws were good for not falling, but that would take time and this time he fell and he shrieked and he kicked and now the bad-meat smell was his smell and EW. FUCK. DISGUSTING. HOLY SHIT I’VE BEEN EATING THIS?
The first time he saw birds fly was when he lay on his back in an unmentionable pile of viscera. The sky was the colour of an iris petal streaked with orange and pink. Thin white clouds like dandelion juice broke up the prism, and the black bodies of soaring corvids streaked by with open throats, echoing his own outraged trumpet.
He lay there for hours. Or maybe five minutes. He dug his claws into his mother and felt her ever-cool ever-present ever-real presence holding up his back and tail and legs and feet and arms and head, opened his mouth to the yawning expanse of new-evening stars in their crown of war-blackened treetops, and for the first time since his birth he laughed.
Two thousand years later, in a pumpkin patch and at the edge of twilight, Leshy will hear the birds and the trees and smell the green and the wet and feel the cool and present and real form of his mother beneath him, and for the first time since his fall and resurrection he will laugh.
But on that day, in the distant past, in a world he did not know and did not care to know of, the worm rolled over in the viscera to stand and gurgled as something stared back at him in the muck.
He blinked his yellow eyes at it. It blinked its green eye back.
Useless thing for a worm to have. A crown with a blinking green eye. No good for digging, or scratching, or chewing or eating.
He tried to eat it anyway.
No good.
But it felt good. And like that first mouthful of flesh, and that first glug of sweet blood, if it was good then it must be good.
So, he picked it up, and he put it on, and he walked (badly) from bloated corpse to dew-crisp grass, set his claws to digging, and vanished to show Mother.
Mother loved him. She would have warned him if she’d known.
[Prev] / [Next]
#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl green crown#cotl Leshy#would you love him if he was a worm?#Shout out to bleeding-seraphic you made a legit warrior out of this worm and I had to make a whole fucking backstory for him#bleeding-seraphic#gimmie a few weeks maybe we'll get to the real plot and Leshy can have his yellow cat#Until then it's sibling bonds heroism world saving and#Leshy straight up having the least mommy issues and the best time#like he's actually fucking chill#My mom? The literal fucking ground
31 notes
·
View notes
Note
HI JAY!! i just saw ur post abt giving u ideas as to what costumes to give nori and omg my brain automatically gave me an image
NORITOSHI AS CAT!!!! like with pink paws and white fur like in a onesie 😭😭 omg he would look sooo cuteeeeeeee aldoe he acts like a black cat but he physically he would suit a white cat's costume so much better omg imagine him with a pout complaining abt it like he wanted to be something else but u suggested that idea and he cant say no OWNFKDKDKKDDK
HI ROSE!! you're so fucking fr for this. i finished this so fast i felt like it wasnt enough so i messed around and doodled some more.. maybe i'll continue doing this with some of the costume ideas? who knows.
all i knows is how cute this cat boy is
[Doodles under the cut!]
hes.. he's so fucking cute as a cat... I see you're on the side that sees Noritoshi as cat like. interesting. I 100% approve.
I couldn't choose between black cat or white so I went with both and a mix... I fucking. I can't with your mind. it's so big. the pouting got me fucked up bro. you're so fucking fr.................
noritoshi is a very serious and very hard working heir. its why his toe beans are so tantalizing
#kamo noritoshi#noritoshi kamo#kamo noritoshi x reader#noritoshi kamo x reader#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#btw i love your enthusiasm and little bit there at the end#AND FUCK#YOU MADE MY BRAIN CHURN AND I GKHKHK#pouting noritoshi always fucking kills me and sends me to overdrive so i dedicate this to you rose#ALSO. I IMAGINE. NORITOSHI LIKING ANY KIND OF PHYSICAL AFFECTION IN GENERAL?? ESP IF HE TRUSTS YOU. like a cat. heh.#so even if hes upset/annoyed/embarrassed. hed still want your touch#i see him getting MORE upset and annoyed if you stop so i just. fucking die ig#merry october#<- my halloween tag?#???#illogicallyx#IF ANY OF YOU EVER WONDER WHY I ALWAYS COLOR CODE NORITOSHI WITH REDS AND PINKS. its bc of his blood manipulation.. heh. and why pink? bc#love. and hes cute in pink. fucking sue me damn
146 notes
·
View notes
Text
ILY FP 258
I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.
Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.
I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!
That's enough rambling, let's jump in.
There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.
But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.
A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.
This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.
I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.
There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.
As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.
Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.
And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.
How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).
He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.
He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.
And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;
For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.
I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...
Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.
But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.
I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.
I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.
And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.
Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.
#ILY Brainrot#ILY FP#ILY Spoilers#I Love Yoo#Kousuke Hirahara#Shinhye#idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore#and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name#so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol#alas#anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March#literally said 'It's all downhill from here'#which I take to mean til the timeskip#BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______;#i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it#Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____;#I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop#i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl#to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace#all the opportunities he lost#the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted#he lost himself in the process#or maybe he never even got to know himself#i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad#that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked#so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of#FUCKING DEVASTATED#I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
“If I could go back, one thing I would do / Try to unravel, cut down, and unscrew / The first double helix that links me to you”
Wow, get a load of these guys. What’s wrong with them?
Also song inspo if anyone would like it! It’s where the top quote is from!
#drawing Gus sad made me feel like I was kicking an already sad wet cat why do I do this to him#supposed to be a weird dream sequence thing about a year later after the Geosenge Incident#believe it or not this piece is about Gus learning to move on#like my thought is that Gus has been trying to move on but he keeps finding Lys’s stuff or references to him#and after dreaming of Lys burning up (literally) and not being able to save him#he wakes up and finds he’s holding Lys’s coat#which finally leads him to finding all of Lys’s stuff around his apartment and throwing it all in a box to get rid of#and it would end with him finally grabbing the photo of him and Lys#and finally cutting him out of it#anyway I love them so much#I NEED THEM IN PAIN AND TORTURED#Gus gets to be happy and moved on later I promise#Lys either got his ass immortal or is dead beneath the rubble 💙#idk what happened tho I heard one song and got locked in and had to draw toxic doomed pokemon yaoi#what the fuck is wrong with me?#yeah I have so many thoughts on those stupid guys fr#I WOULD LIKE THEM OUT OF MY BRAIN THO#PLZ LEMME GO I WANT OFF THIS TRAIN#professor sycamore#professor sycamore pokémon#augustine sycamore#lysandre pokemon#team flare lysandre#pokemon xy#Spotify#rainbowpufflez art tag
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
no because you see actually the fact that zelos hates kratos' guts is by far my favorite aspect of zelos. like like the whole betrayal thing and whatnot, honestly, can't relate man, sorry about what happened to you i guess buddy but personally i dont care i just dont
but then back when i found out through finally playing his route + watching tof2 tls that the guy will diss kratos at any given occasion i was taken with renewed appreciation for him. its just too good. (and actually, there are signs of it even before that. like when you run into kratos in sybak and supposedly zelos doesnt know him at all but he still takes a moment to loudly go "omg fuck this guyyyyy" once kratos has left the scene and it's just ertghrteguhireg. zelos actually makes a couple more efforts to have lloyd trust kratos as little as possible. meanwhile theres that character skit in the flanoir area where kratos warns lloyd that there may be "someone in his group with ill intentions be careful no i won't elaborate bye" or whatever. all while k and z are presumably routinely in voice chat arguing over kratos' ridiculous grocery list. what a mess. both of them.) i unironically love it fr. i think it both makes perfect sense from a character perspective, and is hilarious. also it's nice to have one dude be openly hostile towards kratos. what can i say, i live for drama.
so anyway im glad we can all agree that the iselia ranch is a missed opportunity for an absolute train wreck of a skit that should have have happened but didnt.
#it's the one time they can be together come onnnn. where is my one-sided magical swordsman cat fight :(((#tales of symphonia spoilers#kratos is my fave and i love it when he gets dunked on hes a stupid hoe and i thank zelos for his efforts in reminding everyone of that fac#also i cannot for the life of me forget how#colette's flanoir scene is her telling lloyd how amazing kratos is#zelos' heimdall scene is him telling lloyd how much of a fuck up kratos is#and in both instances lloyd seems to have a more positive opinion of kratos afterwards#zelos i dont think you're very good at this#(SAME SHIT HAPPENS IN TOF2 IIRC. zelos starts digging up dirt on kratos. lloyd pries answers out of kratos. kratos explains.#“wow kratos thank you so much for everything you've done for us”#drghdsgtfudsg if i were zelos i'd be fuming. i'd betray the group again over this#(to be fair i think they (colette especially?) do thank zelos for all his behind-the-scenes work as well. but still))#(kon it's been three days why are you still thinking about this)#kratos is where dismissive/manipulative parental figure and betrayal-generated guilt collide#for zelos#for the sake of his own sanity he cannot see kratos get away with (or worse; obtain forgiveness for) any of this shit IT CANT HAPPEN
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
soft spot
#this is rushed#seidou takizawa#t-owl#havwnt used tumblr in a hot sec how do i tag#uhhhhhhhhhhh#suzuya cat#tokyo ghoul#gay people possibly#spreading my agenda#i hate drawing that stupid fucking cloak#i love him sm. hes my bbg#sorru to all my friends whove been getting walls of text explaining why hes an interesting character xxx#uhjm#seidou takizawa tokyo ghoul#i feel like an old man#im lost
83 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
dreadwolfiscoming
I feel Dragon Age in this Chili's tonight.
wintersautoservice3
Winter's Auto Service
everyteenager4free1
Every Teenager 4 Free Reuploads
actualbampot
Someone's Tired Art Dump
obkkseeker
obkkseeker