#I almost turned us into some geese once (bad) and his reaction was OH BIG BAD BOYS before he corrected for me. lel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years

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hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist.

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right??

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless......

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :(((( )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho)

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

#literally if you got through this i just respect you #this is mainly just for the people who sent me an ask in the past few mask #i hope your ask is in here :)#sorry for everybody else #ask #bataranswers #this took me 4 hours to do so i hope youre happy #also sidenote #does anybody know the latin translation for 'to become'#bc i just used future of 'esse' but it could be a different verb #who cares tho latin is a dead language #big congratulations to everyone who translates my sentence #here's a bonus sentence: tuam matrem futueram

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arcadeghostadventurer · 4 years

Photo

that’s it, that’s the fic.

Untitled Goose Fic

x find on AO3 x

That wandering pillow stuffing on two flappy feet keeps stealing Tony's tools. Too bad the little shit is hiding them in Steve Rogers' garden because Steve definitely hates Tony.

He does, right?

------------------------------------------------

“No! I will roast you for Thanksgiving! Hell, I will roast you for a completely insignificant mid-week lunch you-” Tony stands back up as the surprisingly agile goose makes it off with his screwdriver, ducking under the table as it runs away. For the third time that day.

“Geese don’t use screwdrivers!” Tony shouts after it, halfheartedly, “You don’t even have opposable thumbs!”

The goose doesn’t turn around. Naturally, since geese would never admit to understanding something as pathetic as spoken language.

He looks after the waddling white bum, slowly disappearing in the distance. Oh well, he has other screwdrivers.

It isn’t until Tony catches the fat feathery fury of hell making off with an entire bundle of fiber optic cable that he fully recognizes the extent of the crimes committed by this goose.

“No! No!! You rotund little shit! Come back- Ow!”

Unfortunately not only he is too late to realize the culprit, but he is also under a car. And so, before Tony can recover from bumping his head and free himself from under the chassis, the goose is gone. So is his brand new cable.

“Fuck you,” mutters Tony, looking after him once again. He rubs his forehead.

He lost about a hundred dollars worth of cable and gained one lump on his head. Now exactly a fair trade, if you ask him. ---

He’s had it. A goose is a glorified duck. Tony will not hear anything else on this matter. Also a goose definitely does not need one flat head and three Phillips head screwdrivers; two pliers, one needle nose and one grooved; a roll of blue painter’s tape, in mint condition; wire cutters; one putty knife; one medium sized hammer and two bananas.

All right, maybe he could let go of the bananas. The little dude, or dudette, has probably already demolished what was supposed to be Tony’s attempt at starting healthy eating habits three weeks ago.

But the other stuff? No way.

So, here is the plan.

The goose must be taking this stuff somewhere. This is almost a one-man organized crime at this point. The bird must have a stash and that stash must be somewhere in this little town.

Maybe Tony’s attempts at goose-proofing the garage haven’t been too successful; considering, as a mechanic, he has to wheel in and out cars, sometimes tractors and hefty motor blocks of farming equipment. Some part of the garage has to open up and that opening has to be big. But, there is nothing holding him from following the goose and finding the little offender’s stash of stolen goods.

He is surprised, really, that he hasn’t thought of this before. He’s a genius. Supposedly. Self-proclaimed but still... It’s just that, the monotone but deafeningly loud and repetitive honks of the creature are so damn disheartening that he just… Gave up. Before even trying.

Yeah, that really doesn’t sound like Tony Stark.

So, he will wait and he will follow. Because if there is one thing he knows, it’s that that goose cannot resist the sweet, sweet call of free knick-knacks that are absolutely of no use to it. ---

And Tony is right. The waddling bundle of doom approaches, honking and being a general nuisance. It doesn’t even try for stealth as it grabs a long strip of discarded chain and totters away.

Tony gets up, downs his coffee and follows.

He has made the calculations. Ran the numbers. The goose cannot be hiding its stolen goodies anywhere too far. First of all, it’s a goose. With short legs. And it has been seen stealing stuff that was too heavy for it to fly with. Second of all, it’s always around. So considering the time it would need to steal, leave, stash and come back; it’s probably hiding its stuff in some unseen but not unreachable and definitely not far away place.

Under a hedge, possibly. Or in a ditch.

Most likely it’s someone’s garden or barn.

And wouldn’t that be the best. He might not be exactly friendly with a lot of people but it is a small town and he is the only mechanic. So if the goose is hiding his stuff in someone’s garden, he’ll just knock on their door and retrieve his stuff. Done.

He strolls down the little path after the toddling white bum, listening to the sound of the chain rolling on the ground without paying much attention to where he’s actually going.

That is, until the jangling of the chain is dulled by grass and the white feathery bum disappears between someone’s broken garden fence. But not just anyone’s garden fence. Oh no. Because Tony Stark’s life cannot be without drama and complications once, even in a remote little town like this.

That little expressionless harbinger of doom, that pint sized behemoth, Tony’s peanut-brained personal devil choose Steve Rogers’ garden to stove away his embezzled tools.

Well, Tony is not going to be knocking on that door anytime soon. He knows for a fact that the guy hates his guts. Since day one. Not that there had been any other day apart from day one but… Well. Oh well.

He could… Sneak in?

Yeah, and just further establish the idea that he is a fucking creep in the man’s eyes.

He stands there for a couple minutes under fading daylight, with a defeated expression on his face before turning around and leaving for his garage. Maybe he should go back to his ideas for cutting-edge anti-goose technology. ---

Steve knows exactly how the high-end, diamond tipped cutter came into his house and from where. And the screwdrivers. And the pliers. And the tape.

The entire roll of unused cable that he has no idea how that goose ever dragged through his fence.

The problem is that he’s pretty sure he made the mechanic hate his guts the first time they met.

He got defensive and well… Some needlessly rude things had been said and assumptions had been made. By Steve. Because Steve is great at acting without thinking apparently.

Well. What happened had happened and Steve should have apologized when he had the chance. But now, after so much time, it would be weird to go to the guy’s house and apologize.

And it would also be weird to act like nothing happened. Which, at this moment, really doesn’t solve his problem of hoarding the man’s equipment in his own house.

He probably doesn’t even remember you, says a little voice in his head, he probably hasn’t even lingered on it like you do, forgot about it the moment you had left.

It’s just that, sometimes it’s still hard for Steve to remember he has grown, both literally and figuratively, and possibly more than doubled in weight. He’s… Well, decent looking now. Not a scrawny little kid. On the outside, at least. Inside is a whole another matter.

So in the end, it had taken his tired-to-the-bone-from-moving brain about three days to realize the mechanic hadn’t been making fun of him when they had been introduced but instead, had been kind of hitting on him. Possibly. Or he is just friendly like that. But Steve is ready to bet the guy had been flirting. With him. Maybe.

And now it’s too late to do anything about it, Steve thinks to himself ruefully. At least he doesn’t own anything that requires a mechanic, really. That, he thinks, had to have been enough to escape from the possible mortification of facing the guy again.

And frankly, when Steve had kind of adopted the town criminal, the goose, how could he have known that the animal would have… Done this! Out of all things a goose could ever do! This!!

“Honk! Hooonk!!”

“I heard you buddy, I’m on it,” Steve slowly rises from his chair and leaves his brooding aside to open his door.

There, stands the goose, with a chain hanging from its beak. It happily waddles inside once Steve steps aside and drops the chain onto its pile.

“Honk!”

“Stealing is bad, you know?” Steve looks at it accusingly.

Goose just honks again.

Steves checks out the frankly impressive pile of tools and knick-knacks the big bird carried into his house over the course of weeks. He sighs, he needs to do something about this. He needs to be brave. He can take his stuff to the guy. He can-

Or, maybe he can just mail it!

He slumps. The guy lives fifteen minutes away. He really couldn’t have come up with a more offensive way of returning the stuff and making the situation even more uncomfortable. He could even add a note. Hey remember how rudely I turned you down the first time we met? Well I still don’t want to see your face, just so you know.

Steve sighs and goes to set out some vegetable scraps for the little rascal. He looks at the goose as it gobbles down the carrot peels, “You started this mess and you fix it!”

And then he thinks, maybe, maybe it really could. Yup, this is definitely going to be the best way of testing the waters. Steve is a genius. ---

Tony is pacing his garage. He needs his 3mm plier that is somewhere in Steve Rogers’ garden. He cannot go there. He has ordered a new one but the two day shipping is… Well, two days away. And he just has nothing else to do but pace and think.

He’s about to go crazy. Just a little more pacing and thinking and he will be intellectually stunted forever, only being able to think about Steve Rogers.

Steve Rogers the artist. The polite, kind, attractive, whose angelic aura enticed even that little white beast of hell and he’s just so-

Okay, no going down that road. He did it once already. And he’s still pacing. Tony’s feelings and opinions about Steve Rogers are not the answer to this dilemma.

He needs the opposite. Needs to think about what Rogers thinks of him. Which, from his reaction was when they met, isn’t really anything pleasant.

It’s just that Tony, being Tony, hadn't been able to say no to flirting with the handsome stranger. It’s not like they get new blood in this town that often. And definitely not of that caliber. Rogers had looked good, coming out of the little store with groceries, biceps swelling with the weight of the bags. Face open and hopeful. Tired, but hopeful.

And Tony is only human. And gay. So sue him.

Rogers hadn’t looked like a bigot then, and with all that he has heard about him, Tony doesn’t think he’s one either. Maybe he’s straight. A huge possibility. But that alone still doesn’t explain his hostility.

Tony wants to say maybe Rogers saw into him that day, somehow knew Tony’s track record. The short and failed relationships. The bad decisions and the mistakes. Just how Tony failed to make any partner happy, failed to be enough so that they would stay...

But that’s ridiculous. Right?

Right. So he paces, and thinks maybe he could ask his regulars to ask around and one of them is bound to know Rogers and they can be a middleman to-

“HONK!”

Tony jumps.,

“HOOONK!!”

“What now, you little- Oh!”

The goose is waddling around in the open areas of his garage, its little orange feet making cute flapping sounds on concrete. But weirdly enough, it doesn’t seem to be stealing anything. On the contrary, it’s just… Waddling. Around. Hmm...

Getting closer to the goose, Tony realizes there is a red ribbon tied in a neat bow around his neck. From this ribbon dangles a piece of paper.

To Tony Stark.

Tony looks to the left. Then to the right. Then for good measure, he pokes his head out of the garage and looks around. There is nobody.

He looks back at the goose. Well, somebody was able to tie that around its neck, so it must be safe to take it off, right?

“If you bite me, and I mean it, even if you just, peck me a little, I’m taking you right to the butcher’s shop.” ---

Steve comes back to his house and his incriminating balled up papers, hiding and evading the town people throughout the whole way. And he’s already having a freak-out about just how much he has overshared in what was supposed to be a tiny note saying “Hey, I have your things I think, would you like to pick them up or would you like me to bring them over.”

But no Steve had to go and be all hopelessly romantic and embarrassing and overshare. At least he didn’t outright say stuff like your eyes are beautiful or you’re really confident and I don’t know how to talk to you or… Yeah.

And obviously he wouldn’t be able to trust the dumb (however cute and waddly) bird to find its way directly to the mechanic’s garage so he had all but grabbed the goose and went over to the place himself. Had set the goose back on its feet from the side of the garage door and ran away like a kid. Well, there had been some peeking, but he couldn’t risk being caught.

All in all, he’d give himself 10/10 for planning, 10/10 for execution and like… 3/10 for the contents note itself. So it all averaged to something passable. Hopefully.

The worst thing is that Tony Stark was as intimidatingly and effortlessly handsome as he remembered. Steve hadn’t been able to stop peeking at him as he gingerly taking off the ribbon around the goose’s neck. He had been in a black tank top; his slightly tanned and toned arms flexing as he fiddled with the bow. He had wiped his hands on an already grease stained fabric before opening the note.

And then Steve had ran away.

Now, back in his house, Steve sits down and puts his face in his hands. He can literally feel just how blushed his cheeks are from the warmth. But, what’s done is done. He cannot really take it back now. The mechanic’s tools are in a paper bag by the door, in case he just, you know, wants to take them and leave. Steve wouldn’t want to make him wait.

And Steve hates to wait himself, but there is really nothing else left to do. ---

Tony wears a shirt and then realizes what he’s doing and takes it off. He’s not wearing a button up shirt to walk fifteen minutes,get his tools and come back. That’s a little too much. A little.

He does trim his beard though. Looking put together never hurt anybody. Definitely a plus, if you’re going to see the guy you’ve had a crush on for over a month. For the second time. After a total fucking disaster.

It’s been really hard. Moving. Leaving a big city like New York and coming to a small town. Wondering if it will work out, if you’ll be able to make it. Get used to it. But staying in Brooklyn had became harder and harder after I had lost my mother. But also I had never lived anywhere else before. All my life; the same neighbourhood, same faces, same places...

I had been tired and irritable, Steve had written. I owe you a very late apology, he had said. I have, what I assume is, all of your lost tools and I would like to return them if you’re not against seeing me again.

Tony is clearly very against the idea, seeing that he’s changing his t-shirt for the fourth time instead of just leaving his house like a normal person.

Also, Steve had called the goose, the town criminal, without specifying that he was talking about the bird, which will always be written as about 10 points in his corner. Even if this thing doesn’t work out. It

He’s stalling. He’s stalling so much.

He checks himself out in the mirror one last time. Fixes his hair and washes his hands once again. The grease under his nails will never be fully gone probably but he can try. Make an effort. Yeah.

When he makes it to the edge of Steve’s picket fence, the goose is already inside. Right at the door, sitting on the doormat with its face tucked under its wing, seemingly dead to the world. Once Tony opens the garden gate however, it starts screaming its little head off. And the door opens before Tony has any time to psych himself up.

Steve Rogers comes out shining golden under the late afternoon sun and complaining, “I just fed you!”

“Yeah, a microphone it seems like,” Tony cringes as soon as the words leave his mouth. Yes Tony, amazing, insert your foot a little bit deeper into your mouth.

Steve startles and looks at him, clearly not expecting to see him, but then he laughs and it’s all Tony can do at that moment is not to slump in relief.

Steve clears his throat, “I will go get your, uh- Tools? Yes. Just a sec-” He disappears behind the door as the goose squeezes inside beside his leg.

Tony is left all by himself in front of the door, suddenly feeling disappointed. Well, what did he expect? ---

Once inside, Steve slumps against the door frame for two seconds, needing to regroup. This is harder than he thought it would be and Tony looks better than he has any right to with his perfect curl falling on his forehead and his perfect facial hair and- Well, at least he didn’t bring up the note, or the delivery method, Steve thinks, not that he gave him any time to speak.

Steve takes the hefty bag of tools into his hands. Takes a deep breath. Now or never, now or never, he repeats from inside, be brave for yourself for one second.

He opens the door again and Tony is there, standing a polite distance away from the steps. Steve extends the bag, “Here you go. This is all that I could find, though, if you have anything else missing-”

“Thank you, thank you. Well, yeah, I think I’ll be fine,” Tony looks at him with a clipped smile.

Now or never, now or never.

“Hey, you know, if you ever lose anything you can,” Steve can feel his blush rising, “well, call?” ---

“I don’t have a phone.” What? What?! If there was ever a good time for a meteor to fall onto me and just onto me, now is it, Tony thinks.

“Oh,” Steve deflates.

“No!” Tony shouts, making both of them flinch. Then schools his voice into something more appropriate, “I mean I didn’t,” he flails, pointing up the hill he came from, “my house is just over there so, I don’t know, I didn’t think I’d need it honestly. So I can’t really- I mean, your number- I can give you mine?”

“Oh, yeah, sure. Just let me-” Steve disappears back into the house and comes back with his phone, gives a little nod, “Mhm?”

So Tony gives Steve his number. Steve sends him a text. After a polite goodbye he leaves, clutching his tools to his chest and all but runs back to his house. He throws the bag onto his work table on his way up and immediately goes searching for his phone.

He giggles as he reads the message, “Hi! This is Steve the goose-sitter.” ---

A Couple Of Months Later

“Steve!! If you don’t come pick up your live pillow stuffing, you’re going to see it under the cloche for tonight’s dinner.”

Steve laughs, honest to God laughs at him and his misery on the phone, “Like you know how to cook.”

Tony sputters, phone in hand and eyes locked onto the little criminal currently pat-pat-ing greasy footprints all over his beautiful and once clean car. With a harmonica in its beak.

Aimless chaos, that’s what it is.

He sighs, “That was cruel and you know it but I’ll let it go if you come here and give me a kiss.”

“Tony, I have one more lesson, just one more and then I’m home, okay babe?”

Tony grinns giddily. Okay, maybe he’s a little head over heels here but at least he knows he’s not the only one.

As Steve had predicted, the goose kept stealing his tools. And kept stashing them in Steve’s house. And Tony just kept… Going back to retrieve them. In time it became Steve coming over to drop off some things Tony had not yet realized gone missing and staying to chat for a bit. Or Tony realizing things were missing and going to Steve’s house for a coffee, waiting for the goose to come from parading his stolen goods around.

They talked about Steve’s moving adventures first. Then his reasons; his Ma’s illness, losing her at the hospital and his best friend overseas and looking around Brooklyn to see pain everywhere. And in turn Tony told his own story, about leaving a busy life with three cities in one day, shareholder’s meetings, inventing with strict deadlines on endless budget that got quite unfulfilling really quickly.

And then they talked about more personal details. Steve’s insecurities from when he was dealing with asthma and was as thin as a stick that never quite left. Tony’s inability to pay attention to anybody or anything but his craft for more than two seconds that drove all his ex-es away.

Steve had smiled at his berating, “You’ve been here for three hours now.”

“And? Should I- Oh.” Tony had blushed, “Well, yeah.”

Somewhere along the way, it had become this.

Tony knows Steve will come over after he’s done teaching kids how to draw and will give him as many kisses as he wants and then a little bit more. He will cook because Tony really cannot but helps by providing any ingredient Steve needs for his recipes, no matter how obscure. They will sit in Tony’s little kitchen and chat and eat and kiss a little bit more. And when Steve gets up to go home, his overgrown duck with itsy-bitsy razor teeth will follow him back home loyally.

But there is still an hour and then some until that can happen.

“I am not cleaning your weird misshapen dog though,” he sulks into his phone.

Steve chuckles, “That’s alright Tony, I have to go now, I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Yeah, okay, love you.”

“Love you too.”

#i really liked writing this fic so now yall get double fic #stony #stony fic #stony fanfic #tony stark #steve rogers #stony ficrec #ao3 #untitled goose game au #fic stuff #my fic #gimmi love

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aabaker1 · 5 years

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Costume Quest Season One Part Two

A few days have passed since the rest of Costume Quest season one dropped, but I’ll stick to the Spoiler routine just in case.

Brief non-spoiler thoughts. Wow, this was good. They didn’t do a couple of things I thought they would, they did do a couple of things I thought they would, but in ways I didn’t expect that were ten times better. And I got at least one thing spot on.

Anyway, the rest below the cut off.

Oh, wow did that get epic. I admit it started off a bit week and there were some odd things I didn’t quite get behind. Since when does the president of a candy factory run a town? Okay yeah, Auburn Hollow is literally a factory town, but I’m pretty sure they would elect a mayor and city council at some point. Also, since when is a company president chosen in a public election? I get that they needed to put the nougat supply in Bob’s hands, but yeesh. Anyway from here on episode by episode.

Breaker/Breaker:

Yeah, the plots for this one and Factory Tour were spoiled by IMDB. Still, nice to see how they played out. I like to see Everette getting super serious about his dad. This does lead to the lead to the standard-issue with shapeshifters becoming, vehicles, though. Um, you do realize you’re riding inside someone's body, right?

Also, since when do people get seasonal allergies for a day or two at most? Okay, Nougat is a mineral that can be processed into candy. Okay, fine. But, now it’s also a crystal that can reflect sunlight and make a rainbow? Look, can we just pick a method of making science cry and stick to it, please?

Factory Tour:

Yeah, IMDB spoiled Oona as the dragon, but it was still nice to see her in action. It was also nice seeing Wren get a taste of humble pie. Hmm, you know Ren, maybe the hundred plus-year-old monster hunter who can become a dragon doesn’t need your help? Just a thought.

Stuck in the Middle with Toots:

Sigh, yeah I know Wren had to learn not to put too much faith in idols. But, I was really pulling for Rudy to be a decent person, here. It’s not to see Wren give someone the benefit of the doubt, even though it came back to bite her in the end.

Scout’s Honour:

What...was this? We see Reynold’s role as secret-keeper wear on him and Norm cover for him, okay, that’s fine. But, Reynold retreats to the history wing of the factory again? I thought we covered this, already. Plus Scout just comes out of nowhere. And we’re stuck with a cliche plot about someone making a friend, only to have the friend betray them the first time an opportunity comes along. Scout’s design was nice though, gave me an old school Real Monsters! vibe with the foot hands.

But, am I the only one thinking Reynold dumping her on an island was massively out of character for him? Okay, yeah desperation moment, but still. Though the woman’s reaction to Reynold and Scout in the bathroom was priceless. Also, good call going with healthy snacks, Reynold. Especially since everyone’s been binging on nougat for the whole show.

Schmooz Cruise:

Okay, I’ll just say it. I thought this was going to be Lucy’s mom going on a singles cruise and Lucy getting jealous. Turns out it was Everette getting jealous of Benji. It’s a nice Iron that Everette, who is the tallest of the four, is also the most prone to act childish. And it’s nice to see him start to grow out of it. Also, I was wondering when that girl was gonna show up, I mean she’s in the opening credits. Hey, Lucy gets in on the crossplay with Wren. And she makes a fine pirate, though it looks like the Gorton’s Fisherman has let himself go a bit. :) And is it me, or is Reynold having far to much fun with that merman costume.

Perfect Vision:

I had no idea what to expect with this one going on. Nice to see the kids getting creative with the costumes to campaign for Oona. But, then we go into another cliche plot, this time someone having a vision and becoming paranoid about it. Someone should have told Lucy you can’t force fate.

A couple quick points. We got a tease of Lucy’s mom being a monster. And it’s nice to see that Lucy would be cool with it. Though we get some foreshadowing with Ren’s attitude. And did Lucy not catch Wren threatening her mom, or is Lucy just used to Wren? How the heck does an ice cream give itself brain freeze? And Wren plays up the stereotype that geese are evil. Also nice to see those two monsters again. They seem to be a bit of a couple, which is an unexpected bit of character growth.

Dragon’s and Dry-cleaners:

Once again, Wren’s recklessness comes to bite her. And we finally get Oona’s personality as a jaded loner who doesn’t think she needs anybody. I really thought Wren was going to learn a lesson here, but no. That was saved for later on. Still, cool fight scene.

In the mouth of Badness:

Buckle up, kids, here we go. The rest of the episodes are a straight shot to the finale. They almost pull a 24 here. It’s such a shame that it had to start on a sunch a mediocre note. I mean seriously, an eating contest? It was basically an excuse to resolve Scout’s plot, but at least it’s nice to see that Bob can be too arrogant for his own good. But, the main fight, inside of Bob’s mouth? I mean just why? That was some major cringe material, especially for people who are allergic to bee stings.

Deal With It:

And this gets real, quick Nice touch calling back to the Fun Room. I knew Ren using the doggy door would bite her eventually. It’s nice to see Norm step up and get active, though he’s not really good at it, or making deals to help people.

And the secret is blown, in the worst, way possible. I honestly wonder what Reynold was thinking in that moment. Not hard to know what Wren was thinking. But, it’s nice to see that Everette and Lucy were willing to be reasonable. And really nice to see Norm get some action. Speaking of action...

Sibling Showdown:

I felt fairly cathartic when I read the title of this one. I knew Wren’s bossy, aggressive, attitude would push Reynold too far at some point. And it’s nice to see Reynold actually hold his own, here. He may not be all that good with the physical stuff, he’s been living with Wren his whole life, he knows what buttons to push. Sadly, I thought the two would hug it out here. I should have known Wren could never let something go so easy.

What about Norm?:

But, it did lead to this nice episode. Wren starts off in practically a berserker rage. I love that that had to dump her in the fun room just to get her to listen. So now we get Norm’s backstory. It’s nice seeing the original four kids, again. But, really, Oona’s the only one we get to see out of costume? I know budget limits and all, but would it have killed you to at least give us a glimpse of the other three? Man, Norm had a harsh life. And if people didn’t hate Bob before, they do now. Also only Oona gets pissed at Norm, the other three see angry Oona and just nope out of the whole thing. Honestly, both Wren and Oona give me a bit of a Lucy vibe. I just wonder if that was intentional. And Lucy finally realizes how dumb she was being. It’s nice to see them make up and also nice to see Wren’s tantrum come back to bite her. “Uh, where’s Reynold?” “Oh, crap.”

O Grubbin, Where Art Though:

Not that Reynold needed any help. I admit I thought Lucy would use her Edit form to start a grubbin uprising, but no, leave it to Reynold to think his way out of a problem. The two monsters Lucy made friends with are back and Oona finally starts to thaw a bit. Nice to see Rudy get a big damned heroes moment, even if it did get him grubbinized. And it’s especially nice to see Reynold throw Bob’s arrogance back in his face. But, this is only the wind-up to the final act...

All Hallow’s Eve:

Hoo boy, did they pull out all the stops? Wren learned that you shouldn’t put your faith in idols, but she also learns that sometimes people can surprise you. And the kids left their best battle costumes home. Hey, at least this way it gives them time to spend a few moments with their parents and Oona and Norm a chance to settle things. I pretty much knew Oona was going to be the friend Norm lost. But it’s still touching to realize that Oona never forgot Norm, even if she never forgave him.

Okay, brief quality time moments. Wren and Reynold carving a pumpkin together. Wren could never quite spit out an I’m sorry, but in the end she didn’t need to. Reynold gets her. Also nice to see the mom warning about no fighting and the twins looking very sheepish. If she only knew.

Nice to see that Everette has gotten over Benji’s girlfriend. And it also shows that Benji hasn’t grown up too much, while Everette has grown up just enough. I Wonder if that Masked Rider costume is going lead into anything?

And now my favorite moment of the whole episode, maybe the whole series. Lucy and her mom sit down and hash things out. And Lucy reveals all. The mom just thinks she’s playing pretend of course, right up until Lucy turns into Edit. Yeah, there’s no real arguing with that. Also, Lucy just turned into a monster and told her mom she and her friends are going to battle monsters for the fate of the entire world and the mom’s immediate response is, you know it’s getting chilly out, maybe take a jacket? It’s not as bad as it seems. The mom just had a traffic jam in her head at that moment and that happened to be the first thing that worked itself loose. I just wish we could have seen the talk they had later.

And factory Brawl! In this corner, four kids, an old woman with magic costumes and a friendly monster with a lot of determination. And in this corner, a factory load of monsters with an unlimited supply of power-ups. Even though it was obvious this wouldn’t go anywhere, it was still cool as hell.

Also, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself! That gag will never get old. It looks like Oona was doing a little prep work. And Norm finally gets to follow in father’s footsteps with the portal juice. Also, wren taking a page from Reynold’s book and using her head, nice touch.

And Rudy pulls a double, shutting off his own movie premier and rallying the kids to the amusement park. Of course, Wren points out they don’t have a bunch of magic costumes for them. But, then Lucy remembers Mr. Elephant. Now, I thought they would go giant robot, here. But, they did one much better. Turning the park rides into king-kong sized versions of the original costumes, much cooler. Is it me, or did Bob kinda go down like a chump a little bit? He got in a little defense, but not a whole lot of offense. Still, it was the culmination of the kids working together and Bob’s arrogance getting the better of him. Anyone else think the portals weren’t open for very long? How are they supposed to organize an invasion when they have access to their reinforcements for an hour tops?

And a new day dawns. Nice to see everybody getting on with life. Oona and Norm in the factory, the kids commenting on the cool monster fight. And Rudy and the other two Grubbins are still around. Can that blonde kid ever catch a break?

Wow, this was epic But, there’s something I’ve got to wonder. Lucy told her mom the truth and proved it. A theater full of kids and at least one teenager participated in a giant monster fight. And pretty much half the town saw four park rides get up and beat down a giant monster. So, is the lid off at this point? I mean it’s going to take some CIA level covering up to put this genie back in the bottle. Also, are Wren, Reynold, Everette, and Benji going to have conversations of their own with their parents?

Well, that’s all for now. Looking forward to Heroes on Holiday next month. Now I know it’s a Christmas special, which are usually standalone stories because networks usually play them at holiday time instead of the regular rotation.

But, this is Amazon Prime and that rule doesn’t apply anymore. It could be a standalone story, or it could follow up on All Hallow’s Eve. And this a possibility it could do more.

Now, I know that this is a totally different continuity from the games, but still my mind goes to three words. Grubbins on Ice. An expansion of the first game that is set at Christmas time and sees the kids dragged to Repugia. I don’t know if Costume Quest has earned a second season, or not. But, it makes you think. It’s awfully convenient they picked a Christmas special. Anyway, if there is a season two I just hope we don’t have to sit around and wait seven months for the second half. That did not work, at all!

#costumequest #costume-quest #double-fine #Amazon-Prime

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thelastarchangelaskblog · 5 years

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DJ & Zira & Tony

Another chat on the way to Briarbane with an injured Clint in our cart! This one features some hurt feelings and apologies.

Thanks @rebaobsessions and @thechaoticwave for your help with formatting!

Tony & Zira’s Chat Charcoal as Breakfast

Tony & Rhodey’s Chat Tony & Luna

Tony & Rhodey Compile a List Clint & Tony

The Trouble with Two Tonys Rhodey & Bob(Tim)

Rhodey & Bob(Tony) About Death (Tony & Zira)

Rhodey & Zira (and Tony) Pre-Campaign Tony & Rhodey

DJ & Zira Bob(Tim) & Luna

DJ & Tony DJ & Tony & Rhodey

Rhodey & DJ

(Read more.)

A little after talking to Tony and storming off, Zira is...not feeling great. So she turns to a well-loved book. Walking beside the cart, rereading stories she already knows by heart, her mind drifts to old friends. And she stumbles a bit, curses, and jogs up next to DJ.

Zira: DJ. We are talking now. Holding your bloody and unconscious form was unpleasant, but I can deal. But I know there have been some...cultural differences, so I imagine you are unused to the experience of being hit until you fall unconscious.

DJ just stares at Zira, a bit bewildered.

DJ: (eloquently) Uhh. I'm sorry it was unpleasant for you?

Zira: NO! I am attempting sympathy for you. It is clearly not working.

Zira: >:/

DJ: I...I already knew you were upset, Zira. You don't have to force yourself into a role you are uncomfortable with for my benefit. Heck, if anything I should be the one thanking you. You saved my life.

Zira: No!! That is my JOB! There is no need for thankfulness. My friend did this and it worked much better.

DJ: Okay, first of all, I don't care if it is your (and he makes air quotes) job or not. You saved my life, and I am gonna thank you for it. So thank you. Second, I don't need you to be anything like anyone else but you. You are My friend, Zira. I only need you to be you. Not your friend or anyone else you are not. I like you the way you are.

Zira actually jerks back a bit at the word “friend.” She brings her book up, almost like a shield.

Zira: ...So you are sure you require none of the...pep talking?

DJ pulls his quarterstaff down and uses it, from his seat on the wagon, to gently push the book down, smiling.

DJ: Tony and Rhodey both gave me a pep talk. You and I both know they are really good at that. It doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you. But...you don't have to try and cheer me up. Especially if you aren't feeling cheerful yourself.

Zira: They are good at it. ...I feel...bad. I lost my temper with Tony. It wasn’t fair to him. He had done nothing to incur my wrath.

DJ: Then apologize to him. I mean I was hiding from him for a while, even though I knew he was worried so I'm not exactly guilt free either. But I explained and he understood. I'm pretty sure if you explain he will understand, too. Who did you want to wrath at?

Zira: ....

Zira: It. Goes against a lot of. What has been taught, but i suppose.. fight or flight is named aptly. I feel. Incredible anger. I want them to leave me alone. I want to eat chocolate. I want to read fairytales. I...I love this book. Someone very kind gave it to me. Do you understand? If I ever left it behind, I would always come back.

DJ blinks for a minute, cocking his head to the side, obviously thinking over what Zira has said.

DJ: I'm glad you had someone kind in your life before us. Someone who would give you that book. You deserve that kind of kindness. And I feel that way about my Alchemy Notes. A lot of the other students got fancy new books when they graduated to Journeyman, but I kept my old one. I just paid someone to spell some more pages into it. My Mom and Dad gave it to me when I went off to the Academy, and when I use it, I remember them and all they did to get me into school.

Zira: ...Yes. That could be an apt comparison. The people who gave me this, they had no obligation to be kind. But they were. And I don't know how much they sacrificed for that. I hope they’re okay.

DJ frowns more, probably remembering he still hasn't written a letter to his parents yet.

DJ: Being kind isn't about obligation, Zira. Honestly, I think true kindness is like, the opposite of obligation.

Zira: That is a nice thought. The idea that there is no give and take in everything. But it was nice. Talking. I'm glad you got your...pep talk...from someone else. I don’t think I’m any good at it.

DJ: There doesn't have to be a give and take in everything, Zira. Some people are nice because they like you and they want to be nice to you. They don't expect anything in return. And we both know I am really bad at pep talks. Since I tend to scare people with mine.

Zia: If it makes you feel any better, I've never been scared of you.

DJ looks very confused. Zira cocks her head, birdlike, at him.

DJ: But I thought I scared you when I talked about turning people into soap. I felt really bad about it.

Zira: Why would I be scared? I'm not afraid of knowledge. And, no threat intended, i could get you before you got me. I know the vast potential for pain, both causing and receiving it. I’m not afraid of your potential. Or else I would have to be afraid of, well, everything. Anything could kill anything else. A person with a knife, or poison. A tree. A really dedicated duck.

DJ was going to protest the comment about Zira being quicker on principle, but now...

DJ: A duck?

Zira: Oh, absolutely. Some of those fuckers are mean. And have far too many sharp teeth for comfort.

DJ: Geese are so much worse. There was a gander on my parents’ farm that might have actually been a demon in disguise. And don't get me started on swans.

Zira: Swans, honestly. They have the rage of suns burning in them and no moral compunctions whatsoever.

DJ gives Zira a dry look.

DJ: And a wingspan twice as wide as I am tall, so imagine what all three of those are like from my perspective.

Zira: By Ioun. At least I can, I dunno. Step on them.

DJ: Lucky you. I just gotta run from something that can fly. (sighs) I do not miss that aspect of farm life. And now we know we both agree waterfowl are evil.

Zira: Most definitely the work of something infernal.

DJ: Thank goodness Tim isn't, you know, a giant duck.

Zira seems knocked speechless at the thought.

Zira: That would be terrible. I don’t think I'd ever want to work on a farm.

DJ: Why do you think I went to school? I wasn’t cut out for that sort of thing. I had a much better time hiding in the bookstore and reading.

Zira: Oh! Hiding in bookstores is really something. The air feels, soft, I suppose. Very still. Very safe.

DJ looks positively dreamy.

DJ: Yeah. It's like the next best thing to a big university library. Like the one in the Cobalt Sanctuary, just without all the calisthenics.

Zira: Oh, my favorite is in a little village, just on the border of a forest. It was my first time in a bookstore, and the owner was lovely. She actually gave me this.

Zira holds up the book of fairytales.

DJ: Yeah, bookstores are great. The family that owns the bookstore in my town let me get away with reading all the books even though I couldn't pay. I mean I know Papa slipped him a little coin now and then, but he still didn't need to let me get away with using his store like my own private library.

Zira: is it just a bookstore owner thing? I couldn't pay at all, but she took me in, gave me a warm drink and a book, no charge at all! And then promised to not tell anyone was there, with no prompting! I was very glad for that. I would have hated to threaten her

DJ: It might be.

DJ looks off into the distance for a minute.

DJ: Then again, I might have also been distant cousins with the bookstore owner. I don't know. I come from a...rather large family.

Zira: What was it like? To have a large family. I imagine that comes with quite a few allies.

DJ: Well even when I was at the Academy, every once in a while a random Halfling would wander up and tell me we were related and I...couldn't really know if it was true. Besides that, it was...fine I guess. I don't know, Zira. It was all I really ever knew so I don't have a thing to compare it with. But they weren't allies. They were family.

Zira: I don't think that’s possible to have so many people like that. Our families were small for a reason. You couldn't possibly be so close with too many people.

DJ: Yeah, for me it was the opposite. Like I was flummoxed when someone told me it wasn’t normal to have over 50 first cousins on each side. And I might not be super close to anyone but my siblings, but I would still help out a family member if they needed it. And if I ever called on one of my cousins to help out, they'd be there in a heartbeat.

Zira: That. That is literally what having allies is? An exchange with enough trust in the other to not backstab you. Over 50??

DJ: I guess I have always felt allies was an impersonal term. But that might be my own preconceived notions talking. And while I don't necessarily trust my cousins not to cheat in Barnball, I do trust them for important things. And that reaction there is how I knew it wasn't normal.

Zira: It certainly seems like a lot to keep up with. My family was only 5 people total. Imagine having to pacify over 50 people so they continue thinking of you positively. That would be exhausting.

DJ: Well, I don't really have to pacify them. And I don't even think of them all positively. There are quite a few of them that are pricks. But they are family so we still look out for each other. And it was all I knew growing up, so I guess I was so used to it that it was normal rather than exhausting.

Zira: I understand looking out for each other. Some of my family were cruel at times, but they were mine.

Zira looks guilty.

DJ frowns a bit at the cruelty part.

DJ: I am going to be honest. I...I don't understand the cruelty part. Even when we were mean to each other, we weren't cruel. Maybe that's cultural differences?

Zira: I'm starting to realize the depths to which the...place...I came from was wrong. We all coped, I guess. Some tended to lash out, but they always tried to make it right.

DJ looks genuinely thoughtful as he considers her words.

DJ: I...I am not sure I can truly understand that. But I think...I think I can see where it comes from. How what you guys went through might make our reactions different than what I would think is normal.

DJ thinks a little more.

DJ: I am sorry any of you had to experience things which would make you lash out like that...but, I'm glad you had your own sort of family.

Zira: I am, too.

Ziira looks even guiltier, hunching her shoulders and looks away.

Zira: I wish I hadn't left them. I don’t want to go back! But I want them.

DJ nods.

DJ: Yeah. I get that. I have no desire to go back to my home. But sometimes I wish I had my family with me. Maybe that's why I ended up sticking with Tony and then Rhodey for so long. We are making our own family. And now the rest of you get to join in, too. If you want.

Zira: Family is a big commitment. And the things that make it-

Zira: Well. They're not pretty.

DJ nods.

DJ: Childbirth is messy.

Zira: What? No? I mean, the bonds. The loyalty. The trust.

DJ: What?

He gives up being serious and starts giggling like a loon.

DJ: Sorry.

Zira cracks a smile when he starts laughing

Zira: No. No, you’re right. Childbirth seems terrible. They made us learn about it. None of us could make eye contact with Ms. Payne for the entirety of that lesson.

DJ: Please no stories! I already heard about it in letters from my sister. I'm still traumatized.

Zira: God.

DJ: And I did mean the trust, Zira.

Zira: I don't trust any of you.

DJ frowns.

DJ: Oh.

Zira: Well. I trust you to do whatever youre good at, and you all seem too kind to murder me in my sleep. But.

DJ frowns even more if possible. shoulders hunching.

DJ: Oh.

Zira: I don’t know. I trusted my family with everything. We picked each other up, watched each other’s backs, and never even dreamed of doing anything else.

Zira seems to realize something she said was wrong

Zira: Uh. Uhh...but you seem... trustworthy? Uhm.

Zira is obviously at a loss

DJ: Thanks. I...I have to go.

DJ basically climbs across Rhodey to sit on his other side. If Zira catches a glance, she would see a brief look of hurt and sadness on his face before he shoves it all down and pulls out his notes.

Rhodey is staring ahead and pretending he wasn’t witness to a very awkward conversation

Zira is currently just ????

Tony is trailing along behind the cart; he didn’t hear the conversation but is very curious what happened. Zira didn’t seem to be in a good mood at all, and he’d messed up.

Zira: (to herself) What did I say?

She sneaks another look at DJ, and he seems unwilling to talk further. So she just glances around, and falls back, no longer keeping pace with the front of the cart.

Tony sees Zira slowing her pace. He doesn’t say anything but steps to the side so he isn’t walking directly behind her. He’s not sure what to say, but he doesn’t want to start because if he messes up again...

She falls back further and glances at him, and kinda curls in on herself a bit. And then shes walking right next to Tony and looks hesitant.

Zira: DJ...told me i should apologize. I...lost my temper. You had done nothing to incur that. My apologies.

Tony looks surprised.

Tony: Uh, you’re kidding me, right? If anything, I should be apologizing to you. I said something wrong.

Zira: What?

She seems shocked. She looks like she didn't expect Tony to admit any wrongdoing.

Tony: I can be a bit pushy. So...sorry about that.

Tony offers Zira a small, apologetic smile

Zira: No. That’s not how this works. That’s not how this works.

Tony tilts his head to the side in confusion.

Zira: You have more experience here. You have heavily armed friends and allies. You are the superior here. It’s nice you’re trying to be nice, but that's not how this works. There is a structure for a reason!

Tony: Zira.

Zira: You give me things, and advice, and you're kind. You apologize! You’re doing it all wrong.

Tony: You read people, right? Tell me...am I lying when I say I’m sorry?

Zira ...

Zira: No. No. No, you’re not but that doesn’t make any sense. And you did nothing wrong!

Tony smiles wryly.

Tony: Didn’t I?

Zira: Being pushy is exactly what a leader is supposed to be! If you wanted you could order the information out of me, and that makes me a bad operative, to not have told you already, but I don't want to.

She seems taken aback at her own boldness.

Tony: Like hell am I ordering you to do anything.

Zira: Wait no - Tony, I didn’t mean--

Zira: What?

Tony: I said, like hell am I ordering you to do anything. Because that kind of structure you’re talking about? It’s bullshit. Total bullshit. And if you’re in that you should bail because there’s zero respect for anyone. Just blind obedience to what the party line’s supposed to be. And all too often that party line is absolute bullshit. So I was pushy and I shouldn’t have been pushy. I should have respected your space. And that’s why I’m apologizing to you, Zira.

She curls in on herself even more.

Zira: ...Nothing here makes sense. I told DJ the truth, that I don't trust any of you, and he ran away.

Tony: (mutters) Damn it; I’m being pushy here again, aren’t I?

Zira: You’re saying sorry. That’s not what superiors do. That’s what my family does.

Tony: From what I’ve learned, anyone decent with a sense of empathy apologizes for what they did wrong. I’m not asking you to trust any of us yet. I know that’s asking a lot. But I hope that you can realize you’re safe here.

Zira: No, I’m not. Tony, you're very sweet, but when I left I did the unthinkable. I’m an example, and there is nowhere in the world that is safe for me. I just want to read my book. You're kind, and good, don’t feel bad.

Tony looks at her for a long moment.

Tony: It’ll be safe at some point.

He’s smiling slightly

Zira: ...If you say so. I’m going to go read. This is my favorite book. If I ever left it, I'd always come back.

Tony: Then go read it. The cart’s quiet right now if you want to get in. I’ll keep that in mind.

Zira: Thank you.

And she jogs forward and clambers in, and shuts the flap behind her

Tony keeps walking behind the cart, but he’s looking pensive, frowning. He’s tapping fingers against the amulet hidden under his armor. His other hand is playing with his dagger, flicking it in and out of the sheath it’s strapped into on his arm.

Inside the cart, Tim starts a little when Zira climbs into the cart, but does not react further. He picks out a flower that has been a little too squashed and throws it out, continuing the flower chain.

Zira nods at Tim, and then crunches up into a little ball and starts reading. She looks like she doesn't want to talk

#heliocentricgeometric #doxblogsstuff #d&d campaign

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