#I ALREADY KNOW I'D BE LYING
Note
get to know your fic writer asks: 6, 7, 8, 19? :)
♥
6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?
Extremely. I tend to shop for the right beta per project-- for ROTTMNT stuff (and probably 03 stuff lbr) it's @shadowbends as we share the same fondnesses and have the same horribly enabley little minds. But also when I write, a beta is very important for two things: first, they pick up on every time I use the same word three times in one sentence, can run a vibe check and suggest characterisation/pacing improvements etc. Second, they reassure me that what I have is actually worth publishing. Which...I know for the most part. But scarring memories of thinking something was good as a kid only to be told it was the most "awful thing I've ever heard" when read out mean I'll always want someone to rule out that minor paranoia. |D
7. How do you choose which POV to write from?
It depends on who has the most to say and who has the most ability to observe in a scene! And how they observe it. There's a scene I was writing from Casey's POV in NRFTW where the pacing was really off despite the urgency of what was going on (friend needed rescue elsewhere while murder attempt right here) and I eventually realised it wasn't working because Casey isn't the right person to go 'oh god/panic' about events he was at the start of and mitigated immediately-- so I switched to Splinter, who woke up to a bunch of screaming and went WTF. Instant improvement. (Sometimes, the best POV is someone who does not have all the facts and goes ??? ??? the entire time)
Sometimes POV is a very obvious choice (an entire chapter of Leo going 'injuries suck'. An entire chapter of Donnie and research.) And sometimes, I gotta admit, I go with whoever will be the funniest to hear the thoughts of. |D And for a multi-character fight scene, I tend to flitter between different POV because it helps move the pacing along and keep things frantic.
8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?
Middle. The beginning is often a lot of pulling teeth, trying to get some kind of interesting introduction chugging along that will engage people until you can get to the meat of the story. The ending is... easier in some ways, hard in others, but also you're finishing up your sparkly project and that's depressing. But the middle is where the meat is, where all those scenes are that you dreamed up and can't wait to inflict on people, and the easiest to write because you don't have to worry about beginnings and ends.
19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?
This requires research! [hold music plays]
Okay, so keep in mind that I undertag and write tags as I go and I have a lot of unfinished work.
Not including character/relationship tags, the answer is: Blood and Injury! Runner-up: Kidnapping
>_> I swear I haven't written that many kidnappings. Note that I don't deny the blood and injury.
Hurt/comfort came in third. Look, I am a simple woman with simple pleasures. (Also, most of these kidnap victims rescue themselves. It's a whole thing.)
Thank you for this hilarious chance at self-reflection because I really tallied tags and went "oh... huh. That sure is a pattern..."
Get to know your fic writer here!
#I'd say I'd never write another kidnapping again but look#/stares at Legacy#/stares at Court of Miracles#I ALREADY KNOW I'D BE LYING#I JUST LIKE DRAMATIC RESCUES/SELF RESCUES OKAY ;_;#(also pls rec me these)#@consultingjedi
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a funny lil flower that suits a funny lil guy
#im so normal about flower symbolism < lying lying lying Lying#(pointing) SEE! SEE! I CAN DO MORE THAN SCRIBBLES!!!#AHA! I CAN DO MORE THAN ONE THING!!!!#that being said im never doing lineless again <3#No Thank You!#it was not enjoyable! i did not have a good time!#it killed my already subpar mood!#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#wally darling#i... dont like this still!#but i dont know how to fix it and im tired of looking at it <3#oh well! there will be hits and misses!#you all might like it far more than i'd expect. you Never know!
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I hope this blog is great AI dataset poison. Of course I have 3rd party sharing turned off, but it's not like an AI company is actually gonna listen to that stuff
The majority of generated transformers imagery I've seen is already just blobs of color. Ironically, robots are hard for AI to understand. And here am I, with hundreds of scruched up little (though maybe even too little to be included in a dataset) images, selected specifically for looking weird, all tagged various transformers characters. Just imagine what all those croissant Arcees could do to an image generator!
#not a face#anti ai#random thing i thought of a few days ago but forgot to post until now#i'm sorry i haven't responded to so many people yet#irl stuff has gotten to me and i haven't had the energy to try and get my slow laptop to run tumblr#so i've just been relying on the queue which is actually stocked for once#i'd be lying if i said everything was okay but it's also nothing to be worried about#just one of those 'life happens' situations that was inevitable and a long time coming#ok it's not even a 'situation' really#i knew a sad thing was going to happen and then it happened and now it's over#it's not that bad i promise this has happened to me like 30 times already and i know how to deal with it#and having to deal with it is basically the only consequence#sorry for the 4am trauma dump#i guess messing up my sleep schedule was also a consequence lol
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Not sure anyone is interested (or unaware as I was), but if you're going through abstinence for a certain Dutch actress and can content yourself with less than a leading role, there are at least two films up on yt that I've found...
#post-war soviet one is actually rather interesting but i like the theme already#the other one is a bit too ambitious i think. also contains more male nudity than i'd like#BUT there's a scene where's she's lying in the middle of three half-naked ladies so there's that L O L#also. singing!!#not tagging this at all. if you know you know#and if everyone else was already in the know and i am not contributing anything then forgive#i had a few totally free days a few weeks ago and accidentally found and watched these. thought i'd share#they have subtitles btw
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#I might delete this later but I'm feeling a bit disheartened and want to just put this out there into the world but not super publicly#But like#The worst part of being overweight in my opinion is that it's so so hard to feel cute or pretty or even decent looking#I'm going to Japan with my older brother next week and I've been curating a cutesy Lolita-esque style outfit for the trip and I finally#got the last of the pieces so I tried it all on. And it's just... no matter how hard I try I can't really see myself as cute in it#I don't know maybe pink isn't my color and this just isn't my style. But.#I tried really hard to make an outfit I'd feel cute in and it's devastating to not really see myself as cute#And it's not really that I think I look bad per se it's just...#I don't know#Not what I wanted it to be I guess#And I know that if I posted pictures people would say ''wow you look great!!!'' because people always say that kind of thing#But I'd always think they were lying or were playing it up#Even if they really weren't#I just wanted to feel cutesy and everything and it hurts somewhere deep inside to not feel that way#I'll still wear the outfit in Japan since I spent enough time and money on this outfit but it really dampens my enthusiasm#And this wasn't the first time I've tried on the dress obviously. I've been trying it on periodically all along#But I kept hoping that once it was done and I had the makeup all on maybe I'd finally be able to see myself as cute#But no#I still don't. Not really.#It doesn't help that the dress itself doesn't even fit properly#I got it on sale which is what sparked this whole idea in the first place and it was always a size too small#It never zipped properly but I was able to work around that with an outer corset that held it closed#And a lace shrug that helped hide the weird bunching in the back#I can sometimes get the dress zipped now since I've lost a little weight#But it's a struggle and I can only do it about half the time and it feels like I'm going to break the zipper each time#I'd think to buy a new dress but a) that would cost even more money and I've already spent way more than I had wanted in my endeavor#to feel cute in this dress. And b) all of the accessories are tailored to this dress specifically#It would be hard to find a good replacement and there is no guarantee that would even help#So I just... I don't know#It's just hard.
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Kinda hate that they just said what Jesper's secret is in episode 1. There would have been so many great ways that could've been revealed and toyed with. But Kaz just outright says it? Boring.
#shadow and bone#six of crows#grishaverse#sab spoilers#sab season 2#shadow and bone season 2#jesper fahey#meine keime#i mean i'd be lying if i denied that i personally had already imagined a very cool scene how the reveal could've played out#and kaz didn't know beforehand??? you can't tell me jes didn't know that kaz knew
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you ever have a line pop in your head and then have to google it because surely you didn't think of that
#its too good. it feels like part of a poem#but hm. cant find anything online#did 'the only thing you have left of your mother is her killer' actually originate in my brain#because i'd love if it didnt#then i could read the rest of it#instead of um having to think of a context to use it in and write all the rest of it etc etc#(lying. i already know the context. 18yo toshinori come here.)
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One of the biggest reasons I try to recruit all the characters in Three Houses isn’t just because I don’t want to kill them, but because if I do, I still have to go back to the monastery afterward. I still have to pass by their dorm rooms full of their belongings and know that’s where they spent their alone time and where they slept. I still have to pass by the spots they frequented the most. It’s not just the sad dialogue of characters reacting to the deaths, but passing by the spots I vividly remembered them hanging out at.
I realized this most in my first playthrough when I didn’t have the chance to recruit everyone and I accidently killed Raphael at Gronder. I didn’t have the enemy attack range turned on so I didn’t realize he was in range of attacking.
During an exploration, I was looking for Ignatz who was, unfortunately, in his dorm room... and I walked into the wrong room and into Raphael’s after he was killed and man that fuckin’ sucked! Feels bad but like, multiplied with big numbers, u kno??? ???
YES, IT’S A VIDEO GAME. YES, I HAVE HUMAN BEING FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
#DCB Comments#I also didn't get to recruit Ferdie in my first playthrough which is what I mean about#characters mentioning others dying. like Dorothea saying ''we killed Ferdie'' didn't hit nearly as hard as#walking into now dead Raphael's room and seeing all his stuff still lying around the way it was left when everyone had to flee#AND THE WORST PART? it's not like I MEANT to go into his room and stew on it. I completely accidentally walked into it#because I was trying to find/talk to Ignatz who was in his own room. MIND YOU after that I made it a point to NOT#walk into Ferdie's room and have that same thought process! because like. Raphael isn't one of my faves#and it was a huge Feels BAD Man moment walking into HIS room#forget if I walked into the room of someone I loved!!! I did try to recruit him but it just didn't work fast enough#I BARELY got Caspar in that run bc it was the final month which is only two weeks and I think I actually#didn't even get him the first week. I'm pretty sure I got him on the absolute last week so literally on#the absolute last possible exploration for recruiting. I had Linhardt already so I was hellbent on getting Caspar#bc I didn't want them to have to be enemies. basically I'd watched the game online already before playing#bc I didn't own the game or a Switch for a while after the game was out. I knew the spot you fight them at#and that they're both in the same chapter as enemies if not recruited which meant that if I only got Linhardt#that Caspar would be alone as my enemy and he wouldn't even have his best buddy there AND they'd be enemies#also tho Raphael just hit hard because I may not consider him a fave at all but he was still a nice dude you know??? ??? ???#like he's just a regular nice guy vibing and like... realizing that gentle nice man was killed in war#and walking into his old room was SADS. very big sads#DCB Three Houses Stuff
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Uuuugh anxiety has me wound up so tightly =_= It has been a very stressful couple of weeks and I gotta go to the dentist today and I don't fucking wanna but I already rescheduled twice
#i'm in the two hit combo mourning zone (my mom and cat passed literally a week apart from each other)#but i'm also far more okay about it than my friends expect me to be and i'd love them to stop treating me like glass over it#but i don't know how to explain that i already came to terms with it and don't need/want them coddling me#without them either being weirded out by how fast i've gotten over it#or assuming that i'm lying about how okay i am (which would be a reasonable assumption because it's me and i do that)#eeeeugh idk i just want people to go back to talking to me like normal
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yo wtf is going on in bsd season 3 im so confused
#my friends really weren't lying when they said it's gonna be a mess after s2#i have NO IDEA what is going on#actually I was already confused after they showed dazai's past in the beginning of s2#but like#the real question is how we went from atushi's self-acceptance to whatever a full on war with 2 other ability organizations to whatever#is happening now#Like did i miss a season?#Did i accidentally skip like an entire movie that had plot inside of it?#we'll never know#Bruh i kinda regret not watching this earlier bc I'd have an idea of what's going on now#but my idiotic ass was like haha leme wait until s4 and NOW WE'RE GETTING S5#send help#bsd#itsu's rants
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After too many years here I've final what hornets' nests I am not brave enough to kick
#m/cc#thought about making a certain post and decided... no... I would rather not#I am not prepared for responses to that. it might actually kill me#specifically it was:#'going gluten/dairy/food dye-free CAN improve certain neurodevelopmental things but it cannot 'cure' autism/ADHD/Tourette's'#I already know I'd get vitriol both from people claiming I think autism comes from gluten or 'needs cured' because they can't read the post#and that I'm trying to trick everyone into going gluten-free because Toxins or something and lying about a connection#(even though (neuro)dev disorders can be made worse by flaring immune issues like - oh I don't know - undiagnosed gluten intolerance?#hypersensitivity to certain food dyes?#we already know autism and ADHD in particular have HUGE correlations with gastro and immune issues#which is why some mommy bloggers genuinely do see symptom improvement from diet changes)#and from people saying 'um actually no-gluten DID cure my nephew's ADHD?? the science is on our side/big gluten is covering up the research#and I don't know if I could handle dozens of people per day telling me I'm a science denier AND a eugenist from both sides#I am simply. ADHD. and autistic. and incredibly interested in the wild amount of comorbid physical disorders that correlate with these#autoimmune and gastro issues but also loose/hypermobile joints; epilepsy; delayed sleep phase disorder; COPD; skin conditions#it's so fascinating to me and provides a huge chunk of data to run with re: the gut-brain axis#whether [neurodev] causes [other]/[other] causes [neurodev] or an underlying thing causes both is unknown#but honestly with the huge interest in the gut-brain axis and microbiome in the past decade or so#I think we're going to see a lot more research in the next thirty or forty years examining physical comorbidities with neurodev stuff#I'm probably not gonna link to research because I don't wanna just start the war anyway and I'm too tired to go back and find the articles#but the TL;DR of the tags is neurodev stuff isn't caused by gluten intolerance but if you're unknowingly aggravating a gluten intolerance#you're probably not gonna feel great and it's gonna make your symptoms worse because of the effect it has on your body#it's like a very mild long-term allergic reaction and yeah if you get rid of that it'll improve other areas (e.g. sleep cycle; irritability#so of Course it's gonna improve a bunch of things-that-get-worse-with-poor-sleep/decreased-stress-tolerance#if you were always sitting on a slightly uncomfortable chair you'd probably do a lot better if I switched the chair#just because you can focus better or you didn't know the chair was uncomfortable doesn't mean it caused your ADHD#also in this case the chair affects your hormone levels and immune response and what chemicals accidentally leak into your bloodstream#if you're interested look it up there's been a Ton of research on correlations of specific physical issues with neurodev in recent years
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wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!
#/sarcastic btw. i am. Not happy about this recent development#Seven.txt#writing stuff#ao3#like. don't get me wrong i do understand why and i can't fault anyone and i'm not like.. Mad. but it does hurt a lil#but alas. tis the nature of creating and posting things. not everything's gonna be received well and that's fine#it does suck to see a fic i put so much time and effort and love and part of myself into flopping so hard#not because i wrote it for anyone's sake other than my own#but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want people to enjoy the things i create. that's like. a normal and common desire#and i think i maybe killed it before it could get going with how i tagged it and the bigass disclaimer at the beginning#i think those turn a lot of ppl off that might otherwise read and maybe even find that they enjoy it??#but i would rather over-warn ppl for the triggering and non-canon aspects than under-warn them and potentially trigger or upset someone#and i can't blame ppl that subscribed for some Other thing when they open their email and see a notif that i posted smthn#and it's a mile of upsetting/negative sounding tags for a fic abt a guy they either don't know or don't wanna see mischaracterized#and so of course they unsub and that's okay. it's okay.#anyways. enough bitching abt my fic not doing well. i don't have much room to complain!#most of my stuff is fairly well received imo. so i can stand to have a flop fic every once in a while. gotta balance things out lmao#the good thing is it's already fully written so the lack of engagement can't stop me!! there's no motivation to kill! it's done already!#anyways. i'll post a chapter a day as planned and then it'll be out of my system in a week and i can post other stuff again finally#next up will be an [N]MbD oneshot. then i'll finally post the Dew Ghost Band OCD fic. then another [N]MbD oneshot ehehe#and thennn ES Ch.5! fucking finally. i can't wait to continue that story#the Dew fic is a oneshot too btw. once AEIWNF is fully posted then the only multi-chapter project i'll have is ES. and that's Enough
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I just want u to know that any time I listen to first light off hozier's new album it gives me Aisling/eoin vibes and I'm emotionally compromised xoxo
jesuS WEPT BESTIE YOUR MIND??? YOUR BRAIN??? YOUR INTELLIGENCE???
i'm listening to it for the billionth time and just. just??? ??? ? mister hozi.er did you write this song for them bc like, "darkness always finds you either way" ???? "but after this i'm never gonna be the same, and i am never going back again" LIKE CROW U FECKIN GENIUS IT'S LITERALLY AN ODE TO THAT FINAL NIGHT AISLING SPENT IN IRELAND??
#( I NEED TO LIE DOWN )#( I'M ALREADY LYING DOWN )#( FEDJASDNFJSF )#( EHLP )#( I ALWAYS KNEW I'D DIE BY HOZI.ERS HAND BUT -- )#( TO KNOW IT WAS ALSO CROW??? THE TWO OF YE?? HAND-IN-HAND AND MURDERING MY SANITY??? )#( NO BETTER WAY TO GO IMO )#( ' a certain... wisdom. ' / hc. )#bastardsculs
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what will i do once my cat dies?
#we already lost one cat. they aren't dead. they just.. left one day.#i kinda miss him#he was my mom's bestest friend#its weird though. when we couldn't find him i wasn't panicked or depressed...#i felt numb. like i couldn't feel anything for him or how he got lost#even now i kinda. care less than i want to#but we have another cat. the one that has been with us all this time#what will happen to me once she dies?#once i see her body lying down with no movement?#will she leave before that happens? because i kind of hope so#seeing her die might just break my heart in two#i'd rather suddenly never see her again than say goodbye to her knowing she's gone#...maybe it'll happen soon#we haven't brought her to the vet...#my mom said she was gonna take her to the vet one day#or more like. the vet would come here (to our house) and check her#she's not ill or anything#well. i hope she isn't#sorry i watched a vid of someone telling a story of how their cat died#and got a bit anxious#i'm just scared that i won't care once my cat dies#cw animal death#cw death mention
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next shiraishi an event is gonna be bout for beside you part 2 with worse trust issues (thanks ken), worse abandonment issues, worse inferiority feeling
#shame on you ken for lying to her saying she's close to being like nagi /lh#sob.... sobbing omg the next event is going to be so good colopale please..... i'll accept whatever just let an be happy#she's such a kind person an extrovert a friendly person ready to help in any way she can#maybe give her more mixed events in the future because how can you have a friendly and outgoing character and NOT let her be friends with#being a shiraishi an and anhane fan war tough these past few days goddamn#i doubt an's gon a get a happy silly mixed event :(#but wedding 2 is so good.... how they addressed an wanting to be a 'mature' person like nagi and shizuku pointing it out...#shizuku is the type of person who may be slow on things like technology- an airhead but not stupid#she can easily spot on something wrong with someone even not knowing them very much (an and mafuyu)#anyway ue..... an i love you so much i love you... to the point where i'd want to see you suffer#i need to see it. she NEEDS to face it either one at a time or came crashing all together#because let's be honest out of vbs an is the one who haven't 'developed' much is a way that#kohane improved so much at her talent and confidence. touya's getting to experience a lot of stuff he couldn't before and expresses himself#better. akito is at least can control himself from destroying his body and thinks of himself less lowly than before (he still have it 😭)#while an... i think just as ken said it was because she haven't face any difficulty growing up. she was advanced compared to other kids and#because of that she's stuck as that for years#'have i become closer to nagi?' the way ken hesitates to answer that question proves it. the way he didn't fully smile proves that an#*didn't* improve. an is stuck#she's already amazing but she's chasing after someone and she's stuck because of it.... i finally got it.. for a long time i've been thinki#about it... an's fear of getting left behind... she kept moving forward just like akito says and she kept trying to keep up with kohane#and the rest of vbs. but unlike them i feel like an is stuck in one place. she kept trying to move forward but so does the others..#if an chasing nagi's back and looking at kohane's back from behind keeps going then an will never move from her spot#raemi talks proseka
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Me, 1 week ago, perpetually numb: Man this sucks, I miss experiencing strong emotions
Me, now, properly angry for the first time in god knows how long: Man this sucks, I mi
#personal#a little under a month ago I had strong reason to believe that I'd gotten covid from my dad#so I did the responsible thing and isolated and it sucked#but I didn't give it to my roommate before he left to visit his family for the week so I was content that it had done some good#now he's back and he's ill and he's given it to me#didn't isolate in his room didn't give me the same courtesy I'd given him#and yeah I know he didn't mean it but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me#and the symptoms are even stronger than the ones I had. still didn't occur to him to keep his distance I guess#feels a lot more likely that this is covid than the illness I already had#and I don't know what exactly it is about the situation but honestly just thinking about having to quarantine again has me really upset#which is jarring bc recently I've been thinking about how long it's been since I've felt any kind of emotional extreme#now I'm out here trying not to cry over something I've theoretically done before#it's just not been a great day and it's kicked my brain back into feelings mode ig#don't get me wrong I'd rather feel a lot than nothing at this point but like#good things? please? can I feel strong happy emotions too maybe?#I've taken a covid test if that comes back negative I sure hope I feel happy but at this point who knows
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