#His actual Name is Krimpet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

austinconnors · 5 years

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NFL Roundup - June 2019 (Part 1)

Bleacher Report posted an update for each team’s OTA progress this offseason. Here are some highlights without journalistic bias.

Source of all photos: https://bleacherreport.com/articles/2839914-the-biggest-revelation-from-every-nfl-teams-otas?share=other#slide0

BUFFALO BILLS

- Read: Buffalo is still a goddamned mess

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CHICAGO BEARS

- this story is slightly bonkers. Nagy has instituted “Augusta silence” for kickers during practice to put on intense pressure.

- imagine you’ve studied football and coached your entire life, only to make it to a head coaching job and have to spend an entire offseason focused on fixing your kicking position, because despite studying and forming a complete football team on offense and defense, you got f*cked by a double-doink from your lowest priority position. It’s sh*t like this that makes me think Andy Reid’s krimpet addiction is 100% justifiable.

DALLAS COWBOYS

- Holy F*CK look at these idiots.

- Not pictured: the other idiot in his crop-top getting arrested.

- We are so screwed.

DENVER BRONCOS

- No, go ahead and take a 34 yr old QB who has only played in one system his entire career and reteach him an entirely new strategy/playbook as tho you’re gonna have another 5 years with him.

- F*ck it, reteach the entire team while you’re at it.

- John Elway must have taken a much bigger concussion on the helicopter dive than we all were led to believe.

- GIF posted below without comment

DETROIT LIONS

- This is much more enjoyable when you read “significant” as “gritty” or “scrappy”

- Unlike your typical video game character, Amendola actually loses hit points as he gains age and experience. Need the Vegas line on the odds he plays all 16 this season.

GREEN BAY PACKERS

- Rodgers could have Major League Baseball pitchers (looking at you, Bartolo Colón) as his receiving corps and I’d still draft them over any Baltimore Raven receiver this season.

- Not only is the caliber of Rodgers’ receivers meaningless in terms of his ability to generate fantasy relevance, any report of Green Bay’s status going into 2019 is meaningless. #MostIrrelevantTeam2019

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

- Speaking of meaningless and irrelevant teams and reporting. Sweet baby Jesus. I challenge you to name one Colts receiver. Anyone. Besides TY Hilton. No, you can’t cheat and name one of the receivers mentioned in the photo above. No, Tight Ends don’t count. Congratulations - if you guessed correctly, you probably didn’t win your fantasy league last year and panicked with Chester Rodgers or Zach Pascal deep off Waivers in Week 6.

- I take it back, I think the Colts might be the #MostIrrelevantTeamIn2019

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

- the article talks about positivity being the focus this offseason for Jacksonville. Let’s be honest, it’s not positivity that’s bringing about this “Newfound Desire”. Clearly it’s Big Dick Nick energy.

Stay tuned for what’s to come in the exciting worlds of Josh Rosen, Eli Manning, and Wes Welker.

To be continued in Part 2...

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