Girl...Hidan, where do we stand with our favourite foul mouthed bastard?

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

okay, stay with me cause i know. i know what y’all are thinking. hidan? a sub? HEAR ME OUT, NOW. i’m not letting this feral violent man dom me. homeboy has NO impulse control and will let me bleed out so long as he gets his nut. you know it, i know it, kakuzu knows it, jashin knows it. so - we strike a deal. he’s got no limits so i choose what we do, how hard we go, and how far we take it. he’d only come to me when he’s drunk and bored anyway, i’d only come to him after a bad day & needing to let off some steam. we’d work for a few months before he’d ghost me & that’s best case scenario.

How the Hell would a Shisui/Hidan even work???

According to what I've written so far, the story starts waaay before the chakra age and Shisui's an unspecified royal of some kind. Hidan is already a follower of Jashin and has been around for a fairly long time at this point, traveling and killing, until one day he stumbles upon the kingdom where Shisui lives and after so much time he finds someone who can keep up with him and not die immediately

Shisui, in fact, is also a warrior (I think, I haven't written much detail but he can fight, so... I guess) and Hidan can't find a single opening to get his blood and killing him. And after so many years wandering alone he finds himself captured and almost obsessed with this person who can match him with no struggle, so the two make a deal. Hidan will not kill anyone else until he can't defeat Shisui and take his life

The two eventually fall in love, and they make a blood pact of some kind to intertwine their souls forever, effectively making them soulmates. Fastforward to the almost present of the Naruto timeline (technically not present present, around the time of the Uchiha Massacre to be exact) Hidan kills someone from Konoha and attracts that way their attention

Team Ro is at first sent against him, but they almost die and Shisui goes feral at the idea of someone almost killing Itachi, so he takes it upon himself to try and fight this bastard, and during their fight Hidan takes, like, 2.7 seconds to recognize Shisui as his soulmate, and the official story starts from there with Hidan trying to win back Shisui's heart even though this version of Shisui doesn't remember him at all

Hi hello yes did someone say ~modern naruto au shit~ No. No one did. Here you are anyway go wild my friends Sakura: • freshman (high school) • straight A’s • honors student • booksmarts • distant and demanding parents • ‘perfect daughter’ facade • boiling issues of inadequacy • and anxiety • and anger • oh yeah and self esteem • fierce like you wouldn’t BELIEVE • Bisaster but hides it Sasuke: • freshman (high school) • second son of the region’s police chief • mom is a lawyer • looks up to his older genius (slightly mentally unstable) brother • but there’s always the niggling sense of ‘I’ll never measure up’ • good grades • but his parents are always busy • and his brother already hit all those top marks • so it’s nothing special, huh • also a Bisaster and gets flustered sometimes Naruto: • freshman (high school) • half feral • no one knows how he got into high school • frequently claims he was raised by a pack of dogs and/or his foster brother (Kakashi) • bad grades • Art Kid™ • loves paint • spray paint especially • Bisaster and doesn’t bother to hide it • ace • crushing on Kiba Kiba: • freshman (high school) • wild child • mom owns a vet clinic • everyone in his family owns a dog • bad grades • rough and tumble • wrestles for fun • probably in a gang • leather jackets • no one knows if he dyes his cheeks or if he actually got tattoos or what • plot twist his mom also runs a tattoo parlor • but his sister does hardcore YouTube makeup tutorials • it’s anyone’s guess Hinata: • freshman (high school) • shy kid • trying hard but average grades • first daughter of the next region over’s police chief • under crazy pressure • stutters • oversized sweaters • genetic eye thing? • feels inferior to her younger sister • wanted to be rebellious so she tried to dye her hair • but couldn’t make herself do anything more obvious than dark blue Shino: • freshman (high school) • quiet • rumors that he’s mute • sunglasses • oversized coat • plot twist he’s covered in bug bites because he lets mosquitos suck his blood • his family is beekeepers / bug-breeders / ? • likes catching fireflies but always lets them go quickly • average grades • makes a game of how many bugs he can sneak into his pockets before the teachers notice Ino: • freshman (high school) • popular girl • good grades • gossipy but good with secrets • croptops • dad is a reporter / interviewer after retiring from ~secret agency~ • friends with everyone • knows how to cook • good at board games • crazy good at painting nails Shikamaru: • freshman (high school) • probably narcoleptic • sleeps in class • bad grades • good at board games • conspiracy theorist™ • his room is covered in bulletin boards • with pinned newspaper clippings and red string • plot twist his dad has even bigger bulletin boards • and even more newspaper clippings / red string Chouji: • freshman (high school) • loves to cook • parents run a bakery and a restaurant respectively • average grades • good at board games • him and Kiba are in the same boat with the tattoo / dye / makeup mystery • but surely sweet Chouji would never get tattoos • no • never • (plot twist Kiba’s are makeup and Chouji’s are tattoos) Tenten: • sophomore (high school) • confident • has a knife collection • father is a blacksmith / bladesmith • friendly • good grades • no mom • oddly good at styling hair • plot twist it’s bc she does Neji’s Neji: • sophomore (high school) • straight A’s • honors student • Hinata’s cousin • dad died on duty with Hiashi • he blames Hiashi for it • genetic eye thing? • cool • distant • has plans to move in with Tenten after he hits eighteen Lee: • sophomore (high school) • straight A’s • Gai’s adopted son • hardworking • tired of ‘you don’t look alike’ comments • so now he and Gai look exactly alike • super emotional • will absolutely cry when he graduates • always gives 100% of his everything, for everything Itachi: • junior (college) • straight A’s • 4.0 gpa • Halloween Fanatic™ • blank expressions all the time • doesn’t talk often • ppl are always surprised when he does bc he sounds like he gargled a gravel driveway • plot twist it’s bc he’s a hardcore smoker • everyone knows the Uchiha all have this genetic cough/scratchy throat thing that usually comes in between the ages of 18 and 25 • except plot twist the Uchiha are all just chain-smokers • the ‘woke up like this’ kid • drinks matcha tea with his dango Kisame: • senior (college) • lots of tattoos (gills / blue-gray swirls / etc.) • dyes his hair blue • gets cold easy • wears ear warmers • hair doesn’t behave • had to file his teeth for a dare and now he scares all the freshies • polite • can down the blackest of coffee like water but doesn’t often • it’s an exam special • has seven (7) pet fish, two (2) pet snails and one (1) pet marimo algae ball • works at an aquarium • regularly ‘communes’ with the sharks • (he hums at them while they swim around) • but they seem to like him? • the staff is endlessly confused but like whatever floats your boat my guy Pein (Nagato): • senior (college) • philosophy major • blank and monotone • at least nine piercings • quiet but weirdly intense • is in some sort of Relationship™ with Konan • the only person allowed to call him Nagato is Konan • unless they want to wake up drugged in a ditch an inexplicable sixty miles from town covered in paper cuts Konan: • senior (college) • majors in Accounting and / or Management (business student) • somewhat less blank than Pein • has a few piercings of her own • is in some sort of Relationship™ with Pein • origami • never anything less than composed or pristine • badass • 100% of the time, just • badass Tobi: • senior (college) • speaks in third person • embraces his inner child • clumsy af • wears a phantom of the opera mask everywhere • no one knows / can remember his eye color • falls over a lot • trips up the stairs • extreme sweet tooth • likes juice boxes / goldfish / fruit snacks / etc. • roommates with Zetsu • they play go fish when neither can sleep • somehow good grades even though no one ever sees him in class • plot twist it’s bc he goes as Obito Zetsu: • junior (college) • completely lathers themself in water-resistant black and white paint every ~3 days • dyes their hair green • wears their botany project around • what ppl don’t know is that it’s a vampiric plant hybrid they bred specially to feed off blood • ‘i can’t go to her every time she needs to be fed, so i just bring her with me’ • wears contacts • spends most of their time in the greenhouse • doesn’t sleep • local cryptid • nb • ‘any pronouns but she’ • no one ever sees them eat Deidara: • freshman (college) • spends 2.2 hours on his hair and almost a fifth of his budget on hair products • band kid • eyeliner • makeup expert • he collabs with Hana for some YouTube makeup tutorials • drums • unexpectedly good singer • loves fireworks • makes his own fireworks • 4th of July is his favorite holiday • accidentally made a kiln bomb as a kid and now he explodes things as often as possible • enjoys sculpting clay figures for raku pottery with air bubbles so they explode when heated • hates coffee with PASSION • but still visits Sasori’s favorite cafe with him • not that he ASKS but it’s always nice to have company right? • right Sasori: • senior (college) • 21 but ppl think he’s 18 • he’s got a hella baby face • Art Kid™ • enjoys woodworking • and occasionally leather-crafting • dorm room is covered in puppets • human puppets / doll puppets / animal puppets • super good puppeteer • could do his entire show with his eyes closed • tutors Kankurou • once took an archery class and can hit dead center 95% of the time • can sleep with his eyes open • can also sleep standing up • he utilizes both these skills often • everyone thinks he’s a stoic bastard • and he is but also it’s mostly because he keeps falling asleep during conversations • dyes his hair red Kakuzu: • senior (college) • no one knows how long he’s been a senior • he’s not in debt • no student loans • no one knows how he’s doing it • plot twist it’s bc he’s filthy rich from scamming half the students in his freshman year oh so long ago • but he’s stingy and miserly and still lives off instant ramen and cereal • has like three PhDs • he’s working on his fourth • his blood is coffee at this point • he wears a face mask to hide the tattoos he got on a dare as a dumb teenager • has reading glasses but never uses them • green eyes but they’re so bloodshot he looks permanently high when instead he’s averaging 1.5 hours of sleep per night • rents his place out to other college students • he gouges them and they complain but it’s still cheaper than the dorms Hidan: • senior (college) • held back three years in high school • disappears every Sunday • says he was at ‘church’ but no one’s heard of a Jashinist church before much less one in the area • wears contacts • bleached his hair on a dare and liked it so he keeps doing it • regularly / ritually paints his face / chest / arms every Sunday for ‘church’ • prays four times a day on every sixth hour (5 am, 11 am, 5 pm, 11 pm) • has a religious exemption from class for 15 minutes at 11 am to pray • plot twist the only reason he got it is because he prays whether he has it or not and the professor got sick of him loudly and passive-aggressively reciting his prayers over the lecture • always carries his rosary • smokes occasionally • but has a Thing abt hygiene • his teeth are infuriatingly white