Two “Straight” male characters from mid 2000s to mid 2010s media be like:

Hello this is my and the other half of my soul my best friend Complimentary Color Palette. One of us gets autism headcanons and the other one gets ADHD ones. We have a totally normal platonic friendship but I WILL yowl incessantly for hours, no, DAYS if you separate me from him. One of us is framed as promiscuous but only sleeps with like two or three women in the entire run of the show (and still makes moony eyes at Complimentary Color Palette). The other one is in a committed relationship but constantly prioritizes my needs over his wife/girlfriend. Frequently to the point where girlfriend/wife will joke about us being married/you cheating on her with me OR gets pissed and leave. The narrative will frame this as choosing a life of adventure or your career but really you chose me. The writers are joking about us being gay but the actors aren’t. I’d rather die than lose you, my girlfriend got fridged and I didn’t even blink. I am more emotionally vulnerable around you than my wife even though we fucked two scenes ago. People will throw fits over the word ‘brother’ regardless of the context or intent. We have one or two scenes together with more romantic tension than the entire canon romantic B plot that the fandom has rabies over it. If we’re lucky we’ll both end up single in the end, or with some slap dash romance that could feasibly fall apart after the finale. I love you I love you I love you I love you-

But no homo.