Michael teaches Gregory the old FNAF technique

Evan and Greg are basically your oc's!, what is your interpretation of Micheal in the modern au. Also how does mike not see Evan as a person?

Also flashlight duo is super cute

Has Evan ever been bullied at school?

the ocification beam hit them too hard...

I view Michael in my flashlight duo universe as being like. not how a lot of people portray him. as in he doesnt lash out for a reason. he isnt acting that way towards Evan because William told him to.

it's for sure affected by William's own actions, but as in Michael subconsciously learned those things. he isn't even on William's side really. he sucks as a father to both of them. it's just that michael doesnt respect Evan enough to see him as someone who is supposed to be on his side

Michael subconsciously learned growing up that everything Evan is is bad. and the cool people his age see people like Evan as weak, so he does too.

he lacks any emotional maturity, so a lot of his actions towards Evan are out of his own boredom and resent. he genuinely thinks his reactions are funny. if he ever did realize what he did was wrong, he would have to actually realize. he knows fully that what he does hurts Evan. he just doesn't care. he hasn't developed the intuition he needs to care. you know?

and Michael is around 16 if evan is 12. it's not that hes too young to understand, it's the lack of good parenting, or literally parenting in general. if Evans life is hell because everyone around him hates him, then that means its true. it means the people in hurricane dont like people like Evan (a boy who at his age should be getting manlier, but isnt. sensitive and emotional and physically small and lanky. evan literally has anxiety and paranoia and is neurodivergent and people dont really acknowledge that but they notice. and they don't like it)

the people in their town suck and are mean and so is Michael's father. so of course hes going to stick to what hes been taught and to everybody else who also believes it and is on his side. he was never taught that what hes doing is wrong. hes a bad person but it's a product of horrible parenting and the worst town in the world

in contrast to Michael, in the neglect and bullying Evan has faced its made him kinder. he is the one facing it so he wants to be kind to others instead of being like the people he hates.

I dont want to say he would be more in tune with his emotions than Michael because he wouldn't be. before Gregory, he was so unstable and miserable he was just a big ball of anxiety and emotions. he didnt understand his emotions and have that country mile on Michael's own emotional maturity because he didnt have it in him to learn

and by that I mean he didnt even like himself enough to want to help himself. hed been taught that theres fundamentally something wrong with him that makes him bad and weird and not like anyone else who's impossible to 'fix'. and hed been hearing that since he was a young kid, so of course hed believe it.

but then Gregory comes alone and slowly tries to strip away what Evan had been taught just by being kind to him and repeating kind things. the opposite of what everyone else did.

and that is what makes Evan begin to change for the better. the first thing he learns is that Gregory doesn't think something is super wrong with him that makes him bad and stupid so he starts to believe it a little, too. he begins to see how maybe how hes being treated is unfair and its him seeing himself as worthy of kindness that makes him upset on his own behalf. and what that means is he has better self esteem when before he was so insecure he could never even defend himself a little bit

and its after he gains some respect for himself that he learns how to help himself. he actually thinks he deserves it now, so with his support system in Gregory and his family he learns how he works. he learns what his phobias are and what sets him off and how to calm himself down. and of course he hoped all the way through that changing could be what 'fixes' him and the people around him wouldnt hate him so much. but like I said before its that self respect that confirms it's for himself and not for others

of course that stuff doesnt go away, but he improves. the people around him do notice. they dont care enough to say anything, they're more just suprised or happy hes shutting up in that mean way of theirs. but I think after a while of Evan being comfortable with Gregory and improving himself he would one day just snap.

before, he had layers and layers of nervousness and fear and anxiety and insecurity stopping his very high emotions from boiling over. and with the newfound respect for himself comes the anger on his own behalf of how hes treated.

so i feel like one day he would just blow up with all the emotion without the insane amount of fear stopping him. and it doesnt help, not really.

before, evan wanted to please michael and his father. but now that he wants them to know how much he hates them and how much they hurt him, they are pleased.

he gained more respect but in the worst way. not the way he wanted.

but back to their relationship, I think post-all of this, evan wouldnt want anything to do with him. let's say Michael does have a wake up call when they're both older. hes already ruined his relationship so much its unsalvageable. he caused evan to develop fundamental issues rooted deep (anxiety and paranoia, general things he learned about the world and certain people/groups and traits that he'll have to remind himself arent true) inside of him.

his family had their chance and they blew it hard. evan is definitely in the right to want nothing to do with him or William and to continue growing up and living and laughing with his actual family in his heart. they never get to make it official, but that doesn't matter.

anyway I went on like. a lot lol. for anyone who havent read my oneshot series this is based completely off of that au of mine and in my mind is canon to every oneshot if you do read them. thanks for enabling me to talk about flashlight duo lol you can tell I put so much thought into them every day its crazy

edit: to answer your actual questions lol: it's not that Michael literally doesn't see Evan as a human person, it's that he doesnt respect him enough to treat him with human respect. you know? everything evan is he has been taught is bad and worthless so that's what he thinks. so by extension evan is too

and yeah evan does get bullied at school. I always imagined it was less bullies pushing him into lockers and stealing his lunch money (Williams ass does not give him lunch money let's be real) and more that they just treat him awful. hes either invisible or in the way and then they dont care to be super rude to him. they dont just spout their exact thought process out but they all think of him badly and view him as a big joke. its less blatant meanness and more just treating him awful in general and that's what makes Evan think its normal and that hes asking for it when its not.

Some Talking, Some Thinking, and a lot of Loose Ends

Did this on a whim in class but I’ve had thre idea for a while. First time writing Tony too so!!! Yippee!!!

Once Gregory actually found Evan, Ellis and Tony both decided to hang back.

Of course they’d be uncomfortable, He told himself, they don’t know him as well as I do.

So, Gregory Emily continued on alone. It was good, he wanted to talk to Evan anyways, and he was sure his friend didn’t want to spill his guts to Gregory’s friends. Assuming he’d spill his guts at all. Which Gregory wasn’t forcing him to, but it’d be nice if he opened up a little.

It’s been a long time since Evan had shut him out like this.

Eventually he found him crouched by a small stream, chucking rocks into it aimlessly. When he noticed Gregory, he frowned, but shifted over so he could sit beside him.

“Hey.” Gregory said.

“Hi.”

He let his eyes hover on Evan for a moment, “Are you okay? That looked like it hurt.”

Evan glanced at him, “Getting punched?” Gregory nodded, “Well, I mean, it did, but I don’t think it’ll do much more than bruise. Nothing I’m new to. Did you know Mike once pushed me down the stairs when we were little?”

Gregory blinked.

“What!?”

Evan tossed another rock into the water, watching it splash, “Why’d you follow me anyways?”

“Because you got punched in the face? And I care about you?” Gregory said, “Why do you think?”

Evan laughed at that, “Fair, fair,” he said, “but uh… I really don’t need you to do that for me.”

Gregory leaned over and grabbed a rock of his own, skipping it across the water.

Evan whooped when it went for about five skips, “That’s so cool! Mike tried to teach me how to do it, but I never got the hang of it.”

Gregory stared at him, “You’re avoiding the situation.”

“Have you considered that’s why I ran away?”

Gregory paused, taken aback by the sudden, somewhat snappy remark, “I know that’s why you ran away. I also know that’s not helping anybody.”

“I don’t need to help anybody.”

“Can’t you at least help yourself?”

Evan went quiet.

“You have been doing nothing but avoiding us and apparently lying to us,” he did his best to ignore how Evan flinched at that, “then you show up to my house bleeding out and refuse to tell us who did it and we have to get the answer out of your asshole brother who won’t even try to help you, you’re running yourself into the dirt and we’re all sick of it.”

Evan slowly turned to stare at him, “You sound like Michael,” He mumbled, “but you’re right…”

Gregory looked at the ground, “That was mean…”

“Yeah.”

“But I’m only a little sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’m only a little sorry too.”

Tony didn’t know what to think. On one hand, they solved the mystery! Hurray! But on the other hand, they… Didn’t. Something was wrong. Something was missing. William and Elizabeth, William and Elizabeth, William and Elizabeth… It wasn’t clicking. He never got a good look at his attacker, not to mention they had been wearing a suit, but still, it didn’t feel right. He’d been referring to his attacker as a woman, because he’d thought she was a woman, but William wasn’t a woman. You’d think he’d know enough to let it go and leave it be, you’d think he’d learned his lesson, but Tony Becker didn’t do lessons, he did mysteries. And this mystery was far from solved.

Plus, who was he if not the detective? He’s gotta make himself useful unless he wants to get dragged into the Afton’s business. Which he didn’t.

And then there was Greg’s sister, Vanessa. He could go with the obvious answer: She’s dead. But what if she wasn’t? What if there was more to think about? And it was clear there was more to William’s motives than just being insane, but what were they?

He pondered this for a while, walking aimlessly beside Ellis, who was just staring at him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, turning to his friend.

Ellis shrugged, “You have that face. That ‘Tony Becker has a mystery to solve’ face. Which means you think Evan’s brother was lying?”

“Not that I think he was lying, more that I think he doesn’t know everything,” He said, “and also, the person who attacked me was a girl, I thought.”

“Elizabeth is a girl.” Ellis pointed out.

Tony blinked at him, “Elizabeth would have been, like, 8,” he said.

Ellis frowned, “Right, sorry.”

Tony turned away from him again, “I don’t get it. The only connection I can make is to… Vanessa… she would’ve been about the right age, right?”

Ellis scoffed, “Let Greg catch you saying his sister tried to kill you, see how that goes for you.”

Tony frowned, “I’m just brainstorming,” he said defensively, “I’m not accusing her, I just brought it up because I think it might be connected.”

“And I think you’re looking too far into this,” Ellis muttered, “isn’t snooping around what got you caught in the first place? Haven’t you learned?”

“I don’t have anything to learn! I am getting close to something I can feel it… The question is what.”

“I think you’re nuts,” Ellis said, “but I might as well hear you out. What’s your next story then, Tarbell?”

Tony laughed at the nickname, “Seriously? What, are we middle schoolers again?”

“What? It might be fun; we could get Greg in on it too. What was his name? Rabbit?”

“Dr. Rabbit. Or Rab.”

“Speaking of Greg, should we…?” Ellis motioned with his hands.

“Check on them? Tony filled in for him.

Ellis nodded, “Just in case, you know.”

Tony knew Ellis was just bored of being here with nobody other than Tony. Tony could be boring when he was thinking, and he knew that, but he wished Ellis could at least try to take this seriously. He seemed to like to treat everything like a joke, and Tony was growing sick of it. But it wasn’t the time for that. Maybe they could talk about it later.

The two of them walked back to where Gregory and Evan were, but Tony paused, and he put an arm out in front of Ellis to stop him as well.

The two were talking in hushed voices, and Tony couldn’t quite catch most of it, which was driving Tony nuts.

Ellis gave Tony a disapproving look, probably annoyed by his attempt to eavesdrop, before pushing past him, “Hey, guys!” he says, “How’s it going?”

Evan jumped at the sound, “Oh, hey.”

“Hi,” Gregory said, “What’s up?”

“Just checking up on you,” Ellis said, sitting beside him, “Oh shit, Afton, that’s a nasty bruise.”

Evan frowned, “Is it? What am I supposed to tell my dad?”

“You could tell him Michael punched you,” Gregory shrugged, “he’d believe that, wouldn’t he?”

“I’m not throwing my brother under the bus for that!” Evan said, “That- I can’t do that!”

“Mike’s not even there, what can your dad do?” Tony asked, “If you tell him Sammy did it, it’ll cause problems for Henry.”

Evan looks at the ground.

“For what it’s worth, I’m not mad about you lying to us,” Tony said, “frustrated, yes, but not mad. It’s nice that you were looking out for us.”

Evan blinks up at him, opening and closing his mouth in shock, “I- uhm- I’m sorry for lying. And uh… thanks…”

Ellis reaches behind Gregory to pull Evan closer to the two of them in a weird side-hug, “Plus, the cat’s out of the bag,” he said, “now we can focus on being a team, eh?”

Evan smiled at him.

“Yeah.”

imagine, if you will, a bridgerton schitts creek au:

edmund bought the town on a whim/as a joke but when he dies suddenly, no one in the family finds out until years later, when the bridgertons are swindled by their business manager (bonus angst and guilt for anthony, who blames himself for not realising the grift in time)

the chaos of a family of NINE descending on this small town from london, formerly very wealthy and a bit spoilt, where they promptly take over the entire bed and breakfast (which they have to share among themselves)

the sharmas run the hotel, and anthony and kate butt heads over everything - the lack of towels, the amenities (such as they are), the staffing, how the town should or should not accommodate their new owners, the local football team, whether there’s any decent food in town, the amount of flowers surrounding the hotel (and the bees they attract) and everything in between (bonus points if kate has another job and isn’t actually involved in the hotel, she just thinks anthony is wrong about everything while mary and edwina watch, bemused by the whole thing)

benedict is at a loss - his art was his whole purpose, but with no muses and no artsy friends or artsy parties or any creative vibes at all, he starts to doubt everything he’s ever created. plus, being an artist is expensive! he bonds with - and eventually opens a small gallery with - a young woman named sophie, who has escaped to schitts creek to avoid her troubled past, only to discover much later that they had a brief one night stand during his wilder years and he didn’t recognise her.

colin believes schitts creek to be a cage more than a refuge - his successful travel vlog has completely dried up, since he can’t afford to fly anywhere, and the only real friend he has left is actually eloise’s best friend, penelope, who somehow hadn’t abandoned them after their fall from grace. she comes to visit and he finds that he doesn’t want to be apart from her - but discovers a secret that could destroy their relationship before it has the chance to begin.

daphne surprises the whole family when they move, bringing along a surprise boyfriend - simon basset, who just happens to be anthony’s best friend from uni (and the mayor’s godson). this starts as a ploy for daphne to not have to share a room with eloise, but could it become something more...?

eloise, meanwhile, can’t be bothered. she’s got big plans that can’t be stifled by some stupid small town, even if she’s had to transfer to an online school to finish her degree. but then she meets philippa, who runs the local garden store, and her two adorable children amanda and oliver. who’s to say plans can’t change?

francesca has always been the family wild card. no one really knows what she does or where she goes (though she swears that mi5 knew where she was the entire time that one time). but running in five-inch heels to escape the yakuza or playing billiards for her friend’s freedom doesn’t prepare her for the heartbreak of running into michael stirling four years after the death of her fiance (and his cousin) and his radio silence ever since. 

gregory doesn’t understand why his whole family is so distraught. schitts creek is great - lots of space to practice pall mall (if only so he gets invited to play with their older siblings before hyacinth does), a cool old hotel, plenty of new friends - and the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. hermione watson is everything he could ever want...until he meets her friend lucy abernathy.

hyacinth loves schitts creek too, but for different reasons than gregory. it’s a connection to the father she never had the chance to meet, and she’s keen to learn everything she possibly can about the town. that’s why she interns for mayor agatha danbury - and why she jumps at the chance to work in the city’s archives, even if it does mean she has to work alongside mayor danbury’s nephew gareth st. clair. they discover that schitts creek has some secrets of its own, and hyacinth is determined that the two of them will uncover the truth together

I'm back at it with FNAF. Great.

After this I'll try to talk about other stuff, but people seem to only be looking at my FNAF related posts.

So I think I've mentioned this in the post about it literally not being possible for Michael to be the Crying Child, and, as all of you people who like FNAF know, the series is quite well known for its extremely confusing, convoluted timeline and characters.

When I was just coming into this Fandom and had only learned Michael existed as of recent, it was extremely difficult to fully understand what was happening because everything was a jumble.

Like, my friend says Sister Location comes before FNAF 1, and people believe Michael is Mike Schmidt, but, this isn't possible. Michael has white pupils and pitch black Sclarae, and Mike has normal blue eyes. Once again, people still believe this? It led me to believe Sister Location came after the first game, which honestly would make more sense since the animatronics are more advanced in SL, and yet somehow it STILL comes before?

This isn't exactly a timeline talk anymore but everything just jumbled together so I'm gonna keep talking.

Speaking of confusion, I was also led to believe that the Crying Child was experiencing hallucinations in FNAF 4 due to the bite, but after a bit of research it appears that if basic cognitive function isn't possible without a frontal lobe, vivid hallucinations and easy movement like that couldn't occur. Unless their nightmares, but that wouldn't be possible either. Anyway I've since remembered the minigames and corrected myself, but, it still is, admittedly, confusing. I chalked it up to nightmares.

FNAF 4 as a whole is confusing mostly because it's the one I both least and most hear about. Weird.

Anywhom, my own misconceptions aside, I'll continue.

I've noted that there are almost no actual fleshed out characters in the FNAF series (I haven't read Fazbear Frights but were going to ignore those here). Charlie from the books and Michael from the games seem to be the only two actual characters in this entire series, since they have the most development. Not sure about William but he's probably a bit developed. Not counting that jerkwad though. I hate him.

How can a series with an actual story have only 2 fleshed out characters, one of which being from the books? Charlie's game counterpart's soul is in the Puppet, and last time I checked Puppet doesn't get character development.

That leaves 1 character. Uno. A single character goes through internal and external (did I just make a pun?) conflict, and that's it. I mean other characters have gone through conflict of their own but I'm pretty sure Michael's the only one we know well. All the rest are built off of assumptions the last time I checked.

How did we wind up here? With a single developed character?

Not sure, frankly.

I thought it was cool FNAF was shrouded in so much mystery but now that I've both run out of content to take in from the games and books for Michael and am pretty sure I know everything I need to, I just have to ask:

Why would someone make a cool story and stuff and then NOT take COMPLETE ADVANTAGE of said story?

I noticed that FNAF has nearly nonexistent dialogue, relying solely on hints and mjnigames to get its story across, and while this is cool, it got confusing fast when they got an actual character and not a bunch of silent protagonists.

I'm still hoping the new creator goes in some direction that is open to letting us actually know characters. I wanna be able to root for someone, like them, and know them. I was able to do it a little bit with Michael, and it's a good step that we actually get a full 3d model for Gregory that we get to SEE. That's a very good step in the right direction indeed.

Maybe I'm not expecting the right things, since I went into the series with a long history of both hating it and only reading fantasy related things, so my outlook when I realized there was an actual character was "Well he better be a good one."

I want something to like out of this since I'm not big on horror but rather mystery, so that's what I'm here for, but I also need a good cast to get attached to, and all I've learned so far is:

-Its hard to get attached to animatronics.

-William is extremely unlikable, not that I liked him much before I joined the fandom.

-The only two characters I like in Charlie and Michael both died weird deaths (Charlie an even stranger one to be frank).

-Carlton did not deserve to be in a horror novel.

-I got attached to Michael and he ended up a scorched corpse.

Sorry for rambling I'm gonna post about something else later.

Roswell New Mexico Season 2, Episode 13

- I’m sure that wasn’t supposed to be comedy but I literally laughed through most of that and I’m still laughing at the last scene. I can’t. I just...I can’t. I mean what the fuck even was half of that?!?!?

- I mean that episode was WILD. I don’t even know where to begin. This is going to get long...you are forewarned. 

- Let’s start with the EXTREMELY RAPID conclusion of last week’s mortal peril. Yep....let’s just do some CPR...not even have to break out the alien defibrillator powers and oh look Max is just fine. I mean...thank god cause I could not go through a repeat of last season although...considering the last scene...that might be preferable. (I’m still laughing...like full on cracking up and my roommates probably think I’m nuts). Then we’ve got Liz dumping the contents of some top secret recipe giant ketchup bottles on the alien console and oh...yep....melted. Glad that crisis was averted. Then we have some random shots of people going to the hospital and oh look...everyone’s alive and fine except...Jesse Manes. I mean...don’t get me wrong...he’s a monster and I’m not sorry he’s dead by my god what a pitiful end to a character that should have been a really good villain but instead was a guy who limped around in the background most of the season until suddenly in one episode it turns out he had been putting together a dastardly plan to show the aliens as the monsters they are and then murder them....sure. Why not?!?! Well...I guess it’s nice that that barely three episode arc of Gregory Manes wanting to stand up for Alex got some closure. I just...it’s so dumb!!!!

- Oh wait...I forgot...not shocking cause it was literally two seconds, but hey...Helena randomly went back and saved Charlie and proceeded to yell at her for getting chained up and not leaving while she freed her. Cool. 

- Right...so that’s all wrapped up in the opening five minutes...let’s just move on...we’ve got a lot of other insane junk we have to throw into the next 35 minutes. Yep...still laughing. 

- Let’s just kick things off with Michael and Maria...and now I’m laughing again. I did ask the show to prove me wrong earlier today and well...I mean....they half did?!?!?!! Except it was literally insane so I don’t even know what to say. So...Maria’s just fine cause you know she was only half alien so that’s cool and great and then oh wait...she just happens to have a magic plot box dropped off by Mimi. Thanks Mimi...you still have no real purpose in this story except to occasionally move the plot forward but thanks for the box. But Michael doesn’t trust Mimi’s plot hints so he doesn’t want to open the box. Instead....he goes to hang with Alex and they destroy the shed together, which admittedly was a very nice scene and totally gave me Stendan in Dublin vibes and I quite liked it. 

- But it was also all so they could find a literal skeleton under the floorboards. Gotta get those callbacks in eh? Hahaha. And of course it’s Tripp! Who else would it be? And of course...he’s got the magical key so it turns out Mimi really is tuned into the plot and read ahead in the script and knew that box would be important! So back to Maria he goes after having this super cathartic scene with Alex that tied into their emotional past together. I mean...par for the course...and I was fully ready for the whiplash that was going to make me crazy and you know...I was not disappointed because they started out being all “hey I love you” and I was like “eye roll knew that was coming” but then! She just up and breaks up with him because that’s what you do after a mutual I love you that’s based on zero relationship development over the past twelve and a half episodes. And once again...I am laughing. 

- I mean...I’ll say this...I’m glad it was her that broke up with him and in part because she totally knows he’s in love with Alex and we have been saying that literally all season so like I’m glad she noticed. But I literally died when she was all “I’ve learned so much from this relationship”. What?! What did you learn? Did you get motivation in your script direction that we weren’t privy to because I still have literally no idea what either of you were supposed to be getting out of that relationship but hey...who cares cause it’s over now and Maria just decided that so it’s all fine. No heartbreak there. And you know...Michael seems totally cool with it. Barely even put up a fight. Hahahahaha. Again...I can’t. 

- So then we go back to Alex and Michael and Isobel who is all of a sudden team Malex this episode when previously she was inventing emojis for Michael’s Maria hearteyes so yeah...all of this is just really confusing. But hey! The box has Tripp’s journal in it and descriptions that make Michael squirm but also....Tripp and Nora’s love was...wait for....COSMIC! Hahaha. Oh this show. It’s drunk on it’s own absurdity. So anyway...we’re filled in on the rest of Tripp and Nora’s story...well...sort of. We know she tried ice cream and liked it and there was talk of the mystery bad man that wasn’t Noah but uh...more on that later. Haha. Well...I guess we know Harlan killed Tripp and we unfortunately saw Nora die so that’s a wrap on the 1947 flashbacks I guess?!?! Sure. 

- Oh god and the song...since we’re on Malex anyway. I mean...I liked the song and yeah....he got all the references in there. I never look away...cosmic...sure. And I knew once Forrest was there that kiss was going to happen but my god...are we really setting up season three where now Alex is the one in a random relationship and Michael is trying to be happy for him and we repeat season two’s nonsense?! Are we going to have another threesome just for funzies because you know...that was still LITERALLY the dumbest and most pointless plot point of the season. But anyway, I’m happy Alex felt comfortable enough to sing a song about a guy and kiss a guy in front of a crowded bar but there was literally NO REASON it could not have been Michael. He and Forrest literally had like four scenes together this season compared to Malex who had this whole emotional arc but no...gotta make it complicated. 

- Props to them for managing to have one last break up without actually even having a conversation this time. TALENT. LEGENDS ONLY. 

- I guess at least now that there’s just a minor character in the way and they probably can’t actually kiss again due to coronavirus restrictions, there’s probably some hope for Malex next season?!?! Maybe they’ll find a vaccine by the time there’s a Malex reunion. Maybe good things come to those who suffer. Hahaha.

- Right...let’s move on to Max and Liz. So uhh...Max spends the whole episode seeming like he was hopped up on drugs again or desperate for a fix. What is in that antidote?! Once again we gloss over the “darkness” in Max because like who needs real follow up to the first five episodes of the season. Not this show!

- The whole “Max destroys Liz’s lab” plot was nuts. Just the sheer speed of it from Diego magically appearing at the diner with the Generyx woman to Jenna’s super spy disguise to Max just blowing up the lab as Diego and co drive up and then they just exit stage left super fast except for the fact that Liz is still seemingly going to California but like...why? Did Generyx woman still agree to give her a grant based on her exploding lab?! Did she just feel bad that she didn’t have a lab anymore?! 

- Sidebar to Steph...fucking Steph...whose apparent entire purpose this season was to be sick enough to inspire Liz to do science and break up her and Max over it and then survive after Liz randomly finds time to give her some kind of half baked medicine from her lab BEFORE it exploded??!?! Or does she just carry that shit around with her? And for the love of god SOMEBODY SAVE KYLE from this EXCRUCIATINGLY BORING story!!!!!! Please don’t subject him to more of this next season. Let them break up during the pandemic and give Kyle a clean slate and allow him to reenter the narrative in a way that allows him actual screen time and scenes with the group. Sigh...at least he got to hug Liz and have a brief scene with Alex where Alex told him he was proof of redemption. Look at that character arc that was literally told in two scenes this season! Yeah...see they can be concise when they want to!

- Anyway...back to Max. OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT FINAL SCENE?!?!?!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA?!!? I don’t even know what I was expecting but it WAS NOT THAT! What even?!?! WHY AM I BEING SUBJECTED TO TWO MAXES?!?! ONE WAS ENOUGH...sometimes MORE THAN ENOUGH. This is just really mean and so was forcing me to look at that HIDEOUS beard! I just....I really can’t handle it. HAHAHA! What drugs were they on when they wrote this?! Also...NONE OF THIS ANSWERS ANY QUESTION AT ALL!!!!!!!!!

- Let’s see...what else...

- I’m glad Jenna and Charlie FINALLY had a scene together because when Jenna first said that Charlie had disappeared again, I got so mad because it was just inexplicably dumb. So I’m glad they got to see each other. 

- I’m glad Rosa is going back to rehab and that she both got to tell her mother that she loved her and tell her to stay the fuck away. 

- I’m just laughing at the fact that for like one episode Helena was suddenly the big bad or at least a main antagonist or at least some kind of main player for the season and then just as quickly was COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT and is probably just going to leave now?!??! WHY?!?!?!? 

- Can Isobel please get something legit to do next season that doesn’t just involve her going into people’s heads without asking and maybe involves her getting a love interest of her own? Please?! I mean...I’m glad she got learn about her mother this season but also I feel like she didn’t do much and I think she deserves more than that. 

- I guess I’m glad Maria is embracing her alien side and trying to be true to herself or whatever but also....she was literally just in this episode to “not be dead”, to give Michael a plot box and to break up with him so she’s no longer a shipping obstacle. And then we never saw her again the rest of the episode. I really sincerely hope they do more with her next season in a way that actually serves her as a character because this season did not do her many favors. I’m glad she finally knows about the aliens and they delved into her own alien identity but I hope she really gets to do something with that next season and not just exist to save everyone else at the end with no thanks for it. I mean literally no one was on screen visiting her except Michael just so she could give him a box and break up with him. Liz and Max were literally at the hospital. But no...Liz had to see irrelevant Steph so she could save her for some unknown reason. Sigh....Not even her cool aunt Isobel came to see her. 

- I don’t even know what else to say. I’m still laughing. I still feel like I know LITERALLY NOTHING about what was going on this season. I had hopes for this season at the end of season one but honestly I have zero hopes for season three because I’m sure it will be a clusterfuck but an even weirder clusterfuck than normal cause everyone will be standing eight feet apart. Maybe that will make them tell a tighter story and not try and shove 75 different plots into 13 episodes??? Probably not. I’m sure it’ll still be batshit crazy and make no sense at all. I’m gonna treat the show as a comedy from now on. 

- Well...it’s been fun all. Thanks to anyone who made it through this whole nonsense post. You deserve a prize. Maybe a plot box or a skeleton under a floorboard or a journal telling you your relatives’ love was cosmic too. 

Hey, Idk if you know this but imma ask you anyway cause I think you’re cool. ANYWAY, how do other hero’s react when they find out Daredevil is blind? (You have any HC’s that go along with it?)

    Hi, and thanks! I’m happy that running a comics blog is considered cool.

     This doesn’t actually come up as much as you’d think, because this kind of revelation almost never starts with people discovering that Daredevil is blind. Matt is (mostly) good at pretending he can see while in costume, since that’s an illusion he feels the need to maintain. Instead, what usually happens is this: someone (a fellow hero or otherwise) will learn that Matt is Daredevil, they’ll assume he fakes the blindness, Matt will then explain about the hypersenses, and that will be that. Sometimes he’ll be asked to prove it, but not always. 

[ID: Excerpt from Kesel’s Daredevil run. Matt and Foggy are standing together in an office. Foggy has his back to Matt (and the reader).]

Foggy: “Okay, Matt– you can stop pretending, now.”

Matt: “Foggy–?”

Foggy: “This whole ‘blind’ thing. I know you’re really Daredevil! Some ‘best friend’– lying to me all these years… playing me for a fool…”

Matt: “No, Foggy– you’re wrong! I thought you understood… I really am blind, from a childhood accident that heightened my remaining senses–”

Daredevil vol. 1 #353 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele

[ID: Daredevil and Karen Page are sitting together in a large, fancy, primarily green sitting room.] 

Karen: “And, your brother ‘Mike’… the aerial explosion in which you ‘died’… even your ‘blindness’… they were all nothing but ingenious frauds!”

Matt: “Two out of three right, my darling! I never had a brother… and that explosion was trumped up to flush out a would-be blackmailer! But, I have been blind for years… perhaps in more ways than one!”

Karen: “Really blind? I don’t… understand…!”

Matt: “When you get down to brass tacks, Karen… neither do I! As Matt, I told you once about the childhood accident that blinded me! That story was true, but not the whole truth!”

[ID: A panel showing a montage of Daredevil doing cool acrobatic tricks against an orange background.]

Matt (off-panel): “For, in some mysterious way, the same mishap that robbed me of my sight… amazingly sharpened my remaining senses, to far beyond those of other men… enabling me to avoid disasters, and to perform athletic feats that few people even dream of! Taste… touch… smell… hearing… all my senses were heightened! Except perhaps for that secret ingredient called… common sense! Why else would I never have told you before… that I love you?”

Daredevil vol. 1 #58 by Roy Thomas and Gene Colan

[ID: Daredevil and Black Panther are swinging in tandem across the nighttime city.]

T’Challa: “DD… I know I promised no questions… but I have never comprehended how a blind attorney can battle crime with the best of them! –If you truly are blind, that is!”

Matt: “I am… but I’ve got some other super-senses that just won’t quit! Remind me to tell you about ‘em sometime!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #69 by Roy Thomas and Gene Colan

[ID: Daredevil and Spider-Man– who is in his black costume– are crouched on a rooftop, talking.] 

Peter: “So… ‘Peter’, huh?”

Matt: “Yup. And in case you’re wondering, my handle is… Matt Murdock.”

Peter: “You’re kidding, right? I mean… Murdock’s blind… I mean… that is… uh, let’s go someplace and talk about this…”

[In the next panel they’re in Peter’s apartment, and in civvies. Matt is sitting on a chair, wearing a white shirt and blue pants. Peter is walking into the room, wearing a green shirt and blue pants.]

Matt: “Faintly acrid, but a nice apartment.”

Peter: “Boy, you really must be blind. And yeah, I had a fire recently. Let me understand– you could tell when you heard my heartbeat as Peter Parker and later as Spider-Man that we were the same guy? That’s some power. What do you call it?”

Matt: “Listening.”

Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man vol. 1 #110 by Peter David, Rich Buckler, and Bob Sharen

[ID: A panel of Luke Cage and Danny Rand– both in civvies– standing on a rooftop at night. They are looking up toward the viewer (at Daredevil, off-panel). Danny is holding up a newspaper.]

Luke: “You can put that down. He’s blind.”

Danny: “Oh, he really is blind. I thought he was pretending because of all the heat on him.”

Luke: “No, he’s really blind.”

Danny: “Oh.”

Daredevil vol. 2 #38 by Brian Michael Bendis, Manuel Gutierrez, and Matt Hollingsworth

    These are just a few examples, but you get the idea. It’s very rare that someone figures out that Daredevil is blind without it being tied to a full-on secret identity reveal. The best example I can think of is this great moment from one of the Daredevil/Batman crossovers. Trust the World’s Greatest Detective to figure it out…

[ID: Daredevil and Batman are standing together on a rooftop at night.]

Bruce: “Let’s say you’re visually impaired. You favor your other modes of sensory input. A subtle inclination of your head when there’s a sound. An extremely slight flaring of your nostrils, probably indicating olfactory acuteness. You’re practiced– or possess sensory enhancements– making your powers of observation markedly proficient.”

Matt: “Thanks. Yours aren’t bad, either.”

Daredevil and Batman by D.G. Chichester, Scott McDaniel, and Gregory Wright

    I love this because Matt’s blindness and powers would affect his body language, and I kind of wish that more characters– particularly those with combat expertise– would notice. As it stands, pretty much everyone who knows that Daredevil is blind also learns about his hypersenses immediately afterward, and since there’s always been a tendency for writers to allow Matt’s powers to get him out of situations that would generally require sight, his blindness doesn’t come up as much as I wish it would within the context of his actual hero work and team-ups. The little evidence available suggests that his fellow heroes are accommodating (we get little details, like the fact that the text on Matt’s Avengers ID card is written in braille) and they’re generally impressed by him, but they don’t make that big a deal of it. Sometimes they’ll forget he’s blind, but he is quick to remind them. In the wider context of the Marvel superhero community, a blind superhero isn’t that weird, no matter what Brainwashed Wolverine™ might claim:  

[ID: Wolverine and Matt (in costume, but without his mask) are fighting in Matt’s apartment. Wolverine is slashing with his claws; Matt is trying to restrain him]

Logan: “Hands offa me, you blind freak!”

Matt: “This isn’t you that’s saying this. You have to fight it, Wolverine. You’ve just been reprogrammed.”

Logan (caption): “Listen to you, Murdock: talking like you’re some kinda super hero– Ever wonder why they didn’t ask you to join their fancy teams, big shot? Ever wonder why you always work alone? ‘Cuz you’re blind. Handicapped. Oughta hear the sick jokes they crack behind your back–”

Wolverine (2003) #24 by Mark Millar, John Romita, Jr., Paul Mounts

    (This comes after a long rant about how Matt gets more dates than him. Brainwashed Wolverine™ was going through some stuff in this issue…)

    One context in which Matt’s blindness does come up is in his interactions with other blind superheroes. In these cases, it usually serves as a source of bonding. Gerry Conway gives us this weird-yet-touching issue in which Matt encounters a blind hero from another dimension:

[ID: Daredevil is standing over a figure (Tagak), who is wearing a purple and orange skin-tight suit and a leopard-print mask that covers his whole head.]

Matt: “Now maybe I’ll get some answers! Like, number one… who you are… and number two… how you pretend to see– when you’re blind!”

Tagak: “How…?”

Matt: “Big clue: the way you hesitated just now… and let’s just say it takes one to know one!”

Tagak: “Then you…? It seems there is much to speak about, my friend!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #72 Gerry Conway and Gene Colan

   Since Matt generally works so hard to hide his blindness while in costume, it’s notable that he shares this information with Tagak within minutes of meeting him– especially when he didn’t actually have to.

    Here’s a more recent example, from after Matt has revealed his secret identity to the Inhuman superhero Reader:

[ID: A panel showing Reader sitting at a table, with Matt– in civvies and with his arm in a sling– standing next to the table.]

Reader: “Wait… are you really blind? Gotta admit, I kind of liked being on a team with another blind guy.”

Matt: “I’m really blind.”

Reader: “Then how…”

Matt: “You’ve got your tricks, Reader, I’ve got mine.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #609 by Charles Soule and Phil Noto

    This example is a bit more complicated, since (spoiler alert) it’s all in Matt’s head, but 1. this conversation seems in-character for Reader anyway, and 2. the fact that Matt would want him to react this way is still significant.

    And then there are the villains! One of my favorite examples of Matt’s blindness coming into play in his hero work is this great scene from Waid’s run, in which the Jester– having learned Matt’s secret identity but assuming that the blindness is just an act (as everyone does at first, see above)– sets a trap that is entirely vision-reliant…

[ID: Matt, in civvies, comes across a life-sized dummy of Foggy hanging from a noose. He perceives it in an unrecognizable form with his radar sense. This alternates with panels of the Jester, who is sitting in front of an array of computer screens and getting increasingly agitated.]

Matt (caption): “And what is this? A Jaycees haunted house? Who are you supposed to represent?”

Jester: “He’s staring right at it! Why– why isn’t he reacting?”

Matt (caption): “Real dead bodies have a distinct odor, Jester. This smells like foam rubber and latex. What were you trying to accomplish here? Fail.”

Jester: “React, damn you! That’s your best friend hanging from a noose! Anyone who’s ever seen Murdock in a fight knows the ‘blind lawyer’ gag is a put-on! Open your eyes!”

Daredevil vol. 3 #32 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez

    I don’t really have headcanons as much as I have a wish to see more of this sort of thing in the source material itself (though I would love to hear other people’s headcanons, if they have some!). We’ve come a long way, in general, from the “Matt’s senses more than compensate for his blindness” attitude that plagued early (and some more recent, unfortunately) Daredevil comics, and Waid’s run in particular made great strides in this area, but I always feel like more can be done. I want Matt to hang out with more of the Marvel Universe’s other blind characters (there are a bunch of them!). I want his blindness to come up more often in his team-ups with sighted heroes. We’ve seen antagonists target his hypersenses, but I was surprised and a little disappointed that, back when his blindness was public knowledge, his rogues didn’t try to use that against him. On the other hand, we got awesome things like this during that period…

[ID: A panel showing Matt on the street, in civvies, signing an autograph for a blind kid with a service dog.]

Daredevil vol. 4 #11 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Matt Wilson

    …which is another of the many reasons I’m sad it’s over, as Matt/Daredevil interacting more with the non-powered disabled community is another thing I want– including negotiating his identity as a superpowered disabled person. 

    There’s a tricky line that needs to be walked in handling this aspect of Matt’s character. In making his blindness too prominent, or too debilitating, there’s a risk of turning him into a caricature or making it seem like a burden rather than a simple fact of his existence. Matt is a complex character, and his sensory array is only one part of that complexity. But he is one of the most prominent blind characters in comics– if not media in general– and I still feel like there are a lot of stories surrounding this part of his identity that haven’t yet been told, in the context of both the civilian and superhero sides of his life. 

Hef Tragedy Jam

Hugh Hefner died yesterday. When the news was announced, over fifty women said they were dismayed. No, wait...over fifty women said they were “Miss May”. Fifty more were Miss June, and, well, you get the picture. If you were lucky you got their pictures.

Few of you reading this are old enough to remember that Playboy magazine was about the only place you could see a naked woman, and I say that because there are probably few of you reading this, period. But hey, my column gets more readers than the average suicide note, statistically speaking. Although I’m trying to increase my readership, and the average suicide note is more of a stand-alone project. I bet if George Lucas ever wrote a suicide note, he’d follow it up with three prequel notes. Each successively worse than the last. People would be like, “Why did he have to ruin that original suicide note, which I loved, with those awful prequel-suicide notes? I don’t care why he got depressed, but clearly only a manic depressive could make such a desperate cry for help as introducing Jar-Jar Binks. If I ruined a billion dollar franchise by coming up with an offensive racist caricature like Jar-Jar Binks, I’d probably consider putting a lightsaber in my mouth too.”

I grew up with Playboy magazine, and my early knowledge of female physiology was less from a volume of Grey’s anatomy or sketches by DaVinci, and more from volumes of Playboy magazine. It was like a reference guide, one that you would hold up with one hand. In fact, the first time I had a girlfriend who got naked, I wondered where her staples were. Of course, today, I’m the one who should have his stomach stapled, but that’s another story. Ah, sweet irony!

I’m sure Hugh Hefner went to Heaven, but whatever gleaming Mansion in the sky awaits us, no matter how glorious, for Hugh Hefner it’s going to be a pretty big step down from the Playboy Mansion. It may actually be Seventh Heaven, but Hef has been living on Cloud Nine since 1956. But, hey, he’s already wearing a robe. You know when you see depictions of Heaven, everybody is always wearing white robes? That’s because they were wearing those white robes in the hospital when they died. And they make you wear those awful robes that don’t close in the back because that’s where your wings will come out when you get to Heaven. It’s all part of God’s plan. I bet you’ll still have that plastic wristband on too, St. Peter just scans it at the gate to let you in. <beep> “Cardiac arrest. You’re good. Check in at the registration desk. Have a valid photo ID ready.”

Hugh Hefner was such a consummate pussyhound, I wouldn’t be surprised if he made a deathbed conversion to radical Islam, just to get the 72 virgins in Heaven. God would be like - I mean “Allah” would be like, “Pretty tricky Hef, pretty tricky. But...technically it counts. You old horndog!” Of course, you know what Hugh Hefner calls 72 virgins? A slow Tuesday.

The Playboy Mansion was famous for its out-of-control parties, and the mansion had a natural cave-like grotto on the grounds where everyone would go to snort coke and have sex. I guess Hef was a lot like Bruce Wayne, a millionaire with a mansion and a cave. And didn’t they call Bruce Wayne a millionaire playboy? Hef was a Playboy millionaire. But the difference is, Hef would rather do coke and fuck super-models whereas Batman would rather do-good and fight super-villains. Plus, Batman slides down the Bat-pole, and crazy hot chicks slide down the Hef-pole. In other words, Hef was sane, and Batman was, well, not so much. Batman is basically a billionaire who just wants to hurt people and not get sued for it and pretend he’s a hero. Kind of like Trump.

The grotto cave on the grounds of the Playboy Mansion had a huge, heated Jacuzzi pool, where movie stars, rock and roll gods, and celebrity athletes were eagerly humped by groupies, star-fuckers, and aspiring playmates. Unprotected 1970’s sex was messier than Michael J. Fox eating an ice cream cone, so the pool was probably 60% water, 2% spilled cocaine, and 38% James Caan’s jizz. The lifeguard got syphilis just from giving mouth to mouth resuscitation. At least that was her story. But that was about the same time Grand Funk Railroad was in town, so who can say? I do think ‘grotto’ must be the Italian word for ‘gross’.

I hear some of the more politically correct crowd, or as they’re more commonly known, nitwits, complaining that Playboy exploited women. And I guess it was exploitation, in the same sense that Vogue magazine is exploiting the mostly-naked teenage anorexic girls slash super-models in their magazine. And I say slash because that’s what these girls often try to do to their wrists. Unlike Vogue magazine models, at least the Playboy women didn’t have eating disorders. They’re a lot less likely to stick their fingers down their throats. I’m not saying they’re any less likely to have something down their throats, but not their fingers.

Exploiting women. As if Hugh Hefner was hanging around the Newark bus station looking for a girl down on her luck and fresh off the turnip truck from Topeka. That sounds more like the plot of a 1930’s movie than the way his business empire was run. I think what Hef did was have his photography editors, both men and women, spend endless hours going through duffel bags of mail sent in by thousands of women from all around the country who wanted to pose for Playboy. The staff would narrow it down to probably a few dozen, and then get Hef’s opinion on who was not only the most beautiful, but who had the look that would be right to feature in the magazine. That’s exactly what the editors and publishers do at Elle, and Vogue, and every other magazine that holds up a particular brand of beauty as an ideal.

And I don’t know any women who haven’t worn out the related links on their favorite porn sites jilling off to whatever their particular porn flavor might be, so who exactly are these people that still have a problem with Playboy? Because without Hefner’s decades of battles against governmental and religious censorship, there would be no porn sites. Hef made it possible to look at porn sites without pretending you go there for the articles. Without Playboy, people would still be saying, “Did you read that insightful article on the humanitarian crisis in Darfur? And that recently-found short story by J.D, Salinger?” “Why, yes. I particularly liked the profile of Jazz trumpeters from the post-bop era. And I did notice some delightful porn as well, between the articles, of course.”

The reason Hef could get away with putting in naked chicks is his magazine is because Playboy was a serious, respected literary magazine. The greatest writers of the day were in Playboy:

Ray Bradbury wrote original content for Playboy, and serialized Fahrenheit 451, which was coincidentally the exact temperature of how hot the playmates were.

The Beat writer Jack Kerouac wrote for Playboy, and that cat was cool as hell. Beat, Jack, that is exactly what Playboy readers do.

Ian Fleming published short stories in Playboy, and the James Bond novel “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” was published first in Playboy. We all know James Bond got enormous amounts of pussy. But compared to what Hef was getting, James Bond looks like a bible salesman with erectile disfunction. Or a guy who works in a comic book store. Think about that for a minute; the world’s sexiest pussyhound spy still gets less women than the guy who published the magazine his story is in. And Bond is fictional!

Roald Dahl wrote for them, too. The author of “Willie Wonka” writing for people who wonka their willies, sounds apropo.

Kurt Vonnegut wrote for them all the time, and that dude was cooler than Ice Nine. There’s a reference for ya!

Joseph Heller published a lost chapter of “Catch-22” in Playboy. I think the title Catch-22 might be the number of social diseases you’d get if you had sex in the grotto.

Margaret Atwood, author of “The Handmaid’s Tale” started writing for Playboy in 1991. I would imagine one of her stories was called “The Handmaid’s Tail”.

Hunter S. Thompson. Gabriel García Márquez, John Updike, Joyce Carol Oates, Truman Capote, they all wrote for Playboy. This magazine was the real deal, kids, it was smarter and cooler than absolutely anything you know today. You see, all of these stories were longer than 140 characters. Or even 280.

I actually learned quite a bit about culture from Playboy, between rounds, if you know what I mean. By middle school I could discuss the literary feud between Gore Vidal and Norman Mailer in English class and sound like a friggin’ genius, I just couldn’t tell the teacher where I learned it. “Where did I learn that? Oh, you know. Around. Literary journals, and the like. At that building that has all the books. Yes, exactly, the library! That’s the one! I frequent that establishment, I‘ll have you know.” What was I gonna say? My father’s sock drawer?

The Playboy Interview was legendary, they were deep, involved discussions, frank and uncensored. Here are some of the people they interviewed: Salvador Dali, Patty Hearst, Groucho Marx, Ansel Adams, Stanley Kubrick, The Beatles, Albert Schweitzer, Buckminster Fuller, Orson Welles, Peter Sellers, Abbie Hoffman, Tennessee Williams, Erica Jong, Allen Ginsberg, and Bertrand Russell. Then there are the so famous they’re known by just one name:  Fellini, Castro, Brando, Nehru, Sartre, Bowie, Nabokov, Hoffa, Carson, Antonioni, Mastroianni, Gleason, and Sinatra. And Playboy was woke, they interviewed Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., Alex Haley, Miles Davis, Muhammad Ali,  Eldridge Cleaver, Dick Gregory, and Huey Newton. Holy shit, right?  Who do you see interviewed today? Kardashians? Ryan Gosling? Taylor Swift, but interrupted by Kanye West? This time we live in today has less culture than a petri dish.

Hef lived so long that most people today have no real idea how influential he was, what an important cultural icon he was, and that he somehow talked Marilyn Monroe into posing naked on the cover of the very first issue of his magazine way the hell back in 1956. That’s a dude with the Kavorka, big-time. And nobody was naked back in 1956. Not in this country. In 1956, people showered wearing a suit and tie, and apart from time shampooing, a smart fedora. They say people were more cultured back then because they went to art museums, bullshit, I think they only went to art museums to see the nudes in the oil paintings. You would too, and you know it, don’t even try to deny it. You’d say you were admiring the Titian, but you were really just admiring the Tit.

Nearly every issue, Playboy featured a very prominent celebrity with a well-established career and respected in her field who actually wanted people to see how beautiful she was without any clothes. Starting with Marilyn Monroe. And she was smoking hot, too, an icon in her absolute prime. Future historians will be more grateful for that photo shoot than they are for the discovery of the Nag Hammadi texts. Where do you go from there, Playboy? Well, how about Farrah Fawcett, the biggest sex-symbol of the entire 1970’s! The list of gorgeous, talented, famous, successful women that wanted to pose for Playboy might be hard for you to imagine, as you live in an age where women pose in magazines like Maxim with their clothes on! And men today pay to see that? Wtf? Man, I can see women with their clothes on just about anywhere I go. I can see that in line at the deli counter, I don’t need to pay for it.

Here are just a few, a very few, of the already-famous women who chose to pose with no clothes:

Daryl Hannah. Olivia Munn. Kim Basinger. Charlize Theron. Drew Barrymore. Denise Richards (she had kids with Charlie Sheen, so posing for Playboy was comparatively a relatively sound decision). Shannen Doherty. Belinda Carlisle. Jayne Mansfield. Mariel Hemingway. Margaux Hemingway. Nastassja Kinski. Sharon Stone. Rosanna Arquette. Vanna White. Elle MacPherson. Brigitte Bardot. Uma Thurman. Kate Moss. The list is almost endless. I almost said bottomless, but being Playboy, “bottomless”  goes without saying.

Sure, the last decade and a half weren’t great for Hef, but who stays cool past the age of 75? Only Bob Dylan and Picasso. Hef couldn’t let it all go, and at the end it was pretty sad. It was like Sunset Boulevard with viagra. But I’ll miss the Hef of fifty years ago, that man was at the forefront of political movements, cultural progress, gay rights, equal rights, reproductive rights, and the right to take your goddamn clothes off if you feel like it.

This may be the first funeral where you should bring condoms. In lieu of flowers, please give blowjobs. So long, Hef. Thanks for the mammaries.

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My 15 Favorite Episodes of The Flash:

15.  The Reverse Flash Returns (Episode 2.11/34, Written by: Todd and Aaron Helbing, Directed by: Michael Allowitz)

 „There's nothing you can do about it. This is his origin story, and it's going to happen no matter what you do."

 The one in which: Eobard Thawne meets Barry Allen before he ever met him on this show before.

14.  Flashpoint (Episode 3.1/47, Written by: Greg Berlanit, Andrew Kreisber, Brooke Roberts, Directed by: Jesse Warn)

 "So, what should we call this brave new world that you have whipped up for us? I was thinking... Flashpoint."

 The one in which: Barry lives in a fake reality and holds Eobard in a cage.

13.  Enter Flashtime (Episode 4.15/84, Written by: Todd Helbing, Sterling Gates, Directed by: Gregory Smith)

 "Well, I'm sorry, Jay. If this is the only way to save everyone in the city, I have to."

 The one in which: A bomb is going to destroy Central City und kill everyone.

12. Infantino Street (Episode 3.22/68, Written by: Andrew Kreisberg, Grainne Godfree, Directed by: Michael Allowitz)

 "Piece of advice: stop trying to beat Savitar at his own game. Your goodness is your strength. Call me sentimental. Think the Flash should remain a hero."

 The one in which: Barry teams up with a time traveling version of Captain Cold to rob Argus.

11.  Pilot (Episode 1.01/1, Written by: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Geoff Johns, Directed by: David Nutter)

 „You can do this, Barry. You were right. I am responsible for all of this. So many people have been hurt because of me, and when I looked at you, all I saw was another potential victim of my hubris. And yes, I created this madness, but you, Barry, you can stop it. You can do this. Now run, Barry, run!"

 The one in which: Barry Allen is hit by lightning, wakes up with superpowers and becomes a hero.

10.  Flash Back (Episode 2.17/40, Written By: Aaron Helbing, Todd Helbing, Directed By: Alice Troughton)

 "Just one thing that occurs to me, I don't need you, do I? Not this you certainly. Oops, you probably should have thought of that before you came back here. Shame... you ran all the way back here just to die."

 The one in which: Season 2-Barry time travels into Season 1 because he needs Eobards help.

 9. The Last Temptation of Barry Allen Part 1 (Episode 6.07/121, Written By: Jonathan Butler, Gabriel Garza, Directed By: Chad Lowe)

 "My name Is Iris West-Allen, and I once met a young man - a superhero - who I called the Streak. The world has come to know him as the Fastest Man Alive, the Scarlet Speedster. The Flash. But no matter what title you choose for him, he'll always be remembered as the protector of our amazing city and it's citizens, as a beacon of hope for us all, and as the man who sacrificed himself again and again so we could live. Today we say goodbye to him. Today we say goodbye to him, not because he was taken but because he gave himself willingly. And in the end, that's what makes him deserving of the greatest title of all: Hero."

 The one in which: Barry is sick, Ramsay is the devil and the Speed Force gets a nasty surprise.

8.      The Once and Future Flash (Episode 3.19/65, Written by: Carina Adly MacKenzie, Directed By: Tom Cavanagh)

 "Cisco told me, or showed me, that you all haven't been a team in a long time. And I know that I'm the reason for that. Iris' death shouldn't have driven me away from you all. I mean, it should've driven me closer. This isn't what she would want. But I'm here now to tell you that no matter what happens in the past, I will not abandon you."

 The one in which: Barry travels to a dark future and learns a couple of things.

7.      Nora (Episode 5.01/93, Written By: Todd Helbing, Sam Chalsen, Directed by: David McWhirter)

 "My name is Nora West-Allen, and I'm the fastest woman alive. When I was a child, my father disappeared in something impossible. Then I grew up and became the impossible. Now I'm trying to live up to the legacy he created so that one day, I'll stop him from ever disappearing. I'm XS. How schway is that?"

 The one in which: Nora meets the younger versions of her parents and screws up the timeline.

 6.      Welcome to Earth-2/Escape from Earth-2 (Episodes 2.13-14/36-37, 36: Written By: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Katherine Walczak, Directed By: Millicent Shelton, 37: Written By: Aaron Helbing, Todd Helbing, David Kob, Directed By: J. J. Makaro)

 "So, which one of you lounge lizards is in the wrong universe?"

 The ones in which: Barry und Cisco visit Earth-2, where everything is different.

 5.      Out of Time (Episode 1.15/15, Written By: Aaron Helbing, Todd Helbing, Directed By: Thor Freudenthal)

 "Do you know how hard it has been to keep all of this from you, especially from you? Because the truth is, I've grown quite fond of you. And in many ways, you have shown me what it's like to have a son. Forgive me, but to me, you've been dead for centuries."

 The one in which: A lot of stuff happens, that never actually happened.

4.      Flash VS Arrow (Episode 1.8/8, Written By: Ben Sokoloswki,m Brooke Eikmeier, Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Directed By: Glen Winter)

 „There is a difference, Barry, between having powers and having precision."

 The one in which: Oliver, Felicity and Dig visit Central City, but their timing is very bad.

3.      Elseworlds Part 1 (Episode 5.9/101, Written By: Eric Wallace und Sam Chalsen, Directed By: Kevin Tancharoen und Tom Cavanagh)

 "Just focus for just a second and take this seriously, because the world thinks that you're Oliver Queen and I'm Barry Allen, and I would really like to know why! Is that cool?"

 The one in which: Oliver and Barry switch identity and seek out Kara to prove it.

2.      Fast Enough (Episode 1.23/23, Written By: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Gabrielle Stanton, Directed By: Dermott Downs)

 "You will have a father - your real father. Wells has messed with our lives long enough. This is why you became The Flash, Barry. To put things right. You saved a lot of people's lives this past year. Now it's time to save yours."

 The one in which: Barry almost changes the timeline, a member of Team Flash dies and the city is about to get eaten.

1.      Duet (Episode 3.17/63, Written By: Aaron Helbing, Todd Helbing, Greg Berlani, Andrew Kreisberg, Directed By: Dermott Daniels Downs)

 "Everything is better in song. When you speak, it's just words. But when you sing, you open up your soul and let who you really are shine through."

 The one in which: Barry and Kara are trapped in a Musical Nightmare.

it’s a hip hop world...

what the fuck is wrong with me? what the fuck is wrong with me? everything, everything's wrong with me. i want to travel back into the past and do everything perfectly, if it would have mattered. god this sounds so edgy, doesn't it. i was just a young kid, i wrote here when i was young. i guess i still am. i'm making stupid decisions now that i won't realize until i go through them... but anyways, i was young. i didn't really know the world at all. i didn't know anything, looking back at it all. before moving to turlock, i didn't really ever travel out of san diego at all. i just kinda stayed with the same circle of people. it was like this isolated commune, almost, although i had the internet. that was my refuge really. i didn't have a lot of friends at all so i would go on the internet ever since i was little. i went to Cubberley Elementary since i was 4 years old because I was born in October and it was better for me to start earlier apparently. i had a few friends in the neighborhood, actually. though i haven't really talked to them in a while and i don't know if they even really remember me anymore. they've all moved on and i don't blame them. i never really had any friends at any of the schools I went to, though. i remember my first friend, though. I think his name was Monty or something, and he was this cool little black kid and I remember that he was at our house once but i barely remember anything about him other than that. i wonder what happened to him or if he even remembers me. i remember a few kids from that school, actually, though i was mostly an outcast. i'd walk around the paths at the school when all the other kids would be on the playground, though sometimes i'd play with the other kids. it just never felt to me like i fit in, though. it never really felt that way, really. becoming homeschooled (sort of) didn't really help with that. i don't know why it happened, or that i really should have done it, but I had no idea. I was in the sixth grade and I was 10 when i started going to mount everest academy. it was weird. a lot of the people there were there because god wasn't a part of the normal school system or whatever. i didn't have any friends there, but it didn't really matter. i had the internet. i had youtube. the one positive thing that came out of it was that i started to take guitar classes and i started to learn how to play guitar. right around that same time, there was this youtube channel that i liked for some odd reason or another. the Gregory Brothers. they'd make these videos called "Auto-Tune the News" where they'd make these sorts of remixes of news reports or whatever. i thought it was funny, and one day they made this one which featured this band I'd heard of from Guitar Hero called Weezer. for some reason, I couldn't get enough of this video, and I loved the backing of it and I found out it was taken from this song "Memories" from their latest album at the time, "Hurley". so I found it, listened to it, and suddenly my eyes opened. I'd listened to music before, but it was mostly like Michael Jackson and Weird Al... this band, however, changed my life. I couldn't get enough of them. I started listening to everything they'd ever made and found out that Pinkerton, which didn't really have any themes relating to an 11 year old, somehow oddly related to me. i was lonely. no one felt the way i did. i still feel like that. i poured my heart and soul into writing songs, inspired by the writing of Weezer's singer-songwriter-guitarist Rivers Cuomo. I kinda wanted to become him, in a way. Maybe if I write all these songs, maybe someone out there will care or listen to them and actually like me... maybe I'll mean something to someone. just an ordinary kid, then. Rivers felt the same way. the reason he started to write songs was because of Kiss and because they were able to get girls... or just be something out there to someone. I have a sneaking suspicion that he still feels that way. he knows he has millions of fans, he knows how many lives he's changed... but maybe he just feels like it hasn't been enough. i don't know. i'm probably just rambling. but it's something that I can oddly relate to. obviously, I'm not nearly as good as him. I'm never going to have one one-hundredth of his talent, songwriting, guitar-wise... i'm not anything compared to Rivers. but Weezer kinda gave me hope that if I tried, I could be something. so I looked up to Weezer... it might not have been uncommon to in the 90s or the 2000s or whatever when they were still relevant, but keep in mind that this was when they'd just released Raditude and Hurley, aka what was seen as the biggest FUCK YOU!!!!!s to their fanbase and to the general public ever, so they were pretty much worthless. they were playing at casinos and headlining cruise ships, and here I was, 11, 12, 13 year old me looking up to these guys. listening to every single demo and song they'd ever made. starting to write (really fucking terrible) songs of my own, and thankfully being wise enough not to share them with anyone yet. while the whole world was tuning them out. good choice.

now that I've driven home and had a few minutes to cool off and collect my thoughts, I feel I should explain myself to the people who have been following me and know who i am so I don't damage my relationship or reputation more than I probably already have. there was a post that an autistic person I follow made, where he vented about bigotry against autistic people, and ended with a passive aggressive "...janice". there was another post that a nonbinary person I follow made where they vented about bigotry against gender nonconforming people, and ended with a passive aggressive "...denise". I'm not 100% sure which was which but I DEFINITELY remember the posts, as well as the profile pictures of the people who posted them. I don't remember the urls though, and even if I did remember them I wouldn't list them in case the people who are now harassing and spamming me in my inbox and activity feeds decided to also hop on their [proverbial] dicks as well as mine because they apparently culturally appropriated those post templates, of ending extended rants about various bigots and ending them with names befitting of middle aged suburban soccermoms, karen. now, when listing people of this demographic, I used to include white among those adjectives. however, there are black middle aged suburban soccermoms, hispanic middle aged suburban soccermoms, and asian middle aged suburban soccermoms, and pretty much people of every race who have the potential to be this type of person the practice strawmans. obviously not every single middle aged suburban parent of children who participate heavily in after school activities is going to be the type of person to scream at retail workers or starbucks baristas or people who cut off their minivans when they're driving 15 under the speed limit in the left lane. not every single middle aged suburban person is an undeducated bible thumping bigot with their head shoved up their ass. not every one of them is a problematic piece of shit that stands by the #alllivesmatter crew or trump or whatever the republicans are rallying around this week. not even all of the white ones, and there are some people who fit the trope who are not white. I've dealt with many of them during my days at target, but I always stood by including white. until recently. when I learned it made black people uncomfortable when white people made white jokes, I was of course initially hesitant. "that's fucking stupid!" I though. "I'm not assuaging white guilt by doing this, I'm just finding it in me to laugh at myself". and then I read a bit more about the subject and figured it isn't worth the potential heartache if I fought it because in all honesty it kind of makes sense. my mom's boyfriend's son is black (and hispanic), and I had once made a white girl joke to my sister in front of him and mom told me later that both he and her boyfriend were uncomfortable with me saying that. after seeing the post that talked about it, and my... slight breakdown where I may have dramatically overreacted... I decided to try and stop with the white people jokes because I want to unlearn all of the racist shit that my dad, stepmom, aunts, uncles, grandparents, former friends, former acquaintances, and society in general that I possibly could, because racism as a concept digs into my skin and fucks me up. it used to make me absolutely seethe with rage, and I still get a little steamed by it. in fact I once got in a LOT of trouble with my high school sociology student teacher because I got really shitty with her when she- an anthropology student no less- kept calling one kid in our class by his initial because apparently kudsai is just Too Hard™ to pronounce. one day, an off day where I forgot to take my medicine, she called him that and I yelled at her "he has a name, so use it". granted I didn't like the kid. I thought he was annoying; loud, obnoxious, constantly making sex jokes while we were studying freud (and even the fucking holocaust), in the choir and the football team... basically like any other cishet teenage boy. but being annoying is no excuse for a teacher to not take five fucking seconds of her day to learn how to say his name right just because it wasn't franklin or gregory, two of the other black kids who I went to school with. anyone following me as far back as when annie got remade with quvenzhane wallis as the titular role might have read my thoughts on the matter of pronouncing people's names right. i'm not saying this to pat myself on the back for not being racist, because WOW was I a rough mess of things back then, but I was never like my dad's side of the family about race. back when michael brown's death and ferguson were still talked about, I found myself agreeing with rush limbaugh about some of the things he said, so clearly I haven't been a perfect angel my whole life. anyway, back to white people jokes making black people feel uncomfortable. I've been trying to make myself agree with that, which as anyone who has the syndrome formerly known as aspergers can probably attest to, is hard as shit to do. possible but hard. like, I'm even now still unlearning some acephobia, transphobia, queerphobia, islamophobia, and even though I know the occasional fleeting thoughts that I think are wrong and bad, they still happen very frequently. same goes with various forms of racism and xenophobia. my dad (and former stepdad's) influences are probably so deep because of various issues with abandonment and abuse that I'm not gonna discuss here, and they're both absolutely reeking with white supremacist microaggressions. so I'm definitely trying my hardest. part of that is why I reacted so negatively when people misinterpreted what I said, put words in my mouth, and straight up told me to kill myself in all of these messages that are still flooding in. another part is because I truly do stand by the things that I meant to say, rather than the things that it appears I've said. I really do think that it's unreasonable to say that it's racist for people who aren't black to make posts where we vent about various injustices we face from people who are misinformed and ignorant and straight up smarmy condescending assholes and then end it with a passive aggressive name of some baby boomer fuckwit, peggy. because these baby boomer fuckwits come in many colors (black people are still capable of being racist [against hispanic/asian/etc people, not whites, I need to make that abundantly clear], classist, misogynist, queerphobic, ableist, otherwise bigoted prejudiced assholes), and these names that are heralded as "typically white", like henry or franklin or gregory or harold or penelope or alice or etc, are not exclusively white names. I've seen or met black people with names like this and while it's definitely not the majority (not even close), and it's definitely partially due to cultural erasure perpetuated by gentrification, it still exists. so it doesn't make sense to me why the person who wrote the post that started me on this whole sequence of posts about this topic insisted that it was a 'white people names' thing. especially when white people names are more like khaeylieghhe or miakkaylia or annedeeye or some other ridiculous bastardisation of english language in order to make your child feel special and unique and end up growing to be a cookie cutter member of the conservative party that tries to take down affirmative action because they feel like it's reverse discriminatory or some shit. if it was something like that, making fun of those names that are actually like making jokes at the expense of white people [I think I should apologize in advance because technically this counts as a white people joke even if it's just an example] would make perfect sense. however I have not only seen posts in this template of ending with baby boomer names being used as tools to express their distaste in queerphobia, ableism, classism, xenophobia, and intolerance of other sorts, but I've made them before, and it has had not a god damn bit of racial connotation to it at all unless it's been specifically a black millennial on tumblr venting specifically about a white people-ism, and to make a post that shits on everybody who uses this template to cope if they're not black, and causes those kids who use it to cope to ask why not, and then get immediately shit on by assholes who treat them just like people are treating me, who tell them that it doesn't matter if they're neurodivergent or gay or trans or whatever because they're being Big Bad Evil Racists™ by ending their rant posts with names like becky, allison. I don't care if you're black. if you treat queer or disabled kids like shit and call them racist when they're not being racist, no matter what color your skin is, you're an asshole. and to act like fucking salem massachusetts when confronted with legitimate criticism of your ill-informed unbridled assault of an angry mama bear to queer and disabled kids, is just DISGUSTING. WEAK. and PATHETIC. and only serves to strengthen my points. so you know what, go ahead. keep sending me your hate anons. keep sending me the smarmy condescension. I can take it. just stop being fucking assholes to my family. your race isn't something I have any authority over but I won't let you use it as a weapon to beat people over the head with just because you get high off of the power you get from the veil of anonymity. false accusations of being a tier 6 skinhead is more palatable than telling us to kill ourselves.

Halloween Spirit

(1,770 words)

Evan learns that the spirit of Halloween comes with enjoying spending time with people you love during the season, and thats why he'd never felt anything of the sort with Michael and his father. 🍫🎃🕷

"Have you ever been to Spirit Halloween?" Gregory asks him someday when they're hanging out at his house. Evan looks up from one of Gregory's drawings he was coloring in and tilts his head.

"No." Evan replies after a moment. And hes never wanted to, either. Not only would getting there mean either his Father or Michael would have to take him, but he knows Michael gets all of the scary masks he terrifies Evan with there. Plus that there are animatronics with uncanny molds and bloody faces and long fingers and black cloaks that jump out and scream at you.

So hes never really had an urge to go. Hence why he's literally never been.

"Never?!" Gregory exclaims when he learns about it. He jumps up off of his bed, shaking his head. "Evan, going to Spirit Halloween is like... it's like a major life event. Its tradition. You go to Spirit Halloween every year during the season to get pumped for it."

"I've never heard of that." Evan replies. "I've just... never had a reason to go."

He purposefully leaves out all the reasons he never has wanted to go. He doesnt want to be a Debbie Downer.

"Well now you do." Gregory tells him. He grabs the sketchbook out of Evan's hands, setting it on his comforter and then yanking Evan off the bed with suprising strength. "I'm taking you to Spirit Halloween today. No take backs."

Evan yelps, and only narrowly avoids eating carpet. "I never even agreed in the first place." Evan points out. After he doesnt pull away, Gregory let's him go to slide his shoes on. "But... sure. I'll go with you."

"Yes!" Gregory pumps a fist, slipping a navy hoodie on. With a faint smile at Gregory's excitement, Evan stays how he is, already wearing a plenty warm wool sweater. All he has to do is pull his own converse on and they're out the door.

"How have you never been?" Gregory comments when they've set off, following the sidewalk. The trees have long since all turned reds and oranges and yellows, and they flutter in the pleasant breeze the Autumn season is producing. Pumpkins and skeletons and spiderwebs decorate every yard theyve passed, and store windows hold those jelly stick-on's. "Pretty much everyone has."

"Nobody's ever taken me." Evan replies, shrugging. "My family doesnt really decorate. Especially now that its just us."

Before, when his Mom and Elizabeth were still living with them, there would be the occasional decorating. Elizabeth would whine and push for something seasonal to celebrate and his parents would cave and buy some cheap decorations to sling up around the house. But that was years ago, when he was a much younger kid. Now, hes thirteen, and its just him, Michael, and their Father.

Evan dares to think Michael would actually like to have decorations up. It's just that he believes he's 'too cool' for things like that. He's always enjoyed Halloween, if not for access to extra scary masks then to run around town with his friends to spook other innocent children. Plus, the king size candy bars he always brings home have to mean something.

Evan's never really had a reason to like it when every time he'd dress up he'd be made fun of in some sort of way, and then actively targeted as soon as he'd step outside. Plus, everything Michael likes about Halloween, Evan dislikes.

But Evan dares to believe this year will be different. The reason being right next to him.

"God, your family is so boring." Gregory groans. "Nobody even took you like... when you were a kid years ago?"

"Nope."

"Ugh." Gregory makes a face, slinging an arm around Evan's shoulder. "Well thats why you dont like Halloween. Because your family has always sucked too bad to let you enjoy it."

Evan nods sagely, knowing its true. His family always makes Halloween what they do or dont do. And usually, Evan's never cared enough to wish for a better, more seasonal holiday. He's always been too worried about other things to be in any sort of joyful mood.

"Well, dont worry about it right now, alright?" Gregory tells him, shooting him a grin. "This year you'll get to experience real Halloween. We'll get you a costume and take you to see cool stuff, and you'll get to do stuff like carve pumpkins and bake cookies with us."

Evan's eyes widen at the influx of activities. He's only ever done maybe a couple of those throughout his whole life.

He looks at Gregory earnestly, brain already flashing with images of Evan laughing and smiling, flinging cookie batter at Gregory, costume shopping without the lingering paranoia, and digging his hands inside a pumpkins guts.

The promise of having fun with people he actually likes, who like him back is so overwhelming, he almost tears up.

He pushes it down, offering Gregory a wobbly smile. "That... that sounds fun."

"It always is!" Gregory boasts, and Evan is convinced he can see stars in his eyes. "Man, I wish Ness were here. I really want her to meet you. It would be so cool spending Halloween with both of you.

There goes another mention of the infamous older-sister-away-at-college. Evan's heard a few of those, but it's not what he focuses on in that moment.

Something about Gregory putting him on the same level as his biological sibling makes something warm and fluttery bloom in Evan's stomach.

"You'll get to introduce me someday." Is all Evan manages to get out, and he almost backtracks at the implication in his sentence that Gregory will be willing to stick by him that long. But Gregory just smiles, shakes his shoulders a bit, and goes "She'll love you."

Evan hides his smile in the collar of his sweater. If Gregory is so sure, Evan cant wait to meet her, too.

It's not long at all afterwards that they finally make it to the store. Evan thinks it looks very bare bones, compared to how Gregory was describing it, but Gregory just says not to judge a book by its cover.

Gregory was right. The inside is what counts.

Halloween decorations fill very inch, gravestones and spiderwebs and skeletons waiting to greet you. There are tons of different mini-sets around the store with animatronics, and despite how Evan stays as far away from the animatronics as possible, Gregory's excitement over them make him feel better about how creepy they are.

Evan's favorite section though has to be the costume wall.

It's just a shelf full of silly costumes stuffed in bags from floor to ceiling, and it stretches across almost the entire store.

"Ness and I used to spend hours here just making fun of the costumes." Gregory had said after bringing him to it. "Look at the model on this one."

Then he'd pointed at a dumb looking werewolf, and when Evan had burst out laughing, they'd kept going.

The daylight outside slowly fizzles out in the corner of Evan's vision, in the foreground. That gray, cloudy sky that comes with Autumn fading into a dark, deep blue. By the time its their turn to leave, Evan's cheeks hurt from smiling and his throat is dry from how much he had talked and laughed.

Before they go, Gregory insists on buying Evan a Halloween sweater, no matter how much he'd protested. It's another thing he insists is tradition.

When Gregory didnt budge, Evan caved and chose a really soft black one with and orange collar and a Jack-o-lantern in the middle. Gregory had chosen one for himself, then proceeded to get attached to one of the plastic inaccurate skeleton animals and buy it too. They'd named the little dog with bone ears and a bone nose Davey.

Evan never imagined that this is what the spirit of Halloween is like, but he feels it now more than he ever has. It reminds him of those Christmas movies he'd see on TV where the lesson would be that the true meaning of Christmas is spending time with your family.

As sad as it sounds, Evan never understood those. But he thinks he gets it now.

Because the contrast between last year and this year is so stark. It's not the fact that he went to a Halloween store. If he'd gone last year with Michael and his Father, he would have been miserable, because Michael would try to make him be. This year, he had fun looking at silly stuff with Gregory.

Its only now, when Gregory is handing cash over to the employee behind the counter, who'd just bagged their sweaters and Davey, that he realizes just how much Gregory is his best friend.

They only met in July, after all... but even that feels like a lifetime ago, despite how the school days went by so much quicker with a friend, no longer so awful.

Funny how Evan already feels closer with a boy hes known for a few months than he ever has with his brother and father.

"Can I sleep over?" Evan asks when they break through the doors of the store and the cool air of Autumn washes over his face. He breathes in the scent of fallen leaves and actually notices a difference, this time.

He's feeling bold, he realizes. Scenarios of how he could get in trouble for not asking flash in his mind, but he notices he doesnt really care in the moment.

Gregory, like how telepathic he feels sometimes, notices too. He grins, acknowledging the significance, and nods, bringing out his phone. "Let me call my Dad and we'll swing by your house to grab you a bag."

Evan nods, smiling himself. He plays with the plastic of the bag in-between his fingers, peeking at Davey through the gaps.

"When we get home, I'll make some popcorn and hot chocolate, and then you gotta watch this movie with me. I watch it every year for Halloween."

Evan nods repeatedly, smile already growing on his face. After today, hes sure itll be fun.

They sit on the curb, leaves floating through the breeze, and a light sprinkle starts just in time for Freddy to pull into the driveway.

They hop in the car and Evan watches the scenery outside, looking at people decorations and imagining how he'd carve his own pumpkin, or ice his own cookies.

He'd never cared before now. He'd never cared because he'd never been given the chance to. But now he does. And all he's thinking about is how much 'going home' with Gregory feels right.

ao3 link

bonus: this is Davey

1 Do a session of people watching at Pret a Manger or Maison Kaiser, while sipping on a Grande Cappuccino!

We watched a man unpack his ‘entire life’ while we were having our usual morning Cappuccino’s & Chocolate Chip Cookies (which are to die for btw). He set up his business there, with patience & dedication, for which we had great admiration. NYC has many Pret a Manger’s to pop into if you would like to quickly grab something to eat & use the restrooms. The friendly staff definitely makes the world’s difference to your morning mood! I loved watching people walk past the glass window dressed so beautifully, looking stylish & well-groomed. The morning vibe on the streets of Manhattan is relaxed and refreshing. Many people sit inside, drinking a coffee, and working on their laptop. It is just an amazing culture to experience! Oh, before I forget, for absolutely delicious treats you have to taste something sweet at Maison Kaiser (there are a few of them around Manhattan too)! Their pastries, tarts, and cakes are absolutely addictive!

2 Go inside the New York Public Library…it’s just like in the movies!

Shhh! People are actually studying and working in there for real! Just pretend to be an insignificant statue, or a potplant if you like, for a few minutes and absorb the intricate detail of the heavenly ceiling, the grand lights hanging from above, the arched windows, the smell of the wooden desks and the shiny bookshelves stacked with books that are probably older than you are. Then, snap back to reality and appreciate how incredible it is that the city maintains the entire building so beautifully that it can be used by people every day. When you realise you are no longer a statue, which will become very apparent once lots of other eager tourists bump into you, just remember to take a snapshot to look back on this captivating experience one day.

3 Put on your little black dress, red lipstick and go watch Pretty Woman: The Musical on Broadway

If you are like me, an absolute sucker for romantic comedies, do yourself a favour and watch Pretty Woman: The Broadway Musical. The acting was incredible and the overall experience was surreal. The seats are positioned closely together…so get yourself ready for a chat with your ‘neighbour’! Sitting next to me, was a young woman who had worked as an au-pair for a family in the States, while simultaneously exploring the rest of the USA. She made a spur of the moment decision to watch the Broadway show before returning to Australia the following day. Lucky us for her spontaneous decision, otherwise we would have never had a chance to learn of so many travel tips. I was just a little late for one of them… don’t be the silly ‘goody two shoes’, envious of another person’s water bottle like I was, abidingly throwing my H2O in the trash can as we walked into the Nederlander Theatre.  You can buy refreshments there, however, it is quite expensive. On another note, to my surprise, they even incorporated a bit of Opera into the musical, which certainly was a significant moment in our evening. Why? Well, my husband really, and I mean really, dislikes the Opera! I imagine I must have probably looked like a frog, with my chin practically dropping on the floor, as I looked at my husband’s facial expression with utter amazement. He LOVED it! There was a smile! Oh, happy days! I think all the ‘boring’ ballet & musical productions that his parents dragged him to over the years had finally paid off. Thanks, mom & dad!

4 Go out for dinner at Marta’s & become hypnotized by their relaxing & romantic atmosphere

After a long day of sight-seeing in one of the greatest cities in the world, it is worth winding down in a hip & trendy restaurant loved by NYC locals, where you can have an intimate conversation catching up on all the awesome tourist attractions that you have explored so far. The lighting at Marta’s is stunning and sets the tone for the evening. Be sure to try their pizza! I would really suggest using an app called, Open Table, to find & book restaurants in NYC. You can easily adjust the settings to your needs & it definitely has the convenience factor going for it.

5 Stand on top of the world, literally, at the Empire State Building

And before you ask…YES! It certainly is worth it! My hubby & I bought ‘Skip the Line’ (VIP Express Pass) tickets and it was a wonderful experience. I think the entire outing took us around one and a half hours, that’s opposed to waiting in line and potentially becoming a half day activity, or so we were told. I just thought, goodness, we can’t come back to South Africa and endure yet another ‘dizzying’ experience every time we go out to watch a movie. Yes, I’m talking about that preview that begins at the bottom of the Empire State Building and eventually ends among the stars somewhere in space. So, we just had to see the real thing! And let me tell you, the preview isn’t far from the truth. That is one tall building!

6 What’s the next best thing to having a burger with the president? Have one at the Trump Grill, Trump Towers!

My hubby was so excited to see the Trump Towers and not on the TV show called, The Apprentice, but the actual building in NYC, now surrounded by the Secret Service since Trump became president. For the ladies, it is right next to Tiffany & Co, which recently opened the Blue Box Cafe if you would like to indulge in something sweet and perhaps something shiny. But, what do hubbies usually need when they come along for shopping? Food! Yup, as soon as I spot something pretty to potentially buy, my hubby, of course, must eat NOW! So, we ate at the Trump Grill and to my surprise, the food & service was really great! It was an amazing experience that I would certainly suggest! Kudos to my hubby!

7 Take an early morning jog through Central Park or just chill on a park bench

If you are one of those people who can actually fit running shoes into your suitcase, unlike myself, who admittedly must sit on top of my suitcase to close the zip, then you are definitely passionate enough to enjoy a morning jog in the park. If you think like I do, that exercise shouldn’t be a part of your vacation, then go CHILL on that bench! Central Park is beautiful! NYC doesn’t feel like the other big cities that I have been to before. Wherever you look, you will find yourself faced by a building or concrete of some sort. The buildings are gigantic and just never-ending. Normally, in other cities, the buildings are shorter and you are able to get a sense of direction, but in NYC it can feel like the buildings are closing in on you & that the only way out is the blue sky above you. Feeling a bit claustrophobic? Don’t worry, that’s what Central Park is for. Once you are inside the park there is a sense of calmness, it is evergreen & the centuries-old trees scattered around the park are SO tall that you completely forget about the concrete jungle outside. It is a great escape, honestly, it is an indescribable feeling of joy.

8 Go bargain hunting for designer brands at Saks Off 5th

Saks 5th Avenue is an amazing store with beautiful products, innovative window displays & all the designer labels that you can think of. However, the beautiful items come along with beautiful price tags too. If you want to be adventurous & get a kick out of finding a great bargain, then make an effort to go to Saks Off 5th. It is close to the original store, however, the presentation of stock differs greatly and you will have to ‘dig in’ to find your size. BUT once you find the perfect Michael Kors trainers or Valentino handbag at a great price, it will all have been worth the effort! There is a men’s section too, but if your man isn’t into it, don’t sweat it. There is more than enough seating for him to get comfortable on in the ladies shoe section!

Photo by shattha pilabut from Pexels

Photo by Alexandra Maria from Pexels

9 Stack up on cosmetics at the Cosmetic Market store, where you will find great deals on essential beauty products!

They sell almost everything, from designer perfume sets to endless make-up brands, some of which, I saw for the very first time. I felt like a cosmetic virgin in that store! Can you hear the song playing in your head from the movie, Bridget Jones’ Diaries, in the scene where they sang, “Hoo. Like a virgin. Touched for the very first time.”? Originally Madonna’s song of course. No? Well… Perhaps, all the cosmetics just felt like ‘Girl Heaven’ to me & as a result, my imagination surpassed the shred of logical thinking that I had left. I even discovered Emoticon band-aids in this store. How cool is that?

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Photo by Jazmin Quaynor on Unsplash

10 Stay inside the Manhattan area and try out The Gregory Hotel!

Staying in Manhattan is a great privilege! If you are located centrally, then you will be able to walk almost everywhere that you need to go. So, no need to worry about transport when you can depend on your own two legs! The vibe on the streets & the beautifully potted flowers around the city makes walking an outing by itself. I would suggest The Gregory Hotel because it is great value for cost & it is centrally located (close to Bryant Park, Central Station, Herald’s Square, Times Square & Broadway). Better yet, the hotel has a magnificent view of the Empire State Building. The staff are incredibly welcoming, friendly & make an effort to provide guests with awesome tips to ensure that their time in NYC is nothing but SPECTACULAR! Who are we kidding? A really comfortable, plush & soft bed after an entire day of walking & traveling can sure feel like a ‘little bit of heaven’!

11 Go shopping at Macy’s in Herald Square, the never-ending store that I got lost in, twice!

Central air conditioning is the first thought that came to mind when we stumbled upon Herald Square. Yup, I know what you’re thinking, but the weather that day was so humid & hot that breathing was a chore! August weather in NYC is not something that I would suggest. This store literally has everything. If you can’t find something, it certainly isn’t because they don’t have it! The store is massive and the stock endless! It was quite an experience. I lost my husband twice while browsing & it took us a good 30min each time to find each other again even though we had cell phones to communicate. Tax in the USA is a whole other story, but the gist of it is that it is usually not included in the sales price. Just outside Macy’s front door, there is a large area of shade underneath beautiful, tall trees where you can have a seat at brightly coloured-painted tables & chairs for free. You can grab a coffee or take-away somewhere and have a lovely lunch in the square.

12 Never been to Venice? No problem, just go window shopping at Lalique, Madison Avenue

I still remember from when I was a little girl, my granny had a glass bottle of Lalique perfume on her dresser table. It was decorated with gold, different coloured gems & I tiny crown on the top if my memory serves me right. I remember thinking, “Wow, this bottle is fit for a queen”! When I spotted their shop by accident in NYC, I just had to take a photo to send to my gran. The glass products in the store are astoundingly beautiful & if you have an eye for detail, you will definitely appreciate the craftsmanship. So, there’s definitely no need to hurry up & take a ride on a Venetian Gondola just yet…

13 If you think gardening isn’t an art, then think again! Go check out the mind-blowing gardens at the Rockefeller Center!

This is where fairy-tale garden’s come from! Just as you could once have dived so deep into your imagination as a child, where anything and I mean any shape or size could be possible, so it all rushes back to you as you stand on that promenade in utter AMAZEMENT! This is definitely a ‘photo spot’ or heck, even a ‘selfie spot’!  All the shops & restaurants in the area are an experience by itself, mostly because of their magical & innovative window displays. Don’t miss the Kate Spade shop, it is feminine, pink and just FUN!

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13 Unforgettable Things to Do in New York City 1 Do a session of people watching at Pret a Manger or Maison Kaiser, while sipping on a Grande Cappuccino!