Can’t See the Future

Summary:   Nora switches pods at the last minute, not that anyone was informed. Rosalie isn’t sure what the hell she’s meant to do, but finding Shaun seems like a noble goal. Right up until the weight of the end of the world comes crashing down on her. She’ll need a little more to keep her going than avenging her sister's family and running head first into a half assed goal with no plan. At least Hancock’s got her back. Rating:  Mature Pairings:   Hancock X sosu (FOC) Warnings (for this chapter): canon typical violence, character death, death in family

Chapter 1: One step closer to knowing...

It's June, it is swelteringly hot, it’s a bad day. The operator calls the wrong line to Boston twice before connecting on the third try. “She said she wants to go back home to die, if you don’t come see her now you won’t get a chance.” Shaun isn’t old enough to travel with yet, so Nora comes alone, leaving him with in-laws. It is quiet in the house.

It’s July, the obituary runs and the funeral comes and goes. The headstone reads “Mother, Grandmother” and not much else. All that is left. “Come with me to Boston for a few weeks, visit Nate and I.” The depression creeps in, the house is silent. Sunshine and birds are forgotten. Focusing on normal tasks gets harder. Where once hands handled bundles of pills and viles, all the daily chores done with care they’re barely able to flip the page. Eyes rereading text over and over.

It’s August, Nate gets his discharge papers. Another invite to come East to Boston, “Sleep on the couch or go stay in a hotel, what else are you going to do now?” It’s all over but the crying, truly. A promise of ‘soon’. The first day of class, a class full of younger students, nearly 30 is old to start it would seem, brings frustration and anxiety rather than joy.

It’s September, the mowers at the little cemetery, hit the grave, scuffing the stone a bit. The argument with the church staff is exhausting. Leaves a void in the heart that lasts weeks. Taking notes in class isn’t bad, but in the raw silence of a much too empty house, the sterile smell gone, the smell of coffee gone too, school work begins feeling daunting.

It’s October, Nate makes his case over the phone, insisting a month ‘Helping your sister get out some!’ is a reasonable idea. Knowing that helping has been the only goal for years. The hell does Nora need help with? Between the robot butler, in-laws, a robust church life, neighbors, plenty of friends, and a job with excellent maternity leave there isn’t much need to help.

It’s October and the couch isn’t too bad but next week is the last week in a house that feels a little too much like home used to smell. Sterile. Vault-Tec comes calling, but insists there is enough room for a sister. Younger by a year and 3 days, almost identical looking regardless. Nora thinks it is precious when church members mix them up. Rosalie just wants to go home , to a person who sits 6 feet below a simple scuffed stone. Mother, Grandmother.

It’s October and stripping down to her underwear with her sister and her husband isn’t how Rosalie thought the end of the world would go. There is a smell here, the smell of the air conditioner back home going full tilt, or how the freezer at the little shop down the street from home smelled on a hot day. Freon, it isn’t unpleasant but they’re so deep underground that it doesn't fully make sense for it to be so strong. Pod C7 is for Nora, C9 for Rosalie but by the time Shaun calms, Nora just grabs the pod next to the rep for Vault-Tec so Rosalie can keep making faces at her son.

The smell of Freon makes sense. But then, nothing does. Nora’s screams’ echo in her pod, a man says something about a backup.

It’s October. It is fucking cold and wet and Rosalie is coughing just like her mother did before she died. Which makes breathing even fucking harder when the tears and panic and overwhelming sense of despair threaten to choke her entirely. Pod C9 suffered system failure. Mom is dead, Nora is dead. Nate is dead too, but honestly Rosalie had been so focused on her mother’s care she’d only spoken to him a handful of times before she couch surfed for a few weeks. And then he’d been so absorbed in being a good soldier husband he’d barely said anything to her.

There is a hole in Nate’s head that reminds Rosalie of shooting watermelons with her mother in summer when she was little. Except it is brain matter and not melon all over his pod. The frost makes it pale, Rosalie almost reaches out to touch a bit of brain but manages to stop herself. Her mother would have laughed, her sister would have screamed. Shaun is gone.

Her clothing is still in a locker, it’s a snap to pile it onto the vault suit, it is so damn cold down here. She checks every single pod, every terminal, and a creeping feeling of ‘this is about to get so much worse’ rolls on in and stays firmly planted. Giant roaches are gross but make a popping noise when struck that cuts through the haze of terror and numbness just enough to get her to a Pip-Boy. Which gets her outside.

“October 23rd 2287” the heavy thing reads. Which is fucking… nonsense. It smells wrong outside. A smell like her grandma’s attic, and dad’s old RV. It’s nonsense outside too, some things are rusted to hell, others look like they’ve been here a month. Rotted skeletons and stable cardboard boxes. Rosalie’s thoughts are starting to get kinda foggy like they felt at school, focusing on walking down the path is hard, way harder than it was going up. The sound of gunshots goes off in the distance. Rosalie pauses just long enough to grab a knife and some ammo before running off down the hill.

The houses look like the shit you’d find in a rural town not far from home, “still standing for tax purposes.” she quotes her mother in her head while looking out on Sanctuary Hills.

“It’s really you!” It isn’t, not really. Codsworth sounds almost terrified when she explains that she is Rosalie and not Nora . He insists on giving her a private recording made by Nate, which is uncomfortable to be forced to receive. He then proceeds to insist she needs to go to Concord and won't hear otherwise. As she heads off he also insists on calling her Miss Nora. By the time Rosalie has been bitten by giant… rodents, and met a friendly enough dog, the heavy ass Pip-Boy declares the time four.

Rosalie feels on edge, too alert and almost hyper. Like she’d drank too much coffee and then had a sleeping pill after a rough day. The sound of gunshots are much louder, but fuck it. Today has been a bad day, why not add getting shot at to the mix?

The smell of blood and unwashed bodies is overwhelming. The taste of vomit is in her mouth and she doesn’t even get to reply to the man yelling at her to help ‘settlers’. Settlers, Raiders. It’s all nonsense. She’s been shot in the leg, barely, but the stimpack seems to have knitted the flesh mostly back together which is as much of a shock as it is gross . And getting shot doesn’t feel like she always thought it would to be honest. It’s a lot sharper but not as all consuming.

It’s October 24th 2287 when the big fuck off monster is dead, the old lady knew something was coming, what this something is she still doesn’t know, even as it lies dead at her feet. The man, Preston, gives her bottlecaps saying something about friends, and then he asks her to join them . It’s the first real choice she's had. Back to the shadow of the hill where her sister and brother-in-law are, dead, and back to a robot that insists she is her sister. Or forward towards Shaun and what or rather where the old lady, Mama Murphy, says will point her to him, Diamond City . The choice is easy enough, especially since the old woman knows that she is Rosalie and not Nora .

Yall ever just

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A self reminder

Dear you, yes, you.

Pradnya Paramita Savira Kirana Sari.

let this be a reminder whenever you feel like you hit the rock bottom again and of you are in deeply need of motivation. well I, the happy and positive Anya is now writing at 12th of October, Thursday night, at 09:27 PM.

What are you thinking about right now? let me hug you verbally. There, there, it’s alright. Everything is just fine. You are only chocked by your own mind games and own words. It’s going to be alright eventually. Now, let me give you some “advice” and some “glasses” to put in order for you to think and feel and logically put your heart, mind and soul in the right position. Are you ready?

1. Believe it or not. He will move on. He will find another girl and you have to bear with it. You have to accept the fact that he’s not yours anymore and you don’t have the will or right to stop him from being with the one he “wants” and “loves”. You already know him well and his “well-known-attitude” so he might not have a long run on relationships. Eventually it will end by him cheating with someone else. And if you do look back and think twice about accepting him back into your life, no one warned you that this won’t happen again. No one told you that you won’t be hurt again. In fact, if we play zero-one. I bet it’s one for you being cheated on again. So why do you have to deal with that kind of pain and consequence when you already know it’s going to hurt you? Be wise. Please. I don’t want you to be drowned in your own pathethic-and-will-not-happen scenarios. 

2. No one knows what’s going on inside his head. Okay now let’s just speculate things as what you speculate. He still actually have feels for you but since the condition is rejecting, then he can’t be with you. But he needs company. So he got close with a girl but he’s selfish because he can’t and don’t want to lose you or see you with another guy. He just don’t want his heart to be empty and he needs that caring of a woman. An All Girl Boy. Needing attention and affection deeply. Miserable by the fact if they don’t have a girl to talk to or a girl to share “affection”. Duh. Whatever happens in his mind whether it’s hatred, scared, regret, shame and et cetera, it won’t and it should not, i repeat, IT SHOULD NOT  AFFECT YOU AND WHAT YOU DO. Keep moving forward. Either he snap code things or sing songs of regretting and the list goes on. DON’T GET CAUGHT BY IT. DON’T LOWER YOURSELF SO HE CAN LURE YOU IN.

3. “If what we had was real, how can you be fine? cause i’m not fine at all” do you know that lyric of amnesia from 5SOS? now you should think about it that way. how can it be that easy for him and it’s so hard for you? maybe, he was never serious from the start. he never intend to. you were just blinded by love and there was a thin line between true and too good to be true. or maybe he’s just too good at goodbyes? then you gotta be like that also.

here’s your favorite part and this will motivate you very much.

4. If he really do love you, and you are his “most beautiful regret” and et cetera and all of his bullshit came out. The ask you to open the gate of your castle and your kingdom for him. The ask you to end his search for the one. Ha. Bullshits. Never really mean to. But you know, if that really happened, then it’s really easy for you to switch the button. And I bet whenever he sees you, he felt weak. And to be honest, he never really dare to look at you in the eye, right? maybe, maybe, because whenever he sees you, he felt the bang of regret, anger, shame? well the best way to slap him in the face is to be okay when you’re not okay. Smile your pain out. Be who you are. If he really fell for the way you are, he would automatically fall for you no matter what. and. if he really do want you. he will come to you and speak to you eye-on-eye that he wants you back. and not code on snapgram. Ugh. Such a coward. But really Anya, if he wants you, he will come and beg you to accept him. Since he haven’t done it, then you should walk away and pass him looking truly like a badass. It’s not your lost, it’s his. It’s not your pain, it’s his. Make him suffer and feel the bang of regret whenever he sees you. If it is capable, give him the silent treatment. Or maybe, by giving him a sincere smile? HAHAHAH i don’t force you to do that but yeah at least give him the silent treatment.

it’s already 10:29 PM you’ve got morning class tomorrow.

so whenever you feel sad or down, please do read this, Anya.

You’ll make it through the pain, you have. the Anya who wrote this managed to drag herself up. Bisa kok, bisa.

“She’s been through hell and came out as an angel. You didn’t break her, darling. You don’t own that kind of power”

loads and loads of hugs

-fffo

The Girl I Admired

Welcome back, my guest! Let me tell you a story, one that I admire.  You see, I often see this woman, and we talk, like normal people, believe or not.  Now, imagine someone walking with you, and you see that as the trail goes on, so does your conversation.  Did someone come up?  I hope so.  You see, I admire this woman, I can see her innocence, her purity on all things.  I admire that someone, as old as me, is not tainted by the world.

 Today, I walked with her and we talked about usual things like most friends do.  We came past the local vendor when suddenly she asks about what I see in the vendor.  I stopped and realized that I have never thought of that.  I honestly do not know what to say.  I can only see him trying to sell his product.  She then went on and told me what she sees in the vendor. She points out that the vendor is the kind of father who would do anything for his children.  Then, I saw it, the vendor is there, waiting for customers, while it’s hot out.  I see the struggle of the vendor and I can imagine his life.  I admired the vendor for his work and I admired my friend for letting me see what she sees.

 We had more talks like that and it was in those conversations that I was amazed of how much she thought of others than herself.  We grew up to mind our own business and we forgot that we should think of others, too.  I guess it was just me, or is there any of you that are just like me?  

 She made me realize a whole new world of possibilities wherein a life is not centered around one person, but all people.  I am always shocked by her innocent questions because it teaches me how to be more of a human when we all grew up to think and act like a robot.

fffO��x