RAY TORO: DANCING QUEEN.

A hassle about Blitzo not able to get comfortable to rest because of this fucking kid partying in his gut. Having to begrudgingly accept a visit from a certain owl when he’s out of options that ends up helping him and it relax.

Blitzo really, really hated the little brat sometimes. He’d been busy all day, and now that he finally made his way to bed, they just kept smacking outwards like his skin was a drum set being played by a coked-up college student.

“Will you stop squirming for thirty goddamn seconds?” He hugged his stuffed horse to his chest, knees pulled up, and hissed as the spawn in his gut absolutely refused to listen and just kept wiggling even as his tail wrapped around his stomach. “Holy shit, you really do take after Stolas, don’t you? Can’t leave me alone even when I’m trying to sleep. My stomach’s not a bouncy house, kid.” Unfortunately, his words didn’t seem to translate into baby-language, because giving an annoyed poke just made them move around more. 

Blitzo rolled over to his other side. No dice. Back was out- his spines always tore up the sheets, and it was a pain in the ass (and his wallet) to replace them. He’d learned last week that trying to lay on his stomach just had them writhe around to the point of pain, not to mention it was like trying to sleep on a rock.

Loona had told him on no uncertain terms that she was ripping his tail off the next time she woke up with him snuggled against her in bed. She probably wasn’t going to actually do it, but he’d rather avoid her shedding all over his closet or something in a different form of retaliation. It wasn’t his fault that the kid was desperate for attention and just rubbing his stomach wasn’t enough!

They had another client meeting in the morning- a big one, from the sound of how she’d rattled off the names of her bitch-ass living family members. He couldn’t miss it. It sounded like a hilarious mess, on top of being four times the usual job’s size.

Blitzo’s phone buzzed, and he smacked the side table a few times before managing to pick it up. Stolas had sent a text.

Via and her mother are out tonight at her grandparent’s house. Is there anything you need that I could help with? 

Groaning, Blitzo started to type. im fien dont worry abt it

He let that sit unsent for a few moments before deleting it. can u send soemthing to get them jto stop movng

No, that didn’t sound right either, and his toes curled before he finally gave up. jsut get ovr here. it wont stop movnig

Stolas sent a heart emoji and a thumbs up in response to the message, and Blitzo just hoped he hadn’t just lost what little sleep he’d have been able to get without him. 

He trudged over to the front door twenty minutes later when Stolas had to stoop to make his way through the doorway. Loona was stretched out on the couch and watching TV, halfway through a carton of ice cream. 

“Whatever you two are about to do, I don’t want to hear any of it,” she commented with a raised eyebrow. “I will turn up the volume on this until the neighbors start smashing the broom on the ceiling and yelling at us again.”

“We’ll be fine, Loonie,” Blitzo said with a wave of his hand before heading directly back for his room again. He heard Stolas murmuring reassurances to her before following, again having to duck to not hit his head. The prince had switched his inner shirt for a simple long sleeve with star patterns and had ditched the hat, but was still wearing his cape. Weirdo.

“So, what do you need, Blitzy?” Stolas settled himself down at the end of Blitzo’s bed and idly started rubbing a pair of boxers draped on the comforter between his fingers. 

“Hold me.”

“Hmm?” Stolas scooted closer as Blitzo crossed his arms. 

“Don’t make me say it twice,” he muttered as Stolas set a finger under his chin, tilting his face up.

“You said that you wanted me to hold you?”

“It… helps,” Blitzo muttered, forehead dropping down against Stolas’s chest. “The kid’s a bitchy little attention-whore, and Moxxie almost shot me last time when I showed up at his place while he was half-asleep. Don’t have a lot of options here.”

“We can’t have that!” Stolas wrapped his arms around Blitzo, who nuzzled against the soft down on his chest automatically before realizing what he was doing and trying to pull away. Unfortunately, as thin as Stolas’s arms were, his grip was like steel.

“What’s the deal with that, anyway? You’d think imp pregnancies would just make you want to shank anyone who looked at you funny,” Blitzo grumbled. “Not this.”

“If I were to hazard a guess, it would increase the odds that the child survives infancy if there was a clan or mate of some sort besides the single parent. Hell isn’t exactly kind to the weak, and babies are helpless.” 

“Yeah, well, my body needs to get out of the old times. We’re not living in caves and shit, I can do this by myself.”

Stolas pulled back enough to glance around the messy room, but didn’t comment on that any further. “You don’t have to. It’ll be alright.” He rubbed his hand over the bump, the skin next to his beak twitching a bit. “Oh, goodness, they are feisty tonight, aren’t they? They take after you.”

“They do not! This is all you!” Blitzo drummed his fingers on his arm, tail irritably jabbing into the clay on the bedside table, and he plucked it off the tip to begin to knead with his fingers. “I’d be sleeping right now if they weren’t here. So clearly, this is your fault.”

“You’re far more… energetic than I am,” Stolas said, going back to gently soothing his fingers over the fussy baby, and Blitzo’s shoulders sagged when they started to slow. The fingers felt cool- or maybe his body was just running warm. Weird.

“Why wouldn’t they do that for me? I’m the one doing all the hard work here!”

“They missed their daddy,” Stolas teased.

“Hey, I’m the daddy!”

“We both are.” Stolas set a hand on Blitzo’s side, pushing him towards the bed until he was laying down. He pulled his cape and shirt off before laying down himself, his own flat stomach against Blitzo’s as he curled close. “This way, they’ll know that someone is here and won’t bother you until morning.” 

“Won’t that be a miracle.” Blitzo rolled his eyes before lazily draping an arm over Stolas, pulling himself a little closer. It wasn’t often they got to cuddle without sex beforehand, and having those soft feathers against him without them being caked in sweat and cum (and, for that matter, without being so wiped out that he just conked out within five minutes) was nicer than he expected. His tail draped over one of Stolas’s legs, feeling the bumpy texture of it.

Stolas made a soft chirp at that, his hand resting on the side of Blizo’s belly before moving to settle on his hip.

“Good night, my little imp.”

“G’night,” Blitzo muttered. His chest felt kinda warm. He’d have to check the heating in the morning. The imp’s nose twitched as he could smell the spiced body lotion Stolas used before slipping away into sleep.

anyway tw for me talking abt my asshole 

ANYWAY update on my anxious breakdown re: my colon and asshole. my ass is bleeding like its BLEEDING for about a month now every 2-7 days ill go to either pee or poop, wipe, and then wipe again, and theres a tiny lil spot of blood. and i kNOW its not from my uterus bc 1) im not on my period every day of my life 2) i specifically like. pat my hole to see. like it was a TINY amount to begin with i mean i wouldnt even have noticed it if i wasnt specifically looking for it and it was always just one dot and thats it. never mixed in w my pee or poop that i could see, never randomly throughout the day, always jsut one lil dot

BUT OF COURSE im paranoid so i fucking ordered an at home lab test colon cancer screen so i shat in a box and mailed it in and SURPRISE they found no blood in my shit nothing wrong with me and youd THINK that combined w my 100% normal bloodwork would finally calm me down but NO im still worried

i dont actually know the human body anatomically but i remembver reading something that was like “ur colon is on ur left” so magically  a few weeks ago i started feeling like. a vague ache/twinge/whatever in my left side like up near my chest and like of course i go “fuck its my colon im dying” even tho my dad was like “you stupid thats not where ur colon is”. amazing that i only started feeling something after expecting to feel soemthing

anyway my parents are convinced its a hemorrhoid and my mom has a LOT of experience with those so like, she would know. anyway yesterday my asshole like, felt itchy and bad and uncomf and i felt like there was something like... slipping out of it??? anyway my mom says thats a hemorrhoid and sure whatever but im still freaked out. anyway today at work i went to drop a turd and my ass bled that little dot and i was like ‘ok thats a little more than usual’ and i patted AGAIN and there was more blood. and more. and like, ok it wasn’t actually a lot like its not like i was bleeding out  and it wasnt gushing or anything but compared to the previous times it was more, but also im finishing up my period so ??? but also i specifically only patted my butthole. and it happened every single time i went to the bathroom at work, even if i just pissed. and my asshole felt like, scraped raw and it was itchy and uncomf and i hated it. 

so during my lunch break i called my doctor and made an appointment to get examined in like 2 weeks which. im obviuously GONNA do it bc while this is prob just a combo of shitty retail rough toilet paper, me rubbing too hard, and me giving myself a hemorrhoid by straining too hard a month ago, id rather be safe than sorry. but also i am NOT looking forward to having a FUCKING FINGER up my ASSHOLE i barely managed to get thru my first vaginal exam a few months ago idk how im gonna get thru a fucking finger up my goddamn ass

and also when i got home i was like ‘ok im gonna check my asshole in the mirror and its gonna bleed i bet but at least ill see it’ fufcking nothing. no bleeding, magically not itchy and raw anymore, i even got some toilet paper and rubbed at it but??? nothing??? and like idk what an asshole is supposed to feel like but everything seems completely normal lmfao. tho sometimes it feels like. not liek my ass is gonna fall out but like. like theres a tiny thing in my ass thats ABOUT to come out but when i go to try and poop it out nothing will come and i dont actually feel like i need to do a whole poop. its like somethings stuck in my hole but there isnt anything??? anyway that feeling comes and goes like i had it a month ago and then it went away afte rlike 3 days but its back  now and ugh

anyway my current hypothesis is that its just shitty target sandpaper toilet paper ripping my asshole to shreds and also a hemorrhoid that i gave myself. but also i cant help but worry bc im fucking bleeding from my asshole and im terrified im gonna die at the ripe age of 23 of colon and/or asshole cancer.

i also have had like. not a headache not dizzyness but SLIGHT ever so slight like. lightheadedness? idk i feel off headwise so of course im like “oh my god im anemic bc im bleeding internally” even tho my bloodtests from like a month ago showed that if anything ihave MORE red blood cells compared to last time i got tested and im not in fact anemic. but also idk anything medical and so of course im like “BUT WHAT IF THINGS HAVE CHANGED” anyway in an ideal world i would probably be getting a blood test every week bc im fucking paranoid.

 i have also been sleeping horribly due to anxiety lately so im prob just tired but bASICALLY IM STRESSED LMFAO 

if anyone read all this. sorry. 

POKEMON AU pls.... bc i know ur passionate abt pokemon and honestly Me Too

III LOVE YOU!!! I WAS PLANNING ON MAKING THIS A THING WHERE I ADD IN THE SENDERS MUSE INTO THE HCS BUT MAYA AND YOUR MUSE NEVER INTERACTED WHICH IS A CRIME!!! Dont tell edgeworth or she might get arrested lol. But anway!! I want to do stuff with you!!

ALSO THANK YOU FOR SENIDNG THIS BECAUSE THATS REALLY SWEET OF YOU AND IM REALLY TOUCHED YOU REMEMERED I LOVE POKEMON

Number 1

Mayas first pokemon, funny enough isnt a ghost type, but a normal type. See, in the pokemon verse Mayas background is basically the same. The Fey village is basically unchanged in this worly except for one thing. On a certain part of the mountainside is a forest that travellers tend to get lost in for ages. Many report hallucinations as being the main cause for this so it’s kind of cut off. Maya, being the rebel she is, of course wanders it in hopes of conquering it. Her sister is usually the voice of reason and really it would only take her being like. what if youre lost forever or something to scare her into staying but shes not ther so into the forest she goes! It’s there that she finds a waterfall and goes there to train constantly. She tries and tries to channel spirits and one day, she succeeds! Or so she thinks. The first time she thinks she’s channeled another spirit, she sees herself as the spirit she’s been trying to channel, sees her now-possessed body moving and acting on it’s own. When she runs back to the village to tell her story, she’s told that she couldn’t have channeled a spirit because if she did she would’ve been unconscious. 

Confused Maya goes back and tries again only to get the same result. After a bit of investigating Maya realizes the source of travelers getting lost and the hallucinations is due to a stantler. This Stantler saw Maya, this little girl training so hard that it took pity on her, and wanting to help in the only way it could let her see herself channeling a spirit. At first Maya is crushed and upset at the pokemon for giving her false hope but quickly forgives it and thanks it for wanting to help. The pokemon soon takes on this kind of caring role for Maya, along with also being her only playmate seeing as the other girls in the village are kind of distant with her. Her being the heir to the Master title and Morgan instructing them to listen to her and listen to all her selfish desires, leading to them being resentful of her. Anyway, also to build off of that. Once Mayas sister dies, she asks the Stantler to let her see her Sister again. And thats like a thing she did for awhile before telling it to stop because it became this painful reminder of something she could never do which is channel her sister. Actually fun fact she asked the stantler to show her her mother but was heartbroken when it basically gave her the answer that it couldnt because Maya didn’t have the memory of her mothers face anymore. Anyway. One time when shes particularly heartbroken and hopeless she laments in the forest to herself how shes so useless and cant do anything right. How she hates herself for being this way. Hates herself for not being able to compare to Mia or her mother. At this point she sees the image of her sister saying shes proud of her. Maya is angry at Stantler for showing her such a horrible lie and runs away. Only to later be told by the pokemon that it wasn;t trying to make her see her sister say that, rather it was the only way of communicating that even if no one else appreciated her, it was proud of her. 

ANYWAY ENOUGH OF STANTLER ON TO NUMBER 2

That’s right another in depth backstory for another pokemon hopefully not as long lol

The next on the list is a primeape that lives in the forest, training with sawk and throh. It kind of ended up getting abandonned by it’s trainer in a place where this breed of pokemon aren’t really found but it’s found it’s place with the sawk and throh so it doesn’t mind too much. It ended up earning it’s respect with good old fashioned fighting and is kind of in a ‘king of the forest’ position. Scary and intimidating and bent on establishing its dominance to all that challenge it! Anyway, while Maya is exploring the mountainside of her village she finds out about it and it’s plain to see that Primeape has a certain amount of respect among the other fighting types. After having seen a cool tv episode where the hero challenges the strongest of the strong a really young Maya decides to do the same, announcing loudly when the pokemon is alone that she’s here to challenge the pokemon to a duel to the death! She runs up throws her small fist at the might and strong pokemon!

To which, not wanting to hurt this strange small child, primeape falls over dramatically, clutching the side which she hit and lets its tongue flop out all goofy in the hopes of appeasing her. Maya, not really sure what to do, honestly not even having thought this far ahead starts getting worried for the pokemon and starts crying to which it quickly gets up in a panic to reassure her its ok. From there it kind of takes on this older brother position with her. Also playing with her, letting her grab onto it as she swings throughout the trees. 

Goodness this Maya is turning out to be much more of a wild child than her aa counterpart. She’s not exactly strong, but she’s more athletic I’d imagine in this version. More nimble but can definitely have her clumsy moments on occasion. 

putting last three under cut cause THIS IS LONG. IF YOURE ON MOBILE IM SO SORRY

Number three!

Goodness I stuffed way too much into those other HCs but onto Phoenix! Anyway this also remains for the most part unchanged. What you think the pokemon world doesn’t need lawyers? Anyway, quick tanget but trainers arent really…it’s not a sustainable lifestyle, most people do it as a way of coming of age before moving into the respective field they took interest in during their travels. So no, if you have a pokemon au you don’t have to be some professional trainer. Professional battles are like a sport and trainers are athletes. Sure people enjoy it on the side but it’s NOT the norm to make it a living off of it. You have to be smart and strategic in a very complicatedf sport that takes a LOT  of training and it’s not like in the game where if you spam tackle after walking around for 5 seconds you gain XP. its more like you’re a coach training 6 athletes in how to train their bodies in the best way possible while coming up with tons of game plans. 

anyway tangent over. Phoenix is a lawyer and this taking place in the pokemon world only lends itself towards there being much more factors to consider when thinking of how murders occured. Her life with Phoenix for the most part remains unchanged but as a side note Maya encounters a lot of pokemon along the way during her travels with phoenix. She thinks strong heroic looking pokemon are cool so she tends towards pokemon like sawk and throh or conkeldurr. OH AND IVE BEEN SETTING THIS IN SPECIFICALLY UNOVA AND ONLY RESEARCHING THE UNOVA DEX FOR MAYA ND THE POKEMON THAT SURROUND HER. 

I feel like.. Audino might enter theyre little group at one point? Like Stantler comes with her when she leaves the mountain cause Stantler is a worrywart and Maya is a mess and has never been down to the big city, but Primeape is more trusting in Maya and her abilities and knows shes much stronger than a lot of people give her credit for. He doesn’t come down the mountain to be with her until much later just cause he has a pack to guide. Actually the pokemon it leaves in charge is like another pokemon Maya is close with since it was primeapes apprentice and maya and this pokemon were kids together and kind of were the babies of the pack ANYWAY SORRY TANGENT. 

aNYWAY AUDINO. A while back Audino were attempted to be integrated into crime fighting in some way since the way theyre psychic powers work they’d be able to sense overwhelming…i guess malevolence or evil or bad intentions but like. It’s just REALLY unhealthy for them and it really signifigantly lessens their lifespans just cuase all the negativity eats away at them emotionally and one of the pokemon, it’s really old honestly like it was one of the pokemon that originally was part of this attempt to integrate these pokemon with the police force and was luckily enough like it survived long enough for them to end the program and it just…can’t endure being around negativity anymore like it’s really stressful so it enjoys being around Maya just cause she is really kindhearted and senstive and good and the Wright office is filled with kind hearted people so it just takes comfort being there. It doesn’t really leave the office though and while it’s there for everyone it really does belong to Maya for the most part. 

THATS JUST AN IDEA I HAVE THOUGH IDK IF ILL MAKE THAT PART OF HER CANON

Im kind of just going off on differen points in this one huh. Like the other wre a story here im just like SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. 

Number 4 (where diana tries to stop being ADHD and hopefully doesnt fail miserably)

Honestly you’d think being part of a back of fighting types would make her more suited towards groups and make her less selfish. Spoiler alert. It didn’t  If you think Maya is good at making people do what she wants now you shouldve seen her when she was a kid. Though it also means shes got a entire pack of fighting types who will die for her and if you make her cry you better be sorry. and if youre not you’re going to be.  

Oh and also dont think that just cause Maya is a forest girl that oh shes strong and knows how to fight cause like. She really doesn’t. Honestly the pokemon around her kind of coddled her and outside of her gaining enough stamina to hold up against running around with her pokemon friends she’s not really….all that much stronger. She doesn’t know how to fight either. She can jsut run really fast and is more likely to attempt more dangerous things that she’s seen other pokemon do cause WHY NOT. She basically just has more dangerous influences lol

Number 5 cause i want to wrap this up a bit

Oh boy now what can i do for a fifth one lets see… see the thing is Maya is basically the same between the two versions of her except for certain like physical differents that I just listed. 

I guess here’s one but she doesn’t….she’s not a good trainer. Like her team, right now, is an old man of an Audino. A Stantler that can only do hallucinations and is kind of bad at fighting and then this powerhouse of a Primeape. 

The Primeape is a GREAT fgighter but tends to keep to the mountains unless it starts missing her and comes downt o visit real quick. Her other two are just…weak. Maya though is really good at thinking on her feet so she can use what her pokemon do have to come up with some great strategies. Thought his doesnt reall come out unless shes backed up against the wall. See the reason why everyone percieves Maya as stupid and useless is because that’s how she percieves herself. Maya for the most part does what she can in what she think she can do but doesn’t really let her true intellect show because shes convinced shes an idiot. She kind of jokes around with bad ideas but she really is quick on her feet and good in a clutch.

So the only time you see her good skills with her pokemon and coming up with inventive ways for these basically powerless pokemon to get her out of tight situations is when literally shes by herself, there’s no one else to rely on and lives are on the line.