Bring me Home

A story of love lost & found

Word count: 4.8+

Pairing: noble!osamu x maid!reader (link to fashion)

2nd pairing: platonicnoble!atsumu x maid!reader

Warnings: angst->fluff//making out//secret relationships

Rating: 🔞—MA themes involved & allusions to sex

Osamu & yn vibes on god fr fr^

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑎 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑚𝑎𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑚𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑝𝑜𝑛 𝑎 𝑗𝑒𝑤𝑒𝑙 𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑎𝑦 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑒． 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑢𝑛𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 ℎ𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑤𝑛𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑚 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑙𝑦 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙 𝑛𝑜 𝑜𝑙𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠．

“And that concludes our history lesson your graces,” The tutor says, closing his book. Around the older gentleman sat two twin royals who were board out of their skull because their mother had to have their lessons earlier in the day. Typically afterwards, the three of them would stroll the market checking on their subjects and the like.

Raising the twins of this noble family did come with a price: they did like to test one’s patience as children often do. However, when the time came for merit formal education to begin at seven, the twins had finally showed their personalities through and through. There was the brash and abrasive Atsumu who wasn’t afraid in challenging the stray dogs to a fight and win (by bringing home a pup or three one afternoon); and his brother who instead of leaving their abode, chose to make rancid concoctions in the kitchen while listening to the housekeepers (and chefs) gossip often blackmailing them in order for them to keep their job.

More times than they can count, their care takers might have dumped them into the knight training grounds to get a moment of peace. Sword fighting and hand to hand combat under the tutelage of the Kitas and Ojiros had exceptional results: those that guard their boys with their lives were the ones most dedicated to attend war council meetings (luckily there has been no true signs of uprisings elsewhere in this part of the country).

This continues until the boys roughly reach age seventeen. By then, a majority of their formal education has been concluded—both knew how the serving class’ wealth added to their own (studies had shown happier homes equates to the boost of morale in those who did work at their estate); those who were charged to care for them s as children were now much older, so whenever someone was amicably relieved, the boys were now wise enough to not only apologize for their misdeeds, but often invited them back for special celebrations… like today.

Today you were running late. It was an accident as you thought you had placed every formal garb upon the back of your wooden chair. Unfortunately, you did not and now here you were with nothing but a chemise, tan boots, and rough textured hair sticking in all different directions.

Your reflection in the oval dresser mirror was a bit dirty due to the dust in the lowly room where you’ve lived since Ms. Arimoto had retired two years ago. An apprentice to the gardeners, you seemed to pick up the work right after she had showed you the ropes. Often you were also tasked with covering for any housekeeping staff as life tends to send certain ones curveballs (like when Ms. Arimoto’s brother had his first child; Ani-chan got married and moved to his in-laws territory; and chef hikaru had recently came back from burying her grandmother).

A knock disturbs your mad rush to fix yourself appropriately to answer the door. On the other side, a squire clears his throat. He calls out your name right as you unlock your door. The status of you being half dressed has the lad in a flustered state.

“Tell those graces of yours I’ll be there in five minutes,” You huff. Your skirt is almost fastened while the chemise still is half untucked.

“Hai,” he salutes you and saunters off.

Slamming your door shut, you do your best to tuck the rest of the chemise into place and with that done, you pull over your peasant top. The bustier, which thankfully is worn enough to your figure, ties in the front. You leave your room, not giving a damn about your hair until you round the corner slamming into a very stiff, but warm wall…

“Oi.”

Walls don’t talk, your brain thinks. Oh, oh no…

“Are ya gonna t’apologize or not?”

You take a step back, draw in a breath, and through a false smile, you bow.

“Whatever do you mean? I honestly thought you were a wall, your grace,” You raise your head as you straighten up. “Forgive me, I was in a bit of a rush sir.”

Honeyed eyes which flared with delight whenever you were around seemed to have softened. You don’t have many friends within the nobles, but being close in age with dukes and certain duchesses did help in situations like this. Atsumu’s befriending of you when you had first arrived was nothing short of a prank. A wager between him and his brother, Osamu, to win the favor of any person outside their ranks would win. How did Atsumu win? He had asked you specifically to serve him tea in the parlor as his brother was about to proclaim his victory—in five minutes you came with four sets of cups and saucers as the aromatic tea fills the room. The first two were poured by your hands and as you stood by, each of the boys bring out a paper. The scribbles and scratches, from what you can tell, had names on them.

“And you, yn,” atsumu’s voice was curious. “What do we call our acquaintanceship?”

Eyes of graying clouds study your figure. Light mustard yellow with burgundy trim was the fashion fabric for the season and somehow it complements you. Your sunkissed skin from working the flower fields in their mother’s garden was proof enough which class you’re in, but though the sun favored you, when your eyes meet and bounce between those of the brothers, you ponder a bit more prior to answering.

“No one has asked me that before your grace,” you bring a thoughtful curled finger to your chin. “But I suppose ‘master and apprentice’ might be more appropriate to describe what I am to either of you.”

Osamu’s first instinct is to laugh hysterically at his brother’s tie breaker, who not to discredit Atsumu’s being kinder to you lately, because with that answer the game continues. You are dismissed and as you leave, you hear Atsumu whine saying he had thought for sure you were going to agree and say perhaps you’d be friends from them on. Your ears also pick up Osamu’s insults at his brother by praising your intellect when giving your answer. For whatever reason, hearing that praise made your steps a little lighter that day.

Presently, you stand face to face with Atsumu who in turn after your apology, asks you where you’re off to in such a hurry.

“Kitchen,” You reply. “Madame is showing us the desserts she’d like to serve this afternoon for tea.”

Feeling your excitement as you are told to scurry off., Atsumu shakes his head chuckling. To his left, his friend who is visiting for the day, Suna, raised an eye brow.

“Yn certainly had grown into her figure,” Suna makes a figure in the air with his hands. “Does your brother still latch on to her whenever he sees her?”

Atsumu turns to his fox-eyed friend. “It’s been two years since that foolish bet. Yet ah am not opposed to having yn around. She is a good friend to him and me, so why should we add more to the rumors they are lovers?”

“Because it’s funny?”

“‘m going to pretend ya didn’t say that, eh Suna? Especially if they’re the blindest dorks on earth.”

Elsewhere, as you make it into the kitchen, you grab the last apron. The madame of the house and head pastry chef didn’t necessarily called you out for your tardiness, so the mini-baking lesson had begun. Honestly baking was fun, yet since you had a not so secret secret, you found you did best when following dictated orders versus reading a recipe.

To be fair, you didn’t know what a library or a book was until you started working in the estate. A lot of the noble women often would bully you just because you pronounced words awkwardly and when word finally reached one of the twins, Osamu was rumored to have stood up for you; Atsumu on the other hand, had defended you as well mentioning you might not have had any formal education, but “yn-san manages ‘er time wisely and doesn’t run ‘er mouth like ya girls do.” And though it might have caused the ladies to be quiet, at least one of them has declined invitations back. That did not sit well at all for the mother who birthed outspoken boys to begin with. Although, after she had called you into her study, you notice Osamu was within earshot of the scolding you received for not defending yourself better.

“Your boys did it for me, majesty,” you stood a bit straighter. “And for that, I have the utmost respect for them.”

Your hands stayed at your side, knuckles white as they gripped the sides of your skirt. You’re first audience in a long time with her excellency had your heart beating outside your chest. Looking to where Osamu stood, you knew he couldn’t say anything at the moment while his mother was still furious.

“You may have respect for them, but what of their reputation?”

This again? Your thoughts circle the word reputation. Isn’t it enough that whoever wanted to rip your clothes was told not to by Atsumu? Or when you claimed you fell on the stairs, Osamu offered you a hand to stand up as the girls who passed by called you clumsy even with the evidence so blatantly seen on their smug faces after asking Osamu to drop you “because why should we be nice to staff members?” At this, Osamu whispers to you to pay them no mind; you straighten yourself out, disappearing without so much as a thanks—it comes a week later in the form of a tea service your mentors had advised you perform for the twins who made it bearable to be around such snobby women.

Their mother sees a thorn in front of her; the dress you wear is a hand-me-down from her girlhood days. The fabric then was heavy and uncomfortable in the summer months, yet alas the tailor who was to throw it out decided to gift it to you. How quaint, her excellency thinks. The sleeves were hemmed and the excess trim were cut away, leaving nothing but a simple gown in need of either a bustier or pea coat in this autumn weather.

“Madame, if reputation is what all noble people care or gossip about, then what makes them any different than those below their status?”

You bow as gracefully as you could manage, then exit the study. Your meals were withheld for a week and replaced with table scraps for verifying a truth so long forgotten. Thankfully when Osamu speaks to his brother about what their mother did, you started receiving messages during their tea breaks when you served them via the teas they drank: green tea meant extra entree, Darjeeling was a spare dessert, citrus was snacks, etc. from then on, when you dined with them, you became friends. The wager didn’t matter anymore.

Back in the present, as the tarts bake in the oven, you lean against the window facing the eastern sea. Knights and swordsmen are conducting their training and you spot a certain twin joining the fray. Others don’t pretend to notice the difference in chemistry your trio brings, yet knowing who recently requests you more over the other has people in the estate gossiping like mad. Those that tend to the Madame are quite bitter none of their trainees had won favor as fast as you did. Perhaps it’s the way the boys look to you for praise, yet you humbly say what needs to be said with an air of honesty which, to be frank, can be too acidic for some.

“Poise and grace can only get you so far,” ms arimoto said on the eve of your seventeen birthday. “So be honest and accept critique with kindness and you’ll do just fine, yn.”

You nod and ever since then, your brain reminds you of that advice. Surely, that Indian summer as the sun rises steadily higher, things were about to change…

A few days later, you’re outside tending to the garden. The night of the celebration had concluded with the twins readily sneaking out to party with the knights and others in your class as well to enjoy a night off of official duties. You’ve rarely seen your peers drunk, but when Ms Morimoto returns for her official retirement party, everyone raises a glass to the sky in her honor. Music and dancing were always encouraged and though your plate was still full, you eventually manage to make your way to the dance floor. Nights and other staff alike watch as you raise your hands up to the sky and wind your body in ways no one thought possible. It was then Ms Arimoto calls you an affectionate term of those who lived in the desert: hōseki (gem).

Maybe fraternizing with you in particular had rubbed the twins’ mother the wrong way, so their lessons were longer and more egregious than before. You were often sought after such lessons for snacks and tea breaks for this last quarter of months.

Three months you had a disruptive sleep schedule because though your priorities included tending the garden, whenever either Osamu or Atsumu refused their butlers or house keepers, those people come banging on your door. Not that they were jealous of you tending to the boys, but they were afraid they’d lose their jobs if one or all of them didn’t send you to the twins’ adjoining rooms. The worse of it was when both Atsumu and Osamu were scheduled exams at six to eight hour intervals because what was sleep then? When that hellish week was over, the boys found you passed out on the floor, the ceramic tray with the sandwiches shattered to your left as you just knocked out from exhaustion. You did give them quite a scare, so imagine your surprise when you wake up on the ottoman with your head resting against a pillow on Osamu’s thighs and your legs curled like a kitten against Atsumu, both were reading novel’s at the times silently as to not disturb you. Those who did come into the room to drop off food claimed to have seen nothing of the ordinary—just two brothers fretting over their friend’s well being.

Eventually, Atsumu was called for an abroad trip to the south for a summit while Osamu stayed behind to run the estate. Their parent was blissfully away conducting and reporting merchant routes with her council. As for you? You used this time to tend to your specialities: making sure your duties were completed at sundown everyday…even if it includes literacy lessons with Osamu.

You don’t speak a word of how he reads novels aloud to you and he teaches you how to pronounce the words from the picture books when he and his brother were four years old. He doesn’t mind the awkward way your lips, teeth, and tongue roll over difficult words like, “exuberant” or “dreary,” because he gets to squish your cheeks together to at least let your mouth remember the movements of such sounds.

You see the frustration dissipating when you said “extraordinary” back to him one morning. His hands don’t squish your cheeks then, he’s too busy trying to control the flustered look his agape mouth makes. You tilt your head to one side when you ask him to define what it means. He blinks at your question before making a blind bold choice of words.

“You,” Osamu’s voice is barely a whisper. “You’re extraordinary.”

“I am?”

You lean in to study those swirling gray orbs of his, almost teasing him with how close you actually are.Osamu replies with his lips against yours, not shying away from whatever needs tried to suppress for however long ago you first served him and his brother tea.

It’s over in an instant, and your eyes remained closed a smidge longer than his.

“Yes,” his lips press against the corner of your mouth again. “You are.”

You take the compliment to the grave but it’s only when his hands keep you in a lover’s embrace, does your heart sway. You warn him, dressed in the blues and whites he comes to adore, of the consequences if either you or him were to pursue this.

“We just have to be careful,” Osamu’s heart is not one to be deterred, yet he knows you have so much more to lose. He can’t defend you well if his mother chooses to throw you out; hell Atsumu would try to sneak you back in, but would the guards follow a kill or capture on sight plan like Kita is trained to do? Osamu sees the apprehension as your breathing pattern changes slightly. Chewing on your bottom lip, you bump your forehead against his. He smirks at you.

“Teach me a little more,” is all you add to this conversation before the books remain scattered and you let yourselves be tied by the fates design.

His hands raise yours to hold him securely by the shoulder and like those books filled with young lovers, you do just that. Those same lips that read to you stories borne of the imaginations of authors now presses eloquently against yours, your heart leaves the worries of the mind behind. It’s more desperate in the ways you grip each other’s clothing, he sighs angrily and curses the way women dress in this era, nearly tearing your collar apart to have his lips reach your décolleté and your palms support the back of his head as you push him impossibly closer. Your breathing is ragged as you let this continue.

“S-sir?”

Your promptly picked up and affixed to sitting on the desk, the books pushed back by the act. Osamu looms over you, a pained expression on his features.

“Don’t call me that,” his fingers brush stray strands of your hair behind your ears. “No titles when you’re with me..”

Your eyes are wide with apparent shock at first, but your hands seize the nape of his neck and you find the courage to violently kiss him back. He hears how you hesitate to say his name, but by gods is it a glorious whimper when you do the second before you smash his lips with yours.

Hands accentuate the greed your type of love fulfills—the unfastening of fancier tunics on him and the unlacing of your bustier is as far as this lesson intends to reach. Your lover and teacher of such things supports your back with his hands as he guides you backwards a bit as your legs are compliant in making enough room for his body to fit between; you skirt rustles as it bunches higher and now Osamu’s almost as horizontal with you as you are with the desk.

Together, you taste the finesse of his rank, his hands feel the callouses you earned toiling the days away (making snacks, brewing teas, assisting in the gardens, etc), so he tends to them as lovers do. Your breathing together is ragged and though you relish in his touch as his fingers dance over the scars and little scrapes here and there. He presses short chaste kisses to the tips of your fingers, catching the way the sun glimmers in your eyes.

“Is this how we start?”

Such an innocent question to a compromising state of undress, Osamu thinks. He helps you rest comfortably on his arms, as he chuckles lightly.

“Yes,” he tilts your chin up, grazing your lips with his own. He feels you smile beneath him before he kisses you tastefully there. The room is a complete disarray, however, when he laces your bustier back and you assist in fastening his charcoal colored rank cloak on his shoulder, you realize after today, you both must tread lightly. Whether you are called in the dead of night to make a pot of tea or for him to explicitly relieve you of your duties and have your second take over your chores so you could enjoy the lake house with him, no one suspects the sudden blossoming kinship you form. Even if the noble ladies who try their luck at once again forming amicable bonds with Osamu, it is soon rumored they first have to pass your judgment. Typically you would have been compensated the honor of being his assistant, yet with such a trivial formality and practice forgotten, however when Osamu is forced to participate in these meetings, one notices how the aloof twin seems to be enamored by your presence.

Come nightfall on one such day, when the last guests leave, Osamu finds you in a hall by the armory and promptly pushes you into the nearest room. His lips greet you first, your hands are pinned above your head. It’s warm here and he’s impossibly burning his love everywhere you’re exposed skin can be reached. Your hands,when released, start their perfected rehearsed dance to rid him of his clothes—the stays are loose enough that when the bustier falls, it joins the cape and tunic from earlier.

Here, when you open your eyes, you’re stunned by how strong he is; muscles formed and conditioned to raise broadswords and shields now are used to lift and carry you. There is a cot and you find yourself in mere seconds straddling the thighs of the man who taught you words and their meanings; how eloquent your voice is when you quietly say his name. He says yours when he brings your knuckles to his lips. Languid kisses expresses his need to have you, all of you, if you’ll allow it. You fall into a steady rhythm as your hands explore his tensed back, accidentally scratching his shoulder blades and his hips buck up to warn you. Raising a brow, you ask him to do it again, and this time, as you let a chortle slip, your other hand cups his lightly stubbled cheek.

“Don’t be shy now,” you murmur.

The hand that hand snuck to rest against his shoulders now travels and wraps around where he holds the small of your back. Your skirt is bunched just above mid thigh here. Testing the waters, you lay his palm there. It’s as close to where you might need him later, but for now hearing him inhale and exhale a nervous laugh gets you to lazily smile at him.

“It’s going to be ok,” you lean down to ghost your own lips over his. “I trust you.”

Though Osamu believes every word you said, his body is pulsating in ways he didn’t think it could; rarely when he was off age did a person vex him so. His hand as your lips keep distracting seeks refuge s as it disappears almost completely under what little fabric is left. You whimper at the sensation, but when this a soft mewl falls from your mouth when you rest your head against his chest, he’s curious just how many more times he could hear you like this. Hands aside, Osamu asks with a tug of your under shirt, right before the lace of the chemise is exposed to him. You in your flustered state, create enough space for him to lift the thickest fabric (it was prospected to be cooler at night) he had felt on a commoner, up and over your head. You cross your arms over your chest the chemise doesn’t do much to stop the diver traveling up your spine, so what does your lover do? He takes his last layer of upper clothing off and drapes it over your shoulder. Osamu’s a little broader than Atsumu, and you realize this first hand. You uncross your arms, he gently smiles down when you carefully trace over the healed wounds of hood childhood. You’re asked if you’re afraid knowing how violent he could be, some of the scars looked severe; “why would I be when I’m with you?”

“Yer gonna be the death of me,” he deftly says. Osamu’s answer came attached with a confession sayings numerical value of how long he had wanted to have you like this. Holding you close and even closer still if you’d allow it. You recall having been educated as best you could by the doctors who frequent the estate on matters in the bedroom when you turned of age. Surely satisfying a prospective husband was loosely implied, but seeing as this may be the second time someone had you (the first happened when you found out the baker’s son was to marry the second daughter of a banker; he wanted to learn and unfortunately at the time, you were the only person his age. You don’t mind you gave into him so easily, because he did treat you with care and with his earnings, he even went to apothecary who was able to provide birth control potions for both of you.)

That was then, this time with Osamu, you’re changing the notion in your head of what constitutes as an act of love. You were foolish and naive to think whatever had transpired between the baker and you was an educative transaction. Yet in the way Osamu’s eyes are clouded with the thoughts of you above him, you see and feel his anguish push against your body where you sit. So, you gently push him on his back and undo the top of his trousers. His hands are at his side, but his eyes are enamored with lust blown pupils. Are you seriously going to undress him here? Not even in his own bed, but here? Your hands are deft and lightly tracing over the area he needs the most attention, yet as the crickets outside become louder, Osamu is frozen in place with the way you test an angle that has his head spinning. Your fingers loop around the button and with the drag of the zipper, the man’s breathing stutters. He groans at such a simple act, but for what it’s worth, you lean down you and against his Cupid’s bow breathe a command for him to sit still.

“I’ll go slow, so treat me kindly ‘samu,” were probably the last coherent words you say before the heat is too much. Waking up next to each other half a day later, with bruises from the day before starting to blossom across your bodies, you both jolt awake. He’s tossing you your clothes and vice versa; how could either of you forget your duties that morning? Truthfully, you’re just glad you received a light warning and even medium tempered punishment. Osamu, on the other hand, had to at the very least, invite and host more women much to his dismay. Why would he want to if he knew he wanted you, especially after how you made him fall even harder on that stiff cot in the armory. Although, the butler and his fellow man in arms, Gin, days later asked him why his master seems so fond of you. Osamu shrugs making a mention of how you’re preferred company over his brother sometimes. Gin laughs, uttering an encouraging word or two about how you’re rumored among the working servants to be object of Osamu’s current desire. (“Who knew it was the other way around,” was all he said after being dismissed. Sworn to secrecy that one was, Gin wouldn’t dream to be disloyal to either twin, so he thought should he see you, he’d tell you in case you didn’t already know).

Two months into this endeavor and although there have been many rumors as to who brought out a gentle side of the once aloof fox, the answer is never traced back to you. Surely if asked, you amicably say you’re friends, but that is all there is to it. There elderly keepers of the estate turn a blind eye to the ever rising collar of your formal clothing, alas they keep their mouths shut as best they can when their Madame summons them to act as spies to see if they heard the name of her son’s lover. You were questioned once, yet how you lied through your teeth was worthy of the highest acting award, hell even when Osamu was called, he tells his mother he’s been fond of the daughters who frequently fawn over Atsumu. The more these mixers and parties with the other noble families occur, the more cloud cover you and Osamu’s relationship will have.

No one catches on until Atsumu returns surprisingly early. He’s making his rounds searching for Osamu to gossip about who he met, what he did, etc over the time he was away only to open the doors of the library to see your back and his brother looming over you. Poetry, words even Atsumu wouldn’t dare dream of saying aloud just to any person lest he loved them dearly, were spilling forth from his brother’s lips and on to yours. Atsumu closes the door as quietly as he can, his mind goes still at the thought. Then, the golden boy truly smirks as he walks down the hall. He says nothing, at the very least, not until he summons his brother to his chambers in the middle of the day. Tea wasn’t necessarily served, but the truth of how he knows his twin lies in the smug look he gives. Osamu’s dress shirt is slightly askew no thanks in part to you, yet when he sits across his brother, the grayed toned boy braces himself.

“Is yer heart true?” Atsumu’s question is the only one needed to ask. “‘Samu, I’m only asking this once.”

Osamu gives pause to read his brothers face—the seriousness in time could have meant he caught him with you this morning, right? Instead of an answer, Atsumu reads the way his younger by minutes sibling’s head hanging down in utter defeat, a plea on the brink of slipping out. It’s enough for Atsumu to clear the air.

“The old hag wouldn’t find out, yer secret is safe,” he says, then leaned back in his chair. “Who else knows?”

“…no one,” osamu replied, sheepish canine teeth puncture through his bottom lip.

Atsumu breathes a sigh of relief before asking how long his brother had begun to feel this way toward you. Usually they’d fight over things like toys and lately as they had begun to carve their own path, women seemed to be a touchy subject because when it came to you, it’s like a switch flipped. They were vying for your attention in the most obtuse of ways: Atsumu came to you with a tear in his formal cape, then Osamu wanted your opinion on festival flower arrangements, after that Atsumu asked if he could have you accompany him into town (just to see which gifts he’d bestow upon you when your birthday came up), Osamu though asked if you could meet him in the library to study maps for a while…

“Don’t let yn go,” Atsumu warns his brother as Osamu was about to leave his room. “I think we both know where I’d stand if you do.”

The door closes with a decadent thud and by the time Osamu returns to where he had last seen you, you were already gone. The books from earlier remained scattered in a sort of perplexing disarray. On the one hand, as he begins to tidy the room a bit, he realizes something is amiss the second the change of shift house keepers come in asking him if he’s seen you.

“What do you mean you haven’t seen yn? She was with you an hour or so ago, was she not?” your friend who covers your nightly route asks. Their voice elevates in a calm manner as if to hint you’ve definitely been gone a little longer than the hour mentioned. Osamu hands the novels over, thanking your friend with a nod, as he exits into the hallway.

Kita was enjoying a cup of tea in the parlor closest to the resting quarters when both Atsumu and Osamu barge in. The captain stares blankly at them as the boys each describe you in great and not so great detail. As he sips his tea, his face is unchanged as he says you were summoned elsewhere at the request of their mother. Atsumu stares at his brother and though his callused hands punches Osamu’s chest, his eyes are glazed in an angry, “you said you were careful,” stare.

Osamu exhales sharply the moment Atsumu turns in his heels.

“My men followed their orders, we cannot disobey direct ones,” Kita informs the younger sibling. The tea cup clinks against the table. “I advise you inform your mother, your grace, before yn-san is lost to you both.”

Osamu catches his breath only to run to locate the yells echoing through the doors of his parents’ bedroom. Atsumu is having a tantrum over losing you as quickly as a child who misplaced their favorite golden toy. Bracing himself as he walks in, Atsumu huffs as his brother stands shoulder to shoulder with him.

“Mother,” Osamu tries kindness this time. “Where did you send her?”

“Away from you two, obviously,” their mother turns over the papers she has in her hand. It was a trade offer too good to pass up. Perhaps this was what her trip was for: arranging a match. Or several potential ones for her unruly boys. “It’s about time you two relearn your place… especially you, Osamu.”

“Yer wrong for this, you know that?” Atsumu seethes. “Who’s to say Osamu wasn’t the only one who loved them? Hmm?”

Their mother slams her fist on the end table.

“The bitch seduced both of you?” Their mother scoffs. “Of course she did.”

Atsumu observes his brother’s fight or flight response manifest in the way his pupils dilate. The storm blessed sibling stands taller as he bows to cushion the blow of turning on his heels as he begins his journey in finding you.

His mother calls out to him one final time, “You leave this place Miya Osamu no longer my son, but an orphan to these lands!” She turns to face her eldest, stopping him before he to follows his brother’s lead: “You follow him, you too are orphaned and the line ends here.”

Those who linger outside the room overhearing this family matter stand aside as Atsumu walks past them. He heads in the direction of the westernmost stables where he knew his brother would be. In the stables, the brothers share a final conversation.

“Take this,” Atsumu presses a medallion of sorts which grants the owner safe refuge. “Don’t let what the old hag says get to you; you bring yn back. Whether as mah sister in law or as yer lover, do not rest until she is found, d’ya hear me?”

Osamu’s angered hands shake as his horse whinnies brusquely. Atsumu notices the house keeper he had passed on the way to his mother’s room—the cousin of the one cleaning the library right now—they bow prior to being called forth.

“Yn is important to us too,” they sniffle. “She taught us how to mend clothes just yesterday. Please, if any one can bring her back I know it’s one of you… Time is of the essence. Last I heard, they were headed to the port of call with her.”

And by the time Osamu gallops towards the docks, he sees a flash of lightning race through the clouds and he sees the shadow of someone who was dressed like you; when you reach the starboard side of the vessel you were taken to, your ears pick up your name in the wind. You gasp when you see the outline of a familiar figure by a horse. You raise your hand above to wave and you force a smile as you watch him drift further away.

Rewind to when you part ways with Osamu that morning: you were invited to attend an estate dinner with Osamu only to find out that perhaps Atsumu might have returned early. You hear the compatriots of those who were chosen by the elder master of the house return talking with their peers about what they saw or rather what goods the other territories had to offer. Atsumu, as you excuse yourself to pass through to the next area where your chores list would take you, welcoming them all back as one does, only to be snatched in a hallway. You tried to force yourself out of the binds your captors had used, but alas when you hear the familiar voices of several guards, you stop resisting. The blindfold didn’t really help in way shape or form to identify the assailants, yet all you could decipher was who gave the order to have to boarded on the next ship wherever far their coins could take you. You knew following your heart would be difficult, yet was the price worth it? Was earning his love worth this divide?

“Absolutely,” you mutter to yourself as your homeland drifts further behind you.

So the years went by. Within that time, you had grown into your new role as the assistant owner of a bouquet florist. You had received word over the last three months a certain golden son was seeking an arrangement signifying his rise to power. Your manager was out on a delivery run when the chime at the door rings.

“Be right with ya!” you instruct another apprentice how to finish wrapping the last bouquet for a wedding order.

Wiping your hands on the apron you wear, you pop around the corner to see an old face. You recognize the stature of the man whom you used to make rose tea for. Whether you cry or not, you try to keep your emotions in check as you attempt to greet your prosperous client.

“Atsumu?...”

The man embraces you like he would an old friend, perhaps even a sibling. He releases you and cups your cheek.

“Finally found ya,” he says, his tone is one of relief. “‘Samu an’ ah have been looking for ya fer ages.”

You furrow your brows and you raise your hands to remove Atsumu’s hands away gently. He nods in understanding your eagerness to ask the question which he was unsure how to answer just yet.

“Where is he?”

Atsumu inhales a shakey breath. How can he answer that question knowing his brother has not returned any of the letters he had sent over the course of their time apart. It’s been roughly six? Maybe seven years at best since everyone had last seen each other. There were always these rumors about a knave who would wander into towns searching for a girl he had loved, but when there was no sign of such a lady, he’d drown his sorrows until he had his fill then move on.

“Nursing a broken heart,” Atsumu has a sour face. “No thanks to that woman.”

Their mother had since relinquished her title the moment Atsumu had signed over the appropriate documents for robbing her of her power; the people and even the merchant factions were all in favor of this choice. Those in authoritative service offices often updated the newer leader of where his brother might have been spotted and as you hear these stories in the mid-afternoon sun, you wring your hands together in apprehensiveness waiting for the thrilling conclusion of this tale.

“W-why would he–Atsumu, where is he? If you know, please,” your voice is chillingly calm. You don’t demand anything less and as Atsumu hands you a paper when he leaves, he pauses to turn to give you a hopeful stare.

“His only crime was loving you, so it’s your turn, yn. Bring him home. Both of you, come home when you find each other. I’ll be waiting.”

The shop closes when the bells from the temple begin their hourly night chime. You lock the door after bidding your apprentice goodnight along with your fellow manager; casually walking the streets, those who frequent the shop greet you as you make way to the local pub. Paying the price of a pint of pear cider, you empty it just as quickly as it was poured. The barkeep hums a familiar tune as you stare at your reflection at the bottom of the light froth remants.

Glancing up, your lips stretch into a thin smile.

“Your brother stopped by today,” you push the glass back toward the bar keep. “Said when I find you I ought to bring you home with me.”

Arching an eyebrow at you, the same eyes from your youth sparkles in amusement. He leans over to kiss your lips (the other patrons whoop in the background); you laugh as you raise your pint glass in the air. You admire the moonlight streaks in your lover’s hair as he shakes his head at the noise. The years have been kind and not all of what Atsumu had said was a lie; it was factual to a degree. Only reason why the letters when unanswered for so long was because his brother and you were too busy establishing yourself in the town under the guise of newlyweds seeking a more stable home. The locals here were the most constant and eager to see you both succeed, so whether or not the reach of the estate would follow only time would tell.

You wave at the nightly regulars before rounding the back of the stairs to your shared flat. Before you take your leave, you feel a strong set of hands grip your waist and pull you back into a tight hug. A voice strong and gentle like the day you met him formally in the halls of his estate tickles against your ear. You bite back a grin when his lips graze your temple. Your fingers lace over his as his words leave you with dreams of a sepia hued montage; the disgraced master runs to the docks that night and as his destiny leaves the shores, she waits in the same citadel until her former master crosses her path en route to a market; behind the closed doors of the inn do both let their hearts’ passions free.

Even now, when you wear his colors in the threads you dress yourself with and perhaps the reason why Atsumu chose to speak as if his brother is lost in a public area; the pattern of your apron from the shop was the same as the inside tone of his brother’s riding cloak. Atsumu knows his brother is alive just by that alone, your apprehensiveness earlier was out of concern Osamu would be imprisoned for being an exiled son, yet Atsumu reassures you he just wants to reinstate all the titles that was lost to him since their mother’s ego was tarnished. Atsumu sighs before he leaves saying that all he wants was his family to be happy and you didn’t refuse his invitation to come home. After all, with the slight slump in Atsumu’s shoulders you could tell he misses you both dearly, so you tell him you’ll talk to his brother. The note reinstating what title and land deed would be bestowed upon their return was laid out in full, however you were still learning how to read ledgers at the age of twenty-four, so you thought it best to leave it on the bedside table.

For now though, you lean back to glance up at the sky gray eyes you’ve often found refuge in. Your lips curve into a curious grin.

“Hmm? Wanted me to stay a little while longer?”

You feel your lover shake his head before formulating a proper answer to your question from earlier:

“Say the word wife and we’ll leave at dawn to see this brother of mine... I heard the peonies are in full bloom this time o’year.”

Oh Dolokhov Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov playlist annotations!

A note on the cover photo: I don’t really like this one but I got tired of looking at men on Pinterest so I gave up. The window symbolizes the rum window and the smoking symbolizes uhhhhh habitual bad life choices idk

Drinking game take a shot every time I say “it’s about the vibes”

Wrecking Ball - Mother Mother

“I break it just because I can”

This is THEE ‘I am going to cause problems on purpose’ song and that is like his entire narrative purpose!! Argue with me about this one I dare you

The Good, The Bad, and the Dirty - Panic! At The Disco

“If you wanna start a fight you better throw the first punch, make it a good one”

Partially its just vibes, I won’t lie. But also the consistent spoiling for a fight is very in character

Shoot to Thrill - AC/DC

“I’m like evil, I get under your skin”

It’s got I Am Morally Repulsive But Also I’ll Steal Your Girl energy which really hits all of Dolokhov’s character traits. And of course the added bonus of gun imagery.

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

“It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this”

I added it strictly for vibes, but then I realized the quoted lyric is very much him @ the Kuragins if you take the reading that he refuses to admit he actually like them but grows genuinely fond of them over time even though he initially got to know them with a lot of ulterior motives.

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

“Mama, I just killed a man”

The amount of songs that are on these playlists just for what are essentially your mom jokes since Dolokhov loves his mom so much is a little pathetic. But I’m not wrong! I can’t really put it into words but something about this song has Dolokhov energy.

Feel It Still - Portugal the Man

“Give in to that easy living, goodbye to your hopes and dreams”

A good deal of what I find interesting about Dolokhov is the internal conflict he has of knowing he’s become rather wicked and problematic but also not really trying very hard to change and almost enjoying it so a lot of the songs on here are about that, including this one. The “I’m a rebel just for kicks now” also very much screams Causing Problems On Purpose.

The Bidding - Tally Hall

“I like to take advantage of the bourgeoisie”

His whole role in volume one and two is to take advantage of the bourgeoisie! This song also oozes confidence and a sense of superiority that comes from being better than the sellouts in high society, Dolokhov’s not like other girls uwu (he really is, but I don’t think he would admit that).

Say Amen (Saturday Night) - Panic! At The Disco

“I could be better but baby it’s Saturday night”

Embracing his own wickedness! The idea that he knows he could be better than he is but he doesn’t want to take that opportunity...yeah vibes

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy

“I became such a strange shape from trying to fit in”

This is the epitome of the “woe is me I need to be purified” phase he goes through when he’s into Sonya. Also “I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color” reminds me of Comet Dolokhov’s stupid eyeliner <3

Some Nights - fun.

“So what is this? I sold my soul for this?”

There’s a long stretch of this playlist that just boils down to “Woe is me I need to be purified” crisis hours, because Dolokhov’s oscillation between embracing his own cruelty and trying to be a good person is super interesting to me. This song captures the idea that he’s still having fun and there’s some good there, but he’s also aware that he’s losing himself a bit

Roaring 20s - Panic! At The Disco

“I don’t even know me”

“Woe is me i need to be purified” crisis AGAIN. This song gets more to the annoyance with society as a whole and feeling kind of lost in it

Send Them Off! - Bastille

“Help me exorcise my mind”

“Please purify me 16 year old girl! I’m 27 this isnt creepy at all ahahahha”. I do despise Sonyakhov but this has the vibes of a man feeling his own evil and wanting a woman to fix it. Not a great look.

Easy Days (Demo) - Bastille

“I don’t wanna fall back again, back into the easy days”

Near the end of the “woe is me I need to be purified” phase when he’s kind of drifting back to his old ways and he’s like wait no- wait- and then he does anyway because he’s horrible. I also really like the acknowledgment that his horribleness is easy and pleasant for him, and he has to fight against that (and he loses that fight HDJAJJD).

Undisclosed Desires - Muse

“You trick your lovers that you’re wicked and divine”

This is a Dolokhov/Nikolai song I do not take constructive criticism. Undisclosed desires...not being straight...lots to think about! It feels almost like a corruption arc? Nikolai isn’t corrupted nor does their...fling (?) last very long but Nikolai is obviously enamored with Dolokhov despite him being The Worst so I think this fits. I don’t have enough songs for a Nikolai/Dolokhov playlist so I just add those songs to both of their individual playlists

Thnks fr th Mmrs - Fall Out Boy

“Thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great”

Also mostly a Nikolai/Dolokhov song. This man has never ended a relationship on good terms, huh. Also. Sighs heavily. “He tastes like you only sweeter” never fails to make me laugh when I think about it in the context of Dolokhov post-duel being like oh?? You’re just a stupid WOMAN Hélène your brother and/or Nikolai is hotter than you :/ which is not exactly what I think happened but it makes me laugh to consider. Dolokhov ur bitterrrrr

Dangerous - Royal Deluxe

“I’ll be the last man standing here, I’m not going anywhere”

I feel like this has the vibes of his cruelty, especially in that bit after the Kuragins have died when he and Petya infiltrate the French army.

Another One Bites The Dust - Queen

“There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man”

He will hurt you and kill you so violently :) It’s about the vibes.

White Wedding Pt. 1 - Billy Idol

“It’s a nice day to start again”

In the exact inverse to his “woe is me I need to be purified” phase, he’s like ok yes i will pick up bad habits again and enjoy them because frick you! I read once that this song is about a relapse into drugs, but I’m making it analogous to his relapse into Terrible Person Behavior after Sonya’s rejection. Also the repetition of the phrase little sister does something for my brain idk, after we know he loves his mom and sister it just fits.

Highway to Hell - AC/DC

“I’m on the highway to hell and I’m goin down”

Like White Wedding, it screams acceptance of his problematicness. He knows he’s cruel and evil and he revels in it. This is the phase we see him in most I think.

Back in Black - AC/DC

“It’s been too long, I’m glad to be back”

I think this plays every time he gets reinstated to an army position he lost by being reckless earlier. Just kidding sort of but listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have Dolokhov vibes. If you do, you’re wrong <3

Poet - Bastille

“I have written you down now, you will live forever”

This is just here cause he ghostwrote Anatole’s love letters and I think it’s funny. It’s MY playlist and I get to choose the barely relevant Bastille songs

St. Jude - Florence + The Machine

“Maybe I’ve always been more comfortable in chaos”

This one’s more scattered lyrics than an overall vibe. “Each side is a loser so who cares who fired the gun” has duel energy also.

Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At The Disco

Confession: I hate this song. However, it’s about the about the MOM R U PROUD OF ME vibes (she is. Should she be? Probably not).

Rich Kids - Bea Miller

“It’s never enough for the stuck up types”

The not coming from wealth and having to almost scam your way into being part of the aristocratic scene is very Dolokhov. Also in my mind the rich kid he’s roasting is specifically Nikolai.

Money, Money, Money - ABBA

“It’s a rich man’s world”

I’m not SAYING the wealthy man they talk about is Anatole but - [i am shot]. Scheming and clawing your way up to wealth is Dolokhovcore.

This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

I literally have no justification for this other than that i think modern AU Dolokhov would vibe with it. Look at the amount of eyeliner he wears in Comet and tell me he didn’t have an emo band phase. You can’t.

Trouble’s Coming - Royal Blood

This is not about the words at all, it’s more about the vibes. It just sounds Dolokhovish to me, don’t ask me to explain.

Sleep Alone - Two Door Cinema Club

“They’re just ghosts and they can’t hurt him if he can’t see them”

This gives me post-Kuragins’ death vibes, and I can’t pin down exactly why? I think it’s the idea of being very alone and closed off.

Golden Days - Panic! At The Disco

I can’t put a specific lyric to it but it’s the vibes of looking back on your hedonistic youths with nostalgia and rose-colored glasses. Post-Kuragins’ death vibes again.

Go Get Your Gun - The Dear Hunter

“One foot in the grave, the other one’s kickin’ its way right down to hell”

All we see of him after the Kuragins’ death is just him being particularly cruel and reckless, almost careless. This feels like it encapsulates that energy.

The Fallen - Franz Ferdinand

“They say you’re a troubled boy just because you like to destroy”

I’m aware that a good portion of this song is about a Christ figure but I’m going to respectfully ask you to ignore that bit and just focus on all the Sketchy Things the guy does instead. Thank you. He does in fact like to destroy things! Señor Cause Problems On Purpose back at it again at krispy kreme, huh.

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 1999

A list with quite possibly the most embarrassing #1 yet, and considering some of the previous ones, that’s really saying something.

Also, a very, very long list of honorable mentions.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

This could have almost been a top fifteen, because holy f█cking shit look at this list of honorable mentions. I might eventually make a top 15 for some years (gosh I just finished my 2013 top and it’s a massacre of good songs, an absolute disaster, and I’m seriously considering making it a top 15 or 20 I swear), but for now, it’s still manageable.

Summer Son (Texas) - Why is this so hot. The lyrics aren’t even hot in the first place. What the hell.

That Don’t Impress Me Much (Shania Twain) - Not my favorite song from her but still very good. Fun fact, one of my English teachers was using songs as dictation exercises and that was the hardest one he ever used for that. I don’t think any of us got the Elvis line right. Also he’s solely responsible for me loving The Cure because the second song he used for this kind of exercise was Boys Don’t Cry. This has nothing to do with Shania Twain but I thought it was a fun little story to tell.

Jusqu’au Bout de la Nuit (Emile et Images) - Two French bands from the eighties team up and release a song which is composed of every single one of their hit songs from the eighties, with each chorus sung one after the other, and... it sounds great? And it charted?? My brother absolutely loved them, too. The only reason it’s not on the list is that it feels like cheating, in a way. I mean, half these songs could top some of my lists on their own. Putting them together is a dirty trick, guys! Oh well, I love you all anyway.

Baby One More Time (Britney Spears) - I really love this song and it was on the list at first, but overplay played a big role in its removal from it.

L’Ame Stram Gram (Mylène Farmer) - Has the privilege of being the first Mylène Farmer music video I ever saw in my life. Was incredibly confused but also fascinated. The song isn’t her best though, and she’s on so many of these lists that I claim self care on its removal from this one, especially because, uh... she’s still gonna appear on it anyway. Damn it.

Move Your Body (Eiffel 65) - I told you I loved stupid dance music didn’t I. Unfortunately things aren’t gonna get better as years pass. I just made a list (which is gonna be posted muuuuuuch later) where I put David Guetta six places higher than Adele. This isn’t a joke.

Save Tonight (Eagle Eye Cherry) - I genuinely love this song and it’s kinda sad I couldn’t fit it on any of the two lists where it was elligible.

La Manivelle (Wazoo) - This would NEVER have charted if La Tribu de Dana by Manau hadn’t been such an enormous hit the previous year. Not in a million years. And if it hadn’t, the world would have been a little less fun. So I’m glad. I love it and it was one of the last cuts from this list.

Kiss Me (Sixpence None the Richer) - Was also on the list at first. Was removed because it never ended on any compilation I made and that’s the only reason.

Well, that was long. Here’s the proper list.

10 - Crazy (Britney Spears)

US: Not on the list?? I was very surprised / FR: #14

So I dug up the first cd compilations I ever made for the previous list, and look what’s the first song on the third compilation I ever made!

Relistened to it, still love it to bits, put it on the list. Sorry Kiss Me.

9 - All Star (Smash Mouth)

US: #17 / FR: Not on the list

I know it’s impossible to listen to it with fresh ears after something like 15 years of memes. But it’s still damn good and a ton of fun to sing along with it.

8 - Ma Baker 99 (Boney M)

US: Not on the list / FR: #66

Where’s that photo of the cd compilation I mentioned in the previous list?

There it is.

Yep, it’s a remix, but it charted here, and it sounds and looks absolutely fantastic. I had never heard the original at the time for some reason, and that song sounded so badass. I could only understand isolated bits of the lyrics (like “she was the meanest cat in all Chicago town”, “the cops appeared too soon they couldn’t get away”, “she never could cry”) but it was enough to get a general idea, and that was back when I was starting to realise than most of the dance songs I enjoyed as a kid didn’t tell stories and weren’t about wizards and magic. So, a song about a mean woman who’s also a gangster?? I was like, wow, nice, a song I like with an actual story, give me twenty.

7 - Boom Boom Boom Boom (Vengaboys)

US: Not on the list / FR: #20

Told you I loved Vengaboys! It’s also on that third cd compilation I ever made!

Fun fact, at the time, for a while I didn’t know what the lyrics were and since I only knew a couple of words of English I was convinced a “broom” was somehow involved in the lyrics instead of a “room”.

6 - Souviens-toi du jour (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #73

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again ; I used to be a huge fan of her as a teenager and my brain somehow links her and her songs in general to some dark times in my life - and so, every single time she appears on one of my lists, I feel like I’m texting an unstable ex and that things will end horribly and I probably shouldn’t do that but, ugh, can’t help it, love her too much.

Ok so the first seconds are actually painful to listen to but holy shit, that’s a beautiful, beautiful song. When the chorus swells near the end, so full of hope and light? Amazing. Chills on my arms every single time. That’s from one of her best albums, too. I have nothing more to say about it.

5 - Better Off Alone (Alice Deejay)

US: Not on the list / FR: #30

I don’t have anything to say about this one apart from the fact one of my friends around 2005 thought the lyrics were “do you think you’re better? rofl lol” and I think that’s hilarious.

Moving on to- oh shit oh no not that song

4 - Je te rends ton amour (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #97

What I said in #6 also applies here and this song is so dark it feels even worse. That song used to be very important in my life. Bad memories, bad times. Really, really bad times.

So. Uh. This is a song about a woman in a painting, who’s despising her creator, and possibly (that’s very, very open to interpretation, here’s a translation) coming out of her frame to kill him. That’s quite possibly the weirdest story I’ve ever heard in a song, and I love it. And it sounds so sinister. God, the first notes. They are so ominous. And that brief moment of silence after the bridge, right before the guitar explodes again? Horrible chills. I’m not sure who killed who or what actually happened in the story but press F to pay respects.

Also the music video has nothing to do with the lyrics and it’s absolutely terrifying and I shouldn’t have watched this at 14 because it’s kinda burned into my mind now and it will never go away and you probably shouldn’t watch it either.

If it wasn’t so inextricably linked to bad memories, this song would be #2. I still love it and listen to it but I kinda jump like a scared rabbit whenever I hear it by surprise and it should come with its own trigger warning as far as I’m concerned.

3 - Narcotic (Liquido)

US: Not on the list / FR: #99

This is barely elligible. But I’m so, so glad it is. These chords right there? Love them. Love. Them.

Also here’s a fun story about this song and me. At first, I was like “oh wow, I can only understand one word out of five, but this sounds badass.” Then a couple of years later I was like “oh. Oh no. It’s about drugs.” And THEN a few years later I was like “oh shit oh no. It’s about sex.” But no, now that I can understand everything, it’s just a breakup song. It’s okay.

2 - Where I’m headed (Lene Marlin)

US: Not on the list / FR: #24

Ok so. Uh. I just realised this song was called Where I’m headed and not, as I believed for literally 18 years, “Pass By”. I had never checked. I have it on several tapes and several cd compilations, always labelled Pass By. It’s also called Pass By on the mp3 I still have in my playlist. I know I’m in the wrong here and probably never checked what the title was but I still feel like there’s been a glitch in the matrix. What happened.

Anyway. Fantastic song. Love it.

Now let’s embarrass myself beyond all hopes of redemption.

1 - Blue (Eiffel 65)

US: Not on the list (...yet. #49 in 2000) / FR: #2

So. Uh. Yeah.

Blue by Eiffel 65 was, for a long, long, LONG time, my favorite song ever.

See? This is one of my oldest lists of favorite songs.

Another one from several months later.

A cd compilation of my favorite songs ever, which I made around 2003 or 2004 as well, with a booklet with lyrics entirely copied by hand and with every page painstakingly illustrated with panels and characters from my favorite comic at the time, Horologiom.

You open the booklet, and look at that, Blue is the second song right after Children.

This silly song which lists blue things and has a nonsensical chorus and one of the dumbest music videos of the entire 90s was, indeed, for years, my favorite song ever. Why. How. Well, first, please remember I am, in fact, a sucker for dance music and electronic music ESPECIALLY when a piano is involved, but this isn’t at all why this song was special to me (and still is, actually).

As I already mentioned, music has colors to me and guess what’s the dominant color of this song? Yepppppp. This is one of the bluest songs ever made even if there’s a little black, yellow and green here and there - the only song I can think about right now which out-blues it is Derezzed by Daft Punk.

And I can’t even begin to explain how SATISFYING a blue song called “Blue” listing blue things and which has an extremely blue music video is.

I know. It’s an embarrassing #1 even for 1999. It took me a long time to post this list partly for this reason. But I wouldn’t be honest if it was placed at any other position. It’s stupid, it’s repetitive, it’s meaningless. I absolutely love it and I’ve loved it for twenty years.

Deal with it.

Next up: the year when I actually started to buy cds with my own money, with debatable results.

Rio & Indie

Rio: Hey, where you at? Indie: the boys hit me up but i slipped gonna be long afore im back in right ends Indie: y what u need? Rio: need to put a chip in you, honestly Rio: just wondering if you'd be back 'fore I go work but don't think so by sounds of 😂 Rio: it's cool, just gotta hit you w some info Indie: ✌✌ manz drumz all be looking the same type of way when u out the 24 innit not my bad Indie: come thru w it then ma im 👂👂👂👂 Rio: long as you keep 👀 too Rio: don't be getting stuck in the suburbs, like 😬 Indie: gon wrap myself up & put me on a step like 👶 wen i need feeding its chill 😂😂 Rio: n'awh, you cute enough, babe Rio: but I got you food here, don't do me like that 💔 Rio: social back on our case Rio: 'specially 'cos I'm bouncing for a bit Indie: is it? now you got me like that 💔💔💔 Indie: how u tryna leave me bitch & who for?? Rio: I know having me off your back got you more like 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: I'm gonna go get some sun, looking like one of the fam too hard init Indie: dont be doin urself that dirty i kno u cant hang but u aint need it outted hardcore we can keep it 🤐🤐 like Indie: be a rudegirl in the 👀 of the rest i got u Indie: drop that 411 on the who tho i kno u aint tryna be alone 😏😏 Rio: 🙄 GURL please Rio: I invented hanging b4 you were out of pampers, don't cheek me Rio: nah fr, I am so sick of boys Indie: u a 👶 hitting the club like ayyyyyyy i vibe w that Indie: 🍀 gdad is that much of a real one 🍻 Indie: u gotta watch when there still an ex in the yard i feel u Rio: mhmm, spent way too much of my life in that pub Rio: clearly can't get enough though 🤷 Rio: and what boys do I know that can afford to come with? Rio: not into anyone enough to be paying their way tah Indie: i aint kno cos u aint laid no destination on me bitch could be boujee or budget innit sun still shines Indie: imma just say check yo case for dat boyy hes WELL on top its a dred thing Rio: Oh my bad Rio: packing got me like Rio: 🍔🎆🦅🔫 Rio: there's your clue Indie: o damn k didnt think ud be on me to do no homework but 🏈 man Indie: i follow dat & it follows thru u gotta bring me back an american boy ✌✌ they like another species its a madness & it be like 🔬🏫😂😂 Rio: 😂👏 Rio: I'll try and fit one in my bag, like Rio: Gonna be gone 10 days, that's alright, yeah? I'll sort everything, make sure dickhead knows so he won't show up whilst I'm gone Indie: not too small innit tho 😏😏😍😍🤤 Indie: fr? oo the real talk b how you affording that if no mans b picking up the check got me suspicious on you now 👀 Indie: did u rinse his 💸💸 afore u bounced like? 💪✌ Indie: call it tourist tax for how he livin Rio: 😂 you the most, bitch Rio: get me done for trafficking, even your da would never Rio: and what 💸 Rio: any bag he got going up his nose Rio: maybe I had help but that don't mean the man gotta be there when I am, like Rio: rule no.1 Indie: o shit 👏👏 girl u 💖💣💣🔥🔥🔥 if that aint prove u wilder than drew ever tryna be so imma expect my boy ty 💋 Rio: 💕👑 Rio: failing that, shit ton of junk food, yeah? Indie: lbr thatd do me better 😍😍🤤🤤🤤 Indie: how rule 2 b then?? hit me w that schoolin mama Indie: i got my pen & paper out rn Indie: 🤓🤓🤓 Rio: damn Rio: take 📸 so your teachers believe Rio: just need to bribe you, duh, ain't hard Indie: if they wanna gimme dem lessons on how to get ✈ to the sun i be 👂👂👂 too trust Indie: what drew chat bout u bouncin? he chill on me doing how i want now if nobody 💀💀 orrrr Rio: they reckon they is but that can be rule no.2 Rio: most people dun' know shit or they lying Rio: you'll have to check yourself but he seemed chill Rio: gonna miss me so much, obvs Indie: true facts i done kno since i 👶 & came up Indie: nahhh cos theres a boy imma need to check me while u aint there to 👀 u kno Indie: drew better keep out my way man Rio: easy Rio: you been living with him longer, you know how you gotta but don't be stupid, alright Indie: ✌☮ Indie: i got it Rio: You better Rio: don't make me look bad now Indie: girl u aint gonna be owned by me ur the baddest 💖💖💖 imma b so 👼👼👼 for u believe Rio: 💋 Rio: good Indie: 10 days gonna be a madness tho fr Indie: got used to u around me Rio: I know Rio: I just need this Rio: running on empty, like Indie: he tryna rinse u all out its no wonder like Indie: when u ✈ out tho? Rio: you know Rio: cut him off, gonna have him fiending Rio: not my concern, though Rio: not 'til friday night Indie: ✂ boy soz but nahhh 💋✌ he a next man now & he kno how he did it no 💔😢 cept his Indie: u best be making time to farewell on me then innit 👑💖💖 Rio: Never as deep as he playing Rio: Curtis too 🙄 Rio: 'course I am! 🧡🧡🧡 Indie: they all want the biggest piece cos u 🎂 baby so hyped cos u worth that 💎💎👑💎 Rio: They can hit me back up when they can afford a better jetset, init Indie: u kno 😂😂😂 Rio: 🍀 lads Rio: don't see either you working that hard Rio: i got this Indie: they need more than 🍀🍀 better 🙏🙏🙏 mandem Indie: maybe jc got ur back cos we too busy handlin our own Indie: ✌☮ Rio: 🙌 amen sis Indie: he better 🙏🙏🙏 fr if he roll up to our door again Indie: not the feds imma 📱 to come thru Rio: he won't, if he got even the sense he was born with Indie: do he tho?? thats a nah if he gonna b how is w you like he aint kno who u is Rio: 🤞 he learning now I'm gone Indie: or we gon b 🙏🙏🙏 for his next Rio: 😬 Lawd don't Rio: have to give a PSA Indie: innit tho Indie: like u aint already got a fulltime Rio: and then some Rio: boy I'm busy Indie: & if he was busy doin he wouldnt b in this Rio: fr Rio: needs to get himself a job 'fore he get another woman Indie: & afore he gets himself landed in the pen Rio: nah, he would NOT do well in prison 💀💀💀 Indie: he only think he a rudeboy i can hang harder than how he do & im halfgrown only Indie: 💪 tho Rio: 🤷 no lie Rio: ffs, what must people think Rio: 🤡 Indie: that u a 😇😇😇 doin dem good deeds like 🙌🙌 Rio: 😏 hmm Indie: he's a white boy so its bare charity already Rio: 😂 Indie Rio: don't be self-hating Indie: just sayin Rio: you funny girl Rio: also you not lost no more, yeah? Rio: i'm off to work Indie: i kno where i am & where i need to get its all good Indie: safe Rio: ✌ Rio: laters then baby 💋 Indie: ✌✌💖💖 big love 💋👑

For the positive asks!! ❤️😊📖📺💕😍🎶🎙️(That's a lot sorry you can ignore some of them if you want akksksk hah)

don’t worry, i love answering asks. if i missed any please tell me i am very careless and probably forgot to answer lol)

😊: what are some things you do to cheer yourself up when you’re having a rough day?

well, i guess it depends on what i’m feeling like. a lot of the time i watch dan and phil and sanders sides while curled up in bed wearing two hoodies. sometimes i get myself a plate of biscuits, because i am kind of addicted to those things. i try to do things which involve very little brain power so i can just sit and relax and calm my nerves. that also means i try to not go on any social media so i can just relax. i also sometimes sit and reread a book while listening to some calming music or i watch a musical bootleg on youtube.

 📖: what’s a book/series you could read over and over again?

this is super cliche, but i could reread harry potter over and over again and i would never get bored of it. yes, i may hate jk rowling’s guts and yes, i may have read books with much better writing techniques and a much better story, but i have to give it to her. the world she creates with harry potter? marvelous. beautiful. a classic i could reread a thousand times and never get bored of it. i also love rereading a series of unfortunate events because it honestly is such a brilliant series with a such a unique vibe. i am also guilty of rereading friday barnes wayy too many times. friday barnes is basically a book aimed to a demographic who is a lot younger than me but it’s still so funny and it flows together in a wonderful manner. 

 📺: what’s your comfort TV show/movie that you watch to feel happy?

look, okay. i hate voltron. i absolutely despise voltron because of how they dealt with klance and how season eight turned out but the earlier seasons? so so good and so so rewatchable. i also love doctor who to an unhealthy degree. i think i’ve rewatch season two of new who about a thousand times - and yes, i cry every single time i watch those last two episodes. 

 💕: what’s something you love about yourself?

idk man i like singing i guess lol

 😍: what’s a trait you admire in other people?

ngl, i envy other people’s happiness and strong will to live. i also admire people’s obliviousness to the terrible things happening in the world around them. sure, they may be hit with the harsh and cruel reality when they grow older and they may internally collapse with grief, but as dancing through life from wicked says - “life’s more painless for the brainless”.

 🎶: name a song that reminds you of a happy time, or of someone you love.

for this, i’m just going to list a bunch of songs without context and see what people think.

history maker - dean fujioka

bohemian rhapsody - queen

the schuyler sisters - hamilton: an american musical

biggest blame fool - seussical the musical

doctor who theme tune - murray gold

hedwig’s theme - john williams

what is this feeling - wicked

circle of life - carmen twillie and lebo m.

take me home, country roads - john denver

naughty - matilda the musical

 🎙️: what’s your favourite song to sing along to?

again, going to list a bunch of songs.

the entirety of the death of a bachelor (especially emperor’s new clothes, death of a bachelor, crazy = genius, the good, the bad and the dirty and house of memories)

okay fine basically anything by beebo (especially say amen (saturday night), hey look ma i made it, high hopes, this is gospel, girls/girls/boys, i write sins not tragedies, lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, northern downpour, nine in the afternoon and the ballad of mona lisa but like any of them)

any heathers song (especially beautiful, candy store, the me inside of me, seventeen, lifeboat, shine a light (reprise) and meant to be yours)

any hamilton song (especially alexander hamilton, aaron burr, sir, my shot, the schuyler sisters, you’ll be back, helpless, satisfied, wait for it, guns and ships and washington on your side)

sincerely, me - dear evan hansen

any mcr song (especially helena, i’m not okay, welcome to the black parade, i don’t love you, cancer, mama and na na na)

any fob song (especially centuries, immortals, my songs know what you did in the dark, sugar, we’re going down, the phoenix, thnks fr th mmrs, this ain’t a scene, it’s an arm race, the kids aren’t alright, just one yesterday, uma thurman, what a catch, donnie, golden and the last of the real ones)

any dodie song (especially would you be so kind, human, sick of losing soulmates, she, in the middle, an awkward duet, dear happy and secret for the mad)

any jon cozart song (especially youtube culture, harry potter in 99 seconds, tourist and after ever after 1, 2 and 3)

sweet dreams (are made of this) - eurythmics 

take on me - a-ha

toxic - britney spears

bohemian rhapsody - queen

sorry that was a lot i just like a lot of songs and have a lot of feelings. thank you @uwillneverknowwho for asking these questions, it was a lot of fun and i really enjoyed it.

positive asks

ask me more asks!

Indie & Rio

Indie: are you done w him yet cos i have a question like Rio: Sorry Rio: Fire away Indie: serious how do i make it that good Indie: without meshing mckenna Rio: Honestly? You just find out with experience, what you do and don't like, then you have to ask for that Rio: then you ask them what they like and if they know you can do it Rio: most lads your age haven't got a clue but are easily pleased so Indie: 😒💔😒💔 Indie: not what I was hoping youd hit me w Indie: I dont have experience & he does Rio: Soz, if this was Cosmo I'd give you some weird ass tips involving household items but I ain't gonna do you like that Rio: You can get experience with yourself Indie: thats such a ma answer 😂 Rio: It's true tho babe 😂 Rio: Why, didn't you like it? Indie: i was shook i still am Rio: 'Course you were Rio: It's a big deal Indie: not too any other heads in these endz just this bitch here being cringe bout it Rio: Nah, people always lie about that shit Rio: whether it's under or over hyping Indie: we got both cos im amp and hes not bothered is that just how its destined or Rio: How you know that for sure? Indie: 👀 & 👂 Rio: There's so many answers that ain't that still though Rio: 'less I'm missing something Rio: he could be playing it cool 'cos he's as hyped, for example Rio: or just fucking hungover 'cos you know, ain't we all a bit Indie: nah cos last night isnt the only Rio: What you mean? Indie: since i gave him everything now he dont want it Indie: thats how it goes Indie: talking at new ones and bout his olds and how they be like im not there Rio: What a prick Rio: That's not on Indie: cos he dont wanna roll w no tourist which is how i am to this Rio: Nah, don't get it twisted, he don't wanna roll, period Rio: playing a numbers game like a typical teenage boy who's spent too much time alone in his room 🎮👌🍆 Rio: this isn't anything you did or didn't do, fuck that noise Indie: yeah cos i made the chase sick but then couldnt come through how he needed beyond that Indie: just school me and then Rio: Babe Rio: If he don't fuck with loyalty then he don't, that's on him not you Rio: doesn't mean you weren't good and even if you weren't, fuck getting better for a wasteman who ain't trying for you how you need it Indie: its what drew reckons too it aint just me chatting Indie: help me step my game up thats how you do Indie: he was with his previous for time i can make me stay for me too like Rio: What does he know, like Rio: I mean I can show you some things, yeah, but you gotta feel it and feel yourself, you know Indie: hes a lad & he knows the game, how they think & do idk he was on it with what he was saying i felt it Rio: You wanna get on a lad like your Dad Rio: they ain't all the same Indie: cos you landed mckenna & you outta that madness Indie: theyre the same for me Rio: I ain't saying a lot of 'em aren't shit, but like Rio: what about lads like your mates, they're all alright Rio: it ain't one extreme or the other Indie: to roll with if i was trying to link em theyd doing it exactly Indie: rudeboys my age want they want & get it how they do Rio: alright but idc 'bout them Rio: what do YOU want, Inds? Indie: I want him to feel for me how i do for him Indie: like he can do anything to me and wants to Rio: You reckon boys your age get it how they do Rio: so do like them Rio: how'd a fuckboy get your attention? Indie: it aint gonna go that way Indie: he scares me Indie: theres no power in it for me Rio: What scares you about it? Indie: im fallin all the time Indie: its deep and its heavy and its a total madness Rio: Oh baby Rio: If I had the answer to that shit, I'd be selling it for the 💸 and good of us all Indie: he makes me feel owned not like 💍 but 🤡 Indie: i cant do for him anything Indie: boys dont play me i play them 'cept now Rio: That is scary, no avoiding it Rio: Best you can do is front the bad bitch still, even when you ain't feeling it Indie: id let him put a baby in me when were olders and living that and he cant turn from edie for me Indie: what is that gonna be Indie: im just like my ma arent I Rio: Don't say it like a bad thing, your Ma was awesome Indie: nah Rio: She was though Indie: your ma can front it cos she got love for her Indie: if she was she'd be here Rio: nah, she don't get to be reduced to just how she died when her life was more than that Indie: she let him run her & i was never trying to be that but this is me younger and letting a boy play me Rio: You aren't that Rio: and I won't let that play out like that Indie: im over having my own back innit i wanted him to carry Rio: ain't a crime Rio: you got so many of us though, even if a boy does you dirty Rio: you ain't alone Indie: i feel it today Rio: I'm sorry Rio: Do you want to go somewhere with me Rio: I can get rid of Buster but I can't hang with Drew all day getting high, that's all Indie: idc bout mckenna but I want Drew to go Indie: theres a vibe Rio: We'll get rid of him Rio: or duck out home, he can sit here himself if he likes Indie: do you feel it or am i that faded on this 🚬 Rio: Nah, I do Rio: sure we didn't help, sorry again Indie: it's chill Indie: i would if i could Rio: gimme a sec to get decent and we'll bounce Indie: has he hated mckenna proper since the start or is it just since you two started riding each other? Rio: idk what else his reasoning would be tbh Rio: say what you like, he ain't that bad Indie: but he aint your hot half bro Indie: makes no sense Indie: you two can link up if you want Rio: you'd have to ask him, babe, but i wouldn't bother Rio: taking the moral highground on this one, i guess, idc Indie: is caleb home? he needs to cook for me cos mckenna is lax at providing Indie: that breakfast was dred Rio: i'll bell ahead and see if not we'll swing by the restaurant init Rio: did he try and make you eat something healthy? 😂 Indie: safe Indie: shouldve known not to trust a posh boy innit Indie: sneaky greens up in everything like Rio: gotta get those vitamins babe Rio: how cute Indie: youre so whipped for him i cant be listening to none of your words 😂 Rio: Shh 😜 Indie: tell yourself Indie: but nah cos its well too late Indie: 👀 & 👂 man Rio: Erm you keep them 👀 down, I know that door was closed Indie: you two are so amp for each other you aint always keepin it behind em Rio: I know, but it's hard 😩😂 Rio: Honestly, the fact only you and Drew know has me worried for this fam and their senses, like Indie: 😉😉 hes hard is how you mean Indie: standard Indie: might be a tourist still but i aint bait Rio: Don't be nasty 😏 Indie: tell him Indie: that boy so horny for you its a pure madness Rio: you been knew i'm peng gurl come on Indie: making me shook about myself Indie: its rude Rio: 💔 Rio: you ain't gotta be like me Indie: gurl please im not gonna seckle for less than Indie: youre goals Indie: 🔥🔥🔥 Rio: you're a babe Rio: need you about, only one Indie, like Rio: Mum enough for you? Indie: 😂 Indie: does that make mckenna my new daddy 😉 Rio: Watch it 😉 Indie: ✌ thats a yeah if i heard one ever Indie: ill get his take on my 🍒💔 Indie: but not over food like Rio: It's a gonna be a bit weird for us all if we both call him that but not trying to give you incentive biatch 😜 Rio: probably not in front of my actual da either, unless you want his input too Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: I aint trying to call nobody that Rio: Fair Rio: Can whack it out when you wanna throw subtle shade Indie: innit Indie: marko can dash me fore that word comes outta my mouth Rio: Deffo, you don't need to be on that hype Indie: he called me baby the other day boy please im grown Indie: stop playing Rio: 😂 Rio: See, boy got no clue Indie: him on that shelta and me on my 🍀 aint no wonder we got crossed wires bitch Rio: Sometimes it's better when you ain't know what they 🗣 Rio: Done that, or pretended I ain't fluent like 👋 Indie: innit tho Indie: me on your fams hype like im from there too sometimes Rio: Multilingual and ready to mingle 💃 Indie: bit late to switch that with him but Rio: You know, babe Rio: how you think I got stuck with him 🙄 nightmare, like Indie: fix my face? i gotta be fresh for all the 📷 imma lure this boy back w Indie: a bitch knows how to take a nude least Rio: 'Course Rio: but you best not be putting your face in no nudes Rio: you need denialabilty for so many reasons, main one being its technically CP Indie: no shit my face is for all the snaps to show what a sick time im having Indie: not missing him at all Indie: the nudes are for when he remembers hes missing me Rio: That's allowed then Rio: 👍 Rio: Proceed Indie: i gotta say if tho cos hes still giving me the most air ever Indie: 💔💔💔 Rio: You're gonna fake it so hard you'll actually get there, trust Indie: last nite was so bangin til she fucked it up for me Rio: I know, babe Indie: do you reckon he wouldve Indie: with her Rio: Nah Rio: I mean, idk the lad and he sounds like a bit of a twat but Rio: sure he ain't gonna do you like that Indie: shes got ways tho Rio: She just ain't afraid of anything Rio: it works in her favour sometimes, other times it don't Indie: im not scared of no thing either Rio: 'Course Rio: but you know Rio: Edie not in a good way Indie: yeah Indie: on the subject drew wont go Indie: aint about leaving him here around all our shit but not trying to stay Indie: reckons he needs to chat at you Rio: Right Rio: I'm coming 🙄 ffs man Indie: is mckenna coming home w us? Rio: Up to you, babe Indie: it aint vexing or hyping me either way Indie: if he wants to be schooled for what proper food is Rio: 😂 he's swearing down it was Nance's fault but idk Rio: either way, we got a date so I gotta kick Drew to the curb Indie: standard she does eat how a 🐰 do Indie: he aint done me dirty fore so daddy can have another shot at winning me Rio: I'll let him know, in roughly those words 😏 Indie: tell the boy he gotta get in my snaps 👌 Indie: make me 👑💖 Rio: Gurl, it's literally still a sore subject but we will brawl s2g 😂 Indie: jam mama Indie: not trying to co-ord these bruises Rio: 😘 Rio: Stay 'way from him fr then you get me 👀 Indie: he's just a peng piece of staging Indie: not trying to ride it Rio: s'all 💕 up in here Rio: will be when we've 👋 anyway Indie: i wanna get done again now im 🍒 popped but he can chill on it Indie: not my speed Indie: and I'm too 😍😍😍 Rio: You a fool Rio: but I love ya Indie: you've been chatting at the old man for long Indie: come through w you Indie: ✌✌ Rio: 🙄 no need to tell me, he's in a chatting mood Rio: aight Rio: coming

Rio & Indie

Rio: How did you even? Rio: Soz Bills but this is next level sorcery! Indie: nah man it werent no militant thing Indie: when your ride that crutterz whatever i did was gonna make it less clappin' innit Indie: plus your boy mad distracting 👌 i been knew Rio: Too real 😂 could hear me coming, like Rio: giving the boy racers a run for their money and I ain't even tryna hang, lads 😬😷 Rio: Idk how yous even managed it seriously but 👏 Indie: could here you cumming too bitch i knew i had time 😏😂 Indie: forreal tho you better not drag without me 👑 of the strip like so gimme them 2s Indie: thank me with that good 🎂 fore the sibs take every slice Rio: Ew shut up 😂 Rio: 'Course, babe Rio: Not racing for pinks now you got my motor so 🔥 tho Rio: Can have Ro's Rio: baby might want some of that taste sensation like but 🤷 Indie: tell yourself and your mans 👌🤐 Indie: yeah your whip is beast now if i do say myself after clocking in dem hours Indie: gotta hit drew with his share of that sugar cos he did help me source Indie: but unlucky younger you ain't getting yours 😂 Rio: PLEASE Rio: I know you ain't been hearing when I been trying so hard Rio: full time occupation keeping it 🤐 legit Rio: I love it Rio: That's good, nothing like bonding under the hood of a car right? Indie: is it? then how am i clued that mckenna aint the strong silent type that he is in the streets 😏 boy got some volume Indie: gurl we need more paper if you want that privacy cos thats how the walls be in this drum Indie: yeah? i love you bitch 💖 Indie: naaaah you kno he aint getting himself dirty like that with no oil or grease Indie: 💰 only Indie: & he took me buying off them travellers and DAMN how some of those lads be 😍 Rio: Imma pretend I didn't hear THAT 'cos I ain't about to share his secrets 😏 Rio: I'll work on it then 😜 Rio: Always gon' love you bitch 🧡 Rio: What a tart 🙄 Rio: Not you though don't be tryna give me grey hairs already gurl 😂 Indie: 😂 Indie: me too cos you the only 1 getting that work done free baby Indie: 💖💖💖 Indie: gotta look good for his fancy piece innit 🏥 Indie: catch me on site tryna get grabbed rn giving you all the alone time w mckenna you be needing Rio: Trust, feeling that special with it 💖👸 Rio: 'Course, not that he's afraid of hard graft or anything, nah 😏 Rio: Hold up on the heart attack you gonna give Ma Rio: 'cos about to both have all that alone time 🛫🏖 Indie: safe 👑 Indie: nah nah 😂 hardest working rudeboy in the 24 Indie: self titled drew innit tho Indie: ma can get in line cos how these boys are got me feelin i could have one of my own 😍😍 mines bout to stop on the words they say & them accents Indie: gotta play hard like my wifey do so i dont get vexed being here in this temp at this time Indie: stuck schoolin & hustlin like 😒 Rio: 😂 Rio: I ain't no snitch so I'll keep it on the dl Rio: but bitch knows her way 'round that site herself so 👀 out for her even if your 💘 is gone like Rio: Poor baby 😟😥 Promise it's your turn next, anywhere you wanna Indie: ✌✌✌ Indie: its chill ill party like its my bday & im legal Indie: cant keep a rudegirl down Indie: gimme the 411 on how mckenna did tho did he come through w your 💍 or nah Rio: Gotta have one on me, like Rio: wouldn't be polite otherwise 😋 Rio: [pics] Rio: Bitch, when I tell you I can't even Indie: 😮😮 bitch WTF Indie: how he out here doing it like that?? Indie: boy stop Indie: but like dont Rio: I know Rio: and you're gonna see where we're going Rio: it's ridiculous Rio: he's ridiculous Indie: 😍😍😍 Indie: and you dont want me on his friends bitch EXCUSE ME Indie: i gotta tap this demo Rio: I thought we was all about the travellers now? Rio: if I can't keep up with you idk how these lads stand a chance 💔😉 Indie: allow it Indie: not trying to get wifey'd by anyone else Indie: & no lad has said yeah to my 💘 yet Indie: hmu all of yous Rio: At the risk of sounding older than the 18 I'm repping now Rio: Enjoy the ride, babe Rio: way more fun Indie: 😂😂 Indie: this boy tho i need him 💰 or nah Rio: Gimme the deets then! Indie: i gotta go back & get em im pure 💘 from first 👀 Rio: You best hmu when you do Rio: just 'cos Imma be in paradise don't mean I'm not still mumsie Indie: if you dont hear then you know i been owned by my 😍 & hes some chief wasteman who just thinks he bad Rio: all been there Rio: and you know, can't be judging whilst you keeping my secret can I? Indie: ma please thats your whole job 😂 it is how my step be doin it like Rio: I'll let her cover it then Rio: be the cool mum we all know i'm destined to be Indie: is it? Indie: can you be cool & tell her to hurry up and drop so the baby girl can vex her stead of me Indie: living so dry rn Rio: You reckon that'll make her any cooler? Rio: Mumming even harder, just you wait babe Indie: 😒😒 Indie: tell her i got loads of mas then Rio: Bless Rio: least we're back on so you don't have to live with her and Drew, like Indie: 🙏🙏 foreal tho shes flatroofin me from afar i cant be running in that house no more Indie: dont leave me woman Rio: Promise Rio: that said, a bitch be packing Indie: not gonna say take me w this time cos i kno what you finna do w that boy Indie: 😏 mad jealous Rio: 🤐 remember Indie: trust Indie: if i go back for that lad tonite is that too hype? its been a minute since i was there but idk Rio: Nah, go for it babe Indie: ✌✌ Indie: garda better keep things jam cos i aint asking drew for a ride there Rio: Not the vibe getting your Da to take you to a dick appointment, like Indie: 😂😂 Indie: hes been in a weird vibe Indie: must be cos the 👶 is due soon Rio: Yeah? Rio: Know he ain't go as hard as mine but hardly new to the game Indie: first time hes done it standard tho Indie: still no excuse to get so high off your own supply tho Indie: idk man Indie: maybes hes having a midlife Indie: maybe shes just driving him how she do me Rio: God knows Rio: ain't your job to stress it tho Rio: leave that to them, like Indie: innit Indie: just dont let mckenna put one in you Indie: its a madness how she flips Rio: Err no chance Rio: I bet Rio: already highly strung bless her, then you throw a load of hormones at her, nah, I'm good Indie: you can rep that how you like babe but aint none of our parents tryna bring us & still we out here vibin Indie: least they wanted this one like Rio: Yeah but I've heard of birth control 🙄 Rio: You think she'll make him marry her? Rio: Get a dress, like Indie: how un 🍀 of you bitch 😂 Indie: yeah shes been after a 💍 since she landed back in his bed Indie: better not try and put me in no dress Rio: 😂 matching with your younger Rio: so cute Indie: allow it Indie: ill 🛑 that shit fore i agree that Rio: 😬 no one needs to see that Indie: or other mckenna snapping the day like she needs the 💰 Indie: wheres the peng one taking you then? Rio: fr fr Rio: Maldives baby Rio: I'll send you all the pics Indie: 😮😮😮😮 Indie: that boy gon kill me & i aint even going Indie: don't send me ALL the pics tho I dont need 👀 for what ive already 👂 Rio: this place gon' kill me Rio: i been some places but damn Rio: behave Rio: gotta pay for that privilege honey 💁 Indie: when you fam & she still tryna charge 😂 Indie: tax a celeb hottie aint that how & where they hang? Rio: You want that new drum babe Rio: 🤞 Indie: hells yeah i want that new yard for a 🐶 Indie: make it happen ma Rio: 💪 here's hoping there's a becks or some shit out here Indie: spoke like mckenna aint dropping that dime on you standard Indie: lookin & actin all 😇 Indie: 💸💸💸 Rio: Think asking for a new gaff is taking the piss though 😉 Indie: IS IT THO 😂 Indie: boy down to move you in if he coulda Rio: I don't think he down to be livin' in the 24 tho 😏 Indie: bitch you know id change postcode if i can party in his Rio: You'd hate it 😂 Indie: nah all dem rich rudeboys wanna slum it for a nite Indie: hmu lads Rio: been there done that Rio: 'less they upped their game Rio: not worth the plane ticket Indie: waste 💔 Rio: truly Rio: keep rinsing their da's, like Indie: if youd let me babe ✌ Rio: bitch, not you ⛔ Indie: jokes Indie: imma link my gypsy prince Rio: 👍 Rio: how many 👙s do I need Indie: how long he ticking you away from me & these ends for? Rio: only a week Rio: should be in school, like Indie: 😂 Indie: at choir practice or some posho shit like Indie: but forreal like you dont wanna repeat gotta keep the looks fresh and the game 🔥 Rio: 😂 can you imagine Rio: lawd Rio: yeah, fuck it, one for every day and a spare it is 😉 Indie: 👑👑 rep that Indie: you kno that boy gon be carrying more clothes than a store Rio: Well, he ain't dodging those extra baggage charges by putting shit in my case, like Indie: 💔 Indie: honeymoon off fore its on Rio: When I can't quit being a bitch 🤷 Rio: awks Indie: you bad & he loves it Rio: hope so Rio: don't need domestics in the airport forreal Rio: don't kill my vibe boy Indie: 😂 Indie: bitch like he could when youre ✈ maldives Rio: Yeah we both gon' put up and shut up for that view Indie: forreal gon be lush Indie: im vexed but stealth bout it Indie: save you that domestic baby Rio: We gon' brawl when I'm back? Rio: Okay, I'll prepare my best dramatics in my downtime Indie: depends how im vibin Indie: got my own plans for this week Rio: Aside from riding a gypsy or? Indie: thats day 1 gurl Indie: keep w me Indie: drew best not be trying to chill & ruin my empty Indie: brawl him no drama Rio: Do my best Rio: and if you change the locks on him, send us a key, like Indie: innit tho Indie: get to steppin man Indie: your drum be lavish use it Rio: When he ever there man Rio: how they found time to make this baby is impressive if not gross Indie: 😂 Indie: no shade but im shook she could Rio: Literally though Rio: could call her a medical miracle, might not clock the shade over the ego boost Indie: good she aint here cos im creased rn Indie: their life is mad jokes Rio: s'alright, she can take a good laugh at mine if she gotta Indie: please your life is bare hectic 💖👑 Indie: dont trip Rio: Doubt the Cambs med student turned super doc is jelly tho 😜 Indie: what she kno? shes drews piece & he still more about you 😂 Rio: Shut up Indie: ✌ Rio: You crazy Indie: he is Indie: for ya Indie: chatting at me about how you grown good Rio: He really is high Indie: you kno Indie: old man relax 😂 Rio: Nasty Rio: gimme my card and cash and begone Indie: gimme your slice of cake too drew cos you aint eating for two Indie: abs are welcome like Rio: 😂 Rio: sometimes i reckon you are Rio: you and ya tapeworm Indie: big love Indie: even if i am marv Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Indie: keep me knowin & ill give you same back 💖 Rio: 'Course, goes without saying Rio: ✌ out lil one Indie: safe

Ali & Tommy

Ali: yo yo yo Ali: i'm back to civilization, using the term loosely there but Ali: what i miss Tommy: hey girl hey Tommy: oh you know several family feuds Tommy: standard Ali: oh the joys Ali: reckon i'm right on time for the next one Ali: soz I didn't have signal, what you want me to do lads Tommy: reckon you have a fair point Tommy: and solid excuse Tommy: if I had someone to do, my phone would be off too, like Ali: i've made the case for not spoiling the areas natural beauty with phone masts but appaz 'not the fucking point' Ali: no chance of getting away with that, city boy Ali: gutted x2 Ali: should be jelly though 'cos 😍 Tommy: Oh honey I am Tommy: Sickeningly so Tommy: much like your socials of late Ali: Haha piss off Ali: its the honeymoon phase Ali: and you can't act like you'd rather witness the death rattle of my last playing out like Tommy: Well yeah, never a more legit word spoken Tommy: Poor Marls Tommy: Bet she took to the heartbreak like a duck to water though Tommy: as for you and Carls, you've been in that phase for bloody ages Ali: I know, I'm evil Ali: not her first, or last, which says it all Ali: Not even Ali: anyway, gotta milk it, you'll see when you're being gross yourself Tommy: Not evil just scandalous Tommy: We've all had our heads turned by the straights Tommy: Can't pretend I'm not thrilled that you got kissed instead of your head kicked in, love that you got lucky there Tommy: Yeah even, you too been circling and flirting since the dawn of summer if not time Tommy: I think not. I'm nothing but fab in all things Ali: More Marilyn than Hitler Ali: one for the bio, thanks Ali: Ha, laughable, no one is immune to my charms also I do the kicking so Ali: coming up roses forever baby bro Ali: Exactly 😏 gonna be vomit-inducing 'cos you're gonna be thinking yours is the greatest love story ever told 🙄😉 Tommy: stick it on your tinder when the honeymoon's over kid Tommy: welcome welcome Tommy: And Marls thought she was so tough. Not immune to a curb stomp were you, babe Tommy: roses are cliche as hell so agreed Tommy: could be, sister, could just be Tommy: surrounded by sapphic role models in you and your boo Ali: could do it now Ali: sooooooo modern like that, darling Ali: omg shut up 😞 didn't mean to and not funny Ali: psh, as if you wouldn't be buzzing your tits off if someone got you roses Ali: umm not telling you you're doing this whole 'gay' thing wrong but you know the girl ones aren't for you, yeah? 😂 Tommy: yeah but will ya or are you too 😍 Tommy: real question is, has Carls taken to her new status like a duck to water or more like water off a duck's arse Tommy: calm down dear I won't mention the ex again, scout's honor Tommy: atm my tits would be pleased if anyone looked their way at all but we ain't on my sob story, here for your love Tommy: 😂 well now it makes sense Ali: only just got back, like Ali: can deffo take a day of recuperation Ali: not asked tbf Ali: i don't need a label on her or what we're doing Ali: poor baby 😥 Ali: wish you'd let me look at your profiles, pimp em up pimp you out Tommy: but she's still 😍 too, yeah? Tommy: not scared her off like Tommy: Oi! Take your own advice and take a day off Tommy: You can come when I hit the town if you're wanting to wingwoman that bad Ali: Oi yourself! Ali: Scared her off indeed Ali: trusted me enough to go into the wilderness alone like Ali: duh Ali: not even a question Ali: though really need to find you a lad there as well Ali: but you can have a hometown holiday romance, special enough for ya snowflake? Tommy: Probs just wanted to stretch. Caravans are well cramped Tommy: Piss off Tommy: You just don't want me third wheeling you and your girl 'cause you reckon I'll make it awks when she finds me more fun to dance with than you Tommy: Gotta take her and get her initiated though 🌈 Ali: yeah a 2 man tents well better Ali: melt 🖕 Ali: oh you gonna steal my girl? okay 😂 Tommy: You trying to say you didn't look at the stars? Get to fuck you lying scrag 😂 Tommy: Could do, she is cute Ali: Am I that predictable? Sigh Ali: Might be modern but draw the line at family 3way Ali: if anything, a step back Tommy: You ain't invited, honey Tommy: Full offense Ali: Finders keepers I saw her first bitch Tommy: Only 'cause I was miles away Tommy: play fair you dirty bisexual Ali: When you get a mans Imma call bagsy then Ali: wanna talk fair Tommy: we'll both be in wheelchairs minus our own teeth by then so I'll race ya Ali: 😏 oh hush Ali: secretly getting all the d and keeping it dl Tommy: 😂 Tommy: I wish Ali: 👀 Tommy: You filthy perv Ali: how did you know Tommy: Carls told us Tommy: we're that close now like Ali: well, that's a stop coming onto me if I've ever heard one 😂 good one, babe Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Get a lot of that, does she? awks Ali: You said yourself, she cute Tommy: Gotta do some kicking, kitten. Have you learned nothing from your previous? Tommy: 🥊 Ali: how not to keep a woman? Ali: harsh but Tommy: legit Tommy: fuckboy free inbox though Ali: yeah Ali: got their uses though, ain't they Ali: don't be too picky like Tommy: Not for me but you do you, darling Ali: 🤷 Tommy: with your luck they'd fall for you anyway tbf Ali: Like you don't remember having to hold Ma back Ali: weren't that long ago Tommy: Blocked that shit way out Ali: those were the days tho Ali: but fine, won't invite ronan to the gay club Ali: imagine Tommy: For you. Aged ma + 25 Tommy: poor bitch Tommy: Probs had to get her roots done Tommy: Which one was he again? The curly haired gypsy Ali: s'alright, marlene still fancied her and carly also said she would Ali: not doing bad old girl Ali: one of Ali: first and worst, some would say Tommy: OMHG REALLY Tommy: get it ma Tommy: oh that cunt Tommy: hit it Celine 'cause it's all coming back to me now Ali: yeah Ali: smug bitch Ali: no one in this family can keep it to themselves, apparently Ali: 😂 mhmm Ali: lives where Carly does, and was kinda her boyf when I met her Ali: official, like Tommy: reckon I'll steal your girls it's that saucy mare you gotta watch Tommy: Disgusting Tommy: You two fucking by association before you got near Tommy: That's some funny shit Ali: Real talk Ali: someone warn Da Ali: not me 'cos awks when I'm fuming at her for running off with my woman Ali: oh honey you don't even know Ali: we have a list Tommy: On it Tommy: Love getting shot in the face myself so I'm well keen to twirl past with that message Tommy: 😂 Tommy: How long a list we talking? Ali: Interpretive dance it out for him Ali: the most vague form of communication Ali: You actually wanna know or? Tommy: I'll get workshopping rn 'cause ma ain't go no chill Tommy: she won't wait and we know it Tommy: You tell me, sister, do I or not Ali: She's a busy woman Ali: if Rock didn't look so much like Da's side I'd question it frankly Ali: You know how I roll, scandalous from the womb to the tomb baby Tommy: When the adoption jokes ain't just craic Tommy: ooops Tommy: that's why we're the irish twins 'cause same girl same Ali: She's got some nerve, us all out here raising the devil child Ali: give him to his real daddy the inn is full bitch Tommy: 😂 Tommy: puts him in the postie's bag like back you go lad Tommy: he's kinda fit bet ma would Ali: oh babe Ali: hate to bring this bad news to you but he left Ali: probs got a modelling contract, eh 😏 Tommy: 💔 Tommy: pissed on my parade proper there Ali: i am so soz Ali: maybe i traumatized him Ali: okay you can get with carly once but that's it, then we're even Tommy: Not gonna ask what you let him see Tommy: between you and JC every sunday Tommy: 🎉 Yes Ali: knock on my door son, gonna get what i give you Tommy: 👏 Ali: idc if you're just trying to bring the bills, SIR Ali: we don't want 'em Ali: liverpool days got us all forever scarred Tommy: Too real to deal Ali: when you back fr though Tommy: Patience 🦗 Tommy: I got scholarship stresses Ali: must suck being talented enough for one, like 😉 Tommy: Says the genius Tommy: what's your IQ again? Ali: check the tinder lad Ali: put that on there too, how i get all the ladies Tommy: 😂