Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966) Dir. Harold P. Warren

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Diane Mahree looks thrilled on the set of MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE (1966)

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

I’ve seen it all in my days. I’ve witnessed a man using his intestines to strangle another, a Tyrannosaurus using a payphone, a crossbow fire bolts so fast even the editor couldn’t keep up. No matter how bad a film you’ve seen, there’s always a worst one… unless you’ve seen Manos: The Hands of Fate. Proudly advertising itself as one of the worst films ever made, this picture fails in every single technical aspect. I’m not being hyperbolic. Depending on your attitude towards bad films, it’ll either be a tedious bore, or one of the most bewildering and amusing pictures you’ve ever seen.

Harold P. Warren (who also directed, produced, and wrote the film) stars as Michael, the father of Debbie (played by Jackey Neyman, dubbed by someone much older) and husband of Margaret (Diane Mahree), who unfortunately find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere. Finally reaching a house, they decide to seek shelter there, unaware that the doorman Torgo (John Reynolds) is awaiting the return of “The Master” (Tom Neyman) and his harem of wives, worshipers of the ancient god Manos.

While viewing Manos, I had several out-of-body experiences. I realized that yes, what I was seeing was actually happening. There I was, sitting on the floor, munching popcorn trying to wrap my head around a film this awful. I started laughing hysterically. This picture is a series of “Never before have I…” for me. Never before have I seen an American-made film where the entire dialogue was dubbed. Never before have I seen a film entirely shot on a camera that could not capture more than 30 seconds’ worth of footage at a time, never before had I heard the voice of a grown woman come from the mouth of a little girl, been as confused as I was seeing the unconnected montage of a couple making out in a car, seen such poor acting, continuity, musical choices, or editing.

I don’t know what else can be said about Manos. The film is so incompetent you can figure out exactly how the story will unfold within a few minutes. It's also so crazy it becomes completely unpredictable. The obvious technical errors are so abundant that if isolated from one another you wouldn’t believe for a second the film wasn’t intentionally bad… but watching more than 5 seconds' worth makes it crystal clear this production was spearheaded by people who had no idea what they were doing.

To get the full experience out of Manos: The Hands of Fate, you’ll need to do a bit of homework, but trust me, it’s worth it. Witness its glorious state of catastrophe. Let it sink in. Ask yourself “How? Why?” Then, read up on it or check out some of the special features included with the release of the film. The more you know, the more delighted you'll be. Anyone who likes bad films should see Manos at least once. (On Blu-ray, July 22, 2016)

MANOS: HANDS OF FATE  - 1966 on the Schlocky Horror Picture Show

OPENING; Hello and welcome to the SCHLOCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. I am your host Nigel Honeybone, and boy do I have a treat for you today. That is if treat means piece of schlock I would rather gouge my eyes out than see again!  Some films are so bad, they're good meaning "fun" or "entertaining" or at least "interesting"... But few films can claim to be so dreadful; you actually feel physical pain while viewing them. And so take the batteries out of that remote and out them to some other use as we sit back and enjoy the root canal that is MANOS: HANDS OF FAT!, sorry I mean FATE!

BREAK :  Are we there yet? Are we there yet?, I told you , you should have gone before we left. It's too late now. There is no turning back. Mostly because I told you to hide the batteries to the remote.  So now like me you will have to watch....these commercials and then come back to...MANOS: HANDS OF FATE!

MIDDLE: Sometime in the mid 1960's, Hal P Warren successful fertilizer salesman from El Paso met Stirling Silliphant, of  "In the Heat of the Night" and Towering Inferno" fame  and "The Swarm" shame, who  was visiting El Paso to scout out film locations. After several conversations with Silliphant, Hal P Warren somehow got it into his head that he could give up the joyous world of fertiliser and makes a movie as well as anybody in Hollywood.  Which is, of course high grade fertilizer, But after pounding out a script tentatively called The Lodge of Sins, he rounded up a few college kids like Diane Mahree as the wife Decided he would play the Husband, Michael himself and threw in child actor Jackie Neyman as little Debbie which proved to be useful as her mommy made all the costumes and her puppy Shanka played the hell dog while Daddy Tom Neyman plays Frank Zappa, sorry I mean the Master. I guess the Master DID approve. After all he actually painted that portrait himself. It was his only pay check too. To pad it out he got some actors from the local community theatre, John Reynolds as TORGO!!! Is one of the most  monsters since Steven Hawkins was pre -programmed,  add a few models from a nearby Mannequin Manor modelling agency like Stephanie Neilson, Jay Hall, Bettie Burns, Pat Coburn, Pat Sullivan,  Sherry Proctor and Robin Reed, to be his cast. Say what you want about old' Hal, but he must have been a hell of a fertilizer salesman to convince so many others that he could really do this. A pity then that the camera Hal used, was a 16mm Bell & Howell model that had to be wound by hand, meaning it could only record film for roughly thirty seconds at a time. I guess that explains MOST of the choppy editing for most, though not all of it can be blamed on the camera. The Motto of the Film Became, "We'll fix it in the Lab". To make matters worse, it couldn't record sound so all dialogue and sound effects were dubbed in later. Little Debbie cried when she first heard her recorded voice. But then, I cried when I first saw this film. Or I would if I had tear ducts and ...eyes. And Twenty Thousand dollars later Voila, you have "MANOS: THE HANDS OF FART". sorry FATE.  MANOS is actually Spanish for Hands, so technically it's called Hands Hands of Fate. I guess it's lucky they didn't call it CAHONNES!  For reason totally amazing to me the majority of the cast and crew never appeared in another movie after this.  In spite of all of this, Hal somehow managed to get MANOS booked in an actual El Paso theatre, and it even got a fair amount of coverage in the local press leading up to its premiere. However, at the first showing, nonstop audience laughter prompted the cast and crew to sneak out halfway through. See if you can work out why as we return to our film of the night MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE!"

CLOSING:   I'm Sorry, I'm truly truly sorry. It almost makes Chevy Chase's Family Vacation films rentable again.  Better Wally World than "Torgo's Bed and Breakfast."  Or the little Spoken of 2004 visit to "TORGO'S HOTEL" And yes originally Torgo was meant to be a Satyr.  John Reynolds made the legs put of metal framing himself with a little help from Tom Neyman. But then they were never shown on screen. Plus the fit was incredibly painful and to make matters worse he was wearing them wrong which caused him great discomfort and led to him becoming addicted to pain killers. Much like I will be when this show ends.  Curiously four of the actors that appeared in this film had all committed suicide within the year following the film's release. They were John Reynolds , Diane Mahree , Joyce Molleur ,the cough syrup/heavy petting girl, and Sherry Proctor the Master's first wife.   Everyone in the film could be spokespeople for attention deficit disorder. All of the principal actors continually flub lines, miss cues, stare into the camera, or aren't aware that they're on camera for the first few seconds of a great many scenes. If you watch carefully, you can also make out Hal Warren mouthing the word "cut!" a few times just before a scene transitions to another. There is also a veritable bouquet of uncomfortable silences as the actors stand around waiting for, and apparently not receiving their cues as they're committed to film. It is almost palpably painful to watch. The stars and crew worked sans pay check but were promised huge percentages of the profits. I guess you can see how THAT worked out. Except little Debbie. She got a bicycle and all she had to do was become an 8 year old bride of Satan. For which Hal got a slap across the face at the opening night. Mommy was not impressed with the implications. I guess that's why Quentin Tarintino has said it's one of his favourite "comedies." What more can any sane man say except "Toodles!"

by Lushscreamqueen May 19, 2009

....I might buy this. I really might.

Manos: The Awkward Silence of Fate

Diane on the "Manos" set, 1966

So apparently, a sequel to "Manos: The Hands of Fate" is in pre-production and it's going to star Tom Neyman (The Master) and Diana Mahree (Margaret) as well as a few other "Manos" cast members.

I know it'll blow, but MAN, this is pretty exciting!

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Manos Poster Revamp (5/7): Based on Valentine's Day

M a n o s :  t h e  H a n d s  o f  F a t e

Release Date: November 15, 1966

Found this photograph of the cast of "Manos: the Hands of Fate" at the "grand" premier. I'm assuming this was taken before the movie started, because they all look happy.

It's actually pretty cool to see the cast out of character, really new for me.