Tracklist:

It's Okay To Cry • Ponyboy • Faceshopping • Is It Cold In The Water? • Infatuation • Not Okay • Pretending • Immaterial • Whole New World/Pretend World

Spotify ♪ Bandcamp ♪ YouTube

Sophie - Oil of Every Pearl's Un-Insides (2018)

Sophia Loizou - Vestal Waters from: Sophia Loizou - Untold (Houndstooth, 2020)

are you a death spells enjoyer who wants to find similar music but doesn't quite know where to look? if so, this playlist is for you!

nothing above, nothing below was my introduction to digital hardcore and heavy electronic music in general. this genre is so much fun to explore, but because it's a little bit ~underground~, it can be difficult to know where to start. so this playlist is meant to serve as a jumping-off point for anyone who's interested!

i tried to feature a variety of artists who capture different elements of death spells' sound and atmosphere. they span a handful of sub-genres and include a few digital hardcore pioneers of the '90s—hopefully there's something here for everyone. this isn't an exhaustive list though, and i'll probably keep tinkering with it, so let me know if you have any suggestions i didn’t add! <3

Shit I Heard at Church: Part 6

“God doesn’t want to just be an angel on your shoulder. He wants to take full control of your life”

It’s crazy how many contradictory things I’ll hear in a single homily at mass. Hearing about how much God wants to take control of your life will be immediately followed by hearing about how God’s greatest gift is that we get to choose to love him. 

I recently heard someone with autism speaking about tools they learned for communication. They said that they will often listen more to how someone is speaking vs. what they're saying, because they’ve found that people often don’t know how they feel, and that their emotion can communicate much more than their words. I find myself thinking about this more and more when interacting with Catholic people. 

Someone at work was complaining about a lector at church on Sunday who used the word “God” in the readings where the word “He” was written. My coworker said how upset that made them and how they will stop going to church if they allow that person to continue to lector and change words in the readings so haphazardly. While they were sharing, yeah, I heard their words. But beyond that, their tone told me much more. Their tone communicated fear and confusion. Anger and worry. 

When I listen to a priest trying to convince the congregation of something during a homily, I don’t hear their words so much anymore. Instead, I hear their tone. I hear their worry. I hear their longing. Their insecurities. I hear them trying to convince themselves of something behind the thin veil of outward preaching. I hear them unsure of the teachings that they have been tasked with believing. Maybe there are parts of this that are unfair. Am I listening to tone and emotion, or am I relying on my own assumptions? Either way, I think that it is more unfair to manipulate an entire congregation just to mask your own doubt.

Kelela’s RAVE:N, The Remixes

I think the most damning thing to my faith and what really started my deconstruction was the concept of a loving god and hell.

It's stated that we are made in the image of god, meaning that god SHOULD have similar morals as me, obviously with some differences because sin nature and he's y'know GOD. I am an extremely empathetic person. So empathetic, that I spent quarantine in a near-constant state of panic, dread, depression, and pure terror for every person I saw on TV, at school, hell even at church. The idea of anyone ever being damned to hell literally caused me to become physically sick. I was unable to function for a month and a half straight. I had renewed my faith and interest in church because I was scared of hell, and it led to this horrible state of terror I was trapped in.

If I, a mere human with a fraction of god's love and empathy, could be driven to this sort of state over just the idea of hell, how could god be okay at all with anyone going there? How could he pick and choose what creation of his would be saved? Some people would say that it was necessary, that it was the wages of sin, that we deserved it. But if god made the rules, why would he make them in such a cruel way? Why would he actively enforce a system, that he created, that meant a majority of his creation would be tortured for eternity? He could have never left the tree in the garden, or simply gotten rid of sin.

And some people would say that we send ourselves to hell. If I was a parent and my kid wanted to touch a hot stove, my first response would be to take them away and turn off the stove so they didn't get hurt. Even if they got upset at me for it, even if they disrespected me for it. The safety and well-being of my child would matter more than any petty actions they did in anger. Plus, punishment should ALWAYS be corrective. If hell functioned like purgatory did I wouldn't have an issue. But it doesn't. It's only function is to hurt. What kind of petty dick do you have to be to torture someone because they either didn't know you existed or made a wrong choice? When my siblings didn't listen to me and got hurt my first response was to help them, not hurt them. And those aren't even my kids.

"But freewill-" He's GOD. He can create a world with freewill without hell or sin. He's fucking GOD and this is what he decided was the best plan. He could have just chosen to forgive everyone but he didn't. He sacrificed himself to save us from his own wrath. The shit god says in the bible aligns with the same phrases narcissists use to manipulate their victims. And don't even get me started on the copious amounts of murder he either directly causes or endorses, or the horrible things he legalized in the old testament.

And you can't just use the "sin goes against gods nature" bullshit on me either. He's literally god. He shouldn't be confined by anything if he's truly all powerful. I understand if sin is a problem but he also allowed it to happen in the first place, does nothing to stop it, and literally let the equivalent of a 5 year old decide whether or not his creation would be tortured for eternity. If sin is against his nature he could simply will it out of existence, but he either chooses not to or can't. Either of these would actively contradict two of the qualities he claims to possess.

And no, his response to someone wanting to be away from him should not be eternal torment. Even if you try and justify it by saying he's respecting our wishes, he can do that without deliberately causing actual suffering and agony for eternity.

I did the religious thing for 18 years, and this was just the first realization that woke me up to the flaws of Chr*st*an*ty. Any chr*st*ans that wanna try and preach to me or use this to try and refute my claims, just don't. I've heard every excuse in the book (literally) and did months and MONTHS of research on topics like this to try and convince myself that god was real. I desperately wanted to believe because I didn't want to leave the faith. But the more I researched this and other topics the more I realized how false so much of the religion is.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense or I'm missing stuff, it's late at night and I just needed to get this outta my head. Feel free to add your own thoughts about it here. I know others have definitely explained this much better than I have but I've spent a lot of time this week looking at exvangelical stuff and I'm in my feels about it lol

Tracklist:

Backseat • Out Of My Head • Lucky • Tears • I Got It • Femmebot • Delicious • Unlock It • Porsche • Track 10

Spotify ♪ Youtube

eartheater // crushing

Elvin Brandhi & Lord Spikeheart - Intracloud666.6 from: Elvin Brandhi & Lord Spikeheart - Drunk in Love (Hakuna Kulala, 2023)